#team q branch
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IS YOUR CHILD TEXTING ABOUT ESPIONAGE?
What your MI6-obsessed agent's text messages actually mean:
brb = bring radio back
lol = lots of ladies
tbh = totally been honeypotted
smh = shake martini hard
ffs = flattened fruit stand
stfu = smartblood tracker found you
tfw = tuxedo fits well
fml = found M's laptop
rofl = relying on Felix Leiter
idc = I destroyed car
btw = Bond tossed Walther
and bonus:
bbs = bloody big ship
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Q and Bond are undercover as Bake-Off contestants.
From this prompt from the 2023 prompt list: Q and Bond have to go undercover at the GBBO. And to fully complete the mission…one of them must win. Bonus points if they’re investigating Paul Hollywood. (#179)
And also for this prompt from the scavenger hunt: Find the Difference - Create an almost identical image and change a few things there (could be an edit or art). Tell us how many things have changed when you post it. (#28)
So find the differences! There are eight!
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Eve Moneypenny Day
A few headcanons for our favourite BAMF!PA
Eve's path to the SIS came first as a police officer. She joined the Met straight out of school and was immediately directed to their Officer Fasttrack Programme. By 22 she had a degree in Criminology, had completed the advanced evasive driving skills courses and was a DC with the armed protection unit.
It was on an inter-agency mission between The Met, MI5 and MI6 that Moneypenny first came to the attention of M as she drove backwards at 90 miles per hour on the M25 to block in the suspected suicide bomber on their way to central London.
M personally mentored Moneypenny. She saw a lot of her younger self in the Agent.
Eve didn't mins shooting Bond too much. The hours they had spent together flying to Turkey had revealed just how much he could drink and how difficult he found being told 'no' to his sexual advances.
She flew to Cancun at Q's request. Bond wouldn't have been the first Agent to suddenly reappear, only to have joined forces with the other side. She also wanted to get the shagging out of the way so they could work together properly. She thoroughly checked Bond's room and clothing as he slept afterwards.
It was Tanner that persuaded her to leave the field and become Malloy's 'PA'.
Tanner and Moneypenny have a curry together once a month. They basically run the SIS between them and allow themselves two hours each month to gossip and complain about everyone.
She slips away quietly to marry her partner just before being made M. Tanner and Q act as witnesses and she makes Bond be her Bridesman. He is surprisingly good at the job.
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To start off Fest, Team Q Branch is having a team song lyric prompt exchange. I picked @aprettyspy ’s prompt which is from “Love in The Dark” by Adele.
"Please, stay where you are. Don't come any closer. Don't try to change my mind. I'm being cruel to be kind."
"Please, stay where you are,” Q said, without even a glance or stutter of his fingers.
Bond, as always, paid him no mind.
“Don't come any closer,” Q said with full-on eye contact and scowl.
“Don't try to change my mind,” Bond said, his arms crossed, his stance steady. And then he lunged. Like a great stinking shedding middle-aged lion with absolutely no sense of decency. Or personal space.
“I'm being cruel to be kind," Bond insisted as he tried to get the better of Q.
“You’re being a dick to be a dick because—” Q waved in a gesture to encompass all of Bond “—you.”
Bond went for full-on PoutyMcPoutFace. Q was not deterred.
“It makes you sad,” Bond insisted with what lesser men might call earnestness.
“Who are you to police my emotions?! You wouldn’t know an emotion if you fell out of a helicopter, landed atop it and gutted it in a back alley!”
“You’re going to take one full sip, spit out the second and then airclaw at your tongue and make the mopiest faces—“
“Afraid I’ll cut into your allotted time for your magnificent sulk which is—“ Q pointedly looked at his watch—“13 hours and 59 minutes of the 14 hours remaining in the day.”
“—and whine until I finally put knock out drops in your nightcap once it’s gone 3,” Bond continued over him, the brute.
“I want Evie. You make a horrible girlfriend, Bond.”
Bond huffed and said, “Q,” with the levels of exasperation that burn right past smolder.
Q made eye contact while he steadily lifted the cup toward his mouth.
