TIMING: Current LOCATION: On the edge of The Pines and Seven Peaks SUMMARY: The cold might bother her, anyway. CONTENT WARNINGS: None

Cold blooded. That’s what people called her, even those who didn’t know her true self.  It never made any sense to Anita as an insult. It didn’t hurt any less when her cold blood spilled from her skin. It didn’t protect her from the harsh coldness of the world all around her. If anything, having cold blood meant she needed that much more external warmth just to survive. Just like the muted scales of the Mojave that Anita proudly donned, however, she had learned to treat her cold blooded nature as a shield. A survival instinct that was practically required as she moved through this town, this country, this world all by herself. 

Of those who viewed her as cold blooded a very few understood why. All her life she was on the outside, looking in on others getting to bask in the warmth of familiarity, of complacency, of compliance. What else was she to do but adapt to the cold?

As Anita laid there, deep in the Pines, she couldn’t help but wonder if this time the cold was going to prove too much for her to overcome. The sharp February air amplified how cold her blood was, the very blood that was smeared across her scales and slowly trickling out of her abdomen. It was a miracle that whoever had pulled that trigger hadn’t managed to find where she had slithered off to. But how many miracles could she expect? How many did she even deserve? 

Flashes of the prior night kept going in and out of her mind. It was reckless to have wandered out into the night after how much she had been partying in search of a late night snack. It was reckless to leave her phone at home. It was becoming a concerning pattern, how little thought Anita gave to her own wellbeing lately. She knew this town was dangerous, even for superior creatures like herself, yet she acted as if nothing bad could ever happen to her. 

But something bad had happened. 

The sound of the crossbow snapping reached her ears before she felt the arrow ripping through her scales and embedding itself into her cold flesh. There were just a few moments of clarity as the adrenaline coursed through her where Anita managed to get out of the area, heading deeper into the woods in a desperate act of self preservation. It had been hours… or longer, she had no sense of how long she was out once she had found some brush to hide within. It was still dark when she came to again, that was all she knew. The arrow was still protruding from her stomach and despite the cold Anita was able to muster just enough strength to rip it from her flesh, a necessary first step to allow herself to begin healing. Coiling herself up as tightly as she could, Anita focused on molting her skin - a process that would in turn heal her wound. 

Lamia’s know, Anita was taught, about the dangers of the cold. She grew up hearing stories of lamia who froze in place because the cold made their bodies so weak, so slow. Her father warned her when she had chosen her current home that the winters, the snow, was not her friend despite their familial name. That was one of the lines he used to urge her home, “The Nieves can protect you but the nieve will only betray you.” His warning was threatening to come true, as she laid there trying desperately to heal while surrounded by freshly fallen snow. She really was embodying Señora de las Nieves… the lady of the snow. 

Shedding was a process that took a few days under the best conditions. Anita looked up at the soft snowflakes falling down on her scales and in that moment felt the depth of a loneliness she had never experienced before. Maybe it was knowing, with near certainty, that even if she managed to stay alive long enough to shed and heal that she would never make it back to the warm safety of her home on her own. And who would even miss her enough to come looking before it was too late? Was that the unavoidable fate of being so cold blooded? Her eyelids began to get heavy and Anita didn’t even have the energy to answer her own question. Her own coldness pushed others away and now the coldness of the world was going to swallow her whole like the countless creatures she had done the same to. 

[ my dog ate my therapist.. no wait ]

when: north dakota, july 2019 summary: chris has another therapy session but this one goes to the dogs. 1/5 stars. warnings: therapy session, anger management, death mention

"So, Christopher, are you seeing any improvements?"

"No, not really. I can't sleep and I still.. get so angry all the time."

"That's alright, it's normal to feel angry after what you've been through."

"No.. not this kind of angry. This is.. I don't want to feel like this anymore."

"Christopher, trust me. This is normal. You just need to let it out in a healthy way. I can give you a list of examples."

"That's insane.. I can't."

"Yes you can. Just feel the anger as it's happening. Let it flow through you, don't try to stop it. You'll feel better instead of holding it in."

"No, you don't understand. I can't! People will-"

"Yes, you can. This mantra has helped many of my patients and I want you to give it a shot. Just repeat after me: my anger does not define me."

"Doctor, you seriously don't-"

"Repeat after me: my anger does not define me."

"This won't work."

"Christopher. Repeat after me. You need to give this a chance."

"My anger does not define me... I don't see how this is going to help me.."

"Very good! My anger does not define me."

"My anger does not define me.."

"My anger does not define me."

"My anger.. does not define.."

"My anger does not define me, say it."

"..."

"You need to say it. This won't work unless you say it and believe in it."

"..."

"Why won't you say it? ... Why are you looking at me like that?"

"..."

"W-what are you doing? Christopher!? Oh my god, what ar-"

• • • • • • •

Death came quickly.

A disappointment for the creature, but still delicious all the same.

But for Chris, this would linger.

He woke up in his bed, confused and a mess. The bed was a mess, the window was broken — he didn't want to know what else he'd trampled through. He found her maroon cardigan by the window frame. It hung off a shard of glass; it too was ripped to pieces. Dark splotches stained the fabric. His heart started to beat faster.

He was the last person to see her alive.

He needed to leave.

CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT CHALLENGE 8: WHAT IF

The Bad Ending: Earth Date 8 July, 2046

Content warning for death

Daphne crossed her ankles and glanced away for a moment, not wanting to watch the legal representative chosen as the executor explain the details of Daphne’s mother’s will. Daphne’s father had passed several years prior, and Daphne had inherited very little at that time because they had been inherited by her mother.. Now, though... As Daphne had assumed, the majority of her mother’s assets were to fall to her, but there were complications. “In essence, to inherit your shares in Rux Enterprises, you will need to act as the chief executive and member of the board for at least three years- unless you have a spouse to take on one of those two roles for you. And if in those three years should the company become insolvent- which, as you know, the company’s assets are quite healthy- the chairperson of the board will be able to remove you from the board and from your position as chief executive.”

This wasn’t a massive surprise, but it didn’t mean that was what Daphne liked to hear. “There’s no way that I can appoint an acting executive? That I can’t appoint a team to run the company better than I could?” Daphne watched the executor shake his head. “And if I don’t take it, then most of the shares will be split between my cousins and the vice presidents?” The executor nodded slowly. “Of course, should you decline the positions, you will inherit the rest of your mother’s not-insignificant estate, with a small amount of shares in Rux Enterprises. If you were to invest appropriately, you would be able to retire comfortably for the rest of your days even without the controlling interest.” Daphne sighed, and drummed her fingers on the tabletop. “Fine, then. I’ll take the positions. May I have some time to make arrangements to adjust my current lifestyle before I assume the roles?” The lawyer nodded. “By the terms of the will, you have two months from the time you receive this information to officially take on the roles. Until then, this office is yours, as are the rest of the estate that does not come with conditions.”

Two months? Well, that wasn’t very much time. Without demonstrating a great amount of emotion, she thanked the executor, and dismissed him from the room.

She should tell her crew. She should feel something more than annoyance at her parents for this shitty situation. She should probably have cried at least once over her parents at some point in the last few years. But she couldn’t, really. Their love had come with conditions even before they passed. Daphne had tried to make her parents understand the gravity of their past actions- tried to make them understand how many lives they had ruined in their own selfishness.

Daphne remembered that time in 2024 when she went to her parents’ home for dinner and Makhaira Espionage was there as if the conversation on the KBW had never happened. Her mother had pulled her aside and suggested that it wasn’t too late to settle down, and she had a wonderful array of pre-qualified sperm donors on both sides of the family (as if Daphne had married Makhaira already) because it wasn’t too late to have a child. She had left the dinner abruptly after that. She called up Muffy in tears, and sang sad drunken karaoke at a dive bar all night before going home with a one night stand.

Needless to say, Daphne was thoroughly irritated enough at age 65 in 2046 after a lifetime of bullshit.

Fine. The first mate could have her ship as a gift. Daphne wouldn't need it anymore- not when her parents had their own personal ship. She’d move into her parents’ old house, but sell it for a less ostentatious place as soon as she found a better one. She would take on her parents’ empire built on lies and schemes to build something better. Of course Daphne would always be a pirate at heart, and the Galactic Union would probably want to pick a fight with Rux Enterprises as always, but at least she would be able to figure out how to make that stupid company run in a way that didn’t hurt people. And maybe she could lobby for those humans and their descendants from Tarryville to get to go home somehow.

As much as she had chosen to sacrifice to get this far, Daphne had done it all on as close to her own terms as she could. And she didn’t regret it. She didn’t regret forgoing her love life. She didn’t regret ‘failing’ to honor her parents.

Nobody had asked her to do it, but she knew it was what she had to do to make things right.

