Will I ever expect Nintendo writing a Ganondorf who's trying to break the curse and end the cycle? No. I simply think their faithful adherence to the nature of fairytales about the knight rising up to face evil and save the princess is simply that strong. It's a classic (in the most literal sense cite Perseus and Andromeda). It's why I don't believe in a playable Zelda until I see it with my own eyes.

While the earnest nature of providing interesting spins on this millennia old formula is rather endearing, I would welcome earnest breaks in turn as well. Yet until I see it, I simply won't be holding my breath for when it comes.

breaking my loz silence to be a hater but also, here's how totk can still win

i will preface this with the thesis but also bear with me, ok, so: let it be known that in most circumstances, like most people probably, i hate when stories go "And It Was All A Dream!!!"

however. under some certain conditions. it is So Tasty. and i think totk is like. i'm sorry i think this is the only thing that can redeem the story of that game even somewhat. to me. this is all obviously just going to be my own personal opinion if you liked totk you are valid etc and so on and so forth but this is probably not the post for you

a minor point i want to start off with is that we were promised majora's mask vibes and they did not (imo)(this will be the last qualifier/clarification as far as that goes just stick "imo" everywhere in your brain for me please. thanks) deliver on that so much...... UNLESS MY UPCOMING TINFOIL HAT/COPING "THEORY" APPLIES! (there is absolutely no evidence or support for any of this whatsoever.)

i know people have come up with theories and Themes Analyses as to why the totk ending is good and makes sense and i did like a lot of those, and those people are very smart, however what they do not take into account is that i do not like it. if there's one thing i hate more than It Was Never Real In The First Place, it's And Actually None Of That Mattered That Much At All!..........

unless! It Was Never Real In The First Place!!!!!!!!! (<- IWNRITFP)

SO many of my personal gripes with totk are solved by making "the primary impact of these events is just like. emotional there aren't a lot of other consequences if any" follow the caveat of Because IWNRITFP!!!

"but bug" you might say, "what the fuck are you talking about". that's fair despite all those paragraphs i've said very little. i understand.

i am team "pissed off about the arm". team "ZONAI??????? AAAAAAAGGHHHH". team "AND WHY DOES IT ALL DISAPPEAR IN THE END ANYWAY COME O—". team hater. if you will. zelda doesn't even get to have any dragon features stick around like come. ON. ok anyway

also. we have the Monarchy Good Let's Keep Doing That Actually. despite. gestures at all of botw and the info we get of link and zelda post-botw pre-totk. where they're like. really not so much doing the monarchy. is the thing. and that seems really great for them in fact. and this seems really kind of silly outside of it really being needed to continue The Cycle. of loz games. and in loz games. which is that there is a princess and link punches things. and monarchies are a little necessary for point one. there.

but also some of you know me. you know what my favorite activity is. it's Making Up Lore To Explain Mechanics/Whatever i know this is not mechanics it's like. Video Game more broadly. franchise continuity. and that too. put that after the slash idk how to phrase that. so here's the thing.

they go down to the castle murder basement. right. gloom is there. it's spooky. things Go Wrong. tale as old as time.

this is a reach but cope with me. bear with me. what if. the murder basement. is the last real thing that actually happens. (until the ganon fight)(i think)(disclaimer: i have played only like 35 hrs of totk and the greater portion of that was mapping out the depths. so please understand i hate this game and this essay is based on information i gathered trying not to be doomed to hate this game/attempting to gain motivation to like. actually play it.)(if you notice i barely succeeded. if at all. rip)(one of the first things i did was collect the dragon tear memories and that INSTANTLY made me tap out. iykyk y'know.)

I KNOW. BUT. HEAR ME OUT.

here's the story of totk: link and zelda go down to the catacombs. neither of them come out. like. link does. sort of. i guess. if you ask some people. but like. nothing he does seems to matter or affect people. or. most things. with a few direct Plot Related exceptions. no one recognizes him the famous Savior Of Hyrule (the sword one)(not the princess the other one) who has spent literal multiple years scurrying around speaking to without hyperbole every single person in the country probably multiple times in insane circumstances pretty much every time. everyone is just Have You Heard The Legend Of Press Down B To Slash Fancy AND I SOLVE THIS TOO. with Game Theory.

WHAT IF. what if. ganon's last hurrah. ganon who like. constantly loses. and is repeatedly killed by teenagers at best and children not infrequently. is to see these guys who pretty well won. because they lost. who have a pretty good chance of doing things differently. where he can't. and/or won't. who can set hyrule in a different direction, if they're allowed to continue on. does not let them continue on. "lol they're traumatized young adults," he might say, "i am The Scourge Of Millennia and HERE. is how i can still win." (<- loses)(inevitably)(of course)(BUT HE CAN TAKE THEM DOWN WITH HIM.)

what. if IWNRITFP. maybe we can say the zonai in some capacity WERE real idk. this is irrelevant to my essay but i do like the thought they're just Early Hyrule and we know nothing more about them that's true than we did in botw. i think it would be incredibly good soup if ganon just made EVERYTHING about zonai and the Ancient Times that we see and learn of in totk. just. completely up. this also solved how ganondorf (and also rauru and sonia like character-wise) kind of sucks in this game tbh: because he's The Villain. he's MADE himself THE villain. what are his motivations? you may ask. what the hell is he trying to do? what on earth is even going on with zelda and co in the past? irrelevant. you see if he is as cartoonishly evil as possible and makes zelda and co (The Good Guys)(So Good Guys Wouldn't It Suck If Something Like Killed Them Mercilessly Or Whatever) completely miserable and sets up the perfect, most unassailable dichotomy in her mind of Me Evil, Monarchy (You) Good then zelda and link who are already traumatized can just be pushed more firmly into The Cycle if he just. makes them live out a nightmarish reality he constructs of "nothing that they are or have been matters and they have to cast it all aside to be The Princess and The Hero" and keep that going forever. because without them(The Princess and The Hero) there is only Him (The Villain). they HAVE to be in the cycle to keep him from winning the cycle by default. don't they. right. sure they do don't look at the man behind the curtain what man. who said that.

also the sages!!!! Bloodlines!!! Of Course It's About Bloodlines!!!!!! it's the cycle!!

and see the thing is link and zelda come out of the catacombs with Dragon Ganon Defeated and that can be real. that's the story. link and zelda come out of the catacombs. they have experienced once again a bunch of things that no one else had anything to do with or could be reasonably aware of and there is nothing they can do about it, and they can try to talk about it but everyone else really truly it cannot be emphasized enough was just doing other things.

also!!!! this makes the depths like. less. [picture so-so gesture here.]

i mean. they're still like. more should have been done with the depths. more (or less) should have been done with all of totk but i'm exhibiting favoritism here. the depths make sense if IWNRITFP. the yiga are down in an empty inverted-ish Ghost Monster Hyrule doing loony toons. they are also. cartoonishly. evil(?). do the yiga have a point? in totk? like. really? do they. (other than Mechanics.) well. do they NEED one? link loots stuff and knowledge from them. as in: you have to know things in dreams. somehow. sometimes. what i'm trying to get at here is aren't the depths and the yiga so much more funny if ganon is literally just making them up. like "here is Evil hyrule (look at the ghosts of all those you've failed) with my Evil minions (evil)(like me)(cartoonishly evil and bumbling)(this is a dry joke sarcasm HUMOR. if you will.)(what if ganon is like "oh yeah the yiga my doomsday death cult in botw what was going on with— did link throw that guy down a hole. that's hilarious. i'm going to make a whole thing about that.) and my Evil loot here have relics of past heroes. this doesn't mean anything btw don't worry about it just put them on. yes Put The Tunic On no don't think about it i'm not even here. what. who said that"

like. OH of COURSE no one recognizes you or says much of anything that doesn't somehow give you instructions or tasks to do if IWNRITFP. like. ganon doesn't care. link doesn't care!!! that's something people do. when he is running around trying to save the world. that makes sense..... DREAM SENSE.

do you all see my vision. is this anything. had i played more than 5% of the game or read more stuff i could probably expand on this or be at all coherent but DO YOU GET IT. am i communicating. please take this and run with it THIS is how we can still get majora's mask and. COSMIC DOOM AND HORROR also again justice for ganondorf (and zelda)(and link) on this one WHAT IF. he was evil. what if he was FUNNY. what if totk were good.

ganon with the last vestiges of his Evil Power from his corpse under the castle sealed for There Can Still Be A Good Story There: if two guys were on the moon and one guy killed another guy with a rock would that be fucked up or what. also wouldn't it be cool if i were a dragon. i’d like to be a dragon. i can make that happen and sort of kind of make sense. as a treat. while also doing that to the princess while tormenting her with (More) Visions.

welcome to his twisted mind...... mine.......... minecraft server. hey gamers have you ever THE CYCLE THE CYCLE GET BACK IN THE CYCLE

life could be a dream. IT COULD BE A DREAM

Fantasy High Rant (and why you should watch it)

Ok I got suggested this and I cant believe I've been sleeping on this series in the last two years. This series is freaking fantastic! I’m screaming.

Overview is this is a modern d&d fantasy land a la Onward Style, where we follow fantasy Scooby Doo gang as they try to solve the mystery of missing students while interacting with the fantastical citizens of Spyre.

I hella love it, because while it has such a great mystery of whats going on in the town, who is doing what and why, etc etc, and it just GROWS the more you watch it. You think it was something simple, but the conspiracy rabbit hole gets deeper and deeper. But to me the main pull is just seeing how our Party just interacts with everyone and each other. This is a very character driven series, which makes sense this is a d&d party, you have to get attached to the party if you want them to work together.

Fabian Seacaster: God he’s fun to watch. The rich kid high class type of character but is just has so much gusto. I love his relationship with his family, it’s adorable. He just adores his parents and his parents adore him back. Like Addams style adoration. He is a bit full of himself and arrogant and has a thing of living up to his father's legacy as well as his family name, but I think his arc is him learning that he doesn't have to define himself through his dad and can be his own person. Plus my favorite moments are him screaming “WHAT IS HAPPENING” because out of everyone he mostly the straight man dealing with people.

Gorgug: I just love him. He is just so sweet. He is just a gentle giant and confused all the time. I feel so bad that he keeps getting the shit end of the stick to save the rest of the party. Like the whole "stealing backpack" shit to basically set him up as the outcasts of outcasts. Granted I’m laughing my ass off when it happens, but he is just so anxious it’s cute. He is just very sweet and genuine, even if he is a little awkward. I also love him just asking if people are his dad lol he just wants to know. But when he rages he’s basically God-Tier Shaggy. 

Fig: lol her angsty teenage years finding out she isn't who she thought she was. Tbf her dad basically said she was the reason for her parents divorce soooo take that as you will. Her being the "bad girl" but also very helpful when she can is great. Her flirtatious punk attitude, the winking, and rocking bard stuff. I low key like the idea of her being with Gorgug because of the moments in Barbarian class and giving him drumsticks. And I also like her with Fabian as just a wild cool kid power couple. Also her fucking with Goldenhoarde is the best with her being sexual,with him. Its super funny.

Riz: I freaking love him. Kid detective on the case. The business cards for friendship which I mean, makes sense. His goal from day one was to find the missing girls and babysitter. I'm sorry he has a poor house to use water cereal, but his mom just loves him and I think that’s sweet. His family is the coolest and he isn’t afraid to admit how cool his family is. But he has direction, he has a mission, and he does it with determination. Plus I love how he is The Ball and everyone is just going with it and now supports it. Him fucking with Fabian is great. And I'm glad he is reconsidering his life choices after meeting the AV kids.

Adaine: She needs help. The panicking one. I mean, her family,obviously looks down on her and she is literally jealous of all the other kids parents (love the gnomes). She is learning to find her own magic her own way and trying to shatter the expectation forced on her. God I support her just fucking people up, especially with Pixie Boy.She is just trying to deal with things which honestly this adventure is getting her to open up and not take shit. Character Arc: Don’t Take Shit.

Kristen: I’m just watching a train wreck here. Like she was 100% Helios all the way. But now it is just watching her questioning everything about religion after dying. Its amazing from looking into other religion herself and just how it ALL escalates from there as she is pulled further and further away from her religion and old life. Learning that how she was raised was just so fucked. Like I'm just seeing how far this goes and if she will pick another god instead or just not be a cleric anymore.

Also I'm like never going to post a completed version of this post because I’m way too fucking obsessed. I went from ep 8 yelling about Kristen’s religious life to episode 13 plot-twist end. I basically am physically restraining myself from watching episode 15 before I type this or else this will never be typed. I can literally go off about all the characters there is just so many good moments.

Basically, check out the show yourself. It’s on Youtube, it’s hilarious. Watching the reactions and faces is just so much fun to see. 100% recommend.

Now excuse me while I scream spoilers for episode 8/13/14 underneath:

Midway through Ep 8:

Ok it was fucking Kristen! Like not her obviously, but she was the hellmouth! She was the initial sacrifice! Demon-Dad Garthox said that the Hellmouth can be opened inside a person, and Goth Kid Blane was working for the Harvestmen Helios to get that page. And lo and behold the page was in the corn vat that Kristen's book was pushed into! Coincidence? I think not!

They thought that it was somehow Adaine's magic that caused it, or the very least it was the bully,guy who chucked Kristen's book in. But no, the page was already inside her book and fell into the corn! If bully ass McGee didn't hit the book out of her hands, then she might have been the victim! Which makes sense, why not have a follower of Helios bring the end times in His name.

Which means that it could be Daybreak or her parents that gave her the page in her bible for this.

God,is this what Helios meant when it "wasn't her time?" Because she is needed as the Hellmouth Sacrifice?

And this makes the whole "sneaking into heaven" part make sense now. If Aguefort was trying to be assassinated by Helios, he could sneak into Helios Heaven and spy on them from the afterlife. He's a weird ass man I'm sure he can pull it off.

Also Fig's Dad is hella cool and I totally love him for,trying to be a parent and mature about this. Fig is totally supportive of him and I love it.

Ok I'm going back to finish episode 8 I just REALLY needed to rant about that.

Screaming about Episode 13:

The oracle was going to return,if the country was in danger. It was but she was,kidnapped/killed on an illusion ship to stop,her. Rix dad is a spy and he was 100%,super dope about it and him just finding his family secrets I was just crying like, he found his legacy, his entire family was,badasses he was so happy and took up his dad's gun for justice. Like how cool is it for a goblin spy,being small and already default evil to infiltrate that is so clever. That is what gets me on this show,is that they take these cool setting and ideas and how they are twisted to fit the fantasy. Cops? Fantasy cops. Skateboarders? Fantasy skateboarders.

Which lets be real, I think the best battle where they really,worked together was during the skateboarders.

This mystery is building and building and I,guess Penelope is,trying to,be queen,via homecoming queen which is,weird and has a Sarah berry vibe to,it. Which is fucking nuts.

Now I’m wondering if nice guy,pixie actually was in on it day 1, or if he was turned over after he was "beaten" like the bad guys offered him a way to make his dream girls his 2D pets. Which, gross. But Biz part doesn't necessarily fit with the main plot. He obv isn't behind this.

Kalvaxus is a demon with money. His money needs to be destroyed. So they are funneling his money through the banks. They used his ship in disguise to kidnap/capture/kill the oracle to prevent her from returning, which she said she would if the country was in danger. Yes the religious Harvestmen wanted to start the apocalypse via Kristen, but ass-elf diplomat said it wouldn't really work, but it would break the treaty and start war. Kalvaxus. Coach Daybreak had control,on Zane, who had control over Johnny Spells to kidnap girls, and since Alwin had a spell to find "maidens/virgins" they need the girls, either as a sacrifice or as conduits to power the arcane source. Was all of this to raise Kalvaxus from hell to the mortal world? That would explain the power source at the arcade with the trapped girls, to keep the connection going. The only,thing I can think,as to why Penelope would be as high up as she is in this conspiracy is if Kalvaxus is her dad. Which I guess,everyone has dad issues in,this group.

Side note, I appreciate how Gorgug thinks himself as,dumb but gets really smart ideas and the whole party agreed they are smart. Like,he was the first to,put 2 and 2 together about Kalvaxus== KVX bank, even if he didn't outright say it.

All,the adults are really,enjoyable,to see. I fucking love Rix’s mom shes so cool. And Gilear is actually really,pitifully funny. I wouldn't think I would like,him as much after that first episode, but he is actually hilarious being the lunch lad and just trying his best.

Live Screaming Episode 14 (lots of incoherent):

fucking He'll Riz got the drop on Biz but he fumbled the attack with a nat1.

Ah shit! This is their shit! The prizes are the girls shit as trophies. Zelda headphones. Skateboard girl. You need to give the items back!!!

Fig's German Shepard patrol finally works out

And Riz is now in Penny's game, oh this hurts because this is the girl that he wants to help.

Biz is like a terrible chucky cheese mascot.

I love it when Fabian says "whats happening" because for all his rich person elegance his bafflement amuses me.

It's so sad to see these girls just be this, shadow of themselves. Like no personality at all.

Adaine does will with the divination rolls, I don't think I,could be able to,do this that well.

Damn they are taking the girls,into the power source, they need girl power. Literally.

Gorgug is just so sweet to call his parents for help. Too bad it didn't work. Its a gnome game, sweet.

damn this is a lot more dangerous than before. This is why we don't split the party.

Make Gorgug fly again that would be awesome. But Adaine flying is good too.

Riz using his gremlin powers to fuck up the parascepts from the inside is fucking amazing, why the hell is it funneling to the school.

Sucks that Fabian just kept running all the way out the building. But lets say Fabian having that motorcycle is just so op. Plus it called him Daddy let's not forget that.

Gorgug using the headphones with Zelda’s music is just so sweet and clever. See hes a simple man but very smart. Practical I think.

Lol only the guys got sucked into the game. No girls in video game.

The Bebe raises Gorgug’s rage. Riz is right: hot topic vs av nerds.

Where is devil dad, like he wasn't kidnapped or kidnapped figs mom or whatever right??? Like i get suspicious when people don't respond immediately.

OMG Gorgug is God Tier Shaggy.

Biz is doing the Fantasy Truffle Shuffle.

Cut his wings Gorgug!

Riz!!! Keep her here!!! FUCK!!! HE DIDN'T!!! Biz is soooo creepy.

Yes! Keep the ghosts so sad I would love the bag of holding but too bad it didn't work.

Gorgug’s parents are just so freaking sweet and supportive.

Hold shit Gorgug’s honesty got him double crit. That sucks but I lowkey hope he keeps the white hair.

That motorcycle is so op. But hes in a racing game with the hangman, at least he has an advantage.

Kristen's philosophers are just so op. I love how her religion is just searching for eternal knowledge.

NAT 20 THE NAT 20 FUCKING YES LETS GO RIZ JUST FLIPPING IT OFF AND SCREAMING FUCK YOU holy,shit that was funny. Too bad it was wasted on such a dumbass moment.

Just smashed the palimpsest that's how the owlbear popped out. Wow it was hilarious how biz popped out. But holy,shit Riz not even giving biz a chance as he starts shooting off fingers that’s amazing

I love them fucking with him because hes an ass. Oh, Alwin modify memory to make him think it was his evil plan. You know still fuck him tho. Ugh are those pictures. No. They know it was the group and photos of their house. Ughhhhh and now things are getting more dangerous,

KH: MoM Review (Story)

You don't begin the game with the new story, it's mainly just Kairi retelling the story from her perspective and you build up to that point...after KH3, so its basically the ending. I want to be clear, this isn't THE Kairi game, we might get one in the future but this is just told from her perspective, you don't play as her that much and you don't unlock her like the other characters, which is kind of disappointing.

One thing I noticed is that they give the player the choice of where to go. If you want to head to Chain of Memories, there's a path, if you want to go to Days, there's a path, if you want to go to KH2, there's a path, it all branches out after KH1. I would have to say it's a bold move to put KH2 right there because if you don't skip anything, the beginning of KH2 is the world before the Days section, when chronologically, it's the other way around.

(to the left is CoM, Straight is KH2, the right branch up ahead is Days)

Also Tarzan is missing from the world line-up, I assume they didn't get the rights because they had a whole debacle back when 1.5 was coming out and such but it's just kind of odd to me, I was kind of looking forward to that too. Same with Pirates and Pooh, not sure why that would be though and here's the funny one...Symphony of Sorcery, the one that actually has to do with music! I hated the way that world was put together in Dream Drop, I thought this would bring it redemption but the world isn't even in it!

With that, some Kingdom Hearts games are longer than others, so since CoM has pretty much all the Disney worlds from the first game, it's just different Castle Oblivion sections, so pretty short and sweet. That isn't to say that worlds don't come back for more tracks though, for example, Neverland appears in the KH1, BBS, and Days sections but with different songs. There are also different teams such as Team Classic, Team Days, Team 3D (odd choice but I like it), and Team BBS. They aren't interchangeable and you can't play as KH2 Sora but it is what it is, it doesn't affect gameplay anyway.

