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bamon4bamily · 4 years

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TVD 9x11 - Jukebox Feels (part 1) Enjoy! =)

Cut to - 2018 prison world, the Salvatore mansion. Katherine walks through the front door, dazed and confused. She must be having a nightmare, she thinks to herself; this can’t be happening, she can’t possibly be where she thinks she is. Although her intuition tells her the contrary, she gives it a shot, on the slim chance it might not be true…

KATHERINE: Hello? Anyone there? (She searches the house; as expected, it’s empty. She tries different techniques to escape the situation. Pinches herself to wake up, nothing. Taps her feet together, and with her eyes closed whispers: There’s no place like home, there’s no place like home… doesn’t work either). Maybe if I go to sleep, I’ll wake up and everything will be back to normal… Yes, I need to sleep (she goes into Stefan’s room, puts on one of his pajamas and lies in his bed. Not even a minute in, and she’s off dreaming of sheep.

Cut to – Akumal, Mexico. After a beautiful moonlight dinner, Damon and Bonnie sit on the beach, admiring the full moon’s glow, and some real good tequila.

DAMON: (Randomly) Truth or dare…

BONNIE: (Laughs) Are you serious?

DAMON: I’m dead serious, come on, scaredy-cat!

BONNIE: Please! I just don’t want to humiliate you, cry-baby!

DAMON: Oh, it’s on! Brace yourself for defeat!

BONNIE: Bring it!

DAMON: One rule, no magic or psychy stuff!

BONNIE: Fine, no vamp tricks.

DAMON: Deal. Truth or dare?

BONNIE: Dare.

DAMON: I’ll start easy, (smirks) don’t want you loosing so fast. I dare you to take a shot of tequila while doing a handstand.

BONNIE: Piece of cake! (Delivers to perfection) My turn, truth or dare?

DAMON: Truth.

BONNIE: Okay, let’s settle this once and for all; do you steal from the bank when we play monopoly?

DAMON: (Grins) Not every time…

BONNIE: (Whacks him with her elbow) I knew it!

DAMON: What can I say, Bon, too much temptation. Okay, truth or dare?

BONNIE: Dare.

DAMON: I’m sensing a pattern here, but suit yourself. I dare you to go up to one of the people at the bar and tell them, in a very low and creepy voice, I see dead people…

BONNIE: I’m gonna get you back for this one! (Although hesitant, she delivers; freaking the hell out of the poor soul unfortunate to be approached by her. They go back to their spot) Okay, Mr. smarty pants. My turn, truth or dare… and you better choose dare!

DAMON: Dare… I say truth!

BONNIE: I’ll break you, eventually. What is the most embarrassing thing in your room?

DAMON: Oh, you’re going there! You already know the answer…

BONNIE: I do, but I want to hear you say it.

DAMON: Fine, my unicorn onesies.

BONNIE: With a butt crack… can’t forget the butt crack (she laughs)!

DAMON: They’re cozy! Okay, missy, shit just got real! Truth or dare…

BONNIE: I’m going with truth; just cause I know you’ll make me do some crazy shit after that one.

DAMON: (With a wicked grin, rubbing his hands) Excellent… What is your guilty pleasure?

BONNIE: Oh, come on! You know that…

DAMON: I do, but I also want to hear you say it, so, go on…

BONNIE: Fine… occasionally I like to dress up like Whitney Houston in the Queen of the Night video from the Bodyguard, and perform in front of the mirror…

DAMON: Occasionally? More like every other Sunday... and it’s HOT AF!

BONNIE: Can’t believe you caught me doing that!

DAMON: One of my fondest prison world memories! I have to hand it to you, Bon, you really got creative with the costume.

BONNIE: I’ve perfected it since then… Well, there, I said it! Happy now?

DAMON: Never been happier… (leans in to kiss her) and you are, beyond a doubt, the queen of the night…

BONNIE: Don’t think for a second that’s gonna get you out of what’s coming…Truth or dare?

DAMON: I’m a mix it up and go with dare.

BONNIE: (With a wicked grin, rubbing her hands) Been waiting for that since we started.

