#spenglerisims
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Omg I wanna hear about Egon teaching Trevor to drift the Ecto lmao
So. At the beginning of Afterlife, Egon drifts his truck around a corner. And drifting isn't something your average person can just do without practice, and I have a headcanon for that which I'll answer another time.
Callie knows her dad drives very defensively, never speeds and generally comes off as overly-cautious. So whenever it's time for Trevor to get his permit? Well, Egon is patient, methodical, level-headed and very, very by-the-book when it comes to most things, driving being one of them. And he's more than happy to teach his grandson how to drive.
His natural choice is the Ecto-1. It's durable, stable, and has enough mass that it's not going to leap forward if you push the gas a little too hard, and it's got good shocks for a steady ride. Trevor thinks it's lame he's gotta learn how to drive with his overly cautious cringefail grandpa.
But here's the thing. Learning how to operate a car is one thing. So is reading about safety and emergency procedures. But actually learning how to control a car in a slide or a spin is a totally different thing, and Egon is well aware of this. So on top of general driving, he also teaches Trevor 1: what it feels like when a vehicle starts to move weird and 2: how to respond to specific loss-of-control situation. This also involves knowing the vehicle you're driving, what it can and cannot do, how much space it occupies and how to visually tell how much clearance you have between the vehicle and an obstacle.
And a drift is a pretty good way to learn the feel of a vehicle and how to get comfortable with counterintuitive actions, like steering in the 'wrong direction' when you come into the turn. And it as the added benefit of being fun, and once Trevor figures out that these are not going to be slow, boring driving lessons, he is suddenly stoked to be learning to drive from his grandpa.
And right about then in when Callie shows up to find her dad in the passenger seat and her son doing donuts and just sort of stands there watching until they notice her. Trevor is excited. Egon thinks he's probably going to get yelled at, and he is correct.
Callie is pissed he never taught her to do that.
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Headcanons and AUs
Here is a list of ideas people can ask me about, nsfw stuff under the cut! I'll add links for each one I address over time.
General Egon headcanons:
He was a complete and utter chaos gremlin as a kid
He fell off the roof once when he was ten
That one time he actually bit a guy in college
He learned to drift on a bet
The MIT campus legend about a student that lived in a maintenance closet is not a legend
Ray has video of him post-wisdom teeth extraction, and it's hilarious
Man can COOK
Canon-divergent; these are based on the fic I'm currently writing, after which he stays to raise Callie instead of leaving for Oklahoma:
Callie was practically glued to him as a baby, although Grandpa* is an acceptable substitute
His car is a two-ton dad joke
He definitely terrorizes his daughter once in awhile
And his grandkids
How he ended up with a Twitch channel
He is also on TikTok
How he handles Trevor and Phoebe's dad leaving
Callie asks him to teach Trevor to drive, did not expect him to teach Trevor to drift the Ecto
Rocket Car Isotope:
His mother, Ilse Spengler, is German and his father, Piotr Kowalski, is Polish and both are ethnically Jewish. Both are different flavors of Nerd
How they met and became friends and later fell for each other
Ilse's dad Johann trolls Piotr twice in a row
Piotr asked Ilse out completely by accident
How they got to the US and how things went once they settled down
Piotr cannot hold his liquor to save his life.
Piotr learned his son was a very grabby baby The Hard Way
How Piotr got the nickname Four-Stroke
That time Ilse blew up the patio
The Big Damn Hero incident that almost got Piotr murdered by his wife
The time Piotr tackled Egon to the floor so he couldn't rat to Ilse that Dad's up and about on his bad leg despite being told to Not Fucking Do That
That other time Ilse had to get the hose out on her two idiots who were trying to out-stubborn each other
That other time Egon got gibslapped for telling his mom what happened the ONE time Piotr figured the odds were in his favor to drag race some chud at a stoplight
*Piotr learns his granddaughter inherited her father's grabbyness The Hard Way
The Alkali Metals Isotope:
Egon has five younger siblings and they're all various flavors of highly intelligent, devious little gremlins
Johann could be his twin, goes by Joe which comes back to bite him later in life
Wilhelmina, goes by Wil or Willie, is one of three of them that is almost always at the root of any major household chaos
Iosif is a copy-paste of his mother and also gets dragged into the nickname shenanigans with his older brother Johann
Marie is a copy-paste of her dad. Shit-starter and one of three of them that is almost always at the root of any major household chaos
Pierre is the last one who is almost always at the root of any major household chaos, but always manages to escape getting in trouble for it because everyone else is old enough to know better and he capitalizes on that.
