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leosjourney · 3 years

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Update 4 (Part 3):

2. First Doctors Appointment

On Thursday 12th of August 2021 I had my first blood test relating to my transition. My GP requested it (not even sure why) but it felt awesome to be taking a step in the right direction with everything.

On Tuesday 24th of August 2021 I had to get my girlfriend to pick me up from work mid-shift to take me to the ONLY Drs appointment they had left before I went back to uni. I spoke to my GP about my history, how I feel, why I feel that way etc and he agreed to refer me to the NHS GIC! It's great, but I know it'll be years and years before they ever actually see me. I got a letter when I had gone to uni to confirm that I was indeed on their waiting list 🥳

3. Name Change

On Tuesday 31st August 2021 I went to WH Smiths and spent £10 on parchment paper, and printed off a handful of unenrolled deed polls to get signed. We went to our friend Jesse's house and he signed one of the witness signatures and we had a cuppa, then we met our other friend Leah in Spoons to get the other witness signature. That's right! Your boy officially became Leonardo Matthew Jackson... in a spoons! 🤣 It's basically my place of birth. I also got new (sexy) passport photos taken that day.

4. Changing my Details with the Banks

Next step after name change is traipsing round every branch you bank with and getting your name and details changed. First was HSBC, which were absolutely fine with everything, was a bit of a faff but we got there, he ordered me a new card, and he offered to print me an updated bank statement with my new name that I can use to change my passport with. Next up was Halifax, who were even easier and nicer than HSBC somehow, they were unbelievably chill and also ordered my new card ASAP. Lastly was Nationwide, which I went to on a trip to Birmingham as there's no branches near me at home. The guy who served us was new, but he still managed it. I don't use a card for that account either so it was pretty quick and easy. No issues at all with the banks.

5. Changing my Details with the NHS

This was and still is one of the biggest pain in the arses of my transition so far. I had to chase up my doctor's 3 times to get them to change my details on their system. They said it was done. Then I began asking for a letter from my GP confirming my name change would be likely to be permanent so I could get my new passport. They said they 'passed it on to the practice manager' for some reason, when they could just pass it on to my GP. In the end I rang up and asked, and the rude receptionist went off on me about how my deed poll wasn't legit and how I'd got it off of a random website and you have to do it on the GOV UK site (absolute waffle, she didn't know what she was on about) and honestly it made me feel like shit so I cried and said fuck it I'll just change my name with the NHS when I go back to uni in Leeds because they'll be more clued up on trans policies than this random GP in Cornwall. I got to Leeds and I rang up about it and I was put in contact with a lovely lady who was so helpful about everything, she told me that whoever told me my name had been changed in Cornwall was lying and they just couldn't be arsed to change it. Apparently changing things on the system is a difficult and drawn out process, and my old GP clearly didn't want to do it. Leeds said they would do it for me but after all of the new uni student registrations had gone through. This was back in September. It's November now and I assumed that it'd been done by now, I had a throat infection and needed antibiotics and the prescription I picked up said 'Mx Deadname Jackson'. Safe to say I was not impressed. On the phone to the doctor's some people called me Leo, some my deadname. It was quite confusing. I rang up to book a blood test and the lady said that my name seemed to be wrong on the system and offered to flag it up for me, which she did. I got a call back the next day from the original lady who promised to change my name to tell me she had changed it, but for some reason it had been changed back. Who fucking knows at this point. Anyways, she corrected it, and told me that she couldn't change my gender marker because it'll generate a new NHS number and I'll have no record of my COVID-19 vaccinations on there. It's got me thinking though that surely when anyone has transitioned in the past that all of their medical records and immunisation history wouldn't just be deleted? Surely you can re-input it or transfer it over somehow? It's just insane. I just agreed to leave my gender marker as F for now and see if NHS systems or policies change to make this easier in the future.

#ftm #ftm transman #ftm transition #ftm transgender #trans #name change

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kit-herondale-blackthorn · 4 years

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Grace Blackthorn could be Nene

Aka my old theory revisited after Chain of Gold

This literally started as a crackpot theory, but the more I think about this, the more it makes sense. Especially in the light of events in Chain of Gold.

We know Grace can bear runes, so she can’t be full faerie - but she can be part faerie. I was thinking that she could be the daughter of the Seelie Queen. We know that the Seelie Queen, as opposed to the Unseelie King, didn’t mind having mortal consorts (Sebastian). Following onto that thought, I was thinkin what if Grace Blackthorn doesn’t die in/after TLH… What if she disappears in faerie instead?

Why do I think that? Let’s break it down:

Grace could have inherited her extraordinary seduction abilities from the Seelie Queen. In QOAAD, the Seelie Queen attempts to seduce Julian by glamouring herself and changing her appearance to look more like Emma. She noted that Julian was “different, more like a faerie” which suggests her glamour usually worked on mortals but not faeries. Grace being her daughter could explain where she got her extraordinary seduction/compulsion abilities from, as witnessed in ChoG on Matthew. The glamour not working on faeries could also explain why her powers don’t work on James - he has demon blood in him, same as faeries.

Grace could be the person who is marked as dead on the family tree due to “becoming” a Downworlder. Cassie said once that some people marked as dead on the family tree actually “became” Downworlders. Everyone thought that’s about Matthew, but Matthew is not on the CP2 family tree. What if that comment actually refers to Grace going back to faerie? She would probably be thought of as dead if no one knew what actually happened to her.

But why do I think Grace Blackthorn is not just Seelie Queen’s daughter, but specifically Nene? Here it comes:

Nene is related to the Seelie Queen, but we don’t know how. I always thought it was a little bit weird that we don’t really know who Nene really is. We know she is somehow related to the Queen and Lady Nerissa’s sister -- but she is not a lady herself, just a maid and a healer. I think this could be because Nene is actually part faerie, and Nerissa’s step-sister, which is why she cannot be treated as a full faeire gentry like Nerissa.

Nene seems keen to help the modern day Blackthorns. This could of course be because her sister Nerissa is Helen and Mark’s mother, and Helen and Mark are Blackthorns. But maybe, it could be because they’re descendants of her beloved brother, Jesse.

Nene knows a lot about the Black Volume of the Dead. And so does Grace (I think). In TDA we find out that during TLH the Black Volume was in the abandoned Cornwall Institute, previously ran by Blackthorns. It also stayed in the possession of the Blackthorns during Andrew and Arthur Blackthorn times. So it’s plausible Tatiana (and also Grace) could have had access to it. Specifically, we know there was an unregulated portal built between the London and Cornwall Institutes in 1903. Given the developments of Chain of Gold, I’m inclined to guess that Lucie and Grace created(?) and used that portal to retrieve the Black Volume from the Institute in order to resurrect Jesse. It’s also possible Tatiana already is in the possession of the Black Volume, given the amount of dark magic we see her do in Chain of Gold and years leading up to it.

Also, not really an argument but a mere observation - some people apparently pointed out the similarities between Charlie Bowater’s portraits of Ash and Grace. I know it’s likely that Ash inherited most of his looks from Sebastian, but these similarities could be because they’re actually half-siblings. (I know Charlie Bowater probably doesn’t know anything more than we do, but it’s still an interesting thought)

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pietromelim · 4 years

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"Let me love you" Short story of Matthew Fairchild and Cordelia Carstairs!

Cordelia stood before the small room she would spend the night in. She managed to find an inn in Cornwall,she was there due to her road trip with Matthew. They had a mission,but they could leave that for tomorrow.

The room barely had any light. The moonlight lit the floor through the window,and a detail caught her attention.

There was only one bed.

-Fear not,dear Cordelia. I am more than okay with sleeping on the floor. It's not like i have not done that before either.-Matthew said,smiling.

-But you were drunk,weren't you?-Cordelia asked.

Matthew nodded.

-I was. But that makes no difference now. We cannot share a bed,you are engaged to my Parabatai.-Matthew said.

Cordelia blinked. How could she forget such a thing? Being engaged to James had been her dream for so many years so. And now it was happening,but not quite how she imagined it.

