#so over people hiding what they love
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“Talking too much about fandom is cringe.”
Buddy! The world is a flaming pile of horse shit! Governments topple, natural disasters happen, fucking STARS explode! You yourself are a beautiful bundle of dead universe that will never exist again! Talk about what you love!
#fandom#so over people hiding what they love#talk to me about your fandoms even if I don’t know them#bc it’s cute af to see people love something
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Puyo/Madou, meet ISAT. ISAT, meet Puyo/Madou. I'm sure you have everything in common and this is not at all a completely random crossover of my two current interests
#dont look at Salde for rhe love of my sanity do not even percieve Salde i dint kwno what ifmf doing g#art#fanart#ISAT#puyo puyo#in stars and time#madou monogatari#kitscribbles#siffrin isat#sig puyo puyo#schezo wegey#arle nadja#ringo ando#sig really do be sig no last name#prince salde#their ages are different in this one. oldest to youngest - schezo > arle > sig > ringo > salde#you see that stubble on Sig thats baby stubble. thats unfortunate facial hair on a teenager#sometimes it works out for people still in their teens but not sig#Ringo is!! Perhaps a bit too young to travel!! She's basically a foreign exchange student#i have to admit all the roles and dynamics in ISAT are NOT 1:1 in this AU#i have it all mixed up#when i say sig and schezo are besties i mean theyre both awkward with people they just happen to have an understanding. also sig bullies him#Sig is he/they here!! I dont usually mess with canon genders (hella respect those who do) but honestly i just like it for Sig...#I still need to learn more about Salde but imma just go ahead and say that Salde is kid gender#Was tempted to hide Sig's lil hair thingies under his hat but then was like. Why would i do that#favorite joke in all this is that Schezo tried so hard to Change that he fucked up his own speech patterns and now socializing is. well#sig didnt shave before the loops and now he has to do that every time or suffer the teasing of his friends at some point in the house#thanks guys im going insane over here and youre laughing. going nonverbal now#How does Salde balance a fish on their head? uhhhhh well you see. have you ever balanced a massive bag of frozen peas#Salde doesnt cook but there's money in that fish. Nobody feels comfortable enough to ask a kid for cash but they WILL reward good behavior
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love the idea that post The Situation thomas is just increasingly obtuse when it comes to jimmy's feelings.
so when one day mrs hughes mentions in passing at how much easier it is to handle james now he's settled down, thomas is incredibly confused. and a little bit heartbroken too of course.
it gets even stranger when on valentine's day alfred sulkily asks jimmy how many cards he's sent that year and jimmy merely shrugs and smirks. mrs patmore chastises them for gossiping and announces that surely, jimmy's only got one to be sending.
then one night, most of the staff are enjoying a rare night off in the pub. as usual, a host of pretty girls surround jimmy, and one particularly brave one asks jimmy if he's got any plans on one of his half days. jimmy throws her a cheeky wink and says "sorry, darling, but i'm spoken for."
thomas starts feeling really rather hurt. he's known all along that this would happen eventually - that jimmy would eventually move on and find a nice village lass, but it still stings to hear it. somehow, it hurts even more knowing that clearly jimmy has fallen for someone but he hasn't even told thomas.
thomas puts on a brave face and elbows daisy in the side. "d'ya hear that? jimmy's kept that quiet 'asn't he?"
daisy looks at him with a frown and cocks her head to the side. "well, not really--" but before she can say anything else she's swept up into the rowdy conversation of the table.
a few weeks later, thomas and jimmy are alone in the servants hall, with thomas reading the paper in his rocking chair and jimmy tapping out melodies on the piano. the tune he's playing is sweet and gentle, and thomas finds himself swaying his head along. as the song draws to a close, a gentle round of applause sounds from the doorway.
baxter stands smiling. "let me call you sweetheart is one of my favourites. it was beautiful, jimmy."
