I had to work sunrise to sunset this christmas so I guess we're doing a christmas work rant. The young employee who's always tried to bully me high school style has been trying not so subtly to get rid of me, right? Well anyway, I can't tell if she's lying about the corporate boss plotting to give me the boot or just trying to scare me into leaving. If it's the latter, joke's on her because it's next to impossible getting hired anywhere else as a noticeably neurodivergent 'too old to still be single' queer woman? whatever guy with 3 dogs & a senior horse. Doesn't matter that I still don't have any tattoos.
The work 'evaluation' meeting we had recently seemed to go well with the boss even admitting that she'd short-staffed the business for the hardest part of the year and caused me to have problems. Corporate types are all snakes though. I don't even trust her as far as I could throw her, which is probably only 1 or 2 feet because a 5 gallon bucket of water is about the limit of what I can toss without messing up my back.
I was just thinking back to the clash we had over the summer. I'd been picking up the slack for months. Doing 50 hours a week of ranch work on average, and not even logging all of it. My one coworker (the 'manager') was slacking off and taking tons of vacations. I was tired all the time. I had no life outside of work. I even put my 3x more profitable illustration work on hold. And still when I asked to be paid for 2 hours too many the boss turned on me like grandpa Bilbo seeing the ring. She actually accused me of trying to "steal" from the company. Because I was requesting too much overtime in order to keep her damn business running somewhat smoothly in a 3 month 100+ degree heatwave.
After that I had a long talk with my corporate CEO uncle, who loves talking about Business. He said it was my mistake all along. That was hard to take but I can admit I messed up. I had to reevaluate my whole life from that point. Again.
When you're raised with that puritanical 50's martyr-like work ethic you're set up for failure. "Nobody wants to work anymore"? I want to work! I want to work harder than anyone will pay me to work. And like a fool I did anyway, and I got burned for it. Again.
Sometimes I really can't believe where I am now. Like true, I am insane by some metrics, but I still got a degree with honors, customers love me, I speak 2.5 languages, I have management experience, I've successfully run a whole boarding stable on my own, and my personal hobby that I do for FUN is finding the most efficient way to do the most tasks possible. Time blindness who? I don't need to see that bitch, I know exactly how long it takes me to walk across the room. And here I still am getting paid 2k a month, stuck living behind a barn, with a boss who was deeply offended when I told her the 31 cent raise (gotta appreciate that extra penny) she gave me was the second lowest I'd ever gotten. The only lower one being the automatic $.25 raise I got for working at the roach infested college sandwich shop for 2 semesters over a decade ago.
But nah, it's a always been a me problem. I should've known better than to work harder than they were willing to pay me. Am I also about to get nerfed by corporate for not volunteering to do extra unpaid work now? Uh—YEH. Of course I am! Foolish of me to imagine there was any way to win this.
I just can't get over the fact that I was giving them so much value for the pennies they were paying and it still was barely enough to qualify for basic survival. The boss doesn't even see or understand a fraction of what I did for this business. At one point she haughtily tried to remind me that I was also getting 'free rent' and board for my horse, but it's like, 'yeah, and you're getting someone present at your business 24/7 and a worker who can better connect with boarders.' Don't act like you're doing me a favor. I'm not your charity case. I'd rather have an extra 2K a month and live offsite. Except I'd need another 3k a month to afford rent within 50 miles.
I'm just so angry at every hustle culture shill and out of touch boomer who's still out there lying—saying that all it takes is a 'can do' attitude and maybe a college degree.
Apart from the year I was too ill to work I've worked multiple grueling jobs, 40+ hours a week for my whole adult life, I've lived on eggs and bologna for most of it, and if I lose this job in January I'll be homeless. Again.
Make it make sense. Make the meritocracy they hallucinate exist for me for FIVE MINUTES. Just once.
I just want someone with money to see everything I can do and say, "you're cool, I think you deserve to live. Not only that, but here's enough money that you can afford to do something crazy-banana-town like some regular maintenance on your car."
What's worse, sometimes, is that I know if I just gave in and played the stock market and did the credit card schemes and maybe did a few other crimes and exploited some other poor saps, I could probably actually make it. I hate it so much.
I am the ghost of christmas future.
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showing off the commission i got from @ruporas for my fic, In the Next Life!
i'm still so incredibly excited about this. it's been some months since the story event that caused these scars, but i wanted SO BADLY to be able to see what they'd actually Look like... & Here They Are.
ruporas rendered the scars So Well, i just cant stop Looking at them... there's a Fresh & a Healed version, which ruporas was kind enough to give me without additional charge (Thank U Again😭😭) so i get to see what it looks like at different stages.
Lichtenberg Figures. in terms of actual scarring, lightning strikes that people survive don't tend to leave permanent scars, but the lichtenberg figures that they (usually temporarily) leave behind are just So Cool... Now, what happens when you get someone who can survive an amount of electricity/lightning that would be Frankly Lethal to any normal human person?
This :]
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Been knee deep in Baldurs gate brainrot so have some doodles of my Tiefling Lore Bard/Thief Tav :DD Her names Caph!
Gods I love inconsistent artstyle 🤣
Credit to Mellon_Soup on TikTok + Patreon for the pose I used in the first picture! It was really fun to reference and they make tons of awesome poses to ref! Here’s the link to their TikTok account, the pose I used is in vid “Pose Ref 104-107” :D https:/www.tiktok.com/@mellon_soup?_t=8iPYkNmyWOH&_r=1
Here’s an older ✨amazing qualityTM✨ picture of her off a TV screen 😂 This was taken early on into playthrough with her! :>
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