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#so i feel like i did the right thing but also everyone is abt to judge me so hard
amourtoken · 2 days
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so I literally cannot stop thinking abt this here u go
god kink Noah and softie Christian reader
I already know I'm going to hell so no need to remind me ik this is filth but that's what's fun abt it also basing the looks of the building off of this big ass church I used to go to and it's very weird and industrial so apologies if it's confusing
*NSFW below the cut, MDNI*
cw: sacrilege lmao, degradation, raw sex, oral (f receiving), dirty talk, Noah kinda thinks he's better than everyone else, maybe bc he thinks he's God idk, corruption, loss of virginity, experienced Noah, dirty talk, slightly public, belly bulge, dacryphilia
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♡ Noah's only at church cause he has to be, otherwise why the fuck would he waste his morning here. He sits through the awful music and wonders how all of these people live such a lie, its pathetic to him. The only thing that makes it bearable is the pretty little thing in the little white sundress that never fails to show up every Sunday.
♡ he thinks you're so cute. Brainwashed, but cute. All he ever thinks abt is how he could desecrate you and how you'd look so much prettier worshipping him.
♡ Noah is damn near your exact opposite, covered in tattoos, always wearing dark colors. He never really talks to anyone either, keeping to himself. You'd say he was miserable if you didn't see his face soften a little every time you catch his eye. You try to make a point and interact with him every chance you get, maybe he's lonely? You can't let that happen. He's the worship leader's son, you'd think he'd be having a better time but who knows what's going through his head.
♡ Noah almost feels bad that he can't keep his thoughts in order when you walk up to him, pretty smile plastered on your face. You're chattering about today's service and he's picturing his hands on your hips, fingers digging into the soft skin while he bucks up into you and gets to hear those pretty little noises he's sure you'd make. All he'd have to do is pull your dress up too, it'd be easy. He's nodding along with your conversation and trying to seem interested but it's getting harder and harder to pretend he's listening.
♡ his eyes drifting to the neckline of your dress which is pretty modest but God he'd be able to pull it down so easy, tease your nipples while you grind yourself on his thigh and whine for him to fill you up. His eyes snap back to your face which is etched with concern.
"Noah, are you feeling alright? You seem out of it."
♡ he could lie, but what's the point. Isn't lying a sin?
"I'm fine. Just thinking about how pretty you'd look split on my cock."
♡ did he really say that??? You weren't sure how to even respond. Or if you should at all. You were flushed down to your chest and Noah admired the pretty pink tinge to your skin. He was almost nervous he'd fucked up but he knew what to say to have you following him like a little sheep. If you can sit through service every week and genuinely believe the shit his father is saying, you'll do anything if it's said in the right tone.
"Bet you've never even fucked before, have you? Saving yourself for marriage and all that bullshit. You know I could make you feel good, you should let me show you."
♡ you're still stunned, standing like a little deer in some headlights. You'd be lying if you said you didn't find Noah attractive but you felt like he wasn't in the cards for you. He's everything you're not, but maybe that's what's so enticing about him. How he talked about your beliefs stung a little but you couldn't help the way your thighs pressed together at the thought of him and his suggestion. He'd never hurt you, right? You can trust him, why would he wrong you?
♡ Noah nodded toward one of the exit doors, turning to leave and hoping you'd follow. You nearly tripped over your own feet trying to catch up with him. Your brain felt fuzzy and you knew whatever he was gonna put you through was horrifically sinful but you can be forgiven for being curious, right? Noah locked the door behind you, leaving you both in an empty stairwell. Hopefully no one tried to interrupt the two of you, because Noah was immediately to work. He walked you backwards until your back was pressed to the concrete wall and he tangled his fingers in your hair, pulling until you whimpered and keened against his hand for some relief.
"The only fucking God in this building is me. I expect you to treat me like such."
"You answer to me, and you follow my fucking directions, yeah? Gonna be a good girl and do what I say?"
♡ you felt your heart race terribly in your chest from how close he was, you felt like a prey animal being stalked by a predator. You really didn't know what to expect, you've never done this before. You shouldn't be doing this at all...what have you gotten yourself into...
