ive been awake for 24 hours gothic font i hate adult life

corvin

[id: two digital drawings of corvus from the video game paladins. he is a pale-skinned young man wearing a red and black caped coat with the collar pulled up over his mouth, and has brown hair with a white streak. the first image is a portrait of him from the shoulders up alongside a full-body drawing. text beside it reads 'guy who really needs to stim but isnt letting himself so hes just standing about looking intensely uncomfortable'. the second image is a full-body drawing of him holding his pistol and knife in an action pose against a background of scenery from the game. overlayed text reads 'I'M JOINING THE WAR AGAINST AUTISM ON THE SIDE OF THE AUTISM'. end id. ]

Mm.. Brain rot

alrighty hi everyone—i’m really really sorry for all the asks i’ve left unanswered and all the dms i have not replied to 🥹 i’ve been swamped with school and work and meetings and such (slay project manager tee !!) so i haven’t been able to get to everyone sobsob i promise i see you all and i am spiritually hugging you all and your sweet liddol messages <3

anywayyyy i must go on a teensy lil hiatus and close asks so i can get my life a little under control and then return. i’ll probably still post a drabble or two here and there but other than that i will be not rly be online and asks will be off till i’m back !! hopefully in a week or two when my meetings aren’t as frequent and my deadlines are less hectic, i can come bug you all again on dash ;) if you rly need to reach me for whatever reason just reach out to tumblr user 4izawas aka casp aka my itto main who carries >>> and he shall update me on whatever it is

okie that is all talk to u all soon my liddol runts <3

it is now officially the 25th which means...

merry christmas everyone !!! regardless of whether u celebrate or not, i hope u all have a lovely day with whoever u spend it with or with urself <33

going on semi-hiatus again 🫶 I’ll be active just not as often for a bit ~

Upcoming posts will be all be set up on queue. I’ll only be online to respond to messages/requests or if I have any writing updates!

moots: dms are open for chatting! if you want to stay in touch 🍑🧡 if you tag me in something and I don’t respond immediately, don’t worry! I’ll get to it once I can

Finally going in to take my radioactive iodine. It feels like it’s taken forever.

Do you think if I wish hard enough my mom will get electrocuted by a string of Christmas lights and just go up in a cloud of smoke. It’d be a Christmas miracle

What recovery/healing summer has looked like so far:

talking to a counsellor for the first time for all the anxiety problems

making time to enjoy the little things. Like a meal, or a good song, or a hug from my mother

cooking for the people I love!

listening to the birds and to the rain

letting go of other people's problems and actually establishing boundaries (and by boundaries I mean not taking all the troubles of the world/everyone and their mother and internalising them as I've done for a while, but instead learning to just pray for them and trust that they're in God's hands, and not try to be the saviour or the one in control -- to let go of the things that aren't mine to hold onto and to let go of the past) (and also boundaries as in realising that I don't have to spend as much time with the friends who do a lot of gossiping/talking behind people's backs/criticising others -- I can still be their friend but I'm not a bad friend for not wanting to be surrounded by those kinds of voices constantly)

leaving my eyebrows the heck alone! (after plucking them obsessively for the past four years) I used to not like having thicker/wider eyebrows and bought into the whole slender and straight Asian brow aesthetic as a teenager..... anyway I'm tired of that and can't be bothered to waste my time :) also I LIKE the way my eyebrows looked before I started plucking them!

going back to my roots (Discworld audiobooks, drinking a proper amount of water, journalling again)

I'll talk abt this more when im actually awake but it's so asfgdfdggd funny ( painful ) how everyone excels at so many things then there's Shigeo & Shou

1. it’s my 24th birthday today, so my goal of being published by the time i’m 25 is now a one year looming monster, but i never specified what kind of published and am currently looking in various literary magazines that are recommended for writers who have yet to be published, so i’m surprisingly confident that i can make it work? and tbh even if whatever i write isn’t officially published before my 25th birthday, if i have someone in the process of being published then i’ll be happy!! no matter what though, i’m gonna try to be proud of myself for at least giving it my best shot!!

2. i honestly love that my birthday is on the ides of march because the ides of march meme shitposting is only a thing on tumblr but it also being my birthday makes it easier to like. be excited about the ides of march outside of tumblr. like even in person i can be like “it’s my birthday! i’m an ides of march babe (:” and if someone is like oh what’s that? or if they say something along the lines of oh like julius caesar? i can be like yep!! and even if it’s a small thing outside of tumblr it brings me immense enjoyment and amusement being able to bring it up off of tumblr

3. transportation situation has been very rough since june 2023 when i totalled my car, my gap insurance are being assholes and i ended up putting my foot down on the phone with them yesterday which i’m pretty proud of because i am NOT a confrontational person (something i’ve been working on this past year, so seeing some improvement with my ability to hold my ground and not be a pushover yesterday was very cool!!) i was told i’d get a response from them by friday next week no matter what, and if i don’t then friday of next week i will continue to wreak havoc upon them. but my moms car which i’ve been using since my accident broke down yesterday, hopefully it’s fixable but my parents were saying it might be done for, so trying to think of how i’m gonna get to work next week is kind of stressing me out lmao, but for now i’m just gonna focus on enjoying my birthday the best i can because i don’t want to start off being 24 with an overwhelming anxiety for something that won’t be a potential issue until monday. plus i already messaged my boss today to let her know that i’m going to do everything i can to make it work out but just so she’s in the loop and knows of the potential of me not being able to make my morning shifts (one of my coworkers said she’s more than happy to give me a ride for our afternoon shifts which does help relieve some of the stress!) and i told her i’d let her know for sure sunday so that if necessary she can have time to figure out someone to fill in for me in the mornings!

overall: life is weird and i ended being 23 yesterday with a shitty situation but a positive outlook and i am going to enjoy my first day of being 24 no matter what because honestly i fucking earned it. happy friday everyone, i hope it’s a good day for you and me both!

hadn’t really regressed in a While and i didn’t realize how much i missed/dareisay needed it until i had the free time and ability to do so over the last few days and i have to say. i’m feeling a bit better

woke up at 4am feeling the weight of my life crushing me, so I’ve been sitting out in my car for the last couple of hours because I just need. to. be. somewhere else.

I'm so mentally drained dude I feel like a dry plant BURNED by sunlight

Friend yesterday when I told them I was finding it hard these days to just get out of bed: "oh, you need to make an effort and force yourself out of your bed and go see the sun!"

... *resting bitchface* Oh, really? I need to make an effort? Going for a walk is good for me? How novel, I have never once thought about that in my decade and more of struggling with long persistent chronic depression!

apparently hitoya’s traumatised kuukou and jyushi playing spraycan with them based on how they dipped when he asked if they wanted to play with him and that’s so funny to me lmao since i’m pretty sure kuukou and jyushi coerced hitoya into playing arcade games with them in one of their anniversary sets 😭😭😭