Solo Para||Stuck in my Head: Electric Boogaloo (Maddy/Adelphia)

Maddy set down her stuff in front of her grandmother's cottage and looked at Adelphia grimly. The place looked exactly like the one on the Isle and she took a deep breath trying to gather her thoughts.

"Remember that spell I did in high school? The one that put me in a coma for a few weeks cause I was stuck in my head. I'm trying again, I want to give myself a fresh start." She told Adelphia, completely calm about the situation. She had made up her mind when she decided to leave and Adelphia wasn't going to change it.

"Maddy, you said to yourself that you put yourself in a coma, why the hell would you try it again, especially knowing I was gonna follow behind you? What about the past few years?" Adelphia asked to understand her purpose there but she was in denial.

"The past few years?! The past few years have been shit! I would have preferred the Isle over this, I'm tired of not being okay Adelphia! I'm tired of being let down, of people leaving and not being able to handle it!  Even you left and this whole crusade about being a good friend is because you don't have anyone to run to but your sister now and you fear her. You're just as alone as I am but I make you feel better because I'm worse off than you. " Maddy spat at the taller girl and started to set up the spell.

Adelphia stood there stunned at the sudden call out. She clenched her fist upset about what she said but she didn't speak up because it was true. Adelphia didn't have anyone but her sister to go to. That option in itself was a bridge she was too scared to cross. She knew Acacia cared about her but the way she cared always ended in Adelphia being the victim. Then there was the fact that no matter how much she loved Stiles she didn't trust him to see all of her. She didn't trust him enough to let the wall down and he seemed okay with it being there. "You're right, it does make me feel better. Because being your friend makes me feel like I'll never be as fucked up as you. But if it was just that I wouldn't be here now would I?"

Maddy shook her head and ignored Adelphia as both of them set up the spell. Maddy looked over at Adelphia and sighed. "This spell is temporary right now. It'll only become permanent if certain factors are kept to a minimum. Also, I could have drugged you, but I decided you would be useful." Maddy mumbled, this was her way of saying that they were even. 

Adelphia smiled softly at that and nodded. "We're even then if you want to be. I won't promise you I won't leave again because that kind of promise doesn't do anyone any good. But I will promise to always be your friend, you have more than you think." She coaxed, it was a small last-ditch effort to make Maddy think about what she was doing. Even though Maddy wasn't erasing her memory they were playing around with her mind.

"I want to believe that but I can't. It goes deeper than what Mal, Uma, and my cousins did. I've convinced myself that you all are too good for me and my thoughts won't let me think otherwise. Why do you think I ran from Anthony all those years ago? Other than the obvious fact that he made it clear he wants someone royal." She laughed but there was no joy in her voice. She stood up and gently took Adelphia's hands. "Since we're both doing the spell it's gonna take a peek in both of our heads. If you have anything you wanna share before I get a third-person point of view, now is the time." She warned.

Adelphia shook her head. She was okay with bearing the inner workings and memories to Maddy. They both closed their eyes and muttered the incantation and both of their bodies fell to the ground with a soft thud. 

The scenery changed around them and they were in a bedroom. The room was practically bare except for a few things that distinctly pointed out it was supposed to be Maddy’s room like her jacket and the necklace that her father gave her. They watched the scene in front of them and Maddy sighed softly. “I was such an idiot for hoping things would work out when I knew I couldn’t be what he wanted and I hurt him. I want the whole relationship with him gone, we're not erasing them like I originally planned but erasing myself from it. So essentially I’m an outsider to my memories and we can start here with Anthony. The break up is a good place to start and then we can move on to the time I hurt him and go back to every moment I had alone with him.” Maddy stated, her voice wavering a little since it hurt to get rid of these memories but she was absolutely sure of this one. It took them a while to paint over her memories but once they finished there the scene around them quickly changed.

This time they were in a dark room and you could hear the sound of crying. Adelphia immediately knew where they were and did a quick look around to check the calendar. It was a few weeks back when Stiles had gone radio silent on her for a bit. Adelphia wanted to cover Maddy’s ears to keep her from hearing her sobs but she knew she couldn’t. When she peeked at Maddy she saw that there was a look of confusion on her face before turning to Adelphia but she didn’t verbally ask any questions. But Adelphia could see that she was questioning things in her mind.

“As okay as I am with Stiles being a busy guy and overworking myself, I do have insecurities in my relationship. Everyone does. I just thought that maybe I fucked everything up by not being open enough with him and the fact that our relationship sometimes seemed strained because he has his secrets and all but it’s fine. I don’t want to erase those insecurities I have. I’m aware I should talk to him more about it but there’s always the what-if. I guess it’s not really a what-if because I do believe he will leave me for someone ‘good’.” Adelphia opened up feeling like a small weight was lifted off her chest with that one since she had been carrying that around with her since she started dating Stiles. Maddy nodded to let Adelphia know that she was being listened to but didn’t say anything, which Adelphia was fine with. What could Maddy say when she was facing somewhat similar insecurities? They stayed there for a moment in silence as they listened to the rain pour and the sounds of Adelphia quiet sobs until once again the scenery changed for them.

Now they were outside in the forest and a few feet away from them was a younger version of Maddy and Yarrow. There was a deep wound on Maddy’s back that was bleeding out and it seemed like Maddy could barely hold herself up. “ I want this gone, along with every night I was in that hole. “ Maddy announced darkly. She wanted no part of this memory, it didn’t matter how important it was to her own relationship with Yarrow. Even the night she met him after coming out of that horrid hole had to leave. She knew this but for some reason she was hesitating. She just kept staring at the scene before them. That night she really had believed her grandmother had killed her and the thought of that hurt more than anything. Finally before the memories started to change again she rid herself of these memories. It was a past that no longer belonged to her and she didn’t mind that at all.

After that they kept going through core memories going back and forth like it was a movie. Adelphia never once considered changing things, but she did hate having to rewatch every moment of it. While Maddy was erasing a portion of everything in her life up until the day that she met Adelphia. It did worry Adelphia that Maddy seemed to have considered changing those memories too but it wasn’t her place to be upset and she knew that. They continued on up til the moment that Mal had put lye in Maddy’s hair and surprisingly Maddy made minor changes to that, just enough of a change that Maddy would feel comfortable having her natural purple hair for once. When they finished, Adelphia was even more worried than before Maddy had put too many holes in her memories and she wanted it to be permanent. Adelphia knew it was wrong and Maddy definitely deserved to be happy, but not like this would only hurt her friend in the long run. She decided she was gonna slowly and subtly use the others to break the spell, she knew the backlash would come and it would probably ruin their friendship but according to Maddy she was the emotionally stable and rational one so she was making the rational choice.

“Funny story now that I think about it and we’ve spent a few weeks just going through each other's memories and watching the most vulnerable reels. I don’t know how to get out of here. I figured your mental stability was the magic key, but you’re kinda like a depressed, burnout mom. That’s not emotionally stable. At least I wrote your boyfriend a goodbye letter for you. Considering your fears and insecurities about him does not bode well for either of us, when it comes to him reading it in a timely manner. I also left a vaguely threatening letter to Yarrow to stay out of my business and not do anything stupid after giving a horrible explanation of the fact that I probably got us stuck here forever but he has way too many family problems to read that shit. God I’m going insane.” Maddy laughed and sat down on the ground.

“Maddilyn Mim if we ever get out of here, I’m going to kill you and then bring you back and kill you again because what the fuck? You know I have a job right?” Adelphia looked at Maddy bewildered.

“A job you use as a cover to not cry yourself to sleep every night. Delphi I literally just saw your memories, have an apple mango lassi and enjoy the peace in our heads for once.” Maddy patted the ground beside her and Adelphia rolled her eyes and sat beside her. Maddy rested her head on Adelphia’s shoulder and they watched the memory of the sun setting.

Blindspot // solo

As he sees Effy in the corridor Israel slows his steps considerably as he takes in her expression. She never was good at hiding things and her poker face was terrible. Israel can tell something about Effy seems off, but he can’t place the feeling. As they drive in silence, he can no longer ignore the nagging feeling and finally he looks to her. You’re awfully quiet. He comments, pausing with a soft smile. You know, that’s my thing. He quips, still trying to keep things light between them as he inwardly reassures himself. You’re supposed to be the talkative one, Effy. He says, trying to gauge her reaction and that’s what concerns him. There is nothing there to reassure him. Concern shows in his dark eyes as he licks his lips and looks away. He starts wondering if he did something and then he feels that thorny pain in his chest again. Something he now identifies as fear. Something he hasn’t felt in so long. But this is a different type of fear. It’s a fear rooted in loss, abandonment, betrayal. 

But Effy wouldn’t hurt him. Effy wouldn’t abandon him. Effy wouldn’t betray him. That wasn’t Effy. Effy was compassionate. Effy was loving. Effy was home. 

