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ficmachine · 2 years

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Hewwo ily! I’ll take a number 17 no foot lettuce!

Sundrop/Moondrop x NB reader, where reader is a daycare assistant who never really wanted to work with kids but ends up having to take the job and loves it, actually heeds the warning of not being there when it’s dark until one day reader is just so overworked from life in general they fall asleep during closing? ;;w;;

1) Yes, absolutely, ily too dude :0c

2) I do write for them, yeah!

Tired reader fluff HCs comin' right up!

Sundrop/Moondrop (FNAF) x Tired Daycare Reader

[Headcanons - general + cuddles]

You've been working hard lately, hard enough for you to remind yourself to keep focused at work especially when doing arts and crafts with children. They're not exhausting, per se, but having to deal with so many little faces and loud voices a day does quickly take its toll on you. Regardless, it's a very enjoyable job.

It took you a while to get used to how things are, even longer to finally realise that not all the children are as bad as your cousin's nightmare spawns who think everything belongs to them and they can take everything. Sure, there's kids here and there who are selfish, some who will scream on the top of their lungs if they don't get their way, but for the most part? It's heartwarming to be looked up to.

Sundrop -

Sundrop hadn't noticed something was off the first few times you politely shut down his small-talk and redirected his attention to a crying child. He didn't as much as give it a second thought when you responded for the 7th time today that you were too busy to talk. 8th time around though? 8 is his favourite number, and that's too many times.

Somehow, he managed to miss you around closing time. The daycare was cleaned up, sure, but you were nowhere to be seen. He probably should've thought it over before going off to get you something to eat – he likes keeping you company as you eat.

He was close to throwing the hotdog away, or going over to see if one of the animatronics with a mouth want it (it's hilariously unsanitary to watch Chica eat things that weren't meant to be eaten, according to Sundrop.) when he tripped over your curled up form.

Oh the tumble he took would've seriously injured him if he was flesh and bone. But, being the overly enthusiastic animatronic he is, the second his eyes landed on you he sprung back up onto his feet and pulled you back onto yours. From then forth you were dragged to the food court – he deserves at least an hour of your time after getting ignored so much.

He gets worried when you doze off at work, even more so when you fall asleep during closing times but more often than not he'll let you snooze while he and few of the other bots/employees clean up. If anyone tries to interrupt you they get heaved up and carried away as Sundrop scolds them for “not letting the good employees rest”

On the days you can't spare him much time he very much expects you to make it up either the day after or at the very least deal with him clinging to you for the next few hours until you leave. He gets that you're busy but surely enough you can be busy with him there, right? After all, he's AMAZING company!

Whenever things aren't busy in the daycare he'll drag you up to somewhere the two of you can watch over them. Literally. Not only does that mean he can sit with you BUT he also gets to hold your hand without having to worry that kids will start babbling about cooties.

Given the chance he would absolutely go home with you. Unfortunately, after the one night where he tried to follow you he realised he can't go any further than the first lamp post before being finding himself back at the daycare when the lights come back on. He's still extremely pouty about that.

Moondrop -

The first time he met you was when you fell asleep during cleaning. He's not sure how everyone including his sunny counterpart managed to miss you, but here you were. Passed out in the corner with your jacket around you as a blanket.

Keeping in mind to scold Sundrop later for leaving you out like this via post-it notes, he begrudgingly went off to the other side of the establishment to find you a proper adult-sized blanket. As soon as he got back he realised he couldn't just leave you on the floor and carried you off towards one of the staff breaker rooms.

He actually went as far as to steal a couch from one of the other rooms and move it to the one closest to the daycare before carrying you inside and laying you down.

At first he actually tried to find the most comfortable one but he quickly realised that he doesn't very much care enough to show he cares. Why should he? It's not like it'd matter – you're asleep anyway. Besides, it's on you for falling asleep where you did.

If you woke up while being carried? Unless you don't question him you won't get dropped where he stands. There's only so much he's willing to do, and he sure as hell won't do them when you acknowledge that he's being nice.

