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yangcherie · 5 months

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bathing.

𐀔 pairings: cast (astarion, gale, wyll, lae’zel, shadowheart, karlach, halsin) x female!tiefling!tav (reader).

𐀔 content warnings: suggestive, everybody is a little freak, non-consensual voyeurism, implied scent kink (gale), mentions of scars, afab anatomy. tiefling anatomy.

𐀔 sypnosis: what is a warrior to do when all their companions are peeping toms?

𐀔 author’s note: they are freaks and its been very long since i’ve written. please forgive a lady if what she’s written is unappealing.

“Can you keep it – fucking quiet?!”

Astarion whisper-yells at the entire party of people hiding within bushes and treelines, all fighting tooth and nail like rabid animals for a peek (and taste) of their ragtag, frustratingly attractive leader’s curves.

They didn’t even mean to stumble into eachother, each to their own blindly traversing through the thickets of the woods towards the nearest river. Tav simply mentioned having to retire early to take a bath (much to Gale’s dismay), and they all hungrily jumped towards the opportunity like dogs to a meatless bone, the one of the hopefully many chances they’ll see you naked, vulnerable, and shivering – even if it’s only due to the lack of warmth in the river’s streams.

It’s wrong, debauched, even. Hells, even literal devils, Karlach and Wyll, wear faces ridden with shame. Of course, they (namely Astarion and Lae’zel) poked at the others stalking as if they weren’t shamelessly doing the same.

The tension in the air was thick, each a barrel on the verge of explosion ready to wipe out the recently discovered possibility of rivalries and competition – but they couldn’t blame eachother; there was just something about you that made you so very enticing. They all thought it was incredibly silly to think only one person would want you.

“Well,” Astarion clicked his tongue in displeasure, having his private time foiled. Still, he smiled sardonically. “we’re all degenerates, it seems. We’re all looking forward to having a... fun time.”

A deep rumble came, and it surprisingly did not come from the forest ground. It was simply Halsin, all too polite and calm smiles. Astarion groaned; he was sick of this big fucking oaf with hearts for eyes and a log of wood for brains. “We are not depraved for simply yearning to admire our friend in a state of tranquil—”

“Oh, please! Don’t act like a saint in front of me!” The vampire spawn huffed, hands on his hips. “We’re all here for the same reason, we all want to see Tav fucking naked, no point in lying now!”

Tints of red and pink all rushed to everyone’s faces, and even Shadowheart was reduced to fiddling with her fingers together. Though awkward coughs ensued in the air, not a single word of denial was uttered.

Karlach is first to speak up, ever brazen. “It’s true!” She says with her signature sharp smile. “I wanted to see her tits!”

(Lae’zel and Astarion nodded approvingly to Karlach’s honesty. Halsin and Gale quietly shared their sentiments on their preference to your ass. Shadowheart and Wyll could not disagree to both.)

Amidst their busy conversation and debate regarding your body’s fine qualities, the alarmingly close and approaching noises of branches snapping and leaves crunching had rendered them silent, panicked shivers and goosebumps on their skin. With shared glances and only a few split seconds to react, the party floundered and flailed for whatever they could use to stay hidden.

“Settle down, you circus; Tav’s coming!” Wyll is the first amongst the party to silently and comically dive into a bush with Karlach, clutching their tails to avoid it rustling about in excitement. Halsin had thrown Gale and Astarion atop a tree’s thick branches before joining them. Lae’zel, disappointingly, camoflauges just well with the greenery, watching Shadowheart flounder about and settle for lying on the ground with grass over her face.

“All you filthy ska'keth.” Lae’zel hisses, letting everyone know of your now visible presence, the halting of your footsteps along the other edge of the river. “Enjoy the show.”

Across the distance, their focus had been shifted to you and now solely you.

You quietly groan, trudging towards the river you’ve been searching to no end, you set down your basket of fine oils, herbs and waxes as your armored limbs ache and practically cry for a dip in the clear stream. With no haste, you take in the cool night air, this little moment of peace, away from prying eyes you’ve fought long and hard to obtain. Sweat trickles down your throat, your tail swaying in contentment in the calm atmosphere.