It was a white marriage,to save her reputation. James did not love her,and he said it himself. His heart belonged to Grace Blackthorn.

But she was engaged to Charles,Matthew's brother. Cordelia could be wrong,but it didn't seemed like Grace loved James at all.

She doubted James would ever love her,but she would not love him forever. Maybe someday she would be able to forget him,and find someone that could truly love her back.

James had said that love would come for her in a year. Only if it were that easy.

-But i do not want you to sleep on the floor! Surely we can find another solution.-Cordelia said.

-There is no solution. What kind of Parabatai would i be if i let the future wife of James sleep on the floor? I cannot allow such thing. Parabatai's have a code of honor. You will learn all about it soon enough.-Matthew said.

Cordelia said nothing. Apparently he really was willing to sleep on the floor,which wasn't exactly what she wanted for him.

Cordelia and Matthew have gotten really close to each other during these four months of her engagement with James. He was somehow managing to make her smile,even when she had to face the cruel reality that James loved someone else.

-Excuse me then,Matthew. I am in desperate need of a bath.-Cordelia said.

She entered the small bathroom,the walls were almost yellow,as if the white had gone due to dirt. I didn't took long for Cordelia to enter the bathtub,full of hot water.

Perhaps love stories where indeed something that only happened in books. When she had first arrived in London,the thought that James could really love her made her jump with happiness. But that was only a silly fantasy that she had. A dream of a little girl.

Even after the Whispering Room,James once told her that he had kissed her because he wanted to,but after Grace had visited him,they were only pretending.

Maybe that was the effect true love had on people. Cordelia could be as bright as the sun,but if Grace were standing beside her,James would never look at her.

It was heartbreaking,but the truth was never easy to handle.

After her bath,she had put on her nightgown,it's color resembled the color of wine. Her feet was bare,and the floor felt cold.

She left the bathroom,only to find Matthew laying on the bed,with a bottle of cheap spirits in his hand.

-Matthew! Drinking again!? Must you do that all the time!? I can't have you in a hangover tomorrow! We have a mission,or have you forgotten about it?-Cordelia asked.

Matthew shook his head.

-I did not. And don't be vexed,i wasn't planning on getting drunk if that is what you are thinking.-Matthew said.

He looked at her. Even if the room barely had any light,he could still see her in her nightgown.

She was absolutely gorgeous. James was such a fool. How could he love Grace instead of Cordelia? Grace was like a statue of ice,beautiful but cold and emotionless.

Cordelia was like fire,stunning and warm,and he would never get tired of her flames,if she were to burn him. He should feel nothing for her,she was going to marry his Parabatai. And yet,that was not on his control.

-You should take a bath as well. I can sense the smell of wine from here.-Cordelia said.

Matthew nodded. She was not wrong,he did need a bath. Perhaps freezing water could calm his nerves a little bit.

Sometimes he wished he could be like Dorian Gray. He wished he could do the most scandalous and awful things and remain young and handsome,so that people would always believe he could redeem himself,that he could be better.

But he could not ever be better. He was a murderer,and did not deserve any kindness. Nor love.

The water got rid of the smell of alcohol,and Matthew relaxed a little bit. At least there were no expectations upon him right now. He was unable to deal with all the tenderness his friends had sometimes. No one knew the real Matthew Fairchild. No one knew what he had been capable of.

But secrets were like a terrible flame. Soon Matthew would only be ashes. And he was fine with that. He deserved it.

He was awful,and nothing would ever change that.

Cordelia was trying to read the new chapter of The Beautiful Cordelia Lucie had written,but she could not focus. She would often think about what James thought about her road trip with Matthew. They were Parabatai and trusted each other more than everything. Still,could James feel jealousy due to that?

Cordelia shook her head. Why was she doing that to herself? James was her friend,nothing more. Why would he feel something like that? Wasn't the fact that he loved Grace enough to make her try to forget about him?

The door of the bathroom suddenly opened,revealing Matthew. He only had a towel around his waist.

Cordelia blushed immediately. Was he not seeing here there? Did he not know how improper that was?

But by the Angel,he was handsome. His shoulders were broad,he had a Defense Rune near his chest,and his abs were chiseled.

His body was dripping,his golden hair still wet. He was looking around the room,as if he had lost something.

-Matthew!? Why are you not dressed!?-Cordelia asked,blocking her vision with her hands. She had to force herself not to stare at him.

Matthew turned his attention to Cordelia. She was absolutely right. He had forgotten.

-Oh please forgive me! I never really shared a room with anyone before.-Matthew said.

It was true,to a certain point. He had been in rooms with different people before,though the thing was,he were there to undress,but with Cordelia was completely different.

He would never be intimate with her. And she was engaged. He had no right to stand here in that way. They were only friends.

Matthew grabbed his clothes and entered the bathroom once again,and got dressed. Black trousers and a light green shirt. He left,and sat beside Cordelia in the bed.

-Pardon me,Cordelia. It seems like i have a talent to vex every single one of my friends.-Matthew said.

Strangely,Cordelia laughed.

-Honestly,i think i overreacted. I mean,the entire Enclave believes i have spent a night in James' room,one can only imagine i have seem him...You know,that way.-Cordelia said.

-But you have not. I'm quite sure you have heard many times before people saying that i have a "reputation". I never cared about their opinion,and neither should you.-Matthew said.

-That is easy to say if you are a man. Nothing that you do will make people consider you "ruined". Unlike me,because this engagement is to save my reputation. Sometimes i wonder if i really did the right thing.-Cordelia said.

-You saved James from the Clave,and from Tatiana's accusations. Grace would not have lied like you did. She would obey her mother. If it were not for you,Jamie would be in serious trouble right now.-Matthew said.

But that was not what Cordelia was talking about.

-I don't mean that. I don't regret helping James,i would have done that for you,for Thomas and Christopher as well.-Cordelia said.

-I see. You are talking about the engagement,are you not? Do you have second thoughts about it?-Matthew asked.

-Mariage Blanc was never something i imagined in my life. I know James was kind to propose to me,so that i can keep my honor. But this feels wrong,i don't like lying to my family like this. It's not how i've imagined my engagement with James...-Cordelia was saying,but she suddenly stopped.

What had she done? Had she just revealed her true feelings for James to Matthew?

-I see. You truly love James. This is probably being hard to you. You are soon to be married with the one you love,but his heart belongs to someone else.-Matthew said,as if he was describing the story of a book.

-I am so selfish. He only wishes to help me,as i have helped him. How can i be so ungrateful to his help like this?-Cordelia said,covering her face with her hands.

-You are not selfish Cordelia. I will not accept you saying those awful things about yourself. James may be my Parabatai,but he is being quite foolish. I am sure that Grace Blackthorn does not love him. She will marry my brother,and yet James still believes that they will one day be together.-Matthew said.

Cordelia shrugged.

-Isn't that what true love is? Never losing the hope on your beloved?-Cordelia said.

Matthew shook his head. Talking about love should feel weird for him. What did he knew about love? He destroyed the life of someone that was not born but that he already loved. He harmed his mother and father,the ones who had always loved him.

And yet,there he was,talking about something that would never be allowed to him.

-How can true love bring so much pain? It doesn't seem right to me.-Matthew said.

-Have you ever loved before,Matthew?-Cordelia asked.

Matthew shook his head.

-Love is something that i simply do not deserve,Cordelia.-He said.

Cordelia raised her eyebrows. What was he saying?

-Why not? You have a gentle and kind soul. Why would you not deserve love?-Cordelia asked.

Matthew took a deep breath. Should he tell her? This was something he refused to even tell James. And he had feelings for Cordelia,feelings that he should not feel at all.

But if he revealed what he did to her,if he revealed his greatest sin,she would despise him. He knew she would.

Cordelia was too good. She would never love him. But happiness was not something guaranteed in one's life.

But he was tired. Tired of keeping all of that inside him. And for so many years now.

He needed to tell her.

-I am not gentle,nor kind. I am a wicked spirit. I have blood in my hands Cordelia.-Matthew said.

Cordelia looked at him,her face full of concern.

-What do you mean?-She asked.

