#the fact that green to George is yellow and dream is always associated with green | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

somuch-4-stardust · 3 years

Note

8. What’s your comfort VOD/stream? 10. Is there a color you associate with a CC? 37. Which MCYT has the best merch? (love u!!!)

8. What’s your comfort VOD/stream?

techno's mcc stream (really any techno stream) any wilbur ylyl but specifically #14?? i think? the ycgma wilbur stream, the video where ranboo makes cake, both techno and phils povs of mcc 4, uhhh idk where it is but i can always find it when i need it but theres a clip of techno setting a record for ace race????? and honorary mention: like three specific ghostbur clip compilations (yes heres the complete comprehensive guide to wil's comfort videos lkansdf;lkasdf sorry its a rant)

10. Is there a color you associate with a CC?

YES bc i have colors for everyone!!! its time we talk about how good george and dream's branding is!! bc george is in fact a kinda teal-ish baby blue and dreams bright green (also dark red too!). sapnaps kinda a deep purple w a little like,,,, navy orange? wilbur is very complex but uhhhh a little of a kinda a saturated purple, yellow highlights (esp when he's happy!!!), navy blue sorta, and coffee brown! also kinda a clay-red?!! ranboo is a cool dark purple w more red/warm purple hints sometimes and i think he's pretty spot on w the little bit of green and red (but only a tiny bit)! tubbo is earth-brown and aqua and sunny yellow! kinda navy green too! ranboo highlights tubbo pretty well i think :] their colors accent each other and ranboo's little bit of red and green bringing out tubbos green and yellow! tommy's magenta and more of a dry yellow, he's also vaguely red sometimes? n a teal blue kinda similar to tubbos and i think tommy's magenta works well w tubbo's yellow and ranboos cool purple!! i think tommys blue and magenta bring out the clay-red in wilbur and kinda over shadow wilbur's navy blue but not in a bad way! wilburs definitely more yellow around tommy too, but that may just be bc wilburs usually pretty happy around tommy!! nikis pastel pink and lavender w kinda? brick red maybe? or dark purple? not quite sure, but she has darker undertones that really accent the light pink and purple and make them feel really strong! she fits really well with everyone because she softens everyone's edges and kinda soothes out peoples more aggressive colours in a really nice way! especially with ranboos dark purple, i haven't seen ranboo and niki interact that much but i think niki's lavender would mix really well with ranboo's purple! and wilbur's little bit of saturated purple and his brown do WONDERS for niki's softer colours!! wilburs colors make niki's feel so poweful and kinda mysterious, and bring out a little bit of a darker pink in niki!!! ok rant over SDLFKNSD:FLKSDF IM SORRY THIS GOT REALLY REALLY LONG ahhhh (if anyone wants to hear about any specific cc i didn't list or how any ccs colors mix i would be more than happy too i like talking about cc's colours!!!!)

37. Which MCYT has the best merch?

wilbur soot! no argument his merch is just so cool <3333

(i love u too!!! sorry for the hella long rants)

#tubbo has cool merch too but not as cool as wilbur's #ademonwithinternet my beloved #THANK U FOR THE ASK DEAR!!!!#minecraft ask minecraft ask!!! :D #cyanide answers

4 notes · View notes

ask-bohemian-ilse · 6 years

Note

answer all of them!

11. what’s an inside joke you have with your friends?* there’s far too many to pick just one, honestly.

12. what’s your favorite planet?* saturn!

13. what’s something that made you smile today?* first, stanley anderson let me copy his math homework. then, @ask-melchior-gabor gave me some of his favorite pirate literature that i haven’t read yet during study hall. and then i got burgers with @ask-max-von-trenk and @ask-the-reformatory! (having normal food was SO great.)

14. if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like?* a huge mess. seriously! at least my section would. it’d probably be decorated pretty clashingly, because we all have different interests. it’d definitely be covered in flowers. and it would have lots of books! (for melchior)

15. go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is!* mercury is shrinking!!!

16. what’s your favorite pasta dish?* fettuccine alfredo…yum!

17. what color do you really want to dye your hair?* i don’t have any desire to dye my hair at the moment, honestly.

18. tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between between you and your friends and is always brought up.* @ask-moritz-stiefel exposed that i stabbed him with scissors once because i thought he was possessed. nobody wants to let it go!

19. do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw in it?* i do! when i feel really out of my head, i either ramble just to get everything off my mind, or draw some pretty strange stuff. it’s very useful.

20. what’s your favorite eye color?* green!

21. talk about your favorite bag, the one that’s been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces.* my trusty “in case of sudden escape” bag has seen me through everything. it’s always full of necessities, and it is immune to being torn apart! it’s very sturdy, small enough that i can wear it without feeling weighed down, easy to travel with, and still covered in paint. it’s been there for me through so much. love you, bag.

22. are you a morning person?* most of the time!

23. what’s your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations?* go down to the creek, lay out in the sun, listen to some music, and just relax.

24. is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets?* i’m too ashamed to tell anybody ALL of my secrets — but in the matter of trust, i’d have no qualms placing my faith in max, melchior, and @ask-hanschen-rilow these guys are locked boxes.

25. what’s the weirdest place you’ve ever broken into?* one night, a group of us (the phallustics and some other models) were so drunk that we managed to get ourselves into a yacht that DEFINITELY didn’t belong to us. most of the passengers were pretty drunk too. i’ve also broken into a lighthouse…that was fun.

26. what are the shoes you’ve had forever and wear with every single outfit?* i have these killer sandles that are very ancient greece-like. they’re my favorites!

27. what’s your favorite bubblegum flavor?* motitas banana gum!

28. sunrise or sunset?* sunrise

29. what’s something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing?* moritz does this adorable thing where his nose wrinkles when he thinks you’ve said something especially funny/outrageous. it’s so cute! i love it!

30. think of it: have you ever been truly scared?* yes.

31. what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks.* i have a love-hate relationship with socks. as most of you know, i’m happiest barefoot. however, i love crazy/weird socks! especially knee-high ones! they’re so fun to play around with! i do not sleep in socks, though.

32. tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3 AM when you were with friends.* this one time, melchi and i were ridiculously high and we tried to order food. it went REALLY badly. he kept trying to not have to pay for food by psychoanalyzing the poor worker, and then i stood on a table, and we couldn’t stop laughing, and it was overall very chaotic and he’ll kill me for bringing it up again at some point. (love you, melchi!)

33. what’s your fave pastry?* OH! THERE’S SO MANY GREAT ONES TO CHOOSE FROM! i love sfogliatelle so much. i’ll go with that!

34. tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what did it look like? do you still keep it?* i wasn’t allowed to have one.

35. do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often?* yes and yes!

36. which band’s sound would fit your mood right now?* misterwives.

37. do you like keeping your room messy or clean?* M E S S Y

38. tell us about your pet peeves!* people invading my personal space, being talked over, the sound of a fork scraping someone’s teeth, people who grab me without warning.

39. what color do you wear the most?* hmm…probably green!

40. think of a piece of jewelry you own: what’s its story? does it mean anything to you?* the piercing in my collarbone? the one that keeps getting infected? i did it because i was really angry at the time — the night before i left. i was so, so tired of the way i had to live to keep modeling and to keep being pretty and all of that. it’s my freedom, baby!

41. what’s the last book you remember really, really loving? * it was a collection of h.p lovecraft’s works.

42. do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it!* it’s small, but it’s always warm and it smells like vanilla. the people who work there are insanely friendly. it’s a bit dark, but in the cozy way. they always remember my name there.

43. who was the last person you gazed at the stars with?* moritz.

44. when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything?* there was this one night where @ask-georg-zirschnitz and i were chilling on the roof. it was so quiet, and so warm, and i felt so safe. that was the end of last summer.

45. do you trust your instincts a lot?* incredibly so, yes.

46. tell us the worst pun you can think of.

47. what food do you think should be banned from the universe?* at the moment, fish.

48. do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought?* yes! i just bought a duran-duran cd…no shame!

49. what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today?* my father. no.