Quickly deciding you’ve had enough of the crisp air, you reach towards your body to unclasp and unfasten the many buckles on your durable armor – starting with the iron top, quickly taking it off to reveal your bare, battle-worn chest and hastily discarding the metal on your legs, throwing them aside in favor of letting the cold air bite at your naked, scarred body before you go into the water; allowing your body a little moment of respite from the suffocation and heat of tight, bloody armor – even letting your tail sway around freely instead of being constricted to being stiff. A content smile creeps its way onto your face.

You lightly step your way from the sand to the edge of the water, continuing to walk until you’re trembling from the cold, until you’re hips-down in the water. A grateful sigh is pulled from your lips as you start to wade about, your hands subtly working to wash the dried blood, gore and grime off of your body and hair – using the oils and wax soaps of sweet woodruff and wine from your basket, even scrubbing your horns. A little part of you finds this normalcy almost unfamiliar, uncomfortable; it’s been quite a while you’ve taken care of yourself. Your thoughts start to drift; prior to your abduction by the Nautiloid ship, were you ever taken care of, like this? By other hands, even?

(You hope so.)

Another sigh is dragged out of you, though wearier as guilt treads within you. Just a little moment of peace, of indulgence before you go back to the dreadful task of keeping your companions and yourself alive and fighting. Just a little more time. You think you deserve it.

A silence was washed over the forest, and the party as they all beheld you and your battle-worn body. It felt almost sacred, like doing this would have them damned to the Hells and below but it was simply too captivating. Your bodice was a web and a product of war, and they were caught mesmerized – with only the dense forest and one another to witness their quickly unravelling need for you. But even then, they felt some semblance to pity. What they wouldn’t give to the gods right now to be by your side and give you some tending to.

The ridges down your back, the swaying base of your tail, the alluring image of your hips and ass teasingly disappearing into the water below, the silhouette of your horns – that untroubled smile on your lips – they all drink it in with their eyes in a fashion similar to Astarion’s throat would with your blood.

They savor it for as long as they can, before stepping out of the trance as Gale himself not-so-quietly attempted to clamber down from the rough-bark tree he was settled in, dropping down to the dirt and crushing the leaves loudly and ungracefully. Shadowheart gaped with mortification at him from the ground, everyone wishing to every god above you would have mistaken the sound as a particularly large animal, perhaps an owlbear and not a wizard along with an entire party intruding on your privacy.

“Gale! What in the Nine Hells are you doing?!”

Astarion had settled for whisper-yelling once again, pointing at him accusingly from his position atop the tree’s branches besides Halsin. Gale waved his hand, silently telling him to shut the fuck up, before urgently pointing at your discarded armor and clothing, then proceeding to give him a big smile and two thumbs up.

Surely enough to the mortification of the party, he quickly cast Misty Step over himself to travel to your area and hastily swiped (stole) anything soft – including your unattended bandages and undergarments, taking a small moment to put it to his nose and re-casting the spell to return below the tree within a few seconds. He wallowed in his pride before with a swift motion, tucked the newly acquired materia into the pockets of his robe much to the discomfort (and mild envy) of all of them.

“A man has to do and take what he can.” Gale reasoned to nobody in particular, nodding solemnly as if he just shared a piece of wisdom. He suppressed a yelp as Lae’zel then threw a rock at him, followed by another as Astarion thwacked a small branch straight to his forehead from above.

“Just leave it.” Wyll snidely commented, fighting with his life to tear away his eyes from your moonlit form, breaking out of a trance. “We should leave, go back to camp. It’d be suspicious if everyone just disappeared.”

“Ugh, you are such a killjoy, Wyll.” Astarion rolled his eyes but complied, scaling down the tree quietly, much unlike Gale earlier, who was still fiddling around his pockets with your intimates. “A party pooper, even.”