DAMON: I’m instantly regretting my decision.

BONNIE: (Laughs) Oh, and you should! You’re in trouble now… Mr. Damon Salvatore, your mission, which you have no choice but to accept, is to (she opens a portal to their room, goes and comes back).

DAMON: Hey, we said no tricks!

BONNIE: You said no magic, no psychic stuff, but you never mentioned teleporting, so suck it! Here (hands him one of her outfits and her make-up kit) Put this on, make-up and all. Once you are ready, and looking gorge, you are going to perform Queen of the Night to the guests at the beach bar. Good luck, doll! (Laughs hysterically).

DAMON: Oh, Bon-Bon… when you least expected, I’ll get you back.

BONNIE: (Mocking) I’m sure you will; but for now, come on, dancing queen, your audience awaits. (Damon performs, surprisingly well, or at least good enough to receive and applause from his audience, who, although very confused, found the show quite entertaining. They go back to their spot). You did great, almost nailed the choreography.

DAMON: Well, I learned from the best.

BONNIE: I think it’s safe to say I won this little game.

DAMON: This time around…

BONNIE: How bout you get out of those clothes, I get out of mine, and we go for a night swim?

DAMON: Don’t have to ask me twice! (As he is taking the high heels off) How do you guys walk in these things??

BONNIE: You get used to it, (teasing) just don’t get too used to it... Ready, my night queen?

DAMON: (Carries her) Let’s go, witchy! (They swim under the moonlight; then make love till sunrise).

Cut to - The secret facility, Edward’s cell. He has been sleeping for quite some time. He slowly begins to wake; as he opens his eyes, he sees someone lying on the floor under a pool of blood, right next to his bed. He jumps up in a scare.

AUGUSTUS: Oh, don’t be alarmed, son, it’s not me, I’m doing just fine. Meet your uncle Pete; granted it might not be the best introduction, but hey, you wanted to meet your family… well, there you go.

EDWARD: (Disgusted and in shock) What is this!!??

AUGUSTUS: It’s a dead body, son. And, from what I hear they start to smell pretty bad once they decompose; so, I suggest you move fast and bring your cousin Matty back. Feel free to use our tech if it helps, Eddie here (points to the strange man that has been standing outside his cell everyday) is more than happy to help.

EDWARD: (Crying in despair, looking at the corpse) Oh god, oh, god!!! (To his father) You are fucking insane!!!

AUGUSTUS: Language, boy! I taught you better manners than that… guess I should have never left you in Tamara’s care; what a waste of an ivy-league education. My fault for bringing in the trash. Oh, well… time is ticking, and that body is stinking… Ha, that rhymed, maybe I should pick up poetry? I always did love Literature… Anyway, (belittling) Mayor Powell, let’s see just how smart and powerful you really are. Rest assured, if you get the job done, I promise I will make it worth your while (he leaves; Edward can’t stop crying, imagining Matt’s pain).

Cut to - Munich, Germany. Sam, Elena, Sage, and Alex, are having some drinks, after their first days of the program.

SAGE: I knew this program was going to be out of the ordinary, but it’s totally blowing my mind!

ELENA: I agree, it’s amazing! The equipment we have access to is unbelievable! Never knew those types of tools and tech even existed.

SAM: (Putting his drink up for a cheer) Here’s to an unorthodox quality education, and to new awakenings!

ALL: Cheers! (They drink, share some laughs and anecdotes; at some point, the boys get into their own conversation in another area of the bar. Elena and Sage have no option but to interact more closely).

ELENA: Listen, I’m sorry for calling you a bitch.

SAGE: I’m sorry for being one. (Holds her hand out for a handshake) Do-over?

ELENA: Do-over (shakes her hand). So, tell me, why are you so obsessed with Pietro? Not judging, just curious.

SAGE: I know a lot of people think he is just an entitled jerk, but he is so far from that. I mean, yes, he is arrogant and pretentious, but when you’ve accomplished what he has, you kind of earn the right to be.

