#so not something i think ill pick up again
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fawn:( i'm feeling so sicky and sad:( can you write something for bob floyd taking care of a sick and sad reader please? bonus if she's neurodivergent :/ ily and ofc u don't have to write this !
Aw baby I hope you feel better! In the meantime, here’s Bob helping you feel just a smidge better
Cw: nausea, vomit (mentioned), general feelings of being ill
“Darling you’re pale.” Bob’s all worry as he finds you in the bathroom, kneeling before the toilet with a sweaty hand on your forehead.
You’ve been sick for the past week, your flu turning into a chesty cough, turning into nausea that has given you chills. You’ve not eaten anything for the last two days, past a couple spoonfuls of soup because Bob refused to let you go to bed hungry.
Now, you’re paying the price.
“Robby,” your voice is hoarse, eyes tired with dried tear tracks on your cheeks. “Feel horrible.”
You don’t want to throw up again, you don’t like this sweaty, head throbbing feeling and you just want to be better.
“I know angel,” he strokes your back, feeling the heat beaming off you. He doesn’t like that your fever is back. “Lean back baby, have some water.” You struggle to take a sip, hands shaking as they shadow Bob’s.
“I don’t like this,” you grumble, wiping at your face as more tears start falling. “I just want to be better.” Your voice is all choked up, face turning into Bob’s chest as your body shakes.
“We’re doing everything right darling,” he rubs your back, kissing your forehead as you begin to calm down. “How’s your stomach feeling? Settled?”
You nod, pitiful and ready for a shower. “I’m gonna fill up the tub and you’re gonna stay in there to break that fever, yeah?” You nod again.
Bob helps you in, letting you sit in the tepid water while he takes another go at making dinner for you.
He comes back just as the water goes freezing and finds you asleep on the lip of the tub. If you weren’t so sick he’d find you even more adorable. “Darling,” his palm cups water and watches it flow down your shoulder. “Wake up baby.”
Your eyes blink slowly and focus on the bowl in Bob’s other hand.
“I don’t think I can stomach it.” Your eyes water and you’re two seconds away from balling but Bob shushes you.
“It’s just fruit baby, they’re supposed to help with the nausea. You don’t have to eat all, just some.” He feeds you two wedges of pear and a couple banana coins before you’re ready to step out of the tub and get ready for bed.
“I got coconut water and pedialyte, have your pick.” You reach for the coconut water, sipping slowly as you sit. You’re feeling much better, a little stronger and like yourself but still weak. Bob notices and offers the bowl back to you, watching happily as you munch on the fruits and sip the coconut water.
#bobfloyd#bob floyd#bob floyd one shot#bob floyd fanfic#bob floyd fanfiction#bob floyd imagine#bob floyd drabble#bob floyd blurb#bob floyd fluff#bob floyd fic#bob floyd x reader#bob floyd x black reader#bob floyd x you#bob floyd x yn#bob floyd x y/n#tw: nausea
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beautiful boy | cillian murphy
do I know anything about labor and the process? no 😭 pls remember this is fanfiction and idk anything about childbirth
barbenheimer series
The day Y/n began to feel ill, she had an idea of what was going on. Of course she did some math and realized her period was late. Cillian was still filming in the uk so she was alone in their cottage. A little family owned market was close by so she decided to walk there to buy a pregnancy test just to make sure. The owners already knew her and Cillian, they were nice people that brought great comfort to her.
While she was there, she figured she might as well get some groceries that she needed. As she browsed the aisles for spices and other items, she got a text from Cillian.
C ❤️
i should be done filming soon. i miss you.
She quickly replied.
Okay, I’ll pick you up from the airport. I love you more ❤️
After she payed for her items, Y/n walked back to her cottage. She put away her groceries rather than immediately take the test. She didn’t want to get her hopes up so she occupied her mind with something else.
It wasn’t until she thought about Cillian, that’s when she decided that it was time to take it. She grabbed the small box from the bag and walked to her bathroom. She read the instructions over and over again until she ripped open the box.
“It’s going to be fine, you’re going to be fine.” Y/n whispered to herself.
Y/n was early to the airport the day Cillian was scheduled to come back home. She couldn’t contain her excitement. It had been months since they last saw each other and she desperately wanted to feel him close to her.
She finally spotted him wearing sunglasses and a hat, his outfit reminded her of the crappy disguises superheroes wore when they were under cover.
“Well hello Tommy Shelby.” She said in a flirty voice.
“You’re hilarious.” Cillian replied. He placed his hands on her cheeks and kissed her on the lips. “Let’s go home, I’ve missed you too much.”
