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katytheinspiredworkaholic · 3 years

Text

Correspondence, Chapter 01

Pairing: HotchReid

Summary: An AU where Reid never joined the FBI, but got roped into consulting for the LA field office while working and teaching at Caltech. Hotch gets his email referred from a fellow agent, and they start to work on cases together -- until they start talking on a regular basis. Regular becomes frequent, frequent becomes constant. They know nothing about each other, but they don't really mind.

Rating: Mature/Explicit (eventually)

Chapter CW/notes: some profanity, a side character who is a dick about Reid, set in season 06, self beta’d

Word Count: 2437

Masterpost Link

Ao3 Link

Chapter 01

March 2010

Dr. Spencer Reid

(Current Tenure: California Institute of Technology): Fred Kavli Professor of Theoretical Physics and Mathematics; Director, Walter Burke Institute for Theoretical Physics, Department Head of Mathematics, Physics, and Astronomy at Caltech.

- (Degrees, in order) Ph.D. Mathematics, Caltech, 1995; Ph.D. Chemistry, Caltech, 1997; M.A. Nuclear Science, MIT, 1999; Ph.D. Engineering, MIT, 2000; M.A. Sociology, Columbia University, 2001; M.A. Philosophy, Georgetown, 2001; Ph.D. Psychology, Georgetown, 2002; M.A. Applied Analytics, Columbia University, 2003; M.A. Socio Economic Statistics, MIT, 2004; M.A. Geology, Caltech, 2006; Ph.D. Geography, Caltech, 2006; M.A. Economics, Caltech, 2008; M.A. Brain and Cognitive Sciences, Caltech, 2009

- (Teaching positions, in order) Professor of Mathematics, Caltech, 1995-1997, Professor of Mathematics and Statistical Analysis, MIT, 1998-2005, Visiting Associate, Georgetown, 1999-2002; Professor of Chemical Engineering, MIT, 2002-05; Kavli Professor, Mathematics, Caltech, 2005-; Professor of Theoretical Physics and Mathematics, 2006-; Deputy Chair, 2005-; Director, 2008-.

“Jesus.”

The dossier is just an information sheet; no photo ID, no news articles beyond text component pieces, but it is a thick stack of correspondence and case consultations that S.S.A Aaron Hotchner holds in his hands.

“Five Ph.D.’s and eight separate M.A.’s in fourteen years? What was he doing before that?”

“Who knows? You don’t earn a Ph.D. overnight, even if his accommodation sheet makes ‘em look like they pop up like mushrooms,” Mark Anderson says, audibly tired through the phone speaker on his desk. He was one of the Unit Chief's from the teams at the FBI L.A. field office, who’s phone number was given to him by an old friend, Sam Cooper -- another BAU team leader. Hotch had hit dead end after dead end on this case, and sitting at his desk in Quantico, Virginia, he looks down at the recommended consultant’s extensive list of degrees and teaching positions with a building headache behind his dark eyes. He wasn’t a fan of Anderson, or his briskness, but at this point he’d take anything he could get. “I’m pretty sure that man has never lived outside an academic field. He’s a handful, runs my agents up the damn wall, but he knows his stuff.”

“I hope so. I’ve been on the phone the past three days trying to find someone with a background in Obscure Cognitive Linguistics,” Hotch reads from a separate file, filled with violent images and depraved acts described in morbid detail. “Our unsub sites a very particular thesis about a Study of Language from a Cognitive and Developmental Law, and I keep getting sent to experts in adjacent fields. I don’t see anything in this Dr. Reid’s background about language.”

“Oh, trust me, Hotch -- you’ll get more than you bargained for. This is your guy. He’s basically an expert on everything, and if he doesn’t know anything about languages I’ll eat my tie. He never shuts up.”

Frowning at the speaker phone, Hotch keeps his comments to himself. He’s sure that Anderson probably doesn’t appreciate having an old professor puttering around the field office, but that didn’t mean he had to insult the man. Especially when he was there as a consultant.

“Okay, fine. Thank you. I’ll give him a call now-”

“Oh, you don’t want to do that. Just send him an email. Trust me.” Anderson all but groans like a petulant child. Graining on Hotch’s nerves excruciatingly.

“I’m sure he’s busy enough with his students, he doesn’t need to be fielding emails from the FBI,” Hotch hedged, still frowning.

“Not too busy to write you a dissertation in reply, I’m sure, but you’ll at least get the answers you need. You could be on the phone with him a half hour before you get to what you called about. Hopefully it won’t take you too long to sift through.”

Alright, now he is done listening to the other agent.

“Right. Thanks, Mark.”

“Anyti-” Hotch hangs up on him before the man could make any other remarks. His patience is non-existent after the past week and this extremely brutal case that only seems to compound exponentially in it’s viciousness with each passing day. If Anderson felt like being an asshole to some old man with nothing better to do than rack up Ph.D.’s, he could do it on his own time. Hotch needed help, and this man seemed to be the only person around who might be able to finally do so.

Dr. Reid’s office number is in front of him, as well as about three different lab location phone numbers, and one email address connected to the school faculty. He considers for a moment just ignoring Anderson’s advice and calling the old professor, but he has a meeting with his Department Chief, Strauss, in twenty minutes and the team would be arriving from canvasing the dumpsites soon.

So with a suffering sigh, Hotch pulls up a new email (for what feels like the millionth time for this case) and composes a standard correspondence introduction. Who he is, credentials, case numbers and specifics as far as clearance rates for civilians go, and then finally the questions he needs answered. There is something about this particular thesis that has to be very tongue in cheek to the unsub, saying something that isn’t really there, and this could just be another dead end -- but if it led to them saving a victim from becoming another dead body, he is willing to give it one last try.

Thank you for your time, S.S.A. Aaron Hotchner Unit Chief, Behavioral Analysis Unit, FBI Quantico, VA.

Then he hits send, and leaves the response up to the universe.

The team came up with nothing fruitful. Strauss proceeded to ream Hotch six ways from Sunday for wasting valuable bureau resources and coming up with zero results. His day was spinning down the drain in a hellish cyclone when he sits down behind his desk in his office an hour after leaving it. Case files still piled to one side, grotesque photos stacked within them, and Aaron Hotchner wants nothing more than for them to disappear. For the case to be solved and to be able to go home to his son and his quiet house. But there was no break in sight, no new information, nothing.

Except a new email in his inbox.

Agent Hotchner,

I know that thesis paper well. I can help you.

All air seems to have been sucked from the room as Hotch reads the words a couple of times, not quite comprehending after the morning he has had that someone wasn’t giving him more bad news. That this Dr. Reid said he could help him.

A single click of the email opens up the correspondence reply, and the agent is met with a giant wall of text. Scrolling down for pages, and a quick skim of the material shows such a complex, comprehensive amount of information that there is no way it’s just copy and pasted from any one source. Or even several. It’s a long email spanning a vast number of pages, covering every topic he had asked about (and then some).

The thesis paper, the tongue-in-cheek citation from the unsub, how this killer is acting like he’s being clever when it’s really ‘very obvious what he’s doing, as long as you know the paper’ and detailed links and quotations and references to locations and side tangents on items mentioned that could be evidence to look for or weapons of choice, and so much else Hotch’s head feels like it’s spinning. Like reading the cliffnotes of a complex spy novel, with all the spoilers in one place.

It takes him half an hour to read through everything Dr. Reid sent, meaning the professor had to have been typing a million words a minute from the moment Hotch had emailed him to get everything replied so quickly, and Hotch was baffled to realize that an old man with a handful of Ph.D.’s and no FBI training just solved his case.

Not a figment of speech.

Dr. Reid just solved the case, without even holding the file in his hands.

Hotch is dialing a phone number on his speed dial without even looking away from the screen.

“Garcia? Call the team into the briefing room, and phone SWAT to mobilize. We’re going down to the riverfront in thirty minutes.”

“--Wait, what are you talking about? Did you figure out the unsub’s code?”

Not me, Aaron thought to himself, standing up and printing Dr. Reid’s email after forwarding it to the entire team and their tech analyst, Penelope Garcia. He didn’t have time to explain it that many times, and the amount of information in that single email would be enough to send any of them tumbling heels over head. But it solved every aspect of their case. Hook, line, and sinker.

And the clock was ticking.

“Now, Garcia.”

He rushes from the room with the stack of files in his hands and his laptop open to Dr. Reid’s email. Not even thinking to thank the man for his help as he heads across the bullpen with profound determination.

They have work to do.

They catch the unsub that very day.