ELENA: Still don’t get it, what has he accomplished? He’s not even a Doctor…

SAGE: He owns the world’s most groundbreaking technology companies. Ai, IoT, nanotech, you name it, he is behind it. He might not be the science side of the operation, but he is the business side that makes it possible. Just between us, I’m pretty sure he is a vampire. Get this, while I was doing research on his background, I stumbled upon some pretty crazy documentation that dates his birth back to 1865. It’s either that, or he stole some real old dead guy’s identity.

ELENA: That is definitely not a coincidence… Do the names Stefan and Damon Salvatore ring a bell?

SAGE: Never heard of them, who are they?

ELENA: Besides my ex-boyfriends, I think they might be Pietro’s half-brothers.

SAGE: (Laughs) That’s impossible…

ELENA: Put two and two together…

SAGE: Oh, they’re also…? OMG! So, you slept with two vampires, and they were brothers??!! I totally miss read you, you’re a badass!! I love it!! (Holds her drink up) Cheers for that!

ELENA: Well, the brothers thing is something I’m really not proud of. I was young and gave in to my darkest desires; but I guess karma got me served, because they both fell in love with my best friends; so…

SAGE: Hey, nothing to be ashamed of; more power to you! I mean, it’s okay when men do it, but as woman we get shamed for it… Fuck that shit!

ELENA: Good point... (holds her glass up for a cheer) Here’s to woman equality!

SAGE: Fuck yeah! So, tell me, how did you end up getting involved with vampires?

ELENA: It’s a long and complicated story… Let’s just say I look exactly like someone they were once very obsessed with, and it grew from there.

SAGE: Who did you go out with first?

ELENA: Stefan… my first true love; but then I fell for the bad boy, who just happened to be his brother. Like I said, not proud, but that’s how it went down.

SAGE: Was it serious?

ELENA: Very. With Stefan I could see my entire future; it was like a fairytale love. With Damon, I lived for the moment and was consumed with passion.

SAGE: Sounds like you were quite in a predicament.

ELENA: I was, for a while; but I ended up choosing Damon.

SAGE: So, what happened? Why did you two split?

ELENA: There were many reasons, but every time I go back to it, I think it’s because we got off to a wrong start. When I became a vampire, I was sired to him… not the best way to start a relationship.

SAGE: Wait, you are a vampire!!? Are you kidding me?!! This story keeps getting better and better!

ELENA: No, no! I’m not one anymore, but I was.

SAGE: Oh, okay, you freaked me out there for a sec! Anyway, then, what happened? Spill!!

ELENA: Well, a whole bunch of crazy stuff... then I took a cure, became human again, only to be put into a three-year sleeping spell, then I woke up. At first it was bliss, but then, once we moved in together our deeper problems began to surface…

SAGE: Did those problems have to do with him falling for one of your best friends?

ELENA: Not expressively… but in part, yes. I knew he was in love with her, and that there was nothing I could do to change that.

SAGE: Ouch, that’s gotta hurt.

ELENA: I mean, he never cheated or anything like that, they didn’t even get together until recently, but just knowing he would never love me like her, hurt for a while… then I met Sam…

SAGE: Wow, that’s quite a story!

ELENA: Straight out of a supernatural YA book, am I right?

SAGE: I’m a big fan of YA drama, and supernatural lure, so, right up my alley! Okay, let me ask you one last question. If you could go back, would you make the same choice?

ELENA: What do you mean?

SAGE: Stefan or Damon? Who would you choose?

ELENA: (Laughs) Uhm, okay, that’s a weird question…

SAGE: Oh, come on, just for fun, and keeping with the YA context.

ELENA: I’d say as a human, I would choose Stefan; as a vampire, Damon. But I guess it wouldn’t matter who I would choose, since they wouldn’t choose me a second time around, that’s for sure.

SAGE: (Teasing) Well, good news for Sam.

ELENA: Okay, I shared my stories; now it’s your turn.

SAGE: Well my stories are quite boring compared to that!

ELENA: Still, spill! It’s only fair, you have leverage on me, I should have some on you.

SAGE: Fair enough. What do you want to know?