This game definitely reaches out to wider audiences but I wouldn't call it a replacement for story. If anything, it makes you want to play the other games, a great compliment/supplement. Especially if you want Disney World plots, that’s practically nonexistent. It is funny that they just used two songs for Re:Coded and only one for 0.2 though. There are 3 extra worlds that you only unlock if you get 280 stars, I like that, I only ended up doing that after the story though since I only had 208 by the time I figured that out.

I remember when I was a kid and my friend wanted to play Guitar Hero but he used the controller, not the guitar and I couldn’t even wrap my head around the idea, but look at me now! Little did I think, years down the road that Kingdom Hearts was going to swoop in and make a game like this where I’m actually interested in rhythm.

Overall, this game made me much more interested in rhythm games entirely. If they made a Zelda one in a similar style, I would totally be interested. With that said, this is the best rhythm game I've played thus far, not that I've really been into them though. 

Stop! STOP!

I know you want to see it but this is where I get into spoilers, keep that in mind. Also, there is a scene after the credits, but it doesn't matter how you play the game, it's there for everyone. And if you see "Secret movie" somewhere online, that's false, it isn’t actually a "secret movie" because I've seen some pretty convincing fakes out there.

Now, I can see where people would get hasty and say that the content isn't all that much because they do wait until the end to reveal the new content and while I was satisfied with it (even if it left on a cliffhanger (as I expected!)) I could see some people not being as satisfied. I ended up spending about 10 hours going through world tour but I kept going after that as I mentioned so kind of average but this is also a rhythm game, think about a CD with that much content and not all the songs are even in the world tour.

Is it probably skippable? Probably. I expect it’ll be relevant but I think it’s more just connecting the dots than anything, besides, this is the current KH game for a while, I hear we won’t get news until 2022.

That final boss was great, I loved it. The only real gripe I had with it is that Sora looks like an MMD model, like if KH3 Sora was still in KH1. I also expected a little more out of Kairi's backstory because we got most of that specific part in the trailer making it easy to pick apart. I did stray away from everything since that trailer though and I was pleasantly surprised. Also, FGM can just teleport to the Final World whenever??

Nameless star is voiced by Madison Davenport who, as of now, is still under the name "Nameless Star." it's kind of salty but at the same time, sweet because I'm excited to see who she is. The japanese voice actress "Risa Shimuzu" voiced Vitani in the Lion King 2...so confirmed? Hahaha. Kairi asking to be trained by Aqua makes my heart all warm and fuzzy, I love that thought, that they all become masters and teach the new generation because I was thinking that the BBS gang might become irrelevant after KH3.

Xehanort talked about ‘paving the way for Sora’s disappearance’ but that was apart of his plan? I know YX teased it but he wanted that to happen?

Quadratum has to do with an ancient Roman building technique and the concept of "Making Square" but it really is Shibuya. The foretellers presence makes more and more sense as this goes on and it's really setting up for it. I felt like we were spending all that time building for KH3 but we didn't even realize that we were building for KH4 along the way and I think that it's just going to keep going, which is why "Quadratum" is a good metaphor in this instance, it keeps that same momentum and structure, it didn't lose anything by finishing the Xehanort Saga, it just used it as a launchpad.

Other than that, I heard "data" being tossed around when they talked about dreams and memories. Kairi is the memories (I guess Pooh is too though...) 

and Riku is the dreams, so does that mean Nameless Star is data? Strelitzia is that you? It seems familiar because I mean she's "from the other side" and Brain was talking about data in Union X so it's possible. I just don't want the master plan to be "Re: Coded was actually 10x more important than you thought!" kind of data.

A Critical Look at “Pokemon: Sword and Shield” From a Casual’s Perspective...

A/N: Hey! if you’re reading this, then thank you! I don’t know why, but I thought to myself, “Hey, wouldn’t it be cool to write a pointless essay about a Pokemon game?” And then I realized today was the 1YR anniversary of SWSH, so I figured I might as well just do it! So even though I’m late and probably nobody will really care to read all this nonsense, I wrote it! If you’re interested in all the analyses of PKMN SWSH, but aren’t too invested in the technical mumbo-jumbo used by the more hardcore fans, then maybe you’ll enjoy this. 

Also, it’s worth mentioning that I’m literally just some rando on the internet saying my opinion. None of this should really be taken SUPER seriously - it’s mainly designed to provoke thought rather than try to argue any specific idea. So if I say something that you don’t agree with, you got two options: 1) Draft a constructive comment or DM to me and we can discuss calmly like adults, 2) shake your idea and ignore this. There’s really no need to get heated up over a video game essay, of all things, so let’s not do that lol. 

But other than that, yeah! If you’re interested in more stuff like this from me (in-depth analyses of Pokemon games from the perspective of a low-key casual), lemme know! I’d love to chat with anyone about this awesome series.

So, without any further ado, let’s get into the essay (warning: it’s like ~8k words).

Introduction...

Welcome to the wonderful world of Pokemon! Love it or hate it, Pokemon has had a huge impact on popular culture in countless countries in a number of different ways, sparking memes, dreams, and happiness everywhere! It holds a very special place in my heart - Pokemon was a game that I got to share with my two older siblings, was one of the first fandoms I got into, and was a big reason as to why I grew to love creative writing so much after writing a couple fanfictions for the games. I’ve been playing Pokemon ever since my brother gave me a copy of Pokemon: Ruby and have been a devoted fan ever since. While I may not be super into the strategy and damn near mathematical aspects of gameplay, I’d like to consider myself a relatively knowledgeable fan with enough extra knowledge to give a look at one of these games from a casual, yet analytical view. So what game other than the newest title, Pokemon: Sword and Shield, with its release anniversary being today? In this casual online essay, I hope to describe all my thoughts of Sword and Shield (which I’ll shorten down to just “SWSH”) from the perspective of the everyday Pokemon fan.

General Gameplay...

Many top-title games of Nintendo are best known for their simplicity: in Super Mario Bros, you’re a mustachioed red guy jumping on monsters to try and save some random princess (who may or may not be in this castle); in The Legend of Zelda, you’re a green elf-looking guy slashing wildly at monsters with a sword given to you by some old guy in hopes of defeating some ultimate bad guy; and in Pokemon, you’re a child wandering around the region catching monsters who also accidentally saves the world before becoming the very best (like no-one ever was). And while the games themselves have grown from that initial stylistic simplicity, some have lost that creative in-depthness in favor of being playable for children. This is probably the biggest issue with the newer Pokemon games as of late.

Regardless, let’s look into the playability of SWSH.

It’s played like your regular Pokemon game; you’re a kid who journeys to become the Champion of Pokemon Battling with your friend, catching monsters known as “Pokemon” with pocket-sized balls dubbed “Pokeballs.” But I’m sure you’re all aware of that information, and are instead asking “Well, what’s the deeper plot?” Yeah, no, that’s it. You’re a kid catching Pokemon to become champion - oh, and you also accidentally save the world from a power-hungry businessman - but that’s neither here nor there.

Plot aside, the game is a bit barebones. It’s pretty linear gameplay (literally linear - the map of the Galar region is almost exactly a straight-line waltz from Postwick to Wyndon, which is a bit weird after dealing with the giant, sprawling maps of earlier generations) where you travel from place to place, beating gyms and catching ‘mons, before getting into a couple scuffles and becoming champion. For an RPG-styled game, it comes off as much too simplistic for older fans (I’d even reason that it’s too simplistic for younger players, as well). While I will say, I don’t exactly miss the days of hopelessly wandering around a pixel city, trying desperately to figure out how to move on to the next town because the answer to the puzzle is hidden in this giant area that my little peanut-brain couldn’t figure out at the time. But it is a bit demeaning to get “Hey, do you know where to go?” and  “Hey, follow me so you don’t get lost!” and “Oh, yeah, want another tutorial on how to easily catch Pokemon for the fourth time in a row?” every two seconds in a city where there’s only two places to check out.

But we can’t really discuss the gameplay of Pokemon without discussing the highlights of the region. Ever since the transition from 2D to 3D, Pokemon games have begun a trend of gimmicks - which I like to call “battle enhancers” - that they use to add uniqueness to their games. X&Y had Mega Evolution, Sun and Moon (and USUM) had Z-Moves, and now we have Dynamax! As we all know, battle enhancers are the strategy by which the player uses some extraterrestrial/magic stone to physically enhance one pokemon at a time for a certain period of time - in the case of Dynamax, the pokemon either grows in size or changes in form, gaining the ability to use special type-based attacks for a duration of three turns.

Honestly, I think it’s a pretty fun mechanic! Dynamax combines the good components of both Z-Moves and Mega Evolution - new forms, awesome moves, and a ticking clock. It adds a bit more strategy to the battle enhancer, where the player actually has to plan out who and when to Dynamax (though it’s really not that hard - most everyone will save it for their ace or the pokemon with the type advantage at the very end of the battle, because that’s what you do). But it’s fun and creative, making the battle a bit more exciting when you see your beloved ace become gargantuan on a field while the audience chants in excitement. Initially, I was skeptical of the battle enhancer, but once I threw myself into the game and really got into it, I felt it was fun and cool for the region. My feelings were further improved when I learned that Dynamax was inspired by the idea that the Nintendo Switch had the potential to be played on the TV as well as in a hand-held mode. The idea of turning pokemon “big” on a “big-screen” is really just so cute to me, really. Overall, it’s a fitting concept that is paired well to the game when everything is considered.

But when you look beyond the Dynamx experience to find more content in the game… there’s really not much else. Many people (including me) were ecstatic to hear about the free-roam areas in SWSH - the Wild Areas. Here, you can do all the fun grinding stuff that makes Pokemon games a bit more challenging and fun - hatching eggs, shiny-hunting, running around in circles, Dynamax dens, etc. But when looking at other Pokemon games, that’s really it. Let’s examine Pokemon: Sun and Moon, for example. This game really shines not just for its refreshing setting and compelling plot-line, but also for it’s amount of cute and quirky mini-games to be enjoyed for a good while outside of the main story. Pyukumuku Chucking, Mantine Surfing, the Alolan Photo Club, Ultra Warp Ride Travel - a good handful of mini-games that appeal to different kinds of people! All of these mini-games aren’t just tossed in there, either - they have a fitting place in the culture of the world and add to it, rather than just reiterating it. But when you look for mini-games in SWSH, you won’t really find anything aside from just battling. Sure, there’s the Battle Tower, as well, but I’ll personally say that I’ve never been a fan of the concept of post-game NPC battle buildings. For a hardcore player, they might be fun, but as a casual who can’t devote the time to really dig into understanding how IVs and competitive breeding works, they’re really no fun. Not to mention that nothing is really being added or developed with these battle buildings; they don’t add to lore, they don’t add to the culture of the region, you don’t even really gain anything from it - they’re pretty much just places to battle the occasional familiar face and that’s it. While I’m sure plenty of people adore these facilities in the games, I’ve never been too partial to them (I’d even prefer those god-forsaken casinos over another goddamn battle frontier).

But my biggest problem lies with the release of the DLC. While I’m not against the idea of DLC in general, both The Isle of Armour and The Crown Tundra left a bitter taste in my mouth when I started thinking about the issue of playability in SWSH.

I have always been more invested in the storyline of Pokemon games rather than the battling aspects. Usually I’ve always just gotten through the main story, then wandered around to find extra post-game content or mini-games, and then moved on to other games. And that’s not necessarily a bad thing - I just figure that the games have served their purpose for me upon completion, so rather than bore myself wandering around and doing things that don’t interest me, I go find another game that has more story-based content. That being said, I finished SWSH in less time than any other Pokemon game (I’d say somewhere around twenty hours, complete with me running around in circles like an idiot before rushing through content intermittently); as a result, I was no longer actively playing the game by the time the DLC was announced.

I’ll be honest and say that when I learned about all that was being offered in both sets of DLC, I felt a bit betrayed. I’m well-aware that Nintendo is a corporate business, and therefore will always prioritize financial gain over their fans’ lasting enjoyment of their titles - that’s just a fact of life. But I couldn’t help but feel like I paid a bunch of money for the bundled titles, only to play a game that hardly could be considered worthwhile or satisfying without added headcanons or fan-works, and then get told that extra content is available that may or may not add satisfaction to the experience that’s already long since ended for me. It was just a bit disappointing - and I’m not talking about the whole “Dexit” deal (I actually was on-board with the idea of having no real National Dex - I felt it added realism to the games and would force players to get to know the new Pokemon instead of just choosing the same team they always have since Gen 1 or whatever). My gripe is that I paid for a whole game, wasn’t satisfied with the result, only to hear later that the content that I might have been missing is available to pay for? That’s incredibly annoying. Not to mention that I was further disappointed after learning about the contents of the DLC, but we’ll get into that later.

Overall, the playability of SWSH is very basic, but can be enjoyable if you suspend belief and just enjoy it for what it is. When it comes to storyline, it’s not much of a game, and doesn’t sport much post-game content besides battling.

Immersion and Ambience...

Many of my friends can attest that I tend to like silly, fantastical concepts because I personally love to throw myself into the universe being offered to me. Pokemon is really no different - the games have always sported a very immersive experience for me thanks to the combination of interesting regions and evocative music (especially the music).

I think that most every Pokemon fan has a specific region, city, and music theme that sparks a plethora of nostalgic emotions to the point of near tears. For me, that’s always been Pokemon: Platinum, the Twinleaf Town theme - just staring into the rippling reflection of the pond by the player’s home, listening to that beautiful synth clarinet playing that nostalgic melody - it makes my heart beat with so much fervent passion that I hardly have the words to describe it! And I think that sense of nostalgia - regardless of whether or not those memories are old or new - has always been a strong-suit for Pokemon games. They always have the ability to inspire such deep emotions in me and other alike in a variety of ways, further adding to the ability to immerse us into the game’s world. And whether your favorite area is as simple as Twinleaf Town in the Sinnoh region, or as agonizing as Rock Tunnel in Kanto, it’s the spirit of certain cities/towns/routes that further add to the immersion of the world in question. But how well does SWSH hold those values? Spoiler Alert: Not very well.

SWSH, in the end, is still a Pokemon game - so the setting is very vibrant and colorful and everything that can hold my attention for long periods of time. But the problem arises when one begins to progress through the game and continuously forgets what’s where and where’s what. A lot of the map is painfully basic (again, due to the literal linear nature of the Galar region) and the cities themselves kind of lack their own real originality. There was an attempt at unique cities that’s become iconic of the Pokemon franchise, but it doesn’t really stick. I think most people would agree with me that the only real memorable areas in the main game were Slumbering Weald, Ballonlea, and Spikemuth, and each of these areas have their own set of problems that also make them a bit difficult to fully enjoy. At their core, most all Galarian cities have the same basic set-up: basic green plants (if plants are in that area at all), the same brick roads that lead either to the gym or to a route leading in/out of city to another city, and a giant gym/key building in the center of it all. And that’s really about it. No real interesting buildings except for gyms and Rose Tower (and I guess technically the hotels), no extraneous locations that aren’t directly related to the plot or to gimmicks - it’s very bare-bones and really can take you out of the experience.

In a hard contrast, I’ll give the example of Generation 1’s region set up - every city has its own personality that also matches the feel of the region as a whole. Every city is based on colors, and each city is themed after that, respectively (i.e. Vermillion City, the city of sunsets themed around the color orange, is home to the Pokemon Fan Club and the kick-ass electric-type gym that initiates feelings of excitement; Lavender Town, the noble town themed around the color purple, is home to the Pokemon Tower and spooky spirits that inspire feelings of somberness and reticence). Obviously, this isn’t very realistic, but the trick isn’t to replicate reality - it is to inspire reality. The Kanto region is incredibly creative, and therefore is easy to immerse oneself into the world because it’s become a world we are actively interested in. We know that it could never truly be real or plausible, but that hardly matters when we are so enthralled with the colors and set-up and feeling of the towns. We don’t really get much of that in Galar. It probably isn’t such a great idea for your final city - being Wyndon - to feel blank and lifeless when compared to minor cities in the region. And even when we find cities that hold that uniqueness we desire like in Spikemuth or Ballonlea, there’s really no other reason to be there longer than just beating the gym. It’s sad, really. Spikemuth is such a interesting, creative-looking town home to such cool characters, and yet there literally is only one path to get in and out of the town - the town isn’t even given small houses to investigate like literally every other city in the region. It’s a waste of potential! The fact that I can’t investigate such a promising setting that inspires me really takes me out of the world, reminding me that this is just a video game in which you move from Point A to Point B. It’s no longer a fantasy world for me to explore, but instead a line at the DMV to get my Drivers’ License. The only real good thing about this is that fanfiction writers get so much free-reign when it comes to writing about the city - the only thing we really learn about the city is that it’s underfunded and gloomy and that’s literally it. I would have really liked to see more inspired cities around the region where things outside of the main plot can be done, but hopefully this is just a problem we’ll see in this region.

Probably the most important aspect of immersion (in my opinion) is the music. With the potential to make or break a game for me, I hold a lot of expectations on the music found in video games (I’ve been classically trained in music since elementary school, and have always had a fondness for video game music). Pokemon music has always been some of the most inspiring pieces of art in my life - whether it be the kickass battle suite of Champion Cynthia, or the somber piano melody of Emma’s Theme, the music of Pokemon has always been the first thing I notice and analyze whenever playing the latest title. That all being said, I have quite a few notes to make in regards to the soundtrack of SWSH.

I’ll start with the pros, first. Generally, every main title has had its own feel when it comes to the soundtrack - DPP was jazzy and smooth, Sun and Moon was based on popular Hawaiian music meshed together with classic Pokemon synths, RSE was all about the horn section (trombones and french horns all the way!). SWSH, at the end of the day, isn’t much different. The region is inspired by the UK, so it’s no surprise to discover that the soundtrack was inspired by popular British Rock. As a result, a lot of themes went really hard, keeping a hint of individuality even when some battle themes hosted similar instruments. The biggest appeal of the soundtrack, I believe, was found in the little moments, namely the cheers of the gym battle themes. I think it’s safe to say that most people get super hyped when they hear those rhythmical chants coming to life whenever in the final leg of the battle, right when you begin to Dynamax. That’s amazingly exciting, never failing to suck me into that exact moment to gather the power of God and anime to defeat my opponent. While I wasn’t totally rocking out to every single song that came on, I was pretty satisfied with the music of SWSH, overall. It’s not too bad, and hosts a few bops that I still seek out to get my blood pumping.

But, as to be expected, there are plenty of cons when it comes to the soundtrack of SWSH. I could go over this for hours and hours, detailing complex definitions of music theory and basic song comprehension, but I’ll just make this nice and simple: it was really bland.

Note that I said “bland” and not “bad” - the music is fine in my opinion, I just wasn’t feeling the same feelings as I had in previous Pokemon titles. It all felt like Pokemon music, but not much else. It was like remembering hints of a memory long-lost, but you don’t really care about to dig deep into your mind for context. Towns had music, routes had music, pokemon and characters had battle themes, yada yada yada, nothing really to write home about. If I had to pick a song that honestly, truly invoked emotions beyond “Oh it’s battle time, now”, it would have to be the Battle Tower Theme, and that’s most likely because it was written by someone else entirely (Toby Fox, also known as the creator of Undertale and composer of super hard-hitting jams). And the worst part is that I never would have even been able to hear the Battle Tower theme because I hate battle buildings (which is more of a personal problem, I know, but still). Honestly, I would have preferred hearing that theme as compared to Champion Leon’s battle theme - I feel like his champion theme was very bland and lifeless, simply holding all the required elements of a Pokemon battle theme just because that’s what has to happen. It’s uninspired, faceless, and corporate, only to be completely foiled by the unique blast of energy found in the Battle Theme, which just screams “Prove that you’re the best!” over and over to me (also known as a big theme in the Pokemon games, especially in SWSH).

That’s not to say that every other theme in the game was terrible. I much enjoyed Marnie and Piers’ battle themes, but for a different reason. As we know, Piers and Marnie host a more “punk rock” style when compared to literally everyone else in-game, a trademark of Spikemuth citizens. With their occasionally cold and prickly (no pun intended) personalities, their themes go a bit harder into rock-land as compared to characters like Hop or Bede. There’s no conflict of style there - it’s “punk” with “rock”, loads of guitars and bass with a hint of synths to keep that Pokemon flare, and fits a bit better in the setting of the world. Mild conflict arises when we start looking at characters who aren’t rockstars or idols - let’s look at Bede’s theme, for example. While it really isn’t a bad theme (it’s actually, dare I say, a bop), I wouldn’t exactly say that the resulting pieces fit neatly together like they do for the Spikemuth duo. Bede’s theme requires a lot of synths to accentuate his more flamboyant and immature personality, but also holds ties with the rock guitars while also trying so desperately hard to sound like a Pokemon song. Now, I don’t think “Pop Synth Rock” is anything bad, per se; I just feel like the added rock elements didn’t do much to add to the musical representation of our cliche jerk-face “rival”. It feels like the rock elements were an after-thought rather than a planned layer of musicality. I could really say the same thing about Hop’s theme, but then I would have to re-listen to Hop’s theme because I always forget what it sounds like even after listening to it a second before.