As they got out of the car he looked to her then to the house, trying to keep his fears at bay as they stood at the threshold. When the door opens, he notes the vast emptiness. Are you redecorating? He asks with amusement, wondering what color Effy might paint the walls. Turning to look her in the face it feels like a gut punch when he sees her expression. His stomach dips when she says no and that she’s leaving. His brow furrowed in confusion at her words. Leaving? He repeats. The word feels foreign and heavy as it silently leaves his lips. She’s looking everywhere else but him. And he feels those thorns sink deeper under his flesh. He swallows hard as he clenches his fists at his sides, trying to clear that non-existent lump forming in his throat. He’s happy he doesn’t have a voice in moments like this because he’s sure it would become rough and break. 

He doesn’t cry. He just nods mutely as he feels those walls start to tremble and rise slowly within him. He might not be a good liar but he was a master at masking his feelings. Looking to the door he debates on dismissing himself. Yet his feet don’t move. He stays planted where he stands. ‘Yeah, run away with your tail tucked between your legs like you always do.’ His brother’s voice growls in his head. All he knows is fight or flight. He knows he can’t fight Effy on this. Nothing he says can make her stay. Instinct tells him to flee but he’s rooted in place. He won’t desert her. He can’t. It’s not who he is. And that’s what he hates the most about himself. For a criminal he’s nauseatingly loyal to those who earn his loyalty. 

This thorny pain radiates in his chest like barbed wire, his hand lifting to scratch at his chest reflexively. A feeling he has come to distinguish as fear. There’s no safety in Covaire now. Every one of his safe havens have all but deserted him in this nightmare of a city. Now he’s left to fend for himself. He has no one to seek refuge with now. No one he can confide in. He was truly alone. How foolish of him to think that he could trust anyone within the city walls. 

As Israel stands there stiffly, he looks around the near-empty house that was once vibrant with life. It now reminds him of a corpse. Every inch of life is picked clean by the vulture called Covaire City. Instead of radiating safety and warmth, the empty walls remind him of his cell. The young wolf can’t help but feel slighted. Betrayed almost. Why did he find himself in these situations? Why did he let them get close to him to only have them leave him high and dry? Was he just a toy to them? That was his first mistake. How foolish he had been to trust anyone in Covaire. His second mistake was thinking they actually cared about him. What was he thinking? He was a criminal. Yet, according to Effy, even criminals were deserving of kindness. Deserving of love. That’s what really killed him.

These thoughts spun webs in his head as he tried to make sense of the situation before him. At least Effy had spared him any reassurance. No amount of reassurance would make things better. In fact he was sure it would only make things worse. He could practically hear his own heart shattering in its flesh and bone prison. Yet, his face betrays nothing. He can feel himself dissociating and slipping away from himself. Ever silent he follows her through the barren house as he slips into a numb headspace and becomes what he hates. A prisoner. 

As his body hits the mattress Israel is no longer himself. No, he’s just a warm, silent body filling the void for a client. Mechanically he runs his digits through Effy’s hair as she sobs against his chest. He comforts her the best he can. But He cannot help but feel a tinge of anger. He’s the one hurting. Why is she crying? She’s not trapped here like him. She’s leaving it all behind, him included. While he’s left in this city to rot with a bomb strapped to his neck. 

Is that selfish of him to think this way? Should he be thinking these thoughts?

Here Effy is crying. Yet, he can’t help but think of himself. And his pain. Laying there in silence, her sobs give away to words that bring him back to reality. She wants him to write to her. He stirs to life. His chest heaving a sigh as he closes those pained brown eyes. Those thorns spreading in his chest are making him want to tear off his flesh. He wonders how long she’s been planning this and why didn’t she tell him sooner? What spurred this decision? He wants to ask but doesn’t because it’s not his place. Effy owes him nothing. He’s not hers and she’s not his. Now he’s left to lick his wounds alone. There’s probably a reason she didn’t tell him sooner. Unless, he was an afterthought to her. Either way he’ll never know. 

Instead, he thinks over her question and nods in silence. Will he write to her? No. He has no intention of writing to her. Or reading her letters the more he thinks about it. Everything he writes will be read by the guards and he doesn’t want that. Nor does he want to hear about life outside these walls. No doubt it will only spur pain and jealousy. But if saying yes in the moment will bring her comfort than he will lie. Because that’s what Israel does. He lies when he needs to even though it goes against everything he knows. Perhaps the city has changed him in more ways than he thought. It pains him to lie but seeing Effy upset pains him more. As they lay there, he combs his fingers through her hair. Remaining silent and playing his role like an obedient dog. He wants to beg her to stay but even begging is beneath Israel. He may be a dog, but he does not beg. But there is so much he wants to tell her, the words are just stuck within his marred throat. 

Opening his eyes slowly at her final request Israel cannot help but feel the knife plunge deeper. She’s requesting things that are near impossible for him. Like hell he would open up to anyone now. How can he be happy when any source of his happiness is constantly being taken away? When he’s being violated, broken, and used? How can he make the best of things in this role he’s forced to play? Did she just expect him to plaster a smile on his face and suck it up? As he lays there numbly running his digits through her hair, Israel feels like the air was taken right from his lungs. The request is a swift kick when he’s already down in a fetal position. One he takes with silent grace. Silently he longs for her to end his pain. It’s the least she can do. As he lay with her in his arms, he longed for nothing more than her hands to yank his heart free from its bone prison. To be freed from this lonely and painful life but he can’t bring himself to ask her. To beg her for a quick, painless death. One he wants only her to bring him and no one else. Instead, he lays there nursing the hole ripped in his chest. How foolish he had been to think that she would choose him. As very hour passes he wavers silently between asking her to kill him and staying silent. 

When the sounds of morning come Israel pretends to wake but his red-rimmed eyes betray him. Sleep never came to him. Not like it had when he had resided in these walls. Some part of him wished this had all been a dream. Pinching himself he was dismayed to sit up in the near empty bedroom. Slipping away into the shower alone, he locks the door behind him and looks down at the scars engraved on his inner thigh. The scars serve a purpos. He can't get tattoos. Through blurry eyes, a claw carves another mark into his flesh. They served as reminders for the dead and gone. They say time heals all wounds. But wounds scarred and scars were forever. Bandaging the mark and walking out he greeted Effy like nothing had happened.

Taking one last fleeting glance around the Fontaine household he had once regarded as a safe haven, he felt nothing but emptiness and dread as he let the door shut behind him. Getting into the car he stared out the window in silence. His body pressed close to the door and posture rigid as he stared forward. As the foreboding building came into view and the car rolled to stop, Israel turned to say a final goodbye to Effy. As he turns, he flinches as her hands pull him forward. Her lips crash into his and he tenses for a moment before relaxing into the kiss. It’s a kiss unlike one they’ve shared before. One filled with untold words. One filled with passion and pain. Deepening the kiss hungrily, Israel gently moves her hands to his collar. He longed for Effy to give him what Seth cruelly denied him. He breathes two words against her painted lips, eyes closing in anticipation of his painless end. Pull it.

Much to his dismay, his end doesn’t come. Instead, Israel is left sitting in the car embarrassed. And ashamed. Pulling away abruptly from Effy, he gets out of the car. Leaving the door wide open behind him for her to close in his wake. He trips up the stairs belonging to the Chateau, wanting nothing more than to just absolve himselfof his own mortification. He doesn’t look back despite feeling her eyes on him. And he knows she won’t come after him. But a part of him wished she would. Letting the darkness of the prison swallow him up, he holds back those stinging tears as he goes through the tedious process of the chateau’s mortifying strip search. No quip or sarcastic remark leaves him as he stands back up and is escorted back to his cell. With the door shut and the guards’ steps growing further and further, Israel felt the hot sting of tears burn his eyes. The hot tears streaming down the slopes of his cheeks as he slides down the wall onto the floor. 

Breathing becomes difficult and the walls start closing in around him. He dreads the faint, rippling feeling passing over him. Israel cries for help. But of course nothing comes out. And he realizes he's calling for someone no longer there. He's calling for Effy. His body starts seizing. Contorting violently on the stone floor like a fish as he retches and gasps. Choking on spit and vomit he looks up desperately at the guards as they watch on boredly. They think he’s faking it, that he’s being dramatic. Fuck them. His fingers struggle to grip the collar around his neck. Those trembling digits failing to grab hold and pull forward to set off the device. He blacks out after a few agonizing minutes. To only come to the land of the living alone in the infirmary. Much to his horror... he is still alive. 

Weight of Your Words || Solo

Timing: Shortly after learning about the Promise Bind, ~2 months ago. Location: Sullivan Law Summary: Portia grapples with the impact of her promises. Content Warnings: None

In the early hours of the day, when hardly any living creature is awake except a few birds and unsuspecting worms, there are few places more peaceful than White Crest. Or maybe it only felt that way to Portia because of the utter lack of peace in her life before she moved to this strange and spectacular town. This morning, however, was noticeably devoid of any peace.