ELENA: You and Alex, what’s the story there?

SAGE: Oh god, no! Nothing like that, he’s like a brother to me.

ELENA: Aw, that’s too bad, you two are cute together. How about you and Sam, anything ever happen between you two?

SAGE: This conversation is getting dangerous...

ELENA: Oh, come on, what’s in the past is in the past; there’s nothing dangerous about that.

SAGE: Fine, you asked for it. Long time ago, one crazy drunken night; that’s all.

ELENA: I know, he told me; just wanted to check if you would be honest with me.

SAGE: (Teasing) Now who’s the bitch!

ELENA: Sorry, trust issues. Now, for real, any past epic loves?

SAGE: Uhm, not really… I mean, I’ve had many relationships but nothing serious. I’m not the deep connection type; I just like to have fun, and I don’t like to put in the time, so short and sweet works out perfectly for me.

ELENA: Crazy hookups?

SAGE: Now that is my area of expertise! Wow, where do I start… I’ve done all the clichés, mile high club being my favorite one. But I have to say, the craziest has been with someone you actually know, (mocking) the renowned city Mayor of Mystic Falls.

ELENA: (Spits out her drink) Are you serious? You had a thing with Edward Powell? How do you even know him?!

SAGE: From NYC, our hometown. We were both part of the upper east side elite; a real Gossip Girl type thing. And let me tell you, he might seem like a Nate on the outside, but inside, he is a full-on Chuck Bass. Anyway, we went to this masquerade ball at an exclusive mansion outside the city. Long story short, we ended up covering for a murder which turned out to be anything but that; it was just a really drunk-ass Wall-Street magnate, that passed out in a tub filled with red wine. Good thing he woke up before we finished filling the whole… and that he didn’t see us having sex next to what we thought was his corpse. In our defense, we were also really drunk, and high as fuck.

ELENA: Holy shit! And you call your stories boring? Wonder what the exciting ones are like!

SAGE: (Laughs; then sees that Alex and Sam are heading back to their table) Well, that’s a conversation for another night… this has been fun, but I think our girl time is over; I’m glad we had a chance to talk like this.

ELENA: Me too, and I’m sorry I was so quick to judge you.

SAGE: Dido. Friends?

ELENA: Friends.

Cut to – Akumal, Mexico. Bonnie, Damon, Stefan and Caroline are having a nice beachfront brunch.

CAROLINE: I can’t believe this is our last day! Time went by way too fast!

BONNIE: I know, seems like we just got here.

STEFAN: How about we make a deal, right here, the four of us.

DAMON: (Teasing) Bro, we are not even done with brunch; plus, it would be way too weird…

STEFAN: Of course your mind would go there… Anyway, no, Damon, that’s not what I want to propose. How do you guys feel about spending some money and investing on a property down here? That way we can come back whenever we want.

CAROLINE: I love it, yes!!!!

BONNIE: I’m in!

STEFAN: Damon?

DAMON: Just tell me where to sign!

BONNIE: La Bruja is coming over for dinner tonight, maybe she can give us some tips on property here.

STEFAN: That be great. I’m thinking nothing too fancy, but definitely beachfront.

BONNIE: And secluded.

CAROLINE: 2 master bedrooms, 1 kids room, and two or three guestrooms for when Ty, Lexi, Matt and Alaric come visit.

DAMON: So much for “not too fancy” …

CAROLINE: I’m not saying it needs to be fancy, just spacious, there are way too many of us.

BONNIE: We’ll also need a garden, good footprint area so we can grow our own food.

CAROLINE: And a pool of course, for the girls.

STEFAN: And I think we can all agree, we need a big bar.

DAMON: And a wine cellar.

STEFAN: Maybe we’re gonna have to build it from scratch, I’m pretty sure we won’t be able to find a place that checks all of our boxes.

BONNIE: If we have someone design it for us, I’m pretty sure La Bruja and I can pull it off.

DAMON: It’s settled then, we’ll brief La Bruja over dinner and start to plan our perfect Belvafore hide-away!

STEFAN: Belvafore?

