#thank fuck people finally got a clue about hashtags
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the fact emojis do math for a specific emoji you can already just choose, and it doesn't work for devices that don't support it, is proof we have lowered our standards as people and are in an inescapable mental decline.
What's the point at that point.
#emojis#i miss emoticons#remember when you put in some effort for expression and it was entirely user generated?#and now it's a soulless red flag of inteligience in most people?#totally can just iamverysmart me here but there's a correlation between the ideology of emojis that varies on totals#unironic uwu levels of cringe is a sign of a child#general usage is sign of a normie#light usage is a sign of someone willing to fight a pig in the mud but feel bad if confronted#and no usage is just human#it is simply normal to look at corporate crap and deny it#it is useful idiots that don't critically consider anything#and emojis#they simply add nothing#they really dont#if you can't convey tone you simply don't do the joke#adding an emoji doesn't make the joke funny#just obvious that you don't have the charisma or patience to put in the effort#idunno man I don't like half assing shit and emojis are the pendultimate laziness in communication#feels like several steps back#thank fuck people finally got a clue about hashtags#like#speak normally#like a normal human being#this is not twitter#it is a pound symbol#calm down#adding hashtag makes whatever you wanted to say infinitely less impactful#like a teenager on a soapbox complaining about rising chocolate costs#or a child that doesn't understand humor#at no point does it add to any joke it always took away
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OK, so, episode reax of WoH Ep 4 is briefly delayed – may be out Sunday, but more likely post M-W workweek. It is coming. Meanwhile, have some more Street Dance of China? S3, Ep 2.
First of all, I have to say that if I had any way of figuring out what some of this music is, I’d have a new Spotify playlist 300 songs long.
ANYWAY, we get a recap of … Wang Yibo being incredulous about coming in last place in a dance competition. Wang Yibo vowing to get back the three colorful towels he lost by coming in last place in a dance competition and therefore can’t use to send three more of his team’s dancers on to the next round. Hip-hop freestyle battles for TOWELS. Wang Yibo getting his colorful towels back. Ridiculous unnecessary drama over whether Lay Zhang is going to win his battle and get EVEN MORE colorful towels, given his competition is Wallace Chung (oh dear. that was kind of blunt.). And that’s what you missed on Glee Street Dance of China 3 Ep 1.
Snapshots of what’s coming up this week: Everyone has shot their wad on towels and is sweating the fact that they have 59 more dancers they want to send through to the next round and a single towel left. (I TOLD YOU SO. ALL OF YOU.) The only way to get more towels is to battle for them. A hip-hop battle has NEVER BEEN SO IMPORTANT.
Cutting here, I guess, for ridiculously detailed nattering. Hashtag long post (remorseful):
Team Lay Zhang: First of all, Lay Zhang, I just have to note that you’re getting an edit that doesn’t make you look like the brightest bulb in the box. I don’t know if this is just the edit, or if it’s … well. You. I guess we’ll see as the season goes on. Also, in the interim, I have found out that you also are Zhang Yixing, which a lot of your fandom seems to actually call you, so should I call you Yixing instead of Lay? You seem to be going by Lay for this show, so it seems polite to stick to that? Anyway. Gongsun Wu Ming & Hei Zai start us off this episode, and they get off to a little bit of a slow start, but once they pick up, they’ve got a lot of nice air in their moves, that effortless(-looking) almost anti-gravity effect that good breakers can get. Then we almost immediately get a series of ok, that’s fine, oh, wait, no, THAT is actually pretty mediocre poppers, none of whom gets a towel, thank god, because the supply has to be running low. And then Teng Zai appears, claiming to be the best popper, and … OK. OK, alright. Fine. He might be right. His technique and control are fantastic, but you want to know what really sells me, in the middle of this generally fantastic performance? It’s that series of chest pops followed by the little heart held out right on the fk’n music. It’s little details like that, that make or break a performance, and he pulled it off beautifully. I went back to re-watch, it was so slick, yet so charming. OK, maybe I went back to watch more than once. You can’t prove anything. (Also, he gets called their little “Ares” - in quotes, in the subs – by other contestants, more than once, but I can’t pick out the actual sound of that name, which makes me think the subbers have inserted “Ares” as something that will give the flavor of what he’s actually being called. My 1st level Duolingo Mandarin is absolutely not enough to figure out what people are actually calling him, so is there anyone who’s able to give me some insight, here?) Aaaand, Towel Battle 1 (see Footnote 1). Post-battle, we’ve reached the point when all the captains are sweating their lack of towels, so e’rybody is just going to have to battle for towels from here on out. Yuan Ye faces Momo, and a little bit, this is where I expect the knife fight to start (Momo’s bringing the knife). I’m honestly not that impressed with either of them and probably would have saved my towel for someone else, but Lay Zhang decides to send them both through, so what’s the point of a battle to begin with? BUT THEN (dun-dun-dun) some dude calling himself Bon shows up to really cut a bitch, waves away both Yuan Ye and Momo to the sidelines, describes himself as “a boom” and proceeds to give a performance that imo is kind of mushy and all over the place. Lay Zhang looks a little taken aback as Bon sort of grinds up on him but can’t even really commit to that, just before Lin Zi Jie shows up. Lay Zhang makes Zi Jie change his coat - thank god, because you can’t see half of what he’s doing and he actually seems like the most towel-worthy performance out of this whole cluster of flail – and asks for a freestyle battle, which turns out to not be that great on Bon’s or Zi Jie’s parts, actually. I feel like the dance vocabulary here is kind of limited, and we’re left with a bunch of hip-shaking, grinding, and supposedly seductive looks, which is NOT going to cut it in the battles we’ve seen already. Towels to Momo and Zi Jie, rather than putting them in reserve and waiting to see who else shows up, which I think is probably a mistake, but OK, I’m not a pop idol with the clout to star on this show, so. (I know what I like to watch, tho’, and none of that was it.) A promise to Yuan Ye that she gets a Battle Towel. Time for Towel Battle 3 (See Footnote 3).
Team Wallace Chung: So, first off, there’s George, who dances before he’ll introduce himself, and I guess I have to respect a guy who’s going to let his performance be his introduction. And then we get a series of OK that’s fine but not really great poppers, and Wallace, unlike Lay, is handing out towels like candy. OK, my man. If that’s really what you want to do, I guess, but it doesn’t seem like the greatest idea to me. You’re also really fucking with the morale of the dancers who haven’t performed yet, who are gradually realizing that you’re going to run out of towels before you even get to them. Hilariously (for me, if not the contestants), I paused at this point to go refresh my bourbon and managed to freeze on a random contestant, identified as Wei Ming - who I don’t know if we’ll ever get to see actually perform, but he deserves the bolded name for this, alone – looking baffled and concerned, with the English subtitle on his comment reading “Sir, what are you thinking?” I suspect he is not using “Sir” in the sense that I use it when my cat (or Zhang Zhehan) has done something appallingly adorable, but rather when the cat has knocked yet another gd pen off my desk while I’m trying to take notes, just to be a bastard for attention. (OTOH, I guess if you weren’t one of the dancers bold enough to swarm up there in the first couple of hours, you take what you get. Fortuna fortes adiuvat.) We finally get to Lin Meng, whose reputation precedes him, but seriously, if Wallace is just handing out towels to every popper, what does it even mean? Wallace – Wallace – proceeds to basically call Lin Meng an old man before making him bargain for a towel, which is a shame, because Lin Meng deserves to get not only this towel but the four towels you just gave away to some guys who should still be holding Lin Meng’s jacket, Wallace. I mean, seriously, this guy’s technique is fantastic. Even if he does fumble his jacket lapel that one time. Aaaand, Towel Battle 1 (see Footnote 1). Post battle, we get A.K. Dong, who’s got some excellent musicality and a face that apparently resembles a variety show star (Hank Chen?). I mean, I guess it gets him noticed, but it sucks that it seems to overshadow his dancing, because he’s really good. Then we notice our towels are running low, and everybody is just going to have to battle it out. Wallace promises the Battle Towel to some dude who we don’t see perform and don’t get a name for, and with my prognisticatory skills, I’m going to say we won’t need to know his name, because this is the last we’ll see of him. Time for Towel Battle 3 (See Footnote 3).
