it seems me and the crickets have something in common

HELLO???

really not sure what my knee wants from me when it aches and spasms when i don't move and then does when i move "too much". but what is too much. i literally just walked to and from lunch

Bruh waited all day to see if he would even be remotely concerned about my doctor's appointment today and literally didn't message me or give two shits about it. 😂😂

I need me someone who actually cares. Fucking hell man that's the bare minimum.

Sailor's weather superstition

Of course superstition doesn't stop here either and to be clear it's only a thing with sailors but also with farmers and so on. But here are a few:

A ring around the sun or moon, means that rain will come real soon

If you see a halo around the moon on a clear night, it could be an indication of bad weather. This is not a spooky prediction, but quite banal science. Although it looks like a ghostly ring, it is really just the light of the moon refracted (or bent) by ice crystals. These ice crystals form the cirrus clouds - the tuft-like clouds we find high up in the sky. These cirrus clouds don't cause rain or storms, but here's the thing: they precede some low pressure areas by a day or two, and low pressure areas bring precipitation.

(x)

In other words: If you see these ice clouds refracting the light around the moon, it means that cirrus clouds are present, which could indicate a coming storm. also goes with the sun, but please don't look in there, it's not good for your eyes.

Mackerel sky, not 24 hours dry

A mackerel sky looks like a sky full of fish scales. These are cirrocumulus or altocumulus clouds formed by atmospheric waves at high altitudes.  As these high clouds gradually penetrate the sky and the air pressure begins to drop, precipitation associated with the disturbance can be expected in about 6 to 12 hours.

(x)

A thickening and lowering of cirrocumulus to altostratus or altocumulus in the middle tier is a good sign that the warm or low pressure front has moved closer and rain may begin to fall within less than six hours.

Clear moon, frost soon

Well, that's what they say about clear nights in winter, clear moon, frost soon. And we can be sure to expect a cool morning. This is not untrue, because if there are no clouds, the heat that has been collected during the day can escape from the earth's surface through the non-existent cloud cover and can therefore cause frost in autumn and winter.

Red at morning, Sailors warning; Red at night, Sailors delight

Since I have already made a separate post on this, please forgive me for only attaching the link. https://www.tumblr.com/ltwilliammowett/670757025738866688/red-at-morning-sailors-warning-red-at-night?source=share

Hair curls at high humidity

Human hair is extremely sensitive to changes in humidity. There are even hygrometers that use human hair as a measuring instrument. Your hair can absorb water from the air through hydrogen bonds. Since humid air contains more moisture, a strand of hair can form more hydrogen bonds and you suddenly look like Curly Sue - of course not, but your hair can frizz.

Feeling a storm in your bones

Oh, every old slat is there, and will certainly stand on deck all the time and tell you from their aching bones and joints that the weather is going to be bad. Well, some people are sensitive to the weather and rheumatics and people with arthritis often react more sensitively to temperature and weather fluctuations (I can tell you a thing or two about that). This is because their body fluids are in a constant equilibrium with the ambient air pressure. So when the barometer drops - like an approaching storm - your tissues can swell, irritating nerve endings and causing you additional pain. However, not everyone is like this and therefore rheumatics are not to be used as living barometers.

Thermometer cricket

No thermometer on board for once ? No problem, grab a cricket, preferably the ecanthus fultoni, aka the thermometer cricket.

(x)

Because as soon as the temperature rises, the animal chrips much faster, when it drops, it's the other way round. But not only that, you can even determine the temperature exactly. The chirp rate is counted in the time of 13 seconds and then the number 40 is added. This value corresponds almost exactly to the temperature in Fahrenheit.

55.

Okay, this one takes some explaining.

I love Shane Koyczan spoken word poems, okay? They're cathartic. Well, one day, I was listening to The Crickets Have Arthritis and I realized the themes of it match a lot of the themes of the Vampire Chronicles book series. And especially Lestat's nihilistic and sensualist views. Add that this little boy is named Louis with a brother, a sister, and gives Shane all the reasons to live? It all basically fell into place for me.

So! I created a little AU world where there aren't any vampires and Lestat meets Louis when they're both in the hospital but Louis is the youngest child with cancer. I want to draw more of their AMC series faces because why not?

