#the more things change the more they stay the same iggg
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Anyone else feel like they’re repeating their life over and over again but just in different settings or is that just me
#Im teaching again and it’s surreal#cause. i did not expect to teach I expected to like. work in some big r&d lab#and idk how I feel about it yet#like yes I enjoy it but I’m one of those assholes who has to over analyze every possible life path#everything everywhere all at once vibes#the more things change the more they stay the same iggg#I just caught myself thinking of how to fix my lesson plan earlier and. that’s def not something I expected to think about ever again#it’s cool and all but I’m not designing revolutionary life saving technology and maybe that would be cooler#or maybe my mother is right and I’m just incapable of happiness no matter where I am or what I’m doing#there are days where I’ll just walk around staring at all the photography on the walls and the antiques decorating the walls#and it’s a very interesting anachronistic combination just because of the nature of the work#past and future superimposed on top of each other#and I’ll be like holy shit I’m HERE#this is EXACTLY what I wanted for like. over a decade.#and I’ll feel grateful#but also. things aren’t perfect there are SO MANY problems#and despite how well meaning people are and how much they care about the work#that’s not gonna change cause there is NEVER going to be enough money#but sometimes it’s hard to not see just the problems#and people complain SO MUCH about everything and it’s hard to not let that negativity overwhelm you#but also. the whole reason they complain is because they love this place and they want to make it better and focusing on just the good#won’t make things any better cause that’s not how it works#and the older more experienced folks keep saying that we’re much much more likely to end up killing someone#and that was fine in abstract. but it’s fucking terrifying the closer you get#i don’t wanna kill people#and that’s why I’m here!! to keep them safe but god there’s literally only so much I can do#sighh#I’m always waiting for the other shoe to drop and I wish I wasn’t#if u read this far thank u for listening to me ramble#sometimes I have far too much time to Think
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