Team Wang Yibo: First up, we get Bing, whose reputation precedes him, prompting other teams to look around and wonder what all the commotion is about. Bing has a motorbike moment with Yibo, before giving a performance that starts off the tiniest bit mushy before he puts some fantastic technique on display. Yibo pulls out his Perpetual Student schtick and asks for some freestyle with some motorbike elements, which at first makes me suspect you might be fucking with this guy just a little bit, Yibo, but Bing is both game and versatile, and he eventually gets his towel, along with a wish from Yibo to ride together sometime, and oh. (As we say, in A Very Significant Tone, on AO3.) All of that was flirting. OK. On the heels of Yibo giving me yet another clue as to his taste in men, we roll into a seriously uncomfortable segment that stomps all over my embarrassment squick because they’ve cut together several women to look desperate and starstruck and comical and dumb, while Yibo looks increasingly uncomfortable, and I am super not down with this, show. I’ll admit that from what we can see, none of them are great dancers, but I suspect there were a lot of not-great male dancers, too, and I just. Ick. This was unnecessary, you haven’t done it to any of the other captains, and it frankly doesn’t make Yibo look that great, when you set his reactions here against the fact that not only have we not seen approval from him for any female contestants so far, but this segment is the only interaction we’ve seen from him with any female contestants so far. Hard on the heels of this segment, we get Chick, who is very good when he wants to be but also super-extra and annoying, and who fucks around more than he really dances, but the audience seems charmed with him, and Yibo doesn’t give him any of the smackdown he deserves, which doesn’t improve my impression of the previous segment, given the varied ways Yibo iced out some of the women. Meanwhile, Jackson Wang strolls over, and Yibo acts super weird about it, for a guy who was the first one to wander into someone else’s territory, which was – oh, yeah, I remember, Jackson’s – to watch his dancers, and Jackson says that he would give Chick a towel before heading back to his own street, and then Yibo does, even though he fucks with him a little bit first, and then there’s a bit of footage cut in of Yibo making dumbass excuses for this guy, so. I’m not entirely feeling you right now, Yibo. Also, all of this is certainly doing nothing to disabuse me of the notion that you’re about 1000000x more comfortable in homosocial situations, for whatever reason. Anyway, we then get a montage of Yibo handing out some towels to various dancers (including a woman, finally, although she’s intercut with some other people and doesn’t actually get a full segment of her own), and then we get Tao and Cici, who are both good, but Yibo now discovers that he only has three towels and there are two people standing in front of him, so he gives a towel to Tao and promises one to Cici after the next towel battle, which, yeah, Tao is probably better, but this is a hell of time to decide to be circumspect with your towels, Yibo, when you can leave a woman sitting on the sidelines but send her husband through to the next round. :hands: Anyway, it’s time for Towel Battle 2 (See Footnote 2), and I do have to give Yibo props, again, for his teambuilding, because he takes a minute to say, hey, there aren’t a lot of towels left, and there are quite a few of you, so what we’re going to do is all go over there together, and get another towel, as a team. Post-battle, Yibo is still concerned about his lack of towels, and everyone left is going to have to battle it out, although, frankly, the way Yibo’s been going on about how much he likes battles, I sort of think he might secretly be a tiny bit excited about this. He ends up putting person after person into reserve, waiting to see everyone, probably, and then Meng Di shows up, and she’s already got the rest of the group behind her. They know her, they know she has cochlear implants, they respond immediately when she shushes them so she can hear Yibo and the music, they call for the DJ to turn up the music for her, they clap together to emphasize the beat. She’s smart enough to keep six feet between her and Yibo while she dances, so that she doesn’t spook him like the fragile and shy homosocial forest creature he apparently is. She immediately gets her cha cha on when her battle partner holds out his hand to lead her out for her turn. Good technique, even though there are a few bobbles. None of these four performances in the final battle are the best we’ve seen so far, but they’re solid. Yibo is clearly torn about what to do with his one towel, although the audience starts getting kind of insistent that he needs a waacker, and a female waacker at that, and he ends up making Bullet and Meng Di battle again. She’s performing for the audience at this point – I mean, she’s not even pretending about it, she spends most of this round facing them, with her back to Yibo - and she’s also versatile, genre-wise, so I think we can all see where this is going. I think he really wanted to give that towel to Bullet, who definitely is very good, but he knew that he’s painted himself into a corner where he ought to give it to Meng Di, so that he’s got some genre-versatility on the team, if nothing else. Towel to Meng Di, and a promise to Bullet to win another Battle Towel for him. Time for Towel Battle 3 (See Footnote 3).
Team Jackson Wang: First up is Bai, who apparently is a favorite from season one, but I haven’t seen season one – or season two - so I don’t have any history on any of these people. Bai is doing a bit, here, but he’s also generally got some good technique, so OK. Why are they blurring out his left wrist, though? Yang Yu Ting is really good, some more good technique, good musicality. And then we’re already on to Towel Battle 2 (See Footnote 2). Post-battle, we get Shen Kai Xiang, who apparently looks A LOT like Jack Ma, which seems to be little bit like if some Bill Gates-lookin’ mf’r showed up to audition for SYTYCD. Lyrical; good technique; much like Bai, appears to be doing a bit. And, then, as with all the captains, the dearth of towels sets in, and Jackson is going to put everyone in the gladiator ring and make them battle it out. Maybe we can win another Battle Towel. Time for Towel Battle 3 (See Footnote 3).
***
Footnote 1, AKA Towel Battle 1, Team Lay Zhang vs. Team Wallace Chung, 3v3: Team Lay Zhang is San Jin, who they throw up some B-roll on, since the show has spent no time on him so far although he seems to be in cahoots with Xiao Bao (see Ep 1 recap); Gongsun Wu Ming, who’s spoiling for a battle after no one would take him up on it during his initial performance; and Teng Zai, because I mean, come on. Team Wallace Chung is Lin Meng, which should be interesting, since he and Teng Zai are apparently from the same crew, George, and Qin Yu, who we not only haven’t seen before this, that I can remember, but don’t even get B-roll on while Wallace is talking strategy, unlike the other two. Qin Yu, this does not bode well for your future on the show, if they’re not even bothering to give you B-roll, let alone an edit. Both captains are very weird about introducing their dancers, like these guys are some big surprise and aren’t going to dance in front of everybody in a minute and half, anyway. Possibly this is some kind of attempt at a dominance display? I don’t know. It’s won by the host, anyway, who eventually enforces his will and gets some introductions out of the captains. Anyway, Gongsun is up first for Team Lay Zhang, and this dude is just fun to watch, with great musicality and flow, and Wallace’s face while watching him is a picture, let me tell you. He’s up on Qin Yu almost immediately, possibly sensing the weakest link of Team Wallace? Team Wallace counters with George, who’s not having any of that, and gets the first point for his team. Second round, Teng Zai is once again impeccable, so even though someone has lit a fire under George, who spends half his time upside down, he nevertheless loses the point to Teng Zai. Round three, Teng Zai and Lin Meng face off, and they’ve both got great technique, although I feel like Lin Meng has a slight edge there, but I also think Teng Zai did a better job of showcasing strength and control, so I’m not surprised when the judges go for another round, in which Teng Zai is still super-fun to watch and definitely on his game, but Lin Meng steps up with some incredible precision, so I’m a little surprised when the judges give it (unanimously) to Teng Zai and Team Lay Zhang. One more round, and Teng Zai … is maybe wearing down a little bit, coasting on this one, and oh, hey, we’re finally going to get to see Qin Yu, who has some nice fluidity but maybe doesn’t really match up to Teng Zai in the charisma department, which may be why we haven’t seen him before this, and also why he loses the round. Round, battle, and two towels to Team Lay Zhang, and we still haven’t seen more than 15 seconds of B-roll of San Jin. But wait! There’s still a moment to be had, in which Teng Zai suggests donating one of their towels to Team Wallace, namechecks love and peace as a vital part of street dance, and quite possibly cements his place in my – and everyone else’s - heart. Both sides go home with a towel.
