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roadtoeboyado · 4 years

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@ Tagging Game

i was tagged by the awesome @serialreblogger !

rules: tag 10 people you think would like to be tagged, and copy/paste the asks into a new post. Answer all/as many of them as you want!

1. do you prefer writing with a black pen or a blue pen? i actually prefer to write and work with blue gel pen, but i plan to get a good fountain pen soon to practice calligraphy properly

2. would you prefer to live in the country or in the city? in the city for now, but i frequently daydream about living in Italy with @etspera, close enough to the ocean to go spear fishing in the mornings

3. if you could learn a new skill, what would it be? machine sewing. i need to learn it, but i never have the time/energy to just sit my ass down and do it...

4. do you drink your tea/coffee with sugar? i need at least 3 teaspoons of sugar to drink my coffee

5. what was your favorite book as a child? i really liked Lois Lowry books (Number the Stars and The giver were my favourite) and The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry was really important to me, but my absolute favourite was The Lord of the Rings trilogy. I reread it so many times I could quote parts of it word for word.

6. do you prefer baths or showers? showers, but only bc our tub is tiny. one time i was over at my friend and she had a gigantic tub and i was soaking in cold water for hours and it was glorious

7. if you could be a mythical creature, which one would you be? vampire. i’d have time for everything i could watch history happen for centuries!! not to mention the drama

8. paper or electronic books? i have no problem with reading books as epub/pdf, but my favourites i always get in a nice edition

9. what is your favorite item of clothing? i have a thin maroon shirt and it has the coolest hood ever. i’m actually really concerned what will i wear if it get’s too old...

10. do you like your name? would you like to change it? nah, i really hate it actually, but i’m unsure what i’d prefer instead

11. who is a mentor to you? you guys get mentors ???

12. would you like to be famous? if so, what for? maybe for my writing or art? but like famous in the “having a legacy” and not the “being a celebrity” sense

13. are you a restless sleeper? oh yeah, i wake up multiple times during the night and turn and move around a lot

14. do you consider yourself to be a romantic person? nah

15. which element best represents you? fire? or if we go by Naruto elements (as we should) then lightning. i really really like lightning

16. who do you want to be closer to? no one, i just want to keep my friends as close as they are, that’s much harder

17. do you miss someone at the moment? no

18. tell us about an early childhood memory. so i was a big fan of the Harry Potter books and was very excited about the fifth book. My sister, who was six years older than me got the book first, and no matter how much i pleaded, our parents were like “one book is enough, learn to share”. The problem was three fold; A, i was a significantly faster reader than her B, i was much more invested in the Harry Potter series C, we were bitter enemies and this situation delighted her. Usually she kept to herself in her room, but now? Now she started to spend time in the living room, or at the dinner table, just slowly reading, frequently looking at me with a smile as i seethed in silence. One day i was sitting at the table, glaring at her as she was laying on a thick rug in the living room, our baby ittle bother between her arms. She had the book open in front of them but she was just playing with him, not actually reading it. She was just sending me a smug look as she turned a page, when my adorable little brother (who was like. one) slammed his little fist onto the page and ripped it clean off. time. stood. still. Then my sister laughed hysterically, i started to creech like a pterodactyl and my little brother was so confused he cried. this is my villain origin story

19. what is the strangest thing you have eaten? probably the fried frog legs, but i actually had to ask around the office. imho the fried pork brain was the weirder dish

20. what are you most thankful for? for all the art in my life, my ability to appreciate art

21. do you like spicy food? yesssss, there is nothing better than a spicy curry

22. have you ever met someone famous? a few times, but usually other people had to tell me they were famous lmao

23. do you keep a diary or journal? nah, i tried a few times but it’s not for me

24. do you prefer to use pen or pencil? pen

25. what is your star sign? aquarius sun, sagittarius moon, scorpio rising

26. do you like your cereal crunchy or soggy? mostly crunchy, but there is one i always let to soak for a few minutes and then eat it like a soup. it’s a real problem

27. what would you want your legacy to be? something helpful, something for those that will come after us

28. do you like reading? What was the last book you read? oh yeah, i’m always reading something. the last book was Felix Ever After by Kacen Callender and i loved it very much, even though i usually don’t like romance

29. what are you afraid of? being ignored, irrelevant and out of touch

30. what is your favorite scent? the sea

31. do you address older people by their name or surname? surname. like i don’t call anybody by their given name until they say i should, it actually makes things awkward sometimes

32. if money was not a factor, how would you live your life? in a small house near the ocean in Italy of course

33. do you prefer swimming in pools or the ocean? take a wild guess

34. what would you do if you found $50 in the ground? like i would probably look around, and if someone obviously is distressed/looking for it i’d probably give it to them, but otherwise? lunch is on me friends

35. if you were to get a tattoo, what would it be and where would you get it? i just got one actually! It says Liberté, Équité, Ou la Morte. I didn’t want to write out Fraternité, so the words are around the assassin’s symbol (as in “brotherhood”)

36. what can you hear now? the noise of the office. it could get overwhelming fast, so i might take a smoke break soon

37. where do you feel the safest? when i know i’m completely alone

38. if you could travel back to any era, what would it be? i mean. how long can i stay? if the answer is years, i’d go to America just before the revolution, then hop over to France for their revolution & Napoléon’s reign

39. what is your most used emoji? i actually really hate emojis? like nothing could replace a good old :D

40. describe yourself using one word. critical

41. what do you regret the most? who i was when i was young. like i know it was a relatively good outcome with my childhood, but still. not cool

42. last movie you saw? Hamilton! and it was great and i urge everyone to pirate it and watch it

43. last tv show you watched? Community. A friend was over at my place this weekend and she wanted to watch it so much

44. invent a word and its meaning: thalaessen - the bond you forge with fictional people and worlds

okay, i’m gonna tag @etspera, @haythamsama, @bunnymoss and @joshg1973 but if anyone wanna give it a try feel free (and don’t forget to tag me)!

#tagging game #hitsu talks #tagging meme

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golbrocklovely · 5 years

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only the lonely survive // colby brock - chapter six: don’t forget to take a breath

A/N: haven’t updated in a couple days, sorry about that. while i was away, I actually started writing a new fanfiction ;) nothing like this one. a little more thrillery and spooky. i’ll post more about it later. nonetheless, please enjoy this chapter and lmk what you think. if you want to join the taglist, hmu :) <3

description of the story

taglist: @ajosieface , @localsleeper , @julyrubyrose

trigger warning: swearing, talks of rejection

word count: 1729

DAY 3/14

"Do you actually like Beetlejuice?" Colby asked, stuffing a bunch of fries into his mouth.

"Yes! It is one of my favorite movies. Hands down the best Tim Burton movie to me." I replied, taking a bite out of my McChicken sandwich.

"What about Corpse Bride, or Nightmare Before Christmas?" He questioned.

I shrugged, "Irrelevant."

He rolled his eyes jokingly and took a sip from his drink.

Colby and I sat in the parking lot of McDonalds eating our food in Colby's car, barely lit up by the sign of the golden M and the tiny overhead light. I sat crisscrossed, facing Colby. He had his body turned towards me.

"You know, I could have paid for my meal." I insisted, looking up at him.

He swatted his hand towards me, "It's no big deal. Your meal was like under five bucks."

"Well, thanks again. But I'm paying next time." I stated.

"There's gonna be a next time?" He smirked.

I sighed, "Why do you insist on teasing me?"

"Because you look cute annoyed." He said, biting his burger.

I blushed lightly. I'm happy the car is too dark for him to see.

"Anyway," I continued. "What's your favorite movie?"

"I like Scott Pilgrim Versus the World." He nodded.

I nodded back, "Good choice."

He dipped his fries into ketchup, "What's your favorite song at the moment? Or is it the one that you sang today?"

I thought for a moment. "I do love that song, but it's not my favorite right now. I think my favorite at the moment is an old song... Stars by Switchfoot."

"Never heard of it." He replied, wiping his hands on a napkin.

I gasped, "My dude, it is so good. Seriously, I think you would like it."

He giggled, smiling lightly. "Okay, I'll have to listen to it. Do you have a favorite band?"

"I do. You won't believe what band it is." I smirked, taking another bite of my sandwich.

"Um... yeah, I have no idea. Is it a weird band?" He asked, twisting his face.

"It is. You may or may not have heard of them. I mean, you do have a cardboard cut out of one of their members." I hinted, only glancing at Colby for a moment.

He raised his eyebrows, surprised, "Your favorite band is the Jonas Brothers?"

I nodded enthusiastically. "You have no idea how much I love them!"

"Is your favorite song by them Burning Up?" He teased, grabbing the last of his fries and shoveling them into his mouth.

I sighed, immediately annoyed. "Fuck no. That song is good, don't get me wrong, but only locals like that song."

"Locals?" He questioned.

"I don't know, it's what twitter stans use to basically call someone a fake fan. Nonetheless, my favorite song from them is called Take A Breath." I said, putting my trash into the leftover McDonalds bag.

"Play it for me." He replied, handing me his phone that was connected to the aux chord.

"Really? You want to listen to the Jonas Brothers with me?" I asked, almost whispering.

"Sure. Play the other songs you mentioned too. I want to get to know your music taste." He informed, starting the car and putting his seatbelt on.

I repeated his actions, and then opened Spotify on his phone, I made a small playlist of a couple songs I had mentioned to him. The first one being Take A Breath.

The whole ride to his house, I tried not to be too loud of a singer - just kind of mumbling through each song. It was late and I didn't really feel like belting out at 1:47 in the morning.

After a couple songs played, we arrived at his house. Pulling up to the gate, he clicked a button on his key ring, and the gate opened. He drove forward, parking the car and turning it off.

The Trap House looked a bit eerie, all the lights being off except for the light outside. We got out of his car and walked to the front door. He unlocked and opened it for me. I walked in to only the hallway light on.

"Everyone's asleep so we have to be a bit quiet." He stated quietly, while we walked up the stairs.

We went to his room, the door already opened. A redish glow light illuminated the room. I looked around his room. It was so weird to see it in person. It was a bit messy, but not too bad. A pile of clothes laid on his couch. A few post-it notes on the floor, most likely fallen from the walls covered in them.

"Ignore the clothes on the couch. They're clean, I just haven't put them away yet." He admitted, taking his shoes off and shutting the door lightly.

I sat down next to the clothes pile on the couch. He walked over to his desk and emptied his pockets. He then sat down on his bed. It was quiet for a moment.

Oh my God Skye, say something!

"So... what do you want to talk about?" I asked, look over at Colby.

"I-uh don't really know, to be honest." He replied, shrugging his shoulders lightly.

"We could always play twenty-one questions, just to get to know each other better." I stated.

He smiled. "Do people actually play that game or is that just in the movies?"

"Is that your first question?" I sassed.

He snickered. "Of course not."

"Well ask me something. Anything you like to know. I'm an open book." I said, stretching out my body and throwing my hands behind my head.

Colby shrugged. "Okay then, um... what is your favorite animal?"

"Ooh Corgis! Or like a baby hippo. I just connect with those animals on a spiritual level." I laughed.

He chuckled, "Why?"

"Because I'm stubby like a corgi and big like a baby hippo." I smiled.

Colby nodded his head, "Corgis are really stubby."

"It's honestly a shame for them. Should I ask you a question now?" I cocked my head to the side.

"Yeah, go ahead." He replied.

"Uh... chocolate or vanilla?" I asked.

He stretched out a bit, getting comfortable, "Chocolate. 100%. Favorite holiday?"

"Halloween. Favorite color?"

"Blue. Beach or woods?"

I sighed, pursing my lips, "I like both, if I'm honest. I would choose a forest, but bugs are a thing and I despise bugs, so I guess a beach."

"I'm more of a beach person." He stated.

"I've haven't been to the beach since I was like five." I admitted.

He sat up, "What? How? You live on the east coast."

"So? I live a couple hours away from the shore. It's not worth travelling through New Jersey to get to a beach that's always crowded." I complained.

"I guess so. But you must go to the beach while you're out here though." He insisted, grabbing a water bottle off his desk and taking a sip.

"I'll try. I can't make any promises." I answered.

"I haven't been to the beach in a while. Maybe a bunch of us can go together." He shrugged, smiling.

I smiled back, "That sounds fun."

We kept talking, learning all the little things about each other. It felt like we had asked all the basic questions. I wanted to take the next step, ask something deeper than favorite color and fast food places.

"Ask me a crazy question. Like, seriously anything. Something you probably wouldn't ask a stranger, but I'm giving you free range to do so." I insisted, standing up and going over to a section of post it notes on his wall. Some had random messages and little doodles, some were blank.

"Okay then. What's your biggest regret in life?" He turned his body towards me, his one leg dangling off the bed.

I hummed. "I don't have too many regrets. Maybe just one though."

"What is it then?"

I turned around to him. "There was this boy in high school. I met him my freshman year, became friends with him, and loved him until the day we graduated. I never told him how I felt."

"Why?" He whispered.

I chuckled sadly. "Because rejection is a bitch and I was too scared to admit it to him. Plus, he always had a girlfriend or if he didn't have one, he was chasing after my best friend at the time."

Colby scoffed. "Wow, he seems like a catch."

"Well, he didn't exactly know I loved him. I kept my feelings pretty hidden." I slowly moved towards the bed.