jimmy blushes prettily and stands, closing the piano lid. "thank you, mrs baxter. good night."
after he's gone from the room, baxter enters to fill herself a glass of water. she smiles fondly at thomas. "he's so smitten you know. head over heels." she rolls her eyes affectionately.
it takes months until thomas finally figures out the truth of what's going on. well, to say he figures it out is somewhat generous.
he's in the servants hall again, this time feeling a little despondent with a cup of tea. jimmy had gone to the pictures with alfred of all people, their friendship seemingly improved since jimmy's given up on chasing ivy's skirt. thomas is resolutely not waiting up to make sure jimmy gets home safe. anna is the only other person still up, and she sits opposite thomas stitching one of lady mary's hemlines in companionable silence.
thomas dwells on his own thoughts for a while, until anna rests her sewing on the table and fixes him with a worried look. "are you quite alright, mr barrow?"
"hm? oh, yes anna, i'm very well thank you." he takes a sip of his tea to hide his moue.
anna looks unconvinced. "thomas," she says seriously, "is it-- have you and jimmy had a falling out?"
that genuinely surprises thomas. for all his worry and sadness over jimmy's as yet unknown love interest, they'd never fallen out. "no, no, of course not. he's just busy, that's all, which is to be expected now he's, you know," thomas waves his cup vaguely in the air, "courting the mystery lady."
anna chokes on a laugh. "the mystery lady?"
"yes. he's-- he's courting someone, isn't he? everyone keeps saying that he's... or suggesting that he's taken with someone." Thomas adds somewhat bitterly, "seems quite serious if you ask me. not that he's told me anything about it of course."
anna stops giggling and looks at him oddly. "thomas you-- you can't mean--"
"-- do you know who she is, anna?" thomas interrupts a little desperately. he's becoming tired of it all and he just wants to know-- how bad it is, for how long he's going to have to tend to his broken heart.
"thomas. thomas, jimmy's sweetheart is-- well, it's you."
"me?" thomas has a brief, sickening memory of his feelings before, and how miss o'brien toyed with them so badly. but he knows in his gut, that anna would never, and could never do that. he knows she's being honest, as confusing and terrifying as the statement may be.
"yes." anna smiles. "he's like a little puppy when he's with you. surely you've noticed? he gazes at you with stars in his eyes. he wants to do everything you do, and it seems like every other conversation is all about what you've been telling him this week. he only ever plays love songs on the piano when you're in the room. he laughs at all your jokes and he's not even glanced in the direction of a girl since last year." anna shakes her head. "i thought you knew and were just letting him get used to it."
"no i didn't -- i didn't know, i thought," thomas can feel himself blushing, "i don't know what i thought."
anna stands with a stifled yawn. "you make each other very happy. if you really didn't know, i think you ought to talk to him. good night, mr barrow."
"good night anna. and thank you."
thomas is left in the still and quiet of the room, watching the steam spiral up from his cup. a private and hopeful smile spreads across his face. yes, he thinks, nodding his head, perhaps we should talk.
