#sometimes i just want to disappear
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#so lately i’ve been thinking about a lot…#because i know i’m in a better place than i was at 12 or 14 or 21 or whatever#i have some of the things that i always wanted at those times in my life#i have an active social life and people constantly compliment me for my fashion and makeup and the way i look#but inside i STILL feel like shit!!#and i feel like i’m being melodramatic too bc it’s not like i suddenly became a celebrity or anything crazy like that#but i did go from 200 followers on IG to over 700 in about a year so idk if that illustrates anything#so like. people like me. people know who i am. people want to see me at events.#but i’m overwhelmed i’m burnt out & i feel like an outsider#and it makes me think how honestly? the times i’ve enjoyed myself the most were when i went to things and did things alone#maybe i was happier being that quiet girl standing against the wall?#my correct music opinions#sometimes i just want to disappear#not in the ‘i wanna die’ way but i guess i wish i could take a hiatus from being perceived
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Prompt 271
“Grandmother is visiting,” Damian suddenly said with no warning and with his usual not-quite demanding tone.
“Who?” Tim wasn’t the only one to startle, seeing as Bruce had practically froze, a downturn to his lips in a silent show of confusion.
Damian scowled. “Are you deaf Drake? Grandmother is coming to Gotham to, quote, make sure I am being properly cared for.” None of them had known that Ras was with anyone actually. At least Tim was pretty sure that would have been in the files.
“Oh?” Dick didn’t quite crouch to Damian’s height but it was a near thing. “She-” “He,” Damian corrected, interrupting him. They all exchanged a glance before Dick continued.
“Is he coming to the Manor or…”
Damian scoffed again, a tiny bit of a flush against his face. “No, Grandmother will most likely be staying with Akhi-”
Now wait one moment-
“YOU HAVE ANOTHER BROTHER?!”
#DCxDP#DPxDC#Prompts#Deadly Decisions#Danny & Ras are the homoerotic rivals that no one knows if they’re flirting or attempting a murder#It’s actually both they’re just also both Immortal#Danny to Jason: You can become a crime lord if you finish college- you’ve said you wanted to get a degree this is ur chance#Dusan (nodding): Mother has made all of us finish at least our basic education nephew#Why yes this does mean that RH has just made the heads in a duffel bag debut & the bats have no clue it’s Jason#Normally Danny wanders the universe but RAS (affectionately derogatory) HOW DARE U TRY TO HIDE THE GRANDCHILDREN#Morally Gray Danny#He’s well over 300 and that has an affect lol#Also has some fun fae vibes thx to his ghost half & human half finally balancing out#Let Jason & Damian be brothers#Tiny Damian: Akhi look I found a frog :>#Jason (newly not brain damaged & has no clue who this small child is): …. That’s great#Tiny Damian: *GASP* Akhi you can talk now :D#Fuck it- all the Al Ghuls deserve fangs from ecto contamination#Is Danny actually Dusan & Talia’s mother? No one knows and no one wants to ask the probably immortal fae being okay#Danny brought Damian a ghost hound puppy & Jason an original signed Pride & Prejudice book#How come Bruce wasn’t aware of Danyal? Talia forgot to inform him that the mother she was speaking of is in fact still alive#He disappears for a decade sometimes longer she was using past terms how was he supposed to know
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Reposting a connverse I made in 2021. Well, specifically posting this again after editing a few stuff.
I had been so bothered with how I kept editing Steven until I made his silhouette floppy-looking. So I fixed it a bit.
And that this was suppose to be flipped in the first place (which was why Connie's nose piercing was on the right side on the original.)
#I think I chose to keep it flipped then because I recognized Connie's silhouette was much stronger and sometimes I wanted my stronger parts#on the left side of the image.#connverse#Steven Quartz Universe#Connie Maheswaran#SU#my shiz#repostober#I'll be deleting my uploads for repostober by the end of the year except this one.#Editing it despite me saying I am not going to do anything two years ago.#I saved a speed paint of this on Youtube and you can clearly see I kept editing Steven worse and worse. 😵#I got his legs fixxed into a better stance at least.#What I specifically had a problem now is Steven's arm and jacket.#Like I think I can make his torso look more sturdy.#But I don't wanna dwell on it too much.#Steven Universe#Eugh this was suppose to be a scheduled post. and it just disappeared while editing it. I'm guessing I accidentally pressed the 'post now'#button?#teal
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parents of disabled kids will be like “we know our kid is disabled but we just won’t tell them about it. we don’t want them to think they’re less valuable than other kids. we don’t want them to feel limited by their disability, we want them to know they’re capable of anything.”
meanwhile those kids are growing up thinking “why is everything so much harder for me than it is for everyone else? there’s no reason i shouldn’t be able to just do this. i guess i’m just a failed, broken person.”