It wasn’t necessarily because peace had been taken from her. Rather, a new layer of reality has been placed over her previous perception. Two simple little words. Two words that she had used countless times before. Yet in this instance, the weight of them was unbearable. This added weight did not come from the orator but from the recipient.

It was not even immediately clear to Portia that these words would hold such impact. Maybe she should’ve noticed the slight smirk on her client's face. Or rather, since she did notice the smile, she should’ve been more weary of its intention. But one month later that very client came back for help with a breaking and entering charge - coming to collect on the promise. And she hadn’t stopped coming back since.

“You’ve got some messages, dear.” Judith had been the legal secretary at this practice since her predecessor founded it. Her unruly gray curls and unflappable expression had become a constant comfort. However, Portia often wondered why Judith was still spending her days working. Originally, she thought it was Attorney Manus’ idea. A way to keep an eye on his practice even after he turned the keys over. But one year turned into two, which turned into three and Judy remained as dedicated and curt as ever.

“Good morning to you too, Judy.” The statement was free of sarcasm, as this had been the pair’s usual morning exchange for some time now. One might think the former big-city attorney would be the one itching to jump right into work -  but even when life felt overwhelming Portia always made sure to take time for the little things. Maybe especially then.

“It’s that aquarium girl again. Four messages. Four.” There was a twinge of irritation in her voice. Portia suspected that Judith had begun to realize the reason they never sent bills to “aquarium girl” was because Portia simply didn’t charge her. Rather, couldn’t charge her. “You know, you don’t have to take on every case that comes your way.”

Portia let out a soft sigh as she took off her blazer and hung it on the back of her office chair. “I do, though,” she paused, careful with her words. “I mean, that’s what this practice is. No matter what comes our way, no matter who walks through our doors we’re here to fight for them. That’s our only purpose.” Portia believed every single word with her whole heart. And she genuinely would help anyone who came to her in need… but this particular client, well, she literally couldn’t say no to her. Not about this.

“We’re also here to make money so we don’t go out of business … but you’re the boss.” Judith placed the four messages down on Portia’s desk before walking away, signifying an end to that particular conversation, before continuing on with new matters. “You’ve got district court at 9:00am and then you’re meeting with that new client who’s in county waiting arraignment on that murder charge at 1:00pm.”

“What would I do without you, Judy?” Portia sat down at her desk, the weight of the messages looming over her until she picked up the phone to return the calls.

Location: Fairy Trail When: Thursday, July 14th 11:00 PM Who: Julia Escarra (solo para) Notes: Julia can't stand to be in town so she goes to grieve on her own.

It came in flashes.

Memories flooded, fading silhouettes of a group of kids. The distorted sound of laughing and shouting. She saw Jade’s bright eyes and sparking smile. 

It passed like a montage behind the closed lids of Julia’s green eyes. It seemed worse now that she was laying down in the middle of Fairy Trail. It was memories of her best friend. Of the times they would laugh together. Countless sleep overs. Teasing her over Ledger or watching Charles crush on her from afar. It was holding Rowan for the first time. It was everything. There wasn’t a scene in her life story that Jade wasn’t here. And laying here in Fairy Trail, the memories seem to hit her deeper and faster. 

Ledger had been right - Jade loves this place.

No - loved. 

The tightening of her heart, the burning of her lungs and twist of her stomach were not new to Julia Escarra. No, she had felt these same things when her folks had passed away. 

Jade Parker was dead.

Dead.

Murdered.

Julia let out a sob.

It should have been her. Jade was dead because of her fucking fault and she was too much of coward to tell anyone. 

That night she disappeared, they were supposed to get their hair done together and then grab dinner and go dancing. That was the plan. They had it in the books for months. Girls night. And Julia had cancelled an hour before. Not for a shift - not for any good reason.  Archer had called - asked her to come over. Julia could almost hear her friend’s words.

“You’re such a loser! You owe me Jules, and I’m telling you, you’re gonna fall in love with that man if you’re not careful but go have fun and be SAFE! I’ll see you tomorrow for brunch.”

Jade never made it to brunch.

A bitter laugh from Julia’s mouth - Jade had always known her so well. And yet, her friend had never been mad at her for ditching.

While Julia found herself in Archer’s bed, her best and oldest friend, had been taken. And then killed for no good reason.

If she hadn’t been alone, if Julia had been a decent friend, Jade would be fine. She wouldn’t have been found so tortured. Jade wouldn’t have died scared. Rowan, her six year old niece, wouldn't have to grow without her mother. 

Sitting up, Julia wiped at her eyes and looked down at the bottle of tequila in her hands. She knew what this was. It was the start of the same spiral from five years ago. And yet, she gave two fucks because her best friend was dead. 

Dead.

Murdered.

Fucking dead. 

She took a long swing from the bottle and then clutched  it to her chest as the familiar burn of tequila numbed the ache in her heart and darkened her soul just a little bit more. Her body quaked with the desire to sob and scream, but even as her eyes glistened and tears trailed down her cheeks, Julia didn’t make a sound. 

With eyes trained to the million of twinkling stars, all she wondered was which one belonged to Jade now. 

“I’m so sorry, Jade.”

THAT DANCE | SOLO

who: Rachel Berry (Mentions of @brettanderson835) what: Rachel nears the end of her shift and is eager to go out with Brett- but the universe is an asshole. where: Shooting Stars warnings: violence, drugging, bad vibes

Rachel enjoys her job. She enjoyed the spotlight, the attitude of the women she was surrounded by, and for the most part she even enjoyed the customers. She’d yet to run into any funny business and it had been a big concern for her when she’d moved to Orlando and started up stripping but she felt pretty safe thus far.

Brett coming to the strip club changed everything. At first the realization that he knew about her work had made her nervous. He liked it though, a lot, and she liked that. It made the dancing come easier. She wanted to practice and come up with new acts, and it felt more joyful than before, when all she could care about is how technically sound she was being- like the men actually cared about that. 

The only part of her job she found herself struggling with since her time with Brett is private time with customers. She found herself distracted and forcing herself through the motions- before it had happened only sometimes, it happened to every dancer, but it felt constant now. The only person she wanted to entertain is Brett and she is very aware how every man she performs for is not him. She’s still doing her job, she was still being tipped, and the moment a customer complained would be the moment she would take a step back and decide if its really what she should keep doing.

Typical Rachel would avoid the idea of changing jobs until it’s absolutely necessary .Avoiding would always be her immediate way of coping- which had been causing a lot of trouble for her as of late, but she’s stubborn and wanting to focus on only what made her happy.  

Which is exactly what she’s thinking about as she’s nearing the end of her shift. She had just an hour more before she could meet Brett out in the parking lot and as she notices a space at the bar open up she approaches the familiar bartender with a smile. 

“Can I just get some soda water with grenadine” She says loud enough to be heard over the music and over the group of drunken men that were now approaching the bar. It was actually beginning to repulse her but she smiles anyways. She could at least try.

“Starlight, right?” The man is standing beside her a little too close as he holds a bill out towards the bartender as Rachel’s drink is placed onto the bar. It’s just the right color red and she’s transfixed on it for a little too long. “I was talking to you.” She hears his voice again and she turns her attention to the man. 

He looks vaguely familiar. A lot of people did at the club though, “Sorry. It’s a little loud. Are you enjoying yourself?” She finally grabs for her drink, ignoring the way the mans hand pulls back and he shoves the money back in his pocket, forgetting his drink which Rachel blames on the bartender ignoring him and dealing with the customers on the other side. 

“I’d enjoy it more if I could finally get that dance with you.” 

She doesn’t catch his tone and instead she tells him what it costs for a private dance. “I’ll wait for you to drink that.” He tells her and Rachel thanks him. The club seemed to just keep filling up and she’s almost grateful she’d hopefully fill the last of her time with only one person. There would be no error in her getting out on time. Which meant getting to Brett sooner and that is really the only thing on her mind.

“I’ll be right behind you.” Rachel says with a smile, that doesn’t quite reach her eyes. “Over there, is where I’ll meet you.” And she points over towards the area of all the private rooms. She puts the drink to her lips and he smiles and doesn’t move. 

She had wanted to avoid the awkward interaction as she finished off her drink in a rushed manner, but he doesn’t give her a choice. A hand goes up under her chin to avoid any liquid that might slip out and she drinks quickly before putting the empty glass on the bar. 

“You can follow me then.” And he does, handing the money to the right person before Rachel is leading him into the darkened room, with the right mood lighting. All Rachel can really think about is her night with Brett in one of these rooms and it has her smirking to herself. 

“Dance for me.” He demands, sitting himself in a chair. She wants to talk back but instead she saunters over to the tiny little stage, hoping she can let the music take over when her hands finally grip the gold pole.

For the most part Rachel is able to focus on the beat and the guy is just watching her. She can feel his eyes but she tries to ignore it because he’s literally paying to watch her and it shouldn’t actually bother her. She’s just ready to be done and dancing with Brett and avoiding anything that didn’t bring her joy. 

