#the scene im in rn for my thesis
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i have 5 final projects due in the next two weeks and three of them are due on the same day lmao. lmao. lmao.
#writing out that it's only 5 does actually make it feel better lol it felt a lot worse when it was nebulous#ohhhh i have so many projects-no. you have 5. you can handle it.#of course. thesis which is the biggest and most important. is due first.#which is great on one hand bc it means I won't be stressed abt it when the three are due three days later#but uh. i haven't touched those three things. literally.#one of them i have half a paragraph and a half assed outline#the other two i Literally havent started. anyway#being a graduating senior is stressfull <3 I'm also applying to jobs. i auditioned for one acts which is so fun I love my one act I'm havin#having fun. but also it adds stress to my schedule bc I have rehearsals and tech and performances next week also. when four of my five#final projects are due#and then i graduate. and im in the real world. and nobody has responded to my job applications yet. screams.#anyway if u read this far i love you <3 peace and love on planet earth I'm truly doing fine and I will be better once I finish#the scene im in rn for my thesis#every other project is soooo easy it's almost silly it's just thesis making me feel like I'm dying when I let myself dwell#so dwell i shan't goodbye i am off to rehearsal and then I shall finish my thesis
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local girl did work for three minutes straight without stopping to listen to music for 45 minutes. 15 dead 11 injure d
#ramblings of a lunatic#why!!!is!!!writing!!!so!!!difficult!!!rn!!!!!!!!!#im being VERY brave about it but still#its fine its fine im almost done with the intro to ep 3 (gonna finish the base of the scene today b4 tweaking and planning the part tomorr)#*tomorrow#well maybe not tomorrow. i have to be up early tomorrow. but u get the idea#and THEN when i have the opening all donezo i get to go redraft episode 1 to my liking (theres like. 3-ish? changes by scene count?-#-and probably just dialogue/characterization tweaks across the board. as much as i wanna im leaving the actual plot points in tact-#-bc if i dont i'll be here until i turn to stone!)#and THEN i get to do an actual redraft/iron-over of episode 2#(one scene needs to be added for thematic relevance and i gotta keep it short then i gotta redraft one scene to have better dialogue-#-then i gotta fix up some ending bits and add a better thesis statement to the penultimate scene-#-and THEN i gotta redraft the very last scene so it seques better into episode 3!)#and when all thats done then im gonna try and knuckle down for the next few months to get ep 3 done#aiming for late december deadline...we'll see what happens#u guys hold me to that. if it's jan 1st and theres no 3rd enterprise script feel free to send me anon hate /hj
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cielo.......cielo, cielo.......four parts of Godmaker (including the prologue) has been out, four times I have cried myself to a 3 hour long power nap. There's just something about the way you write. Pulls me in and drowns me in your world. I'm not exaggerating, your writing style genuinely shakes me up (in a good way ofc).
When I started reading Godmaker, I had jujutsu kaisen's gojo satoru in mind. It was supposed to be a different take with satoru in center. But somewhere down the line everything just washed away and all I see now is YOUR gojo satoru. The way YOU built him. YOU wrote him. Satoru is just a name for me now, the character is completely yours. And please allow me to say how big of a feat that is. I'm not a writer, I'm not even remotely involved with creative writing. But taking an already established character and making me forget the established backgrounds and all??? Even I know that's huge. You're an amazing writer cielo, I hope you know that.
I wish I could pick one favorite part of this chapter but i just can't. It was just too good, start to finish. Oh my god. Reader is WRETCHED but honestly, I don't think I'd be any better given the chance lol. And gojo satoru.....I'm keeping my mouth shut about him cause all I can say rn is [incoherent noise]. You're amazing for writing every character so beautifully.
Waiting every week for this is worth it. Many love cielo, and take care💕 Sorry the ask got so long shdhdhdh
anon this is soooo 😭😭 i'll CRYYY. thank you so much WOW. im sorry for making you cry into three hour long naps LMAO but this is so so kind of you to say.
i was really worried that i was taking too many liberties with gojo. actually, the initial inception of this fic (and i have quite a few scrapped scenes of it) alternated to gojo's POV as well and dealt very heavily with his parents, too. it paralleled reader's parents greatly and her struggle with them. it featured gojo's mom quite a bit. but i thought that was TOO much liberty on his character + the fic is already too long LMAO and that would've made it at least five chapters longer lol and i just....can't. i would lose my mind. i also figured people didn't want to read 30k of my Thesis about how i Think gojo might've been raised?? lol??? i was overwhelmed by it at first too. HOWEVER, we will still get a gojo POV chapter in the interlude since i think showing a bit of his perspective IS important to the story. also its a little nod to myself and the initial concept, where gojo had a much larger POV and arc alongside the reader.
but gosh, thank you!! reader is a wretched little thing. everyone has called her that and i love it lol i am just really enjoying leaning into awful readers. i have quite a few more ideas in mind for some Wretched Ones with different characters.
but THANK YOU again. it means so much to me! pls never apologize for the ask being long, it seriously means the world to me!! i hope you had a wonderful weekend and a good week ahead of you!! much love back to you 💕💕
#thank you again!!#i am so excited and happy to be sharing this with you!#wishing you well friend!!#cielo chats!
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ok you dinks. here’s my thesis in defense of my needlessly picky needs for a product i will eventually have to make myself. you need to understand first that i am completely untethered from reality and have monetary expectations that cannot be met but i will goddamn get it as close as i can to my ideal price. this is about the PRINCIPLE of the thing (in addition to the fact that im not paying full price on a product im not going to be fully happy with)
RULE #1: ULTIMATELY THIS THING IS JUST A NUMPAD/KEYBOARD
there is no way in hell im paying for a stream deck or some shit with LED screens. 30-40 dollars is a reasonable price for something that isn’t a full sized keyboard but is also a specialty product. 50 dollars i start to narrow my eyes and grumble. i will not go past 75
“bea why don’t you just get a keypad then” because i dont want a keypad. i want a product that should exist. i found fucking QUAKE buttons before i found art ones. QUAKE. FUCKING QUAKE.