Footnote 2, AKA Towel Battle 2, Team Wang Yibo vs. Team Jackson Wang, 3v3 captain-led battle: Oh, they get to choose a song for each other. This should be interesting. I feel like there’s some shit-talking going on here, although I’m not really equipped to catch it and am at the mercy of the subtitles. Does Jackson really ask Yibo, “You WERE a dancer when you were young?” because lol. And Yibo is all, “Eh, kind of?” I do love how neither of them can hold still for songs two and three. So, Team Yibo is also Bing and Tao, while Team Jackson is also Bai and Ting. The thing that strikes me immediately during the minute or so that they get to plan and quickly choreograph is that Team Yibo has everyone there – there’s no point during this planning stage that the entire crew isn’t involved. They’re all part of this. Meanwhile, Team Jackson is just the three of them, separate from everybody, working out their choreography. The whole-team approach IMMEDIATELY pays off, when Team Yibo slams out of the gate with an energy and power and fullness to their performance that Yibo will later comment is fueled by the atmosphere that the dancers at the back create, and he’s right, it’s just like a wave of pressure pushing them forward, not even getting into the fact that the three people actually in the battle are fucking good. Team Jackson is also good, but they don’t feel like a team, the crew in the back doesn’t seem to have it together, and the loss of that – it has an impact. No surprise that Round 1 goes to Team Yibo and their Attitude, which is like an entire fourth dancer on its own. Round two coming up, and the entire Team Yibo is still involved in the planning stages, Yibo’s flannel has come off and we’re down to T-shirt sleeves, and Tao is surprising me not only with his moves – I honestly didn’t expect him to come as hard as he does, given he and Cici were more lyrical in their initial performance – but in his killer instinct, because he’s the one who suggests getting up in Jackson’s face, lit. and fig., by yoinking one of his signature moves. Meanwhile, Yibo is playing gay chicken, and it is just as great an idea as it sounds like (and this is that performance that a clip of it was making the rounds a few months ago); meanwhile Jackson is going high (?) concept, and that is just as bad an idea as it sounds like, although he does attempt some charming self-deprecation when it’s all over (also, omg, one of the contestant reactions later is that he’s “short of brain trust.” I’m not actually sure what the most eloquent way to translate that comment would have been, but it certainly gets an idea across.) Chick actually earns his pay in one of the best moments of the battle that – as much as I hate to encourage it – actually does profit off his general air of douchery, Team Jackson continues to lack the kind of cohesive team feel that Team Yibo is bringing – and second round, battle, and towel to Team Yibo. THIS is the advantage of team-building from the very first minute. Also, fuck, Yibo and the dancers he’s collected are good. Technically, yes, but also, the auditions are getting kind of interminable, but after this battle, I’m excited again, and that kind of audience reaction is a good measure of whether your dancing is successful. (Towel goes to Cici, btw, which, yeah, Tao did fucking earn that for her, so I’m glad you came through on your promise to her, Yibo.)
Footnote 3, AKA Towel Battle 3, all four captains. Cypher. Four rounds. Everyone else’s face when the cypher is announced: D: Yibo’s face when the cypher is announced: >:D They each get to choose a style of music. Wallace chooses locking. Yibo and Jackson both choose hip-hop. Lay Zhang chooses krump. Yibo’s already moving before the music even starts, to whatever music lives inside his head. The music actually starts, and Yibo is in the center before anyone else gets the chance (probably before anyone else can get up their nerve …) My sound drops out right here, which, wtf, but I can still tell Yibo’s throwing down the gauntlet. He’s beatable, but not by anybody who’s going to coast. Also, goddam, he has legs for days. Lay Zhang is in next, with some good speed and power and crispness to his moves, although I’m having trouble taking that cap with the fake dreads seriously. It’s … actually super interfering with me getting on board with your vibe, my dude. Jackson’s up next, and he has somehow managed to bring my sound back, and he also lands, frankly, the best forward Salto we’ve seen from anyone so far this season, which I have to admit even though he is my inexplicable mortal enemy. Yibo and Wallace, ffs, ice him out in the follow-up, although he then does the same thing to Lay, so who tf knows what’s going on with the actual interpersonals between these guys and what’s for show, at this point. Wallace finally gets his turn and is super-game but horribly out-classed. Yibo gives him props anyway, which, good on you for respecting your elders and their efforts, I guess, baby, but let’s all admit that was an “E” for effort. Judges are frantically scribbling their points down as round 2/4 begins, and Yibo is the first one in the middle, again, and wtf gdi my sound really picks this point to drop out again? I feel like Youku may be fucking with me, at this point. ANYWAY, Yibo is finally, actually all in, and he’s got a fantastic Harlem shake, it’s like his joints are barely connected. I honestly could watch this boy dance all day, that’s how smooth he looks. Here’s the thing about Yibo, and it’s something the other captains haven’t yet achieved, or have only accomplished in slivers of time – he makes me want to dance, too. I watch him, and I want to be doing what he’s doing. You could say that he literally, not just figuratively or emotionally, moves me. And his ability to stoke that is something I really appreciate. Jackson Wang is up next and is pretty good, but I’m honestly more impressed with Lay Zhang, who manages to look almost like he’s being special-effected, that’s how staccato he gets at his best in this round. Wallace dances. The other captains are polite about it. More scribbling from the judges. Jackson’s the first one out there in round three, and he’s honestly looking the least tired of all of them. Stamina is maybe an issue, here. Even with Jackson, some of the finer control is gone. Y’all are maybe a little soft? How long has it been since any of you idols had to endure the workout of an entire concert? There’s a whole ‘nother round to go after this, so you better get your oxygen masks. Lay Zhang is still fairly crisp and pulls off a literal hat trick, although he’s doing a lot more upper body work that lets him stand in place than he is actually moving around. Jackson, with his baby boy enthusiasm and energy, is magnanimous enough to fill up some of Wallace’s time by “pulling” him into the center and then getting out there and dancing with him. I am old enough that I understand what Wallace is going through, but there’s just a noticeable difference in ability, here. Yibo is clearly waiting until last this time, to those of us paying scrupulous attention, although it’s nothing too obvious, and it does buy him enough time that he’s basically recovered by the time he gets back into the middle of the circle, although he’s a little less expansive than he’s been in the previous two rounds. So, strategic, then, too. Judges scribble as we move into the last round. No time for weakness, all of you. DID YOU HEAR ME, because most of you are looking, to be frank, just a little bit WEAK as you circle around and hang out on the edges and try to get your breath and energy back. I’m just sayin’. Lay takes the hit first, and he’s really trying, although he’s not as strong as he was back in the second round. I’m a little bit afraid he might fall over by the end of it. Yibo is sweating but pulls some random dude’s hat right off his head before … at least going all in, even if he doesn’t quite know what he’s doing, krump-wise. He ends by falling on the ground, in a credible WWX-passing-the-fuck-out imitation, which is probably a relief, by that point. Jackson probably has the most energy left, although he’s reduced to pulling off his shirt and posing by the end of his time. Wallace does some dancing. Look. I’m just going to leave it at that. Jackson is still being polite enough to encourage his elder. It’s maybe a little bit endearing. Final result is that Lay Zhang wins, which. OK. I would have placed him second, after Yibo, but I also seem to remember that he won the initial captains’ performance, back in Ep 1, so I guess I can’t be too surprised at this, based on trends. Show director was apparently so impressed, he’s gonna give up four extra towels, one to each captain, which means Lay gets two towels. So I guess towels go to Yuan Ye on Team Lay Zhang and Bullet on team Wang Yibo, if they keep their promises, although don’t know who Wallace and Jackson are planning on giving their extra towels to.
Next ep: Mystery Guest.
#street dance of china#sdoc episode reax#wang yibo#should i be including other captains names in the tags too?#hm
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Black Canary: New Wings #3
I'm suddenly hungry for cheesecake.
A friend of mine on Twitter has been retweeting #PitMad tweets and I'm losing my mind. If you don't know what Pitch Wars is, it's a thing that takes place on Twitter. Specific days are set aside for up and coming writers to Tweet out short synopsis of their novel idea in the hopes that an agent will love their unique vision and turn them into the next...well, I don't know anybody that ever became a famous writer thanks to Pitch Wars. I'm sure it's happened because there's no way agents could pass up some of these terrific pitches! Especially the ones that begin with two pop culture media hits, implying a wacky mash-up of the two ideas! "PULP FICTION X 101 DALMATIANS! Can Jules convince Vinnie that dog's have personality before he decimates the local Dalmatian population? 'What do I look like, motherfucker? Dead motherfucking dog motherfucking storage?!'" How come the agents are knocking down my door after that pitch?!
