#thank you Atsushi for another piece of inspiration
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[Tokyo Revengers Fanfic] By Your Side, Always
If you prefer AO3 format, here’s the link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/33160153
Title: By Your Side, Always
Pairing: Mikey & Takemitchy, Implied Mikey / Takemitchy, Takemichi / Hinata, Open to interpretation.
Tags: Manila Future Timeline Mikey, Canon Divergence, Canonical Character Death, Angst with a Happy Ending, Character Study, Tenjiku Arc, Mikey Needs a Hug, Song-Inspired Fanfic
Synopsis:
If Toman had gone bad, again and again, then it meant that Mikey’s heart had been corrupted, again and again. No one could reach Mikey. Takemichi could. He was by Mikey’s side, so why?
Only that he wasn’t. Takemichi wasn’t by Mikey’s side.
Realization slammed into him, fast and so unexpected that it almost knocked the breath out of his lungs.
Witnessing the dark future that awaited Mikey and the rest of Toman, Takemichi took a leap. He desperately wanted to save the invincible Mikey from himself. This time, he decided to stay.
This fanfic is inspired by a song 歩いていこう by いきものがかり. Parts of the song was inserted in the story. I translated the song and polish the translation myself to fit the English phrasing. (Putting my rusty Japanese to work here.) Feel free to listen while reading.
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By Your Side, Always
“All my life, I’ve been suffering.” Mikey whispered, tears pooling in his eyes, but he smiled, as if his death was the best outcome he could ever wish for.
Takemichi felt his heart smashed into pieces as he watched life rapidly seeping out of his dear friend. Tears didn’t suit Mikey. A smile did, but not like this. Not the small tilt of his lips that amplified the crushed hope that lurked behind his deep, dark eyes. The best smile for Mikey was the full, satisfied one that smoothed the cease of his brows and made him shine brighter than anyone.
Without thinking, words rushed from Takemichi’s mouth. He didn’t care that he had been trying his hardest to not reveal his ability to anyone. He didn’t care what side effects admitting to time leap could cause. All he could think of was Mikey’s resignation. He wanted to erase that look from his eyes. He was to give this man hope.
What could have happened that made the invincible Mikey, who had faced down an overwhelmingly outnumbered fight with his back straight and his shoulders squared, felt like his death was the only happiness?
“Thanks, Takemitchy. Your words comforted me.” Mikey’s voice was calm. He stared up at the man whose eyes reminded him of sunlight hitting the sea surface, committing them to his last memory. Takemichi was crying again, ever the crybaby. Even when Mikey had held him at gunpoint, Takemichi still cried for him. “Even if you’re telling me lies...I’m happy.”
Blood from his head wound flowed into his eyes, but Mikey paid it no mind. In his last moment, he wanted to treasure the last member of Toman who didn’t lose their life by Mikey’s hands.
Takemichi’s tears fell onto Mikey’s shoulder blade. As his body slowly lost its heat, the warmth of Takemichi’s touch became clear. How long had it been since he had felt another person’s gentle heat on his skin? When was the last time Mikey had any kind of physical contact that lasted for more than a few seconds that it took his feet and fists to take down opponents? He had forgotten what it felt like to be close to someone.
“Your hands are so warm.”
Mikey’s eyes clouded over. All awareness escaped him as his breathing slowed to a stop. Feeling like the battered floor under his knees gave away, Takemichi brought Mikey close. As light shone through the time-worn holes in the ceiling, illuminating Mikey’s lifeless form like a silent eulogy, Takemichi’s memory of the man played behind his eyes.
“From now on, you’re my bitch!” Mikey had confidently declared the first time they had met, after he and Draken defeated Kiyomasa with ease.
“I’m going to create an era for delinquents,” Mikey had proclaimed his dream with determination alight in his eyes. At that moment, Mikey had stood with his feet planted firmly, ready for anything the world would throw his way.
“Boo!” In the bath house, after the fight with Mobius’ remnants at the festival, Mikey had smiled widely and played like a kid.
“You’re strong, Takemitchy,” Mikey, who was stronger than anyone, had acknowledged his respect for the crybaby.
Reliving the memories of Mikey brought a different kind of resolution to Takemichi. He clenched his fist to steel himself and plunged into the stream of time.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Takemichi hated funerals. As an adult, he understood that death was an inevitable state of humans. But recently, he had attended too many funerals—had seen too many deaths—in all timelines.
Hinata, Atsushi, Baji, Mitsuya, Mikey, Emma, Izana, and even Kisaki, whose death Takemichi had thought wouldn’t make him feel anything. How wrong he was.
Why did people keep dying despite his best effort?
During the entirety of Emma’s funeral, Mikey didn’t cry. He stared at Emma’s portrait, where she laughed brightly without a care in the world, lost in his own thoughts. Sometimes Takemichi caught a glimpse of silent despair and anguish that he had seen swirling behind the future Mikey’s eyes.
It scared him.
Emma’s death wasn’t the trigger to Mikey’s darkness, Takemichi knew, because the leader of Toman was strong. Mikey would be sad. He would grieve, he would see the world crumbling to dust before him, and he would be lost, but he would come back. Just like he had come back to face Izana with a heart that was still bleeding, ready to love another brother despite the fresh pain that was etched into his soul.
But even the strongest man could fall once the loss of his precious people piled up in such a short time. In the span of Mikey’s teenage life, he had lost three out of four family members and half of the starting members of Toman, all of them sudden, without time to prepare or make peace. Some people would come back—Pah-chin and Kazutora—but the rest were gone forever.
Even to Takemichi, a somewhat outsider-turned-friend—because they were all his friends, but he would never compare his care for them to Mikey’s—who took in the situation with great shock that clung to every fiber of his body, Mikey’s life was like a cruel, heartless joke.
How could a person experience so much pain so young?
It was already a miracle that Mikey retained his sense of self this long.
After the funeral, Takemichi walked with Hinata, but they couldn’t seem to go anywhere. In the end, they continued walking mindlessly across the town. He registered the same store that they had walked past twice before, but he couldn’t bring himself to think. Hinata didn’t say anything either. She walked beside him wordlessly, offering her presence to Takemichi’s fleeting awareness.
They stopped at an empty park, where they sat on the swings as silence stretched. The sky already turned dark when Takemichi spoke.
“I couldn’t change Emma’s death. I was right there, but I still couldn’t do anything.”
Hinata listened intently, like she always did. Takemichi could feel her patient gaze on the side of his face even as he stared down at his hands that clasped together on his lap.
“In the future, Mikey-kun lost himself. After Emma died, Mikey-kun fell into darkness. He told me that he’d been suffering all his life.” Takemichi’s voice shook at the end as he remembered the future Mikey’s existence that screamed out to him in misery, begging him to put his own life to an end. “I knew all that, but I still failed.”
His breath stuttered as the beginning of a sob formed behind his throat. His eyes were hot.
At this rate, Mikey is going to end up the same. Toman members would all die. Nothing would change.
“I’m tired, Hina-chan. I’m tired of going back to find out that it is another bad future once again. They deserve to be happy, but the world keeps throwing pain at them. It’s not fair.”
Even as he blabbered on, Takemichi berated himself for talking like a child. It wasn’t fair? The world was never fair, but it was being particularly cruel to all his loved ones.
Takemichi roughly wiped his tears with the sleeves of his shirt.
He had been thinking. He had been changing the past. He had prevented Draken’s death that would change Mikey, but then Hinata and Atsushi died. Draken was on a death row. He had conveyed Baji’s intention to Mikey and stopped him from killing Kazutora, but Hinata and Chifuyu still died. Even worse, it was him who ordered her death. Then, he made sure that Hakkai didn’t join Black Dragons. It should have been the best future yet, but everyone died, and Mikey was living a life he would rather not have.
No matter how many times Takemichi changed the past, there still wasn’t a single future where everyone was happy. In the face of repeated failures, he started to think that maybe he had been looking at it from the wrong point of view.
When he was lost in his head, Hinata spoke up for the first time.
“Takemichi-kun, what do you think you are to Mikey-kun?”
What a strange question.
Takemichi lifted his head and looked at his girlfriend. Hinata smiled at him even though her eyes were red from crying at Emma’s funeral. She had grown quite close to Mikey’s sister.
When he didn’t say anything, she looked away and spoke what had been on her mind. “Hina might not know the people from Toman as well as Takemichi-kun, but Hina has been watching when you’re with them. Mikey-kun cares about you. There are many times when you said ridiculous things, Takemichi-kun, but he listened to you.”
Hinata started pushing her feet into the ground, propelling herself gently back and forth on the swing absentmindedly as she organized her thoughts. When she spoke next, she seemed like she knew something about Mikey that Takemichi didn’t. Her big round eyes looked straight ahead, away from Takemichi, but her voice made its way into his heart.
“Your voice reached Mikey-kun, again and again. You brought him back. You mean more to Mikey-kun than you think, Takemichi-kun. Maybe there is something you can say to him that will remind him to not give in to his darkness?”
Takemichi remembered. When he had said that he would become Toman’s top member to Mikey’s face, he was serious and determined. But deep down, he knew how ridiculous it had sounded. If it had been anyone else, Takemichi would surely get a jeer in the face. He wasn’t good at fighting. He got more punches in his face than he had landed. Anyone would have thought that he was a pushover.
But not Mikey. He had taken Takemichi’s words seriously and never once laughed at him for aiming high. The invincible Mikey had said that Takemichi was stronger even though Mikey could defeat him with one kick. Every time that Mikey almost lost himself in grief and impulse, Takemichi’s sincere words brought him back to sense.
If Toman had gone bad, again and again, then it meant that Mikey’s heart had been corrupted, again and again. No one could reach Mikey. Takemichi could. He was by Mikey’s side, so why?
Only that he wasn’t. Takemichi wasn’t by Mikey’s side.
Realization slammed into him, fast and so unexpected that it almost knocked the breath out of his lungs.
“Could it be that no matter what I did, Toman still went bad because I wasn’t there?”
When Takemichi jumped back to the future, what was left in this timeline was the young Takemichi who didn’t intimately know Mikey’s suffering. He didn’t want to admit the cowardice of his younger self, ashamed at how weak he had been until Hinata’s death in the first timeline had opened his eyes, but the young Takemichi wouldn’t be able to scold Mikey like he had been asked to. Only the future Takemichi could, but he wasn’t here when Mikey needed him.
That must be why. There was no one to pull Mikey back from the brink because Takemichi who could wasn’t there with him.
If that was true, then he could just stay to make sure that Mikey wouldn’t go down the wrong path. He would act as Mikey’s moral pillar, like he had been asked to after the fight on Christmas Day. That way, instead of jumping back to find that one or all of his friends met their premature ends, he could be with them and make sure that they were okay.
When Hinata tore her eyes from the park to look back at Takemichi’s face, she knew that her boyfriend had come to some form of conclusion. She wasn’t sure what that decision was, but she knew him. Takemichi was the crybaby hero. His determination to protect was more fierce than anyone. So she waited.
“Hina-chan, this time, I’m not going back to the future.”
Hinata wouldn’t say that what she heard was anything she had expected, but at the same time, now that it was said out loud, it was the most Takemichi-like answer.
“Will it be okay not to go back?” She asked, a little worried about what would happen to the body of the future Takemichi if his consciousness was here. Takemichi had told her that he came from the future to fix things and go back when whatever he was here for was corrected, but he didn’t go into how the time leap worked.
“It should be fine,” Takemichi replied. He seemed a little unsure as he spoke, but then he pressed his lips together and held his head up high. His blue eyes that were illuminated under the street light shone brightly. “When I’m here, my body in the future was on autopilot. Even if something happens, I’m still alive here. I can continue to make changes so that nothing bad will happen to any of us in the future.”
“Is that how it works?”
“I’m not sure, but I think it is my best option.”
Hinata watched Takemichi in silence. Time passed, and Takemichi was starting to think that maybe he got something wrong and Hinata didn’t agree when she nodded to herself and gave him a sparkling smile.
“Hina will support Takemichi-kun no matter what you choose,” she said with finality, as if it had been predetermined.
Takemichi felt incredibly lucky to have Tachibana Hinata, a girl whose heart was unmovable and understanding, in his life. “Thank you, Hina-chan.”
“Also, please work out your feelings.” At that very moment, Hinata looked like someone who held the secret of the world. She seemed to know Takemichi better than he knew himself. “Hina will be waiting okay?”
Again, Hinata said a cryptic message that Takemichi didn’t quite understand. But he nodded.
歩いていこう 歩いていこう
Let’s walk forward. Let’s walk forward.
僕は「今」を生きていくよ
I will continue to live in the “present.”
君がくれた言葉はここにあるよ
The words that you told me are right here with me.
そうだよ 歩いていこう
Yes, let’s walk forward.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A few days later, Mikey called Takemichi to meet at the Musashi Shrine. He told Takemichi to wear his Toman black uniform, which Takemichi easily complied. March temperature had warmed up a bit from the freezing February, on its way to welcome spring, but it still wasn’t anywhere near warm enough to go out without bundling up. Good thing that Toman’s long sleeves and baggy pants uniform made it simple to slip another layer or two underneath.
When Takemichi arrived, Mikey was already there, playing with the puff of his breath that the cold, humid air produced. He wore his usual white long-sleeve shirt underneath his coat uniform that draped over his shoulders. Takemichi wondered if Mikey didn’t feel cold in this kind of weather.
Takemichi told Mikey all about the future, from the very beginning when he was pushed onto the train rails. What he had changed up until now and its result in each timeline. He sobbed when he apologized for failing to save Baji and Emma, and broke into a cry when he told Mikey what had happened to his future self in Manila.
Mikey’s face was carefully blank as he listened. Takemichi couldn’t tell what he was thinking, but there was something that had been bothering him since he took his first step onto the stone paved path of the shrine. Mikey’s posture was taut, like a string that was stretched to the point of snapping. His words and his every move seemed calculated.
Takemichi didn’t like it. So when he finished the story and Mikey fell silent, eyes trained somewhere faraway, he announced his intention.
“Mikey-kun, I’m not going back.”
Mikey’s dark eyes snapped to him, surprised. His brows ceased as he contemplated. “If you’re worrying about everyone, I give you my words, Takemitchy. I’ll definitely protect everyone’s future. Hina too. I’ll make sure that the same future won’t happen, so you don’t have to be so reluctant to part ways.”
Mikey smiled, the same smile as that time when he said Toman would never lose because he was here. The one that was both confident in the outcome and self-assured in his own abilities. But Takemichi saw it, a hint of deep emotion that Mikey tried desperately not to show others. Takemichi would never have noticed before, but after witnessing the future in Manila, he became aware of little clues and changes in expressions that Mikey’s body couldn’t hide.
Toman’s invincible leader always smiled when faced with difficulties. But that wasn’t the smile that Takemichi wanted.
歩道橋の向こうに 冬のまちが見えたよ
On the other side of the overpass, I could see the city in the winter.
ひとかけらの孤独を手に 僕は明日をつないでいる
With the fragments of loneliness in my hands, I am reaching toward tomorrow.
「こころで笑えるかな」いつかの声が聴こえた
“Can you smile with all your heart?” I heard a voice from some day.