50. what’s an odd thing you collect?* georg says my collection of old letters written during the wars is weird.

51. think of a person. what song do you associate with them?* “baby’s on fire” by die antwoord.

52. what are your favorite memes of this year so far?* keanu reactions.

53. have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? heathers? beetlejuice? pulp fiction? what do you think of them?* I HAVE THE RHPS MEMORIZED IN ITS ENTIRETY. MY DREAM IS TO DO ONE OF THE REENACTMENTS AS COLOMBIA. heathers is good, but hits a bit too close for me to watch comfortably. beetlejuice is a halloween classic! pulp fiction is also a classic i love.

54. who’s the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face?* i looked in a mirror. KIDDING! KIDDING! actually, stan the man did seem kinda sad today.

55. what’s the most dramatic thing you’ve ever done to prove a point?* chugged nearly a whole bottle of benadryl. DON’T DO THAT.

56. what are some things you find endearing in people?* when they talk about things they love and their faces get all glowy. when they laugh.

57. go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics?* shocked at how high freddie mercury’s voice can go. no, but i did start dancing.

58. who’s the wine mom and who’s the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why?* i’m the wine mom, max is the vodka aunt. it just fits.

59. what’s your favorite myth?* the myth of arachne!

60. do you like poetry? what are some of your faves?* i adore poetry! the book “new american best friend” by olivia gatwood is full of all my favorites.

61. what’s the stupidest gift you’ve ever been given? the stupidest one you’ve ever received?* i don’t believe in stupid gifts!

62. do you drink juice in the morning? which kind?* orange juice!

63. are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or leave them be?* no! i leave them be, makes it easier for my siblings/friends to grab them when they want to.

64. what color is the sky where you are right now?* black.

65. is there anyone you haven’t seen in a long time who you’d like to hang out with?* @ask-bobby-maler

66. what would your ideal flower crown look like?* full of baby’s breath and orchids! very big.

67. how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel?* miserable. terrible. sad and alone.

68. what’s winter like where you live?* cold and bitter and awful.

69. what are your favorite board games?* clue!

70. have you ever used a ouija board?* yes

71. what’s your favorite kind of tea?* chai tea and bubble tea!

72. are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you’ll forget it?* depends on my state of mind

73. what are some of your worst habits?* addiction and clinginess

74. describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns.* very easygoing. lots of piercings. naggy about my personal health but throws caution to the wind with theirs. very handsome. a fantastic listener. an even better friend.

75. tell us about your pets!* hellbeasts.

76. is there anything you should be doing right now but aren’t?* homework.

77. pink or yellow lemonade?* pink!

78. are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub?* the what?

79. what’s one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you?* one time, reinhold picked me up from school and he had this playlist full of music he thought i’d like and it was one of the sweetest things in the world.

80: what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why? • i have white walls! i didn’t, but georg’s mom lets me draw on them :) 81: describe one of your friend’s eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of. • luminous!  82: are/were you good in school? • i…don’t think my grades indicate my understanding of what we’re being taught. 83: what’s some of your favorite album art? • david bowie has cool covers! 84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones? • i have one! i don’t want another at this moment, but maybe later… 85: do you read comics? what are your faves? • teen titans is a fun read 86: do you like concept albums? which ones? • THE RISE AND FALL OF ZIGGY STARDUST!!! 87: what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives? • black swan. the rocky horror picture show. moulin rouge.  88: are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy? • tons! i go too in-depth, though.  89: are you close to your parents?* no. 90: talk about one of your favorite cities. • novosibirsk. so cool.  91: where do you plan on traveling this year? • i don’t know yet! 92: are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch? • DROWN IT 93: what’s the hairstyle you wear the most? • i like putting flowers in my hair. i leave it down!  94: who was the last person you know to have a birthday? • wiebke from lit class! 95: what are your plans for this weekend? • i don’t know yet. get really fucking high? maybe leave town. 96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot? • depends 97: myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house? • i don’t know. taurus. i don’t know. 98: when’s the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it? • last weekend! it was lovely! 99: list some songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them. • vagabond by misterwives, homeless by marina kaye, rootless by marina and the diamonds 100: if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why?* neither. i don’t want to risk that.

#ilse neumann #ask

1 note · View note

reekierevelator · 5 years

Text

Crime and Punishment

a short story by Brian Bourner

‘Can I have a word, sir, what’s your name?” The officer’s expression, under his flat chequerboard patterned cap, was serious. His appraising dark eyes met mine as his thin lips posed the question. He was younger and fitter than me, self-confident and authoritative.

‘Douglas Shevlane,” I replied without thinking, aware of my cheeks colouring, my nervousness just at the idea of being directly addressed by the police.

It was late Saturday morning and I’d been at an office leaving do the previous evening. It was a great party: loud chatter, music, even dancing, and inevitably too much to drink. I regretted it even as the taxi was carrying me home in the early hours, not so much because I'd drunk too much but because I knew I shouldn’t have gone in the first place. I should have stayed on at work and finished the presentation for a potential major new client, Lightning Connectors. They were coming to see it on Monday.

So on Saturday morning I’d woken up, thrown on some casual clothes – an old grey polo shirt, trainers, jeans, and a sort of donkey jacket I usually only wore to outdoor sports events - and hadn’t bothered shaving. I still felt sickly, green about the gills. The mirror confirmed that apart from some dark stubble my face was a deathly grey.

By the time the bus reached the office I felt marginally better. Some pills, aspirins and pick-me-ups for late night work when I was flagging, were in the desk drawer. They relieved the headache somewhat and helped me gather together enough energy to get on with the task in hand. In fact I cracked the job after a couple of hours. As I left I picked up a piece of mail from my pigeon-hole that must have arrived after my early getaway for the party. I walked round the side streets for some distance aiming to clear my head. When my legs tired I joined the queue at a bus stop on Leith Walk and stood silently in the drizzle, watching the traffic rumble by as I waited for my double-decker to arrive.

Then the two-tone siren was coming closer, an almost everyday occurrence, people in the queue barely looking up as the blue lights came bouncing round the corner and raced past the bus stop. But a hundred yards up the road the police car suddenly braked, its driver unceremoniously executing a swift U-turn that no normal driver would have dared, and brought the car to a screeching halt alongside the bus stop. The faces at the bus stop lit up. They focused on the two men who jumped out the car in hi-vis jackets, hats in hands, and anticipated some light entertainment. But my bus was already drawing up behind the patrol car and I boarded along with several others, taking a seat upstairs.

Yet the bus remained stationary. A low rumble of voices on the lower floor recognisable as the police officers talking to the bus driver. And then the officers emerged at the top of the stairs, their heads stooped low under the bus’s roof, and came towards me. Some passengers looked straight ahead and others glanced towards me, suspiciously, before quickly looking away. As one officer took the seat beside me the other, bigger built, sat behind. You could hear a pin drop.

The one beside me spoke, his steady baritone asking for my name. My own reedy voice replying.

‘Do you have any identification?’ he brusquely enquired.

‘Not my driving licence or passport if that’s what you mean. I’ve got a credit card with my name on it.’

The officer pursed his thin lips into a sort of sneer. I could imagine how many stolen credit cards he’d had to deal with. Then I remembered.

‘Oh, and there’s a letter I’ve just received.’ I pulled the unopened envelope from my pocket and handed it to him.

He held it up so the officer behind could see it too. And I watched as he read the mailing address – Dr Douglas Shevlane BA(Hons) DipCIM, PhD, FCIM. c/o Blue Angel Agency. Room 405 Blue Angel House. 14 Bernard Street. Edinburgh. EH6. The professional association’s return address was printed in small writing on the back.

The officers exchanged glances which seemed to say ‘You just can’t tell who anyone is these days, can you?’

The officer seemed friendlier as he handed the letter back, his thin lips attempting a smile. He spoke more quietly, like a priest taking confession. ‘I’m sorry about this sir but you fit a description we’ve been given. For the record, would you mind telling me where you’ve been in the last hour?’