♡ Noah surprisingly sinks to his knees in front of you, hands brushing at your knees and sliding up your thighs, hiking up your dress as he goes. His long fingers hooked under the waistband of your panties to tug them down and he threw one of your legs over his shoulder, without warning burying his face in your pussy making you yelp and tangle your fingers in his hair for some balance.
(Something like this yk)
♡ you pulled his hair tightly between your fingers, whining while he lapped at your pussy and groaned against you when you pulled a little too hard. You felt pricks of pins and needles all over your body, it felt like a swarm of butterflies populated your lower stomach. Oh god...one of his hands steadied itself on your thigh but the other slid up to glide between your folds, gathering the slick mess before prodding at your entrance making you squirm. He was right, you hadn't done this before. He wanted you to enjoy yourself though, that's why he was taking the time to stretch you out and make you cum, so you could actually take his cock afterwards.
♡ the fingers at your entrance slid in slowly, stretching you out and scissoring slightly to spread you further. Your legs were shaking and the swarm in your belly felt 100x worse. You were worried you couldn't hold yourself up much longer...Noah pressed his fingers as deep as he could fit them, brushing your cervix and curving up to press right into the most sensitive spot he could. He laughed against your pussy when he felt you clench around his fingers, teeth brushing your clit and making you whimper pathetically above him. He was the one on his knees and you were unraveling. Pitiful.
"You gonna cum for me? Can't let you take this cock till you cum, won't fit."
♡ when he nudges a 3rd finger in you completely come undone, tugging his face closer to you and nearly crying while you grind into him through your orgasm. He speeds his fingers up inside of you until you're squirming and begging him to stop. He withdraws and stands back up, reminding you he towers over you at his full height and he licks your slick off of his fingers right in front of you. You're still panting and your legs feel shaky, this isn't helping.
♡ Noah thinks you look adorable so shaken up, he can't help but admire how your chest is rising so quickly and your face is flushed. He did that to you. He's gonna do so much more too. He backs you into the wall again and runs his hands down your thighs, picking you up and pressing your back into the wall for extra support while your legs wrapped around his waist. You threw your arms around his neck to steady yourself but he wasn't gonna drop you, he could hold you up for hours if he needed to. Again though, he thinks you're adorable and lets you think he could drop you just to get your heart racing again.
♡ he holds you up with one arm while freeing his achingly hard cock with the other. You didn't even really get a chance to see it, but when he drug the tip through the slick mess between your legs you could describe the feeling as dread. He felt huge. Noah leaned his head against your neck, pressing soft kisses up to your ear and nipping at the soft skin.
"Gotta relax for me, promise I'll make you feel so good...trust me"
"Can't wait to feel how tight this pussy is, can't believe I'm your first. Bet I'll be the last too."
"Gonna fucking ruin you for everyone else, gonna be mine forever, yeah?"
"So much for staying pure, hm? All it took was one little comment and here you are letting me fuck you raw in a stairwell. Wonder how your god feels about that."
♡ he'd planned on taking it slow but after sinking in just a few inches he couldn't help himself. He trusted up into you, hilting himself in one move and sank his teeth deep into your shoulder to try and muffle the groan that escaped his chest. He slapped a hand over your mouth as he sank in and thank God he did because the sound you made was nothing short of a scream. Big tears welled in your eyes even after all the work he did to prep you, the stretch of taking his cock felt almost too much. Noah was loving every moment, watching you fall apart for him. He pressed a large hand to your stomach as he started fucking himself into you just to feel how deep he fit in your poor body.
"O-oh god-"
"The only fucking god you should be praying to is me."
♡ your whimpers and moans were nonstop but thankfully muffled against his palm, he didn't want anyone interrupting you. You gripped his cock just fucking right and he doubted he could really last long but he needed to have you unravel on his dick before he could finish. Noah reached up and tugged the front of your dress down, leaning to absolutely cover your chest in hickeys and lick at your overly sensitive nipples, your whines pitched up when his teeth got a little too rough but he couldn't help but admire his work. Your pretty soft skin marred with teeth marks and bruises. There's no way you could walk back out there and have no one notice, everyone would know exactly what you did, and who you did it with. Perfect.
