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jackiezenauthor · 1 month

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What was supposed to happen

under 18yos pls go away! DNI DNL DNS

...

Okay.

Now that we're just us 'matures' here again...

This is a scene that I wrote to get something out of my system, a while back, mostly a vent towards a certain romance trope that kept getting advertised to me on them very 'christian' sites and apps that i sometimes visit.

No shade to people enjoying the trope. I just don't.

it's the trope where main gets rejected by their fated mate, she/he/they accept it and move on, rebuild their life, etc BUT THEN the rejecting side has second thoughts about it and starts harrassing them into coming back to them. I just lose it everytime I see the trope. And so does my main because that's how I ended up writing this whole thing so yeah.

I changed the names because this scene is absolutely no longer bound to happen ever ever ever. If you write even a little you know what I mean when I say that my characters ran away with the plot in their teeth.

Tank you to my beta reader who was patient and quick to help despite the many hickups that sending digital files 'blessed' us with. If you make any sense of this story at all, it's all thanks to her. :>

Trigger warnings

NSFW (18+, if u lil gremlins are still around, it's time to skedaddle. Promise I won't delete it, you can come back and read it once the law is on my side, ty for the understanding)

Adult language

There's a hunting knife

SA passingly mentioned

Soft domme

No protection

questionably cucking? (You tell me, I am unclear on these things XD)

Genre

Fantasy shifter erotica

2k words

Let me know if I missed anything, ty.

“I could help you clean it up…” he said, an intense look in his eyes.

“I can shower on my own, you know?” I reminded him, throwing the wet wipe away, over my discarded underwear.

I moved to organizing my desk, or rather, pretending to: I was just moving papers from one side to the other. It wasn’t easy to focus, after all that had happened today. Getting molested under my own desk, hadn’t helped either, even if breaking the motherfucker’s nose on the earliest convenience did put a silver lining to it.

The wolf in my head had left somewhere too. I wasn’t sure why or where, but she hadn’t been bothering me for almost an entire day now. I almost missed her incessant whining… almost…

“Water and soap won’t cut it.” Samuel sat on the floor next to me, touching my thigh.

His face confirmed my guess: he was offering to do it himself… My breath caught as our eyes met. It wasn’t just a naughty service offer, there was a possessive anger about him, beyond what any words could offer. Whatever had happened earlier, he wanted to wipe it from my memory and, honestly, I welcomed it.

I turned towards him slowly, indulging in testing his patience, my heart rushing in my chest. The wolf would start growling in warning right about now… She didn’t.

He didn’t wait to be invited before digging between my legs, taking full advantage of my absent underwear. There was yearning and lust in his eyes, as he looked up. I bit my lips as he kissed my nether ones, his tongue digging hot between them.

I unbuttoned my shirt, touching a breast with one hand and grabbing his hair with the other. I demanded more, and he was happy to comply, pressing deeper as he tasted every bit of me.

My legs tingled with pleasure as he started sucking on my clit, perfectly aware of how I liked it. I welcomed him pulling me almost off the chair, lost in his feast, my legs stretching across his back, hugging his head. When his tongue resumed digging inside me, I barely held myself from grinding against his face. Was he to have been under my desk during Olivia’s visit, I would not have been able to keep the poker face I did back then.

I was bending with ecstasy, just about to come when a knock at the door caught my attention, startling us both.

“Fuck off…” I growled under my breath, wishing the visitor gone. It had been a whole hour since the program on the door ended too.

Samuel bit my thigh as I looked at the clock, demanding my entire attention. I grinned, pulling him back to my slit, where he was happy to resume. Brat…

Another knock, this time louder… They tried the door too. Who in the world…

“Selene… I know you’re in there.” the last voice I wanted to hear in this goddamn world broke from behind the door. Hunter.

There was no Selene to answer him, but he refused to acknowledge it, on account of my body belonging to her once. As far as he was concerned, I was just how she coped with his denying their mate bond a year ago. Not even her wolf, left behind with me, in her body, could help him see reason

I leaned further on the chair, trying to focus on my body and the sensations going through it once more. I could feel Samuel smiling against my clit as he doubled on his tongue’s reach. I pushed one cup of my bra aside, letting the boob bounce free, the nipple peeking from the blouse rim. It looked erotic from my angle, and my pet’s gaze sharpened, telling of an even better view from his. A moan escaped me as pleasure took over once more.

The bastard must’ve heard it too because, just as I was about to finally come, the door flew open, wooden shards flying across the floor.

Hunter stared at me, angry and shocked. What had he expected to find in my office, I had no idea, but clearly not half naked me. Samuel moved, his head poking from between my legs with a low growl. He was no longer the skittish push-around that I’ve met in Hunter’s pack, and I adored this new him. I pulled his chin towards me: my turn at commanding attention.

“You are not welcome here.” I growled at the intruder, hoping he’d take the hint and fuck off. Samuel moved across my belly, ascending slowly to my chest, one kiss at a time. Hunter cringed. Good.

He didn’t leave, however. Was he going to try fight me again? Now?