-You know that i do not get along with your brother. As a matter of fact,i cannot stand him. Have you ever asked yourself why?-Matthew said.

-Yes. But Alastair never said anything to me,and neither did you.-Cordelia said.

-I will tell you. When i was at the Shadowhunter Academy,your brother began to spread a rumor about my mother,and about Gideon Lightwood.-Matthew said.

A memory suddenly came up in Cordelia's mind. When she was younger,she remembered her parents discussing something about the Consul cheating her husband.

-He told me that i was the bastard son of Gideon. That my father was half of a man,that he could not father children,and that he could not satisfy my mother. And that was why her actions were understandable.-Matthew said.

Cordelia felt a sudden anger inside her chest. How could Alastair say such awful things? All of those were lies!

-My brother spreaded those lies!? By the Angel,Matthew,i...i am so embarassed! I can assure you i will give him a good piece of my mind when we return!-Said Cordelia.

But Matthew only shook his head again,as if nothing she could say would make him feel any better.

-Your brother's words made me go paranoid. But what i did was only my fault. I was desperate,i needed to know the truth about what was happening. I could have simply asked my parents,but who could guarantee they would tell me the truth? I could not accept more lies. So i decided to visit the Shadow Market.-Matthew said.

Cordelia blinked. Shadow Markets could be a very dangerous place,if one were careless. It was usually full of downworlders,and they did not like Shadowhunters in there.

-I found a faerie in the Shadow Market. I asked her for a specific kind of potion. A potion that would make one incapable of lying.-Matthew said.

Cordelia felt worried. That was not a very good decision. Faeries could not lie,but that didn't meant they were trustworthy.

-That day,my mother was at home. I baked some cranberries for her. I used the potion in the cranberries. I wanted to ask her if i was indeed my father's son,or if i was Gideon Lightwood's son. I wanted to ask her if her marriage with father still existed,or if they were only pretending to be okay. But i didn't had the chance. She ate one and fell right in front of me.-Matthew said.

Cordelia remembered that. There was a day when everyone was gossiping about the Consul being ill.

-But she recovered! You did not kill your mother Matthew! There is no blood in your hands as you say.-Cordelia said.

-But there is. I became so obsessed with that lie,that i killed someone. The potion was poison,and my mother was pregnant. She was expecting a girl,something she had always dreamed of. My little sister. I did not gave her a chance to meet us all. I didn't allowed her to live. And her blood will be forever in my hands.-Said Matthew.

His face was wet,tears dropping from his eyes. Cordelia began to cry as well. Her heart was shattered.

-Now Cordelia,tell me. Am i gentle? Am i kind? Do i deserve to be loved? I harmed my own family because i was not capable of believing them.-Matthew asked.

Cordelia had put her hand on his face. Now it was clear,why she had always seen a shadow hanging around Matthew.

The deadly shadow of guilt.

-Oh Matthew...I am so sorry for all of that.-She said.

She hugged him,quite strongly. And she felt Matthew fall apart in her embrace.

-You must despise me now! You can't possibly want to be my friend after all that i have told you. I am a murderer! You must hate me!-He said,almost choking with his own tears.

-I do not despise you! I would never be able to hate you either! Matthew,i cannot lie to you,it will not be easy to handle with the consequences of your actions,but still...Charlotte and Henry are your parents! They will always love you!-Cordelia said.

-But i do not deserve that! I deserve no love! No happiness! Only bitterness and darkness are allowed to my soul.-Matthew said.

-No! Do not say that! I will not accept that self hatred!-Cordelia said.

-Everyone believes i use the green carnation because of Oscar Wilde,but there is another reason. "Green will mend our broken hearts". But my heart will always be broken.-Matthew said.

-No Matthew! Love can change everything! You must believe that your parents,that your friends,would still be capable of loving you!-Cordelia said.

-And you? Would you be capable of loving me?-Matthew asked.

In seconds,Cordelia was kissing Matthew. Their mouths crashed in each other,like moths to a flame.

It felt completely different than kissing James. They seemed to have an urgency in their kiss. A desperate need to fill any empty space. Her unrequited love for James,and his lack of love for himself.

James. He seemed so far from her mind and heart right now. She could only think about and feel Matthew there with her.

His hands ran through her dark red hair,then to her dark skin,she felt as if she was burning in desire.

Matthew got rid of his shirt so quickly that it nearly seemed like magic. Her hands were against his hard chest. She could feel his heart beating against her palm.

He laid on top of Cordelia,his torso pressed against her breasts. Her moment with James in the Whispering Room seemed small if compared to this.

Somewhere deep in her mind,she could hear James' voice,swearing to her that he would not act like a unfaithful husband.

Perhaps she was being unfaithful to him now,but she was not being unfaithful to herself. James did not love her,and he never would. And she was free to love someone else.

Matthew suddenly stopped. He was panting,nearly breathless. There was guilt in his eyes.

-You will become the wife of my Parabatai. I cannot do this to you. You should not get intimate with someone like me.-Matthew said.

Cordelia got rid of her nightgown,revealing herself to Matthew. His gaze was on her body.

-You are gorgeous Cordelia. It was the first impression i had of you,when i saw you at the ball in the Institute.-Matthew said,smiling.

-My marriage to James means nothing. He does not love me,and my honor will be restored after my divorce. You will be able to propose to me by then.-Cordelia said.

-But why me? I am the worst of men. I do not deserve to be loved by anyone.-Matthew asked.

Cordelia shook her head.

-If you can't love yourself,Matthew Fairchild,let me love you.-She said.

Matthew only nodded,he was no longer crying. They kissed again,as Matthew got rid of the rest of his clothes.

James told Cordelia that love would come for her,in a year,she remembered well.

But perhaps James was wrong. Perhaps love would not take that long to come for her.

Perhaps it had always been there,by her side,in that handsome green eyed boy.

#cassandra clare #chain of gold #the last hours #james herondale #grace blackthorn #cordelia carstairs #matthew fairchild #charlotte fairchild #henry branwell #cordelia x matthew #ghosts of the shadow market #cast long shadows

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lucacangettathisass · 4 years

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how the light gets in (ch. 9)

SUMMARY: After your home is ransacked by a group of strange men, you and your cousin are taken in by a group of outlaws. And that’s when the trouble really starts.

PAIRINGS: John Marston x Fem!Reader, Arthur Morgan x Fem!Reader

check the fic tag for previous chapters!

TAGGING: @mountainhymn @kindred-hopes if you would like to be added to the tag list lmk!

NOTES: happy new year everyone!...and a little over a month since the last update LMAO this chapter is a long one so hopefully that makes up for it! just wanted to say thank you again for all the kind words and support y’all have shown! it really is so heartwarming and encouraging and is just genuinely lovely to see! anyways hope you all enjoy this one!

In the week that followed your meeting with Mr Van Der Linde and Mr Matthews, you remained inside with the other women, doing a bit of talking, but mostly listening, and learning what they were willing to share about themselves. When you were a child you learned that most people enjoyed talking about themselves in one way or another. Just make sure to listen and at least seem interested, and you could learn all sorts of things that you could later use to create a deeper relationship, and that was what you were doing with the women.

Despite your earlier shyness and anxieties, you found yourself enjoying their company, and while you couldn’t confidently say that you were all friends, you hoped that they would grow to see you as one.

In particular, you had grown rather fond of Miss Roberts. She reminded you of Sadie in a way; both were strong and resilient women, bold and brave. Every quality you ever felt like you lacked, you saw them wield with expertise, and it awed you just as much as it made you envious.

You also saw some glimpses of your mother in Miss Roberts, as both had been young mothers in undesirable circumstances. Admittedly Miss Roberts had a wider circle of support than what your mother had, even with your aunt and uncle, and Jack’s father was still in the picture, but the similarities were very much there. You found yourself wanting to befriend Miss Roberts, and lift some of her burdens, in a way that you couldn’t have done for your mother when you were a child.

