Gael García Bernal in A Little Bit of Heaven (2011, dir. Nicole Kassell)

(these gifs also feature Kate Hudson)

[other gael filmography gifsets]

What are your personal opinion about queerbaiting in anime/manga? Sorry for the random ask...It's just that most of my otps are of 2 male anime/manga characters that describes as bff/ rivals/ enemies that don't have any romantic relationships.....Even after I watched/read BL anime/manga, I still ship more of them that canonly are not a couple....Is that weird?

First of all, it's fandom! Be weird, that's practically what it's for! But I think this is pretty common actually. I know I certainly relate to it.

(I apologize in advance for how little anime I'm going to specifically mention here; Moriarty the Patriot is really my biggest foray back into the genre after a like 8-10 year break from being an otaku. I'm still catching up lol.)

I define queerbaiting (and I think this IS the definition) as a situation where the creators of a piece of fiction have realized that their media is appealing to queer people, and have decided to capitalize on that interest without any intention of actually letting a queer story happen. So, Destiel for example is 100% queerbaiting: (many of) the writers dragged that out very intentionally while also being disdainful of and seemingly grossed out by their queer audience. They just wanted to see how much money they could milk from it.

On the far opposite side is something like Our Flag Means Death, which is like a love letter to queer audiences and has queer people on the creative team and is just generally a joy.

In between, you have things like Good Omens or Hannibal, that maybe weren't setting out to be queer stories, but embraced the love from that community and allowed that element to grow within the series. The anecdotal story about Hannibal; that Bryan Fuller as a gay man was actually setting out to explore straight male friendships that he didn't feel like he could entirely access himself, only to have the chemistry between the leads shift the story, is something I really love (regardless of whether it's entirely true.) THAT is the kind of romance story-telling I want to see; something organic played out between writers and actors and audience. A living thing, rather than a set-in-stone script.

So, bringing that back to anime/manga, and using the series I'm most obsessed with, I think SherLiam is a bit of that. They've been very clearly fitting into romance tropes right from the get-go, but I also would not be surprised at all if our Senseis were responding to positive feedback from fans as they keep letting it get gayer and gayer. Though I have zero expectations of the words "I love you" or of an on-page kiss (and frankly I like what we have gotten better), nothing about it feels like a loveless manipulative money-grab. It feels like, "we like this, the fans like this, so we're gonna let it be as much a romance as it can be within the confines of the magazine it's published in."

In a more general way though, I totally agree with shipping not-quite canon couples above couples in things that are strictly romances, whether straight or gay. If you're watching a romantic movie or reading a BL manga, the ending is a foregone conclusion. You know they're gonna get together. And quite often sex is brought in very early.

Personally, I prefer a genuine will they/won't they. I like not knowing. And I like a couple to get really deeply emotionally intimate before sex factors in. So slowburns and things that never really become canon, or become canon right at the end, really work for me. There's always fanfiction if things aren't resolved the way we want, and in the meantime I can enjoy seeing a pair truly get to know each other in a way that most couples who only get an hour and a half of screentime or a few episodes just don't. I'll take 100 chapters of pining with no resolution over a couple hopping in bed after 45 minutes on screen.

Your Name. (2016)

Last time I watched a Shinkai movie was almost exactly nine years ago, and I remember enjoying it. Was it like this, too? Shallow characters acting like anime cliches instead of people. Simplistic, weightless human figures with tiny weak noodle limbs against extremely polished and detailed backgrounds. Like five montages to bland pop songs. Zero chemistry between the characters who are supposed to have a romance.

I was legitimately taken aback by Taki’s “I love you”, because nothing about their relationship seemed particularly romantic — just a strong connection between two teens who are very embarrassed by physical closeness with a person of another gender. A cinema equivalent of someone going “Ah, so you like them!” at a girl who is uncomfortable in the presence of a boy her age. 

What I did see was romantic tension between Mitsuha and Okudera, Taki’s senpai. Come on, Okudera is only interested in Taki when he’s actually Mitsuha, and Mitsuha invites her on a date and wants to go herself? Call me a fool but I seriously considered that such a critically acclaimed movie might have been brave enough to follow up on the subtext it set up for no other clear reason. Gender in general was handled in the most basic and conservative way possible. Though I admit: the scene where Mitsuha in Taki’s body goes through every pronoun to refer to herself is probably very stereotypical for body swap anime, but I found it genuinely hilarious (also, my condolences to translators everywhere). 

While a lot of the body swap section was entertaining, it was also too cliched and bad for secondhand embarrassment. The leads were impractical even for a pair of high schoolers (seriously, neither of them noticed that the days of the week didn’t match up, or what the year was?! Taki spent several days in a town without ever encountering its name?). Taki acted like a creep with the narrative treating it as “boys will be boys”. I found the sake thing pretty gross, too, though in a different way. As this review puts it, this is “a movie about meaningless infatuation, sexual assault, breaking the UK’s age of consent laws, and traveling through time by drinking spit”. 

We see the boy’s big heroic moment on screen, but the girl’s big heroic moment not only is supposed to be all about her feminine power of Appealing to Emotions, but also happens offscreen for no reason. I kept expecting a flashback revealing how the hell she managed to convince her father, but it never came. Which means that 1) Shinkai couldn’t actually figure out how it happened, or 2) he didn’t deem it necessary to put in more effort or restructure the story to remove the question entirely.

The opening scene is actually a spoiler, which I appreciated when I realized that, but at first the sequence of events in the beginning is very confusing. Overall I found the story more engaging when the body swap section ended and the real plot began. I was much more emotionally involved in the life-saving and fate-rewriting than in the personal connection between the two leads. Their relationship is better as a tool that enables the wish-fulfillment fantasy of “what if I could go back in time and get everyone to safety just before a disaster strikes” (a deeply unsurprising plot for a Japanese movie from 2016).

I liked:

The symbolism/double Chekhov’s pun with tasogaredoki/katawaredoki*. Kudos to the creators of the English subtitles translating these as “gloaming” and “half-light” respectively, btw. And shout out to what the internet confirmed to be the cameo from The Garden of Words.

The original take on a red string of fate

The bait-and-switch with the comet which was implied to be the reason for the characters’ connection from the very beginning of the movie, but presented as if it was a “wish upon a star” plot up until the big reveal.

To be fair, I would have been much less frustrated with the film if not for the quality of the Japanese subtitles. The .srt had an exhausting number of errors, while the .sup probably straight from the Blu-Ray didn’t match the rip I was watching, and I couldn’t find a way to edit it. Which means that every time something in the .srt seemed wrong, I had to open the subtitle browser and squint at the tiny graphic subtitle looking for the right line. I probably would have enjoyed this movie more if it took only its runtime... (Alright, some of that was my own fault because I kept pausing to read the headlines etc.)

* Anyone willing to dig deeper is very welcome to correct me, but, based on a couple of pages among the top search results for katawaredoki, and a couple of dictionary entries:

The word is fictional, not taken from a real dialect. There are similar words starting with kataware in the dictionaries, though. Katawarezuki means “half moon”; Taki wears a t-shirt with the English words “half moon” when he embarks on his search for Mitsuha’s town. Katawareboshi “falling star, meteor” is present only in one dictionary, but it’s very relevant to the movie’s plot. 

Other than “twilight”, the word katawaredoki also refers to two things:

One of the dictionary definitions of kataware is “fragment, broken piece”, and it’s used in the movie to refer to the meteor that broke off of the comet, so katawaredoki is “the time of the comet’s fragment”.

The other meaning I didn’t catch while watching. Another definition of kataware is “counterpart, one half of a pair”, so in this sense the word refers to our protagonists and their bond.

To put all of these together, katawaredoki is “the time at twilight when the two body-swap partners meet and the comet falls apart”. That’s a pretty detailed description of one of the movie’s climactic scenes!

Dramas I dropped in 2021

(or sped through)

I usually try to complete most dramas and books I start but this year I noped out of more than ever. I also powered through some that I probably should've dropped, so the fact that I did or did not drop something isn't entirely an indication of quality.