As repulsive the idea to leave you was, it was reasonable. Begrudingly, everyone quietly sat up or climbed down and quietly attempted to find their way through the dense, dark forest, sharing little observations and hushed chitchat along the way. And soon enough, the party found themselves in familiar territory, now gathering around and settling down near the campfire like they previously had before you announced your leave, as if they didn’t just claw their way through eachother earlier to see a scrap of your vulnerability.

The fire cast a warm glow over the party as they immersed in chitchat, a few (namely Shadowheart and Astarion) pestering and even offering a bargain to Gale for the underclothes he had nicked earlier. The wizard was not deterred; fair and square, he wagged his finger as if to say nuh-uh to the seething two. It was only shortly after, that you came stumbling back into camp like a lost fawn, hair and body language calm and loose but the armor remaining stiff on your body.

Karlach coughed to let the others know you had arrived from your personal time. “Soldier! You’re back!” You greeted her with a nod, before raising a brow and sweeping your eyes amongst them. Gale swallowed, placing a protective hand over the pocket that held your garments.

“You would not believe what happened.” You sighed in utter distress before plopping yourself down besides Halsin and Astarion on the log to let the fire embrace you with warmth, piquing everyone’s interest and attention with intense ease. “A wandering owlbear ate my clothes.”

They all collectively either guffawed or choked on their spit, Lae’zel scoffing and Astarion groaning amongst them. Right. Of course, you would have thought it was a fucking owlbear. Thieving owlbears that take normal, musky clothes instead of shiny armor.

“Ah, owlbears.” Gale tutted and sighed with faux sympathy, nervously chuckling and shifting to hide the lump in his pockets. “They’d eat almost anything, really.”

Astarion shot him a bewildered look, as if to ask, don’t you? You swallowed two of my books last night!

“You can borrow my clothes, for the night.” Shadowheart butted in, suddenly slotting herself behind you and setting a reassuring palm on your shoulder. You smiled at her, gazing up at her gratefully. “Thank you, Sha—”

“Well, you can have my clothes!” Karlach and Lae’zel shot up in unison.

“Sharing your old filth, I can sew them new clothes!” Astarion argued, until everyone started refuting eachother and proposing that you take theirs and whatnot.

You sighed with exasperated fondness, immensely troubled but somewhat used to it as you watch your companions pointlessly banter, having little doubt that by the end of the night, you’d have a fair share of everyone’s wardrobe into yours.

Still, you hope to the very bottom of your heart that the “owlbear” that stole your clothes had a full tummy, at least.

#bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #baldurs gate 3 #bg3 x reader #baldurs gate 3 x reader #baldur's gate 3 x reader #astarion x reader #wyll x reader #shadowheart x reader #karlach x reader #lae'zel x reader #gale x reader #halsin x reader #tavrem #as they say #this was fun to write #this was very lame actually #sorry but its been so so so long since ive written a fic much less published it

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lothiriel84 · 1 year

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#Foil Arms and Hog #Swines #streaming #comedy shows #16 March 2023 #Instagram

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stjoangerard · 2 years

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i have so much work to do before class tmrw please alert me if anything batshit happens

#university once again foiling my attempts to witness mcr newark #first they make it so i can't go to the show anymore then they assign so much work i can't even watch a stream 😭😭#txt

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fuckyeahgoodomens · 1 year

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The Good Omens Card Game is coming out June 5! 🥳❤

Renegade Game Studios will release Good Omens: An Ineffable Game June 5th, charging players with stopping the apocalypse in seven different battle games, each of which you can learn as you play, all in one box! Each of the seven cooperative battle games sees players taking on a different challenge, and each can be played at varying difficulties!

“We’re thrilled to be collaborating with Amazon Studios to bring fans a Good Omens game” said Scott Gaeta, President of Renegade Game Studios, “Being a huge fan myself, it was important that we capture the spirit of the show and I think that designer, Matt Hyra, came up with something fans will really enjoy.”

In Good Omens: An Ineffable Game players will call upon characters, both much-loved and deeply-loathed, in order to defeat the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, Fight Heaven, Vanquish Hell, and even prevent Armageddon. The battle games are easy to learn but pack a challenge for any group, and each is themed around the confrontations that take place at the conclusion of Good Omens Season 1.