Quick, efficient, completely by surprise. They saved Amanda Sutton and another girl they hadn’t even known was missing. No one died. None of his team was hurt. The unsub hadn’t confessed, but Rossi and Morgan had played him like a fiddle in interrogation and now all of his team members were walking to the elevators leaving for a long weekend where they wouldn’t have to worry about serial killers or another dead soul on their conscience. Today was a win. As close to a win as they ever can get, in their line of work.

And it isn’t until he’s back at his desk, the hours ticking into the night, that he opens up his email and there in his inbox is the very reply that started everything. Dr. Spencer Reid. CalTech Department Head. Professor of everything under the sun. Expert on anything, even the obscure.

The reason Hotch will get to spend the weekend with his son, without the overbearing aftershocks of a case gone so horribly bad plaguing him.

His hands are moving before he can stop them. Opening up the email, typing out a response to Dr. Reid thanking him for his help. Relaying what happened, detail by detail much in the same fashion he had completed the paperwork piled on his desk. Letting him know that his information really did end up helping them. All of it. Even the side tangents.

I don’t know how I can ever thank you for the extensive consideration you gave this case, or how to explain how it solved it so seamlessly, but your time and effort does not go unnoticed by me.

Okay, so maybe he fluffs it up a bit more than the dreadful bullet-point list descriptions required by the Deputy Chief and the Director and SWAT Team justification reports. Just so it doesn’t look so inadequate in comparison to the man’s thesis-paper-length email he sent to aide Hotch and his team. The passion he has for his work leaps off the page, but it was a lot -- and if the old man put that much dedication into a basic FBI correspondence email, then he was probably used to it being a thankless effort.

Hotch sends the reply, and continues with his work. He always takes a bulk of the paperwork, so his team can go home and rest and recharge. He needs them at their best for each case, and if that means he spends a couple hours longer after when they finish a case, it is worth every minute. But this time, once he finishes, he gets to take the coveted time off as well.

It’s as he’s finishing up, everything stacked neatly and ready to be dropped at records, in the mailroom, Strauss’s office, the director’s, and he’s about to log off his laptop that he sees a surprise -- Dr. Reid replied to him, again.

It’s much more brief this time.

Agent Hotchner,

I’m so glad I was able to help you.

You are one of the only agents to reach out and tell me how the case went after my consultation, and I’m very grateful to know that my information actually helped your team catch the killer. I know I tend to spout facts at random, but I do have methods to my madness and it’s such a nice change to correspond with someone who understands that.

My services are always at your disposal. Anytime. Whatever I can do to help.

Sincerely, Dr. Spencer Reid

Hotch types out a brief reply. Thanking him for his offer, for lending him his expertise, and letting him know in not so many words --

I’ll have to take you up on that.

He’d be a fool not to. Someone with that much knowledge and the ability to connect it all in the way Dr. Reid had in the span of an hour? He could be a real asset to the BAU, as a permanent consultant, even through email correspondence.

He sends the reply just as he stands to leave. Turning off his office light, and his chest feels lighter for the interaction. For giving the professor that sense of assurance that what he had to say did in fact do some real good. Hotch even finds himself smiling softly, sadly, that he has also found a little bit of solace in helping another lonely old man across the country find a sense of purpose that night. Who was working late, as well, despite it being the end of the week. Speaking to not much waiting for him back at home, in whatever shape ‘home’ takes for the man. But Hotch can relate to that, too. Jack is at Jessica’s until the morning, and there is nothing at his apartment to greet him but silence and bare walls and memories he’d rather not dote on. Maybe this Dr. Spencer Reid is in a similar boat, finding comfort in his work when he can. He certainly seems to, with the amount of time he’s poured into his doctorates and degrees. In the number of departments he runs and monitors.

Hotch can’t help but feel a connection, a companionship between empty offices. Thousands of miles apart, but maybe -- possibly -- at least similar in that aspect.

Not so alone, even if only for a brief moment.

(tbc...)

Tagged list: @spencehotchner @ssa-sarahsunshine @gothamapologist @reidology @marsjareau @dragon-snaps-fandom @emmyraebird @just-an-emo-rat @aaron-hotchner187 @dk18077 @more-heid-pls

#omg i forgot to do tags #Jesus so ive been so excited for this and here it finally is and i fuck it up .2 seconds in go me #this is a S L O W B U R N fic and we are starting all the way at the beginning and im so excited im kind of shaking #updates every saturday evening #message me if you want in on the tag list #also on ao3 #HotchReid #Heid #katyswriting

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margridarnauds · 3 years

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Yesterday I realized, after seeing some neonazi use a Celtic cross on a banner, like... if you went up to an Irish person who was going thru a famine at the end of the 9 years war caused by scorched earth policies, & said that one of those crosses over there were being used to advocate for harm towards a specific group by virtue of them being a part of it, they'd be pretty horrifed? neonazis claim to love their "heritage" yet actively disrespect the memories of the group they claim to represent

Yeah. Like, there’s not much to say but “Yeah.”

Like, in the field, we’re VERY careful to say that medieval and Early Modern Ireland was, frankly, a bit of a shit place to live - Like....pretty much any European (and the vast majority of non-European) society, it was classist, sexist, and xenophobic. We don’t skim over that. The standard of beauty described was overwhelmingly (though NOT exclusively) pale skin + blonde/red (”red gold” is a common descriptor) hair. (But also. Their standard of beauty was a little. Strange. By our standards.) They did keep slaves as a casual thing. But also....they absolutely WOULD NOT understand this. You defeated a group of people, and then they were tributes to you, until they’re able to flip the tables again. Upward mobility was difficult, but it wasn’t IMPOSSIBLE. As early as the 1920s (which is NOT what you’d call a golden age for the field as far as studying the complexities of race), you’ve got Eoin Mac Neill saying that “The genealogical doctrine, however, must be taken as often expressing political status rather than racial origin”. (Before discussing the “vassal tribes” of Ireland in my dissertation, I had to include about a paragraph or two discussing how, despite what SOME SCHOLARS might have said in the past, we can’t really use the term “race” to apply in the same way and, if we do use the term, it has to be done with the greatest amount of caution.)

The Early Modern period did bring a lot of tension between the aristocracy and the peasantry (who, for a ton of reasons, had the reputation for being pro-English), with the former saying that the latter, for example, were descended from demons. (Lawrence P. Morris wrote a REALLY good article on it, “Race, Language, and Social Class in Seventeenth-Century Ireland”), but, at the exact same time that that is going on, you have Dubhaltach Mac Fhirbhisigh writing, “I ask, however, how genealogies or other categories of history can be thus disseminated without writing of both ignoble and noble, of free and unfree in turn thus, for the theologians themselves say that there was not ever a king who did not come from a slave, not a slave who did not come from a king; see how David was a shepherd and Saul a keeper of she-asses before they were kings, etc.”

(Also, something that I DO think is interesting is that you have quite a few prominent Irish figures who are said to be descended from slaves, from Niall of the Nine Hostages to St. Brigit.)

Overall, classist? Yes, absolutely. Xenophobic? .....ja. Richtig. But definitely not having the same conception of this sort of thing as the Neonazis have. They would NOT understand it, and I do believe that, especially for the common people from that time...they REALLY would have been horrified. (Because, of course, it isn’t like the Celtic cross would have been confined to aristocrats, even if they’re the ones who could afford the really intricate symbols that we still see now.) Like, as of the 16th century, it was something you saw predominately at churches, going back to the 9th century (so, over SEVEN HUNDRED YEARS). And to try to explain to them that that symbol, associated with something as really...quintessentially Irish as the Catholic Church (at that point in time, not touching the modern relationship. Not. Touching) being used to justify the subjugation of an entire group of people based on skin color... Like. The best you could say to them would be the Israelites in Egypt, but in that case...well, there’s a really clear good and bad guy, isn’t there? And it isn’t who the white supremacists would want it to be.

It becomes complicated down the line, in terms of Irish immigrants’ own participation in racism in the United States/colonialism and how they came to be perceived as “white”, but, at this time? No, I really don’t think...they could or would understand it. And maybe I’m naive about my field, but I don’t think so. And I know I’m emphasizing that a lot, but in my opinion, it’s important to emphasize it, especially now. (In Ireland to this day, it’s not uncommon to find Celtic crosses at jewelry shops because...why wouldn’t there be? It’s an old symbol with a lot of relevance, especially to the Celtic Revival, and when, after a scholar came to lecture at my campus about race in medievalism, I mentioned to my paleography professor that, yeah, the Celtic cross has been appropriated by Neonazis, she was HORRIFIED.)