Moondrop isn't exactly a cuddle kind of guy. In fact, very much unlike Sundrop he very much does NOT like physical touch unless it's initiated by him. You might get lucky enough to get a small pat on the back, or a gentle head ruffle if you do something that helps him out. Emphasis on might though - he's extremely strict and picky about being physical.

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theglitterypages · 3 years

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Title: Let's Fall In Love Part 1

Pairings: Nishinoya x fem! Reader

Warnings: None

Word Count: 3000+

••••

You looked around you to see if you knew someone at this place but all you see is unfamiliar faces, you sighed before fishing your phone out of your pocket, you typed a message and sent it immediately.

After placing your phone back to your pocket you heard squeals nearby, your eyes landed in a group of girls surrounding a tall guy weaing glasses.

“Oikawa-san, can we take a picture?”

The guy smiled and looked at the short girl in front of him while the other girls surrounding him was obviously dying because of his smile.

You just raise your brows and proceeded to walk away so you could finally watch your cousin play.

“Oh, hello. I'm Y/N I'm Hinata Shoyo's cousin. Nice to meet you all.”

“Oh! Hinata told us you'll be coming, the game already started. They lost the first set.” you gasped and immediately looked at where the players are just to see your ginger cousin looking so serious.

You bit your lower lip and guilt filled your heart, you kinda get lost on your way here that's why you were so late.

When the second set of the game started and they scored you silently screamed. You don't know Hinata's teammates yet but those determined look on their faces makes you want to cheer for them aside from the fact that you're here to support Shoyo.

You witnessed how Hinata became fond of volleyball as he talked about his idol, the little giant. You're just a few years older than him but you've seen how he grew up loving volleyball even if his height became some sort of hindrance.

You couldn't help but be proud of how far he is to the old Shoyo, if they win this match this is their ticket to the nationals, Shoyo's goal.

“They're trouble.” you commented as you look at the players of Shiratorizawa. Yachi was able to hear you and she immediately looked up at you, “H-How can you say so?” you narrowed your eyes as you stare at the players on the other side of the court, those stern faces are obviously full of pride and for them to have such pride, they must have the talent as well.

“Their eyes screams determination and pride. It is ideal to have the confidence in matches like this and they must be confident because I've heard that they've been into Nationals but their own pride may become their own destruction in this match as well.”

Yachi blinked for numerous times with her mouth gaped open, you noticed her silence and you looked down at her. “Sorry, did I say too much?” you smiled awkwardly and Yachi immediately blushed as she shook her head.

“Ah no! No! You just seems so smart and you're so—so pretty.”

“Thanks for thinking so..”

You also blushed and focused on the game once more and you saw Karasuno's libero trying to chase the ball with all his might but he failed.

For a guy who's small, he's energetic and he's also fast, you can even tell that he's an outstanding libero just by the way he holds himself inside the court, not to mention that he's good looking, the blond bangs is a big plus in his looks as well. You blushed when you realized that you were too focused on him and shook your head to snap out of the spell that little guy has put into you.

“Ugh, the guy's serving again.” Saeko said as she looked at the big guy on the other side of the court.

“Monster.” you whispered silently, that dude is obviously a monster. His posture screams dominance, it was as if he's silently declaring that he owns the court, that he owns the game.

When Shoyo entered the court your eyes literally shone in glee. You clapped so hard and shouted in top of your lungs.

“Go, Shoyo!!”

Hinata was surprised to hear you shout but he waved anyways and winked, you smiled at him while waving and suddenly your gaze landed at their libero once more.

Nishinoya was frozen in his position when he saw you standing beside Yachi, he has no idea who you are but you're probably Hinata's friend. Noya's expertise is spotting real beauty in every place despite of the fact that he's crushing hard on their manager.

His admiration for Kiyoko has become a common joke among the team but he wouldn't deny the fact that he is indeed attracted to her but not to the point that he'll court her or other stuffs.

As he looked in your direction, his eyes met yours and the two of you are frozen. Your breathing hitched for an unknown reason, his eyes are intense, despite of being a small munchkin those eyes made your knees weak for an unknown reason.