Fans can catch up on the first season of Good Omens now streaming on Prime Video ahead of the second season premiering July 28th. The series is co-created by Neil Gaiman and is based on the well-loved and internationally best-selling novel by Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman.

“Good Omens: An Ineffable Game promises to bring the world of Good Omens to life in an exciting new way” said Jamie Kampel, Head of Licensing & Merchandising for Amazon Studios, “We are thrilled to be creating this game in collaboration with a well-known board game publisher like Renegade, who is passionate about the property and has adeptly captured the tone and details of the series in a way that will delight fans.”

Renegade will be producing three versions of Good Omens: An Ineffable Game, each with their own unique box art and bonus items, but all feature the same great gameplay! The Amazon exclusive version will include 12 foil versions of the character cards in the game. (= First Version) The Barnes & Noble exclusive version includes a Heaven & Hell-themed black and silver embroidered Good Omens dice bag (= Second Version), while the Hobby Market exclusive includes an Agnes Nutter Book of Prophecies-themed dice bag, in a luxurious green with gold embroidery (= Third Version).

Good Omens: An Ineffable Game will be available wherever games are sold and have a suggested retail price of $25.

Amazon - $25.00 - the exclusive 12 foil character card versions (First Version)

renegadegamestudios.com or Hobby Market- €25.00 - seems like this is the Third Version with the Agnes Nutter bag, they have several internet stores that you can switch at the left corner of the page (for example for EU click on the last one):

The Barnes & Noble (Second Version) didn't publish the product at their pages yet :)

The Agnes Nutter Book of Prophecies-themed dice bag from the third editon:

#good omens #good omens card game #good omens merchandise #good omens goods #merchadise #WAHOO! :)

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mirage-aera · 4 months

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•°. *࿐ Microwave

ᴺᴼᵂ ᴾᴸᴬᵞᴵᴺᴳ : The Feeling - Lost Frequencies

Simon ‘Ghost’ Riley

Synopsis: It’s way past midnight again. You’re feeling hungry and decide to warm up leftovers. You try to keep everything quiet, but you get bested by the goddamn microwave.

Word count: 1.136

Masterlist

More domestic Simon to keep me going in life.

It was another one of those nights. It’s 3 AM and you’re wide awake. You’re scrolling through your social media as Simon is happily snoring away next to you. Suddenly your stomach grumbles. You quickly cover your stomach so that it ‘quiets’ down, you didn’t want to wake Simon. You cringe at the loudness of your stomach. You turn over and glance at Simon, checking if he’s still asleep. Seeing that he’s still sleeping you let out a sigh of relief. You quietly and slowly climb out of bed. Widening your eyes when the bed creaks. You quickly whip your head to Simon. He stirs a little and turns over. You quickly place your pillow where you would be sleeping. He grabs it and pulls it closer to him. You snicker quietly before taking a picture with your phone. You’ll show him that in the morning.

You slip your feet in the fuzzy slippers that Simon bought you. You were complaining that your feet were always cold and you refused to wear socks when you didn’t have to go out. So, Simon bought you a pair of warm slippers so that you wouldn’t be cold anymore. You slowly get up, this time the bed spares you. You quietly shuffle out of the room and close the door gently behind you. Refusing to make any noise so you wouldn’t wake Simon. You make your way to the bathroom to freshen up a bit. You turn the tap on slightly, making a small stream of water. You splash some water on your face before turning the tap off and drying your face with a towel.

You head to the staircase, purposely avoiding the floorboards that are known to creak under weight. You quietly make your way down the stairs and turn the lights on. You walk towards the kitchen and open the fridge. You look at all of the items in your fridge, wondering what you should make. An idea pops up in your head. You still have some leftovers from tonight’s dinner. You’ll hear it up in the microwave and finish it. That way you save space in the fridge and you’ll have some easy food to make. You grab the plate with the leftovers and take off the aluminum foil. You open the microwave and gently put the plate in the machine. Not risking waking up Simon. You quietly close the microwave door and set a timer for two minutes.