RULE #2: FINGER-FEEL
this one’s entirely on me lol. listen man, if my left hand is going to be glued to this thing, im going to be touching buttons all the time. and if im touching buttons all the time and i feel sticker edges im going to make myself crazy. this is my needlessly picky demand that i will cop to being a little ridiculous. but i know whats wrong with me so im not going to go through all the time and effort to just create a device that pisses me off.
RULE #3: THEY DON’T HAVE TO BE THE LITERAL ART SYMBOLS BUT THEY DO HAVE TO BE SYMBOLS
listen, i already have numbers and F keys assigned to things in my brain. im running out of room. i need to either have a paint bucket key or like a rain drop or a honeycomb or SOMETHING representative even if it’s really abstract. just something to differentiate the functions enough for me to build the associations i need.
problem 1: individual key caps are expensive
problem 2: doubly so if you try print/make your own. a printer will also take a VERY long time (the keyboard modding scene is in disarray rn bc of supply chain issues and afaik things have never been very good) and making your own necessitates a cricut (for efficiency) which as far as im concerned is destined to be very expensive paperweight someday soon.
problem 3: this product exists. not only does it exist it exists for a reasonable price. cooler master sold photoshop keycaps for 20 bucks. and they’re like fucking perfect
sold. because they’ve been perpetually sold out for years, as far as i can tell, with no plans to restock. they’re still on the website though. taunting me, just out of reach.
RULE #4: IF I HAVE TO BUY RELEGENDABLE CAPS ILL JUST BUY A BLANK NUMPAD AND FUCK IT
im not doing all of that. i have things to do. like play video games or argue with my cat. the time to effort payoff ratio for something i objectively won’t be happy with is too much.
i dont really need people to suggest solutions (though i do appreciate them!) bc i am perfectly willing to die mad about this. im just pissed off this somehow isn’t a mass marketed runaway success idea that’s so obvious no one would think to suggest it. why can i buy counterstrike buttons but not an “undo” one.
grrr growl grr whatever. i’ll survive until more stuff pops up or i think of something else.
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So you've already let out some interesting trickles of your opinion here and there, but what do you think of Ozpin as a character?
w– well—
i will try to be brief
first: feel like i gotta preface by emphasizing that my reading of the gods is that they are, unequivocally, evil monsters who pose a dire existential threat to humanity and i fully expect them to return to the story as villains; obv this influences how i read both salem and oz. i categorically disagree with any interpretation of the story that requires taking what the gods say at face value.
with that out of the way:
im OBSESSED with the tension, the unreconcilable conflict between what he wants and the task he never wanted but feels no choice in fulfilling; like, fundamentally ozma is The Chosen One except 1. he never wanted to be and only said yes so he could be with salem, 2. the task he was ostensibly chosen to do is literally impossible, and 3. the actual reason the god of light picked HIM is almost certainly to punish salem, to hurt her in retaliation for her defiance.
and—god help me i'm gonna try to cliff notes my lost fable thesis—i think where a lot of analysis and fan meta on the subject of oz / salem / the brothers falls down is making one of two assumptions, either that the god of light is benevolent or that the gods have hypocritically violated their own rules. (sometimes both)
the first assumption outright cannot be true, because this:
SALEM: Why spend our lives trying to redeem these humans, when we can replace them with what they could never be?
is treated as salem's moral event horizon, and the [apparent*] implication that she considers modern humans inferior on the basis of their not having magic is so horrific that ozma leaves immediately and dedicates the next few thousand years of his existence to finding a way to destroy her—and in the same episode, only a few minutes before this occurs, we hear the god of light say this:
LIGHT: Mankind is no more, yet your world remains, and in time, your kind will grow to walk its face once again. However, without our presence, they will be but a fraction of what they once were.
and this:
LIGHT: If your kind has learned to live in harmony with one another and set aside their differences, then we shall once again live among you, and humanity will be made whole again; but if your kind is unchanged, if you demand our blessings while still fighting amongst yourselves, then man will be found irredeemable and your world will be wiped from existence.
there is zero ambiguity here. the god of light thinks humans are inferior—broken!—without the gods, and if they cannot overcome their basic natures to wash themselves clean of the perceived crimes of their extinct predecessors he'll, at best, stand aside to observe while his brother slaughters them all. again.
[*i have my own thoughts about how jinn constructs this scene and what salem did or did not actually mean, and about what's going on in the lost fable generally, but that's a tangent long enough to break tumblr if i follow it rn.]
anyway,
the second assumption similarly fails because in order for the gods to violate the rules they set for humankind they must first consider themselves subject to those rules, and they blatantly do not. the divine rules concerning the balance of life and death are self-evidently not there to preserve an intrinsic cosmic order, they're one of the variables the gods agreed upon during their first experiment with humankind. that experiment has ended. now they've devised a new one, using different variables. it is clear from the way both of them behave towards humanity and each other that as far as they're concerned they are beholden only to the terms of their mutual agreement—not to the divine law they impose on their creations.
which is to say, they're not hypocrites. they're just tyrants.
and that brings me to the crux of the issue, which is this: the gods do not care whether humankind is united or not. they didn't eradicate humanity for fighting among themselves; they slaughtered every single person on the planet because humanity rebelled. the important piece of the ultimatum, the criteria that will truly matter if the day of judgment comes, is this: "if your kind is unchanged, if you demand our blessings, [...] then man will be found irredeemable."