Neonazis are all about spreading the (INCORRECT) “Irish Slaves” meme until it forces them to actually consider that their view of whiteness and white solidarity is a relatively new phenomenon (given that an Irish person in the 16th century would NOT have felt any warm and toasty kinship with the English...even if you were descended from one of the English groups that came over in the Norman Invasion) and that they’re actively disrespecting everything the groups they claim to “appreciate” underwent. (Also on the long, long, occasional problematic history of the Irish and Native Americans/the Irish being perceived as POC before, essentially, tossing other groups under the bus, see: Fintan O’Toole, “Going Native: The Irish as Blacks and Indians” [not a title I’d have chosen, even in 1994, and I feel like there’s a fair bit of what he said there that wouldn’t have been said/phrased that way today and shouldn’t have been phrased that way then, but. Useful in its analysis of the sources. Use with caution]; Noel Ignatiev, How the Irish Became White. And, of course, the solidarity between the Irish and the Choctaw people during the Famine, which is commemorated in the Kindred Spirits statue in co. Cork.)

Which, on one level...it’s par for the course, since it isn’t like these people understand the bare minimum of historical analysis, but.

#also don't tell them that Ireland's now a multi-ethnic country #their aryan paradise doesn't exist #(also when I say that it's a relatively new phenomenon that obviously doesn't mean that the Irish aren't white now)#(because they are still very much viewed as white after...around the 1930s-40s I want to say)#but. still.#the Irish went through years of being called subhuman only for their 'representatives' to spit on that #and use their culture #THEIR symbols #as a way of spreading hatred and oppression #Anonymous #long post #nazism tw

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lord-arlen · 5 years

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Thoughts inspired by looking at the archives of this blog, which basically turned into a lengthy account of the last 3 years of my life.

Why did I originally stop using this blog? I originally stopped using this blog not long after starting my studies in Edinburgh when I was in a really bad condition mentally. I had intended Edinburgh to be a new start where I would try to be a different person and it just completely failed; I didn’t have the willpower. So the first few months I was beating myself up over having failed to do any activities or talk to anybody. I got really depressed and I felt like I had to stop posting here, because I was worried that contemplating the situation too much was exacerbating it, and I was worried that I would spread too much of a negative mood to my readers.

But not long after I made this blog private a magical thing happened. I was on a pretty small Master’s course, and everybody on it was talking to each other via a group chat and going out together and stuff like that---except me, because I hadn’t spoken to anybody and didn’t know any of this was going on. But since the course was that small, it was impossible for them not to notice this. So they took pity on me, I guess---I think it was actually mostly the initiative of one person, a Greek called Olga. She started kind of aggressively socializing with me in class, asking me questions and so on, and soon enough I was in their group chat and being invited to outings to pubs and films and so on. There also ended up being a fair amount of group project work on the course, so I got to know a lot of them that way. Although I was a very quiet member of the group normally, I could actually make significant contributions to discussions when I was working together with them on a group project. All sorts of things happened! We all watched Arrival together! I went to somebody’s house to talk to them about research! I celebrated Chinese New Year with people! I went to a sushi party! At one point I was even going semi-regularly to the common room to have lunch with these people and just chat with them relaxedly---this is the kind of Holy Grail of social life that I’ve never previously or since attained. One of my regrets is that I never went with them with them to an academic conference in (IIRC) the Netherlands---I’m not very confident about travelling because I’ve basically never travelled anywhere far from home before, but that would have been an ideal opportunity to get that experience.

So I was pretty happy from like November 2016 to May 2017. And I think some of the highest-quality output on my WordPress blog and main Tumblr account comes from that time.

It wasn’t to last, however. In the end, I still didn’t manage to make any proper connections with people. I never initiated conversations with anybody, because I didn’t know what to talk to them about. I never really got any idea of what they were like as a person, what they would like or wouldn’t like to talk about, because I’m bad at paying attention to such things. My presence in that social group was only really maintained by the common social context of the Master’s course bringing us together. So by the time teaching ended and I started working on my dissertation, all the social events dried up as everybody had to get to work. I was still in their group chat, and some people asked me for help proofreading their essays or with writing code for their projects, so I did have some contact still, but it was all slowing down and I realized it wasn’t going to last.

The dissertation was an interesting experience. It was probably the most significant thing I’ve ever achieved. I had been worried about whether I would be able to come up with something to do it on, given that I’m not particularly creative and more comfortable with learning what’s already known than doing original research. But one of my lecturers had been talking about an approach to doing linguistics research that I had never come across before: having people learn artificial “mini-languages” in an experimental setting and seeing what sort of errors they made, in the hope that this would tell us about the language transmission process in general. It was pretty easy to generate a novel experiment in this vein formulaically: just pick a Greenbergian universal of the form “A implies B”, design the artificial language training data to exhibit A but be ambiguous about whether it has B, see if the experiment subjects generalize to B or ¬B when their knowledge of the mini-language is tested subsequent to training. So I picked Universal 38 and my dissertation was the resulting experiment.

Designing and carrying out the experiment was quite fun. There was a bit of an issue where I took a while designing the experiment and my supervisor got worried. But eventually I was done, and when I was done it had been designed carefully. I put out an ad offering to pay £5 to all of my subjects (all funded by a grant from the department) and I got my desired 40 subjects quite quickly. Setting up the experiment, contacting all 40 of these people, scheduling a place to meet them, instructing them on what to do, all of these were things I never thought I’d have the executive function to pull off, and yet I did them all with actual ease. The effort of doing all this basically distracted me from the emerging collapse of my social life.

Then I got to the stage of actually writing the dissertation. And that was pretty tough. One issue was that my parents wanted me to go on holiday with them to Greece, because by this time it was July. I had a kind of emotional conversation with them where I had to refuse, because I knew I was pressed for time and taking a week off from writing would probably result in failure. They didn’t really accept this and kept saying things like, “but if you work hard enough, you can finish the dissertation in time and still go on holiday with us”, and I had to convince them I wasn’t capable of working that hard. After repeatedly keeping my stance firm they finally relented. (This is a fairly significant milestone in my mind because my parents still kind of have the mindset where I’m their child and they determine what activities I’m doing, and I’m generally bad at saying “no” to them.)

But writing the dissertation was a fairly lonely and stressful endeavour, and by the time I finished, I had kind of lost all faith in my experiment. I doubted whether an artificial “mini-language” could really tell us anything about a real natural language. I also realized I had no real understanding of statistical inference, and so I couldn’t really talk about what my results meant. I did a very basic statistical analysis on the data, which may not have been the appropriate one for the data, and got a nearly-but-not-quite significant p-value. My results and conclusion sections ended up being very short.

It was this disillusionment that led to me deciding to not bother to apply for a PhD and just try to get a job. I knew it would be difficult, because I had no idea what sort of job to do, or how to effectively decide what sort of job to do. But I figured it was what I had to do. And in the end I’d probably get it done, I thought. Even though I was disillusioned with what I had done, 2017 gave me a lot more confidence in my ability to do things.

In September my accommodation contract ended and I was living with my parents again. I had one idea for what job to do that had come to me at that point (via a suggestion from my mother, not from my own searching): to get a job as a copy editor at a fairly well-known UK secondary educational textbook company. That seemed like a reasonably interesting thing to do and the company seemed like a nice place to work it. They had a pretty gruelling application process. I did get invited to an on-site interview + round of tests at an “Assessment Centre” in December. Although this happened in September, I basically avoided job searching until this interview happened months later, because I was kind of riding all my hopes on this one job and because searching for jobs was hard.

Their Assessment Centre experience was actually quite fun. Apart from the job interview, my first ever, where I was extremely awkward, as one would expect from my personality. But the tests were fun, and they seemed easy enough. There were also several people doing the tests with me who I talked to a bit throughout the day. There was an extremely posh guy called Rupert who was writing a sci-fi novel and making a conlang for it---he’s the only other person I’ve ever met IRL who does conlanging. There was a girl who I talked to about birds (I had gotten into birdwatching [solitarily] in mid-2017 at Edinburgh once social events with my course mates became less frequent.) But I didn’t get any of these people’s emails or phone numbers or Facebook accounts or anything, so nothing lasting came of that.

In the end, that job went to one of the other people. So then I had to continue my job search. My graduation from Edinburgh happened around this time, at the end of December. I ended up feeling pretty sad throughout the ceremony because I felt like the good part of my life was ending. My parents tried to get pictures of me smiling, which was really annoying at the time. In the end they didn’t get any. Obviously I think it’s a pity now that there are no photos of me smiling at my graduation from Edinburgh, but it was necessary with my feelings at the time.