It seems the majority of pitches my friend has retweeted have been of the "Teenager discovers magic secret about their family!" variety. "Bartlett doesn't find themselves fitting in at school so they go online to discover a magic tumble blog where everybody's wishes come true. But when porn is banned from the site, are the granted wishes even worth bothering with?!" Here's my other young adult novel pitch: "Randall, a syphilitic werewolf, doesn't believe in science. But when an asteroid heading toward Earth threatens to destroy everything, he teams up with eleven year old science fair winner, Bethany Hateswolves, and a box of raccoons to save humanity." I know that was a joke pitch but I kind of want to write it now.
I probably shouldn't be tweeting joke pitches with the #PitMad hashtag because how will prospective agents be able to tell the real ones from my totally awesome ones?
I wonder what this Black Canary pitch might have looked like? "Black Canary ditches Ollie to fight side-by-side with Vietnamese radio jock Gan Nguyen against white supremacists infiltrating the U.S. government. If that's too on the nose, maybe make the white supremacists werewolves!"
This is some absolutely beautiful and insightful writing. I can't wait to read the letters of butthurt 90s readers!
These panels finally got me to Google Sarah Byam and it turns out she wrote some stories for Elfquest and, at the moment I read that, I thought, "Oh! I felt like the name was familiar." Even though before that moment, I hadn't really thought that the name was that familiar! I think my brain is gaslighting me. She also wrote something called Billi 99 (the tag line for the 4 issue series: "It's 1999... Do You Know Where Your Civil Rights Are?") which I'm almost certainly going to have to dig up, even if Tim Sale was the artist on it. I don't have anything bad to say about Tim Sale! It's just his style (which he has in abundance and which is a good thing to have!) isn't up my back alley.
Last issue, I said the guy running the crack house was the Senator's son. That was my mistake. It looks like he's just some renegade dealer whose going to fuck up the Senator's plan to destroy minorities with crack cocaine. Somehow. I'm not sure how. You'd realize I'm too dumb to understand the plot if you'd remember that thing I said earlier about not comprehending what I was reading last issue. I blame all the acid I took in my twenties even though I don't mean that. I can't be mad at you, acid trips in my twenties. You were the best!
Also, I think the guy I've been calling Senator Garrenger is actually Senator Garrenger's son. Now it makes sense why he looks like a child in a man's suit! That was probably a clue as were the narration and dialogue use to explain the plot which I'm fairly certain I read but who knows? Maybe I was having a flashback.
Black Canary explains the plot to the Seattle Chief of Police which helps my brain go, "Oh! Okay! I'm following this now!" Maybe my complaint that it's hard to follow comic books when there's a full month between each chapter has been wrong this entire time. Because I've just read two issues of a comic book in two days and I'm still confused by the third issue! Has it been my stupid brain all this time? Fucking idiot. You're making me look like a jerk, brain! If only you were as smart as I tell people you are!
I want to make clear: my inability to follow the plot is not a fault with the writing. It's totally me and whatever distractions and inherent biases kept me from comprehending the story. Maybe I shouldn't be reading political twitter posts between every page of the comic book. Hell, sometimes I even put the book down for an hour or so while I play a little bit of the super cheap computer role playing game, The Quest, that I bought on GOG. It's so terrible in so many ways but not in any way that makes playing it not enjoyable. Do you understand what I mean?!
A lot of superhero books purport to be about how you don't have to have super powers to be a hero. They inspire us and we inspire them. But few have ever done it as well as this scene from Black Canary:
How much has been written about super heroes as gatekeepers? Maybe all the Green Lanterns where Hal Jordan is all, "Fuck you, Guy Gardner! You're my shitty back-up!"
All these reviews on this series aren't my usual style. I feel like I'm edging into actual reviewer territory.
With that ass, she can keep my gate any time!
Ah, I feel much better now! Welcome back to the front, acid-brain-damaged me!
I would have only scanned her ass so y'all could get a nice, close-up view of it but then I thought I'd be doing this panel a disservice. Notice how Black Canary's entire body is drawn, exploding outside of the panel lines? It's like this panel is declaring, "Black Canary is more than just her ass! I know! That's quite a claim to make but look! She is also a head and feet, you sexist pigs!"
Man, I'm really getting political!
Here's another take about the panel above that proves I'm an actual reviewer and not just a dumb online jerk who doesn't mind people thinking he jerks off to comic book pictures: Black Canary's ass looks like it was drawn by Chris Ware.
Black Canary hunts down the drug dealer, Drake, whom I thought was the Senator's son while also thinking the Senator's son was the Senator! He almost kills both Black Canary and Gan but his gun runs out of ammunition due to shooting rats in the sewers. That was a scene from earlier that I didn't think was important and now I know why it was important! To show that Drake is a fool who doesn't do the smart gun owner thing: always reload!
While Drake is being taken to the police chief by Black Canary, he gets shot in the head by the white supremacist assassin. He escapes but Black Canary and Gan find clues that link the drug operation to a Neo-Nazi camp outside of Seattle. They go to investigate in hopes of finding a link to the Senator. But before Black Canary can find one, she and Gan are caught by the racists! And no Green Arrow in sight (or on site!) to save the day!
Black Canary: New Wings #3 Rating: A. For a comic book that I could barely get excited about reading because the covers are so uninspiring, it's really surprised me! Hopefully there will be some letters from a bunch of "I'm not a racist but" racists soon!
Not the exact letter I was looking for but good enough! "Too much talk about things that matter!"
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I don't know anything about Johnnydakken so I'm going generic: Coffee shop AU!
I’m an asshole so this functions both as a coffeeshop au for them but also... my ocs LOL.
Rating: G don’t worry palsWarnings: Daken is DakenWordcount: 1,557
#johnnydaken #myfic hashtag idk if that’ll work but we’ll see lol
The mohawkguy always comes in first. The blonde guy is usually what some people callfashionably late but Antonio just calls “rude”. Blonde guy wears sunglasses,sometimes a hat, that do nothing to hide the fact that he’s Johnny Storm. Theall blue wardrobe with flame themed accessories don’t really help him blend ineither. He carries a cellphone with the Fantastic Four logo on the case.
So he knowswho the blonde guy is. The mohawk one is a mystery; he gives a different nameevery time along with a smile that admittedly makes it difficult to focus onhis work.
Mohawk guy alwayssits in the corner near the emergency exit and Antonio somehow manages to getanxiety about people sitting in the spot around the time that mohawk guy usuallycomes in. Interlopers always tend to clear off right before mohawk guy startsto look for a seat, though. He must be lucky.
Not toolucky though, in that Johnny Storm is actually late today. Mohawk guy taps hispainted fingernails on the reclaimed wood of the table, two hot drinks cooling infront of him. The drinks are about the only thing cooling, though; every sooften mohawk guy glances at his phone and then the door. He has a glare thatcould peel paint off of steel-Antonio doesn’t envy Johnny Storm.
“Hey, areyou going to work or just stare at customers all day?” Fernando asks with asmile that means ‘I will murder you’. He gets back to work with pretending towipe down the machines, but he can’t help but keep glancing up at mohawk guy.
--
This weekJohnny Storm comes in early. He tips the brim of his hat down and glancesaround the room for signs that anyone has recognized him before he heads to thecounter. He looks over his shoulder to the usual spot and his shoulders sag inhis light blue polo shirt. The couple with matching undercuts who sit there aredefinitely not mohawk guy. Johnny Storm gives a lopsided grin.
“Uh, haveyou seen my friend here yet this week? Oh. And can I get a peppermintmachiatto?”
“The guywith the mohawk?” Antonio asks like he doesn’t know. Johnny Storm nods and hedoesn’t have time to answer properly-or at least warn him about the glare-so hejust shakes his head then gets to making his annoying seasonal drink.
Johnny Stormspends the next couple hours frantically typing on his phone and lookingthrough the large glass window by his seat in equal measures.