白い息が空に消える
The breath vapor disappears into the sky.
寂しくはない 駅へ急ぐよ
I’m not lonely. I’m rushing to the station.
Takemichi knew that Mikey would keep his promise. As a leader and as a friend, Mikey treasured the trust that Toman had put in him and would do his best to respond in kind. He wouldn’t break his promise.
But protecting everyone alone was a task that even adults struggled to accomplish. No matter how powerful Mikey was, he still needed a place or a person whom he could fall onto when he needed a break. Takemichi was determined to be that person. He would help Mikey protect everyone and carry parts of his burden. He didn’t want to see the hopelessness in Mikey ever again.
“I know, Mikey-kun. But I want to stay. I want to be with you and the rest of Toman.” He explained, staring at the deep dark eyes to convey the force of his sincerity. “I want to help you. Please let me help you protect everyone’s future. Please let me protect your future.”
Although Mikey didn’t act like he needed it, his future was also important and deserved to be protected.
Takemichi hoped that his expressive eyes would persuade Mikey for him, to let him know that Takemichi wouldn’t back down. Like it had played out when Takemichi had announced his intention to become one of Toman’s top leaders, Mikey would have to acknowledge it.
Takemichi could see Mikey’s resolution wavered. He reeled in his weakness a heartbeat later, but that short moment was enough for Takemichi to catch on.
“What about Hina?” Mikey pressed, resorting to bringing up a girl whom he knew Takemichi would throw his life away for if it meant she would live well. “She’s waiting for you in the future.”
Despite the reminder, Takemichi didn’t back down. “I have Hina-chan here too. I told her my decision, and Hina-chan said she would support me.”
Mikey bit his lips, his eyes straying sideways. It seemed like he had his plan, but whatever that plan was, it was being shaken by Takemichi’s words.
“I have everyone I ever want here with me, Mikey-kun. I want to stay. Not just for you and for Toman, but for myself too.”
It was as if the wall that Mikey had built around himself crumbled down like glass. In the first place, Mikey objected to Takemichi staying because he felt that the other was putting others before himself. He didn’t want Takemichi to throw away his chance to live as he wanted just because he was worried about the people in the past.
But Takemichi had said that he was staying for himself too.
The stubbornness that lined Mikey’s lips eased into a soft smile. “You already made up your mind even before I said anything.”
Takemichi grinned at his Toman leader. “I’m sorry,” he offered without really feeling sorry.
There was the sound of motorcycle engines at the edge of Takemichi’s hearing, a sound that had wormed its way into Takemichi’s heart and oddly assured him of belonging and comfort. It got louder by the seconds, until it stopped somewhere to his right, in the shrine’s parking lot that was obscured by a row of trees. Dull marching steps replaced the engine sound as a crowd of black-cladded people strode up to the stairs where Takemichi and Mikey were standing.
Something cold fell on the tip of Takemichi’s nose, before another one planted itself on his forehead. He looked up at the darkened sky and saw white flakes falling down in fluttering dances.
“It’s snowing...” Takemichi muttered.
“Strange, isn’t it? The weather forecast said it wouldn’t snow.” Holding his palm up to collect a small puff of white frozen water in his hand, Mikey gazed at it as the hundred members of Toman fell into neat rows behind their respective captains. Mitsuya and Smiley were still in their wheelchair, but they grinned widely.
「帰らないと決めたんだ」
“I have decided to not go back.”
はじまりを 告げるように 雪が降り始めた
As if to mark the beginning, snow started to fall.
“Thank you, Takemitchy. I have decided.” Mikey straightened his back and squared his shoulders, the very picture of Tokyo Manji Kai’s invincible leader. There was a gleam in his eyes that made Takemichi nodded and went down to his place right in front of Chifuyu and the rest of the first division.
Mikey looked over them confidently as he grinned. “Listen up, everyone!”
The entirety of Toman snapped to attention as the voice of their leader carried through the air. Soft snow continued to fall gently to the ground.
“We have faced a lot of hardship in our fight with Tenjiku, but we overcame them and emerged victorious. Toman is now Japan’s top gang!”
As he listened, Takemichi felt his chest puffed up in pride, and he was certain that every single person who carried Toman’s manji on the back of their uniform felt the same.
“We’ve created an era that will be handed down to generations to come, an era for delinquents that we have dreamed of! Thank you everyone for sticking with me and making Toman the best gang out there. But our dream doesn't end here. Toman will continue to show the world the way of delinquents we uphold! I hope that you all will be with me on this journey.”
Then, Mikey relaxed his posture and spoke a little more comfortably. “To let you all recover from the fight, there won’t be a gang meeting for a while. I will end the meeting here. Be careful while you go home and rest well.”
They bowed, deeply and respectfully, to the leader who had led them through many hardships and who had lost so much, before the crowd slowly receded along with the booming sound of bike roars.
The captains and vice-captains stayed for a while longer, discussing among themselves the outcome of the Kanto Incident and speculating about the future that awaited Toman, but gradually, they bid farewell one by one until the only occupants on the shrine ground were Takemichi and Mikey.
“Today, I called everyone here to announce the disbandment of Toman.” Mikey confessed, a slight smile still on his lips as he scanned the spacious ground that was fully occupied a mere moment ago. “I thought about it, the future you told me. No matter what timelines, something always goes badly. The root of it all is me. Toman goes bad because I go bad. I thought that by disbanding Toman, everyone will still be able to live a happy life even when I inevitably fall into darkness.”
Takemichi almost stopped breathing. He had a hard time believing his ears. Mikey loved Toman. This gang was his pride and dream, but he was ready to throw all that hard work and passion away to ensure that everyone he cared about would have a good life.
“Mikey-kun...”
“But you give me hope. You changed my mind,” he continued, tearing his focus from the ground beneath the steps, and looked at Takemichi with pleading eyes. “That’s why, Takemitchy, when you think I am losing myself. You definitely have to scold me and bring me back, okay?”
Mikey’s stability was his responsibility now, but Takemichi was up to the task. He clasped his hands behind his back and looked straight at his leader and friend. “I will, Mikey-kun! Definitely!” He yelled confidently, putting all his determination into the sentence that he uttered.
Takemichi was rewarded with a big, wide smile that he had been longing to see on Mikey’s face. Mikey’s eyebrows smoothened, losing the sharpness that had permanently been etched onto them for a few seconds as the corner of his eyes relaxed with the movement of his cheeks. This Mikey was glowing, moonlight reflecting on the snow in his hair.
“You’re my hero, Takemitchy.”
歩いていこう 歩いていこう
Let’s walk forward. Let’s walk forward.
僕は「今」を生きていくよ
I will continue to live in the “present.”
傷ついても 何度も 信じたいよ
Even if I get hurt, I want to believe, no matter how many times.
この手を この日々を 君と泣いて 君と笑って 僕は強くなれたんだろう
Within these hands, within these days, crying with you, laughing with you, has made me stronger.
君がくれた言葉はここにあるよ
The words that you told me are right here with me.
そうだよ 歩いていこう
Yes, let’s walk forward.
[END]
#TokyoRevengers#東卍#東リベ#東京卍リベンジャーズ#mikey x takemichi#hinata x takemichi#tokyo revengers#tokyo manji gang#sano manjiro#takemichi hanagaki#hinata tachibana#tokyo revengers fanfiction#tokyo manji revengers#Youtube
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Animate Times Interview with Centimillimental
Discussing his journey so far and his love for this series, saying that he “felt something like fate” upon coming across “Given”! Interviewing Centimillimental, who did the theme songs and sound production of the summer anime “Given”.
The artist Centimillimental composed the opening of the TV anime “Given”, which aired in Fuji TV’s Noitamina and gathered a great amount of attention. Garnering comments about the sound production of the show’s band, Given, he released the opening theme “Kizuato” as a single on September 11!!
This is the debuting work of the solo unit Centimillimental, in which Atsushi-san does the vocals, keyboard, guitar and programming. In this article, which is surprisingly his first-ever interview, we shall introduce plenty of his journey until reaching this point and his thoughts regarding “Given”!
His current style was earned through “wanting to express joy and sorrow with music” as much as possible.
——Thank you for your time today!
This is actually my first time being interviewed (laughs). I will be in your care.
——Your first interview?! Please let us ask all kinds of questions. Firstly, could you tell us about the origins of Centimillimental?
Although it has the name Centimillimental, this is a solo unit. Rather than a singer and songwriter, I am more of a solo artist with a band stance. But it was originally a band. The band name remained just the way it was... that is all.
——What sort of band was it?
A four-piece one, with myself in charge of the vocals and keyboard. The band had a style close to pop, with a lead guitar, bass and drums, but the members pulled out one after another... Ultimately, I was the only one left. For that reason, people from the live concert houses were quite uneasy. Like, “Does the vocalist have a nasty personality or something?” (laughs).
——(Laughs) That is so not true.
Each one quit for their own reasons. But I had an obsession with the band, so I was like, “I’ll do this even if it’s just out of stubbornness” (laughs). And so, the band name stayed.
——Atsushi-san, what are the roots of your admiration for bands?
My root is Remioromen. I actually used to play classic music. I was so much of a classics boy that I would... turn off the TV whenever a music program was starting, but when (an insert song) “Konayuki” started playing in the drama “1 Liter no Namida”, which I watched back in fifth grade, it had an impact on me. Like, “So a singing voice can be this cool when it accompanies a melody”. From then on, I began looking up to bands.
——How did you handle classics from that point onward?
I continued playing for a long time, until I was around 20 years old. But then I was charmed by pop music and could no longer dedicate myself to classics (strainer laugh). I used to dream of becoming a pianist, but I felt that the mindsets of classics and pop were different, and then chose the way of pop.
——When you think about it now, what do you believe to have been the reason that a classics boy had his heart stolen by pop?
I had the feeling... that something more essential for my inspiration was set on fire, so to say. I think this something also exists for people who like classic, but in my case, I personally felt joy at the fact that “their singing voice is cool”, “their words pierce me”. So I was like, “This is what I actually prefer”. Also, I was drawn to the freedom of pop. The world of classics is devoted to music sheets, so in concourses, for example, it is important whether or not you can play true to the sheets, but I end up playing the way I want to on my own accord. Which is why the judges’ votes became worse year after year (bitter laugh). During this, there were also people who told me, “This is an insult”... But if I were in a world of originals where I could give birth to my own songs, wouldn’t my beliefs be justice? So I started to think that I was “the kind of person who wants to express himself freely”. To begin with, I have liked creating things since the distant past. I used to write stories of my own and making picture books with them in preschool, and from first grade on, I would be writing song compositions and poems. At any rate, I like creating things, so wouldn’t making them freely suit me better?
——So, if it is on the topic of “wanting to create things freely”, the way you are now is best, in a sense?
That is right (laughs). My degree of freedom has increased ever since I went solo. One of the reasons the band did not work was that my ideals and the image of my unshakable, inertial nature were very strong. I believe that so-called bands are supposed to get together in a studio and consolidate and gather up arrangements, but right as we formed ours, I would take the stance of writing down everyone’s parts and saying, “I want you to play this”. So I think that the current Centimillimental is what turned out from me doing everything I could, the place that I was supposed to reach.
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——Nowadays, you are in charge of all parts, right? Did you play instruments other than piano from the start?
That is not the case. When our guitarist left the band, I did not want the quality of our music to be reduced, so I thought about supplementing it somehow, then learned how to play guitar. Also, I had to put my heart into it, but I started studying bass and drums when the others left, wondering if I could cover for them. The fact that the members pulled out had an influence on it.
——How was it coming in contact with instruments besides the piano?
The structures are completely different. Bands are formed so that each person can compensate for the other. When it comes to the beauty of such arrangements, I came to feel them more keenly the more I delved into them. And then I started obsessing with the arrangements.
——After these twists and turns, did Centimillimental become in 2015 what it is now?
No, there were actually twists and turns from this point on too... There was once a time when the band became just the bassist and me. Back then, the band was not doing too well, so we decided to do a different unit. That was the band called “Nee, Wasurenaide Ne” (“Hey, Don’t Forget”). In the end, I mostly had to do it by myself, but doing things separately from the main activities gave me a high degree of freedom. And then people started finding us interesting and we gradually earned their praise. For me, that was extremely frustrating (laughs
——So it became a “sub”-like band.
That is right. And then I thought about quitting, so I applied for an audience as a commemoration for quitting, to make one last memory... but then the work I had applied won a Grand Prix. I was like, “No way!?”. This happened in summer 2015. And that was when the main and sub switched (laughs). And so, only the band’s original name remained. The label respects us in the sense that we “can make the music that we always wanted to”.
——What is the origin of the band name “Centimillimental”?
“Remioromen” is a coined word, so I looked up to a coined word in katakana. I personally like katakana. Plus, I like “sentimental” things. That sentimental feeling when you are going home after a fun day thinking, “Today was a good day” and it suddenly makes you feel lonely, or that sentimental mood from when you are purely sad... I believe that sentimental emotions regarding anything are something that we should nestle close to. I had this thinking that I want to express joy and sorrow with music, so while using “sentimental” as the pillar, I added the “milli” with the meaning of “not being too caught up with it”.
——Come to think of it, both “Given” and “Kizuato” are written in katakana.
I guess I have a connection with katakana (laughs). If the words are in kanji or in hiragana, doesn’t that change the appearance and interpretation of each? While katakana has a coldness to it, it doesn’t feel too sharp. I have the feeling that these kinds of words are interesting.
“Gender doesn’t matter when you’re in love with someone.” – He also has experience with composing music having a BL series as the impetus?!
——How did you feel when you received the proposal about “Given”?
It was the first tie-up of my life, so I turned into a mess of nervousness, uncertainty and expectations. But “Given” is a series about music and the theme is bands, which was something I looked up to. Moreover, rather than just the sparkle and shine of a band, it also focuses on sadness, the tremor from losing something... these delicate parts of it.
I think music has a close relationship with meetings and partings, so I felt happiness to be involved with a series that faces this directly. It was like something that was supposed to come at me had arrived, and at the same time, I felt something similar to destiny. That was my first impression.
——The sensible portrayal is one of the charms of this series, right? I read on the topic that this series was the first-ever BL comic that Noitamina has adapted into anime, and there is an indescribable appeal in the words “boys’ love”...
It allows you to smoothly immerse yourself into their worldview, right?
I have bought a BL manga in the past. In my middle school days, buying a book after looking at just the title was trending. At the time, what I took in my hands was a short story collection titled “Saigo no Sangatsu”. I thought at first, “I might’ve jumped into a terrible world!” but turns out it was a really good work...
Gender doesn’t matter when you love someone; it’s all the same. It was a really good work, so I was quick to wrote a song for it (laughs).
——That is a good story. By the way, did you use to watch anime back then?
I was not the type to watch anime in-depth. But what I thought to be odd was that, whenever you finish watching a series, doesn’t the way that you listen to the opening themes, ending themes and insert songs change?
Through the filter that is the series, the tone of the music changes, and the story stands out instead as the music overlaps with it... While watching, I would find myself thinking that this way of snuggling up to the music was interesting.