#text post#ableism#like if you don’t want to get your kid diagnosed with something then that’s one thing#but not KNOWING what’s wrong with them isn’t gonna make the problem just magically disappear#and just personally speaking. SO MANY things i do that i used to feel such deep shame about?#i now realize they were because i’m autistic#the meltdowns the social awkwardness etc#and i feel so much better to know i wasn’t just being whiny or difficult or weird for no reason#i feel like my whole life i’ve been gaslighted into not knowing what i really feel#because everyone always told me i was being ‘dramatic’ or ‘too sensitive’ and eventually i decided they must be right#so now i literally can’t tell what i’m feeling sometimes#because i dismiss my own feelings as stupid and wrong
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this is my first time posting anything in the AEW fandom so please be nice! this is also just me trying to not lose my mind while being around my family for the next three days so if it's not good I blame it on that
basically this is a situation in which you've been friends with the AEW roster for so long that even though you're not a wrestler yourself you still get invited to hang out with them or whatever; I'm trying really hard not to overthink the plot because if I do that I'm never gonna write anything so just like take it with a grain of salt and tilt your head and squint or whatever
I'm rambling so here's you and Hook making out in a closet. enjoy.
****
"Name of the game is Seven Minutes in Heaven!"
Everyone in the room groans.
"Stop trying to get everyone to make out, Max!" Bowens shouts, but Max ignores him.
"It's not me!" he swears, holding his hands up in front of himself defensively. "It's all up to the bottle!" Max gestures to the empty Tito's bottle in the middle of the table. Bowens just rolls his eyes and lets it happen.
You start by just watching everyone else play - some of the pairings are ridiculous and would probably be do-overs if Max wasn't in charge, but he is, so there are no do-overs. Whoever the bottle lands on is who it lands on. No exceptions.
It's fine and fun and you're having a great time until it's your turn and the bottle ends up pointing at the guy you've had a crush on for months but haven't really spoken to all that much because he keeps to himself most of the time: Hook.
"Shit," you say to yourself, knowing nobody else in the room could have possibly heard it because Max is YELLING, all but shoving you and Hook into the closet himself. (Well, he tries guiding Hook, but Hook snatches his arm away and turns to face Max so fast that Max immediately takes his hand off and backs up a couple steps.) You open the door and step in, thankful that it's more of a walk-in closet situation so you have more room to back up and let Hook in after you. The doors must have some sort of soundproofing on them, or just be really thick, because when the door closes behind him, it's almost completely silent. You don't know what to do, mostly because being this close to the man you've been crushing on for months is...overwhelming, to say the least.
"So, uh..." Hook starts, his voice softer than you were anticipating, "what do you wanna do?" He looks up at you, hood still up and hair all in his face like normal, and fuck so handsome.
Not freak out and make you think I'm a weirdo, you think, but say something completely different and totally unexpected, even to yourself: "Can I say something?"
He nods.
You take a deep breath. "I know we don't know each other that well because we never really talk but I've had the biggest crush on you for months now and I don't know if you're that kind of guy, we can definitely talk about it later if you want, but all I want right now is for you to grab my face and kiss me until neither of us can breathe and I forget about all the people out there."
It's dark in the closet, so you have no idea what expression Hook has on his face right now, but he doesn't say anything right away. You're about to backtrack when he speaks.
"Too many people for you, too?"
His answer catches you by surprise, but it makes sense that he'd also be overwhelmed by it all. "Yeah," you say, softly, and you gasp when he steps into your space, your faces so close but still so far away.
"You wanna forget about 'em?" he asks, softly taking hold of your chin and tilting your head to look at him. All you can do is nod and try not to buckle at the knees when he cups your jaw and moves in closer.
"Let me help."
Thinking back on it later, you were expecting him to kiss like he fights: methodical, calculating, always three steps ahead of his competitor - but it's the exact opposite. He's methodical and almost cautious, yeah, but there's an uncertainty in the way he leans in, a small gasp of surprise when his lips finally meet yours, something that feels like relief when you start kissing him back.