Also, Lestat is still goth. That is all.

I knew this day would come but that doesn’t make it any easier for me. I am so sad to be posting this but I’m finding it’s time for me to close my baby, Cricket Cove Soap Co.. My arthritis has gotten to a point that my hands do not do what my brain wants them to. I cannot depend on them anymore so I believe it’s a sign that it’s time to move on. I want to thank every one of my amazing customers, retail accounts, rockstar friends, and my fabulous family for ALWAYS supporting me! I have met so many wonderful artisans, business owners, and people from all over that have added so much to my life during my 11.5 years with Cricket Cove! Thank you for the motivation, education, and love. ♥️ My Etsy shop will remain open until June 30th. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!! xoxox Stay clean soap lovers! ♥️ . . #soapmaking #etsyshop #smallbusiness #soap #soapcutting #handmadesoap #beersoap #veganlifestyle #coconutmilksoap #thankyou #familyfriendsandlove #love #supportsmallbusiness #shopsmall #shopvirginia #virginiaisforlovers #familybusiness https://www.instagram.com/p/Ce024vIubO1/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

Verdant Care

Check for any scrapes or bumps daily, give kiss

1x daily 3 units of Metacam for her arthritis

Variety of freeze dried or preserved bugs because she won't eat live, usally mealworms, superworms, locusts, crickets, and cockroaches

A live superworms or two once a week in hope she will go hunting (change out their oats monthly and provide water 1x a week)

Fresh dark leafy greens every day, arugula growing right now to support this. No spinach (bad for calcium absorption)!

Force feed every other day to ensure eating (I wrap the bugs in the leaves like a burrito)

2x a week calcium with no D3

2x a week multivitamin with no D3

1x a month calcium with D3

Dump water daily, rinse out dish, and run new water through Brita using plastic tubing to get into tank, change Brita filter every six months

Change filter in water fountain in dish daily, can be turned on using an app

Spot clean tank (usually she poops in water (white urates and green /brown poop)) but she is sprinting through her food dish and this requires pickups so no food is left randomly in the tank

Check humidifier levels, should be on medium-high and full of water every day

Cool side between 77°F-82F, ambient middle of tank in mid-80°Fs, (her adult) basking spot should be at 120°F. Temps can drop to lower-70°Fs overnight

Heat light and UV light ten hours on, then off for 14, both on timer

Because her tank is huge, use highest rated heat bulb possible, make sure it has not gone out

UV bulb T8 - 12" change out every six months

I file her nails when they get brutal, holding carefully and doing as you would for a dog

A note: Any random bleeding/scrape I use non-numbing clear Polysporin, I do this for any of the girls and they have lived long lives with no infections

The Crickets Have Arthritis by Shane Koyczan

It doesn’t matter why I was there, where the air is sterile and the sheets sting. It doesn’t matter that I was hooked up to this thing that buzzed and beeped every time my heart leaped like a man who’s faith tells him God’s hands are big enough to catch an airplane, or a world. It doesn’t matter that I was curled up like a fist protesting death, or that every breath was either hard labour or hard time, or that I’m either always too hot or too cold. Doesn’t matter because my hospital roommate wears star wars pyjamas, and he’s 9 years old. His name is Louis, and I don’t have to ask what he’s got. The bald head with the skin and bones frame speaks volumes. The Gameboy and the feather pillow booms like they’re trying to make him feel at home because he’s going to be here awhile. I manage a smile the first time I see him and it feels like the biggest lie I have ever told, so I hold my breath, ‘cause I’m thinking any minute now he’s going to call me on it. I hold my breath because I’m scared of a 57 pound boy hooked up to a machine because he’s been watching me and maybe I’ve got him pegged all wrong, like maybe he’s bionic or some shit. So I look away like just I made eye contact with a gang member who’s got a rap sheet the length of a lecture on dumb mistakes politicians have made. I look away like he’s going to give me my life back the moment I’ve got something to trade. I damn near pull out my pack and say

“Cigarette?" 

 But my fear subsides in the moment I realize Louis is all show and tell. He’s got everything from a shotgun shell to a crowfoot and he can put them all in context. Like,

"See, this is from a shooting range”

and

“See, this is from a weird girl”.