——What were your impressions when you read the original work of “Given”?
Kizu Natsuki-sensei’s focused viewpoint on pain is quite sharp. Her poetic depictions, which sometimes get you caught in them, are impactful and sensible. I thought it was a series that cherished words a lot. Since it is a manga, I think the art is the main point, of course, but I felt a literary beauty in it that resides not just in the drawings. It also felt close to the world of songs that I take part in, so I truly had the feeling that it was fate.
——So the image of the song came readily to you?
Right you are. That is where I arrived once I wrote down my own perspective of romantic love and the ways that people become involved with each other. The sense of suitability was incredible. That’s why I was able to write it so frankly, managed to say what I wanted to, and got close to the series. I feel that the compatibility was really good.
But of course, there were walls. I write even the arrangements by myself, so I had to make changes over and over, and I had never had any experiences with being the producer of a band before, so there were things I was not used to. Also, my main instrument is the piano, but there is no piano in the show. That’s why I had to delve into the guitar, so there I had a hard time sound-wise...
“I want it to be an important song for everyone from ‘Given’ too!”
——Can you tell us about your particularities regarding the sound of “Kizuato”?
For the anime size version, I purposely sealed away the piano and classic strings that I had been specializing in until now. For the whole song, in order to nestle closer to “Given”, I cherished the band’s scene, with a guitar, bass and drums.
——I felt a big meaning in the fact that it starts with a breath. Is it something that you gave importance to?
I like the sharpness of songs that start with the singing. That feeling of getting taken aback without thinking. Same goes for sighing - I feel that people’s emotions mount on their breathing. Through “the drawing of a breath”, you can sense a beauty and strength unique of vocal songs. For that reason, I cherished the breaths from the very start.
I also think that the breaths are very important in “Given”. For example, in the teaser trailer, the video ends with a breath, and in the PV, the scenes change with breaths too. That’s why I think it was good to be able to start the song like this.
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——I felt that the lyrics portrayed the sensible feelings of all four, starting with Mafuyu, but how was it made?
They are human beings, so I think there is definitely a part of their emotions somewhere that they can share. The loneliness and agony of losing something, the conflicts of loving someone... anyone has that. I looked for keywords that would connect everyone from “Given”, including me. For me and for all the characters that appear in “Given”, it could not be a lie...
——The “four seasons” bit in the lyrics was also a good keyword.
I think that is one of the main points of the series, and that this part of it can connect even within me.
——The words “I can hear it and it’s still real, so I’ll carry your heart in your place” from the latter half are extremely painful, but at the same time, it conveys resolve and determination. Were you conscious of the machinations of their hearts or something like that within the song?
I think it is wonderful when emotions get into motion as the song goes on. Aren’t there moments in everyday life where wounds heal little by little and changes of heart where we try to get back on our feet even if they do not heal? I like story-songs that head towards hope in this fashion. I also want everyone in “Given” to be happy. I gave importance to how they should head towards hope while sharing those wounds.
——The song changes dramatically after the aforementioned verse.
I finished it with a classic orchestra sound. That is one of the strong points of my music, so I had the desire to approach “Given” through it. If I sealed away my music too much and made it into just a “Given” song, it would feel like I was standing on formality. I am a person who gets hurt and even so lives on crying and laughing, just like them. I pieced together that part of the song because I wanted to convey this message.
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——So you let your uniqueness show in order to join hands with “Given”. Indeed, both with love and friendship, getting close to the other person is not all there is to it.
Right. That alone is not a connection, and you end up concluding that your own love is too deep... I believe there is a 50:50 beauty to it. Isn’t that what acknowledging one another and joining hands means?
“Kizuato” is my debut song and an important song for me. That’s why I also want it to be an important song for everyone from Given (the band). I thought about intersecting that. After thinking a lot, I managed to change the charm between the anime size and the full size.
At the beginning of the A-melody from the second chorus, I tried changing the rhythm, transforming it into an electro loop, and did all sorts of approaches. I hoped it would be wide-ranging as music.
——How did you feel when you watched the opening?
I was extremely moved. I had gathered with all the recording members to watch it, and everyone shared their joy too. It was a really good scene.
Having my own music playing in sync with an animation was my dream, so I was tremendously happy, and I felt like I had connected with the viewers who had the same feeling... I was truly overjoyed.
When I looked on Twitter, people had written up several opinions, making me go, “So there’s this many people enjoying my music”.
“It’s exactly because the desire to protect someone isn’t something simple that we feel uncertain.”
——Other than the OP, you also did the sound production of the band Given, so what impressions did you have from the production work?
I already liked production work to begin with. Until then, I had been doing producer-like things, such as arrangements for the musical compositions of artists around me, but this was my first time doing production as a job.
I mentioned Remioromen earlier, but I also looked up to Kobayashi Takeshi-san, who was Remioromen’s producer as well, so I had also wanted to work on production one day.
——Given’s debut single, “Maru Tsuke/Fuyu no Hanashi”, was released on September 18 2019. “Maru Tsuke” is also included in Centimillimeter’s single as a self-cover, but what kind of route did you take to complete this song?
To tell the truth, I had a song called “Maru Tsuke” for quite a long time. I already had its base form since 2015, so the song was in a state similar to an accompaniment material.
“Maru Tsuke” came into light during the meetings, and I didn’t think this song would have made it into the topic of discussions, so I was surprised. I was anxious at first, but when I tried facing it once again, there were so many fitting aspects to it that it even made me say, “So it can get this close to the series”. I felt like it connected with “Given” on a deep level, despite not having written that song for it.
——Holding someone dear, becoming a coward because of it, shouldering all sorts of feelings, and continuing to live in spite of that... What you talk about in “Maru Tsuke” might be things that everyone thinks.
The moment you start loving someone, you feel fear at the same time and become fragile. It’s exactly because the desire to protect someone isn’t something simple that we feel uncertain, and there is not only light to it, but I think loving someone is something beautiful. I get the sense that this swirling feeling itself is beautiful. That is what I threw into the song, and it was also one of the themes of “Given”. The fact that I managed to connect them goes without saying, but it’s like being told that I wasn’t mistaken about the things I gave importance to, which made me happy. In order to connect even better, I reconstructed the sound making and structure one more time, aiming for higher heights as a composition for “Given”.
——What were you conscious of for the direction?
Yano Shougo-san (the voice of Mafuyu) is a workaholic, so he sings all sorts of songs, but I thought there was a difference between songs sung by band vocalists and songs sung by voice actors. So I figured that it would be good if I could share with him the methods of band vocalists and band sounds in my own way, thus I have him that kind of direction.
I was also very conscious of “conveying words”. I believe that the author, Kizu Natsuki-sensei (who is also a producer of Given), also cherished words a lot. I think this also reflects on the songs.
——Was there anything you felt when you actually conducted the production?
First of all, I was extremely happy that a song I made was sung. It was expressed in a way that I myself couldn’t do, and even if the emotions are the same, the way people view it changes depending on who’s singing. Seeing it hand-in-hand with the series, spreading up just like that and growing bigger made me happy.
——The other song, “Fuyu no Hanashi”, played during the show in episode nine.
From the very beginning, there was already a song titled “Fuyu no Hanashi” in the drama CD, but this song began from me creating a new “Fuyu no Hanashi”. “Fuyu no Hanashi” already existed for the fans, so I saw plenty of everyone’s love for it on Twitter and such, and also how it comes close to their daily lives. I dreaded painting over it, but... I believed it was fate that I had received this proposal, so I thought, “I’m going to do all I can”. While there was pressure, there was also joy, so it was a strange feeling.
To tell the truth, when I received the proposal for “Given”, the offer for “Fuyu no Hanashi” came first-thing. That’s why I actually started the production from there. Afterward, I received proposals for the session track that plays in the middle of the show and for the theme songs... That is how it went.
——Was that so?! The seed, the piece that would give you most pressure came first, so to say.
That’s right. But for me, this was a comfortable wall. I worked on it while thinking that, if I could make many people happy with it, then it would be a big step for me.
——What kind of feelings did you put into it?
I figured it would probably be used for the live concert scene in the middle of the show, so I read the scene and imagined the concert over and over. In the drama CD, it could only be portrayed with sounds and voices, so I think they probably gave importance to how they would insert the monologues into the lyrics. In the anime’s case, there would be an animation accompanying the song, so I reflected on what the “Fuyu no Hanashi” that I could compose was. Like a shout for a person who has been lost... It’s a requiem, but also a follow-up of one’s true intentions... I wanted to treasure those messed-up feelings. Also, I thought it was a song that had been preciously loved until then, so I had a strong sense of duty not to ruin this.
Being involved with “Given” changed his life!!
——Could you also tell us about the track “Sessions” (The Seasons) that plays during the show?
I received the proposal for this one after “Fuyu no Hanashi”. “There’s a scene in the show that goes like this, so if you’d like, couldn’t you make a track for it,” they asked.
I had never made an actual instrumental band track. Counting the fact that three pieces had already been decided for the story, it was quite a pressure on me.
When I actually watched the scene where they are performing it in the anime, my spirits went right up. Like, “So this is how the band will go”. The sensation that oozed from my hands and spread into me felt truly good.
——Lastly, Atsushi-san, could you tell us... about the things you have realized and earned through the music production of “Given”?
It’s a series that has several places where everyone can join hands. I think that is exactly why so many fans love this work.
Being involved with “Given” has changed my notions of life, and I feel that it was a huge feat, if only for my musical life. I am filled to the brim with happy feelings for being part of it.
——Thank you very much for telling us so many things today.
#given#dailygiven#givendaily#fyeahgiven#given anime#satou mafuyu#uenoyama ritsuka#nakayama haruki#kaji akihiko#centimillimental#interview#animate times#my translation
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Ok, I just finished "The Setting Sun" and wow I may have read a little too fast towards the end because I was so excited and eager to finish but I'm very much in awe of the whole novel. I hope you don't mind if I just put down my thoughts about it :')
Ig I should put a SPOILER WARNING and obviously, there's:
TW: Mentions of suicide
First off, my opinions of the main cast:
I honestly had very neutral feelings towards Naoji in the beginning but shortly after his suicide and his note to Kazuko I felt that I understood him a lot more. Maybe it was partly because the story took place in Kazuko's POV that I had a more discontented viewpoint of him but afterward I felt I understood him more as a person.
With Kazuko, I personally liked her character and the fact that she didn't seem like she was written to be the "perfect woman" like I've seen in some novels. She has flaws and I think her love for her mother is something I found interesting. Although towards the end, I felt that her love for Mr. Uehara sort of anchored her down.
Kazuko and Naoji's Mother was honestly my favorite character of the whole series. I adored her from start to finish. All the way from when she was first introduced she had a sophisticated and genuinely kind aura and when she died I honestly felt a little part of me die as well, haha. But her last line in the book: "It must have been a terrible rush for you" pulled my heartstrings a lot.
Secondly, I just wanted to ramble about some of my favorite quotes from the book lol
The first quote I highlighted was a line Kazuko says: "...The ones who die are always the gentle, sweet, and beautiful people." Which honestly felt so Dazai-like. In both the case of Dazai-sensei and the BSD version of him. There were so many times I wondered if it was the character speaking or Dazai-sensei himself adding himself into the character.
Another one I liked was "I wonder how it would be if I let go and yielded myself to depravity." I don't really have a comment on it, I just sort of liked it lol.
I highlighted so many in all honesty but I also wanted to point out this one: "The dying are beautiful, but to live, to survive--those things somehow seem hideous and contaminated with blood." Again, it just seemed so beautifully raw and just something I envision BSD Dazai saying and believing as well.
In Naoji's suicide note I almost felt as though it was coming from not just him but from Dazai-sensei as well. Which I'm beginning to see is a recurring pattern in the novel. In particular, this one line stood out to me: "Why must I go on living after what has happened? It's useless. I am going to die. I have a poison that kills without pain. I got it when I was a soldier and have kept it ever since."
I loved the Snake Metaphors(?) throughout the story. And especially Kazuko and Naoji's POV of their mother and how they call her "the last lady of Japan" I think they truly honor her and it's interesting to see such two somewhat lost and "tainted" characters almost obsess over this "light" and genuinely kind woman they hold in such high regard. It almost reminds me of BSD Dazai's opinion of Odasaku or even Atsushi.
That's mostly it- I just really wanted to talk about those things and overall I loved it a lot. It's been a while since I've been so absorbed in a book so reading it felt very relaxing and at the same time so riveting. I hope you don't mind me popping into your inbox and chattering on about this :')
Okay, before I begin, Ariel please don't apologize for putting down your thoughts here. I love discussing Dazai-sensei's novels, and I can't even begin to express how giddy, excited and overjoyed I am to receive this ask of yours. And please if you would ever like to discuss more of his works, feel free to chat with me as well, via asks or on discord it doesn't matter😭❤, I'm always down for it. And this whole thing is me rambling over this so please bear with me haha.
And, I want to say, I was extremely eager to read and finish the novel as well as I continued on reading. It is strangely alluring and compelling. And honestly, I tend to be in awe of Dazai-sensei's thoughts and writing as well😫💕.
Okay, so before I begin to address your thoughts on the novel. Let me write down some background information on the novel to hopefully give you maybe a better understanding of it and Dazai-sensei as well?
The book was published in 1947, not long after the end of the Second World War which ended in 1945. The book in general talks about the state of Japan after the Second World War, and the decline of the aristocracy that came with it. (It should be noted that Dazai-sensei came from an aristocratic background as well, but he also seems to have a sense of shame towards it). The title of the book is literally a metaphor for the decline of Japan. Japan is often known as the "land of the rising Sun", and therefore "The Setting Sun" as the title is fitting for this theme.
And well, this defeat created according to here (an article written in Chinese unfortunately😥) caused a great change in moral values in the Japanese society, which caused an uproar for democracy. Dazai-sensei, however, was quite critical of this, as he sees this as a sign that the Japanese do not feel any guilt or remorse for their actions in the war that took place. (From what I've read Dazai-sensei in his works is very much known for his sense, albeit unusual for Japanese writers from what I read, of guilt, remorse and in a sense seeking for atonement, in one of his prose he even wrote that he writes literature for "remorse, confession and reflection" [my translation from my native language]).
Also, it should be noted that The Setting Sun is also deeply inspired by a diary written by one of Dazai-sensei's lovers (especially chapters 1 to 5 I believe). However, Dazai-sensei himself is best known for his I-novels and their semi-biographical elements. In one of his short stories, or prose in his book I am reading, he confesses that he cannot write things he doesn't know or hadn't felt for himself...
Now onto your thoughts on the novel!
Naoji, I honestly felt the same about him at first, but the more I dove into the novel, especially in the chapters Moonflowers and his note to Kuzuko, I felt more connected to him. And when I read the novel I felt as though Dazai-sensei had actually reflected a part of himself in Naoji, and I read something from what @/bsd-bibliophile had said which confirmed that perhaps Naoji was in a sense an extension of Dazai-sensei himself. (Same for Mr. Uehara I should note, who is also an extension of Dazai-sensei, which I had also noted as well when reading the novel).
