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manesguerin · 5 years

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Thoughts on the scene in the trailer . From beginning to end (malex somewhat sex scene)

First, Nonnie, I am SO sorry it took so long to get back to this. I’ve been of course thinking on the question - where do we consider the start of this, how in depth do I want to go, etc. Once I decided I’m going to go hella in depth (buckle your seat belts kids), I figured that means watching it. Multiple times. (I know... what a struggle!) but I have a five year old and a husband and I figure repeating the same scene over and over might annoy them. So here I am, three nights later, writing in the dead of night. Would’ve done it Sunday, but ended up binging and introducing my niece. Monday - my brain was dead. Tuesday - well I was too busy screaming into the void about episode 5.

But alas, we are here now.

In order to fully go into the scene, I feel like we need to go into the scene leading up to it. You know the scene. “I never look away.” So let’s dive in folks.

First, we have Alex’s arrival. Michael is loading the truck and he’s so defensive. His guards are up. The last thing actual interaction with Alex (not counting longing looks at the Wild Pony) was not good. Alex didn’t want to revisit their history and also basically told an alien that aliens don’t exist. So Michael, reasonably on the offense here.

And Alex? God his voice when he says good just kills me. There’s a palpable relief that Michael is still going to be around. And Michael just looks so confused. You can practically hear Katy Perry’s Hot N Cold playing in his mind.

Then starts the scene, the emotional confession from Alex. Michael reminds him of the past. Of who he was before he went to war. And now that we’ve seen 1x05, we know that its more complicated than just remembering the skater boy he’d been back then. He remembered being terrified of his father, of his father trying to beat the gay out of him. (Seriously don’t watch with that context - it makes the scene that much more emotional and that much more painful.)

It also makes Michael’s next line - From where I stand, nothings changed - that much more painful too. Because Michael isn’t just talking about his feelings. HIs feelings might not have changed in the decade since they were together, but neither has Alex. He’s still afraid to be who he is. Yes, he’s out, but he’s also afraid to be with someone that could piss off his dad. And Michael, he calls him on it.

Alex calls him right back about the fact that Michael’s feelings haven’t changed. Michael makes him feel like he’s 17. In a bad home situation but loved in a way he’s never been before or since. He forgets his trauma and he just feels safe. (After all, assuming Michael is the boy from the museum, that was the only time he liked their hometown.) And then Michael looks away and it crashes down and it crushes him. It crushes him that he’s no longer 17 and loved. He’s 27 and he feels broken by everything in his life. He’s back in a town he hates with a father who abused him and who hates who he is.

And then Michael changes that.

I never look away - not really.

It is confirmation of what Alex already said, but its not just a guess. Its not just a thought that Michael has a lingering attraction, has lingering feelings. No, its confirmation that in the ten years that Alex was gone, Michael was there. Michael was there and he was loved and you can just see it settle on his face. And he makes his decision. He wants to be safe and loved and home and for him, that’s Michael.

He turns away and Michael, my poor baby alien, he looks so lost. He looks so rejected as he tries to comprehend this. Alex poured his heart out to him and Michael, he gave what he could. Six words that said everything for ten years and Alex looks like he’s walking away and you can see the moment his heart starts to break.

Except that its not exactly what he thinks it is. Because Alex doesn’t walk to the car, but to the trailer. Michael reaches out to him, asks what he’s doing. There are full internal monologues in those moments. Alex making the final decision. The slight shrug of his shoulders. Michael following along, still confused. They go into the trailer and we see, for a moment, Michael’s world and Alex going into it.

Once inside, Michael turns Alex to face him. Just a simple touch and Alex responds by turning around and reaching out to grab Michael and pulling him in for that kiss. You can feel the hunger and the desperation they have for one another. To be seventeen again, young and in love and so certain of who they were before the world went to hell. Before Rosa died. Before Michael helped cover a murder. Before Alex went to war and lost his leg.

When they cut back to Michael and Alex, they’ve pulled away from the kiss. They’re backing to the bed and we see Michael’s face. There is lust there, yes, but there’s also a disbelief. You can see that he’s thought of this - this exact moment - for ten years. And now its happening and Michael Guerin isn’t the kind of person that gets good things. Sexual things? Sure. I mean look at the man, but good things that he feels to his very soul? Not often. Then he pushes Alex onto the bed.