“I’ll tend to Mr Marston today.” You said to her. “You should rest and try to take your mind off things.” You knew that that was of course far easier said than done, but you hoped that not having to see Mr Marston’s injuries would do her some good. In truth, you didn’t really know what Miss Roberts and Mr Marston got up to when she went to see him, but it didn’t always seem to be pleasant, as Miss Roberts would sometimes return looking upset.

Yesterday had been one of those days, so you imagined that Miss Roberts wouldn’t exactly be eager to be by Mr Marston’s side, and you had turned out to be right.

As you made your way to the mens’ house, you found the snow to be easier to navigate through, softer somehow, although you couldn’t pinpoint why, but you certainly weren’t complaining.

When you entered, you smiled at them all. You hadn’t spoken to all of them yet, Herr Strauss had remained the friendliest out of them all, although Mr Escuella wasn’t trailing too far behind. It was nice knowing that you had established something of a rapport with the two men, it made you feel more comfortable among everyone.

You gently approached Mr Marston, sitting in the chair by his bed. Someone, you guessed either Miss Roberts or Miss Grimshaw, had set up a small medical station with extra bandages, disinfectant, and a face cloth. It was by no means sophisticated, but you didn’t expect nor needed it to be. You looked over at Mr Marston and smiled at him.

“Did you sleep well Mr Marston?”

He didn’t immediately answer, and for a moment you were afraid that he was in a bad mood. “Fine.”

You let out a small sigh of relief, smiling. “I’m happy to hear it.” You inspected his face for anything of concern, as you have before. Just as your fingertips went over his scar, you felt Mr Marston shiver and you immediately stopped. “Is everything alright Mr Marston?” You asked. “Are my hands cold?” You brought your hands to your face and winced when you found that they were a little chilly. “Sorry.” You said sheepishly. “I should’ve thought about that.”

“It...it’s fine.” Mr Marston looked away. “It was colder out there.”

Of that you had no doubt. You got to work redressing his wound, taking care not to cause him any more discomfort. “Jack is doing well.” You said, in an attempt to make conversation. “He’s a very good boy, you must be very proud.” Mr Marston grunted. “I would be if he were mine.”

You stopped completely, looking up at Mr Marston in surprise. “Oh! I-My apologies, it’s just-well, Miss Roberts-”

Marston snorted. “She wants him to be mine, but I’m sure he ain’t.”

You weren’t entirely sure what to say. You assumed that Mr Marston would know whether or not a child was his, but why Miss Roberts would specifically name him as Jack’s father was beyond you. Well, no matter. That wasn’t your business, so you weren’t going to worry about it.

“You’re uh...you’re good at this.”

You smiled, blushing at the sudden compliment. “Thank you, I’ve had practice.” You gently re-applied the bandage on his face. “Although, I must say, your wounds are worse than others I’ve seen.”

Mr Marston snorted. “Don’t imagine you see a lot of this with rich folks.”

You pause, and glance over your shoulder at Mr Escuella. You had suspected that he would tell the rest of the men what you had shared with Mr Van Der Linde, Mr Matthews, and Mr Morgan, but you hadn’t expected to be questioned about it so bluntly.

“Well, you’re not wrong about that.” You admitted. “I doubt any of them would be brave enough to venture out into the mountains in these conditions.”

A look of surprise comes over Mr Marston, although you couldn’t say what he was surprised about. His mouth twitched into something resembling a smile. “You know, you’re alright for a girl raised by rich folks.”

You blinked. “I...Thank you Mr Marston.” It certainly sounded like a compliment, although a rather confusing one. But then, you imagined that he didn’t have a high opinion of ‘rich folks’. You gently discarded the soiled bandages before looking over Mr Marston one last time. “We should really get you to a proper doctor.” You muttered with a sigh. You knew a number of fine doctors, all of whom would be able to give Mr Marston the treatment he needed, but you had no way of contacting them. And even if you did, you doubted any of them would come out all this way for an outlaw, no matter their condition.

“I’ll be fine.” Mr Marston said dismissively. “I’ve faced worse without one.”

You furrowed your brow, wondering what on Earth could be worse than this, but you knew better than to pry. You stood up, giving Mr Marston one last smile. “I’ll check on you again in a few days.”

Mr Marston nodded, looking down. “Th….thanks.”

You looked at Mr Marston in surprise, but smiled all the same. “You’re welcome Mr Marston.” You gave each of the men a smile as you left, feeling a new lightness in your step.

When you stepped outside, you almost slipped, before righting yourself at just the last second. You stood up properly and looked down at patch of snow that had given way beneath your foot, and saw that it had turned into sludge, almost like dirt after a heavy rain. Your heart began to race and noticed that the usually biting winds that had been keeping you all company had finally decided to leave. You walked as carefully as you could back to the house with the other women, watching as the snow offered much less resistance than usual.

“How is he?” Miss Roberts asked after you had shut the door behind yourself.

“Fine.” You replied, turning to all the women. “And I think we will be too.” You smiled widely.

“What makes you say that?” Miss Jackson asked.

“Everything’s starting to thaw.”

You could almost see and feel a weight being lifted off everyone, as excited looks were passed around and you sat beside Sadie. “Looks like we’ll be off this mountain soon.” You said eagerly.

Sadie nodded. “Regardless of where we end up, I want you to stay close to me.” She said in a low voice. “I don’t want you out of my sight for a second.”

You could only nod, you were too excited at the prospect of going back to civilization to argue.

Funnily and luckily enough, the thaw had come in just days before Mr Cornwall’s train was set to pass through the mountains, allowing Mr Van Der Linde to go through his plan. And while he and the men he would take with him were doing that, the rest of you would pack everything up, ready to leave as soon as the men got back.

Of course, Mr Morgan was chosen to go along with the job, which meant once again riding Gladys, an idea she clearly still didn’t like.

“She’s probably still trying to adjust to all of the changes.” You said as you firmly held her reins, trying to calm her. “It isn’t like her to have this much of an attitude.”

Mr Morgan grunted. “Well, if I were her, I wouldn’t want to have me in the saddle either.”

You frowned, unsure as to what he was getting at.

“Why are we doing this?”

You turned around and saw Mr Matthews approaching Mr Van Der Linde, who was also saddling up.

“Weather’s breaking, we could leave.” You could hear the worry in his voice, and it was painfully obvious that he was skeptical of Mr Van Der Linde’s plan. “I-I thought we was lying low.”

“What do you want from me Hosea?” Mr Van Der Linde asked back, sounding equally exasperated.

“I just don’t want any more folks to die, Dutch.”

You frowned and looked away. You could definitely empathize with that.

“We’re living, Hosea, we’re living…” Mr Van Der Linde turned to the older man, “look at me, we’re living...even you.”

You frowned. What was that supposed to mean?

“But we need money, everything we have’s in Blackwater. You fancy heading back there?”

“No.” Mr Matthews still didn’t sound convinced, and you pitied him. “Listen, Dutch, I ain’t trying to undermine you, I just…” He sighed heavily. “I just want to stick to the plan...which was to lie low, then head back out west. Now suddenly, we’re about to rob a train.”

You exchanged a glance with Gladys, who also seemed to be interested in what Mr Matthews had to say. It wasn’t a bad idea, and from what you had heard, the western territories hadn’t seen as much development, it would be easy for someone to disappear out there. Possibly even a whole gang.

“What choice have we got?”

Mr Matthews sighed again. “Leviticus Cornwall’s no joke, Dutch…” He looked up, and saw you. “You heard what [Name] said.” He gestured to you. “He’s powerful, rich, and has a fragile ego. He isn’t the sort of mark you want to go after lightly.”

Immediately you felt your face flush, and you tried to hide behind Gladys, who seemed to have sensed your discomfort and took a few steps forward, shielding you from the mens’ gazes.

“It also sounds like he has more than enough to share.” Mr Van Der Linde said, in a tone that left no room for argument.

“Dutch-”

“Gentlemen, it is time to make something of ourselves.” Mr Van Der Linde called out, prompting some of the other men to run out to their horses. “Get your horses ready, we have a train to rob.”

Still holding onto Gladys’s reins, you kept her steady as Mr Morgan mounted her. “Behave yourself.” You muttered to Gladys. “I don’t want to hear any complaints from Mr Morgan.”