Being cornered by a policeman in a public space where there is silence but you know others are listening is an unpleasant experience, even if they seem the epitome of understanding and politeness. Visions of white tiled police cells and slopping out in primitive Victorian prisons like Peterhead still swim through your head. It took me a moment to gather my thoughts.

‘I was at work,’ I said, ‘finishing off a job.’

‘And you work at the Blue Angel Agency?’

‘Yes, I’m a writer and graphic designer, leading a marketing team.’

Again, the exchange of looks. At twenty-nine I was still often mistaken for a student.

‘The Blue Angel Agency’s building is on Bernard Street?’

‘Yes, that’s right.’

‘That’s some way from here.’

‘I went for a little walk after I left the office.’

‘I need to ask where you walked to Mr, er, Dr Shevlane.’

Although the policemen were proceeding competently an atmosphere of silent animosity was unmistakeably growing on the bus. There was some sighing and rustling of feet. People wanted the bus to move off, they were keen to get going. They had places to be and wanted to get there soon. But I paused to think about the route I’d walked.

‘I, er, turned left out of the office, along to Constitution Street, er, over on to the Links, up through Easter Road and then I, er, turned right on I think Albert Street to come back and hit the main road again to catch my bus.’

‘You’re sure you didn’t turn right out of the office? Maybe headed up Henderson Street to Great Junction Street? Maybe turned up Bonnington Road to Pilrig Park?’

‘No, as I said, I was on the other side of Leith Walk. What’s all this about anyway?’

‘There’s been a serious assault’, he told me quietly, ‘near Balfour Place, off Pilrig Street.’

‘A serious assault?’

‘A man died.’

‘Oh, - that’s awful.’ It made me feel sick to my stomach.

‘Can you tell me where you live sir?’

‘Morningside.’

‘Where exactly sir - just for the record?’

’37 Cluny Crescent.’ Just saying it drained me, like making a confession.

‘You have family there?’

An image of Janis in the lemon yellow dress she was wearing when we first met floated though my head. But after three years of marriage she was bored and took up with someone else. The mortgage hung round my neck like a millstone.

‘No, I live alone.’

Then he looked from me to his colleague for confirmation.

When his colleague offered a cursory nod he said ‘Well, thank you for your help, Mr, er, Dr Shevlane. That’s all we need to ask.’ Then louder, to calm all the itchy feet on the bus, he called downstairs ‘That’s us driver. You can let us off now and carry on your way.’

The bus doors wheezed open. The policemen exited. As the bus pulled away a mild collective sigh passed among the passengers, one or two still glancing accusingly at me as the cause of their delayed journeys.

I found my eye developing a tic and my knees trembling. After we’d travelled along Princes Street and up Lothian Road towards Tollcross my hands had begun shaking too. The accusatory looks of other passengers served to remind me only too clearly of that man’s face.

Alighting the bus before it reached Morningside I drifted like a ghost over Bruntsfield Links. The man had been rushing, not looking, not caring. He’d crashed into me as I turned the corner on to Balfour Place, his burly chest hurling me against the wall. And yet he simply strode on, oblivious or indifferent. What with the sore head, having to work on Saturday, the pills, my estranged wife divorcing me, the stress of pitching for a contract from a potentially big new client on Monday, - suddenly it was all just too much. It coalesced in my brain into an urgent need to hit out. There was no-one else around. He wasn’t expecting it. One fierce punch to the side of his face felled him. He toppled like a tree and I heard his head crash down onto the kerb. But fear welled up in me that he would immediately rise from the pavement and start beating me. A discarded wooden baton lay in the gutter; the very tool to exorcise stress and frustration. I picked it up and had it above my head ready to strike before registering that the man wasn’t moving. Blood was pooling under his head. And then a figure appeared in the distance, walking down towards me from the top of the road. I dropped the weapon and hurried off, dream-like, down a side street towards the bus stop on Leith Walk.

So now I rush around the Meadows in panic, the prisoner of ghastly daytime nightmares bursting with public shame and prison horrors. Dr Jekyll has become Mr Hyde. I recognise the tiny spots of blood on my trainers that the police didn’t see. But the description fitted perfectly. They’re bound to come again. They’ll know I lied. Go on the run? Hand myself in? Plead ‘mitigating circumstances’, not, not, not murder? The dark Crags of Holyrood Park look remarkably inviting. People are always falling from those cliff-faces. For even if I’m never caught, never enclosed by stone walls or cages, yet I’ll always be a prisoner.

And the calculated deceptions of marketing expertise offer no solutions as they stir and boil in my mind alongside the shocking guilt and dreadful fear. There’s a desperate need for any kind of hope and forgiveness as I stumble blindly into George Square and find the doors of St. Albert’s open and beckoning.

#short story #edinburgh #scotland #Crime #Reekie Revelator #police

0 notes

adambstingus · 5 years

Text

5 Hollywood Stories You See Everywhere (That Are Always BS)

Entertainment sites are facing a serious problem: There’s a limited number of things that happen every day, but their readers will click on an infinite amount of articles, as long as someone or something vaguely famous is involved. The solution? Follow the grand Internet tradition of making shit up. Print a headline saying “Bill Murray killed and ate Miley Cyrus!” and watch as it gets 100,000 shares before either of their publicists can deny it.

Now, all of us have fallen for stories like these in the past, but there are some particularly egregious types of bullshit articles that should really be setting off our hogwash alarms by now. Starting with …

#5. Stop Saying The Simpsons Predicted Stuff

The Internet is 80 percent porn, 70 percent fanfic on Tumblr, and 90 percent inaccurate statistics. Whatever’s left is made out of bullshit listicles about how some old Simpsons episode predicted today’s events. Apparently, they foresaw Donald Trump: Angry Half-Chewed Orange Starburst For President 15 years before it happened:

They also predicted that Lisa would be an adult by 2010, so …

But before you go proclaiming Matt Groening “King of the Psychics,” consider this: That episode aired in 2000. Guess what lying, hypocritical moron announced he’d be running for President in 2000? No no, the other one. Yes, Trump said he’d run for President under the Reform Party in 2000 (and had been talking about it since 1987), meaning The Simpsons predicted precisely squat. And as far as them “predicting” that President Trump would destroy the country … duhhhh. That’s like predicting grass will be green, or that a diaper will be loaded with shit.

Can anthropomorphic loaded diapers even legally run for president?

And we do this all. The. Fucking. Time. Unless some fat yellow dude destroys an entire city by pressing the wrong button at the power plant, it’s no big deal if real life imitates The Simpsons. It’s a topical show with damn near 600 episodes under its quarter-century-old belt. Of course there’s going to be overlap with reality — which hasn’t stopped sites like BuzzFeed from marveling over the matter. Let’s review their mind-blowing discoveries:

So the Simpsons made an irradiated food joke, and now Japan’s got irradiated fruit? That’s not a new idea. If anything, the vegetation around Chernobyl predicted The Simpsons. Oh, and the deformed Japanese veggies were bullshit anyway. Off to a good start, BuzzFeed!

OK. So. In 2004, a bunch of Ohio voting machines glitched and accidentally gave George W. Bush 4,000 extra votes. In 2008, the Simpsons satirized that incident. In 2012, it happened again for real. And that’s supposed to be a score for Homer and friends how? Just because your memory was crippled by all those ’90s nostalgia GIF parades doesn’t mean that the past suddenly didn’t happen, BuzzFeed.

This is probably the closest one: They successfully predicted that somebody who works with wild animals would eventually get attacked by one. Impressive. What’s next, claiming that The Simpsons predicted baseball players playing softball?

DICK TRACY, YOU ASSHOLES! THE JETSONS! EVEN THE FUCKING FLINTSTONES! Somebody got paid for this list! You know what, we’re moving on before this gives us an aneurysm.

Arrrrghhh! Too late!

#4. People Need To Chill About Idris Elba Playing James Bond

Eventually, Daniel Craig will stop being James Bond. And despite the fact that he’s a totally outdated character, tradition dictates that we’ll need a new one. One of the top names being bandied about is Idris Elba, who deviates from the Bond norm in one glaringly obvious way …

“The world isn’t ready for a Bond with facial hair. Sorry.”