Cillian wanted to drive, but Y/n wouldn’t let him. After all he did come back from a long flights and months of filming, he needed the rest. Eventually Y/n and Cillian made it back home. He quickly took notice of the garden she had made while he was gone.
“You’ve been busy.” Cillian got out of the car. He opened the trunk and got his luggage out. “Are those red poppies?” He pointed out.
“Yeah. I also planted tulips and daisies.” Y/n pointed to the flowers that decorated her front porch.
Cillian then saw the light blue flowers next to the poppies. “Forget me nots, your favorite.” He smiled.
“You remember?” Y/n asked. She had told him about her favorite flower many dates ago.
“I never forgot.” Cillian replied. “Ha, forget me not, I never forgot.” He tried to joke.
“Funny.” Y/n chuckled lightly. “Come in, I have a surprise for you.”
“Oh?”
“It’s not what you think.” Y/n rolled her eyes playfully.
Cillian opened the door allowing Y/n to walk in first. He saw their home completely normal so it wasn’t something like a new furniture piece or art work that she had bought.
“Okay, wait here.” Y/n instructed. She walked to their shared bedroom and came back with something in her hands, Cillian wasn’t sure what it was. “I never told you I was feeling sick when you were away, I didn’t want you to worry and i most certainly didn’t want you to leave your work and fly back just for me. I had an idea of what was wrong with me so I went to the market and got a pregnancy test and it’s positive.” She nervously said. That’s when she showed Cillian the pregnancy test.
Cillian immediately pulled Y/n into a tight embrace, burying his face in her shoulder. “Oh, I love you so much.”
“We’re going to be parents.” Y/n whispered as her eyes filled with tears.
As they held each other, Cillian knew that his life would never be the same. But he also knew that with Y/n by his side, he was ready to embrace the journey of fatherhood.
MONTH 3
“People are starting to ask questions. What do I say to them?”
“Tell them you don’t know me.”
Her assistant, Joli, had been on the phone with her for the past hour. Y/n had finally told Joli about the pregnancy. Only a few people knew, obviously both of the parents’ families and close friends, but apart from them, no one knew that Cillian and Y/n were going to be parents and they liked it that way.
“You know I can’t do that. Listen, I love you and I’m happy for you and Cillian, but are you really going to step away for good?” Joli asked.
“Not entirely. I’ll just take a break.”
“Y/n, no one has seen you for a while.” Joli stated. “But when you decide to come back, I’ll be here. If you or Cillian ever need anything, let me know.”
“Thanks, Joli.” Y/n smiled. Joli was always her biggest supporter.
“You’re going to be an amazing mom.”
MONTH 7
Y/n loved her quiet life. She was living in a cottage starting her family with the love of her life. What more could she want?
Her stomach was growing everyday and it amazed her every time. The gender was going to be a surprise so all the baby clothes and furniture was gender neutral. She even wrote down some gender neutral names that her and Cillian might like.
“Here,” Cillian came back from the kitchen with a glass of cold lemonade. “Let me know if you want a refill.”
Y/n and Cillian were enjoying some time in their garden. All this time at home, Y/n picked up a new hobby and in no time, the couple had their own garden.
“Thank you, my love.” Y/n replied as she grabbed the glass from Cillian’s hands. “I’ve been thinking about the name Rowan, cute or not?”
“Rowan, Rowan . . . Rowan Murphy-L/N.” Cillian tested it out. “Not sure. Can you imagine yourself yelling the name Rowan like what if our child is running and you have to yell their name for them to stop. Rowan! Hmm, I don’t know.”
Y/n began to laugh at Cillian’s words. “That’s how you decide if the name is good or not?”
“It’s a good way, just try it.” Cillian encouraged.
Y/n hesitated a bit, but cleared her throat. “Rowan! Rowannnn!”
“See? Now what’s the verdict?”
“The verdict is . . . We have to find another name.”
JULY 21ST, 2013
Cillian was thankful that he didn’t have to work that day. It was all going good. Y/n was in the final days of pregnancy and everything was ready for the arrival of baby murphy. Around 2PM was when Cillian’s driving skills were put to the test.
“Fuck! Fuck! I hate this! I’m never having kids again!” Y/n groaned. “Hey, did I ever tell you how much I love you?”
“Not recent-” Cillian said as he kept his eyes on the road. They were only two minutes from the hospital.
“I hate you right now! But I love you so so much, but I fucking hate you!”
“Love you too, baby.”
Soon, Y/n was being taken by nurses to labor and delivery. Cillian made sure to call both of the families to let them know that in a matter of minutes, he would be a father and Y/n would be a mother.