You kept on telling yourself to look away and focus on your cousin but he's not looking away either and you can't let yourself be defeated.

More seconds has passed and no one's backing down not until you heard the crowd shouting, your eyes widened and you looked at Shoyo's direction just to see his spike get blocked by the red haired guy.

You worriedly looked at Shoyo and you bit your lower lip as you tightened your grip on your sling bag as you close your eyes for a silent prayer.

Nishinoya smirked as he witnessed that. It was amusing, really, because that nervous look on your face feels like you're the one playing in the court, damn, he loves how adorable it was.

He let out a deep breath and fixed his posture, now, he just feels himself become more determined to win, he doesn't know if it is because of you or it is because he wants to cheer up his team, either way, his desire to win is burning.

He's gotta prove himself now.

When Hinata was able to score you screamed just the same time that he did and you laughed. “Shoyo hasn't change much through these years. I'm glad.” you whispered.

You can still see that small child you used to take care of before, Hinata has always been a happy virus, he's good at influencing everyone's feelings and it is one of his remarkable traits that you've loved.

But when your gaze landed at Nishinoya, who jumped so high you couldn't help but chuckle at his similarity with your cousin, it may appear that they're twins.

“Number 5 has been playful in guessing where to block. Since most of his intuitions were right he'll end up being too confident, once that happens they should lead him as far as possible and then prepare to attack.”

“Oh YN, you're smart!” Saeko commented and you shook your head, damn you didn't notice that you talked out loud.

“Shoyo's stamina and his speed could be annoying sometimes especially if you're the one being fooled by him. That brat kept on running away from me when he was a kid every damn time it's time for him to sleep.”

You smiled upon seeing how he scored again and everyone around you also clapped. “You sounded like a Mother eh? You're so mature.” Saeko smiled and you smiled back.

•••

When Ushijima go for a spike, you saw three blockers from Karasuno jumped but you smirk upon knowing what they did. “They opened a path for their libero.” you looked at Nishinoya who was able to dug the ball and kept it on air, you saw him sat on the floor as he breathes heavily.

That spike was surely strong, it would probably kinda painful too, Nishinoya looked into your direction and your eyes widened, you immediately looked away and turned to their setter instead.

Nishinoya smirked, “Too late sugar plum, I've been watching you watch me since earlier.” he whispered.

“What are you saying Noya? By the way nice receive!” Daichi complimented and Noya just smiled.

“No, you guys are the reason why I got it.”

Saeko gasped and she looked at you, “So they didn't put three blockers to stop him?” you nodded and smiled as you glanced at Nishinoya, “They cornered him so he would be forced to go for that spike, a spike that landed to where their talented libero is placed. Directly blocking forceful spikes from that guy would be bothersome and dangerous for their fingers but if they can corner him to spike on the direction of their powerful libero the ball will be theirs.” Yachi nodded knowingly as she made a mental note to remember this tactic.

“Are you a volleyball player too YN-san?”

“I was. I hated sweating too much though so I stopped playing. I prefer using my brain than my body.”

•••

“Your brother is smart.” you told Tsukishima's brother, he smiled at you and rubbed his nape, “He may look spiritless most of the times but yeah, he is smart and the more he feels down the more he became strong.” you nod and looked back at the court.

“The pressure is on their setter, your brother is doing good in being able to touch those spikes, nothing hurts a setter's pride than those and the total blocks of course. The more the pressure, the more they'll change their pace. At that time they may lose their balance.”

You looked at how Hinata saved the ball and you got worried for him but he stood up like it was nothing and attacked. You sighed in relief as you touched your chest, “Shoyo will be the death of me.” you breathed out and Yachi giggled beside you, “It really is scary when they chase the ball with everything they got.” she told you and you totally agreed.

Another powerful spike was given by Ushijima and you gasped after seeing Nishinoya saved the ball, it was beyond amazing, you imagined yourself being the one in his place and you can already tell you might end up with tons of bruises because of that man's spikes.