#thommy#thomas barrow#jimmy kent#downton abbey#sorry what even is this#this is completely unproofread written in one sitting in lapslock#my apologies#thank u to freya for listening to me rant about this concept before telling me to actually write it out#just them being cute#them being in love#im so obsessed with the idea of jimmy being obsessed#like totally head over heels smitten down BAD for thomas#and thomas being like :))) we are friends now and i am happy with this situation i will never ask for any more#obviously he's hiding his neverending jimmy feels#but he's just :))) that theyre in cahoots now#meanwhile jimmy is like#crumbling because he's so in love#and everyone else around them is like ummmmmm could u be more obvious#like we're not even shocked anymore#0 people are surprised#fic#im tagging this fic but idk why because it isnt really its wordvom
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realizing im kind of a weirdo about laios and marcille
#possramble#ignore this im just babbling but#the thing is that like. i don't ship laios and marcille together. their relationship is so so important to me in that laios comphets himsel#and THINKS that he might be in love with her but he isn't and that's my insane obsession#platonic soulmates for real but they're so sweet together that i fully expect them to be shipped together#like i get it. that's almost the appeal for me. if dungeon meshi were any other series there'd be an epilogue where they get married#convention dictates that they're meant to be together as the male protagonist and his beloved female deuteragonist#but dungeon meshi DOESNT do that and i love it so fucking much they're the comphet besties ever for my strange little brain#like if i ever did an arranged marriage au it would absolutely be laios and marcille having a platonic political marriage and then just#the most insane mutual pining with marcille and falin while laios and marcille struggle their way into becoming best friends#the imagery of the king and his beautiful court mage being tender to each other and everyone thinking they're in love is like catnip to me#like yeah they'd be like that and have no idea people think they should be together and the subversion makes me so obsessed#the more people ship them romantically. the more i enjoy their platonic dynamic it's like some sort of weird comphet fetishism idk#people think they're in love and im outside the window like YES... YES!!!#but also the second i see stuff of them kissing on the mouth or fucking im like oh god no i went too deep in here i gotta get out#don't wanna see that. i'll go feral over the idea of laios and marcille being arm-in-arm like king and queen but they would not fuck.#i want marcille to be his default comphet beard and dance partner/plus one at official royal events but they're not kissing.#she's there on his arm because he's scared of the other noble women tryna get him and being a baby about it#and people see them muttering to each other and laughing and generally being very sweet and think that they're dating but they're not.#she's actually covered in hickies from falin underneath her dress and is gonna get dragon dicked right after the party is over#like she's in her bedroom and falin's helping her take her ridiculous dress off while listening to her complain about politics#and falin is the person she goes home to the person she falls asleep to and wakes up with#they're a triad of utter devotion to each other but only farcille's side of the triangle is romantic#it's almost like an open secret because they're not trying to hide it at all but people assume and are surprised to find out#like people are so right about her relationship with the toudens but with the siblings' roles switched#love of her life & irreplaceable life companion. does anyone get it#anyway. i don't know what's wrong with me#it bothers me that they're not the undisputed most popular het ship for marcille on ao3#it's unnatural. marcille being paired with any other man should be a fringe case.
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...😭
#i've never had a job in my own field that i've liked as much as i've liked my current one#the semester is ending soon and today i heard my contract will not be renewed bc the person i'm substituting will return to work after all#i've been feeling so tired and a bit poorly after the nokia arena show and i probably should have called in sick today#as i was absolutely useless today#and then after my only class today my students came to me with a gift?? 😭#a pink enamel moomin mug and some chocolate and a paper on which they had written nice things about me + a drawing of a dachshund 😭#and i burst to tears right there in front of them because i was so touched (and also because i'm just really really tired and emotional)#i'm so tired about having to apply for new jobs and having to start all over again#i'm so tired of having to do shitty short-notice substitutions again#i feel like i deserve better than that but on the other hand i fee like life's giving me exactly what i deserve and maybe this is it#i'm dreading the summer because idk if i'll have a job to go to in the autumn#and even if i did find something it won't be like the job i have now#also. it's may day eve and the weather's lovely#and i'm hiding in my apartment with the curtains closed so i won't see all the people going out and having fun with their friends#for me may day eve has never been like that. i've always felt so very excluded from those celebrations#on top of that i got yelled at by a bus driver and i'm the worst friend that ever existed#i'm trying to quit on whining about my sad little life but it gets so lonely#please know i'm not writing this for attention or pity. i know y'all have problems of your own and i'm just being a dramatic crybaby