"Do you wish you guys dated?" He replied.

"Yes and no." I sat down, crossing my legs, "I wanted to be with him so badly, but I realized our senior year that we were never meant to be. Like, it was a real gut feeling that came to me randomly. Like, even if I would have admitted my feelings for him, it wouldn't have changed our relationship, I don't think. We just weren't meant to be together at that time."

His eyes met mine. "Do you still have feelings for him?"

I shook my head, "No. I haven't thought about him in years honestly. I don't really regret what I did and didn't do with him. I'm just more curious as to what our outcome would have been if I would have said something."

Colby looked at me and nodded his head lightly.

"Can I ask you something and you have to be honest with me?" I mumbled.

He squinted his eyes at me, smiling, "Yes?"

"Tell me about your first serious girlfriend. You don't have to say her name, or how old you were, just tell me about her." I stated.

He sighed, lightly playing with the rings on his fingers. "I don't know..."

Shit Skye, you fucked it up.

"If you don't feel comfortable, you don't have to tell me. I'm sorr-" I started.

He cut me off, "No, don't apologize." He paused for a moment, "I'll tell you. But I have to ask you something beforehand."

"Okay." I uttered.

He grabbed a pillow and pulled it into his lap, hugging it slightly. "Do you think it's weird... that I've only ever had one serious girlfriend? Be honest."

I glanced up, looking into his eyes, "Of course not. I've only ever had one boyfriend."

He nodded. "Okay then."

<< CHAPTER 5 || CHAPTER 7 >>

#colby brock #colby brock x oc #colby brock fanfic #colby brock fanfiction #colby brock fluff #colby brock story #colby brock fic #only the lonely survive

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spine-buster · 6 years

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I Thought You Might Be Mine (Ricochet) - Part III

May 31st, 2016 On a bullet train, somewhere in Japan

Iris never saw Trevor so attached to his phone in the two and a half years she had known him. They were nearing the end of the Best of the Super Juniors tournament, and just a few days before, he’d had a match with Will Ospreay. And good God almighty, was it a match. Everybody was talking about it on social media. Hundreds of gifs were being made of the match. Everybody had something to say about it – good or bad. It was probably the most buzz either men had received for a match in their careers.

Trevor was his own worst critic but in the hours that followed the match he was glued to every social media and wrestling site available on the internet. Even Fox News had picked it up. He didn’t really care about random news outlets and their opinions on it – he made that perfectly clear to her. What mattered to him instead was the opinion of the wrestling community. Vader had already voiced his extreme displeasure with the match, comparing the two men to high school gymnasts.

“You know, I keep watching the gifs,” she said, trying to get his eyes away from the screen. What she said hadn’t been a lie. She saw them being posted all over Twitter and Instagram and loved reliving the feeling of seeing it all live. “They’re fucking awesome.”

Trevor temporarily ignored his phone to look at her. Unlike most other time he looked at her, when she knew she had his undivided attention, she knew his mind was elsewhere now. “What have you been reading?”

“The same things that you’ve been reading,” she rolled her eyes. “Websites don’t change their content just because a wrestler reads them.”

“Vader keeps going off about it,” he grumbled as someone on the train bumped into him on their way to the washroom. He let her have the window seat because he was a gentleman, even though he hated aisle seats. “Keeps talking about changing the business. I’m sorry I’m capable of more than just Vader bombs off the second rope.”

Iris couldn’t help but smirk at his attitude. “Yeah, when are you gonna add that corkscrew to your 630, anyway?” she huffed.

He gave her major side-eye. “Don’t you start too.”

“I’m joking Trev! Jesus,” she defended herself. “You’re really hung up about this, aren’t you?”

“Wouldn’t you be?”

Iris didn’t know what to answer with. Trevor was probably one of the most hardworking people she knew, and he always told her she was one of the most hardworking people he knew outside of wrestling. If thousands and thousands of people decided to shit on her job performance, she’d be pretty pissed off too. “Listen, Trev…it’s like people who shit on teachers,” she began. “If they’ve never worked with kids or teenagers before, their opinions are horseshit and completely irrelevant because they don’t know what it takes. It’s the same with wrestling fans. Unless they’re wrestlers too, on the same grind as you are, do their opinions really matter? And, like, the people that do matter, like Chris Jericho and Stone Cold Steve Austen…they liked it!”

Trevor considered her words. “I guess I never thought of it that way.”

Iris chuckled. Of course he hadn’t. If he had, he wouldn’t be obsessively checking his phone. “Did you like it?”

“Yeah.”

“Did Cameron like it?”

“He loved it.”

“Then that’s all that matters, right?”

Iris watched as slowly, almost painstakingly slowly, a smile appeared on Trevor’s face. After two and a half years of being best friends, she knew how his brain worked. She wished he knew how his brain worked. “You always find these ways of bringing the most basic logic into things that just makes sense all the time. Why can’t my mind be like yours?”

“One of us has to be neurotic, Trev,” she joked.

“Nah, I mean it. You’re not even in wrestling and you get wrestling.”

“It’s because I hang out with too many wrestlers.”

For the first time in what seemed like days, Trevor locked the screen on his phone and dedicated all of his attention to her. “One day I’m gonna forget my head in the morning and not know what to do, and you’re just gonna swoop in and save me.”

Iris shook her head. “No you won’t. You’ll learn and you’ll grow. You won’t need me – you don’t need me. At least not as much as you think you do.”

“I don’t know about that,” Trevor shifted in his seat, smiling. “You’re the only person in this world who keeps me sane, Iris.”

She didn’t know what to say. What could she say? She knew she was important to him, just as he was important to her. She’d be lying if she said he didn’t keep her sane most of the time too – every time she’d remember she lived a four hour flight away from her boyfriend; anytime she remembered she lived a fourteen hour flight away from her family and friends; anytime when, despite her happiness in Tokyo, a sneaking feeling of loneliness would creep up on her and all she would have to do was text him and he’d make her feel not alone.

She linked her arm through his and laid her head on his shoulder, not bothering to use the wall like she had intended when she begged for the window seat when they first got on the train. Trevor’s arm rested along her body, his hand on her thigh, as she felt him lean his head on hers.

She would miss this.

June 7, 2016 Sendai, Miyagi, Japan

When Trevor heard a knock on his door at 11:30 at night, the night that Will Ospreay was crowned the first Englishman and the youngest-ever winner of the Best of the Super Juniors, he didn’t know what to think. He assumed it to be one of the guys but then he thought about how tired everyone was and how they were probably all already sleeping. Then he thought it would be Matt or Nick, surprising him, maybe even Akira. But when he opened the door and saw Iris, he was thoroughly shocked.

“Can we talk?” she asked quietly, her voice barely above a whisper.

“Of course,” he answered automatically, moving away from the door to let her in. He watched as she entered the room and walked towards his bed, moving to sit down but then deciding against it. She looked down at the floor and started pacing. He was getting worried. “What’s up?”

She looked up at him. “Can you come here?”

He did as he was told. He could feel the nervous energy radiating off of her and he started to become nervous too. “What’s wrong?”

“I’m…I’m leaving.”

“You going back to Tokyo already?”

“No,” she shook her head. “Trevor…I’m leaving Japan.”

Of all the languages she spoke, ‘I’m leaving Japan’ were the most foreign words to ever come out of her mouth. He couldn’t believe what he’d just heard. He couldn’t understand them anymore than he couldn’t understand French, or Italian, or any other language she knew. “You’re what?”

“I can’t…I don’t really believe it either…but yeah,” she mumbled out. “I’m leaving New Japan. I’m leaving Japan.”

“What the hell?” was all Trevor could muster. It wasn’t exactly polite but it was all he could say. In his mind, it’s what the situation called for.

“Ryder…he got a job in New York City. A promotion. He’s moving in about six weeks --”

“Six weeks?”

“He’s going to be in New York City and I’ll be based in Orlando. I’ve been hired by the WWE.”

Now Trevor really couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “H…hold on,” he huffed out, sitting on the bed in pure confusion. If he continued to stand he probably would have fallen over from shock. “Start from the beginning.”

Iris took a deep breath. “About six months ago, a position came up at Ryder’s work that he’s been dreaming about getting for years. So when he applied and they interviewed him, they basically put him in the position temporarily to see if he could handle it. And he passed with flying colours. So when he finally got hired, they told him he’d have to move to New York City.”

“Just because Ryder’s going doesn’t mean you have to go,” Trevor said.

“I know. But then, around that same time, Nick heard from Matt, who heard from Chris, who heard from Rami…anyway, through the grapevine, I heard that the Performance Centre was hiring for a position similar to mine, for all the international recruits they have and anticipate getting. Ryder thought I should apply, because then that would mean we would both move to the States…and I did. New Japan gave a sparkling reference. And lo and behold…”

Trevor was happy for her. He really was. He knew he wasn’t exactly acting like it, but he was happy if she was happy. He just knew how much she adored living in Japan and how much she loved her work here. He couldn’t help but wonder to himself that if the job hadn’t come up in WWE, if Iris would have followed Ryder to New York City or if she would have stayed in Japan. He wanted to think she would have chosen to dump Ryder and continue living her dream, but that was all heresy now. Because that meant, in some small fraction in his mind, if she chose Japan over New York City, it meant that she chose him --

“It’s just that we’ll be on the same damn landmass again,” Iris said, wiping a tear, obviously referring to Ryder. Trevor nodded his head, despite his previous thoughts wishing she would leave him. “We’d be in the same country. It’s only a two and a half hour flight. We’d be able to see each other more often…”

“Hey, c’mere,” he said, reaching out for her hands and holding them in his. He looked into her eyes and saw how red they were becoming and wished she would stop crying. He hated seeing her cry. “I’m proud of you, okay? I’m so proud of you. And I want you to be happy. I’m just shocked.”

She sat down on the bed beside him, turning to face him immediately. “I know you know how much I love Japan,” she said. “But I couldn’t bring myself to tell you any earlier. You were so wrapped up with the Ospreay match stuff and the tournament as a whole and I didn’t want to derail you. It wasn’t a good time.”

“It’s never a good time to tell me you’re leaving Japan,” Trevor commented, causing Iris to smile slightly for the first time that evening. He rubbed the backs of her hands with his thumbs tenderly. “But he’s not taking you away from me. You’re…you’re not being taken away from me. Instead of Japan being our thing, the States will have to be our thing now.”

She let out a small chuckle. “Japan’s always gonna be our thing, Trev,” she said. “Unless you get signed at the PC. Do you want to come too?”

Trevor snorted, leaning forward to hug her. “I’m gonna follow you wherever you go,” he said as their bodies were entwined with each other’s in their embrace. “You’re never getting rid of me.”

Neither were quick to let go of the hug. Iris wasn’t quick to lose the warmth of his body on hers, and Trevor wasn’t quick to lose the intoxicating coconut smell of her hair in his lungs. It was Iris who chose to move closer to him, practically sitting on his lap and nuzzling her face into the crook of his neck. They stayed like that for a while; Trevor beginning to realize and understand the ramifications of her new job and big move; Iris beginning to realize how much different the next stage of her life would be in comparison to where she was now.

“Can we lie down together, Trev?” her voice filled the void.

His favourite thing in the world. Was he really going to say no?

Without saying a word, they moved their bodies further onto the bed, never letting go of one another. Trevor lay down on his back while Iris moved to lay her head on his chest, resting a leg between his. He wrapped both his arms around her, pulling her close.

“Trev?”

“Mhm?”

“I’d never want to get rid of you,” she said softly.

“I know.”

“Japan’s been really special to us, huh?” she asked. “We’ve made so many amazing memories here.”

“Damn right we have.”

“Can you promise we’ll make amazing memories in Orlando too? Or wherever we find ourselves together?”

Trevor kissed her forehead, leaving his lips against her skin. “I promise.”

@wrestlewriting @wrasslin-x @thegenericluchadora@thewriterformerlytaggedas@fan-fiction-galore @anerdysouthernbelle @spot-of-bother @amaranthine-reign@baleesi @flnnbalor @smuppies@sarahmatthews7 @daintymissdevitt@newjapan @corey-renee @running-ropes @balorsomega @karleedaniels27@kazuchika @ileana0300 @alexahood21@ohcristimhookedonhavocimsodunne@fembxt @heelturn-timesten@kaitlynwwefan @50shadesofadamcolebaybay@50shadesofkennyomega@chasingeverybreakingwave @thyestean-feast @thecandicej @devittsbalor@sp00kylesley @danahart @sietefinns@kaydee-kayyyy @powerbombshell@swedish-strong-style @blondekel77@irish-newzealand-idian-dutch@nickysmum1909 @houndofjustice-imagines @wwesmutdonedirtcheap@wweximaginesxd @indywrestlinglover-life @mandi512 @kakakatey@ourscratcheddreams @sleeplessandcynical @badame124 @thevixeniris@fabulousrockstar @lunatic-sambrose @writing-reigns @caramara3

#ricochet #ricochet imagine #ricochet fic #ricochet fan fic #ricochet fan fiction #ricochet fanfic #ricochet fanfiction #wwe #wwe imagine #wwe fic #wwe fan fic #wwe fan fictio #wwe fanfic #wwe fanfiction #itymbm series

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justalittlemango · 3 years

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Hmmm

So uh... I haven't posted on this Tumblr for a while. A few months by the looks of it? That last post was the beginning of this year. And now it's 20th August 2021.