A big problem is that not many of these themes hold lastingly memorable motifs/melodies, which is a personal pet-peeve of mine in games where the music is highly esteemed. In pretty much every battle theme (except the generic pokemon encounter theme, which is the same melody in every Pokemon game, only with variations added to fit the music theme of the region) is just an on-going strip of notes that sound nice when playing the game, but if you tried to pick out the specific melody-line of that character, it’s a bit of work to really find anything. Let’s look at a more concrete example: Lusamine’s battle theme from Pokemon: Sun and Moon is up on my list of most memorable battle themes, and will do well without the extra influence of young me’s nostalgia seeping in like it would with earlier generations’ battle themes. Lusamine, as we know, was the elite antagonist of the game, being the leader of this esteemed Pokemon protection group who later is revealed to be using Pokemon for her own demented goals of perfection. Almost immediately, the player hears the signature accents of the harpsichord playing the prime motif before the piece digs into a full orchestration. It doesn’t sacrifice anything for the sake of “sounding like a Pokemon song”, nor does it sacrifice anything for the sake of keeping with the musical inspiration. Instead, it focuses on being exactly what it needs to be - a musical representation of Lusamine, hosting orchestra-based instruments (piano, violas and cellos, horns, violins, light pad synths, etc…). Most anyone can pick out a handful of memorable motifs from her theme (the main horns melody line, the harpsichord melody line, the mid-section cello and piano melody line, etc…), and those remain in our unconscious. So, it’s no surprise that when she becomes the “Mother Beast” later on, when the player hears hints of those signature melody lines becoming distorted in the madness of the new battle theme, it invokes a particular emotion that fits elegantly with the subject matter of the plot right then. In short, it’s musical storytelling done right. In SWSH, we don’t have that extra omph of emotionally-nostalgic motifs; instead, we just get songs that play in the background of this video game, and that’s really it. If you don’t like the song, good news - you’ll probably only hear it once or twice, depending on who the NPC is. If you do, then you’re out of luck for the very same reasons. This game lacks a very basic hint of soul to its soundtrack, which is really such a jarring idea especially when you realize that they paired up with a composer who arguably has mastered the idea of musical motifs (Fox).

This really isn’t just SWSH’s problem, either. I also went through a similar heartbreak in S&M during the final stretch of the main game; after battling Lusamine and saving the region from the threat of Ultra Beasts (more or less, anyway), we the player go to challenge the champion, who is revealed to be Profession Kukui since there really is no true champion for the newly-made league. It’s hard to go from an exciting, powerful battle theme like Lusamine’s to some generic, cardboard-cut-out version of a champion battle theme for Kukui. It’s hard to invoke any sort of emotional appeal when there’s no real inspiration to be felt in the music; with no emotional connection, there is no emotion. It’s, once again, just music that plays in the background of a video game. A similar experience happens in SWSH with the player’s match against Champion Leon; though we have the potential to gain an emotional connection to a Leon Theme motif, we don’t get that. Instead, we just get music that is programmed to be exciting for our championship match that will undoubtedly change our lives forever. Bland, boring, anti-climatic - all for the sake of coloring in the lines. This has been an on-going problem in Pokemon games for years in which the Championship Battle Theme is less interesting than the Evil Team Battle Theme, which probably isn’t a good idea. It’s annoying when your villain has a better theme than the literal strongest trainer in the region - it ruins the chances of likability for the region’s “good guys” and overall is anti-climatic when it is finally time to become champion.

Overall, the ability to immerse someone like me in a game is very important when it comes to retaining players. While SWSH isn’t the worst Pokemon game when it comes to immersion (considering the fact that I actually beat the main game, which I can’t say for other main Pokemon titles…), Game Freak certainly could stand to learn from the game’s shortcomings.

Creature and Character Design...

The monster design is arguably one of the most controversial topics when it comes to any Pokemon game. Some people only care about the designs of Gen 1, others accept everything but Gen 5, and a select few could rant for hours on the stupidity of literally every Pokemon design in the franchise. Regardless, the design of the Pokemon native to the Galar region is an important topic of discussion when analysing the potential for enjoyment of the game. After all, I’m an artist who loves drawing all my favorite characters as well as my favorite Pokemon, so understanding the designs of these beloved figures is vital to understanding the game in general. For sanity’s sake, I’ll only be discussing new Pokemon introduced in this region, and will be ignoring all previous pokemon that aren’t regional variants.

Overall, the designs of the latest Pokemon are satisfactory. Because of my tendency to always suspend belief in fantasy works, I’ve very rarely had much to hate about Pokemon designs (not even in Gen 5, though I don’t particularly like any of them aside from the game cover legendaries). SWSH didn’t really bring much to the table when it comes to brand-new Pokemon, but the ones introduced are fitting and interesting: the Dragapult line, all three starters (even if I did laugh for literal hours at the discovery of Cinderace’s typing), Wooloo and Dubwool, Yamper and Boltund - just to name my top favorites. And I was totally invested in the designs of the game cover legendaries, Zamazenta and Zacian, since they held cultural relations with the region’s inspiration and therefore had actual meaning within the game besides just being cool mythical creatures. Nothing really outright bothered me with the designs or pokemon choices in this game; as I mentioned earlier, I was okay with the idea of no National Dex for this region, and that all the pokemon allowed in this game matched with the region well-enough.

But, of course, it’s not without faults. I found there to be a substantial lack of original legendaries in this game - we only have three real legendaries to catch in the main-game, four if you consider the DLC. We had a similar problem in Pokemon: Sun and Moon, but it was later amended with the introduction of Ultra Beasts (which can technically be regarded as legendary Pokemon, albeit from another dimension and not technically Pokemon). In SWSH, we are only given the option of catching more than two legendaries if we buy the DLC - this is remarkably disappointing for those who are interested in seeing new, unique Pokemon designs. I know many fans are constantly frustrated with Game Freak’s tendency to overuse Gen 1 Pokemon, but the fact that nobody is bothered by the running trend of being able to easily catch a bunch of previous games’ legendaries is beyond me. It’s essentially the same thing, overly relying on the fanbase’s sentimental nostalgia rather than moving forward to create new creature designs. I know for a fact that so many people would have been excited to catch Pokemon with cultural significance (maybe like elf Pokemon that resemble that of Seelie/Unseelie fairies, or more Pokemon that resemble chess pieces, or maybe more Pokemon that follow a theme of medieval artifacts - there are many possibilities), so the fact that they skimped out in favor of making people pay for nostalgia is ridiculous to me. This was a majority of the reason why I rejected buy any of the DLC content - why would I pay for Pokemon I’ve technically caught before? I mean, I guess it can be more for the kids who have never encountered the older legendaries, but then again, wouldn’t it be more beneficial for your game to have Pokemon that actually represent the new region? Instead of just stealing other games’ legendaries for the sake of saying that you have them, they could have just worked a little harder to design maybe three or six more cool legendary designs and centered those guys around the two DLC locations instead of just having Calyrex for The Crown Tundra. At the end of the day, it’s really just a cash-grab; the only reason I could ever see myself understandably buying the DLC for SWSH would be because I wanted to interact more with my favorite NPCs, but then again, I can just look at screenshots on Twitter and feel just as satisfied.

But not all is lost in terms of designs. Now let’s get into my favorite design portion of this segment and discuss the NPCs.

First, we’ll dig into the rivals. Personally, I really enjoyed the rivals of this game; while Pokemon is definitely running on a formula, I still was able to find enough about the three rival characters to genuinely enjoy their presence whenever they came on screen. I suppose we can expect to keep seeing this new Pokemon Trainer Rival Formula: Kind of Annoying but Too Sweet to Hate BFF Rival (Hop), 2 Edgy 5 U Rival (Bede), and Some Pedo’s Waifu Material Rival (Marnie).

Hop is arguably one of my favorite Pokemon rivals of all time (right up there with Gladion from S&M). He’s one of the only Pokemon characters to get a realistic character development over the course of the game’s playable story, which really humanizes him and makes up for his occasionally annoying personality. Over the course of the game, Hop goes from silently residing in his brother’s shadow to learning to stand on his own without needed any outside validation; much to my surprise, it’s not some half-hearted transition. Hop doubts himself during the challenge, as evidenced not just by his dialogue but in the way he actively changes his team to try and be more competitive like everybody else. I remember feeling so heartbroken in realization that Hop stopped using his beloved Wooloo, which is rightfully paired up with the excitable boy. The idea that Hop uses Wooloo, a normal-type cute Pokemon that generally wouldn’t be used in a competitive team, really adds more dimension to his character; when he learns to enjoy himself instead of letting his doubts overtake him, he returns to using Dubwool and his favorite team, demonstrating how he would prefer to have fun as himself than be someone he isn’t. I found that to be a really wholesome theme to his character, one that we haven’t really seen in a Pokemon game yet - it was a pleasant surprise! Hop is sweet and kind, always wanting to motivate the player even when he’s in his own internal turmoil. With all that added with his adorable babyface and goofy/awkward preteen disposition, he really makes for a likeable rival character.

The next rival to be introduced is none other than our classic Mean Boy rival, Bede. He’s a character the fanbase is a bit more accustomed to due to previous titles’ rivals (i.e. Green/Blue/Gary Oak from in R&G/B, Silver from SGC, technically also Gladion from S&M…), so are quite a few expectations placed on his character as a result. Also true to the typical Pokemon Jerk Rival, he has a complicated homelife (he comes from an orphanage, as we later learn) and has a similarly complicated parent-child relationship to the leading antagonist of the game (in this case, Chairman Rose). Bede constantly assumes himself to be better than he is and isn’t afraid to be a total prick about it, choosing to bully Hop upon winning battles against him to boost his own inflated ego (though there’s hints pointing to Bede actually having rather low self-esteem). All things considered, I liked Bede as a character about as much as one can like a mean rival archetype, but I was more than pleased to discover his transition to a more likably mean-spirited character when he later returns to the game to challenge the player after being disqualified from the challenge. While we’ve had a likeable mean rival before (namely Gladion), Bede is something of his own entity with how he actually has an attempt at character development that leads him to a mini-redemption near the end of the game. He’s really the first mean rival to have a transition from total jerk to slightly-peeved tsundere, which was probably a good idea on Game Freak’s part so that we wouldn’t be left with a character we downright hated after the way Bede quite literally destroys Hop’s confidence. It’s nowhere near as impressive as Hop’s character development (which isn’t super impressive to begin with, but let’s ignore that fact for a bit), but it’s still interesting to see in a monster-catching game about being the best you can be.

And then, of course, we get to the cute-girl rival, Marnie, also known as the place where I get a bit mad again. I’d like to say that I absolutely love Marnie; she has an adorable design and interesting personality that captures my attention whenever she has screen time. But she serves one purpose in this game, and one purpose alone - being the main cute girl rival of the game. Marnie has the potential to be a similarly interesting rival (cute design that meshes “punk” with “cute”, has a wholesome and fun dynamic with her gym leader older brother, uses a Pokemon that isn’t considered to be a “competitive” choice as her ace, has a cool/cute personality…), and yet we probably only talk to her about five times over the course of the main game. Little is done with her character - in fact, the only real thing she does in the game other than becoming the next dark-type gym leader is that she helps the player sneak into Spikemuth after the gates have been shut by the remarkably-harmless Team Yell. I don’t think I’m alone in saying that I would have loved to have seen more done with her character. With the boy rivals being more fleshed out than her, it leaves a sour taste in my mouth because the female rival is the one left with a blank personality (and I’m not just saying that because she hardly smiles - that’s really one of the only things we get about her that gives her an actual personality). My frustrations are further exacerbated because this has always been an issue in Pokemon games, in which the girl rivals are so barebones for seemingly the only purpose of serving as some neckbeard’s waifu that they can input a personality they desire despite the fact that she’s canonically a minor. Why put in the time to give dimension to Hop and Bede, but not Marnie? And we know for a fact that Game Freak has to recognize the lack of personality given to Marnie, especially since they had previously come out with Lillie’s wonderfully sweet character arch in S&M and USUM. Personally, I feel that it was because they didn’t feel like having a more punkish girl character who also had traditionally feminine-coded interests (she’s known to have been distracted during the gym challenge by the boutiques) and ultimately decided to just not give her any further personality other than that, perhaps fearing that it would dissuade the gross creeper fanbase from latching onto her. But that’s really just speculation, so don’t take any of my nonsense too seriously. Really, I’d just rather we had a girl rival with more personality to match the other two rivals so it wasn’t so annoyingly unbalanced.

Moving on from the rivals, we get into the designs of the League Staff of the game. In most other Pokemon games, I’d never really been too interested in the gym leaders; they had always been more of minor bosses, just faces that you saw for a couple of seconds before pummeling their ‘mons and moving to the next city. But in this game in particular, there was a sudden transition from simple puzzle master to a full-on celebrity figure. I really enjoyed this! It was so nice to actually have some information on the gym leaders other than what type they sported; suddenly, they have personalities and interests - they become real to the player. Not to mention that there really is a gym leader for everyone to enjoy, thanks to their unique personalities and styles.

I’ll be a bit honest and say that some of their clothing designs are remarkably stupid for even an anime-based RPG game (I mean, I know we joke about Leon’s terrible sense of fashion in the fanbase, but can we just pause and ponder what Piers’ wears? I mean, a leather jacket with spandex? Metal boots and a work-out tank??? What is he wearing?!), but it isn’t exactly distracting. In Western cultures in particular, we can see a trend towards the glamourization of the “athleisure” style, or athletic wear designed more for everyday use rather than just working out. It was kind of fitting to see this be the primary style for the gym leaders, who can basically be described as hierarchical sports stars. Weird? Sure. But in the context of the world, it all fits together, and once again adds to the immersion aspect of the game.

Looking at our main antagonists, they are designed quite well. Chairman Rose is designed to be quite easy and fun to hate (at least for me) - he’s an important-looking businessman who’s very impressed with himself, paired up with a beautiful yet terrifying subordinate woman who does most all the hardwork for him (...actually, they kind of remind me of an antagonistic Cl. Mustang and Lt. Hawkeye from Fullmetal Alchemist…). They also had noteworthy battle themes that popped a bit more than other battle themes in the game.

While they hardly count as antagonists, I’d like to also make a brief mention of Team Yell. They’re more annoying than anything, which is a trend that I’m not too sure how I feel about yet. It was definitely more likable coming from Team Skull, that’s for sure. I would have liked Team Yell doing a bit more damage, having them be a bit more unruly and controversial before evening them out with the whole emotional appeal of them cheering on for Marnie in hopes of saving their ruined town. But they weren’t too terrible in my opinion.

I could talk for hours on the champion of the region, too, Champion Leon. He’s a really fun and charming character overall, less of the supremely wise and powerful champion that we’ve seen in older gens and instead being a more quirky but worthwhile opponent on the path towards the crown. But I definitely preferred him more as a character than as a champion; even though his team changes depending on your starter, it’s not too challenging of a fight if you know what you’re doing, especially when you immediately know what his ace pokemon is (something we don’t really learn in other gens about the champions). While I’m sure the idea of a powerful but transparent champion can be done, Leon doesn’t really stand up as a powerful trainer when compared to other champions in the franchise. But he’s definitely still a fun, interesting character concept that I am grateful for in this particular game.

When it comes to the designs of the primary NPCs and Pokemon, SWSH continues to talk that line just above mediocrity. Not too bad, not all that great, but definitely not something to be forgotten. I’d reason that the primary strength of this generation lies within the characters that are introduced.

Uniqueness vs. Status as a Pokemon Game...

In regards to the uniqueness - how well this game stands on its own as an individual concept rather than just another Pokemon game - I’m a bit divided. On one hand, I’m a bit saddened by the watering down of content and constant reliance on concepts from older games. But I can also see that SWSH introduced a lot of interesting ideas that have inspired so many fans for this generation. And while yes, this gen didn’t have much to offer in terms of new Pokemon, new scenarios, or new lore, I do think that it does hold its own when compared to the other games in the main series. New characters are introduced to the player, all of which having good (and bad) traits that allow for lots of fan-created content with their essence; a new look into a brand-new battle enhancer that requires a different strategy than those of previous battle enhancers; a new culture found within the Galar region that can inspire many more thoughts and theories on the Pokemon world as a whole in a number of ways. We cannot pretend that SWSH isn’t an influential game just because it wasn’t ground-breaking; even with my extreme distaste for the Black and White games, I still admit that they led to important decisions and ideas that led to the creation of games I did enjoy. So, as its own entity, I think that Pokemon: Sword and Shield really has a lot of offer and would probably be an amazing game for a younger player who’s just getting into the Pokemon universe.

But I think that a lot of us long-time fans can agree that this game doesn’t quite match up with the others in terms of giving those real “Pokemon game” feelings. The problem with big-titles like this is that the company tends to lose sight of what really makes a franchise so influential isn’t the stuff found at face-value. It’s not the creatures or NPCs or game mechanics or design or any of that garbage - it’s the feelings we get when all of those things reach that perfect harmony. It’s the rumble in my chest whenever I listen to that famous intro-sequence of my old Pokemon: Ruby game; it’s the fire in my eyes when I went back to challenge Pokemon Trainer Red for the tenth time that night back in my old Pokemon: Heart Gold game; it’s the tears I cried when I watched the only interesting character, N, leave my playable character after his emotional spiel following the defeat of Ghetsis in my long-since abandoned copy of Pokemon: White. At the end of the day, Pokemon is more of an emotion I get rather than a game I play, and I think this is an idea that few people can recognize for themselves. And while I’m aware that I literally just spent several thousand words bagging and praising this game for all those face-value aspects, I also know that when you add that extra little bit of care to your work, go a little further with a character you know someone will adore, or try something new with that new battle theme, there comes a sensation that goes beyond that of love for a silly fantasy game. I’d like to think it’s something akin to inspiration.

Conclusion...

In conclusion, Pokemon: Sword and Shield is far from perfect. With a number of faults and disappointments, I can understand why a lot of fans were less than interested in giving this game the time of day. But I also want to say that this game deserves to be understood and appreciate for what it is, for what it’s done. Who knows what sort of new ideas this game has inspired? Whether it be in the name Pokemon game or someone else’s passion project, I am confident in the potential that this game has to bring someone’s dreams to fruition. It already has inspired so much amazing fan-content from the community; after so many years of being away from the fandom, SWSH was the game that drove me right back, giving me the drive to once again indulge in my middle-school days of sketching out my latest comfort character or writing out a million headcanons in a way-too plot-heavy story. Many fan-creators in this community feel the same as me, I’m sure, so it would be untrue of me to say that this game was anything less than what it was: a fun, simple game that prides itself in its characters and potential rather than complex combat mechanics or some corkboard-plot nightmare. It’s a game meant to be enjoyed, so we must remember to find our enjoyment wherever it can be found. For me, Pokemon can’t really do much wrong, but also is held up to a level of expectations that I can’t quite understand even for myself. This, at the end of the day, is a video game from my all-time favorite franchise; so long as I can find enjoyment there in it, then it’s worth it. In a world filled with nihilism and cynicism, it’s nice to visit a land where you’re wise to try and be the very best like no-one ever was, to be the next best Pokemon Master.

Okay, so a while ago @whindsor asked me about my dream Legend of Zelda show and while I tried to answer on my computer, chrome kept crashing because my ideas were too amazing.

So here it is:

As much as I would love to see a brand new story with a bunch of amazing characters and new ways to develop them, I’m so afraid that people would ruin it with awful writing.

My main pick is 100% Ocarina of Time. It’s the most well known, has a large cast of interesting characters, and has a plot that could keep people invested.

My second choice is Breath of the Wild.

That being said, my choices for the main three would stay that way regardless of what game they used.

CAST:

Link: Colin Ford.

While I prefer Link to be an unknown, especially because translating his character is going to be hard enough without worrying whether or not the person they chose could act, this is a fan cast and I can’t just say, an unknown for my pick.

I scoured some sites with some online FanCasts and Colin Ford was really the only one that I liked. He’s been in the industry forever and we know he can lead a show because he was on Daybreak (which is amazing). He also just looks like how I would imagine Link (aside from the hair but we can just dye it)

Honorable Mentions: Bradley James, William Moseley

Princess Zelda: Eliza Taylor

Zelda is a hard role to cast. She needs to be a strong leader who has agency, but also compassionate and kind. Eliza Taylor is excellent at walking those two lines and her performance in the latest season of “the 100″ only cemented that for me.

Eliza Taylor wasn’t the first one that came to mind, but she’s the best one for this type of role. She’s been playing the Burdened leader for years. On top of this, she has experience in stunts and fight scenes which lends itself well to Sheik, and she looks like Zelda. I think she could play off the other two really well.