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> looking for a tenma siblings relationship study
> ask the op if the study is actually about the tenmas or just treating saki like an accessory to tsukasa
> they don’t understand
> pull out an illustrated diagram explaining the difference
> they laugh and say “it’s a good relationship study sir”
> click the post
> it’s treating saki like an accessory to tsukasa
#project sekai#listen I love tsukasa as I love all the wxs members but i also love saki and cannot stand u people#don’t even get me started on when people fridge saki for contrived tsukasa angst. I’ll kill you.#i could also go on a rant abt how saki is so disrespected in general by pjsk fans#& as sm1 with a (less severe) chronic illness I do not appreciate how her illness is only explored in relation to how tsukasa feels abt it#but I think I would get too frustrated#gripping ur shoulders. read the doll story again.#also if ur talking abt tsukasa’s character & don’t mention saki u have automatically failed#before any of his relationships saki is the most important like it’s not subtext it’s literally just text#did we forget the dazzling event where he finally has a breakthrough in his role bc he talked to saki.#or the main story where he’s like yea saki is literally the reason I pursued acting#or the doll event where he’s despondent bc he thinks saki is mad at him & then when honami comes to his school#his first reaction is to sprint over like WHAT HAPPENED 2 SAKI IS SHE OK (sprints home)#or saki canonically being his no.1 fan. smh. u cannot separate them. and why would u want to. they’re so funny.#+ saki saying he made her hospitalizations more bearable. picking up on his mannerisms. crying during the doll festival bc they had a fight.#the dolls being her favorite things bc of how it symbolized their bond.#the complex tenma sibling mental illness web in general makes me crazy.#saki is like I love u but I wish u wouldn’t worry abt me so much and rely on me more & then tries to hide issues to make him not worry#tsukasa is like I’m always worried abt u and I don’t want to burden u because I feel like I need to always be a rock for u#ough. love them.
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had an odd dream that i was reading a comic book. sketched a couple of the pages i could remember.
#i might adapt this into an actual story because i am SO SO SO mad that it isn't a thing i can go back to reading#oc#im definitely keeping the concept of save-bot i fucking love save-bot he's just doing his best. i love a robot who wants to help people#im not equipped to be writing about underground rebellions with any sense of real tact though#besides its in a superhero universe/story so you know it would just be so sucks lol#sketch#god the colors were so interesting. the teal parts were all very precisely crosshatched and the fire was this gorgeous brush pen looking#colored inks that just seemed like they were MOVING#and i mean some of that was because i was dreaming but god even in my halfhearted copy you can see some of the movement#it was a bad scene but a really really REALLY fun dream. i love when a book can *get* to me so i was really enjoying it#put it aside so i could take a break and woke up. instant fury at the universe for not having it be a real book instead#ill reblog with details if anyone's curious. i can explain this scene but i dont feel like it#the green people are in a secret basement though. hiding from the government. blue jacket guy is a speedster robot named save-bot who does#rescue stuff with every fire department so fire suppression technology is not very good because save-bot "can just save you''#however they're badly over their legal occupancy and the secret basement has One (1) exit so everyone is like really fucked here.#includinig save-bot who is going to do his job until he dies because he is an ai without any sense of self preservation and he cares#which i didn't even CATCH until i woke up and started tryin to frantically note everything down#and then i was like wait. the glitter on that last page before i realized i needed a glass of water to keep reading... what WAS that...#(it was tears suspended in midair because save-bot goes so fast and also knows he's so fucked LOL)#seriously i'm so mad someone else didn't make this.
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Under the cut are mostly self-insert doodles of decreasing quality. Again, not much directly tied to Team Fortress 2. Might as well toss these out while I have no access to my puter. Much yapping under the cut and in the tags incoming.
Another self-insert, this time less of a "here's me as a tenth class" and more of a "here's my game experiences translated into the class I would take the place of". The Cleaner. Although I guess they could still be wearing either suit. It doesn't matter that much.
That one Convict's Case taunt with Backup would be extremely funny, because the man would be on the verge of a breakdown (he does not want to go to jail so bad you have no idea). The second image- I owe no explanation. You know what I am. You see the pattern with my favourites.