Look at Alex’s face in that moment. Look at his confusion. Michael has pushed him down. Is he pushing him away? But also think about how that must have felt for Alex too? Think of how many people have probably tiptoed around him - even Liz did in their first interaction at the Wild Pony before Alex got quippy and proved he was still Alex. Michael pushing him onto the bed is not delicate. It is not treating Alex as someone who is broken, but simply someone Michael wants more than oxygen.

And Michael’s sigh before he takes off the shirt. The this is it moment for him. He’s looking at the man he loved back in high school on his small bed in his small trailer at an address that will be changed in the morning - or maybe later that night - and he takes a deep breath because this is happening and I don’t think he thought it ever would again.

The thought had kept him up at night though, after the reunion. I’d almost put money on it.

And Alex, he reacts almost instantly. Going to undo his belt before Michael collapses on top of him, ready to sate that hunger that he’s had for a decade. They kiss and fade to black and we all collectively died.

What I find interesting, besides the emotional impact of this scene, besides the raw hunger these two men share for one another, was the way it was cut in with the Max/Cam scene. The feelings of the two scenes, the moods, they’re so different.

Max and Cam also have the hungry desperation, but its not to be complete. Its to escape, to erase, to lose themselves. Max is wanting to feel anything other than what he feels for Liz and Cam, she’s okay with this. Its blowing off steam and its something they’ve done many times. There is no look of completion, of wholeness.

And I find it so interesting that the scene fell in step with it. That the cutaway from Malex is a culmination of ten years of missing one another whereas the cutaway from Cam and Max is that sadness in his eyes and that look over her shoulders where he is dead inside.

So yeah, those are my thoughts. Long and drawn out.

I contemplated doing the several mornings after scene but this is legit all my heart can handle right now. The addition of context from 1x05 made this scene so painful and I know it’ll be worse if I revisit it in two weeks with context from 1x06.

Because everything I’ve said about when they were 17 is speculation.

I can’t wait to see how it really was.

#michael guerin #alex manes #malex #roswell nm #roswell new mexico #asks #replies #rnm fandom #rnm discourse #rnm after dark #rnm meta #Anonymous

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lwbluedice · 6 years

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Masterpost for my Stories and Ocs!!!

A spoilerfree list of most of my Ocs and stories (reuploaded here on my main blog)

Includes:

- Name of the story and state it’s in

- short summary/facts

- Character names

If you want more information abt any of them(like a description or a pic) or abt the stories, just message me/ ask me! Also feel free to ask me to draw them ( for example in the color scheme thing or sth)!

Note: The stories are all written in german so if you don’t speak that language i can’t send you the original documents but i can try summing them up for you!

I bet this is not everything and i will add stuff but yeah!!!!

Hotaru (first draft is finished)

- Abt two men that are linked through a surgery called “synchronisation”, which basically connects their minds and bodies, so they are forced to work as a team. Ea is an ex-soldier and Cain was a hacker, but due to the fact that they can’t stand each other, they also didn’t share their pasts with each other. To pay someone to unlink them, they become bounty hunters and kidnap the girl Ai and her robot Subaru, which is one of the old military robots, called Hotarus (high technologised, operating, transforming, artificial intelligence, ranger units). They are connected to a human ranger and can transform into what the ranger wants them to transform into.

The Hotaru headquarters exploded 10 years ago and since then the Hotarus are super rare on the black market.

The two men plan on selling both the girl and her robot and let’s just say it all doesn’t work out that well.

Ai Hoshino

Cain Bishop

Subaru

Dr. Chandra Natarajan

10 A

10 B

and other synced pairs

George Watton

Asha Watton

Elaine Bishop

Christopher Bishop

Haruto Hoshino

Shiori Hoshino

The Pleiades. A Hotaru Unit.

Atlas/ Emmett Hunter

Maia/ Ilya Neverwinter

Elektra/ Hailey Gray

Taygete/ Daiyu Ghou

Alcyone/ Charlotte Gryffith)

Caelano/ Sora Aurora River

Merope/ Imogen Harrington

Sterope/ Elizabeth Bresley

Additional Characters for the (maybe Sequel) in which the grown up Ai will try to find out who attacked the Hotaru Headquarters

- Skya

The day the world turned white ( first draft is finished, working on it)

To stop global warming some scientists basically caused a new ice age. On the long run this might be very effective but the former countries, now sectors, are hit by strong ice storms, called snow white. To stay safe huge bunkers, the Safe Cities, were built and the local fauna and flora were stored in Arks, to preserve them.