Honestly? It's better than you'd imagined, and boy have you imagined it a lot. His lips are soft, his hands gentle, one holding your jaw and the other slipping around to your lower back. It starts as little individual kisses, and you'd be cool if it stayed that way for the whole time but something happens that makes you gasp, which leads to Hook softly biting into your bottom lip, and at that point all bets are off. The mild sting makes you groan, which makes Hook chuckle, a rumble deep in his chest like he's amused.
"Oh, you like that?" he asks teasingly, and again, all you can do is nod.
#I wanted to write something and I had an idea and it left my brain SO FAST so this is what I remember of my original Thought#hello it is January and I wrote this on Thanksgiving and immediately forgot about it#mental illness is fun because it makes things just........disappear from my mind sometimes#anyway#my writing#aew fic#hook fic#aew fanfiction#I just want Hook to kiss me in a closet is that too much to ask?#I'm nervous to post this but here we are
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i had a lot of issues with s4 but i genuinely believe that max’s arc in s4 was one of the best things they have ever done in this show and i don’t think the graveyard scene nor her death scene will ever leave me. the way that so many people have connected to her and her story is incredibly moving. you don’t need to have experienced 1980s indiana or battles with lovecraftian horrors to wrap yourself in max’s pain, her quiet distance, her panic when she finally realizes she wants more time just as her clock is running out. i just. i don’t know. the duffers got that really, truly right.
#the inherent heartbreak of having an epiphany just a moment too late; of finally knowing that there's more for you only when you're#teetering on the edge of a cliff; of Wanting something so ordinary so badly after months or years of not feeling anything at all and being#denied.#and it's all driven home by the fact that she's a child. that this should only be the beginning but this is the ending because sometimes we#can't see something even when it's standing right in front of us and now she and lucas and el and everyone else are learning the bitterest#lesson that is.#it's so so horrible but in such a tender way. anyway if you want to bawl your eyes out#at 11pm like me i highly recommend watching fans react to max's death. it's given me a lot more respect for youtubers and also makes me want#to disappear off the face of the earth a little bit<3#max mayfield#st 4#stranger things#**#millie talks
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guy whose childhood drags behind him like a dead body
#river dipping#simblr#ts4#ts4 edit#theodore doe#echthroi#i forgot to post this after sharing theo's birthday edit last night... listen i was so tired i just hit post and passed out#but so far today i've just been looking through character page themes for a bit and messing around with codes while watching dropout tv#i still need to get to my activity feed sometime today or tomorrow and then i want to set aside some time to just hang out on here#and catch up on things like i keep disappearing and missing out on posts jgkhjfnkh so i gotta do that...#but i'm actually fighting off the world's biggest nap rn..... my meds work really well but lord i'm still so tired all the time woof#so i'll probably end up caving soon lmao#but!!! anyway!! THEO!!! there was nothing i could do abt the proportions on theo as a kid like i couldn't make his head any smaller...#the sims team actually hate me so bad and are trying to force the huge cartoonishly big heads onto my sims </3#also when i aged him down to a kid like all of his presets were gone so i just had to try and replicate them to the best of my abilities#his lip preset actually has a much deeper cupid's bow but thanks to the liquify tool <33333 it looks like his regular preset#i've actually posted teen theo on here before but i've made a ton of changes to him since then so this version is pretty different compared#to the older version of him at sixteen#he's definitely got more baby fat than he did before like his cheeks are pretty round#um. also i have these closeups i took of adult theo from the pose i made for his birthday edit that i gotta edit a lil and then post!!!#bc you really didn't get to see his expression or the actual pose that well and EYEEEE personally am really in love with the details#of the pose itself like ugh.......... theo is so.......................... yeah.#holds him
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me after attempting to get back into sims and realizing i had a lot more to do than play the game