OK, there’s also the race thing, an issue which Bond novelist Anthony Horowitz dealt with in the worst possible way. In an interview with The Daily Mail, he claimed that Elba would suck as Bond because he’s “too street.” The Internet responded by figuratively painting Horowitz’s naked body gold and leaving him to asphyxiate.

Most were only scandalized to find out there are still Bond books, though (or books in general).

First off, this quote came from The Daily Mail, so rage-sharing it is like raging over something the bad guy said at WrestleMania. Even worse, all these headlines conveniently ignore where he named other black actors he’d prefer play Bond. Everybody’s focused on “too rough” and “too street,” while see-no-eviling the part where he recommended Hustle‘s Adrian Lester instead.

There’s still a race issue at play here, of course — but not in the overt, simplistic way that everybody seeing red took it as. It’s deciding that black actors, who have proven their ability to play both suave and rough with equal tenacity, should only be one thing. Horowitz is typecasting Elba as a rough, street black man, and Lester as a suave, classy black man, and won’t let them sit at each other’s table. And nobody’s talking about this except … The Huffington Post? Really? Dear Internet: When BuzzFeed-Minus-Cat-GIFs is the voice of reason, it might be time to pay attention and rethink things.

Both because they’re right on the money, and because it’ll probably never happen again.

Ex-Bond Roger Moore got in similar hot water recently, accused of opposing Elba Bond over blackness. Moore himself had to clarify that he only said Bond should be 100 percent “English-English” — his interviewer later edited it so it seemed like he was talking about Elba. But you know what? When Elba finally becomes Bond and blows everyone out of their seats, all this ridiculous talk of race, class, and who’s street and who’s not will disappear. Because it’s the performance that matters, not the-

Wait … it was all a rumor? He’s NOT going to be Bond? There were never even talks of him being Bond, nothing but Daniel Craig dream-casting off the top of his head? We got all worked up over that? FUCK.

#3. Every Celebrity Death Hoax Comes From The Same Source: Your Idiot Friends

The world lost the best/worst father in movie history last August when James Earl Jones sadly passed away, according to the Internet. The only person who didn’t hear the news was James Earl Jones, who is still tweeting like normal. Yeah, it was another celebrity death hoax. So what happened? What crapbag news site yellow-journalism’d a beloved celebrity to an early grave this time?

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooot dead yet, guys.”

None, as it turns out. The source is us. We fake-killed James Earl Jones, the same way we’ve fake-killed every other celebrity since the days of Netscape. We’re not merely part of the problem; we’re all of it.

The only source for Darth Vader’s voice reuniting with the Force was the Woodward-and-Bernstein-approved paragon of journalism called FeedNewz. But FeedNewz isn’t a fucking news site — its real name is prank.link, a content creator where any random asshole can plug anybody’s name into the generator and create a fake news story about them. When people clicked on the “James Earl Jones dies” link to learn how an 84-year-old man could possibly pass so suddenly, they got this instead:

“Also, his most famous line was ‘I quit on you when you cleared out of Detroit with Willie the Pimp‘ … from The Lion King.”

GET IT? You thought a thing happened, but it didn’t! Doesn’t that tickle-torture your ribs? Here’s another knee-slapper: Justin Bieber was raped and killed in Las Vegas … except he wasn’t! How gullible you must be, to think people die.

Don’t worry, David Caruso is on the case.

But if FakeNewz sounds too shady for your phony death needs, perhaps you’d prefer a website that sounds an awful lot like a legitimate one? FakeAWish.com will kill any celebrity you like and report it under the name “Global Associated News,” which is the biggest waste of an official-sounding name since Dr. Phil first called himself “Dr.” Then there’s MSMBC.co, where you create a fake death story (like this one for Arnold Schwarzenegger) complete with a link that looks exactly like MSNBC.com if you’re both blindly clicking on everything and actually blind. And when somebody clicks on it, they’re greeted not by a HAHA PWNED page, but a real-ish-looking news story that you can’t read until you share it with your distant uncle and that guy you haven’t talked to since college:

Or with no one, if you go with the Google+ option.

Alternatively, if using those sites is too much work, you can go with the absolute laziest option and create a “RIP [celebrity name]” Facebook page for someone who isn’t in fact RIPing … and then watch it grow inexplicably popular. Rowan “Johnny English” Atkinson, for example, has no fewer than two pre-posthumous Facebook pages, each with over 3,000 fans. For the sake of our species, we hope it’s simply the same 3,000 who fell for the same thing twice.

#2. Stop Pretending Everyone’s Offended By Movies

Hey, remember when those Native American actors walked off the set of Adam Sandler’s new movie? It seems they were outraged over all the gross inaccuracies, blatant stereotyping, lazy jokes, and other things that have never, ever been in an Adam Sandler movie.

“We thought we were signing up for something more sophisticated, like a male deodorant ad.”

Notice how none of those headlines mention how many actors walked off the set, implying through omission that the number was “all of them”? Well, they did that for a reason: The real situation was way less volatile (and thus, more boring) than the hate-click media reported. According to one of the actors, only four out of 154 actors walked out, plus one consultant, leaving the rest to feel “betrayed” that they were being painted as “sell-outs” to the White Man. Oh, and another actor says they all saw the script beforehand, so those who quit probably should have seen the terribleness coming, even if they haven’t been to a cinema since Big Daddy came out.

Precedent shows “pee-pee on your teepee” wasn’t going to be a metaphor.

Then there’s Mad Max: Fury Road and the supposed shitstorm it caused among Men’s Rights Activists for daring to include women kicking ass:

“Feminists started all the wars,” one anonymous member said.

Makes sense, right? Babies throw tantrums. MRAs are babies, so they’re throwing tantrums. Except they weren’t. This entire story came from one blog post on We Hunted The Mammoth, which centered around the anti-Furiosa furor on Return Of Kings, a site so viciously anti-woman even Al Bundy would yell at them to grow the fuck up. But RoK isn’t a MRA site — just some random cootiephobes — and nowhere on Mammoth does it confuse the two. Every other site, desperate for traffic, did that.

Misogynists want her to grow hair and make babies and sandwiches, while MRAs want her to stop destroying masculinity. And to grow hair and make babies and sandwiches.

Did legitimate Men’s Rights Assbags hate Fury Road? Sure, because vagina. But they’re not nearly smart enough to organize some massive boycott of a film $375 million worth of people saw anyway. Also, despite what leading MRA loudmouths fantasize about while jerking off with mini-tweezers, nobody was “paid to put [an MRA boycott story] in the press.” It was lazy and biased, adjectives with which MRAs should be plenty familiar. And finally, we have the time the Noah movie threw every Christian into a hateful tizzy:

That’s a lot of cheek not-turning.

A survey of over 5,000 people found a whopping 98 percent were tut-tutting the movie for bastardizing the Bible. One problem: That survey focused on “faith-driven consumers,” and was organized by an ultra-religious group called … FAITH DRIVEN CONSUMER. They urge boycotts of anything that disagrees with their interpretation of the Bible, and are the same company behind IStandWithPhil, a petition to reinstate that homophobic guy from Duck Dynasty. Even Family Feud surveys like “Name a body part that rhymes with ‘eenis'” aren’t that obviously slanted.

#1. Nope, That Actor Didn’t Confirm A Sequel To That Movie

You know how we’ve dumbed down “literally” and “irony” so morons can feel literate too? “I literally ate an entire pig yesterday, and ironically, I literally ate an entire pig today, too!” We’re doing that crap with “confirm” now. Where once it meant “official news from an official source,” it now means “anybody saying anything about anything.”

Like these constant breaking news stories about a celebrity “confirming” a sequel to some film, when it turns out all they really said was “yeah it’d be cool to do that maybe.” Recently, the Internet went bonkers over Keanu Reeves supposedly saying that Speed 3 was going to happen:

The biggest question now is: Which of the e’s will they replace with a 3?