Usually an alarm sounds before all citizens are brought into the SCs, but this time Reese and her best friend Yuki dont manage to get to the vehicles on time and are left behind. They seek shelter in a private bunker outside of town that Yuki found out about recently. Suddenly a group of boys their age knocks on the door, because they were also left behind and followed the girls.

Al, the brothers Eli and Isaac, Gil and Henry become the new bunker-mates and the group has to survive one year in the bunker, until the storm is over.

( I have a blog for this story, just search for The day the world turned white! There are pics and some posts for example abt which patronus/spirit animal the charas have!)

Reese/ Therese Wells

Al/ Alexander Glover

Yuki Sarah Brooke

Eli Green

Isaac Green

Gil de Santos

Henry Summers

The Sun will always rise (The sequel, probably forever unfinished)

About a group of rebels, the Sun Children, that are sworn enemies to the government and its ways to cope with Snow White.

Takes place abt one/two years after Tdtwtw.

Lucy and Aidan are kicked out of an underground organisation that stays in the cities underground system during the storm phases and the two wander around in the snow until Michael and Rin pick them up and bring them to the Sun Children. From looking into the snow directly to maneuver, Lucy has turned snowblind.

Yeah the plot is… not 100% existent.

Characters:

Lucy

Aidan

Michael

Kate

Gil

Finya

Rin

The XII Games ( First book is finished, i started the second one, unfinished)

A story abt spaceships that let slaves fight in games, if they win a certain number they are “free”. Cassidy makes it and is sold to a women, Trisha, that takes her home onto her home planet, where Cassidy lives a nice life and learns abt her heritage. One year later she meets Tobias again and she and Trisha are brought to a planet that is basically the universes capital. Cassidy has to take a more important role in the uproar of a war, than she ever imagined.( The cast members are mostly human looking but are other, non human, races)

Cass (Cassidy ) E’ Alandril

Tobias

On the slave ship:

Neala

Sam ( Samuel)

On Anterra:

Trisha Willowrish

Max ( Maxwell) E’ Alyndral

Lukas

Tori

Khorr

Keri

Wil

Quinna

On the Space sparrow:

Zach ( Zacharyas) Gryaan

Benj ( Benjamin) Bottledom

Rashka Hyrelian

Oreadh Urunna'ur

Butcher

Kagrim

Kyluur

Irian Ashcott

On Capital Estellar:

Galea ( Galeandrih Fiyur’ Ihal)

Iyal

Wren Fawell

Luasia

Luminor the Shining

Fallen Angels ( A trilogy, one and a half books were finished, reconcepted)

We don’t talk abt this but it was one of my first stories i truly wrote.

Abt fallen angels saving the world or sth. It’s super clichee and just ugh.

The newer version would cancel some charas and make it abt rebalancing Darkness and Light in the worlds. With a more diverse cast and also different magical races. And a way less creepy Adam.

Eve/Evelyn White

Adam

Peregrine/Perry

Ray/Raven

Sera

Colin

Robin

Raphael

Ky/ Kyron

Gabe/Gabriel Frost

Bree/ Gabriella Frost

Indigo ( haven’t written it yet and i don’t know if i ever will, but have drawn stuff. I lowkey wanna see this as a comic)

A story abt a clan of shapeshifters, called Indigos. They are basically human that can shift into dolphins and their clan lives on an island near Australia. Its a modern story and the gang consisting of our local gay dolphin girl Keerie, her cousins Akash and Arjuun (younger brother, older sis), and Ky ( adopted as a child, japanese heritage, a different breed of dolphin idk) lives their “normal lives” with lots of shenenigans and drama.

Some day Keerie falls in love with Navy, the daughter of the owner of the local Aquapark (that the clan suspect also does illegal stuff like snatching wild animals).

Keerie

Arjuun

Akash

Navy

“Neo Alcatraz” ( reworks of a very old story)

To put it simply, there is a pack of scientists that bionically enhance children and send them off to different countries to basically be local superheroes. Our gang was kinda left behind bc the countries rather took the newer, better versions and here they are now, a bunch of supernatural teens facing the (not so) everyday struggles of life.