the ultimatum is obey us, or die.
everything else is a smokescreen.
i think salem understands this. i think in his heart of hearts ozma knows it too, but it scares him so much and he's buried it so, so deep that by the time he became ozpin it was almost gone, but like—ultimately i think this the root cause of a lot of his choices, as ozpin and as every reincarnation stretching all the way back to the catastrophic fall of the ozlem kingdom. the secrets. the lies. the conspiracy. the enshrining of the status quo above all and utter terror of using any of the power at his disposal. even pouring all of his focus into destroying salem even though he knows for a fact that is impossible instead of, literally anything else. like... we see it, in lost fable. ozma does not have the stomach to be a tyrant, and the tyrannical gods coerced him into becoming their enforcer.
and all he's ever wanted is to just be with the woman he loves, but the woman he loves is the architect of rebellion against the gods he's doomed to serve and that unreconcilable conflict of interest destroyed them both and it's tearing the world apart at the seams.
im fucking distraught
and also,
like
ozpin fully blames himself for what the gods have done to him, and this whole thing he does with setting trusted (but not too trusted) allies up to be, like, lone champions—the headmasters of his schools, the maidens, ruby and her silver eyes and her smaller more honest soul—i think the core of this pattern is the self-blame. & like, i think he NEEDS to blame himself for failing to achieve his task, because if he can cling to this belief that he is the problem, that the gods simply made a mistake when they chose him to be their champion, that he isn't good enough but someone else could succeed where he has and is failing—then he doesn't have to emotionally reckon with, you know. all of this. he can spend lifetime after lifetime searching for the right chosen one, and when he finds them and passes the burden on to them they'll be able to carry it without shattering.
it
hurts me
#salem deserves to kill the gods but ozma DESERVES to kill the gods u feel me?#anyway i just want him to be ok :(
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hi could u talk about petes blackness some more because no one else does and it makes me so deeply happy and life sucks rn
of course! uhhh im a little lost for what specifically to talk about. i could focus on the implicit theme of race in fob lyrics (with the thesis of the music being about not fitting in anywhere and having expectations (often bad ones) put on you whether theyre true or not being very prescient when pete grew up biracial in an all white neighbourhood), or i could give a little taster of my full analysis of ab/ap (which imo is about race) but i think im going to focus on what we know about his relationship to his race.
so first of all, as ive mentioned before, no one was under any impression pete was white before fall out boy blew up. heres a picture that i love of arma angelus, petes on the far right.
in fact, when he got involved in the hardcore scene he was in a lot of black nationalist and antiracist bands (like racetraitor and arma angelus) and theres some black nationalist poetry he wrote when he was young that i really love thats super powerful (i personally only share it with black (mixed or not) fall out boy fans so that the conversation surrounding it is controlled by black people, so you can dm me for it). he also mostly had his natural hair around this time, wearing locs (like in my icon!). it actually seems like he kinda prefers his natural hair, but understandably, the criticism and hate he gets when he tries to reclaim it is a major deterrent. i hope one day he disappears and then comes back with waves and a fade and never mentions it and never opens his comment sections until black fans bully white people into shutting up forever.
in addition to that, hes mentioned a couple times in a few interviews every now and then that he visited jamaica a couple times when he was a kid. he loves dancehall and reggae, and hes mentioned thats in part because of the stuff he discovered from his grandfathers music selection. i know you all know im caribbean and from saint lucia but im not sure if ive mentioned that im also half jamaican (my moms jamaican) so it means a lot to me how much pride he seems to take in his jamaican heritage whenever someone asks (which isnt often in interviews, but on twitter it came up pretty regularly).
on that note, its pretty stark how open he is about the hardships of growing up biracial when fans are asking vs when it comes up in interviews. if im being honest, i think part of the reason media whitewashed him so much is that in the early interviews where it does come up, it seems like they were fishing for some pity porn about how hard it was to grow up black, and he just. wouldnt give it to them. especially when contrasted to how candidly he spoke with fans about it, i think this is another case of pete being extremely aware of branding and not wanting to peg himself or the band as a sob story, yknow? in response they just stopped thinking of him as black, but i think its super admirable that he put his foot down and redirected the narrative away from that.
anyway, while interviewers generally tend to avoid talking about race because they cant get a saucy story out of it, it seems that hes super willing to talk about it, and always has been. i hope one day a real music journalist who can respectfully navigate this topic will bring it up, because i want to hear more about it.
hope this scratched that itch!