I watch his hands curl around a cuff-link and a tie-tack and realize that every nick-nack is a treasure and every treasure has a story, and every time I think I can’t handle more he hits me with another story. He says

“See, this is from my father”

“See, this is from my brother”

“See, this is from that weird girl”

“See, this is from my mother”

Took me about two days to figure out that weird girl is his sister, it took him about two hours today after she left for him to figure out he missed her. They visit every day, and stay well past visiting hours because for them that term doesn’t apply. But when they do leave, Louis and I are left alone. And he says

“The worst part about being sick is that you get all the free ice cream you ask for.”

And he says

“The worst part about that is realizing there is nothing more they can do for you.”

And there is no easy way of asking, and I know what he’s going to say but maybe he just needs to say it, so I ask him anyway.

“Are you scared?”

Louis doesn’t even lower his voice when he says

“Fuck yeah.”

I listen to a 9 year old boy say the word fuck like he was a 30 year old man with a nose-bleed being lowered into a shark tank, he’s got a right to it. And if it takes this kid a curse word to help him get through it, then I want to teach him to swear like the devil’s sitting there taking notes with a pen and a pad. But before I can forget that Louis is 9 years old he says

“Please don’t tell my dad.”

 He asks me if I believe in angels. And before I realize I don’t have the heart to tell him, I tell him

“Not lately.”

and I just lay there waiting for him to hate me. But he doesn’t know how to, so he never does. Louis loves like a man who lived in a time before God gave religion to men and left it to them to figure out what hate was. He never greets me with silence, only smiles and a patience I’ve never seen in someone who knows they’re dying. And I’m trying so hard not to remind him I’ll be out of here in a couple days, smoking cigarettes and taking my life for granted. And he’ll still be planted in this bed like a flower that refuses to grow. I’ve been with him for 5 days and all I really know is that Louis loves to pull feathers out of his pillow then watch them float to the ground. Almost as if he’s the philosopher inside of the scientist ready to say

“It’s gravity that’s been getting us down." 

  The truth is: there is not enough miracles to go around, kid. And there’s too many people petitioning God for the winning lotto ticket. And for every answered prayer, there’s a cricket with arthritis. And the only reason we can’t find answers is because the search party didn’t invite us, and Louis, right now the crickets have arthritis. So there is no music, no symphony of nature swelling to crescendos, as if ripping halos into melodies that can keep a rhythm with the way our hearts beat. So we must meet silence with the same level of noise that the parents of dying 9 year old boys make when they take liberties in talking with heaven. We must shout until we shatter in our own vibrations, then let our lives echo and grow, echo and grow, grow distant. Distant enough to know that as far as our efforts go, we don’t always get a reply.  But I swear to whatever God I can find in the time I have left, I’m going to remember you kid. I’m going to tell your story as often as every story you told me. And every time I tell it I’ll say

"See, there’s bravery in this world. There’s 6.5 billion people curled up like fists protesting death, but every breath we breathe has to be given back. A 9 year old boy taught me that.”

So hold your breath, the same way you’d hold a pen when writing Thank You letters on your skin to every tree that gave you that breath to hold. And then let it go, as if you understand something about getting old and having to give back. Let it go like a laugh attack in the middle of really good sex, the black eye will be worth it. Because what is your night worth without a story to tell? And why wield a word like worth if you’ve got nothing to sell? People drop pennies down a wishing well, so the cost of a desire is equal to that of a thought. But if you’ve got expectations, expect others have bought your exact same dream for the price of a ‘hard work, hang in, hold on’ mentality. Like, I accept any challenge so challenge me. Like, I brought a knife to this gun fight, but the other night I mugged a mountain so bring that shit, I’ve had practise. Louis and I cracked this world wide open and found that the prize inside is we never lied to ourselves, never told ourselves that we’d be easy or undemanding. So we sing in our own vibration, and dare angels to eavesdrop and stop midflight to pluck feathers from their wings and write demands that God’s hands take the time to catch you. So that even if God doesn’t, it wasn’t because we didn’t try.  I don’t often believe in angels, but on the day I left, Louis pulled a feather from his pillow and said

“This is for you.”

I half expected him to say

“See, this is the first one I grew.”