“Do you even want to be here?” He’s standing and Rachel slides down the pole upside down, blood rushing to her head, as her hands reached out to flip her back on her feet. 

“I don’t do things I don’t want to do.” 

“My lap. Sit on it. Dance for me.” 

He confuses her. But his voice isn’t raised. Maybe he’s just a weird guy who can’t communicate in a way that makes sense to her. It wouldn’t be the first time and it would likely not be the last.

“Yeah, okay.” Her chest feels a little heavy but she approaches him and starts to dance on him. Her body feels weird but she pushes it out of her mind, knowing she’s just antsy to see Brett. His hands reach out to her hips and she peels them away. “No touching.” Her voice is firm but his hands just move back to grab at her again. 

“I give three warnings.” Rachel says again, this time pulling his hands and moving her body away to face him. She’s fairly sure the door will be opening any minute but doesn’t say that to him. 

“One more chance.” Rachel tells him, suddenly aware of her body in a way she had not been before. She didn’t like it but couldn’t explain it- it wasn’t anything she’d ever felt before. 

“One more chance or what?” He echoes back crudely but he’s standing to tower over her and his hand is wrapping around her throat roughly. He’s not caring about not hurting her or causing damage- in fact he’s focused on the hurt she had caused him when he’d tried to get a dance previously and she’d chosen someone else. The same guy he’d see her kiss earlier in the night outside the club. 

Rachel is grabbing at his hands, scratching at him as she screamed out- though she isn’t sure any sounds came out. Her body was feeling heavier and heavier and eventually her hands dropped from his arms too focused on the rushing thoughts in her brain. Where was security? Why is this happening? Why does she feel so weighed down? “You should be more careful about leaving your drink unattended.” She makes out as she actively tried to keep her eyes open and get him off- but it felt harder and harder the more he squeezed. 

She thinks he drugged her, their time at the bar running through her mind, when the door to the room is finally swinging open. He releases her throat and shoves her to the floor, putting his hands up. 

She’s screaming for Brett but can’t hear her own voice. She can’t figure out if she’s actually speaking at all.

Coronation Day: Part 1

Cora stood in her dressing room, arms held out to the side as two ladies in waiting helped her with the complicated gown. While Cora had gradually begun to wear more and more of the traditional layered attire as she spent more time in public, running her campaign to persuade Ben and the rest of Auradon to cede her queendom back to her, this gown might be the most complicated she would wear in her entire life. Consisting of thirty-five layers of silk and velvet, it was studded in rubies, garnets, diamonds, and onyxes, cloth of gold and silver creating vibrant embroidered symbols on the bodice. Some were characters in Wonderlandian, some were features of the Four Great Houses, but the largest was the emblem of the House of Hearts. While Wonderlandian fashion was always more eccentric than that worn in Auradon, this gown was extravagant, even by Wonderlandian standards. But that was fitting, as it had once belonged to Ilystrezana of Wonderland, first Queen of Hearts. Legend held that she had worn it to her coronation, and certainly, later portraits of the day supported that assumption, but archivists couldn't be sure. They had been able to date the gown to Ilystrezana's lifetime, but while it may not have been worn on the actual day of her coronation, it had become tradition for any female descendants to wear on it on the day of her own ascension. Now, startingly, it was Cora's turn. She gazed at herself in the mirror, trying to find the frightened, nervous princess who had first attended Auradon Prep so long ago. Instead of the brokenhearted and bitter girl who had felt betrayed both by her friends- for Mal, Jay, Carlos, and Evie had left the Isle and never looked back - and her health- for she could never control her slips -she saw a determined woman ready to give herself, body and soul, for her country. Cora had defied all odds.

For years, the Princess of Hearts had been the object of taunts in school, then later, a smear campaign (started by Audrey, she suspected), designed to present her as a crazed killer unworthy to be in Auradon itself, let alone worthy of the throne of Wonderland. She'd sat in her dorm, in disbelief as she scrolled through InstaRoyal, reading the hashtags and playing the reels, utterly despondent as she listened to the opinions of commentators on the news. Unsurprisingly, many supporters of Alice clung to Audrey's tale, and further conservative Auradonian nobility- those who had opposed the taking of Isle VKs to the mainland in the first place -ran with it. "How could we ever allow another Queen of Hearts?" Snow White had queried, "We've seen what the last one did. Sympathy for a child is one thing, but putting power back in the hands of that family- are we ready to risk that?" "How is this any different to bringing down the barrier?" Queen Leah had sniffed, "We may as well give the girl her daggers back and tell her ourselves to behead us! This is not a decision any of us can condone." Then there were the anonymous comments, supposedly from students: "I've seen her slips. Are we going to let a psycho be queen?" "How is she supposed to rule when she's falling to the floor all the time, seeing colors that aren't there? She calls it 'slipping off the edge of sanity,' but what happens to the rest of us when she's not sane?" Cora had hurled her phone at her vanity mirror at that jab, the silver shattering as she'd burst into tears. While it was true she'd cried that night, the next day she'd already realized she would have to continue. Since the reality of the situation didn't matter to these people, since everyone else's claim to their thrones- their royal blood -seemed to be irrelevant in her case, she would need to not only assert her birthright. She would have to assert herself.

~

Cora had started small, creating a Wonderland club at Auradon Prep. Ever the loyal best friend, Haylie had come with her, and Mason, ever the supportive boyfriend, had used his charm and wit to make the meetings the talk of the school until other students- some out of curiosity alone- started to show up. They studied Wonderlandian, played croquet, and prepared tea. Rarely, politics were discussed, with Cora adding insight she'd heard from her parents and Henry in order to counteract Auradon's propaganda in the textbooks, but also acknowledging the rationale of the Duchess of Spades, Kayla's mother (as for Kayla, she had an open invitation to the meetings, but Cora knew it would take time for her to feel comfortable attending given the girls' complicated friendship and feelings towards their heritage). Over time, she'd managed to get Chad to come, and Evie attended every once in a while. While Evie had never formally apologized for leaving her on the Isle, when the Evil Queen's daughter offered to help the club replicate some traditional Wonderlandian attire for their first visit to the realm, Cora knew it was her way of saying sorry. The club visited the queendom every few months (always under strict supervision from Fairy Godmother, for the land still had pockets of turmoil), but Cora snuck away far more often. The princess took care to speak to the Wonderlanders in their native tongue whenever possible, actually sang to the flowers, and went from village to village. She could not truly criticize her mother's actions while the Queen of Hearts still lived- and given the sophistication of Palaterra's old spy network along with the queen's post partum psychosis, Cora could somewhat understand Ardenzana's paranoia all those years ago -but the fact of the matter was, the average Wonderlander had suffered under the civil war. A true queen would try to alleviate their suffering. And so Cora tried, going from town to town, painstakingly rebuilding structures from rubble, taking most of her allowance (all the VKs had a meager allowance granted them by Auradon Prep, supposedly to help maintain their tuition) and giving it to the still-living families of soldiers (on both sides) who had fallen in Wonderland's civil war. Audrey had chattered this was nothing more than a PR exercise and bribery, but Cora honestly knew of no other way she could help as a student. The Princess of Hearts and the Princess of Auroria had nearly come to blows over the debate, but Audrey managed to refrain, citing etiquette, and Cora blinked as hard as she could, bidding the neon to recede from the corners of her eyes. When that didn't work, she ran into the corridors and hid until it was over. ~