--
Lauradoesn’t look like mohawk guy but he understands implicitly when she shows upwith Johnny Storm that they’re related somehow. They both share a love fordated emo accessories for one. She orders a peppermint latte; mohawk guy onlyever orders the house blend, black. They sit by the fireplace which makes itdifficult for Antonio to hear anything or see anything at all, but they staythere a long time. In the lull between lunch and dinner he hears the name Dakenand that he’s disappeared; Johnny Storm looks like a kicked puppy throughoutthe conversation and Antonio starts to feel more sorry for him than Daken(?).
When hegoes over to clear away their dishes Laura stops talking but Johnny onlycontinues when he looks up at Antonio.
“Sorrydude, but have you seen him at all this week?”
“I haven’t.But he looked upset last time I saw him,” he answers and Johnny Storm sighs sodeeply his posture starts to resemble a deflated balloon.
“Can I askyou a question then?” Johnny Storm asks but then continues before he cananswer, “so if you had a uh...friend who you accidentally stood up becauseyou’ve got a really serious job with really unpredictable hours what would youdo to make them stop hating you?”
“Uh. Apologize?”
“I totallydid that. He hasn’t answered any of my messages. He’s left me on read for liketwo weeks. He’s totally ghosting me, he always does this,” Johnny Storm ispouting now and Antonio stands there but doesn’t know what to say. He can’ttouch Johnny Storm on the shoulder, he doesn’t even know him, but Daken seemslike the kind of person that isn’t pleased by much beyond his black coffee.Occasionally he gets a danish but makes a face the entire time he eats it-healways finishes it though and so Antonio assumes he’s making a fuss for show atthis point.
“I guessyou could always. Go find him and apologize in person?”
“I shouldget him something too, right. Do you like flowers? Would that be weird to getflowers from your bro? What about chocolate? Laura, come on, you have to knowwhat he likes,” Johnny whines and Laura nods. She doesn’t make much of anexpression at anything Johnny says but looks up at Antonio.
“This isvery good. I like it.”
“Oh. Uh.Thanks. Maybe you could get him flowers that mean stuff. My friend runs aflower shop down the street.”
Laura nods,“he likes art. You should take him to the art museum with the flowers.”
“Yeah, true.He did say he liked art too. What’s the name of that flower place, Antonio?”
He hasn’tnoticed Johnny Storm looking at his nametag. Most people don’t remember theirbarista’s name anyway; through his slight shock he manages to give the name ofthe flower shop and on his break shoots a quick text to Linda. Johnny Stormleaves him a fifty dollar tip, and he starts to feel even more sorry for him.
--
Antonio hadwarned her Johnny Fucking Storm was coming to her shop but it’s still kind of ashock to see him in person, rubbing at his chin as he peers at displays. Hewears a ballcap and a pair of shades, but no coat or scarf despite the smallflakes of snow fluttering down outside. His friend on the other hand is bundledup so much at first she only sees the strip of skin around her eyes between thebright yellow Wolverine toque and matching blue and yellow scarf.
Linda waitsa little while longer until there’s a lull in their quiet conversation and shesends the last of the other customers on their way before she makes her wayover to them.
“Can I helpyou find something?”
“Oh, yeah.I’m looking for something that says ‘sorry I accidentally stood you up but Ihad to work and it’s not like you haven’t done the same thing to me so pleasestop ignoring my calls? bro’. You have anything like that?” he asks with thekind of sheepish kind of smile that certain other people would find hopelesslyendearing.
“That’sreally specific. But I think I have something that just says ‘sorry’.”
He laughsand shoves his hands into his jeans pockets, “I guess that’ll be good enough.Do you guys do cards?”
“Ofcourse.”
She gathersthe flowers-hyacinth, purple, and gladiolus in various colours. She sticks somefiller in there and wraps it in a bow. It’s not a very large bouquet, but hehad said it was for a bro and so the typical dozen red roses probably isn’tappropriate. She gives him a card to write in and he stares at the blank spacefor awhile before he starts to write. So long that she has time to sweep andmop behind the counter but he does pay up without complaint.
“Thanks,Linda, I appreciate your help,” he says before he heads to the door. He lookshopeful, and she hopes that things work out between he and his friend.
--
For thenext few weeks he doesn’t see either of them-Laura comes in a couple times witha girl wearing an obnoxiously yellow jacket but Daken and Johnny are notablyabsent and she doesn’t give him any clues on whether the plan had worked out ornot. He guesses it’s not really his business anyway, but the two of them are regulars. Or were.
He stopswondering after them in between final exams and the start of winter break, andthe next day the people at their usual spot clear off as the bell over the doorjingle. He glances over and sees them both. Daken’s a bit close for friends, orat least what constitutes friendly distance to Antonio, and whispers somethinginto Johnny’s ear before he makes his way over to the counter. He’s traded hismohawk for a topknot and doesn’t smile when he orders this time. He does,however, when he takes their order over to their usual table and Antonio triesnot to stare when he leans over to wipe a spot of whipped cream off of Johnny’slip after a particularly vigorous sip on Johnny’s part.
“What didshe put in that bouquet I thought they were bros?” he mutters under his breath.The answer doesn’t come-Linda later insists she just put what he asked herto-but Johnny and Daken do. The more he sees of them the more of an odd pairthey appear to make, but it works for themso why can’t it work for him?
“Linda Ineed another bouquet,” he sends on his break.
--
the flowers mean “give me a break I’m sorry” LOL
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Autumn—Sunday Chats (10-1-17)
Fall has finally arrived, and boy do video games just not stop.
Podcast Train Stop
I’m curious if anyone else has tun into the issue where their podcast rotation just stops? I’ve basically stopped listening to all my podcasts except for My Brother, My Brother and Me. I am not sure why, but I’ve fallen off of all of the GiantBomb Podcasts, any other video game podcast, except for really The Easy Allies podcast. Of the group, that one that I’ve gotten into the most recently still sticks with me for whatever reason.
Maybe it’s the want to not listen to hours-long podcast recently? Which is odd because I usually binge many podcasts together back to back. I think the most likely answer is that I had fallen behind and then not been able to catch up.
This is unfortunate though because podcasts are typically my main source of news and now I am getting a little aloof with the gaming news. But I still manage to keep up thanks to the show I help host!
Has this ever happened to any of you? What do you do, try and listen to all the episodes you missed or just jump right back in?
What’s on Tap
Danganronpa V3
This is the big one. Consuming most of my time like Danganronpa is ought to do.
It’s very good y’all.
Danganronpa has a great talent of building off of its predecessors in completely unorthodox ways, essentially carrying forward concepts but in logical ways so it doesn’t seem like all of the characters are jumping to conclusions based on nothing. It just seems like this different group of people decided to take a wildly different approach. Chunsoft then ties that to the personalities and style of those same characters, and it’s a brilliant mix-mash of those intelligent designs.
These games always play with my expectations and take me by surprise, but boy... this one really is messing with me.
Not only that, they’re using loss in a way that is even more emotional and moving then it has been before, which for me has been a first in the series. I actually got choked up after the first chapter because of how this was done.
These games are so good, and Danganronpa V3 is not a disappointment by any stretch of the imagination.
Destiny 2
Finished the raid this past week, and hopefully soon will be finishing it with my original team.
We’ve run into plenty of trouble, but I know we have it in us to knock it out.
Metroid Samus Returns
Uh, y’all? It’s still so good.
Got to some of the new and added stuff to the game and it was absolutely phenomenal.
Very tense, very cool, and very, very fun. I love it.
Questions
Remember to look for my tweet with the hashtag #SundayChats in it on Sunday afternoons and reply to it with your question! That’s the way to do it!
Normally I would have asked a question to you all this week, but I’m holding it off until next week.
So, real quick, as I was going through questions, I noticed a ton of SNES-classic related questions, which reminds me I’ve been playing that too! Let me insert that real quick...
SNES Classic
It’s so cute!
This is the one I wanted, I got it, I’m v happy.
So I jumped right into Zelda A Link to the Past and played through the opening, and it’s still wonderful.
It’s fun playing on an OG SNES controller, though I do really like the classic controller form the Wii Era. The original too, not the pro, because you get a little best of both worlds.
The big one I sank the most time into was actually Super Mario RPG. It’s been so long since I played that that it’s basically a whole new game for me. Plus, I was a kid, and had no clue what the hell was happening. It’s been super funny and super fun to really see that game with fresh eyes for the first time ever.