Honorable Mentions: Hannah New, Caity Lotz

Ganon/Ganondorf: Manu Bennett

This is non negotiable. Manu is the best person for the role of Ganondorf period. He has the look, and he’s amazing at playing intimidating and complex villains. Manu has the ability to garner sympathy for his characters, regardless of how evil they may seem. 

On top of this, He’s been in the industry forever, has experience with filming Fantasy shows and stunts, and he just has the commanding presence that Ganondorf needs. His voice is also perfect for the role, with his accent not too heavy but still there to sound unique.

Ganon was always the hardest one for me to cast, but since finding Manu I can’t imagine anyone else in the role.

Honorable Mentions: Idris Elba

The Sages

note: these are based on looks and vibes. Their explanations will be short and sweet.

Rauru: Ian McShane or Jonathan Pryce

I’m torn between the two of them because they’d both make great mentor-type figures to Link, so I just listed them both. They have the same vibe, and have played these types of roles before (although I haven’t seen much of Ian McShane’s filmography)

Impa: Adina Porter

Zoe Saldana will always be my number one pick for Impa, but since she’s kind of a big deal, I went with someone who could just as easily pull off that role. Adina has played the mentor role before while kicking ass and can walk the fine line between motherly and strict, which Impa is. She’s a fantastic actress and would be awesome as Impa.

Honorable Mention: Thandie Newton

Saria: Millie Bobby Brown

My thoughts with the sages were that this was an area where they could utilize bigger names since they don’t appear onscreen that often. Millie Bobby Brown could definitely draw in some fans, especially if this was on Netflix. She also has the look and demeanor of Saria down, and she’s young enough to portray her.

Honorable Mention: Kiernan Shipka.

Darunia: Dwayne Johnson

Again, I was thinking Star Power, and Dwayne Johnson would be perfect as Darunia. His nickname is “the Rock”. Dwayne Johnson is familiar with comedic relief roles and I think he would really bring out the fun side of Darunia, especially if you imagine him doing the dance to Saria’s song.

Honorable Mention: Nonso Anonzie

Ruto: Gemma Chan

There’s no one else I want cast for this role than Gemma Chan. She’s excellent at playing those aloof-type princess roles and could bring a more serious and sympathetic side to Ruto, especially because she’s already a pretty divisive character depending on who you talk to. 

Nabooru: Summer Bishil

My love for Summer is no secret, but I genuinely think she could do such a good job playing Nabooru. If her work in the Magicians is any indication, she knows what she’s doing and puts a lot of thought into her characters, which needs to be done for the Gerudo, especially because of the not-great history of racism Nintendo has when it comes to them. 

Honorable Mention: Nazanin Boniadi

The Others

Malon: Sophie Turner

Talon: Danny Devito

Ingo: tbd

King of Hyrule: Bernard Hill

Young Zelda: McKenna Grace

Young Link: Walker Bryant

Young Ruto: tbd

Young Malon: Sadie Sink or Summer Fontana

Fanfiction Questions

from here

Fandom Questions

1. What was the first fandom you got involved in?

Involved as in ‘frantically read every book I could get my hands on, daydreamed about being part of that universe and wrote stories/made art inspired by the books, if not actual fanfiction’? Mm, probably The Chronicles of Narnia when I was six or seven. The next great obsession was The Silver Brumby when I went through my horse stage around age 12, and then Sweet Valley High when I was 15. Hahaha.

2. What is your latest fandom?

Marvel! I’m not into comics and I’m definitely not interested in consuming every last bit of canon material or memorising the variations of every universe, but I love (most of) the movies and Agents of SHIELD is pretty cool.

3. What is the best fandom you’ve ever been involved in?

Star Trek Voyager. No contest. I venture to suggest that the older fandoms, the ones that are all about defunct shows, are a hell of a lot more chilled. Maybe because we’ve come to terms with our shitty canon endings and learned that liking the ship you hate doesn’t make someone problematic, unlike some newer fandoms I could name (Yes I’m talking about you, Game of Thrones fans. What the fuck.)

4. Do you regret getting involved in any fandoms?

I’ve dipped a toe into one or two fandoms for shows or books I’ve really enjoyed and backed the fuck out when the vibe gets weird (oh hey, it’s GoT again), but nope. No regrets.

5. Which fandoms have you written fanfiction for?

All the Star Treks except TOS, and a Trek/MCU crossover. I’d like to write more for MCU someday. Plus I’ve written longhand entire notebooks full of teen romance shit that bore an uncanny similarity to SVH, and my first short story was a fantasy fic that featured a girl whose guardian was a wise talking lion who led her into mystical secret worlds, which is kind of familiar.

6. List your OTP from each fandom you’ve been involved in.

Wow. I’m going to define ‘involved in’ as ‘cared enough about to have an OTP’, but I’m guaranteed to forget a ton. In no particular order:

Voyager: Janeway x anyone who can get her off

Discovery: Lorca x Cornwell or Pike x Tyler x Burnham (or any combination of)

DS9: Kira x Jadzia Dax

TNG: Picard x Vash, I guess? I don’t really have any TNG ships

ENT: T’Pol x Trip x Hoshi (or any variation therein)

MCU: Cap x Widow

AoS: Coulson x Skye... no May... no Skye... I don’t know

CAOS: Madam Satan x Zelda

Timeless: Garcy

The Good Place: Eleanor x Tahani

The 100 (shut up): toss up between Clarke x Bellamy and Kane x Abby

Veronica Mars: Veronica x Leo (first run), Veronica x Logan (s4)

Orphan Black: Cosima x Delphine

BSG: Apollo x Starbuck

SG1: Sam x Jack

Arrow: Olicity (so over the show now though)

This Life: Milly x Egg

Yeah you know what... I’m drawing a blank. I can’t think of any other shows where I’ve been invested in The Romance that much.

7. List your NoTPs from each fandom you’ve been in.

I’m too tired to do every fandom, and besides, I can come around to almost any ship if the headcanons (or fics) are convincing enough. I do have a few hard no-gos, but they might be someone else’s OTP so I’ll shut up about them.

8. How did you get involved in your latest fandom?

Reluctantly. The MCU movies are not something I ever thought I’d enjoy beyond a dull evening’s entertainment. I never expected to get attached to the characters. And yet.

9. What are the best things about your current fandom?

Voyager is my forever fandom and the only one where I’ve really interacted with other fans. The best things about it? In general, everyone is just cool, accepting, open and basically awesome. And talented. I love my Party Bus people.

10.  Is there a fandom you read fic from but don’t write in?

Sure. The 100, Veronica Mars and Agents of SHIELD are the ones I’d dip into more frequently. I really enjoy crossovers between Trek and BSG or the Stargate variants, too.

Ship Questions for your Current Fandom

11. Who is your current OTP?

Janeway x Chakotay.

12. Who is your current OT3?

Janeway x Chakotay x Paris.

13. Any NoTPs?

A few.

14. Go on, who are your BroTPs?

Janeway & Tuvok! Also Torres & Chakotay, and I’d have killed for more Janeway & Torres in canon. (If they kissed sometimes that would be okay too)

15. Is there an obscure ship which you love?

Yeah. Paris x Seven. There are like two fics in existence, and yet ... the potential! (Sorry, B’Elanna)

16. Are there any popular ships in your fandom which you dislike?

Nope.

17. Who was your first OTP and are they still your favourite?

Janeway x Paris. And they’re still way up there, but not quite at the top.

18. What ship have you written the most about?

84% of my fics feature Janeway x Chakotay as either the primary or secondary pairing... holy shit.

19. Is there a ship which you wished you could get behind, but you just don’t feel them?

Paris x Torres. I mean, I feel them. I just don’t generally feel the need to write about them.

20. Any ships which you surprised yourself by liking?

Chakotay x Seven. In another universe, it could’ve been beautiful.

Author Questions

21. What was the first fanfic you ever wrote?

Actual story that was clearly fanfic? A farcical drunken romp told in the 24th century equivalent of email format called PADDemonium (see what I did there?)

22. Is there anything you regret writing?

Lol, a few things that should probably have never seen the light of day for various reasons, some of them leola related. But I’ve only deleted two fics that I can recall.

23. Name a fic you’ve written that you’re especially fond of & explain why you like it.

Relieved. It’s a 30k AU Chakotay moral dilemma backstory that brings in DS9 characters, Section 31 and his longstanding history with AU Janeway. I did so much research for it (way back in the days before memory alpha and chakoteya.net) and I’m really proud of how I wound in canon stuff across series but changed a few key bits and pieces. Only problem is, it’s a sequel to ...

24. What fic do you desperately need to rewrite or edit?

... Pressure, which I can’t even read without cringing. My characterisation of Janeway, even Angry Maquis AU Janeway, is way over the top and there are moments that verge on Mills and Boon and give me first, second and third hand embarrassment. God, I’d love to rewrite it. Actually, that’s a lie. I want someone else to rewrite it so I can read it without covering my eyes and moaning.

25. What’s your most popular fanfic?

Desperate Measures, by about 70,000 light years, lol. Although Fragile Things beats it on bookmarks.

26. How do you come up with your fanfic titles?

You know what? A fair percentage of the time, I think of the title first and come up with a plot second. Aside from that, I prefer shorter, punchier titles that clearly tie into the story (Flight Risk, Speechless), though sometimes it’s song lyrics (Burn Our Horizons, your body like a searchlight) or a literary quote (Required to Bear, All the Devils are Here) or a turn of phrase from the story itself (The Prisons You Inhabit). Hey that was fun. Thanks for letting me pimp the shit out of my stories.

27. What do you hate more: Coming up with titles or writing summaries?

Ugh, it depends on the day. Summaries are harder, I think. I never want to give away too much of the plot, but there has to be enough there for people to know whether they’ll bother clicking. Funny story: I actually ran the stats on this a few months back. Here they are for your edification:

Fics with a one line plot summary = 54%

With two or three line plot summary = 18%

With a short snippet directly from the fic = 16%

With a snippet + a one line explanation = 3%

With a one line plot summary plus a line to date the fic (eg "set in season 3", “episode tag to Worst Case Scenario") or the fic prompt = 7%

And finally, a quote from something other than the fic = 2% (that's only 3 fics).

28. If someone were to draw a piece of fanart for your story, which story would it be and what would the picture be of?

Ooh. I’ll say the final scene in Explosive.

29. Do you have a beta reader? Why/Why not?

I used to regularly ask @jhelenoftrek​ and @littleobsessions90 to beta for me, and both of them are brilliant at it. Lately I’ve been posting without sending my stuff off for editing. This is partly because I’m impatient to get stuff out there, partly because I don’t have as much time to write/edit, and partly because I’m a little less focused on improving my writing and more on enjoying it for its own sake.

30. What inspires you to write?

Little bits of episode dialogue I haven’t noticed before, other people’s fanfiction, stray conversations, fic prompts, song lyrics, random headcanons, fever dreams, dares ...

31. What’s the nicest thing someone has ever said about your writing?

I’ve been really lucky with comments on my fic. The least helpful comment I’ve ever received was on one of my early 30k fics and all it said was “Did you have to take the name of the lord in vain?” Which is kind of funny. The nicest thing anyone’s ever said? I’m very partial to the feedback that starts “I don’t even like this pairing/genre/trope/show but you made me love it”, and particularly “I’ll read anything you write, I don’t care what it’s about.” But all comments are gold. The little heart button is cool too.

32. Do you listen to music when you write or does music inspire you? If so, which band or genre of music does it for you?

I’m not someone who can tune out music I love, or leave it in the background to inspire me. If it’s on, I’m fully invested in it. I’m that annoying person in the car who flips radio stations every three seconds until I find something I like and then it’s on 11 and I’m singing along to it. I’m also really picky but extremely eclectic, although there are genres I can’t stand (anything with autotune makes me stabby). That said, sometimes I find a song that I can’t stop listening to for weeks and often that perfect combination of music and lyrics will inspire me to write a fic. For example, I just plotted out an entire J/C story because of this song.

33. Do you write oneshots, multi-chapter fics or huuuuuge epics?

All of the above. Although I’m not sure if my longest epic is huuuuuge or just huuuge.

34. What’s the word count on your longest fic?

101,467.

35. Do you write drabbles? If so, what do you normally write them about?

I have two drabble collections. One is all J/C, full of responses to random prompts and I add to it sporadically. The other is episode additions set on Kathryn Janeway’s birthday (May 20) and added to annually.

36. What’s your favourite genre to write?

Angst, definitely. Sometimes it’s smutty angst or fluffy angst or hurt/comfort angst, but often it’s just fucking unrelenting angst. And I’m okay with that.

37. First person or third person - what do you write in and why?

I did the stats on this once, too, haha. Pretty sure I came out fairly even on first and third person with a smattering of second person in there. I’m probably even-ish on present vs past tense, too. I make it a point to mix it up to avoid my writing getting stale or same-y. And sometimes a fic doesn’t really click for me until I try it in a different POV or tense or from a different character’s perspective.

38. Do you use established canon characters or do you create OCs?

I mostly write for canon characters - the fun is in all the different ways you can interpret and imagine them - but I’ve been known to throw in the odd OC, or focus on a character who only got a brief cameo appearance, or write about someone who only appears in beta canon, or who only rates a mention on screen.

39. What is your greatest strength as a writer?

Oh, wow. I’m not sure. I guess the thing I value most about my own writing is my willingness to try different styles, characters, pairings and so on. The thing I strive for most is characterisation that feels true, and I really love it when I get comments on that. Exploring a character in a way that rings true with a reader is the best thing ever.

40. What do you struggle the most with in your writing?

Overly long sentences and adverb abuse, haha. No, truthfully, there comes a point in most of my fics, particularly the longer ones, when I really just want to scrap it because in my heart I know it’s dreadful. Usually that passes once I slog through the ‘I don’t wanna’ stage because I’m a bloody-minded bitch, but sometimes fics do get left in the dust half-written. Honestly, though, they’re the ones that probably should stay there.

Fanfiction Questions

41. List and link to 5 fanfics you are currently reading:

This is hilarious because I was just talking on discord about my problematic ‘to read’ pile. My unread AO3 subscription emails currently number 29 and my phone browser has 71 tabs open. So here are 5 random picks from that list of exactly 100 fics I should be reading:

Sex on the Beach (E, Janeway/Chakotay) by @traccigaryn​

The Ruby Ring (T, Janeway/Chakotay, Janeway/Tighe) by @trinfinity2001​

Earth is But an Idea (T, Janeway/Chakotay, Carter/O’Neill) by @caladeniablue​

Home (E, Janeway/Chakotay) by Cassatt

Wise Up (E, Janeway/Chakotay) by KimJ

42. List and link to 5 fanfiction authors who are amazing:

Only five? Shit. Okay. In no particular order, these are five of the writers I keep coming back to:

quantumsilver (also here)

northernexposure

LittleObsessions

Helen8462

Cheshire

But there are so many others. My chosen fandom is chock full of amazing talent.

43. Is there anyone in your fandom who really inspires you?

All of the authors above for various reasons, but also august because her writing is so spare and delicate and devastating, and runawaymetaphor because she writes the most delicious Janeway/Paris, and @seperis​ because I read In the Space of Seven Days literally 20 years ago and I still haven’t recovered, and I could be here all night raving on this topic but there are still many questions to get through.

44. What ship do you feel needs more attention?

Janeway x Paris. I’m so happy there’s been a little bit of a resurgence in J/P fics lately. Thanks, @curator-on-ao3​, you’re doing the lord’s work.

I’ll also take Janeway x Johnson content any day of the week.

45. What is your all time favourite fanfic?

What the hell? I can’t pick just one! Ugh!

... but okay, here’s the first one that came to mind when I tried to think about this: if you came this way by tree. I’m not sure I’d call it my favourite, but it’s one I revisit often. Ugh, there are so many other fics I’m thinking of now that I really want to list.

46. If someone was to read one of your fanfics, which fic would you recommend to them and why?

Oh, that’s hard. I should probably pick an angsty smutty J/C because that’s a fair proportion of what I write and it’s good to let a new reader know what they can expect. But honestly, I think the best fic I’ve written is The Uncharted Sea. (It’s safe for work. Maybe not for makeup.)

47. Archive Of Our Own, Fanfiction.net or Tumblr - where do you prefer to post and why?

The Archive, of course. Where else can I find ad-free hosting on a stunningly user-friendly interface with absolutely no moralising content restrictions and the world’s best tagging system? That Hugo award is well deserved.

Tumblr is good for headcanons and meta and gifsets and a few other formats that I’m less likely to post on AO3 because I’d feel like I was pissing off people who subscribe to me by giving them some random garbage.

I also have my own website, but I’m not really sure why. Sometimes I post fic there that doesn’t make it to tumblr or AO3.

48. Do you leave reviews when you read fanfiction? Why/Why not?

I try to. Honestly I do. I love it when I get reviews, so I figure paying it forward is the least I can do. I’m less scrupulous about leaving comments when I’m busy or reading on my phone.

49. Do you care if people comment/reblog your writing? Why/why not?

I mean, I love it when people reblog, but I certainly don’t expect it. @arcadia1995​ is amazing for reblogging stuff *blows kisses*

Nobody owes fanfic writers shit, but I feel like there’s a tacit agreement that if you like what you just read for free and you’re on a platform that makes it easy to do so, you leave a review or at least a kudos, because I’m not gonna lie, posting a fic you’ve worked super hard on and seeing it get very few kudos or comments is a bit deflating. I’m sure a lot of us have been there.

50. How did you get into reading and/or writing fanfiction?

During Voyager’s original run I was trawling the internet for Endgame spoilers (I don’t know why; I usually love surprises) and I guess I googled (or whatever the 2001 equivalent of googling was) something like “how does voyager get home” and somehow I stumbled across Revisionist History. At first I had no idea what I was reading - was this a lost story pitch that somehow got leaked? A professional novella commissioned by the showrunners?

Then I started following links and discovered yahoo groups and webrings and Trekiverse and fanfiction.net and all sorts of incredible things I’d never guessed at, including the now defunct ‘archipelago of angst’, a collection of Voyager writers who focused mainly on a darker Janeway than most of the other fic writers I was encountering, and I was hooked. So I wrote a few of my own pieces, and then I lost interest for 15 years. I’m still not sure how I got dragged back in.

51. Rant or Gush about one thing you love or hate in the world of fanfiction! Go!

Honestly, in what other way can I indulge my obsessions, hone my skills and talk about it endlessly with like-minded people? Where else can I instantly find a plethora of fiction about the exact topic I feel like reading about on my mobile device and for free? Fanfiction is fucking amazing and I’m so glad it exists in my life.

Fanfic Writer Appreciation (and a little self love)

Sooooo, as talked about I wanted to do a little promo. I may not always be my favorite writer, but I try to be one of my cheerleaders. And well, if you’re here you obviously have some interest in what I’m up to.

SO! Here’s a list of my currently-published WIPs and some info about them, in the order that I’ve updated them, most recent to oldest. 

Feel free to ask questions about any of them!

Dog Whistle (Ao3 || FFN) - started off as a prompt from @snackarey​ when I reblogged some Soulmate AUs. This one was a prompt for soulmates (Zack/Kunsel) who felt what each other felt - like pain. Needless to say, this went into a canon divergent AU where Kunsel felt some of what Zack was going through when Hojo got a hold of him after Nibelheim. And saved him, setting off an ever-increasing list of revolutionary consequences. It’s nearly 58K, and though I’m a little stuck I’m looking forward to seeing where it goes.

Dewprism: Journey to the [Relic] (Ao3 || FFN) - this actually has a lot more written than I’ve posted, I just got a little frustrated because well... the fandom is teeny tiny and there’s no real feedback. But! It’s an interesting piece. It’s a semi-novelization where I’m taking the old PS1 Classic from Squaresoft, Threads of Fate/Dewprism and merging the two storylines. Basically... you can’t play the game anymore unless you got it from the PSN for your PSP or... PS2, I think? Or emulate it, of course, you can do that. And I wanted to bring the experience to more people, because it’s got such a great story.

It’s Not a Game (Ao3 || FFN) - this is my Avengers/FF7 crossover, and funny story, it was actually born out of a comment back on my old Genesis RP blog about how Genesis would totally be Tony Stark’s favorite character if he played Crisis Core. It’s turned into a full blown fixit I have a type and I actually have like, 90% of the next chapter done, it just doesn’t feel quite right so I haven’t posted it. And am, of course, stuck. There’s a case of choice paralysis here; the premise is that, in the MCU, FF7 is a series like it is in our world, and Tony is a fan. So he goes to make a simulation to do a self-insert... only he somehow transports himself (and Bruce) to a dimension where it’s real. A “Stark-insert” someone called it; and it does use a lot of “Self-Insert” tropes, actually. There’s just so many ways it could go that I’m stuck on choosing exactly how to progress here.