So what happened? Also ugh the formatting on this site. Welp, my last post seemed to be a lot about my now-ex. I'll call him Tit as I think that's an appropriate name. So yeah, he did come back sometime after I wrote that post. He came back. He seemed to have been feeling better. It was nice to see him happy and things pretty much went back to how they were before, even better if anything. Sadly that was only temporary! Well, I say sadly. Sad at the time. I don't care these days.

Something happened, he lost it over me doing literally nothing. I knew he had problems with my mental health but I don't like to be accused of all sorts when all I try to do is help. I knew at that time, that was the calling point. Cutting off ties. Because my health both mentally and physically could not deal with everything he was putting me through. I cut him off. It felt sad but I knew I had to do it. And fast forward six months later, there's been no contact between us. Thank god.

So.. that was always fun.. I lost my friends who I had met through Tit. I knew that was coming as well. I can still be mad over that, but at the end of the day, who's side are they going to stick by? Mine (someone they've only known for a few months) or his (someone they adore and known for years even.) I guess the outcome here was kind of obvious. I wish I could say I didn't care it happened, but it did hurt me. When I was already going through so much hurt just seeing that was not nice. Thankfully I was never confronted before it happened, I was just swiftly deleted/unfriended/removed and that's that.

That was the second time in a 7/8 month span that I lost friends because of these love problems. So all in all? I'm pretty fucking tired of that happening lol. Anyway, these people are irrelevant now and no longer play a part in my life. So I just need to forget about them.

So did things get any better? Yes! I met someone new. My Dommy. I joined this server in attempt to make some friends and play games with (since the friends I once did that with departed..) so I thought I'd shoot my shot there. It started off okay, I was making friends and it was fun. I met Dommy in there. There was something that caught my eye about him when I would see him chatting and stuff. We spoke to each other through DMs for a bit and played games together. It was so much fun. And the more I got to know about him the more I was like ... My god ... Because I knew I was going to catch feelings for him. Everything he was telling me about himself just made the feelings grow more and more. Like he just kept ticking my boxes in what I seek in a partner.

At first I didn't wanna catch feelings, mostly due to the fact he's 18, and I was 23 (now I'm 24 so yay). I felt the age gap would've been too weird and I wouldn't usually consider anyone that's under 21 to be a potential partner. But god it was so hard to think like that when the more I learnt about him, the more these feelings kept growing. He just knew exactly what to say. His personality and everything. He's so fun and kind. So wholesome. Positive. I find him so relatable too. I definitely didn't expect this for someone who is quite frankly, fresh into adulthood. But here we are!

Heh, let's just say I tried to dim my feelings down. And it definitely didn't work. And I remember thinking at first like, oh god he wouldn't want feelings for me I'm like 5 years older than him LOLLL. But boy was I wrong! About a month after chatting and playing games together (quite frequently too) - he told me he had a crush on me. And I remember how great that felt. It felt so... fucking... amazing. To read everything he said to me. I really didn't think he'd feel that way.. I had my suspicions on somethings but they were more just me being overly hopeful. And of course, I had to tell him I crushed him back. I had the same feelings. And ever since then it just continually grows.

26th May we decided to become long distance boyfriends. We both felt ready for it. Every day and night I got to spend with him on voice chat was SO enjoyable. It was so much fun. The love kept continuing to grow and grow. The more he told me about himself, the more he truly sounded like my perfect man. My soul mate even! And he felt the same way about it all. And now we're so clingy and romantic for each other all the time and I LOVE IT!!

Fast forward to August. We still here. We hope to meet up soon. We surround ourselves with such positive romantic energy. Inspiring each other to be our best selves. Heck, we both got jobs just so we can buy stuff for each other and visit frequently. And that's where we're at. We're awaiting the day for when we meet.

I'm so grateful for him. He changed my life around. I hit rock bottom and he full on dragged me out. Showed me that I can still love. Supported me through everything. Even with everything that happened after my ex. He was there. And still today, with everything I went through.. he had my back.

I love him so much. With everything I have. To the end of days. I've never met ANYONE like him. My past relationships don't even come close to what he and I have. And the crazy thing? He feels the same.. this is just magical. See, it would be TOO good if we were living in the same country. But alas, I am UK, he is US.. a few thousand miles away. But you know what? I'm making it my goal that we'll live together. We talk about having a family, living together, going on so many dates and just doing everything together.

It's my goal. Ultimate. Life goal. I don't want to die without being able to hold him in my arms. And very soon I hope, I will be able to hold him, watch him fall asleep in my arms and whisper "I love you" right in his ear. I 100% trust him. I've never been able to fully trust anyone in my life before. Not my previous partners or anything. But my Dommy? I trust him with my life.

But are there any issues?

Nope. Not really. Sometimes I still feel a lil weird about the age gap. I'll be meeting my boyfriend who's 18, as a 24 year old.. doing lovey things lol. Sometimes I worry about what others think about that, mostly his family. My family know about it and they think it's fine, as with my friends. I hope his family are the same! I mean, it's only 5 year difference. It's not that much at all. I just overthink it and it's a ridiculous thing to overthink! Because he is my soulmate. If anybody has a problem with it, then they'll have to deal with it. Cause I ain't going anywhere. And neither is he 😏 actually I think he'd get more sassy at them than I would!

But yeah. Uh. Anything else? Not really. He's a busy lad but I love that for him. He does so much for his family. He can do so much. Working, driving, going to college.. I'm so proud of him! And I think from what I know from his childhood, he deserves to have all these nice times with his family. So no, there are no issues between us. We have never even argued yet! And I couldn't imagine arguing with him.

So I hope next time I write here.. I'd have met him in person. And experience that. It would be the best day of my life.

____

Anyway! How am I? I'm fine right now. I'm struggling a bit because I have no money left. Kinda annoyed I spent my travel moneys on myself (because I had to.) I hope that issue will be sorted next month when I get my student loan, and hopefully this job that I interviewed for yesterday! Interview lasted over an hour and I'm only competing against one other person. So.. if I get that.. the money gonna be sweet. And you already know I'll be investing in travelling to see my Dommy!

But I also want to try to do my driving lessons. Get my own groceries again and my weight gain stuff because my body is far too skinny! I want to try and get a gym membership too while I'm at it. I say all this, but where the heck am I gonna find the time to do all this? Especially as a full time student! But I think we got this. Driving lessons aren't urgent, and even so they wouldn't take long if I do lessons in an auto. Since I've driven before. So maybe I'll only need 10 lessons.

I want to go the gym and build my body a little bit. Look a bit more in shape for when I see my boy hehehe.

So yeah, lack of money is my main issue here. I can't afford to go out and get my own food and supplements. So until I get my moneys, my mood is going to be patchy. It'll be worth the wait though if things go all out to plan.

Anything else on my mind? Well.. being back here in B'ham! I don't particularly feel safe here. Don't get me wrong, I'm very happy to be back with my parents. And not have to pay rent on a student house.. but that does come with some negatives... Quite a few negatives. These being.. lack of privacy, not being able to make a lot of noise late at night, not feeling safe in the city, issues with bathroom/showers, and the god forsaken slow internet.

Positives though? Being with my parents, in the big city where everything is, good stores and nightlife. Few friends are here. Though not too many I'm interested in seeing. Lol. I guess I'm in the middle of everything too so if I wanted to travel out of city to see someone , I have the option to do so.

So.. yeah! A lot more good than bad going on right now and thank god. Because how this year started was awful. It was literally the hardest time of my life to get through it. And everything that happened in the summer, I'm so grateful for. And my Dommy. I'm so happy he came into my life. I feel honoured and blessed to be in a relationship with him.

I hope things go to plan. I'm in my last year of university, and will be graduating next year. So that should be exciting! And then I have plans to study at BCU next year to do a master degree in UX! Which is exactly the kind of thing I want to get into! So that's a good two years of a steady income from student finance, and hopefully this part time job! So fingers crossed these plans will work out.

Those are my goals that I see in the distance. Travel to see my boyfriend, graduate and get onto that post-grad course! My short term goals. Oh and also get a part time job. Lol. My long term goals is to honestly.. immigrate to the US. I know it sounds wild. But it's what I want. I need to be with my boyfriend. Start a life with him. And spend the rest of my life with my Dommy. I don't know when I'd ever be able to live with him.. but let's just say you need to have a strong background to be accepted as a US citizen. But with the plans I got...it should work! Having a master's degree and hopefully someone will hire a UX designer from the US and sponsor me! With some luck.

How long do I think that would take? Probably sometime within the next 5 years.. I hope. If I'm lucky! And interesting to think, in 5 years I'm 28, and my boyfriend will be 23! Which I think is the perfect time in both our lives to find a place together to live and be happy.

I feel with that, being away from my parents via long distance is going to be VERY difficult. But I'd try my best to visit them for a month or so. And of course, I still want to support them even if I am living abroad.

Ok. Here is the end of the post. I hope I don't look back at this in a few months and laugh. I know not all of this will work out, but I hope most of it will! So yeah, here's to the future! To good health, happyness, and my boyfriend of course ;)

-mangiiii

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creative-type · 7 years

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Character-Driven Backstory

Flashbacks can be tricky. Done poorly, a flashback can kill a story’s momentum, and without proper narrative weight it can leave the reader wondering what was the point of including it in the first place.

I’ve always thought that Robin’s place within the story of One Piece is unique in that her role within the Straw Hat Pirates is paradoxically vital and completely irrelevant at the same time. Pirates don’t need archaeologists in their crews like they need cooks, doctors, and navigators, but to tell the overarching story of One Piece a character like Robin is vital to conveying information to the audience (and more importantly, giving them a reason to care).

Because of Robin’s unique place within the narrative, her backstory is almost automatically the most important to the plot as a whole. To this day there are theories about the nature of the One Piece Universe that are firmly rooted in the tantalizing hints provided between chapters 391 and 398. It’s macro-level storytelling done well, the bread crumbs that have readers spend who knows how many hours theorizing and arguing about a planetarium.

But what I want to talk about today is the importance of the Oharan flashback to Robin herself, how Oda sets up parallels between past and present to emphasize the difference between the two, resulting in one of the most powerful scenes in the entire series.

But first, a picture of babu Robin, because focusing the adorable is the only way I’m gonna get through this without crying

Before we can care about a character’s past we have to care about them in the present. I’ve already written about how important Skypiea is to Robin’s character arc, but to summarize Robin goes from the point of losing her only reason for living/being suicidal to finding people who treat her with respect and one of their own. She doesn’t fully integrate herself into the Straw Hat Pirates, but remains on the outside looking in, her past trauma preventing her from accepting what they have to offer. Still, there’s no doubting that Robin enjoys the Straw Hats and is willing to risk their lives for them.

Then everything when Aokiji attacked

Aokiji’s appearance literally knocks Robin on her ass. The introduction of the admirals really expands the world of One Piece, and is a nice reminder after the successes against Enel and Foxy that there are plenty of threats that are out of the Straw Hat’s weight class.

Luffy isn’t too chuffed about his loss to Aokiji, but Robin and - less important for the purposes of this essay - Usopp are. I’m not going to cover the construction of Water 7′s plot much, although it is fantastic. The thing that I think is often overlooked and what is important for Robin’s development is the fact that she actually betrayed the Straw Hat Pirates.

“But she was trying to save them!” some might argue, but let’s not forget that the Straw Hats didn’t know that. At least not at first. Zoro says so, and if Zoro says it it must be true

So consider from Robin’s perspective: She, believing herself to be the outsider amongst the Straw Hat Pirates, nevertheless grows attached to them. Aokiji’s attack spooks her into seriously reconsidering her life choices, so much so that when CP9 shows up she immediately agrees to shoot someone she’s never met before in exchange for her new-found friend’s lives. She doesn’t tell them why, doesn’t explain herself, only telling Sanji and Chopper that she’s “a woman of darkness”.

Remember when I said that physical distance is often an indication of emotional separation? Yeah, that’s still the case.

In response, the Straw Hats give Robin the benefit of the doubt. I don’t think this is something she could possibly expect. I mean, the last time she double-crossed someone she ended up with a hook to the chest. During the above scene Sanji and Chopper both tell Robin that they don’t believe the rumors that she targeted Iceburg. This display of the Straw Hat’s true character should have been enough for Robin to trust them, but no. Not only does she confirm that she was one of the assassins, she freaking does it again!

If CP9 had succeeded in the second attempt on Iceburg’s life the Straw Hats would have unjustly been identified as the culprit. Robin believes that they’re strong enough to survive the backlash (and it’s preferable to a Buster Call) but the fact remains Robin betrayed the Straw Hats not once, but twice.

I really like this sequence of panels. I had to cherry pick them over the course of a couple of chapters, but when spliced together they tell us Robin’s mindset at this stage of the game without any dialogue. Robin’s reflection segues neatly into her reflection of the past (I see what you did there, Oda) and also shows some of the duality that defines Robin at this point of the story.

She’s resigned herself to a terrible death, but thinks that she’s saved the only people who have shown her any kindness in twenty years. Robin is smiling, but the fact that she’s also covering her eyes can be read that she is blinding herself to the truth of the situation. Because, honestly, did a world-wise criminal who’s spent two decades seeing the ugliness of life really expect the World Government to let Luffy and co. escape knowing the identity of CP9?