TL;DR version: Legend of Fei, The Wolf, Song of Youth, Demigods and Semi-devils (2021), The Uncanny Counters, Rattan and (sigh) Broker.

Of all the dramas I dropped I'd consider trying Uncanny Counters and Rattan again.

Reasons I dropped are under the cut - no spoilers except for Broker which gets a lil' rant.

Legend of Fei - dropped after ep 12. mostly because the FL wasn't compelling for me, the production seemed oddly cheap (but not in a fun cheap web drama way) and the plot was disjointed. Up to the point I dropped there was zero chemistry between the leads and even though I love wuxia it seemed - i don't know. Boring? Hm, that's not quite it. It's like there was no momentum or energy in many of the scenes. No idea why people liked this so much.

The Wolf - dropped after ep 2. The premise, dialog, and CGI were embarrassingly cheesy - but not in a fun, campy way. The note everytime the cgi wolves appeared telling me they weren't real? No sh*t sherlock. I also had a visceral reaction to the ML - not sure why but I instantly disliked him ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. There was no way I could make it to the plot line with XZ's character in it which is a shame because all the gifs of him look charming.

Song of Youth - this was probably an OK drama but just wasn't my jam - I think it was the combination of the leisurely pacing and the fact that it is a straightforward romance with a few too many tired tropes (I'm not a romance fan obvs.) Had hoped it would have some comedy but lots of the "humor" in the early episodes was mocking people that didn't need to be mocked - not at all funny to me. Bai Lu looked amazing (no surprise) but the ML seemed kinda bland so I had no interest in seeing them get together. Dropped after 10 eps.

Demigods and Semi-devils (2021) - yes this has gotten terrible reviews but I didn't think it was that bad. It did have an old-school feel and probably suffered from being compared to everyone's favorite version whether drama or novel (note: i have not read the novel or watched any of the earlier versions). Not sure why I dropped it other than it wasn't super duper compelling and I was getting burned out on cdramas and switched back to English language shows for a while (my main tumblr has most of those).

The Uncanny Counters (K-drama) - I really thought I would like this - the plot is interesting and the acting was good and production values high but for some reason was irritated by how emotionally manipulative it was - yes, this happens in most dramas and it mildly annoys me but I guess I was just in a bad mood. It seemed unnecessary to elicit sympathy for the main characters by piling on the tragedy like so many cheap accessories. E.g.,the ML had a terrible limp from the horrific accident that killed his parents but also his grandma had dementia? And he was bullied? Might pick it up again someday.

Rattan - ok, weird premise - alien plant beings that live among us? maybe it will be a little scifi but no, I really couldn't tell what it was. I like Zhang Binbin so gave it a try. Scenery in the first episode was quite spectacular, acting was fine, but somehow couldn't get into it. Dropped after ep 2.

Broker (did finish but selected parts)- TL;DR spoiler-free version: this likely suffered from both censorship and repeated re-cutting, but there's no way it was good even before it was hacked. It should've been a movie not a drama, and been written by someone with at least half a brain. Just terrible. The fact that it had high ratings while it aired is a testament to the power of luoshifen (and Song Qian fans I assume.) Plus side: Song Qian's character (FL) was refreshingly not a typical cdrama naive girl or scheming b* and her acting was good, though she and xixi had no chemistry. FFwding through to LYX's scenes only made it slightly bearable, but even his acting/tiny face weren't enough. His sidekick Mo Li was interesting but she didn't get enough screen time, and they must have cut her whole backstory which is a shame. The first half of what should've been a thriller was recut as a toxic rom-com with annoying office 'drama' instead of actual suspense building. Secondary couple and the whole hospital story line were annoying and TOTALLY unnecessary. The thriller element comes back and pace picks up after episode 27 or so but some of the plot points are illogical or plain stupid (this is part of why I can't watch modern dramas.) Dialog literally made me cringe/yell at the screen (especially the racist white guy) and frequently was used for exposition which screams lazy script writing to me. Near the very end they heap on the melodrama/tragedy in an extremely exaggerated way. Even then I did cry at the end because...well, when Yunxi cries, we all cry. It's a magic power he has. There was no way a morally ambiguous character can have a happy ending in cdrama land and you feel a bit bad for everyone, including yourself for watching. Please never do this to me again Xixi*. I know it wasn't your fault, but I keep watching these dramas for you and keep being let down. Our fan relationship is becoming borderline abusive. please just pick a good drama for once i beg you

*addendum - he did it to me again, but I refused to take the bait. lie 2 love i'm talking about you. 2021 is the year lsf suffered too much. 2022 give us hyx or tteotm or we will riot

because i have zero self control when it comes to christmas films and, well, cheesy christmas films are #life. 

basically, i have developed a collection of favourites over the years, including both classic christmas films that are fun for the whole family and terrible, dripping with all our favourite favourite cliches hallmark christmas films, and yet i am still always on the hunt for more. so, i thought i would try a little thing to share them with everyone else as well (and actually remember them for future reference)!

check out the tag here i will try and remember to use as i live blog some of these movies or head on down below the cut to see all of the christmas films i’ve watched in 2020. thoughts and star ratings included! as expected, i will also be updating this as i watch more and more this holiday season (follow along on twitter too if you want).

note: since i LOVE terrible hallmark films, some that i give a higher rating will not actually be......critically acclaimed. i am just #obsessed and have my reasons as stated, i’m sure.

holidate (2020) 

⭐️⭐️| first time watch | someone on letterboxd compared this movie to when you watch a rom com in sims and it’s just a bunch of random scenes that make no sense and they’re absolutely right. its only saviour is an australian dude and the line “so you know me well enough to cum in my mouth, but you don’t know me well enough to get me a christmas present?”

my christmas inn (2018) 

⭐️⭐️| first time watch | i’ll be honest, this film was pretty forgetful. i watched it over a month ago and don’t really remember what happened. however, i do remember being impressed that the leading lady wasn’t a stereotypical thin white woman. so i guess at least it has that going for it.

christmas made to order (2018) 

⭐️⭐️⭐️| first time watch | i actually thought this was pretty cute. it’s not the best, but also not the worst, so a decent medium if you need to fill up those figurative christmas stockings. the concept of hiring someone to decorate your entire house with no budget sounds pretty cool, but when the guy is aaron samuels and looks far from straight, it becomes a little questionable. 

last christmas (2019) 

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️| rewatch | now this is not a cheesy hallmark film. in fact, i LOVE this film a lot and think i saw it twice at the cinema. last christmas is a top tier christmas song and i remember theorising about it when the trailer first came out, but i will say tissues may be a requirement to watch this. AND henry golding is my husband thank u and goodbye.

operation christmas drop (2020) 

⭐️| first time watch | interesting concept in theory, but this is nothing more than US military propaganda and a cgi lizard. bonus: white saviourism. 

the knight before christmas (2019) 

⭐️⭐️⭐️| rewatch | a medieval knight transported into today’s world and has never seen a car before can drive better than me. that’s it. that’s the movie. also, he literally says the words “modern technology is lit af” at one point. solid christmas film if you ask me. 

the princess switch (2018) 

⭐️⭐️⭐️| rewatch | i strongly believe in the vhcncu (vanessa hudgens christmas netflix cinematic universe). i also have so many questions, like how did they afford the flights or solid conversation or was it all expenses paid? how did they finish a bulk of the cake without a mixer? why does everyone always speak english with a posh english accent even though it’s a non-english european country?

the princess switch: switched again (2020) 

⭐️⭐️| if we learnt anything from a christmas prince, it’s that sequels are generally never better than their predecessor. that being said, this was much less cute body swapping christmas fluff and a little more literal kidnapping and saving the day. either way, blonde vanessa was hot and i appreciated the amber/richard cameo that insinuates a christmas prince is actually a dramatic documentary.

midnight at the magnolia (2020) 