Okay, back to questions.
Yay! I didn’t know this!
I’d say I am at about an 8.5. I really like the Jackbox games, and they’re especially fun to get a new one before ExtraLife, when we have a ton of people watching a stream and also a ton of people in the room. With the streaming improvements from JBPP3, I think this one is gonna be pretty stellar. Curious to see what games are in there. Hopefully a Quiplash 3!
This is a very gross question Tyler, not because of the subject, but because you narrowly refer to a character as a “bubble butt baddie” which, at the end of the day, I don’t even know what that narrows it down to? Like, who qualifies for that?
I dunno, but the one answer that came to mind was Miranda from Mass Effect 2.
Oh man this is a pretty good question. I never really got into Costume Quest, which, I know, is sacrilegious to say, but it’s true. The text speed was too fast? I know, dumb complaint, but I’m a terrible reader, so I couldn’t keep up.
Anyway, I’d like to think I’d either turn into some kind of lame superhero, or just straight up Banjo and Kazooie. I don’t know why, but that’s the first thing that came to my head...
Here’s the deal, there is no correct way to play video games. Full stop. You can take your time and savor something, but you can also rush through something and savor it too. Like, I played Persona 5 at what I considered to be a slow pace, because folks like Nabeshin beat it before me, because I wanted to “savor it”. That being said, I still beat it in 2 and a half weeks, and 103 hours split into two and a half weeks is still a whole lotta hours per week. But neither of us played it “wrong”.
Like, folks that get qualified as “casual” are going to be seen as the ones that play it slower, but it’s likely because they have other things they need to do. Like sleep. And eat. I don’t do these things! At least not regularly!
On the subject of Destiny 2 specifically, I think it does have minimal post-game content, mainly the Raid, the Nightfall, and Trials of the Nine. Which, like, still seems like more than the original, to be fair? There are hidden exotic quests too, and I have a feeling as we roll into Iron Banner this month, there will still be plenty for folks to do after they’ve finished the game. But ultimately the folks that charged through to 280 in the first weekend knew exactly what they were doing and got themselves into that situation. I just started up my third and final character on Destiny 2, so getting that guy up to 280 is going to be a fun trip for me still.
I dunno, there isn’t a right answer to this i think. But power through games or savor them however you like, because I think you’re the best judge of how fast or how slow you should play a game. Plus, you’ll probably put a different amount of time into a given game depending on how you feel about it, so I get it either way.
Weird. Uneasy. Aroused? Horrified.
Also, it has taken me the full twenty minutes since I screen grabbed this to now when I am typing this answer to form the line “ready to smash” in my head, and I hate me, and you, and everything.
Pumpkin Spice is trash.
I said it.
I’ll say it again.
Take your trash and get out of here.
November is right around the corner. And you know what that means?
Motherfucking Gingerbread Latte.
Aww yay! Favorite month! A lot of folks love October too because they’re into that cool spooky fog feeling! Which is rad, I am not, personally, but I do like the silly Halloween aesthetic. I just don’t like actual scary stuff. Except the occasional scary video game.
As for me, December is my favorite month, for similar reasons. It is the beginning of Winter, which is my favorite season (unpopular opinion, I know) and it’s also when Christmas and new years happens, and if we’re lucky, a bit of snowfall. Ideally, it just means I’m getting plenty of my hot cocoa on.
This a great question. and I think it comes down to what kind of game you want to play. Like, Earthbound is quirky, and with Undertale having just hit the PS4, maybe it’s time to get into that. Mario RPG is cool and timing based and funny, and it may be a great trip for folks who haven’t played it, or don’t remember it, like me! Final Fantasy 6 everyone keeps telling me is great but I haven’t been able to get into it. That said, it’s super traditional, so if that’s what you’re in the mood for, it’s calling. Secret of Mana has the edge because it’s an action RPG, so it’s different then all the rest. Knowing you like Tales, I’d start with that, since it may be the most fun! Also, goddamn is the music in that game great. But it is in all of these.
For me it was either Mario RPG so I could finally really truly play it, or Earthbound, which I was a bit too intimidated at the time commitment to jump into first. For you, Brendan? Try out Secret of Mana! And keep what I said about the rest in mind.
Baked Potato is the superior potato, IMHO. I really love just barely slicing open a baked potato, loading it up with cheese and butter, closing it back up, letting the cheese melt all in it, then cutting it open again, mashing it a bit, then eating it nice and chunky style. It’s a pure delight.
Oh, and I don’t eat the outer skin, but I’ll like rip all the potato I can off the skin, and it’s amazing. I love it.
I just fucking love potatoes though. I’d eat mashed potatoes all day if I could, I just prefer baked potatoes.
Here we go, two lists, back to back. Now since you just said top 10 SNES games I will not limit myself to the SNES classic list, but damn that’s a good one to pull from. In NO PARTICULAR ORDER.
Zelda A Link to the Past
Super Mario World
Secret of Mana
Chrono Trigger
Super Metroid
Super Mario RPG
Mario All Stars Collection
Mega Man X
Final Fantasy 2 (Final Fantasy 4)
Kirby Super Star
I know I’ll get a lot of flack for choosing FF4 over 6, but Sunday Chats readers should know my current situation with FF6. Maybe someday...
Now I do want to say this tweet turned into an N64 hatefest, which I am not a fan of, I love the N64 and the PSone, that era holds something special for me. I understand its issues, and probably in the grand scheme of things, It’s the weakest of the console generations, but there are undeniably great games for those systems.
Now, this list will be tricky, but I’ll give it a shot:
IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER
Super Mario 64
Zelda Ocarina of Time
Zelda Majora’s Mask
Mario Kart 64
Star Fox 64
Pokémon Snap
Yoshi’s Story
Paper Mario
Super Smash Bros
Bomberman 64
This was actually way easier than I thought it’d be. I even left out a few games that I’d have love to see on there and opted to keep the ones I really like there. I kept to the no Rare rule even for Diddy Kong Racing (better than Mario Kart 64) and DK64, even though those would definitely still make and N64 Classic.
There are few more to shoutout too, but I’ll keep my list at my 10. Boy, looking at this I’d actually totally be down for one of these.
That’s all I got. I know I am bad at covering all my segments recently, but my life has been a bit of a mess as of late. So I apologize!
But thank you for the amazing questions, I adore you all, and I am gonna go let Danganronpa eat my whole soul now.
Thank you all. From the bottom of my heart. For your support. I’ve been terrible about making things lately and you all have not waned with your patience for me. It means the world. I won’t wast your time for much longer, and hopefully this patience will breed something.
Keep it real.
#video games#gaming#n64#classic#snes class#nes classic#snes mini#n64 classic#danganronpa#v3#danganronpa v3
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All That Glitters | Chapter Five | ao3 link
During filming, Friday nights were always a 'down time' evening. Filming halted so the crew could watch the airing of an episode and the cast were free to just spend time relaxing in the mansion.
At nine o'clock Dean and the other crew members were all sat in the large control room ready to watch the premiere episode. Charlie was sat with various devices in front of her so she could refresh social media pages and check on Twitter mentions. Cas was sat next to Dean and looked nervous. He'd ask if it was ok for him to watch the show along with the crew and Dean had agreed, if he was on TV he would want to see how he'd been painted.
"Last year the nation watched our suitor, Brad, search for love." Gabriel was saying on the screen.
“A lot of people on this show have very generic names.” Cas said. Several interns snorted. They were probably remembering the Year of The Britney’s.
“Sorry Castiel, we can’t all have biblical names.” Dean said. Cas looked at him with a surprised expression. “Yeah, that’s right.” Dean said smugly. “I read. I know my shit.” Several people around the room looked pleasently surprised. “Not just a good looking face.”
“We were all overjoyed when Brad found love with Kacey and got engaged.” Gabriel said on screen.
"Which then ended three months later." Balthazar intoned.
"And this year we promise to bring you the most dramatic season of Eternal Love so far." Gabriel said, his grin almost filling the screen.
"Can we promise that?" Cas asked Dean. Dean snorted.
"Gabe says that every year." Dean said while on screen the show kicked into gear. Cas was introduced to the audience with various shots of him in New York.