And yes! I loved Kuzuko as well, and I have to agree with your statement about her love for Mr. Uehara. I was somewhat disappointed with that as well. But I actually had just been reading on something today which is a bit interesting. However, I do not know enough on the topic yet, nor am I entirely confident at myself explaining it at the moment, but I will talk about it briefly down here.
CW Religious Mentions [Christianity]
(Feel free to skip if it makes you uncomfortable <3 For this is simply for literature analysis uses)
Before I begin, I should note that Dazai-sensei is by no means a "religious person", many scholars do not believe so either. It was mentioned in a paper that he even holds a critical view of the Church. However, Dazai-sensei commonly mentions the Bible in well the prose of his that I am currently reading (which brought me to research this topic). It was written in some papers that I am reading that he simply understood the Bible through his own means and not what the Church says (perhaps he sees it as a piece of literature as well in a sense...). Some papers say that he formed his unique views of the need to find "atonement" for his own guilt due to this, which some say is not often seen in Japanese authors.
I'm getting off-topic, but what I'm trying to say is that some scholars say that that action by Kuzuko might've been an allusion in a sense. But what the paper was trying to say was that it was meant to be something powerful? But, personally, I'm not sure what I think of it, it might be a bit far-fetched. But I just wanted to make a note of it.
End of CW
And yes! I do agree I loved their mother as well. I loved how genuine and kind she was. I think she is my favourite too, but she also acted as a form of symbolism for the theme of the novel I believe, which I will talk about briefly later on.
"...The ones who die are always the gentle, sweet, and beautiful people."
I really liked this quote too actually! And yes, I can definitely see Dazai-sensei saying this... It is hard to tell which part is him confessing, but most of his work tends to have elements of his own feelings and thoughts. Personally, I think it might be Dazai-sensei himself speaking... But I'm not sure, but it should be noted that Dazai-sensei held the concept of "tenderness" in high esteem (other people have also mentioned it here).
And honestly, I get what you mean when you say you don't know what to say about it haha. Sometimes authors just put sentences and words together so beautifully.
And yes, I definitely understand that! I felt that as well, and as I said, Dazai-sensei seems to have put elements of himself into Naoji...
And ahh the snake metaphor! I read on it a bit before, and some say that it might've been symbolizing the decline of Japan/the aristocracy. And the use of the term "the last lady of Japan" seems to symbolize the fall of the old traditions of Japan. It had seemed to me that their mother was a symbol of the "old Japan" that had fallen after the war.
And yes, they do hold her in very high esteem! I wrote that in my analysis as well before! From what I have read, Dazai-sensei does seem to hold such people highly, especially those that are honest and genuine it seems. And yes, exactly, it reminds me of BSD Dazai as well T^T.
And please, thank you for coming over to chat with me about it haha. You could probably tell by how long this is how excited I am about such topics😅. Don't hesitate to come by if you want to chat more! And I'm also really glad that you liked the book as well <33
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2020 writing review
Thanks for the tag, @gladiowrites! (I know it’s not a tag, but this is fun to do lol)
I.. honestly wrote a lot this 2020. No kidding. Quarantine productivity was real, but so is residency languishing by the wayside while everyone was busy surviving and adjusting. I highly doubt 2021 will be the same, but I’ll always cherish 2020 just because of the writing and nothing else.
This is gonna be long.
FIRST CREATION + MOST RECENT CREATION OF 2020
8:15 am
- Final Fantasy XV. Lunafreya. February 2020.
- First piece ever written for the year.
- Intended to be a Luna-centric AU, in which the Nox Fleurets were deposed and she’s now a regular teacher. Never managed to write anything beyond that, though, because residency. (Back then, I didn’t know it was gonna be the beginning of the end, so I had hopes. Oh well.)
irresistible!, or the summer ramblings of nene yashiro and everything that followed
- Toilet-Bound Hanako-Kun. Nene, Hanako. March 2020.
- First one published on AO3 for 2020 (yes, there’s a distinction).
- If you think the title sounds familiar, you’re right.
versus
first yuletide
- Final Fantasy XV. Nyx. December 2020.
- Written for the FFXV Secret Santa event on Twitter.
- Before y’all object and say what unwinding is, that’s an old fic uploaded late.
ONE OF YOUR FAVORITE CREATIONS FROM 2020
Do I seriously have to choose? Omg.
take heart
- Bungou Stray Dogs. Dazai/Chuuya. Gods/Humans AU.
- Discovered so much about myself writing this. Also (hopefully) I managed to get into Dazai’s headspace correctly. He’s an extremely difficult character to write, so finishing this brought so much gratification.
you don’t raise heroes, you raise sons
- Final Fantasy VIII. Laguna, Squall. Post-canon.
- Probably my most heartfelt work of the year- scratch that, ever. Also happy with how I just let myself go writing this and didn’t need to think twice.
A CREATION YOU’RE REALLY PROUD OF
oneiric moments (or, five nights with you)
- Bungou Stray Dogs. Dazai/Chuuya.
- Written for the SKK Fic Exchange for Summer 2020.
- Five interconnected fics. 18,985 words.
- Might not be a big deal for others, but this was taxing because I don’t usually write long, multichaptered stuff. I got carried away, though. It ain’t as well-polished as my more recent stuff, but I’m proud of myself for pulling this off.
A NEW STYLE YOU TRIED THIS YEAR & A FIC THAT USES IT
I... don’t think I have tried anything of the sort. My repertoire is sorely limited compared to others, I’m afraid. I’d probably have an answer for “explored new themes,” but again, I’ve a limited arsenal, too, in that regard.
A CREATION THAT TOOK YOU FOREVER
all in a day’s work
- Bungou Stray Dogs. Atsushi, Akutagawa. Cells at Work AU.
- It’s still being written, with a lot of side stories planned but never drafted.
- I fell out of love with BSD, recovered from that, then got busy with residency.
YOUR CREATION FROM 2020 THAT RECEIVED THE MOST NOTES KUDOS
Also take heart. While I am proud of it, I guess it hit the right spot for mainstream shippers, too, somewhat? My feelings about mainstream things have changed a lot because of things, but I am still happy.
A CREATION YOU THINK DESERVED MORE NOTES KUDOS
amīcitia
- Bungou Stray Dogs. Dazai, Chuuya. Final Fantasy XV AU.
- Petty indignancy for my self-indulgent baby aside, I’m also proud of how I wrote Dazai in this one, similar to take heart.
the fun they had
- Bungou Stray Dogs. Kajii, Port Mafia Ensemble.
- ... Guys. Please notice genfics.
A NEW FANDOM YOU JOINED AND A CREATION YOU MADE FOR IT
Everything I wrote for Bungou Stray Dogs. (I kid you not.)
If you want a single answer anyway:
on the flaming mountains
- act-age. Chiyoko, Kei. Princess Iron Fan Arc.
- arc words: “what shall i do with this ire?”
- I wouldn’t really say I “left” the fandom, more like it fizzled out after Matsuki-sensei got arrested.
A CREATION YOU MADE THAT BREAKS YOUR HEART
a cycle of;
- Bungou Stray Dogs. Dazai/Chuuya. Medico-legal AU.
- Written out of much anger and frustration over things. Also because this in itself was frustrating to write.
Also you don’t raise heroes, you raise sons. Because no matter how much I hate my family at so many points in my life, I know I can’t truly hate them from the bottom of my heart. This fic is a reminder of that.
A SIMPLE CREATION THAT YOU REALLY LOVE
express delivery for love
- Bungou Stray Dogs. Dazai/Chuuya. Real World Quarantine AU.
- It’s funny. It’s orthodox. It’s sweet. I don’t think it can get any better than that.
A CREATION THAT WAS INSPIRED BY ANOTHER ONE
rather be
- Bungou Stray Dogs. Yosano. Pre-canon.
- Inspired by yesterday is another world by @wctercress
- The whole of primum non nocere, actually, but specifically this one, and the rest followed.
- This is also my first BSD fic. Ever.
A FAVORITE CREATION CREATED BY SOMEONE ELSE
... You sure? There’s a lot, and this is just on the surface. (unleashes the proverbial waterfall)
The aforementioned yesterday is another world by @wctercress
silencer and snow white days by EKmisao
- Bungou Stray Dogs. Dazai, Chuuya. Dead Apple canon-divergent.
- The aftermath of Dead Apple, in which one of two goes wrong.
- They’re unrelated, I know. But they’re both sisters! Just trust me on this.
- The proper entry for this would be silencer, but I can’t very well mention one without the other, so have both anyway. I read both only this year, after all.
Waiting for Godot by @eternal-aegis
- Bungou Stray Dogs. Dazai, Fyodor, Chuuya. Canon-divergent.
- Amazing theme, amazing philosophy, amazing writing. It makes you think. It makes you analyze and explore. This writer definitely knows her stuff, and it shows.
Catharsis by @gladiowrites
- Final Fantasy VIII. Rinoa, Gen. Caraway. Post-canon.
- The denouement to the Caraway family drama we all deserve. I love how Rinoa is presented in this fic. She’s a normal person who makes mistakes and learns her lessons. So is Fury. Burned bridges don’t always have to stay down, and this fic illustrates that wonderfully.
Culmination by @gladiowrites
- Final Fantasy VIII. Squall, Rinoa. Post-canon.
- We can’t all have happy endings. This fic also illustrates that very well. While I, a Squinoa fan, personally ascribe to the happy ending Squall and Rinoa must have had after the events of FF8, this fic is so compelling and grounded and reflective and I totally buy this.
Here Without You by @muselover1901
- Akagami no Shirayuki-hime. Zen/Shirayuki. Real world quarantine AU.
- One of the sweetest stories I’ve ever read this year. I can definitely relate to a lot of things in this fic. I’ve been rereading all of Muse’s ANS stuff whenever I feel down, and they all hit the spot.
Savor The Moment by @joeys-piano
- Bungou Stray Dogs. Oda. Pre-canon.
- Yes, yes, YES. One of the best stories I’ve ever read this year, ever. (And I mean stories, not fanfics.) Great character study about a man named Oda and a day in his life and a page (or three) out of his book of relationships. The love poured into this is simply overflowing and precious. I’ve been following Joey since this fic was being written, and I’m so proud of him.
False Equivalences by @slowquotesquill
- Dai Gyakuten Saiban. Asougi, Ryuunosuke. Fullmetal Alchemist AU.
- This fic also! Oh, My Heart. The cynicism of a state alchemist and the optimism of a foreign doctor. It perfectly hits the spot for everything FMA, and we all know that SQQ’s Asouryuu fics are always to die for. It’s the ultimate combo.
The whole Promptober Leo/Will/Despair series by @eternal-aegis
- Kekkai Sensen. Various themes, many of which are dark/mature.
- I’ve said this with Waiting for Godot, and I’ll say it again: Aegis knows her stuff. This is her exploring further in that direction, and you can feel the improvement with every fic in the series. I really love how adventurous these stories are, and how much depth you can go with every one. Her characterization is layered and exquisite, and the underlying lore is well-thought-out.
- tl;dr: B3 Goddess.
Predestined by Galkimasera
- Final Fantasy VIII. Rinoa, Squall. Reverse/Fateswap AU.
- A very well-written reverse AU! The circumstances of Squall and Rinoa in this ‘verse fit so well and are so well thought out. I love this AU so much, you don’t even know. It also fills my nostalgic shipper’s heart with much joy at seeing quality content in this Year of our Lord 2020.
For auld lang syne, my dear by @by-nina
- Fullmetal Alchemist. Roy, Riza. Canon-compliant + post-canon.
- Holiday feels, snapshots through time, and all over showing Roy and Riza’s budding relationship over the years. And it does remind me of a lot of the SKK fics I’ve written (thematic-wise). This was such a treat to read and to follow. All her FMA fics are. She does Royai so much justice. Am not yet finished reading smoke without fire, but I’ll get to that, too!
SOME OF YOUR FAVORITE CONTENT CREATORS FROM THIS YEAR
Everyone in the answer above. There’s honestly a whole boatload of more, but this is getting too long already lololol
(might edit this when I feel like it, tho!)
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Kurobas Valentine’s Day Event 2020 Day 1: MuraHimu
Decided to participate just because I feel inspired. Thank you so much @vanilla-daydreams and @theuglycrybaby for making this possible. So yeah for Day 1, I have decided to do my ultimate ship, MuraHimu. Also, thank you @tastytatsu for your support *cyber hug* <3
DAY 1 Prompt: Chocolates/I don’t remember having these many hickeys, but I don’t mind.
Summary: Atsushi is at lost on how to make Muro-chin happy this coming Valentines’ Day until a certain baked good catches his attention.
Word count: 3, 855 words
Rating: T
Atsushi is lost. Why, you ask? It’s because v-day is approaching fast and being in a relationship with the one and only pretty boy, Himuro Tatsuya is enough to make his knees go jello but he is totally lost on how to please him. He may appear to be a monster on the court but he must admit that he is at lost on how to make his Muro-chin happy. After all, he is in his first-ever relationship with a guy, and a pretty one at that (did I say it twice?). He has this gut feeling that once v-day comes, Muro-chin is gonna be swarmed with lots of delectable chocolates that he won’t even notice his. He sighs in defeat as he put his hands on his pockets. He is currently loitering around Yosen’s hallway after class, trying to think of something to do. He knows that Muro-chin doesn’t really like sweets so giving him a chocolate bar or any sweet confectionaries is out of the picture. And now, he is more than reduced to aid in his dilemma.
He has seen his sister make a big fuss about v-day and chocolates for his boyfriend but is it normal for him to make a fuss though? He cringes at the thought. He isn’t a girl to give out chocolates. He is standing at 208 cm for goodness’ sake. But at the same time, he wants to do something for Muro-chin since he knows that the boy loves spoiling and indulging him a lot. He isn’t stupid per se, he just doesn’t want to think about unnecessary things and he is just lazy to exert any effort or energy to every single stuff that doesn’t concern him. And he knows that Muro-chin’s effort means a lot to him so for the first time in his life, he actually wants to do something for the boy. He tries to think of more options. He has seen Sachin’s hand made a scarf for Kuro-chin’s birthday way back when the Kisekis has their meet up. He tries to weigh his option of doing that but actually gives up on the thought knowing that v-day is gonna be in a week and there’s no way in hell he can finish that.
And thus, out of options, he clutches his hair in frustration and just decides to go to the convenience store and grab more snacks. His brain cells are burning him alive and he’d rather eat more snacks than pass out because of damaged brain cells.
Upon arriving at the convenience store, Atsushi wastes no time to grab all his favorites and place them on the basket hanging on his right arm. He passes by the magazine stand and browses from magazine to magazine thinking that it might give him some good ideas until his purple irises catch one particular article.
‘Hm, interesting. It’s a pain to do this but whatever.’
He carefully reads the article and an idea had struck him like thunder. He grabs the magazine and goes straight to the counter to pay for everything. He then proceeds to the nearest grocery store to purchase the stuff that he will need to practice on but not before fishing out his phone to send a text to his older brother. He needs a hand to obtain something that underage kids can’t.