“Fine,” Bond said, “If you let me drink your poisonous horrible nostalgia drink, I’ll throw you over my shoulder like the cave man you purport me to be, drag you home—traffic signals be damned— let you sniff at my mouth like the ridiculous half feral kitten you absolutely are and then start off doing that thing with my tongue that drives you right out your infuriatingly brilliant mind.”
Q made a face.
“Unless you pass out in a puddle of drool on my lap because hair pets are your secret weakness.”
Q sniffed. “Evie would have the best ice cream and also sing to me.”
“Would Eve also have a massive—“
“You’d be surprised.”
“I really wouldn’t,” Bond said.
Q waggled his eyebrows and Bond snorted, then took Qi’s hand.
“Q.”
“And none of this over the shoulder nonsense. It’s bridal carry or not at all,” Q said.
“And it only took me 157 concussions to realize you’re the love of my life. But who’s counting?”
“Marie in Medical,” Q muttered, “That’s who.”
“C’mon, Q. Let’s go make your cats pause their plans of world domination.”
“As if they hadn’t already set them in motion long before you stalked me home.”
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I don't quite know what this is but we vibe
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AGENT DAY 2022
Thorns, roseforthethorns here, issuing a CHALLENGE on behalf of Team 00.
TOO OFTEN, people assume that we 00-agents are nothing but empty minds and itchy trigger fingers, but it takes SKILL to be an agent.
THEREFORE: We challenge @teamqbranch, @teamofvillains, and @teamcivilian to test their mettle in a little Agent Self Assessment exam. See if you have what it takes to make it in the cutting world of international espionage.
INSTRUCTIONS: Click the link above to complete the Google Form Assessment. Who knows... perhaps you’ll score high enough to join our ranks in the future.
#mi6-cafe#Team 00#Team Doubleoh#Team Q Branch#Team of Villains#Team Civilian#Agent Day 2022#007 Fest 2022
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Scavenger Hunt Item #65
Draw a Bond character as an anime character.
Seeing as how I cannot draw my way out of a wet paper bag with a machete and a guide, I had to rely on an anime generator to do this, but I did choose the photo!
Just look at those lips and those ‘come hither, 007’ eyes! Is it any wonder that our ‘ship set sail that day?
Though I know only one counts for points, I did this one, too. Rather liked how it turned out.
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Mathilde Swann, Q-branch Mascot
#007 fest 2022#team civilian#007 fest#james bond#mathilde swann#q#oc#meme#ok at first she's kind a little cryptid#bc she always somewhere under Eves desk or something#but Q and eve never seem to see the problem with a tiny child running around a high level security facility#to the point where f pointed out they will barely react#so Mathilde is kind of a ghost#then a mascot because she's adorable#she wins the My dad can be at up your dad game#the double ohs love her ofc but so does all of q branch and m and tanner and accounting everyone ok#yap this is self-indulgent as hell I need it NTTD really had to go there
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Art Round Robin
The animals of the Bond’Verse have gone on strike and are demanding better working conditions.
Max the Parrot is bloody well sick of saying, “Give us a kiss!” and wants better dialogue along with four new foraging toys he saw featured on Animal Planet.
The komodo is still trying to digest that sodding Walther. Can we say animal endangerment, people?!
Blofeld’s cat is tired of substandard treats. “And a bit of variety, too, if you please! And a new cat bed. The princess knew she was sleeping on a pea, but I have to accept sleeping on a boulder?!” What can you say? She’s a diva.
The mouse at Hotel L'American Tanger is still waiting for even a bloody ‘Thank you!’ for pointing Bond in the direction of the hidden room. “Humans! The room was hidden, yes, but not that well. Thought he was a bit shite of a spy if he couldn’t figure that much out, but it was clear that they’d never leave if they didn’t get what they were after, so I showed them the way. Fat lot of good it did. They didn’t even leave me a biscuit crumb to chew on.”
Kincade’s Labradors were also asked to comment on their grievances but had to dash ... red squirrels wait for no dog. But then, they’re Labradors, what sort of issues could they possibly have? Not enough opportunities to give kisses?
The animal art for this round robin was created by @notwhatyouthoughtiwas, @anyawen, @bluebellofbakerstreet, @reallyneedsalife, and @3nigm4art. The animal demands and newsletter graphic were written/designed by @dassandre-00qpidsarrow.