Party of Five (Ao3 || FFN) - the MMO AU! This was actually originally a prompt @up-sideand-down​ got, that I got permission to take off with. It’s a modern AU AGSZC where they meet online playing this MMO I made up that’s based off of FF7 and modeled after a mashup of like, me studying WoW and my experiences playing SWTOR. I’ve actually got some ideas of where it’s going, I just got too caught up in technicalities and need to reroute it back to the relationships going on.

Welcome to FF7 (series link, Ao3) - this is me hashing out basically what I think went down pre-games. Most of it is headcanon, I cannot stress that enough. It’s based off of the little we know, of course, but there’s just so much we don’t that it’s mostly headcanon. Tons of OCs. It’s a whole series, and they overlap - different sections that follow different departments, mostly. The base story is Welcome to ShinRa (Ao3 || FFN) and that follows the man who will become President Shinra from back when they first discover mako energy. I’ve also got Welcome to the Science Department (Ao3 || FFN) which starts off with college students Gast and Grimoire and how they get drawn into the beginnings of what becomes ShinRa Electric.

And last but not least, honorable mention to Times of Change (Ao3) - this was actually a piece inspired by @deadcatwithaflamethrower‘s Re-Entry series. I desperately need to reread that before I can hope to continue this, but... one day. One day.... I don’t suggest reading it right now, my headcanons have changed and it needs an overhaul. But you’ll see eventually.

And now... the WIPs you haven’t seen. (Under a cut)

By fandom, just to keep things straight, but in no particular order otherwise.

Compilation of FF7

The Snowball Effect (Ao3 || FFN) ... sequel? continuation? - as one of the gift exchange presents I’ve just done this past month, it is definitely standalone as is, but if I ever figure out where I want to take it, I’ll continue that one. It was just far too much fun.

The Price of Freedom - the sequel to To Be Human, which... I’m looking forward to, but I really burnt myself out on TBH so it’s going to be longer than anticipated before I approach this one. TBH definitely stands on its own, but there were some loose ends left to tie up, so we’ll see how that goes. And when it goes, when I’m ready to approach that again. TBH needs some editing, too... lots of work there.

The Unnamed Pokemon/FF7 crossover that I’ve talked about for... a couple years now (yikes) but now actually have a plot for. It’s very interesting to me, putting Pokemon on Gaia, and seeing how that changes everything. Because like, they’d have presumably used Mew’s DNA since there’s no Jenova (I can’t see them using Deoxys, which would be the closer parallel) and since there’s no Chaos, Grimoire is still alive. Which means no extra Drama between Lucrecia and Vincent - and really, there shouldn’t be the stress between Vincent and Hojo over her being sick because Mew would theoretically be much more compatible with humans than Jenova was.

What I’m saying is Seph has three parents and at least one set of grandparents and a much more stable Sephiroth (and Genesis and Angeal, thanks to Lucrecia teaming up with Gillian) leads to some very interesting changes. Like deciding they don’t want to fight the Wutai war anymore. >_>

Hold My Flower - a timetravel fic featuring our one and only flowergirl, who has had enough of people messing up her planet and refuses to just... let it die. She is, unquestionably, a force of nature. No fragile flower to be found here, this is the gal you see in the OG who threatened a mob boss and meant it. Heaven help anyone who gets in her way. She’s going to save the world. Possibly in a Turk Suit, don’t look at me.

The Long Game - Reeve goes back in time, and holy crap this one is a monster I am truly intimidated by so it’s gonna take a while for me to get going on that. XD But basically, similar premise to the above - the world isn’t healing and someone has to do something, so Reeve is nominated due to his position in ShinRa and potential to... he’d say “influence” but let’s call a spade a spade - manipulate people and events to a more favorable outcome.

A third BIT fic is one that I started writing with my friend @askshivanulegacy back in... damn, somewhere between 2011-2013, before we switched to writing SWTOR fic together. It’s one where Zack is sent back in time, and the differences in him post-Hojo change things even before he can start deliberately changing anything. But I got permission to take and remake that, so I intend to, one day. It was Good Stuff. And you can never have too much timetravel.

Dragon Ball Z

So, this is an oooooold fandom of mine - the first fanfics I ever wrote (under a different name, no I’m not telling XD it was ten years ago) were for DBZ, and definitely the first ones I ever read, back in the days of dial up. And I read a couple interesting takes on Chichi/Vegeta fic... and I was talking with @vorpalgirl about it and said I’d love to try my hand at something with that one day. I think they have the potential to be a really great pair (don’t get me wrong, I appreciate the canon pairings but those two have a lot of potential) so... yeah someday I might dip my toes back into Z. It’s on the wishlist, as well as reviving and cleaning up an old unfinished work of mine. Someday~

Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time

Seven Years Lost - this one I’ve been debating a long time, and even did a little on! It’s basically how I rationalize what happens when Link pulls the Master Sword out and - well, spoilers but it’s a really old game so - when he comes out as a teenager and is immediately able to handle a nearly-adult body. It involves a dreamscape scenario where he communicates with his past incarnations and learns from them, and from sharing dreams with Zelda due to their bond.

Sailor Moon (manga/Crystal based)

Second Chances - I read a lot of SM fanfic back in the day, and my favorite ones were... more real? Like, there were more consequences to these 14 year old kids out there fighting for their lives and sometimes losing them. I’d like to tell a story through Minako/Venus’ eyes primarily, covering what that’s like, and then I also just really want a happy ending for the senshi/shittenou? So... yay canon divergence, lol. You guys know the deal by now. XD

Star Wars: Legends Era

United We Stand - SWTOR fanfic, baby! Basically, I’m just dying to see the eight classes cross over each other, and I will bend canon to do it. For anyone that’s played the original class story lines, there is some cross over but believe me when I say there were huge opportunities that were let drop by nature of the game. Just with the two Jedi stories alone... but that’s #spoilers for a not-as-old game so I’ll leave that be and only elaborate if asked.

(And do feel free to ask about any of these! I’d love to hash them out more.)

Food Wars! Shokugeki no Soma Le Dessert Chapter 1 (315.1) Review

When you’re finished with your meal, you either call it a day or request for a dessert. Thus, the fans have their dessert that will be the definitive conclusion to the overall series. There will be three extra chapters in total, each releases a month apart. The first part takes place a year later after BLUE and yes, we do have the result. After color pages of “desserts,” the story enters the epilogue stage that has good promises for a delightful conclusion.

It makes sense for the series to skip a year since it does have a year left to cover. Instead of creating a plot, it establishes some of aftermath effects from the first two years, and it begins with a rather humorous end result from BLUE. Megumi narrates the story, much like any other times, and so, the story begins with the winner. Soma lost to Erina. Looks like we have a new member to be in the list for “Top 10 Protagonist that Doesn’t Win.” It’s Soma’s fault for giving Erina’s groove back. I laughed at the trophy size difference. Good game, Soma.

Soma almost pulled a Hitman Reborn ending, which almost terrified the hell out of me, by declaring himself to redo everything from scratch. Funny enough, Joichiro is willing to accept him back to the diner and run it, but Soma is far too hell-bent to defeat the Goddess Erina. That speaks volume that he can’t move on, even when he’s perfectly capable enough as he is. He even tried to redo everything and all he gets is a derpy look on his face, like “Why can’t I win her?” I probably meant that in more than one way.

The best solution is to go oversea and disappear for a couple of months. The problem is, it lasted over a half a month with no sight of return. Amazing how plenty of Shounen series like to have the protagonist disappear and keeps us wondering if he/she would ever return. I blame Dragon Ball for its not-really-ending endings. Anyway, I find it funny Hayama is getting Tsukasa’s treatment when he was running the Elite Ten; meaning Soma dumped all the paper works on him. Karma, I suppose. Oh well, they have an event going on, so it’s all good. For the record, Alice looks charming with that long hair. Almost like a trade; we’ll get to that soon.

The Annual Fall Classic does give me the nostalgia feeling; no pun intended. In fact, the chapter so far had the old feeling of the series in its heyday, where there’s no “deep” story to worry about (in more ways than one), and the sensation is relaxing and fun. The Polar Star has two new members, Takai and Terumoto, competing in the event. The idea isn’t to brew a new series or falsely advertise the next generation, because God knows how I took that in back in 2014, rather to establish the influence of Soma in BLUE. He lost, sure, but he greatly inspired the new generation or to be precise, those who are from “low standards” like a diner. It’s as if Soma has died for their cook; he’s a martyr. But seriously, this was nice.

I’m reminded that Isshiki and Kuga are no longer students; however, it’s good to see them associating with the events as judges. Tsukasa also arrives as well. Rindo shows up and immediately, my mind tells me, “How I miss this character so much.” Lastly, Shinomiya enters the stage, who I also miss. Shame that I can’t find a way to read the spin-off. It’s fortunate, however, to learn his dream has come true. His restaurant in Paris is the first Japanese-run restaurant in France to earn three stars. He still acts tsundere, but it’s all good. It’s neat to know Tsukasa and Rindo help out Shino’s Tokyo whenever they return to Japan. I would like to see the third chapter showcasing that.

I got to give credit to Megumi for handling the administrative side. Back then, she’d probably hesitate to death for handling this amount of work, let alone interactive with a large group. It’s easy to compliment when you have Rindo recalling her moment in Elite Ten discussion board, where no one can decide a single thing. I do miss this group though. Lunch Sets sound odd as a theme and everyone there called it, but it does bring some uniqueness to it. Bottom line, Tootsuki is heading for a bright future and that’s all it matters. It’s good to have alumnus around to know everything will be good. Again, Soma has died for our cooks. So, everything is heading for a swell end, right? If we go by Erina’s anger, then no, not really.

First of all, she has a new hairstyle, a short haircut to be exact. This is what I meant about the “trade;” Alice and Erina swapped hair length. That or Erina wants to replicate Zelda from the future Zelda game. Either way, she looks good. She goes on a long rant about Soma not showing for this month’s event; more on that later. I find her rant hilarious, considering how lengthy it is. It reminded me of another series, where one speech bubble consist a really long rant about her love interest not being in presence for her. The moral is, don’t piss them off. Amazing that she is the reason for his absence; can’t this pairing get a happy ending?!

The more notable note is how Erina worked her way to not only create the event, but also brought in the two transfer students; the one that was mentioned earlier. She had to show whose boss and they submitted it. I don’t blame them. She did it, so she can make sure when Soma returns, Tootsuki won’t disappoint him. While fans are recovering from fainting, I thought this was pretty charming. No wonder she got incredibly angry, though I do believe there’s more than simply showing up for an event. Judging by her rant, she has been doing this for a while, yet no reply. Stop keeping her waiting, Soma. Plenty of characters we know are at the event that is about to begin; this is sweet. Almost feel like the ending, but the chapter continues.

Earlier, Erina mentioned that she has dinner planned for the evening with Senzaemon and Mana. It’s nice to know that she and her mother are on better term. It also means Mana is more open to come visit to the household. As nice that all sounded, it looks like they are now rivals; the battle for the true God Tongue wielder. Well, it’s better than distance themselves, so it’s a great progress. Speaking of progress, supposedly Mana is getting better, but have a long way to go. Better than nothing. All in all, the family is getting better in health and relationship. That all being said, Joichiro was also there; gearing up for the next chapter.

Prior to this chapter, a Weekly Shounen Jump issue stated that the second chapter of Le Dessert will be about a past. Not only the fans didn’t know whose, but didn’t know how it will lead to it. In a way, this chapter surprised me. Not necessarily on whose, but how it ignited. Erina asks Joichiro about Soma’s mother, Tamako, and that leads to the closure with Joichiro preparing for an origin story.

Once again, while fans are recovering from fainting, it’s quite telling that Erina is the one to ask about her. Now, it does make sense when you remember she was there when Soma told Azami to shut it because he knows very well Joichiro was saved by his mother. She meant the world to him, and Erina noticed it. I can’t say that’s what made her inspired to ask, but it’s definitely a key moment that led to this point.

I thought this was a nice chapter all around. It’s more relaxed without worrying about a dark sinister plot. Therefore, it’s all on the characters, which are the better selling point. It’s also good to see how things are slowly evolving within the academy before entering a likely time-skip with everyone in their career. The sensation felt nostalgic; if only it was like this in the final arc. All scenes with Erina were funny and charming. The ending got me interested for the next, only to be reminded the long wait. Will this benefit the shipping? Quite possibly, but first and foremost, I am very eager to know the story.

Speaking of Angst

Let’s talk about what a *lovely* day I had today.

This seems off topic and selfish, partly because it is, but I promise it has something to do with writing/storytelling/screenwriting.

Bear with me.

So, I’m in college right now, and I’m taking an intro course for screenwriting. Fun class, we watch lots of movies, good times. Our final project is to write a screenplay for a short film. Today, we had a chance to talk about our ideas in class.

I had almost nothing. Didn’t come up with an idea until I was in class, because I’m just terrible at pulling random story ideas out of my ass. But I had something.

We talked about our ideas speed-dating style, just paired up and exchanging thoughts, no matter how partial and underdeveloped they were. It was just about throwing ideas around and getting help from our peers. Prof came over to listen in on my conversation.

So, I’m obsessed with Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild right now. I’m writing fanfiction for that universe right now. I play the game constantly, almost every day after I get home. My idea for the short film (or at least the idea I said in class) is sort of Breath of the Wild from the perspective of the everyday commoner. The side characters in the game. Their daily struggles, their perception of the world, their fears and dreams in the face of these red demonic clouds in the distance. Their feelings of helplessness. The prof thought it was a cool concept, and I felt pretty good about it. Whether it ends up being my film idea or not, I was happy he approved of it, and he offered me some tips to focus it into the medium of a short film.

So, a couple speed-dates later, I’m with this one dude. I’m a little apprehensive because he’s that guy in class. He acts like he knows what he’s talking about all the time, he has this tone of voice that sounds like he thinks all his favorite movies, all his opinions are just god-tier, that he’s the best film buff in the class, better than everybody in the room, maybe even the prof. I’m not happy, but I have to. It’s only a speed date. 5 minutes, tops.

I ask who should go first, whether he’d like to go or if I should go. He lets me go first.

So, I preface my idea with the game it’s based on.

“I'm a little obsessed with Zelda Breath of Wild right now—”

"Yeah, I know what that game is, I played it."

Said like I was babying him, like I was talking down to him, like how could he not know what Zelda Breath of the Wild is, he’s played it and beat it fifty times already. But wait; there’s more.

He continues. “I didn't like that game at all. Too many side quests. Just side quest after side quest. Too open world."

Okay, I think, whatever. “I guess it’s just a preference,” I say. “It’s whatever, but I really like it, and one of the things I wanted to do...” Yadda, yadda, my little idea. I get done in under a minute.

He gives me no feedback. Instead, he jumps right into his idea, taking up the entire rest of the time, and not letting me get much of a word in edgewise. He talks about this whole specific plot he’s come up with as if it’s the best thing on earth. Like, I’ll say right now: some of it was alright. It had potential in some areas. But it had a lot of weaknesses and useless shit in it. He was preening himself about this thing, like it was a master plan, like it would win the next Oscar or something just on premise alone, and it was literally just made up of overused horror tropes. He based it off Goosebumps, a series I loved growing up, but it was just completely stock horror and creepiness. Kid meets a few new friends at school, they hang out, walk past this strange old house, protagonist realizes he’s had dreams about this house before, his friends urge him to go inside by himself, he does and he gets lost, somehow gets knocked out, wakes up in his own bed, goes to school and notices his friends are missing, asks a teacher, and he is told that those kids died years ago in the house he went to. Oh, and that house was demolished years ago.

Like, there’s potential. It’s not complete garbage. There are some interesting things going on that could work with a bit of tweaking just to make it more interesting / believable. But he was selling this thing like it was already perfect. He wouldn’t let me get in a word of comments, wouldn’t let me ask questions, not to mention he seemed like the kind of person that wouldn’t appreciate any criticism about his perfect idea.

And then.

As I smiled and nodded and let him go on and on about his idea, only giving nice little comments about the things I thought were good and had potential, he goes,

“That’s not even the best part. Here’s the best part:”

And he proceeds to tell me about a seemingly useless jump-scare scene that has no real plot pertinence, no real reason for being in his story about four ghost kids and an old house. Like, Goosebumps did way better than this. Goosebumps succeeded because the events were connected, strange but sensible, and they took tropes and subverted them with something completely new and exciting. All this dude is doing is taking every trope ever and putting it in a film, and then acting like his idea is so good, and if one person, even the prof, suggests that it could use some tweaking, he gets defensive and doesn’t want to hear it.

Oh, and he told me that there’s a romantic subplot between one of the ghost children and the protagonist, and she puts a note in his pocket at one point in the story. And at the end, guess what? The note is mYsTerIOuSLY iN hiS POckEt!!! OOoooooOOOOOooo!!

I’ll go through this plot and say what I didn’t get to say to him because he wouldn’t let me and even if he did, he probably didn’t want to hear anything bad about his “amazing story.”

It’s got some potential, but like any story, especially any first draft, it has to be worked on and revised. The premise is cool, but you can’t base an entire story on tropes and expect it to function. That’s not good storywriting, that’s just laziness, expecting tropes to do the work for you. You must tell the story, you must tell the trope what to do. Tropes don’t do the work for you, you do the work for the tropes.

Let’s talk about those:

It was all a dream. Please don’t do this. Like, I hate it when profs tell writers what they should and shouldn’t do, so I’ll reword it a little: Please try to avoid this, unless you’re doing it for a reason OTHER than shock value. It’s cheap. It doesn’t sit well with audiences. We aren’t surprised in a good way; we just feel cheated and lied to. We don’t trust the author/movie anymore.

The creepy piano ghost. Alright. I’m not much of a horror junkie, but I know this is just overused constantly. For effect. If you’re just using something for effect that has little to nothing to do with your actual plot, and you’re just using a creepy ghost girl at a piano to scare the audience because your scene isn’t creepy enough, DON’T USE THIS. A better use of this trope would be to have your story revolve around a house that actually is haunted by the ghost of a girl who actually played piano. Don’t just have a random thing like this show up and excuse you of actually having to write something creepy.

Jumpscares. Going off the piano ghost, the dude said at the end of the scene, the girl’s neck would turn around, her body would contort Exorcist style, and she would release an inhuman scream that would cause the protagonist to run out of the room full speed. Jumpscares like this offer no actual scare value. She doesn’t chase him out into the hall. She doesn’t have any reason to be there in the first place. She’s just a random scare. Jumpscares rely on startling audiences with sudden images, accompanied by loud noises. These are just plays on our bodies’ natural instincts when suddenly and unexpectedly confronted. It’s not actually scary in the context of the film. It’s a cheap trick (yes, it’s a trick), and most of the time it’s only used to inject horror in a scene that lacks that element, rather than creating a plot element that is actually effective. Please, consider doing something else. There are plenty of scary movies that don’t utilize jumpscares just for spooks. The movies that do well have scary moments, even jumpscares, that are plot pertinent and affect something. Don’t just have a jumpscare to have a jumpscare because “OH, that’ll get em real good!” It’s shitty writing. It’s a trope. You have to work for the trope to be effective.

So-and-so died 30 years ago. In this context, the reason this trope doesn’t really work is that the protagonist meets these kids and interacts with them at school. During school. They were in class with him. They occupied seats in class. They were in class. So for them to just suddenly disappear from reality (for no discernible or logical reason) just seems like a cheating mechanism, similar to “this was all just a dream!” You can’t have ghosts talking to you in school in public, interacting with you in class, and then have them disappear with no explanation and have a teacher tell you they died years ago. You can’t do that and have no reason as to why nobody remembers them, why nobody saw our main character talking to thin air. Logistically, you have to work out a reason for these things to work in the universe of your creation. Otherwise, you end up with your audience asking how things even happened. It has to make sense, even if it’s all magic. There’s gotta be some logic to what’s going on.

The note from the ghost is still in my pocket. This piggybacks off the previous one. If the ghost friends weren’t real, then how did this actually happen? You can’t say it did happen in real life because how would the teacher and all the kids at school forget that MC (main character) was talking to 4 people? How would a ghost hand him a note? I thought it was all supposed to be a dream, but now you’re telling me it’s not? You’re lying to me again? What’s real? When you have the audience confusedly asking “What’s real? What’s going on?” that isn’t the same as a psychological mystery/thriller/fantasy. It’s not some existential commentary. Your story is confusing and inconsistent. Stop relying on tropes to make things creepy. Write a story that has a logical progression of events, a reason for characters to show up and then disappear. You’re allowed to have all of these things happen, but there has to be a reason to it. Things can’t just happen willy-nilly. If it doesn’t make sense, your audience will be confused, and in a bad way.

Ugh. Thanks for reading my rant. I’m gonna go take a nap now, enjoy my spring break. Good night.