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2. be a bit of cunt in the end middle paul was just pathetic enough to move me at times ( i think it's the addict with daddy issues in me that's to blame for that one) 3. watching miss anna on screen was just me whispering "if i speak oh if I SPEAK" under my breath on repeat for the duration of her scenes and LASTLY - tho i do not consider myself as someone who came out of this one as a primo fucker (the lesbian in me this time, i think) there's this little moment after he shoots young angelo
and the accountant dude tries to calm him out of shooting little paul and he's doing it he's putting the gun down and then that old man calls him primo and right before he shoots him he does this little head tilt/shrug that's like a mix of "well im doing it now" and "this one i can shoot" and "what did you think was gonna happen old man" there was something about that little gesture, the inevitability of it, that made feel so SEEN.. just the controlled-crazy of him i was like wait thats ME
ok well it seems like tumblr has for real eaten the first part of this but literally love this so much for you anon.... i think the right word for big paul is exactly pathetic tbh like he is just. like. perfectly crafted to be as completely pathetic as possible but like i just hate him and his haircut so much </3
also like. YES. the physicality of primo is so .... ik we are all talking about this but there are so many little things he does and the way he externalises his thoughts sometimes is very deliberate it’s so fascinating, bc i don’t think he’s actually fundamentally that hard to read because you know what he wants and that his wants fuel him and everything he does is in service of getting what he wants, but he has this inevitability to him that somehow makes him unpredictable? like not to toot my own horn but the central thesis of the fic i’m writing rn is trying to make sense of how someone can be unpredictably predictable the way he is – like, you KNOW he’s going to do something, you know there is going to be fallout, but you don’t know what that fallout is going to be exactly, and that’s his unpredictability, which makes him so more dangerous than someone who’s just purely sporadically unpredictable in every sense of the word if that makes any sense lmao
like, in angelo’s death scene which u were talking about, primo knew he was going to go into that place and kill two people, and when leonardo talked him out of killing little paul he just had to adjust the target of his destruction. he still did what he went in there to do, and you could have predicted 2 shots would be fired, but not who exactly would be hit. and that is so fucking scary!!!!! it’s the inevitability (which trust does SO well) paired with unpredictability that makes him so interesting imo
(and not to abruptly shift this convo to the primo/leo truth im repping but this is why i think it’s an interesting relationship from any perspective, bc leonardo “THE ACCOUNTANT DUDE” seems kind of uniquely positioned/able to redirect primo where other people can’t, like their relationship is such a neat push and pull! bc leonardo seems to me to be the only one who really understands that you can’t put a stop to primo once he’s started, all you can do is sort of redirect his path with little pushes and pulls, hopefully so subtly that he doesn’t notice, BUT I ALSO THINK that primo has (or will) grow to rely on those pushes and pulls to keep him going in the absolute right direction, he needs leonardo to steer him a little bit. anyways. im insane and these are my puppets)
#trust fx#I WISH I HAD THE FIRST PART OF UR MESSAGE KING IM SURE IT WAS ALSO ICONIC :’(#anonymous#what is my ask tag!!!
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so im just gonna vent/monologue for a hot second and idc who does or does not read this but we’re just gonna be super chill abt it and not read too deeply into the stuff that i say, so!!!
and if i delete this in the morning, ignore all this!!!
i think the best way to start this post off in general is “i had a bunch of stuff i wanted to vent abt but from the shower to here (total of like 5 minutes) i have forgotten most of it”
which is very on brand bc i don’t remember most things nowadays ajkdjkdskj
anyways tho also shout out to my lack of emotional object permeance bc i have been in such a Not Fun State for X days (bc i dont really remember when this started this week akjdsjkdsjk) and i cannot remember what started it nor can i fully process that i have only been in this state for like A Few Days and not like........................ weeks
but i think that is also due to the fact that i do, in fact, bounce back and forth between “hey things are fine idk why i ever thought they were bad :)” and “hey things are bad idk why i ever thought they were fine :)”
it also doesn’t help that. every day. i am analyzing the complicated relationship i have with my parents. specificaly my mom. and it definitely isn’t fun to think abt.
basically every day i think abt that scene from the breakfast club when they all talk abt how they’re fated to become their parents, no matter how hard they try not to be, and it especially fucks me up when i think abt how much me and my mom are alike, in both the good and the bad, and i’m just like “hmm am i just being a shitty daughter (possible) or do i have to figure out how to fix this (don’t know how) or am i just gonna have to break the chain eventually (upsetting!)”
but that is deeply upsetting to think and talk abt so :^)
and i also think a lot abt how i’m 99% sure ********** runs in our family which i guess i’ll have to deal with eventually even tho it doesn’t really. affect me rn. i guess!
let it be known that i do love my parents very much!! i just. have too many thoughts in my head.
also i get nervous throwing terms around bc im scared of being wrong but i genuinely think i have like. adhd and/or depression and/or anxiety and also i think there’s something messy going on with my empathy which is!! also upsetting!!!!
but tbh i have never been more. like. resistant to treatment in my life than i am right now. so i just deal with all of this in my brain.
also i’m kinda just back into my way of “consume the same media over and over and let it just become my whole personality so i can feel like a normal person” except that makes, like, idk “coming back to reality” a bitch bc i have spent the past?? 24/48 hours feeling like i’m on and off floating through space and time
also ik that this will all probably be over in a couple days, idk maybe even tomorrow!!! but for rn i’m just :^)
also me and my best friend were talking today and he said something like “i think everyone has certain things they do that just make them feel bad” and i kinda just nodded along bc i knew that my answer of “well i basically at this point purposely keep a shitty sleep schedule and, even when i wake up at 11am, i basically don’t let myself eat until 4/5pm bc, besides having some things i probably need to unpack, i also find something terribly grounding in feeling shitty” would Not go over well
also there is no way i am mentally and emotionally ready to go back to school in september, like i say this every year and i think at this point i just need to accept that i’ve wasted away my college years feeling shitty and i will never get this back!!!! which is. fun.
also i’m doing so many things this semester that i don’t want to do bc apparently i care abt what other people want more than i do. for some stupid reason.