"I am ready to find love." Cas was saying on screen. "I feel as though I am at a point in my life where I am ready to meet the woman of my dreams and settle down." He continued while the Cas next to Dean went red.
"Nice spiel." Josie said, nodding approvingly.
"Thanks." Dean said. "Took four takes before Cas agreed to actually say it."
"I look like an idiot and sound like one." Cas said, still bright red.
"Twitter is loving it though." Charlie said from her seat. "Listen to these 'If Castiel doesn't find love on the show then I'm single #SexySuitor.'" At that point, Cas went even redder. "Oh and here 'That suit is fitting him in all the right ways #Thighs4Days.' They are going love you in those tight shorts." Charlie said with a grin directed at Castiel.
"Now let's meet some of the women hoping they are the woman of Castiel's dreams." Gabriel said on screen.
"I swear I get better looking each season." The actual Gabriel said from where he was sat next to Sam and Jess. "What do you think Sammy?"
"Don't call me Sammy." Sam said.
"Gabe you look good because half the make-up trailer is on your face." Jess said, shooting Gabriel down in one sentence. The whole control laughed while on screen Amelia was talking about her home life and her daughter.
"Oh they are loving Amelia." Charlie said as she scrolled through Twitter. "They're already calling her for Final Two."
"This is bizarre." Cas said with a shake of his head. "They treat this like a game show or a football season."
"Dude, to our fans this show is a sport. The finale is basically their Super Bowl. It's crazy." Dean said. At first the fans had scared the shit out of Dean, they were so passionate about the show. Over the years he had grown to love them, without them the show wouldn’t have become the hit it was.
"Viewing party photos and videos are already being posted." One of the interns called out. “There’s so many photos of wine and cupcakes.”
"There are viewing parties for the show?" Cas asked with disbelief.
"Oh yeah." Jess said. "Three of my best friends and my cousins all have them. Every Friday night when the show is on they get together, drink wine and Tweet the hell out about it." She said. "Did you not realise how huge this show is?"
"No, I certainly do now though." Cas said.
"Who are they loving at home?" Josie asked Charlie.
"So far they like Amelia, Anna, and Ruby." Charlie said. Dean punched the air with a shit eating grin. "Seriously Josie, stop giving Dean all the good ones." She said with a groan.
"If you ever give me a finale as good as Erica and Tyler then you can have your pick of the girls." Josie said.
"What happened with Erica and Tyler?" Cas asked Dean.
“Oh my god, that was epic.” Miles said.
"Dude it was a ratings bonanza. Biggest finale viewings ever and people still talk about it." Dean said. "So this was a few years ago. Erica was this girl from London who'd been living in Maine for about six months. Her friend nominated her for the show right? Anyway, she and the suitor totally hit it off from day one."
"We were saying she would be in the final two from the limo exit." Balthazar intoned. “They were smitten with each other.”
"Right? So, they were fan favourites throughout the season but Erica had been heartbroken a bunch of times before.” Dean explained. “Like her exes were total assholes to her. That's one of the reasons she left London. She never told Tyler she loved him so he sent her home in the final three."
"It was huge." Charlie said. "It basically crashed Twitter and the fans were gutted."
"I was gutted, she was my girl." Dean said. "So as she and Tyler are saying goodbye they take their mics off."
"I wanted to snap their necks at that point." Josie intoned.
"And they're both sobbing because Tyler really loved her but he was freaked because she couldn't say it to him." Dean explained to Cas. Cas actually looked enthralled by the story. "So they're both crying their eyes out and Erica tells Tyler that she loves him but she was scared of saying it. She leaves the show and the internet was heartbroken."
"So what happened?" Cas asked.
"Tyler was freaking out because he'd just sent her home and we were filming the finale the next day. He's saying that he's made a terrible choice and he's gutted." Dean said. "So I get him to write a letter to Erica and I promise him I'll give it to her. In the letter, he's telling her that he loves her and he'll never stop loving her."
"Ballsy move because I didn't sanction it." Josie intoned.
"So we get to filming the finale. We broadcast it live like we do every year. Tyler sends the first one home, she's heartbroken, and the internet is blowing up because they think he's picking Ashley B. He sends Ashley home and everyone is going crazy."
"We're not joking here Cas." Charlie said. "We broke Twitter. There were so many tweets and retweets that the site just crashed. It was insane."
"Highest ratings ever." Balthazar intoned.
"I hadn't a clue what to say to him either because we had no idea what was going to happen." Gabriel said.
"Well, I did." Dean said smugly. "Tyler is standing there and everyone thinks that he's going home alone. Then he says 'I just hope she read the letter and knows how I really feel.' Next thing, Erica comes walking down the staircase."
"Her dress was amazing." An intern said.
"She runs at Tyler, tells him that she loves him and Tyler proposed to her there and then." Dean said.
"I even cried." Charlie said. "It was fucking beautiful."
"Sam cried." Jess said.
"Did not." Sam said quickly.
"Did so." Jess, Dean, and Gabriel all said.
"So Charlie, when you give me a finale like that...you'll get the good contestants." Josie said.
"Wow...that…that’s quite an amazing story." Cas said, sounding in awe. On the screen, the initial interviews with a few of the girls had finished. The limos were drawing up to the mansion and Cas was looking nervous.
"You look like you're about to shit yourself dude." Miles said with a snort.
"Viewers always like the nervous ones over the cocky ones though." Josie said knowingly.
"Oh yeah, there are so many mentions online." Charlie said.
"How many?" Josie asked.
"We have four hashtags trending worldwide and over a million mentions."
"Excellent." Josie said before she glanced over at Cas. "You might just be the most well-loved suitor for several seasons."
"Thank you?" Cas said sounding wary. Dean leaned in close to whisper in Cas' ear.
"She means that as a compliment." He said. Cas gave him a weak smile and went back to watching the show. By the time the first commercial break started Cas was back to looking like a nervous wreck.
"I need some air." He said, rising from his seat and quickly going outside. Josie instantly motioned for Dean to follow him. Ah, the life of a producer. Dean hurried after him and found Cas frantically smoking outside.
"Stressed?" Dean guessed.
"I'm really not used to seeing myself on screen." Cas said between drags of his cigarette. He lit another and handed one to Dean.
"Thanks. Are you ok though? We haven't really spoken much over the past few days apart from when I'm coaching you." Dean had been heavily focusing on his girls, especially as Anna had been on a one-on-one date and all of them had survived the second rose ceremony that had been filmed the night before.
"Yes, I'm ok. I think I'm slowly getting the hang of this whole thing." Cas said. “I still don’t think I belong here.” He added, his voice small and near a whisper. Dean understood that. He never thought he belonged in this world of reality TV. Even with Josie’s support or having Sam with him. Even after he met and fell in love with Jack, Dean never felt like he really belonged.
“I…I understand that.” Dean said, looking at Cas with what he hoped was an open look. “I really get it Cas.”
“But you have a family here.” Cas looked so confused.
“Yeah…still, the whole concept of the show? It’s pretty stupid. You’re supposed to find love and propose to someone to someone you’ve only just met? I call bullshit.”
“So you’d rather fall in love the real way and propose after a long courtship?” Cas asked. The conversation was hitting way too close for Dean but Cas wasn’t to know that.
“Yeah…” Dean said, once again scratching his neck. “Something like that.” He stammered out. Considering that Cas hadn’t known him for very long he picked up on Dean’s nerves right away.
“Are you ok? Did I say something wrong?” Cas asked. Dean shook his head. “You’re not ok or I didn’t say something wrong?”
“You didn’t say anything wrong.” Dean lied. “Really, you didn’t. We should get back in there.” Dean said nodded to the control room.
“As long as you’re ok.”
“How is it that I came out here to see if you were ok and now it’s all about me?” Dean asked. Cas chuckled.
“I guess I am a really nice guy.”
“Oh yeah Cas, you’re a real catch.” Dean said. Cas gave him a look as if to ask if Dean was being sarcastic or not. Instead of saying anything he just shook his head and flicked his finished cigarette to the ground. “After you dude.” Dean said, opening the door to the control room.
“Such a gentleman.” Cas said, his sarcasm rang clear as a bell.
“Careful there Cas, I’m in charge of how the nation sees you. I can make you look like an huge asshole in seconds.” Dean said.