Perhaps most shockingly, Cora then visited the homes of known Alicists and supporters of the White Queen. Cora did her wickedest to ignore the propaganda of her own childhood during these visits, because rebellions and wars did not flourish in a happy populace. If Ardenzana had- wittingly or unwittingly -created circumstances where war could break out, where her claim could be questioned, and where people could die like pawns on a chess board, Cora saw it as her duty to identify the circumstances and fix them. There was no other way to do this without speaking to them. "I don't like you going there alone, Angel," Mason had told her. Her boyfriend lounged behind her on his bed, one hand tugging at her curls as she leaned into his shoulder. "I know you don't, but some of them already think of me as a violent pretender. How do I get them to respect me if I see them with my mischievous, wizard boyfriend at my side, ready to turn into a dragon at the slightest hint of danger?" Mason raised an eyebrow, "There are many reasons they should respect you, and while yes, your taste in me as a boyfriend is definitely one, I worry you could be walking into a trap, Angel." "You don't think I can defend myself?" Cora asked, turning her head to face him in surprise. "I know you can," Mason reassured her, planting a kiss on her forehead, "but I don't think you should have to. Nor do I think you killing them would help you. Even if it were self-defense and you'd walked into an ambush, they'd be seen as martyrs, and that wouldn't help you in the end." Cora froze, "The end?" While she and Mason had been seeing each other for nearly a year now, the concept of having a partner to rely on was still new to her. She loved the light he brought into her life, the pranks, the playfulness, the kisses- God, his kisses -but the way he spoke was so...final. This wasn't about tests and studying anymore, or things she'd expect an "average" boyfriend to do, like helping her reputation around Auradon Prep. If she was understanding him correctly, this was about kings and queens on an international level. Which meant Mason appeared to want to stick around. And after everything that had happened with Raphael and Hakon, that was something she hadn't let herself dream about. Not truly. She'd always thought they could take on the world together, but she'd never thought he'd actually stay. Mason blinked, "You getting your throne back, of course," then, with a smirk, he added, "Plus, I am looking forward to a much larger bed in the palace." He'd kissed her as she gaped at his audacity. ~ Cora had ended up conceding the Mason could keep watch in the trees, though he was not to turn into a dragon unless things seemed truly dire. Mason insisted she ingest a potion that would depict a replica of the proceedings inside the cottage for him, and while it was not nearly as delicious as Mim's Mercury, Cora agreed. She'd downed the liquid as she sat atop Henry, slipping the vial into her pack. Her Bandersnatch friend had agreed to let her ride him to her appointment- she needed to simultaneously show that she was not to be trifled with, yet also had respect for Wonderland (with Wonderland showing her respect) -and she stroked his spotted coat once for wicked luck. Good luck, Henry had told her, but be prepared. You will hear things you may not like. Cora nodded, ruffling the fur behind his ears one more time. "Thank you," the princess whispered. "Corazana?" Cora turned to face the man exiting the cottage before her. Somehow, he managed to make her name sound like dirt. While nominally he had asked her a question, it was clearly a statement, and his opinion of her- and her family -could hardly be lower. His dark hair was flecked with streaks of gray, and his blue ears were hard as ice: "I thought we agreed there were to be no shows of force today." The princess swallowed, schooling her features into a smile as she slid off Henry, "We did-"

"Then why are you riding a Bandersnatch?" Cora blanched with surprise, "This is Henry. He's a friend. We met when I fell down a rabbit hole years ago. I asked him to give me a ride today because I didn't want to be late," regaining her composure, Cora nodded, "The distance from Auradon's major rabbit hole to your home is far, Elatus. I want to thank you for seeing me today. I meant no disrespect." Seeing Elatus was still clearly suspicious, Cora removed her daggers from her person, sliding them into a second pack Henry had obligingly worn around his neck. Cora's spine prickled with unease- it felt like she was removing some of her own limbs by taking off the daggers -and she knew it made her vulnerable. But Elatus had said he'd never meet with her if she wore her weapons, and Cora could only pray the Alicist leader was as honorable as he thought himself. Otherwise, she would end up dead. Cora spread her skirts, showing Elatus clearly there were no weapons hidden in the petticoats or pockets, then bid Henry to go wait with some of the singing flowers in the grove. "You'll forgive me if my trust in the House of Hearts is minimal," Elatus said. He reached for Cora's arm, yanking her forward and beginning to search her garments himself. Cora held her chin high as she submitted to the breach in protocol, just barely shaking her head at the tree where she knew Mason was hidden (and had to be fuming). The leaves in the tree had only barely stopped shuddering when Cora met Elatus' gaze with a curt: "I hope even if your trust in my House is minimal, your trust in me is at least somewhat wickeder?" Elatus conceded, "Not a chance, but I am glad you respected the agreement." He gestured for her to enter his cottage with an exaggerated courtly sweep of his arm, and while Cora's instincts screamed at her to search him in turn, she knew that if she sunk to his level, she would lose any chance of gaining Elatus' insight. Cora swept into the cottage. It was simple, by Wonderlandian standards, made mostly of stone with a thatched roof. There were few pictures on the walls- none of Elatus or his family -just a few photos of a blonde little girl Cora had been raised to hate and the Alicists saw as a hero. Idly, Cora mused they were likely both wrong- Alice, in the pictures, appeared to be an oblivious child. She was so...young, hardly either the dashing head of a Rebellion the Alicists saw her as, or the blatant lawbreaker the Queen of Hearts viewed her as. Shaking her head, Cora refocused on the situation at hand, raking her eyes over the rest of the interior. The chairs and seating were low to the floor in Wonderlandian style, and a tea set was laid out, smoke already curling from the liquid. Cora frowned. It would be rude of her to refuse him- and he was clearly hoping she would, so he could cite breach of tradition -but it was also possible he had poisoned it. She had no way of knowing, and comforted herself slightly with the thought that if it was poisoned, Mason was nearby (whether with potion or true love's kiss, she had no doubt he could revive her). Elatus shut the door behind her with a click, then took his seat at the head of his table. He stared at her, his gaze cutting. He was clearly doing his wickedest to irritate her, trying to trigger the famous Hearts temper. While Cora could not deny she was annoyed, she also wasn't going to fall into the trap so easily. Accordingly, she smiled, ignoring the breach of etiquette by him sitting down first, gracefully settling into a pillow. "I would say 'welcome,' but we both know that would be a lie," Elatus began. He gestured for Cora to pick up a teacup, and firmly reminding herself that if the former Alicist leader tried to poison her, Mason was nearby, Cora managed to still the shaking in her fingers as she picked up the cup and took a tiny sip. The liquid burned her throat- and goblins, how she hated the taste of tea -but now was not the time.

To All The Years I Had Before

A solo para written by Zendvyaa

27. That's where I am now. Not just 'what age' I am. But, where. I know that it might not make much sense, but, it's how I feel. You know what they say; "It's about the journey, not the destination." And that rings true for me. 27 years young today, and I feel like I've accomplished so much more than I could ever imagine.

It all started that the California Shakespeare Theater. If it wasn't for my Momma Bear, Claire taking the opportunity to become House Manager for Cal Shakes - that's what they call it -, then I might've just continued to be a quiet kid. I mean, I went from a shy kindergartener that had to repeat the grade due to just that, to a kid that found the spotlight, and never let it go. Thanks to my Mom being the trouper that she is, taking the job to support herself and my Dad as teachers themselves, I was able to pursue my theatre classes. If it hadn't have been for that, I don't think that I would be where I am. That's just one of the things that I'm so grateful for. I mean, I was even cast as Little Ti Moune in Berkley Playhouse's "Once on This Island" in 2009.

I did so much as a kid. From playing basketball at age six, to dancing in a hip hop dance group called Future Shock Oakland at the age of eight, and my theater classes that I took along the way at Cal Shakes. These things helped shape me into not only the kid that I would be come, but the woman that I would turn into. I can't have one without the other. Basketball, dancing, and acting is apart of me now. Even if no one sees me doing it as much.

'The Effect of Gamma Rays on Man-in-the-Moon Marigolds' was not only a monologue I used to audition for the Oakland School of the Arts, but it was the same one I used when I auditioned for 'Shake It Up' on Disney Channel. Not only that, but dancing helped me land a Sears commercial at an early age with THEE Selena Gomez in 2009. It's crazy thinking about this now, because Selena and I are good friends now.

Things came full circle because a vast majority of the kids that were in that Sears commercial went on to pursue a career in the entertainment industry. Ross Lynch included. And to top it off, my 2009 audition for Shake It Up was originally for Cece, but they called me back to audition for Rocky Blue. My first major network show. My first character I played on tv. I'm so grateful. I still find the working title of 'Dance, Dance, Chicago' is so hilarious. Thank GOD they chose 'Shake It Up' instead. I digress. I was talking about full circle moments, yes.

The biggest full circle was how I went from dancing in the Sears 'arrive lounge' commercial with Selena Gomez, to having Selena Gomez sing the theme song to the tv show that I later became a lead on within the same year. A show about teenagers wanting nothing more but to dance, and wind up dancing in a popular local Chicago show called 'Shake It Up, Chicago!' Not only that, but I was apart of Kidz Bop 15. Also in 2009. I was in the 'Hot In Cold' music video if you're wondering. I don't wanna talk about how they didn't really use my singing voice. Matter of fact, I don't wanna talk about it at all.

Proceeding SIU, I was overwhelmed as a kid. Being thrown into the spotlight like that, and the show doing well was both a blessing and a curse. I wasn't really ready for it. Not like I am now. I mean, I still get overwhelmed, but I think I'm better at tackling those feelings now than I was before. From being on other shows on Disney Channel like Good Luck Charlie, and A.N.T. Farm, to doing many music videos for SIU as well as my own when I started my short-lived music career. The 'Something To Dance For' and 'TTYLXOX' mashup video is still one of my favorites. Oh, and 'Contagious Love'.

My DFTS and ZSwag era…..that…I loved that era. Did I mention on top of being a dancer, actress, and basketball player, that I loved the arts too. I used to draw all the time. If you scroll down my Instagram feed far enough, you are sure to find my old drawings. Not only that, but I loved to sing, and modeling became yet another passion that I started to have. I really blossomed from this quirky, high energy kid to this woman that knows her angles, can flow effortlessly from one click of the camera, to the next. I mean, have you seen the behind the scenes shot of my Vogue Italia shoot in June 2022? Not to toot my own horn, but…going from fun poses as a kid to what I'm able to do now just blows my mind!!!