⭐️⭐️| now if you’re after an absolute cheesefest that ticks the boxes on best friends meets fake dating over the holidays, then this is the movie for you! albeit it takes place between christmas and new year’s, it’s still filled with their families knowing they were soulmates the whole time and two people who are a literal too comfortable on the radio. also, the dad’s totally should’ve been gay. they had more chemistry.

christmas wonderland (2018) 

⭐️⭐️⭐️| tbh, i genuinely enjoyed this one. post breakup/high school sweethearts is a personal favourite trope of mine, so throw christmas & being forced to spend time together when she goes back home into the mix and i’ll have a serotonin explosion. bonus points for the guy telling the girl to go back to nyc to follow her dreams without being a dick. OH and the scene when he points a fuck load of sugar in his hot beverage.

a wish for christmas (2016) 

⭐️⭐️| who doesn’t love a good office romance between a boss and an employee at christmastime? especially when you throw in a little christmas magic that makes her more confident that results in her finally getting what she deserves and having to travel and rekindle with his family? also, fuck them rich white dudes, but props to her for the significant job promotion.

christmas with a prince (2018) 

⭐️| this was TERRIBLE and not in the good way. it featured: an entitled prince who suddenly had growth even though he did nothing to achieve it, majority of the film set in one hospital room, and the fact that she’s the only one with a tiara at the party filled with people who actually have titles. also, thought there was a decent ending but turns out there was still another 30 mins to go. ugh.

a royal christmas engagement (2020) 

⭐️| don’t be fooled by the title. the engagement doesn’t happen til the last two minutes. it’s actually about a prince (bet you didn’t see that one coming) who travels to america, pretending to be his best friend who works for this major marketing firm because he’s tired of being the spare. this gets one star purely for the line “she’s not a commoner, patrick. she’s an american.”

christmas wedding planning (2017)

⭐️⭐️| it looked like it would be half decent, and while it’s definitely better than the last two, it was still pretty eh. i could get on board with her texting her dead mother’s number as a way to talk to her still, and i understand we all experience grief differently, but.....actively paying your mums phone bill 3 years later? girl. also, the end made me SCREAM. WHY DID THEY DO THAT!!!!

santa girl (2019)

⭐️| this was just painful to watch. evil jack frost makes memes in his free time, santa has a fancy car and doesn’t eat sweets, and there’s an odd comparison between the elves, minimum age workers, and racism. however, one star purely for the entertaining (read: bloody awful) tooth fairy cgi that gave me a right laugh.

the christmas chronicles (2018)

⭐️⭐️⭐️| this was really cute and had the makings of what could be a christmas movie staple along with the likes of elf and the santa clause (but will never reach that standard, obvs). tbh, it’s just a nice heartwarming family christmas movie about two siblings who band together to help santa and save christmas. also, santa was a #dilf.

the christmas chronicles: part two (2020)

⭐️⭐️| one of these days i would love to see a sequel that’s better, or at least on par, with its predecessor, but that day is not today. sadly, this film lacked all the heart and magic the first one was filled with and some scenes were pretty redundant. kurt russell and goldie hawn, however... one star for each of them.

forever christmas / mr. 365 (2019)

⭐️⭐️| the title varies depending where you’re from, but that’s probably the most exciting part of this movie. a guy celebrates christmas 365 days a year and a reality show wants to invade his house? ok, sure. one star for the eye candy and one star for, surprisingly enough, their chemistry and all the kissing scenes that don’t usually make the mark in the hallmark world. 

noelle (2019)

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️| did i renew disney plus just so i could watch this (and a couple of others)? maybe so... this movie is so fun! and family friendly! and is actually funny! it gives me major elf vibes, but if elf was set in a more modern day setting. either way, i had a great time and have been holding out on this one after loving it a lot last year!

the nutcracker and the four realms (2018)

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️| anything nutcracker related is an instant win in my book because it’s my favourite ballet of all time (except for graeme murphy’s version, we don’t talk about that). does this movie actually deserve the four stars? maybe not. am i going to give them anyway purely for my love of the nutcracker and the soundtrack? absolutely!

So a while back, @monotonous-minutia did a short yet comprehensive review of every production of Les contes d’Hoffmann they’d seen, and now, in much the same vein and because a) I think about this opera way too much for my own good and b) I’ve actually seen all ten available filmed productions of this opera (and several multiple times), here is my semi-replication but with Les Huguenots instead of Les contes d’Hoffmann.

And yes I am up at 5:30 on a Friday morning DON’T JUDGE ME

The Productions And The Unique Attributes That Come To Mind Immediately:

Sydney 1990: the OG for yours truly that was also Joan Sutherland’s farewell to staged opera so that’s cool

Montpellier 1990: the production that had strikingly-colored sets but gave pretty much everyone a form of one of three or so costumes

Berlin 1991: there is a wall. also it is in German. also pretty much the entire third act is cut for some reason.

Bilbao 1999: the production that had horrible lighting and that’s most of what I remember thinking tbh

Metz 2004: the one that had the monstrosity of a Black and White Checkered Floor and also fucked up the ending very badly and I’m still mad about it almost a year and a half later

Liège 2005: one of only two productions to follow the stage direction of Nevers sailing in on a boat at the end of Act III (the other was Bilbao). fittingly, Nevers looked like a pirate.

Bard Summerscape 2009: the production where the director looked at the libretto and went “this opera isn’t dark and violent ENOUGH” 

Budapest 2017: the one that looks like it was operated entirely with Baroque stage machines and also GIANT WORDS

Paris 2018: what if we set this opera in the future

Genève 2020: what if we set this opera in a movie studio but not consistently and then shipped pretty much everyone with everyone else

Further thoughts under the cut:

Sydney 1990: as mentioned, the first production I ever watched. a great way to hook first-timers. the production is rather heavily cut but in such a way that if you don’t know the opera well it seems to flow quite nicely, cutting about an hour of music. Urbain’s insert rondo is included but slightly cut, the ballet is cut in half, the ball scene is not included. the cast is one of the stronger ones out there: in addition to Sutherland, who still manages to be impressive, both of the other main ladies (Amanda Thane as Valentine and Suzanne Johnston as Urbain) are excellent. the guys are all good too; special mention to John Wegner, who is one of the few Saint-Brises who doesn’t disappoint me. production is traditional, occasionally a bit static, but it works well.

Montpellier 1990: despite my nagging about the costumes and the occasional standing around, probably my favorite overall production. the ball scene is included; neither Urbain’s rondo nor the ballet are. other cuts (remember, this is before the critical edition) are minimal. the most consistently strong leading septet; all of the principals are towards the top of my favorites for their respective roles. production is traditional erring towards minimalist; this works surprisingly well. unfortunately there are no subtitles and the video quality isn’t the greatest.

Berlin 1991: this production is just so confusing to me. cuts are...confusing to say the least. almost all of Act III is cut; all that remains are the first five or so minutes, the nightwatchman’s scene, and the finale, which are fused into an unrelated scene in which a Catholic/Huguenot game of tug-o’-war turns deadly. the ballet, the ball scene, and Urbain’s rondo are all cut. as earlier stated, it is in German, and the translation used has some odd differences (Marcel becomes Raoul’s brother in this staging for no specific reason). Richard Leech’s Raoul, Angela Denning’s Marguérite, and Camille Capasso’s Urbain are all excellent; the rest of the cast is decent but no more. setting seems to be Berlin in the 1960s but references to World War II are continually made through various production elements. the production handles the last two acts surprisingly well but messes with characterization some.