also ngl i’ve come to the realization that sometimes my brain is just not a great place to be akjdkjdskj
also i have to do my thesis this semester and i already feel behind and next semester i’m barely gonna get to see my professors/friends except for like one or two days a week so while a part of me literally does not want to step foot on my campus/in a class room bc i am So Not Ready, i also feel like i’m basically gonna have no support that will be tangible to me
anyways tho i’ve fully brought taz/dnd back into my life so that is always an upside!! and i mean that unironically, like. when in doubt. taz/dnd will give me my serotonin and fantasy escapism that i crave <3
i feel like i could say more but at this point i’m just tired!!! so, to quote adam parrish, “i want to feel awake when my eyes are open”
#idk there are a lot of things i could probably tag but the big thing is#eating ///#bad eating habits ///
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i literally stayed up for 3 hours last night thinking about the only two moments that im debating diverting from canon in my fic. like, not by way of omission, or reinterpretation, or filling in missing scenes of off-screen development, but by making significant chances to canon, fully filmed moments
because like i tend to be a person that really enjoys adhering to canon. i have fun with my personal aus, but in this is the exit, its in many ways meant to be kind of a thesis? its less telling a new story with existing characters, and more taking the existing body of work and ripping it up, pulling scenes out one by one and putting them up against each other so they they can be seen in a new light, or used as evidence to my greater thesis statement of like “this is why this love story hits me in the gut sometimes”
but in the end i think im gonna do it, because like. the strictness with which i usually treat canon allows me to make the decision to break that rule with greater impact. and i think if used sparingly it can make a big statement that still stay very true to who scully and mulder are
anyway read my fic im writing chapter 3 rn and it fucks
#luckily because of the way im writing this fic#i can literally put it off as long as i want#i love writing out of sequential order#xft
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my platonic gf made me do this (even tho she’s not on tumblr rn)
1. What is you middle name? - San Roque
2. How old are you? - 16
3. When is your birthday? - November 11, 2002
4. What is your zodiac sign? - Sun: Scorpio Moon: Aquarius
5. What is your favorite color? - Dark colors in general (mostly maroon, blue and monochrome)
6. What’s your lucky number? - 11 or 13
7. Do you have any pets? - 3 dogs (but i rlly take care of 1)
8. Where are you from? - Philippines, Metro Manila
9. How tall are you? - 5’5” and a half
10. What shoe size are you? - I think 9-10 (???)
11. How many pairs of shoes do you own? - 3 (4 if u include my school shoes)
12. What was your last dream about? - I was in school and we were peforming for a rlly big event (it was shitty)
13. What talents do you have? - I can play the guitar, barely sing, sorta dance, and some chinese
14. Are you psychic in any way? - When it comes to my sister, and some romantic situations irl, and i can predict scenes from movies i havent seen
15. Favorite song? oh god that’s hard, the soundtracks for both heathers and six, every song in my g a y playlist in spotify (king princess, joji, billie eilish, rizha, etc.)
16. Favorite movie? - The girl king (despite the annoying power dynamic0 and heathers (despite the cringe) and almost every marvel movie
17. Who would be your ideal partner? - @alexconfusion if u weren’t such a fuqing baby (fyi, @alexgoestosleep i wont steal them from u, they’re just sorta my ideal type)
18. Do you want children? - Like one or two (girls preferably)
19. Do you want a church wedding? - Hell nah (but ill be fine either way)
20. Are you religious? - Sorta (raised a catholic, but my faith waivers)
21. Have you ever been to the hospital? - Nope just visited folks
22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law? - nah
23. Have you ever met any celebrities? - Regine velasquez at snr once
24. Baths or showers? - showers
25. What color socks are you wearing? - Im not wearin socks rn, but if i were, grey
26. Have you ever been famous? - Does having 392 followers in tumblr consider being famous??
27. Would you like to be a big celebrity? - Yes and no
28. What type of music do you like? - Smth with guitars, maybe even synth-pop or smth. and some classical shit
29. Have you ever been skinny dipping? - Nope, and never will
30. How many pillows do you sleep with? - 2, 3 if im with my bro
31. What position do you usually sleep in? - On either side with a pillow to hug
32. How big is your house? - Just 1 floor, a small backyard, and a front porch (i think idk filipino houses are hard to explain)
33. What do you typically have for breakfast? - Coffee and bread, instant noodles if i feel like it
34. Have you ever fired a gun? - Do airsoft guns count?
35. Have you ever tried archery? - Nah, but id love to
36. Favorite clean word? - boop
37. Favorite swear word? - shit, fuck,cunt, bitch, faggot (i call my friend like that never as an offense its just our thing)
38. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep? - 36 hours or maybe even 48
39. Do you have any scars? -A scar on my right arm cuz of a vaccine
40. Have you ever had a secret admirer? - Sorta, but he was a guy and a creep and a bitch so...
41. Are you a good liar? - sorta
42. Are you a good judge of character? - Maybe idk
43. Can you do any other accents other than your own? - I have a very bad butchered british accent that sounds like im crunching in some scottish or smth
44. Do you have a strong accent? - Not that i know of
45. What is your favorite accent? - British and australian
46. What is your personality type? - Resting bitch face, quiet but a rlly good friend (apparently) im sorta clingy and hyper sometimes