"bet you've been thinking about this just as much as I have, huh bunny? Needed to get fucked, needed to get filled up by some fat cock, yeah? Tell me."
"Your little god was keeping you from this, does he really feel better than me? Wanna hear you say it."
"Gonna cum again for me, bunny? Need to feel you squeeze this cock, you can do it. I got you."
♡ your head fell back against the hard wall as he fucked into you, the coil in your stomach tightened unbearably. Every thrust sank as deep as he could possibly get and made your legs shake in his hold. Noah was chasing your pleasure as much as his own, he loved seeing your pretty little pathetic expressions. He slid a hand between your bodies and barely even had a chance to brush your clit as you came. His arm around you tightened to keep you still as he fucked you through it, tears spilling from your eyes and ruining your pretty makeup.
"S-shit- that's it- good girl, feels good yeah? So good for me-"
"That's it, tell me who's making you feel this good baby say my fuckin' name- n-need to hear it"
♡ his thrusts picked up in intensity, fingers sinking into your hips hard enough to leave Bruises and he sank in impossibly deep as he shuddered through his own end, you whined at the feeling of his hot cum filling you up and the extra dripping out of you making a mess on the floor under you. It took a second for Noah to set you back down on shaky legs, he helped you straighten your dress back out before pulling you in for an uncharacteristically gentle kiss. He felt like he was a little harsh on you but he was happy you actually would do something like this with him finally.
"So pretty...we should do this again sometime, yeah?"
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opens-up-4-nobody · 8 months
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God. The thing abt the uchiha is that. Yes. It was fucked up that no one trusted them and they got pushed further and further from the village center. However. They were also a clan of ninja cops with fucked up magical eyes that they supercharge by getting horrifically traumatized. So like. I also would not fucking trust them.
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puppyeared · 3 months
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Atla live action 😐
#thats my honest reaction 😐#to be fair ive only seen 20 minutes of the s1 finale bc my parents are watching it but. mmmmm kinda mid#like. the casting is definitely an improvement since the last time they tried a live action but it feels like the writing falls flat#or maybe im being harsh bc ive only heard negative criticism on it beforehand. but fr anytime u bring up the original its already#good and not just because its the original. so much fucking detail went into it to the point of someone noticing azula wielding mai's knive#to how well thought out irohs character is used as a way of uniting the cast especially as zukos foil#i heard that sokkas sexism was toned down and i have to agree that feels like a cheap move. like i get WHY they think it would be better#but its not about how that reflects on real world its about how it affects the story. sokka starts out as a misogynistic asshole because#it makes it that much more impactful when he changes. toning that down makes it flatter and makes his character development weak#and someone pointed out they didnt even make him wear the kyoshi warrior uniform and i know it feels like such a small detail but#come on man. they did that in the original because not only does it help him really walk in their shoes - wearing 'feminine' clothing and#makeup and having suki explain its significance but it also ties in with the shows theme of harmony and intersectionality#i was also disappointed when they had the fire sages explain how the water tribe draws power from the moon because in the original it was#IROH who explained it to aang and everyone else BECAUSE we as the audience is under the impression hes with the 'bad guys'#and it builds up to how he learned from the other nations which reconciles his past as a war general and his character overall#AND its an excellent starting point for the cast and audience to understand how the nations arent as closed off as you would think#plus you would think its only fire nation doing propaganda but they expanded on that with earth kingdom censorship and it WORKS#a lot of things in the live action also feel arbitrary like. they gave momo a near death experience for 5 minutes for no reason#im firmly on the stance of bringing back filler moments instead of putting major events right after each other so that u give your#audience a sense of time passing and to really absorb the story. but i think thats more like shock value than filler and yeah its a small#thing to gripe about but those things build up and its really annoying. the thing abt avatar filler moments is that however small#its at least meaningful. hell even the beach episode emphasizes how isolated zuko and his friends are as child soldiers#i also swore to never watch the first live action since it was that bad but i really liked the stylized tattoos