#hi everyone#I’m going around hugging you all#okay now that we are gathered here today#i will simply acknowledge that i have been gone for a very long time and then also acknowledge that maybe it was for the best#i relied on sims to be my only creative activity even if i tried to write a book at the same time#and also. i prioritized sims over real life responsibilities. that’s just a deadly combination lol#but I recently noticed I just replaced sims with Netflix. with YouTube. with anything that gave me quick dopamine#literally became addicted in a sense. still am but I’ve been cut cold turkey from most everything#I get off work and go. okay I’ve done the dishes and the laundry……..I could read or write or bake….#I try to write and sometimes i get a good hour#then I read for a few hours and then get tired of it#and I made cookies Tuesday so I’m waiting for those to be gone before baking again#I’m just so pitiful that I feel BORED and don’t know what to do#so I said….. okay what if I do sims for an hour.#I downloaded some new cc Tuesday and tried to play yesterday#y’all ……………….. I can’t find the energy anymore to set up elaborate scenes and pose my sims and plan posts#I said wow… this is boring without my intervention and fake story#I said wow…….. all this for what? for tumblr? yes I created cool things and provided joy. but is that inherintly important compared to my#own joy? my own everyday activities I should be doing?#y’all I do not leave the house unless we got out to eat or shop or travel to our parents#.. I have little desire to. I’m trying to find that desire#but my husband is busy with grad school and work and I don’t want to do anything by myself#I’ve found myself in one heck of a slump#I didn’t want to be human for awhile. just had no desires no interests no ambitions#I was slacking off SO HARD at work. I just had no drive to do well#I’m still working on it. I’m still trying to get caught up. I’m still trying to force myself to move every day.#but I am struggling y’all. and I can tell you that sims… sims isn’t helping rn but I want it to so bad. I want to get back into it#I didn’t mean to disappear on everyone. I got married and then life got busy and then I fell into this hole of nothing#I didn’t even WANT to crawl my way out. but my husband has helped a lot. I feel like such a child!!!!#I reached max tags. 🙃 bye love you all. till next time
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lizzie get two wolves 👍
#strato.txt#oil painting#wip#im worried ive unbalanced the composition w the second one on the right tho... its so much closer to the edge#ugh whatever. aunt lizzie is the focus here#i wish i knew what she actually looked like this is just cobbled together from general features of my family#solid build... dark curly hair... bigass ears. she could be one of my cousins. she could be me#ok rq im gonna lay out the story in the tags for anyone who hasnt seen the previous lizzie art#my great-something aunt lizzie was disabled and couldnt walk very well and she died young#she wanted to see the second floor of the farm house real bad but no one ever carried her up there and she died before seeing it#they buried her in a long white dress somewhere down at the creek. we dont know where her graves lost unfortunately#the night she was buried something wearing a white dress walked into the house and up the stairs and disappeared#and sometimes you can hear her down around the creek screaming#somewhere along the line wolves got mixed into the imagery for me#my uncle told me a story about another 'white thing' that was wolfish and would jump on cars#so i just assumed lizzie was a werewolf my whole life#anyways. i think her staying after she died was a manifestation of her desire for autonomy. maybe#maybe if shed had modern accommodations she wouldnt have felt the need to stick around. or maybe she would have idk#either way i think death afforded her control over her own desires in a way she hadnt experienced before#and i think thats why she still hangs around the creek#i hope she would like this. maybe ill take it down there and leave it out for a night when its finished so she can see
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When the writer agonies hit.
#just had a really anxious and agonized moment where i found myself hoping that every gift i have ever given someone as a writer#is one that they have deeply enjoyed and that i did a good job by making something just for them and that they remember it fondly#and not as a total disappointment or a letdown in any way#and there's no way to ever know that because you simply must be kind when you receive a gift#especially one that they made with their own two hands#so i'm just hovering suddenly in the thought loop of anxiety that maybe i have never written a thing for someone that they liked actually#which is so fucking ridiculous and i am hoping i can shock my system out of it maybe with cold air from opening my window#because i really don't want to hate my writing today#i really want to believe that i do a good job and that people like it#that i gave them something wonderful and irreplaceable that no one else could have delivered exactly like that#that they remember it sometimes or reread it and smile#that it exists in perpetuity instead of disappearing in a cloud of smoke#that i made even one shred of difference with my craft#my ramblings
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It be like that sometimes
#tag yourself im#face down on the floor bc shark bit too hard#bleghh#i wanted to post and write but i been knocked out#owie#if i just disappear sometimes and poke my head in to reblog its probably the shark#aka doodles
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Another link to ME/CFS and fibro I can't stop thinking about is one I heard from my old therapist. I mean it's a link I've seen in just about everyone I've personally met with a dissociative disorder
I don't talk about having DID (I will likely continue not to because I feel cringe when I do) but she treated me along with many other patients with it, and other dissociative disorders.