Nobody Asked for it, you got it

 Fic Recommendation list :D

Like the title says no one really asked for it, but I felt in the mood to do one so why not? Lots of fandoms are here, so feel free to read through and see what there is that catches your interest ^^

There are links to both FanFiction and ArchiveOfOurOwn ;)

Minecraft: Story Mode Movie Mode - The first Watching the Game fic on FF (and one of the only 3), Movie Mode is a well written fic by @Toni4eyes, who captures the characters in an amazing way. In-Progress

The Return of the Lost - If you’re favorite episode is 6, then this little capturing moments of Stampy, Stacy, and Dan’s lives is absolutely for you. It’s very sweet, and though it’s currently only six chapters long, this fic by MitziRae is sure to capture you hook-line-and sinker

Building Blocks - If you love imagining the Old Order adopting the New Order, than look no further than this fic written by @raintagwasalreadytaken. Honestly, all of her fics deserve to be on this list, but due to conservation of space I’ll just link this one and let you guys discover the rest of her works on your own

Hybrid: Cinematic Mode - Similar to Movie Mode in the fact that it’s a watching the game, this piece by @arizaluca is simply stunning. Featuring the gang watching, not the original game, but in fact an alternate universe of Ariza’s (a hybrid universe).

Rebel of Sky City - You love writing or drawing that Sky AU for MCSM AU Month? Then Rebel of Sky City, written by shielddrake42 needs to be your next stop. Featuring Jesse, the daughter of Isa, and Lukas, the son of Milo. Need I say more?

Fingerpainted Bruises - Also by @toni4eyes, unless you’re like CaptainSparklez and think Radar is evil (still laughing about that from his walkthrough btw) then stay away. But if you’re like the other 99% of mcsm s2 players, and think Radar is a precious bean whom Jesse should adopt to make Ivor a grandpa, then you MUST read this fic, as well as its sequel Makeshift Band-aids

Danny Phantom

Jack’s Wish - Who doesn’t love a good reveal story? Well this one, although perhaps not the BEST written, is still one of the best plots I’ve seen. 

Frequency - Yup, another reveal fic. Expect it from me alright? I’m freaking addicted to them. This one has a bit more of an eavesdropping plot, but it’s still pretty good.

How to Train Your Dragon

To Start Anew - Hasn’t been updated in three years, but it’s time travel. ‘Nuff said.

Justice League (the cartoon, not the new movie)

Privacy - It’s cute, just...just read it alright?

Legend of Zelda

Dimensional Links - Ever want all of the Links to meet up? Wish granted right here. It was updated this year so I THINK it’s still going, but don’t quote me on that.

The Wolf - The fic you all wanted the moment you played/watched Twilight Princes, even if you didn’t know you wanted it.

Warriors

Different - A fox growing up as a cat, learning she’s a fox, and all hell breaking loose. I’ve been reading this fic since my early days on FF (when i was twelve.)

Tigerclaw’s Second Chance - Exactly what it sounds like, a Time Travel piece in which Tigerclaw is given a chance to change things

Resilience - This is a really good fic involving a Windclan kit being taken to Riverclan, becoming a medicine cat, and lots of other crazy things.

Young Justice (show not comic)

That Torturous Thing Known as Time Travel - Read somewhere private so WHEN you start laughing, no one thinks your crazy ;)

Look into the Future - Exactly how it sounds

Marvel Cinematic Universe

Weaver of Silk and Dreams - There are no words that can properly describe this amazing alternate universe, so just go and read it for yourself.

Miraculous: Tales of Ladybug and Chat Noir

The Marinette Project - Pure fluff and romance involving MariChat, Adrienette, Ladienette, and LadyNoir. Quite possibly the best and sweetest Ladybug fic I’ve read. Bring your toothbrush.

Coco

Remember Not to Forget - READ. THIS. IMMEDIATELY AFTER WATCHING COCO! THIS NEEDS TO BE THE SEQUEL!!!!!!!

I’m into Fitness - ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Movie Night - Kinda rushed, but still hits all the right points. Also (as far as I’m aware) the first watching the movie fic for this fandom, so give it some slack ;)

Trolls

Piece by Piece - Single Gray Dad AU that is just the cutest thing ever <3

Move on Up - The ending is really rushed (at least for me) but this is a really cute Breek fic (branch x creek) and a really clever soulmate au

Ninjago

Blood is Thicker than Water, but so is Sludge and Tar and the horrible coffe dad tried to make one time - Do I really need to say anything?

The Pain in our Tears - Just a cute little headcanon that I totally agree with

Crossovers

They’re Us -- Young Justice meets Justice League. Hasn’t been updated in a while, but still worth your time reading.

Lean on Me - Smurfs Meets Trolls, with the cutest crossover pairings to ever exist. 66 Chapters and still going strong. (does have some chapters you may want to skip, but there ARE alternate versions on FF)

Bluetiful - The inspiration for Lean on Me, this is probably the only Smurfs meets Trolls fic rivaling with Lean on Me for best fic award.

Green Ninja - All of the Lego Movie worlds combined (Lego Movie, Lego Batman Movie, and Lego Ninjago Movie) focusing on Lloyd (green ninja) and Ma and Pa Cop. It’s much better than I make it sound ;)

Brick by Brick - Teen Titans meets Young Justice, in the form of mind-swapping.

Whooo that’s a ton of fics xD Took literally over an hour to write this lol

The person you had the strongest feelings for dies, do you care? I would be devastated. Even if we are no longer talking, it would destroy me to know they aren’t on this earth anymore.

Is there something you’re happy about at the moment? not really no. well, I mean I’m happy with a conversation thats happening.

Do you want someone dead? absolutely not

Do you ever wonder what your ex is up to? if it’s kile we are referring to, yeah. I’m getting a lot better putting it out of my mind. my other exes heckin no except for the other one I loved.

Have you ever fed or taken care of a stray animal? absolutely. we have adopted some from that method ahah

What is something you tend to worry about? people I care about. Like I worry that they’re safe, mentally OK, healthy, etc.

What is something you do that is unhealthy? hold on too long.

What is something you do that is good for you? I talk well about myself usually and I look for positives

What last caused you to force a smile? something in a video i thought was funny

What was the last video game you played? Was it fun? animal crossing. my controllers are SUPER whacked so it wasn’t too fun. I miss playing my games but I can’t afford new controllers yet

What is something not many people know about you? my assaults/history probably. I’m a very private person over all so i think most things people know about me are things they can see.

What word describes your basic style? classic

Have you ever been told you were going to Hell? oh a customer once told me that because they wanted a special ordered crib that day and it was a 12 week wait. so obvs a legit reason -.-

Have you ever wanted to kill yourself? .

If yes, what convinced you not to go through with it? ..

Have you ever rejected a guy, only to have him push the issue by asking “why?” and insisting that you just need to get to know him better? yessssss

Is there something that you believe everyone should do and you can’t believe that some people don’t do it (e.g., recycle or go to the dentist regularly)? brushing teeth or CHANGING THEIR SHEETS

Regarding the last good choice (healthy choice, kind choice, selfless choice, etc.) you made, what was your real motivation behind it? I made a choice to let go of a love that was destroying me. the motivation was like okay, i’m seeing he doesn’t love me, hes not going to love me. I’m spending my time, energy, and attentions to love him and I could be missing out on someone who loves me back.

What is something that you have had to practice at to get the hang of it? If you can’t think of anything, that’s okay, what’s something you are currently practicing at and trying to master? sewing

Have you ever gone to the store to buy something, like a video game, when it came out at midnight? never for me but I’ve gone with friends who were getting them -.- ridiculous

Regarding the last novel you read, was there a romance included? If so, was it central to the plot? yesssssssssssssssssssssssss and yes

Have you ever done relaxation meditations or listened to relaxation guides or positive-thinking/healing recordings? I’ve done that for school but not on my own personally

Do you have any interests that are also often shared by children? art, animated shows/movies, games

Is there something that could be a solitary activity but you really only like to do it with other people (e.g., watching movies, playing video games, etc.)? hmm, not really. I like going to tjmaxx & target better if I’m with someone.

Are you satisfied with the interior design or decoration in your home? Or do you think it needs a total home makeover? for the most part. because its not my money that pays the rent I def don’t get weird about it. but I like most ofit

Is there something that you’d like to own but you can’t find it anywhere? If not, can you a remember a time when you wanted something? Did you ever end up finding it or did you eventually stop wanting it? yes. I really want a particular type of coat but its hard to find.

Who makes you smile the most? hm. ummm... kile made me smile today he was bein a bit crass. it reminded me of how happy he used to make me. he used to be the one BY far that made me smile. these days its fairly even across the board.

What piercings do you want/have? I’d love to have my cartilage pierced again but it always gets infected because of my blood so i’m fine with what I have

What's your favorite website? probs tumblr.

Do you own a fish tank with fish? currently no

Do you like the movie 300? neverseen it.

Do you pop your knuckles? yup all the time

Do you have Photoshop? no its expensive

Do you use tinypic or photobucket? no

What’s your favourite song from the 1980s? if I had the effort I wouldlove to genuinely figure it out but I only have a quarter-butt effort rn

How about the 1990s? ^

Have you won anything recently? nerp. 

How often do you make Excel tables? What for? pretty much never.

What was the last baby animal you saw in the wild? probably a bunny

Are you always available or online? I’m usually available

Do you have dietary restrictions? Or do you just eat what you like? gluten sensitivity and dairy sensitivity

Do you prefer gold, silver or steel jewelry? Or no jewelry at all? I always loved silver because I think it’s so attractive but it turns out gold is VERY nice with my skin tone and since I have had to replace all my fine jewelry from kile with cheap stuff i can afford, i buy pretty much all gold.

Have you been binge-watching any shows lately? If so, what? I was on a gilmore girls kick but right now im watching bobs burgers.

If you dye your hair, do you do it yourself or go to a salon? i loved when I used to get it done professionally but its literally several hundred dollars and I just don’t have that. 

If you have any, do you like your in-laws? I don’t have any. < Same.

Would it bother you, if your partner had cut contact with their parents? yes and no. It would be hypocritical if I said omg yes, you should always be in contact with your parents --- because obviously I never ever ever talk to my dad. But for a lot of people I know.. they put so much blame on their parents for things that are fairly unjustified or unrealistic expectations for their parents to not be human-like and remain perfect. It destroys me because I have spent years crying and aching for a father figure in my life that to think some people just create unnecessary division is frustrating. However, if there is serious conflict and its a matter of safety (physical/mental) then absolutely no problem with boundaries.

Have you ever wondered whether you were adopted? hahahaha yes when I look like neither of my parents nor my siblings.

What’s the best physical feeling in the entire universe? honestly, loving and being loved.

Have you ever grown a berry bush? No

Have you done something new to your hair recently? I chopped about 15 inches off. 

Do you have bad anxiety? If so, do you take any kind of medication for it? no. anxiety really has never been a problem for me, thankfully.

One thing you’ve experienced that you thought you never would have? rape

What was the last thing someone said to you that kept repeating over & over in your head? i replay conversations from my split with kile despite my desire to forget it. 

How often do you have late nights out? pretty much never lol its just not my scene. I’d kind of like one or two a month but I don’t know anyone that would go out with me and it can be unsafe as a female to do so alone.

If you could, would you work from home? Do you think that would make you more or less productive? yes. I’m oriented to pretty strict self-discipline so it wouldn’t be a problem for me.

If you had the ability to change the weather, what would you change it to right now? either a really strong thunderstorm or cooooooooold weather

Is there something that you really need to do, but can’t seem to get motivated to do it? my motivation is completely there but my health is not

Most disturbing movie you have ever seen? i never remember names of them because i legit tune it out in my head.

Has a life goal or dream ever come true for you yet? If yes, what is it? If no, do you think you’ll achieve it? I always dreamt of going to college and doing well. I accomplished that (and then some!) I got into my dream colleges. I always wanted to travel by myself and I did. I always wanted to be in love and I was.

Have you ever had food poisoning? Yup.

What are you listening to? the freakin’ funniest song ever in bobs burgers -- the derek dematopolus song 

Do you think there will be a WWIII? I would not be surprised. there is a lot of animosity in this world

Has anyone ever asked you if you were emo? lol no. i’m a super smiley, happy person so it wouldn’t be expected of me.

Has someone ever liked you that you never thought would? definitely. Michael always throws me off my guard that he likes me. 

In all honesty, can a person be too nice? people always say yes that they get taken advantage of but I think those are two separate things. I believe you can be endlessly nice even with boundaries. I wish people aired on the side of overly nice than the typical overly rude

Has one of your friend’s boyfriends ever tried to cheat on them with you? in HS Is mental abuse really as bad as physical abuse? absolutely. the effects are devastating

Do you shop at Sephora for make-up? once in a blue moon. but only online

Zelda: Twilight Princess or Ocarina of Time? i never really played either

Do you own a rosary? no,I’m not catholic

Contains minor SPOILERS.

Cala Maria gif courtesy of @casioonaplasticbeach​.

The debut game of Studio MDHR is the completely hand drawn 1930s cartoon inspired Cuphead for the Xbox One and PC. Particularly the Fleischer Studios short starring Bimbo known as Swing You Sinners! (1930). For example, Cagney Carnation’s idle animation is one a ghost has in it. A later significant donnybrook borrows from that cartoon’s aesthetic and characters too. There’s visual grain filter and simulated 24 fps too! There’s a deliberate color inconsistency between Cuphead’s design and the hues for his victory screen: a commonality found with older cartoons. An Inkwell Isle II boss character speaks with a Porky Pig inspired stutter whilst possessing a moniker close to a famous animator’s (Grim Natwick). Natwick, in real life, spoke with a stutter, making a double reference to cartoon history. 

As a cartoon fanatic and a seeker of run and gun games, I had to check out Cuphead for sure! 

On Xbox One. 

My name is OrchardBlossom. 

Cuphead has been in development for seven years and is the final result of seven people animating it is beyond mind blowing. Their names are Chad Moldenhauser, Danielle Johnson, @jake-clark, Thomas “Smo” Smolenski, @habihanna, Joseph Coleman, and Tina Nawrocki. Take a bow y’all! *Throws roses, kisses, glitter, and confetti* 

Cuphead, is, as cliche as it sounds, a dream come true for me. 

The moment I tried the Sony Imagesoft (publisher) and Traveller’s Tales (developer) Sega Genesis game Mickey Mania in the early 90s, I’ve been relentlessly searching and totally craving another release that utilized hand drawn animation that pulls from classic cartoons. In it, Mickey Mouse can toss marbles at foes and his HP that’s represented by fingers on his glove is 5. The player goes from left to right avoiding by jumping over or trouncing adversaries. Mickey Mania’s opening level is the culturally and genre significant Steamboat Willie (1928) and a later one is a favorite of mine known as The Lonesome Ghosts (1937). Often I’d avoid enemies and not proceed so I could soak in the game’s distinctive visual aesthetic for a second longer. Similarly, I’d prolong a couple of clashes in Cuphead for that very same reason. Despite never winning against the final fight in that damned The Prince and the Pauper (1990) stage, that Mickey Mouse game still retains a special place in my heart. In fact, when taking a slight break from Cuphead I fired up my Sega to only lose against Captain Pete…Again. 

25% of Cuphead features run and gun stages that bring to mind Mega Man, Contra, Gunstar Heroes, Metal Slug, and Super Ghouls ‘n Ghosts. Your introductory HP is 3 and can be higher if you sacrifice the strength of your weapons via purchased charms. Charms are bought using Coins found in levels and around the hub islands of Inkwell Isle.

With this currency, charms or weaponry can be bought at Porkrind’s Emporium. For instance, the Smoke Bomb Charm makes your dodge waaaay more efficient. The Coffee Charm is ideal for plane boss battles since you cannot make your Shrink dodge any better in them: this allows you to obtain Super Arts of powered up techniques faster. Cuphead’s basic projectile weapon is known as the Peashooter. The boomerang-like Roundabout is your best bet against most bosses if you’re adept at facing the opposite and firing it. Chaser is a weak homing weapon that’s perfect for boss battles that require both tricky and constant dodging (like the final phase of queen bee Rumor Honeybottoms). Experiment with your six firing weapon selections and find what’s the most comfortable for you though. Remember that Cuphead and Mugman can fire while ducking/moving and their firing angle can be adjusted. 

Likewise, in a plane, one can use the gun or bombs. I didn’t realize this until late in the game, ha ha! 

The remaining 75% of Cuphead consists of brimming with personality and creativity boss battles alongside some toe-tapping worthy jazz-infused tracks. Cuphead is a game that takes patience, analyzing patterns, learning to properly parry (leads to the capability of utilizing stronger weapon moves and Super Art techniques), knowing when to stop firing versus dodge some more, ducking, and changing your weapon set or Super Arts when necessary. Now, it is possible to hold down the fire button and switch between weapons on the fly. I personally found it overwhelming, an additional challenge of sorts, that made it increasingly harder to accurately concentrate during either run and gun stages and boss battles.

So, in Cuphead, you will die a lot. I guarantee it. I died 1111 times beating it on Normal mode alone. I didn’t give up nor go above 3 HP. It was immensely satisfying when I won against everything. 

But I feel this by design: the game’s mechanics are solid and each time I lost I didn’t blame Cuphead since everything is clear. Trial and error is in the game’s DNA. Controls aren’t an issue essentially. They’re quite responsive, so each failure unquestionably feels like my fault. If an attack or enemy isn’t pink, it cannot be parried, so it must be avoided or slain. The directions in which bosses bombard you don’t change at all (besides after a phase alteration where new moves are still very much broadcast)…The order isn’t consistent however. And my advice is to always stay on guard. Sometimes, the smartest attack is to wait though. 

Whenever you do lose, a progress bar is unveiled about how dismal or great your overall performance was. Along with a taunting quote from a boss. Like Wally Warbles, a Woody Woodpecker colored bird says, “Even without my feathers, you’re in for stormy weather!” Talk about adding insult to injury! This actually compelled me to keep going. I wasn’t deterred because I learned from my errors and mistiming mistakes until I won. I can defeat some of the initially seemingly impossible boss battles without taking a hit now. 

In short, Cuphead is tough yet fair in my eyes.

Alas where it falters most is the usage of two boys as our protagonists. I get that is supposed to be a homage to Mickey Mouse (with a hint of Felix the Cat?) and the long forgotten Oswald the Lucky Rabbit with each sporting said famous character’s colors/gloves. That’s cool I guess.

Still, not Cuphead and his sister? Because it isn’t like Betty Boop isn’t that famous or anything right? Or how about neither a guy or girl? They’re anthropomorphic characters with a cup and a mug for heads! Why solely men…?

Cuphead is a tale of owing a debt to the Devil through gambling. They are forced to collect soul contracts from the lives of others the Devil and Dice King’s casino have corrupted. Or lose their own lives instead as grisly punishment. The minimalist plot is conveyed through a excellently done storybook motif. I prefer Cuphead’s bro Mugman who told him to stop gaming when the Devil challenged him.

Mugman’s the one I never get to play as. XD

Yes, despite the game creators (Chad and Jared Moldenhaur, brothers) stating Cuphead wanted to avoided a damsel in distress narrative as the main one a.k.a. a retro concept that should stop being the norm. However, there’s a small juxtaposition between this and Cuphead writer Evan Skolnick. In Cuphead, women are unfortunately in short supply. The most prominent recurring one (Legendary Chalice) is literally trapped and has to be saved to unlock the powerful Super Art abilities located in the Inkwell Isle Mausoleums. I mean our introduction to her in the game is the word “HELP” with an exclamation mark for emphasis. Saving her grants you more useful Super Arts that assist in stage and boss fights, but aren’t necessary to beat the game. To achieve victory, the player must parry all of the spectral threats to release the straw-halo spirit from a repeated prison thrice times throughout the course of your journey. 

For some reason, a celebatory background statue of her can be seen in Rugged Ridge, suggesting her character was once one of considerable prominence in this game’s world (or storyline I suggest). My real query is why the Legendary Chalice has “legendary” in her name in the first place? So, why couldn’t she of been similar to a Great Fairy from the Legend of Zelda series then? As the protagonist Link, you locate the Great Fairy fountains and she gives you something for the effort. Or what if the Mausoleum parry challenges were meant to prove that Cuphead and Mugman are worthy to own the sacred Super Arts Legendary Chalice has in her possession?  

I sincerely wish her character’s background had been suitably expanded on. Like maybe she sees potential in them for completing the Mausoleums in Inkwell.  Perhaps her role in the game could of had more meaning? How it stands with Legendary Chalice simply plays into a classic video game trope I’ve always loathed. The damsel in distress the Moldenhauser bros tried to not use. 

Others women talk to you in the hub world or ask for assistance in some way. Like a fish fishing, for one! How wonderfully weird. Is she a cannibal by chance?

What remains are bosses. Ahem, how few there are that is, yeah. Out of twenty plus bosses only seven feature women with five being the actual focus.