She huffed, as if offended by the idea of accommodating Mr Morgan in any way.

You stepped back, giving Mr Morgan room to turn Gladys around. “Good luck.” You said anxiously. “Be careful.”

Mr Morgan nodded. “‘Preciate it.” He said, turning away to ride off behind Mr Van Der Linde with the other men.

You watched them all go, hoping that Mr Matthews’ concerns would come to fruition. You turned to face the older man, who still looked troubled. “Are you alright Mr Matthews?” You asked gently.

“As alright as I can be.” He said with a sigh.

You gently placed a hand on his arm. “I’m sure they’ll be fine.” You said with a smile. “And as long as no one is able to recognize them, then there won’t be any trouble, right?”

Mr Matthews still appears unsure. “I suppose.” He sighed again. “I’m just getting too old for this kind of life I think, but it’s good of you to care.”

“Of course, it’s the least I can do, considering everything you all have done for Sadie and I.”

Mr Matthews smiled a little. “That’s very sweet of you.” He patted your arm and gave you a kind look. “Would you mind checking up on John? Just to make sure he’s ok and ready to go when we need to.”

You nodded. “Of course Mr Matthews.” You made your way to the house, a little more confident walking in the partially thawed snow.

When you opened the door, you were surprised to see Mr Marston on his feet, putting on a jacket. “Mr Marston!” You squeaked, rushing to him. “What are you doing? You need to rest!”

“I’ve rested enough.” He grunted. “I should be out there too, robbing that train.”

“Mr Marston please sit down you’re not in any state to do anything like that.” You gently held his arm. “Mr Van Der Linde has more than enough men to help him.”

“I should still be out there.” Mr Marston gently took his arm out of your grasp and took a step forward, wincing as he did so.

“Mr Marston please.” You quickly stood in front of him, stopping him from moving. “You’re clearly still in pain. I implore you, go back to bed. The more you rest, the faster you getter better, and the sooner you can help Mr Van Der Linde.” You kept your tone as gentle and kind as possible, not wanting to further wound Mr Marston’s clearly aching pride. “Please. For your own sake.”

Mr Marston stared down at you, dumb founded. He seemed to be genuinely surprised that you were this concerned. He looked like he was about to argue, but his bad leg began to wobble and he winced, falling back to sit on the cot. He sighed irritably. “Looks like you’re right. I’m no use to anyone right now.” He took off the jacket, angrily throwing it to the ground.

You frowned, feeling bad for him. You couldn’t imagine how upset he must be, seeing all the other able bodied men go off on such a daring job. You carefully picked the jacket up, folding it up gently and placing it on the seat beside his cot.”You just need to get your strength back.” You said kindly. “You’ll see, you’ll be fighting fit in no time!” You smiled encouragingly, hoping that some of this was working, even if only a little bit.

After a brief pause, Mr Marston chuckled. “Javier was right.” He looked up at you, with a small smile. “You really are too nice for us.”

You blushed a little, not entirely sure what to make of that. “I don’t know about that.” You said, embarrassed. “You’ve all been kind to Sadie and I, it’s only fair I return the favour.” You cleared your throat. “Now, please Mr Marston, get back into bed, and I won’t tell Mr Matthews about this.”

Mr Marston chuckled again. “Alright alright, ya twisted my arm.” He lay back down on the cot, using both hands to lift his bad leg up and onto it.

You heaved a sigh of relief and smiled. “How’s that wound of yours?” You moved closer to this side to properly inspect it.

Mr Marston waved a hand dismissively. “I’m fine, I just need to…” He sighed heavily. “Wallow in self pity for a little longer.”

You hummed. “I’m familiar with that feeling.” You said softly with a small smile. “And if anyone here is entitled to feeling like that then it’s definitely you. You went through a lot out there.”

Mr Marston snorted. “I wouldn’t say that. I just…” He trailed off, and you waited for him to finish. But instead he sighed and turned away. “You go on and help everyone else. I’ll be fine.”

“Are you sure?”

“Positive.”

You bit your bottom lip, reluctant to leave. But it was what he wanted, and you had to respect that. “Just think, before long, we’ll be warm again.” You said brightly as you left. “At least then it’ll be far more pleasant for you in bed.”

You thought you heard a soft chuckle as you closed the door, but you couldn’t be sure.

That night, most of the men returned from the train-most, because Mr Morgan had been notably absent, on account of him being left to deal with the remaining train guards and send the train back on it’s way.

The robbery had been very successful, producing a number of expensive items, stacks of money, and best of all, bearer bonds. You had no doubt that Mr Van Der Linde and Mr Matthews would be able to find a buyer for them.

It wasn’t until the next day, when Mr Morgan finally returned with Gladys, that you were all able to finally leave Colter.

You heaved a sigh of relief when you saw Mr Morgan return and allowed herself to smile. Your smile grew when Gladys trotted over to you the second Mr Morgan was off her, clearly not wanting to spend any more time with him.

“You’re going to have to learn how to deal with him.” You reminded her when she nudged your shoulder. You gave her a face a quick stroke before going back to loading up one of the wagons. Or, at least, trying to. You were trying to stack a crate into the back of one of the covered wagons, but it was becoming very clear very quickly that you were sorely lacking when it came to upper body strength.

“Hey, lemme help with that.”

You jumped, surprised, and turned to see one of the men approach you. He was large, larger than Mr Morgan, with a thick dark brown beard and a heavy brown coat. You had seen him join Mr Van Der Linde on the train robbery, and while the two of you hadn’t been formally introduced yet, by going through the process of elimination, you guessed that it was Mr Williamson. “Thank you.” You said. “Mr Williamson right?”

He nodded, looking a little surprised. “Yeah, that’s me.”

“Well it’s very kind of you to help me Mr Williamson.” You crouched, digging your hands under one end of the crate so that you had a good grip on it. “You can take the other side.”

“I don’t mind taking the whole thing.”

You shook your head. “I insist Mr Williamson. We’re all supposed to help, and I would feel bad if I left you to do this by yourself.”

Mr Williamson gave you a strange look, but he conceded and took hold of the other end of the crate, lifting it with extreme ease, and putting it into the wagon without you really having to do anything. “Thank you.” You said. “You’re very strong Mr Williamson.”

Mr Williamson’s face was red, most likely from the cold. “It-it’s nothin’.” He cleared his throat. “We should uh, get the rest of this done.”

You nodded. “Of course.”

The two of you were able to fill up the wagon quickly, although of course you would attribute that to Mr Williamson’s far superior strength. By the end of it you smiled gratefully at him. “Thank you so much Mr Williamson! I really do appreciate the help.”

Mr Williamson looked down and cleared his throat. “It uh...it ain’t nothin’.”

“[Name]!”

You and Mr Williamson both jumped, turning to see Sadie staring both of you down. “We need you for something [Name].”

“Coming Sadie!” You turned to Mr Williamson and smiled. “Thank you again Mr Williamson.” You took hold Gladys’s reins and lead her with you as you made your way to Sadie. “Yes? What do you need?”

“Hitch Gladys to this wagon.” She said. “Then you can help load it.”

You did as you were told, and you were relieved to see that Gladys needed little encouragement to behave and was actually doing what was asked of her for once. After that, you helped her and some of the other women load up the wagon, thankfully with things that were much easier to lift. Out of the corner of your eye you saw that Mr Smith and Miss Roberts were helping Mr Marston into another covered wagon. You winced a little at the way Mr Marston moved, he was clearly still in a lot of pain and you felt horrible for him.

‘We’ll be off the mountain soon.’ You kept telling yourself. ‘And then he can get proper help.’

Within the hour you were all on your way down from the mountain, away from Colter, back to civilization. You sat with the other ladies in the wagon that Gladys was helping to pull, with Miss Grimsahw at the reins.

“Can’t wait until we’re warm again.” Miss Jackson said with a shiver. “Won’t be keeping myself awake with my teeth chattering.”

“I’ve been meaning to talk to you about that.” Miss Jones said teasingly, causing the rest of you to laugh.