But no, Speed 3 isn’t happening, for two reasons. Number one: Speed 2. Number two: Keanu was making a goddamn joke. Some reporter asked him about Speed 3, and he said, “Oh my god, Speed 3: Redemption. Sure. Jack Traven kind of like, dusting it off.” That’s sarcasm, folks — another term we’ve dumbed down because nobody can get it right.

Granted, it can be hard to tell with this guy.

Even SlashFilm admits (at the end, when everybody’s stopped reading) that this is probably a non-story, writing “I’m not sure I take the affirmative answer that seriously, but he said it and it’s our job to tell you what he said.” It’s also your job to cleverly edit your headlines so overexcited Speed demons click and share your gossip without a second thought, it would seem.

Ewan McGregor ran into this too, with headlines screaming about how he’d be down with doing Trainspotting 2, even though it’s absolutely not happening.

How old is the ceiling baby now, anyway?

Good God, three paragraphs in, the man admits “I’ve not seen a script yet and I don’t know if there is one.” And yet People reported this anyway. You might as well report on him debating whether to order pizza or Chinese food.

Even Beetlejuice 2 isn’t as done a deal as the headlines make it seem:

Michael Keaton better start practicing his surf moves.

This “confirmation” was her going on Seth Meyers and yammering, “Um, I think I can confirm it, because Tim Burton did this interview — like, it was very hush-hush, top secret … and then he was doing some press for Big Eyes and he did an on-camera interview and he said, ‘Oh yeah, we’re doing it and Winona’s going to be in it,’ and I was like [shocked face].”

And we were like [unimpressed face]. Until some studio gives us an official release date (like Universal recently did with Jurassic World 2), Beetlejuice 2: At Least Lydia’s Legal This Time is nothing but actors talking.

But boy do we love when actors talk — we’ll believe anything they say, even when it’s so obviously a stupid joke. Like Michael Shannon saying he would return as General Zod for Batman V. Superman: Dawn Of Justice, but with flipper hands:

That’s almost as silly as the name of the movie.

Notice how none of those headlines say “flipper hands”? That’s because even the writers know it’s bollocks, but they still want to suck you in and get your clicks, so they tease you “new details” and “strange change.” Except according to Shannon himself, Zod is stone dead, he only appears via voiceover, and the flipper thing was him being a silly goose:

A Batman story starring a guy with flippers? That’s preposterous.

Welcome to the Internet, Shannon, where you can’t believe everything you read, except for that one thing you’re about to share with your buddies. That thing? Totally believable.

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/5-hollywood-stories-you-see-everywhere-that-are-always-bs/ from All of Beer https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/182767620712

0 notes

allofbeercom · 5 years

Text

5 Hollywood Stories You See Everywhere (That Are Always BS)

#5. Stop Saying The Simpsons Predicted Stuff

They also predicted that Lisa would be an adult by 2010, so …

Can anthropomorphic loaded diapers even legally run for president?

DICK TRACY, YOU ASSHOLES! THE JETSONS! EVEN THE FUCKING FLINTSTONES! Somebody got paid for this list! You know what, we’re moving on before this gives us an aneurysm.

Arrrrghhh! Too late!

#4. People Need To Chill About Idris Elba Playing James Bond

“The world isn’t ready for a Bond with facial hair. Sorry.”

Most were only scandalized to find out there are still Bond books, though (or books in general).

Both because they’re right on the money, and because it’ll probably never happen again.

#3. Every Celebrity Death Hoax Comes From The Same Source: Your Idiot Friends

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooot dead yet, guys.”

“Also, his most famous line was ‘I quit on you when you cleared out of Detroit with Willie the Pimp‘ … from The Lion King.”

Don’t worry, David Caruso is on the case.

Or with no one, if you go with the Google+ option.

#2. Stop Pretending Everyone’s Offended By Movies

“We thought we were signing up for something more sophisticated, like a male deodorant ad.”

Precedent shows “pee-pee on your teepee” wasn’t going to be a metaphor.

Then there’s Mad Max: Fury Road and the supposed shitstorm it caused among Men’s Rights Activists for daring to include women kicking ass:

“Feminists started all the wars,” one anonymous member said.

Misogynists want her to grow hair and make babies and sandwiches, while MRAs want her to stop destroying masculinity. And to grow hair and make babies and sandwiches.

That’s a lot of cheek not-turning.

#1. Nope, That Actor Didn’t Confirm A Sequel To That Movie

The biggest question now is: Which of the e’s will they replace with a 3?

Granted, it can be hard to tell with this guy.

Ewan McGregor ran into this too, with headlines screaming about how he’d be down with doing Trainspotting 2, even though it’s absolutely not happening.

How old is the ceiling baby now, anyway?

Even Beetlejuice 2 isn’t as done a deal as the headlines make it seem:

Michael Keaton better start practicing his surf moves.

That’s almost as silly as the name of the movie.

A Batman story starring a guy with flippers? That’s preposterous.

Welcome to the Internet, Shannon, where you can’t believe everything you read, except for that one thing you’re about to share with your buddies. That thing? Totally believable.

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/5-hollywood-stories-you-see-everywhere-that-are-always-bs/

0 notes

novellamackinlay-blog · 7 years

Text

Fascinating Draft beer Information.

