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leia-imogen · 3 years

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aaron & the family he's found all by himself; vol. 2 // vol. 1

( ft. short jokes, a belated birthday shopping trip, & an ultra-chaotic winter break )

( for @criswisstuff & anyone who enjoyed the first one <3 )

savannah, who is 5'9, is constantly teasing aaron and cleo for being short. katelyn's good at 5'6, and also a bit impossible to tease bcs she's the actual best, so she gets to escape this

cleo ( 5'2 ) is perfectly delighted to have someone shorter than her for once in her life, even by only 2 inches

aaron: guys, just try and see this from my point of view

sav: [ collapses ]

katelyn: [ crouches down ]

cleo: [ sits cross-legged on floor ]

aaron: dude you're literally 2 inches taller than me

cleo: 2 and a quarter

sav is so smug about this but in a good-natured way, in that she and cleo call aaron "kid" or "kiddo" or "pipsqueak" and he doesn't mind bcs they always say it w such a huge smile and he likes to respond to sav with "how's the weather up there, tall-ass?"

and katelyn thinks it's ridiculously adorable how tiny aaron is and obviously she uses him as an armrest all the time

katelyn, petting aaron's hair: guys guys omg he's like an angsty mini blond kitten and i would kill for him <3

sav, popping up between them: mini-yard :))

before i get super distracted, i just wanna mention that aaron met sav and cleo towards the end of november, so they missed the twin's birthday

but sav still insists that she must take him shopping bcs sure his fashion sense is fine but there's always room for improvement, isn't there, aaron??

he relents, so long as she and cleo and katelyn ( who already gave him a birthday present?? why's she doing this??? ) don't spend too much money

sav drags him all around south carolina to the best thrift stores she can find and cleo and katelyn are amazed that she can get such fantastic deals on the supermodel clothes she wears

fr she's literally a fashion design major ( + minoring in business management ) and she shows up to class in skilfully done drugstore makeup and an absolutely killer outfit for like 15 bucks

she grew up poor, and she's still poor now, even if she ( thankfully ) managed to scrape a cheerleading scholarship

sav, flicking through a rack of dresses labelled $4 apiece: RIP to little miss rich bitch reynolds but i'm different ;)

no hate to allison she's awesome but she grew up in the lap of luxury surrounded by designer brands so she knows NOTHING about thrifting and rationing money in general

oh and sav and allison have kind of a frenemies thing going on bcs they're both fighting for the top spot of their fashion design course

they spend the whole day shopping and aaron ends up with a highly upgraded wardrobe that contains a lot of cute pastel stuff and sav's promise to do his makeup

aaron insists on paying for dinner at the really nice pizza place a short drive from campus even tho they all protest

and andrew knows he's found new friends, but has no idea that it's the vixens and he's dating one of them. nicky does tho, but he's sworn to secrecy

nicky thinks his new clothes are adorable and is stunned when aaron tells him the total cost

"oh my GOD that girl sounds like a genius."

"yeah, her name's sav. you guys,, would get along, i think."

okay now for the winter break part!!

i think that you can get permission to stay at dorms if you're an international student or something??

anyways since sav's super upset bcs her father straight-up told her not to come home bcs he has a new girlfriend ( god i hate sav's father )

katelyn would stay with her, but her dad can finally have her home in new york for christmas and she really doesn't want to miss it

cleo, the only one with a properly functional family, is going back to her big family house and loving parents and grandma and aunt and siblings and cousins. love that for her.

so aaron and sav are stuck at psu for 2 weeks and aaron's surprisingly cool with this. and sav's excited bcs for the first time since her mom died, she can spend her christmas with someone she actually wants around instead of her shitty-ass father and his constant stream of bitchy girlfriends

they spend a lot of time together, stealing food from the athlete's dining hall to make their own weird combos, which usually ends with aaron making something Cool and Interesting and sav gagging and spitting out whatever strange concoction she had previously insisted would taste good

i literally can't bring myself to give a shit about the twinyards' deal bcs andrew literally became best friends with renee?? and hooks up with guys at eden’s??? idk what's going on there but it's like andrew is trying to control aaron's life while he can do whatever he wants??? and honestly wtf????

also let me just make it clear that i ADORE andrew so so much he's one of my favourite comfort characters ever but i'm not gonna make excuses for his shitty behaviour. i fully believe he heals and puts away his pride to apologise to aaron, nicky, and kevin for his treatment of them

that's definitely not to say that aaron's internalised homophobia isn't eww, but with so many important people in his life gay, he makes a huge effort to get over it

so andrew just thinks that aaron is spending a lot of time in the library or out with nicky or something

and when aaron tells sav about this deal, she's kinda horrified, but it's pretty clear to her that aaron so desperately wants to fix his relationship with his brother, and she's not in any place to discourage him, is she?

the only thing she can do is hope that he won't come out all the worse for it

and stare at the boy curled up on the other end of the pale pink sofa cleo's parents had gotten, wonder just how much shit he'd been put through, and decide she was going to be his best friend

aaron's face has gone entirely impassive. sav nudges his fluffy-socked foot with her own, then reaches out to smooth the crease between his eyebrows. "careful, you'll wrinkle your pretty little face."

aaron is very caught off guard by this, and very promptly flushes bright red, which contrasts with the pale teal hoodie he stole from katelyn

"okay, enough talk about depressing crap. wanna go make christmas cookies now?"

"yeah."

so they make christmas cookies. well, it was supposed to be christmas cookies, but it turns into double chocolate fudge cookies somewhere along the line. neither of them knows how

them baking together is the definition of chaos. they're still blasting songs, and sav is singing along terribly

"yOu'Re A mEaN oNe, Mr. GrInCh," while poking aaron's cheek as he tries to mix something. he throws a handful of flour at her. "yOu ReAlLy ArE A hEel."

anyways obviously sav retaliates and that ends in a flour fight. it only stops when aaron deadass cracks an egg on sav's head and she smears chocolate into his hair

she also tries to make him sing along to baby, it's cold outside

"i'Ve GoT tO Go `wAAyyy~" she holds a spatula up to his face

"go away."

they video call katelyn, who takes one look at the mess in the cramped dorm kitchen and sighs so loudly and dramatically that her dad pops in and asks if everything's okay

aaron freezes up at the sight of him and sav quickly turns off the camera, bcs they both want to make good impressions on him, and being covered in various cookie ingredients just won't cut it, ya know?

the cookies turn out delicious and sav sends all their group chat various photos of the process, most of which consist of selfies with her making goofy faces while aaron is simultaneously baking and flipping off the camera

plus a several videos of sav enthusiastically dancing and mouthing the lyrics of, as follows, all i want for christmas is you, let it snow, and santa claus is coming to town and aggressively pointing a spatula at aaron

"c'mon aari, just sing! please??? please???? please you can do it i believe in you!!"

finally he just. gives up. "okay, you know what? fine, i'll sing to ONE and then you will STOP bothering me you insolent dumbass."

sav beams. santa baby starts playing. aaron is very clearly going through five stages of grief in 0.5 seconds

"go on," sav says sweetly as she slides in next to a pouting aaron, "i'll sing with you."

sav slings an arm around his shoulder and sways with him, so it's just her doing that and him grumpily mumbling the lyrics

and when the cookies are cooling down, they start cleaning the kitchen up. aaron rubs some spilled egg yolk into sav's hair but it goes pretty okay otherwise, since they're just listening to more christmas songs and chatting about light stuff, like aaron's biochem course, sav's fashion course, and their dumb classmates

aaron mostly listens tho, and learns that sav kind of hates allison reynolds for giving up her inheritance when she would do ANYTHING for even the tiniest fraction of that money

but she still thinks allison's gorgeous bcs c'mon

and that sav's dream is to one day open her own boutique!!

aaron spends most of the actual christmas day with the monsters at eden's bcs nicky and andrew wanted to

he spent a lot of the time texting on their group chat

doessavvyisgay: so u just go to a nightclub every week??

unaliveme: i mean yeah, i literally worked here for a while. we needed money and nicky was already working 2 jobs night and day

actualblessing: babe ur backstory is so tragic

unaliveme: i'm a fox for a reason ig

cleo.magda: Yes but-

doessavvyisgay renamed this conversation "aaron miniyard support group"

unaliveme: oh ffs

unaliveme: sav subject change go

doessavvyisgay: i'm at the clothes store what should i get?

actualblessing: something pretty :)

doessavvyisgay: sorry, i can't buy the cashier

cleo.magda: Wow.

doessavvyisgay: I DID GET HER NUMBER THO

unaliveme: lmaooo what's her name?

doessavvyisgay: uh

unaliveme: savannah istg u don't even know her name??

actualblessing: s a v

actualblessing: damn u really do be turning on the Charm tho

actualblessing: respect i didn't even talk to aaron till i asked him for notes bcs he has rly pretty notes and also a rly pretty face

actualblessing: and even then i was like :0

unaliveme: IT WAS CUTE I PROMISE

doessavvyisgay: u 2 = the only valid heterosexual couple

actualblessing: rt

unaliveme: oh shit i'm getting super drunk

cleo.magda: Aaron, you drink? That's not legal, get out of there right now. Kids these days-

unaliveme: cleo u have literally seen me get drunk af,, the first time we met,,, and anyways this is how my family bonds ✌🏻

doessavvyisgay: that's. so damn weird kiddo but go off ig

actualblessing: no go find better things to bond about other than alcohol and weird sweaty dancing

cleo.magda: Yeah, go watch some Christmas movies!

unaliveme: nicky makes us watch die hard every year

doessavvyisgay: see u in hell, kiddo ;)

cleo.magda: I meant things like The Polar Express and Home Alone.

actualblessing: merry christmas ya filthy animals!!

doessavvyisgay: merry xmas y'all i'm gonna go to that christmas party bcs i'm super bored

unaliveme: merry christmas mothers and fuckers

cleo.magda: Merry Christmas, you guys!

#aaron & the family he's found all by himself #okay this was most aaron and sav centric #but i love them so.#aftg headcanons #aftg #all for the game #the foxhole court #aaron minyard headcanons #the vixens #aaron minyard #andrew minyard #twinyards #nicky hemmick #katelyn aftg #katelyn finley #sav jameson #cleo magdalene

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thweaty · 3 years

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tomdaya tea ☕️

ok i have to submit this because it’s just TEW much to explain otherwise. like i said i stan them both so i been here for it all and know ALL the tea. i’ll give you the rundown of their relationship and then the drama that went down when she was dating jacob. there’s a whole tumblr timeline spanning years you can google if you’re interested in seeing it in detail but i’ll give you the basics. this is going to be a literal dissertation sorry in advance but i feel responsible for letting the general public know about the tomdaya agenda since i know so much

so they started dating in like aug/sept 2016 right after they finished filming homecoming. he went to canada right after to film another movie and during the course of filming she went to visit him and he flew to la to visit her, this is when people started getting sus. when he finished filming this movie he made an ig story about how he was going home to london to be with his family and spend the holidays with them, except he lied because he flew to la to see z and spend thanksgiving with her and her family lmao (he actually spent thanksgiving with her family 3 years in a row 2016-2018….more on that later tho 👀) her cousin exposed them when he posted a video on thanksgiving at her house and you could see her and tom cuddling on the couch. so everyone was like they’re 100% dating. like i said he was always flying to see her, he was going to workout classes with her mom and shit, he always stayed at her house in la (there’s multiple sets of photos of him outside her house with luggage). another thing that convinced people was sometime in early 2017 she made a whole snapchat story about how she was super sick and overworked and then after that accidentally posted a snap to her story that said “your sick girlfriend really loves you”. she deleted it quickly because it was obviously an accident and wasn’t meant to be public but people got screenshots. tom was also in nyc visiting z when she was filming the greatest showman and told a fan he met that he was in town visiting his girlfriend because he dumb.