“Are you Mr. Murphy?” A nurse asked. “Your wife is calling for you.”
Wife. He loved the sound of that.
Cillian quickly ended the call with his mother and ran to Y/n’s room. “Hey, I’m here.” He grabbed her hand, placing gentle kisses on it.
“Do our parents know?” Y/n asked.
“I just got off the phone with them. They’re so happy for us.” He smiled.
Thankfully, a C-section wasn’t needed. Baby Murphy entered the world crying. He was perfect in the eyes of his parents.
“Congratulations, it’s a beautiful boy.” The nurse announced.
“A boy.” Cillian whispered to Y/n. “Our beautiful boy.”
“Alex. His name is Alexander or Alex. I like it.” Y/n said, completely out of breath.
“Alexander Murphy-L/N. That sounds perfect.” Cillian smiled.
TAGLIST
@leclercloml @butterfly-skinnylegend @rockerchick05 @equallyshaw @agustdpeach @celesteablack @hnybitches @ietss @probablypossesedbysatan @kittyrumbl3r @electrobutterfly @knpgituloh @butlersluvbot @captainwans @bellstwd @theekileypage @marti-su @multifans-things @ceruleanrainblues @litterallnobody @jackierose902109 @sinarainbows @cosniffee @thatgirlthatreadswattpad
#barbenheimer series#cillian murphy series#cillian murphy one shot#cillian murphy x reader#cillian murphy imagine#cillian murphy fanfic#cillian murphy#actress!reader
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Hello! I adore your family AU and I'm curious about the events that led to Charlotte's birth? Did Undertaker manage to bring back R!Ciel in this AU but it was a less public appearance? Also, do Sebaciel and their baby eventually leave the spotlight to live their immortal lives on their own terms?
And if this prompt idea interests you: Since Charlotte's lover is Grelle's prodege, how about her making a big scene of her and "Bassy" being in laws now and Sebaciel dreading it?
In my head, the whole Undertaker thing was over and done with: o!Ciel proved himself once and for all that he was the one knighted by the Queen, and that he was the one performing all watchdog duty.
It also helps that r!Ciel is already dead. To prove one's alive is easier and it proved also that the dead can be manipulated, thus, can be used as an instrument of lies.
The Phantomhive left the spotlight when they departed from London to America to avoid the Great War in 1914. Afterwards, none really knew where they were, or what happened to them. Funtom continue to grow under regional management, but the owner can only be contacted via mail or telegram. Once, taking advantage of the owner not being around, an executive attempted to funnel company's money into his own pocket. A week later, he's found dead in the office. Reason of death: cannot be determined; his body looked to have suffered no harm. Frozen on his face was an expression of utter terror. On his desk was one single Funtom lollipop.
The Reapers was around when Charlottes was born. The whole dispatch, including Grell, William, Ronald (but not Max though, he hadn't died yet) perched outside the manor on tree branches like vulture, ready to pounce. None had expected Ciel Phantomhive to survive; not even Sebastian. A half-blood child between human and demon had never before existed; her warring natures too might yet not survive the outside world. And seeing as demons drain human life forces, it might very well be that the halfling would kill her mother the moment she was no longer in need of a host body.
But then Sebastian emerged from the manor, in his human form but it looked quite off, beastly even if you looked close enough, followed by his dark tendrils... and a baby girl in his arms.
He showed her off to the prowling death gods:
"She's alive," he said, "and so is her sirer. You are no longer needed here, Grim Reapers."
William adjusted his glasses: "You don't know that, Collapsar. Ciel Phantomhive is not yet out of danger." At this, the demon bares his fang; ill winds picked up; the shadows that enveloped the mansion became impossibly darker:
"He is mine. The boy has been mine ever since our contract. Death hath no claim on his soul."
Will and the Demon exchanged a long look. In the end, Will reluctantly ordered the dispatch to call the mission off. One reaper protested:
“But sir…”
“There’s nothing we can do now, or do you fancy being snuffed out of existence by Collapsar?” He spared the speaker a look.
When they all left, Ronald get close and whistled upon seeing the baby, and said: "You sure that adorable babes came from your gene, pop?". And Grell just :)) sighed exasperatedly like when you found out your kpop idol bias is getting married.
I also think the dynamic between the Phantomhive-Michaelis and the Reapers would be like:
Will on a mission in the midst of London > feeling something tugged at his leg > Look down and see Charlotte being tearful mouth quivering: "I lost my papa and dada, Mister. You're their friends right? You're around all the time"
> Will reluctantly returned the demon child to her demon parents 🤣
So yes, when they met again in 2020s, there there isn't a lot of animosity left; just a sort of playful annoyance (?)