Atalanta

Chi

Callie

Lee

Victor/Konrad

Gemsona (just art)

Larimar

- has water powers and her backstory bases on my private/old Squads life story and a lot of me thinking of drawing music videos for her but never doing it

Anthea (art and headcanons)

- my Dnd Oc

The Bender Girls ( art and headcanons)

- basically some Avatar the last Airbender Ocs i made once

Daiyu

Hotaru

Yura

Sündenfall / Sinfall (short story)

A short story i wrote for a competition which is basically every crime series but magic.

Harvey is immortal, he dies and is revived, and solves crimes through it. Paige is basically his assistant and the case they are on is abt a person that kills magical beings and “arranges” the victims fitting to the seven sins.

Ilya Winter

Harvey

Paige

Delphi

Sphinx

The concept charas, that had a different storyline ( they were basically a team of magical beings that would solve cases… rather unconventional.) I considered reworking them into the new Fallen Angels concept:

Ilya

Harvey

Timothy

Worth mentioning:

Project Alpha (script, some art):

The script for a shortfilm i once made with my friends. A school class has a plane crash and only a few students survive, they all embody a different character archetype (the sunshine, the soziopath, the smart one etc.) They try to survive and are put through weird psychological mind experiments like the trolley problem.

To be honest, the concept had and still has a lot of potential and we just hadn’t the opportunities to rly set it the way we anticipated. The shooting day was super fun, though! Still laughing about the outtakes

Astral Chronicles (some art and a few chapters, unfinished)

A story Idea i still like but probably wont write like this because of copyright problems. Its basically a giant Crossover.

Its abt people who have an Astral( mostly a literature figure) they embody when they are dreaming. Their body stays in bed and is vulnerable but the Astral can basivally run around and has special powers. If the Astral dies, the person wakes up but i think when the body dies the person dies too? idk.

The Protagonist embodies Alice and there are also the White Rabbit, Peter Pan, Tinkerbell usw.

There was also some kind of conflict? I dont remember.

If i would ever rewrite it the Astrals would be embodiments of the Zodiac signs.

(does this even fit?)

The Fanfiction thing i wrote abt Peter Pan/ Jack Frost

- like i have tons of short drabbles and the start of a fanfiction and honestly i liked the ideas i had a lot

The ones we better not talk abt:

Part Hunter

Basically there was a being named eternity/aeterna that was shattered into oarts (like in TRC)

and chosen ones have to reclaim them.

The ones that basically die are turned into guardians, like Time and Space ( they had animal companions they were fused with i guess)

Melody is the current part hunter and has a tragic love story, her animal is a tiny horse thing??????

Idk

basically a long story in which i used my dreams as base for the episodes

The nameless story

Actually super interesting but too many charas and a too tiny will to draw action scenes or write them.

Like its based around a super popular game in huge spheres/buildings and the teams wear some anti gravity outfits and shoes and can walk on the walls and shit and can basically attack using elements/illusion/ conjure monsters idk.

And the main team had an opponent team that basically specialized in the 25272 other elements and some day they just fused teams idk.

There also was some prophecy shit abt the anchors, ppl that can control all elements the same???? Idk

Element guardians

- basically four teens that control the elements and do shit together

- at some point i gave all of them dragons

- still thinking abt this sometimes

- The originals:

Luna: the shameless self insert , earth, pony girl, bland blonde i think

Katy: Air, best friend, bubbly

Dan: The jock. Fire

Nick: The emo. Water

At some point Katy became Skye and Dan and Nick got other names but yeah-

Talent Academy

The story thats basically a ripoff of Alice academy. Like a school with hierachie between the students and ranks and shit and different houses and the students have powers IDK

If you read through all of this, bless you for showing interest in my stories ;) And hey, if you want me to rant about any of them, just send me an ask or a message!!!

#masterpost #ocs #my stories #my ocs #stories #list

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heyangel1dthings-blog · 7 years

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LIKE US

Chapter one

Z A Y N

It’s so stupid, Zayn thinks to himself as he puts his phone back into his pocket. He thought he had gotten away from all of this shit when he left Modest! Management. When he left behind his boys and the band. But no, just because they did a music video together where they acted all loved up and sexual and now she has been papped in a building right next to the one he was in, everyone thinks they are dating and his management immediately jumped on that bad wagon. Elise, his assistant, had gotten a call while he was in the studio for his radio interview and as soon as the ON AIR light went out, she pulled him out of the room and shoved the phone into his hand.