The wolf bitch remained silent in my head as I pulled my hunting knife from the holster on my thigh, twisting it in full view to make sure it shines and catches the bastard’s eyes. She would have started complaining right about now, on how I shouldn’t hurt him and so forth.

Samuel reached the point between my bra cups, catching the little clasp between his teeth. I expected he’d try pull it up and off my breasts but, with a swift bite, he snipped it in half instead, the recoil slapping under my shirt. It was my turn to be surprised. Wolf shifter teeth were strong, but he had yet to manifest as one, so when did his teeth get so sharp? I wasn’t sure that even I could pull a trick like that, Shifted even.

Hunter tried to rush us, furious, and I arched, gripping the knife ready to repel him. He’d abandoned Selene himself, and she’d accepted it too, right before I happened. Then, just as I took the chance to leave his pack and all the people that could figure out I wasn’t her, he did an entire flip and suddenly wanted her back. Maybe he should have thought about the consequences before denying her in the first place… I fuckin loathed people like him.

Just as my legs slid off my pet’s shoulders, ready to carry me against the attack, Hunter slammed into something. I couldn’t see what that was any more than he did, but it was two meters away from me and Samuel. It held against Hunter as he tried to walk forth again. Whatever that was, it wasn’t anything that I could pull.

Golden reptile eyes met mine as I looked at the man between my thighs. Warm shivers travelled my body as I recognized their meaning. All this time…

I pulled him closer, and he met my lips eagerly, his mouth already open as I slid my tongue in, meeting his. He was warm and soft, his metallic and ashy flavor given a new meaning.

There had never been a wolf for him to manifest from the very beginning: the dragon that I kept teasing my wolf about was right here, under my fingers, and he wasn’t going anywhere. All mine…

“Don’t do this…” Hunter pleaded from his position.

The fucker refused to get it, after all this time, all the fighting, all the words… What else could I do to hammer in his rockheaded brain how done he and Selene were?

Samuel nipped on my collarbone, once again demanding of my attention. I really wanted to give him all of it and more…

There was nothing that Hunter could possibly do to breach the space Samuel had claimed, and not out of lack of trying. I grinned… Good.

I pulled Samuel into another kiss, this time inviting him into my mouth, pulling at his clothes. My knife planted itself into the floor next to us, no longer needed.

“You’re ovulating…” he reminded me as I undid his pants. It was endearing how, even consumed by lust as he was now, he still remembered my needs.

“I’ll handle it tomorrow” I whispered for his ears alone, although I doubted what Hunter could even hear right now. He was too busy trying to work on the shield, raging like a maniac. Fitting.

My pet was already hard, of course, his cock throbbing happily in my hand as I pulled him to me, demanding.

“Fuck me!” I commanded as he opened his mouth, about to argue.

It was all I had to say before he entered me, gentle but unyielding. My legs locked behind him, hands grabbing between our bodies as he started thrusting, biting on my neck. That was going to leave a mark, and I found myself thrilled at the thought.

I leaned backwards, arching just enough to adjust the angle at which his thrusts shook me, letting my breasts bounce freely with it. The chair complained under me, but he didn’t stop, nor change the rhythm, as he took in the sight of my body against his, same as I. His muscles coiled under his burning skin with every move, my core pulsing in anticipation-fueled delight. It was maddeningly hot, and I dug my fingers in his hair, urging him to go faster and harder. Loudly.

Under the curtain made by his long, disheveled black hair, any other presence other than mine and his would have vanished if not for the rabid noises nearby. The thought of Hunter dying inside at the view of us only increased my excitement, however. There was nothing that could take my glee now.

“Mine…” a growl escaped me when I pulled myself against Samuel, sliding off the chair and ending up on his lap, as he moved to keep us balanced. My mouth claimed his with a hunger matched only by how eagerly I moved against him. He growled in return, and grabbed my waist, thrusting harder.

“Mine!” he echoed against my moans, his voice vibrating all the way to my throat. It drove me past my threshold, pleasure flooding through me as I dug my nails the back of his neck. He kept thrusting against my orgasm, slowing down just enough to keep it going until I grew entirely limp in his arms. I didn’t want to let him pull out, but he did, coming between us instead, shaking.

We stayed locked in the tight embrace we came in, breathing against each other’s skin for a long while before I could register anything else.

“Are you done?” Hunter’s voice broke through my serenity.

Samuel held me tighter, and I echoed the feeling behind it, but I really needed to shake that bastard off already. Clearly, not even seeing people having sex was enough of a hint for him to go the fuck away.

“Can’t you just return tomorrow?” I sighed, sharing a slow last kiss with Samuel before pulling myself away from his arms.

“I would have left by now if I had a choice…” Hunter said, his voice sounding like it came from a grave. Good. Scumbags like him deserved no accommodation.

I pulled the wet wipes out again, took one and handed the rest to Samuel, who was getting up as well.

“What’s so urgent?” I yawned, wiping the cum from my belly. There was nothing I wanted more than to cuddle and go to sleep now.

“You really have no shame left in you…” Hunter hissed, looking at me.