Yeah, she did. And that’s part of the tragedy.

A lot of pain and suffering would never have happened if Robin had just trusted the Straw Hat Pirates from the start. She gets called out about this time and time again, from Iceburg, Franky, and Usopp (side note, I love how Oda connects Franky’s backstory with Robin’s. That’s how you intertwine themes).

In addition to giving us Major Plot Developments, Robin’s backstory tells us why she’s so - for lack of a better term - stuck as a character. If you don’t know Robin’s story it can get really frustrating seeing her reject help again and again and again. I know, because I went to archived chapter discussions on One Piece forums for when these chapters first came out, and some of the attitudes towards Robin were...unflattering, to say the least.

To put it another way, Robin’s backstory gives us context for all her actions, both past and going forward. It does so in a couple of different ways, but the one in particular sticks out.

Parallelism-Linking Past and Present

The cyclical nature of history is something that pops up in One Piece quite often, but Oda usually puts in one or two key differences that keeping things from repeating exactly the same way twice.

In her life Robin experiences two Buster Calls. One ends with the loss of her homeland, her teachers, and her mother. The other ends with the marines suffering complete and utter defeat. The names change, but the circumstances remain the same. Here are some examples.

Spandam

Spandam is the face of the World Government for the Enies Lobby arc. He’s the personification the its self-serving nature, all of the worst qualities of the government seen so far mixed together into a despicable human shitbag. His father is his obvious counterpart for the flashback, a connection that Spandam himself points out

It’s uncomfortable to read the abuse Spandam doles out to Robin over the course of the arc when she’s unable to fight back, but when you get right down to it, is that any different than what Spandine did when he had an 79 million berri bounty put on an eight year old girl?

The difference here is that Spandam is more fanatical and, based on our limited knowledge of Spandine, the bigger narcissist. Seriously, had Spandam spent less time picking at Robin’s wounds until they bled he would have had more than enough time get her through the Gates of Justice. Spandam is clumsy, both in body and how he manages his resources, but I wouldn’t tell him that unless I wanted to spend the rest of my life in Impel Down.

Saul

Saul is the Luffy of Robin’s flashback. Both share the D initial (and have no idea what it means). Both are less concerned with justice than saving their friend. Both teach Robin how to laugh, and in fact have very similar laughs (’shishishi’ vs dreshishishi’).

Saul is Robin’s first, and for twenty years only, friend. But when faced with the overwhelming strength of the World Government Saul loses. As much as he wants to, he’s not able to protect Robin when she needs it most. If not for Sakazuki’s rash decision to destroy the evacuation ship Kuzan probably would have killed Robin, and there was nothing Saul could have done to stop him.

As another side note, I want to call attention to this panel

Aokiji is speaking to Saul here while surveying the damage Saul has wrought trying to save Robin. By my count there are seven ships here, and the implication of what Aokiji is saying seems to be that he believes Saul would have participated in the Buster Call were he a marine.

The interesting bit happens on the next page when Sakazuki destroys the evacuation ship, bringing the total of destroyed ships to eight. Now what did that fodder marine say during the Alabasta arc?

The saying is true. Oda never forgets.

Professor Clover and the Archaeologists

Moving back to the topic at hand, the Oharan archaeologists are the only ones besides Saul who accept Robin unconditionally during her childhood years. They parallel the Straw Hat Pirates as a whole

The archaeologists protect Robin and give her sanctuary, but they do so imperfectly. Robin’s treatment from the citizens at large mirror on a much smaller scale the hardship she endures as an adult. Other children bully Robin, sometimes to the point of violence while their parents think that she is a monster. Her own aunt and uncle - the people entrusted to protect and raise her - give her the Cinderella treatment, forcing her to do a great many unpleasant and difficult chores, hit her for trying on her cousin’s clothes, and other disgusting things like berate her for eating too much food because she’s a freeloader.

We’re not told how old Robin is when she goes to the Tree of Knowledge for the first time, but she’s pretty damn little and is clearly terrified that Professor Clover might be angry at her for looking at a book in a library

But while the archaeologists allow her to study history, they forbid Robin from following her dream of finding out the truth of the Void Century. Their reasoning is justified, but it’s the exact opposite of Luffy and the rest of the Straw Hat Pirates.

Olvia

If the archaeologists can be compared to the Straw Hats, then it stands to reason that Oliva is a stand in for Robin herself. They look virtually identical, both share the same dream, and are literally related. They share everything from birthdays to voice actresses, with one key difference: Robin is willing to abandon her dream for the sake of those she loves.

I’ll let the manga do the comparison for me. Here’s Olvia’s choice

versus Robin’s

Would Olvia lived had she tried to flee with Robin? There’s no way of knowing. Would Robin have had an easier time of surviving for twenty years with another adult with her best interests at heart watching over her? Yeah, probably.

Now his isn’t the only time Oda has his characters make a “dream or crew” decision. Zoro’s sacrifice on Thriller Bark and Sanji’s decision to get married are more memorable, but they were hardly the first.

Olvia’s decision to save instead of her daughter still baffles me, and is one of the few things about Robin’s flashback that leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I don’t think Oda was wrong for writing Olvia this way, but she’s certainly not going to win Mom of the Year anytime soon. She does, however, give Robin one very important command, and that is to live.

Does this panel look familiar? It should.

It’s only when we’re given proper context that Oda removes any ambiguity and has Robin say for herself why she wants to die. It’s not what has happened that frightens her, but the potential of what might happen. This isn’t Robin’s first song and dance, she has seen this all happen before, and can’t stand the pain of losing everyone she loves for a second time. Moreover, because of being forced to spend twenty years with less than stellar characters, she’s utterly convinced that even if the Straw Hats survive the wrath of the World Government they will come to hate her, because that’s what everyone else has done for the past twenty years. We see the exact moment when Robin stops believing in Saul’s laugh, and while we don’t know how old she is, I’d hazard it can’t be much more than ten.

The Result

The famous “I want to live” scene the first time we see Robin cry, flashback notwithstanding, since the end of the Alabasta arc, and the circumstances couldn’t be more different. Her character has arched. Robin finally allows herself to be emotionally vulnerable, risking enormous mental anguish if she happens to be wrong and the Straw Hats come to see her as a burden.

Because while there are many parallels to the past, Oda uses them to highlight the differences of the present. The scene starts with a literal chasm between the Robin and the Straw Hats

and it ends with the gap between them bridged, and that bridge is Luffy (also literally with a little help from Rocket Man, lol). By unflinchingly declaring war on the World Government and winning Luffy does something no one else could have done.

By constructing Robin’s backstory the way he did, Oda not only justifies Robin’s previous inability to trust the Straw Hats and exposes the true root of her hopelessness. He weaves the core message from Franky’s backstory, that simply existing cannot be a crime, into Robin’s themes of acceptance, trust, and friendship. In doing so he bolsters the greater message of One Piece as a whole.

These are hardly unique tropes within shonen manga, or any other medium for that matter, but when done well the end result can be incredibly powerful. I’ve been reading One Piece for more than ten years now, and Robin’s backstory and the immediate aftermath still affect me in a way that’s difficult to put into words.

Damn it, I’m getting teary eyed just thinking about it. Here’s more of Robin being cute to counter all the angst.

(thanks all for reading. I think I’ve said about all I want to say about Robin’s character arc. I might do a post on Chopper next, but I’m also open to suggestions)

#One Piece #Robin #Nico Robin #Character analysis #Manga #writing #analysis #flashback #creative-type analyzes

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ts-indonesia · 5 years

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Episode 1 - "Time to put on a bra and take some selfies." - Leigh

Episode 1 saw eighteen players, some fresh faces, and some veterans arrive on the Indonesia beaches, ready to play and ready to win. On a somewhat quiet Obor tribe, Leigh/Trent bonded over the age difference on the tribe (with a cunning plan reliant on using the word ‘lit’) and Anabel/Trent begun to form a bond that would survive the test of time.

On the Cahaya tribe, Matt/Jess feared the casting of one another, and Julian arrived plucky and ready to avoid another prejury experience, determined to improve. Owen/Stoner quickly formed HOS 22: Bermuda, and set to work spreading their connections across the tribe, forming at trio with Julian.

After a decisive victory in the Scavenger Hunt, it was revealed the returnees would have to send two returnees to the other tribe as “infiltrators” casting a sole vote. In an attempt to force the result, Julian went “offline”, in an attempt seen-through by his fellow tribe mates, but one that was ultimately successful, with Owen & Julian sent over as infiltrators.

At Obor’s tribal council, Evan quickly emerged as an easy vote, for his minimal challenge contribution. Two key alliances formed, a newbie majority alliance of Trent/Chris O/Leigh/Anabel/Lorelei and a girls’ alliance of Lorelei/Anabel/Leigh, with Anabel armed with an idol to boot.

As expected, Evan was sent out unanimously, but not before Julian trashed on the Cahaya tribe during tribal council... in a tribal seen... by the Cahaya tribe. With Evan out, the torches still inspiring such hate, and the infiltrators returning... that drew round one to a close.

MATT

first confessional give me idol?

also hi Jones

OWEN

okay so im walking onto the boat.... my hair is thinning, my skin is getting wrinkly, im ancient at this point. nonetheless im back for like the sixth time. or seventh, honestly who can keep track anymore. i see these like cute little new people. ANABEL's vid is AMAZING gay icon, lorelei legend likes pokemon mystery dungeon, Leigh is near chicago, like... i literally love all these new players but then i realize NONE OF THEM WILL BE ON MY TRIBE SKADSFJH. instead? im stuck with crazy ppl. there's julian who i voted out premerge in the season I won, and Matt who was in my most recent season nnn but NOT the matt I worked with in that game. and of all people CHRIS STONER LMAO. to be fair, chris isn't that bad bc I know he'll work with me hopefully but also I know he's a good player and wouldn't hesitate to cut me out. thank god olivia and jess are here tbh. omg and just when I thought it couldn't get any worse.....a furry shows up. WHAT THE FUCKKKKKK lmao I remember foxx back from the old old days and he seems scary :(((( good news is julian said him and isaac haven't ever gotten along and that isaac has voted him out twice :') so that might be good. and i'm fairly sure stoner and jess would have my back rn i just need to talk more to them. but for real, as soon as there's a swap or something if I survive that long? bye bye returnees :) i dont see myself getting very attached to anyone at the start so ill just do my best to ride out this beginning and maybe have some fun

LEIGH

I'm looking forward to seeing how long our tribe chat is just "Hey *Tribe Member's Name*!"

I think it could go on a while.

OWEN

chris: ditching u for the other stoner tho chris: tumblr needs an all stoner f2... 7:23 PM me: thats ok im ditching u for the gay girl from the first post me: but for now? u and me <3 7:23 PM chris: deal stoner and I rlly did speak this into existence....... it'll happen

LEIGH

So this tribe has literal children on it. 15, 16 years old. I might have to backstab ACTUAL CHILDREN! How do I even fit in with them? Trent suggested we could buy fidget spinners. I said maybe yoga pants and a crop top? There are people here BORN AFTER 9/11!!! What the fuck I didn't even know you could be born after 9/11 and be out of kindergarten. What year is it?

EVAN

Just met some other castaways, they seem pretty chill.

FOXX

What's up. So this fox has returned after an eternity of a hiatus with more grey in his muzzle and hopefully some self-awareness to go with it. I played some pretty solid games in the past but after taking a long time lurking and sort of forgetting Tumblr Survivor Crooks asked if I wanted to play despite not knowing I have played before. That's how old and irrelevant of a has-been I am. Back from the dead. I'm glad my star has faded and I can go in with a blank slate. My biggest concern is that I am not on my anxiety medication so my social interactions, especially on call, will be a lot more stilted and I'm terrified this will impair my judgment but we'll see. Right now I'm not trying to come off as a huge strategist. I made an intentionally crappy intro video, made fun of myself, and just tried to be funny without coming off too weird/desperate etc. Almost like I'm not taking this too seriously. However, already I'm noticing a patterns in how people on my tribe are. I have no fucking clue who these mammals are. People will have extensive conversations about people, twists, running jokes, etc and I'm totally lost. That hiatus really did fuck with my ability to ingratiate myself with this community. That will be a huuuuge advantage coming to dealing with the newbies since I can leverage that to not seem so threatening but right now I think I'm doing a fair job being friendly and making people laugh. I hope. God. So my thoughts on my tribemates thus far: Stoner: Vaguely know who this guy is. Aptly named. He's clearly blazed as hell but I can tell he's bright and likable. Says "oh shit" a lot and he seems like depsite his facade he's probably someone I can work with. Isaac: We talked about Overwatch a bit and he seems nice but he's not coming on my radar too strong. Jess: Definitely made a fairly strong impression on me since we're similar ages, Francophone, and we bonded over our mutual detest and hatred of furries and then I calmly sneak in the fact I am a furry an hour later and holy shit I was trying so hard to not bust into tears. She's funny and likable and seems like she's someone I could work with. Matt: Talked a bit about me coming back. Very little in group call. Michael: Talked a fair amount about D&D and made some fun Upside Down jokes. Seems like we have a lot in common but him being a different time zone could prove hard to keep up with. Being the outlier on Time Zones is playing on Hard Mode. Olivia: Love her! We bonded over animals and she seems like a total sweetheart and I definitely wanna share pics of my cat with her some more! Owen: We talked a bit about literature and it was fun. Definitely seems intelligent and he's someone I know a bit about from Olympics. In an ideal world I'd want to work with Stoner, Jess, Olivia, & Michael but everything in on fire. Also, no luck on the idol so fuck me I guess

JESS

So... first night has been interesting? I was going to do your typical "first impressions" confessional but... FOXXX or whatever the fury's name is.... is playing too hard too fast. Am I being a Paranoid Patty and reading this the WRONG WAY entirely? Possibly. HOWEVER... It's been less than 5 hours since we were thrown into this hell hole of a game (The hosts are lovely individuals but we all know this is about to get insane) and he's telling me if I want to make a move that he's my guy? Ummm.... WE HAVEN'T EVEN GOTTEN OUR FIRST IMMUNITY YET? I'M NOT THINKING MOVES RIGHT NOW? I BARELY CAN REMEMBER YOUR NAME!