“Just meet her for lunch at that little café between your two buildings.” Denise, his PR manager had said into his ear. “You don’t have to do anything extravagant, just let people think what they want to.”

“We haven’t even spoken since we filmed that music video,” He had hissed at her into the phone as his security led him out of the radio station and into the lobby of the high-rise building in LA. “Why would she be willing to even hang out with me, let alone let people think we were together?”

“Well Zayn, I didn’t think I would have to remind you that you are a hot, famous musician, who has become a brand name in the industry since he went solo and landed himself a couple of Grammy’s, let alone who just released a clothing line for one of the hottest brands in town. Why would a gorgeous young model be willing to pretend to date you?” She had asked sarcastically. Zayn had just sighed. “Listen, I already called her people and they ran it by her and she is in. You guys meet up and it won’t even look like it was a last minute thing.”

“But I don’t want her getting the wrong idea. Yeah, if we hang out and hit it off, maybe we could become friends, but if she thinks there is a possibility of something more, we are stopping this immediately.”

When he had hung up with Denise, they had finally made it to the lobby. Before Zayn had been prepared to just head back to his house and chill for the day but now he had to go meet up with someone he barely knew and pretend to be happy about it. He was shaking with anger about the whole situation. Regardless of whatever the general public thinks, he hadn’t wanted to leave One Direction behind. He was proud of what they did and the people they became, the fun memories they had and the close friendships they had built. No the reason he had left was because the management forced him out. He was getting tired of the shit they pulled on him, on all of them. Forcing them into relationships with poor girls who were wasting their time when they could be actually falling in love with someone, forcing them to record and sing songs that they had very little part in writing or coming up with. They struggled and fought endlessly to get management to allow them to show even a shred of their own creativity. Even when they let them write the songs and have some creative leeway on Four, they still vetoed and argued with most of what the boys wanted.

The real hardship for Zayn, what really forced him to leave in the end, was the way management was forcing him to marry Perrie. Originally, they had promised to just have the two get engaged for a while and then they could eventually break up. But then they decided that wasn’t enough and had told Zayn he had no choice. And it was one thing to be engaged to someone he didn’t even love, but to get married to someone he didn’t love was the end for him.

The worst part was the sad looks the boys gave him as they saw him becoming more and more a shadow of himself. The pressure to get married, to pretend to be in love, to pretend he didn’t have other songs he wanted to record, and to pretend he wasn’t in love with his best friend was wearing on him. He started to close down even more, especially in the public eye, talking less in front of cameras and onstage. He was losing weight to the point where fans and gossip mags were saying he was on drugs. And management let them continue to believe it, rather than denying the rumors and god forbid the truth got out.

While the boys never fully confronted him about it, he knew that they had figured it out. They started to subtly force food on him whenever they had the chance and barely let him out of their sight. But it was management who confronted him about it, yelling at him for the bad image it would give him and the band and how ridiculous he was being. In the end, his anxiety and depression spiked so much and the eating disorder was getting so bad that his mom and dad couldn’t stand it anymore. When management gave him the “shape up or get out” ultimatum, he chose the only one he could at that point. The boys had been tearful and worried when he told them but they had understood. Management had always seemed hardest on Zayn and they could tell he would only get worse because of it. So the split had been amicable.

When management didn’t get the reaction they had wanted from the split, they told Zayn the only way he would be able to leave was if he signed an agreement that said he would end contact with the boys while they were still under contract. And while it killed him even more inside, he signed on the dotted line. Since then he had changed numbers, gotten new management, and built his career back up from the ashes. He hadn’t contacted the boys or answered any of their reach outs to him, and it had been the hardest part of the whole split. He had no idea what management was telling them about him, and if they were trying to turn his best friends against him. He had kept tabs on them and was so proud of the way they had continued to flourish. Then when the tour for their new album had ended, the boys announced they were taking a break and Zayn had been shocked. And when it was a year later and they were all coming out with solo opportunities and living separate lives, Zayn had started to gain hope. Maybe they had finished their contracts with Modest and had moved on before management screwed their lives up even more.