But even if that spike must've been painful to receive you see nothing but determination in Nishinoya. He's a strong willed soldier, a man probably destined to be a libero.

Karasuno took that set but Shiratorizawa wasn't fazed at all. Another spike from Ushijima came, Nishinoya tried to save the ball but he fell on his back because of the impact.

You worriedly glanced at him, your hand flew to cover your mouth as you gasp, the long haired guy come to his side to check on him but Nishinoya stood up by himself with a dangerous look on his face.

“He has the advantage of being the biggest among us but that fact wouldn't affect me as a libero because in this court no one is equal to him but me.”

•••

It was the final set, a serve that you thought it wouldn't even make it in, has passed the net and Nishinoya immediately saved it with all his might.

Ushijima spiked it down but Nishinoya saved it for another time and later on they scores when Asahi hit it. Everyone went wild including you, you held Yachi's hands, “YES!!!!” you screamed loudly.

Nishinoya heard that unfamiliar voice scream so he took a glance on your direction just to see you cheering with Yachi, he smirked and looked at Daichi, “Thanks, Nishinoya!” Daichi told him and Nishinoya proudly looked at his captain.

“Karasuno can depend on me!”

You heard that shout and looked at Nishinoya's direction, when his eyes met yours he smiled at you, at first you didn't know what to do and you wanted to just look away but that would be impolite.

So you chose to give him a small smile as your cheeks reddened because of embarrassment.

Nishinoya gulped hard at the smile he had received from you and he looked behind him trying to see if that smile was for someone else but no one was in his back, meaning, that smile was meant for him.

Your heart was beating fast when you see Karasuno prepare for a synchronize attack, everything depends on every point and when you saw Hinata jumped your breathing hitched and it almost feel like your heart rate dropped after speeding up just seconds ago.

Hinata hit the ball but it was saved by Ushijima, it was spiked once more and Hinata was hit by the ball, you gasped and immediately called out his name. “Shoyo!!” you held your chest and tried calming yourself when you saw him got up as if it was nothing.

Ball was exchanged in a breathtaking manner and you almost had a heart attack they prepared for another synchronized attack this time, “First tempo...” you breathed out when you saw Hinata mixed in and as he jumped it seems like he was flying.

He hit the ball and as it flew towards the other side of the net receivers tried diving in to get the ball but it already dropped on the floor.

There was a stunned silence amongst the crowd and at that moment all you could hear was your heartbeat. You see Hinata landed on his feet while breathing heavily and at that moment the crowd has gone crazy to cheer the new champions.

Tears started forming at the corner of your eyes as you see the whole team hugged each other, it was a heartwarming moment, and the way each player held into each other made you tear up.

Your eyes landed on Hinata and you smiled even if he's not looking at you, you were there when he came home when he lost the match when he was in Junior high school. You were also there when he begged you to let him practice with your teammates so he could be good in volleyball.

Before you see Hinata's smile right now, you've heard his cries first, you witnessed him cry out of frustration before seeing him like this.

And you must say his hard works are all worth it.

•••

After the awarding ceremony you prepared to leave just like the others but before you could even leave, Shoyo already shouted your name as he held his medal.

“YN-SAN! WE WON! WE WON!”

He was hopping playfully as he charged himself towards you to hug you. You laughed and hugged him back, you're basically lifting him so you tapped his arm, “Shoyo, you're not a kid anymore, I can't carry you around like I used to.” you joked but he just giggled as he took his medal off his neck.

He jumped to wore it on you and you looked at him cluelessly, “Y/N L/N the best big sister ever!” you blinked and suddenly you felt tears streaming down your cheeks.

“I'm proud of you Shoyo. I'm so damn proud of you.” you took off your neck and give it back to him with a smile, you pat his head as he giggle and your eyes landed at his teammates, they were smiling at the two of you so you smiled back.

“Congratulations.” you bow your head down for a bit and they did the same.

Nishinoya's eyes are sparkling as he look at you but you didn't notice that. He wanted to introduce himself but he doesn't want to ruin your beautiful moment with Shoyo.