“Shame clearly didn’t make it clear enough how over whatever had been between us is.” I shook my shoulders. “If you still think …”

“No, I got it.” he interrupted me nervously as Samuel moved behind me and started buttoning up my shirt, his hair draping past my neck, covering whatever was still visible of my chest. I leaned into him, warming up my back against his chest. I’d thought he was always so much warmer than me just because of his gender. Showed what I knew…

“How’s your wolf taking… this?” Hunter asked, waving his hand vaguely at me.

“Since when did you care about my fuckin wolf?” I growled, suddenly annoyed. He flinched. Samuel hugged me and pushed his chin against my neck, trying to keep me calm.

“Just say why the fuck you’re here and FUCK OFF!” I hissed.

If I could blow flames of my own, I would have.

***

Thank you for reading!

Hope you enjoyed it! :>

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#i don't know what tags to use #dragon shifter #shifter romance #jackie zen shorts

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heuristicallyinclined · 4 years

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Nobody Knows

Hey, so this is my first public fanfic. I have been a Homestuck fan since the early 2010′s but Hiveswap slammed me back into it hard enough to write. Cringe is dead and it is going to be angsty and indulgent with canon treated as a suggestion. I’ve been spamming some of my favorite writers in the fandom with ideas in their inbox and decided to actually do something about some of them. Most of this comes from some future angst with Mallek I sent @clusband a few weeks ago during sad Mallek hours. Constructive advice welcome.

Get some hurt, comfort, fluff, a lot of angst. A lot of background characters.

Summary: MSPA Reader reflects on their current situation and unhappiness at not being able to see their old friends again. They accept that they past they once knew them in no longer exists, but what about the present?

Chapter 1: Self-reflection and other cool ways to spend the day

Part 1/?

(Word count: 3,085 | Rated T | Past MSPA Reader x Mallek Adalov, MSPA Reader x Mallek Adalov, Past MSPA Reader x Polypa Goezee, Background DaveKat)

AO3 Links: Part One (This) | Part Two | Part Three

Being back in your hive after however long it has been brings up memories. Memories that you had spent so long aching for whenever the discomfort of that void inside of you passed. Focusing on that hollowness for too long always made you uncomfortable, but you sometimes would try to understand why that was. You tried, you really did, to the point of feeling that static so hard that your vision would go white and you couldn’t hear anything over the sound of it in your mind, feeling like you were going to pass out. You think one time you did, but it was hard to tell. Fuck.

You thought that getting them back would help, make you more content, fill it even, make you feel whole again? But you just feel even emptier and like an even more monumentally bigger fuck up. You drink your shitty, expired coffee made in the coffee machine Tagora bought you a long time ago in the mug Skyyla made you, thumbing over the Ladyy design on the handle. You smile at the idea of her making such a comparatively small mug for you. Imagining the struggle of her larger hands trying to make something usable for your much smaller ones. You feel the warmth from your drink and your memory. At least your makeshift home was too out of the way to be ransacked, that or too much of a death risk for anyone other than alien refugees to try to make their way into.

You look around you at all of the trinkets your friends had given you. Remembering how at the time, you felt so rewarded, accepted even. Trolls being, well, trolls, had a hard time opening up to others given how much of a hellscape the whole planet was. So every time you made some progress, you felt like you got the neighborhood cat to approach you without getting too clawed up.

You look over in the corner and notice the plastic bag you got when grabbing some oblong meat products for Dieman at Grub-Mart. You had some extra caegars and figured he might be exhausted after doing whatever drug that was at Ardata’s party. You figured that some sweet meat might help with the hangover. You definitely needed it.

Your teal highlighter had been covered in dust, having not been used since you decided to be a good friend and smuggle some snacks into the bookhive to support your favorite legislacerators-in-training late night, er morning, study session. You stayed as moral support, given you know fuck all about the laws of any given planet and also enjoy having your flesh remain unscorched. You feel like you learned a lot. Probably. You mostly shared meaningful eye contact and words of encouragement.

Drawings from clown children and sketches from Amisia cover your walls. So do ticket stubs from Marvus’ and Chixie’s shows. You felt an odd sense of pride in being one of the most normal people there, extraterrestrial status not withstanding. A set of indigo sweatbands from exercising with Nikhee that you would also use with Stelsa during scaerobics classes are hung on hooks. There was a rom-com with a title too long to read in your lifetime that you watched with Polypa and books borrowed from Galekh that you never returned.

You smile, but it doesn’t reach your eyes. You care about all of your new friends, of course you do! It is just that… you feel more like the universe’s least qualified guidance counselor instead of their friend sometimes. You’re older than them, so it is maybe more like a sibling or a sketchy babysitter kind of relationship. They all have kinda weird, hard lives, even the ones on Earth, so you don’t mind being an interdimensional taxi service, or a postman who delivers kids to other kids, but they tend to relate more with each other than with you. Which makes sense, and you're definitely happy they finally get to be with other people their own age, but seeing them hanging out with each other really makes you long for the people you once had the same kinds of relationships with.

