On this the 16th of November let's talk about the happy five minutes, shall we? I wanna talk about the happy five minutes.

The Happy Five Minutes is the period between Schlatt's death/defeat and Wilbur blowing up L'Manberg. It is the last stretch of time where they thought things would be okay, that things would work out, that they had won and it meant something. Niki ignores the TNT below the podium because it doesn't matter. They won, and Schlatt is dead, and it's finally over. She'll be able to go back to her bakery. Tubbo is made president, and maybe he's a little scared, but Wilbur said he was a good kid, he put his trust in him, and Tubbo will return the favor. He makes a speech that is hopeful for the future, because why would it be anything else? Tommy gets to feel relieved. They didn't have to blow it up after all! Wilbur is still here, and so is L'Manberg, and that's all that matters to him. So when Wilbur says he'll be right back, why would anyone not believe him? They'd won, right?

It was five minutes, and then it was over, and they can never go back.

more things heard by Max

Adam: -And that’s how I’m going to take over the world

Bunny: Can I get a sink faucet that pours pink lemonade?

Adam: Yes

Bunny: Cool, I’ll support ya

Adam: You wouldn’t if you didn’t?

Bunny: I’d destroy you if I didn’t

-

Pen: MOTHERFUCKING OCTOPUSSIES

L: Jesus christ

-

Star: (Excessive...cursing???...In her native language, while trying to clean up an entire bowl of spaghetti that spilled on the floor)

Tim: (drinking coffee that’s literally blacker than the blackest black paint) Mood

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Rye: Why do you look like you were just punted across a floor of spikes by killer croc wielding a metal bat

Pen: It was penguin, actually

Rye: YOUNG LADY

-

Rye: at least you two aren’t driving me insane yet

Dorian and Adrian: (baby noises)

Rye: At least wait until you’re five, ok- NO ADRIAN DON’T HIT YOUR BROTHER

-

Rye: Why is Adam stuck in the ceiling?

Star: He tried to take my chocolate

Rye: Fair

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L: Do I want to know?

Adam: No

L: Cool (Leaves room)

-

( @ashortgothamite @timdrakeishere @smol-alfred @penink-on-paper @mini-red-hood @girlbornofstars @spyeye-in-the-sky

In my earliest fics I characterized Tommy as stubbornly unwilling to ask for help and looking back at those fics now I was thinking Where did I get that from?? Tommy asks for help! Despite all his talking himself up as the strongest man ever and all that, one thing he did regularly was desperately reach out to people for support (Technoblade, Ranboo, Tubbo, Puffy, Sam Nook, Sam, Philza, etc!) And then I remembered where I started writing c!Tommy was early-middle of the exile arc, where Tommy refused help at every turn and by the time he realized he needed help it was too late for him to get any. Sam offered, Bad offered, Ranboo showed up on occasion, and Tommy refused them all. He didn’t learn to ask for help until later when he got scared and desperate enough.

Do you guys remember tommyinnit at the end of the 16th. Do u remember how he was just a scared little boy who loved his brother.

not 2 blog like it's 2021 again but Butcher Army. When Tubbo screamed for Quackity to do something, to help him, he called him Big Q. In his frantic terror, he used a silly nickname. It sounded so different then. Something about Tubbo using Big Q as Quackity's name always, good times and bad. That's how Tubbo sees him.

Okay but q!phil giddily playing around with having wings again is destroying me

(putting my very long, very personal ramble under a readmore so folks can avoid it) (this won't include any of my plans for going forward or for my writing but I'm not going anywhere so don't worry about that. love to you all.)

A little disclaimer: If you have zero context for what I'm talking about, apologies for not explaining in depth, but this post won't be relevant to you otherwise. All you really need to know is that it seems that Wilbur Soot is an abuser, and Shubble came forward and talked about it recently. He was not named, but from what she shared, I believe that was who she was talking about. I don't say this to speculate, and if you disagree, I'm not here to argue over it, but it's enough for me personally to not to want to support him indefinitely, save for Shubble explicitly saying she wasn't talking about him.

Additionally, these thoughts are some incredibly personal and self-centered rambling. It does not reflect where my priorities lie, with supporting Shelby for coming forward above all else, but other people have said that much better than I have, and this post is really just a place for me to vent some of my feelings.