Best Orthopedic Doctor In Lucknow

Dr. Kamal Kishor Gupta is a renowned orthopedic surgeon and a leading name in the field of orthopedics in Lucknow. With over two decades of experience, Dr. Gupta has established himself as one of the best orthopedic doctors in the city. Here's some content that highlights his expertise and services: 1. Expertise in Joint Replacement Surgery: Dr. Kamal Kishor Gupta is an expert in joint replacement surgery, having performed numerous successful surgeries for patients suffering from arthritis, osteoporosis, and other joint-related disorders. He uses the latest techniques and technologies to ensure minimal pain, faster recovery, and better outcomes for his patients. 2. Minimally Invasive Surgery: Dr. Gupta is a proponent of minimally invasive surgery, which involves smaller incisions, less tissue damage, and shorter hospital stays. He has extensive experience in performing minimally invasive surgeries for conditions like spinal disorders, fractures, and sports injuries. 3. Sports Injuries: As a former sportsman himself, Dr. Gupta has a special interest in treating sports injuries. He has treated several athletes from various sports disciplines, including football, hockey, cricket, and basketball. His expertise in sports injuries has earned him the trust of many professional sports teams and organizations in Lucknow. 4. Spine Care: Dr. Kamal Kishor Gupta is a specialist in spine care and has successfully treated several patients with spinal disorders like cervical myelopathy, lumbar spondylosis, and scoliosis. He uses a holistic approach to spine care, combining surgery with physiotherapy and rehabilitation to ensure optimal outcomes for his patients. 5. Patient-Centered Care: Dr. Gupta believes that patient-centered care is the key to successful treatment outcomes. He takes a personalized approach to each patient's condition, considering their unique needs and preferences while developing a treatment plan that is tailored to their requirements. His patient-centered approach has earned him a reputation for compassionate care and excellent patient satisfaction ratings. CONTACT https://drkamalkishorgupta.com/ Address: Apollomedics hospital Kanpur road Lucknow, Uttar Pradesh

For every answered prayer there’s a cricket with arthritis … and right now, the crickets have arthritis

i just read "the crickets have arthritis" and, I think this poem is something i'm going to hold with me for a long time to come. It felt like a stone was dropped into a unmoving lake, and caused tidal waves. Thankyou so dearly for sharing this poem with me.

absolutely! everything from shane koyczan is so beautifully written and delivered and is SO heart wrenching but it gives me an appreciation for life in a way nothing else has

if you have the time please please please listen to this because it's genuinely one of my favorite pieces of art ever

He asks me if I believe in angels. And before I realize I don't have the heart to tell him, I tell him, "Not lately."

And I lay there waiting for him to hate me. But he doesn't know how to, so he never does.

-Shane Koyczan, The Crickets Have Arthritis

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY FAVORITE POEM OF ALL TIME !!!!!!!!!! (after the crickets have arthritis)

What does the zodiac sign say about your fitness?

We all try to lead a fit and healthy life and our zodiac signs can help us stay on the right track. While staying healthy isn’t most definitely easy, knowing about your strengths, weaknesses, and resilience, health prediction can help you get clarity on what may be a better dietary regime or workout style for you.

Aries

Aries is bold, adventurous, headstrong, and passionate, by virtue of their nature, they are always on the move. Activities like boxing, weightlifting, martial arts, and football, would suit them better results. Aries like spicy food and because of that, they get anxiety, acidity, acne, piles, hypertension, heart diseases, or inflammation. They should have more lemon, yogurt, and green vegetables. Soya bean, mustard, cloves, cinnamon, garlic, ginger, lemon iced tea, and lots of water should be added to their diet as it is an important vitamin E that is essential for them.

Taurus

Taurus is known for being a calm stabilizer and grounded with tremendous patience. They can choose exercises like cycling, swinging, walking, and swimming in a natural environment rather than a closed or in-house arrangement as nature is the greatest temptation to them. Activities like dancing, walking, and gardening will appeal to them more. They are prone to obesity, tonsillitis, sensitive throat inflammations, and thyroid, they should avoid excess sugar, rice, milk products, sour food, fermented food, and excessive carbohydrates. They should add more soups and boiled vegetables along with incorporating a high protein diet.