You had Karkat ask about your hoodie before you got your memories back and Sollux mentioned Mallek, but you got a little occupied by drones. It had been a bit since then. After taking Karkat back to his hive after a movie night with Dave, you noticed him eyeing your hoodie again.

“HEY. SO YOU NEVER ACTUALLY TOLD ME.”

Told you what?

“DON’T BE OBTUSE, I GET ENOUGH OF THAT FROM ALL OF THE OTHER BULGELICKERS THAT HAVE TRAMPLED THEIR WAY INTO MY EXISTENCE. DID YOU KNOW SOMEONE NAMED ADALOV?”

Oh, yeah the hoodie. After remembering, you were not looking forward to this conversation. You look off and let him know, yeah, you did. You trying not to make a big deal of it has clearly had the opposite impact on him.

“YOU TELEPORTED YOUR HORNLESS ASS INTO MY HIVE. IS THIS WHAT YOU’RE GOING TO BE COY ABOUT? YOU DUMPED ME ON AN ALIEN PLANET AND HAVE THE INEXPLICABLE HOBBY OF TRYING TO GET YOUR FROND STUMPS IN EVERYONE’S PERSONAL LIFE AND I ACTUALLY WANT TO KNOW ABOUT YOU AND FIGURE OUT HOW YOU OF ALL PEOPLE MANAGED TO GET A HIGHBLOOD MOIRAIL AND-”

Matesprit. He pauses and actually looks taken aback. It is odd to see him momentarily speechless.

“WHAT?” Well that didn’t last.

He was my matesprit.

“AGAIN, WHAT? SO YOU HAVE BEEN HERE BEFORE AND ARE WEARING A SIGN THAT HASN’T BEEN USED IN FUCK KNOWS HOW LONG? BEING MUTATED CULLBAIT NOT KILLED BY DRONES AND YOU EXPECT ME TO BELIEVE YOU FILLED A QUAD?”

Quads.

This information seems to break him. You see a familiar crease being to form between his brows. You then pause, trying not to get offended.

Wait, hold on, he has totally accepted you being able to travel time and space, but you filling a quad is too much?

“YOU ARE STILL PUSHING IT WITH TIME. BUT EXCUSE ME IF THROUGH THE PANBOGGLING TALES OF YOUR FUCKING ESCAPADES THROUGH SPACE THAT THEY DON’T EXACTLY FUCKING TRACK ON BEING CONDUSIVE TO FILLING YOUR QUADRANTS.”

Fair. You sigh and tell him the story before he can take a breath because as much as you care about him, this boy has one setting and it is very loud.

You tell him about taking a walk, getting abducted. Saying you were a robot and then revealing you were not in fact a robot. You hesitate during the underground river part as you walk the line between Mallek’s privacy and sating Karkat’s curiosity. You smile recounting getting pushed in the river, saved, and how he called you cute and started blushing and trying to backpeddle. How the two of you hung out later and how he made an account just to talk to you. Karkat seems to soften by a modicum at this.

You laughed at how he showed up to tattoo a stranger just because you asked. You wistfully go through the memories that led to an eventual confession and how beforehand how your moirail Polypa was coaching you and Galekh provided you with literature on quadrants. A true bro move, especially since you don’t know how a conversation on them would have gone. You guessed it was since you helped him with his pitch quad and the tattoo. Maybe he felt like there was already something going on when we were both at his hive in matching hoodies, oh yeah he was the guy who got tattooed. His kismesis was your law partner. Karkat’s brow twitched, incredulous. Yeah you don’t know how Gorgor managed that either. Maybe having an alien alive and working for him on Alternia added to his court cred. You also think that that wasn’t the only part Karkat took issue with, but by some miracle, he lets you keep talking.

You kept expecting him to cut you off but he seemed somewhat enraptured by the tales of your romantic antics, despite his efforts to seem more interested in the you part, you were getting a feeling he was more interested in alien dynamics. You knew he was interested in romcoms so maybe this was just some new material for him, especially since quads were a new thing for you and maybe he has strong thoughts regarding the differences in alien ro-

Oh.

Oh you see why now.

Karkat seemed to pick up on the shift in your storytelling going from your personal life to human romantic customs.

“WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT LOOK FOR?”

What look? There are no looks occurring.

“TRY THAT SHIT ON A MORON WHO JUST HATCHED. THEY MIGHT JUST BE MORE INCLINED TO GLEEFULLY SHOVEL THAT EXCUSE DOWN THEIR CHUTES.” He crossed his arms and squints at you. You knew how sharp his claws were from experience, not that you thought he was going to hurt you. There was just something very endearing about him trying to intimidate you while not subtly trying to glean more information about humans without seeming interested in humans. Or a human. Yeah, this is totally about Dave. You just have to find a way to gracefully skedaddle around that little detail.

I just had a bit of learning curve when dating an alien. So it is totally cool if you don’t know much about human stuff. I know quads can b-

“AND WHY DO YOU THINK I WOULD WANT TO KNOW THAT?” He says this clearly knowing what he thinks you think. You think it would be better if he didn’t think you thinked that, considering how the tips of his ears are turning red. You think.