The introduction to planes battle has Hilda Berg: an Olive Oly zeppelin that transforms into the constellations Taurus and Sagittarius (they are coded/drawn as men) during the fight. Another is a drunken martini glass that’s part of an alcoholic beverage trio you might contend with. The Domino mini-boss has two halves: the top is a hat and bow while the bottom is a skirt with that same bow serving as hers. This half has distinct lashes and red heels as well. There’s the Betty Boop sound effect laden Cala Maria, the gigantic mermaid seen in each trailer for the game’s release. Sally Stageplay is the most memorable for me with her battle taking place in a theatre with a live audience: it opens with a wedding and has her theatre husband in the background not contributing to the fight while trying to take care of a baby. There’s the aforementioned Rumor Honeybottoms, in an intense scenario which pushes you to your platforming and parrying limits. My favorite in terms of concept to execution is in the Inkwell Isle II level Sugarland Shimmy! She is called Baroness von Bon Bon. 

Here’s an intriguing fact: the singer for the seemingly masculine Cab Calloway influenced antagonist Dice King is sung by Alana Bridgewater (her vocals are fantastic!).

All in all, I recommend Cuphead. The indie darling is an equally exhilarating and addictive game with a superb soundtrack to boot! On top of that, Cuphead’s nods to video games and animation history are an impeccable fusion I couldn’t get enough of. Cuphead’s fun and challenge is raised with a friend on-board for the surreal worth taking ride. You can revive your teammate for a price (they return with 1 HP left and any subsequent revivals become increasingly harder to pull off) through parrying their ghost or taking HP (Like a thief…Blargh. ) from one another upon dying in boss battles or levels.

Oh, there is indeed a lower difficulty, but the developers will sadly not let you truly finish the game if you select it. Bosses lack entire phases and overall health. Locking content in this manner does disappoint and irk me for those that desire the full Cuphead experience. Especially for those that are already put off by the game’s difficulty curve as a whole from the get-go. Since part of Cuphead’s joy is seeing so much creative and stunning animation lovingly crafted on display. Listening to new music. Drinking in the atmosphere prior to being killed for the umpteenth time due to miscalculating a parry or boss attack. This is lost for those that choose Simple. *Sighs despondently*

As are the game’s wonderful secrets I won’t divulge here. 

On the other hand, folks should give Simple Mode a gander to check out lost animation Normal and Hard Mode doesn’t have. ;)

A PSA for those seeking an A rank on the Run and Gun stage Funfair Fever! Um, there’s a glitch in the game that won’t allow this achievement. Meaning, you have to conquer it with a P (Pacifist: only parrying, no shooting) rank as an alternative. I spent hours attempting to secure an A rank to no avail until I succeeded with the P rank I needed towards earning a game secret. This has just been patched.

My recommendation for Cuphead would be loftier if gender representation had been better and Simple Mode had encompassed all of the game. It doesn’t. You’re mocked by Dice King and that doesn’t seem right to me. No one deserves to be made fun of for playing something that is meant to be purely entertainment.

My feelings towards the red skinned turban wearing genie magician guy in the game bother me as well. Like he’s time period accurate and ultimately offensive. Should of done some in-depth research before posting this. :(

P.S. Dr. Kahl, is named after animator Milt Kahl, but modeled after Sonic’s Dr. Ivo Robotnik and Mega Man’s Dr. Wily. You’ve been warned. So many deaths were caused by him. So. Many. Losses. *Shudders*

Salt 3: Fire Emblem Fates, the Story

Post under the read more

I decided to go ahead and make this since I am currently sick, agitated, and ready to rant about something. I've poked fun at Fates' narrative or outright insulted it before, but I've never said anything about why it's bad. Why is that? Well that would probably be because most Fire Emblem fans are expected to hate Fates' story at this point and so saying that you hate it is just a given. But you know what? I can do better then that. I've done it twice already, so why not? Now to be fair, I will admit I'm a bit spoiled. My first Fire Emblem game was Path of Radiance, a Fire Emblem game considered to have one of the best stories in the series this side of Genealogy of the Holy War. So when I went in and played Awakening, with its fun-yet-busted gameplay and yet still flawed narrative, I was slightly disappointed. I still love Awakening and how it helped save the series, but I'm not above saying it could've been better. Still, when Fates, or rather "if," was announced, I couldn't help but fall in love with the premise. Two families, two different storylines, and a choice to make on which side you would follow? The ability to customize your own personal fortress? It sounded like a dream come true. But then the game to the States and... it crushed sales. You know why Fates gets all the seasonal units in Heroes alongside Awakening? It's because those games sold well, so of course they're going to get more attention whether we like it or not. However, Fates did disappoint... a lot... with the execution of its narrative. I feel like we all convinced ourselves that this was going to be the best game ever only to get something sub-par, which to the hyped up fan can end up being the worst thing ever. Where did Fates fail and how can it be improved? Well that's what I'd like to explore.

Prologue: If It Ain't Broke, Don't Fix It

Fates may not have been the best game in the world, but it certainly wasn't the worst. If you ask some people in the fandom about Fates, they'll get onto their high horse and tell you that everything about Fates was horrible, there wasn't a single redeeming factor, and it single-handedly ruined the entire franchise to such a degree that it took Echoes being made to save it. (And if I ever get around to beating Echoes, I'm sure I could make a rant on how little fun I've been having with it, to the point where I can't beat it.) Those people are... exaggerating. So before we jump into the negativity, I'll offer some positives. For starters, much as with Awakening, I found myself getting attached to a good majority of the characters. Sure there were exceptions (Niles and Hayato), but there always are and that doesn't necessarily make the characters bad for the purpose they were created. Secondly, the village customization was everything I hoped it would be. Yes, I did enjoy playing around with the My Castle feature. I've always been a bit of a world builder, driving my interest in RTS games like Age of Empires and the original Warcraft, and even a small little thing like this got me thinking on how to make my castle pretty. Gameplay mechanics introduced in Awakening were fixed. Pair Up mechanics were no longer broken and allowed you to be more strategic regarding both offensive and defensive measure. Archers and Knights were made not only useful, but amazing, and so characters you wouldn't have used in other games suddenly becomes amazing in this one. Personal skills now exist and even a few of those aforementioned people will turn around and say they would bring personal skills back for future installments. The music... why would people even hate the soundtrack? It was absolutely beautiful. As a sucker for both Japanese and Celtic music, I can certainly say there was not a track in this game that I despised. And I know that some people like how battles get their own music in other games before Awakening, but I've never been fond of that. It feels like I don't get to hear enough of the music in game before it switches over to Battle and back, again and again, until the Enemy Phase... Thanks Echoes. Also, dagger weapons... I hope those return next game to be honest. I don't expect there to be a duality like in Fates, but I do hope there's at least some manner of throwing debuff weapon.

Perhaps this wasn't the most eloquently written paragraph in the history of the world, but I did want to at least start off on a high note... now let's delve into the topic at hand, shall we?

Chapter 1: Pre-Determined Destiny

One of the first issues with Fire Emblem Fates was how it was advertised versus how it was shipped. One of the things we saw leading up to the game's release was how there was going to be a choice between which side you wanted to affiliate with. Would you stand with your blood family, the Kingdom or Hoshido, or the family that raised you, the Kingdom of Nohr? It was a question that actually got a lot of people both excited and competetive, a light battle that I'd only seen in the Warcraft fandom, though not nearly as tense and hostile as Alliance vs. Horde to be fair. But then tragedy immediately struck when it was revealed that to make your choice, you had to purchase the right game for it, split between Birthright and Conquest. That's one hell of a way to make this seeming question lose its meaning. The first five chapters are spent introducing you to both Nohr and Hoshido and by Chapter 6 you're supposed to make your decision based on what you know and how you feel, but that will only work if you had purchased the Special Edition of Fates or, more realistically, if you'd ended up paying the extra $20 to put the other side on your 3DS digitally. Otherwise you'll end up with a 50% chance on whether you now want to side with the kingdom you bought ther version for still or if you'll end up like "wait no I actually want to side with the others," but you can't because this is the version of the game you paid for, kiddo.

It stank of greed to a lot of people and there were even comparisons made to Pokemon as a result. Now to be fair, these comparisons are still completely incorrect. Birthright and Conquest, and the third story released later in Revelations, do in fact tell different stories. There's more major differences in the narrative then which units you get. But it overall came up to $80 in total. Couldn't you have just put Birthright and Conquest on the same cartridge and then made Revelations cost $40 on its own then? Well no, that still would've pissed people off and for good reason. I feel bad for cartridge owners who wanted the game. I heard there was a way to get both on cartridge for $60, but I bought all my Fates content digitally, so I cannot confirm. There's no real way to improve this because it was on Nintendo's marketing for giving the illusion that the choice came in game, not immediately based on version.

Chapter 2: The Avatar of Salt

Honestly self-insert characters are the worst. In a game like The Legend of Zelda, it works because the story takes a backseat to gameplay and Link doesn't need to be anything more then the silent hero who will save the day and bring peace to Hyrule no matter what the challenges are that come to test him. Fire Emblem doesn't get that luxury. Being a tactical RPG that weaves both story and gameplay together as important as the other, it needs characters that can serve to further the narrative while still being interesting and enjoyable. None should be more so then the main character of the game, especially if they're a major talker in the story. RPGs like Suikoden and Persona can get away with not having the main character say much because the focus goes into secondary characters more so then the primary one and so you can enjoy them more extensively, watching them interact amongst each other as well, but Fire Emblem doesn't often bring secondary characters into the main narrative and usually reserves their development and storyline importance for supports to look into. Awakening and Fates are especially guilty of this, with the former utilizing mainly Chrom, the Avatar, Frederick, and Lissa over anyone else. In Fates, it would be the Avatar, Azura, and the royals. So it is important that these characters at least be able to carry the story well enough and... they don't always. But Awakening gets some leeway in that its self insert Robin, while plot integral enough to be a flaw on Awakening's story, is not the main character. That would actually be Chrom. Fates' Avatar, Corrin, serves as both the self insert... and the main character. It goes about as well as you expect.

Many consider Corrin to be the worst lord in the series, more so then even Roy, Eliwood, and Gaiden!Alm before Echoes turned him into a good boy. A lot of this is because of how static Corrin is. In the first five chapters, Corrin is given some leeway because they are still sheltered and naive. They were raised by the Nohrian royals, who are not complete monsters like their father, and so of course they would be horrified at the thought of executing prisoners for fun. After being kidnapped by Hoshido and shown around, they would of course expect to die, be confused by their circumstances, and only after a horrific traumatic effect bringing back their memories ends up disturbed by what happened to them. These five chapters were better storywise then the rest of the game by far because after choosing their side and going through an admittedly heartfelt battle... they seem to just settle in and end up a static character. Whether it's the justified avenger in Birthright or the suffering deceiver in Conquest, they never really show any change in their character. There's no major development for them as they have to stay in a certain role that is easy to insert themself into, even though in some cases they also fail in this.

Revelations is the worst in this regard. Corrin keeps their naivete to the very end. This gets them into a lot of trouble with a certain character who ends up betraying the group, yet this behavior is never called out on. In fact, their overtrusting nature is commended and encouraged, which I suppose is natural considering the fact that they were manipulated by both Hoshido and Nohr in their own right. Obviously Nohr was manipulating Corrin into believe they were of Nohrian decent, but Hoshido, or rather... only Ryoma, never bothered to let Corrin know the truth that they were adopted. I suppose they would want Corrin to remain the same way. It gives them further leeway over Corrin in the future.

I know there are people who like Corrin the way they are, especially the female Corrin, though how much of that is between her looks and the fact that one out of all six voices has the best performance in Chapter 5's cutscene and it's her default voice I don't know, but if I had to change the story without removing Corrin in order to preserve the original premise of choosing one of your two families, I would definitely have Corrin "mature" throughout each path in a different way. In Birthright, I would have them start off as bitter towards Garon for what happened to Mikoto, but still not hating Nohr and so being angry at characters like Hinoka, Takumi, and Oboro for their constant racist tendencies. As they progress, however, they see what Nohr has done to their people and so they feel that Nohr would be much more prosperous under Hoshidan rule. On the other side, Conquest's Corrin would still want to change Nohr from the inside and that would be the ultimate goal regardless, but going into Hoshido, they would notice all of these goods, all this food and luxury, that Hoshido's been hoarding to itself. They might think conquering Hoshido would be good for Nohr in more ways then one and so feel less sympathetic when going through the battles. Revelations' Corrin is such an enigma that I feel like the game would need to be drawn out longer to justify everything that happened in it. Corrin gets both families working together half way in, so I guess they would feel that being the same would work out. I guess you can't win them all.

Chapter 3: Black and White, for what is Gray and Grey?

Whenever you play a Fire Emblem game, you usually see multiple perspectives. The enemy's side has good people in it and so you might be inclined to sympathize with them to a degree while the good guys still have to deal with issues of internal corruption and strife. Tellius did a good job with this as there were people within Daein who could not stand Ashnard's rule despite being forced to follow him, such as Jill's father, while Begnion had its internal corruption in spades between the massive racism against Laguz that allowed slave trafficking to progress as far as it did, especially in the hands of senators like Oliver. Radiant Dawn furthered this by having Daein in such a state of suffering to Begnion after the war in the first game that our heroine Micaiah is leading a revolution within. Even Awakening did this to a small degree in its first third with the character Mustafa, a Plegian general who had been touched by Emmeryn's words after her death, offered to shelter Chrom and the Ylisseans if they surrendered, and who allowed his men to leave if they so desired because of how hard they found it to fight with the knowledge of what they'd done, though none of them ended up leaving after his compassion and so chose to fight and die for him.

You'd think with Fates' premise, it would be the perfect Gray on Grey story, with both Hoshido and Nohr having its goods and bads. Unfortunately that is not the case. In many aspects, it looks incredibly like Hoshido did nothing wrong and does nothing wrong ever while Nohr is essentially Nazi Germany. Hoshido wanted to stay out of a war. They even have a barrier around the country that makes enemy soldiers lose the will to fight, keeping everything seemingly peaceful. What a bloody MacGuffin that barrier is, but hey, the Nohrians found a way to combat it by calling upon the Faceless, soulless creatures that can rampage villages even in the barriers, though they are so monstrous they can even kill the mages that summoned them if not properly controlled. I wonder who the baddies are in this situation.

For starters, Hoshdio's food hoarding needs to be addressed by the Nohrian royals as a reason for Nohr to invade. Nohr's conditions as a practically barren wasteland where food cannot easily grow also needs to be brought up. Hoshido also needs an equivalent to Hans and Iago. Some might point out Kotaro, but he is not actually a part of Hoshido and so does not count. Even if they cannot be as bad as the aforementioned two, they need to be a driving force of antagonism that can make Hoshido at least look less then perfect. Perhaps their racism against Nohrians can make Oboro look like an equal opportunist. Or maybe they act nice on the outside, but are secretly plotting to usurp Mikoto and take the throne for themselves. Speaking of which...

Chapter 4: The Father, the Mother, and the Holy Spirit

What are the similarities between Mikoto and Garon? You might say that there is no simlarity, that both could not be more different in any single manner. But after Chapter 5 and in Revelations, there are two simlarities between the two. They also share these simlarities with Sumeragi. Both are dead and possessed by Anankos. This causes Mikoto be removed from the story and it is the reason why Garon is an old tyrannical cunt more one-dimensional then the inability to conceive the horizontal and vertical. These characters are nothing more then wasted potential. The former gives Corrin their memories of Hoshido back with her death and the latter is a walking giant with a sign pointing at him in neon letters saying "I'm basically Ivan the Terrible in Fire Emblem!" Certainly there must be ways to make better use of them, yes?

The first step is avoiding that anime urge to kill off Mikoto. That's right... don't have her die. Instead, let her remain the driving force for Hoshido as she is injured so much she cannot keep the barrier up, but otherwise remains alive. You might argue that this wouldn't be fair to Nohr as Garon is already the way he is and that it goes against the pre-determined ending of both Ryoma and Xander being made the kings of each country respectively, but it would also allow us to build up Mikoto more then just this "perfect messiah" figure in a similar vein to Emmeryn and maybe even make her more memorable as a character. Now in Revelations, she might get killed and brought back just because it is what it is in that damn story, but in Birthright, there's a chance for her to grow as a leader when she learns of how Nohr has been suffering and so does not hesitate in offering diplomacy when Leo is instated as King. In Conquest, we could see her being the driving force for Ryoma to be as uncharacteristically desperate to get Corrin back as he turns out to be, encouraging him to do whatever it takes, even if it means forsaking his honor. Sounds rather ruthless, I know, but hell hath no fury like a mother scorned after all.

But what about Garon? Well Garon's issue is that he has no traits outside of being evil. What he used to be like is all told in supports. And we all know that "show, don't tell" is the golden rule of writing, so why is Garon nothing but evil when an Anankos possessed Mikoto is able to act kind and loving? My proposal is that Garon is shown to have a more loving side. For instance, what if he actually expressed happiness that Azura was brought back as opposed to... brushing her off? It would be heavily out of character to how we know him now, but it would definitely fit the descriptions of him as a loving father we've been told by Xander, Camilla, and Leo. It would also make putting him down all the more sad in Conquest when we're revealed to his true form, building onto the whole "tragedy" feel that it's supposed to have all the way through as opposed to this cathartic break until possessed Takumi. "But then why would he be evil? Why would he want to conquer Hoshido?" If diplomacy failed and Garon was pushed to that point in life, he might've kept his new perspective on conquering in death. He has men like Hans and Iago around to give him the results he needs and they could be seen as the ones manipulating him into doing evil, except Corrin and Azura know the truth thanks to that crystal ball. All I'm saying is that making Garon less of a twat would give Nohr that push it needs to be more reasonable a pick. As opposed to picking it because your brothers are hot... oh, and about that...

Chapter 5: Genealogy of the Holy Fate

And now the Jugdral fans will tear me apart for that joke. Time to jump into the triggering topic of incest. Now I'm going to go ahead and make this section mercifully short, even if it still requires a trigger warning, but what I am going to say is that these supports were an utter mistake. For starters, on Hoshido's side, you initially believe you're blood related to them. Why is Mikoto writing letters to everyone but Ryoma on the off chance that they fall in love with their middle sibling? What kind of mother does that? That's just stupid. And even though Ryoma knows the truth, he should still see Corrin as a sister regardless. They're in-laws. Are you kidding me? On the Nohrian side of things, they may not have ever been blood related, but Corrin was raised there for so long that them developing any feelings for the Nohrian siblings is even closer to developing feelings for an actual brother and sister then it would be for Hoshido's side.

It's amazing that the actual incestuous couple is more understandable then the pseudo-ones. Corrin and Azura together were a very popular pair when they were first revealed in the same vein of Chrom and Robin being a popular pair. Two main characters, very close together, it all ends up working out in that manner. The problem is that Revelations drops in one line something that isn't stated in any support conversations, world building lines, or any part of the story apart from that one line, that one sentence of dialogue from a dying Mikoto that killed an entire ship. "Azura's mother and I are sisters." Corrin and Azura barely knew each other as they were raised in entirely different kingdoms. They were perfect strangers until Mikoto stated this. Now they're first cousins and so the once beloved ship is so problematic that your previous posts praising it are probably getting you anon hate even now unless you delete them.

The solution to this is obvious. Remove the ability to S-Rank them. Add in a few more characters if you need to, but no more Azzurrin, Corriander, Corryoma, Camillin, Hinokin, Takurrin, Correo, Sakurrin, and Corrlise... no more weird ship names in general to be honest.

Chapter 6: We Must Go Deeper

I love the children units of Genealogy and Awakening. I feel they bring in some neat personalities in the latter's case and in the former's case continue the story in a way that was never done before. However, Fates' case is... horrible. Just simply horrible. In an attempt to recapture some of the glory from Awakening's use of the children, without understanding why it worked in Awakening the way it did, the children units in Fates are literally child soldiers aged up to a proper age in Fates' equivalent of Hyperbolic Time Chambers. Sure they weren't intended to be, either in-universe or from the perspective of the writers, but that's sure what they look like when their presence is entirely optional, has no bearing on the stories whatsoever, and their existence is justified with one of the worst concepts I ever seen... the Deeprealms.

The Deeprealms as a construct are disgusting and unncessary. Their existence and the unit's use of them is actually harmful to the likeability of every single character in the game. They essentially place their own children in these pocket dimensions to be raised away from the horrors of their war without considering the ramifications of doing such a thing. It worked in Genealogy because they had no parallel dimensions to store their children in, having them sent to other lands away from where the fighting would be and them only growing after years of development proper. It worked in Awakening because the kids came from the future and so had already been through a world without their parents because of how Awakening's story functions. In Fates, however, they tried to combine the two and what we get are children who grow up with abandonment issues because that's essentially what their parents did. They abandoned the kids in worlds that have time streams that run slower then "the real world's" and caused them to age exponentially quicker from their perspective as a result. From this, we get Rhajat being older then her own father, Velouria being expected to break away from her parents despite barely getting to spend time with them and becoming obsessive to the point of... see the above chapter, Percy hating his father and considering him a villain, Asugi wanting to escape his identity as the next Saizo, and various other examples. Sure some of the kids continue to love their families like Midori, Soleil, Ophelia, Caeldori, and Selkie, but you'd still have to question if said families deserve it.