“I have to go now, Shoyo.”

“But we just met! We're gonna celebrate, come with us! Come with us!”

“Shoyo, Kuro and I will—”

Hinata glared at you as he pointed his team, “You came to watch us but you'll see Nekoma?!” you laughed and shook your head, it is true that you're friends with the players from Nekoma but the reason why you have to call Kuro is because you asked a favor from him.

“Aren't they your friends too?”

“But I'm your cousin!”

Childish. That's the word you'll use to describe him but you can't resist that cute pout on his cute face.

•••

“Shoyo, wake up idiot.” you shook Hinata but he's still sleeping, Nishinoya on the other hand was sitting in front of you and he's half-asleep.

“You look horrified YN-san. Don't worry, they're just tired. Nishinoya and Tanaka sometimes fall asleep with their eyes half open too so don't be scared.” Sugawara smiled at you as he handed you a juice, you gladly accepted it and drink some before sighing as you look at your cousin once more.

“Ahm guys, thank you for taking care of my cousin. I know that Shoyo is sometimes too hyper. Sir and Coach thank you for guiding him.” you bowed to all of them but everyone shook their heads, “No, no, you don't have to thank us. Hinata is a good player.” Daichi smiled.

Nishinoya woke up and his eyes immediately met yours, you let out a sound of surprise when he suddenly sat up but you ended up smiling as you see how he looked. Noya smiled back and wiped his mouth, you silently chuckled because of his gesture and seconds later you heard your phone beeped.

“Uh-Oh, Shoyo your Mom is texting me. We have to go." You shook him but he's still unresponsive, you felt bad to wake him up but you just have to go home, “Ugh, I think I should leave him here. Ahm wake him up once you guys are gonna go. My house is a bit far so I really have to go.” you looked at your cousin and pat his head, “Sleep well you little monster. Please take care of Hinata for me, sorry for the trouble.” you bowed to his teammates and they stood up to bow down too.

“Thank you for cheering for us.”

“Oh, that's nothing. It's nice to meet you all, see you soon.”

“Take care YN-San.”

•••

You were walking as you put your earphones to listen to some music but you suddenly heard someone shouting behind you.

“Oh...Nishinoya, why?”

“I asked Shoyo where—” he paused, catching his breath as he look at you, “I asked him where you live and my house is a little near yours. Would you mind if I go with you?” you suddenly felt your cheeks heating up, you had to look away from Nishinoya and mutter a response to his question.

Noya smiled at how you reacted, “So, you're Shoyo's cousin. You're tall.” you looked at him and chuckled as you shrugged your shoulders, “I stopped growing years ago. You'll probably be taller than me in no time.” you replied, still avoiding his gaze.

“Is that an attempt to cheer me up? I don't really mind my height.”

“I'm glad that you don't you look...” you paused for a moment to think of the proper choice of words but your mind just went blank when Noya suddenly walked in front of you with a smirk.

This is why you wanted to go home early, there's something in Nishinoya's presence that makes you weak and even if you're a little taller than him, he can affect you more than you can affect him.

“I look what?”

“Fine. You're also a great libero, the double save was amazing, not to mention your sets.”

“You're beautiful.”

He said it like it was nothing and you wondered if he's joking or not but you've decided not to comment anything about it.

••••

“Y/N, can I get your SNS accounts and your number?”

You took his phone from his hands and typed your Social Media Accounts before giving it back to him. “Thanks for walking with me. I appreciate it.” you took the key of the gate of your house while Nishinoya watch you.

“Your parents are not yet home?”

“They only come home on Weekends. I live alone in Weekdays.”

“What? You should go inside then, don't come out of the house at night. If you need something always buy them at morning but if it's something that you really need you can call me and I'll bring it to you just don't come out alone. It's safer for you to stay inside.”