so at this point we KNOW they’re dating. zendaya is notorious for being extremely private with relationships, the guy she dated before tom she was with for 4 years and called him her best friend all along. she didn’t admit they actually had dated until after they broke up bc he cheated on her. so her being so private with tom and hiding it was expected. all this same shit goes on for the next nearly three years, they’re doing long distance but he flies to see her at least once a month sometimes more, they spend time with each others families, visit each other on set, etc.

so this is where it gets interesting. tom is photographed on the euphoria set during a night shoot in like early may 2019. this is apparently right around the time they break up. tom’s best friend tuwaine was dating this girl audrey and when they broke up she started spilling tea on tomdaya (tom unfollowed her after this so it was def true). she said they broke up in may because they were fighting more due to long distance AND tom was tired of being so private, he didn’t want to be public but was over being so secretive and wanted to be a little more lax but she wasn’t comfortable with that. they decided to stay friends. the far from home press tour was in june and they were clearly still super close friends, nobody could even tell they were broken up cause they were so chummy (looking back now it’s more obvious cause tom was saying shit about his love life being a disappointment and stuff). they go their separate ways after the premiere but stay friends and continue to interact on social media, even months after the breakup tom met a girl at a con dressed like mj and asked if he could take a photo with her to send to zendaya so they were def still talking and stuff

fast forward to feb 2020. z is dating jacob and they’re being papped like every single day in nyc. pictures come out of them kissing out in the open in nyc. as a fan of z this was VERY weird to me because she’s always so private, but i was like maybe she’s trying something new because being so private caused the downfall with tom. BUT then she started DMing her fan accounts on twitter and ig asking them to take the kissing photos down (so idk what happened, she had to knew they were being papped but maybe she had second thoughts and regretted it)…. her fan accounts do delete the photos, but it’s too late. everyone has already seen them including tom, who is in the middle of a self-proclaimed instagram break. the day after the kissing photos came out, he goes back on ig and unfollowed two of z’s best friends, one being her assistant and basically brother darnell who tom was also good friends with. he posts a photo on his story of him drinking and puts emojis over his eyes and said something like “back for a minute, now i’m gone again.” he was going through it lmao so he literally went onto ig to be petty and unfollow people close to z because he was mad she was kissing her bf of a few months in public when they were together for nearly three years. and obviously he couldn’t unfollow her so he did the next best thing, and fans obviously took notice. a week later he followed darnell back cause i guess he realized how bad it looked but the damage was already done. tom and z from then on do not interact or acknowledge each other for the next SIX MONTHS. idk if they fought or if she was mad he unfollowed darnell or what. but it was MESSY.

a month later tom starts dating this girl nadia, she moves into his house a few weeks into dating for quarantine. they date throughout those lockdown months. z breaks up with jacob sometime in june. she gets nominated for the emmy at the end of july, and days after she gets nominated her and tom start liking all of each others photos again. the assumption is he reached out to congratulate her and they made up. a few days after they start interacting again, tom posts a photo of his girlfriend on ig, and z likes it. tom and nadia break up like a week later 💀 he was filming uncharted in berlin at this point, him and z continue to interact, he finishes uncharted and flies right to atlanta to start filming spider-man. they’re still in atlanta now and we know they hang out all the time, but a lot of people think they’re back together because they’ve done some very 👀 things. her mom came to atlanta for thanksgiving and you guessed it… tom spent it with them (which we only know cause the celeb chef who cooked for them posted on his story that he made thanksgiving dinner for zendaya and tom holland. he then deleted and deactivated cause he realized he fucked up lmao). they started interacting with each other’s families and friends again. hunter (jules from euphoria) who is z’s best friend drove to atlanta to see her and her and tom followed each other. tom is very selective of who he follows and doesn’t even follow a lot of his costars so people were shook by this, especially because him and hunter met multiple times before but never followed each other. i have no idea if they’re back together, at the very least they’re good friends again, but i wouldn’t be surprised at all if they were. we’ll see what happens when they finish filming 👀👀👀 lmk your thoughts, questions, concerns etc.

bitch my fave part was zendaya liking that pic and tom and his gf breaking up a week later 😭😭

#my GOD #submission #i kno this is a controversial topic but i love the drama SKNDF #thank u anon >:)

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hobeymakar · 4 years

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Unapologetically | C. Makar Part 1

Chapter word count: 3,526

A/N: Title from the song Unapologetically by Kelsea Ballerini. This is my first chaptered fic in a long time and my first written on here, so please be kind. This fic is based off a set of very vivid reoccurring dreams I’ve had over the last couple of months that involve Cale and like the true psycho I am, I wrote the big things that happened in those dreams down. Then I decided recently to just turn it to a fic, so this is pretty self-indulgent. Is it possibly narcissistic of me to write a fic about me? Maybe, but I’m gonna write it anyway. This first chapter is gonna be a lil boring and weird because it has a lot of time skips but Chapter 2 will be much more exciting and way better

Shoutouts: @pizzasloot and @hockey-and-wine for being my biggest cheerleaders for writing for this fic in the gc and also shoutout to @grenawitka for always keeping the gc lit. I love you girls!

Warnings: explicit language, alcohol use

Tatyana “Taty” Marie Ventura or “Ace” as she is now being known as, never thought that when she started a podcast in the comfort of her Rhode Island home, that she would kind of blow up. Taty started the Ace of Hockey podcast because she wanted a career in hockey media and wanted to do it her way, being unapologetically herself. She started the podcast and started messaging hockey players and other athletes in hopes that they would come onto the podcast to talk about diversity and inclusion in the sport.

That’s how she finds herself on an early October evening receiving a message from Cale Makar on how he’s a fan of the podcast. She internally screams because she never thought an actual hockey player would listen to the podcast. She assumed only hockey fans would listen to the podcast and that it would never reach the notoriety of other hockey podcasts.

From: calemakar_

Hey, just wanted to say that I’m a big fan of your podcast. Buddy of mine showed it to me and I think it’s fantastic. It’s helping me learn how to be a better ally

To: calemakar_

Thank you so much, that means a lot honestly!

From: calemakar_

You’re welcome. I’ve been showing it to the team and they think it’s great for them to learn how to be better allies

To: calemakar_

Wow, that means so much! I just want people to know that hockey is great but it would be so much better if it became inclusive to everyone regardless of sex, gender, race, ethnicity, religion, etc. I just want hockey to really be for everyone

From: calemakar_

That's what we all want. We don't want anyone to feel like they can't play or enjoy hockey because of who they are

She doesn't know how to keep the conversation because she's awkward and just lets the dm sit there. She turns her attention to the latest hockey news and figuring out who's gonna be her next guest for the podcast.

A few hours later, she sees a follow request on her personal IG account and not the podcast account. She sees it's from Cale and is confused on why he would want to follow her personal account. She barely posts stuff about the podcast on there and uses it more to keep up with family with the occasional posts promoting the podcast and the guests. She accepts the request and doesn't think anything of it.

A few days later, she notices that he's been liking her posts and viewing her stories. He's been seeing her interact with family and friends and she still doesn't understand why he cares enough to keep up with her personal account. It starts becoming weird when he adds her on snapchat.

She sends him a dm on instagram to make sure it's actually him and not someone pretending to be him.

To: calemakar_

This might sound totally weird but did you just add me on snapchat?

From: calemakar_

Yeah I'm sorry. Josty thought it would be funny to hijack my phone and add you

To: calemakar_

No need to apologize, I just wanted to make sure it was actually you and not someone trying to be you to catfish girls

From: calemakar_

Yeah no, definitely my account

She accepts him as a friend on Snapchat and sends him a message.

To: Cale Makar

Hope it's okay I added you back

From: Cale Makar

Yeah, that's cool. You didn't have to tho. Don't want you to feel like you had to

To: Cale Makar

Trust me I added you back because I wanted to. I don't just accept anybody

She hits send before she can even think twice about it but then she reads it back and wants the ground to swallow her whole. She panics as she watches the delivered turn into a read and the little bubbles show up saying he's typing. It feels like forever before Cale sends a response back.

From: Cale Makar

Well I'm glad you didn't add me back out of pity

She doesn't know how to respond to that right away so she opens up other messages and posts updates on her work on her story. She goes back to the messages and starts typing a response, not wanting to leave him on read forever.

To: Cale Makar

Why would anybody do that?

She exits out of it and hopes that her attempts at extending a conversation aren't met with disappointment.

From: Cale Makar

I admit you got me there

To: Cale Makar

I get people to say that a lot

From: Cale Makar

Never picked you as the type to brag

To: Cale Makar

There's a lot of layers to me and a lot of things you don't know about me

From: Cale Makar

Well I hope I get to know more about you

She blinks multiple times not knowing if the message was actually real. After blinking several times, she realizes the message was real and she lets out a squeal. Is he actually flirting with her? She pinches herself because she must be dreaming. There's no way her favorite hockey player and crush is flirting with her. Shit like that doesn't happen to her! She has zero game and has been on a grand total of zero dates in her life. She has had zero boyfriends and girlfriends in her life, so this is something brand new for her.

Maybe she's reading it wrong? Maybe he's just being polite and isn't actually flirting. She decides it's better not to stress it and just go with the flow.

That's how she approaches the next couple of weeks with her pumping out content for her podcast, working her actual day job, and working on her social media game for the podcast. She also dms tons of people she sees as potential guests on the podcast.

Her conversations with Cale become more frequent as she eventually finds herself sending him snaps daily. He actually feels comfortable enough to comment on her posts on her personal IG page now and she honestly doesn't know how this is all even real.

Like before she's not stressing it and is going with the flow. However, on the day of Cale's 22nd birthday, she gets hit with a message that causes her to freak out a little.

From: Cale Makar

Hey, is it cool if I got your number? It's much easier if I can just text you. I like you and want to keep getting to know you more

She hyperventilates because she has never had another human being shoe this much interest in her, her whole life. She pinches herself to make sure it's real and it really is real. Cale Makar actually asked for her number. She doesn't know if she should be jumping for joy or preparing for something to go wrong. This is completely uncharted waters for her and she doesn't know if she should go with her heart or her mind. Her mind is telling her not to do it, but her heart is telling her to do it. After a minute, she decides to go with her heart.

To: Cale Makar

Yeah, that's totally cool! (xxx-xxx-xxxx)

She sees a text from an unknown number a minute later pop up on her phone

From: xxx-xxx-xxxx

Hey, it's Cale

She saves the number under the name "Cale 🥰" and types out a response

To: Cale 🥰

Hey, happy birthday btw! Hope you're having fun!

From: Cale 🥰

Thank you I'm in Calgary rn with my family

To: Cale 🥰

Glad you're having fun with them

From: Cale 🥰

Thank you it's good to be back home

To: Cale 🥰

I can imagine! I'll let you get back to your family

She focuses on getting ready for Halloween, which also happens to be her sister's birthday. Her sister is turning 21 this year and she wants to make the most of it, even in the midst of a pandemic. They plan on going to Salem, Massachusetts with family and throwing a little party at a cousin's house in Brookline, Massachusetts. She sees Cale post pictures and videos on his Snapchat story of him and his family celebrating his birthday. She sees all his teammates wishing him a happy birthday on Instagram and Twitter.

As she’s getting ready to go to bed that night, she gets a video call from Cale.

“Hello?” she asks, not knowing why he would be calling her.

“Ace!” he shouts, causing her to cringe slightly.

“How’s your birthday going?” she asks.

“Great! I’m with my brother and some buddies from back home! We got a bonfire going on right now!” he explains, showing off the fire and his brother and friends.

She wants the ground to swallow her whole because she looks absolutely disgusting with her hair tied up in a bun, and old URI sweatpants and an URI sweatshirt on. She has no makeup on and she’s pretty sure she has some acne on her face.

“Hey Ace! I’m Taylor, Cale’s brother!” Taylor shouts in excitement.