-x-
February 14th, Friday. The day has finally arrived and Atsushi couldn’t be more excited because he has perfected this particular recipe that catches his attention after several attempts of learning it. He gets a little bit guilty because these past few days, whenever Muro-chin wants to do something together, he has usually declined it for the sole purpose of practicing his baking skills. He doesn’t want to look at the rejected face of his pretty boy because he knows he’s weak and he will just give in to him and in the end, he can’t make any preparations. And thus, he steels his resolve just to this day. After all, he is doing this for the sole purpose of surprising and making Muro-chin happy.
He wakes up really early to prepare for it since it will also be good for breakfast and Atsushi has put into mind that if he’s gonna join the battle called V-day, it might as well attack early. At least he knows that whatever comes after it, it will be pretty bland for Muro-chin compared to what he has to offer. He hates losing after all.
Silently, he tries to tiptoe and moves carefully as possible so he won’t wake Muro-chin who is sleeping peacefully on the other bed. He bends underneath his bed and reaches out for the package that he has received yesterday from his brother. Slowly, he slips off the room and proceeds to the dorm kitchen and starts his work, starting with pre-heating the oven to 165 F.
He is going to do Kaiserschmarrn - an Austrian dessert that is meant to be destroyed into bite-sized pieces but he decides that it should be good for breakfast in bed because it is just actually a pancake with some complicated baking. He gathers his purple locks into a small ponytail first and takes Muro-chin’s light blue apron with a seahorse print, he then proceeds to work. He needs ten eggs, the whites should be separated from the yolks. One by one, he starts breaking and separating it. He puts the egg whites in the fridge since he learns by now after practicing that egg whites are better whipped when cold. He measures the flour and baking powder and dumps all of them in a bowl. He takes the yolks and whisks it and then mixes in the sugar and heavy cream. He goes to his package that his brother has sent him and pulls out a bottle of Contreu (orange liquor) and rum. Thank goodness for his brother who is always been supportive of him that he has his hands on this adult stuff. The recipe only calls for a shot of both liquors but Atsushi decided to put thrice the amount because he just assumes that Muro-chin likes alcohol since he is from America.
After all the wet ingredients are mixed and done, he takes an orange and zests the skin directly to the wet ingredients bowl. The moment he catches a strong whiff of the orange aroma, he stops zesting and just eats the rest of the orange. He folds the dry ingredients to the wet ones and sets it aside afraid that he might overfold it again, he takes out the egg whites adding half teaspoon of sugar one at the time and starts whipping it until it reaches the stiff peak stage. He folds the finished mixture again with the egg whites in three parts while throwing in the rum-soaked raisins in the last part that is once again, from his brother’s package, as not to over mix it because it will just result to a stiff cake.
When he is finally done with the batter he carefully mixes, he takes out a big nonstick pan, opens the stove and melts the half stick of butter that he has. He pours all the batter in there and waits for the bottom to cook a little bit before putting it in the oven. He sets the timer for 30 minutes. And thus, while waiting for it to bake, he checks his plum jam in the fridge that he has concocted yesterday and tastes it again. Feeling satisfied with the taste, he then pulls out his own milk chocolate bar and meticulously melts the chocolate in a bain-marie and adds a little bit of heavy cream to make a ganache because it will be used for dipping purposes together with the plum jam.
Deciding to kill time while waiting for the Kaiserschmarrn to finish, he cleans the kitchen and washes all the baking utensils that he has used. As he is putting everything away, he hears the timer and sets the oven temperature again to 200 F to get the browning that he desires and sets the timer for another 8 minutes. As the final preparation is coming to an end, he starts to whip the heavy cream to stiff peaks as well as caramelizing the sugar with melted butter for the final touch. And since Muro-chin loves his morning coffee so much, he brews some too.
Finally, after his painful minutes of waiting, Atsushi finally hears the timer and happily pulls out the baked goods all the while filling the kitchen with a delectable smell and starts to rip it into bite-sized pieces and pours the mixture of the caramelized sugar and butter on top of it. He tastes it and he feels proud that he actually pulls this off really well and he actually can taste the rum and the Contreu a little too much but all in all, he can say that it is a success.
Delicately, he arranges it prettily on a circular white plate together with the chocolate ganache and the plum jam in little saucers as he puts the freshly whipped cream on the side diagonally the dips and finishes it with assorted berries for more color appeal. Feeling satisfied with work, Atsushi pours the coffee into Muro-chin’s own mug and sets it on the tray together with the Kaiserschmarrn. He takes a photo of his plating and he makes sure that he gets all his alcohol to put back in his room or else he will get in trouble with his dorm head.
I hope Muro-chin appreciates this because I woke up too early just for this! He silently thinks. But whatever, he feels satisfied by everything.
-x-
Atsushi carefully opens their room while struggling just because he is also carrying the package underneath the tray. Slowly, he walks going to their center table and puts the tray on top of it then pushes back the box underneath his bed. He looks at his phone and sees that it is already 6:30 in the morning. He opens the blinds to let the morning light seep through their room with the intention of waking Muro-chin up. A few seconds after, the said boy shuffles on his bed and tries to wake up probably not because of the morning light but the sweet scent of the baked goodie, as well as the coffee, is wafting all over their room. He sees Muro-chin trying to stretch underneath his blanket and looks upon him with his exposed eye. He yawns when he greets him with a sweet smile.
‘’Morning, Atsushi. Happy Valentines Day. You’re awake pretty early.”
He forces out a smile as once again, he finds himself drowning on that smile of his. Probably also for a fact that he’s quite nervous about Muro-chin’s reaction whether or not he will like what he has to offer. He is rooted in his position by the window as he is still lost for words. When Muro-chin sits up, that’s when his exposed eye widens, meaning he finally sees what is on the center table. The pretty boy looks at the table then to him and vice versa again. Suddenly, he gets startled when he feels Muro-chin’s weight on him as he attacks him with an embrace. He looks down on him awkwardly as he hears the boy mutters his thanks. Muro-chin lets go of his body as he looks up to him, happiness is obviously oozing out of his face and that makes Atsushi calm.
“You did this for me, Atsushi?”
He blushes as he scratches the back of his head all the while avoiding the pretty boy’s gaze. “Yeah...”
The pretty boy chuckles as he takes his hand and leads him towards their center table and motions him to sit. However, instead of Muro-chin sitting opposite him, he sits on his lap and he’s not at all complaining. He looks at him with hopeful eyes and asks “Can I start digging in? Because the sweet smell is making it hard to resist.”
He nods and says, “It’s for you, Muro-chin. Happy Valentines Day.”
He receives a kiss on his cheek as Muro-chin starts eating. On his first piece, he puts the plum jam and some whipped cream on top. He closes his eyes whilst savoring the taste. When he opens his eyes, he looks at him with a newfound respect for his baking skills.
“This is so good! What is this?”
“Kaiserschmarrn or Emperor’s Mess. It’s an Austrian dessert. Though the chocolate is actually not included in the original recipe, I just added it since it’s Valentines'.”
Atsushi watches, feeling proud and satisfied, as Muro-chin takes bite after bite, alternating between the plum jam and the chocolate ganache as his accompany for his Kaiserschmarrn. He sips his coffee happily too and watching him, it makes Atsushi feel all warm inside knowing that someone actually appreciates his effort because believe it or not, though the pretty boy is not really into sweet stuff, he almost finishes the pancake. He suddenly gets pulled out of his thoughts when he sees Muro-chin lifting up his fork going to his mouth loaded with the pancake and the chocolate ganache almost covering the entirety of it. He happily opens his mouth and waits for the food to reach his cavern since he especially likes it when Muro-chin feeds him. But the next action after the food reaches his mouth startles him.
Muro-chin suddenly attacks his mouth with a kiss. A few seconds of freezing on his spot does nothing because of the fact his pretty boy is enthusiastically kissing him as if there’s no tomorrow with his arms wrapped around his shoulders. Languidly, they let go of each other to gasp some much-needed air and he gazes on Muro-chin’s face, his exposed eye is glassy and he feels like his pupil is dilated and his face is all red. Not the red when he blushes but something else. Atsushi tilts his head in question on his state but he can’t deny that he looks so alluring right now and his little Atsushi can’t help but react.
“M-Muro-chin, are you alright?”
The guy in question just purrs as he bites his lower lip in a very sensual way that Atsushi has never seen before.
“A-Atsushi, I feel funny.”
“W-Why do yo-“, his eyes suddenly widen in recognition as it hits him. Ah, the alcohol. He panics a little as he fusses over the pretty boy and carefully stands up with him on his arms as he gently lays him on his bed. He bends down to plant a kiss on his forehead before he decides that he can get some rest but unfortunately, he is pulled down on top of Muro-chin with his hand supporting his weight as not to crush the fragile boy underneath him.
“Ne, Atsushi...” Muro-chin calls him seductively. “Since it’s Valentines', we can start early...I know a good way to use whipped cream and chocolate.” He mischievously grins at him and Atsushi gulps thickly but not in fear. Hell no. Muro-chin might be smaller than him but he is actually worried about his virtue. When the smaller boy pulls him closer to lean in for a kiss, Atsushi has resigned to his fate.
-x-
So in the end, they both miss their classes because after they do the dirty deed, Muro-chin actually passes out and Atsushi comes to a conclusion. He has gotten Muro-chin drunk. Should I be worried? It’s not at all surprising because he has added like three shots each of those alcohol plus throws in the fact that the raisins are rum-soaked. He looks at the smaller boy who is sleeping peacefully with a happy expression while clinging into him. He actually wants to get out of his arms and take a shower because he feels really sticky right now. They mess with the chocolate ganache and the whipped cream a little bit too much. He takes his phone on their shared bedside table and types his message for Masako-chin that they will not be attending the morning practice and classes because Muro-chin is not feeling well and that he will look after him. As he hits the send button, he puts his phone back where it belongs. Sighing in defeat, Atsushi just leans into Muro-chin’s hair and smells it for comfort as his lids get heavy.
-x-
Himuro suddenly jerks awake no thanks to his phone vibrating. His head is pounding as well as his lower back is so sore. While trying to make himself fully awake, he feels a warm body embracing him tightly. He smiles as he runs his free hand on Atsushi’s purple locks. He must admit that this is the best Valentines' Day ever. To think that his big, lazy baby actually bakes something for him is enough to make his heart do somersaults. Atsushi can be overly adorable when he wants to. Cautiously, he tries to remove himself from Atsushi’s clutch and tries to sit up from the bed. He can still feel the constant pounding of his head but tries to ignore it because the continuous vibrating of his phone is annoying him more. Reaching for his phone, he sees that caller id and panics a little because it is Araki-kantoku who is calling him. Composing himself, he tries to answer the call as normal as possible.
“Hello, Araki-kantoku?”
“Himuro!!!!” He automatically moves his phone away from his ear to save himself from getting deaf. He cringes as he can see that the coach is really mad.
“Where the hell are you and Murasakibara?! We’ve been trying to reach you for a while now. He sent me a message earlier that you both are skipping practice and classes. Are you feeling better?”
He whips his head at Atsushi to see that he is already waking up because of all the noise that Araki-kantoku is making. The big baby looks at him with his adorable purple irises as he reaches his hand to his purple locks and pats him.
“Sorry, coach. We are in our dorm room. We fell asleep. I feel a bit better now. We’ll come to practice and school tomorrow.”
“Why is Murasakibara skipping practice and school when he’s not sick?”
Himuro tries to rack his brain with an excuse to save Atsushi from the coach’s wrath. “A-Ah, he has colds...I spread my virus on him. So I told him not to come to school and practice too as not to spread it more.” Fuck Tatsuya, what a lame excuse. He chides himself.
He sighs in relief when he feels that the coach accepts his excuse. “Okay, I’ll double your training when you guys get better. Take care both of you.”
“Thank you.”
He ends the call as he puts back his phone on its initial place and faces Atsushi.
“So,” he starts, “...what did you put in the dessert Atsushi?”
The big baby sinks himself deeper into the blanket and mumbles incoherently.
“I can’t hear you.”
“Rum and orange liquor.”
“Atsushi....” The purple head pokes his head from the blanket so he can finally meet his gaze but Atsushi being himself, he averts his gaze like a child getting caught for something.
“I thought Muro-chin is a strong drinker since you told me before that you drink some of your Dad’s beer back in America. But the recipe actually calls for a shot of each, I just added a bit more.”
Oh. That’s why. He might be from America but he can only handle a beer or two and not strong liquor like rum. He thinks for a bit.
“Wait a minute, how did you even get that alcohol?”
“My big brother helped me. He sent me a package containing that.”
Okay. There’s no way in hell that Atsushi can get his hands on those by himself. He might be too tall for his age but he is still a high schooler. He sighs in defeat. True, it’s not good to miss classes and basketball practice because of something stupid as getting drunk but he can’t find himself getting pissed off at Atsushi, he can never will. He loves his big baby too much. Plus, his effort of making him something out of his comfort zone, it really touches him deeply. Deciding that he’ll let the big baby slide today, he tries to stand up but to his horror, he jerks back to the bed because his lower back is hurting too much. Just how much did Atsushi pound on me for me to feel like this? Sensing his uncomfortable state, Atsushi sits up on the bed and helps him.
“Are you okay, Muro-chin?”
“Ah, yeah. My lower back hurts. Just how much did we do? I don’t really remember much.”
Atsushi smiles lazily at him and says, “Three.”
Himuro gapes at him, “Three times?”
“Uh, yeah. You were insisting to do more.”
He blushes out of embarrassment as he facepalms all the while avoiding looking at Atsushi. He nervously let out a chuckle, “..I..did that..?”
Atsushi looks at him mischievously as he stands up and walks towards their bathroom in all his naked glory. He halts his steps as he looks back at him and utters with his mischievous grin still present on his face, “Yeah. It’s okay Muro-chin, I enjoyed it as well. Do you want to take a shower now? I feel sticky all over. Muro-chin really enjoyed playing with the whipped cream and the chocolate ganache. Don’t you feel sticky too?”
And with that, Himuro is left alone contemplating what his sweet and innocent Atsushi has said. It gives him the shock of his life and reduces his life span for 16 years that he is actually the one who has tainted his big baby unintentionally.
Omake
When it is Himuro’s turn to take a shower, he gets the shock of his life when he looks at the mirror. Hurriedly, he opens the bathroom door only to see the big baby sitting on his bed while eating his maiubo.
“At-Atsushi!!!!”
The big baby looks at him with wonder as he struts in front of him with heavy steps.
“I don’t remember having these many hickeys!”
“Eh? But Muro-chin you said that I should bite you the way I bite on my snac-“, he doesn’t let him finish as he smacks him with next available thing his hand can reach - a pillow.
“Really, Atsushi. You are really unbelievable.”
“Eh? Why me? It should be you.”
He clicks his tongue in annoyance but leans on Atsushi and gives him a sweet kiss. “But I don’t mind. It’s the best Valentines' Day ever. You made me happy. I love you, Atsushi.”
The big baby gives him a genuine smile and said, “Love you too, Muro-chin. I win though.”
“Win?”
“I get to keep you all by myself for today unlike last year, girls were flocking all over you.”
He just chuckles at his boyfriend’s childishness. Really, there is never a dull moment when your other half is one Murasakibara Atsushi.