The duality of the man. Resting face versus "just heard you express interest in religion/Russian folklore" face. He's not that hard to make friends with, when you pull him away from all the explosions.
Some doodles of trying to figure his face out. Unfortunately, the more I stare at him, the more I worry that he looks like A Certain Guy With The Last Name "Kazarin", and the fear of never being original in my life caught up to me.
Don't look at me, don't perceive me, I refuse to explain any of my actions to you.
#team fortress 2#tf2#that's it that's the only tags i am putting this in. maybe someday i will have the balls to do more but for now that's about it#while i have the chance - and since posts with more of my yapping in the tags don't pop in people's feeds much - i might as well ramble-#-about these guys here. self-inserts or not i'm projecting only half of my bullshit on each one of them. creativity 👍#backup is tall and pale and has sharp canines and more of a dull brown hair colour with tired grey eyes. no amount of babyface or soft-#-hands can really help a motherfucker when he's grimacing so much because he just Hates being around half the people on the team.#cleaner meanwhile is on the shorter side and has constantly flushed skin and brighter colours and whatnot. you can't see it because of the-#-mask most of the time but they do smile a lot more and have a more cheery disposition towards life and see the whole team as their friends!#backup transitioned fully (albeit not very legally lmao) and is scared shitless of not being seen as a man although the last time that ever-#-came up was years ago. he holds onto his last name as part of the heritage he loves and loathes at the same time - attached to his culture-#-and religion and bloodline while also resentful of his family and the regime he knows someone else on the team suffered under.#cleaner just kinda binds and calls it a day. he only does it to confuse the team because while he doesn't identify with being a girl he-#-loves the confused looks his epic gender reveal moment gets. they do not remember their family name or where they grew up or what even got-#-them to this kind of mental state. and he's chill with it he values the here and now way more than some dark edgy backstory.#backup despite trying to be an honest man is afraid of vulnerability as well. he stubbornly refuses to express love towards certain people-#-lest they feel disgusted and turn away. he's afraid of consequences afraid of losing the people he loves afraid of his ''interests'' being-#-what drives them away. it doesn't by the way and he just wasted time being a cold indecisive loser for several months lmao#cleaner wears a suit that hides all of them yes but they pretty much never lie. he is always his truest self and he can always just burn-#-people who don't like him enough to make it a problem. they are a lot more comfortable indulging in their interests - be they innocent-#-and juvenile or violent and dangerous. he is quite open with his affection and his fascinations that backup would rather keep secret.#i want to establish that these two can only exist in separate universes because they both have feelings towards the funny assistant lady-#-and the funny inventor guy (selfshipping for the winnn) and would fight over those two. cleaner would win by the way#it's also a really funny point of comparison. cleaner is objectively more fucked up than backup and still managed to be more normal about-#-their feelings and live as a healthier and happier person than that guy. comedic gold honestly#OKAY I'M DONE if you read up to here you get uhhh a cookie :-)
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SHOCKING: world's nicest friendliest man you know is actually lonely. more at 7.
