dartier
4380 Days Late and a Dollar Short
Dart is reaaaaally late to the party.
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Dart’s 007 Fest 2023 Master Post
Scavenger Hunt # 17 (10 points)
Waltzing into Q Branch Meme (1 point)
My intro post
15 comments (15 points)
And I contributed a haiku to “Use. Your. Words”- 007 fest 2023 scavenger hunt item 50 - team linked haiku challenge.
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Scavenger Hunt #17
Make a James Bond poster featuring a landmark in your town that could feature in a Bond film.
(You know, I was originally going to say this was a sequel to Moonraker, but decided to not to. If nothing else, consider it a No Time to Die Fix It.)
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IS YOUR CHILD TEXTING ABOUT ESPIONAGE?
What your MI6-obsessed agent's text messages actually mean:
brb = bring radio back
lol = lots of ladies
tbh = totally been honeypotted
smh = shake martini hard
ffs = flattened fruit stand
stfu = smartblood tracker found you
tfw = tuxedo fits well
fml = found M's laptop
rofl = relying on Felix Leiter
idc = I destroyed car
btw = Bond tossed Walther
and bonus:
bbs = bloody big ship
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To start off Fest, Team Q Branch is having a team song lyric prompt exchange. I picked @aprettyspy ’s prompt which is from “Love in The Dark” by Adele.
"Please, stay where you are. Don't come any closer. Don't try to change my mind. I'm being cruel to be kind."
"Please, stay where you are,” Q said, without even a glance or stutter of his fingers.
Bond, as always, paid him no mind.
“Don't come any closer,” Q said with full-on eye contact and scowl.
“Don't try to change my mind,” Bond said, his arms crossed, his stance steady. And then he lunged. Like a great stinking shedding middle-aged lion with absolutely no sense of decency. Or personal space.
“I'm being cruel to be kind," Bond insisted as he tried to get the better of Q.
“You’re being a dick to be a dick because—” Q waved in a gesture to encompass all of Bond “—you.”
Bond went for full-on PoutyMcPoutFace. Q was not deterred.
“It makes you sad,” Bond insisted with what lesser men might call earnestness.
“Who are you to police my emotions?! You wouldn’t know an emotion if you fell out of a helicopter, landed atop it and gutted it in a back alley!”
“You’re going to take one full sip, spit out the second and then airclaw at your tongue and make the mopiest faces—“
“Afraid I’ll cut into your allotted time for your magnificent sulk which is—“ Q pointedly looked at his watch—“13 hours and 59 minutes of the 14 hours remaining in the day.”
“—and whine until I finally put knock out drops in your nightcap once it’s gone 3,” Bond continued over him, the brute.
“I want Evie. You make a horrible girlfriend, Bond.”
Bond huffed and said, “Q,” with the levels of exasperation that burn right past smolder.
Q made eye contact while he steadily lifted the cup toward his mouth.
“Fine,” Bond said, “If you let me drink your poisonous horrible nostalgia drink, I’ll throw you over my shoulder like the cave man you purport me to be, drag you home—traffic signals be damned— let you sniff at my mouth like the ridiculous half feral kitten you absolutely are and then start off doing that thing with my tongue that drives you right out your infuriatingly brilliant mind.”
Q made a face.
“Unless you pass out in a puddle of drool on my lap because hair pets are your secret weakness.”
Q sniffed. “Evie would have the best ice cream and also sing to me.”
“Would Eve also have a massive—“
“You’d be surprised.”
“I really wouldn’t,” Bond said.
Q waggled his eyebrows and Bond snorted, then took Qi’s hand.
“Q.”
“And none of this over the shoulder nonsense. It’s bridal carry or not at all,” Q said.
“And it only took me 157 concussions to realize you’re the love of my life. But who’s counting?”
“Marie in Medical,” Q muttered, “That’s who.”
“C’mon, Q. Let’s go make your cats pause their plans of world domination.”
“As if they hadn’t already set them in motion long before you stalked me home.”
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To start off Fest, Team Q Branch is having a team song lyric prompt exchange. I picked @aprettyspy ’s prompt which is from “Love in The Dark” by Adele.