MICHAEL

https://youtu.be/Swisjdq1R4s

OLIVIA

Have I befriended a furry???????? Is this real life????? Is he actually a furry or just really in deep on this joke? Why are there so many Dylans in orgs? Also fucking goddamnit I like EVERYONE HERE I just wanna be friends with all y’all damn. All of the newbies are so adorable and seem so excited and unknowing to the pain that’s gonna come :’) Annabelle especially like my wig flew with that intro! I wanna meet them all. Also wtf is with the torches I WANNA KNOW ALREADY! Anyways that’s all I’m excited for this season. Owen and I renewed the o alliance :-) and Jess seems cool as hell I really clicked with her and the furry. Michael seems sweet and I already know Julian from Mykonos, the absolute crackhead. Real sweetie tho hopefully we’re friends. I hope I’m not coming off as too insane I was so nervous on the phone call with the tribe :( it was so fun but I felt like every time I said something it fell flat I felt so awkward abhhhhhahshsjaj. Anyhoo yay! New season!

Should I write the rest of my confessionals in japanese? Neko. Boom

JESS

So coming into this game with a TS under my belt is different... I still have no expectations whatsoever BUT I do know how HARD people go for in these games and I'm planning to go just as hard. The first night was wild. Everyone on my tribe except for Matt and Julian were lively on the tribe call. Everyone seemed pretty cool and super... out there.. I think Isaac might be the one to watch on my tribe. He's been around the block and knows most people on my tribe (new and old). WHICH IS WHY.. I'm going to try my best and get super close to him. I need to make sure I'm not disposable to these "older players" and as asset to these "newer" players. I just know need to cool my jets on the whole socializing bit in the main chat (Yes I know it's literally day 1). I want to be as irrelevant as possible so no one thinks I'm a threat but no one really wants to get rid of me either. Gotta focus on those INDIVIDUAL RELATIONSHIPS. Hopefully these other players with more TS's under their belts become bigger shields than me because if not... yikes on yikes.

ROB

I like everyone so far. Evan is giving me a few red flags because he’s only giving me one word answers, so i might take that into consideration when voting.

FOXX

We had a very fun group call with the tribe last night. Definitely haven’t laughed that much in a while. Love my tribe thus far so I hope we can keep the good vibes going. Jess & Stoner are people I feel like have talked with me the most Nd Olivia, Owen, & Michael are also friendly so I think I have options. One thing I’ve noticed is how casual and sociable this tribe is. Nothing is more frustrating than a tribe full of overserious gamebots (*cough* Selwyn *cough*) but it’s a group of funny and chill people. It’s gonna be a great game!

OLIVIA

I love these hosts 🙂 HATE the idol system but honestly it doesn’t change much I’ve never gotten an idol before and probably never will so it won’t change my gameplay lmao

I like Isaac a lot too! Forgot to say. But I’m also a little wary of him because I know he’s very experienced

JULIAN

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PKDvx7VxRC8

ANABEL

well. yesterday i found an idol on my second guess. and made two new friends. so yesterday was great. today was bad. i outed myself. my mom heard me tell my eyebrow lady that i was gay. this is a sad confessional and i wish i wasn’t so loud. im real fucking sad. sorry. but at least i have an idol and some friends.

LEIGH

Time to put on a bra and take some selfies.

I'm glad I shaved today for that tattoo selfie.

OLIVIA

There’s an alliance I’m not in isn’t there

Why am I so FUCKING awkward

ANABEL

im so fucking good at survivor like... good lord. trent and i are like best friends already (see, i knew this would happen, i always meet a nice old usually straight man and we become friends, it's like the hallmark of my survivor experiences) and we came up w a plan where i am gonna try and seduce evan and rob and make them my lil minions so im gonna lie to them and tell them that im a cheerleader bc that's hot right?? so ya my womanly charms will be utilized to their fullest potential. go me.

MICHAEL

https://youtu.be/aAqEUHoyy78

LEIGH

Can we talk about how bullshit it is to have "Lipstick in your tribe's color" when we're yellow and they're RED? Honest to god might as well have "Lemon in your tribe's color" to make it fair.

Alex coming in with bold capslock "MAKE SURE EVERYONE ON YOUR TEAM HAS SUBMITTED AT LEAST ONE THING" ... Just DM Evan directly my dude.

OLIVIA

Feeling much better about this game today than I was last night I think I was just spiraling 🥰 we’re doing really well on the challenge and I hope we win!! Two people messaged me saying I’m doing great on the challenge and idk how to respond. Just tryna make sure we don’t lose I will NOT be the first vote out. Newbies go hard on scavenger hunts but I go even harder 😈

LORELEI

Ok so! I'm super bummed that obor lost the challenge, I really thought we would win! Now we have to get rid of someone and it sucks but I feel like we all know who it has to be. It's not even personal, it's just the fairest thing and the best thing for our tribe. Also, alliances are forming! I like Anabel, Leigh and Trent so I'm with them but I'm gonna try to connect with everyone so I'm not on the outskirts. I hope that the boys haven't formed an all boys alliance bc if they have, then the girls could be in danger. That's it for now!

STONER

guess I’ll follow Alex crook’s rules... https://youtu.be/ndsfCdjtcQI

Not much, about to sleep! https://youtu.be/v12a2AbklVw

MICHAEL

https://youtu.be/4inKBNkg87M

JESS

It's 2:30am so WHY NOT post ANOTHER confessional? Am I right? Honestly, we won which I'm BEYOND THANKFUL for. I hate tribal and I can now at least say I wasn't first boot. THANK GAGA. I'm just really trying to solidify things with Michael right now. I think out of everyone on my current tribe I can honestly see myself making a run at this game with him (at least up until merge). I offered him the prospect of sharing idol clues (it's literally the only collateral I have at the moment) so hopefully this doesn't bite me in the fucking ass. Other than Michael I was kind of hoping to somehow get closer to both Julian and Matt (plot twist I know). Matt has hosted me before and it's no secret he is a founding father of the "I Hate Jess" Club. However, these two seem to be the odd men out right now. They aren't overly socializing with people so there's a high chance they'll be taken out if our current tribe loses. HOWEVER.. I see potential numbers in them. So I can't let that happen. As of right now both Foxx and Stoner seem to be the ones to watch out for. I just can't let them think or know... that I know that about them. Stoner gives me mega "I say the same things to everyone" vibes. He's clearly playing a strong social game so far. I just need to play dumb and ensure that he thinks he can control/trust me. Honestly, as soon as he doesn't see value in me I have no doubt he's gonna cut me. Foxx on the other hand, just seems like he's playing too hard. He's another guy who I strongly believe is going to drop me as soon as I have no value to him. I'm just going to have to have to lay low and be dumb. Owen scares me shitless. He's giving me PTSD from my last season because homeboy is playing a strong contender game. He's definitely a pick to win. He's another person who I'm going to have to try and pretend I'm under their spell. Am I playing too hard too fast? I'm not entirely sure. I'm just going to slow my role a bit and see what happens

MATT

What’s Up? WHAT’S UP?!?!?!? how dare you ask me such a ludicrous question. Alright so first real general confessional of the game here. I wanna eventually try and record some video confessionals, but that’s if i have the time. but for today, we’re good with a text. So starting off the game on the Cahaya Tribe, which consists of entirely returnees. So right off the bat it makes nervous bc i’m really not around much in the community. Yeah i’m in a few VL’s and i played once before, but i really don’t know anyone. So being the odd one out for that reason was a real fear for a little bit. Looking at my tribe, there are a few names that stood out the most to me. Owen stood out bc we both played Kuwait, and even tho we never met each other, we still have that little connection. Chris motherfucking Stoner is here too!! Chris is such a chill dude. we played together once before and i voted him out pre swap. But that game was so long ago, and i really don’t think he cares (i know i dont). So i’m looking forward to reconnecting with him. Jess is also here!! Jess and I had met previously because i hosted her in Celestial Komnata, and we had some rough misunderstandings there. But months have passed and I know that I am well over it bc i frankly don’t care. But i feel like she still probably cares which will not be good for me. Michael was the last person that stood out to me. Not because I know him, or know of him. But because he’s the only Non-North American in the cast, which means if i can stay up late and socialize with him, he might favor me over other When i looked at the other tribe, i think the only person i know is Anabel? We played together once, i hosted her, so we have somewhat of a connection that if we swap together, i hope that works in my favor. So on the first night of the game, i was very busy with Celestial All stars premiere, so i didn’t get to talk as much as i would’ve liked. which resulted in me telling jones on call like 5 times that i’m gonna be first boot. But the first night, i talked with everyone (to some degree) except Issac bc i forgot Issac was here. The torch twist thing i have no idea what it’s going to be and it worries me. My first thought is that it somehow would result in a third tribe bc there were six torches. so someone would light a torch and be placed on that tribe. But it’s too early to figure out what they even mean and i’m sure as the game progresses.

LEIGH

Woooo so what's happened. Well, we lost the challenge and it wasn't even close. I haven't looked at the spreadsheet to see the final scores but I feel like Me, Trent, and Anabell did the most work. I talked to a few people last night and put Evan's name out there cuz I know most people are too scared to say a name first and I feel comfortable enough about my position to be the one to say a name that most people should agree with. A mutual alliance formed between me, Chris, Trent, Anabell, and Lorelei. Within it, an all girls 3 alliance formed which I'm super happy to be part of. I'm sure Trent will be paranoid about that sooner or later so hopefully Chris and I can make him feel confident. Trent is sharing idol guesses with me so I'm hoping that means I'm like the closest person to him right now. I like the number of options I have so far.

I feel like Facebook might be falling out of style so maybe these youngin's don't even have it or aren't familiar with Facebook ORGs. The only other people here who know my history as far as I know are Foxx and Chris, and I hope neither of them bring it up. If I can stay UTR that'd be nice. Also, I think I need to stop capitalizing letters/using punctuation if I wanna fit in with these kids. Did I already confessionalize that? Not sure.

Apparently Lorelei missed the HII thing day one haha oh well. I'm compiling guesses from me, Chris, and Trent. Hopefully I'll get them from the girls too. I'm not showing the girls' guesses to Chris though. I don't think he'll be mad at me for it. We gotta play close to the vest sometimes yo

TRENT

So far I think the game is going alright. My tribe is incredibly quiet for some reason but I guess that isn't too bad. I made a connection with Anabel and Leigh pretty early on. Decided to suggestion and alliance and both we in so I added Chris and Lorelei so we had a majority. This is the alliance I wanted from the beginning. I wanted the older people to stick together and then add in one young one. I think it's a pretty solid idea. Ive been messaging both kenny and dylan as well. I don't want an alliance with them, but I would like for them to like me and want me to stay in. I also think im getting along pretty well with the two infiltrators right now. Julian was spilling all kinds of info about his tribe to me this morning and then me and owen connected really well. Hopefully this will help me in the future if there is a split soon.

OLIVIA

Jess was hinting that her, foxx, stoner, and I should get together and I said we’d make a nifty cool group. A NIFTY COOL GROUP WHAT THE FUCK IS A NIFTY COOL OLIVIA

ISAAC

This twist can become SO detrimental. And I’m so MAD Owen went over there first because that bitch is unbelievably charismatic. Hopefully it paints a bigger target on him but like it’s whatever. I like my tribe. We seem chill and I seem to vibe the most with Olivia and Jessica Messica. Foxx is cool. Julian is....Julian ig. Matt has yet to talk to me so that’s a wig ig. Michael seems nice but ngl I get kinda bored when I try to talk to him? He seems very gamebot-y which could be frightening but idk he’s not my biggest problem atm. I’m terrified of Owen - he’s unbelievably charismatic and has the ability to twist people around his finger so like I’m gonna keep my eye on him and I’m not gonna let him out of my sight. With that being said I do wanna see him live for at least a little while for meat-shield purposes. Anyways I hope I do well this game but 👀 I have a sinking feeling.