#wearing your heart on your sleeve must be hard isnt it.#i just been thinking about this a lot. & plan to make a meta of it eventually.#clark is a classic case of checking up on everyone. happy to be with everyone. thoughtful. but who checks up on him?#less people then you think unfortunately.#clarks lonliness is unique. its not just the act of having no one around. but that he was raised to safeguard himself#and kept that habit for YEARS. imagine being a natural born social butterfly but from childhood into your mid 20s you just had to#pretend to be someone else. or never let anyone know the truth. he always felt guilty in his early years hiding what he was with EXTREMELY>#CLOSE people. because he wanted to be as close as possible. but how could he dump the burden of “im an alien! dont tell the goverment” whic#later turns into “im superman! can you keep that secret with you as well?”#while its easier for him not to admit who he is. for a long time admitting hes a super powered being = burden to others in his mind#to them. to his family. it would always slightly change over the years.#i just cant iterate enough tho he is happiest helping people or working with his friends but atthe end of the day its just him.#this is why i love 1 particular animated movie...clark was shown to be overly cautious to reveal who he is.#believing its a burden.. that HE is a burden if he shows his entire self to someone. even to lois#u_u eventually clark tells lois ( in comics ) and that helps. but he still has his habits..shes an exception. not the rule.#so yeah make sure to tell your local clark you care him.#this is also why when he is like... told off by his friends over his powers ( i.e one time batman scolded him for not doing enough ) it jus#hits even harder. a reminder to him sometimes? that hes in his own bubble of this world or smth
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had a day that made me think oh that was a bit heavy on the symbolism, wasn't it
#j. talks#went to visit my brother in his uni city and also connected it with an event there#I know this event because I went there once with a uni course that of course was with my fave former prof#so I know she's usually there but it's a bigger city and Friday and there are a lot of things at different locations#chances are not zero but I thought come on if anything it will be casual running into her#well as I was waiting with my brother and a whole crowd of people to be let in who do I hea#and see :))) yeah it's my fave prof. and I told my brother and he told me to go and say hi but there were so many people already talking to#her and also going there and saying hi so I simply couldn't. I literally froze our shoulders were nearly touching but she wasn't even facin#me and taking and I just followed my brother and he was like???#what was that?? and I didn't know. and he asked my why I looked so shameful out of all the emotions I chose shame#and I don't know. I don't know why shame I consuming me no matter where I go. but she was busy and imagine I go up and she has no idea who#am anymore. they had to burry me right there and then. so that was that :) now#the name of that street of the location burned into my memory as I was facing the wall well it's the name of [redacted] who I never really#get over and it's been 10 years now soon. and we had a similar experience in December :) where I would have loved nothing more really than#to talk (in Decembar definitely also other things that I miss on some days very much) but I barely got a wave#so yeah :) I actually had a great day but I am more than overwhelmed. I feel like crying and hiding#taurus season is apparently not here to save me? idk#is this all about wasted potential and shame stopping me? maybe. but how the fuck do I get it out of me
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i dont know what would be worse if amy is never in the sonic movies at all or if they do introduce her in the next one but shes pushed to the side and doesnt get the amount of focus she should be getting considering shes a main character and this is her introductory movie because theres too much other stuff going on with shadow and/or they just completely butcher her character
#amy being such a low priority of the movie team is double frustrating because#shes the only main character who hasnt been introduced yet and theyre already moving on to shadow#completely skipping over any stories involving amy that happened before sa2#and shes also the only girl in the main game cast and there havent been many actual plot important girl characters in the movies so far#i know the next movie is sa2 inspired and a lot of people are saying amy has to be in it because shes a major character there but ..#to be completely honest with you all. i love amy but theres only like 2 or 3 scenes in sa2 where shes actually important to the plot#and the scenes in question could be easily be rewritten to not involve her . like they did in sonic x that one time .#or they could just be cut entirely because the plot has been changed so much#and then theres also rouge .. i think her chances of being included are a bit higher#because she plays a bigger role in the original plot than amy did and also shadow and rouge are a package deal do not separate#but that one picture going around with little drawings of the characters only having team sonic + shadow on it is not a good sign#though they could also be hiding rouge or amy since shadow was already revealed to be in this theres no point in denying it#but theres been no real hint to amy or rouge at all so it would be a surprise if they were in it#maybe thats part of the reason theyre being so secretive and not letting anything leak this time .. who knows#but idk . i really dont know what to expect here