Bilbao 1999: it’s freaking DARK in here did the lighting designer later move to Vienna or something??? ball scene and ballet included; Urbain’s rondo no. one of the lesser-cut productions, actually: it’s in the ballpark of about thirty minutes. cast is mostly unmemorable (which is both a good and bad thing), with the exception of Marcello Giordani as a wonderful Raoul. production is traditional. would help if I could have SEEN MORE OF IT

Metz 2004: the production started off well enough and I had high hopes but things RAPIDLY went south in the final act. the amount of material cut wasn’t so much the issue as what they cut (more on that in a bit), as not much was actually cut. the ballet and Urbain’s rondo were cut; so was the aria portion of the ball scene but not the ballet, which meant (oh God how did I forget about this) we were treated (?) to what was presumably a group of Huguenot TAP DANCERS who were all eventually shot midroutine. total cuts are also around thirty minutes or so. cast once again mostly unmemorable, although Jean-Philippe Marlière is another of the very few who isn’t disappointing as Saint-Bris. speaking of which: the director completely fucked up the ending BY CUTTING THE PART WHERE SAINT-BRIS FINDS VALENTINE GODDAMMIT IT STILL MAKES ME SO ANGRY. production is traditional, except I certainly hope that hideous Black and White Checkered Floor didn’t exist in the 1570s

Liège 2005: pretty production although it also has some lighting issues. nowhere near as egregious as Bilbao, though. one of the more heavily-cut productions: Urbain’s rondo, the ballet, and the ball scene are all cut, as well as a whole lot else, shearing off about 75 minutes of music. cast mostly good: Philippe Rouillon may be my favorite Saint-Bris. I do apologize though for this but I gotta say it: the Raoul and Marcel are terrible. at any rate, the production is traditional. Saint-Bris shoots Valentine at the end, so there’s that.

Bard Summerscape 2009: what??? the??? ever-loving??? hell??? is??? this??? production??? it feels like an extremely violent fever dream. yes, this opera is violent. no, you do NOT need to hammer this into our heads through everything from a mixed martial arts match to onstage sexual violence to a dude getting stabbed with a processional cross. also the production aesthetic is WEIRD. one of the less-cut productions; Urbain’s rondo is not included. cast for the most part holds up admirably; Michael Spyres and Erin Morley are Babies but already great as Raoul and Marguérite. the Saint-Bris is a huge disappointment though (and the poor guy has to sport a hideous tiny beard). I don’t even know what time period this is supposed to take place in. I just don’t know.

Budapest 2017: very pretty production. also largely very boring. one of the more-cut productions, cutting a little over an hour (including the ballet and Urbain’s rondo) but almost paradoxically being one of only three productions to include the full ball scene (the Montpellier and Genève ones are the others) and the post-2011 production that uses the most critical edition material in Act III, including the only filmed production to include Marcel’s Act III aria. Catholics in white, Huguenots in black, the set consists largely of flats with 16th-century images that get raised and lowered; otherwise, the stagehands (and sometimes cast) move around big letters to form certain key words such as Bachus, Amor, the Hungarian word for mercy, etc. at various points in the score. cast is mostly decent. Gabor Bretz is an excellent Marcel. the main issue: there’s no life, no activity, no passion in this production. the Raoul and Valentine have zero chemistry. lot of standing around. it doesn’t feel compelling. in any rate it’s traditional.

Paris 2018: the concept is surprisingly sound albeit somewhat of a head-scratcher when considered on its own. production aesthetic is very minimalist, clean, and bright. about thirty or so minutes are cut, including both ballets (but not the aria in the ball scene) and Urbain’s rondo. one of the most solid overall principal casts. no one can top Lisette Oropesa’s Marguérite. Yosep Kang, particularly given the circumstances surrounding his participation in the production, is excellent and deserves better than what the Parisian public gives him. overall very good musically. the production is set in an imaginary France in the year 2063. it is very interesting.

Genève 2020: the least-cut production of the bunch; it mostly just cuts a bunch of critical-edition Act III material. as previously mentioned: it’s supposed to be set in a movie studio but this is largely pushed into the background for both better and worse. the cast, for the most part, is excellent (will give you one guess who disappointed me in this bunch). John Osborn and Rachel Willis-Sorensen are a phenomenal Raoul/Valentine duo, Michele Pertusi joins them for a thrilling final scene (having expertly navigated his other material), Léa Desandre is the world’s most adorable Urbain. production design is excellent. directorial choices are very interesting, to say the least. the directors apparently woke up and decided to try to establish as many romantic relationships as possible. I am not opposed to it in principle; in fact, I really like a lot of it. however, the directors completely ruined it by trying to put forth the idea that Marcel has a crush on Valentine??? that was just...extremely uncomfortable to watch (also it COMPLETELY missed the point of the duet) but yeah, the production, although weird and confusing in places, is mostly good. setting, specifically I’m not sure about the location but the time period is somewhere between interwar and WWII fashions. so yeah.

anyway, if you’re here now, thanks for reading this unsolicited article! ask me any questions you may have!

Doom (2005) fic roundup

I have now recommended this action/sci-fi/horror film based on a bestselling video game franchise to not one not two but three friends and I am happy to report they all concur, cinema Peaked in 2005, this is the best movie ever made. I watched it for the first time on @shipcestuous‘s recommendation: She has an extremely thorough breakdown here, and the pitch of her enthusiasm and the penetration of her analysis are without peer. Honestly I can’t think of a single reason not to watch this movie. Watch it for Rosamund Pike. Watch it for Karl Urban. Watch it to marvel at how much Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson’s acting chops have improved in the past 15 years. I have now seen this cinematic masterpiece three (3) times and I have zero (0) regrets. There is a sequel out, Doom: Annihilation (2019) but it’s not worth your time. Recently I went through the John Grimm/Samantha Grimm tag on ao3 and read every single fic, most of them for the second or third time, and I had a fucking blast. Friends, if any of you would like to experience this cinematic masterpiece for yourselves please please PLEASE message me and i’ll send you the link to dl it.

Doom (2005, dir. Andrzej Bartkowiak) is about a squad of Marines dispatched to contain a zombie outbreak in a secure scientific facility on Mars. There is no earthly reason for it to be set on Mars btw so I just chalk this decision up to video game continuity (same with the first-person-shooter sequence in the third act, which is five minutes long and it was the longest five minutes of my life). What’s impressive about this film is it somehow manages not to glorify (1) the military or (2) the scientific establishment. It’s a film stuffed to the gills with dudebros (outside of Rosamund Pike they’re all dudebros) yet to my eternal delight the humor actually landed, and I think the anarchist bent of the narrative is a big part of why (anarchist as in hella skeptical of authority). I don’t think it’s giving too much away to say this is another “we tried to cure cancer, accidentally unleashed the zombie apocalypse” setup. What’s surprising is that the protagonists are failed by science, as an institution. Our protagonists are one of the Marines (Karl Urban) and his estranged twin sister (Rosamund Pike), who is an archaeologist at the quarantined facility. The chemistry between these two is instantly and unmistakably through the fucking roof. The first time they appear in the same frame the other Marines mistake her for his ex, and it just gets better from there. Every time I watch it, the final frame of this film has me flailing and screeching. I still can’t believe we got a mainstream movie that was this good to us—horror movies in general have a track record of being good to us ‘cest shippers, but this is on another level.

cold hearts, thawing by merely (3k) They’re on the run and they get FAKE MARRIED!!! My god the amount of characterization smuggled into this—Jon and Sam getting hot for each other’s respective areas of competence is my entire kink. It’s not predominantly humorous in tone but the humor slaps in the best way. This is my forever favorite because it was written by one of the friends I got into the movie, so tailor-made for meeee ❤

Before, During, After by anr (1k) If you plotted the arc of their lives it would be a circle. Something about the spareness of the prose & the amount of stuff occurring in the interstices really stayed with me. I realized later it’s because I’d read another of the author’s fics from a diff fandom—it’s in the same mode, love to see it when authors just nail that one register.

DOOMED by chase_acow (1k) ”I thought you said your microbiology was rusty!" "You know I like it when you give me the bottom line.” Lmaooo. In case you haven’t noticed this fandom consists almost entirely of post-canon getting (back) together fic.

Normal by mneiai (<1k) Shut the front door did somebody say pre-canon getting-together fic??! Of course we all know 90% of the reason John enlisted was to flee his feelings for Sam right.