47. What is your most expensive piece of clothing? - I think my prom dress, other than that, my giordano long sleeves
48. Can you curl your tongue? - sorta
49. Are you an innie or an outie? - innie
50. Left or right handed? - left
51. Are you scared of spiders? - As long as they’re small im good, i fear the big ones
52. Favorite food? - Japanese food, some korean food, pasta, ribs, and sisig
53. Favorite foreign food? - ^ (except for sisig)
54. Are you a clean or messy person? - An organized mess
55. Most used phrased? - Is it gay?
56. Most used word? - gay
57. How long does it take for you to get ready? - 20-30 mins, i try to prepare everything the day before
58. Do you have much of an ego? - Idk, i think not
59. Do you suck or bite lollipops? - suck
60. Do you talk to yourself? - Yes, too many fucking times
61. Do you sing to yourself? - In the shower its great 10/10 would recommend
62. Are you a good singer? - Sorta?? Depends on the style of the song
63. Biggest Fear? - Socializing online idk lmao
64. Are you a gossip? - Depends on who im gossiping with, but not too much lol
65. Best dramatic movie you’ve seen? - Idk, none of them are rlly great
66. Do you like long or short hair? - short
67. Can you name all 50 states of America? - Binch no, i aint american
68. Favorite school subject? - Social studies
69. Extrovert or Introvert? - Introvert but im a bit of both sorta
70. Have you ever been scuba diving? - no
71. What makes you nervous? - people
72. Are you scared of the dark? - nope
73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes? - Yes, especially when it comes to talking in english, im a grammar nazi
74. Are you ticklish? - yes,Stomach, sides, neck, feet, and certain parts on my back
75. Have you ever started a rumor? - nope
76. Have you ever been in a position of authority? - I was the secretary of my class last year, and ive been the leader for our thesis
77. Have you ever drank underage? - Does wine count? (only during new year tho)
78. Have you ever done drugs? - nope
79. Who was your first real crush? - I honestly dont know, but i think it was this one girl named Renee (nuffsaid)
80. How many piercings do you have? - Before one for each ear, i lost them now so none
81. Can you roll your Rs? - If i need to, like if its a spanish name or smth
82. How fast can you type? - Idk,
83. How fast can you run? - Sorta fast thanks to my legs, but my stamina is hella short so not long
84. What color is your hair? - A mix of brown and sorta like bronze (this one particular part of my hair especially)
85. What color is your eyes? - brown
86. What are you allergic to? - none
87. Do you keep a journal? - Im starting to rn
88. What do your parents do? - Both of them have their own businesses
89. Do you like your age? - Yea i guess, unless my parents start comparing my maturity with my age
90. What makes you angry? --A lot of things (im moody), esp. When my sis starts judging what i like
91. Do you like your own name? -Sorta, i mean a lot of ppl mispronounce my name and make fun of it when u add my last name to it
92. Have you already thought of baby names, and if so what are they? - honestly idk, but i plan to name them with confusing names (or not idk)
93. Do you want a boy a girl for a child? - Both girls
94. What are you strengths? - Maybe that i’m honest esp when def needed, i have this motherly side (sorta), i know a lot of shit
95. What are your weaknesses? - Im clingy, im socially awkward, im easily demotivated, idk how emotions work
96. How did you get your name? - There was a joke that my mom thought i was gonna be a boy so they named me jonathan, but since i was a girl and jonathan tan was gonna be redundant, they added mae as my second name, removed the -than and now its J**** Mae Tan
97. Were your ancestors royalty? - Not that i know of, but one of my ancestors was an important figure in the revolution in my country so.... yea
98. Do you have any scars? - On my right arm cuz of a vaccine
99. Color of your bedspread? - I share a bed with my siblings (sadly) but rn its blue
100. Color of your room? - With my siblings, eggshell white or smth, but i wanted the color sky blue once i get my own room
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IM PRETTY SURE I'VE ASCENDED TO A HIGHER PLANE OF EXISTENCE, LIKE FROM 1 HAND HOLD ON VIDEO TO THIS...THIS!!!!
[HOW FAR WE’VE COME STARTS PLAYING IN A DISTANCE]
#dee replies#anon#im legit sitting on my bed rn staring at nothing#bc i dont want to spoil ppl about it but also i want to write a 10k word thesis on the scene
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73 Questions Challenge Inspired by Vogue
So I just finished reading Vogue’s 73 Questions with Kim K and my delusional ass wants to do this shit too.
I got this from Nataliia Totka ’s blog and said sure why tf not lols
here we go
1. What are you most excited about these days?
I guess spending time together with my favorite human in the world
2. What’s your favorite holiday?
CHRISTMAS <3
3. Favorite season?
The Philippines doesn’t really have that many seasons (rainy and summer only lols) so maybe the Rainy Season?
4. Where does one go on a perfect road trip?
ANYWHERE WITH A BEACH <3 I fucking love beaches
5. What is the best activity when home on a rainy day?
Sleeping or Cuddling <3 sharing a movie with my S.O. <3
6. If you could switch lives with someone for a day who would it be?
maybe my teacher Sir Steve. finally get him the girl he’s been crushing on since he was still studying architecture.
7. What is the best thing that happened this year?
THIS FUCKING GUY
8. What’s your New Year’s resolution?
Finish my thesis. lols <3 I am fucking done ahahhaha
9. What’s your favorite exercise?
ANYTHING LEG DAY RELATED <3
10. Best way to decompress?
Painting and just spending the day with my big doofus of a boyfriend.
11. What’s your favorite country to visit?
KOREA. 10/10. might change when I finally get to visit Japan though!
12. Last country you visited?
Korea hahahaha
13. Country you wish to visit?
JAPAN OFC. Also Israel ^^
14. What’s your favorite ice-cream?
DOUBLE DUTCH.
15. What makes you smile the most?
Being praised for something I don’t notice in myself
16. What’s the coolest thing in the world?
hmm... Vivid cosmic dreams.
17. What is the cutest thing in the world?
FOXES def foxes.
18. How do you know if you’re in love?
I guess it differs by person to person. Me personally, I know when I constantly have this need to spoil that person and help them in anyway I can through heart to heart talks or maybe a school project. I don’t usually go out of my way for happy crushes but you know shit’s serious when I’ve tried to replace them with another one, only to fail and drag my ass back to them. I am such a hoe hahahha
19. If you could go to any concert past or present, what would it be?
I have been dreaming of attending a Hatsune Miku concert ever since I was a first year in highschool. I need to go to one before I die.
20. What’s the best gift you’ve ever received?
I’m not the kind of person who’s the type to recieve. I’m more of a gift-giver so maybe the gift of people I guess?
21. Favorite fashion trend of all time?
The lazy Japanese unisex type. or maybe the tumblr girl who wears yellow dresses trend?