As I have said before, Max initially hated this grown "Lottie" because of his prejudice against demon and his perception that she deceived him somehow. They had an enemies to lovers arc. The moment it started to shift more toward "lover", Sebastian was horrified. The "Sebas-chan" still makes him shiver even to this day 🤣 meanwhile, Grell is just behind Max giving him (terrible) date gifts ideal and trying to match make.
#fic#au#charlotte phantomhive#SebaCiel#mpreg#sebastian michaelis#ciel phantomhive#OC#oc art#maxwell jones#ask#Kuroshitsuji#black butler
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Do you have a headcaon of how the TNBC got into the city in Disney heroes battle mode and how they met people who were way different than them.
Huh...it's been a long time since I've played Disney Heroes: Battle Mode! I remember the characters being confused on how they got there. Maybe it's like a Wreck-It-Ralph 2 situation, and TNBC exists as one of many Disney properties, and there just happens to be a digital city that they're moved to currently overrun by viruses, maybe done by Disney itself or its fans....I've no clue!
I haven't played the story in a long, *long* time, so I forget the premises with that. The friendships are pretty strange in that game sometimes, so maybe while they're fighting alongside other people, they just happen to find things they have similar with them? Odd and strange friendships, indeed!
#disney heroes: battle mode#disney heroes#ask#anonymous#headcanons#there is a jack skellington and mickey mouse quest so it cant get any weirder than that#dhbm is really interesting that it makes a friendship between two characters youd NEVER think about!#i love it honestly and i wish i had all of the tnbc friendship missions logged somewhere#maybe someday ill try to collect them all but. huhm. the reason i stopped playing is cause the game got so big#in the sense that they have SOOO many characters and things added to it now#that i feel so far behind and overwhelmed and cluttered when i play#i think i had over 200 chests to open last time i logged in#so not something i think ill pick up again#ive been frequenting disney mirrorverse nowadays#which is also a very fun au in my eyes! strange one but still intriguing to me#ohh also my inbox is empty after this#still says i have one in there but tumblr is so wonky
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Mingjue's gaze softens.
"Didi. You are confused. You are misinterpreting brotherly love for romantic interest."
Huaisang clenches his firsts and stares down at the floorboards. His expression morphs into one of pain. He draws in a deep breath.
"Da-ge, please sleep with me." Mingjue's body jerks back at his little brother's words. "If I sleep with you, then I'll know for sure what I'm feeling."
#bro doing anything but organizing her code#my brother says i write like i wasnt allowed to go to school#recently my brother had to do a project for school where he had to pick up a new hobby#he didnt do the assignment and at the last day he was like brother im so fucked help me#so i let him use one of my fanfics for the before and told him to use his own fanfic as an after and present that#his professor told him his improvement was incredible#thats all i have to say#theres something so cringe about when i write#ill write it and be like yeah. and then i read over it and die#unironically i actually run away from my fics. i have never once read them again after finishing#like when i draw. i look at it. im like yeah that part is good that part is bad. pretty mid but its ok.#writing? i turn red and hide from the monster i have created#i think my writing could be lethal. like if i read all my fics one after the other id die from cringe poisoning#i regularly look at my old drawings and cry how much ive regressed. but i can look at them.#one time my friend wanted to torture me so he called me to read my fics out loud. i endorse this as an execution method#shit gets me sweating. i have to get normal about this#some words#wip#the second wip actually#the first one is the saber spirit takes over nmj and he fucks nhs on the training grounds infront of everyone.#second one is nmj is like brother you have to stop being a freak this is getting out of hand and nhs is like nuh-uh. but also how'd you kno#on a side note remember my former student that confessed? yeah well#he proposed marriage
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tristrat doodles
#triangle strategy#roland glenbrook#frederica aesfrost#corentin jennar#cordelia glenbrook#just gonna tag those guys LOL#i dropped the game after chapter 14 i think (the stupid boat one) cuz the clicheness of it all turned me off so bad#BUT ive been really hyped for 8path2 and wanted SOMETHING similar to dive into while i waited#so it was out of desperation that i picked up tristrat again LOL#except the gameplay was just nawt for me so im currently watching a playthrough#i had. so many thoughts especially about AHRRGHRGRHGRH ROLAND LOL#WHO HASNT RIGHT#anyway ill keep it short otherwise ill be ranting here for Forever#but my fave parts were the glenbrook sibling moments and when frederica fought for her people#frederica is too cool man augh#my art