You sat across from Miss Roberts and Jack, both of whom looked equal parts excited and anxious, especially Jack. You smiled kindly at them and leaned forward to put a hand on Miss Roberts’s knee. “Once we’re down from the mountain we can take Mr Marston to a proper doctor.” You said softly. “And he can get the proper help he needs.”

Miss Roberts sighed. “I hope so.” She stroked her son’s hair tenderly, smiling down at him before looking up at you. “I wanted to thank you for helping to take care of him. You didn’t have to do that.”

“Of course I did.” You said kindly. “After everything you all have done for Sadie and I, it’s the absolute least I could’ve done.” You smiled widely at her. “And even if I didn’t know any of you, I still would’ve done it.”

The other women seemed surprised to hear that, and exchanged glances.

“You really are too kind.” Miss Roberts said, trying to smile back despite how tired and haggard she is.

In this lighting, she truly could’ve been your mother, and it made you squeeze her knee again. “We’ll be ok.” You said.

(A part of you pretended that you truly were saying that to your mother. You didn’t think she heard it enough when she was still around.)

#john marston x reader #arthur morgan x reader #red dead fic #red dead x reader #red dead redemption fic #fic: how the light gets in

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rap541 · 6 years

Text

A very Matthew and Mary Christmas to you from your Secret Santa at the Matthew Review!

(Gift receiver’s note- This was written for me by the lovely thematthewreview and promises to be continued! Also there’s DINOSAURS, which I adore! Such a lovely M/M Secret Santa gift!

DECEMBER 1998. Provost’s Hall, University of West Yorkshire.

Dr. Matthew Crawley, in his 11th year on the economics faculty at the University of West Yorkshire, had gotten a substantial bonus that Christmas from the school’s president, Dr. Robert Grantham. Dr. Grantham knew that somehow he was holding a brilliant scholar back from fulfilling his potential - he might have been setting public policy for Britain, but for a teaching post in a middling institution in the North, surely. But Matthew was a devoted family man as well as an academic, with a pretty wife, an eight year old boy, and two daughters, one four years old and the other a toddler just out of nappies.

‘You’ve had a busy year, Matt,’ Grantham said, clapping the younger fellow on the shoulder. 'Your book came out, you helped in the search process for Merriman over there. I hope this is enough for a nice, quiet vacation for you, Mary and the kids.’

'This is incredibly generous of you, though, sir,’ Matthew said, still reeling inside at the size of a cheque large enough to pay for a prudently managed two week trip to a resort somewhere.

But the elder knew it would be good for the younger, and spoke almost confidentially now:

'You’d like some time off, though, wouldn’t you, Crawley? Go ahead. Come back refreshed after spring break! Hug the kids, and say hallo to Mary, there’s a good chap. Now off you go home for Christmas. You have just one assignment, to go over holiday brochures.’

'I will, Robert. And thank you so much again!’

NEW YEAR’S DAY, 1998

'Rawr! RAWR!’ George made a little snarl, making a plastic tyrannosaurus rex chase a somewhat battered action figure (only slightly out of scale) around on the living room carpet. 'You’re going to be delicious! Rawwwwrrrr!’

Little Violet Crawley reached for some of the other brightly coloured new toys closest to her brother, knocking down a raptor striped in orange and red and knocking a puce green apatosaurus nearly a foot away, grabbing the grey brachiosaurus by its long neck. George turned his big eyes upon his sister, grabbed the raptor, and glared at her, bringing the trinkets in his hands to face her. He then raised his voice in a louder

'RRRRRAWWWWRRRRRRR!’

Violet began to cry, and little Belle woke up startled from a nap in her dozing mother’s arms. Dad had been watching, looking up every so often from the Financial Times.

'George Matthew Crawley, you apologize to your sister this instant,’ Matthew insisted in the low, stern tone the lad feared more than any animal noise.

'But, Dad, she took my dinosaur!’ came the boy’s petulant complaint.

'I mean it, George. I’d rather not take those away for a week so soon after Christmas Day,’ Matthew replied evenly.

'Oh, all right. I’m sorry, Violet.’

The little girl’s sobbing lessened.

'You pwomise?’

'I promise. You can play with my raptor, too, okay? It’s more fun with two.’

Matthew and Mary, pleased with that exchange, filed it in their memories to be discussed after bedtime came.

LATER THAT NIGHT

Now tuckered out enough to retire themselves about 2 hours after they had put the kids to bed, the handsome professor and his main squeeze got under the covers, and then he turned out the lights. Still definitely enough in love that sleepy kisses drizzled over several moments were their way of saying good night, they let themselves sink into each other’s arms, engulfed in Egyptian cotton and down.

'Matt?’ Mary spoke in a hushed tone.

'Yes, darling?’

'That was very sweet of George to let Violet play with his toys, wasn’t it?’

'It was, at that…’ he smiled, the warmth of his voice suggesting his expression in the darkness.

'Even if he’s been eating, sleeping and breathing dinosaurs ever since that movie came out…’

The one Matthew and Mary had to take their son to because a few of the characters got eaten by those animatronic beasts. They’d liked the approach to the story, though they would have liked more of the moral tale…

'Oh, I can understand raptors, though,’ came the husband’s sweet tone.

'You do, Dr. Crawley?’ his bride of nine years drawled in that appealing, familiar way that never failed to lead him on.

'Yes, indeed�� I learned that the word “raptor” comes from the same Latin word as “rapture” does…’

'Yes, darling?’

'… to seize and sweep away. Like a peregrine, like a gyrfalcon, if you prefer.’

'How about like a snuggly creepy-Crawley? I like those kind best…’

'You catch on well…’ Matthew observed. 'Now then… rawwwwwwrrrrrrrr. Rawwwwrrrrrrrrrrr… oh, just raaaaawwwwrrrrrrrr, my darling.’

A honeyed sound, said in happy families like these to mean 'I love you’ in dinosaur. Ah, who is the raptor, and who their prey? It is the eternal question…

THE NEXT MORNING

Now, Matt having - eventually - slept on the wonderful possibilities of taking his family on holiday, he looked over some brochures as he drank his morning coffee at half past six, narrowing his choices down to the places that were the most relaxing, the most beautiful and with the most fun in it for the kids.

'Got the flyers out again, I see,’ Mary uttered as she brought dry toast, butter and marmalade to the kitchen table. 'Anything stand out from the others?’

'Oh, a couple of nice locations,’ Matthew replied. 'I’m thinking Dorset, Devon, maybe Cornwall; on a budget, of course.’

'That’s my Matthew. Oh, remember, by the way, school fees are due for George next week.’

'I have it on the calendar, darling.’

'When’s our holiday on the calendar, then?’

'In the middle of March, after the winter doldrums set in,’ he replied. 'Good time to get away…’

'And George will be on Easter break, and Violet still won’t have started school yet. Good,’ said Mary. 'We just need to make sure there will be enough for the kids to do.’

A FEW WEEKS LATER

Matthew had decided that they would go to the Heritage Coast, and stay in Lyme Regis, where the Easter Bonnet Parade, an aquarium, a museum, fossil hunting and the Cobb made up a list of major attractions. History and literature also played parts in his choice, as he thought it charming to see places associated with famous authors, Lord Admiral Nelson and the little collie, Lassie. The time was nigh to book a place to stay, and he found a small hotel in the northern part of town, the Seashell Inn. Children were welcome and ate breakfast for free. Why not? He rang up this Mr. Henry Talbot, the proprietor, and got an answer after a few rings.

'763904. Seashell Inn, Tony Gillingham here at your service….’

Easy enough to book a suite for a family of five, and Matthew was able to report to Mary as they did the dishes that night that the Crawleys now had a place to stay in Lyme Regis.

#matthew x mary #mary x matthew #m/m secret santa 2017 #submission

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lucacangettathisass · 5 years

Text

how the light gets in (ch.7)

SUMMARY: After your home is ransacked by a group of strange men, you and your cousin are taken in by a group of outlaws. And that’s when the trouble really starts.