I prided myself on not falling prey to “parasocial relationships.” I didn’t get invested in the personal lives of content creators, only in their creative works. I thought this protected me somehow. I knew next to nothing about Wilbur Soot’s personal life, but I admired him deeply as a writer and empathized with him as an artist. I projected so heavily onto his character and did so for over three years. When I waited for his final dsmp stream, I felt panicked. Like my survival hinged on how he ended this story, and then he ended it in a way I could live with, and I thought I could go on loving this story and these characters for what they had been, no matter how messy the rest of the endings to follow were. His character was mine in so many ways. He had some of my problems and I gave him some of my own. I used him to process quite a bit. And now that part of myself is irrevocably tainted.

When the stuff came out about Dream, I was upset, but not betrayed. I never followed the creator and he existed only as a character to me. All I grieved then was the community his actions destroyed and most importantly the people he hurt. I planned to continue writing for the DSMP, even as I refused to follow any content involving him. It felt like a pause, not a full stop, while I ensured what I was doing did not show him any support. I also gave that character no pity and therefore the man behind him no pity, I had no personal investment in his character.

Now my response is visceral and bitter and I don’t know how to go on writing, because this character meant the world to me. I don’t know how to write about a character I truly love and see myself in, knowing the person who also loved and saw himself in that character, who created that character, has done horrible things. I don’t know how to write any of these other characters I have loved and cared for for over 3 years because he has poisoned them. All of it turns my stomach now and I feel so betrayed. The thought of his character is tainted because it’s connected to his voice and his face. I cannot separate the art from the artist both because it was the inclusion of the authorship within the story which affected me so strongly, and because there are things within the text that I look back on now and can only see that this person was always this way. I couldn’t sleep last night. I kept thinking of c!Wilbur’s line when he found out about exile, “he didn’t actually hit you though“ and his horror when c!Tommy responded that he had, that for some reason that was the turning point. The implication that it was only crossing that line, that particular type of violence, which made something wrong. Fucking disgusting.

I’ve tried to find another story before now. For the last few years, honestly, I’ve looked for something to latch onto the way I have with this one, but nothing feels the way this did. I know I’ve been clinging to something gone or at least mostly gone, both the community and the story, but I haven’t known how to let go when nothing makes me feel the same way, even when the feeling has faded and changed so much with time. This was never supposed to go on this long. Honestly, the reason I started posting mcyt stuff to my sideblog instead of my main was because I assumed I would get over it in a few weeks, delete the posts, and move on. Three years. 40 works. Over a million words. Just. Fuck.

I loved these characters so much and I’ve wrapped up my writing in them for so long it’s hard to separate the two. At this point, it feels like these characters are what allow me to write, separate from the main story, but a place where I could work things out for myself as a person and try new things as a writer. And I’ve tried so hard to feel the same way about the QSMP, but maybe it’s because we’re out of lockdown so I don't have time to watch much, or I’ve just changed more than I’ve thought, but I haven't gotten attached the way I did even when I look at the stories being built there and can see the heart in them, the storytelling, the care, just as much as the DSMP if not more. There’s no good reason for it, it just hasn’t locked into place the way this story had, having been the perfect storm of circumstances. The DSMP came to me during one of the worst years of my life, and I have loved it so much I miss that time even with all the bad it carried too.

And now this thing I have been holding onto can only make me angry, hit me with grief and disgust. Fuck, the only plan I’ve had for an original novel in years is a loose adaptation of TDDD. My senior thesis was largely a novella about two siblings with a complicated relationship, the older fatalistic, the younger brave to the point of ignorance. So even that original project has poison in it now. All of it, all of my fucking work, all of my growth as a writer, all of my writing for over three fucking years has poison in it.

I’ve felt lost as a writer for a long time and the only thing keeping me anchored was these characters. And I don’t know how to cut them away from myself and I don’t know how to cut him away from what’s left when his writing, his character, undeniably gave me so much of a spark. When I’m happy, I write. When I’m sad, I write. There's so much bad in the world right now, but I could always fall back on writing. And now my main means of escape is the grief. Far more than ever before. I know this too shall pass and all that, and this hasn’t actually stolen my ability to write, but right now it all feels so ruined. I don’t know how long it will take for me to be able to look back on what I’ve made and not feel like this. I'd maybe moved on in some ways, but not all. There was so much left I wanted to do.