Although I’ve just realized that there is a photo of me smiling at my graduation... just not one my parents took. Obviously I saw my coursemates again at graduation. But I really didn’t know how to deal with this, given that it would probably be the last time I ever saw them again. I don’t know how to handle saying goodbye to people. So naturally I handled it in the worst possible way by trying to avoid them. I chatted a bit to the people I was sitting next to during the ceremony, but then afterwards when we all went outside, and everybody gathered together to do some more chatting, I just slunk off back to my parents. But before I could get to them, I heard somebody calling my name, and it turned out that one of them---a Bulgarian girl called Zlati---wanted to take a picture of me, to remember me by. I was quite touched by this and so at that point, I did smile. OK, it wasn’t really a genuine smile, I was too depressed for that, but I did make my best effort to smile. Here is the picture (she sent it to me on Facebook afterwards):

She works in Oxford now, or at least that’s where she went immediately after Edinburgh. She told me that if I’m ever in Oxford I should let her know. I haven’t spoken to her ever since. I would like to, but I don’t know how to. (The same goes for all of my Edinburgh coursemates, of course.) If I did go to Oxford I probably would be able to contact her because she explicitly permitted that, but until that happens I probably won’t do it. Maybe I could go to Oxford once I have my own place and am more confident about travelling. Hopefully she would still be happy to meet me now that over a year has passed.

In any case---although I would definitely like to meet my Edinburgh friends again, ultimately I am not going to have my social needs met until I have friends where I live, who I can meet on a regular basis.

Anyway, that was 2017. And then in 2018, I just... kind of faffed around for the first half of the year. I couldn’t make any decisions. It was just very exhausting to think about what I should do. I could do programing, but it wasn’t something that really appealed to me very much. I did contemplate becoming a teacher, because trying to convey information to people is something I do enjoy very much... but teaching involves a lot more than that, and it is probably something that would be pretty tough on somebody with as poor social skills as me. So while I did contact some recruiters about teaching jobs I ended up chickening out on following up on any of the opportunities they brought up. By February I was thinking I should definitely consider doing a PhD as well. But the application process for a PhD is a lot more demanding, and it’s more difficult to find information on how it should be done. If I had still been in Edinburgh I could have asked my coursemates for help, maybe, but at home it seemed impossible. The biggest obstacles are the need to pick a supervisor, and the need to have a research proposal (if I’m looking to do a PhD in linguistics in the UK, at least). I still would like to do a PhD more than anything else but I can’t make any progress towards it until I have some idea what I would do my PhD about.

In March my parents made me sign up for a free course offered by the local council for jobseekers. That actually had the effect of me not doing any jobseeking while the course was running, because as long as I was attending the course I felt like I was Doing Something. The classes for the course were not particularly bothersome because they were only from 10am to 3pm, and they didn’t require much work---all we were doing was getting told basic information about how to write CVs, how to use Microsoft Excel, etc. I did talk to the other course attendees, one of whom happened to actually be someone I knew from high school. So that was a reasonably fun experience. But it was just procrastination really.

After that course I had to just suck it up and get a programming job. I couldn’t think of anything else; although I wasn’t really into programming, I had been in the past and had acquired basic fluency with coding that way. Since programmers are in high demand, and employers are also used to them being socially awkward types who don’t do well in behavioural interviews, I figured I’d be able to get a job without too much trouble.

And that’s what happened. I applied for a few jobs, got a few interviews, and said yes to the first company that gave me an offer. And that’s how we got to the current situation. What I didn’t really realize at the time was how unpleasant the experience of having a job I’m not enthusiastic about would be. I obviously wasn’t looking forward too it, but I figured it would just be a bit dull and I’d be able to deal with it and maybe think in a relaxed way about how to achieve greater ambitions over several years. Instead it turns out that it’s actively, significantly unpleasant and leaves me in a state of sort of perpetual panic.

So I am pretty depressed again, just like I was when I stopped this blog. But not depressed in a hopeless way. I mean, things could get better, and I am trying to make them better. Right now, the most important change I think I can make is moving out of my parent’s house. One thing that’s apparent from this review of the last 3 years is that although I managed to Do Things at Edinburgh to some extent, I pretty much lost that ability once I moved back in with my parents. I guess this is the place where I spent two decades growing up as a more or less completely passive person, so naturally it’s hard to maintain agency here. Maybe moving will help, maybe it won’t. If it doesn’t help, I have more options, like trying to get a new job or doing serious dedicated work towards coming up with a PhD research proposal or trying to find fulfilment from hobbies or something. I will never be out of options; there are always new things to try; there is always hope. The good part of my life may be over but we won’t know for certain until the day that I die, which is hopefully a long way away.

#about me #my life

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analyticalessayexamples814 · 4 years

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dubsism · 4 years

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EDITOR’S NOTE: The Unknown Blogger has made several appearances here at Dubsism, and this won’t be the last. He has finally agreed to be a regular contributor here even though he left the world of professional sports journalism a few years back vowing never to return.

It’s OK because this blog is anything but professional.

If nothing else, this virus and it resulting shut-down of the entire sports world has led to the discovery of staggering amounts of stupidity. With no sports, J-Dub and I actually have been reduced to talking to each other about things which aren’t sports. To be honest, I’ve known the guy for at least twenty years, and there are times that starting a conversation with him is like pounding a nail and you crush your thumb with a hammer. You started out to do something constructive, then it got painful and left you pissed off.

That’s because nobody can get on a “soap box” like that talking cheeseburger. Listening to his bullshit is a classic exercise is separating the wheat from the chaff, because occasionally he says something something that isn’t fucking retarded.

We both are lovers of all things sports, and we are both seriously fiending for anything “live-action.” Not too long ago, we discovered there is still horse-racing happening at Oaklawn and Tampa Bay Downs. So we’ve both been supporting the quarantined economy pumping part of our stimulus checks from Uncle Donny in to the O.T.B. We were watching ourselves lose money yesterday when J-Dub called to tell me to turn my television to (cable sports channel that’s not getting a free plug).

At first, I can’t figure out why he has had me tune into professional bull riding. I get we are both desperate for sports that wasn’t recorded in 1997, and this was happening not exactly live, but you could tell it was tape-delayed from very, very recently. The dead give-away for that was also what I knew what he was about to launch on. Here was a professional bull-riding event which was supposed to be in Las Vegas, but was moved to somewhere in Oklahoma…in an empty arena and everybody was wearing masks.

At this point, I thought I knew exactly what he was going to say, but he left me with two questions I can’t answer:

1) “Is it even possible to gamble on this?”

Since this event was supposed to be held in Las Vegas, is there a sports-book somewhere out there that handles this? If so, what do you actually bet on?

2) “Why the fuck are these people wearing masks?”

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

At first, I didn’t understand this question. I thought it was obvious why they would be, it this whole virus thing. But J-Dub is one of those people who I call “educated into retardation.” What that means is there are people in this world who are jet-screaming geniuses, but when they try to explain something to you, they don’t make any sense to anybody but themselves.

When J-Dub starts to break down a topic, he speaks like an engineer. Everything is logical, detailed, and laid out with geometric progression, and even if the topic is interesting it can be hard to follow. Imagine listening to Mr. Spock give a 25-minute dissertation on why blowjobs feel good and you get the picture.

I really thought I was in for one of those moments, especially when he launched into some shit about “risk analysis.” But J-Dub had one of his non-retarded moments when he explained this one.

This guy has crippling brain damage and enough shit-laced dirt in his sinuses to start a potato farm, but no virus.

“These people are worried about their health from a virus, and yet they are deliberately antagonizing a vicious 4,000-pound beast that wants nothing more than to kill them. How fucking stupid is that?”

Like I said, when that walking monument to bull-shit known as J-Dub is right…he’s right. Thankfully, it’s not very often.

You can see all our signs we are near the end of civilization here.

Got a question, comment, or just want to yell at us? Hit us up at [email protected], @Dubsism on Twitter, or on our Pinterest, Tumblr, Instagram, Snapchat or Facebook pages, and be sure to bookmark Dubsism.com so you don’t miss anything from the most interesting independent sports blog on the web.

Signs We Are Near The End Of Civilization: Bull Riders Are Now Wearing Virus Masks EDITOR’S NOTE: The Unknown Blogger has made several appearances here at Dubsism, and this won’t be the last.

#Bull Riding #Signs We Are Near The End of Civilization #The Unknown Blogger

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vocalfriespod · 4 years

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Literally Exploding with Nerd Rage Transcript

Carrie Gillon Hi, welcome to the vocal fries podcast the podcast about linguistic discrimination.

Megan Figueroa I'm Megan Figueroa

Carrie Gillon and I'm Carrie Gillon.

Megan Figueroa So we always have to figure out who introduces the podcast each week. And it It feels like My Favorite Murder to me, where they never know who goes first.

Carrie Gillon It's true.