She can clearly tell that he’s buzzed, as well as Cale.

“Hey Taylor,” she smiles, waving at him politely.

His buddies also introduce themselves and she can tell that they’re also slightly buzzed. A part of her hopes that they aren’t driving and are gonna make it back home safely whether tonight or the following day.

“You should come!” one of his friends suggests.

“I’d love to but I live in America and the border is still closed,” she replies, feeling slightly awkward.

“It’s a shame! I know Cale really misses his girl right now!” another friend chimes in, causing her to almost choke on her wine.

“I’m not his-”

“He won’t stop talking about you! He’s got it bad for you!” another friend adds, causing her to blush even more.

If the ground would swallow her up right now, that would be amazing because she can't believe the shit that she’s hearing right now. She doesn’t know if it’s the alcohol that has his friends saying that but a part of her wishes it’s true. God, a part of her wants him to want her because she definitely likes him. She likes everything about him but she’s too much of a loser to put herself out there more. So she just lets him do all the talking and flirting because once again, she has no game.

“Shut up Taylor!” Cale cries out, shoving his brother lightly.

“Well you seem to be having a fun time with your friends,” she says, not wanting to bring up anything that was said about his feelings for her.

“It would be better if you were here,” he adds, his voice dropping slightly in volume.

“Yeah, well maybe we’ll meet one day,” she adds, not wanting to sound desperate to meet him or anything.

“When I get back to the States, I’ll make that a reality,” he replies, sounding sincere for being slightly intoxicated.

She’s reminded of the saying that drunken words are sober thoughts and gets a warm feeling in her stomach.

“Well I’ll let you keep having fun, birthday boy. I’ll talk to you later,” she smiles.

“Bye Ace,” he smiles back, before ending the call.

She immediately refills her glass of wine because she’s definitely too sober to be thinking about all the feelings Cale manages to give her every time they talk. She eventually falls asleep and if she dreamed about being in Calgary with Cale, she’ll blame it on the alcohol fucking with her dreams.

The next day is a busy one for Taty as she celebrates her sister’s 21st birthday in the best way she can while in the middle of a pandemic. They go to Salem, Massachusetts and have a blast doing many Halloween-related activities and then once it gets late, they head down to their cousin’s place in Brookline, Massachusetts to watch Halloween movies and to have a good time. Her sister decides to get drunk and Taty posts all their adventures on her Snapchat and her Instagram. She also sees that Cale has been posting his Halloween adventures on Snapchat, which aren’t as exciting this year because there’s no Avs Halloween party this year due to it still being the offseason and not everyone on the team is in Denver at the moment.

The next few weeks go by for Taty and it eventually gets to the point that she’s video chatting with Cale every day. They sometimes will stay up until late at night just talking and getting to know each other. Every day she’s becoming more comfortable and it’s on the first day of training camp, where she decides she’s finally gonna grow a pair and let him know how she feels.

He calls her after a long day at training camp and she actually has the time to talk to him as she isn’t working on anything for the podcast or her day job.

“How was camp?” she asks him, as she locks herself in her room.

The last thing she needs is for her nosy ass sisters to eavesdrop on her conversations with Cale.

“It was tiring but fun. It was great to be out there with the guys again, even though everything is so weird with the virus going on,” he explains.

“Oh I bet, I can’t imagine all the testing and the extra precautions you guys have to take. The whole season is gonna be super weird huh,” she replies.

“Yeah, weird is a bit of an understatement,” he chuckles lightly.

“I really like you,” she blurts out, then immediately wishes the ground would swallow her whole.

She buries her face in her hands and contemplates ending the call to save herself from further embarrassment.

“Oh thank god! I was starting to think you didn’t really feel the same,” he admits, biting his lip.

“No I definitely like you. It’s just I’m new to this. I’ve never dated before or anything. I’m kind of a giant loser if you haven’t already caught on,” she admits, almost rambling at the end.

“Yeah no, you’re not a loser! You’re the coolest, most fun girl I’ve ever talked to and I just want to keep getting to know you because I really like you,” he assures her.

"So are we putting a label on this? Are we dating?" she asks.

"I guess you can say we're long distance dating," he chuckles lightly.

"I did know our video chats were considered dates," she teases.

"I was seeing them as dates and I want our future ones to be considered dates," he confesses.

"Alright so set up our next date," you tease.

"I know you're recording for the podcast tomorrow so what about Wednesday?" he asks.

"I'm off work Wednesday so that would be perfect. What time works for you?" she asks him.

"8pm my time," he answers.

"Yeah that works for me," she smiles.

"So it's a date?" he asks.

"Yeah it's a date," she smiles, getting a warm feeling in her stomach.

She tells him about some funny stories involving her family and he tells her some funny stories from training camp. They chat for hours and before she knows it, it's past midnight and she has to go to work in the morning.

“I need to go to bed. I have work in the morning. Goodnight Cale,” she yawns, waving at him

“Goodnight love,” he waves back, ending the call.

If she cheeses a little at the fact he called her love, no one is around to see it.

December goes by pretty quickly and she feels bad that her calls with Cale become less frequent. December is the busiest month at work because everyone is doing Christmas shopping (being a store manager is hard work) and she finds herself working double the amount of hours she worked before the holiday season. Add doing the podcast three times a week and she’s absolutely gassed. Luckily, Cale doesn’t hold it against her because he starts getting more busy with preseason starting and his parents coming down for the holidays. Taylor is currently in the middle of his final season in the AJHL so he can’t make the trip down to Denver for the holidays. They text each other every day throughout the month however, and she manages to call him on Christmas and on New Year’s Eve, asking him if he’s excited for the new season to start on the 2nd.

2021 starts off worse than 2020 started because of the pandemic but Taty manages to make the best of it. She watches the Winter Classic while on video call with Cale. Luckily, the Avalanche start their season off at home again this year. The following day, she finds herself rushing home from work to be able to catch the Avs first game of the season against the Wild. She makes it home and takes a quick shower before changing into her Cale jersey and joggers. She quickly eats dinner before going into her room. She puts the game on and makes it just in time for the players to come out to the ice. She watches the game and manages to text Cale throughout the game knowing that he won’t see the string of texts until after the game. He finishes the game with one assist and 2 hits, as the Avs win 4-2 to start off the new season on a high note.

As she’s getting ready for bed, she gets a call from Cale.

“Hey, great game,” she smiles, trying not to show how tired she is.

“Oh shit, I just realized how late it is over there,” he sighs, not wanting to keep her up.

“It’s okay. I always stay up past my bedtime to talk to you,” she teases.

“How was work?” he asks.

“Annoying. We’re winding down from the holiday season but we still got a lot of people shopping and returning stuff,” she explains.

“I don’t know how you do it honestly, being so young and running a store, I mean,” he explains.

“Yeah well luckily I’m only an assistant manager,” she replies.

“Still pretty incredible what you do,” he assures her.

“Says the NHL superstar,” she scoffs.

“Hey, I’m not a superstar at all! I’m just another player like everybody else trying to be the best at my position,” he explains.

“Why do you have to be so humble all the time?” she teases.

“It’s just who I am,” he shrugs.

“And I love you for it but like just admit you’re a superstar,” she replies.

“Fine, I’m a superstar. Happy now?” he teases.

“The happiest. When are your parents going back to Calgary?” she asks, switching the subject.

“Tomorrow,” he answers.

“I’m glad you got to have them with you for the holidays, though,” she adds.

“Yeah, it was great seeing them again. I just wish Taylor could’ve been here,” he replies.

“Yeah well you’ll see him once his season ends and on the bright side, he’ll be at UMass next season,” she adds.

“Yeah I just miss him. I always go home for Christmas and this year I couldn’t,” he explains.

“Yeah I can’t imagine what that’s like but it will get better,” she assures him.

“Yeah I know it will,” he nods.

“I wish I could be there to make you feel better,” she sighs.

“Yeah, well we’ll see each other next month,” he smiles, a hopeful tone in his voice.

“February 5th can’t come fast enough. I’m gonna blow you away with the best interview you’ve ever done,” she teases, referring to her interviewing him for the podcast.

“I guess we’ll have to see about that,” he teases back.

“You wound me, Makar!” she fake gasps.

“I’ll make it up to you with a killer real first date,” he smiles.

“I’ll hold you to that. I expect to be really wooed,” she teases.

“It’s gonna be the best date you’ve ever been on,” he almost guarantees.

“It’s gonna be the first date I’ve ever been on,” she informs him.

“I know. That’s why it’s gonna be the best you’ve ever been on,” he jokes, causing her to roll her eyes.

“You’re so funny, Makar,” she deadpans.

“Stop acting like I don’t make you laugh all the time, Ventura,” he teases.

“What happened to humble Cale? I like him better than this smug one I got here,” she teases back.

“Stop acting like you don’t like it,” he replies.

“Yeah, I like every side to you,” she admits.

“Well that’s good because I like every side of you,” he smiles.

She feels her cheeks heat up and that warm fuzzy feeling return to her stomach. Is this what falling in love feels like? She’s never felt this way before and god, she hopes the feeling never fades because it’s amazing. No wonder people love falling in love so much, it’s magical and she hopes she doesn’t fuck it up. She just counts down the days until February 5th praying to god that nothing goes wrong once they finally meet.

#cale makar #colorado avalanche #hockey #nhl writing #nhl fanfiction #cale makar fanfic #hockey fanfiction #nhl #nhl players #nhl imagines #cale makar imagine

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mysticalmusicwhispers · 4 years

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APH Iceland Headcanons

Just some thoughts I have that I never published. Some are just really vague personality notes that I’m adding a lot of real life background to though, so you’re warned.

- “Plays it cool, but is actually a dork” kind of person

- Wants to be seen as mature by his fellows, but ends up kind of being babied by the others. Explanation: I see this as a factor of Iceland being a smaller country and not being very well known on the world stage/not exerting that much influence, he often gets sorta frustrated that he’s not being taken seriously, especially by his Nordic “brothers”

- However, I also think that in rare moments, or just deep down, he’s satisfied with his position and grateful that he doesn’t have to bear the weight of fame and success, to make the decisions for the world. He sees it as pressure that he sometimes can’t take, but on the other hand, he still wants to be heard by people, just not with that much responsibility on his shoulders. Much more of a follower than a leader.

- Trusts Norway a whole lot, even if he usually seems to dislike him. Probably one of the only people he’d seek advice from. Others include Sweden and the younger nations: HK, Seychelles, Liechtenstein, etc.

- Like a distant, weird, second cousin you only get to see twice a year or so, a bit weird by “normal” standards. I’ve heard (correct me if wrong) that real Icelanders are a bit “kooky”? They (supposedly) have a reputation for being a bit weird in terms of fashion and things (@ that lopapeysa strip in the manga), as well as in their food (it seems this isn’t widely eaten on a daily basis, but there’s dishes like fermented shark and hrútspungar/sour sheep testicles). Therefore, yeah, APH Iceland is a bit of a weirdo sometimes. Also, because real Iceland is geographically far from mainland Europe, APH Iceland is a bit distant to everybody else (it’s said he’s “a step behind when it comes to European fads” from the wiki), and this is another “second cousin” thing --> he’s a bit emotionally far from the rest of his family just because he’s away from them physically.

- I attribute his desire to appear normal to just normal teenage angst, since from what I’ve heard, Icelanders are pretty proud about their culture and their uniqueness?

- I think his childish side is also a thing fitting the “next cousin” personality? Like I agree with him being a Gen Z and a netizen who’s really internet-fluent and has all the memes and stuff

- Nature!!! Similar to Norway in this respect, because they’ve both got a lot of wild places that are really beautiful. Given that real Iceland has glaciers and hot springs and a giant hoard of pretty scenery, although APH Iceland tries to fit in and not be a nerd about nature, he loves the peace and quiet of the outdoors a lot. Seriously appreciates how beautiful real Iceland is, and is pretty proud of it inside.