PAIRINGS: John Marston x Fem!Reader, Arthur Morgan x Fem!Reader

CHAPTER ONE, CHAPTER TWO, CHAPTER THREE, CHAPTER FOUR, CHAPTER FIVE, CHAPTER SIX

TAGGING: @mountainhymn if you would like to be added to the tag list lmk!

NOTES: aayyyeee another update! man this leave is doing wonders for this fic lmao. slight tw for low self esteem, it’s only one incident bust just to be sure! as always please Reblog and be sure to send me any comments and questions you may have! have a nice day!

There was fire everywhere.

No matter where you looked you were met with flames so hot that you felt all the moisture in your mouth dry up with a single hacking breath, and the metal of your locket melting into your skin, becoming a part of your flesh.

You tried to run, but the flames were everywhere, obscuring your vision so badly you couldn’t even tell where you were. You brought your hands to your eyes, wiping away the tears, trying to find some way to see clearly. When you opened your eyes, you could just make out a silhouette among the flames, standing completely still.

Elated at seeing someone else, and terrified for their safety, you rushed to them. You couldn’t remember ever being able to run that fast, it felt like you were flying.

“You need to get out!” You somehow managed to force the words out of your smoke clogged throat, if it was only just a strangled sounding cry, sounding like a particularly sick cat. “You-”

The silhouette turned, and you froze in place.

Standing before you amidst the flames, was Jake.

His hair seemed lighter in the light of the fire. His eyes were empty, containing only reflections of the flames surrounding you both.

“JAKE!”

You tried desperately to run to him, but with each breath he seemed to be getting further and further away. You helplessly held out your hands, hoping that if you stretched hard enough, you would be able to grab some part of him.

Then, all at once, you were in front of him.

The flames still raged, but you could no longer feel the heat.

Head spinning and stomaching flipping, you gripped Jake’s shirt, staring up at him with wide eyes. “Jake! Where’s Sadie? We need-” You stopped mid sentence when you a drop of blood fell on your cheek.

You watched in horror as blood began to flow out of Jake’s mouth, like a waterfall. Holes appeared in his forehead and stomach, dark and gnarled around the edges and spilling just as much blood.

Within seconds you were knee deep in Jake’s blood.

You screamed, clawing at Jake’s shirt, trying to get a grip so that you might climb onto him and he would put his arms around you, like when you were a child.

But he remained still, and when you looked into his eyes, you saw your tear streaked face, mouth open to let out your horrified screams.

You woke with a start, heart pounding.

You whipped your head around and held your breath, expecting to see flames.

But there weren’t any.

Everything was fine and normal, because it had all been a horrible nightmare, and now you were awake and back in Colter.

“You ok?”

With a slight jump, you turned to see Sadie looking at you with worry. You glanced around and saw the other women had more or less the same expression.

Face flushing, you nodded quickly. “Of course.” Your voice sounded strangled, like in your nightmare, and you coughed to try and clear your throat.

As your heart slowed and the biting cold chased away the dream memories of the searing flames, you saw from the corner of your eye Sadie shifting closer to you. “What happened?” She asked, and you knew it would be pointless to pretend you were ok.

“I just...I had a bad dream.” You instinctively moved closer to Sadie’s side, leaning against her as she puts an arm around you. “I’ll be fine.”

For a while the two of you sit together in silence. You thought back to your childhood, where most days you would run into Sadie’s arms, sobbing over how one of the local children had tormented you. It was apparently a favoured hobby of theirs. In this moment, you felt the same kind of helplessness and despair that you had felt all those years ago. You thought you had grown out of it, but clearly not.

You brought your fingers to your locket, and wished that your mother was there to give some kind of guidance and comfort. Of course you knew that was pointless, what physical comfort could the dead provide after all?

You were pulled out of your melancholy by the arrival of food, brought in by Mr Matthews, Mr Pearson and, to your surprise, Mr Escuella.

While the older men went to the other women, Mr Esceulla approached you and Sadie, bowls of stew in each hand. “Hope you haven’t gotten sick of venison yet.”

You sat up straight, quickly smiling as you took both bowls, handing one to Sadie. “Of course not.” You assured him. “Thank you Mr Escuella.”

You expected him to leave with Mr Matthews and Mr Pearson, but he sat in front of the fire instead. Deciding that it wasn’t your place to question his whims, you began to eat, all too aware of the cold stare Sadie was sending Mr Escuella.

Now that you were able to get a closer look at him, you found Mr Escuella to be good looking. He kept his hair in a ponytail, which was something you were unused to seeing on men, but it suited him rather well. His finely trimmed facial hair indicated a sense of pride in his appearance and that he took care of himself. This was something you were used to seeing, but only in polite society, and it had never before occurred to you that outlaws and the like could be as well groomed as that crowd, but this whole experience was doing a lot to alter your previous world views.

“You settling in ok?”

His question brought you back to earth, and you nodded, still smiling. “Yes, everyone has been very kind and accommodating. Thank you.”

Mr Escuella snorted. “Not everyone.”

You furrowed your brow. “I’m afraid I don’t understand.”

“I was talking about Micah.” The tone Mr Escuella used indicated that while they were in the same gang, there didn’t appear to be any kind of friendship between Mr Escuella and Mr Bell. Of course, the interaction they had while you were checking up on Mr Marston was a decent indicator of that too. “Listen, like I said, he’s a jackass. If he gives you any trouble tell one of us ok? Most of us don’t like him so we won’t mind shoving a boot up his ass.”

To say you were surprised would be an understatement. The other women, mainly Miss Jones, had also told you to confide in them should the men prove annoying, and you of course knew that Sadie would be more than willing to lend an ear (and no doubt fist), but to hear one of the men, especially one that appeared to be as well respected and esteemed as Mr Escuella, say such a thing took you aback.

“It’s really fine Mr Escuella.” You assured him. “I didn’t take any offence to what he said.” In truth, you still didn’t know what he had meant. Sadie apparently did, but she still didn’t explain it to you, and you thought better of asking, lest it upset her.

“Still, it would be nice to have an excuse to knock him on his ass.” Mr Escuella pulled out a cigarette case, a rather fine looking one, and opened it, pulling one out. “You want one?” He extended the case to you.

“Oh no, I don’t smoke.” You smiled, feeling yourself warm at Mr Escuella’s friendliness. “But thank you.”

Mr Escuella nodded. “What about you?” His gaze shifted to Sadie.

She remained silent, only eating and glowering at Mr Escuella.

“Alright.” Apparently unfazed, Mr Escuella returned the cigarette case to his pocket, and pulled out a match. He struck it against the heel of his boot and lit his cigarette, tossing it into the fire.

The flames stuttered a little, and you flinched.

If Mr Escuella noticed, he didn’t react. “You did a good job with John.” He took a puff on his cigarette. “The stitches look real clean.”

A flush came to your cheeks, and your smile grew. “That’s very kind of you to say Mr Escuella.”

“Where did you learn to do that?” He looked you up and down. “You don’t seem like the type to get into scrapes with wild animals.”

“No, but an old friend of mine is.” You laughed lightly. “He loves to hunt, and has more boldness than sense, which isn’t a good combination. He would get wounded so often that learning how to tend to those kinds of injuries properly became something of a necessity.”

Mr Escuella chuckled, the sound coming from deep in his chest, and you bloomed with pride knowing that you did that. “Yeah, that’ll do it.” He took another drag. “Where’s he?”

“Russia.”

Mr Escuella raised a brow. “That’s pretty far.”

“His parents wanted him to return home.” You explained. “They felt he had spent enough time here.”

A pensive look came over Mr Escuella’s face. “Yeah. It can be hard being away from family.”

You remembered what the other women had told you about Mr Escuella, how he had more or less been forced into exile for rebelling against the government, leaving his family behind. He hadn’t seen them in years, and their fates were a mystery to him, just as his was to them. That was a despair that you knew was heavier than most. You wanted to say something, maybe even touch his arm or shoulder, but there was too much space between the two of you, both physically and in the sense of status, for you to properly do so. And of course Sadie.

“So what else did you boys find at that O’Driscoll camp, aside from the one we got in the barn?”