KENNY

So yeah.. it seemed like a pretty laxxed day and Evan was the vote. How true is that? Idk but I have to trust strangers. But just heard he through my name out like 20 minutes ago, with less than 3 hours to go. So I just hope everyone’s being honest 😭

OWEN

what’s up? Everything :’) I couldn’t help as much in the scav hunt as I liked because I was living my life. But thankfully we won anyways bc my tribe kicked ass! I still contributed some and I made sure to keep talking to people. I still love olivia, and matt has been fun to talk to. Don’t rlly know why but foxx seems hard to get to know. And not big into michael rn either. I think I will stick with Julian and chris, hopefully can pull in jess and olivia to do something if we lose. Chris mentioned that both him and jess DO like foxx so we will see.... The main thing is that this twist worked out perfectly for me!!!! I couldn’t call when we were decided and I REALLY wanted to go. Thankfully I was able to take advantage of the majority vote thing and pretend like I wasn’t online hehe and by some miracle I got picked to go. MEANT TO BEEE and let me say I was right, I do love this tribe so much more than my own for some reason. Trent is great, Annabel and I are talking like I wanted, the Chicago girl and the Pokémon mystery dungeon girl. It’s so good over here, but the biggest surprise has been chris o. I really like him and could see myself working well with him if we swap. The only thing is that Julian said he was sketchy sometimes..... hehe so down the road I might have to tell chris o that Julian is after him :~) but I don’t need to snake too hard yet, for right now I’m a crocodile lookin like a log. Vote should be easy on Evan from what I’ve heard but if it changes? I’ll be living for the drama!

LORELEI

It looks like Evan is the consensus. I feel really bad though because it's not his fault. He tried to plead his case with me by saying that he wasn't the only one that was inactive, but that doesn't change the fact that he contributed the least. I know it's the fair thing to do but I feel bad about it. Voting out people is so not fun, I really hope we win the next challenge so I won't have to do this again.

EVAN

I’m pretty sure I’m fucked. I’ve been trying to get people to vote Kenny but idk fuck

KENNY

“I know I’M voting Evan = I might be voting Evan but I know others are voting you”. Or am I being paranoid

JULIAN

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GaH8l2R-Xt0

MATT

i feel like i did pretty good on the scavenger hunt. i managed to scoop up a bunch of items that were left over and some that were high points. so i do feel good about my performance and think i pulled my weight. Speaking of pulling weight...Julian is...there. I think he only submitted one item which was the Vine. I mean i get you have work and are busy, but like...most of us were the same? even issac who was celebrating his birthday did more. after challenge results we got on call in the tribe chat (olivia, chris, michael, myself). and we were talking about the infiltrator twist and the challenge results. We agreed to have myself and Olivia go, but we needed 5 for a majority. Julian shows up and says he “might wanna go tbh”. and then disappears. We’re on call laughing bc we wanna submit this and not randomize it, so someone who isn’t here gets forced to go. BUT JULIAN won’t talk in tribechat even tho we’re all like, “hey we’ll take turns and you can go next time.”. but no. Julian is only talking in olivia’s pm’s and she’s telling us whatever he’s saying. eventually the hour is up, and julian got randomized to go. that fucker strong armed us into randomizing and he still went god damnit. I think that call was good for my game because we were just chatting for like 1.5 hours about the game stuff and people. After michael/chris left the call it was just Olivia and myself on call and we stayed on for another hour and a half(????? ish??? probably less i can’t remember). But that was a nice call and i think helped start to solidify a bond. Olivia is someone i can see myself working with in this game. Same goes for Michael and Chris. I feel like that call group was pretty natural and we got along really well. I’m too nervous to initiate any kind of alliance talk, but i know it’s gonna have to happen eventually. i’m sure alliances already exist on the tribe and i’m obviously not in them. I think for starters, i need to work on conversations a bit more, because they are somewhat weak right now. My goal for the future is to work on olivia, michael, chris and owen. Those are the people i feel most good about. Foxx is cool but idk it seems hard to gel with them. Julian is cracked and i hope he’s our first boot. and the four of us on call forgot issac was on the tribe so that’s not good for him. i think i’m in a decent position for now, but i’m not gonna count my chickens before they hatch (i think that’s the saying idfk)

#whenyourfiresout

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inexchangeforyoursoul · 7 years

Text

7 is considered a lucky number, no?

I’m naming chapters now btw; this one is called, “in which there’s improvised sex ed?” it’s not meant to be a joke btw because there is, indeed, period talk

“Aaare you done?” comes the question from beyond the door right as the bells start ringing outside. The tower is right in view from where he stands, so he can tell that it's apparently half past nine. He cannot believe that they wasted over an hour with shenanigans and idle chitchat. She surely gave him more than ten minutes, too. Not that he wasted the extra time; he put away the clothes that didn't make the cut, after all, and also made her bed while he was at it. She needs some order in this room, every flat surface that's not the floor is a catastrophe. Sheesh.

“Yep, you can come in,” he sighs, placing Kikoku on top of the clothes resting neatly on the end of the bed.

“Oh...” Kat looks surprised to find said piece of furniture looking so organized. “Thanks, you really didn't have to.”

“Eh, had enough time to kill.” In fact, he was already ogling the haphazard book pile on the cabinet a minute ago. “What took you so long anyway?”

She looks to the side, then back at him, then down. “Well, before I came over... um...” Sigh. “It's dumb and kinda irrelevant, to be honest,” she says finally, scratching her neck.

An incredulous but understanding 'okay' is all that he can answer to that. He also had something dumb happen to him that he couldn't solve, after all. Might as well inform her. “By the way, just so you know... I didn't even try to change your underwear.” Is what it is, had no idea where to look, and he's not one for going commando, either.

She slaps her temple, almost flinging the hat off. “Damn, I knew I forgot something.” Before he could answer, she presents him a pair of shoes that are, just by appearance, a lot more comfortable than what she had on. “Will get some stuff asap. And here, you take these instead of the fancy ones.”

He's more than happy to ditch the cute shoes for action ones. Something hits him on the head- she just threw a pair of socks at him.

“Get rid of the cheap nylon socks and put those on,” she instructs while digging into what looks like a textile bag inside a drawer. “I'm gonna go ahead and not put anything extra regarding panties for you.... like this one.... I need to get rid of the lace ones...” she mutters to herself.

Now, he doesn't know what kind of stuff she has, but he's getting worried nonetheless. “Um... those are really not that... necessary.” She's yet to mention bras, thinking about it... well, she definitely wasn't wearing any with the dress. Not sure if he should be happy or more concerned, though. On one hand, this is definitely the more comfortable alternative, on the other... having two wobbly humps all of a sudden is weird and distracting, even if they are small. He'd rather they stayed put...

“Sssh... it's okay, gotcha. They aren't that necessary, you can use your own junk.” She says waving a few other pair of socks trying to calm him down, then slams the drawer back on the curious bags made of some fabric.

“Um... wording,” is what he says after staring at her. It doesn't take her long to take an immature snort at that- and here he was already thinking she actually was taking these issues as a maturely as possible. Never mind.

“Unless, of course,” she adds, “you cannot fit your trunks on me. Then it's a moot argument.”

He's about to make a snide remark, but then he realizes something else. She knows what's under his jeans...

“Wait, when did you...?” He should probably be less alarmed by that because of the circumstances, but still.

“I was late because of a loo test run, man.” She blurts out, tossing the couple of socks on her bed. “Needed some mental preparation, alright? And puh-lease, I know the color and shape of what you have on right now. As do you.” She adds, being aware of the fact that she's way too amused by this; that, and his rosy cheeks. He's likewise displeased with her being entertained... try to adult this, woman. This reminds her of something important, though, something that stifles her smile... shit, when was the last time again? At least two weeks ago... no, as of yesterday, it's been... three...

“Oooh...” Is the only thing she can muster as it dawns on her. He's left wondering in the room as she takes another quick detour to the bathroom. Coming back, she's holding an opened package of something in her hand. “Stay strong... but if I can't get you back really soon, you will need these.” She says in an empathetic voice, giving the thing to him.

It's pads.

“Oh.” Okay. He kind of didn't even think about this aspect of the issue. And now that he did... he'd prefer to forget about it altogether. All he can think of are worst case scenarios.

Seeing the disgruntled expression of internal panic and how he's standing there frozen, she decides to enter Extra Personal mode. Time to be unnecessarily honest with a near total stranger, today with some weighty reasons to boot. Leaning onto a knee with one hand so she's about eye to eye with her own body, and lightly putting another on his shoulder, she speaks up:

“Law, a little heart-to-heart, if you please... while we are alone, okay?” She seems to have his attention, there's nothing more to ask for. She takes a deep breath, looking for a starting point. “First things first, the PMS business... I rarely have bad cramps, so you probably won't have to drug yourself into oblivion, and even if it really was that bad, I'd rather you asked me about my usual method first. Then, the first two or three days are a literal bloodbath. The sludge does feel really fucking weird, and often uncomfortable, and it's still like that twelve years down the road, so it will probably hit you harder. Pad accidents where the thing doesn't quite align with the goo just... happen sometimes. Don't sweat it, proceed as if the stains just didn't exist until you can change. Any of this bullshit can easily ruin your day- needing more space or being clingy on them days is a-ok. Keep hydrated, eat sweets if you need to, and change these bad boys every few hours to minimize feeling gross,” she finishes, tapping the near-full package. “How-to is included on the wrapping. Any questions?”

“Nope.” None he can think of. She said everything he'd ever need to prepare for, some of which he was well aware of anyway. The detailed rundown and comfort on his shoulder did help make the likely extra ordeal less intimidating, though.

“Okay... if you need anything, ask me or any of the girls, really.” So far, so good. She wants to address something else, too, however. “Now... let's talk about another thing that seems to be bugging you. Please, just be honest here... do I appear to be the bigger person about... all of this?”

He's certain she doesn't actually need him to confirm this. All this time, he's been as stiff as a board and was a brat about a short trip. There's little he can say to defend himself. Meanwhile she's been the same as before, with a dash of altering smug and aloof.

Yes, she does; this, he acknowledges with a nod.

“Alright... then, let me tell you this- you don't have to believe me, but listen... I know exactly how you feel. Like, I was late because I had to go to the toilet, right? And guess what, I needed my own ten minutes just back there before using the fucking thing. As soon as it will be bath time and it comes to stripping? I'll back out immediately and postpone it until who knows when. Except I shouldn't do that, because it's not my body to get smelly and gross, and you will also take care of mine. You as a doc have the advantage of being more desensitized towards naked people, but that's no excuse. Oh, and dare I say we do enter the 24-hour limit of me going to work, and I still have your body? I'll be freaking the fuck out. Won't get an ounce of sleep all night. I... know I look as if I was over it with a shrug, but it's the calm before the storm. I'll be fucking dying in due time, even if I don't meet anybody who wants you dead.” Having all the small worries that have been piling up out, she needs a minute to come to a coherent conclusion. He's waiting patiently. “We both are in a pickle here, so... let's not be afraid of kicking each other in the shin when necessary... and take care of each other, alright?” she says finally, straightening herself.

He can't help but let a lenient smile creep itself onto his face; her mixed personality of silly and earnest is rather charming. Sounds like a plan. “You know... forget what I've said at the entrance. You actually are pretty good at pep talk once you get going.”

It's her turn to blush while fidgeting her fingers; “Heh... thanks.”

He sighs- seeing himself act like that is not getting any less weird, though.

#Kate writes #this is the second shortest chapter too... I wonder how much extra I'll add to the next one #otherwise that's also p short right now #but hey the 3 in one would have been way too much. also we'll finally leave the fuckign house #will have taken.... 5 chapters #KMKY

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tigresjumeaux · 7 years

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As per the request of @my-insanity-is-irrelevant, here goes nothing. Not even gonna reblog the ask meme post bc I’m literally answering every question rip