DAMON: Yes; Bennett, Salvatore, and Forbes… Belvafore!

BONNIE: (To Stefan, mocking Damon) I’m telling you, not even with his vamp back on…

CAROLINE: I like it! It’s like Steroline and Bamon!

BONNIE: Steroline and Bamon?

CAROLINE: Yes, Bamon, aka, Bonnie and Damon; isn’t it perfect?! Stefan came up with it.

STEFAN: Sorry, Bon, just a fan.

BONNIE: (Laughing) Oh, Stefan, didn’t see that one coming... And Steroline, is Stefan and Caroline...

CAROLINE: You got it! (With pride) I came up with that one!

BONNIE: (With a y’all crazy look) Okay...

DAMON: Oh, come on, Bon-Bon; Bamon, gotta love it!

BONNIE: Fine, I’ll admit it... y’all crazy but I love it!

CAROLINE: (Holds her mimosa glass up for a cheer) To Belvafore and building new traditions!

ALL: Cheers!

Cut to – The Salvatore school, Alaric’s study. Alaric, and Radka, are trying to figure out their next steps.

ALARIC: How could I have been so reckless and stupid…

RADKA: It was an honest mistake, Ric. How were you supposed to know what would happen?

ALARIC: I know how dangerous that little gadget is, it was my responsibility to keep it under lock and key. Now, thanks to me, Katherine is probably being hunted down by a psychopath.

RADKA: Katherine is strong and witty, if anyone, Kai is the one that needs to worry. I’m sure she’ll be fine; we just need to figure out how to bring her back.

ALARIC: The only one that can help with that is Bonnie, and I’m not letting her go near Kai. We need to figure out a way to do this without the need for Bennett blood.

RADKA: How about 2 werewolves, 2 vampires and a hunter… think we could pull it off?

ALARIC: The problem is not getting in, but out… there’s no way out without the right ingredients.

RADKA: Okay, I might be thinking crazy here, but we need to think outside the box. What if we ask Margo to summon a Bennett witch, she can open a temporary spirit realm and do an incarnation spell so she can be materialized; then, we go to this prison world, get Katherine and use the blood of that Bennett witch to come back…

ALARIC: That sounds insane… but it might actually work. Isn’t Margo still on sick leave?

RADKA: She’s better now, called me up this morning to let me know she’d be back tomorrow.

ALARIC: Do you think she would be up for it?

RADKA: Not sure, but it doesn’t hurt to ask.

Cut to – 2018 prison world, Stefan’s room. Katherine wakes up to find herself tied up with her mouth covered. Kai is sitting on a chair, reading. He looks quite different than expected; very clean cut and intellectual, glasses and all.

KAI: I’m sorry I had to tie you up, but I do not appreciate intruders. God, these new generations have completely lost their manners. Sneaking into other people’s homes, putting on their nightclothes, sleeping in their beds… The audacity!

(Kai gets up, walks towards one of the many jukeboxes he has installed around the house, and plays a song...)

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TVD 9x11 (part 2), coming soon! Hope you stop by, read and enjoy! =)

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aesthetic-dani · 7 years

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Simple af. wanting to die doesn't come as a collection of sadness. At least not to me. For me, it was a realization that lasted about 8 seconds. I just wanted to evaporate. Dissapear. oh my, I would have killed for it in those moments.... Let'’ make it clear though that my desire was not to end my life, but to pause from existing. Meaning part of the deal is coming back to living. I'm sorry to disapoint you if you were getting triggered... No I am not suicidal.

I cried sm. actually, I am crying rn. It is terribly hard to see the keyboard, and I am hoping the 'clack' of the spacebar wont wake up anybody. Yes, sneaky. Not supposed to be awake, or complaining, or feeling like shit. Actually I feel worse than how Hitler would have felt if he had had an average's man conciousness.