While you wait, you quickly boil some water to make a cup of tea. You cringe slightly at the noise the kettle makes while boiling water. Everything sounds so much louder at midnight. Once the water is nice and hot you pour it into a mug. You’re about to take a sip when you abruptly stop. You panic as you hastily put the mug down and you check the microwave. You forgot to keep an eye on the timer. The noise the microwave makes when the timer goes off is horrendous, especially at midnight. Before you can even glance at the timer it makes a loud shrill sound. You tap on the button multiple times to turn it off, “come on, you shit thing. Turn off already.” You insult the microwave. As if it’s the bane of all your problems. It is currently but that’s beside the point.

Finally, you get the thing turned off. You stand there leaning against the kitchen counter and pinch the bridge of your nose, reflecting on what just happened. “For fucks sake.” You mutter quietly. That woke Simon up, you’re sure of it. You take the plate out of the microwave and put it down on the counter. As if on cue, you hear Simon running down the stairs. He’s holding a combat knife as he looks around the lit bottom floor. He analyses everything before sighing once he sees you in the kitchen, looking very guilty. He puts the knife down and walks up to you. “Bloody hell, I thought a bomb went off or something. But no, it’s only you making food again.” He jokes lightly. Finding this situation a little funny. You chuckle lightly, “sorry, love. Didn’t mean to wake you with a bomb scare.” He lets out a laugh as he wraps his arms around your waist and pulls you closer to him. He kisses the top of your head before speaking. “It’s okay, lovie. Go on eat, you’re hungry again.” He leads the two of you to the counter where you place the plate. You grab a fork from the drawer and start munching away.

As you eat in silence. He’s watching you with a content smile. You stab the food with the fork and offer it to him. He chuckles but shakes his head, “no it's okay. You eat, ‘m not hungry.” You frown. You shove the fork closer to his mouth, “just one bite.” You say gently. He sighs but opens his mouth and lets you feed him. He chews on it and swallows. He smirks, “it’s cold now. You’ve learned from last time?” You groan as you’re reminded of your stupidity. “Oh come on! That was a one-time thing…” You grumble at his remark. You continue shoving forkfuls in your mouth with a pout resting on your lips. He smiles at you, “one-time thing or not. Once is already enough. Don’t want you hurting yourself around me, lovie.” You mutter an insult under your breath before grinning mischievously.

He looks at you warily, “what are you do-“ he tries asking before he gets interrupted with a mouthful of food. The fork is still hanging from his mouth. He stares at you in shock. You snicker at the sight of his dumbfounded look and the fork hanging from his mouth. You take out your phone and snap a picture. He quickly takes the fork out of his mouth, swallows the food, and tries to take the phone from you. “Delete that now!” He shrieks. You giggle as you continue turning your phone away from him. He smiles at your happiness. He knows he could overpower you easily, he’s SAS after all. But he doesn’t have the heart to do it, not after hearing your giggles. He huffs playfully and throws his arms in the air. “Fine! Don’t delete it.” He exclaims dramatically. You grin at him, finding this whole act of his amusing. He smiles before sighing and wraps his arms around you. “Now finish your food. I’m tired now and demand to go back to bed.” You give him a mock salute as you continue scarfing down your food. He shakes his head in amusement. He places a kiss on your cheek as you eat, content with holding you and swaying in the kitchen at 3 AM.