Glimpses of Clarity by izzyb (1.5k) John and Sam have rough sex and it’s completely consensual, but still scary. Part of working through trauma is recognizing that removing oneself from the traumatic situation does not, in itself, dispel the trauma. John has this inability to relinquish control, or abate his vigilance—except, apparently, when he’s fucking Sam hahaha.

Written in the Scars (of our hearts) by Mercury32 (21k, unfinished) I don’t read a lot of soulmark AUs so idk if this is common but it turns out John and Sam are not soulmates??? He gets his tattoo covered up because he’s only ever wanted Sam. They’re on the run because there’s a nationwide manhunt on and they take refuge in their grandpa’s cabin in the woods and along the way they meet Jon’s actual soulmate but he chooses Sam. He will always choose Sam until the day they put him in the ground. The conversation where they explained to their ex-CIA grandfather how they were going undercover as newlyweds is unadulterated gold.

No Heroics by amathela (3k) They go back to their jobs. They try to keep John’s newfound abilities under wraps so as not to turn him into a target or a military guinea pig. The stakes are high but it’s so …. whimsical? And domestic? It’s so good ahhhhh I love it when they’re trying to hide something other than the incest. “He never was able to win an argument against her.” “She rolls her eyes. ‘Not all of us are as pretty as you.’”

He a Tiger Will Be Who Drinks of Me by Brenda (3k) This story is packing some serious mythological and folkloric resonances. I was going to label it post-canon but half of it is pre-canon. When you frame their relationship as Ares and Aphrodite, Selene and Endymion, it does seem inevitable doesn’t it? All roads lead to you.

Need You Tonight by Mercury32 (2.5k) Hot damn it’s a pwp that’s kicked off by Sam having nightmares, and is all about how Sam trusts John implicitly. I still think about the way Rosamund Pike delivers that line in the movie, I know you, like, on a weekly basis. “You've ruined me for other men and I'll probably be walking uncomfortably tomorrow, but no, you didn't hurt me.”

And I Know What You’re Thinking by amathela (1k) Sam loses a lot of blood and John donates his. Course, now that John is a genetically modified superhuman this creates a psychic bond between them. Nobody does dialogue like amathela does, it’s like you can hear the words behind the words the characters are saying.

Homecoming by amathela (1k) Not as playful as her work usually is but still lovely and understated.

Ephelides by Rahmi (1k) Sam gives John anatomy lessons and it’s sexy as haaaaale. "Just because I'm about to give you a handjob doesn't mean I'm not still your sister.” "Your intelligence reflects on me. And you're my brother. Therefore, you're intelligent."

The Edge of DOOM by chase_acow (1.7k) I don’t know what’s going on but the apocalypse is here and Sam and John are shooting things.

If You Don’t Know Me by Now by Mercury32 (4k) Sam and John rifle through his unsent letters and it isn’t 100% full-blown epistolary but we still get a firm idea of what they were up to for those ten years apart. Ok but CONSIDER: what if they sent each other birthday postcards. Imagine!! This line in particular cracked me up: “Congratulations, you finally got your wish of being an only child.”

desert ghosts by river_soul (1k) They’re not “almost home” because they’re together therefore already home asdfkdjfkdjfd. Gorgeously wrought.

You Hit Me Once (kiss with a fist) by aohatsu (3k) I could read pre-canon John/Sam fics at a rate of 100k a day probs. God these kids are so lonely and nobody else understands. John getting into schoolyard brawls to defend Sam’s honor? Habitual bedsharing???!

I Wanna Kiss You (but i want it too much) by Mercury32 (<1k) It’s not a missing moment from canon, exactly—it’s a replay of the scene where the squad meets Sam, only the camera is firmly situated inside John’s head this time. “His fingers are twitching with the need to hold her, to see if the curve of her hip still fits into the palm of his hand, if her forehead still tucks perfectly into his neck. Like a jigsaw puzzle, she'd observed once, made to fit together.”

No Relation by aj2245 (<400 words) I mean the “surprise! they’re not related” reveal came outta nowhere but it was worth it just for this line: “Life on Mars is fragile. The three coffins waiting in the Ark anti-chamber speak to that. One little mistake and she's lost everything. She's lost John, it's just on time delay.”

In the Blood and the Bone by kyrene (10k) Pwp where John and Sam try to get pregnant. It wasn’t my thing but it’s the top-bookmarked fic in the tag, so other people must’ve liked it, and I always try to assume other people are acting rationally so there must be something this fic does well that I’m missing because I don’t care about that facet that much.

**This is not an exhaustive list of John/Sam fics, just a list of the ones I had anything coherent to say about. I do not think there is a single bad fic in the tag and they’re all bite-sized and bingeable!

713

Have you ever read the Hunger Games series? Nah, that was put out when I started to not read anymore. I did see the first movie though since it was always being aired on TV. When was the last time you ran into something? Haven’t been doing a lot of running these days being stuck at home... but uh probably my dog? He’s always scattered in the most random spaces around the house, it’s so easy to literally stumble upon him. Do you enjoy dressing up? I don’t get to do it a lot but yeah sure. Do you live in the city or a rural area? I live in an urban area. Rizal is technically a province but it has some urban, more city-like parts – I live in one of them. The way provinces are in the country is generally nice for staycations but I can’t see myself living in them for good; there’s hardly any phone signal, they have none of the stuff I’m used to having in the city like malls and coffee shops, and there’s much less coverage for internet connection. Would you say you have a sense of style? Pretty much. I think it’s distinguishable enough that people can pick clothes they think I’d like off a rack.