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honestly i would love to create some sort of au again, maybe even with hermitcraft. or just draw new designs for them.... maybe the new season will get me back into the swing of it
#although ill also be busy moving into my own apartment!!#very excited and nervous.#lots of thibgs happening!#i also have a parttime job now since a while ago#ive not been into hermicraft much but i wanna pick it up again#been watching some final episodes and im looking forward to the new season#other than that ive mostly been into thinking about my own ocs which has also been great#hoping to continue that ofc#so yeah anyways!#hermit aus. maybe i could pick those dragons back up i made a few years ago#or something new who knows!#or just new designs for them. see how theyve changed in my brain since 2020
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the bittersweet but absolute flood of relief that comes from admitting defeat at living independently, to have to move back in with parents. we tried! we gave it our best shot for almost 3 years! but living like this (being on our own) is just not possible for us at this time of our lives. we've finally proved it to ourselves that we can't do it. it'll be okay to let ourselves rest now
#latimers parents not mine!!!! i am NOT moving back to florida LOL#really hope that the changes will be good for my mental health. this apartment is toxic to us#ive been on the verge of meltdowns Kind Of A Lot lately. imnot doing great#extremely dependent on substances. just to reach a baseline level of functioning. but even that isnt working as much anymore#the only things i do on my phone or tablet these days is like. 2 mobile games. and skirting past my dms to check latimers blog#its too overwhelming to even open discord these days yknow. everything on earth is too much for me right meow#i havent been drawing i havent been social online OR irl i havent been cooking or creating#i havent been keeping up with personal hygiene like at all im particularly ashamed about that one#i've been really bad about doing my T the past few months which is a HUGE shame because im SO fucking hyped to be on it#theres just. too many obstacles in getting it done half the time. and the other half of the time i just forget#anyway. anyway.#our lease ends in july so between now and then we're just gonna try our best to tolerate our living situation enough to get by#there's a light at the end of the tunnel. and its called 'i only have to be in charge of like 2 rooms at most. and not a household!'#we're gonna try to slowly comb through all our things between now and then so the process of moving wont suck as bad#cuz listen. its pretty fucking bad right now#maybe not for other people. but it is for me. and its okay to let myself come to terms with that#im just. so relieved. still very stressed! but theres at least light at the end of the tunnel and its only like 2 months away#ill be able to draw guilt-free again. ill be able to just EXIST guilt-free#i dont think ive felt guilt-free for just existing the way i do since like. turning 20#i know my mom wouldve loved if i stayed home forever. and im sad i cant be there for her#but ever since i had a fight with my dad at 15 or 16 it just really felt like he didnt want me there more and more#maybe as the youngest he was resenting that i was preventing him from becoming an empty nester or something. i dont know#because all the other kids had been moved out and on their own at least once but i had never left home before#i dont know if he'd be heartbroken or not to hear that i feeling like he was resenting me. but thats the energy i was picking up for years#i dunno. i dont know#anyway. back to housing. for now im going to try to relax and store energy for the moving process#the huge pile of things by the kitchen? i dont have to worry about that becoming permanent because we're leaving in 2 months#the general discord of the state of our possessions? we have to go through everything to pack it all anyway. we can move in RIGHT this time#when we moved in here we didnt have a car or license so we were dependent on latimers 3-hr-drive-away parents to help us move#just /across town/. and we had a whole month between leases! but it still had to be done in a weekend
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Various images of things
#image commentary in tags once again since they don't allow captions anymore and I feel weird using the alt text for that --#1. PIBBINS.... cheering clapping hooting hollering glorious applause everytime I see a pigeon in public#2. Birthday card that I drew for someone. .. kittys...#3. 