If you’ve somehow read this far, know that I love this community with my whole heart. I never quite made friends with any of you, even as I wanted to, and it's felt too late for a long time now. My beloved mutuals (and followers that are mutuals in all but name) I have found so much joy with you, in what all of you have created. I wish I could hold onto that above all else, even if I’m not quite sure how. I’m not going anywhere, to be clear. I won’t delete my blog and fall off the face of the earth or anything. I still love what all of you create and care about, even if things have changed and our interests don’t always align anymore. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to detach this story from the creator, to love any of it the way I did or even love what I myself created again. I don’t really know why I’m writing this or if I’ll even post it except for the fact that you all are the only people who could understand.

Again, this was a deeply personal rant, not a statement about the situation as a whole, nor do I think this situation's impact on me takes an ounce of precedent over the person actually involved. The most important takeaway from this is what Shelby has shared, the importance of believing victims, to do what we can to protect ourselves from abuse that doesn’t seem obvious, and to look out for each other. Take care of yourselves, everyone.

I know we've discussed cc!Wilbur's brilliant construction of his character but I am consumed by the meta aspects and how masterfully he used them. I could just be unaware, but I'd argue his use of livestreaming and an immediate audience to tell a meta story with a self aware doomed protagonist was revolutionary. His ability to push that desperate "the show must go on, because They want it to" mentality with an insane level of accuracy because there's literally an audience THERE and NOW! The line between author and character blurs to the point that it's like. I think cc!Wilbur knew he was playing with his own creative autonomy just as he was playing with his character's literal autonomy. Like. OF COURSE there is a presence insisting on a grand finale because there's literally a chat shouting at him!! Chekov's gun is real because it was an expectation given to an audience that c!Wilbur (cc!Wilbur?) can see waiting.

Others have used its meta nature as part of the story. Technoblade breaking the fourth wall comes to mind. He fulfilled a great comedic niche the same way Wilbur fulfilled a tragic one.

(Others have personified their chats, but I view that as distinct to including them in the story)

The only example I can think of that so deliberately views chat as not only witness but as audience (outside of Wilbur's deal) is Tommy pausing to remind chat that they saw exile and should know better than to be manipulated.

Just. Wilbur did something so special with the medium he chose that creates a version of metafiction I don't think has ever existed before.

Thinking about the implications of corpses staying behind both in purgatory and the qsmp. Like. Do they rot if they don’t despawn? What does it mean to be numb to the sight of your own decaying face?

Thinking about Wilbur haunting the narrative. His absence felt so. abstract. Which is ironic considering his ghost was there as a constant reminder, but Wilbur not being there wasn't felt like a missing loved one, not to me, at least it wasn't talked about as such, but just. the hole he left (literal, figurative, whatever) and the people who loved him and their desperate attempts to fill it. They didn't talk about Wilbur very much, did they? Not in the grand scheme of things. Wilbur's loudest existence was in "If I can't be the next schlatt, you can't be the next wilbur." Ghostbur existed to be made separate from Wilbur. And talking about the Other doesn't mean talking about the Original.

in exile, Tommy had ghostbur, and it is through the contrast of what we as an audience think Wilbur would have done that we actually see him. Tommy doesn't talk about him. Tubbo doesn't talk about him (save telling ghostbur they didn't need to give Wilbur a grave because ghostbur is there) or there's fundy shouting his grief at GHOSTBUR. Talking about how GHOSTBUR is acting now, not what Wilbur left him with. Everything Wilbur left them with remains constantly at the fringes of the narrative, it is haunting them, but in such strange, intangible ways. I don't think another medium could have shown this type of grief, because cc!Wilbur was still there, behind Ghostbur. So in a medium where character and actor blur and blend, the only part being grieved was the character. Wilbur as a piece of the narrative is what was lost. Later, as Tommy, Tubbo, and co. grew as writers that grief became more tangible and human, but at first the only part of c!Wilbur that died was his place as an active piece of the narrative, and his lack of place ended up impacting the world as loudly just by being a black hole rather than a star.

I mean this kindly but sometimes I think folks forget cc!Wilbur saying about his own finale that sometimes the only person you can save is yourself. C!Wilbur didn’t kill himself, he didn’t give up, he DID run away, because for him it was the only way he was going to keep living.

The new egg mechanics are going to discourage community and prioritize parent-child relationships. Interesting.