#cod #cod x reader #cod mw2 #cod mwii #ghost #ghost x reader #simon riley x reader #simon ghost riley x reader #simon ghost riley #simon riley #drabble #call of duty #call of duty x reader

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rosiethorns88 · 5 months

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Here it is! The final design for the @fairyloot edition of the OUABH trilogy! These are the reverse dust jacket and hard case foil designs for the FL A Curse for True Love by @stephanie_garber , and what a finale it is! Anissa (FL) and Stephanie requested a green, gold and pink scheme for this one and the entire set of jackets have such a great color scheme together as a result! As I did with the TBONA jacket, I utilized fairylights to illuminate the lanterns. There's just no replicating that warm, fuzzy glow in papercraft, and it adds a fantastic radiance to the piece. (Also, if you told me 6 years ago I'd be making a tasteful strip-tease of one of my favourite characters in papercraft, I would have choked on my drink.) Meanwhile, we had an absolute blast with the hard case foil design! Stephanie's direction with the changing titles (referencing the changing stories in the Magnificent North) was definitely on display here! Evangeline is on both sides, but the front references Apollo while the back references Jacks! TBONA/ACFTL SPOILERS BELOW: // To emphasize these changes, Evangeline stands under a shower of stars in a too-good-to-be-true dream-like state. On the back, she stands under a shower of arrows, tears streaming, cause chasing true love can sometimes hurt! As if this wasn't a great concept already, but execution of the reveal? If you'll recall, a copy of the FL edition was accidentally shipped with standard editions a scant few weeks before the ACFTL release. A person bought it and posted a few spoilers, including both sides of the foil design. Except some people were only sharing the Apollo side (and rightly raging at the injustice of such a title!), and a few others sharing the Jacks side. The titles kept changing, no one knew the truth and everything was chaos, just like in the Magnificent North! It was great. 🤣🤭 // END SPOILERS Super fun time with both of these! And bittersweet now that the trilogy is ended! Thank you again to @fairyloot, Anissa and Stephanie for the opportunity to work on these! And to have the pieces stand by the GORGEOUS endpaper artworks by @aleikats for each book, these editions are truly special!

#a curse for true love #acftl #evajacks #evangeline fox #prince jacks #jacks x evangeline #ouabh #ouabh 3 #stephanie garber #my art #papercraft

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marley-manson · 3 months

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the topic is Trapper and the army as foils, you have three hours, go

In no small part the satire of Mash, particularly in the first half of the show, is tied up with gender performance.

The army represents traditional, stifling and violent masculinity. This is shown through everything from freudian jokes about guns (eg Frank and Margaret's flirtations in The Sniper or The Gun), to Margaret trying to cajole Hawkeye into performing a more traditional standard of masculinity while treating him like a soldier in Comrades in Arms Part 2, to many jokes and comments about (usually) Hawkeye not being a real man in contrast to army standards and various specific army personnel (eg Lyle in Springtime, Flagg in White Gold), to Frank and Margaret's worship of the masculinity of the army ("He's twice the man you'll ever be," re: Flagg and Hawkeye, Margaret's lust for MacArthur, Frank pursuing the sniper in The Sniper in an attempt to be a "real man" in Margaret's eyes, etc) to many jokes positioning the military as a sexually aggressive man pursuing Hawkeye ("Sure, the sun the moon the stars, your high school letterman jacket. Same deal I promised nurse Baker." "A receipt please, and promise you'll go out with other doctors," etc.)

In contrast, the main characters all fail to perform traditional gender in some way, from crossdressing to immaturity to indecisiveness to peacefulness to Margaret's masculinity and Frank's pathetic failure to live up to his own masculine ideals, to just about everything about Hawkeye. His cowardliness, his jokes about not being a real man, his jokes about taking the feminine role in sexual encounters with men and women, even multiple double entendres about his average at best penis size.

Trapper is the most traditionally masculine of the main cast. He still subverts masculinity in some subtle ways here and there, such as the occasional feminizing joke and mentions of not being in great shape, but overall he's the more butch counterpart to Hawkeye's fem. He plays the role of boxer while Hawkeye plays the role of diva in their respective manager/star roleplaying episodes. He's broader and buffer and plays football, often seen playing catch with someone while walking around the compound, while Hawkeye disdains sports and doesn't participate. He reads Field and Stream which Hawkeye derides in Alcoholics Unanimous while making a wry comment about shaving his armpits. A past lover nicknamed him Big John.