Gemini

Gemini is for being a clever alert thinker. Gemini is for being a clever alert thinker. These people love to stay fit and like to work out in a group. Activities like gymnastics, cycling, swimming, aerobics, dancing, and tennis are ideal for them. Breathing exercises like pranayama are a must for them but they tend to avoid them due to restlessness in their nature. They are prone to chest disorder, asthma, cough, nervous disorder, dry skin, and insomnia, hence ideal food for them would be steamed vegetables, nuts, high nutrients, and minerals such as calcium and magnesium. They should add garlic, ginger, pear, oranges, and yogurt to their meals.

Cancer

Cancer would be motivated to lose weight if dieting and nutrition became a family affair where everyone was involved in maintaining healthy habits in sync with theirs. They should do more water sports like swimming, stretching exercises along with working out is a good idea as they tend to gain weight around the mid sections. They have a slow metabolism and poor digestion, because of which they are prone to skin diseases, diabetes, ulcers, heart burns, gastric disorders, asthma, and diarrhea. They should eat steamed vegetables, nuts, and more fruits, olive leaves, garlic, melon, cucumber, and cabbage.

Leo

Being fervent about music, they would find aerobic dance interesting. Preferably in the morning, their workout routine should be in the fresh air, yoga, and brisk walking would help them in this regard. They are prone to heart attack, spinal problems, intestine, gall bladder, fevers, digestive trouble, and migraine, they should go for home-cooked food rich in calcium and protein, dairy products, oranges, apples, nuts, and salads are the most important.

Virgo

Virgo is tender beings, known for its perfectionism all around. They cannot stay at rest for long and would love to work out in the gym.  They are obviously capable of high-endurance exercises like long-distance running, cycling, football, squash, cricket, gymnastics, and rock climbing. They should avoid street food and should have more calcium in their diet along with green beans and mushrooms. Spinach, broccoli, and cabbage are important for them their digestive system as well as garlic to avoid arthritis.

Libra

Libras should focus on gentle fitness options cardio and stretching. They are prone to dry skin, insomnia, diabetes, urinary tract infection, and venereal disease. It is advisable for them to have a lot of water, juices, and soups in their diet. Steamed food, garlic, ginger, and yogurt are also especially important in their diet. They should avoid sugar and concentrated dairy products and add apples and almonds.

Scorpio

Scorpions are intense and hence require fitness activities like boxing, martial arts, yoga, and stretching as they are prone. Scorpions should totally avoid spicy food, and high-fat dry fruits as they are prone to piles, and other renal infections. Consumption of pulses should also be restricted and take food that is high in iron like banana, spinach, and apples.

Sagittarius

They should concentrate on the upper thighs in their fitness regime as they are prone to diseases of hips and thighs, obesity, liver disorders, and diabetes. They should avoid junk food, all spices, fats of all kinds, and excessive sweet products. They should add whole grains, green vegetables, garlic, ginger, melons, papaya, guava, and oranges to their diet. 

Capricorn

They should ignore doing any activity that could harm their knees, bones, and joints. They are prone to arthritis, knee injuries, bone disease, acidity, and sinusitis. They should add more hot soups, mushrooms, seafood, fruits, and food rich in calcium and vitamin. They should elude beer, aerated drinks, stale juices, stale food, white bread, and flour.

Aquarius

Aquarians improving blood circulation is especially important for them so activities like running, and swimming, are best for them. They are prone to backbone problems, lower leg injuries, blood disorders, and swollen ankles. They should avoid food with too much starch and should eat brown rice, sprouts, green vegetables, fish and fruit of any kind, mushrooms, and fish stew on a regular basis.

Pisces

Pisces should go for yoga, dance, and water sports fitness regime that would bring balance and peace to their lives. They have a weak immune system therefore, they should consume fruits and vegetables that contain high fiber and roughage. Cold drinks, spicy food, and natural dietaries should be avoided and should increase water intake in their diet. If you have any doubts about your health then talk to astrologers.