I am shit. I am shitty too. Two in one everybody, take advantage of the sale!!! And there girl too. Because if your blood and my blood are not closely related, I might happen to treat you more kindly. At least it is what mom says, and she's got a point. I am shitty. AND spoiled, and selfish, and a son (well daughter) of a bitch. (yes, my mother did say those words, and perhaps didn't mean them in the sense that I AM her daughter). what can I truly say? I am scared of the world, I am clingy towards my parents, and I find this to be true mostly because they subconciously make me feel guilty about going out, I am not really a daredevil. I am scared of what is out there. I have zero exposure. Mother says I go to friend's houses and all but! such friends live within a 5 mile radius and mother has a handbook as to times, events, transportation, guests and so on. I truly think I wouldn't be much different with my future daughter. I still think about it. What would I do? I am not quite certain.

I am very scared of what life will do to me... I have not been good. Not honestly. How I treat my siblings, my mother and father, even myself. I do not talk with God anymore. Not quite sure how I did it, or if I ever did. Truth it I felt more at home... Probably because I was younger and less scared. Had less chances to be scared. I want a bright future but I am shitty, sorry for this writter's lack for a better adj. I am terribly scared of when life will take my parents from me. And my siblings. And when they all stop being fun and turn into, you know, every other grown up with his/her problems to be bitter about. Wait up, THAT IS MEEEE !!!! ajhkfluhrl. I do not know how to feel greater emotion towards my siblings. I can talk quite passiontely about my siblings, but when it comes to talking to them it seems like when you've been waiting to meet your idol, and when you finally fo they happen to be odly human. As if all the stories you had told about them were partially fiction, and adorned with glitter and ribbons (elementary school project type of thing, where the triptych board is overlly decorated to make up for how lame the graphs and charts about water evaporation are ). I am with them and I long for home. Yes, tofay I had both mom and dad crying and yelling at me about how this issue is olf now. How it all started 8 years ago and it stays there... In the past. Thst wasn;t so easy for me. Maybe as an artist you unconsciously try to find something to be butt hurt about, so you can dig deeper into that idea and then make a ton of work about how a tiny event or person impacted you.

Mom cries, Dad yells. Then mother screams and punches as dad has an intimate moment with the tv remote. I am there decifing wether to breathe or help the boogers from covering a third of my face, or wipe the tears from my burning eyes. I am not the easiest child, but I am worth saving. I know I am selfish and plain out disgusting character wise. But I feel a sort of helplessness as to what I can do. Am I trying my hardest? No. I am just as lazy as every other human. And I wish not to be. But I do want to be more humble. Feel as if what I have I am not entitled to, but I have earned. To feel goo for my siblings working when the trip was a family thing. I wish I had the money so that they wouldnt have to worry much about that. I am weird. I feel embarrassed for having more oportunities than they so, so instead of being humble about it for some reason I turn arrogant. I go with the whole, "yeah but at least you 3 had each other" argument to put aside how I feel lonely, yet I have more opportunities, do not, get physically beaten and actually have food on my plate (unlike my siblings during their childhood). I feel bad that they have to work so hard. I truly do. I guess my way of saying that was "why won't you just spenf time with me instead of working?". I know, shitty position a) spoiled sister that I love and want to communicate but I am not sure how to or b) Making the money that we are putting into this trip and be able to not have good times here and not be broke when we head back home. Again, I am not easy, but I am kinda worth investing. I wish it would just hit me tomorrow morning and stick w me for ever. Being humble. It would be.... Great. But scary truth is that when life teaches you how to be humble, it does so by taking things away. And i am terribly scared of what life can do. First the car, then..... Lets not talk about it.

Again with the going out... yes. But come on if mom and dad can not take me, and do not want me to Lyft places and will not allow me to stay over at anyone's place, then what am I supposed to do? I love my friend that lives nearby, but there are honestly so many things and places out there. And IK I sound as if I was in a rush to live but..... I am scared. And I am scared that if I do not start learning how to detach now, I will never do. I love my parents and want to be w them. But I also want to be able to be places and know they feel alright. Okay, yes. That one that that I could've been almost raped, or it looked like something was off. I get it. I was scared af, but I don't really know how else can I learn if I am not out there,