Anyway, I love fashion. Even when I was in my 'ZSwag' era. Where being a tomboy who could rock high heels was everything to me. I still love that photo I took of myself with a pair of Jordan's on and heels. I look back at it, and laugh. That part of me never left. One minute, you would see me playing basketball, or skateboarding, the next, I was making the most out of the clothes Law and I were given on the red carpet. Which, by the way, were slim to none. No one wanted to dress me. No one at all. Not even during the SIU era. We really struggled for a while. Something really shifted for Law and I between the end of SIU and K.C., because you could see it. I went from wearing clothes from Kmart, to high end couture before I knew it!!I mean. If younger me knew that I would go from being an 'easy, breezy, beautiful, Covergirl', to now being the face of Lancôme beauty, from being the face/ambassador of Valentino, to the House Ambassador of Louis Vuitton, from rocking Momma Claire's handmade jewelry - I still do!! -, to being the face of Bulgari jewelry? Like???? That's HUGE! And I'm now the face of Smart Water as well??? I think she would LOSE IT!!! Just….

And Law… I'm so grateful for his light. He has been through a lot. He got really sick one time, which I won't talk about, but, he made it through. We always talk about how I found him so fabulous when Law worked as a personal shopper in 2011 while I was on 'Shake It Up!'. Things really just fell into my lap. We had a mutual friend introduce us, and the rest was history. Law has been my Fairy God Motha since I was 14, and doing the met as Cinderella and The Fairy God Mother in 2019 was by far, my favorite moment. I got to share that with him. Like…. I wouldn't be such a sought after name in fashion has it not have been for Law. Let's keep it real. I may do my own makeup for events, but Law keeps me together with the looks. I'm so happy to have him as my Creative Director. I will always support him in his career. Whatever he decides to do. We are thee dynamic duo, after all. As much as I love fashion, and although I did style him for Canada's 'Fashion' magazine, I just don't think I could exist in fashion without him.

After Frenemies, Zapped, and the success of SIU, I started to make my exit as a Disney star. Disney Channel asked me to come back, and Ieveraged that in telling them that I would only come back to Disney if I would be made as executive producer in whatever tv show they wanted to do next. That tv show being 'Super Awesome Katy', being renamed to K.C. Undercover. There was no way I was going to be on tv being called 'Katy'. No. 'K.C.' was just fine.

Sometime after that, I was able to land the role of Michelle "M.J." Watson-Jones. Keeping the secret that I was about to become the new MJ of the Marvel Cinematic Universe was one that was very hard to keep. But unlike the guy who plays the friendly neighbourhood Spider-Man (yes, that was intentional. Yes, I'm still brushing off the London that rubbed off on me. Hush.), I was able to keep a secret. That to me was such a massive role to land. Even though I might not be an important character to some people, I'm speaking about it, because although I left Disney Channel to technically still work for Disney through Marvel, Spider-Man: Homecoming helped lead me from K.C. Undercover to Euphoria. Which, is the show that I'm apart of now.

Anyone who knows me, knows how much of a Beyoncé fan I am. Being in the 'All Night' music video in 2016 is the biggest accomplishment for me. I met someone whom I've looked up to for years, I got to star in her music video!! And I know y'all have seen my Yoncé car dance video. I was acting up with Darnell when Renaissance dropped. There are several videos out there with me cutting up and having fun with Darnell, my personal assistant since K.C. Undercover, or by myself. Don't play with me!! The set of the 'All Night' music video was also where I met Amara and Chloe. Even then, I knew those two were destined for greatness. If I could have Beyoncé as my mentor? I'd be fainting every time we spoke. They're so blessed. I love those girls. They're really doing amazing things as a group, and as individuals.

Immediately after HOCO, I stayed in New York to Film The Greatest Showman, aka, TGSM with Hugh Jackman and Zac Efron. I had the time of my life. I mean…. the training I had to do to portray an aerodynamic Circus performer was intense. I hate exercising. Which, is something I remember mentioning in my 'Zendaya' app when that was a thing. When it comes to work though, I suck it up, and do the training. I like learning new things, pushing myself, and making each role believable. Anne Wheeler was pretty scary though. Performing trapeze isn't easy, but I just know she's working her butt off in the air to this day with Phillip Carlyle by her side. Aerodynamics is scary, though. I won't lie. And the music in that film? Ugh! Phenomenal. Benj Pasek and Justin Paul really deserved all the awards for what they created.

Voicing Lola Bunny in Space Jam: A New Legacy was very fun for me. I got to voice my favorite character, who wasn't sexualized. I love Lola, I really do. I love that that made her more about her passion, which is basketball, then to make her this weird sexualized cartoon. Thank God that at least in that film, she wasn't. Focusing on her craft and passion for basketball was far more important and meaningful to me seeing as I was a basketball player when I was younger. Yet another full circle moment.

I won't go through literally every tv show or movie I've been in. My point is, I'm grateful and blessed to have experienced all of them. I however, am vastly disappointed that the two films I was a lead in, Dune 2, and Challengers have been moved up to 2024. I obviously am in full support of the writers and actors strike of course.

Especially as an actress myself. I just wish that I could've gone to the Venice Film festival this year. I miss Venice. That's all. I do think it's rather ridiculous that writers and us actors have to beg Hollywood for fair pay. It's disgusting, but I will talk about that another day. 2024 is going to be here soon, and I hope everything gets resolved by then. I don't really know where Euphoria stands. I could go without the show coming back for a third season, really. I miss the cast and crew, of course, but with the writer and actor strike going on, and the fact that we won't have Angus Cloud there…. I just don't know what's going to happen there. I don't think it'll be the same. And that's okay.

Getting to be apart of Project Backboard a few days ago really hit home for me. I miss playing basketball for fun. I hope that the kids at Oakland Middle got something out of that more than just a 'wow factor' of having 'a celebrity (or two) at their school'. I just want to help nurture the children of our future to become the people they want to be. Following your dreams should be at the forefront of all that they do. I just hope that I was able to help give back in some way. Oakland will always be in my heart. I grew up there, so I will always go back, wanting to help, wanting to be a light in some way.

I still can't believe that I won my first Emmy at 24! I was blessed with the award for 'Outstanding Actress in a Drama Series' for Euphoria back in 2020. That was the craziest night of my life, knowing that I could win or lose, and the people who had the awards were standing outside of my house, waiting for the announcement. And two years later in 2022, I won the same award again for Euphoria season two. I'm so blessed to have just been in the same categories as the amazing women on both nights!

Right now, I'm just chilling. I still have my home in California. I do miss London, and I will miss the home I picked out with my ex, but I sold that months ago. I moved on, and it's time to keep pushing, keep working, keep grinding. There are always projects being worked on behind the scenes. Most of which are modeling jobs as an ambassador for the businesses I mentioned like Lancôme, Louis Vuitton, Bulgari, and Smart Water, they keep the lights on. Aha. Some things that I'm working on, I keep to myself. My fans know how private I am. They know what's up. If they need to know something, they will. Some things I can't share due to NDA's and things of that nature, but some things I like to keep to myself, because I love the element of surprise. You'll never know what to expect from me.

As I said, it's about the journey, not the destination. Being so young, and accomplishing so much is just…sometimes, I can't believe it. It's crazy. I still have so many years to go, and I'm not stopping soon. 27 cycles around the Sun. Many more to go. So to all the years I've had before? You ain't seen nothing yet. Happy mother fucking birthday to me!!!

Xoxo, Zendaya/Daya

~ Archive Edition via twitter.

Alright. I know that this isn't your traditional 'para', nor, is it how one is "normally" written. I really tried my best to write a para almost story-like. But, it wound up being like a letter from Z to Z, from the older Zendaya, to the younger Zendaya. Or technically from me, about Zendaya and everything she's accomplished, really. However you wanna look at it. She has done so much since her career started, and I just wanted to showcase that she has come so far.

There's no secret how much I love Zendaya. If you read everything prior to this, you should know that she's my favorite (vegetarian) Virgo. As a Scorpio myself, I love me some Virgos!! I used to rp as Lauren Keyana "Keke" Palmer years ago, another Virgo, and I love Michael Jackson and Beyoncé as well.