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Q-BRANCH DAY 2022 CHALLENGE COMPLETE!
All the links and contributors/civilians’ names are here!
You really put us through it @teamqbranch!
What do we win????
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I know you said you're cautiously optimistic about HS2, but the newest blog post has me kinda worried. The talk of "fixing the fans broken trust" and how even the new writers don't like a lot of story decisions that were made by the old team seem really off to me, like it's throwing the old team under the bus. I want to expect good things from HS2 but when the people working on it don't seem to like the story as it stands right now it really just seems like they might bend over backwards to appease the shitty side of the fandom. What do you think about this whole thing?
this is in reference to the october 30th 2023 news update on the hs:bc website. i give the date because the news posts don't seem to have individual links atm, so if you're reading this in the future you might have to scroll back.
to your worry that the new team might bend over backwards to appease the shitty side of the fandom, i wrote at length in my prior hs:bc post about why i don't think that's gonna be a problem. i'd also caution against reading too much into what james says about the attitude of the hs:bc team at large, for reasons that should be apparent by the end of this post.
i think it's perfectly reasonable to take a diplomatic position towards a fandom that is historically very hostile to this continuation. a lot of people haven't read the epilogues/hs2 and hate on them anyway because of what they've been told they contain, and refuse to question those received opinions on principle. many who did read them seem to have been inattentive or otherwise needlessly aggressive, sometimes owing to a baffling refusal to accept the premise of postcanon. plenty of others maybe just need a reason to think that homestuck is for them again. for this project to succeed, the fandom at large needs to be given a reason to revisit the epilogues/hs2 from a position of safety and critical distance. i have my own barbed opinions about this state of affairs, but it is what it is.
i understand and to an extent share your misgivings over that Q&A post, but it simply is not james roach's job to relitigate the conduct of the hs2 team. to even broach the subject in more than a general sense would constitute the opening of a massive can of worms, because the truth is muddy. mistakes were made on all sides, some worse than others, and to really contextualize where the hs2 team were coming from you'd need to explain the history of the hs fandom, the leadership of the reddit/discord, the overall tenor of twitter post-2016 and especially leading into/during 2020, the history of pgen and the homestuck renaissance, the lack of PR training or oversight or guidance from anyone at WP, the history of audience hostility in homestuck, and on, and on. for what it's worth, i think that context is essential-- but i don't know that anyone working on this project ought to be the ones to tell it (nor do i think they want that responsibility), and a brief casual Q&A post as a halloween treat is certainly not the place to publish it.
and ultimately, none of that has much at all to do with hs:bc. they are not beholden to or responsible for the choices made by the hs2 team. they have been entrusted with the reins of this story, and with that trust comes their own admitted desire to take it in different directions than what was initially planned. the hs2 team did this to the outline andrew hussie gave them; it's only fair that the hs:bc team has the same leeway over the outline they inherited. acknowledging fault in prior leadership, admitting disagreement over past creative decisions, is an olive branch to a largely skeptical fandom. i bristle at some of this because the hs2 team were my friends and i'm very protective of their work and that moment in history, but that isn't james roach's (nor the hs:bc team's) cross to bear. his choice, as the new public face of homestuck, is to move forward rather than linger on the past. it's good that he's burying the hatchet, frankly. i'm sick of that fucking thing.
love it or hate it, agree or disagree, the hs:bc crew has to exercise diplomacy right now. they've reopened the patreon and want to sustain this project for the foreseeable future, ideally without subjecting the workers to intensely traumatic levels of scrutiny and harassment. this involves clearing up miscommunications, admitting fault, gesturing at shared disagreements over story direction, and otherwise putting on a friendly face for strangers. and let's be clear, i know for a fact that plenty on the original hs2 team had a panoply of disagreements with the choices made in the epilogues! the operative condition here is not unquestioning devotion to / hatred of prior material, but a willingness to build upon that prior material constructively regardless. that's what matters most to me, and i have every reason to believe they're taking the constructive route.