How To Look After A Cat

If you're a bit on the shy side, perhaps doing not have in self confidence after being away from the songs scene for a long time, flirting can be quite a challenging task. It isn't challenging. It resembles everything else; practice makes perfect so if you wish to be an effective flirt on the major dating scene, you need to begin sticking your toes back in the water prior to you dive in after the huge fish. Discover a couple of fellas who you think are nice however are unlikely to run into at the regional post-office or your regular watering hole and practice your flirting skills on them. If you get it incorrect the most you'll lose is the time you invested flirting but you'll have discovered a lot. That's the time to home in on the person of your dreams and show him what you're made of when you begin to feel positive. Be cautious of any chemical in your house It is essential for you to know that cat is really sensitive with any chemical might be included in any item in your home. Feline can not metabolize any aspirin and acetaminophen even could kill the feline. So make sure that your feline is not around any item includes of those substance. Moreover, do not let your cat consume plants since some kinds of plant will be poisoning for your feline. fish toy cats When they are going to consume plants, offer them grown feed oats as replacement. Include the wool to the outside of the ball in a random pattern making certain to cover it totally and uniformly. If you have bald or thin spots after the first felting.), (Set some of the wool aside to include later on If you select, Wrap pieces of yarn around the wool. Pointer # 3 - Nevertry to flippity fish cut your cat's claws or bring out any other grooming when he's large awake and raring to play. Constantly wait till he's extremely calm or preferably asleep on your lap. Add anti-oxidants to your diet plan. Antioxidants prevent damage to the heart and physical tissues. Stocking up on anti-oxidants can fend off early indications of arthritis and lower tissue damage that arises from arthritic inflammation. Foods like tomatoes, squash, broccoli and peaches are rich in antioxidants. Choose bright-colored fruits. Nuts, seeds and grease are also great options, in addition to fish, meat, eggs, garlic and chicken. Beans and grain items are likewise plentiful in antioxidants. Last night, I had a dream that Belle was at my back, patio door. She was dancing around shaking her body in joy to see me and appearing to wish to be available in. I said to her, "Belle, what are you doing here? How did you get here? If my child dancing fish toy for cats understood she was here, I questioned. They resided on the other side of town. Unexpectedly, I saw a distant round circle of light in the sky that appeared to beckon to me.Then I understood what it was everything about. I knew she was dead and I stated, "Go to the light Belle, go to the light." Belle listened and after that excitedly, ran into the distance. Another simple animal is a New Caledonian Crested Gecko. These geckos do not require humidifiers or unique light-bulbs. Unlike chameleons and lizards, these geckos do not need to be fed live crickets. In the wild they live on decaying plants and in the house they consume child food and Crested Gecko food. They are gentle (they will rest on your arm for hours), have enjoyable personalities and do not bite or scratch. You can, nevertheless, make their tail come off quite easily so teach your youngsters to choose them up carefully by holding their bodies, not their tails.

Shane Koyczan and The Short Story Long - The Crickets Have Arthritis

It doesn’t matter why I was there, where the air is sterile and the sheets sting. It doesn’t matter that I was hooked up to this thing that buzzed and beeped every time my heart leaped like a man whose faith tells him, “god’s hands are big enough to catch an airplane or a world.”

Doesn’t matter that I was curled up like a fist protesting death or that every breath was either hard labor or hard time or that I’m either always too hot or too cold. It doesn’t matter because my hospital roommate wears Star Wars pajamas, and he’s nine years old.

His name is Louis, and I don’t have to ask what he’s got. The bald head with the skin-and-bones frame speaks volumes. The Game Boy and feather pillow blooms like they’re trying to make him feel at home ‘cause he’s gonna be here a while.

I manage a smile the first time I see him, and it feels like the biggest lie I’ve ever told. So, I hold my breath ‘cause I’m thinking, any minute now, he’s gonna call me on it. I hold my breath ‘cause I’m scared of a fifty-seven pound boy hooked to a machine because he’s been watching me. And, maybe I’ve got him pegged all wrong, like maybe he’s bionic or some shit.

So, I look away, like I just made eye contact with a gang member who’s got a rap sheet the length of a lecture on dumb mistakes politicians have made. I look away like he’s gonna give me my life back the minute I’ve got something to trade. I damn near pull out my pack and say “cigarette?”

But my fear subsides in the moment I realize Louis is all about show-and-tell. He’s got everything from a shotgun shell to a crow’s foot, and he can put them all in context.

Like: “See, this is from a shooting range.” And: “See, this is from a weird girl.”