"Please, stay where you are. Don't come any closer. Don't try to change my mind. I'm being cruel to be kind."
"Please, stay where you are,” Q said, without even a glance or stutter of his fingers.
Bond, as always, paid him no mind.
“Don't come any closer,” Q said with full-on eye contact and scowl.
“Don't try to change my mind,” Bond said, his arms crossed, his stance steady. And then he lunged. Like a great stinking shedding middle-aged lion with absolutely no sense of decency. Or personal space.
“I'm being cruel to be kind," Bond insisted as he tried to get the better of Q.
“You’re being a dick to be a dick because—” Q waved in a gesture to encompass all of Bond “—you.”
Bond went for full-on PoutyMcPoutFace. Q was not deterred.
“It makes you sad,” Bond insisted with what lesser men might call earnestness.
“Who are you to police my emotions?! You wouldn’t know an emotion if you fell out of a helicopter, landed atop it and gutted it in a back alley!”
“You’re going to take one full sip, spit out the second and then airclaw at your tongue and make the mopiest faces—“
“Afraid I’ll cut into your allotted time for your magnificent sulk which is—“ Q pointedly looked at his watch—“13 hours and 59 minutes of the 14 hours remaining in the day.”
“—and whine until I finally put knock out drops in your nightcap once it’s gone 3,” Bond continued over him, the brute.
“I want Evie. You make a horrible girlfriend, Bond.”
Bond huffed and said, “Q,” with the levels of exasperation that burn right past smolder.
Q made eye contact while he steadily lifted the cup toward his mouth.
“Fine,” Bond said, “If you let me drink your poisonous horrible nostalgia drink, I’ll throw you over my shoulder like the cave man you purport me to be, drag you home—traffic signals be damned— let you sniff at my mouth like the ridiculous half feral kitten you absolutely are and then start off doing that thing with my tongue that drives you right out your infuriatingly brilliant mind.”
Q made a face.
“Unless you pass out in a puddle of drool on my lap because hair pets are your secret weakness.”
Q sniffed. “Evie would have the best ice cream and also sing to me.”
“Would Eve also have a massive—“
“You’d be surprised.”
“I really wouldn’t,” Bond said.
Q waggled his eyebrows and Bond snorted, then took Qi’s hand.
“Q.”
“And none of this over the shoulder nonsense. It’s bridal carry or not at all,” Q said.
“And it only took me 157 concussions to realize you’re the love of my life. But who’s counting?”
“Marie in Medical,” Q muttered, “That’s who.”
“C’mon, Q. Let’s go make your cats pause their plans of world domination.”
“As if they hadn’t already set them in motion long before you stalked me home.”
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Announcement for a special Remembrance
Some of you know Tenshi aka slimysuckers aka Alexis from the last year(s) of the 007 fest.
A member of the team civilian and shipper of 00Q, she was a very much liked and gentle person. Many of you - and others - got to know her as a chat partner for James Bond related subjects, as for private, friendly conversation.
She left earth at the 7th of March and is clearly missed in this Fandom.
So I talked to others at this time (please look here) and I proposed a Tenshi Day for the next 007 fest.
It will be at the 15th of July for us, lots of time to prepare.
We want to cherish her, speak her name, tell anecdotes, make gifs, etc for her. What we are comfortable with.
No one will be forced to anticipate, and no one will be forced to use the 15th. If you want to post something earlier, later, more often, just tag 'tenshiday' and it will get reblogged on the civilian Blog. Of course we can reblog it also on private Blogs. Speak a person's name and they will not die.
I hope I did not overstep with this announcement and wish you all a wonderful 007 fest 2023!
Much love,
Penny
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Greetings!
Tumblr: Dartier
Ao3: Dart
My Pronouns: She/Her, but They/Them is fine
Minion Designation: QB-E1
Favorite Fictional Gadget: the Perfect Notebook—it solves all your organizational, time management and writer’s block-related problems. Doubles as a coaster.
Best Use for Duct Tape: The Thwarting of Diabolical Plots, naturally. But my favorite use is the subsequent Muting of SubPar Villain Monologue.