i'll end this saying what i've been saying from the start. the measure of this project's success or failure should be taken in the work itself. if james roach blanket dismissed the prior team, but hs:bc constructively evolved in a way that didn't invalidate or undercut prior material, i'd still consider us oldschool hs2 fans the winners. i wouldn't be HAPPY about it, but the art is what we're all here for, and it's the art that people will remember. i think often about how the showrunners of the tv series LOST insisted from day one until the very end that everything in the show had a scientific explanation, despite the fact that they *always knew* this was a bald-faced lie. they told this lie because ABC did not want to fund a fantasy show and would've canceled it otherwise. some fans to this day decry the lack of scientific explanations in the text of the show, even when you point out that the promise of such explanations was false from the start.
point is, there are material realities to leading a creative enterprise. james roach has put himself in a genuinely dangerous and scary position, a fact that's easy to forget with how casual and welcoming his posts have been thus far. but this is perhaps the single most mismanaged property of the internet age, and there's no walking that back without stepping on some toes. over-correction is expected and probably necessary. if it ruffles your feathers, that's fine-- but let the work speak for itself, and judge it on its own merits. all this other stuff is ancillary and will inevitably fade into the distant fog of time.
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you don't step into love
It’s the rest of it that Q can do without—Bond's disappearing acts for months on end, his apparent inability to distinguish between being a honeypot and being honeypotted whenever he’s in the field, the casual way he bets his life at every turn as if it were one of the lower-value chips in a high-stakes game. Those sort of antics don’t get Q’s libido going, not by a long shot. They’re rather more likely to give him an ulcer.
In other words, unlike Bonnie Tyler, Q does not need a hero. He’d be perfectly happy with a research librarian with a kind smile and a soft middle and a collection of cozy jumpers Q could raid when he wanted to, if such a man were on offer. When it comes to love, Q wants a harbor, and James Bond is a hurricane. And so his heart, at least, has never been in any sort of danger from 007.
Until, unaccountably, the day that it is.
Another fic in the books for 007 fest 2023, and up on ao3! This one is based on the prompt, “Q being utterly impervious to Bond's charms until the day he sees James in glasses and falls hard and fast.”
I almost called this fic “oh. oh.” if that tells you where the vibe is at. I hope you enjoy, friends! 💜 🤓
#my fic#00q#you don't step into love#James Bond wearing glasses#Q's cats#pre-relationship#getting together#007 fest 2023#prompt fill#team q branch#qb-a1
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Retired Bond Making friends in Jamaica.
From this prompt sheet prompt: Bond in Jamaica and his little harem of stray cats who learn his fishing schedule or recognize his boat.
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Original Characters Day
Headcanons for Colonel Dr. Alice Munroe - formerly known as OO3
Alice Munroe - or Col. Dr. Alice Munroe to you James Bond - is a SIS/MI6 psychiatrist from my fic 'Warm Body'. She came up through the Army and was 003 for seven years before an explosion in the field resulted in the loss of her leg and severe burns to the left side of her body up to her face. She outranks James Bond and he had bloody well remember it, but is actually quite fond of the retrobate.
Before joining the 00 programme, Alice was once picked as Personal Protection Officer for Princess Eugenie, granddaughter to the then Queen. Alice loathed it and manged to beat the then reigning record by getting herself transferred from the position in just 3 days. How? She went for a smoke on the Princess's balcony, set fire to the 17th century curtains and broke a Ming dynasty vase in her effort to put the fire out.
Alice had absolutely no interest in getting married. She's not a fan of the antiquated patriarchal tradition. Except then her partner, Ben, was not allowed at her bedside when she woke up in a military hospital after the medievac managed to keep her alive. They have now been married for 6 years.
Alice still holds the best long distance sniper record of all the 00s
Alice and Bond worked a number of missions together when Bond first joined the programme. She once jumped into the River Danube and hauled his sorry arse to safety. It was Alice that helped Bond polish up his ballroom dance moves. When she finally received her first prosthetic leg, Bond insisted on taking her out dancing.
Alice is a damn good psychiatrist. She will fight for her patient's wellbeing above all else, and regularly goes toe to toe with M. She became a psychiatrist as the result of the appalling mental health treatment she experienced herself. When you cannot open up to a therapist, it's no use and there was no one with sufficient security clearance.