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thinking about trans Julian again specifically thinking about the idea of Julian being trans but electing to not undergo any gender-affirming surgeries
like I was thinking about this the other day in the context of his line about him and Kira being the only other options for a womb when he had to transplant the baby from Keiko, because the implication that Julian has a womb also implies he's elected out of having a hysterectomy for gender-affirming purposes. I say that because we know gender-affirming surgeries- at least the more cosmetic ones- are very easy to undergo (see Profit and Lace, where they very quickly and easily turn Quark into a woman (yes I know it wasn't gender-affirming for him but its the easiest episode to use for my point)) so I feel like it wouldnt be a reach to say that a hysterectomy would be a fairly easy procedure to ask for and undergo
which as ive been thinking about it more I think this like. perfectly tracks with Julian as a character, that he would opt out of undergoing gender-affirming procedures. because I think, considering what his parents did to him and how strongly he resents it, that he would steer clear of anything he would view as "changing" himself. honestly so far in the future I think its safe to assume views of transitioning are very different, and I'd like to think that there wouldnt be nearly as much social pressure to physically transition at all, but even if there was I think Julian would be very resistant to the idea that he would "have" to change anything about himself. Julian is very unapologetically himself in every regard, so im pretty confident in saying that that would translate over to his gender identity and asserting that he is a man, and he doesnt need to change anything about himself or his body to be one
#star trek: ds9#julian bashir#I dont typically put this much thought into my trans hcs but Julian being trans is an hc that fascinates me#from a character analysis standpoint#I think he wouldnt physically transition at all!#I dont think he'd even go on hormones#'but what about the facial hair in the prison camp' afab people can grow facial hair without hormones#'but what about the lack of titty' he could be wearing a binder#frankly I dont think he even would I think he's just flat-chested#it would track with his build. beanpole man#but yeah Julian as a trans man who does not physically transition. things I am thinking about often#like I said Julian does not apologize for any aspect of himself and is very loudly himself#and he doesnt let other people's opinions of him change that#look at his friendship with Miles#Miles loves to remind Julian how annoying he is and Julian thinks its funny#I think its one of the reasons they get along so well honestly#cause sure Miles complains but he also wouldnt change Julian and Julian knows that#I dont read Julian as being insecure about himself#he hates what's been done to him but he isnt like. insecure about it. he knows it wasn't his fault#he hides it for legal reasons not because he's insecure#but I think his resentment over what was done to him ties directly into how he would resist undergoing any procedures or physical changes#frankly I think Julian hates being a surgery patient just in general#I think he hates any procedure he cant be awake for#and he fights like a cat trying to get out of a bath anytime he has to go under#but thats a whole other post and hc#anyways trans Julian supremacy
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#instead of “everyone in the peloton can tell that tadejonas are pining for each other”#i propose the concept of: tadejonas who are *already together* like full-on established relationship living together part of the time etc#but somehow. no one else in the peloton has figured it out?#and like they didn't MEAN to hide it from people okay it wasn't on purpose#it just started out that way because when they realized they wanted to try it they ALSO realized that sooo much could go wrong#so they were like “we'll keep it pretty quiet until we're sure that whatever this is between us is real and will work out”#and obviously it does work out but when they try to tell people it somehow never seems to go according to plan#like somehow everyone leaves those conversations having completely missed the part where they say they're dating#and instead landed somewhere in the ballpark of “tadejonas are massively crushing on each other we have to help them”#so everyone is CONVINCED that they're pining away for each other and they keep trying to set them up in increasingly wild schemes#and tadejonas are just like. how do we explain to these people who we know and love that we are already in a committed relationship#random ass riders from like. every team tripping over themselves to help out the cause in the NAME OF LOVE and tadejonas are just like 🧍♂️#and like they feel kind of bad about it but also its kind of a game now to see how obvious they can be before someone catches on#random rider: jonas i promise tadej is totally into you okay he like. wouldn't shut up about you at XYZ race okay he definitely likes you#jonas (adjusting his scarf to hide the hickeys tadej left and jingling the keys of the house he shares with tadej): if you say so#what if i wrote something
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Yk realistically if the om bros were fucked up like demons should be, they wouldn't be that disturbed by bloodlust el's personality.