Ok I’m having crazy thoughts about bird hybrids people have probably already discussed this CW for non-consensual body modification and mutilation but like. So, the idea that the bird hybrids have clipped wings to keep them on the island. Let’s say they arrived with clipped wings, and how that happened is missing from their memory like other stuff is. Flight feathers do grow back. For small birds it can take like 6 weeks? I think? Since these are yknow, people sized birds, let’s say it takes a year.

One year on the island, first it’s Jaiden. Cucurucho tells Jaiden it’s important because if they were to try to fly off the island they’d drown. It’s a matter of safety, see? And Jaiden trusts him, so she voluntarily goes to the federation hospital and allows them to clip her wings again. She trusts him. She doesn’t know why she feels sick, or afraid, because Cucurucho said it was the right thing and he’s her friend, right?

Let’s say with the more pesky bird hybrids, for Quackity and Baghera, they are drugged and taken and wake up with feathers already clipped away. Quackity is used to gaps in his memory by now, but he hates that he can see the visible change left behind, he knows what they did to him even if he can’t remember it. It’s not like he can remember a time where he could fly anyway. Baghera finds all this familiar in a way she can just barely name if not remember. At least they didn’t rip them out. That thought doesn’t stop her panic, blinding terror at something already done to her, all she can do is find somewhere to breakdown, wondering if as a child she hid like this as well.

Phil they save for last. Older, his wings bigger, it takes longer for his feathers to return, so they can afford to wait. Let’s say this is long since he got out of the birdcage. But he sees what happens to the others, and he knows they’re coming for him. It would’ve been far less cruel if they clipped all of the wings at once, no anticipation, no dread, no looks of pity from those already hurt knowing what’s coming for him. Phil doesn’t think he can stop the federation. But he’s going to make sure it’s not easy for them. He doesn’t want the kids there, he wants them out of harms way and he doesn’t want them to see this, so he leaves them with Bad. He doesn’t explain why, and then he gets ready. He could barricade himself in the safe room under the house, but he knows he’ll have to leave eventually and part of him fears the federation can get inside and he doesn’t want to be proven wrong, he wants to pretend the kids can still be safe somewhere, so instead he arms himself. He doesn’t ask for help, not because he doesn’t think they would, Etoiles, Fit, Forever, plenty of others, but he knows they won’t be able to save him. And he doesn’t want the indignity of all that struggle, friends by his side, to end with the same result. He cannot sleep, he’s convinced if he falls asleep he’ll wake up with it already done, so he doesn’t sleep, knowing every hour awake makes him weaker. He wonders if they’re waiting for him to get weak, he wonders if he can last long enough he’ll be able to fly when they finally shoot him down. He doesn’t know if there’s even a point in fighting back, he doubts it, but he’s going to do it anyway. What else can he do?

And don’t even get me started on the idea of declawing with Cellbit and Niki. Like. It’s mutilating part of their fingers. It’s permanent. Can you imagine the pain and resentment of your friends terrified to lose parts of themselves, but knowing at least theirs will grow back? Knowing even if they ever get off this godforsaken island they’ll never be the same? The federation can disarm the others, of course they have to make sure they can fully disarm Cellbit and Niki too (do we have any more cat people?? I might be behind but horrors for them too). Imagine for cellbit it’s a condition of joining the federation, one he didn’t know about. By the time niki arrives the federation is ready. She wakes up later than the others and she wakes up wrong.

Fuck.

In practice, I understand why who escaped from purgatory was determined by who wanted to go live on the server again ASAP, (Pac in Fit's backpack, Foolish swimming back, etc) but from a writing perspective, man I wish there had been actual consequences for not making it to the boat in time. Like, the stakes were There watching it live, but I also knew it wouldn't matter long-term so my main thought was "huh I wonder if the admins didn't realize how hard it would be to make it to the boat" instead of feeling that desperation? Y'know?? But like, if their struggle and their failure MEANT something, if the ones who chose to stop trying to run and instead tried to find each other knew they weren't getting back to Quesadilla island (at least not any time soon) that could've hit so hard! I don't think in practice it would've been fair to the creators, but I love thinking about what could have been. And I know some creators HAVE stayed absent, but it feels like it hasn't been taken seriously as a loss within the lore? Like, people said stuff like "where is x person anyway?" or "huh, is x person still on the other island?" but bc temporary absences are a common part of server life, I didn't really feel like there was weight to that absence. (Baghera and Cellbit being the exception, as we have seen the fallout of them being left behind!)