NOTES: Kaiserschmarrn is a traditional Austrian dessert. The one in this story is the traditional recipe based on what my co-chef from Austria has taught me. It usually comes with a plum jam minus the chocolate ganache. I just included it here since the prompt is chocolate. And yeah, knowing that this recipe is full of alcohol, I just decided to use this with a poor attempt on humor. *don’t kill me please*
Thanks for reading! <3
Also, you can read it now on Ao3
#knbvdaychallenge2020#murahimu#murasakibara x himuro#Murasakibara Atsushi#Himuro Tatsuya#Kuroko no Basuke#prompt#headcanon#my poor attempt on humor#drunk tatsuya#innocent mura#tainted mura#ahhh im blabbing#fanfic#knb fanfiction
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By the time I made the hike down the long pathway from the top of Kyoto’s Fushimi Inari to the houses below, I was thirsty. Which was convenient, since many local residents take advantage of foot traffic from the mountainside Shinto shrine by hosting small cafes in their homes. It was on that winding street that I first encountered amazake, an ancient, non-alcoholic, lightly fermented rice drink, which a helpful English sign noted could be served “hot or cold”.
I looked at the faintly sweet and creamy drink as a reward for my physical activity, one that, like kombucha, promised to replenish me after physical activity. But what my ¥400 (£3) bought me was actually a microcosm of Japanese culinary history.
First developed in the Kofun period (around 250 to 538AD), amazake was originally a food fermentation and preservation technique, created by boiling rice, water and koji, a filamentous fungus that is also used in the fermentation of miso, natto and soy sauce, for eight to 10 hours. The resulting drink, which is packed full of nutrients and gut-friendly bacteria, became so popular that it’s even mentioned in the Nihon Shoki, a text compiled in 720AD that comprises the oldest official history of Japan.
Since then, the drink has seen several rises and falls in popularity. Sales jumped 134.8% between 2016 and 2017, according to food and drink exhibition Foodex Japan, at the time that at-home fermentation became a trendy pastime. The drink then continued its popularity in 2019, thanks in no small part to boyband Kanjani Eight, who were hired to act as spokespeople for Hiyashi Amazake, a popular brand throughout Japan. Amazake also has a regular presence in cafes and convenience stores across the country, with locals sipping on it as a morning treat or afternoon pick-me-up.
Hiroshi Sugihara (杉原大), a fishmonger and fermentation enthusiast originally from Japan’s Aichi prefecture who relocated to Perth, Australia, has seen the rise of fermentation culture firsthand. His Facebook group THE BREW LIFE-発酵生活 has swelled to more than 5,900 members worldwide since its creation in 2014. Already a fan of fermenting miso and doburoku (a form of sake), he enjoyed introducing amazake, a drink from his childhood, to the group.
“It was very interesting and there were mixed reactions from Caucasian [members] but Asians were able to relate [it] to some of their traditional sweets,” he said.
Sugihara fondly recalls drinking hot amazake at temples on New Year’s Eve. Because the beverage is believed to have warming qualities (particularly due to ginger, which is often used to add flavour), it tends to be heavily consumed during the winter months, a period that includes several major holidays, including the Hinamatsuri “Doll Festival”. This has resulted in many Japanese people considering the drink as a tie to both their past and current national culture. As Shihoko Ura, author of food blog Chopstick Chronicles explains, her memories of amazake are laced with a fair amount of sentimentality, particularly now that she’s migrated to Australia.
“I used to be a Red Cross-trained RN in Ise City, Mie prefecture, where there is [the] famous Ise Shrine,” she recalled. “Ise shrine served free amazake for worshippers, and we first-aid employees were also offered the drink. I was always looking forward to the sweet treat when I had a little break in [my] eight-hour shift.”
Amazake is a sugary drink, as hinted at by its name, which translates to “sweet sake”, even though it only contains trace amounts of alcohol due to the fermentation process. Because of that translation, finding it in convenience stores can be tricky for non-Japanese speakers, who should consider asking for a brand name, such as Hiyashi Amazake or Marumi-koji-honten to avoid being served alcoholic sake instead.
As I sipped on my drink, I was surprised by the lumpy texture, similar to rice porridge, due to the small pieces of koji suspended in the liquid. At roughly 80 calories per 100g, it’s healthier than its creamy texture might initially imply, and fans of amazake claim it can positively impact seemingly every part of the body, including hair growth, weight loss, hangover recovery, sleep cycles and bowel movements.
Because of its nutrients, which include B6, folic acid, ferulic acid, dietary fibre and a notable amount of glucose, many claim it deserves a place in Japan’s stable of hangovers cures, which includes beverages made from turmeric or beef liver, ingredients meant to clean a specific organ. And amazake’s drinkable, easy-to-digest, gluten-free nutrients have also earned it the nickname “drinkable IV”, something that Sugihara confirms from experience.
“I usually have it when I have cold or fever and especially when I don’t have an appetite,” he said. “Amazake is something easier to swallow, yummy, and, thanks to the power of starch-breaking enzyme [found in the koji], it’s sort of pre-digested so kind to the digestive system, too.”
Its qualities are also thought to go beyond health benefits. As Misaki (文咲), a model and Spa LaQua ambassador in Tokyo explains, the drink is also loved by the beauty community. “Vitamin B group contained in amazake is related to metabolism of carbohydrates, lipids and proteins, skin and hair,” she told me via email. “Therefore, beauty effects are expected. Amazake also contains an ingredient called ergothioneine, an antioxidant that has the effect of suppressing skin aging.”
But with any food touted as an ancient cure-all, the big question remains. Does it actually work?
Adam Yee, an Austin-based food scientist and host of the podcast My Food Job Rocks, agrees that the minerals and vitamins contained in amazake will help the appearance of skin and hair – if consumed in large amounts. But he also says that the power of suggestion plays a large part in determining a food’s worth. He cited bone broth’s spike in popularity, a beverage that made many similar claims, as one example of good PR. However, he also made it clear that because amazake has an element that’s still very hard to scientifically account for, there may be some hidden, unaccounted truth to these claims.
“Fermentation is something that we really don’t know much about,” he explained. “It’s not like, give it one thing and [it] spits out another thing. Food is so complex, the koji that’s eating whatever it’s around, might actually create something different. You can say the same thing about yeast. Bread and wine are two different things, even though they use the same yeast strain.”
Currently, amazake is barely known outside of Asia. But that looks set to change. Like matcha, which has found its way into desserts both at home and abroad, amazake has become a ubiquitous part of Japanese cuisine, often extending past beverage status. Its continuing success outside of Japan was even predicted by America’s Test Kitchen, who named koji its number one food trend forecast for 2020.
John Sugimura (杉村), corporate executive chef and concept-brand director at PinKU Japanese Street Food in Minneapolis, has turned the drink into a signature part of his offerings, using it both as a creamy base and a way to add unexpected bursts of texture.
“I enjoy delicious baked goods including amazake for its nutrients,” he said. “For me growing up [with Japanese and German parents in the United States], I enjoyed amazake and banana smoothies. I have the most experience making pickles using amazake. And my greatest accomplishment has been incorporating amazake into my ‘sexy sesame dressing’ and salad.
This fusion of cultures may be what will eventually help amazake become a food trend outside of Japan, similar to the way kombucha and quinoa are now widely considered health foods outside their native regions of China/Russia and the Andean region of South America.
Atsushi Nakagawa (中川 貴司), owner of Amazake Co in California, agrees, noting that by linking it to already-popular products, he only has to provide his consumers with a basic introduction to the drink and its potential benefits. After completing apprenticeships at miso and koji microbreweries in Japan over the last few years, he’s pleased at how his knowledge of amazake has sparked the interest of his Los Angeles-based clientele, and how he’s been inspired to play with traditional flavours.
“They get it,” he said. “Especially they love our amazake-mixed latte drinks. We offer Japanese ceremonial matcha, Golden Milk (turmeric, ginger and cinnamon) and horchata flavours. In the last few weeks, more and more people are becoming interested in our Pure Amazake, which is undiluted, so they can use it however they want.”
It might be easy to think of amazake as another trendy food. After all, bone broth, Brussels sprouts and açaí have all seen spikes and falls in popularity. However, those who grew up with amazake see its resurgence within Japan and its gradual introduction outside the country as an opportunity to take pride in their culture. As Sugimura explains, it’s that mindset that encourages him to experiment with the drink’s benefits – and has informed much of his career in food as a whole.
“When I was young, I resisted many Japanese traditions out of fear for the code of etiquette,” he said. “As a third-generation Japanese-American lacking mentoring, there were so many expectations on social behaviour, I became overwhelmed. Fast forward, [and now] every day is a celebration of my Japanese-American heritage.”
Amazake is a cup of Japanese history, but the natural energy the beverage delivers still feels very relevant today. I finished my drink, and returned the glass to the cafe owner, ready to continue exploring Kyoto. It might have just been the superfood at work, but not only did I feel nourished, I felt connected, too.
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Kill ‘em With Kindness - Chapter Two
By Yattsu
Read Chapter One here.
! SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS for plot points in the manga (after chapter 38)
! Akutagawa x female!reader
! Trigger warning for PTSD/Night Terrors
! Cultural notes after the chapter
Chapter Two
Darkness, again, and the terror of voices laughing into your ear from the middle of a dead silence. You clawed at your hair, attempting anything in your panic to keep whatever they were away, or at least to create noise that would drown them out.
Then there was grey light, and a shadow leaning over you as it held both your hands by the wrists.
“Are you awake? Finally.”
Akutagawa let go of your wrists and sat back down next to your bed. You lay as you had woken up, arms splayed around your head, covers rumpled and dignity shaken. “I—”
“You cry a lot.” Akutagawa pulled your bedding back up to cover you and sat back, arms folded. “Who were you running away from?”
Your gut dropped at his question. Had you been talking in your sleep again? It had been a while since anyone was around to tell you whether or not you’d kicked that habit. What had Akutagawa been privy to? You wiped your eyes with your forearm. You did cry easily, but it was just how you were wired; why did he or anyone else need to judge you based on that? How nice for him to be in a position to not understand why anyone might be prone to tears, especially in a situation that was out of your control.
As if reading your mind, he closed his eyes, replying “It’s fine. I won’t repeat anything.” He picked up one of your coverings that had slipped, a thin length of freezer gel pack. “Put this back on your hip.”
You shifted to your side and put the freezer pack back in place. You realized how much you ached; it was certain that you were black and blue under the white sleeping yukata you now wore.
You sat up, very quickly.
“How did my clothes get changed?” There was a little bit too much desperation in your voice, but that seemed to suit the shock of realizing someone here had seen you without most of your clothes.
Akutagawa only sighed. “There is a female doctor here who treated you.” He opened his eyes to glare at you. “You think I would just—”
“No. Sorry…” To be honest, you weren’t sure of anything to do with this man, least of all the likelihood of him enjoying playing Barbie doll with an unconscious victim. Given the circumstances, though, it was probably best to just acquiesce to his assertions and avoid pissing him off. You instead chose to gaze around at your surroundings; you didn’t remember much beyond being carried out of the park.
The bed was a hospital cot with the rails up on the side opposite Akutagawa, and a small tray table with water, a cup, some towels, and a small basin. Most of the room lay beyond the curtain enclosing you; Akutagawa sat in the only chair nearby. He was standing now, pulling the curtain open a few feet to reveal a small room lined with a stainless-steel counter, some shelves, and tiled floors. There were collections of cotton swabs, soap and a sink, medical paraphernalia lined up neatly on the shelves, and a rolling stool near the counter. A small table by the far wall held an electric kettle, several small mugs, a small tea pot, a tea canister, and some random packets of instant coffee. You noticed, blinking under the fluorescent lighting, that there were no windows.
You looked at Akutagawa, who had started to fill the kettle with water. “Where is this?”
He was about to answer when you heard a door open, beyond the edge of the curtain. A voice you recognized as Dazai’s was chattering away, cheerfully, as his and Atsushi’s shoes stepped into the room. Dazai paused mid-sentence. “…is she awake?”
Akutagawa nodded, saying nothing. He went to start the kettle and set out two mugs. Dazai’s voice rejoined his body as he peeked around the curtain at you. “Good morning, beautiful! How are you feeling?”
“Sore…but it would have been worse if you hadn’t helped me.” You ran one hand through your hair, trying to smooth it.
“We didn’t really save you; it was Akutagawa-kun who stopped the men who came after you.” Dazai sat on the stool and scooted up to your bedside. “Did you have to ask him to make you tea?”
“No. Hm?” Was it for you he was doing that? You had thought he was preparing it for Dazai and Atsushi. You watched Akutagawa’s back as he measured tea leaves into the tea pot’s mesh inner basket.
“Good boy.” Dazai beamed.
“I wanted some anyway,” muttered Akutagawa.
Atsushi had also appeared, holding a plastic bag. You noticed that he waited until Akutagawa had moved away from the sink to approach the counter and set it down. Nothing of his hesitation was betrayed on his face, though, as he turned to approach you.
“I’m glad you’re awake… we decided to go get some food when it looked like you’d still be out for a little while this morning.” You saw him cast a sidelong glance at Akutagawa and wondered how much Dazai had had to cajole Atsushi to get him to come along and leave you with his rival.
Akutagawa had poured out green tea into the two mugs, alternating pours between them to balance the tea’s strength in each. He carried them over to his chair, and held one out to you, saying nothing and staring somewhere between your nose and chin.
“Thank you…” You took the steaming mug and cupped it in both hands. It smelled like heaven.
Akutagawa made a low sound somewhat akin to clearing his throat.
“’You’re welcome, my dearest heart’ is what that was supposed to be,” Dazai giggled, leaning his cheek on his palm. You didn’t dare look at Akutagawa to see his reaction, but you felt your own cheeks warm a little at Dazai’s teasing. How was it that he endured Dazai’s crap like this?
“Now,” Dazai began as Atsushi handed around an assortment of onigiri and coffee in chilled cans. “I bet you’re wondering what the hell you’re doing here with three strange guys who hang out in the park at night. …Atsushi-kun?”
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Atsushi leaned against the counter, opening a plastic bottle of cold barley tea. “Well… it’s kind of my fault that you’re here, but mostly not... I’ll explain.” He took a quick drink, setting the bottle down and crossing his arms. “About four months ago, I made an agreement of sorts with Akutagawa… that is, …we don’t get along that well, you see…”
You found this so incredibly obvious that you were surprised that Atsushi seemed to wait for you to react to this revelation. You didn’t, and he hesitatingly continued.
“Well… you see, we had a confrontation—he’s not part of the detective agency—and he has this tendency to …kill people…as part of his job,” Atsushi paused, glaring at Akutagawa. Akutagawa didn’t flinch, eyes lowered to his mug as he sipped from it.
To say you were shocked at this piece of information was an understatement; although a tiny voice in the back corner of your brain was quick to remind you that Akutagawa had seemed suspicious from the beginning, the entire situation was quite sketchy, and you had forgotten all of your prior reservations while being hauled on his back. You stared at him now. “Is that true?”