they used for aang#anyway. those arejust my thoughts. im not gonna watch the rest because im a ride or die for the original aftr growing up and#rewatching it at least 20 times as a kid. but theres definitely room for improvement and i wish ppl wouldnt take it as 'better' just cuz#netflix is adapting it. i wouldve killed for them to just reanimate the entire avatar series and touch NOTHING ELSE no redub#no changes to the story. just reanimate the thing and leave the rest alone and youd make easy money just the same#ALSO its very jarring not hearing jack desena and dante basco voicing sokka and zuko cause their voices were the most recognizable to me#i get that its because its live action but im allowed to feel a little sad abt that. and uncle irohs accent was really soothing#yapping
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bunnihearted · 2 months
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🐰🌧️
#so on my way home..#i walked by a school and besides the fact that i felt so depressed bc just looking at these kids and adults i have NO hope for the future#i saw two boys on a bench as i walked by... and i just thought they were talking. and too late i realized that no one of the boys were#bullying the other boy. the bully walked away and the other boy just sat there looking so lifeless and dejected#a teacher came and sat down w that boy and i just kept walking. even if i wanted to say smth it's like what would i even do abt that situati#that made me so sad both bc that boy.. he looked so dejected and used to it. that anxiety going to school knowing you're bullied is awful#and like i imagined talking to him and saying heyyy if you're lucky you'll grow up to be 25yrs old#live like a parasite off your mom and be on wellfare and never have had a job :)#you'll have no education or highschool diploma :) you will still struggle to finish hs even at an easier level :)#you will also not have had friends in 10yrs and you'll be terrified of ppl and getting close to anyone and even going outside!!#you'll have no interests and hobbies and skills! you'll simply be a waste of space loser being a burden on everyone around u!#whoop whoop stay alive buddy it will only get worse ❤️#god i just wanna cry. how did i let my life turn out this way??? i used to be full of dreams and life and passion and HOPE#i used to believe in things and in people. i had so many dreams and i wanted to try and do so many things#now all i can think is 'i wanna die i wanna die i wanna die'. im miserable wherever i go lmao#there's this bridge over the highway i have to cross when i walk to school and every time i look down at the trafic and when a truck drives#by i feel my entire body vibrate. i just wanna jump and get mauled by it.#or i dont *want* to but i feel so deeply and desperately that it's the only way for me#only way to make it stop hurting. and i am weak. i dont know how to just 'stop' or take control of my life. thats why i wanna die#bc i know that i wont be able to. that my life will never amount to anything#for fuck's sake my dream now is just to have my own 1bedroom apartment and have a shitty job - like in a grocery store or whatever!!!!!#not even that can i make happen! bc im so worthless i cant do anything. im also stupid so i wouldnt be able to do my job right#i dont know... i dont know... these feelings and thoughts are too much i just wanna relax#but i cant bc my ribs hurt and idk if it's heartburn or an ulcer 💀 why am i even alive???? what am i doing all this for? 😭#my thoughts ran away but i meant like seeing that reminded me of how much of a failure i became#bc of my circumstances and all the shitty ppl around me thru out my life
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dbphantom · 21 days
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you know if you guys voted for stretch armstrong i probably would have shut up a lot sooner tonight
#so really this is all your fault /lh /j#i love thinking about h2o tho so im happy#VERY FUCKING TIRED THO WISH I COULD SLEEP#i think my brain is kicking into overdrive after being filled with cotton the past 3 days which. hey im glad ur back bud#CAN YOU SHUT UP NOW I NEED REST#i was just thinking because im probably not posting that essay i will summarize here (i saw#that privating it made it lose like 4 recently edited paragraphs and i don't want to type all that out again my memory isn't good enough)#it just boiled down to the pods basically making a self fulfilling prophecy by orphaning their sons and making them increasingly#desperate for connections to other people like them which is why i think erik behaves the way he does esp when ondina is around#like i am not excusing his actions in the slightest dont get me wrong here he really fucked up BUT#his last conversation with ondina before he goes to the chamber kind of sold that idea to me#how he scoffs at her saying rita says it's dangerous because she's 'old school' and of COURSE old school mermaids think all mermen are evil#and then starts adding on how he wants to do this for HER and get her home back for her by controlling it#like a bit of an add-on at