And one day I'm talking about something related to my disabilities. She goes "I was wondering, yknow I don't know much about CFS or fibro but are they specifically linked to dissociative disorders that you're aware of?" and I mention something about ACEs scores and the link between trauma and chronic illnesses. I ramble, I couldn't tell you what I said lmao
I asked why and she said "well it's just that all of my patients with your disorder have CFS, fibro, or both. Sometimes other things too. But not just some or half of them, all of them. I started wondering what that's about, but I couldn't find any specific study on it or anything"
Like I found it super interesting to hear directly from a therapist that treats it and attests that 100% of the patients she's treated with it had the same disabilities. So I guess I just hope that potential link gets studied more extensively sometime
#chronic pain#chronic illness#disability#fibromyalgia#cfs#chronic fаtiguе ѕуndrоmе#actually disabled#spoonie#me/cfs#cfs/me#but yeah few reasons i don't talk much about having DID. It's embarrassing and vulnerable firstly#lots of info about my disorder you couldnt waterboard out of me lmao#i do mention it a bit on my main but thats also pretty rare. i dont want to be seen differently#if this post disappears it means someone did not like me talking about it. but i didnt put it in the DID tags at least because yeah#i literally tried to make this post several months ago but just couldn't. got too ashamed about being this way.#just that this is on my mind sometimes. the link between these very specific disorders
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Not me putting off trying my wheel again bc im afraid that even on a 'good day' I might not be able to treadle. Hah. :/
Edit: OK either im not on a good day or else my good days are now hell, so I guess I will be avoiding the wheel out of sheer emotional self preservation
#man sometimes when i think about everything disability stole from me i get so fuckin sad#so many things#and knowing that unless something drastically changes i will continue to lose it all is um. hm. well it inspires bad feelings for sure#anyway i will try it and hope#spinning#disability#chronic illness#needed to go to the store to get groceries and got down one aisle with my rollator before i realized i was shaking so hard from the pain#of walking that i was freaking everyone else out#have never used one of the power scooter things in stores despite the fact that i would have benefited from it for the past decade or so#just very self conscious. also when you look healthy and like an able young man you get lots of 'how dare you' type shit#anyway i was going to pass out otherwise so. i did use it and i wanted to disappear into the floor the whole time#has been. a day.
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Artwork from Vocaloextra, presented by Exit Tunes in 2013. Album illustration by Fujima Takuya, phone straps and additional artwork (an illustration used inside of the CD boxes) by 濱元隆輔. The squares in the last image are mousepads that were sent out as preorder bonuses, done by various artists.
#gumi megpendium#gumi vocaloid#gumi megpoid#official art#exit tunes#ia#ia vocaloid#mayu vocaloid#vocaloextra#megpoid gumi#sometimes YOU want to disappear off the net but then a gumi blog says 'No i have to credit you fuckers'#(濱元隆舗 hasnt posted since 2017 and their twitter is locked AND their site is down...)#the mousepads are all diffy credits also but theyre so low qual here im just not worried ab it. sorry chat
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After a month (or more since I started preparing in September) of nonstop writing it’s WEIRD to be able to just…chill
#my brain: what do you think you’re doing picking up that switch??#NO you can’t just read that fic!#and NO you can’t watch that show!!#chop chop you’ve gotta finish today’s fic#me: …but I don’t have to write a fic for today#it’s kinda nice but at the same time…kinda not XD#it’s almost fun to have this contained sort of stress#and yeah I almost gave up multiple times last month#but all that frustration and lack of motivation disappears when it’s all said and done#writing is such a weird hobby lol#it’s so freaking difficult that sometimes I have it#*hate*#yet I can’t go a day without wanting to do it#trin rambles
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im stretch, and im squash, 🔥🔥the exaggerated expression brothers🔥🔥 /ref 🗣️🗣️
(featuring @missy-wholesome16 . I CAN TAG YOU NOW 🗣️🗣️🗣️)
#salmon scribbles#my art#sunday's silly sb self insert au#just wanted to share this#i like it. its silly.#trying to push my expressions...#fnaf security breach#ignore how the mask keeps disappearing and reappearing it each drawing#it always wears it i just dont draw it sometimes to push the expression better in doodles
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