What's your biggest fear? Cockroaches, failing, being publicly humiliated. Have you ever been bitten by a wild animal? Nope. Add that into one of my biggest fears. Are you close to any of your cousins? I’m closest to my Kuya, the eldest cousin on my mom’s side. I used to be close with my cousins on my dad’s side but since we’ve always lived far from each other we ended up getting awkward when we were teenagers and we haven’t moved past from that ever since. All my other cousins are too young for me to be close to. Have you ever been lost in the woods? Nope. Where did you last travel? I think my last out-of-town trip was when I went to Nasugbu with my friends as a last hurrah before the semester started last August. Do you enjoy driving? I would enjoy it more if traffic wasn’t so congested all the time, but generally I prefer knowing how to drive than not at all. I find it really convenient and I like being able to move at my own time, at my own pace. What song did you last listen to? Hahahaha don’t even be surprised anymore – it’s lofi city up in here, dude. If you have a job, how often do you work? What time do you normally go to sleep at night? These days, very late; my body clock has been beaten up bad (by me, lmao) in the last month. I’d normally turn in from 2-4 AM. Do you watch a lot of movies? I used to. Watching new movies was all I ever did circa 2014-2016, but life got a bit more hectic and my time for watching movies waned until I was never able to get back to my old routine and I just stopped watching altogether. These days I’m only able to watch new films if Gab asks me to tag along with her, like what happened with Midsommar, Knives Out, and Portrait of a Lady on Fire. Do you like Tom Petty? I only know him by name. I don’t have an opinion. Would you rather have snow or rain? I mean I’m just stuck with one of the choices anyway, so rain it is. Do you own a lot of sweaters? Nah I own zero. The only one I have belongs to my girlfriend. Have you ever tried rock-climbing? I’ve tried mini rock-climbing walls, but nothing too high or that required me to put on a helmet and harness. Ever ridden in a police car? Nope. Favorite decade of music? Idk I’ll have to go with the most recent one, 2010s. It was a period when I got old enough to 1) connect with the music coming out and 2) discern what to me sounds good and what doesn’t, and it was also a time where I got to establish what my general music tastes are. The 2000s to me mostly offers nostalgia but nothing outstanding, and I feel too detached from the other past decades for them to be my favorite. Have any of your best friends been your best friend longer than a year? I’ve had best friends I’ve kept for 15 years and 8 years. Ever witnessed a murder? No, but I came so close. One of our first news assignments was to cover a crime story, so on the first night a friend and I spent the night over at a local police station to wait for leads. There wasn’t any and on the second night, another pair of groupmates were tasked to wait at the same station to wait for reports – they were the pair that got a tip and they got to see a fresh crime scene :( which I know should be nothing to be envious of sksksk but still. If I remember correctly it was a stabbing incident and someone did die from it. Do you care what people think of you? I try not to but some opinions that reach me will still get to me, especially on rougher days. Does your room have a ceiling fan? No, just a standing electric fan. Would you consider yourself poised? Eh, it’s not the first word I’d use to describe me. If I’m feeling antsy you’d know it, because I would show it. Have you ever tried blogging? I have tried blogging, as early as when I was 10. I mainly used Blogspot as a diary, but it didn’t last long because 10 year old me just couldn’t keep the blog up and running. I discovered Tumblr when I was 11 and since then it’s been my main website for if I wanna blog (or in this case, microblog) about my interests. Favorite television channel? I haven’t watched TV in a looooooooong while. Have you ever lied under oath? I’ve never had to be under oath. What are your religious views? None. Are you a romantic person? Yeah but mostly in secret; I don’t like being too public when it comes to being expressive. Like I’d swat my girlfriend’s face away if she tries to kiss me in public lmaooooo but when it’s just the two of us I’ve gotten her love language down to a T and I know exactly what to do to make her feel loved. When did you last change your bed sheets? A few weeks ago. My eye started getting irritated whenever I was anywhere near my bed, so I chalked it up to having sheets that needed to be changed. Would you consider yourself a flirt? That would be the literal last thing to describe me. At what age do you plan to be married? Somewhere between 27-29. Do you eat a lot of junk food? Meh not really these days. I’m old enough to start feeling how unhealthy they are whenever I eat them and they no longer feel filling to the stomach either. When did you last go on vacation? Half a year ago. We haven’t been able to go on vacations this year because of coronavirus obviously, so our last trips have been on my dad’s last break at home. Are you resilient? I’d like to think so. I’ve been through so much shit and of varying degrees all my life but I’m still stubbornly here. Have you ever failed a subject before? I’ve never failed an entire class but I’ve failed exams, mostly math-related ones. If so, what was the class? My first failed class was math in Grade 4 (which was when we started learning super super super basic algebra), then I failed a number of algebra exams in 1st year, and then advanced algebra and geometry, and I think even chemistry and calculus, as the years went on. Do you wear more bright or dull colors? I used to wear duller colors, but I’ve recently been so bored with how my wardrobe has been mostly black and white throughout my stay in college that I started to make an effort to buy more colorful stuff so I can look livelier. Do you know anyone who has attempted suicide? I know a number of people. What's your favorite quote? I don’t really have one but one of my favorite movie lines is “How you like them apples?” from Good Will Hunting, if that counts. Would you consider yourself mature? Sure. I like taking on a motherly role in all my friend groups. How many clocks are in your house? I only regularly encounter the one in our dining area but I dunno if any of the bedrooms have clocks as well. Do you play any sports? Table tennis. What is your biggest life regret? Eh I say this a lot but only because it’s my one big regret – I wish I didn’t have such a hard time adjusting and spend so much time wallowing in self-pity in my first year (and part of my second year) of college. I spent all my days crying in my car because I had nowhere to hang and no one to talk to, and I was feeling worse by the fact that everyone else seemed to settle in with ease. I wish I had just said ‘fuck it’ earlier and just joined orgs and talked to people. Now I don’t really get to say that my entire college experience had been one of a kind, because I was mostly only trying to keep myself alive for nearly the first half of it. Have you ever been injured in a car accident? Nah not injured, but I’ve been caught in a couple of accidents. If you could be anywhere in the world right now, where would you be? I would love to be in a Tim Hortons right now, studying while having their coffee and one of their wraps. Have you ever had highlights in your hair? Never. I’m not allowed to, which is fine because I stopped wanting to dye my hair. Favorite fast food restaurant? KFC has the best fast food but not the best restaurant. I don’t think I enjoy eating at any of the fast food restaurants we have because they all smell like a bunch of people have come and gone in the place D: In what country were you born? Philippines. Born and raised. Are your eyes more than one color? Nope. Have you ever caught something on fire? No but I’ve seen someone else get something on fire – back in Grade 4, my science teacher was showing us how a Bunsen burner works and a classmate (and tbh the class troublemaker) named Kressel tipped it over while the teacher wasn’t looking. We were too young to know what to do about it – and we were also all panicking on the inside and none of us could move – so we just watched part of the table getting burned away. What would you consider your biggest flaw? I’m very sensitive and I take a lot of things personally. What do you think your best quality is? Kinda conneected to that. I can read people quite well and can tell when they’re feeling too sensitive, if a joke has gotten too far for them, or if they’re starting to feel uncomfortable in a group setting. Do you enjoy listening to others' problems? *Enjoy* might not be the right word for it – I don’t derive pleasure out of hearing the things making my friends stressed out. I do like being the person they turn to; I like knowing they trust me.

Do you keep any plants in your house? My parents do. Sometimes they’ll ask me to water them, but I don’t claim any of the plants as mine. What is your mother's occupation? She’s confidential secretary to one of the higher-ups in her workplace. Do any of your friends like your musical style? I’m not the first person they’d go to to ask for song recommendations. My taste is admittedly a bit blah and basic, so I don’t blame them haha. What are you most looking forward to? I wanna say this quarantine ending, but I know resuming life in the real world would also be making me anxious when the time comes. I guess I’m most excited for seeing Gabie again, because I haven’t seen March 7th. What was your favorite television show as a child? My first favorite show ever that I was also super attached to was Hi-5 with the original cast – this was for kindergarten days. When I got a bit older I loved Spongebob, then when I got even a bit older than that I started liking Drake and Josh, The Suite Life of Zack and Cody, That’s So Raven, and Hannah Montana. My first favorite that didn’t come from a kids’ channel was probs Breaking Bad. Are you afraid of insects? Yeah, most of them. Are you cold-natured? Idk if this wants to ask me if I’m snobbish or if I get cold too quickly, but I’m gonna go right ahead and say I can be a bit of both. How old were you when you got your first pet? I was 5 or 6 when I got my first few goldfish. Our house back then was very crowded and wouldn’t have been conducive to pets that would walk around, plus I had never owned pets before, so my parents thought it would be best for me to start off with fish. Did you / do you enjoy high school? It was okay for the latter half. What would you say was your favorite age? 16, which also happened to be the start of the second half of high school. There wasn’t a single low point that year and I had great friends, great grades, and an overall great time in junior year. What annoys you most about social networking? Ehh there are different annoying things for each of the big social media sites. Twitter sucks for its cancel/public shaming culture; Facebook suffers from fake news and troll armies, and conservative relatives are often there to gossip about your posts or your stances (at least for us Asians, idk if family in other cultures can be just as nosey); and Instagram is just unbelievably fake to me that I’ve never even tried joining there to socialize.

Are you the center of attention most of the time? No. Whenever I feel like I am I always shift the spotlight to someone else. What are you currently reading? I’m not reading anything at the moment. When did you last go to the library? At the start of the year, when I had to borrow a book for my Rizal class. Are you ill at the moment? Nope, and remaining not ill would be the best situation for now given the current circumstances. Do people tease you about anything? My friends know I’m a little sensitive so they’re careful about making me the butt of their jokes for too long, but I do get teased for my lack of street smarts which I’m fine with because it’s true hahahahahaha. How late did you stay up last night and why? Not too late considering how late I stay up these days – just around midnight. My left eye acted up again, was tearing up like crazy, and I could barely open it without starting to feel pain so I just went ahead and got some sleep. Have you ever written poetry? Only when we had to in English classes or if we had to submit entries for my org’s literary folio. I’ve never voluntarily written poems. Curtains or shades? Shades. How many people have you spoken to in the last hour? Six, I think? - my dad, sister, cousin, Gab, Andrew, and Angela. Do you tend to text a lot? These days no because I haven’t had (and needed) cellphone load in the last month lmao. Normally though I do. Ever lost a great best friend? Yeah. Sofie and I drifted apart when we started college and the time apart made me realize that we simply had two entirely different personalities and there was no way we would have kept up the friendship considering how far we would be from each other once college started. But it was a nice couple of years that we had being best friends and I don’t regret the antics we got into together. What is your favorite kind of flower? Peonieeeeees my god his question is everywhere. Do you own any guns? No, and I can tell you people where I’m from generally find America’s gun fixation really weird. What would you say is your favorite book of all-time? I think it’d be unfair to tag something as all-time favorite when I haven’t read enough books... but I remember really enjoying Without Seeing the Dawn by Stevan Javellana. Never mind the fact that it was required reading for school; I genuinely loved the whole book and ate it up pretty quickly.   Do you think you're living a good life? I guess, but I’d much rather call it ‘fortunate.’ What's your least favorite part of the day? On a normal schedule that would be once my alarm hits and I know I have to get out of bed and anticipate the traffic I’ll be stuck in.