2023's annual haul of tiny white pumpkins.. i get at least one white pumpkin every year around fall when they have pumpkins in stores#because I just love the color and texture ... bright white and smooth and cold and round.. kind of like a volleyball or something#4. A brief adventure into watching big brother (only earlier seasons of course as I hate all reality shows post like 2013 or something when#they became overly focused on social media and overproduced memeable phrases more.. like even though ALL reality shows have always#been extremely fake and annoying and mindless it's like..... newer stuff seems A Different Kind Of Fake or something) since whenever#I'm sick sometimes I find weird mindless things like that to watch (that one time I had bronchitis I watched all of Flavor of Love in my#half awake illness stupor and now everytime I heat up canned minestrone soup (mostly all I ate that week) I think of flavor flav since#thats just a weird brain connection I have now lol) ANYWAY.. I was sick and watched like 2 seasons of this and then thought it was too#uninteresting and obnoxious to continue (more like 1 and a half since I skipped the rest of one once only boring people were left) BUT this#one guy had a very mischevious looking face and he also said a few things (like the above captioned speech) that sounded like dialogue#some fantasy character would say.. so I took a screencap of him and edited him into a mischevious wizard i guess.?? idk I was sick lol#~your little friend has a poisoned tongue~ is just a very unexpectedly serious sounding wording for some random normal#frat dude looking guy to say while casually chatting on a reality tv show in like 2008 or whenever that was filmed lol#5. FLUFFY CLOVERS!! I'd never seen them be furry and soft before?? inchresting..#6. Noodle sitting in bed with the cat figurines looming above him... the council of kittys...#7. McDonald's full breakfast platter + asparagus + strawberries & cream (also of course this is old and I am now boycotting mcdonalds etc)#i try to group the images somewhat consistently like.. winter stuff with winter stuff or summer stuff with summer stuff#but I have so many random pictrues floating around on my computer that I never post that sometimes some are not organized or just#thrown into a set because there's nowhere else for them. Like the pigeon picture is from like 3 years ago for example lol#8 & 9 - I think I've posted these before but I just find them very interesting looking flowers. whenever they happen to be blooming#I'll pick up a few when I'm out on walks or etc. ... poof ball looking things#photo diary
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goodnight i am thinking about dallon weekes <3
#THINKING ABOUT THE CONCERT IM GOING TO IN APRIL! (FIRE EMOJI) (BEING ON PC SUCKS)#OUUUGGHHHHJ IM SI HAPPY#IM GONNA GET THE BEST VIDEOS AND DALLON IS GONNA WEAR THE SILLIEST AND PRETTIEST OUTFIT#AND IM GONNA BE THERE#AND THEYRE GONNA SING AND DANCE TO SO MANY GLOOM DIVISION SONGS AND IM GONNA LOVE EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM#AND IM GONNA CHERISH THE VIDEOS WITH MY LIFE AND LULL MYSELF TO SLEEP WITH THEM AND SHARE THEM WITH YOU ALL AND ILL#DOCUMENT EVERY LIVE INSANE THOUGHT I HAVE BEFORE AND AFTER THE CONCERT AND ILL SHARE SO MANY PICTURES AND ITLL BE SO COOOOOOOLLL!!!!!!!!!!#AND MAYBE. I MIGHT PICK UP A NEW MERCH ITEM IDK...#WAAGHGHHH IM JUST SO EXCITED TO SEE DALLON AGAIN <333333333333333333333#dallon weekes#idkhow#chase said something alright
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im so CWCcoded
#anyway my apologies for gaslighting you all about not personal diary posting bc my dad just texted me goodnight and it made me sad#him and my mom both tried to call me all day I feel bad when I ignore them#bc I know they’ll be dead someday and they won’t be able to call me and I won’t be able to answer#and my brothers both tried to call me I know my mom narced that I was weird yesterday and now everyones scrambling to keep track of me#it’s very nice of them but I really do hate being reminded that I’m the family member that like#they’ve all quietly agreed is always going to have to be monitored and taken care of#I wouldn’t be surprised if Andy and Alex haven’t talked about who I’m going to going to live by when our parents are both gone#it was kind of funny Andy invited me to like go install a security camera with him today#I said no but I do think it could’ve been a fun experince#I was gonna see my mom but she didn’t want to go out again so I waited around until my dad tried to call me again#so then be brought me with him to a hardware store where he tried (and failed) to return paint or something#we love a schemer#and then we picked up Andy and got milkshakes but I was ill so he got me real food on the way home#but I’m going to have to find a way to throw it out tomorrow bc I didn’t eat that much of it and I don’t want him to be sad about it#and I have to clean my room bc Lydia will be here soon#I was weepy in the car and my dad kept saying it’s nice you’ll get a few days with her before the concert#I know :-(#to some extent I love that he’s so incapable of handling emotional moods bc he just puts on songs and complains about them#bc he knows I like to complain and I think he gets scared when I don’t talk and that’s his attempt at getting me to#I need to finish my costume and make bracelets and clean my room these seem doable#okay bye please don’t unfollow me#also I love the name doxing bc these are for me and me only and maybe burke when he logs on I love you#my posts
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notebooks i made today!
[id: two photos of two handmade books against a wood floor. the first photo shows the front of them, where the left book has a whale on the cover and a blue spine on the left, and the right one has a mermaid on the cover and a brown spine on the top. the second photo shows the back of the same two notebooks. the left one has a lighthouse on the back cover, and the right one has a giant octopus.]