22. What’s your favorite movie of all time?
This is fucking hard. Clueless
23. What was the movie that made you cry?
OMFG CHEESY THING TO SAY BUT HACHIKO MY GOD
24. If you could make a documentary, what would it be about?
The mysterious life of Mao Usami
25. If you could have one superpower what would it be?
Being able to manipulate people under my will
26. What is the skill still unmastered?
Architectural manual drawing
27. What is the best thing that happened to you today?
Being able to wake up to this
28. Do you like surprises?
Yes uwu it makes me feel special hehe
29. If you could do a flash mob where would it be?
At SM department store hahahahhah might be funny
30. Do you like cupcakes?
sometimes ^^ muffins tho? mmmmm
31. Do you usually bake cupcakes?
I used to bake ALOT back in highschool. I was the kween of baked goods.
32. What’s your favorite desert?
Any Icecream cake. <3 would kill for a slice rn
33. Is there a desert you don’t like?
Anything with Peanut butter and Caramel. ew
34. What’s your favorite bakery?
Sofia’s atm
35. What’s your favorite food?
Anything pasta and OFC CHORIZO AAAAA <3
36. It’s brunch, what do you eat?
Pancakes, maybe a banana or maybe Tapa with warm white rice. mmmmm~
37. You are stuck on an island, you can pick one food to eat forever without getting tired of it, what would you eat?
CHOfuckingRIZO cant stress this enough
38. Favorite color?
YELLOW and baby pink<3
39. Favorite superhero?
not really a superhero but, Deadpool hahahhaha
40. What do you usually order in Starbucks? (or in your favorite café)
A Venti Iced Mocha without the whipped cream. also an Expresso Frappuchino is nice on a fucking hot day too. Iced Hazelnut Vanilla from Little Farmers is my go-to everyday coffee shot
41. Who is the last person you texted?
42. What’s your favorite activity to do in your hometown?
Having a great run around the neighborhood. Funruns are fun
43. What’s the next book you plan on reading?
I don’t have a new book in mind. maybe another YA novel?
44. What do you love in your pizza?
CARAMELIZED ONIONS AAAAAA and chorizo bits
45. Favorite drink?
Iced Hazelnut Vanilla by Little Farmers Coffee Brim
46. Dark chocolate or milk chocolate?
Milk Chocolate ^^
47. What’s your favorite band?
kind of Mainstream but IV of Spades <3
48. Favorite solo artist?
DANIEL CAESAR
49. Favorite lyrics?
Talk to me - Cavetown
50. If your life was a song what would the title be?
51. If you could master one instrument what would it be?
The Piano. real basic but I get really emotional with a few piano pieces. I’d like to play one of them someday
52. If you had a tattoo where would it be?
On my left forearm ^^
53. To be or not to be?
To be. hahahaahah
54. Dolphins or koalas?
Dolphins. definitely
55. How do you like your coffee?
White and Creamy ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
56. What’s your favorite curse word?
HOLY SHIT and PUTA
57. What color of dress did you wear to prom?
My school didn’t have a prom, but I did get to attend one with my cousin’s friend. It was pink ^^
58. Diamonds or pearls?
Pearls. they look classy and very Filipino
59. Cheap shampoo or expensive?
Expensive. I have frizzy thick hair. I don’t get too cheap with shampoo.
60. Blow dry or air dry?
Blow dry. hahahha blow
61. Heels or flats?
Heels. I look sexier ;)
62. Pilates or yoga?
Pilates every time baby
63. Jogging or swimming?
Swimming
64. One thing you can’t live without?
My sunglasses.
65. What’s one cause that’s dear to your heart?
helping street animals
66. Who would you want to shoot a love scene with?
ADAM DRIVER AAAAA
67. What’s your favorite sport?
I don’t do any sports but I usually love watching Figure Skating competitions and will def force my child into the sport. im sorry future kid!
68. Do you have a morning beauty ritual?
NOPE HAHAHA I AM SUCH A SLOB
69. What’s your favorite thing to wear?
I have this short mini dress I love to wear in bed <3 so comfyyy
70. What’s the priciest thing you’ve ever splurged on?
JFC MY WINDSOR AND NEWTON WATERCOLOR PANS
71. Do you play any musical instruments?
lol nope
72. What is your favorite book of all time?
Falling Leaves by Adeline Yen Mah. Reread it a million times.
73. What is something you always travel with?
My Year Planner. ^^
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Hi Kina! I usually do this anon but idc my blog is just gathering dust anyway. N e ways, I haven't read your last fic bc I was away from everything bc of my final thesis and imagine my surprise when I read that my fav writer (you) is leaving???!?!??!?!? I just know The End gon get me all sobby and messy and I'm presenting my thesis soon so ima read it later as a treat. I've been following you since the Service Series and it seems like a lifetime has passed since then. I just couldn't process everything rn bc it's 3 am here and I just finished my manuscript and I'm gosh I'm sjksksskkksk idk what to say I have to gather my thoughts and deliver it perfectly to you soon but for now just know that I LOVE YOU and your works so much they brought me joy and tears and life lessons and they're so much movie material I can see them play scene by scene in my head bc you're SO talented I hope everything is and will continue to be well with you pls let us know when you'll be leaving im sorry its messy im in TEARSKSJSKSKKSKSL
Good luck for your thesis!!! I remember when I was presenting mine, I was so nervous but I did pretty well so I'm sure you'll be fine too! and when it's all done and over, I hope you enjoy the end. as well!
The Service Series definitely feels like eons ago lmao but strangely I can still remember sitting down to write it :') I owe that series to getting my blog started honestly so it has a special place in my heart. Anyway, thank you so much and good luck!