You have romcom stuff everywhere and seem to really like them? Learning about human stuff might make it easier for you watch human romcoms and see how good or bad they are based on social norms. Kinda like romantic xenoanthropology.

Fucking nailed it. He huffs and rolls his eyes. Or at least enough that your answer plus the sheer amount of not fucking wanting to talk about that got you onto romcoms in general. He seemed to echo Polypa’s taste and you smiled at how animated he was becoming. A few of what you watched were now classics. Others that you didn’t like are prime pitch fodder. It had gotten late (early?) and that led you back to your hive. Just sitting alone and thinking. God you hate self-reflection.

You think of your time with Aradia. How she said you were a little broken. How she said you wouldn’t remember not being able to get to your friends again and being held by whatever the fuck that was. But you did remember, as much as you wish you didn’t. Guess you were more broken than she thought. It would be easier to just think you couldn’t get back because you didn’t try hard enough. But you did, you really did, and no matter what you do you just can’t. You are a shitty meta traveler and an even shittier friend. You thought about trying again but you get the feeling that you can’t access something that longer exists. You’d probably just get stuck in some corner of the universe and be alone all over again until you suffocate.

Can you even really die or be killed in anyway that matters anymore? At least in a way that doesn’t bring up the dull pang of a “bad end” followed by getting slammed dunked back in the past, before your fuck up, by an alarmingly cheerful time goddess?

Yeah, you didn’t think so. That would just add to the conga line of your dead selves letting you know how much of a dumbass you are.

But those people, those times. They don’t exist anymore. You keep thinking back to the way things were and who they were and how you can’t travel to those points anymore. All you have is the relative now and the people who exist now. Mostly.

You finish your terrible, bitter coffee, the cup no longer keeping your hands warm. You deserve this. In some shitty cosmic way, maybe you deserve this for not being better as a friend or partner. You can’t go back to the way things were to only to the people of now. And who even know who or what that even is.

Wait.

Maybe you couldn’t go back to the people they used to be because those were no longer who they were now. That thought sends a pang of hurt through you, imagining what little hope they had crushed. God dammit. But you have to try. Otherwise it is just you babysitting some 13 year olds who are trying to discover themselves and work through their issues with some interdimensional asshole looking over their shoulders. That asshole hopefully just being you.

You put your mug down and stand, closing your eyes, you try to repeat what you did with Aradia again, the memory of them doesn’t work. You know that. But with your new friends, it hasn’t completely been the memory? Maybe more accurate to say it’s them, some part memory sure, but more the idea of the present them, what they look like, who they are. You open your eyes and glance down at the sign on your hood. A sign you have mindlessly traced so many times. A sign that when you forgot it, gave you a dull sense of grief, now that you do remember though, it has sharpened and you are reminded of it whenever you are alone for too long or even slow down. Like the rest of you from other timelines will catch up to you in the current one and you get to experience your failures all over again.

You hold yourself tightly to ground yourself. Self-flagellation won’t get you anywhere, you’ve tried, you know this. So again, you close your eyes. You focus on your hood, the sign on it, the person it belonged to. The Mallek he was when he gave it to you vs. the Mallek he knew he didn’t want to be. The one he would have to be to survive. Your throat tightened at the thought of not being able to find him because he couldn’t do it and what if they got him an-

You slap yourself to stop catastrophizing.

Focus!

Adult trolls get bigger and their horns and claws grow with them. Their skin hardens and darkens as it does. You can’t tell if them molting was a joke someone told you or if they were serious so you don’t think about that part. Their blood color shows more through their eyes as they age. They wear black with their sign incorporated on it when they get spaced. You think back to the cerulean pirate you saw with Konyyl. Something like that. Okay you were getting somewhere. You could tell by how afraid you were to get there. You begin to get a headache, like your mind is a rubber band that you are trying to stretch to fit around something it shouldn’t.

Mallek said he would be a soldier or a spy and would be stuck ordering around lowbloods. No longer able to use his hacker skills how he wanted to. You imagine him, larger, older, more tired. Probably has more piercings and tattoos. You smile a little, despite yourself and the tension you feel continuing to build. He would likely play along, do what he had to do to do what he wanted to do. But at that point what would that even be? You imagine he would never truly stop messing with the system or hacking. His natural curiosity wouldn’t let him so he would be trying… something quietly on the side. He was sympathetic but you didn’t know how deep he would or if he would go down the rebel route, maybe just try to deal with his own corner of the universe.

Going along with what is expected seems to be the easiest way to keep under the radar. He has always been partial to not getting culled. Even when it was just the two of you, you knew it was a conscious effort to let his guard down around you, often requiring a change of scenery with you jokingly asking about if you would be needing goggles. Jokes often broke the tension of being afraid to be known with him.