Megan Figueroa I just okay. So it also reminds me and I want to say thank you for all the well wishes on Twitter, I defended my dissertation without passing out

Carrie Gillon but with passing

Megan Figueroa with passing, and I tweeted that it was perfect because that morning I was listening to My Favorite Murder. And they were talking about how nervous they were to play the Orpheum in Los Angeles, their hometown. And I tweeted at them that I was like, so grateful that like these wonderful ladies were talking about how nervous they were. And that I have my dissertation defense that day and Karen Kilgariff have tweeted, replied to me and said, "Give them hell," and it was so awesome.

Carrie Gillon I know. I was, I was so happy.

Megan Figueroa Yeah, she's so sweet. They're both amazing.

Carrie Gillon Yeah, they're very supportive. And I really like that.

Megan Figueroa I know, it's very shine theory with them. They're like,

Carrie Gillon yes.

Megan Figueroa upliftin other women. Yes.

Carrie Gillon Yes. Which we should all strive to do.

Megan Figueroa Yes. So the internet really helped me and thank you all. You all uplifted me. So yeah,

Carrie Gillon that also reminds me, B. Got an email a few weeks ago now, I think, from Olivia James, who is one of the cohosts of Super Serious Social Justice Podcast, which you should also all listen to. Because obviously, there's the social justice aspect that both of our podcasts have, so that's awesome. Anyway, so she sent us a message and she said, "Hey, ladies, you guys have been one of my favorite podcasts ever. However, on Grammar Nazi, you ask who other than classic majors thinks Latin is the best language. And I have to come forward and say, me, that's fucking awesome. Of course finding an old language cool doesn't mean you have to be a snob either. So thanks for fighting the good fight on the grammar sno front." And so I was wanting to say yes, Latin is cool.

Megan Figueroa It is. On that episode did I mentioned, I probably said this, but like Rushmore, I'm thinking of Max.

Carrie Gillon Yes, I saved Latin. What did you ever do?

Megan Figueroa Yeah, exactly.

Carrie Gillon Which I think is on there as well.

Megan Figueroa Yeah, I mean, you know, we'll rep it again.

Carrie Gillon I just don't want it to be more important than other languages. I think all languages are very cool.

Megan Figueroa Yes.

Carrie Gillon That's the only thing.

Megan Figueroa Yes.

Carrie Gillon And she also, "I also wanted to thank you for mentioning the grammar policing is very, very ablest. I rarely hear folks mentioning ableism. And it's so embedded in language." So true. It's, it's, it's everywhere. And I know I still have some and I try to dig it out, but it's embedded really in there.

Megan Figueroa I know, especially since so many times. I mean, not just linguists. I'm gonna call it linguists here a little bit, but other people forget about sign languages

Carrie Gillon yes, everybody does. Yeah,

Megan Figueroa it's, it's horrible.

Carrie Gillon Yeah, one of the things that most recently they came up about that was I can't remember who it was, but somebody did an analysis and showed that women speak far less than men do on screen. And so someone said, Well, you know, Shape of Water isn't going to help with that. And I was like, Well, okay, that's true. Speech different from Sign in that sense, but she's still using language on screen. And I think we have to find a way to say that still counts. Like still has lines. Right, right. Yeah.

Megan Figueroa Right.

Carrie Gillon So she's a very important character. And I don't want us to ignore that. So

Megan Figueroa well, and I watched the Oscars, and of course, I was on Twitter. Seeing what the Deaf folks that I follow, were saying they were happy about the representation of the Shape of Water, at least the ones that I was following, and they were happy to see it win.

Carrie Gillon Yeah,

Megan Figueroa it would be it wouldn't be good to somehow represent that those. Those things are happening.

Carrie Gillon Yeah, it's still she's still using language and that matters.

Megan Figueroa Right. Yeah, it kind of erases it. If we say

Carrie Gillon Well, nobody said that.

Megan Figueroa That's not language

Carrie Gillon but it does still erase it in the sense of making speech more important than sign. And that's problematic.

Megan Figueroa Yeah, yes. We got to fight the good fight, but a lot of people that forget about sign.

Carrie Gillon Yeah. And speaking of Well, not quite that but continuing on the same kind of topic. So the end of her email is "I'd love to hear you guys do an episode on language learning disability, for example, person first versus identity first language. Anyway, you're the best. Thanks for doing what you want to do." And I think we mentioned this before. We do want to get to that and we just haven't yet. But yeah, absolutely. It's important.

Megan Figueroa Yeah, definitely. There are several episodes that we can do about ableism.

Carrie Gillon Oh, so much.

Megan Figueroa Yeah. And language around disability.

Carrie Gillon Yeah. Yes. All right. And then we also wanted to thank dictionary.com for listing us as one of the language podcasts you should listen to.

Megan Figueroa Yes.

Carrie Gillon And if you don't know it, we will post it again. But you should listen to all the podcasts on there.

Megan Figueroa It was just really exciting because I never thought that I would be able to like, you know, say, hey, the dictionary is talking about me.

Carrie Gillon Me either! I never in a million years thought that the dictionary would talk about me, even though I have co-edited a dictionary. It just doesn't feel like yeah, quite the. I don't know. I just wasn't expecting it. So like that's a thank you dictionary.com

Megan Figueroa I really felt like I made it because at 16 my AP English teacher who I loved, said her favorite book was the dictionary and I just like adored her and I wanted to be like her. So now I'm like, well, your favorite book talked about me.

Carrie Gillon That is pretty cool. One last piece of housekeeping. We're going to have a bonus episode for March and it will be on Mr. doesn't-have-an-accent Mike Rogers. And how problematic that is. I'm sure you can guess part of what we're gonna say. But you know if you're interested you can get that by becoming a patron at the $5 a month level.

Megan Figueroa Yeah, it's pretty much gonna be like, nerd rage .com

Carrie Gillon speaking of, that's what this whole episode is.

Megan Figueroa It's nerd raging for like 30 minutes

Carrie Gillon there's a lot of me sighing. like an excessive amount of me sighing.

Megan Figueroa Not just sighing. Heavy sighing.

Carrie Gillon Yes. I know.

Megan Figueroa And then me being flustered and not knowing what to say. Just too many feelings

Carrie Gillon well

Megan Figueroa boiling.

Carrie Gillon Yes.

Megan Figueroa Coming to the surface. All right.

Carrie Gillon All right. Well, hope you enjoy this one.

Megan Figueroa Nerd rage. Nerd rage, right?

Carrie Gillon Yes. Yes, this episode is going to be nothing but nerd rage.

Megan Figueroa Yep. And now I'm like, just now this reminds me of the thing that was going around the Modcloth shirt called the podcast cohost shirt.

Carrie Gillon Mm hmm.

Megan Figueroa Thinking about how it was sleeveless, just enough fabric or lack of fabric so that you could just gesticulate wildly with your nerd rage

Carrie Gillon Everyone was complaining about it, but I was like, but it's kind of a cute shirt.

Megan Figueroa Cute shirt. Yeah. I mean, they have some ridiculous names for their clothes.

Carrie Gillon Yeah. And they always have right when they first started, so

Megan Figueroa yeah. calling it a cohost, a podcast cohost shirt. They were just like, what should we call this one thing that came up.

Carrie Gillon Well, one reason why I actually kind of liked it was because I mean, women are podcasters, which is kind of nice. Because that's not the stereotype.

Megan Figueroa That's true. That's a good point.

Carrie Gillon So I didn't hate on it at all.

Megan Figueroa Yeah. But I really think is they need like a podcast cohost like sweatshirt, or like,

Carrie Gillon Yeah, I know.

Megan Figueroa Something really comfy.

Carrie Gillon It's true. I mean, you know, you can wear your pajamas when you're podcasting. Yeah, you don't have to be wearing such cute clothes. But I still liked it. Well, so today, we're talking about this Time article that kept being sent to us. And I just wanted to say that actually, it's kind of an old article from the Muse from 2015. And I think I'm pretty sure this is a list of words that I was asked to speak about for The List the TV show. So I've already spoken about this list before, but I think we need to speak about it together.

Megan Figueroa Yeah. And I, I realize now that I mean, the fact that this was from 2015, and that Time can like retweet it or up it again speaks volumes. This is just a thing like people are clicking on this.

Carrie Gillon Yes, like total clickbait.

Megan Figueroa Yeah, like, I mean, the people that shared it with us on Twitter, of course, we're like, look how ridiculous this is. But there are other people on Twitter sharing it like, mmm-hmm, people should listen to this or you know, like they're legitimate people out there that are like, we'll read this and be like, "Okay, wow, I shouldn't use these words anymore."

Carrie Gillon Yeah, people take it seriously. Who is this person who wrote this list? Jenny Haskamp who is she, why is she an expert to you?

Megan Figueroa Right?

Carrie Gillon Nothing wrong with her. But you know, she's not a language expert any more than most people are so. Why take her more seriously than us? Who actually are.