NSFW headcanons below the cut; cw for both the sexy kind and the Substance Use kind
Egon did drugs For Science in college; he learned many things about himself and there were two or three Incidents(tm)
Still makes the best weed brownies though
How he discovered his kinks and what parts of his psyche and personality they tap into
Specifc to the Carbon Dating college AU:
Why everyone thinks that weird maintenance closet on the fourth floor of Bemis house at MIT was the scene of a murder
The alternate version of the wisdom teeth video
Specific to the Rocket Car isotope:
That time Piotr pulled a job to restore an antique steam-powered sex toy and it nearly broke him
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Tell us about the Big Damn Heroes incident where Ilse almost murdered Piotr
So, to start with: Piotr is the kind of guy who would rather suffer himself than let other suffer if he can help them. The man has a heart of gold and it's gotten his ass kicked more than once in his life. He's got a strong sense of justice and loyalty and would give you the shirt off his back or take on someone he knows is going to beat the shit out of him if means you'd be spared the harm.
At some point in his late twenties he joins the army as a tank mechanic and serves in both Korea and part of Vietnam. In the latter conflict, he gets set to a forward repair base when their foreman is KIA. He's slated to take the guy's place temporarily until his replacement arrives, and while he's there they end up having to go on tank recovery in hostile territory.
Now, retrieving an M48 Patton tank is almost always going to be An Affair in and of itself, depending on just how badly damaged it is. And if it was damaged enough that it couldn't be driven back to base, that means you've gotta send people out to get it, which requires a tank recovery vehicle (usually just another wholeass tank modified for towing) and also possibly do any repairs that it might need to even make it towable, and do so in the field.
This is what Piotr and his guys are doing when they discover it was a trap and they walked right into it.
So bullets are flying and people are diving for cover, of which there isn't much. Piotr is the guy in charge as far as the mechanics go, and he knows that the longer they sit there the more losses they'll incur. Yeah, they've got a guy on the radio yelling for backup, but between that moment and when backup actually arrives, IF it arrives at all, is an unknown quantity and a lot can happen in that time frame. Their best bet is to get to the recovery vehicle and beat a hasty retreat, while hoping the VC don't have any anti-tank weapons.
So this motherfucker decides that it's his job to get the recovery vehicle unhooked from the tank they were gonna recover and pile as many guys into it as possible while providing moving cover for anyone else so they can get out of the middle of things and into a more defensible position. Of course, this is a dumb idea, but Piotr can be dumb as a box of rocks at times. He's a machinist, engineer and mechanic, not a tactician.
He gives his dog tags to another guy, says the classic 'tell my wife and kid i love them' line, and then runs off. Miraculously, he's not instantly hit. Instead, when he gets to where the two vehicles are hooked together, he runs into an enemy soldier. Once again, he miraculously escapes injury or death by bayonet and instead brains the guy on reflex with the mini sledgehammer he had in his hand. Being close enough to see the effects of a hammer on a human head and watching the guy die is not something he was ever prepared for, and it's here that he locks up and gets hit. Not only does he get perforated, but his left knee takes a decent piece of shrapnel right to the joint and he gets a pretty nasty concussion and goes down.
Backup does arrive, and being concussed and panicky because holy shit he's been hit, Piotr gets uncharacteristically combative and gets his ass sedated before he's flown out to a MASH unit where he's patched up. But when he starts to come out of sedation, he's still combative due to having a traumatic brain injury and keeps saying his last name isn't Spengler, it's Kowalski, so not only can they not immediately verify his identity, he gets put in a medical coma for a while and is expected to recover but have chronic problems at absolute best.