He lifted his eyes to look back at you. “Yes. Although, not lately…”
“Which is where that agreement comes in,” Atsushi continued. “Akutagawa used to be mentored by Dazai-san, but since Dazai-san has moved on from him, Akutagawa wants nothing more than to fight and defeat me in battle, to prove to his mentor that he’s stronger than me.”
Dazai nodded. “Akutagawa-kun is quite persistent on that point, you see… but Atsushi-kun had an idea that has forced our Ryuunosuke to grow a bit stronger in ways he hasn’t thought of.”
“If he can go six months without killing anyone, I will face him in battle,” Atsushi spat. “So far he’s managed; I can’t know for sure without following him everywhere, but he isn’t the type to lie.”
“I don’t need to lie, since I’m not trying to get out of any challenge you throw at me, Weretiger.”
Dazai helped himself to another onigiri. “Imagine how excited I was for Ryuu-kun when I found out about this! Atsushi-kun inspired me to sweeten the pot, so to speak. You see, Akutagawa-kun had a rough upbringing; he kind of dwells in the lower levels of Maslow’s Pyramid, if you know what I mean…”
Akutagawa coughed. “She doesn’t need to hear all of that.”
“And so,” Dazai continued, “I decided to offer Akutagawa-kun a challenge of my own and simultaneously give him something in return for when he has cooperated with Atsushi-kun.” He leaned towards you and whispered, conspiratorially. “We’re going to help him become………..human.”
“Dazai-san, for you of all people to put it that way,” Atsushi chuckled.
You didn’t find out what he meant, as Dazai was going on with his explanation. “While Atsushi-kun is still holding him to his promise not to kill, I decided to give Akutagawa-kun a challenge that could be much, much harder for him. You see, he’s not used to looking at his life in color; he sees everything as just situations in which he can either survive, or can’t.” Dazai paused to sigh, seeing something in his mind that the rest of the room wasn’t privy to. “Our connections to others are what make us alive.”
You looked at Dazai’s face, stunned by his turn towards seriousness. Your eyes traveled to Akutagawa, who was now facing straight ahead, but with his eyes trained on Dazai. “Then you’re suggesting that he—?”
Dazai shook his head. “He has a younger sister, but that’s it. There were others, but..” He trailed off. He sat up and started again. “Akutagawa-kun doesn’t trust anyone who wasn’t there at the beginning.”
Akutagawa broke his silence. “Dazai-san, you’ve always had my trust.”
Dazai looked across your bed at him, a sad smile on his lips. “Kid, that’s not trust, that’s desperation.”
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You felt some impatience, spurred on by the anxiety of not knowing your role in this tale. You leaned forward. “What does this have to do with me?”
Dazai laced his fingers together and rested his elbows on your bed. “You, gorgeous, are going to play the most important part.” He rested his chin on his fingers, glowing at you. “He’s going to get sooo frustrated; I can see it now!”
Akutagawa stood and stalked to the sink to rinse his mug. Atsushi flailed, leaping out of his way.
“Dazai-san?” You pondered throwing your mug at his head and then looking inside his cracked skull yourself to finally find the whole explanation.
Dazai smiled at Akutagawa’s back. “My challenge for him is to build trust with someone he doesn’t know from the ground up, like normal people, and for that relationship to be based not on violence or fear, but in kindness…if he can do this, he would, in my eyes, have surpassed even himself, and I have assured him that both Atsushi-kun and I would acknowledge his success.” Dazai looked back at you, the smile taking on an edge of mischief. “After two months of work, you will report back to me on how he did. You’ll be sharing a living space, of course, and keeping me posted on his progress.”
Your eyes widened as his words began to sink in. You’d be sharing WHAT?
Dazai didn’t acknowledge your panicked expression, opting to clap his hands together with pleasure. “This is going to be amazing, ne, Akutagawa-kun?”
Akutagawa was still facing the sink. “Yes, Dazai-san. I won’t let you down.”
Wait, what was happening?
“Ara, you are already, ignoring what this girl is agreeing to help you with!”
Agreeing? Who agreed?
Akutagawa exhaled and turned from the sink, ducking his chin slightly as his eyes locked onto yours. “Yoroshiku onegai itashimasu. I can make more tea if you’d like some.”
…Was everybody here crazy??
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END Chapter Two
Stay tuned…
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Cultural notes:
Yukata: A thin cotton kimono, traditionally used for sleeping (uncommonly nowadays), summer kimono wear, and at hot springs resorts.
Onigiri: Rice balls; popular types include salmon- or tuna-filled, or with seaweed flakes. Ubiquitous as a form of Japanese “fast food,” and available in every convenience store and supermarket (or you make your own).
Barley tea: Mugi-cha, another common kind of tea; it’s especially popular in summer.
Yoroshiku onegai itashimasu: A very formal phrase that communicates the desire to accomplish a given task without conflict or issue with someone else; the literal translation is “I humbly request your kindness.” It doesn’t have a true equivalent in English.
#bungou stray dogs#bungo stray dogs#Akutagawa#akutagawa x reader#akutagawa ryuunosuke#bsd imagines#killemwithkindess#he accepts it so easily#dazai is a do-S#no longer a ningen
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Celebration (as a whole)
I’m glad I finished this on time, at least before the day is over. Day 3 of my Kise Ryouta birthday countdown. The inspiration came only just this morning as soon as I woke up but the will the write it only came this evening so it really is quite late. I finished this in two hours! Quite an achievement for me.
Still based from the same prompts. This one is prompt#33 on a post-it note
And this is for @trash-by-vouge! Aside that the prompts are from her, she’s also my 27th follower! I already had it planned that I’ll be dedicating something to my 27th follower since the number is quite special to me (obviously) and here it is~
Also HAPPY FATHER’S DAY to all the father’s out there most especially to the best one which I most fortunately have as mine.
A shrill ring echoed off the walls of a ten-year old boy’s room originating from his alarm clock that was shaped like a basketball. The sound slowly roused him from sleep and he blindly reached towards his bedside table to silence the infuriating device. Once in has been silenced, the boy immediately burrowed himself under his warm sheets. Moments before sleep completely enticed him to its comfortable embrace though, he remembered reason for the ungodly time he set his alarm.
Dad.
In seconds, the boy named Shinya, was out of his bed and went straight to the bathroom en suite his room. Splashing cold water to his face to shake off the remnants of sleep. He needed to be alert and awake if he were to finish what he has set out to do that day. Shinya towelled off the remaining water off his face including the ones that clung to his blond locks. Looking at the mirror for the last time, he set out with a determined face.
Armed with his tablet, Shinya silently tiptoed down the stairs towards their kitchen. Looking around the kitchen, he felt a little overwhelmed with its complexity. He was taller compared to other boys his age but the equipment that littered their kitchen had him at a loss. It wasn’t his fault that his Dad has picked up cooking as a hobby years ago and now their kitchen was filled with whatever cooking equipment his Dad took fancy with.
Shaking himself off the nerves, he remembered to call upon a reliable ally. Fiddling a few moments on his tablet before placing it atop the countertop to avail a good view of the whole kitchen. Shinya waited for a few moments for his call to connect. He was not disappointed when a familiar face appeared in the screen.
“Morning, sergeant. You ready?” greeted the older man possessing blue eyes so similar with Shinya’s from the other side of the screen. “Morning, Papa. As ready as I can be I suppose,” shrugged the boy.
“Well, that’s good enough. Let’s start with the rice, I guess.”
“Yup. Got it.”
Cooking rice was a familiar task to Shinya as this was usually his contribution when it comes to preparing their food. While he washed the rice, his father regaled him with the things his team had been up to as a preparation for their games. His father knows him well enough that the boy likes to hear about his father’s team. As soon as the rice was cooking, he turned back to his father and asked what to do next.
“Eggs. You know how to beat them, right?”
“Uhh. I haven’t tried it yet but how hard could it be,” shrugged Shinya. He can almost hear his Dad’s reprimand at his back on how his lackadaisical was so similar to his Papa and will definitely get him into trouble one of these days. But they were just eggs, nothing too dangerous, at all.
“Yeah use that one.” Shinya looked back to his father to see which direction he was pointing to. His father was referring to the utensil hanging beside a big ladle. “This one?” asked Shinya as he reached for the foreign utensil.
“Right. That’s an egg beater. You just use that to mix the eggs.” Shinya finished cracking the eggs to the bowl that his Dad normally used for the eggs. Looking at the mixture, he was happy that not many pieces of the shell fell in the bowl. Not so bad now, Shinya. You’re doing quite well.
Shinya looked back to his father and he saw that his father was drinking some kind of canned coffee to fight the sleepiness. His father must have been well injected with caffeine by now. Shinya knew that his father must’ve been trying his best to stay up for this. And this fact boosted Shinya to do his best even more.
He began beating the egg trying to remember how his Dad normally did it in the few times that he saw it. “Not too fast! Slow down a bit,” his father cautioned from the counter when he saw that some of the yolks were spilling due to Shinya’s fast mixing.
“Sprinkle a bit of salt. Just a bit,” continued to instruct by his dad. “Heat up the pan. You know how to turn on the stove right?”
“Yup.” It was then that Shinya became thankful that his Dad uses an electric stove instead of the one with actual fire. Aside from it being dangerous, Shinya was thinking that the challenge would be on a different level otherwise.
He waited for a few minutes for the pan to heat up while he recalled to his father the happenings on his school life. He told him on how he met his Uncle Shintarou yesterday because he was called in for the trouble Kazuki got into. And how Uncle Tetsuya was merciless in his last exam to which he almost failed but managed to barely hang in there.
When his father deemed the pan to be hot enough, Shinya climbed up the stool to reach the stove carrying the bowl carefully. He was taller compared to boys his age but their kitchen counter was still a little out of reach for him. “Slowly pour out the eggs. Gently, okay?”
Shinya watched the eggs with rapt attention, the kind only a ten year old can muster and when he deemed them cooked enough he carefully flipped them but not before wearing the loose cooking gloves that his father insisted.
Good. Good, Shinya. You just might be a genius on this. He showed the finished product to his father and accepted the praise with great aplomb again, the kind only a ten-year old can manage. His father even clapped for him as congratulations.
The rest on their planned menu were bacon and hotdogs, to which Shinya had not trouble dealing with aside maybe on the embarrassing eek he let out when the oil frizzled as soon as the bacon touched the pan but his father was his only witness so he’s quite assured that the incident will remain between the two of them.
As soon as the rice was cooked, Shinya prepared the coffee all according to his father’s instructions. Two teaspoons of the ground coffee and three cubes of sugar. A miniature kettle filled with milk was placed beside it to be added as necessary just like how his Dad liked.
Shinya carefully arranged the food he cooked on the table along with the utensils following any additional instructions by his father. He prepared two sets for him and his Dad.
“Good. Now get to the other surprise. The last one is already on the way, I just confirmed it,” instructed his father. Shinya carried the tablet with him as he moved towards the shelf in their living room that contained their photo albums. Browsing for the one he needed and once he found it, he slowly removed it from the shelf carefully minding his movements as to avoid making any unnecessary noise.
Lodged in between the pages of that particular photo album were a bunch of post-it notes of different colors and writings.
Shinya carefully listened to the last minute instructions by his father before leaving him on the living room to complete his task.
He tiptoed back to the stairs until he reached his parents’ room. He silently stuck the notes to strategic locations in their proper order as instructed by his father.
Once finished, he went back to the living room where his father was located. “You done?”
“Sir, yes, sir!” replied Shinya with a flamboyant salute. His father only chuckled at his antics and told him to open the main door since the last part of their surprise was already outside.
Shinya almost ran to the entrance but remembering the need for silence, he tiptoed yet again. Opening the door, he saw his Uncle Atsushi carrying a box.
His Uncle leaned down and gave him the box. “Tell your Dad that here’s my contribution for this year and to enjoy the day,” whispered his uncle upon seeing the boy’s shushing gesture. He nodded enthusiastically and mouthed a thank you to his uncle.
Shinya carefully carried the box to the dining room and placed it in the center of the prepared breakfast. Once the cake was placed, he then lit up the candle that came with it.
Shinya looked up to his father and they shared a grin that mirrored one another. They then each gave one another a big thumbs up.
“My little boy is all grown up now, isn’t he? I wonder if you’ll tower over me the next time we see each other,” teased his father.
To which Shinya merely pouted. “How I wish Papa, but we both know you’ll be home next week and there is no way I could grow that big overnight.”
His father chuckled again at his reply. “Right, right. Now go wake up the sleepyhead before the candle melts.”
This time Shinya was too excited to watch his steps much less the ruckus he made as he ran back to his parents’ room. Reaching the intended room, Shinya knocked loudly enough to shake the door. He continued the loud knocking until he heard a muffled movement on the other side of the door. Before running back though, he left an instruction to the person inside shouting, “Look down below once you open the door.”
Shinya waited for his Dad to reach his final destination which he knew was the dining room. Even without seeing his Dad’s reactions, Shinya can almost imagine it. “He must be crying now,” he heard his father remark at his side. Shinya only giggled for he knew it to be true.
His Dad was a big sap and a crybaby to boot and Shinya already had the contents of the post-its memorized by now. They were his Papa’s share of messages and greetings which only arrived yesterday. He supposed that he could’ve just written the messages for his Papa but they both agreed that a personal touch will be more appreciated by the ‘muse’ of their house.
He rattled each one of them in head as he listened to his Dad’s footsteps.
Good morning, beautiful. Now the day’s evidently brighter as a piece of sunshine is finally awake to share his brilliance to us mortals.
You’ve gotten older, love. But how come you become even more beautiful in my eyes?
I can only imagine the smile you have right now but I’m sure that it rivals the sun in its brilliance and I sure hope that I’ll be able to continue to put those smiles in your beautiful face.
I love you, Dad. Don’t cry, okay! I know you’re still beautiful even when you cry but I only want to see you smile today! You really are the best Dad in the world. (I did ask Papa if he wanted the first place but he agreed that you deserve it far more. You know he can’t say no to you, after all.)
-Shinya
Thank you so much, love. For sharing your life with me. For brightening our days. For loving us so much we can’t get enough of it.
-Daiki
You’re the one that always takes care of us so we’ve decided that on this day, we’ll show you our appreciation.
As if conjured by his mind, the object of their surprise has finally reached their destination. Then the father and son sang a cheerful birthday song in chorus. As expected the blond already has tears in his eyes by the time they finished the song.
“Blow the candle first, Dad! And don’t forget to make a wish!” urged Shinya excitedly.
His Dad closed his eyes for a moment and gave a gentle blow towards the lit candle. As soon as the flame was extinguished, the father and son cheered clapping for their celebrant.
“Happy birthday, Dad!” Shinya greeted as he gave his Dad a big hug. “Love you.”
“Love you too, my baby,” replied his Dad as he squeezed Shinya fondly.
“And the special greetings straight from the other side of Atlantic is here, too!” Shinya then gave the tablet to his Dad which showed his Papa that was mostly likely greeting from ear to ear like him.
“Happy birthday, Ryouta. There you go again, cry baby. I would kiss the tears away if I could but it seems I’ll be a little late for it this time. I’ll be sure to wipe the next batch once I get back there in three days.” Shinya can clearly hear the fondness in his father’s voice. It was the type of voice that he knew was solely reserved for his Dad.