the end to try and convince her#i think what he really wants is to be hailed as a hero. you know. validation and acceptance from the ppl who originally abandoned him#the OGs who made him feel like an outsider. the ppl who ripped everything away from him just bc of the way he was born (which is prob why#when he's trying to convince zac to help him he keeps bringing up their ancestors bc that's what unifies them)#i don't think he's an evil dude per se i think he thought stealing the trident stone from rita's grotto would be small peanuts in the past#once he finally got the pod to come home bc he genuinely (mistakenly) believed he COULD control the power of the chamber#i also think that's why the camera keeps focusing on his face when he's watching the others panic over#zac's sacrifice and i think he is feeling jealousy bc they are paying attention to him and not Erik#like that's not the face of someone who deeply regrets what they just did. my guy is just sitting there like 'that should be me rn'#i think that is why he also sounds so desperate to make things right with ondina afterwards. iirc he's just like 'wait no we can start ove#RIGHT?' and she's like 'uhhhh... no??????' (valid). my dude is lonely as fuck and he finally found a group of ppl like him and he messed up#big time just trying to get their attention and affection bc he couldn't just be normal abt it he had to go big or go home#like i kind of feel bad for him in a way#but i feel bad for everyone#i felt bad for denman the other day! that's how bad this is getting!!#i mean come on imagine making the scientific discovery of a LIFETIME only for all that shit to happen in a row#especially after you get your comeback. they just go right back to fucking you over again
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thegreatestheaver · 21 days
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Conventional nightmares are scary but I think it’s the unrealistic ones that are the most scary
#the conventional ones I have are ones where people try to kill me or I kill people or do other bad things to them#or other bad things happen to me that could happen irl. but euhgh#I had such a weird nightmare#I WSS like ? on a weird ship thing with extended and being gay was like. not allowed but. I was gay anyways#and I hid it pretty well until like. suddenly at a huge fancy family dinner like? I was hashtag exposed and I tried to be like no please noo#but they were like TO THE HELL DIMENSION WITH YOU!!!! and I got sent to … s dark room with a stage and.. prom decorations?#there were other people and stuff and people onstage preforming the same thing over and over but I sat in the back bc I was pissed#also I was a borzoi. important detail😭 I remeber it because I always had to swish my tail off the chairs so I didn’t sit on it#anyways I was pissed as fuck. hal was there (the person not the character) and I was maaaaaad and it for some reason and I feel kinda bad#glitch was telling me yea ur in hell with (PEOPLE WHO DID REALLY HORRIBLE AWFUL THINGS. like. really bad.) and I was like awesome. kys#and it was like OK. don’t be like that let’s go sit at the chairs up high by the stage. and we sat on the same chair all squished 😭#everyone also had a small pack of plastic dinosaur beads that are. identical to ones that I have. and he talked to me as I fiddled with them#I was reallyyy scared because there were fucking. really dangerous people also apparently I was supposed to rot here forever.eventually hal-#-got up to strech and so did I and I sat back down ready for him to sit with me and he was like no. and I was like :? and it was like. the#the house. then glitch pointed to a small plastic house in the room like the ones for kids to play with outside and I was like oh :(#cos I thought he was leaving me and I got really sad because he was like. the only#good thing there. but it was like no. come#and I didn’t hear and I kept moping and he was like COME WITH. and I was like omg it’s talking to me. YAYYY!!!#I got up wirh my borozi paws to go follow glitch into the house then I woke up because someone called me just now😭😭😭#and I’m not gonna sleep again. it’s nearly 2pm. woof.#anyways that was horrible it was worse than the time I had a dream I killed someone and was a wsnted fugitive#I think hal was there cos I was thinking abt him right before I EME went to sleep and when I think of ppl before I sleep they often are in-#-my dreams#ok I need to get up and do stuff now. auhh#hollowspeak
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arolesbianism · 2 months
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Thinks oh so hard abt the spiraling upwards clan founders, especially the birchclan founders. Silly lil kitties who's pasts are drenched in blood with the primary regret of not drawing it sooner