Megan Figueroa literally, literally, experts on language, thank you.

Carrie Gillon I mean, if you're gonna listen to other people about stuff, make sure they actually are experts of what they're talking about. And even then, you should still obviously take things, you know, somewhat skeptically. Make sure that you have, like, you're not just taking what everyone says. verbatim, right? Like Think for yourself, but like, anyway,

Megan Figueroa yes. And it actually coupled well with another thing that we were sent at the end of January where this asshole bar owner in the East Village of New York or Manhattan, the owner of the Continental posted a sign on his door that said, "Sorry but if you say the word 'literally' inside continental you have five minutes to finish your drink and then you must leave. If you actually start a sentence with 'I literally' you must leave immediately!!! This is the most overused annoying word in the English language and we will not tolerate it. Stop Kardashianism now." Heavy sigh.

Carrie Gillon It's just so packed with bullshit.

Megan Figueroa Yes, packed with bullshit

Carrie Gillon like the the Kardashianism thing. That's that's an attack on women, especially young women.

Megan Figueroa Yep. Yeah, I mean, we've mentioned it before, and we'll say it so many more times, I'm sure because people are hanging on to this. When you're attacking the Kardashians for the way they speak. It's not you're not attacking. I don't know.

Carrie Gillon Wealth, or celebrity you're attacking women, you really are.

Megan Figueroa Yeah.

Carrie Gillon Like if you were talking there them that you wouldn't really talk about the way that they speak or the words that they use, you would talk about the message that they're sending. If you want to say that they're problematic in some way or other, of course you can and you might be right. But you need to actually say what's problematic if all you're doing is using Kardashianism as a shorthand for young women of a certain class, like, it's not okay. Be specific.

Megan Figueroa Yes, be specific in your critiques of, I mean, they might be very legitimate critiques, but we can't take you seriously if what you're attacking is the way that people speak.

Carrie Gillon Right.

Megan Figueroa And I mean, oh, This. I have no words. I mean, I do I have tons of words. I just can't like, I hate this. I hate. I will never go to the Continental. that's not a thing that's gonna happen.

Carrie Gillon No, definitely not. Yeah, I mean, this guy is a real piece of work. So first of all, his name is Trigger Smith, which is an amazing name. He also hates "it's all good." "You know what I'm saying?" And "my bad." Which, okay. I think we know what that's code for.

Megan Figueroa Yeah.

Carrie Gillon But even worse, the bar became notorious for banning saggy jeans, a policy that he's defended by saying, "if you have a problem with that, open up your own bar with no dress code or door policy and see how long it lasts. That crowd will alienate and scare away your mainstream crowd until that's all you have left."

Megan Figueroa That is a that is seeping with racism.

Carrie Gillon Right now. No other way to interpret that.

Megan Figueroa Yeah, like, scare away mainstream. Like, I mean, it's all coded like

Carrie Gillon coded language for black. Yeah. it's horrible. So not only is he sexist, he's also racist. And, you know, this goes along with my interpretation of the world where I think a lot of the isms and phobias go together. You know, some people only have one maybe, but I think most people have a good package of them. So if they, you know, show themselves to be racist, and you're a white woman, beware, they're going to also be sexist at some point, and vice versa.

Megan Figueroa Oh, yeah. Yeah. It's intersectional isms. intersectional. phobias. Yeah, they they do not discriminate with who they discriminate against.

Carrie Gillon Right? They really only like one kind of person

Megan Figueroa Oh, so fuck you Trigger. Fuck you.

Carrie Gillon wow. All right. So "literally," I think the reason why people pick on literally not in setting aside the gender stuff, although that's obviously part of it is because people have this idea that literally has to only mean in a literal sense. But there's two things wrong with this one, originally literally referred to letters, like, of the alphabet. We don't use literally in that way any more. And also that's related to literacy, you can you can see the connection there. So if we're going to use it the original way, then we should be taught using it to refer to literacy or something like that. We don't. The second problem is literally has been used in in a more intense way like as an intensifier for at least since 1708. So Alexander Pope, who is not exactly known for being loose with his language, use once said in a letter to Henry Cromwell in 1708, "everyday with me is literally another yesterday." That does not mean in a literal sense.

Megan Figueroa Yeah, it just cannot. It cannot be literal sense. No.

Carrie Gillon So so you're wrong. This use is very, very old. And people only started complaining about it relatively recently. I think it was last hundred years. It might have been more recent than that. But it's not been for the whole time. So back in the 1708, no one was complaining about literally being used in this intensifier way.

Megan Figueroa And, I mean, I hate to go back to sexism, but I have to think about how how much I love the character Chris Traeger and Parks and Recreation played by Rob Lowe and how they've written him to be this like adorkable character who always uses literally as an intensifier

Chris Traeger Pawnee is LITRALLY the greatest town in the country.

Megan Figueroa And it didn't hit me until when we were talking about doing this episode that I find it so charming that Chris does this all the time. And I don't know if I find it as charming if it was a female character that they had written to do this. Yeah, so this is my like internalized misogyny at play here, and it's horrible. It's frustrating.

Carrie Gillon It is very frustrating and I'm pretty sure they knew what they were doing, I'm pretty sure they were like, okay, we can have a male character do this but we can't have a female character do this.

Megan Figueroa And we're not like questioning his intelligence or anything or his competence at his job because he's like the city manager, right. He has this important job. And and of course, this is like, in contrast to Leslie Knope, who has to be perfect all the time. And they do talk about like, there's a lot of storylines about how she has to You know, work harder and everything because she's female. So yeah, they probably did it on purpose.

Carrie Gillon I'm pretty sure that they did. They're very clever writers. I think they knew what they were doing. And I also want to point out that a lot of people talk about how literally means figuratively and so you're misusing it because you're using it with the opposite interpretation. But that is not what it means. It's an intensifier, not figuratively, so again if we change "everyday with me is literally another yesterday" if I say "everyday with me, it's figuratively another yesterday" that sounds really bizarre

Megan Figueroa spiritual,

Carrie Gillon that's not what it means.

Megan Figueroa Yeah,

Carrie Gillon it just means it's like another yesterday to a great amount. Like it's REALLY like another yesterday and that is also another case of something changing into an intensifier "really." So really used to mean in a real sense, just like literally

Megan Figueroa Ah, of course, yeah,

Carrie Gillon over time became an intensifier, and nobody complains about really, truly did the same thing. Very did the same thing. If you look at the etymology, these things all just mean real.

Megan Figueroa Oh,

Carrie Gillon and they've all become intensifiers and no one gives a shit.

Megan Figueroa And now it makes me like feel like literally it's my baby and I want to protect it. Like why is why is everyone bullying literally when you see that really is the same way and all these other ones?

Carrie Gillon I think it feels more contentful I mean, it's a slightly longer word. We can feel the literalness still in it, whereas with very I mean, that's been an intensifier for so long. We don't really think about ver- is like real, but we are we should we should so real. We really should and we don't so anyway,

Megan Figueroa but it's like "veritas." Like it's very like that kind of is that Really?

Carrie Gillon That's where it comes from, yeah.

Megan Figueroa Oh what?!?!? See, I don't see that immediately.

Carrie Gillon Yeah, so veritas is related to very, yeah,

Megan Figueroa WHAT. Okay, see,

Chris Traeger that idea is literally the greatest idea I've ever heard in my life.

Carrie Gillon So I should also mention that Ben Zimmer is the one who did all the work on this and showing like just how old literally is and how very and really and truly have also equally undergone the same change over time. So yeah.

Megan Figueroa Oh, thanks, Ben.

Carrie Gillon Yeah, props to Ben. so anything else you want to say about literally?

Megan Figueroa I just I fucking like I love literally, like literally my favorite word.

Carrie Gillon Samsies.

Megan Figueroa I mean, yeah. Yeah,

Carrie Gillon and just get over yourself guys if you think like it's like the worst thing ever. Really? Like it's okay to dislike it if you just like it. You just like it, but to like complain about it publicly? I think. you're just trying to make yourself seem cool, but it's not really cool if everyone kind of semi agrees with you anyway.

Megan Figueroa Yeah. And yeah, and you might be loving your sexism show or something else.

Carrie Gillon Definitely. I definitely don't get sexist. So, yeah. All right. So let's look at some of the other words on this list.

Megan Figueroa Yeah, I was saving myself here. Because, right when I read the first word, I was like, Oh, god, this is terrible.

Carrie Gillon That?

Megan Figueroa that!

Carrie Gillon "That" is a useful, useful word. And there are two different "that's" and so which "that" are you talking about? And both of them have uses.

Megan Figueroa And guess what? She probably doesn't know because she's probably not an expert on language.

Carrie Gillon Nope.