I do want a car so that I won't have to be a burden to my parents. So that I can try to be more out there, on my own terms. Without the whole, "Mom has to work so you either go there early/late or not at all". I study near a very cool area in my city, a culture center and I don't even know what is going on around me. What Will I say about my teen years when I am older? "Oh yea, the school assignments were fantastic!!" I want to live more in the moment, and I am scared and I do not wish to be. I honestly think about what is going on rn... Everywhere! And I just live in such a cool place but do nothing cool with it. I really hope that I get to figure things out. I guess I want to be more grown up, But I am scared. Prettier, but I am scared. I want to get back on shape u know... With everything. I feel guilty about acting as if I was entitled to things and not value them, that my siblings and parents have to work so hard, that mom and dad have to drive me around places, about the things that i want. My car, and surgery and advenruring. God, universe, karma, please treat me kindly. Maybe put someone in my path that makes me less scared, more humble and such.

Very few times did I mean to hurt people. I want to stop, I want to shut up. I want to FEEL pretty and I want to not be scared

There, I think I have said enough. *sighs*

Tomorrow is a new day. Be better.

5-24-17 12:56 am.

#me #thoughts #rant #problems #sad #girl of wonder

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zzhazz · 4 years

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To be honest, i dissapointed by myself. I couldn't control my angry and it hurted her.

Yesterday i got first day of my period. So i got trouble on my stomatch, like crump and sensitive and pain back and headache. So many aches.

I knew that my mom just worried. She gave me tea but after that she was mumbling about "i shouldn't be sick" because she wasn't. Yeah, my mom got period too but she didn't feel the aches. She said that she was okay and can doing anything like ironing, sweeping, washing, cooking. Okay she did everything and i felt sorry for her. I was soo sad and angry at the same time. I sad because she didn't understand what it feels. And i just being sick for a day--first day, not all days during my period.

I know i'm lazy and it just give me more feeling guilty. I felt couln't do anything, do best things as her daughter. And she must be hurted a lot having me as her kid.

Why i must be like that.

Why it must be me, for did that to her.

I know every person has a sin. Sometimes i am so grateful that i am not dating and it feels that i've less sinner than others. But someone said, we are just in different sin. We have sins in different way. We have obstacles.

Because of that, sorry my Lord, i was thinking that what if i was dating someone. Maybe i can feel loved by him and not cranky to my parent.

But i know... We couldn't know. Maybe i just got another problem if i did that. So what could i do?

I am so guilty, feeling guilty right now.

In another way, i thought that it must be because my mom had a sin to grandma and i came as a karma. But what if... I thought so many. If i didn't cut this thing, perhaps it should be happen to me in the future, and i am so afraid of it.

I won't get a karma, i wanna love my child, my kids with all of my heart. Sometimes i felt sorry because i wont be like my mom because she couldn't understand me. We were hurting each others. And i feel sorry for it. I won't hurting her, really. How to be a good girl? To be a good daughter?

I wanna meet my future husband but i am not confident because there more lacks on my own. Then i am also fastidious for looking a guy. Like what his work, his background. Is he okay with my minimal standard?

Also i feel sorry to someone, that i still using him as person who i liked. Because my friends always curious about my love story. I couldn't tell to them that i had someone i like on tumblr. Just because i am afraid they might tell me a one-sided lover. It hurts my pride. Yes, i have pride to protect. So i'm not telling them the truth.

Maybe its true that sometime i was remember that person. But not really because he had a gf and i won't be their third person.

Too much emotions. But knowing that it wont be forever give me more chill. Allah, i am sorry for what happend to me and my mom. Sorry for hurting her feeling. I know, that i didn't learn. But let me live and make her happy too. More happy.

22.3.2019

P.s. Between the covid-19 outbreak. Scary af. Hope that my pap dan ibu are aware more aware.

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teamsteffy2point0 · 7 years

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Happy Hump Day, Team.