1. What is you middle name? Marie. #basic 2. How old are you? 19. 3. When is your birthday? May 31. 4. What is your zodiac sign? Gemini. I’m actually two people and they’re both snakes. 5. What is your favorite color? I honestly don’t have one, they all have their perks. I do tend to favor cooler and darker colors tho 6. What’s your lucky number? 7 and 9, but odd numbers tend to treat me nicely in general. 7. Do you have any pets? Three! A Boxer named Buster, and two 14 y/o cats named Asheley and Nadia. Here’s hoping for many more in the future. :’) 8. Where are you from? Born in Seattle, raised in the greater St. Louis area, and going to school in Muncie, IN. 9. How tall are you? 5′6″ 10. What shoe size are you? 8 in American women’s size. 11. How many pairs of shoes do you own? Oh lord. Probably like 15 because I refuse to get rid of any, but I only wear like 4. 12. What was your last dream about? Roller coasters and an ex being nasty. DJ Khaled was there. 13. What talents do you have? I’m fairly good at reading people, and also drawing. I’m also a quick learner, if that counts as a talent? 14. Are you psychic in any way? I wish. I have a weird force of karma that seems to follow the people who have hurt me around, but that could be coincidence. I’ve helped check other people’s energies (as well as my own) before, but my knowledge is limited and I don’t think I have the sense of self to pursue that right now. 15. Favorite song? At no point in my life have I had just one, but “Fury” by Muse and “Love is Mystical” by the Cold War Kids are up there right now. 16. Favorite movie? Wonder Woman was so, so good, y’all. I also like 17. Who would be your ideal partner? daisy ridley right now, my standards are both really low and really high. Just...someone I get along with and who gives a rat’s ass? 18. Do you want children? I think I might, yeah. Depends on who I end up with, but I like the idea of making small humans and showing them how the world works. Teaching others has always helped me figure shit out, anyway. 19. Do you want a church wedding? nooooo thank you 20. Are you religious? Not in the sense that I participate in organized religion, but I do believe in aspects of many different religions. I’m particularly fond of reincarnation. 21. Have you ever been to the hospital? I had to have my chin stitched up when I was like, 3. And also I had my tonsils out at 10. 22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law? Nope, and I’d prefer to keep it that way. 23. Have you ever met any celebrities? I met Paramore the summer before my junior year, and I met Jensen, Jared, and Misha from SPN my senior year! 24. Baths or showers? Showers. 25. What color socks are you wearing? au naturale i’m barefoot bitches 26. Have you ever been famous? one time i did a drawing and it got 100 notes 27. Would you like to be a big celebrity? noooooo maybe C-list at most 28. What type of music do you like? I’ll listen to just about anything, but I lean towards alt rock, metal, punk, some indie if it isn’t too hippie-ish. 29. Have you ever been skinny dipping? nah 30. How many pillows do you sleep with? Like...7? 31. What position do you usually sleep in? On my stomach with my top half wrapped around a pillow or a blanket. 32. How big is your house? Two-story, four bedrooms. Parents raised three wild kiddos here 33. What do you typically have for breakfast? A smoothie or a sandwich when I’m actually up in time. 34. Have you ever fired a gun? No, but I’d like to at least try. 35. Have you ever tried archery? yes and i ain’t no katniss 36. Favorite clean word? Maverick (that’s one of many) 37. Favorite swear word? Fuck. it’s just so versatile 38. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep? 60 hours or so 39. Do you have any scars? On my heels, chin, thighs, hips, and over my wristbones. I’m clumsy, have pets, and have self-harmed. 40. Have you ever had a secret admirer? An anon flirted w me on Tumblr but it was someone in my French class, lel. Wasn’t a secret for too long. 41. Are you a good liar? White lies, yes. Big lies, noooo. 42. Are you a good judge of character? Generally? 43. Can you do any other accents other than your own? Not a whole lot on my own, but I’ll pick up anything I hear regularly. 44. Do you have a strong accent? Not really? I just kinda talk and drop bits of different accents here and there. I don’t think I have that much of a St. Louis accent. 45. What is your favorite accent? I have a soft spot for slight Southern accents. Eastern European and Australian are also awesome. 46. What is your personality type? sad 47. What is your most expensive piece of clothing? A $120 jacket from Zumiez. It’s HUF brand but I bought it for the wolves on it tbh 48. Can you curl your tongue? Yes and it comes in handy w girlfriends 49. Are you an innie or an outie? Innie 50. Left or right handed? Right 51. Are you scared of spiders? I used to, but I’m getting better. They startle me but I’ve carried a wolf spider outside so 52. Favorite food? changes by the hour tbh tho chicken is always good 53. Favorite foreign food? Shepherd’s Pie. 54. Are you a clean or messy person? Clean, but disorganized. My room is cluttered but not like, dirty. 55. Most used phrase? "Oh my god.” 56. Most used word? like 57. How long does it take for you to get ready? depends. not usually over 45 minutes unless I’m getting Fancy. 58. Do you have much of an ego? Not really. 59. Do you suck or bite lollipops? Yes. 60. Do you talk to yourself? More than anyone else. 61. Do you sing to yourself? Yes, especially when I can’t hear my own voice. 62. Are you a good singer? N o 63. Biggest Fear? Forgetting and being forgotten. 64. Are you a gossip? drama that don’t involve me is the best drama 65. Best dramatic movie you’ve seen? Goodwill Hunting aaaaaa 66. Do you like long or short hair? On myself, defs long. I love pulling it back too much for short. 67. Can you name all 50 states of America? Yep! I 68. Favorite school subject? English. Also psychology. 69. Extrovert or Introvert? Extrovert with trust issues, abandonment issues, and that shuts down a lot. and also clinical depression 70. Have you ever been scuba diving? No, but I’ve been snorkeling! 71. What makes you nervous? Anything has the potential to make me nervous, tbh. But not knowing things is The Worst 72. Are you scared of the dark? Oh god yes 73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes? I do when it’s something small. Big mistakes are things you gotta figure out for yourself. 74. Are you ticklish? Less and less over time, tbh. 75. Have you ever started a rumor? Never on purpose. I’ve heard a few things I’ve said get distorted and spread but I try to Cut That Shit Out Quick 76. Have you ever been in a position of authority? I was a President of a few clubs in high school, captain of the swim team, and a manager for the track and cross country teams. 77. Have you ever drank underage? Whenever I can, tbh. Not even to get drunk, necessarily, it just tastes good 78. Have you ever done drugs? Only weed with a close friendo of mine. I also may have saved a few narcotics from my wisdom tooth removal for a rainy day 79. Who was your first real crush? My best friend in middle school. That was a doozy. 80. How many piercings do you have? I have doubles in my ears, so 4. I’d like triples and possibly a septum piercing. 81. Can you roll your Rs? Yep! Sometimes I do it by accident when speaking 82. How fast can you type? Not very tbh 83. How fast can you run? That depends on why I’m running. 84. What color is your hair? Dirty blonde. 85. What color are your eyes? Blue-gray. 86. What are you allergic to? Certain kinds of deodorant and also tumblr 87. Do you keep a journal? I mean I scribble down stream of consciousness shit when trying to Cope w things, but I don’t keep one regularly. 88. What do your parents do? Dad’s an engineer, mom’s the HR person for a whackass ad company w fun people 89. Do you like your age? I mean I’d rather be able to legally drink, but I’m a legal adult but it doesn’t feel Real yet so I guess it ain’t all bad 90. What makes you angry? When people are mean for literally no good reason. 91. Do you like your own name? it’s aiight. people trying to pronounce my last name is amusing 92. Have you already thought of baby names, and if so what are they? I like the name Oliver a lot for a guy? But really I guess it’d depend on my what my wife likes 93. Do you want a boy a girl for a child? dog 94. What are your strengths? I know people and can communicate pretty well, and I’m generally good at being pretty friendly. Also I can swim so if someone throws me in the water the joke is on them 95. What are your weaknesses? Can’t be left alone for long periods of time, relying on one person for everything, and ignoring myself and other friends, compulsive tendencies, and an overall obsessive personality. 96. How did you get your name? Named after my dad’s grandma, iirc. Except Claire instead of Clara. 97. Were your ancestors royalty? I’m sure someone was idk 98. Do you have any scars? didn’t I answer this already 99. Color of your bedspread? Black and white at home, orange and purple in my dorm. 100. Color of your room? Very dark forest green. I like it lots.

#tigres talks to people #shoosh claire #ask meme #my-insanity-is-irrelevant #long post

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a-panda-reads-act-omega · 7 years

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ACT OMEGA PART 7

THE 19/10/16 UPDATE

Alright hi people. Gotta fun story for you! I’m sick. So yeah, the end. I’m huddled up in my room, experiencing an uncomfortable amount of stomach pain, and I. thought “hey! why dont i just do a liveblog?” and now im here. prepare youreselves, we’ve got a whole 4 pages today! lets just get started.

Oh right, we left off with these fellas. Jasprose looks more than happy to bother this guy, and Erisol looks like he wants to jump off a cliff but cant because he floats.

ERISOLSPRITE: fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.

Jesus, not to good at socializing are we Erisol?

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Hey you! ERISOLSPRITE: nope nope nope nope nope.

Ok yep, he wants no part of this. I fuckin love Erisol. I mean. The fusion, not the ship.

JASPROSESPRITE^2: HEY!! ERISOLSPRITE: leavve me alone JASPROSESPRITE^2: Stop that. ERISOLSPRITE: fuck thii2 fuck that fuck evverythiing. ERISOLSPRITE: and fuck you e2peciially.

Ok guys I’m relating to Erisol on an uncomfortable level. Also this conversation so far is golden. 10/10.

JASPROSESPRITE^2: I said stop it! ERISOLSPRITE: iill do wwhatever the fuck ii wwant. ERISOLSPRITE: wwho the hell evven are you anywway? JASPROSESPRITE^2: That’s my line! JASPROSESPRITE^2: Do you have any idea how baffling it is to have some random drifter appear now of all times? You’re a complete stranger!

Its just about as baffling as everything else that happens in this fucked up story. PLUS, Jasprose, you were going around looking for fun. dont you be sassy with the depressed asshole for it.

JASPROSESPRITE^2: I mean, it's a welcome surprise and all, but I'm still perplexed!

Man I wish Jasprose did cat puns now.

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Here I thought we were finally done with all the pointless bullshit.

We’re never done Jasprose. It’ll always just keep coming. BUT I GOTTA DISAGREE WITH YOUR CLAIM THAT ERISOL IS POINTLESS BULLSHIT. ERISOL IS THE TRUE FUCCKIN HERO OF HOMESTUCK FOR BEING THE ONLY ONE TO POINT OUT HOW FUCKED UP IT ALL IS.

God I hate that I relate to Erisol.

ERISOLSPRITE: actually forget ii evven a2ked. ERISOLSPRITE: ii ju2t met you and ii already hate evverythiin about you.

Gasp! Could this be black love at first sight?

ERISOLSPRITE: and not the 2leazy kiind eiither. iim talkiing about the mo2t platoniic of loathiin my pump bi2cuit could po22iibly mu2ter.

Oh.

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Well, if you aren’t going to tell me your name I’m just going to call you whatever I want. ERISOLSPRITE: or... ERISOLSPRITE: you could go awway.

Oh my god I feel bad for him. He just wants to be alone to wallow in his own self-hatred/pity. Which is weird, because normally I would hate somebody who wallows in his own self-hatred/pity.

JASPROSESPRITE^2: So tell me about yourself, sad sack! JASPROSESPRITE^2: How’s sprite life been treating you? ERISOLSPRITE: ugh.

Ugh indeed. Does anybody enjoy being a sprite? I mean, its great to be alive again (unless youre erisol), but other than that you just become kinda irrelevant. Gotta be kinda jarring to see life go on without you.

JASPROSESPRITE^2: I mean, two dull troll dopes in one? What a waste of a perfectly good kernel. JASPROSESPRITE^2: Where did yours even come from? There are precisely ZERO empty kernels remaining in this session. I would know! JASPROSESPRITE^2: The only logical conclusion to draw here is that timeline shenanigans are somehow involved.

Jasprose, thats the only logical conclusion anybody can ever draw. I’m guessing though, that Erisol was just on LOWAS during all that retcon bullshit? I think. None of this makes sense anyways though.

ERISOLSPRITE: wwho knoww2? maybe 2kaiia ju2t got bored. ERISOLSPRITE: but 2ure, wwhatevver. let2 go wwiith that. 2ound2 2en2iible enough. JASPROSESPRITE^2: I knew it! I love being right. ERISOLSPRITE: holy 2hiit, are you obnoxiiou2.

I know, Jasprose is the best kinda obnoxious. It’s like this perfect blend between playful and snarky.

ERISOLSPRITE: ii diidnt thiink iid evver fiind 2omeone ii hate more than my2elf but youvve done iit. ERISOLSPRITE: ... diid ii ju2t 2ay that out loud. de2perate much??

Of course you are, you’ve always been desperate. Also, auto correct is hating these quirks.

ERISOLSPRITE: the fact that ii evven entertaiined that thought and contiinue twwo talk twwo you iin2tead of nopiing the fuck out of here remiind2 me of ju2t howw depravved ii really am, and that the only thiing keepiin me from obliiteratiin my2elf ii2 howw much of a deranged kiick ii get out of my owwn 2ufferiing.

HNN youre so perfectly pathetic I love it.

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Wow, are you a trainwreck or what?

No kidding Jasprose. Like, theres nothing this guy can do to ever be happy.

JASPROSESPRITE^2: You know, I think I might actually hang around a tad longer. I happen to find trainwrecks and other horrific disasters morbidly fascinating. ERISOLSPRITE: evvery moment ii spend wwiith you iis hell.

I can sum up this whole conversation so easily.

Jasprose: haha youre patheticness is fucking priceless Erisol: kill me

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Then why not leave? I’m hardly chaining you to the spot here, green cheeks. ERISOLSPRITE: ... ERISOLSPRITE: twwoo much effort. JASPROSESPRITE^2: See? Riveting.

He’s already explained this though! he literally just wants to see himself suffer.

Nice panel. thats all I have to say on the matter.

JASPROSESPRITE^2: So now that we’ve established you’ll keep up our conversation purely out of apathy and an acute, masochistic sense of self-loathing...

Yes, yes exactly.

JASPROSESPRITE^2: (Also apparently some form of conflicted caliginous attraction to me. Aint that a doozy?)

HIUDNSA <3 FUcking love you Jasprose.

JASPROSESPRITE^2: How did you end up here? WHY did you end up here? ERISOLSPRITE: ii a2k my2elf that evvery 2iingle day. JASPROSESPRITE^2: Yes, yes, you hate yourself. I get it. Can we please move on? I need details! ERISOLSPRITE: fiine wwhatevver.

Oh wow, is he chilling on the self-hatred thing? who would’ve thought.

ERISOLSPRITE: ii followwed an orange biird guy twwo thiis planet that came from fuckiing nowwhere. ERISOLSPRITE: but then he kept tryiing twwo mumble hii2 2tandup routiine2 at me 2o ii fucked off.

Yep, that sounds about right for Davesprite.

ERISOLSPRITE: ii wwandered around debatiin the pro2 and con2 of fiinally 2elf-de2tructiing untiil 2ome 2ort of wwiindy 2hiit 2tarted happeniing.