Despite his projected cool, you knew he was an anxious person and preferred to be alone. You could see that being warped to fit the expectations of being a cerulean. You remember from conversations you had early in the morning, with ordeals approaching, you had some rare moments of verbalized vulnerability, of him exasperatedly going over what ceruleans are supposed to be with the unspoken and mutual understanding of what he was actually like. The coolness that he projected could morph into coldness, him wrapping it around himself tighter than any armor the empire would give him. Put some distance between himself and his team. You couldn’t see him being casually cruel, but definitely keeping people away through attitude and fear of his caste. The band tightens. So does your throat.

He hates having people over him and likely would at that start. Probably would be trying to do well so that he could use his performance and caste to be given his own ship and team so he could get some breathing room away from his superiors. Just be another team that does their job without question or issue in order to keep the space around himself. You realize that at some point during this, you started hyperventilating. You consider doing the breathing exercises Konyyl taught you, but at this point, you were tired of trying to be okay about it. You wanted to let it out in some way or another. You wanted to feel.

You thought of you, your disappearance. How that would have impacted him probably trying to find you, keeping himself up more than usual, blaming himself and then being taken off world. The not knowing would upset him the most you think. Would he even want to see you? What if he mattered to you way more than you mattered to him and you just showing up makes things worse? Another pang of guilt hits you for making things harder for another person again and you taste metal. You grit your teeth and refocus. The whole picture might never actually be known to you, but this is likely as close as it gets. You see this in your minds’ eye, the assumed idea of a person who may or may not exist, based off of who they used to be. Was this accurate, would this even do anything? Your hands clench around the hem of your hood and you drop to your knees and your leggings scrape the wood on the floor of your hive, eyes still screwed shut with tears pricking at the corners, breathing quick and heavy, jaw locked.

You try again.

The bands snaps.

And your head hits a cold, metal floor.

#homestuck #hiveswap #friendsim #mspa reader #mallek adalov #hs mallek #mallek x reader #my writing

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kwrittink · 4 years

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Stitches

Pairing: F!Reader x PlasticSurgeon!Seokjin

Genre: Smut/Fluff

Warnings: Foul language, mentions of medical procedures, mentions of broken bones, mentions of injuries, mentions of life-threatening injuries, explicit scenes of intercourse, unprotected intercourse

a/n: please excuse my lack of knowledge about the procedures made and/or ethics of a hospital, this whole oneshot (and the ones forthcoming) is inspired by tv medical series and can be completely inaccurate for my lack of experience with the terms. i deeply apologize for any misconceptions and hope that either way you all enjoy the story!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

The man had a way with women, they had said. He was nice and charming, a real gentleman were the exact words used to describe him.

"S- Stop poking me! This is useless, I'm fine, even a baby can see that!" The man on top of the hospital bed was everything but meeting the expectations. As he struggled, groaning and grunting like a little child, you pondered if you should ask for Peds, but since you were the only free resident for the next couple of hours before Dr. Dimples - well, one had to make a way to differentiate between the three Dr. Kim present on the hospital - got into surgery and you were paged to assist, you were on call for that one. It was your duty, even if your head was killing you.

"Mr. Kim, please stop moving around so much, I've got to clean your wounds and-" a young nurse was in distress, trying to clean the cuts and bruises of what it looked like to be the most famous man in the whole hospital, the star of plastic surgeries, Dr. Kim Seokjin - or how they called him, Dr. Handsome.

"If you're going to doing a lazy job then let go! I've got patients waiting for me, damn it!" Another two other nurses had to literally hold him down to avoid the man from getting up and leaving the bed practically naked, and you would have laughed was it any other day, but it was being a shitty morning for both of you, apparently.

"Alright... Good morning, I am Dr. Y/L/N and I'll be looking into your case, would you mind if I take a look at y-"

"Tell them to stop trying to help - trying being keyword - and let me go do my job! I got a thousand surgeries scheduled for today and I can't be wasting my time sitting in a bed while in perfect health!" You winced at his loud tone, not understanding why he was in such a rush to leave without letting you do at least the basics. It was a teaching hospital, wouldn't hurt him to just lay down and let you listen to his heart and call it a day-

"Hm Dr. Kim I'm afraid I won't be able to let you do that," With a friend you were handed the tablet that contained his charts and info, the first thing in the screen was an x-ray, fifth and sixth rib from the right side broken and the third from the left side craked, nothing very serious but it could hurt like a bitch. It should hurt like a bitch and still, that man was just there struggling to get up and go to work, screaming at everyone.

...

Screaming because it hurt like a major bitch but he didn't want to be seen in pain like that. The memories of your father getting angry at the wind when he got hurt while working popped in your mind immediately, and you signed heavily, trying to maintain your composure while explaining the situation and what could succeed to the matter if left untreated to the man who demanded an explanation to not being able to leave the hospital he partially owned.

"And I am telling you as an attending that I am completely fine to work today, so I'm ordering you to please release me!" The pleading in the middle of an order could be really funny, but your state was only getting worse and you were about to cry for the sole pain thumping inside your skull, the loud shouting inside the tiny room making you snap.