So I am here sipping on my coffee as if it was (T)ea and my mind is stirring like Al Roker was stirring his drink in Rio over the #Bellshyte of the Bold and Beautiful. You know, there is so much I want to give credit to about this show and just stick with the GOOD for the sake of Good Karma, but...there is so much Fvckery going on that shouldn't be left unsaid. I guess my Karma is gonna have to take a hit today because I am going to go with the Good, the Bad and the Ugly.

THE GOOD.

This #Quric vs #Qridge is giving me so much Delicious Soap Opera goodness. I personally ADORE #Quric! Eric and Quinn honestly do love each other. Their moments together are too cute! They are the prime example when you think Love would never happens, but it defies all Logic and it just happens. They are actually perfectly matched. Now, THEY are the Ying to each other's Yang. And it is also great to see John McCook in his element. He and Ms. Rena are an absolute joy to watch together. They actually make me smile, laugh and “Awww...” at them on screen. So with all of that enjoyment...why must I have #Qridge? But YES...I must have them! Oh Em Gee...this is what keeps you glued to the show! Ridge and Quinn have every reason NOT to happen, but you cannot help yourself from wanting this lustful affair to take place! I mean, the way they LOOK at each other is intoxicating! Rena's Quinn looks at Thorsten's Ridge the way most fans look at Thorsten with his many sexy alluring character portrayals throughout the years. I have always found Mr. Kaye to be as Sexy AF and Quinn is definitely giving him that “Boyyyy...” stare with Ridge signal a look back of “Wha cha wanna do?”! LOL I am so ready for them to just tear each other clothes off...and believe me, I see Quinn being the “Submissive” in this relationship! Lol And afterwards, I will feel so guilty and heartbroken when watching #Quric. Gawd these two relationships has me so TORN. #Perfection

Also in the Good category is Thomas being back with a legit chip on his shoulder. Yes, I am so happy that Thomas is ready to say “F this shyte! I can do bad all by myself!”, then take his Talent and exit out the building! I am glad somebody has put that Marone gene into good use! Go make your own way, Thomas! We got you, Boo! Seriously, y'all couldn't give my boy an Executive position with even a Broom Closet size office...Aw Hellz Naw! Thomas is spinning his wheels at FC, just wasting his Time, Effort and Talent. So I am looking forward to his Progressive Journey Onward and most likely with Spectra.

THE BAD.

Oh well...the Chump Change Donkey aka Dolla Bill is still begging. I don't know...maybe someone should start a Telethon to “Save Bill” because right now I wouldn't mind if the Black Mamba was to show up for a mercy “Kill Bill”. It is just that sad.

#Steam has turned into Lope 2.0. Yep, I know a lot of you are still #Steam fans and want this “Happy Ending” fairytale...but wasn't that what Lope was about? Not really dealing with their REAL ISSUES within their relationship and blaming other people for their problems? I mean, reminiscing over their weddings, yet not talking about the problems that ended them? Not even the fact that Liam asked for an Annulment of BOTH of them? Not addressing that the Man You Love thinks that You are a BabyKiller? Okay, Lope 2.0...have at it.

The New Spectras. Now having them come on board isn't what is Bad. I love the ideal of something of Spectra reappearing on the show. It's the STOOOPID way that they are being cast that is the problem. Really? Shirley and Sally Spectra. The NuSaul. And the biggest fvckery of them all...DARLITA. What? You couldn't get a “Dora” to sign up for this #Bellshyte? I guess being that it's a Hispanic female her name MUST MUST have a “ita” on the ending of it, right? How cute and clever. #Not

Please have #Becky and #Chad step away from writing the scripts.

THE UGLY.

That ring is NOT cute. The End.

Lawt...I don't know who is the hairdresser on set, but I am gonna need for Sasha to come back with Nicole's edges that she SNATCHED in their last conversation, because, I don't know if that “Glued On/Sewn On/Laced Top” Wig should ever make an appearance on Nicole's head again! Reign is too gorgeous for the sad mess. Just Staph.

And Steffy's matted mess...Malibu is that you? Lol #ThatAintNoPuppy If y'all don't get that lost animal out of Steffy's hair and find it a home! Lol Just No.

Oh well...like I mentioned before, my Karma is gonna take a hit for this one. lol

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