A lot of folks say that they are lucky to have remained wed a long period of time. Quran is actually a manual from wonders and that is one claim that is allowed by lots of people which have actually read the Holy Quran and also aimed to know that. That is one thing that was actually given by Allah Almighty for the best interests from the humanity. I can say that the majority of guide will certainly resonate with my readers given that our company have actually always known that there is more to lifestyle in comparison to the gown sense of some slight famous person or some unnecessary political wrongdoings. Over self pleasure is among the major factors resulting in Wet Dreams When a guy masturbates very often like various times throughout a day, then the male organ performs certainly not receive good enough remainder in between consecutive masturbating treatments, triggering that in order to get anxious. For those who have any kind of questions relating to in which and also tips on how to use yellow pages online australia - jezdzicnadobrasprawe.pl,, you are able to contact us at our own site. The ancient Greeks and also Romans felt they were actually rips of the Gods and also bits off falling celebrities. Celtic culture in Britain sustained a number of the temples as well as feast times of the earlier megalithic times along with the absolute most vital Celtic treat days being the four yearly Fire Festivities." Celtic ideas were actually polytheistic and their pantheon contained as a lot of as 4 hundred deities. Just as with the help of oil, electric power as well as vapor rails are understood to perform similarly rails utilizing technology from broadcast communication can be made to ambulate. Historical understanding, coupled with roots from theological as well as esoteric in nature, aside from the knowledge concept from early greek, the bases of an one-of-a-kind metaphysical thoughts scientific research that merely the Druze Brotherhood can easily profess to become their own. Context: Archaeologists are actually trying to learn about these old individuals through digging in the wrecks to locate artefacts. Other blossoms that were actually preferred throughout old Egyptian opportunities featured the papyrus plant and the palm plant. Typical ceramics including glasses and bricks are still produced by ancient procedures. In addition, the flowers as well as leaves behind that were made use of to create basket arrangements were actually meticulously decided on based upon their emblematic definition. The genuine significance from the story is associated with the stars having the exact same label from the kids which are the very first to climb early in the morning at sunrise. It was actually comprised as a religious manual and also consisted of detailed writings from passion producing approaches and also guidance. Popular landscapes of the early times are actually the murals of Buddhist priests as well as through Michelangelo in the course of the awakening period. Morten St. George is the writer from the Nostradamus-related publication Necromancy from the Rule Against Inept Movie critics and the developer a site regarding Nostradamus et los angeles Kabbale His internet site includes the Nostradamus textual variants of the Paris editions and other specialized support for the themes this short article. If you are actually the groom and also you can certainly not observe the bride's face, the meaning coincides. As well as finally, ink-jet printers collected these significances and also published all of them, leaving all of them for our company in present day opportunities. Making use of a Kritya of early times one can kill people in far off locations while settled in the house making use of Mantra shouting energy. It is actually terribly contemporary to presume that factors today are pretty various coming from the method they were in historical times, especially in terms of the task of females in business, society, as well as national politics. It is consequently that the Mystery and also supranatural universities set up due to the ancient sages holed up as well as functioned clandestinely. Because Mandarin lifestyle is a sophisticated one additionally uncovers that the gold colour possesses a kind of double definition and also it is the grieving colour utilized by Mandarin Buddhists. Fly angling in the present day opportunities came from the flows of Northern England as well as Scotland. The ancient Greeks along with their well-off bring ins off numerous places incorporated an amazing active ingredients and also spices to the Italian cuisine. In ancient Mexico, blue-green was scheduled for the gods and could possibly certainly not be worn by mere people. In Peru, as in historical Egypt, this was the customized to mummify the lifeless and also to bury with the mothers the clothing, meals, household tools, weapons, as well as other things and also articles utilized by living. Like Argus from the historical times, Our company leave this modern-day Greece, Tum-tum, tum-tum, tum, tum, tum-tum, To shear the Golden Fleece. Early Greek masks look fantastic wherever displayed - be this inside or even outdoors. The word Druid" is stemmed from dru" indicating fact" or even somebody submersed in expertise." The Greeks were actually the very first to document words Druidae" going back to the 2nd century BC. The different clans possessed their very own spiritual plant, crann bethadh, or Tree from Life" status as a symbol during their territory. In ancient opportunities, opal had been regarded as the luckiest and very most magical of all the treasure's due to its' capacity to showcase a large number of colours. Heaven shade from blue-green was believed to have powerful metaphysical homes by several early societies. Susinum was actually a specific much-loved, as well as the competitive nature shows that in historical times, some kind from sameness and also requirement was expected. SAMSON the kid of MANOAH (c) 11OO BC possesses his full tale said to in guide FROM JUDGES in the OLD TESTAMENT claiming he was actually blessed by GOD with huge durability used generally to income a one man war versus his opponents the PHILISTINES. In the Classical world, the hedonic sex-related free-for all represented in motion pictures and also lots of university classrooms was actually not the criterion in the times of the free of cost and also democratic Classical community. In early times, Sapphires were actually believed to be defensive versus rivalry, as well as versus poisoning. Nonetheless in Australia where the early and also the early division of mankind was present the Ancient folks do not possess any type of knowledge about the never-ceasing twins, the misconceptions shared by a considerable amount of lifestyles were actually originated off the north when the humankind stretched off Africa almost 75000 years back. Historical wisdom, coupled along with roots from esoteric as well as doctrinal in attribute, besides the know-how idea from old greek, the bases of a distinct spiritual thoughts science that merely the Druze Brotherhood may claim to be their personal. Circumstance: Excavators are attempting to find out about these early individuals by excavating in the ruins to locate artifacts. Various other blossoms that were actually well-known throughout old Egyptian opportunities consisted of the papyrus plant and the hand tree. Common porcelains such as bricks and glasses are actually still produced through early techniques. Indeed, the Plague all of a sudden faded away the moment his term spreading (though some propose due to the fact that beer was actually steamed in the developing procedure, that would have been actually much safer in comparison to water, which had actually earlier spread the infection.) When Saint Arnold passed away in 640, the people from his hometown brought his body off Remiremont to Metz for reburial in their congregation.

0 notes

boyreinvented-a-blog · 7 years

Text

Set on the prosperous Long Island of 1922, The Great Gatsby provides a critical social history of America during the Roaring Twenties within its fictional narrative. That era, known for unprecedented economic prosperity, the evolution of jazz music, flapper culture, new technologies in communication (motion pictures, broadcast radio, recorded music) forging a genuine mass culture; and bootlegging, along with other criminal activity, is plausibly depicted in Fitzgerald's novel. Fitzgerald uses these societal developments of the 1920s to build Gatsby's stories from simple details like automobiles to broader themes like Fitzgerald's discreet allusions to the organized crime culture which was the source of Gatsby's fortune.[5] Fitzgerald educates his readers about the garish society of the Roaring Twenties by placing a timeless, relatable plotline within the historical context of the era.[6]

Fitzgerald's visits to Long Island's north shore and his experience attending parties at mansions inspired The Great Gatsby's setting. Today, there are a number of theories as to which mansion was the inspiration for the book. One possibility is Land's End, a notable Gold Coast Mansion where Fitzgerald may have attended a party.[7] Many of the events in Fitzgerald's early life are reflected throughout The Great Gatsby. Fitzgerald was a young man from Minnesota, and like Nick, he was educated at an Ivy League school, Princeton (in Nick's case, Yale). Fitzgerald is also similar to Jay Gatsby, in that he fell in love while stationed far from home in the military and fell into a life of decadence trying to prove himself to the girl he loved. Fitzgerald became a second lieutenant, and was stationed at Camp Sheridan, in Montgomery, Alabama. There he met and fell in love with a wild seventeen-year-old beauty named Zelda Sayre. Zelda finally agreed to marry him, but her preference for wealth, fun, and leisure led her to delay their wedding until he could prove a success.[8] Like Nick in The Great Gatsby, Fitzgerald found this new lifestyle seductive and exciting, and, like Gatsby, he had always idolized the very rich.[8] In many ways, The Great Gatsby represents Fitzgerald's attempt to confront his conflicting feelings about the Jazz Age. Like Gatsby, Fitzgerald was driven by his love for a woman who symbolized everything he wanted, even as she led him toward everything he despised.[8]

In her book Careless People: Murder, Mayhem and the Invention of 'The Great Gatsby (2013), Sarah Churchwell speculates that parts of the ending of The Great Gatsby were based on the Hall-Mills Case.[9] Based on her forensic search for clues, she asserts that the two victims in the Hall-Mills murder case inspired the characters who were murdered in The Great Gatsby.[10]

Plot summary The main events of the novel take place in the summer of 1922. Nick Carraway, a Yale graduate and veteran of the Great War from the Midwest—who serves as the novel's narrator—takes a job in New York as a bond salesman. He rents a small house on Long Island, in the fictional village of West Egg, next door to the lavish mansion of Jay Gatsby, a mysterious millionaire who holds extravagant parties but does not participate in them. Nick drives around the bay to East Egg for dinner at the home of his cousin, Daisy Fay Buchanan, and her husband, Tom, a college acquaintance of Nick's. They introduce Nick to Jordan Baker, an attractive, cynical young golfer with whom Nick begins a romantic relationship. She reveals to Nick that Tom has a mistress, Myrtle Wilson, who lives in the "valley of ashes",[11] an industrial dumping ground between West Egg and New York City. Not long after this revelation, Nick travels to New York City with Tom and Myrtle to an apartment Tom keeps for his affairs with Myrtle and others. At Tom's New York apartment, a vulgar and bizarre party takes place. It ends with Tom breaking Myrtle's nose after she annoys him by saying Daisy's name several times.

The Plaza Hotel in the early-1920s As the summer progresses, Nick eventually receives an invitation to one of Gatsby's parties. Nick encounters Jordan Baker at the party, and they meet Gatsby himself, an aloof and surprisingly young man who recognizes Nick from their same division in the Great War. Through Jordan, Nick later learns that Gatsby knew Daisy through a purely chance meeting in 1917, when Daisy and her friends were doing volunteer services' work with young Officers headed to Europe. From their brief meetings and casual encounters at that time, Gatsby became (and still is) deeply in love with Daisy. And even more, he became obsessed with the idea of her, and the ideal of living in the world he saw her living in, as the fulfillment of all the possible dreams he could ever have.

Gatsby spends many nights staring at the green light at the end of Tom and Daisy's dock, across the bay from his mansion, hoping one day to rekindle their lost romance. Jordan confides in Nick that the only reason he bought the mansion is that it was across the bay from Tom and Daisy's home. And Gatsby's extravagant lifestyle and wild parties were an attempt to impress Daisy and raise her curiosity about her "anonymous" neighbor across the bay. Gatsby had hoped that one day curiosity would have brought the unsuspecting Daisy to appear at his doorstep, and thereby he'd be able to present himself as a "new man", now of wealth and position, and now able to join her at her side and within her world. That however never played out, and although Tom had been invited (as a guest of Jordan's) to a Gatsby party and had attended more than one of them, both he and Daisy had (for different reasons) never responded affirmatively to an RSVP to attend as the Buchanans (Mr. and Mrs.). The deeper reasons behind this fact are expanded upon later in the story by Daisy. His research of Nick, who has so fortuitously rented the small cottage next door to Gatsby's mansion, results in a wholly new approach to his problem of how to introduce Daisy to the "new" J. Gatsby.