“You couldn’t and you know why?” Cas said, one of his eyebrows perfectly raised. He leaned in closer to Dean and lower his voice. “Because I’m a fucking great guy.”
“Wow, first the orgies and now cursing.” Dean said, trying to get slightly turned on by Cas’ low voice. It wasn’t working. “You really might be a dark horse.”
“Oh Dean, you have no idea.” Cas said. He even winked as he walked back into the control. Dean just stood there in shock. Ok, Cas was a guy with a lot of layers and Dean was pretty damn determined to discover those layers. Josie was going to kill him.
-
Saturday always meant a new filming week. Two episodes would be filmed over the course of the week. This meant several groups dates, one-on-one dates and two rose ceremonies. The first few episodes would always feel awkward for the cast but the episodes to come were where relationships were formed. It was all hands on deck.
It was a shame Dean woke up that morning feeling the microwaved shit.
He had hardly slept the night before and when his alarm blared at six he was sorely tempted to throw it across his trailer. If he was being honest, his mind had been on one thing. That thing was Cas. It was so stupid. He’d had crushes before this and they had never seemed to fuck with his brain before.
Sure, when he’d met Jack he had acted like a dickhead for several weeks. That was until he’d just sucked it up and asked Jack out on a date. Well, after Charlie had done some investigating and found that Jack was bisexual. However, he couldn’t do that with Cas. Cas was the suitor. He was on the show to find a wife, not a boyfriend who just happened to be his producer.
With a groan, Dean dragged his ass out of bed and hastily got dressed into whatever clothes were nearest/cleaner. Ok, nearest. It had been days since he’d gotten any of his clothes cleaned. He was going to have to beg Jess to let him do laundry at her and Sam’s house.
Dean was shuffling into his boots while hopping out his trailer when he managed to crash into someone. He swore loudly as the poor girl went crashing to the ground, spilling a tray of coffee as she went down. Great, that was such a good start to the morning.
“Fuck, I’m sorry.” Dean said as he tried to help the girl up.
“Perfect start to my first day.” The girl said with a voice dripping in sarcasm. She barely looked eighteen and seemed to have a lot of attitude.
“Another new intern?” Dean guessed. “Wow, Josie is really getting through them this year.” It was only the start of the second week and she had already fired three interns. Dean was amazed that he’d lasted so long as an intern.
“Tell me about it.” The girl said. “Though if she tries to fire me over this then I’m telling her that the guy in the stinking flannel fucked up her coffee.”
“Hey this shirt is clean…kind of.”
“no offence, but I think it’s you.” The girl said. “You might want to shower.” She said as she looked him up and down. “Or are you going for the unwashed hipster look?” Dean had never felt so offended in his life. That was saying something as he’d grown up as a gay kid in the Mid-West.
“What’s your name?”
“Krissy. Why? Are you going to get me fired because I called you a hipster?”
“I’m thinking about it.” Dean said. “Look, run to the coffee cart and tell them that I fucked up your coffee order. They’ll sort it out for you.” Dean said. He really did feel sorry for the girl. Her first day and Dean had already fucked it for her. “Word of advice, add an extra shot of espresso to Josie’s coffee, it will improve her mood.”
“Thanks. Can I give you a word of advice?” Krissy asked. Dean nodded even though he was kind of scared of what Krissy would say. “Go and get a shower.” Easier said than done seeing as Dean’s trailer didn’t have a shower.
“Thanks Krissy.” Dean said.
“You’re welcome…”
“Dean.”
“Shit. Dean Winchester? Top producer to impress?” Dean nodded. “Well fuck. I’m going to look for another job.” Krissy said. Dean chuckled. Even if she had offended him, Krissy would fit in easily.
“Don’t worry about it.” Dean said. “You go and get the coffee, I’m going to hunt down a shower.” He said bidding Krissy goodbye. Dean was walking towards the control room when his earpiece came to life.
“Dean, the suitor is asking for you.” An intern said.
“Already? It’s only just gone six.” Dean said with a groan.
“I’m just delivering the message Dean.” The intern shot back. Dean cursed until he remembered something, Cas’ room had a damn good shower in it.
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‘Get Out’ Review (Spoiler Warning: I Fucking Loved It)
WOOT WOOT, SPOILERS AHEAD, WOOT
Guess what, you lucky-fuckies. No, there’ll be no clues: just guess. Go on. Ha! I knew you wouldn’t get it! Well, I’ll tell you what it is you failed to guess: you’re getting two blogs tonight. The second one will discuss why I’m on Tumblr so little lately. This one (as the title suggests) is a review of the excellent cinematic treat that is Get Out.
For the 0.1% of you who have somehow missed the buzz around this film, I’ll fill you in on the details (I hope you can pay attention- your recent return to Earth’s gravity might leave you a bit disoriented). Basically, it’s a raciallly aware horror film. The set-up is simple: an easy-going and all-round likeable black fella named Chris goes to visit his white girlfriend’s parents. Unfortunately, said parents (and all their douchebag friends) turn out to be a little... off. They keep saying subtly racist, creepy things. What’s more, the few black folk in the neibourhood act as though they’ve been brainwashed or are under extreme duress. More and more red flags go up until Chris finally decides that enough is enough and tries to escape... at which point the full scope of the communities twisted plans and warped psyches comes into play and plunges our hero into the obligatory desperate struggle for survival. I won’t tell you what’s actually going on with the creepy racist community or what they’re up to, because you deserve to witness the surprise for yourself in your nearest cinema.
Get Out is a brilliant piece of film-making, in part because it successfully marries the horror and survival genres in a way that many self-described ‘survival horror’ narratives don’t. The first half of the film is spent spent cultivating a sense of dread and impending doom. Everything that happens serves to unsettle the audience further and force them (and protagonist Chris) closer to the certainty that somethng is really, really wrong. The film also takes a lot of time to make you really loathe the cringe-worthy, self-satisfied upper-middle class tossers who are its central villains. The fact that their racism is the low-key, non-explicit kind makes them even more hateable than if they were just a bunch of cartoonish, confederate-flaf waving nutbars. Having set up the explosives, the second half of the film is all about lighting the fuse and watching the fireworks. In short: it delivers that all-important ingredient, catharsis. Once these people are revealed to be evil and not just arseholes, Chris has survive them. A less original, less daring horror film would have him struggle to escape them, but that’s not what Get Out does. I don’t wish to spoil anything, but Chris’s survival method is a lot more conflict-oriented than escape-oriented, which is exactly what you want to see by that point in the film.
Get Out is fantastic in another way, too: it’s one of the most effective reminders in years that middle-class, suburban racism is still a thing that exists and is still a problem. More importantly, it jolts you in such a way that you find yourself just as outraged by the issue as when you first encountered or heard of it. You see, the audience realise waaaaay before Chris does that there’s something very badly wrong with the creepy community he finds himself. Which means that if you’re sitting in the audience to this film means that, sooner or later, you’re going to ask yourself why Chris doesn’t just make a run for it while he can. Then the answer hits you: because all this unsettling, cringe-y, not-quite-hostile behaviour that we-the-audience read as horror movie red flags is completely indistiguishable from ordinary, day-to-day racism. Chris puts up with this shit so often that there’s no reason why he’d assign it special signifance until its too late. He knows something’s up, but he’s so used to this bullshit that it doesn’t occur to him that ‘something’ might mean actual horror-film depravity.
It’s a shocking moment that will happen for everyone in the cinema at different points in the film. It’s shocking because it doesn’t just hammer home how appalling racism is, but how depressingly fucking prevelant it is.
There are a million hashtags, blogs posts and patreon accounts that want you to feel ways about race relations in modern America. A few are really important and worthy of support, but many are well-meaning yet ultimately toothless. Many others are actively counter-productive. If you want to be reminded (forcibly) why this stuff matters, go see this movie. If you want to make somebody you know start giving a shit about this stuff, drag them to see this movie.
This one gets the Secret-Diary Golden Narwhal of Approval (because who needs seals when you’ve got Narwhals- am I right or am I right?) Go watch it, then send me a chat-message thanking me.
Oh, and the guy who plays Chris’s best friend is a comedic genius who lights up every scene he’s in. Somebody get that man a sitcom.
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