However, I think the terror and angst comes from the fact that they lived with him his whole life, and for the most part, he was very passive and calm and never immediately resorted to violence, so to see [what used to be] their human revel in bloodshed is.. unsettling.
#bc they loved him for being human#being kind!! he was their connection to the entirety of humanity bc he loved people. bc he was human#they knew he was going to die eventually bc he's mortal. to them his life feels like minutes passing by 2 their immortality#[the universe where he turns in2 bloodlust el is the 1 where solomon can't reproduce the accidental immortality spell he used on himself]#[so el dies of old age after a full life of the devildom and his partners and magic]#so- imagine you die. your life was full and complex and loving#and [for a reason i haven't decided on yet] heaven/the celestial realm wipes your memory of all of that shit and u turn in2 a blank slate#2 be molded and shaped into something befitting an “angel”#then u start getting your memory back and you damn near start another war bc you're so pissed off you fight god & actually land a hit#which gets u cast out of the heaven and when you go crashing into hell you land smack dab in the middle of the garden#that belongs 2 the ppl who once loved you#but when u crashed you fucked up your head and now you're “wrong”#different from the human these people want you to be. and you hide away. they make you feel like a monster when you can't stop it#and get imprisoned for it. then used as essentially a court jester/executioner bc the prince needed to do *something* with you#fucked up#they wouldn't care if he was just another demon. but he's what remains of the human they loved yk#so it's more disturbing#anyway long ramble over#elliot rambles#obey me#obey me mc#obey me demon mc#obey me demon oc#avatar of bloodlust#demon elliot oc
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Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh your songs are so freaking neat, your voice sounds so freaking pretty. I said it before and I will say it forever. Love love love. Ahjhhhhhhjhhhhhhhhh. The videos are so well done too. So freaking talented 🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛.
Oh yes ahhhhhhhhhhjjjjj, so good. Nostalgia is such a nice feeling (to me it counts as an extra emotion) (that can be so beautiful but also hit you very hard) so so so good. Red cardinals are so cool. Asaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh.
Thanks for listening to me screaming.
*Me (Bojan) looking lovingly at you (Jure)* Thank you so much for the nice words, Jay 🥹💚
#I love to know that my silly little songs filmed on my silly little phone in my silly bedroom means something to someone#not to be sappy#but I makes me think of how different my life would have been had I never learned that I could indeed sing alright#if I hadn't been told that my voice is okay#and instead just lived with the feeling that I should hide that side of me#where would I be now if not for people like you letting me know that you enjoy what I do#so thank you for all the screaming#I appreciate you and your screaming#and yes I did choose a gif with jure because of what you said in my dairy blog post#if jure is your spirit animal then let me be the bojan looking lovingly at said spirit animal :'D#sappy time's over#thank you <33#replies
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i do love analysing media and art and unfortunately this is where i am most confident talking and i am very bad at stuff like: talking normally and like a person fostering relationships in the world with other people
#it is easy for me to go on and on about media and art and themes and i love doing it#and ive had a lot of discussions that live in my head months if not years after the fact because of it#but it is also easy for me to hide behind because anything actually personal and friendly means#i have to be myself if i want it to mean anything and i want to do it but well i do not like myself#and i dont know how to interact with people as a person and not as a thought process. and it is both lonely (for me)#and DEEPLY annoying and offputting (for the other parties)#attempted to start a conversation with a friend id like to know better the other day and im pretty sure#i immediately scared him off by going on about the mechanics of a game and how they tie into the narrative and its good#for paragraphs. its so. UGH!!! UGH!!!!!#i want to connect with people i want to talk to people i want to engage in conversations with people so badly#but this is the only way i know how to do it. im fun if you want a quick and lively discussion about something niche youre interested in#but as soon as thats over...whats left? i dont know where to go after that#after that i am just some guy who is tired and in pain and doesnt draw much these days. looks at birds sometimes. BORING#annoying background character
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