Megan Figueroa I'm sorry, Jenny, or whatever your name is, but

Carrie Gillon well, so in this case. So her example is I have several friends that live in the neighborhood and she said, No, you have several friends who live in the neighborhood. we've already talked about this one. Both are fine.

Megan Figueroa Yeah. Yeah.

Carrie Gillon And she says it's superfluous. Most of the time. It is superfluous sometimes like you don't absolutely 100% need it. You can delete some uses of "that." "I said that he left" or "I said he left." But sometimes, even where it's sort of like, optional, I think it's easier to read if you add the that. But anyway, whatever that's not unimportant. You use it. You don't like it, don't use it.

Megan Figueroa And this is another thing where it's like different when you speak versus when you write like, Yeah, when I'm writing, and I have to follow the rules of like society. I'll be like, I'm editing and I'm like, Okay, yeah, I can see how I should probably, like, delete this. But when you're speaking, if it comes out, it comes out, like, no one's gonna go back and correct themselves with the word that. It's just a ridiculous thing to ask me.

Carrie Gillon Right. And we do want to point out that the title is the 15 words you need to eliminate from your vocabulary, not from your writing. Like, maybe this is a different conversation with writing, although I still have some problems with it. But yeah, you can't get rid of "that" from your vocabulary.

Megan Figueroa Yeah.

The next one!

Carrie Gillon No.

And then we went.

Megan Figueroa Oh god.

Carrie Gillon So this is this is a style question, right? So she's saying, I went to school, if you should consider drove skated, walk around, flew or whatever. And if you're writing, especially if you're writing something more evocative, I could see how you want to want to use a better verb.

Megan Figueroa But this is writing again, right?

Carrie Gillon Mm hmm.

Megan Figueroa I mean, she's saying vocabulary. I feel like she must mean in writing.

Carrie Gillon Probably maybe the headline that might not be her fault. But "went: is sometimes the right verb. Sometimes you don't know.

Megan Figueroa Um, oh, the next: honestly and absolutely she does not like these adverbs, eh.

Carrie Gillon I mean, they are sometimes overused and sometimes I think people use honestly when they're like trying to obfuscate but I don't think it's always the case. Her point is the minute you tell your reader that this particular statement is honest, then you've applied the rest aren't. Yeah, I don't think it's quite that strong. But you have you're saying like this is more important than what the rest of what I've said is Yeah, and you know, sometimes you might not want to do that, but I just honestly is fine.

Megan Figueroa Yeah. And absolutely "adding this word to most sentences is redundant." Ah, I mean, again this is Yeah, this is just so much more relevant in writing it seems like she sounds like she's talking about writing.

Carrie Gillon Yeah, yes.

Megan Figueroa oh look our friends very and really.

Carrie Gillon Okay. So in writing I do delete. So if I edit some on part of what I do for a living is edit. And I do take out a lot of berries because they do seem superfluous. However, in speech, not even noticed. I would never notice them

Megan Figueroa right. And listen to what she says about really, unless you're a valley girl visiting from 1985. There's no need to use really to modify an adjective or a verb or an adverb. Pick a different word to make your point.

Carrie Gillon Bullshit.

Chris Traeger You're literally the meanest person I've ever met.

Megan Figueroa Yeah, so ah hi sexism? Um, you're still here. You're always here, aren't you? Oh,

Carrie Gillon yes. sexism and ageism.

Megan Figueroa Yeah.

Carrie Gillon And I do think this is the most hilarious point. I don't remember who pointed this out on Twitter but someone was like, oh, but woebegone is okay. So very is bad, but woebegone, that's a better option. No, no. I'm not saying woebegone is always wrong. But in many cases, in many instances, that's the wrong word choice.

Megan Figueroa Oh, yeah. cuz she's saying it. What is she saying? If you're very happy, be ecstatic. If you're very sad, perhaps you're melancholy or depressed, woebegone even. Oh, my gosh. Yeah.

Carrie Gillon Yeah. I mean, anyway, it's fine, you know, to play around with vocabulary to like, find a better word, that piece of advice is not necessarily wrong. It's just eliminating from your vocabulary. redonkulous

Megan Figueroa Yeah, yeah. And and the fact that anyone would tell anyone to do anything like that. okay. Listen, our whole podcast.

Carrie Gillon That's true, but this is basically don't like, yeah, don't listen to these people. do what you want to do.

Megan Figueroa Yeah. I mean, the only time I would ever tell someone not to use a word is when it comes to slurs.

Carrie Gillon Yeah, you know. So I definitely say stay away from slurs.

Megan Figueroa Yeah, but I mean, now that number seven is amazing. Listen, I love the word amazing.

Carrie Gillon Yeah, I mean, it's overused. Sure, but come on. It's fine.

Megan Figueroa Oh, always and never. Okay, she doesn't like those.

Carrie Gillon That makes no sense because sometimes you really need to say, this never happens or This always happens. Now. Often people use it when that's not true, but it's sometimes true. And so you have to use them and you should not be eliminating these very important words - Haha very - from your vocabulary.

Megan Figueroa Oh, there's literally literally number 10. I'm surprised it's not number one.

Carrie Gillon We've already talked about that. And we could talk about it for ages. So if you wanted to hear us talk about it more, just let us know. Because

Megan Figueroa I know there's so much more to be said. And I can just talk about how much I love it.

Carrie Gillon I could give you more examples from literature where literally is used as an intensifier, not as figuratively, ah,

Megan Figueroa and I use it as both.

Carrie Gillon Yeah, of course, of course we use we use literally literally, of course we do. But, it's had these two meanings since 1708. At the very least, side by side, because words do that words often have more than one meaning and we don't really worry about it that much.

Megan Figueroa Right. Okay, so the word just, she describes it as a filler word, which is true for some instances of "just" but it's not always the case that it's a filler.

Carrie Gillon Well, she does say if you're using it as a synonym for equitable, fair, even handed or impartial, then you can use it, but otherwise you shouldn't use it. And I do think that just can be overused again, in writing - in speech doesn't matter. But in writing it can be and again, I will sometimes edit those out because they don't really help but again, you can't eliminate it. And I just keep making the same point over and over again. So I will stop.

Chris Traeger that literally went on forever. I thought you were never gonna stop talking.

Megan Figueroa Okay, so we have number 12 is maybe 13 is stuff 14 is things, stuff and things. Listen, sometimes. I just, ah, again, same point. I'm not going to get rid of saying stuff and things while I'm speaking. It's a ridiculous thing. And yes, when you're writing, if you go back to like, your English class in high school, of course, your teacher is gonna circle it and say, use another word, use what you are talking about or whatever. But

Carrie Gillon yeah, most of the time, you do want to have a better, more evocative word. But again, yeah, it's fine. And I forgot to mention with just the only people who get picked on for that are women.

Megan Figueroa I was gonna say, I, and I use just a lot to ask for things. And I realized that I mean, it's kind of hedging, or I'm like, when I need to ask for something, I like to soften it. And it's because of how we as a society, want women to be, I mean,

Carrie Gillon and what's wrong with being nice when we ask a question?

Megan Figueroa Yeah, I mean,

Carrie Gillon there's nothing wrong with that.

Megan Figueroa Right.

Carrie Gillon So like, Yeah, sure. We socialize women to be nicer. And sometimes that's bad, but in this case, it just don't think that's bad. Men should be more like women in this case,

Megan Figueroa yeah. Yeah, everyone should be more like women.

Carrie Gillon In this in this case. Yeah, I don't want to say across the board because there are some things that we are socialized to do that I think are problematic, but

Megan Figueroa it's true.

Carrie Gillon I dont' think asking in a nice way is bad.

Megan Figueroa So the last one is irregardless, which is always a fun one.

Carrie Gillon Yeah, I mean, I I just think it's a fun word, and I will use it sometimes. I mean, obviously, you wouldn't use it in a formal setting. Well, unless the whole point was to talk about words that are constructed differently than we might expect, but people complain about it. Because regardless and irregardless mean the same thing, but there are so many examples of this in English so for example, flammable and inflammable. mean the exact same thing. So, if your complaint is well, regardless, is redundant. Well, so is inflammable. So. and?

Megan Figueroa Also she says this about it. This doesn't mean what you think it means hefe, which is really weird to me that she decided to all of a sudden coda mix here and say hefe instead of boss. Um,

Carrie Gillon well, I would think it doesn't this doesn't mean what you think it means boss would sound kind of weird. So she would have to say something like, I don't know homie or I don't even know what would be a closer equivalent. Because it's like, I don't know. It's You're right. It's weird that she borrows a word from Spanish. to I don't know what bond herself to the reader.

Megan Figueroa Yeah, I have no idea what she's trying to do there. Because I don't know enough about her. To know why she would use a Spanish word there.