The whole purpose of the "invitation" to Nick to attend a Gatsby party was to develop a relationship with him so that Gatsby could later ask Nick to arrange a reunion between himself and Daisy. Nick invites Daisy to have tea at his house without telling her that Gatsby will also be there. After an initially awkward reunion, Gatsby and Daisy reestablish their connection. They begin an affair and, after a short time, Tom grows increasingly suspicious of his wife's relationship with Gatsby. At a luncheon at the Buchanans' house, Daisy speaks to Gatsby with such undisguised intimacy that Tom realizes she is in love with Gatsby. Though Tom is himself involved in an extramarital affair, he is outraged by his wife's infidelity. He forces the group to drive into New York City and confronts Gatsby in a suite at the Plaza Hotel, asserting that he and Daisy have a history that Gatsby could never understand. In addition to that, he announces to his wife that Gatsby is a criminal whose fortune comes from bootlegging alcohol and other illegal activities. Daisy realizes that her allegiance is to Tom, and Tom contemptuously sends her back to East Egg with Gatsby, attempting to prove that Gatsby cannot hurt him.

When Nick, Jordan, and Tom drive through the valley of ashes on their way home, they discover that Gatsby's car has struck and killed Tom's mistress, Myrtle. Nick later learns from Gatsby that Daisy, not Gatsby himself, was driving the car at the time of the accident but Gatsby intends to take the blame anyway. Myrtle's husband, George, falsely concludes that the driver of the yellow car is the secret lover he recently began suspecting she has, and sets out on foot to find him. After finding out the yellow car is Gatsby's, he arrives at Gatsby's mansion where he fatally shoots Gatsby and then himself. Nick stages an unsettlingly small funeral for Gatsby in which none of Gatsby's associates or partygoers attend. Later, Nick runs into Tom in New York and finds out that Tom had told George that Gatsby was Myrtle's secret lover and that Gatsby had killed her, then gave George Gatsby's address. Nick breaks up with Jordan, and, disillusioned with the East, moves back to the Midwest.

Major characters Nick Carraway – a Yale graduate originating from the Midwest, a World War I veteran, and, at the start of the plot, a newly arrived resident of West Egg, who is aged 29 (later 30). He also serves as the first-person narrator of the novel. He is Gatsby's next-door neighbor and a bond salesman. He is easy-going, occasionally sarcastic, and somewhat optimistic, although this latter quality fades as the novel progresses. Jay Gatsby (originally James "Jimmy" Gatz) – a young, mysterious millionaire with shady business connections (later revealed to be a bootlegger), originally from North Dakota. He is obsessed with Daisy Buchanan, a beautiful debutante from Louisville, Kentucky whom he had met when he was a young military officer stationed at the Army's Camp Taylor in Louisville during World War I. Fitzgerald himself was actually based at Camp Taylor in Louisville when he was in the Army and makes various references to Louisville in the novel, including the Seelbach Hotel where the Buchanan party stayed while in town for Tom and Daisy's wedding. The character is based on the bootlegger and former World War I officer, Max Gerlach, according to Some Sort of Epic Grandeur, Matthew J. Bruccoli's biography of F. Scott Fitzgerald. Gatsby is said to have briefly studied at Trinity College, Oxford in England after the end of World War I.[12] Daisy Fay Buchanan – an attractive and effervescent, if shallow and self-absorbed, young Louisville, Kentucky debutante and socialite, identified as a flapper.[13] She is Nick's second cousin, once removed, and the wife of Tom Buchanan. Daisy is believed to have been inspired by Fitzgerald's own youthful romances with Ginevra King. Daisy once had a romantic relationship with Gatsby, before she married Tom. Her choice between Gatsby and Tom is one of the central conflicts in the novel. Thomas "Tom" Buchanan – a millionaire who lives on East Egg, and Daisy's husband. Tom is an imposing man of muscular build with a "husky tenor" voice and arrogant demeanor. He is a former football star at Yale. Buchanan has parallels with William Mitchell, the Chicagoan who married Ginevra King. Buchanan and Mitchell were both Chicagoans with an interest in polo. Like Ginevra's father, whom Fitzgerald resented, Buchanan attended Yale and is a white supremacist.[14] Jordan Baker – Daisy Buchanan's long-time friend with "autumn-leaf yellow" hair, a firm athletic body, and an aloof attitude. She is Nick Carraway's girlfriend for most of the novel and an amateur golfer with a slightly shady reputation and a penchant for untruthfulness. Fitzgerald told Maxwell Perkins that Jordan was based on the golfer Edith Cummings, a friend of Ginevra King.[14] Her name is a play on the two popular automobile brands, the Jordan Motor Car Company and the Baker Motor Vehicle, alluding to Jordan's "fast" reputation and the freedom now presented to Americans, especially women, in the 1920s.[15][16][17] George B. Wilson – a mechanic and owner of a garage. He is disliked by both his wife, Myrtle Wilson, and Tom Buchanan, who describes him as "so dumb he doesn't know he's alive". One interpretation of the novel's ending is that he learns of the death of his wife, he shoots and kills Gatsby, wrongly believing he had been driving the car that killed Myrtle, and then kills himself. Myrtle Wilson – George's wife, and Tom Buchanan's mistress. Myrtle, who possesses a fierce vitality, is desperate to find refuge from her complacent marriage, but unfortunately this leads to her tragic ending. She is accidentally killed by Gatsby's car (driven by Daisy, though Gatsby insists he would take the blame for the accident). Meyer Wolfsheim[note 1] – a Jewish friend and mentor of Gatsby's, described as a gambler who fixed the World Series. Wolfsheim appears only twice in the novel, the second time refusing to attend Gatsby's funeral. He is a clear allusion to Arnold Rothstein, a New York crime kingpin who was notoriously blamed for the Black Sox Scandal which tainted the 1919 World Series.[20]

0 notes

dcnativegal · 7 years

Text

Learning the lingo

After 6 months in the Oregon Outback, I am slowly learning the lingo:

· Cali refers to California. Washington is usually Washington state.

· A rig can be anything from a tiny pickup to an enormous truck hauling cows. The latter is also referred to as a cow can.

· Ontario is not in Canada and Albany is not in New York. They’re both in Oregon.

· PCS refers to a legal charge, possession of a controlled substance. And unless you have a medical marijuana card, you WILL be busted if you are in possession of weed. Every single one of my new clients who see me for substance use disorder is court mandated. I’m getting to know the probation officers. Nice people, although one is a scary badass. I’m glad I’m not under his scrutiny.

· The ‘nun’s cap’ is the white thingie that people pee into so as to pour more neatly their pee into a small plastic container.

· Tameeka and Lattigo are white girls.

· “Meadow maggots” is a derogatory term for sheep. Apparently, cow ranchers look down on sheep ranchers. Who knew.

· I can tell a heifer from a bull or steer. I just learned how to tell a hen from a rooster. I recognize an owl call including a baby owl which is very different. I still know nothing about cuts of beef. All I know is my favorite is filet mignon, always has been. Medium well done please. If you like beef, Lake County is the place to be. We ate steak at a friend’s house that was one of the “Murphy cows.” Now that’s eating local and organic.

Things I’m getting used to:

· Traveling on a road all by myself for dozens of miles before there is another vehicle.

· Not locking anything

· Not recycling anything. Sorry. It’s a huge hassle here… I’ll work on that, especially cans…

· Bad teeth. Many people here have missing teeth. I do wonder what they can eat and how they accommodate the missing ones.