As much as we make like these characters, it would overall be better if they did not exist at all. It would cease being a stain on the first gen characters. If they had to exist, there could be DLC for them as opposed to them being in the base game.

Chapter 7: The Vallite Expedition

Valla's story is the worst story of the three. Conquest can still be enjoyable. Birthright is cliche, but simple. Revelations, however, is a story that utterly suffers from its incompetence. The characters are all swift to join Corrin's side due to the "chapter limit" that the games consistently hold themselves to, the Hoshidan and Nohrian conflict is explained to be the machinations of a bigger threat to life itself, and everything that we know from the previous two games no longer manages to be an issue because now there's something bigger we can blame. Revelations is to Fates what the end of Mists of Pandaria was to Warcraft and Anankos is essentially this game's Garrosh Hellscream. Why even worry about moral relativity, economic issues, and the bonds of family when it was all a dragon's fault?

Valla boasts bad writing from beginning to end and culminates in an asspull of epic proportions. It's true you see Anankos name dropped in Conquest, as well as get to see Valla proper, but neither of these needed to really be in the game. Anankos didn't need to be a thing. And if he did, then he needed more development or needed to be mentioned by Garon more. After all, Anankos is a very important character. He's Corrin's father for fuck's sake. Sadly Valla couldn't get any world building at all though because of a coincidental curse that kills anyone who name drops it. Really makes building it up into a proper threat difficult, doesn't it? It's a world you can't talk about unless you go there. So when you go there, you have no idea what to make of it because you've never heard about it before. And then you can't tell your friends or family about it because it'll kill you if you do, which means Corrin has to convince a bunch of people to jump into a bottomless canyon without name dropping it, except they're totally prepared to name drop it and die... only for said people to say they'll trust Corrin entirely.

Between that, Corrin being encouraged to remain trusting to the point of insanity, Anthony existing, the sentence that made a popular ship incestuous... I'm not sure there's even a way to save Valla. It pisses all over the premise that got people excited for Fates to begin with, that these two families who have good reasons for going to war want you to join only one of them to fight the other. Why do that when you can have both and fight against a big evil dragon?

ENDGAME: The Path is filled with Legos

I am by no means a professional writer. I've considered multiple ways to salvage Fire Emblem Fates' story. I've seen people say there is no way to salvage it and that it should burn. I've seen people state the only way to save it is to remove Corrin from it and make it more like Radiant Dawn with the two kingdoms being playable and having their own tales. I've seen people state the game is fine as it is already and that not too many changes need to made except removing the Deeprealms. I've seen people not mess with the story and only mention how much they hate the weapons now that they're unbreakable thanks to the stat issues on them. Fates is a game with many opinions on it because of how controversial it is. I suppose one could argue that this is a good thing. Fates will always have people talking about it. Even if it's mostly critique and anger, it's still publicity that'll get people looking at it. And if they find that they do in fact like what they see, that's another Fates fan added to the pool, which is not a bad thing.

For better or worse, Awakening saved the franchise and Fates made it popular. You can argue that this sucks because the S-Support and children somehow "makes it a dating sim." I take it as another chance, a potential to see more stories utilizing the Fire Emblem formula, and it's not like this salvation turned out to be for the worst. We got Heroes, which is currently going through some turbulent times and yet is still one of the best gacha games made. We got Warriors, which may be surrounded by controversy concerning its roster and yet is still a fun experience. We got Echoes, which I may not have personally enjoyed, but I've seen a lot of people happy for it and stating it has one of the best stories in the franchise. And we have Fire Emblem 16 coming out for the Switch at some point.

Fates' story is... problematic. It's very irritating as you expected a manga writer to do better then what he did. But I suppose if it didn't exist at all, things would've been for the worst. So I still love Fates. I still respect what it did for the series. Just... not enough to not make this post.

2017 in review

I always say that I’m going to post a “how my year was” at the end of the year, but I have an awful memory so I never remember what happened in each month. This year, I tried to post about each month as it finished- the good and the bad. Under a cut because of course it got long, and I never seem to post about my real life, so this may be boring if you don’t actually know me.

January

Got a snow day after having students for just one day

Accidentially read a book in one night (Perfect) because of aforementioned snow day/borrowing it electronically from the library/not knowing how many pages there were (not that many since it’s YA)

Got two more snow/ice days because my county has mountains in it and we’re in the South, so we’re not prepared for winter

Saw Hidden Figures and cried about how good humanity can be when we actually allow and encourage all people to be their best (black women!!!! they did that!!!!!!!)

Helped my students navigate our county’s program of going one-to-one with Chromebooks (there were many good things, such as getting my kids to play freerice for extra credit; there were many bad things, such as a quiz getting screwed up because I shuffled the questions but had asked my co-teacher to help me by reading the quiz [as she normally does] to a half dozen students...who all had a different order of questions...).

Went to a conference for new teachers and while a lot of the information was repetitive, there were a few things I got from it (such as 6.5 professional development hours aw yis).

Got to see lots of family I don’t usually see on this weekend!

Started reading The Diary of Anne Frank with my students because this country allowed fascism to be A Thing™ and I’m going to resist however I can.

Got two (!!!!!!) days off at the end of January for sick days (apparently other students in the county? not us but we benefitted!!!!)

February

Finally had an entire 5-day week of school

Then got another two days off for sickness (8th grade was doing our part by asking ENTIRE classes “Hey! Anyone feel sick? Anyone want to go get their temp checked???”)

Went to an open house at a local mosque, and y’all, I live in The South™ but their parking lot filled up a good 15 minutes before the event even started and there was an overflow room and so much support for this community during the Muslim Ban and it just filled my heart with joy

Got a haircut (it was literally down to my butt y’all!!!!) and now it’s right below my shoulders

Had pedal extensions installed in my car because I’m 4′9 and would have literally died if the airbags went off.

March

Got my professional teaching license! I’m no longer an apprentice! I don’t have to have 4 observations a year!!! Only 2! And while I’m REALLY good at playing the observation game (and am MUCH better at this than the testing game), it will be nice to not think about it so much.

My mom came to stay for a few days because it was her and my sister’s spring break.

During that week, I had a LONG 4 day week, which included staying at my school until 7:30 for a town hall meeting/carnival/extravaganza. F U N.

My spring break was purposefully low-key. I rested a lot, read books, caught up on Netflix, shopped at Old Navy, and went to the local art museum for the first time (I’ve only been in this city for 8 years...)

April

I found that I actually enjoy teaching how to write an essay. The 5 paragraph essay, while it has many faults, is a really good place for beginning writers (which 8th graders are) to begin. I had a student tell me that she liked how I made each sentence have a specific purpose because she was able to plug in her evidence and thoughts more easily- this honestly made my whole day.

That being said, I HATE teaching essays when students are absent. Trying to get them caught up and keep everyone else on track is SO MUCH WORK. Especially when the absent students don’t come to me during my plan to make up their work...

For two whole days, my last period class was not allowed to use erasers because some people (two boys, as it turned out) were shredding and throwing them at each other.

I turned 26

The Welcome to Night Vale Live Show FINALLY TRAVELED TO TENNESSEE AND Y’ALL CECIL (REAL CECIL NOT THE CHARACTER) IS FROM KNOXVILLE!!!! The weather singer was super fun (she played Rocky Top and we ate that shit up like biscuits and gravy with no shame whatsoever) and the show itself was just so much fun even though I went alone. It was almost an hour of normal segments with the plot of the glow cloud, but they also brought in Steve Carlsburg and Tamika Flynn (I diiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiied when she walked on stage because I majorly crush on that actress whoops) and watching those actors interact on stage was so much fun.

May

End of the school year is always chaotic and better left forgotten tbh

We took the 8th graders to the local theme park, and it was really good (though my expectations were super low because last year’s trip SUCKED). The weather looked like it might rain, but it was nice all day, the kids were pretty good, and the rides were fun.

There were some really sad community deaths around this time :(

The teacher who normally MCs the 8th grade commencement is now an administrator, so while we still had him open the ceremony, I gave out several of the awards, and I don’t think I did a bad job (two of the other teachers hate public speaking and the last one was new to the team this year, so I was really the only choice).

June

Worked my church’s festival, which is always fun. The crowds are never what they ought to be (due to a combination of rain threats and poor marketing), so a lot of people missed out on some really great food and music.

Great music included a new band- Southern Avenue- that I got to see again later in the year.

I had to miss the third day of the festival because of a friend’s baby shower. I knew a few people (besides the couple), but they left early; luckily, the people throwing it were a lot of fun. We played games (don’t get caught saying “baby”; pin the sperm on the egg; etc) and decorated diapers/onesies/bibs for the baby). The next day, we went to church (IN A MOTHERFUCKING MONSOON) and for Mexican food.

Started my reread of Harry Potter (it had been about 5 years since I’d last read the series). I cried in almost every book, and not always at sad parts. I’ve become very protective of Harry as I’ve gotten older.

My younger brother found an NES, which was the console I grew up with and my parents gave away years ago. They really loved to play on it, so this was a wedding anniversary present for them. The Legend of Zelda is the shit.

July

I finally got a new phone (I’d had mine about 3 years, and it died in May) and I know it’s fun for iphone users to shit on Android users, but I really do love the camera quality on my Samsung.

Rachel came to visit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We drank wine and went to the zoo and got real bbq and the best donuts in the world

Had a Treat Yo Self Day which included:

WAFFLE HOUSE

BITCH!!!! B I T C H

DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU CAN GET AT THE WAFFLE HOUSE

DO

YOU

KNOW

COUNTRY HASHBROWNS!!!!!

aka

biscuits and gravy minus the biscuits plus the hashbrowns

I just had regular biscuits and gravy BUT ALLI HAD THE GLORY

I LOVE THIS PLACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

McKay’s

I bought Pokemon yellow because I never played/watched it as a kid, and while at my house for the summer, I found the old black & white gameboy an older cousin gave me, so naturally I had to do it.

Pokemon Go

yes still

You know what once I was back in town I went to my favorite library almost every day for an hour or two and read while opening Pokemon Go every few minutes so there

Went with some of my best friends to visit another one of our best friends who lives in the middle of fucking nowhere and had adventures including, but not limited to: getting pizza because we were too weak to change out the gas’s grill, waiting 5ever for food at dinner, and watching the entire Flowers in the Attic series.

August

School started back up, and at the kick-off for all the teachers, I won $500 in a drawing of all the people who hadn’t used a sick day last year!!!!!

And I didn’t even realize that I’d won $200 at the previous school board meeting in the same type drawing!!!!

New class started off with 85 students. It was a DREAM to be able to focus on individuals and not just herd cats.

I actually felt more confident in the classroom with my early units (poetry & our whole class novel).

September

Still felt confident in the classroom!

I got my testing scores back from the previous year (this shit takes 5ever and it’s dumb) and did better in about the only way I could have, so that was good to see.

I had about 10 county people in my classroom (principals, academic coaches, etc) to see a certain style of teaching ELA that the county is working on. It’s basically making sure that teachers keep students engaged in complex text (which is what I do almost every day anyway) and I had been to two of these trainings already, so I knew what sort of lesson worked. Well...they LOVED it!!! The kids were in small groups and did SO GOOD discussing evidence/answering questions (they all got candy afterwards) and I got some good feedback about how I talk to my students. Then that same day the superintendent came in my room (one of several rooms he visited while doing his yearly observation on the principal). That visit was super unannounced, but still fine.

The academic coach got rid of my classroom’s desks and found tables and chairs instead!!!! My classroom is tiny and weird shaped, so this works SO MUCH BETTER.

I help coach volleyball (aka I keep the books) and the girls won district (beating out a team with a redneck grandma in the stands who literally came up to our girls and yelled at them for cheering on their own damn team in the previous game). They didn’t do so well at sectionals, but that’s ok.

October

Holy shit I won another $200 in that drawing!!! And this time my parents let me buy them plane tickets so we could see family over Christmas.

LESLIE ODOM JR CAME TO MY CITY AND HE PERFORMED BEAUTIFUL MUSIC AND I WAS THERE AND I DIED

Got to see a lot of family at my cousin’s ‘wedding party’ (he got married last year in Europe since he met his now wife over there, and wanted to have a family party here). I learned that my uncle and his son dance exactly the same at the same level of alcohol.

November

I should have known something was up when my first 9 weeks went so well. Apparently my county is in the bottom tier for the state, and now everyone is freaking out (never mind that the data to support this was mONTHS LATE AND BASED ON STANDARDIZED TESTS WHICH WERE A CLUSTERFUCK TO BEGIN WITH) so there was a lot of school stress during this time.

Nice things though- got to see friends when their baby was baptized and went home for Thanksgiving, where my dad came into the Catholic Church.

I organized most of the 8th grade field trip for the semester- going to see “A Christmas Carol” put on by my old college’s theatre. I was stressed the entire time because if something went wrong it would be on ME, but it was absolutely wonderful and I cried which honestly surprised me. We went to the local mall for our lunch and it was good to see the kids just relax. It was a great field trip and several people including the principal thanked me for my hard work which felt great after a hard month.

December

School was nothing but survival mode per usual.

Hosted the Christmas party for my friend group at church and it was a lot of fun.

The actual break was fast- we flew to Texas with one of my mom’s sisters and her family to visit their brother and his family. I hadn’t been to Texas since high school, so it was fun to explore and eat good food.

My final count for books was 93 (67 new and 26 reread) (I’m trying to finish an audiobook I’m borrowing from the library but I still have 80 minutes left and literally 4 hours to finish it so we’ll see!!!).

- dear Nintendo I'm done. I'm just I'm done .sometimes you hold hope in your heart. to .help you get from. day to day. you have to hold. on to that hope but after a while .you reach a point where that hope can .only hurt you. and all you. can do is let go. and move on it's better to simply accept. that there is no hope so. that you can start to heal Nintendo you just announced Paper Mario Color Splash. and the hope for. a real Paper Mario sequel that. I've been holding. on to for. over. a decade I'm letting. it go a lot of. people will tell. me not. to. judge the game based on .this short clip and we won't know until the. game's out but I'm. not playing the whole game. I know what this. is I know what. I'm seeing when. I watch this and it's basically sticker star - I see no partners no RPG elements no interesting enemies or environments or characters. I just I see sticker star. - with all due respect Nintendo. I don't think you have any. idea how much the first two games .mean to us you just don't get it you .don't understand the depth of. our love for. them for the characters the excellent battle. system the awesome stories the worlds you gave us to explore that made the Mario universe .seems so rich and alive I've never been able. to quite. put my finger on what made those games so darn good but. it was .something and it's clearer than ever that you. simply do not understand that for. starters if you understood you would .have never announced the game in such a casual. way when I think of a new Paper Mario coming. I imagine a reveal as grand as one you would get. for Zelda and Metroid. some sort of exciting trailer .maybe starting. with a little teaser. than .revealing that yes this is a brand new Paper Mario game but you didn't do. that .bill came on with a goofy little. paint joke and was just. sort. of like hey. look here's some new. Paper Mario you get to paint and there are cards and it's kind of cool anyway. pokken tournament and I was like what. the fact that Paper Mario has become such a casual little amusement. to you speaks loads. about the disconnect .between you and fans of. the series but that's all. probably the least of. it if you really how much we. love Paper Mario. you would have never removed the refined. addictive turn-based combat and replaced it with substandard 2d platforming. and a 2d 3d mechanic. that never lives up and if you understood. you most certainly would. have never even. dreamed of. not only removing all experience points in RPG elements turning battle into something that's better to avoid. but stripping the series of any sort of plot or delightful characters or interesting cohesive environments or most egregiously any .Bowser humor look you simplified Mario's main games and I. get that I totally do you tried having hub worlds and stories .and adventury stuff and you decided you .know what. Mario is just about simple platforming. and nothing else. I didn't exactly. like that decision but. I understand it. and most people are fine with. it so cool but would you take the .next zelda game for. instance and remove its story would. you break the world into small isolated. areas accessed via world map. remove items and. Epona and just have sword fighting. but it's okay. because there's all these. silly swords you can get and they all do. different. stuff would you. do that to such a beloved. and deep. series because there was a time when I thought similar treatment of Paper Mario would be. impossible. the first Paper Mario was called Mario story in Japan for pete's sake. that game and thousand-year door were epic quests through huge lands with. the sequel building incredibly on every single .aspect of its predecessor this series was the. perfect companion to the other Mario. games which were and still are more about just picking. up and playing for. a bit of jump. and fun one has to wonder why on earth. you would. be unsatisfied with. this. perfect. setup of story. Mario and platforming. Mario now I do have a theory. when the first. Mario and Luigi came out. naturally I was like whoa it's like Paper Mario on my gameboy .it had most of the same mechanics but with a bit more. action in the combat in a much sillier. field .I imagine. that over time you started to be like. why do we have to separate Mario RPG series. we wouldn't have. two slightly .different. Mario. Golf or Mario Party series running. concurrently. so you figured that Mario Luigi could be the official RPG series. and Paper Mario could. be more about whatever papery mechanics you could come up. with in a form. that. doesn't necessarily. have to match any sort. of set style. that's why you then tried to. make the game about platforming and perspective. and you know what Super Paper. Mario was definitely enjoyable if just. for one playthrough do you know why it. was still fun though for me personally it was the. fact. that it still had an epic story and a fun cast of interesting and often. hilarious characters. half of what I loved had been .replaced with stuff that. was okay. but that story. still made it worth it but you weren't done experimenting you sat on. the series for several years then released sticker star. a game that just .broke my spirit here was a game that was .just oozing with. style. just exploding with. it the visuals were amazing the paper aesthetic was finally. perfected and collecting. and. using stickers was so darn. much fun and turn-based battles were back. but like I said earlier battling when you didn't have. to just wasted your stickers. and that nearly .ruined the whole. game by itself but then there were still. no partners and in fact barely any characters at all there was no plot. oh no Bowser stole. the .whatever sticker and we had to go get .him plot synopsis. over there was no overworld to explore there were no towns .just dots on a world map. Super Paper Mario. at least had half of what I loved about. the first two games sticker star .had like 10% the rest was dumbed down .stripped away turned into more of a shallow. pick-up-and-play experience and that brings us back. to. Color Splash. yeah I don't know. everything about the game yet. I'm jumping. to conclusions yadda .yadda yadda but. I know what it's not and hey I'll even. admit just like the sticker mechanic painting stuff looks .like fun if they fix the XP problem they might have a. little adventure like game that's enjoyable. in its own way totally but why does it. have to be this way. why are we. just not allowed to have the .Paper Mario we want take the style of the. original games and add the sticker or paint mechanics. and you would have incredible experiences each one would be fresh while still being exactly. what we want. we. love. it when. you try. new things Nintendo we really do but not when those new things replace nearly every old thing that. we love. you know what I know what we're asking. for is kind. of a lot those first two games were. probably way harder to. develop than the other games good plots are hard. writing is. hard big connected. over worlds are hard. it's hard to make a grand. adventure that has .a lot to it but you've done. it. before .you used to do it. all. the time and on much weaker. hardware you used to be ambitious. you used to want to. improve on .your work. make. it. better every time and that's what we want now. don't be the company. that aims only for simple fun and sacrifices everything. else experiment. keep using new ideas but make sure. they're supported. by a complete .experience that we. want to return. to .again and again. and this doesn't just .apply to Paper Mario Mario and Luigi the series that. effectively replaced it has been. getting stripped and simplified in terms of plot. and world building in every. title that comes after bowser's Inside Story. it has to stop. please just take. a moment. to actually. listen to what .your ravenous fans want go anywhere. on the. Internet and. tell me what the vast .majority. of. people are saying that kind of response is not normal it's not healthy you. absolutely cannot deny that .nearly every Paper Mario fan was .extremely saddened by the. disturbingly casual announcement of. this game then when you're done reading angry. tweets. go and check out some. of. the many fan games or go and see just how absolutely. crazy we all. are about the idea of. using. all .sorts of Mario races as partners the idea of further expanding this world that you've already started creating. we want a real sequel to thousand-year door and we want. it. so badly there's nothing more I can. say Nintendo. except please please make the Paper Mario game. I know you're more. than capable of making that .we've been waiting so long for make it .silly and creative and charming with some cool new mechanic that. brings something. fresh. to the series but also .make it Paper Mario well thanks for. watching this .20-somethings heartfelt plea for a storybook themed baby came and just. in case I did get. the attention. of someone at Nintendo please let Pikmin. 4 have a level editor .please oh please oh please oh please oh please