Are you an over-achiever? Not in the sense that I like joining competitions and winning every single one of them, but I like calling dibs on a lot of tasks no matter how booked I am, and even doing the tasks of others if I sense that they’re not moving. Have you ever won an award for a speech? I haven’t, but I’ve been in a public speaking competition. I let my anxiety get the best of me that day and I ended up rambling midway into my speech, so now thinking about it is something that makes me wince these days because I know I could have done a lot better. Do you tend to curse a lot? Not as much as when I was a teenager but I’ll still slip some shits and fucks in my sentences every now and then. Have you ever played on the Ouija board? No. And I think that if it does happen, as much as I love the concept of Ouija boards, I’ll be too scared to join the session haha. Do you sleepwalk? Nope. Have you ever slept on the floor before? I’ve never slept on the FLOOR floor. I’ve slept on floors but there was always a mattress to lie on to feel comfortable, ya feel. Are you a fan of public displays of affection? It’s easy not to mind simple acts like holding hands or forehead kisses, but it can get uncomfortable if a couple is clearly in the moment and is like literally making out on the escalator or talking like babies to one another but loud enough for others to hear. Either way though I wouldn’t call myself an active fan. When did you last attend a yard sale? Idk dude, 12 years ago I’d say. Do you wish your life were simpler or more interesting? More interesting. What goals do you wish to accomplish tomorrow? None. I just want to care for myself these days dude. And remind myself that it’s okay to not feel like being productive. When is your birthday? Exactly a week from now – April 21st. Which is worse: going blind or deaf? Blind for me. There’s a lot of stuff and places I have yet to see and new experiences that I wanna be able to digest by seeing them, like getting to the top of a mountain or seeing my future kid.   What was the best part of today? Eh, today’s been uneventful at best. Do you attempt to stay away from drama? I don’t want to be the subject of drama but if there’s drama involving other people and my friends got a hold of it, I would honestly find it hard to ignore it. What liquid did you last drink? Water. Do you ever prefer to be alone? I have moods where I’d want to be alone, but it doesn’t happen all the time. I still like being around people because it keeps me from being alone with my thoughts. Have you ever had a deadly animal as a pet? No. Favorite Disney movie? Toy Story. Tangled comes at a verrrrrrrrrry close second. Have you ever been to the beach? Yes. I think since 2009 we’ve been going to the beach at least once a year. If you have, how many times have you been? ^ Considering that estimation I’ve been to the beach a minimum 11 times, but it’s definitely a lot more than that since there’ve been times where we went to beaches multiple times in a single year. What was your dream occupation at age ten? I wanted to be an author then. Are you terrified at the idea of weight-gain? No. I’m a little underweight so I'm okay with welcoming a few extra pounds. Do you drink a lot of water? I don’t take eight glasses a day but I still drink relatively more than my friends and relatives do, who seem to like iced tea and soda more. Does your room have carpet or hard-wood floors? Hardwood, as with most (maybe even all) Filipino houses. Do you take naps daily? No, not daily. I probably take 3-4 afternoon naps every week.

Who were you named after? My parents say I was named after the Swedish singer Robyn, but they also tell me a conflicting story in that they just liked how the name sounds and went with it. Do you plan on traveling this spring or summer? In the current state of the world? No can do chief. I wanna be able to travel once this shitstorm is over though. Do you know anyone who is colorblind? I don’t think so. Have you ever been a teacher's pet? For some classes, but they’ve been very few and far between. I don’t consciously make myself the teacher’s pet in all my classes. What is your absolute favorite hobby? Eating out/trying new food! How many times a day do you brush your teeth? Once or twice. Ever been to a tanning bed before? I have not. I don’t need to. Are you satisfied with your financial stability? I don’t even have finances sksksksksksksks Who is your favorite actor / actress? Kate Winslet. Are your nails painted? Nope. What's the meanest thing you've ever said to someone? I make it a point not to say mean things to anyone because words stick. I learned that from a young age which, aside from how fucked up that is, is still a good thing, because it taught me early on to be careful with my anger. Do you ever accidentally talk to inanimate objects? I don’t do it accidentally lmao I just apologize to most of the objects I bump into. What's your favorite flavor of ice cream? Cookies and cream. Have you ever kissed someone of the same gender? Regularly. Do you receive any hate mail? No but that’s because I actively avoid having outlets for that. Anonymous hate would only make me paranoid and will probs drive me madly insecure in the wrong run. Have you ever sent a letter in the mail? Nope. If you could, would you have a pen pal? Meh, I’ll pass. I find instant messaging a lot more convenient and I doubt I’d have the patience for keeping a pen pal. What color are the pants you're wearing? I have brown shorts, not pants. Have you ever had a stalker? Nope. What is your life philosophy? You don’t have to be blood to be family. Who last sent you a goodnight text message? Gabie. Do you own any clothes that are your favorite color? Very few, because pink actually doesn’t suit me. Have you ever been in a hot tub before? Sure. What's your favorite comedy movie? White Chicks. In which year were you born? 1998.

TFP was not trash, nor was it ‘’’’fucky’’’’, but man oh man, Eurus’s plan made zero sense. Considering all the alternatives she could have done. She had access to the consultant criminal’s resources, an entire prison facility filled with dangerous minds and high clearance government workers, she could go anywhere in the world she wanted and then just return without a soul knowing, she had five years to construct a full plan, all with our heroes completely clueless to her level of power, she had the element of surprise completely on her side.

And what does this actual god like super person with more power than anyone else in the world, more genius than anyone else, and all the bitterness in her heart to motivate her do?

She chills out for five years, then makes the prison into a lab rat maze, pushing them all with pretty low stakes considering she has the power to grab the entire world by the balls and in the end all this sadistic homicidal computer human needed was a hug from her big bro. Deep down she’s just a frightened little bunny rabbit that needs love. She’ll never kill again, scouts honor. 

Oh, but Jim? He doesn’t get a hug. Nope. No power of love for him. That’s reserved for ladies only, like Irene and Eurus. Though lord knows the obvious solution I know /everyone/ was yelling at the screen back in TRP was that all Sherlock needed to do was /hug/ Jim. Fuck it, maybe even call up John, have a group hug. Why stop there, get the whole cast in there, get the camera guy, end this fucker Monty Python style and cause a scene. But, nah. Gun in the mouth. But also not really cause the writers are gonna cock tease his return every chance they get cause fuck you thats why. 

In all seriousness, I do like the emotional development that Sherlock has gone through and I admire a focus on family love rather than romantic love for the final show down, but the set up/plot to lead us into the development just wasn’t very strong. I also think the sadness worked a lot better with Jim than it did with Eurus because of it’s subtly, not to mention we had more time to get to know him. Jim was just the better villain. To me, it’s just a fact. He had more interesting plans, he was more fun to watch, and his logic actually made some sense plot wise. He’s a mirror image to our hero, he’s the other side of the coin, he feels like his own character. Eurus feels more like a device to help Sherlock grow, for him to learn a lesson. Rather than a person, she felt more like a video game final boss. Looked cool, sounded cool, but just a segway to the end credits.