#rat rambles#oc posting#warriors posting#spiraling upwards#long story short they had a shitty awful terrible leader who sucked absolutely ass and they tore him to shreds#I mean that literally they pinned him onto the mountain side and slashed and mauled the shit out of him so hard that his lives evaporated#and several of the cats involved in that scene are sill alive and major parts of the story and I love them#oh also the cat that pinned him through a stab through the throat was his own daughter btw everyone hated his ass so much#and for good reason get his ass#alas in the main story I dont rly get to go too deep into how he harmed everyone involved mostly just three main ones#aka bristlestar because shes murtlepaw's ghost mom dawncrackle because hes also haunting murtle and gullspot because shes bristle's kit#so basically all the flashbacks we get involve those three in some form or another#honeystar was also there and involved but Im not currently planning on having her rly talk abt that#most of her more modern angst is the fact that she was forced into leadership against her will#and shes been alive long enough that shes been leading birchclan far longer than she ever lived in her old clan#but she did go through a lot of shit before birchclan was founded and it definitely shaped her a lot#she used to be a very determined and high spirited lil kitty cat who tried to be optimistic#but her family began to slowly be picked off one by one by both the old leader and the one whod later get evicerated#some of the older cats around her hoped it make her back down from her revelutionary ideas but she noticed that and it backfired on them#instead of being worn down to submission she became absolutely Furious and began to lash out more and become more demanding#it got to the point that she really only had two friends in the entire clan and one of them was her aunt whod later also die after coming#out abt having witnessed the leader killing his own kits#that was the final fucking straw for her and she was fully on board when bristle and dawn started looking for cats to join their rebellion#she did get rly frustrated with them as they waited patiently for the right moment but her remaining bestie kept her from going apeshit#so once the big fight finally broke out she was more than eager to join the hoard of cats chasing the bastard upwards#now unlike some of the other cats involved this legitimately actually made her feel a lot better for a while#for the first time in ages she finally felt like she could be optimistic abt smth again and was excited abt the idea of leaving this place#she had lost so much in this damn place since she was an apprentice and just wanted to finally be able to rest easy#but once they got to their new territory and set up camp things went south real fast as a flood fucked everything up#and after losing the only cat she had left in her life and losing her tail and being made deputy on top of that she deteriorated quickly
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dorotheado · 4 months
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ok this is going to sound insensitive so im really sorry in advance. how do i post on instagram about all my eras shows without everyone judging me lol.
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kkujo · 7 months
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also idk i feel so fucking good abt myself idk genuinely being consistent with my gym routine has done everything for my mental health and confidence like i still feel bad abt myself sometimes but for the first time since i was probably 9 i'm having days where i look in the mirror and thinking DAMN i look good and those days are getting more frequent it's really the best feeling
#and it's not just the weight loss like. being overweight was such a struggle for me esp bc i've had issues w eds and stuff and.#idk it made me miserable. and i wasn't the healthiest bc i'd gained a lot due to pcos and my periods were irregular etc like it wasn't good#and now i'm medicated and fuck man my period is regular now and my weight is more normal and i just feel like. good abt that#bc i spent so long being unable to lose bc of my hormones and it was so disheartening bc i was doing everything 'right'#i feel a little bad talking abt it bc ik it's a sensitive topic and i have had issues w eds i obv don't think weighing less makes u healthy#etc etc. for me it was the healthy thing to lose what i've lost so i'm proud of that and i did all of that mostly without relapsing#over 2 years and i've had like. maybe a month of relapse total over that time and each time i've come out of it after a week or two#so i'm definitely stronger mentally etc BUT. my point is. the confidence hasn't come from trying to be smaller#and now i'm actively trying to build muscle and for the first time ever my confidence comes from looking BIGGER bc i want muscle growth etc#the confidence truly comes from within and when i was overweight i started to give myself that confidence#by starting to wear cute clothes and stop hiding my body#it is so true that losing weight won't make you like yourself or your body.#like. you can lose weight if you want but you HAVE to respect yourself first. i lost a lot of weight unhealthily in 2019 and regained it#& bc i did it out of self hatred i NEVER felt better abt myself when i got smaller. you rlly have to be able to love yourself as you are rn#it's cliche but very very true#anyway i don't rlly talk abt this stuff on here bc ik it's a sensitive topic but!!!