You laughed at his long speech and he narrowed his eyes at you unamused that you chose to laugh at his kindness. “Hey, I'm serious. It's dangerous for a young lady to stay outside at night. You should ask Shoyo to stay with you sometimes, even though it's not much it would be better if there's someone with you.” Noya has no idea why you're laughing at his sentences, he's genuinely worried for you, it's not really ideal for a young lady to be alone, he should tell Hinata to stay with you at some days of the week.

“Don't get too worried Nishinoya. My Dad taught me martial arts. Thanks for walking me home. Congratulations super libero.”

“Go inside first before I go home. Lock the gate, your door and windows.”

“Yes Dad!”

•••••

You received a message.

#haikyuu nishinoya #nishinoya x you #nishinoya oneshot #haikyuu noya #haikyu x reader #haikyuu!!#noya x reader #noya x y/n #noya x you #nishinoya x y/n #nishinoya x reader

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havntednlost · 4 years

Text

The main problem: my mother.

Her and my social life.

She's my fucking hell. Since I was born. She never allowed me to do anything along with my father (that was waaaaaay more possessive and jealous when I was a child while now with my little sister he's all like "do whatever you want it's fine").

She never respected my privacy. My spaces. My decisions. My opinions. I wasn't allowed to have an opinion. I wasn't allowed to speak when she decided something. I wasn't allowed to choose my friends. I wasn't allowed to speak to some people I defined friends because they weren't okay for her. She'd always decided who I had to talk to and how I had to behave. She always shushed me when I wanted to say something that she thought could've been against her decision. I grew up with her ideas, with her ways of talking and acting. She was manipulating me, creating a copy of her. She wanted to see her in me. (You failed. Ops?🤭) And I was always alone. I never had friends. The only friends I could make were people with disabilities. Because others couldn't stand me. Others hated me or made fun of me. Since I was 6 (elementary school) to being 10 I only talked to people who had difficulties at school or were handicapped. I felt like they didn't judge me. And I felt like they were okay with me being their friend.

What does not having friends has to do with my mother?

Well easy: my social life was in her hands. And that's why I never had anyone by my side. Because no one was okay for her. Only one or maybe two people. And I never complained about it. Because she made me grow up like that. I had to shut up and just do what she said. In my childhood I remember disobeying just a couple of times to my mother. Consequences? Being hit. She slapped me in the face so hard she made me cry. Once she slapped me in front of my classmates in that way. My teacher told her it wasn't necessary and mum just used a polite way to say "fuck you I am her mother and I decide how she has to grow up". My teacher had to shut up while he was caressing me and making me calm down. In that moment I forgot I was in class. I must remember being in my teacher's arms and feeling safe, far from my mum's hands. I was 8 if I'm not wrong.

So, elementary school ended. Middle school started. First year. Me, still with the mentality of a child. Naive. Too innocent and silly to understand the world I was going to face. Middle school was the worst period of my life. I've been bullied all the three years.

First year: Afraid. Always defensive. But willing to be a perfect student just as I was at the previous school. It was just me and other four girls (way smarter than me because they didn't live like they were perfect dolls to keep in a house-cage) and then 15 boys. One of them had a crush on me. I rejected him. I got no will to talk about that embarrassing story. After that also this boy + all the girls made fun of me and bullied me and called me names like: horse, camel, annoying, stupid and stuff like that. I was absolutely not used to being talked to like that, consequently it was one of the first traumas I've experienced in first person, without having my mother "by my side" "to dEfENd me". First year ends and I made no friends.

My parents decide to move to another city. Caserta. Close to Naples. I spent two years there. It was a fucking hell. People there were like... the plastics of mean girls. We were 10 girls and 13 boys. Way better, I thought. Ugh, I was wrong. Boys were terrible, worse than the ones at the other school and girls? Damn, they were all Regina George. It was when my depression symptoms started, along with anxiety. They talked at my back, saying bad stuff about me. How I found out? My mother was going through my chats (without me knowing, of course) and she called me to tell me. I read the group chat. They started saying "Is Maria in this group? No? Are you sure? Yes". So after establishing that I wasn't there they started saying things like: Oh luckily she isn't. She's so annoying. Why the fuck did she came to our school? Couldn't she stay at her old one? She's so ugly and stupid. No one can stand her. No one wants her. And she thinks we're her friends! 😂😂😂 She thinks she's better than us! (totally untrue) She's no one. etc...