And there are many, many jokes about Hawkeye and Trapper being sexual partners. The recurring Uncle Trapper and Aunt Hawkeye gag, if my father sees this you'll have to marry me, for me? only if you put those on, your father and I will tell you what we did to have you, that's when I fell in love with him, etc etc etc. It's constant. In these jokes Hawkeye usually takes the feminine role, though not strictly every time ("Me and the missus," is one exception in As You Were, the dance in Yankee Doodle Doctor is another).

Trapper's masculinity is differentiated from traditional military masculinity in a few ways. Most obviously, Trapper abhors the military's violence. He never uses guns and mocks Frank's obsession with them, he's a healer rather than a soldier, and he's disgusted by the results of military violence on the men on his operating table.

He's also secure in himself. The military's brand of masculinity is strongly characterized by insecurity and overcompensation. Frank is the main representative of this military insecurity - a coward who insists he's brave (The Army Navy Game), a man who clings to a phallic gun to compensate for his sexual and gendered inadequacies (a main theme of The Sniper, perfectly mirrored when the army itself comes in with a vastly disproprotionately powerful automatic machine gun on a helicopter to shoot down one sixteen year old), a homophobe repressing his own attraction to men (As You Were, the original script of George), etc. We also see this in Flagg, who implicitly sublimates sexual urges into violence (seen when he suggestively caresses his gun while describing how he wants to torture a boy in Officer of the Day).

Trapper doesn't need to overcompensate. He's well-endowed physically, he's portrayed as a competent and considerate lover, he's a brave man who doesn't mind being seen as a coward, and he may or may not be attracted to men but either way he's not a homophobe (George) and he doesn't express his sexuality through violence. When Margaret proves herself stronger than him, his response is to be impressed rather than offended (Bombed). When he dances with Hawkeye for a gag, he doesn't mind letting Hawkeye lead.

He's also differentiated in terms of tradition, with the mliitary representing a more propagandic 50s traditionalism, and Trapper representing a 70s, countercultural freedom from tradition. We see this in the way Trapper has plenty of sex despite being married, while adultery is a court-martial offense in the military. It's notable that he's open and carefree about it, while Frank and Margaret are surreptitious and hypocritical in their affair. This lack of traditionalism is also shown in his disrespect for authority, often in direct contrast to Frank and Margaret's worship of it, and his allyship to George who the military would persecute for his sexuality.

So ultimately we can see that while Trapper and the military are both examples of masculine performance, Trapper's masculinity differs from the military's in being more flexible, less violent, less traditional, and more secure. The military's masculinity is far more toxic than Trapper's, particularly in the context of 70s counterculture media, which aligns womanizing with sexual liberation rather than a lack of respect for women, accurately or not.

This contributes to their respective dynamics with Hawkeye.

Hawkeye, we've established, is usually more feminine, and there are a myriad of jokes characterizing Trapper as his sexual partner, as well as the military as a sexual pursuer.

The jokes Hawkeye and Trapper make about their relationship tend towards cozy domesticity. They're Radar's "aunt and uncle," they directly roleplay marriage ("Martha, we're going to have to move, the people upstairs are impossible,") and less directly behave as though married (the bickering in Alcoholics Unanimous, the discussion about naming their pony in Life With Father). Occasionally they're treated as a healthy couple in contrast to Frank and Margaret's toxicity ("While I'm gone, promise you'll go out with other doctors," vs "Touch anyone else and I'll cut off your hands" in Aid Station).

In some instances the jokes lean towards predatory - "If you're trying to get me drunk, it'll work," or "Who is this man in bed with me?" "I followed you home from the movies," but they're always playful, always fond. If Hawkeye takes on a submissive or victimized role in these jokes, it's one he has fun with and discards just as easily in the context of the rest of his relationship with Trapper.

So, it's important to note that Hawkeye and Trapper support each other and look after each other in an equal, enthusiastic friendship. From Trapper ensuring Hawkeye gets to sleep in Doctor Pierce and Mr. Hyde, to Hawkeye supporting Trapper when he wants to adopt a child, to Trapper right at Hawkeye's side as they attempt to procure an incubator, they are there for each other every step of the way. If their relationship is a marriage in some ways, it's a healthy, strong, and non-traditional marriage, an equal and open partnership free of jealousy and insecurities.