- I don’t think he’s very rugged, probably wouldn’t be good at camping, although he’s outdoors a lot.

- Runs two social medias: one about his life, memes, #relatable things, younger nation hangouts, and another that’s much more aesthetic-y with hiking photos and mountain pictures. Some of his close friends know about both, but most people just know about his personal account, not the nature one.

- Finds his friends comforting and funny and nice to hang out with most of the time, but it’s a bit energy draining talking to people a lot. He’s the sassy and sort of cynical one in their group.

- But, they drag the fun side out of him a lot, usually because they do crazy things and force him to come along even though he pretends it’s really dumb (and sometimes it is) but ends up laughing a lot and thinking they should do it again someday.

- A seriously sweet smile, if you can get it out of him.

- I think he’d be that person who criticizes the things and people he likes, just because he doesn’t really have the heart to actually express his feelings.

- He likes dogs from afar - meaning that he’s kinda put off and a little annoyed if he gets close to one and they start barking a whole ton and getting really excited but he likes how cute they can be. He just wouldn’t want to be committed to caring for his own ig.

- Worries a lot, mostly about people liking him, but the second he has to interact with people who are talking bs he gets reminded why he kinda dislikes/hates social interaction sometimes. A sort of dilemma between being lonely and thinking that “all people are junk”, but he’s really grateful for the people he was forced to meet but whom he genuinely likes

- Second closest to Sweden out of all the Nordics, after Norway. Like, I don’t know if I just haven’t found Swe/Ice interactions, but their relationship is criminally ignored??? Iceland goes to Swe for advice!!! He knows Swe won’t usually judge and is pretty good at keeping secrets, he literally asks Swe what’s going on in that birthday party episode, bro he trusts Sweden to be there and answer his questions when Norway refuses to so he can annoy Iceland. I need someone to expound on their relationship please.

That’s it! I love this kid to death but somehow can’t write for him, and I don’t think I got his personality down correctly hhh. Anyway, feel free to refute my ideas! I love hearing new headcanons, especially unconventional ones!

*Also, the “next cousin” thing I included is based on this, a video about what Nordic people really think about each other. Real Iceland was described as: expensive, very beautiful in terms of nature and scenery, and like a next cousin.

#aph iceland #musings #headcanon musings #hws iceland #aph iceland headcanons #hetalia #aph #hws #aph headcanons #hws headcanons #hws iceland headcanons #hetalia headcanons #hetalia iceland headcanons

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xp-egg · 4 years

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paranoia/mental illness/disturbing tw.. related to the post i made on my main blog

So im about to drive up to see my mama for hanukkah, alone as i do each yr. redacted THING happened a few summers ago but essentially bc of it she believes ppl from [Japanese automobile corporation] tried to m*rder her on the job nd now cant keep a job or a place to live so she lives w my baba . i havent talked to her in a year for reasons i will explain ...so we r texting abt my travel plan, cooking plan, talking for the first time all yr besides birthday wishes n stuff, shes talking normally, we say our goodbyes/cantwaittoseeyous. bht 12ish hours later she sends me, un-explained with no preface, a cryptic list of what i slowly figure out are license plate numbers out of nowhere n says ppl are trying to run her over n cackling (this is not new.. just i havent had to deal w it all year and i was hoping she could let it go for just a few days....), i ask if she has gotten to a safe place and ofc she says shit like 'well unfortunately natasha i will never be safe. they follow me at all moments and one day you will read abt ur mother having been killed, etc etc.' like omg i just cant talk to u. At all. Anymore. can i not have one day.. without this... please g*d... she cant be around ANYONE bc she thinks they are all working w [car company] conspiring to m*rder, slander, whatever her.. shes lost 12 jobs in the past 4 years. everytime we go out in public she screams at people for even glancing at her/smiling at her and claims they were [doing some weird threatening thing they certainly werent ? .. like sometimes ppl with certain names or wearing A CERTAIN COLOR is enough to be a SIGN and she loses it and starts telling them loudly to fuck off and stop looking at her.... my non-hallucinating brain as a witness] and im mildly concerned someone WILL kill her in retaliation for her being insane in their face.. (she had some guy start yelling back at her and she recorded it as 'proof'. He was clearly very annoyed at her saying terrible accusations at him when he was trying to mind his fucking business.....it was indescribably scary but like can i blame him? she was being highly inappropriate publically.. SHE was prob scaring HIM. she scares me lmao) like she has been so mild mannered and rational her whole life.. she has a degree in chemistry and a literal genius IQ. its like watching a loving animal slowly go violently rabid. It Sucks

last year she finally accused ME of also being paid off/threatened by [company] to conspire against her JUST bc i went to visit her older brothers family (my aunt n cousins who are the family members ive been closest to our whole lives aside from my mother nd baba) w my bf at the time bc i wanted him to meet my non-insane family members..... JUST FOR VISITING MY OTHER FAMILY MEMBERS BC THEY ARE EXPECTING ME TO VISIT N THEY LOVE ME ? Like they love my mom too but multiple years of being accused of being bought off, or [company] threatening to m*rder my cousins (she always says the most brutal and disturbingly specific details too) if they didnt do whatever thing would intimidate my mom, [in this case purchasing the most affordable reliable new family car they could from [company] ..it WAS right after she told them about her initial event but likethey needed a new car and her claims are literally delusional. i rly dont want to disown my other family for that but its a hard decision.. terrible situation], but being accused to conspire to m*rder her gets tiring so they gave up a while ago. when she accused ME even tho i have been the literal last person to stand by her for the past 4.5 years.. i never made her feel like her claims were impossible even when literally everyone else did bc i figured she needed a buoy.. i said fuck it i can't talk to you anymore. i will start going insane too . we have all tried to comfortingly reason w her (well i didnt for a while, i just wholly accepted her story without trying to reason with her INSANE JUMPS IN CORRELATION.. fully bizarre and delusional.. bc i wanted to support her), i spent so much more money getting a less reliable car just to avoid buying from [company], supported her contacting the authorities (obviously they can't help bc she is making insane claims), make her feel as safe n protected.. did as much as we possibly could but like... theres a limit. this is year 4.5 of this, every day, every hour. EVERY year she says well the dirt on [company] will get out this year.. youll see.. ill be validated (essentially). she went to inpatient treatment and she said they accused her of having barbituates in her system when she arrived (what) nd the only diagnosis they gave her was 'rule out paranoid delusion' (bro come on... she thinks EVERYONE is trying to k*ll her.. help) so she wont get any more help. i want to at least try and save my baba bc she is old and puts up w this every single day. but on top of having my own problems, by saving my baba id be damning my mother, or myself. i never know what to do....

but well anyways i love driving hours into a fucking hornets nest each year. at least there are latkes ig

#i cant imagine what its like on her end but i just cant take it anymore #shes the only one im close to and this is so much worse than her dying.... i feel very alone #she says TERRIBLE things too #like in a normal casual conversation just forcing erratic phrases containing m*rder r*pe #insanely violent and disturbing phrases #its so embarrassing bc she does it around strangers... the two boyfriends ive tried to let her meet... our landlord in 2014..#idk what to do.#tw disturbing #on a personal level its miserable isolating n combined w my own personal failures contributes to my own s**** ideation #but on an impersonal level omg i want to write a book SO bad the things she has tried to accuse this company of are like otherdimensional #its very sad and almost hilarious bc it is SO insane #whatever i hate everything

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actuallyknowntobequitevexing · 7 years

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Dean / New Feelings

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"I can't believe you dragged me into this." Dean huffed, putting the car in park and staring at the fancy dining hall in front of you two.

"Look, you agreed to it, now let's get it over with." you said firmly. You didn't want to be there either, but you felt obligated. It was your friend Abbie's birthday tonight, and her parents were throwing her an extravagant, over-the-top party, as usual. You hadn't been to one of her parties in years (because you absolutely hated them), but you decided to come to this one because it was her 21st birthday. Plus, she really needed you there; you were the only person who she could complain about the party to.

You didn't want to seem like an outcasted loser who's been hunting monsters and hasn't lived a normal life in almost four years, so you begged Dean to come with you. People who went to your high school would be there, and you wanted to seem like you were succeeding in life. The last thing you wanted was to be talked about.

"This dinner that you're paying for better be freaking worth it." Dean grumbled. He shut off the engine and got out of the car. You followed suit, readjusting your new (and really fucking expensive) red floor-length dress. You were annoyed that you had to buy a really nice dress for the occasion, but you couldn't deny that you felt sexy in it.

You and Dean walked up the steps to the dining hall. "Just, be nice, Dean. Please." you plead to him.

"I'll try my best. You know I hate these things." Dean stepped forward and opened the door for you, catching you off-guard. The gesture was simple, but it made your heart flutter.

Wait, what the fuck? you think. That was weird. Why did I feel that?

You've never had feelings for Dean before, but you couldn't ignore the giddy, girlish feeling you felt just now.

Pushing the thought aside, you walk into the dining hall. Dean steps by your side, looking just as horrified as you do. Everything was white. The walls, the tables, the decorations, the food, the lights - everything. The dark wooden floor was the only contrast to the blindingly bright room.

You and Dean share a nervous look. He offers his arm to you, and you snake your arm around his. You two start walking through the elegant crowd, populated with people who were dressed a billion times nicer than you two. You felt like you shouldn't even be near such expensive clothing and jewelry. You were careful to not bump into anyone, in fear of ruining someone's dress or drawing attention to yourself.

"So, am I your boyfriend, your friend, your second cousin, what?" Dean asks quietly.

You hadn't thought about that. "Uhm, I guess-"

"(Y/N)!!!" a shrill voice exclaims. Mary, a girl from your high school, runs up to you, bouncing gleefully with (what seems like) feigned delight. She grabs you in an embrace, and you're stunned but awkwardly hug back. "Oh, darling, how are you? It's been so long!"

Mary annoyed the hell out of you. She was one of those girls who thinks that everybody likes her and wants to be her friend. You're pretty sure you've spoke to her, like, twice in your entire high school career, so you're not sure why she's acting all buddy-buddy with you now.

You smile politely and say, "I'm good-"

Mary cuts you off, as if you weren't saying anything. "And, who is this handsome man on your arm?" She pushes a finger against Dean's chest, teasingly.

Dean looks uncomfortable but answers, "I'm (Y/N)'s boyfriend."

Okay, well, this is happening now.

"Oh, how lovely!" Mary exclaims. She leans over to you and whispers, "Nice job, (Y/N)."

You smile nervously. "Thanks. He sure is a looker." You nudge his side.

Dean and Mary laugh uncomfortably.

Uhg, way to go, (Y/N).

"Well, it's great to see you again, (Y/N). We definitely need to catch up sometime over dinner! I'll bring my hubby, and you can bring your man, too." Mary's white teeth are starting to blind you.

"For sure!" you exclaim excitedly. As she turns and walks away, you mutter to Dean, "That's never gonna fucking happen."

He smiles, laughing softly. You notice that he's staring at you weirdly.

"What are you looking at?" you question, raising an eyebrow.

Dean opens his mouth and quickly closes it, like he's just realized what he was doing. "I've just never seen you in a dress before. And all this," He gestures vaguely to your face, "stuff."

"Makeup?" you laugh. He nods, and you roll your eyes. "I wear makeup, Dean."

"Yeah but not like," He gestures to your face again, "this."

"You need to cool it with," You gesture to his face, "this, or I'll smack the crap out of you, got it?"

Dean nods and straightens his posture up, getting back into his role as "your boyfriend". You two walk over to the bar and Dean orders two glasses of Scotch. You gladly down your entire glass, wanting this night to be over. Dean chuckled at you, calmly downing his glass, too.

Someone bumps your shoulder rather roughly, pushing past you to get to the bar. You turn to glare at the person, but realize that it's Abbie.