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Why does this website seem to function even worse every time i visit it
Any Ways su: future spoilers but
SU discourse that’s like “steven is an abusive boyfriend” or whatever IS SO FUCKING FUNNY TO ME. Like I know they’re probably SU crits who kept watching out of spite but I like to imagine that they were like “I can excuse Steven being the son/half-reincarnation and half-son of a genocidal dictator who came from a long line of genocidal dictators, but i draw the line at Steven being an idiot 16 y/o”
nyways the point was that those episodes were supposed to be extremely uncomfortable and you were supposed to side with Connie. Because there aren’t sides. Connie and Steven are on the same side.
The juxtaposition of almost every adult in Steven’s life complaining about how they failed him personally (even though its like “~three of these people are worse than the others, three of these people just dont fuckin belong~”) only for Connie to shout “STOP WALLOWING IN YOUR OWN MISERY AND JUST GO GIVE STEVEN A HUG DAMNIT” seems intentional to me. You could argue its the whole idea of kids being empowered in a story for kids (which is a fair thesis) but I think it goes deeper than that too. I mean, smaller things weighed on Steven’s mind too - like Lars, Sadie, etc. But they weren’t involved in this. Things like Centipede traumatized him, but they weren’t involved in the final scene because they weren’t doing anything wrong now. Steven cracked more with Connie than he did with many of the other situations but there’s a reason that, out of all the situations Steven was breaking under, Connie was the one to break him out of it. And it’s not shipping bait, I mean you can call it a ship moment but the point of this, to me, is that Connie is emotionally mature. Connie didn’t hurt Steven like the others did. The others have something to “atone” for, if you want to be moralistic/super justice-based about it. Connie doesn’t. Connie just wants to help her boyfriend, her best friend. Even though a situation between Connie and Steven caused Steven internal angst, I think this scene was meant to show that no, it wasn’t Connie’s fault, she didn’t do anything wrong. The amount of “responsibility” she has in the matter doesn’t change with or without that situation - he’s her best friend and her boyfriend, of course she’s going to help him through his hard times regardless.
That being said. the episode was fucking HARD to sit through especially when being aro but still being very loving makes you form strong, relationship-like bonds with people, but obviously when a monogamous allo person finds an allo person they love, they’re going to gravitate towards that person instead, bc they have needs that I simply can’t satisfy and that’s no good. and also i have attachment issues so when they inevitably have less time to be with me 24/7 / im not their #1 priority it makes me a heckin depressed and it sucks so i always try to stop myself from getting close to people so that I Just Don’t Do That because it fucking sucks!!! its really bad!!! i hate feeling pain and I hate expressing pain and I hate expressing to people why what they did hurt me and I ESPECIALLY hate doing all that when the person didn’t even do anything wrong!! its not like they dumped me out of nowhere im just a clingy bitch!!! i feel like this rn
i forgot where I was going with this but- OH YEAH. adult steven is terrifying. especially because he was emotional and irrational for obvious reasons. please dont ever let him be any taller than 5′2 again I will Cry. why are men so scary when they yell ITS UPSETTING no i dont have trauma my dad Never Fucking Yells im just SO SCARED of the possibility and i DONT KNOW WHY its a PROBLEM. Anyways Steven isnt allowed to be taller than me ok? ok. also draw steven fat again @ you cowardly fanartists, i know hes leaner but hes still meant to be big round huggable boy
Monster!Steven: exists
Me: OH NO HES ADORABLE
Adult!Steven: exists
Me: *screaming in fear*
#sorry for appearing on your timelines to rant about suf#stormy speaks#tldr: steven is a discomfort kin and also hes so scary as a man but like thats the point#tldr 2: more importantly stan connie
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get to know me tag!
i was tagged by @mysoftae and @lostmyseokjin (tysm!! 💖💕💖💕)
Rules: answer 30 questions then tag 20 blogs you would like to know better but most likely i wont tag anyone since i dont have lots mutuals shdshhdshdhs
1.Nicknames: sav/sap, my real name is somehow hard to be pronounced in english shdsh you can call me anything actually (sav/sap/ama)
2. Gender: female
3. Star sign: pisces
4. Height: 5 foot 6 inches
5. Time: 10.36 pm
6: Birthday: march 3rd
7. Favorite bands: mainly bts and currently i listen to nuest a lot and also local indie band
8. Favorite solo artists: owl city, CHUNGHA!!!!, suran, iu, etc
9: Song stuck in my head: hotshot’s jelly!!
10: Last movie watched: wonder woman
11: Last show watched: crime scene 3? kinda forgot since i dont watch a lot of shows
12: When did i create my blog: around 2009/2010? this blog used to be a personal one actually, then it became an exo blog in 2013 and now it’s a bangtan blog sdjsdhsjh im too lazy to make a new one
13: What do i post: bts!
14: Last thing i googled: thesis materials 😭😭😭😭
15: Do you have other blogs: nope!
16: Do you get asks: nope~
17: Why did you choose your url: it’s an old url made when i liked owl city the most and i actually want to change into a bangtan-ish one but i have no idea rn
18: Following: 49
19: Followers: 232
20: Favorite colors: black
21: Average hours of sleep: 5-6
22: Lucky number: 3
23: instruments: i cant play any sdjshdjs i actually tried playing guitar last year but failed...... but i still want to learn guitar someday when my thesis is done
24: What am i wearing: clean cut shirt
25: How many blankets i sleep with: one
26: Dream job: either a farmer or a person who helps farmers lol you know that main character in harvest moon, that’s my dream job
27: Dream trip: japan, europe, korea
28: Favorite food: meat and anything i make
29: Nationality: indonesian
30: Favorite song now: hotshot’s jelly~
#thank you for tagging me!! ;A;#im touched ;-;#i want to get to know you too!!#ion have many mutuals since i suck at making friends#;A;#personal
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