WIP

teased my therapist for being the kind of millennial who would call her dog a fur baby and she was like “oh yeah. my husband calls our actual human child a skin puppy.”

One time I said to my friend that I wish I could have facial hair for gender reasons and I think I'd look good with sideburns and his first response was, oh like jshlatt? And I received psychic damage and never recovered

Watching the terrible haunting from 1999 and Coraline back to back while feeling floaty from getting my flu shot and Covid booster is surely a good idea.

Alright, yeah.

i hope you suffered more <3

Speothos Venaticus is now holding tryouts

I feel like we haven't talked about the fact that apparently Phil will just... be on Dan's post wad livestream??? Idk why I thought it would be a Dan only thing (maybe because it's his solo tour) but like they really are just a We/Us and sometimes I still gasp when I hear it so naturally like... 'Yeah, Phil's gonna do my eyebrow slit post WAD premiere' like it's obvious he'd be there idk I'm feeling feelings tonight no one look at me

elias bouchard is like hey you’re being kind of a bad employee rn 🫤 1 million points psychic damage

i love how during nanami’s drive she’s like “touga you gotta listen to me this guy is fucked up i just saw him performing some of the most horrifically unspeakable acts of violence” and akio is like [chuckling smugly] “hmmm….. what you saw….. yes, of course, a child’s mind is clouded by their limited perception….. and yet…. what you think you saw is merely an illusion…… due to solipsism.” and nanami doesn’t even pause to consider it, immediately she’s just like “what the fuck is this evil freak talking about.”

why do literally all of your posts blow up, this isn't a hate ask btw literally how do you cope with the psychic damage and whatnot

turned notifications off on day 1 and i never look at my follower count i just have fun

In the Star Beast novelization it says that when the Doctor sees Donna again he just desperately wants to give her a giant hug and that it burns him that he can’t. If you even care.

Etho with the mail bag 💌

no but essek's abnormal behaviours in the last arc and especially in episode 140 are my roman empire. which is ironic because aeor is something of a roman empire itself. but in all seriousness, it was the episode that made me realise i love essek and his development so much and it kinda summarised it even before caleb's epilogue.

and i mean the "it's not fair" scene specifically. it's like, an epitome of his whole character progression from a person who put An Objectively Important Goal above all else without hesitation to someone who can't help but care for people around even more than his goal, no matter how big and relevant it is.

the mighty nein - and he alongside them - pretty much saved the world and freed an ancient city from thousand-year-long suffering. they defeated nine extremely powerful menacing entities who managed to stay out of everyone's sight for years and were so close to achieving their goal and dooming exandria in the process. they did the impossible and became heroes and somehow, they survived, even though they had bidden farewells a couple of hours ago because they had already understood what they had been facing. and nevertheless. they made it.

and none of them was celebrating.

mighty nein are basically essek's only friends. he knew them to be very unusual people, to put it lightly, loud and stubborn and completely inescapable once they consider you to be one of their own. and they showed him so much kindness and put so much faith in him, they were here playing the most atrocious music ever and digging clay in his backyard for a spell they invented just to help one of theirs and asking him if he could bring them pastries the day after they found out he was lying to them and had started a war. they were chaotic and weird and sometimes unbearable but most importantly they were carrying so much hope with them all this time - a hope they could end the war, a hope they could stop the angel of irons cult, a hope they could get better, a hope he could get better, and now, finally, that they could save their lost friend.

and that hope shattered, just like that, the moments after they'd already made the impossible. they saved so many souls - and then could not get back just that one.

for essek "my intentions were never good they were important" thelyss it just. shouldn't have mattered. they won. it could have been worse. people die and when they die they rarely come back. they should've been happy everyone else barely made it alive.

but for some reason, mighty nein being so defeated after they saved the world exposed him to that overwhelming feeling of injustice and unfairness. and i mean, there were many things essek considered to be unfair, but when i watched his first appearance and his interactions with mighty nein later on til their reunion in aeor arc, i wouldn't dare to guess that one of the things on that list would be something that personal. and personal not even to him.

the thing is, essek didn't even know who that guy was. why mighty nein cared about him so much. he had an idea, i guess, that he was their friend once, or someone in that body was. it was also a person who wanted to unleash a terrifying horrific aberration onto the material plane. it was a person very dedicated to killing essek and his friends - and they still didn't take any pleasure in fighting him. essek didn't feel strongly about lucien or molly, because he never knew them.

i don't think he mourned his death and failed resurrection. he mourned mighty nein's hope, the one they put in him when they had no reason to, the one they offered yasha in the cathedral and the one they kept after the spell for veth failed and the one they carried til the very end because they wanted it to reach molly. they had saved people with this hope. they had saved nations. they had saved the world. but they ended up feeling like it hadn't even been worth anything.

how desperate would it feel, witnessing people who for some reason always saw good in you when they absolutely shouldn't, who made literal miracles out of nothing, who ended wars and fought gods and tricked the hags and freed cities from horrors beyond anyone's comprehension purely because they thought it was the right thing to do and also loved their friends this much, silently crying over a dead body they couldn't bring back to life? how desperate would it feel to realise that with all your knowledge about time you dedicated your life to and threw away any principles for, you can't undo this? no one can. some things are left to fate alone and this time it wasn't kind to them. no matter how much good they did, they still got slapped in the face.

and it was, i think, such a genuine moment of empathy. like, essek is the character who prefers to put up a facade and act distant and self-composed but this time he just. walked away unable to watch this. the could only say to fjord that it wasn't fair. even when he was caught off guard in nicodranas he was able to explain himself and his motives to an extent even though he was a nervous wreck whose extra important plan went to hell the second the only people he cared about appeared. this time he had nothing to elaborate on. it just wasn't fair. it wasn't fair his friends didn't get what they wanted the most. it wasn't fair he couldn't do anything to make it right.

it is such a sad and beautiful and even cathartic scene because it is about person who started a war that destroyed so many lives - and then met this ragtag group of weirdos who saw a lonely stand-offish guy and said "hey, let's be friends!" and didn't even wait for him to answer. he saw them being serious and calculated and he saw them being ridiculous and extremely stupid, he saw their mistrust to outsiders and their loyalty to each other, he made spells with them and paid a visit to their hot tub, he ate their stale pastries and drank their hot chocolate mixed with whiskey, he was welcomed amongst them and in their wonderful home, both in xhorhas before they even found out what he had done and in the tower when they already knew - and then, he saw them mourning their loss, defeated and helpless, and he, a person who believed there were things more important than whole nations, let alone just one life, couldn't help but share the pain they felt. a pure display of compassion from someone who detached himself from it, who didn't believe he could grow into a better person capable of it again, but became one nonetheless without even realising it

His world was whole and he was basking in the light. Drew this while listening to the linked song ⤴

···································· Sitting back and realizing you're crying over cartoon turtles and their found family really makes you feel like a true grown adult. Please go and check out Ghost in the Shell if you haven't already, you will not be disappointed (Part 1 is complete and Part 2 is currently updating!). Thank you @amevello-blue for thoroughly wrecking my psyche. Legit I got so lost in thought over these turtles this week I left my house for work one morning and forgot my purse, lunch, and car keys.

kurunthokai, 168 — “what the hero said to his heart”

do you ever think about how zoro's vow in ep 6 is like. you're mine and I'm yours and we'll be together from now on and until the end. no matter what we face or how difficult it is or even if we die trying I'm placing my dream in your hands and holding yours in mine because I think you're worth it all and I'd never fail you the way you'd never fail me. and all of it after luffy admits he'd do anything for zoro except stand in the way of his dream and that he needs him. do you ever just