Alice adores wearing dresses. She owns over 100 and makes no apology for it. She spent almost 17 years wearing nothing but fatigues and combat gear, so now she is making up for lost time. Her preference is for long, floaty, brightly coloured dresses with a touch of sparkle.
Her drink of choice is a Greek Spritz, made with Greek vermouth, a splash of grenadine, lime and grapefruit juice. On a cold day it is an oak milk, double caramel cappuccino from the cafe downstairs.
During her recovery, Alice engaged the services of a sexual surrogate, much to the displeasure of her husband. However, the surrogate helped rebuild her confidence and reestablish their sex life. Ben will never admit it out loud, but the time he and Alice had a joint session with the surrogate was one of his top two sexual experiences ever.
Col. Dr. Alice Munroe is currently five months pregnant with her first baby. They used donor eggs and she will deliver via C Section due to the damage to her hips, but she is absolutely delighted. She is also more terrified than the time she faced down 7 highly armed enemy agents with nothing but a length of rope, a clothes peg and a pen torch.
@mi6-cafe @foxsoulcourt
#007 fest 2023#james bond#original characters#Colonel Dr. Alice Munroe#warm body fic#00q fic#team q branch
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QB-X8 Project Proposal - Headcanon Day
Q loves sugary foods, but by god give him cake and he'll kick you. Nobody quite knows why, but the man cannot stand it. Maybe it's the texture, but the minions are yet to find a flavour he can stand.
Q also curses like a sailor, but almost never in public. The first time R heard him swear, they walked into a wall out of shock.
He also pointedly hates being in pictures, but loves taking them of others. Even if it isn't of his friends faces, but aesthetics or backdrops. Eve started an Instagram for them a while back, and it's rather successful.
Q has literally no clue about the political state of the UK. Ask him about a foreign country and he'll give you a detailed analysis and possibly go on a rant about foreign officials, but this man doesn't even realise when it gets close to general elections. M and Tanner hate it.
Q works with tech, and can make it dance for him, but that doesn't mean he trusts it. He knows how it can be used.
Q-Branch is the only branch in the building where you can get away with messing with the dress code. Minion 12 frequently comes in in full emo makeup and dresses like a teenager. Minion 42 hasn't had his natural hair colour for close to 5 years. Minions 13 wears slippers to work, but only the ones with grip as the last time they didn't Q told them off for putting their own life at risk due to slipping in a place where they make the agents weapons.
Hiring runs a dating scheme to try and get operatives together. They claim responsibility for not only 00Q but MoneyR
Speaking of Hiring, it's not just Q and M that have letters for names. A is head of Accounting, H is head of Hiring, D runs Medical (as in D for Doctor), P runs the Psych teams. Even if they aren't official code names, it became a bit of an inside joke after they all met Whishaw!Q who down right refused to share his name.
James, as we all know, hates medical, but he hates being sick even more. An injury will have him running for the hills to avoid medical, but if he's ill you'd find him calling in sick.
Most of MI6 field agents are orphans, but not all. Q had a huge family, but got disowned when he was young. Mallory!M had many siblings but not so many extended family members, but most assume he died due to his injuries at the hands of the IRA due to him cutting contact after becoming M. 3 of the Q-Branch minions are triplets, 2 are cousins, 4 are related in increasingly funny ways.
The Double-Ohs have lots of little ways they remember fallen friends. 004 leaves the door open of his office even if he's busy, just like the old 009 used to do. 003 gives chocolate to the Hiring branch every year on the 13th of March, just like the last 002 used to do. 005 sends flowers to the other Double-Ohs who are home when they're off on a cover mission that should last more than 2 months, just like the 5 that came before her.
Similarly, MI6 has a private cemetery out in the countryside. No names, only empty graves, dates, and designations. In the HQ in London, there is a commemorative wall of names. Small plaques, with designations, first names and the last place they were seen inscribed on them. People leave things behind on the anniversary of the deaths, personal things, or simple things like a shot of whiskey or a single petal.
Everyone avoids the water stations, vending machines, coffee machines and storage lockers on Basement Level 2. Nobody new is quite sure why. Even some of the older staff aren't exactly sure.
The best food is served in the MI6 canteen between 2 and 6 AM.
I have a few more of these, but they are more suited for other day's so they can stay in my drafts for now :]
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