"Give me the strongest thing you got." she desperately begs the bartender, both arms extended on the bar dramatically.

You roll your eyes at her, poking her side. "Hey, there's people standing here, you know."

Her head whips around and she seems to have just realized that she had pushed past a person. "Oh my god, (Y/N)." She threw her arms around you, leaning her weight against you exasperatedly. "I'm so glad you're here. I'm about to blow my fucking brains out. Seriously, my mom won't stop talking and talking and talking and constantly nagging me about my posture and how I'm acting and my dad is trying to get me internships at all these fancy colleges that I don't really want and-" Her posture immediately straightens, releasing you from her hug. She had just noticed that Dean was standing next to you. She tucked a stray piece of hair under her bangs, bringing her lips inwards, obviously embarrassed.

"Hi." She smiles at him, trying to act as if she didn't just have a pity fit in front of him. She tugs your arm and asks quietly, "Who's this?"

You feel secondhand embarrassment for her, but just laugh because Dean was, luckily for her, not another stuck-up attendee of her party. "This is Dean. My friend."

"Boyfriend." Dean whispers quickly, trying to remind you of your feigned relationship.

You put a hand on his shoulder reassuringly. "It's okay, this is my friend Abbie. She knows we aren't dating."

At your last statement, Abbie raises her eyebrow at you challengingly, as if saying, "Are you sure about that?" You roll your eyes and nod slightly, trying to keep this exchange away from Dean's attention.

"Interesting," she almost whispers. You can see the wheels turning in her head, trying to come up with some elaborate backstory between you and Dean and catch you in a lie. She smiles pleasantly again, takes Dean's hand, and shakes it politely. "Well, Dean, it was very nice to meet you. (Y/N), we'll be talking later. I hope you two enjoy the party." She wiggles her eyebrows teasingly at you, grabs her drink from the bar, and walks away.

You close your eyes, sighing at the thought of having to defend your and Dean's platonic relationship when you talk again with Abbie.

"Well, she seems like a hoot." Dean says, trying to edge you even more. You jab your elbow into his side, and he chuckles, amused at your discomfort at this gathering.

For the next hour or so, you two mingle with most of the party, though most of the interactions were against your will. You and Dean were devestatingly bored with the party, but, every time you tried to leave, another person would come up to start a conversation. Most of them were people who went to your high school, interested in recounting all of their achievements and, ultimately, just hearing themselves talk. You were polite and friendly, and Dean mostly remained quiet. Sometimes, however, he would snake his hand around your hip while you were mid-conversation. His touch never ceased to startle you, and you secretly wished he would touch you more...

What. The. Fuck. Are. You. Thinking.

You shook off any romantic, dreamy thoughts regarding Dean, and tried to focus on faking your way through this party. Dean was only making it more difficult whenever his large, warm hand would find its way to your hip or your lower back. You were sure he was doing this to just add credibility to your two's "relationship", but you couldn't stop thinking about him, and how you never wanted him to leave your side.

At one point during the night, you and Dean wound up talking to a really nice elderly married couple. They looked to be in their sixties, and their names were Sarah and David. While David and Dean began talking about classic cars and rock music, Sarah leaned closer to you, placing her hand on your knee. "So, (Y/N), how did you and Dean meet?" she asked, her eyes gleaming with curiosity and happiness. You could tell she was a romantic.

Well, you couldn't tell her how you and Dean really met, so you decided to tell her the watered-down version. "I was caught up in some trouble a few years ago. I was going down a really dangerous path."

"I'm so sorry to hear that, (Y/N)," A look of worry washed over her face. "I'm glad you're okay now."

"Well, truthfully, I probably wouldn't be okay right now if I hadn't met Dean. He saved me one night when I was in in really deep trouble, and we became really good friends after that. Me, him, and his brother. They've become my family, and I'm really grateful for them." You smiled at your words because you had never acknowledged how much you loved the Winchester brothers until that point. You raised your eyes to look at Dean. He caught your glance, giving you an adorable closed-mouth smile before returning to his conversation with David.

You feel a rush of heat inflame your cheeks, and you turn back to see a smiling Sarah. She gave you such a knowing look, like everything just fit into place in the matter of just a small exchange. She touched your knee once more and said quietly, "Hold on to each other."

You smile once more at her, and she joins Dean and David's conversation, leaving you to your thoughts.

Does Sarah see something that I don't?

You pushed away those thoughts once more, and tried to concentrate on their conversation.

About an hour later, you and Dean decided to call it quits. You both told Sarah and David goodbye and thanked them for the company, then you found Abbie to tell her you were leaving. She reminded you of the conversation she wanted to have with you, and you promised her you would call her soon. You wished her a happy birthday, hugged her goodbye, and made your way to Dean's car.

You two drove in a sleepy yet comfortable silence. You knew you were definitely going to bed as soon as your head hit the pillow. In your sleepy haze, you lazily touched Dean's knee and said, "Thank you for coming with me. I hope you weren't as miserable as you expected to be."

He smiled and reached over to grab your hand, resting them on your leg. "I had fun." He glanced over at you, absolutely melting your heart. His thumb rubbed back and forth on your hand, soothing you and making you sleepier.

(Let me know if you liked this one! Feedback is appreciated!)

#dean imagine #dean x reader #dean x reader imagine #dean reader insert #deanimagine #spn imagine #spnimagine #supernatural imagine

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effervescentmind · 4 years

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Entry 21: 03.23.20 c

The relationship I have with my father’s side of the family is pretty much non-existent. I follow some cousins on IG and have them and a few aunts on Facebook, but I don’t talk to them. Partly because I just got a new FB account and we haven’t spoken in years and the other part is that I just don’t try. I have met them on several occasions throughout my life, one of them being for my father’s funeral in 2006. It’s just that after he died, I felt like I was now “Tony’s daughter” and not me. They all look at me and see him and every time I talk to them, they want to tell me how much they miss my dad and how great he was. I understand that he was their son, brother, cousin, uncle, nephew but I don’t want that to be all I am. I miss him too, but I don’t look at them like they’re my dad’s brother, sister, nephew, niece, etc. I look at them like they’re my family and I want to know them. I also hate when they want to ask me questions about him…that’s the part that gives me anxiety and makes me want to have an emotional breakdown. All my cousins know him better than I did. Everyone does. Everyone has all these great memories of him, and they have so many stories to tell. I don’t. I’m his only child and I didn’t even get to know him because of my mother. The few memories I have of him aren’t all good or happy either. Not that he was bad to me, they just weren’t always happy circumstances. It kills me when I have nothing to say. The way they look at me with slight disappointment in their eyes. I just see the little glimmer of hope fade away and replace with pity. I don’t want pity. I want my father. I want my family. I want to belong somewhere and know where I came from and what makes me who I am. I want to connect and be part of their world. My grandparents died too so I feel like I really missed out on so much.

Everything feels the same for my mother’s side of the family. I know them a little more but not really. The only people I really keep in contact with is my grandparents. I love them so much. They mean everything to me, and I would do anything for them. My grandmother was more of a mother to me than my mother. She didn’t raise me, but she was there. Always has been and always will be. But aside from them, I don’t really know anyone else. When my grandparents die, I’ll be all alone. All because of my mother too. I don’t even have a relationship with her either.

She was always too distracted by men and her own needs. She never spent time with me. If she did it was because I initiated, it or she was annoyed with the man she was with. I remember when I turned 21, she wanted to take me out to dinner, just us two. It was weird to me because she never celebrated our birthdays growing up. I was a little excited that we were going alone to dinner and she wanted to spend some time with me. She took me to Applebee’s and the whole time didn’t say a word to me. She was texting/fighting with her boyfriend. It was horrible. I felt fucking invisible and used. I just wanted to go home. She never went to my games or concerts either. Well, she went to one concert. All I could see was her texting the entire time. Then when the concert was over, she got angry with me because she wanted to leave but I had to help take the stage down. The ride home was silent, and I just went to bed when I got home. The next day, I saw that she had posted pictures on her FB page of the concert and saying how proud she was of me. I was so fucking angry. She always bragged about my concerts and tried to make me sing in front of her friends my whole life but never once told me she was proud. No, she would get angry if I sang in the shower, not go to concerts, and crush my dreams of being a singer. Told me it was impractical, and I would never make it. She even stole my lyric book in Highschool and tried to hide it from me. I took it back and never wrote again.

My mom has a hot temper, she uses people and lies all the time. One of the reasons she used to make me stop throw away my singing dream was that she gave up her dream too. She used to be a ballerina when she was growing up. This was true but she claimed that she was a Prima Ballerina and she made the tough decision to give it up and go to college. Total bullshit. She was just a ballerina and I believed it. Another lie that she made me believe almost all my life was that I was part Chinese. She said that my great-grandmother was married to a Chinese man. I believed it because my grandmother gave me her necklace as a gift. It’s a gold necklace with a thin gold heart pendant. On one side there is a mandarin orange and flower and the other side it says “prosperity” or “good luck” in Chinese. The truth is that my great grandmother knew a Chinese family living in the capital in DR. She arranged for my grandmother to live with them so that she could have access to a better education. That family has since moved to the U.S. and now lives in Florida. We still have contact with them, but they are just friends of the family and we are not related to them at all! My mom used to always use the fact that my eyes were slanted when I was born as proof to me. I just grew out of them smh. I have so many other ridiculous stories like that too. She’s unbelievable. I spent my whole life being lied to, abused, used and torn down by that woman. She also allowed the men in her life to treat me however they like.

My first stepdad physically abused me, and she called me a liar. How are you going to call a kindergartener a liar! He would always do it when she left us with him, and my brother was too young to remember or even do anything. His dad would just tell him that I was being bad and leave it at that. That man would hit me just to do it. I remember one time when we spent the day at his mother’s house, and he came to pick us up. My brother and I were running out of the house, fighting over who was sitting up-front. I decided to just let him have it, but his father insisted that I was sitting up there. I looked at him and told him that I already told my brother he could sit there. He made me sit up front and told my brother to stop crying, that he would have a turn next time. I didn’t feel good about it for some reason but did as I was told. The whole ride home, he was hitting me and telling me I was a bad girl. Telling me that if I told my mom anything, he’d punish me again. I also remember he liked watching WWE and sometimes he would wake me up and make me come out in the living room to lay on the floor with him and watch the TV. He was spooning me and drinking beer and if I said I wanted to go back to bed he would get angry and keep me there. It was terrifying and I hated it. I would cry silently and lay there until he fell asleep so I could slowly get out of his grip and go back to my room. I was a fucking child. A five or six-year-old girl. And he always did this when my mom and brother were asleep.

My second stepdad was a deadbeat, lazy, porn-addicted, angry, piece of shit. She met him at church, and he ended up taking us in when my brother’s father left us to move back to Miami. We moved to Jacksonville for his job and then he transferred back and left all three of us high and dry. So, when my mom met this guy, she gave him her sob story and he pitied us. He took us in, and they eventually started dating. She ended up marrying him and he and his three kids were in our lives for nine years. His kids are my siblings to me, and we have contact still. We all went through hell together. Between that man and my mother, we were all fucked up and mistreated. He was just as angry as my mother. He would give us 30-40 lashes with a belt, wooden spoon, shoe, switch, anything. And sometimes it was all of us getting it one right after the other. It was like he started enjoying it after a while. They would look for new things to hit us with. Make us stand with dictionaries in our hands, held out in front of us and if we dropped it before they said anything, we would get spanked. He would break things and throw things around the house, yell and scream at us. My mom would do those things too and she was worse on me and my older sister. She would pull our hair, slap us, lock us in our rooms, call us whores, take all our money, etc. My sister ended up leaving for the Navy as soon as she got out of high school and we moved to north carolina after. The abuse continued but more towards me than anyone and it was only my mom. My stepdad stopped hitting us. The only one that was treated well and never abused was my brother. I’m glad she never did to him what she did to me but in turn she raised him to be just like her. Not abusive but in other ways, I’ll speak on that some other day.