That’s where I think the disappointment comes in. Moriarty was such a cool villain. CAM perhaps didn’t have his wow factor, but we all knew he was more of an in between villain, and at the very least was set apart enough from Jim so that he stood out as his own person. But, Eurus? She feels sort of like girl Moriarty with some horror movie tropes thrown in. I think even if Eurus was going to be a device rather than a full character, she should have been given a more distinct personality, perhaps different motives, or even a different speaking cadence. As of now, she really just comes off a trope filled, cliche, we’ve seen this before. 

Moriarty and Cam felt /different/ though, from the usual villain mold. For Jim, a /lot/ of that can be owed to Andrew Scott’s performance. No one saw it coming, he was a scene stealer, he just /spoke/ /weirdly/. His words had odd emphasis, he lilted but also screamed, he changed accents for no fucking reason at all, he /exuded/ wild card with power, with all the charm in the world. CAM on the flip side was disgusting. A villain you’d love to hate. Now, I’m not fond of him particularly, but I certainly like the change of pace, as they could have easily fallen into a rehash. He’s a genius as well, but unlike Jim who represents what genius can become when subjected to a loveless upbringing and unfortunate brain chemistry, a victim of his own insanity, CAM’s form of evil is far more alien, yet far more common in businesses and capitalism. 

To me, each main villain represents a form of genius gone wrong. Moriarty being a victim (though still whole heartedly responsible for his actions mind you) CAM being corporate and self serving and Eurus being.... a victim. See what I mean? Eurus didn’t seem fresh because we’d already seen it done better before with Moriarty. She’s just a bit more frail than Jim, and a bit more robotic because of how high her intelligence is. So. Why didn’t you just continue the use of Jim if the same message was there? Why not have Sherlock’s path with Moriarty go even further, until an understanding is /finally/ met. That the mirror images come together, and learn something about love. And /not/ necessarily ending in a powerful hug scene, but something smaller, softer, perhaps Sherlock learning something about the man, and therefore himself. 

Why have Eurus at all? To me, it seems she is here to explain why Sherlock is the way he is. But, to be one hundred percent honest, as an audience, I was down with the ambiguous nature of his origins. I just thought, he’s an asshole because he’s just different, he solves cases because he loves it. Not because of a friend he lost, or a sister he forgot. And even if those details do add a level of humanity to him, they’re not necessary. I feel you could give him more emotional depth without having to give backstory, that his growth could come from the present, rather his past. Present emotional growth worked very well and subtly during the first half of the show, why stop that trend? Deeper doesn’t mean better. And if anything, I feel a more grounded growth within adulthood could be more realistic.

Anyway, those are my thoughts on why when this episode ended, rather than cheering and smiling, I was in silence. 

WORST OF 2016

“Based off the films I have seen this year, here are the ten worst.”

BY COLLIN DE LADE

              Disclaimer: With my limited time and budget this year, I have not had the chance to see every single theatrical release movie in 2016. Many well-known bad movies will not be on my list this year since I did not have the time or money to purposely see every bad movie out there.

10. The Girl on the Train/ The Accountant

              Both films tied for the number ten spot due to the boredom and mediocrity these two movies share. The Emily Blunt thriller tried way too hard to recapture the audience that enjoyed the Ben Affleck drama, Gone Girl, that was released two years prior. Speaking of Ben Affleck, 2016 was not a great year for him with the release of the disappointing Batman v Superman and his attempted at being an action hero with The Accountant. Just like Girl on the Train, The Accountant is a failed attempt at copying the same elements of another popular set of movies. Both films do have their redeeming elements that prevent them from being unwatchable. If it wasn’t for my limitations this year, The Girl on the Train and The Accountant would have simply been two mediocre movies that I would never think about again.

9. Jason Bourne

              Remember how I said The Accountant was trying to imitate another popular set of movies? Well, it was the Bourne series, and the fifth entry, Jason Bourne, is even worse than the Ben Affleck movie. I am not a fan of any of the Bourne movies, but I can at least see in the original three films why people enjoyed it so much. Jason Bourne, on the other hand, is a complete mess. The story was mediocre at best, the action was shot terribly, and it adds absolutely nothing to the series. This was meant to be a triumphant return of the character of Jason Bourne, but now all I wish is that he would go back into hiding.

8. Ride Along 2

              While I don’t consider the three films above terrible movies, the rest of this film are absolute trash. Ride Along 2 doesn’t even deserve to exist. The first film was alright, but I doubt anyone was anticipating the continuation of Kevin Hart and Ice Cube’s characters. The movie was painfully unfunny and it made me question the talents of both leading actors. I completely forgot about this movie until I had to make this list because it didn’t leave any sort of impression on me. Unlike the other comedy on this list that I will discuss, I can’t remember anything about this movie besides that it was a waste of time. What’s even worse than Ride Along 2 is how there’s going to be a Ride Along 3.

7. Gods of Egypt

              Known as the biggest joke of 2016, Gods of Egypt looked terrible from the very first trailer. The effects looked bad and the actors were overacting their asses off. What makes me puts this lower on my list is how much enjoyment I got out of this garbage. Sitting in an empty theater as this train wreck of a film was playing was a bit amusing. Gods of Egypt is terrible in the best way possible. If you ever see this on cable or Netflix, check it out and see just how horrible everyone says it is.

6. Assassin’s Creed

              Why can’t anyone make a half decent video game movie? The effects and the lore are present in Assassin’s Creed, but the poorly written script, the terrible direction, and the awful camerawork makes this film a complete failure in my eyes. If this was the first video game movie to come out, the many flaws might have been forgiven as it looked like the video game and it had mindless action. However, it’s been over thirty years and there hasn’t been one single worthy video game movie to come out. You were meant to be the chosen one Assassin’s Creed; you blew it!

5. The 5th Wave

              I hope The 5th Wave is the last young adult apocalypse movie because that genre is getting old. Just like the Divergent and the Maze Runner movies, The 5th Wave adds nothing new to make it relevant or worth watching. All the acting in it is terrible, the effects are not exciting in the slightest and the story was garbage. I completely forgot about this movie and I will never think about it again after this entry.

4. Independence Day: Resurgence

              I saw Independence Day: Resurgence as a double feature with the first film. I was very impressed with how exciting it was to watch the first one in a theater. I cannot say the same thing about its sequel. While watching the movie, I was trying to have fun with all the goofy and over-the-top action. The second those credits rolled, I started to dislike it more and more as I thought about it more. Like most of the middle entries on this list, I barely remember anything about this movie besides it was very unimpressive. Let’s hope we don’t make this series a trilogy.

3. Brother’s Grimsby

              If this doesn’t ruin Sacha Baron Cohen’s career, then nothing will. This is a complete embarrassment for everyone involved. When the big joke of the film is the two leads stuck inside an elephant’s vagina as its getting raped by another elephant, the filmmakers really need to rethink their decisions. What this film has that the other two doesn’t is how that gross out scene stuck with me throughout the entire year. I really wish I could forget what I saw in that theater, but at least I remembered something about it that I can barely say with the next two entries on this list.  

2. The Legend of Tarzan

              The Legend of Tarzan was so close to being number one on my list. I absolutely hated everything about this movie. The acting was dull to downright terrible, the action was completely cliché and forgettable, and there was zero chemistry between Tarzan and Jane. The only reason this is not number one is because of one scene involving Samuel L. Jackson being face to face with a gorilla. I won’t ruin the joke, but I laughed very hard at that one scene. That one joke saved this movie from being number one on my list.

1. Pride and Prejudice and Zombies

              With every other entry on this list, I can at least say one positive thing. I have nothing good to say about Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. There is not one memorable scene, not one good actor, and it’s a pain to sit through. With a goofy premise like this, it takes itself way to serious. I can’t stand this movie and I hope it is the death of crappy zombie movies.