Everyone turned to Miss Jones, who was looking eagerly at Mr Escuella.

“Explosives and plans for what was supposed to be their next big robbery.” Mr Escuella sounded rather smug, and you didn’t blame him. You imagined it would’ve been quite the feat. “We must’ve killed a couple dozen of them, but it looks like it’s going to be worth it, because now we’re the ones who’re gonna be robbing Leviticus Cornwall.”

“Mr Cornwall?” You raised your eyebrows and you could almost feel your ears physically perk up at the name. “You’re going to rob Mr Cornwall?”

“Well not him directly, just one of his trains.” Mr Escuella took a drag of his cigarette, regarding you with a curious gaze. “Sounds like you know him.”

“Oh, well, not really.” You felt your face flush again, but this time it was embarrassment rather than happiness. “I only met him once a few years ago, but he left a rather distinct impression. I’ve seen him a small handful of times since, but we never spoke for very long.”

Mr Escuella seemed pensive again as he nodded. “Well, I better get back to the rest of the guys.” He rose to his feet, taking one last puff of his cigarette before it too was tossed into the fire, adding a slight tobacco scent to the air. He turned to you. “Like I said, if Micah gives you any trouble, just get one of us and we’ll take care of it.”

“I’m sure that won’t be necessary Mr Escuella, but thank you all the same.”

He nodded, his expression clearly showing that he didn’t believe that all, and left the cabin.

“Looks like Javier’s got his eye on you.” Miss Gaskill said teasingly.

You stared at her with wide eyes and flushed cheeks. “Don’t be ridiculous! I’m sure he was just being kind.”

“Oh yeah, Javier’s real good at being kind, especially to women.” Miss Jackson added, before bursting into giggles along with Miss Gaskill.

“Leave it alone you two.” Miss Roberts interjected, although she too seemed rather amused. “You’re gonna scare her.”

“If he tries anything he’ll be the one that’s scared.” Sadie said gruffly, which only made Miss Gaskill and Miss Jackson laugh harder.

“Oh Javier’s harmless, really.” Miss Roberts said. “I mean, he likes women well enough, but he’s respectful too.”

“He’d better be.” Sadie glowered at the fire.

“Sadie please, he really was just being friendly.” You said, in an attempt to calm her. Really, you did find the idea of Mr Escuella finding you attractive to be not just laughable, but utterly impossible.

Since when did good looking, well groomed men like him show any interest in ugly girls like you?

You were in the middle of hearing Miss Roberts regale the story of Jack’s first steps, which was funny as it was adorable, when you all received another visitor.

At first you didn’t look up, as you were too wrapped up in the story to really care about anything else, until you heard your name being called. When you did look up, you saw that Mr Escuella had returned, and everyone was looking at you.

Immediately you felt the hairs on the back of your neck stand on end. You had no idea what was going one, but you doubted that it was good. “Is everything alright Mr Escuella?” You asked, trying to remain calm to hide how scared you really were.

“Dutch and Hosea want to talk with you.” He said.

You felt your throat and lungs constrict like in your dream as every worst possible scenario ran through your mind.

“What do they want with her?” Sadie was on her feet and wasted no time in getting to your side, glaring fiercely at Mr Escuella. “She hasn’t done anything!”

“It’s nothing bad.” Mr Escuella said reassuringly, no doubt seeing how badly things could go if he wasn’t careful. “They just want to talk. That’s all.”

Swallowing thickly, you slowly rose to your feet. “A-Alright.”

“I’m coming with her.” Sadie said firmly, still shooting daggers.

“I don’t think that would be a good idea.” Mr Escuella sounded hesitant, and you didn’t blame him, with the way Sadie was looking at him. “Look, she’s going to be fine. Nothing will happen to her, you have my word.”

“Why should the word of a criminal matter to me?” Sadie hissed.

The atmosphere became tense, and you felt your heart pound against your rib cage.

“She won’t be going far.” Mr Escuella said, calm yet firm. “Just a few yards, if that. If anything happens to her, you can do what you like to me.”

Sadie continued to glare.

“She’ll be fine Mrs Adler.” Miss Grimshaw spoke up, clearly seeing that this wasn’t going to go anywhere without outside interference. “Just let her go. She’ll be fine.”

Sadie clenched her jaw, and for a moment you wondered if she was going to argue. But she didn’t.

Tentatively, you approached Mr Escuella. Out of the corner of your eye you saw Sadie try to reach for you, but Miss Roberts grabbed her wrist just in time. You tried to remain calm, despite feeling distinctly like a rabbit in the jaws of a wolf.

Mr Escuella held the door open for you, and when you were both out in the cold you let him lead you to Mr Matthews and Mr Van Der Linde.

“You’re really not in any trouble, I promise.” He said.

You nodded. “I’m sorry about Sadie.”

To your immense surprise, Mr Escuella chuckled. “Ah, don’t worry about it.” He said, and he sounded very genuine. “Listen, I get where she’s coming from. If I was in her place, I wouldn’t want you out of my sight either.”

An immense wave of relief washed over you, and you were even able to smile. “Thank you for being so understanding.”

Mr Escuella smiled. “Don’t worry about it kid.” His voice was kind, almost gentle, and you felt yourself becoming more and more endeared to him.

Just as he said, the house where Mr Matthews and Mr Van Der Linde had moved into wasn’t that far, making Sadie’s concern seem like a major overreaction. And just like before, Mr Escuella held the door open for you.

“Thank you Mr Escuella.”

You stepped inside, and was greeted by a burst of heat. For a moment, you held your breath.

“Here she is Dutch, Hosea.”

The two men looked up, and you saw that they were sitting in front of a contained fireplace, and you were able to quell your fears.

Mr Matthews smiled kindly at you. “Are you cold? You can come closer to the fire if you like.”

You eyed the dancing flames, feeling your heart rate spike. “I’m fine Mr Matthews.”

“Well if you change your mind, just take a seat.” Mr Matthews gestured to an empty chair off in a corner, beside a doorway, where Mr Morgan suddenly appeared.

“Oh, Mr Morgan!” You didn’t know he had taken up residence in the same house as Mr Matthews and Mr Van Der Linde, and seeing him made your face flush from surprise. “How are you?”

“Fine.” He was regarding you curiously. “So, I hear you know Leviticus Cornwall.”

For a moment, you were so wrapped up in your surprise, that you didn’t realize what he had said. “Oh well, I-I wouldn’t say that I know him.” You looked back over at Mr Matthews and Mr Van Der Linde. “Is that what this is about?”

“Yes.” Mr Van Der Linde’s eyes roamed over you, and he had the same look of curiosity as Mr Morgan. “Javier told us you met him once, and that he made quite the impression.”

“I-Well yes, that is true.” You kept your eyes on Mr Van Der Linde, although you couldn’t ignore Mr Morgan’s gaze, or the heat that rose up your neck because of it.

“Now see, that is what interested me.” Mr Van Der Linde smiled in a way that you couldn’t quite describe. “How did that happen?”

You hesitated. “Well, it’s a bit of a long story.”

“We ain’t goin anywhere.” Mr Morgan was leaning against the doorframe, the collar of his heavy blue coat partially obscuring his face, and making his already striking eyes even more disarming. “So go on.”

“Don’t rush her Arthur.” Mr Matthews gently scolded. “I’m very sorry about him, he forgets how to behave sometimes.”

“Th-there’s no need for apologies Mr Matthews.” You were only just able to tear your gaze away from Mr Morgan to look at Matthews when you spoke, but you still felt his eyes on you.

The feeling of being a rabbit in a wolf’s mouth had returned, but it was...different, somehow. Tinged with something you couldn’t name.

“Well, if you truly wish to know…” You trailed off, looking from Mr Matthews to Mr Van Der Linde and back again.

“We most certainly do.” Mr Van Der Linde replied, looking very eager.

You sighed. You supposed that they were all going to find out eventually, might as well make it now.

#john marston x reader #arthur morgan x reader #red dead x reader #red dead fanfic #red dead redemption fanfic #fic: how the light gets in

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