After they divorced, my mother started dating some cop and left us to go live in an apartment by herself. She left her own two children to have a sexual escapade and she wasn’t even legally divorced yet. As much as I hated her, I was still angry that she left us, and I started acting up and getting into fights (verbal) with my siblings. Eventually, my mother took all four of us to live with her. My brother and stepbrother shared a room and I shared a room with my little step sister. This was my sophomore year of HS and my step siblings ended up going to live with their dad after he moved out of our old house and into an apartment.

So, the cop my mom was dating was eventually introduced to us and I didn’t like him. I didn’t say it, but I didn’t fucking like him. He gave me a bad vibe and I was angry because my mother was dating a black guy and had completely ruined my relationship and put me in military school that year because I was dating a black guy. I remember, one day, I was home because my school went bankrupt and ended the year early. The cop had slept over and my mom went to work. I was home alone with him and I remember coming out of my room to go to the bathroom and there he was in the kitchen, butt naked. I ran back to my room terrified and locked my door. I hadn’t even met him yet, at this point, and he’s naked in my house. I called my boyfriend’s mom and was freaking out. She told me to stay locked in my room, call my mom and then call her back. I didn’t call my mom…. I didn’t want to. I didn’t think she would believe me, so I just sat there on the floor for a little bit, scared. Then something came over me and I got angry. I was angry that I was scared in my own house and this idiot is eating food, walking around with his balls out and lounging in my mom’s bed. I walked out of my room and opened my Mom’s bedroom door. He was lying naked on the bed and I looked away but kept the door open. I said, “It’s ok you’re here, but you need to put on some clothes and never walk around naked in front of me again.” Then I slammed the door and locked myself in my room. I called my mom and angrily told her what happened. She was in shocked and apologized and said she was going to kick him out. Then I called my boyfriend’s mother back and told her everything. She told me she was proud of me for standing up, but it was a dangerous move. The cop showered and left without saying anything and later that night, when my mom came home, she told me she talked to him. He said he didn’t know I was there and didn’t see me because of his bad eye. SHE TOLD HIM THE NIGHT BEFORE THAT I WAS OUT OF SCHOOL. But she still believed his bullshit ass lie and let him stay. She even said herself, on the phone, that she told him I was going to be there. So even though that happened, he stayed around two more months and my mom tried to force me to get along with him and even let him take me to school once. He tried to give me a shitty, half ass apology as I was getting out of the car, but I dismissed it.

Shortly after that relationship, my mom started dating (exclusively black guys after this point) another guy. He had just moved up from GA and was looking for work. I tried to get him to leave and told him my mom was crazy, used people and never loves them. She got angry with me and he didn’t heed my very real and honest warning. He stayed with us for two years. My last stepdad would still pick us up occasionally and take us to school. Sometimes I would stay over to get away from my mom and visit with my stepsiblings. One day, my stepdad was taking us to school, and I had packed a bag for him to take so that he could pick me up after. That night, I was using his cellphone and found pictures of my ass on his phone. He was taking a lot of pictures from behind me when we walked from my mom’s apartment to the car. I was confused and shocked. When I confronted him, he told me that he was sorry and that he just missed my mom and I remind him so much of her. I was so in shock and young that instead of reacting the way I should have; I buried it and didn’t bring it up again. I never looked at him the same way either.

My mom’s new boyfriend moved with us four different times during the two years he was in our lives. And my mother kept treating me horribly. Her boyfriend was nice to me. He didn’t go out of his way to be but at least he wasn’t hurting or mistreating me. I started to like him a little and remember making him a birthday cake in my senior year. He was impressed and raved about it, telling my mom I was a natural, but she didn’t say anything. In fact, looking back, she was jealous. It was weird feeling that energy from her. Almost like we were two teenage girls and she was afraid of me taking her man. I think she always seemed to be jealous of me when it came to other men and my grandmother. I don’t want to give examples right now but one day I’ll speak on it.

So, the third place my mom’s boyfriend lived with us, was a shitty apartment near my high school. I didn’t stay very long because my mother was abusing me so badly that I ended up moving in with my stepdad. Yes, he was a perverted piece of shit, but I had to get out. I knew he wouldn’t put his hands on me like he used to, and I also could spend time with my stepsister and brother. Having them around was a good buffer and safety from his perversion. At this time, I was out of high school and studying my first year at community college which my mother forced me to go to. That situation was horrible…I’m going to make a separate post about my boyfriends and their timeline and tie it in together with the things I’ve talked about in this entry. So, I was living with my stepdad and his mother moved in to help him with bills and stuff. I loved her and wish I could have had more time with her. She watched me grow up in Jacksonville and loved me like her own. She didn’t know about all the gross things her son said to me though. I didn’t want her to know, I was scared and wasn’t ready to face it. It hurt too much, and I didn’t want to go back to my mom’s house. After about four or five months, I couldn’t take the comfortability anymore. My mom was also begging me to come back and saying she would be better to me. I didn’t believe her because I knew that my grandmother was calling her and telling her that she shouldn’t be allowing her own daughter to live away from her. I knew my mom was just doing it to look good, but I took a chance and thought maybe she would act right. Especially now that my grandma was in her ass.

So, I went back. This was the fourth place that my mom’s 2-year boyfriend was living with us. It was a pretty townhouse. My mother’s bf was still cool, but things started to unfold. We found out that he left GA to get away from his wife, he wasn’t divorced, and he started saying little things here and there that made me uncomfortable. One time, he said if he were younger, he would have gone after a girl like me. That shit chilled me, and I never told my mom ‘cuz what was the point? So, my mom ended up kicking him out after she found out about his wife and we were evicted because she couldn’t afford the bills by herself.

My mom’s friend took us in. She was just married and had three kids. My brother left to stay with his friend and my mother was already dating another man. She left to stay with him while I was stuck at her friend’s house. The man my mother was dating was a religious, arrogant man and she suddenly changed and started being religious as well. In fact, she changed herself with every man she was with. My stepdad really liked sports and she walked all over him and made him get rid of all his shit but then when she dated the cop, she was a huge Packers fan and continued this lie with the married guy. Now she was dating this wanna-be pastor and praying, talking about God and going to church. She even was trying to force me to go to church and volunteering for these dumb church activities. It made me so mad. She even set me up (tricked me) to talk to the pastor and his wife about my life and how I need to do better and go to church and give myself to the Lord. My mother was driving me insane. She would always use me to make herself look better or to make others pity her because she would paint me as a trouble child.

Anyway, let me stop rambling and tell you about my mom’s friend that took me in. Well, there was nothing wrong with her, she was a wonderful person with a big heart and supported her children the way a mother should, but she was married to a crazy man. He wasn’t dangerous but there were a few times that he and I were in the house alone and I would just talk to him out of courtesy. We ended up having a lot in common and the conversations were good. I didn’t think anything of it until he started acting strange around me. The house had two levels and downstairs was the master bedroom, guest room (where I stayed) a bathroom and living room. The stairs were closed off by a door at the top and there were a few times where we would happen to be passing each other in the stairwell. He would get too close for comfort or try to start and strange conversation, he would give me weird compliments and tell me what he liked (physically) about me and how it compared to his wife. I would just try to get out of there and keep distance from him, but the last straw was when he admitted that he was tired of his marriage and life and wanted to leave. He wanted to get a cab and disappear, and he wanted me to come with him. He said he knew we were made for each other and he loved me and wanted to marry me. It was insane because we never talked about anything like that and it was just so scary for me. I felt terrified and trapped. When I called my mom and told her everything, she told me not to tell her friend and to just avoid him, because we had nowhere else to go. She not once tried to fix it or protect me or talk to her friend or anything. I just had to suck it up and ignore him while she was living with her boyfriend and enjoying her fake, religious, love affair. I couldn’t take it and I ended up telling my best friend’s mom about it. She immediately dropped everything and told me to pack up and stay with her. My mom’s friend was surprised about me leaving so abruptly and wondered if I didn’t like her. I had to make up some bullshit to keep the secret so my mom wouldn’t flip out on me.

I stayed with my best friend for a good eight months or so and then went back to living with my mother. Our relationship changed a little after being gone so long. She was in a different apartment and never put her hands on me again. For a while, she was normal and didn’t lash out. She was dating but didn’t bring the men home. I think it was mostly because they ended up being one-night stands or just not what she was looking for.

I enrolled into school again and we moved into a trailer home on the outside of town but still relatively close to my school. At this time, my brother was in college at AP State and it was just me and her living together. Things were quiet and my room was on the opposite end of the trailer, so we kept to ourselves. She dated and brought the guys over some nights, but I never really got to see what they looked like because I kept to myself and she didn’t force them on to me. She even started letting me have my boyfriend sleepover. I’m pretty sure it was because she wanted me out of her hair and not that she was particularly okay with it, but I ran with it.

We didn’t stay very long in that trailer and moved back into the city on the northside. I stopped going to school and started working for a catering company on Guilford College campus and my mother started dating again. This time it was a man she met online that lived in VA and he came to visit her a few times and stayed in the city to see her. I met him briefly once or twice and then one day I woke up and all this new furniture was everywhere, and our stairs had plastic covering. I was confused and looked out the window and saw a U-Haul in front of our apartment. Then I heard our front door open and ran over to the stair railing to see her boyfriend carrying boxes up the stairs. He was moving in. He was moving in and she didn’t fucking tell me! When I confronted her, she was a little stand-offish and meek about it and tried to tell me that she had no clue he was moving in. She claimed to be surprised and was going to talk to him. I was so angry that she thought I was stupid enough to believe her that I just went to my room and ignored them. I just accepted that my mom was a lying piece of shit and that this was my life now. I mean why should I have been surprised. I knew who she was.

This guy started living with us and at first, I didn’t talk to him much and kept to myself. I stayed in my room when I wasn’t working and went out with my friends and boyfriend a lot. I just hated being home because I felt like my privacy was being invaded. All I had was my room and bathroom. The rest of the fucking house was drowning in his stuff. It’s like he marked the whole apartment as his own, like a dog would. It made me sick and angry. Eventually I started making small conversation with him and we slowly got comfortable with each other. I remember, one day, we got into a very long, deep conversation about religion and culture. It was very nice; he was very smart, and I enjoyed talking to him. I warmed up to him after that and allowed myself to be around him more, but it didn’t last long. He was a devil. My first sign was when he and I were alone in the apartment. I was on my mom’s bed watching tv and he came in and sat next to me. It wasn’t weird that he did because we were sitting on the edge of the bed and this was normal for us and my mother. I didn’t feel uncomfortable being alone with him, in that moment. I decided to find something else to watch and while flipping through the channels, we skipped over a Spanish show that was playing bachata. He told me to go back to it and was enjoying the music and talking to me about it and my culture. It was a good discussion and we were laughing. Everything was fine until he mentioned that my mom was talking to him about salsa and that he wanted to learn how to dance it. He asked me if I knew how and I told him I only knew a little bit of bachata. Then he told me to show him. I laughed and said no, but he insisted and argued that he liked it when my mom would dance in front of him and he wanted me to do it too. That unnerved me and I quickly changed the subject and slowly made my way back to my room. I told my mom and she dismissed it and made an excuse for him.