Carrie Gillon I mean, she might be a Spanish speaker. I really don't know but it does feel a little like pandering. but to who?

Megan Figueroa But in a weird way, I know. to who

Carrie Gillon That's the thing. Like, maybe pandering is even the wrong word because it's like, I don't know. I just don't understand.

Megan Figueroa Yeah, so um, and also she ends the article by saying "these 15 words are a great place to start trimming the fat from your prose: bonus, you'll sound smarter." So,

Carrie Gillon I mean, okay with the stuff and things, if you use better nouns, like nouns that actually describe what you're talking about, then yeah, of course, that's gonna make you sound smarter, but I don't know.

Megan Figueroa But the idea that I mean, it's problematic to me that there's this idea that the words that we choose to use, define whether we're smart or not. I mean, that goes back to so many isms, right?

Carrie Gillon It's true, but she does say sound smarter not makes you smarter. And this is all about presenting yourself to a public and when you present yourself in a certain way, then yeah, certain people are gonna judge you. So basically what she's telling you implicitly is you will be judged if you use these words, which is true. that part is true.

Megan Figueroa Yeah. But she, like doesn't want to offer up any like statement. That's like, even though it's fucking unfair. You're gonna sound smarter if you use these words and get rid of these, or you'll sound smarter if you don't use these 15 words. So unless people are like, you know, couching things, in terms of like, oh, there's systemic reasons why we don't like these 15 words, so maybe get rid of them. And you'll sound smarter. I'm like, uh, goodbye.

Carrie Gillon Right. You have absolutely have to make explicit what is going on. And she doesn't do that because she buys into it.

Megan Figueroa Exactly. Yeah. So I think that's the biggest problem I have with these 15 words kind of lists and they come up all the time, and it's always by people that do buy into it. It's not.

Carrie Gillon And no one ever asks a linguist, well, except for The List. So thank you The List for asking me.

Megan Figueroa Yeah. Maybe they don't ask linguists because it would just be a bunch of nerd rage spilled onto the paper. It's gonna be like this podcast or this episode. We're like, all over the place with our anger.

Carrie Gillon Hulk Smash.

Megan Figueroa Hulk Smash. Exactly. Yeah. And of course, like, as we're going down the list, there's not much more to say, we have the exact same thing to say about all of these words that she uses because it's the same point over and over again, you know, like there's no reason to eliminate there words from your vocabulary. When you're speaking.

Are there any other words that we can think of the people complain about? I mean, literally, it's just so picked on it and irregardless too. One of the things people say about irregardless is it's made up well, I hate to tell you, but all words are made up at some point.

Yeah, there's a whole I mean, it's a it's a can of worms. So I maybe shouldn't even bring it up but Latinx is a thing that everyone's like, it's a made up word. And like, I always want to say

Carrie Gillon That's true, but like again,

Megan Figueroa exactly.

Carrie Gillon All words are at some point and many have been made up in the last 20 years that we don't complain about.

Megan Figueroa Yeah, exactly. I don't it's always something that's like, there's something deeper going on when you're like it's a made up word. I don't want to use it.

Carrie Gillon It's an excuse if you don't want to actually directly attack what you want to attack because I know that that will make you look like a shitty human being. So instead, you attack the word or the language that the person uses because then you can be sneaky about it, but we see you we see what you're doing.

Megan Figueroa Yeah, and this is a huge problem for singular they, you're being a fucking asshole. When you like if you're saying oh, I just it's so hard for If you're really gonna dig in deep and say, I can't use singular they, because of like, my grammar or whatever, you're being an asshole about something else. if you're not willing to make an effort with that, and I know it's gonna be hard.

Carrie Gillon It's not that hard though. I mean, people have been using singular a since at least Shakespeare's time. What are you're talking about?

Megan Figueroa I was trying to give them a little bit of credit because I was just shitting on them. But yeah, it's not that hard.

Carrie Gillon But I mean, out of all the things that they complain about that is not hard, like so a lot of people get confused because they think when you use singular they you're supposed to use singular agreement on the verb, like "they is." Which if that is your dialect, that's fine for those of us that that's not our dialect. No, you still use "they are" just like with you. It doesn't matter if you is you singular or you plural, you still use "you are" and it's fine. But if we had to switch to "they is" is then I would be like okay, that's hard. Yes, you're that's a grammatical distinction. Really hard to break. so I've got another list because I want to keep on raging. So again, many of the same ones come up again like really, but for some reason this person doesn't like "you."

Megan Figueroa Okay?

Carrie Gillon Because I don't want you to use like to speak directly to the reader, I guess when you're like writing

Megan Figueroa Oh, of course it goes back to writing.

Carrie Gillon Yeah, this one is specifically about writing Okay, I'm gonna shit on that. Like, that's really what it is. So yeah, but there are times when "you" is acceptable still, I think. "Feel" and "think" you should, you know, find different words for those of course because they're not good enough, I don't now.

Megan Figueroa Um, when I was a English tutor, I was tutoring students that were in AP English High School, AP English, and their AP English teacher didn't want them to use the word "be" or any of its forms.

Carrie Gillon Oh, it's so bizarre. Like a lot of people have this bugaboo about "be." Because they think it they think it doesn't mean anything or doesn't do anything.

Megan Figueroa Oh, it's so important.

Carrie Gillon we we can't do present tense without it in English for most things,

Megan Figueroa yeah, so I was like, as a linguist, as I was seeing this, I was like, Oh, this is so frustrating, but I have to like, tutor like help them get a good grade in the class and like, you know, rework, rework the sentences to help them not use "be," but it was so frustrating because I was like, really hard to do because "be" its just everywhere, and it's so important

Carrie Gillon It’s so bizarre, although I there is one place where I have this weird hatred of it. and it's the hashtags #amwriting and #amediting. Why not just #writing, #editing? what's the am doing there? I hate it. And it's so stupid. And I know it's just me. And I'm not saying anybody should stop doing it. Because no, that's dumb. But like, that is what I'm thinking. I'm like,

Megan Figueroa I totally do hashtag #amwriting and I have no idea why I saw it once and that's the only reason I use that hashtag

Carrie Gillon Cuz that’s what people use! But if it was just me, I would use #writing or #editing. why do you need the am? Anyway it’s silly, it’s my pet peeve that is not a real thing.

Megan Figueroa Yeah, I’m trying to think, I used to give my students the assignment of “tell me your linguistic pet peeves” and “literally” always comed up - “comed” haha!

Carrie Gillon Oh my.

Megan Figueroa That’s a remnant from my dissertation.

Carrie Gillon Oh my, that’s a little dirtier than I was expecting.

Megan Figueroa I’m sorry. Comes up. “Literally” always comes up. I can’t think of any other words that they really hated. But it’s always like 5 or 6, like enough people in each class that hate “literally.”

Carrie Gillon This person also hates “as.”

Megan Figueroa Yeah, try to get rid of that. Try.

Carrie Gillon There are two kinds of “as”es. One that introduces a whole clause and one that is more like a preposition, like “as a linguist, blah blah blah.” They’re talking about the first one. “As you write this word, poke out your eyes.” That’s literally the example they gave. First of all, that’s a totally fine use of “as” but they think you should use “because” instead.

Megan Figueroa Oh ok.

Carrie Gillon But that doesn’t make sense. “Because you write this word, poke out your eyes.” No. That means something different. Ask a linguist!

Megan Figueroa Yes #AskALinguist. I feel like anyone listening should totally tweet at us words that they heard people hate that make no sense, cuz I’m so interested in this.

Carrie Gillon Yes. Me too. And the same words keep coming up again and again. “Just” came up. There’s obviously things that trigger people.

Megan Figueroa And they’re reinforced in our English classes and in public school. Not just public school, all schools.

Carrie Gillon Yeah school.

Megan Figueroa School.

Carrie Gillon Alright, unless there are any other words you wanted to discuss?

Megan Figueroa Ahh… I don’t think so.

Carrie Gillon Ok. Me either. Alright. that was us nerd-raging on lists of words you’re not allowed to use anymore. And don’t forget: don’t be an asshole!

Megan Figueroa Do not be a fucking asshole. Do not be an asshole and use whatever words you want to use that aren’t harmful to other people. Alright bye

Carrie Gillon Bye

Carrie Gillon The Vocal Fries podcast is produced by Chris Ayers for Halftone Audio. Theme Music by Nick Granum. You can find us on Tumblr, Twitter, Facebook and Instagram @vocalfriespod, you can email us at [email protected].

#transcript #Ben Zimmer #literally #nerd rage #just #word complaints #linguistic discrimination #linguistics #language #English #things #stuff #be #feel #think #irregardless

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