Now imagine me crying while reading everything because I didn't expect it.

My mother: Didn't you expect all of this? It was obvious.

Well sorry if I was too stupid because I grew up thinking people were good and I would've faced a world full of roses and love.

I just told her I didn't. Your fault, darling.

Day after. My mother goes to school and talks to my teacher about it. My teacher defends me and helps me with that and the thing is solved. But my classmates just hate me more and more. And they just keep bullying me but more subtly so that no one notices. But I was a bit smarter because I had my cousin (I will dedicate another post to this special person ❤️) that was helping me to go through all the shit and giving me advice.

Middle school ends.

I am not homophobic anymore (like my parents taught me to be). I start having doubts about my sexuality but ignore them. My depression gets worse and worse.

My mother gets worse and worse. Starting to prefer my two brothers and little sister over me for everything. I was needed just to clean the house and to be yelled at for wearing always black, being unsocial, always staying on my own in the dark, always with my phone, always listening to music, always being sad or angry, never smiling, staying up after 10pm for watching TV series or reading, not studying much etc...

(Want a hint my dear mother? I was/am depressed.)

In this period I start having suicidal thoughts. Still because of my parents. My cousin supporting me and telling me is silly and that there are other options.

We move back to Naples.

I am now 14.

Highschool starts. First year is shit because I get bullied again but I start making friends. A group of 7 people (me included). My mother says they're okay. Fucking finally.

Alessia, Gabriella, Chiara, Simona, Sara, Andreea (romanian). Fucking amazing friends. Disgustingly amazing.

My grades are low. My parents keep hating on me and yelling at me for that. But my friends support me.

In the meanwhile I get to know a girl on the Internet. We become close friends and that develops in feelings. We start a relationship. Let's be clear. It wasn't. It was just based on the fact that we had the same problems and she gave me a lot of affection, and I thought it was love.

One day my mother takes my phone, again, without me knowing, and reads all of my chats.

She finds out about this girl. I was terrified and so I confess. My first coming out. She says nothing. She goes to my dad and tells him. My dad yells "Go away! Go away from my sight!" and I go to the kitchen terrified. Crying and sobbing. We sit. Me, my mother and my dad. They start talking to me. A sum up:

I don't remember how my mother started talking. I removed it because it was traumatic, all I remember is her saying shit about that poor girl.

I say "Mum, what's wrong with gays? They're just like us"

Mum slaps me. Hard as fuck. I was shook. Scared. Hurt. Confused.

After that they start talking about how wrong is being gay, that God doesn't accept it, that it's not natural, that it's just a phase, that only animals have gay sex and that's why we humans are different from animals that must follow their instincts. They keep repeating the same things in different ways for 3 hours. I am not kidding. 3 hours. From 3pm to 6:30pm only talking about this. (Want to know what I've done all this time? I just nodded. I kept on nodding because I was afraid to talk.)

Mum deletes and blocks every number and friends from Internet and takes my SIM card and puts it in her phone so she can check all my chats from her phone. She throws my phone away breaking it.

Nighttime: No sleep. Everytime I fell asleep I had nightmares so I woke up. Sobbing. Crying. I can't fucking breathe. A fucking hell.

Morning: I wake up totally empty and with a dead face. My parents are in the kitchen. They warmly say "good morning" and ask me to sit. I sit on the couch. They ask me "how are you". My answer: HOW AM I?? HOW AM I YOU FUCKER?????!!!!! YOU'RE REALLY ASKING ME HOW ARE YOU WITH THIS NONCHALANCE???? FUCKING KILL YOURSELF. My actual answer:.... i'm tired.

I don't remember anything else after that. Trauma I guess.

I am not a psychologist but I'm pretty sure I'm fucked up.