Oh cool, John’s big quest thingy. Also, that’s kinda morbid... Like, I get this is part of his self-hating schtick, but he was literally contemplating suicide.

damn.

ERISOLSPRITE: iit managed twwo dii2tract me from gnawwiing exii2tentiialiism for a miinute there untiil ii stopped giivviing a 2hit and movved on. ERISOLSPRITE: then an iindi2crimiinate periiod of tiime pa22ed and 2uddenly you 2howwed up. ERISOLSPRITE: 2tiill deliiberatiin on that explodiing thiing by the wway.

DONT you fucking dare blow up you green asshole.

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Prrr prrr, I see! So both you and Davesprite came the same way I did. JASPROSESPRITE^2: How intriguing. JASPROSESPRITE^2: But enough about how; let's move on to why. JASPROSESPRITE^2: So, Señor Fishface, what are your plans? Any unfinished business you might want to attend to? In need of a GUIDE, purrhaps? ;3

Jasprose, I think the last thing he wants is for you to guide him.

ERISOLSPRITE: meh. ERISOLSPRITE: not really. JASPROSESPRITE^2: That’s hardly an answer! Aren’t you curious about the cosmic significance of your continued existence? ERISOLSPRITE: fuck no. ERISOLSPRITE: iin fact that ii2 pretty much the thiing ii am the lea2t iintere2ted iin. JASPROSESPRITE^2: Well that’s just boring. ERISOLSPRITE: doe2 that mean youll leavve? JASPROSESPRITE^2: Let me think about that... JASPROSESPRITE^2: Nope!

This poor fucking guy, Like, he needs to ollie outie outta here quick, because his submissive self-hatred is almost making me feel bad for enjoying this conversation.

ERISOLSPRITE: fiigure2. ERISOLSPRITE: wwhat2 evven the poiint? ERISOLSPRITE: lookiing at 2kaiia ii can 2ee another uniivver2e frog ha2 2howwn up and relea2ed iit2 vva2t croak thiing. ERISOLSPRITE: wwhich mean2 the game i2 ovver and the player2 are probably reciievviin the ultiimate rewward a2 wwe 2peak. ERISOLSPRITE: 2o there ii2 liiterally nothiing left twwo do be2iide2 wwaiit around for an opportuniity twwo croak a2 wwell. JASPROSESPRITE^2: Now hold on a second! JASPROSESPRITE^2: I’m not so sure about that, actually. ERISOLSPRITE: wwhat noww?

Hm.. Im not sure if enlightenment is the first thing or the last thing this guy needs. Honestly I think he just needs a break.

pffFHAHA, JASPROSE WITH THE SINGLE PAP AND STARE INTO HIS SOUL

And he just

wants to die.

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Well, while I was ignoring your dismal yakking, I think I’ve figured it out!

Goddammit Jasprose.

ERISOLSPRITE: (wwhat are you doiing.) JASPROSESPRITE^2: I am almost certain now that you appearing wasn't pointless after all! ERISOLSPRITE: (...)

She’s gonna say something that’ll make him feel more shitty, isn’t she.

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Of course, I thought so at first. But then again, I bet Rose also thought that of me when I initially sprang into being only a few hours ago. And I turned out to be fairly important for the final climactic battle, didn’t I? ERISOLSPRITE: (*2iigh*) JASPROSESPRITE^2: I also thought Davepeta was fairly pointless but I agree with them now, that is definitely not the case. In fact their destiny has the potential to be quite grand!

Where are you going with all this? Come on Jasprose, don’t say something stupid to him.

ERISOLSPRITE: are you goiing twwo get twwo the poiint anytiime 2oon. JASPROSESPRITE^2: Don’t interrupt!! ERISOLSPRITE: (wwhy me.)

I dont know man, they just dont see how great you are.

JASPROSESPRITE^2: As I was saying. Let me dumb things down for you: Even though it may not be immediately evident how you’re meant to slot into place amongst the great puzzle of causality, that doesn’t mean a purpose isn’t waiting somewhere in the brush to pounce upon your puke green sprite tail! JASPROSESPRITE^2: And I definitely want to be here when that happens.

Is it just me, or is Jasprose giving off Vriska vibes? I’m not sure what she means by she wants to be there when it happens, but it’s feeling like she could start getting all controlling over his “destiny.”

OOH HI KIDS! I’m hoping we get to see some interaction soon. It looks like John’s hanging out at the door, so probably not from him. BUT these other pairs might be interesting to see.

Dirk/Jake: Yeah this one was pretty obvious, I’m not sure with all the. timeline shenanigans, but I’m guessing they’ll need to work out some relationship issues.

DAD/Calliope/Jane: Not much to say on this pairing, other than it might be interesting if we get to see DAD talk? He probably wont though, let’s be honest.

Dave/Karkat: Ohh yis, the gay ship that nobody can agree on. WELL I CAN AGREE WITH MYSELF, and what myself thinks is that they are fucking precious together.

Jade/RoSE OH FUCK: OK DONT MIND ME JUST SHIPPING. Ahem. So THIS is a pairing we haven’t seen a lot of, despite them both being from the same session. WHICH IS INTERESTING, because they have a really neat dynamic. AND ALSO I FUCKING SHIP THEM

Kanaya/Roxy: This should be interesting as well! Again, I’m trying to wrap my head around timeline shenanigans, so who knows how much Kanaya knows about Roxy. But Roxy did the matriorb thing! And I feel like Kanaya is seriously gonna admire Roxy, which is likely going to be adorable.

Terezi/Endless Void: Seems like they’re enjoying a nice staring contest. Even though she’s blind-

ALRIGHT THATS ENOUGH OF THAT! We got a dialoglog to open

JASPROSESPRITE^2: We’re simply going to have to wait and see. :3 ERISOLSPRITE: yeah 2ure wwhatevver.

Waiting and seeing. Oh, I guess that’s not as controlling then. Though it is kinda unlike Rose to stand by and let the game do it’s thing. . .

HMMMmm.. . .

alright that’s the end of thaat. For only 4 pages, I think I made that reasonably long. Anyways, I’m gonna end this now. BYE.

#homestuck #homestuck liveblog #act omega #act omega liveblog #hs act omega #hs act omega liveblog

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precious-boring-life-blog · 7 years

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Whirlwind of Fuckery.

😈Today is Tuesday. Saturday was the last day I wrote, if I'm not mistaken. What all has happened? Hmm.. Let me think. Tons of bullshit with that older man. Promises not kept. Lies that I KNOW are being told, but don't dare go in with full-blown accusations, because he has money.. & since I'm on a run, I always need dope. Whatever. He left me hanging all day yesterday while I kept stringing Chris along all day & he kept stringing HIS dude along all day... Finally, after getting dropped off at 10 AM, receiving a promise he'd return at 1 o'clock and we would go & get a bag... Then proceeding to wait ALL day while being fed some bullshit... I finally mustered up some mojo & formulated a plan to get my own shit. Had to create a huge Smorgasbord of a lie to convince my dad out of $40 for dinner & a movie with NA people. Yeah.... I'm bottom-of-the-barrel terrible & although that rhyme sounded cool, it's not meant to be lighthearted. For some reason when I wrote that down about my dad, I feel super awful & ashamed all of a sudden. Honestly, I fucking should, too. My parents have sacrificed so much to try and save me from my addiction to heroin & I have thrown it down the drain AGAIN. I don't know how they haven't caught on or kicked me out yet. My mom has asked me multiple times & all except once, several weeks ago, it's something I always deny. Still.... Can't help but wonder... A part of me feels like they have got to fucking know. I had Chris pick me up last night around 6, & the timing was perfect. I needed to leave before 6:30 and be gone until at least 11. Problem solved. We went back to his house, I smoked my whole sack up quick despite a weak willed promise to myself I'd save a LITTLE bit for the morning. Blazed a bowl & a joint of this weed also procured from this older man. Then we fell asleep on his bed until tapping on the ajoined bathroom window from the porch woke us up - it was just Abraham returning home from work in Royal City. I came home & passed the fuck out from midnight until basically 11 AM. I did wake up once around 6, managed to stumble out into the kitchen while my dad was sitting at his computer & bum a smoke from him. After several long drags, I smashed the smelly, cancerous slave-driver of a product face first into the glass ashtray on the stove ; small round and clear with a psychedelic heart painted in the center, it was a gift from my mother. I shuffle back to my bedroom shut the door dive back into warm covers turn a pill bottle over into my palm, two little hot pink ovals pop em into my mouth and away to sleep I go. Benadryl only works like that (for inducing sleep) whenever I'm high. While sober it didn't have that effect. Weird, whatever... Unimportant! Really, though, none of what I've written on this blog so far is important. Just the loaded ramblings of a 25 year old on-going, off-again junkie loser without a future, destined to die probably living in this same fucking room. When I finally woke up again, 5 hours after popping those allergy meds in hopes of them doing exactly what they actually did (sleeeeep💗) I hung out around the house with my Ma. A&E has started showing a trailer advertising the February 20th premiere of the new & FINAL season of a show we binge-watched on Netflix together & fell in love with... Sooo that means Netflix added new episodes of Bates Motel! We watched at least 6-7 episodes I think. Old guy hit me up saying he wanted to buy a sack; had $100. He didn't want to go pick anyone up other than me (which was a problem) because Chris wasn't answering & Kayleigh is in jail, poor thing. After bullshitting with Andy Packard for a bit on when his dude was going to pick him up & then meet us... I wasn't sure if I believed that was really going to happen, so I decided to take a chance. Instructed Romeo to swoop me and drive me up past the car wash. Had him park further back then normal, and decided to try my luck knocking on the bathroom window of the Naab house. BOOM. IT WORKED. I'M IN. Fucker was sleeping all day. I had just seen him the night before (he dropped me off just after 11) but apparently he didn't didn't go to bed until 9 o'clock this morning. Anyways. He called his dude. I told my ride / ATM to wait over at the gas station (GOD I'M AN ASSHOLE) and while waiting Packard called me ten times cause guys dude was in the way, I made up some story we got pulled over on the other side of town & "homeboy" got arrested on a warrant outta Kittitas County. The little Mexican teenager Chris goes through showed up (we heard his car crunching over snow & ice out in the driveway) so my buddy ran out, and minutes later returned with a nice hefty chunk of some super-fire, or as fire as it gets around these podunk parts. I smoked two pieces with him, as a peace offering for waking him up, broke off some more and put it in a second baggie hidden stealthily away in my right sock, and called my ride to swoop me back up. We get to his house, do all of the bag (aside from what I had hidden) and talk about my plan to get off this shit using subs - subs he got from his coworker that are waiting in his locker at work... Subs that he is supposed to be bringing me shortly after his shift ends at 7 AM Wednesday morning. This morning. Today. I hope to God he comes through with those. I worry, because while he HAS done alot for me he has also been pretty flaky on a couple occasions. I've actuality been sitting on a message in my FB inbox from him that I need to reply to NOW (not purposefully avoiding it, I just honestly keep forgetting) so he stays engaged and it's still thinking about me (so I can get those subs here in the next 6 hours). Very important. Pause all of this ; I'm going to reply to him now. OH, but I cleaned out my tooter less than a minute ago & it was funky full, for all variables considered... So honestly I'm gonna hit this real quick & THEN reply. &&&&& I'M BAAAAACK. 😈💗😐 So I'm back. One more hit real quick. Smoking my last cig for the night. Oh boy... I told myself I'd be going to bed early tonight; it's now closing in on 3 AM. I have to be awake at a quarter to seven (6:45- DON'T FORGET TO SET AN ALARM, DUMMY) to meet J. Romeo for those subs when he gets off work. Please, good lord, PLEASE... Let him come through. Please, please, pleeeease. 🙏 Soon as I finish this little blurb of a blog.... Well, what was supposed to be a quick daily check in / drug-a-log... I skipped the last 2 days since Saturday so this entry turned into more of an amphetamine-fueled nonsensical novel HAH! (If a statement could ever perfectly describe my style of writing... That would be it 😂) but as soon as I'm done with this cigarette, I have to be done with this entry. Then, I'm going to brush my teeth, put Neosporin on my face (which I picked to hell and back this evening...sad day) and try to pee one last time... Then I'm crawling into bed, setting a 15-minute timer, and doing a Stream of Consciousness exercise (S.O.C.). Basically the concept is just to set a timer and do not stop writing until the bell. Sense doesn't need to be made nor does punctuation really need to be used. The idea is just to spill your guts, your heart, your soul, out onto the pages. Free your mind from the hamster wheel of worry and thought by expelling it onto the empty lines of a journal. Cigarette is done. Think I might just do the rest of that bag right now... Fuuck it. One last hurrah; thirty dollar chunk of fuego and a few pages of chicken-scratch prose. Debating... Debating... I'm already pretty high... I don't know if he will come through for SURE with those subs... If he doesn't, & I smoked this all tonight, I'm screwed. I'm screwed either way without em, whether I smoke now or not... Totally irrelevant. If he does, I will be so relieved. I will be able to get off this shit, finally... After TWO FUCKING MONTHS. WHAT HAPPENED? WHERE DID THE TIME GO? HOW THE FUCK DID I END UP HERE? Why on earth did I decide to go back out? I don't want to live like this anymore... Please Goddess, hear my cry & help me. Please let him come through with those Suboxone, that is my one and only hope.

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