“Thank you both, my princes. I can’t believe you both pulled this under my nose.” His Dad wiped the stray tears off his face as he sat down carrying the tablet to the table.
“I cooked everything! Well, Papa helped a little, but I did almost all of it!” reported excitedly by the other blond.
“Ooooh. And my kitchen is still hale and whole, right?” cooed his Dad.
“It is,” huffed Shinya but he knew his Dad was only trying to mess with him.
“My baby is all grown up.” His Dad reached over and ruffled the blond locks that were similar to his own.
“I told him the same thing actually. He just might outgrow the two of us soon, love.” His Papa added to the teasing.
“Yeah, he just might. Well, shall we go to the tasting? Which one would be the chef’s recommendation?”
“The eggs! I’m sure I seasoned them well! And not many shells were mixed in,” proudly declared the boy.
His parents only chuckled at him. Shinya was at the edge of his seat as he watched his Dad chew a bit of the scrambled eggs he prepared.
“I think this is the best scrambled egg I’ve ever tasted! It is so well seasoned! And I don’t think I tasted any shells at all!” his Dad remarked clapping excitedly.
“Really?” The twinkle on the boy’s eyes were familiar to both parents as it’s an exact mirror image of the celebrant of the day whenever his excitement is off the roof.
“You really should taste it, Daiki. Once you get back, I’m sure the chef will be more than happy to cook it for you.”
“Of course! I’ll cook it for you, Papa.”
“I look forward to it then.”
His parents continued to talk and made commentaries over his cooking skills.
Looking at his parents talk full of smiles and good cheer made Shinya’s heart full. He can almost see his Papa sitting across the table clutching his Dad’s hand. He smiled inwardly it seems like it’s a mission accomplished for him, after all. After all, he achieved his objective for the day.
Celebrate this day as a whole family.
Again, HAPPY FATHER’S DAY to all Dad’s out there!
Parents!AoKise~ Another first for me. The surprise breakfast is what our family did as celebration for today so it was inspired from that.
The name Shinya was taken from my other half of my other favorite ship, GureShin! Yes, no other than ‘deep night’「深夜」Shinya from Seraph of the End.
I’m quite sure that I’ve already cooked breakfast by the time I was ten-years old so I do hope this one is believable enough.
#happy birthday kise ryouta#birthday countdown#birthday fic#aokise#parents!aokise#shinya#gureshin is a special mention#on tumblr#prompt fic#cj writes
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Ears Burning
Nothing elaborate, I said. Here it turns out that it happens to be longer than I originally expected (over 3000 words yikes)...
The inspiration comes from this post from goddamitdazai (you should check them out they are the best ^.^) which can be found here, in case you want to see for yourself what brought this on.
Under the cut due to length, Dazai and fem!reader centered one shot
3062 words (ish) ~SFW (mentions of one night stands nothing graphic)
"I hear you but to a certain extent you got what you asked for."
This was the seventh friend of yours that called almost inconsolable. Sitting on the other side of the guard rail, you hang your legs so that they could be free in the breeze. The conversations almost felt like clockwork- almost predictable. They would go out on Friday and come Monday morning your phone would ring and the sound of crying would echo in your ear. It was nice that your shifts did not start till late on Mondays as the phone calls would take up most of your time. You needed to go home and sleep but part of you knew you needed to hear your friend out, knowing that they might do the same for you. You leaned against the railing of the bridge, phone still to your ear and cold concrete to your back. You hear her voice still full of sobs replies back to you,
"He-"
You stopped her before she went any further down that line of logic.
"Lies."
It was not the most warm of conversations that you were having with your friend about her one-night stand. She obviously was not looking for just a quick romp in the bed by the tone of her voice and her quiet sniffing on the other end of the line. There was not much you could do after all, she had sex with him and he was not calling her back. Ball was in his court as far as you were concerned but that did not mean that she did was completely faultless.
"You knew that that guy was bad news. You still slept with him anyway."
"But, (First)..."
Your friend seemed to stop crying for the moment and continued, "If you could have seen him~"
Your friend's wistful tone almost wanted to make you reach into the phone and smack her. From the seven friends that you've now spoken with about this mystery man, you were pretty sure that they were dealing with a severe case of 'fuckboy' syndrome. They would call you and pity themselves for being used but in the same conversation praise this random guy. Did he have magic hands or something? It was something that you could not quite comprehend. You shook your head to clear your thoughts and spoke to your friend firmly,
"Pick one. Be upset with him or not. Be happy you had sex or not."
Your friend laughs on the other end of the line.
"You are so funny (First). I'm so glad I called."
You smiled and stood up from your sitting position. Taking a few careful steps you lean back on the guard rail and look at the sunrise before you. She continues to talk in your ear, "I'm angry at him, but only because he won't answer me."
Finally, you thought as you take in a deep breath of morning air, she's feeling a little better. As you hold the breath, you think back to the other friends of yours with whom you've had and exhaled your breath. His description that you got all matched the others, tall, dark, handsome, two or three of the more descriptive ones mentioned something about bandages and a beige coat. Part of you wanted to know the name of this guy so you could see for yourself what made them fall head over heels so quickly but part of you wanted his name so you could know to steer the hell away from him. You steel yourself so you can ask the same question for the seventh time,
"So, what is this 'wham, bam, thank you mam' guy's name anyway?"
She stayed silent on the line for a few long seconds before answering,
"Dazai."
You smiled at the new piece of information. She apparently slept with Dazai, the first six probably did as well from the eerily matching descriptions. The pieces of this mysterious puzzle began to fit together in your mind, they all went to the same bar, at the same time....You laughed at your own ridiculousness. Why did you care if he had a name? He obviously did not care for theirs or at least did not care to let them know fully that what they were getting into was not what they anticipated. You shrugged off the notion as the musings of an outsider who has listened to six of those phone calls already.
"Out of seven people you are the only one with a name to give me."
You said this too quietly as your friend asked you to repeat it at the same time you felt a presence nearby. You almost looked behind you but decided the best course of action was to end the call, "Nothing. Listen, I've got to get ready for my shift so I'll talk to you soon. I'll listen to the rest of your 'fuckboy' struggles later."
Dazai walked down the streets of Yokohama looking for something to do, or rather somewhere for another suicide attempt. He had researched last night that there was a bridge around here somewhere that had a large guard rail so it was not as well patrolled to prevent jumpers as others. His hands in his pockets he looked over at the red and orange sky and thought about how long it would take Atsushi to find him once he's figured out he's gone missing again. He estimated that it was about two hours as he was on the edge of town. There was something endearing about that, he mused to himself, as he continued down the streets bathed in the morning sun.
Within a few moments, he arrived at the bridge and paused for a minute before lifting a leg to climb over the guard rail. He stops dead in his tracks as he notices a figure down on the other edge of the bridge sitting and swinging their legs at the stream of water below. Were they suicidal? It didn't look like it from that distance so he quietly crept closer as not to spook them into falling off the precarious ledge and get a better look at them.
He stops coming closer once he's in earshot of the figure. Upon closer inspection, it is a woman sitting in teal medical scrubs with a phone pressed to her left ear. Was she a doctor? Nurse? He couldn't tell, what he could tell was that she had every possibility of calling the police if he were to attempt to kill himself here, today. From the phone pressed to her ear and the fact that she was sitting on the ledge; not standing, she was not suicidal just listening to someone on the other end of the line. From the constant shifting expressions on her face, it was someone she knew well.
He should leave but, the way the morning sun shined on her figure and her hair blowing lightly in the breeze; he could not just leave her alone. His breath hitched when he heard her speak to the person on the other end of the phone,
"You knew that guy was bad news, you still slept with him anyway."
She was speaking pretty harshly to her friend presumably crying on the other end of the phone. It was obvious that her friend had slept with someone and had regrets about it. She was not being overtly mean about it, just not sugar coating the situation.
He thought back to the fact that a few weeks ago, Chuuya threatened him with telling the previous women in his life his number and this was probably why. There were women just like her friend that probably wanted to express their feelings to him but could not. He certainly felt that this was not the way he was originally planning to spend his morning. He kept listening in,
"Pick one. Be upset with him or not. Be happy you had sex or not."
He almost laughed at the way she said that line to her friend. Her face was tinted a slight shade of pink and yet her tone of voice sounded authoritative. He watched her stand up carefully, phone still pressed to her ear. She obviously had enough concentration even though she was slightly embarrassed to walk a few feet on the ledge and lean on the guard rail without needing a spotter. He thought about walking away from the scene before him but, this was more interesting than what he was planning on doing anyway. It was odd, the woman standing before him, he could not put a finger on it, fascinated him. He sees your posture shift as the hand not holding the phone wraps under your chest before asking,
"So, what is this 'wham, bam, thank you mam' guy's name anyway?"
You stood there without breathing for a few seconds and a smile suddenly crept across your face. You must have liked the answer your friend gave you as it seemed the sun paled in comparison to the brightness of your demeanor. He almost forgot that you were looking like you prepping for an answer that you were not going to like a few seconds ago. This was all over a name? What did that matter? He decided that he needed to be closer to listen in on both ends of the conversation.
"Out of seven people you are the only one with a name to give me."
He heard this phrase come from her lips and thought, the guy that she was talking about was certainly something else. Presumably if it was the same guy. This woman before her had to listen to six other women cry and lament about their one night stands? No wonder she was not sugar coating her words. This was routine for her at this point. Whoever this guy was really was 'bad news' as she put it. He could be thinking too much into it, that seven women could bed the same guy and be upset about it. The statistical probability was really low on that, almost minuscule compared to the fact that they all knew the woman in front of him. He smiled once he noticed that she was ending the call,
"Nothing. Listen, I've got to get ready for my shift so I'll talk to you soon. I'll listen to the rest of your 'fuckboy' struggles later."
He smiled and leaned over the barrier nearby her. He placed his hand on his face and silently watched the sunrise for a while. He noted that she looked at him for awhile with slightly pink cheeks before giving him a silent smile. He opened his mouth to offer a chance at a lovers suicide and maybe a pickup line (or three) but what he did not expect was her calmly asking him,
"Did you come because you felt your ears burning?"
You silently ended the call and securely placed the phone in the front pocket of your scrubs, giving a small pat to the device to assure its presence before feeling another presence slide beside you. Separated by the concrete barrier, you look out of the corner of your eye at a man, much taller than his hunched over appearance would indicate staring strait out into the sunrise. If you could describe him in one word it would be, beautiful. His brown hair seemed to almost match his chocolate eyes and you could feel yourself blushing from his presence. He exuded confidence as he quietly leaned one arm over the barrier, the other holding his face. It was obvious that he felt no qualms about being in the presence of another person. Your breath stopped when you saw pure white bandages peek out from his sleeve. Could it be? The corners of your mouth turned upward in silent greeting.
He matched the portions of descriptions that your friends gave almost perfectly. There was one detail that all of your friends knew about but you had no way of checking that out on a perfect stranger. What were you thinking? You almost blurted out (what you presumed to be) his name aloud but settled on something a little more abstract in case you needed a conversation out,
"Did you come because you felt your ears burning?"
You looked directly in his face after the words left your lips to find the man rendered speechless. You could feel your cheeks turn pinker in embarrassment. After a few seconds of dead air, you attempt to back track, "Sorry, that probably sounded like a pickup line. I'm just delirious from my shift. Ignore it."
"No, you're probably right. My ears were burning a little."
At the realization that the man had listened in on minimally, your end of the phone conversation with your friend you took a careful step to the side. You determine that this is all that he's probably going to say for now as the look in his eyes appears almost regretful, possibly even lonely. Deciding not to chide him for listening in, you continue talking about your phone conversation just now.
"So, that was my seventh friend that had a one night stand. They call me after he doesn't call back after a few days, I just don't understand the crying."
He laughed lightly as if he was nervous and looked strait into your eyes for a few seconds. You can see the light behind his eyes shift as if the gears in his brain are hard at work, more so than his heart. It would explain his actions if that were the case. You blink and tilt your head and release your inhaled breath once he replies,
"I don't understand either."
It was your time to laugh and you bend over at the severity of it causing the man to grab the back of your collar. Was it appropriate to laugh, probably not, given the fact that he thought hard about his response but your exhaustion got the better of you. You almost forgot that you were on the bridge edge there for a second as you felt his grip on your collar. You did understand the crying on some level, it was probably different intentions clashing, but for some reason you found yourself agreeing with a stranger. You whisper a quiet thank you and stand upright again to regain balance.
"Well then, that makes two of us."
You smile at him widely and he brings his hand his mouth to stifle another laugh. It had been a long time since you spent time with people other than your girlfriends, let alone a man. Your smile fades as you continue to speak to him, "Seriously though, Dazai, if that is your name, I think you need to work on communicating relationship start and end dates. I don't need an eighth friend calling me."
Silence filled the air as Dazai was deep in thought after what she just said. This was the minute possibly happening right this second. If she was not so interesting, he might have brushed her off as being rude. There she stood, in the morning light, telling him, a complete stranger, that he needed to work on his behavior. His mind racked the possibilities of what he should say, could say, he's never been rendered so useless. Should he brush you off? Should he try and see what makes you think you should act the way you did? What was about you? He's tortured people for information for a living at one point in his life and here he stood, dead silent. Why did you care? Was it purely that you really did not want another friend calling? Was it something else? That light tinge of pink gracing your cheeks would indicate that you did fancy him somewhat. He apparently stayed silent for too long as he heard your voice speak up,
"Well. I think that is enough chastising strangers for today."
He watched as you turned heel on the ledge and began to walk in the complete opposite direction of him with hands behind your back. He instinctively reached out for your retreating figure but pulled his arm back at the last second before his hand reached your finger tips. You turned around and stared at him for a few seconds while the breeze cut through the silence and moved your hair out of place. He watched as you placed the stray piece of hair behind your ear, it seemed like you were thinking about something. He opened his mouth,
"You don't have to be chastising a stranger. I'm Dazai Osamu. You are?"
You laughed lightly and turned back around and called out over your shoulder,
"I'm (Last) (First). I hope to not hear about your exploits again."
You continued on your way and he debated whether he should catch up with your retreating figure but you turned and said something else, almost as if you forgot and remembered, "Oh, and please don't jump...Now that you know my name and I know yours you can be assured at least one person would mourn your loss... regardless of what you did previously."
You offered a small wave with a smile and he watched silently as you walked away from him. He stared at the water below, shining with morning light and mentally kicked himself for not at least getting some way of contacting you again; he still needed answers.
He turned to go back to the Agency when something caught his eye, an ID badge hanging from a simple lanyard sitting on the pavement. He picked it up and twirled the string in his hands, noting a broken clasp and the company logo before placing it in his pocket. He kicked a small stone in the road before continuing on his journey back. He smiled when he remembered that he had a way of contacting you again. He spoke to no one in particular as his hands came to rest behind his head,
"(Last) (First), Coroner, Yokohama City Police Department. I believe we will be seeing each other again."
What another coincidence, he thought to himself mentally noting that he should try and go with Ranpo to crime scenes for awhile. After all, he might just see someone interesting again and that might make the day a little less boring.
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