“You’re in studio 2 today, Mr. Payne.”

Zayn’s head whipped up as he heard the receptionist at the front desk in the lobby. He didn’t let himself believe it was possible until his eyes locked with brown ones that he used to know better than anyone else’s.

“Liam.” He breathed out quietly and he saw Liam inhale sharply.

“Zayn, we need to get you to the café next door now.” Bruce, one of his security detail told him with a hand on his shoulder. But Zayn couldn’t look away from Liam, he was frozen. He knew that Elise was probably standing by the door tapping her foot with her arms crossed and a frown on her face as she waited for Zayn to get his ass in gear.

“Liam, they are waiting for you in the studio.” Liam’s body guard, Paddy, walked up to him at that point, but when he saw Liam staring off he followed the line of sight until his own eyes landed on Zayn. “Oh, Zayn, alright mate?”

Zayn was drawn out of his trance by Paddy’s voice and nodded his head. “Alright Paddy, see you’re still watching out for this donut, yeah?” Paddy huffed a laugh at that and nodded. Finally, Liam seemed to wake up from his own trance like state.

“Zayn?” He asked hesitantly, like he wasn’t sure if it was actually him.

“Yeah, Li.” He said back softly.

Liam ducked his head and swiped at the back of his neck before looking up at Zayn again like they were the only two people in that lobby. And Zayn looked back at him, feeling the same way.

“What are you doing here, Z?” Liam asked tentatively, like he wasn’t sure if he was allowed to ask questions or act like it hasn’t been a year since they have last talked.

“Yeah, I had a studio recording for a radio interview.” Zayn answered, Liam nodding back. “How ‘bout you mate?”

“Recording for my album. We’re just about done with it, hoping to release it next month.” Liam said, ducking his head again to hide the flush on his face. Zayn’s mouth dropped open in shock.

“Li, that’s amazing!” Zayn said, causing Liam to look up at him with a hesitant smile on his face. They stood there smiling at each other for a few moments before Liam seemed to snap out of it, frown on his face and shaking his head.

“Well, I best be going.” Liam said, waving his hand in the general direction of the recording studios. Zayn started nodding, feeling like a stupid bobble head all of a sudden.

“Yeah, course. Go make that brilliant record, mate. Know you’re gonna smash it.” Zayn said. Liam nodded, looking at him again for a moment before turning away.

“Zayn, you need to be across the street like, 5 minutes ago.” Elise huffed, pulling on his arm. But Zayn was too distracted, locked on Liam’s back as he walked away.

“Leeyum, wait!” He called out, and watched as his former best friend froze in his steps. It seemed to take forever until he finally turned around, his eyebrows furrowed as he waited for Zayn to continue. Zayn pulled his arm out of Elise’s grip and moved towards Liam, whose eyebrows seemed to shoot up out of utter surprise. “Can we meet? Catch up? You can come to my place later tonight, we can have dinner and just chill.”

He waited as Liam stood there, mouth gaping open, his heart sinking into his stomach as Liam finally unfroze and shook his head again while looking down at his feet.

“Please.” Zayn whispered.

Liam’s head snapped up again, eyes searching Zayn’s face before finally nodding. Zayn tried not to scream out in happiness or break down into tears and instead handed his phone to Liam.

“Put your number in, I’m assuming you’ve gotten quite a few new numbers since we last talked.” Zayn asked, handing over his phone. He knew Liam liked to switch his phone number every few months in case it got leaked, and he tried not to dwell on the fact that it brought up the large gap in time where they hadn’t spoken. Liam was slowly taking the phone and typing away, so Zayn was counting it as a win. “I’ll text you my address.”

Liam handed back the phone and nodded. They locked eyes again for a couple of moments before Liam started backing away.

“See you soon, Zayn.” He said, and then turned around and walked away.

This time Zayn let Elise pull him from the building, blind to the flashing of cameras, and deaf to the screams of fans. All he could think about was seeing Liam later, being just the two of them again, and hopefully getting back to being them again. He knew he wouldn’t be great company while meeting with Gigi, but he figured that would help get the message across that he was simply doing it because of management. Because if there was anyone he wanted to be with at that moment, it was definitely not her. It was Liam.

#first fanfic #LIKE US #ziam #ziam fanfic #ziam fic #idk #we will see i guess

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