So after this happens I tell everything to my cousin. She doesn't believe that. She actually doesn't. She was too shocked to believe it. Haha, same sis. I don't either.

So, it takes a while for her to process everything and that's when our friendship starts for real. (We were good friends since I was 12. We grew up together, but there has never been an actual friendship because of how I was as a child. A pretty horrible child.) She starts helping me with my mother and all the stuff. We start getting closer and closer as time goes by and as my mother keeps being a bitch.

Second year of highschool.

My fucking favourite. It was such a good time. My grades weren't the best, my depression was fucking me up more than ever, my anxiety was kicking me out, but.. I had my friends. With a new entry. Simona. Yeah another one. Alessia changes school. So it's still 7 of us.

I swear if it wasn't for my friends that year and my cousin. I would've killed myself. Going back home from school everyday was basically going back to hell every fucking day.

dude: go to hell

me: awww where do you think i came from honey?

Then... that summer comes. Summer 2018.

I argue with my friends because of my parents, giving them the fault of everything. I keep them away from me. My mother gets even worse. She's against me like I am her enemy. She yells at me for everything. Every single thing.

me: *wakes up*

mother: WHY DID YOU WAKE UP GO BACK TO SLEEP AND SLEEP PROPERLY LIKE A LADY YOU'RE DISGUSTING.

She separates me from my cousin because she talked back at her (after she said bad things about my cousin's mother at her face) and here, another trauma. She calls me whore, liar, bitch because I didn't defend her like my cousin did with her mother (sorry but i hate you bitch). She says it's all my fault because I told my cousin everything about the bad things she did to me. That day goes away and my mother calms down and says it's not my fault but my cousin's because she's a bitch. I have no chance to talk to her for a month then we finally meet when my mother isn't at home. Since then we talk without no one of my family knowing. (It will be 3 years this summer, she never knew we do. How stupid can she be thinking I wouldn't talk to my favourite person ever because she said so).

September comes. Back to school. Third year. No friends. Low grades. No will to study. No will to live. But my cousin has my back. She keeps me alive, in fact I tried to kill myself multiple times. I failed. (Now I'm happy I didn't.) I pass that year. Not after another trauma. I seek for help at school. My teacher tells my mother about it and tells her that I am bisexual, atheist and I'm not okay in my family.

Thanks for ruining me, teacher. I expressively told her not to talk about it with my mother buuuut okay.

Quick sum up: I come back from school, my mother is crying. She starts saying things like "You don't want me as a mother? You don't like me? You hate me?" and I said no (not knowing that she knew what I said at school). Then the evening she walks to me and sits near me.

"Tell me the truth"

I was obviously confused. So she confesses what she knows. I was expecting the worst. It ended up with me talking to my uncles because my mother was "tOo hUrt" to talk to me.

"It's just a phase." "I hated my parents too." "You're too young to say these things." "You can't say you're bisexual if you never experienced anything."

It ended up with me faking a hug and "I'm sorry mum, I exaggerated." (obviously it was just to make everything stop).

bonus

me: *wants help to fight a difficult situation*

mum: *gets to know about it* YOU HURT ME YOU UNGRATEFUL BITCH.

also mum: *reproaches it to my face everytime she's mad at me*

Fourth year starts. This is my year. This year. 2019/2020. It started perfectly. Good grades, my friends are back.

We move again. Tivoli (Rome). I am fucking happy with that. Expect for the fact that I can't meet my cousin anymore. But of course we can chat. Secretly on Telegram. Because my mother doesn't know what it is. Also, she stopped checking my phone, finally.

So, now. I'm 17, fourth year of highschool. Here I have no friends because they all suck. I miss my friends from Naples. And I wish I was free from my parents.

Some parts are not detailed. This because I will dedicate to them other posts otherwise this one would've been waaaaaay longer. And it's already too long.

No one will read these long posts but in case you're doing it, thank you ❤.

#my mother is satan #i hate my mother #my parents are crazy #fuck my parents #fuck my family #depression #anxiety #no social life #i have no social life #i have no friends #it's all my mothers fault

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