#i really would recommend weightlifting and strength training if you wanna feel more confident#ik it won't work for everyone but for me it's genuinely transformed the way i see myself.#i no longer try to force myself to be as small as possible. and for me that's everything yk#ALSO LIKE. THE MENTAL HEALTH ASPECTS. just having the routine and getting exercise and getting out every day rlly helps too#i really would recommend it i've never felt better or more confident abt myself#the only thing is unfortunately and it's a very real problem but gym/gym bro culture often leans v close to e/d culture#it really sucks bc a lot of gym folks genuinely do love it and are very healthy with it#but the chicken and rice gym bro types are pretty rampant too and there's a LOT of dysmorphia and such in the community#so i kind of avoid gym bro circles for that reason bc i do think a lot of people take it too far and are very mentally unhealthy with it#but weightlifting/going gym in itself isn't the problem and if you're eating properly & taking care of yourself it's not gonna be like that#it's just knowing the types of ppl to avoid bc a lot of the mindset is pretty toxic 😭😭 but there are def a lot of ppl who do it healthily#like. i understand why people do it but i'm kind of against bulking/cutting at least for myself#bc for me it's not abt looking as strong as possible it's abt being fit and healthy physically & mentally if i look buff asf that's a bonus#but a lot of ppl take bulks/cuts too far & a lot of it is just regurgitated e/d shit unfortunately. just b careful who you interact with
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toastsnaffler · 9 months
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tried going to bed early bc ive just been sitting staring at the wall or my phone all afternoon but it's been 3 hours now and I can't stop crying. :(
#I dont even know why im so fucking sad. this last week has felt like getting hit by a train repeatedly for no reason whatsoever#and it fucking hurts so bad and i cant fix it because i dont know whats wrong!!!!!!#i think thsts why its been so hard sleeping lately like my brain is problem solving but theres nothing there to be solved#and i dont even have anyone to talk to about it and even if i did i wouldnt have anything to say bc i dont know im just fucking. sad#like yeah ive gotten upset abt other things but thats me projecting my mental state onto everything. theres no original cause#unless it really is just pms and some hormonal shit which is likely but kinda insane to think abt. like yeah my body has decided#to flood the entire fucking system with Kill That Egg™ for a straight week except its too effective and makes me want to kill myself also#but apparently not fucking effective enough to start my actual fucking period. yippee#i want a thousand year long hug and to cry rly snottily into someones shirt and then to fall asleep and wake up feeling rested#man. nothing makes me feel any different. exercising and sleeping and socialising and eating and showering and reading#and i can feel my interest in things trickling away like i havent been able to do a lot of shit i rly want to bc of this barrier#and ive been trying to make myself do some things regardless bc inactivity will just make it worse. but nothing works!!!!!!!#i dont even know anymore man. i do everything right and im still as depressed as i was like 8 years ago#and i know thats just the depressed brain talking like i know i dont constantly feel like this but its hard to see outside of it man#u spend ur whole life drowning but its ok bc sometimes u get ur head above the surface long enough to take a breath or whatever#insert overused mentally ill metaphor here etcetcetc#ok i think ive run out of things to say im gonna try sleep again. day 1 billion of making longass vent posts sorry everyone#gn#.vent
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ajdrawshq · 1 year
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i love sending my brother screenshots of lil manga Akechis where he looks all sweet n innocent to make it seem funny how badly hes treated in our au with him. and pretending the canon horrors he doesnt know abt dont exist
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imwritesometimes · 10 months
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when other people in their 30s say they feel lost in their life/don't know what their purpose is/feel nervous abt life: ur gonna be fine babe I ❤️ you and you are fine this world is a hell hole and we are all doing our best you are fine you are valid ❤️
when I try to apply the same things to myself:
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#things are going good! they're great! and I am fine!#I think the worst part of all this is not actually having the ability to control like allllll this shit#like the shit happening in my life very much is also just kinda... happening to everyone.#wages are too low. impossibly low. hustle culture has rotted ppl's brains. healthcare is unattainable for real in this country.#but also like on my own personal end like this is so stupid but#not beingn able to actually write anything is kinda killing me#writing used to be what I'd turn to when I was so overwhelmed with it all#to have fun and decompress and not think abt that shit and how it feels like I'm living through the collapse of an empire#but now like. lmao besties. I opened my laptop last night for the first time in over a week#and besties. friends. countrymen. it did not go well.#I could not make myself focus on that shit for ANYTHING#I have lost 1000% my ability to write. and it fuckin KILLS me. it's KILLING ME. I am being KILLED.#like I sat there and could peck out a couple sentences and then my brain would be like#ok but no do something else now this doesn't sound good this isn't flowing right booo watch reruns#and I KNOW that the answer to this is oh focus anyway baby steps turn off the tv!#but the thing is I cannot write without the tv I can't it's NOT happening for a bevy of reasons#but also no matter how much I tell my brain like ok no focus now#it doesn't happen#do you know how much this is killing me#normally I can force myself to do shit. I forced myself to quit SMOKING.#I hate this shit it is making me severely unwell and insane and unstable and mad and depressed#and obv unhinged look at these tags#erin explains it all
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coredrill · 1 year
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feliz jueves i was fucking right
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#DISCOVERY I MISS YOU SO MUCH#good god. okay weekly complaint rundown time lmao#1. girl did they save all the lighting budget for the enterprise d????? is that why i’ve had to watch the rest of this season#alongside my reflection in my tv?????#2. back on my wesley bs but like. christ. one of the things that i like most abt disco is how kind and understanding it is of its kidgenius#like adira is AWKWARD and saves the day all the time and everyone around them is kind to them and the show itself is kind to them#which is such a huge contrast to how wesley was treated on tng. by the characters AND the show AND ESPECIALLY the fans#so to have the ‘twist’ only affect bright young people because the fckin adults still need their time to shine?????#feels. WEIRDLY mean-spirited imo. probably not intentional but it doesn’t sit right with me at all#‘fck dem kids fck doing ANYTHING different lets just put the same exact characters on the same exact ship because thats superior’#it didnt even get the style refresh disco’s (and snw’s) enterprise got!!!!#3. this was literally the most obvious route this could go like come onnnnnnnnnnn could you imagine how much extra story#could’ve fit into this season if every episode wasnt half dedicated to nostalgia jerkoff LMAO.#ugh sorry anyways. last one next week!!!!!#f: star trek#trek: shows#trek: picard#picard spoilers#also like. at least we could all agree that s2 was bad LMAO#everyone watching this who is like ‘BEST TREK IN DECADES’ uhhhhhhhhh what are you watching and can i watch too??
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hyunubear · 1 year
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I’ve had similar issues with weight loss (gained weight when i was sick then lost ~25% of what was my entire body weight) and now my girls have deflated 😔 One day i really want to get a lift done, maybe implants too, but it all kinda scares me. I can’t really feel my nips either (or a lot of my body — thanks neuropathy!) so I guess that’s one less thing to worry about 😂 I’m just gonna stick to saving for fillers/botox for my face in the meantime 😬
Hope your recovery keeps going well!! 🖤
Oh gosh... that's a DRASTIC weightloss!!! I can imagine😞😞😞
Okay imma be real with u, im super anti implants kdnddmdk (personal opinion ofc) Other than their fake looking results and the fact that you're adding weights to ur chest, the thought of having two giant external objects being shoved into ur body makes me wanna CRAWL OUT OF MY SKIN... But honestly who am i to tell u what to do 😌 if thats what u want u should totally go for it!!!
Oh i love botox <3 my beloved. I love living in a modern world with modern shit like this kdkkdkd
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lyekisses · 1 year
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as if i would blow up the spot without ordering for myself first 😈
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thewickerking · 2 years
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sorry for leaving super long rants about my undiagnosed mental illness that ive been silent about my entire life cause i thought if i ignored it i would grow out of it in the tags of my posts. im trying to cut back on long winding posts abt my problems but erm. i still dont have a therapist yet the intake person said itd probably be two weeks before i get matched with a therapist and its only been a week... anyways off to the tags before this ends up too long o7
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