A bit about me; I used to be a big Selena Gomez fan. But, I think it's crazy that Zendaya was someone I thought of as 'cute' while I was in high school during Shake It Up!, but I didn't realize until much later in life that she was one of the many kids chosen to be in the nationwide Sears commercial casting that happened. I remember hearing about that, wanting to go so badly, but I didn't have the money or transportation to make it to any auditions sadly. And looking back at the videos now, as I was pulling references left and right, it looks like they wanted actual kids, not teenagers. ;-; Anyway…

I do appreciate you all if you read this far. I really do. I may not talk much to anyone, but that's just because I'm so used to being a lone wolf and an outcast. That doesn't mean that I don't care for anyone of you that I follow. I hold a lot of you in my heart, and think about you often, I just, again, am so used to being alone/lonely/a loner….. bad habits die hard, for real. But I do make it my business to show love when I can. Because even though I may not talk much, all I wanna do, is show love, and give love in return, because it's what I desire to have the most. Love.

I have a few fanstagrams dedicated to Zendaya. I even attempted to make a separate fan account on twitter that was actually a fan account and nothing more, just so I would look 'normal' to the Zendaya fans that follow me, but I simply couldn't do it.

'Zendvyaa' is my home, you know? It's where I show my love that I have for Zendaya as a fan, and as a writer who just wants to write; I choose to rp as Zendaya too. If you don't like it, can't get behind it, or whatever. That's fine. But if you can't understand that I too, am a fan of Zendaya, that just shows it in a different way? Then my account really isn't for you. I don't mean to be rude.

Anyways, I do plan on writing an actual para soon. I have these feelings that I want to write as Zendaya/Daya, that I want to get out soon. I hope that when it does come out, you all show kindness, love, and understanding.

Happy 27th Birthday, Zendaya!!! <3 Thank you, Daya's writer. <3

Back Again = Dongsoo

Dongsoo was back where he was supposed to be (for now). Having left the tour due to “homesickness” he told his parents the truth seeing no point to lie anymore. He switch out of the online program finishing out the semester on campus. However he was kind of bored, having spent time traveling and seeing the world he missed that opportunity. The routine of life did lessen his anxiety but he often daydreamed about what the next stop had to offer. That wasn’t to say the work was easy, it was . . .demanding to be a roadie. A lot of physical work and hidden responsibility. That was the trade off though because in his spare time he got to life a jetset life after long hours of work. However the stability he had did improve his grades and Dongsoo was active on campus being in involved in clubs and sports but there was this feeling like this wasn’t for him. He wasn’t sure of any path to go on, he was getting older and his time to shine was dimming. Maybe he could still “make it” but in a different way. When the semester ended he told his parents he was going back to Infinity. Though they had their worries they decided to let him go under the agreement he call them at the next stop should anything happen. Dongsoo’s return was mixed, some were frustrated he left while others were glad he was back. This time he had a plan, there was no way he could stay a roadie given his build. He wasn’t sure about trying to be in the spotlight but he did have the knowledge of behind the scenes work thanks to his upbringing. A stage manager was his end goal for the time and he worked his way up from roadie to sound and light crew, costume, a short stint in catering to finally assistant stage manager. His ability to gain’s people trust and work out deals where both parties benefited aided him greatly. Dongsoo did have his sights set on more senior position but he was “rest” for now. His age was almost a none issue except for when he had to be strict with his coworkers. He was one of the bosses whether they liked it or not, almost every department had to communicate with the stage crew to make sure the show ran smoothly or it appeared that way. There were so many issues that happened even before the show started it would drive some people up the wall not to mention the actual concert where this went south in 0.001 seconds. However he kept his demeanor calm and collected only letting his frustration out in private. One thing people did notice was that sparkle in his eyes wasn’t as bright. .. it was still there just dulled out. . .

GRINGOS DONT VOTE

oh jaiden

Solo Para(Ciel): Only One You Can Trust

Trigger Warning:Gore

Cecelia sat at her piano on the day of Halloween, her fingers resting on the keys as she played. The sun was slowly going down and she was trying to drown out the voices in the manor. The voices of the victims her father had over the years. While she had been sleeping that morning Claude had brought her to the house in Germany, the home that she was born in without her knowledge. If it wasn't for the dust that had clouded over the items in the house she would have never known, since this house was completely identical outside of the names on the graves outside.

" Cecelia."

The music stopped as she heard her name come from the voice that haunted her dreams and her nightmares. Slowly she got up and went towards the window and stopped to watch the last rays of sunlight. But in the window, she saw a reflection of her mother standing behind her. Ciel turned and to her avail saw nothing except the piano that she was formerly sitting at.

"Why did Claude bring me to this stupid house? He knows better than anyone that this house out of all my father's homes scares me on days like this. There's too much history." She said quietly as she closed the curtain, darkening the room. Ciel took a deep breath and called out for Claude and got no answer. She paused and tilted her head listening for footsteps, hearing none she left the parlor room and stood in the hallway.

"Claude?! Where are you? I need assistance getting back to my room. I don't have my cane!" She yelled out into the dark hallways and her voice echoed, which it had never done before.

" Darling, Cecelia, haven't you just become a spoiled mess." A woman's voice said behind her and she was shoved into a wall, knocking the painting that hung above her crooked. She looked up at it and it was a painting of her mother, yet there was blood coming out of it from her chest area. She turned back to look at the female ghost and saw her mother looking as beautiful in death as she was in life. She was still wearing her opera costume but there was a gaping hole where her heart should be. " Cecelia, you shouldn't be rude too, I'm your mother. I died for you and you can't even spare a hello." She walked up to the girl who was paralyzed with fear and guilt. Her mother smiled but it didn't reach her eyes as she pressed a hand to Ciel's cheek and caressed it gently. " I'm glad I didn't have to raise you, you would have ruined my career and then I would have been forced to leave you out in the woods to rot and die. But I guess I paid for my thoughts and sentiments when your father ripped-" She reached inside Ciel's chest and gently started to squeeze Ciel's heart as Ciel gasped in pain. "out of my heart. " The bitterness seeped into her voice as she squeezed Ciel's heart harder and nearly pulled it out until all the candles lit up and Claude's silhouette came into view for her mother. Fear overcame her and she pulled her hand out of Ciel's chest, while Ciel crumbled to the ground in pain. When Ciel looked up again her mother was gone and tears welled up in her eyes and she tried to grab onto something on the wall and pull herself up.

A wind came through and all the candles went out again, this time leaving Ciel in complete darkness. The howl of wind knocked over a mini chandelier snapping her out of her daze. Ciel ran, being slowed down by the fact that her depth perception was off and the darkness. She couldn't even call for Claude using their Faustian contact since that was in the eyes that were currently healing. She accidently ran down the wrong hallway coming to a stop when she saw a man staring out the window at a dead end. 

The man turned to face her and she could see the slash across his stomach where everything was falling out as if he had committed seppuku. Ciel tried to resist the urge to throw up as she stumbled backward. “Your father isn’t here to save you from this time. Someone has to pay for his sins. If he continued to work alone maybe just maybe our wrath wouldn’t be so POTENT.”

Ciel tried to back away when she was grabbed by the arms and kicked in the back of the shins. She looked up at her assailants, twins with holes through their heads from a sword. Ciel tried to hold back her screams as more ghosts came around cornering her and holding her hostage.

When the night was over and the sun started to come up Ciel was curled into a ball crying. Claude knelt in front of her and looked at Ciel’s face. He gently caressed a hand over her eye, healing it completely and restoring their contract then he pulled Ciel up and rocked her gently. “There's a mistress. The sun is up and Halloween is over. The ghosts have had their fun.” He whispered as Ciel sobbed into his chest. He petted her hair as he smirked but his voice came out more worried.

“Where’s your sister or that friend you were just starting to trust? None of them came running, I bet they haven’t even noticed your disappearance from their life. Since you have no one to love and to love you back how about I amend our deal? You can trust me to keep my word. After all, after tonight you realized I’m the only person you can trust. The only one worth trusting in the end.” He said to Ciel trying to coax out any trust that she had given to people in his absence. At that time he also realized that he liked this world, there were so many corrupt people here who acted all high and mighty and he was quite full of souls who were way more tortured than whoever found it in their heart to care for this brat. If he could have Ciel as his last meal on earth he would but that option wasn’t available to him unless Ciel agreed to it. “One year, if you can fully open your heart to someone in a year, to the point where you would die for them. I’ll work for you free of charge, but if not I take your soul. Does this sound fair?’

Ciel looked up at him confused since the deal left her at a disadvantage. “I don’t win anything from this.” She said quietly.

“You win freedom. Freedom from loneliness, your father’s sins, the lies of humans, the freedom of never having to risk the people you love. Your soul instead of theirs keeps you from heartbreak and guilt.  I’ll even add that find someone who loves you or will die for you outside of that alcoholic within a year and I’ll apply the same. It seems fitting with Auradon and their idea of true love. There’s no downfall either way. You either die for me or find someone who loves you more than you love me and live happily ever after with them. Do we have a deal?”

Ciel thought it over for a moment, still reeling from the night before considering the pros and cons. Then she looked into the Demon’s eyes and nodded. “Deal.”

A silly challenge from twitter I think

Based exactas

(Descripción en texto alternativo)