The following months, he would occasionally say something that showed he looked at me as an attractive woman and not a potential daughter. I didn’t tell my mother; I would just ignore it and keep it to myself. He started getting comfortable around us though and showing that he had an ugly, hot temper and a jealous nature. He would explode and turn into the scariest, angriest person I’ve ever seen. It made me feel as unsafe and terrified as my brother’s dad did when I was a child. He would constantly talk shit about me to my mother too and tell her what she needs to do with me. He would talk shit to my face and my she would let him. I would even hear her saying horrible things about me in private to him; it was a reoccurring theme in her relationships. Her new boyfriend was horrible and violent. I never saw him break anything or throw things, but I knew he was violent. He just had it in him, boiling inside. I warned my mother so many times to leave him, but she always made an excuse for his behavior. After a while he became controlling. He tried to get me to join workforce and send me off to Maine, he tried to tell my mom that I couldn’t have my boyfriend spend the night and that I was a hoe, he told my mom to make me pay rent or kick me out, and one day he went into my room while I was at work and rearranged everything.

My room wasn’t a mess, but he went in there and rearranged the things on my dresser, my closet, drawers, book shelf, EVERYTHING. When I got home, he was expecting me to be grateful and I flipped out! He completely invaded my privacy and made my room feel like it was his. I was LIVID!! And my mother calmed me down and told him to not go in my room. But she wasn’t stern with him. She was so nice and sweet about it. Like he made a tiny mistake and it wasn’t a big deal. Like what he did wasn’t a fucking red flag for how crazy he was. What on earth made him think he could fold my underwear and bras and rearrange the little alter in my bookcase for my dead father and great grandmother. The disrespect! The audacity! WHAT THE FUCK! And again, my mom didn’t have my back. It was this point that I stayed out of my house unless I was sleeping and that wasn’t even every night because I would stay with my best friend or boyfriend a lot.

I was extremely depressed and stressed, verbally abused by my mom and her boyfriend and started getting into drugs. I was high all the time and hated myself. I was constantly distracting myself from my life so that I didn’t have to face any of it. Then one day I went to work and when I got there, my sinuses felt raw and I had a headache. I was getting sick and got worse as the day went on. Eventually, my boss sent me home because the smell of food was making me nauseous and I had very bad light sensitivity. I called my mother and she came to pick me up. Her bf was in the car as well and the air was thick with tension. I could tell they had been fighting. The car ride was quiet halfway to the house then they slowly started arguing and it escalated into a screaming match. I interrupted them and told reminded them I was sick, had a pounding headache and the car was too small for them to be yelling in it. They needed to save that shit for the house. They surprisingly stopped and stayed quiet. When we got home, I took a shower and got ready for bed. They did not continue their argument, instead my mom was in her room and he was on the couch watching tv. My mother was talking to me from her bedroom. Both our doors were open, and our rooms were right across from each other. My voice was very raspy and non-existent at this point, so she kept asking me to repeat myself. I raised my voice as loud as I possible for her to hear me and suddenly I hear her bf screaming with rage towards me. He barged into my room saying not to yell at my mother and telling me I’m disrespectful and lazy and all this shit. I was trying to explain to him that I was having a hard time talking and that I wasn’t yelling at her, but he just got louder and wasn’t listening to me. I quickly lost my temper because I was sick, and my character was being attacked for no reason. I started talking shit, yelling and cursing. It made things worse and I tried to get away from him by running into my bathroom, but he was too quick for me to lock the door. I was getting scared because I could feel that he was losing his fucking mind. I don’t remember how everything went exactly but he pushed me into my tub and somehow my mom got in between us right before he tried to hit me. My bathroom was very narrow, so he didn’t have enough room to get around her and get to me. He began trying to slam her against the wall and push her behind him, all the while looking at me with crazy eyes and trying to hit me. I felt like a kid again. I felt like I was about to die. I don’t remember how my mother got him out of my bathroom, but I laid in my tub for a while. My bathroom had two doors. One lead to the hallway and the other into my room. When I got up, I locked the hallway door, went through the door that leads to my room and locked my bedroom. I was still in shock and I could hear my mom talking to him in her room. I sat on my bed, brain dead.

I didn’t think anything, I didn’t feel anything, I couldn’t even concentrate enough to hear what was being said…I didn’t care either. I had broken at that very moment…. I pulled the razorblade that I kept in my wallet out and stared at it. I applied pressure to my finger. Enough pressure for it to hurt but not pierce. I wanted to die. I wanted to kill myself. I never thought about it up to this point, but I had fucking snapped and it sounded like the only way out of this hell. Suddenly, something inside me said “what the fuck are you doing? are you really going to kill yourself over this?”. I busted out crying. I cried until I couldn’t cry anymore. Then I felt that urge to get out of the apartment. I needed to leave. I was only wearing an oversized t shirt and socks, but I couldn’t think about changing. I just put on a coat and went outside. They didn’t even notice I left. I walked out of the neighborhood and hid myself behind a semitruck that was parked on the side of the road. I began to cry some more and called my best friend to tell her what happened. She told her mom and they came to get me. I stayed outside in the cold until they arrived and then we drove in front of my mother’s apartment. I went upstairs and packed a bag and my mom caught me as I was walking out of my door. She asked me what I was doing. I told her that my best friends’ mother was outside to pick me up and that I was leaving. I told her I was tired of her shit and both she and her bf could fuck off. She argued with me but not in an apologetic pleading way, she was worried about her image. She told me to stop being dramatic and to stay home. That those people weren’t my family and that I was causing a scene. I didn’t say anything I just walked out. She followed me and stayed in front of the apartment door, angrily yelling at me to come back. When I got in the car, she sent me a thousand text messages saying the same thing about me causing a scene and being disrespectful etc. I told her that she was the one yelling outside at me and causing a scene. I didn’t say anything and quietly left. She kept talking shit, so I put my phone on silent. I made it to my friend’s house and called my boyfriend tell him everything. At the time my best friend’s sister was an infant so I asked to stay with him because I was extremely sick. He told his mom everything and she let me come over.

My cold got much worse as the night went on and, in the morning, I woke up to an apology from my mom and her saying she loved me. I told her I was coming over to get my work clothes and to make sure she kept that demon out of my sight. She said she was sorry, that she kicked him out and that she wasn’t going to let no man run her child out of their home. I was surprised and we texted back a little more and I agreed to come back home. When I got there, that motherfucker was there. To this day I don’t know if she really kicked him out for the night and he came back early or if she flat out lied to me, but I was just so numb that I didn’t even get mad. I just went to my room, locked my door and took a nap. Later, she tried to tell me some bullshit that he came back and said he was sorry to her or whatever. I didn’t want to hear it and went back to my room. Then five minutes later there was a knock at my door. I unlocked it to find him standing there and he said “I’m sorry about last night. I wasn’t mad at you; I was mad at something else and it was wrong to take it out on you.” “Ok. I’m not ready to forgive you”, I said. Then he said he understood and to take my time. I locked my door.

For the next three months, I slowly snuck in boxes and packed my bags so that I could move out. My best friend’s family was moving out of their apartment and into a big house that they invited me to stay in. I had my room completely packed for months and my mother had no clue. That’s how neglectful and self-centered she was. She knew nothing until the day came to move. I sat her down in the living room to talk. She tried to argue/yell, but I stayed very calm and neutral and told her how I felt and why I was leaving. I didn’t care for her anymore. I told her she was my mother but not my mom and she never treated me with love or respect and that I would never be coming back. I knew it hurt her, I saw it in her eyes, and it made me sad and angry at the same time. I kept that feeling to myself though and waited for my friend’s mom to come get me. She and the rest of her kids, my friend and their dad, helped me get my things out of the car while my mom stood there in silence. I lived with them for about nine months before I moved to Florida with my grandparents. I have never gone back to my mother’s since.

#diary

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ncwid · 5 years

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Day 1

The day I found out my son died, for the most part, started out pretty regular. I stayed up until midnight. I was worried about him, but moreso mad b/c I thought he was out doing hoodrat stuff with his hoodrat friends. See, he had run away before, but I was certain we were past that phase. He had been home for just over a month, he would tell me where he was going and he’d be home when I told him to be home. So at midnight on this night, I was worried that he had regressed. That he’d gone back to acting out. That the process I thought we’d made was gone again.

Since I was up at midnight, I distracted myself from worry by being the first person to wish my best friend Happy Birthday. I got up at 5am, went to work, and tried to focus. As the morning rolled passed I shot a text to his brother and cousin asking if they’d heard from him...but they hadn’t. I checked ig to see if anything had been posted, but it hadn’t. In fact, his account had been logged out of from my spare phone which was weird. At this point, I’m still more worried he’s gotten in trouble. At about 4pm I see on my phone that someone is at my door. After a brief exchange, I determine its county police officers and I give them my cell. The officer tells me he needs to talk to me in person and that he was willing to wait for me to drive home. Mind you when I tell him this he’s well aware the wait will be at least an hour. I knew it was something bad.

On the drive home I’m thinking he’s gotten arrested. I’m considering what lawyer friends I have and what he could possibly have done. Did he talk to the police without me. I’m figuring out a plan. When I arrive three officers get out of a little sedan and follow me into the house. When Zay wasn’t in the back seat I got scared, “he’s gotten himself into some real sh!t this time,” I thought.

They suggest we sit down and one officer begins asking me questions. Questions about the last time I saw my son, where he said he was going, if I had spoken to him. In frustration, I quickly get tired of answering questions and ask them what’s going on. That’s when the officer asked me if I’d seen yesterday's news- i hadn’t- after which he tells me my son is deceased. There was an incident involving a gun, there was a struggle over the gun, in the midst of the struggle my son was shot in the abdomen twice. Emergency services arrived right away, but he was dead on arrival at the hospital. He had no id so they had to identify him by his fingerprints...which is why it took so long for them to get to me. It was 5:21pm on July 2, my son had died at 1:53pm July 1. More than a day this boy was dead before they knew who he was.

I say this boy because at this point I’m still very much in denial. See, although I’m already shattered by the mere idea of my first born son being dead, my brain hasn’t accepted the reality. The officer had called my son Elijah and asked if he’d come here from an island. Those two things I decided to hold on to, hoping this was some kind of horrible mistake. I’d feel terrible for Elijah and his family, but MY son, there is no way he was dead. Then the officer said he had a picture that I could look at to help me identify the child. He warned me that the picture was of the deceased child. He asked if I was sure I wanted to see it or if I wanted to call someone to be with me before seeing it. I opted to see the picture now. I needed to know if it was him or if I was getting the message Elijah’s parents were supposed to get. So he showed me the picture and there was no doubt, it was my son. His eyes were closed, his mouth was open, like he was in pain or maybe trying to talk when he took his last breath.

I saw the picture and my heart began to implode. My mom was my first call. "Mom, I need you to come to my house...the police are at my house, they are saying Zay has been shot...they are saying he’s dead.” I said through tears and sobs that I’m surprised she could even understand. I remember the way she screamed. I gave the phone to the officer, I couldn’t say anymore. I needed a person to come to my house before the officers gave me my next steps and mom was freaking out. My next call was the coparent (my daughter’s father). He answered and I just said “I need you to get to my house now.” I didn’t tell him why he just heard my voice and rushed over.

The remainder of the night was a series of phone calls, people showing up, me crying, retelling the story, and crying more, sitting in shock, crying. Honestly, crying is an understatement. Several times I was curled up in the fetal position wailing. Everyone let me cry, they let me wail, they sat in disbelief. I blinked and more family was there, I blinked again, friends were there, I blinked more and folks from my church were there. My phone starts ringing...its already out on social media. It was literally a whirlwind. “Zay was shot,” Zay is dead.” The words coming off my lips didn’t feel real. In fact, that’s what I kept saying. It didn’t feel like this was really happening to me. There was no way my son was dead. There had to be a mistake, an explanation something that ended with him walking through the door and me hugging him in relief.

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viewofsal · 6 years

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Alrighty. EFF IT- LIFE UPDATE POST!

Soooo a lot of good things have been happening in my life. I know from my posts I sound bitter, sad, heartbroken, blah blah but its been a rough time in my life and I’m finally understanding and accepting my life, my lessons, my blessings, my mistakes and experiences. *Someone told me recently my blog is very raw* but I like to keep it real and what not, plus no one knows me on here lol i have followers from all over the US to international countries as well. Also I feel like I haven’t done an “intro” about myself in a long time.. I think since I’ve started blogging so what the hell…. this is going to be long but hey whatever!