Compare that to the military's relationship with Hawkeye. In jokes it's characterized as powerful and predatory, far from an equal partnership. Sometimes it approaches positive - in Carry on Hawkeye, much of the humour is derived from Hawkeye and Margaret's gendered role reversal as she assumes military command of the unit. Hawkeye playfully calls her sir, seductively lies on her desk like a secretary in a porn film, and most notably treats an immunization shot as sexual penetration in a prolonged gag about sexual role reversal. Hawkeye has fun playing a sexually submissive role to a representative of military authority in this episode, but it is a submissive role.

Several of the one-off jokes have a similar sensibility, such as the double entendre of "My bellybutton's been puckering and unpuckering all day," in response to a representative of MacArthur assuming their excitement over the general's arrival to the unit, or Hawkeye's "Okay, take me, I'm yours," to Colonel Flagg. They demonstrate a willingness to play the receptive role on Hawkeye's part, but they also, pointedly, disturb the object of the jokes.

When Hawkeye makes these jokes that sexualize military authority, he's attempting to be provocative as well as defiantly drawing disruptive attention to his own powerlessness as a drafted surgeon. The power dynamic between Hawkeye and the authority of the military only goes one way, and Hawkeye gets a kick out of pointing it out in ways that perturb the representatives of that authority, but it's a power dynamic that takes its toll on him.

Many of Mash's plotlines revolve around Hawkeye rebelling and attempting to seize some scrap of agency back from the military. Adam's Ribs, for example, in which he starts a mild riot over the food he's being fed and spends the episode attempting to procure barbecue ribs from Chicago (which Trapper procures for him), or Back Pay where he tries to charge the military for his forced labour. A particularly notable example is Some 38th Parallels, in which Hawkeye complains about being paid the equivalent of a nickel per operation, and his frustration manifests in impotency until he can perform a gesture of rebellion against the military.

One unfortunate consistency of these episodes is that the army ultimately retains its power. When Hawkeye achieves his goals, it's only in small ways that do little more than satisfy his own need to assert his sense of self. Often, Hawkeye doesn't achieve his goal at all, but is thwarted by the army, such as in For Want of a Boot. In every instance he remains powerless in comparison to the authority of the military.

So the context in which Hawkeye makes these sexualized jokes about the military literally fucking him is one of abject helplessness. In a sense, all he's capable of is pointing out what the military is doing and putting it in his own, audacious terms. He's not capable of preventing it. His jokes usually have an edge of bitterness to them in delivery, and when they don't, that tone is imparted anyway by the greater context.

With Trapper, Hawkeye can play-act a marriage or an assault, but in either case he's an enthusiastically consenting, equal partner. Trapper's performance of masculinity allows for Hawkeye to take any role from victim to wife to husband, and enables Trapper to respond in kind from a position of equality and respect. The military, in its insecure, domineering performance of masculinity, is a dictatorial authority, never allowing Hawkeye perform any role but a feminized, victimized one, and only ever giving him the choice of whether to perform with a wry smile or a sneer.

In short, Trapper is the cool, considerate service top to the military's insecure domineering boyfriend.

I'm tagging everyone who enabled this lol, share the blame. @beansterpie @majorbaby @professormcguire @rescue-ram

#mash #this was dumb but writing it was somehow cathartic for me lol #i should've done this with frank and hawkeye as foils wrt subverting masculinity bc i think that would've been much easier #but i got caught up in this honestly. it's incredibly fun to write this kind of shit #maybe i'll post a round 2 sometime #marley on mash #ship ht #mash gs #and like... it's a little bit parodic but also sincere to an extent lol. this is absolutely one way of reading all the freudian #undercurrents in the show. it's definitely silly to contrast trapper and the military to make a point about how the show depicts #masculinity especially for like 1800 words lmao but it's a very fun angle #trapper mash #hawkeye mash #long post

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