#heartbreakingly both my favorite designs had to go onto the back.#the lighthouse bc otherwise the spine would cover it#and the octopus bc the bookcloth covered half its head and so i think the mermaid looks a little better#but i got to use my favorite paper ever for the covers so i shouldnt really complain#also i bought so much new paper bc i ran out and i think im going to run out of wallpaper samples (what i used for the covers) before paper#but ill deal with that when i get to it. maybe ill go with my mom again to the interior design place when she picks up our chairs#bc last time the owner gave me all these papers for free#he doesnt know what hes missing out on!!!!#but also now that i have so much paper. i can probably make some of these to sell!#so if you made it this far......is that something you think people on etsy wokld be interested in?#bookmaking#bookbinding#handmade books#handmade notebook#talkin#my art
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Rewatching bridgerton s1 since i first shotgunned it at the drop lol
Still so charming, the right side of campy in the context of regency, there’s some things that they were pretty heavy handed with but I can’t fault them, re things like having to make characters state their feminist agenda in awkward and broad terms, For The Casual Audience At Home Who Doesn’t Get The Genre
Still, my majorly unpopular opinion is that I don’t like Penelope at ALL lmao....... The reveal of who was writing the gossip rag rly shot my interest in the foot, and it took me a long time to pick up s2 bc of it, though I can at least appreciate that s2 did have a theme of ‘consequences’ for her, to some degree. It’s also the reason it’s taken me sooo long to rewatch s1, lmao, having to watch her ultimate act of cruelty, picking up her pen to play mean girl on anon and nearly ruining that girls life. Having to watch her pretend to befriend her all over again knowing what she’s going to do, in the end. Yuck!
dgmr, I actually think there’s a lot of humor in Penelope and Eloise, and can def appreciate them as two privileged white children going into their woke teen era for the first time, while still being a little selfish about it. It’s realistic. I think watching them grow apart bc Eloise was ready to start maturing in her beliefs, while Penelope wasn’t, was also an interesting direction to take that in, though I’ve got Thoughts about how it unfolded... Hopefully, in her season, she’ll grow up and I’ll enjoy the romance, even if I can’t forgive her for outing that girl’s business, whether she was trying to baby trap a Bridgerton or not!!
Anyway, my real takeaway from Bridgerton is that every single old woman in this show ATE. Watching the primary trio of older women in this show bring so much dynamic life to their characters is so enjoyable, they played them perfectly from the start, and the depth and weight given to them beneath being genre standard Matchmaking Matriarchs is so cathartic even tho I am literally a young person
#this isnt rly for anyone just waiting for something to finish#i could go on and on and on about it but anyway i am excited to get to s2#where they had the budget and slightly more subtlety for a more polished romance#ppl turned on s1 so fast bc the heat was searing in s2 but IT IS THERE FOR S1 I WILL WRITE ANOTHER POST BAOUT THIS LATER#i'm at the art gallery part... the establishment of the almost hand touch hold me.......#the fact that it happens every season isnt something i will ever take for granted itll snatch me every time#text posts#also i think penelope is well acted and a good idea just shakily executed#maybe ill write somethinbg about it someday but i dont want to poke the hive ik shes got fan#*fans#being an entitled wallflower type shes got hella fans on fandom sites LMAO#but i dislike that archetype whether its a man or woman#shame bc the actor is so cute and also made me lmao in harlots#shes literally beautiful and so i'm excited to see her in regencywear her mom doesnt pick out#hopefully they age them up or something.. it seems like they might part and reunite so maybe a timeskip?#but especially freshly rewatching s1 colin and penelope are SO YOUNG for the types of romance scenes we been getting#then again queen charlotte miniseries did keep her 17 and we had love scenes with her tho they were NOT LIKE s1 scenes lmao#but ughh thats a whole other topic and i'm just rambling dont get me started abt the intimacy direction in s1 vs later seasons#uhh ok later
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Eugh
#think im in a flare up and it just decided to start with my hands this time#was watering the garden earlier and my knees were burning n when i squatted to get at the water spigot my hip nudged itself out#everything is falling apart again (by everything i mean this stupid meat suit)#but also working on my resume like this sure is something#like. 'please hire me i cant do anything 30% of the time and i have constant near impenetrable brain fog#and i will injure myself multiple times a day just doing basic tasks'#and like. i dont want to work. it always results in me pushing myself way past what i can do safely just to keep up with the bare minimum#and it leaves me so exhausted and in pain that i cant do anything else with my tims because im just trying to recover#but also not working means someone else has to pick up my slack and i fucking hate that#ive been thinking about trying to go on disability#i mean i kind of doubt id qualify. and i know its a LONG process. and also im planning on getting married in the next year or two#and im pretty sure that would throw a wrench in it#i dont know... its awful trying to keep up with everyone. i cant do it physically or mentally. but i dont really have a choice but to try ?#at the moment almost all my time and energy is being taken up by being in pain and the rest it is just.#basic maintenance. which i only barely manage to do sometimes#idk !!#chronic illness#my next appointment with pain management isnt for more than a month#gonna ask for something for the joint pain if i can#since nobody can tell whats actually fucking wrong with them the least they could do is just medicate me for it...