Intro!-

Hey guys! Im Salia Sheikh, 25 (old af, jk!), I look younger than my age (thanks to good genes lol), I am still in school, pursuing a career in Business. I love to read, write (duh I have a blog for a reason!), paint, work out, try new food, BIG FOOD JUNKIE, binge watch amazing shows on Netflix (bae for life), I love the color purple and blue. If school wasnt so damn expensive and I didnt have a timelime (being brown aint fun… sometimes) I would definitely get a degree in business of course, dermatology and psychology. I love learning new things and expanding my mind. I come off as a bitch sometimes to people because of the way my face can be… AKA RESTING BITCH FACE. But honestly its just me observing and understanding how people think and work. I know I am a weirdo but whatever! Humans are so freaking interesting. Oh did I mention I live in PNW!? Seattle. <3 Rain city lol. If I could live anywhere else it would be California, Chicago or New York. Anywho enough about me… lets get into the juicy stuff right?

This summer I had a lot going on! I was at the doctors a lot, i went through a lot exams for my breast cancer and it was a very rough time… but I got through it. Alhumdulillah I have such amazing friends and family to support me and were there for me. Along with that, I went through a very harsh break up and I know that a few posts below this one I went off on my ex FJ, but in this post Im not going to bash on him or anything. Honestly…. my tumblr isnt made to bash on anyone. I wouldnt want to be talked about on the internet but sadly… it happens. So anyways, I went through a rough heart break that honestly I dont blame anyone but myself and because of this heartbreak I am beyond hard on myself with a lot of things but especially guarding my heart, my feelings and letting anyone in. I was told by someone that I wore my heart on my sleeve and that I took this relationship too seriously. Its true, I was madly and crazy in love with him but he wasnt. I would push and force him to make it work but when the other person doesnt see any solution or anything to fix it, you should really just back off Sally. One person cant do all the work, it becomes so draining. I literally have so much love to give but at the same time Im just kind of tired, exhausted, bitter and numb. Its weird because I just said Im full of love but at the same time a heart break really gets you guarded. But you know this was a lesson for myself, to not get ahead of yourself, dont have expectations and if you arent getting what you deserve please walk the fuck away, like ASAP. Just abort lol. Because at the end of the day as hurt as I was, I made myself go through hell because I chose to be like very stupid, LIKE VERY. But at the same time, I take it as a blessing in disguise in many ways and a lesson I would love to teach my daughters and possibly sons. Anywho… along with this I was in school UGH, but because I have a goal and I am so motivated I didnt let it affect my school at all. One thing I did do in the past was let such little things like this get in the way of my focus in school and at the end of the day my dreams and career will be right next to me but the person whos temporary will not be. I will not sacrifice my school for anything. This summer I went to Atlanta with all of my cousins and we had so much fun! And then I came back and attended another wedding. It was a lot of chaos but a lot of fun. I come from a very huge family on both sides, and if youre brown you know three day weddings are HECTIC AS HELL! But I gotta say it was a roller coaster type summer.

Once all of the wedding shenanigans were over and all of my cousins flew back to the East Coast and I started school again. After my break up I really started focusing on my mental health, focusing on school, having a better relationship with my parents (its been a rough road but alhumdulillah I am so blessed with such amazing parents. esp my mom helping me a lot through my break up and all .) I didnt even think about talking to any guys or whatever it was literally not even in my head because I was so focused on myself. But a little birdie out of the blue and into my life for a short time but a sweet time. HA is literally every brown girls dream man. A little white wash (EDM LOVER), knows urdu, deen, open minded, handsome as hell… and family orientated. OH AND TREATS A WOMAN RIGHT! Honestly my first impression was like “fuck boy. STRAIGHT UP F BOY! Cocky, too into himself, thinks hes better than anyone…” OH ALSO- didnt meet him off of dating apps lol, its called IG thats the new hook up spot jk! But when you actually talk to him and stuff omg… he is so different. I dont think I have laughed this much while talking to someone, he is so hilarious. He opened my mind to a lot of things that I didnt know about or he pushed me to see things differently, which I loved. When we started talking I was very upfront and blunt with him. As a brown girl I dont have the freedom to just get up and leave for a guy. Period. He understood that and accepted it. He told me he had no expectations. What I really liked about him was that he would always communicate, he was very honest and he was really respectful. When I say REALLY RESPECTFUL, like super. We were talking about our exes (no I didnt say bad shit lol) and he brought it up and he told me that his ex would everyday for six months since they were together would ask, “when are we getting engaged?” Not once did he say, omg shes bat shit crazy.. or annoying or whatever. He just said that much and he was like “you know I felt pressured and I wanted to explain myself why I broke up with her.” I mean if he wanted too he could made her the victim… but damn. Very kind. Not just that when he came here he was showing me a convo with this girl who was kind of mentally not there, and she would act weird its really hard to explain but he talked to her respectfully and was like “hey listen if you want to make friends you have – “ something along those lines. He was just really nice to her because he knew that something wasnt right with that girl at all. I mean I know a lot of people who would straight up just cuss her out… like without a doubt. I remember one time he asked me over FaceTime, “why are you waiting after you get your degree to get married?” I kind of just ignored it lol. But then one night he was with his cousins and cousin’s wife in DC and he FT’d me and all I heard was a girl yelling, “Who are you talking too!? Who is this bitch!?” And he goes “oh this is bae”, and after she saw me (without make up and my raspy voice at 12am lol) she was like “OMG SHES SO PRETTY and her voice is so cute! Shes such a good girl being at home lol.” Then he goes, “Hani, ask her why she wont get married while being in school?” And she said, “look Im 23, still in CC and Im married, you can too.” I wasnt going to put anyone under the bus and be like “well arent you going to be rolling the dice on me!?” - (because someone said that once to me…) like I said, I dont bash on my ex at all. Even after that, he asked me again lol, “IF we were to get married why wont you get married, transfer your credits and stuff? You can work if you like but even if you dont its okay… just go to school. I gotchu bae.” Im just like “uhh…. wouldnt you want someone who has everything set?” He literally probably wanted to slap me for saying that and he was like “No… what am I here for?” Honestly he was so accepting of me, my past, my dreams, my goals, honestly everything. Even when he came here it was like I knew him from a long time ago, it wasnt causing me to have anxiety or feel scared. We laughed so much, watched so many shows and ate such amazing food. OMG. It was so good to be true, i mean we trusted each other, communication was there. He told me some things that really made me realize wow he is so freaking amazing… His brother doesnt have his AA or degree, his sister in law has her AA but he helps a lot around the house. Hes such a good son and omg, when I say more guys should be like him I MEAN IT. He was suppose to be a police man lol but then he went back to school and took a few classes and became a consultant. He didnt have a stable job until he came back to VA. I mean he was on contract to contract and even jobless for a few months but he was so positive and happy, which is why I loved being around him. Whenever he would FT me, he would be around his cousins and they would always say, “H is so loyal and faithful, family orientated and he will treat you right.” like as if I didnt know that lol. But you know after he left something really unexpected happened and it wasnt in our control to save it. But it was no ones fault either, sometimes life does a plot twist on you when you least expect it but I had accepted the unexpected and like someone wise said (Jatin, this is your shoutout), “you cant compete with history.” It took me a while to understand but I definitely knew that he was always honest, communicated with me and he was amazing. We didnt really need closure but trust me the way we had closure was like I dont even need to talk about this again. Not every situation needs it but sometimes you need it. But you know, this was Gods way of showing me and saying, “Salia… dont lose faith in guys. There are good guys out there.” And you know, there are. But I dont want anyone right now. Im perfectly fine being single. Plus I am already a brat, sassy mc sassy… with me being a little numb sometimes… I think I have a lot to say sometimes and I have a strong personality lol, it would drive someone nuts. But Idk everytime I talk about HA my heart melts just a little because I was treated with so much respect and he would always tell me that I was a BEAUTIFUL WOMAN. But sometimes good things dont last forever. I accepted it.

Along with losing him, I chose to cut off a friend who meant the world to me. She was like a little sister and a best friend. After going through so much in just a few months I realized what I want, who I want in my life and what Im going to do about it. I cant handle negativity… like AT ALL. Friends are suppose to support you, be happy for you and be there for you. This friend lol.. she wasnt there for me at all during my break up, i get it YOU DONT LIKE FJ but I need my girl to be there for me.. shit. I felt like she was jealous and trust me I aint hot shit… Im very like normal, pakistani, short girl… living life. But the vibe and the way she started acting about HA was weird. None of my best friends asked me questions like, “Did he kiss you?” like what…. thats not why he flew here for from VA…. But either way she was asking weird questions like, “was it just fun and games”- PAUSE! So I know Im 25, brown girls get the pressure once theyre in their 20s… But I am in no rush to get married and that is not because I dont have a degree- TO HELL WITH THAT. I can burn that shit and I would still be amazing. But like you dont talk to a guy and jump into the marriage topic, wth? HA and I had a very clear understanding that we are going to take baby steps, no telling parents, siblings, whatever… no labels. TAKE IT SLOW. But either way she was just a total bitch. She loves saying, “I told you so.” Either way I had enough of her, her nazar (evil eye) and negativity. Like I dont need that… I need to be around people who support me, love me and dont bash on my ass. I love my circle small and ever since I cut her off of my life, I am doing so much better because I dont have a gun to my head. It wasn’t even over a guy that I ended our friendship… it was because she wasn’t a good friend and she was jealous. She was never truly happy for me about anything. She envied the relationship I have with my mom and would always be like oh your mom was okay with that? Isk just very weird vibes…. I really wish that she changes her way of approach and what not. No guy is going to love a girl who expects so much and no girl is going to be with a friend who is so judgemental as fuck. Period. I never cuss any of my girlfriends out ever. But she really pissed me off and I felt judged and like a hoe. I really dont need that, thanks anyways.

Now that I got that out of my way, like I said earlier… I have been working on myself. I started going to the gym but its been a while because of school and working a ton of hours. But now that I am on break I am going to go back to the gym, start reading my book- EVERYONE MUST READ “You Are a Badass: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life“- literally eye opening and so funny! It has changed my life. Reading really does help with your knowledge and growing as a person. If anyone knows any good reads, please drop me a message! :) Im also going to start reading the Quran but in English translation because I really want to know what Im reading and what the Quran is saying, I just want to self educate myself and know about my religion, I am not religious at all… but one thing I do want to start doing is praying and being connected with Allah. I think having a spiritual connection is so good for the mind and soul.

As I was turning 25 I was thinking a lot about myself, my past and my future. I am a thinker but I also love testing myself. When I was 23 going to 24 I was a very weak person. I was fragile and sensitive to a lot of things. I didnt have thick skin at all. I will admit that and I was little a push over. I lost myself at the age of 23, I had a stalker who ruined my life. I never had anxiety my whole life… I took everything like it was nothing. But after dealing with that… it made me weak. I wasnt the Salia that everyone knew. But now that Im past it, I went through some tough stuff in 2017… it made me wiser, smarter, grateful and stronger. I dont get affected by anything lately… and I was very hesitant to post this but its my blog, my page and I will do whatever to it. Plus I love to write. I feel like a lot has happened but I have been just writing bits and pieces here and there. But I guess I thought I would write something its been a while. lol.

ALSO- Im flying out to Arizona next week for the weekend and I am so excited! to celebrate and have a vacation and to be not dealing with school for a month! Hell yaaaaaa. *THIS WAS MY FAV LIFE UPDATE IN THIS LONGGGGGG POST*

Okay guys… its 1246am here! Im off to bed. Have fun reading this, judging this, whatever you want :D

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