· No one, but no one, dresses up. I’ve been to a funeral. One person besides me wore dressy black. This is a very casually dressed place. I might end of giving away all my dressy stuff.

· Horseshoe art. I am the proud owner of a horseshoe Christmas tree.

· Actual tumbleweeds, blowing across the road.

· The lack of ethnic food. I like a couple of diners that are run by Mexican people, and the food is delish. There’s a Chinese food place in Lakeview. A fabulous Thai place in Klamath. In Paisley, we prefer the pizza at the Pioneer to the pizza at Homestead Café, but the beef au jus is better at the Homestead. I dream of tekel gomen and doro tibs with injera, but even the Ethiopian place in Reno NV has closed.

· The old air raid siren in Lakeview that rises up and into everyone’s awareness (everyone who can hear with their ears) every weekday at noon. Same sound that I heard once in Brooklyn when visiting Jonah. It was Friday early evening and the air raid siren goes off. I’m startled and probably cursed: what the hell is that? Jonah says, oh it’s the beginning of Sabbath for the Hasidim. In Lakeview, it’s a test of the volunteer fire department. Which tries very hard.

· Ahem, everyone has medical flight insurance.

Things I can’t get used to:

· Watching for deer on the road. They spring out of nowhere. I saw a pickup truck hit a deer right in front of me. The deer was so young I thought it was a dog. It hit the front and flew into the edge of the road. The truck stopped and I road on past, shaken. Minutes later, I was helping Valerie feed the cows. I’m sitting in Old Blue, odometer north of 475,000 miles, with the seat coil pinching my left flank, and I’m driving it through an eager and hungry crowd of yearlings. I was panicked that I’d hit one, and the damn fools are going counterclockwise around the truck as I lurch forward with the clutch and the gas. They’re wondering, is the hay coming off the other side? Am I missing some alfalfa?? I didn’t hit any but I was terrified. I’ve already killed a chipmunk and a rabbit…

· People take serious lunch breaks and whole operations shut down for 90 minutes. The post office, the library, the DMV. If it’s a one-person show, of course they need a break. Just a TAD inconvenient, and I often forget.

· Listening to Oregon Public Radio and the strongest station is in Portland so the weather has nothing to do with our weather, east of the Cascades. When I listen to the Lakeview station there’s a bit of a mention, but I seem to miss the local reports. I’m used to living in the capital city of the most powerful country in the world. Oh and most of the weather is the same through large swaths. Here there are microclimates every 10 miles. Weather.com says it’s 31 but my thermometer tells me its 36. I’m told Paisley is in a banana belt. I’ve yet to see any banana trees.

· Howling winds. Pretty normal around here apparently, especially in North Lake where I work now, but when there is a wind advisory, which is frequent in winter, we’re talking 80mph gusts. I wait for the roof to fly off. So far, still there. I’ve never before been kept awake by wind.

· The almost complete absence of black people. One of my addicts told me, when I mentioned how few there are here, said wait ‘til the July 4th fireworks. There’ll be something like 20 black people!

Things I’m getting more used to but is still hard:

· Conservative points of view. Anti-immigrant especially. Which I don’t understand. I’ve heard this opinion from several people, spontaneously, like when I was getting the computer all tuned up to start an assessment, and this loquacious client says, what do you think about Trump and his immigration stuff? I think it’s great: not enough jobs for Americans. Those wetbacks come here and jump on welfare… All of which is so not true. But what I do is give him a look and say, so, what brings you here? Another time I was hanging out in the only pharmacy in all of Lake County (does that not boggle the mind??) and there are three women of a certain age hanging out at the register, and one says to another, those immigrants sure don’t have a work ethic. I couldn’t help myself, I said, at the register, That’s not true! And the woman who turned to tend to me didn’t look at me, rang me up, and wished me a nice day. Right. I came out to her sidekick on another visit. I’d picked up Valerie’s medication and the woman says, Oh so YOU’RE the Little! And I said, no, I’m the Lincoln, Valerie Little is my partner. Again, no eye contact, and “oh, I’ve got it now!” I’m just coming out willy nilly. I really can’t be bothered. We’re here (in tiny numbers in Lake County), we’re queer, and I’m not hiding that fact from you. My timidity from my early weeks here has vanished.

· Terrible internet. There’s still a wait list for new accounts in Paisley and in some other parts of Lake County, and there’s some delay. If I had more energy I’d do some research and then bug the shit out of one of my elected representatives. Of course, we the internet-less are maybe 50 families? But still…. One blessing: getting to know the library, which has wifi and an amazing librarian. We use a MiFi gizmo which maxes out pretty quickly when I stream, so I don’t. No more binge watching. Another blessing: I’m actually reading books again.

· It’s way harder to see the people I love. I have to ship my kids in at great expense, with long drives to retrieve them, and a motel room at either end. I hope my sister and some portion of her family can come visit. Any friend who wants to see the Oregon Outback on the way to Crater Lake and then the coast of Oregon has a bedroom in my house, and I’ll come get you from Reno or Portland. Preferably Reno. There are also tiny airports in Eugene and Klamath, if you have the money.

· My church. Hard, but I still go.

What I love:

· The broad vistas everywhere, even looking toward the end of the street, there’s a field, and mountains in the distance. The changing sky, and sun and clouds. The look of the animals in the fields, mostly cows, but also horses, sheep, goats and llamas or are they alpacas? And there’s that Shetland pony farm by Klamath Falls.

· I’ve discovered some amazing podcasts which keep me awake during the long drives around here. This American Life, Moth Radio Hour and Modern Love are my favorites.

· The clean air. It’s so windy that it’s always fresh. Except in Lakeview which has some sort of air pattern that holds smoke and fog close to town.

· The lack of sirens. I only think about them when I’m in a city like Eugene or Bend and hear one.

· The lack of pretension. I’m talking about yards and houses. Whatever shelters you from the wind can be a home. Fifth wheels or recreational vehicles can be a ‘tiny house’—I believe others have pointed out the difference in class between tiny houses and mobile homes. (Sorta like erotica is for rich people, porn for everyone else.) A whole lot of people out here live in mobile homes, or rather, manufactured homes. Cozy, affordable housing. There may be chickens in the yard, 5 vehicles in various stages of disrepair, a wagon full of bark (as in our front yard), or a fence made of wagon tires. Whatever. The chair of any DC area homeowner’s association would have a heart attack here.

· Friendliness. The tiny waves from drivers in cars (a flick of the fingers up from the steering wheel.) People holding doors open for you when you’re not that close to the door. Even when they don’t approve of your ‘lifestyle’ as I know one storekeeper most vehemently does not, I am waited on courteously. I figure that much of this is because of the monoculture and the general scarcity of humans. George Lakoff calls this “in-group nurturance.” Still, it’s nice. In DC, I was so tired of being honked at by the car right behind me at every green light. Here in Lake County? No green, or yellow lights. There are two blinking red lights that I know of just so you’ll wake up from your long drive stupor and notice there’s another tiny highway intersecting.

· I live in a lovely loft-home made cozy from Valerie’s Korean furniture and my art. I’ve made a life here. I work 3 days a week, which is in my opinion an absolutely ideal schedule, especially when the work is so demanding of heart and mind as mine is for me. I have a writer’s group, a church, and a couple of friends. I’m grateful for a generous coworker who’s helping me get acclimated to Christmas Valley: another planet in the solar system of Lake County. Talk about off the grid….and not hippies either. More like burnt out and traumatized veterans. I live with my lover and friend, Miss Valerie, when she isn’t a ranch hand. She gets ‘sirred’ in Lakeview restaurants, but so what, we share the huevo rancheros without skipping a beat. She’s funny, practical, and creative. Girl has a work ethic that puts me entirely to shame. Also frugal. This is one of our power struggles. I’m like, buy the damn thing. She’s like, ‘make it, fake it or do without.’ This frontier world is about that for real. I make her laugh, she demands kisses as I walk by, and when I’m eating solid food, she makes me eggs every morning and scrapes off ice from the windshield. The cross-continent relocation was well worth the schlep.

�N۳��

#oregonoutback

0 notes