I watch his hand curl around a cuff link and a tie tack and realize that every nick-knack is a treasure and every treasure’s got a story. And every time I think I can’t handle more, he hits me with another story.

Says, “See, this is from my father. “See, this is from my brother. “See, this is from that weird girl. “See, this is from my mother.” It took me two days to figure out that that weird girl is his sister. Took him about two hours today after she left for him to figure out he missed her.

They visit every day and stay well passed visiting hours because, for them, that term doesn’t apply. But when they do leave, Louis and I are left along, and he says the worst part about being sick is you get all the free ice cream you ask for. And he says the worst part about that is realizing that there’s nothing more they can do for you. He says, “ice cream can’t make everything okay.”

And there’s no easy way of asking, and I already know what he’s going to say, but maybe he just needs to say it, so I ask him anyway. “Are you scared?” Louis doesn’t even lower his voice when he says, “fuck yeah.”

I listen to a nine year old boy say the word “fuck” like he was a thirty year old man with a nosebleed being lowered into a shark tank. He’s got a right to it, and if it takes this kid a curse word to help him get through it, I want to teach him to swear like the devil was sitting there taking notes with a pen and a pad. But before I can forget that Louis is nine years old, he says, “please don’t tell my dad.”

He asks me if I believe in angels, and before I can realize I don’t have the heart to hell him, I tell him “not lately.” And I just lay there waiting for him to hate me, but he doesn’t know how to so he never does.

Louis loves like a man who lived in a time before god gave religion to men and left it to them to figure out what hate was.

He never greets me with silence, only smiles and a patience I’ve never seen in someone who knows they’re dying. And I’m trying so hard not to remind him. I’ll be out of here in a couple of days, smoking cigarettes and taking my life for granted. And he’ll still be planted in this bed like a flower that refuses to grow. I’ve been with him for five days, and all I really know is Louis loves to pull feathers out of his pillow and watch them float to the ground. Almost as if he was the philosopher inside of the scientist ready to say that it’s gravity that’s been getting us down. But the truth is, there’s not enough miracles to go around, kid.

And there’s too many people petitioning god for the winning lotto ticket. And for every answered prayer, there’s a cricket with arthritis. And the only reason we can’t find answers is the search party didn’t invite us. And, Louis, right now, the crickets have arthritis.

So there is no music, no symphony of nature, swelling to crescendos. As if we bent halos into melodies that could keep rhythm with the way our hearts beat. So we must meet silence with the same level of noise that the parents of dying nine year old boys make when they take liberties in talking with heaven. We must shout until we shatter in our own vibrations, then let our lives echo and grow, echo and grow, echo and grow, grow distant.

Grow distant enough to know that, as far as our efforts go, we don’t always get a reply. But I swear, whatever god I can find in the time I have left, I’m gonna remember you, kid. Gonna tell your story as often as every story you told me. And every time I tell it, I’ll say, “see, there’s bravery in this world.”

There’s six-point-five billion people curled up like fists protesting death but every breath we take has to be given back. A nine year old boy taught me that.

So, hold your breath, the same way you’d hold a pen when writing thank you letters on your skin to every tree that gave you that breath to hold. Then, let it go, as if you understand something about getting old and having to give back. Let it go like a laugh attack in the middle of really good sex.

The black eye will be worth it because what is your night worth without a story to tell. And why wield a word like “worth” if you’ve got nothing to sell. People drop pennies down a wishing well, as if the cost of a desire is equal to that of a thought. But if you’ve got expectations, expect others have bought your exact same dream for the price of the hard work, hang in, hold on mentality. Like, I accept any challenge, so challenge me.

Like, I brought a knife to this gun fight, but the other night, I mugged a mountain, so bring that shit; I’ve had practice.

Louis and I cracked this world wide open and found the prize inside because we never lied to ourselves, never told ourselves it would be easy or undemanding. So, we sing in our own vibration and dare angels to eavesdrop and stop mid-flight to pluck feathers from their wings and write demands on god’s hands.

Take the time to catch you so that, even if god doesn’t, it wasn’t because we didn’t try.

I don’t often believe in angels, but on the day I left, Louis pulled a feather from his pillow and said, “this is for you.”

I half-expected him to say, “see, this is the first one I grew.”