Favourite Tea and Biscuits: You’re probably going to have to pry the espresso out of my cold dead hand. But I’ll say the tea I picked up from Betty’s Tea Room in York. Stroopwafel. (But since I’m being difficult, I really just want McVitie's Lyle's Golden Syrup Cakes.)
Best Late-Night Takeaway: Tarte Flambée
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WIP Wednesday
The Cockblocking of Nott’s Neap
Theo turned the page, and paused at the sudden feeling of cold dread touching his spine. He quickly turned the page back and waited for the feeling to dissipate.
It didn't take long.
"Sorry," he muttered. The ghost that haunted Nott’s Neap didn't always read as fast as he did.
@mi6-cafe
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For the WIP tag game, I'd love to know more about Master of Sass ... :D
Alas, it’s not 00Q. Q would be like Supreme Emperor of Sass at the very least. But it’s a silly thing!
Voiceover: Harry Potter. Before he mastered Death, he mastered Sass.
It turns out that Harry can tap into magical gifts as long as he powers them with sass.
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WIP Game Thing
@anyawen tagged me
“Rules : post the names of all the files in your WIP folder regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous. Let people send you an ask with the title that most intrigues them and then post a little snippet of it or tell them something about it! And then tag as many people as you have wips. (please repost, don’t reblog) This isn’t just for writing either. Sketch titles? Comics? DnD campaigns? If you have an unfinished project, it counts!”
Lol These 30 were the quickest I could find since my poor laptop is inaccessible. GDocs is a WIP folder. One of many. These are fics I haven’t started posting yet. I have lots squirreled away somewhere. They’re like notebooks, they multiply like dust bunnies around here. If you’re reading this, consider yourself tagged.
An Eye for the Golden Rule
Desert
Betrothal
Bezoar
(The one where) His Mother Lives
I am ferocious and deadly. Stop laughing!
If you give a Krayt an Obi
Ink AU
In which Jango has always lacked imagination
In Which Jango’s Indignant Squawking Will Never Get Old
James comes back and pesters Q about clothes
Master of Sass
Of Thursdays
Permission to Speak Freely
Remembering Harry
She Returns a Queen
Ship to Sundari
Sister, Brother
Sixth year
Snake eggs
Share with Friends?
Stationery
Takeaway
The DarkSaber Says
The Hardest Fisherman in Brixham
The Killer Rabbit of Caerbannog
The Lost Battalion
The Meet Cutest
TWD Time Travel Fix-It
WELL YOU GOT THE ASS RIGHT
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QB-E1's 007 Fest 2022 Masterlist
QB-E1 Project Proposal <~> Stealthflora {Headcanon} +5
https://dartier.tumblr.com/post/688621558793633792/qb-e1-project-proposal-stealthflora-headcanon
Q Branch celebrates Pi Approximation Day! —Felix Leiter’s Bourbon Chocolate Pecan Pie (Recipe) +5
https://dartier.tumblr.com/post/690515497274507264/q-branch-celebrates-pi-approximation-day
Headcanon — If you can't beat ‘em, bribe ‘em +5
https://dartier.tumblr.com/post/690592631015768064/headcanon-if-you-cant-beat-em-bribe-em
James Bond is a Dad now and he has Dad Jokes?
007Fest 2022 Scavenger hunt #15 (headcanon) +5 +5
https://dartier.tumblr.com/post/691344789911846912/james-bond-is-a-dad-now-and-he-has-dad-jokes
"The Overlord"
Scavenger Hunt #22, a pastiche of Edgar Allan Poe's "The Raven" +20 +5
https://archiveofourown.org/works/25479742/chapters/101686521
2 events + 2 points
Total: 52 points
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James Bond is a Dad now and he has Dad Jokes?
James: What did the campers say about the campfire? They gave it GLOWING reviews.
James: Why is it never relaxing when two couples go camping?
Alec: Murder?
James: Two tents
James: What type of footwear do frogs wear camping during the summer? Open toad shoes.
007Fest 2022 Scavenger hunt #15 (headcanon)
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This is everything I hoped it would be (when I left the prompt) and a million times more!!! 😍🥰😍🥰😍
“I will kill your friends and family to remind you of my love.”