"Oh, my g- With all due respect Dr. Kim but will you just shut the fuck up? It's broken ribs, not an amputated hand!" You yelled back before you could stop yourself, walking towards Dr. Kim to show him the notes from the chief of surgery, that had sent further instructions. "All your procedures were postponed without an issue, so I'm sure every patient needing the touch of god can wait till you can stand on your feet." You finished with a heave, under the heavy gaze of the head nurse, that could be very grateful you were able to distract the nagging man enough for them to take better care of him while he was stunned, but also much baffled by your use of words and would probably inform your designed resident that you had indecorous behavior towards not only a patient and an attending doctor, but also a member of the Board.

Your head and your career, just because of a damn migraine. Just like that.

You felt light-headed.

"Well, finally someone to snap some sense in this thick head of yours," The humored voice of the Trauma attending made your whole body tense, not hoping someone from the higher-ups would know about this misbehavior so soon. And most of all, Dr. Min...

"Yoongi, I should have figured. This is one of yours right?" The man that was once staring holes into your skull spoke, tone even and a grin on his bruised lip.

"No actually miss - it's Y/L/N, right? - is under Namjoon's wing, but after this, I might even consider stealing her for myself... We're in dire need of someone with this kind of attitude," He scoffed, hands in his pockets as he turned to you. Straightening up you tried to mumble something, anything or an apology, but was stopped by a single shake of Dr. Min's head. "Don't worry, you're not in that much trouble for this. Your attending will have to be noticed though so meanwhile, I think you should go take something for that migraine of yours."

Your eyes widened at his words, wondering how he had figured out, mouth mumbling before you could stop yourself. "How could you-"

"Either I'm psychic or just that good. Take your pick." Yoongi cut you, a nonchalant shrug in dismissal as he turned around to talk to the injured doctor. Mouth hanging open, you only started moving once the nurse gave you a pointed look, quietly telling you to follow her and get your medicine already. Breathing in deeply, you skedaddled behind her quickly, not wanting to get into any more trouble than you already had. Your attending would probably talk your ear off for this already.

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You felt so lucky to have Dr. Kim Namjoon as your attending for that week. Sighing as you got out of the meeting room where he had asked for a word - in a very serious tone, that had every hair in your body standing on point -, ducking your head to not meet anyone's eyes in your way, knowing your face wasn't the one of someone that spent two hours being lectured by the tall and apparently intimidating Neurosurgeon, rather someone that was staring at his dimples while he laughed at the story as you told the whole ordeal.

Of course, you had been punished for your attitudes, being put at service to take care of Dr. Seokjin till he was back on his feet, doing everything so he was comfortable which also meant personal favors and stuff. I'm basically his private nurse. When Namjoon had put it like that when discussing your punishment it didn't even cross your mind, but now all you could think about was that you'd be close and personal with one of the owners of that hospital.

It doesn't matter Y/N, you're a doctor, you told yourself while biting your lower lip as you made your way to the Plastic's surgeon room, being effectively assigned by Namjoon. Besides, he probably doesn't even like you that much right now, you did yell at his face, you sighed, not knowing if that was meant to be a comfort or not.

And for the second time that day, you'd been wrong.

Dr. Kim Seokjin was nothing but the man that was placed in a bed shouting at everybody and pain-crazed, no. He was very amiable, wouldn't accept your apology before you accepted his and asked very little of you - at least for that first afternoon - before sending you off to take care of yourself, addressing the migraine that had subsided greatly with the medicine the nurse had given you early morning. You even considered buying a lottery ticket that day.

The days that followed were also very pain-free, the interns that were already specializing on Dr. Jin's - as they called him - area coming frequently to ask for his opinion on some cases, sneak snacks or just blatantly flirt with him made your job quite easy, even getting to share the food that arrived. He was an ace at his craft, that was so, so much more than boob jobs and fillers, you quickly realized. Dr. Kim Seokjin was a researcher, always striving to perfect his techniques and looking for ways to heal people in an almost seamless way.

"Since you're technically under my orders, why don't you go check this patient for me? I really need someone to describe the state of that skin graft and-"

"Technically I'm still under Dr. Namjoon's orders, but I can ask a friend to check for them and they'll give you the info in no time," you explained, whipping out your phone and quickly typing at said friend about the case of the patient that had made a skin transplant for some old burn scars, made with umbilical stem cells - practically routine procedure, his work high ranked everywhere. Seokjin snickered in amusement, and you looked up at him questioningly. "What?"

"I know that you don't want to upset the dimpled puppy - believe me I don't like to either - but this way you're going to fall back in the program," he explained and you shook your head, sitting on the side of his bed, turning your phone to him, where he could clearly see another patient's room, and looking up at you he noticed the wireless earphone in your ear. Still, Seokjin looked confused, making you chuckle.

"Another friend of mine - he owns me some favors - video calls me every time there's an interesting case, so I get to learn stuff even if I'm not on rounds. My mike's off but I can hear and see whatever is happening in the room." You smiled smugly as you explained, proud of your own brain. Okay, it hadn't been exactly your idea, but the thing is that you were still observing some cases, even if you couldn't participate and/or observe surgeries.