While he's out, a clerical error occurs where he's mistakenly listed as KIA, and the corresponding letter is sent out to his wife, who is understandably distraught. Luckily, the day after she gets the letter, Piotr is brought out of the coma and it turns out he's just one of those lucky sons of bitches who recovers completely from the brain injury and nobody really knows why or how. And once he's been awake for a day or so, he finds out that he was mistakenly listed as dead and goes 'Oh fuck I need to call my WIFE.' Which he does, and when he explains that this whole mess is because he was trying to be a hero, he gets chewed out in German loud enough for everyone in the vicinity to hear.
Not long after that, he finds himself on his way home on a medical discharge because the cartilage of his left knee got pretty fucked up and he's no longer fit to serve. But rather than a warm welcome, Piotr is greeted with a halfhearted slap across the face and another tirade of German as Ilse goes off about what an ass he is, how he scared the shit out of her, about what a dipshit move that was taking off his dog tags and trying to be a hero, etc etc. The ride home is quiet and tense, as is getting settled in for the evening.
Once everything is put away and they're behind closed doors though, he pulls Ilse in for a hug and apologizes for putting her through so much. er emotions finally come out and she just sort of collapses into the hug and cries. Seeing her crying over the whole thing has more of an impact on Piotr than her being pissed enough to slap him; he goes to sometimes comical lengths to avoid causing her distress or otherwise upsetting her or making her feel bad, even on accident, and knowing that he did it anyway really eats at him for awhile.
Over the decades though, the time Ilse almost murdered her husband for being a shit idiot becomes something of a running joke.
Along with the time he got goaded into going streaking on a motorcycle.
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Out of all the Harold’s, who’s the most romantic (my bet is probably either Don or Ziskey)
I think it's a tie between Don and Egon. Let me explain.
Don - Much more traditionally romantic. Nice dinners, candles, roses, if it's stereotypically romantic, he'd do it. I think he'd also know how to properly court someone.
Egon - Romantic in a way that exclusive to Victoria. He's not much for tradition and neither is Vic, so while there might be one or two times when he does something stereotypically romantic like taking his wife ona date, most of what he does is uniquely tailored to what Victoria likes. He'd do shit like take her to Cern for like their 20th anniversary, or instead of flowers he'd get her a mushroom farm.
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My Tags And What They Mean
Here's a list of tags I use to attempt to keep shit straight on this blog. I like to call my AUs 'isotopes' because I think I'm clever. This list is subject to change at the whim of an AuDHD Millenial with nothing better to do than have Thoughts.
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When protons collide/WPC: Catchall for stuff pertaining to my main fic, including things that inspire me and writing snippets and WIPs.
Spenglerisims: Egon headcanons.
The square pair: Egon/OC trash.
Carbon dating isotope: College AU that takes place during the 70s, in which Egon and my OC meet while getting their nuclear engineering degrees.
Rocket Car Isotope: Any and everything pertaining to Egon's parents' story arc from how they met as kids to grandbaby shenanigans, and other things that remind me of them.
None braincells left beef: Stuff specific to Piotr Spengler, my OC and Egon's dad.
Alkali metals isotope: I accidentally five whole siblings for Egon. I may come up with some unique tags for each of them in the future though.
Covalent bonding isotope: World of Warcraft AU because I have no self control, in which Egon is a Worgen druid and my OC an Orc hunter. Sort of a take on the whole 'enemies to lovers' trope as he and my OC are members of opposing factions.
Oral phlebotomy isotope: Not quite a garden-variety vampire AU. Much neck biting and running about.
Seeing Stars: Anything pertaining to Russell Ziskey from Stripes and my story idea for him and my OC Ingrid, and their wildass sentient mop of a child, Zane.
Never Too Late: Anything pertaining to Don Durkett from Orange County and my story idea for him and my OC Katya, and their absolutely unexpected twin gremlins, Maksym and Sasha.
Loma Prieta Isotope/TLPG: Modern mob au for Don and Katya. Don is a mob boss one step under THE boss. Katya gets hired to work for him due to her chemistry skills.
Cloak And Dagger: Rogue and mage au for Don and Katya.
Sports (Illustrated): Anything pertaining to Alan Appleby from Stealing Home and my story idea for him and my OC Sophia, and their two kids Edward and Andrea.
The gilded loser: Posts about Alan Appleby, from headcanons to posts that give me Appleby Vibes.
General Haroldry: What it says on the tin. Any and everything about Harold Ramis because I have no shame.
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