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pretty sure I’ve been hypomanic the last week or so and I’m not sure what to do about it
#weird to be hypomanic and extremely self isolating and avoidant of addresssing important things at the same time but here we are#i have no idea what fucking amalgamation of mental illnesses and whatever else is going on with me lately but it sure is alot#there is something very wrong with me and at this point i cant pinpoint it to any one thing it’s just. i think. a handful of things#that uhhh don’t work well together that’s for sure#i feel like I should maybe look up some stuff on comorbid bipolar II and autism cause that’s probably the best way to describe the totality#of whats going on with me#whatever it is it’s wrong there is something very very wrong with me#i need a therapist badly but guess what??? whatever’s fucking wrong with me has made me avoid looking at my email for like a week for no#god damn reason and I haven’t been able to make myself do anything important and applicable to myself in the Real World#again for literally no fuckign reason and it’s just making things progressively worse cause they stack up and ssome of those things can/will#piss off my mom who I also want to avoid but I can’t because if I don’t pick up the phone the second time she calls she will call my#roommate and threaten to call the police basically#so#that’s where I’m at#this is the first time I’ve ever ghosted literally everyone before though. that’s new. really funny how that works. self isolation is#probably driving me literally insane but for whatever reason my brain says Aha what if you distanced yourself even more? even from people#you don’t see in real life? what if you put all your effort and thoughts into one topic and obsess over it for god knows how long to the#extent of not wanting to do anything else basically but shit related to that special interest or whatever it is#it’s so funny that I’ve literally not hung out with friends at all in real life nor made any new friends irl this entire year#like literally. literally I do not have friends. that’s so wild cause I’ve been saying this for literally months and it never changes#anyway I’m probably gonnna go back to frantically writing notes on this one topic and neglecting all communication and responsibilities#so. yeah#kibumblabs#I need serious help. i wish I had people around me who cared enough to make me get it#i wish I didn’t have to do literally everything myself#my ‘bf’ (if you can call him that. i doubt it at this point for several reasons) hasn’t spoken to me nor I to him in I don’t even know how l#long now and my radio silence on discord and texts doesn’t seem to matter to him. i could be dead for all he knows lol#he doesn’t care he has other people now.#no one else I know irl reaches out and if they did I’d probably not answer for no reason. i guess because I love sabotaging myself#it’s great. I’m great.
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really horribly anxious this morning and can't seem to shake it off :-(
#struggling not to dissociate. just don't really know what I'm going to do with all this i think thats where its coming from#+ exacerbated by so much recent disappointment. its hard not to direct that towards myself even when im not really at fault#not to mention disappointment in other people. which is really just more self disappointment for having expectations in the first place#which are unfeasible/not communicated. i just feel so unreal and unreachable. kind of just incompatible with the world i think#and i dont remember how to weave myself back into it again.im not sure ive ever really known how. immiscibility innit#its ok. going to try and start meditating daily again. and negotiate better boundaries for myself. it might help to journal it out#not on here i mean in a physical journal. i can't hold this exclusively in my head or I'll want to start harming again ik its a trigger#its all okay tho sorry this sounds more dramatic than it actually is. my flatmates gone out so at least i can cry while doing chores#she was dressed up nice and came to say goodbye when she left which she doesnt normally do so i dont think she'll be back for a while#hope she has a good time whatever shes up to. probably shouldve asked in hindsight but im too anxious to be able to talk today#and selfishly it would make me feel worse trying not to compare myself to how much more meshed with reality she is she makes it look easy#she only wanted me to do her suncream but i started trembling rly badly after. just cant physically be around other people right now#well at least i didnt cry in front of her so thats something. okay. ive made a list of tasks so im going to pick them off one at a time#i shouldnt have to think too much about them. and hopefully by the time im done ill feel much calmer#and then maybe i can play a game or smth. but if not i wont be hard on myself ill just go lie down and listen to music instead#man it is a shame about this festival though but it is what it is. therell be other days. i guess im not really a weekend person hey#ah itll all pass its all good. im always okay again eventually however temporarily. i dont need anything other than that#.diaries
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