Same with for the eggs! Dapper being the one who made it out, the other eggs left behind, that problem felt relatively temporary? And after the eggs being gone so long, them failing then didn't feel like much changed when they got back to the server, especially when the eggs returned relatively soon after. Again, I understand why they did this, the eggs had been gone for so long, but those aspects of purgatory had such consequential weight, and it feels like a little something has been lost bc they couldn't fully commit to that and respect the creators that wanted to get back to playing.

This is not a critique of the QSMP's writing because I don't think these things could have been reasonably implemented, but what a concept.

I didn't want to have my own lil party in the notes of this incredibly based post so I'm gonna make my own to waffle on.

Because, yes, @lacystar is sadly so correct, Wilbur would not volunteer for Tommy in the Hunger Games. My thought being, who WOULD volunteer?? and not just because they'd be all but guaranteed to win ala Technoblade.

Who would volunteer as a sacrifice?

Many thoughts many thoughts. Like, the tragedy of Tommy volunteering on behalf of his older brother perhaps? Tommy was always protecting Wilbur, right?

Like, Tubbo is the sort to do some self sacrifice, but could he, that spur of the moment, think of it? He's our chess player, he strategizes, like when he exiled Tommy, that was a product of prolonged, careful thought (like relatively spur of the moment, but at that meeting he started thinking the moment Tommy started talking and making threats). So the question is not if he would be willing, I think, but if he would have the time to get that far in his thinking.

And this is largely my own cabinetduo biases coming into play, but would Quackity volunteer for Tubbo?? Red festival, he tried to defend him, but he very much didn't get in the way (not that I blame him! but he didn't)(alternatively... would Tubbo volunteer for Quackity? Clingyduo Will Cling, but would Tubbo make the same sacrifice for someone who protected him but also didn't?)

This is also complicated by timelines and such, are these their dsmp selves? where in the timeline? or did just vaguely equivalent events happen which make the dynamics at least translate? idk! Because I do think Manberg Tubbo, President Tubbo, and Snowchester Tubbo would all act differently, both on volunteering in general, (like even if all 3 would volunteer for Tommy, the reasons might vary. although... far enough along, maybe Tubbo wouldn't volunteer because he had Michael to look out for...) and how different times would I think cause variation in who he might volunteer for. I think Snowchester Tubbo would be more likely to volunteer for Quackity than Manberg Tubbo, which may seem ironic/counterintuitive considering going from foxhole buddies to arguably adversaries but it's both Snowchester Tubbo feeling More capable, and maybe viewing Big Q as a little Less capable by the time they get to the cookie outpost.

Tubbo is so so complicated, like would he volunteer for Ranboo during the especially married years?? I'm genuinely not sure. I think Ranboo would Want to volunteer for Tubbo but might fail to out of sheer social anxiety and panic.

Niki and Jack couldn't volunteer for each other, but I'd imagine if one of them got chosen, the other might volunteer for the other guy/girl to make sure they go in together, to keep the other safe. There's something horrible about thinking about Niki (Early Niki, L'Manberg Niki, even in early Manberg.) volunteering to go into the arena with Wilbur, especially because Wilbur would be shocked and horrified by her presence rather than grateful.)

OH would JACK volunteer for Tubbo??? Like, Jack was very ride or die for Tubbo toward the end. But would that mean Jack views Tubbo as less capable? As more valuable? Or does that complicate things too much, when really, Jack would just think he doesn't want his friend to be hurt any more?

Idk much to consider much to consider.

I’m listening to the Magnus archives for the first time and I’m on episode 24, and the format implies reading the accounts of different people, but the writing of each episode feels like really eloquent prose written by a talented writer instead of a Random Civilian describing the horrors. They don’t really feel like actual statements?

My current theory is there’s going to be some reveal about the statements and how they came to be, where Jon’s skepticism is vindicated regarding how true the statements are and maybe the style has been very deliberate? Does the style ever change?

It’s really good so far so idk if I’d want to lose the current style for ‘realism’ I’m just curious. Again, I’m only on episode 24, so take all of this with a grain of salt. No major spoilers, but if this is nonsense please feel free to tell me lmao