Happy Q-branch day! Here, have some villain! Q
Prompted by @dartier with the lyrics from “You’ll Be Back” from Hamilton
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Headcanon — If you can't beat ‘em, bribe ‘em
James Bond has 534 tried and true methods for extricating Q from his Branch.
But when the full-on smoulder goes unsnarked, the ear nibble with scruff nets him a distracted swat, the perfect cup of tea placed precisely within reach merits not even a deep inhale, let alone a sip, let it never be said that James Bond won't call in reinforcements when the straits are truly dire.
He just bribes Q’s cats to doze on Q’s keyboard and then he pulls out his never fail tricks.
He throws Q over his shoulder and launches himself through the door, so R can lockdown Q’s office. (Don't worry, the cats have special doors. Can you imagine cats redesigning pneumatic tube delivery systems though.)
((James is much too smugly pleased with himself to notice his Boffin’s smirk and jaunty wave to his Branch from his elevated sprawl.))
And then James spends the rest of the night making it up to Q.
Kitty Photo Prompt by QB-G3 @bluebellofbakerstreet
#qb e1#qbranch day#qbranchprompts#headcanon#teamqbranch#007 fest 2022#007 fest#160 words#Prompt table Word Count#Free Space
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Q Branch celebrates Pi Approximation Day!
Felix Leiter’s Bourbon Chocolate Pecan Pie
filling:
3 large eggs
3/4 cup (150g) dark brown sugar, packed like a body in an oil drum
2/3 cup (200g) light corn syrup or Lyle’s golden syrup, Your Snootiness *cough* James
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1/2 teaspoon salt
2 tablespoons (30g) melted butter, (Live a little, salted or unsalted)
2 tablespoons bourbon
1 2/3 cups (190g) pecans, I use halves (use toasted and very coarsely chopped, if you’re an overachiever)
3/4 cup (120g) chocolate chips, I use semisweet chunks, but smaller would meld better.
Make or procure a crust and put it in a 9 inch (23 cm) pie plate and crimp the edges as you do.
Preheat the oven to 375ºF (190ºC) and position the oven rack in the center of the oven. Remember to take out anything you’re storing in there.
In a large bowl, whisk together the eggs, brown sugar, syrup, vanilla, salt, melted butter, and bourbon. Whisk it well, but not so well you have to repaint the kitchen ceiling again, Alec.
Stir in the pecans and the chocolate chips. Scrape the filling into the pie shell with a rubber spatula, not your hand, Alec.
And bake for 30 to 35 minutes, or until the filling puffs up slightly but still feels slightly jiggly and moist in the center. Let the pie cool completely before butchering it, you impatient bastards.
Serve with ice cream or whipped cream and the rest of the bottle of bourbon..
#team q branch#qb e1#007 fest#teamqbranch#007 fest 2022#007 fest food day#Pi Approximation Day#mi6 cafe recipes
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QB-E1 Project Proposal <~> Stealthflora {Headcanon}
Disguised as a fitness app (since those nosy bastards can't keep their agenty mitts to themselves).
Smart notification mode alerts a nearby Minion (or our Blessed Overlord) to their close proximity to an unmarked location of collateral damage.
Your mission is to appropriately mark the location in a floral fashion. This may be a bouquet, a single flower (consider expanding your horizons beyond red carnations) surreptitiously dropped in a zebra crossing, a flower bed, a floral crown cast into the sea at a particular set of coordinates. Just, keep it appropriate to the location.
Extra: "He did that flower thing again."
£500 prize to whomeverst picks the closest time (without surpassing) 007 cluelessly reporting "He did that flower thing again" to another agent after stalking Q like we all knows he does.
^For the poor bastards who didn’t deserve it.
^^Not to be confused with the banned yet extremely popular and HIGHLY recommended Piss On Their Grave app for the utter bastards who absolutely did.
Thanks to @dassandre-00qpidsarrow QB-V4 for the photo prompt.
#team q branch#qb e1#007 fest#007 fest 2022#qbranchprompts#teamqbranch#For the poor bastards who didn’t deserve it#headcanon
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