"That's very... Resourceful, I must admit. Still, I think I should talk with Dr. Joon about you, it's not fair to sabotage your learning process like that-"

You touched his arm, halting his little rant. "No, please don't do that. I've also learned a lot with you here while helping to nurse you." You explained, unable to contain a smile while you realized the way Seokjin had referred to his colleague. The man's mouth parted, seeming to be a little surprised at your admission.

"You've been reviewing cases with me this whole time, huh?" His eyes glanced at the pile of papers on his lap, a small grin curling a corner of his lips. "Well, that's really clever of you, Dr. Y/L/N. Reminds me of myself, in the old days."

Your chest swelled at his tone, just like when your father used to call you that before he passed. You tried to not give much thought to that, the grief still prompting tears very often. "You say it like it was such a long time ago Dr. Kim," you quipped back with a chuckle, drawing another snicker from his lips.

"It sure feels sometimes." He commented absentmindedly, eyes back into the papers, something catching his attention. "Well suit yourself then, since you're here to study and not just stare at my handsome face. Not that I'd complain if that's the case." A sigh passed his lips and you rolled your eyes at the remark, as you stretched over him to reach for his glasses, his eyes squinting a little and causing creases, a really bad habit for someone that preached about collagen as a holy grail.

"When I need a break I will, don't worry." You said while handing him the tool you knew to have lost him when you had to place the thin and old-fashioned frame of his glasses on top of his nose, a small hum in appreciation, eyes relaxing to their normal size. You were close to his face and took a second to observe his features more closely since he did say you were allowed to and weren't even paying much attention, the material in front of him more interesting than anything else.

"Will what?" He muttered a second later as if just realizing you've said something. As your eyes met, you smiled.

"Look at your handsome face, doctor." You quipped, head tilting to the side with an innocent air, and you saw him blink hard once, just as when he's nervous - or hungry. Then - and there was a lot of reactions you were expecting from him, but not that one - a snort passed his lips, the most unflattering snort echoed through the room, and as you leaned back to giggle, noticed the redness of his neck up, not quite reaching his face and cheeks but rather blushing till the very tip of his ears.

And that's when you realized that Dr. Kim Seokjin was handsome - and knew that - but couldn't in any way get compliments without getting embarrassed.

You were sure to use that knowledge for your own amusement.

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In the span of two weeks though, you've caught yourself staring and studying his face too many times already. Mostly when you were sure he was looking, just to embarrass him, but losing track of your tease and just admiring the natural features of his face, honest to god confused about how someone could have such complexion without never facing a scalpel before. Well, maybe you were exaggerating, but the man was surely handsome and lived for the nickname. Not only his face though, you've been quite interested in his shoulder-waist ratio, the wide expanse of his back - skin always so soft to the touch when you asked to listen to his lungs and heart - enough to fit both Rose and Jack, you'd bet. It was a miracle Seokjin hadn't tipped to either side yet, his waist being so slim in comparison. You envied that feature.

Didn't mean he was tiny under the belt though - well, you weren't sure about that specific thing -, as you noticed one day that his thighs were nothing to joke about. Okay, he wasn't like the Ortho God Dr. Jimin - strong dancer thighs - or Dr. Jeon that could seriously kill someone with his or Dr. Namjoon's biker ones or Dr. Taehyung's I've-worked-on-a-farm thighs but they surely were lean and strong, and if you could choose, you'd pick Dr. Jin's in a heartbeat. And why was that?

Because you're absolutely whipped for him, Y/N. Your mind snapped you from your daydream, the phone in your lap almost falling as you shook your head to get rid of the thoughts. That couldn't be the case, right? You just had a professional admiration for the man, he was an attending and your teacher and an amazing surgeon for crying out loud. You couldn't have fee-

"Y/N, can you come here a minute? I need your opinion on something," Seokjin's voice made you snap your head up at him, eyes huge as if you were caught doing something wrong. Which actually was accurate, if falling for one's teacher fit the concept.

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Something felt wrong that morning. But in your little infatuation, you weren't really paying attention.

"Hey, good to see you Dr. Y/L/N- Or should I say nurse Y/L/N?" Seokjin asked as you entered the room early in the morning with his food and a bag of extra snacks sent by his interns. Apparently, Dr. Jung started to confiscate the goodies for Dr. Jin and lectured the interns about the hospital's policies and how wrong was it to benefit one single patient - what Seokjin currently was until he got the clearance. After that, you were practically forced to take the snacks outside the hospital and make huge detours to get to Seokjin's room and avoid getting caught by the sometimes scary Cardiosurgeon. It was exhausting.

"Yes, very funny Dr. Jin, I'm even getting wrinkles," you quipped back at him, making Seokjin chuckle at your wit as you put the bags hidden beside his bed, not missing the quirk of his eyebrow as you stole a candy bar from the stash. "What, you're not even going to eat all of those," you pointed out, ripping the packaging and giving the treat a bite. The man only rolled his eyes at you, making some space by his legs for you to sit, getting back to his work and you focusing on the phone, getting ready for rounds. It had become like that, a sort of friendship that seemed sometimes feeble, something that would probably vanish once he was discharged - and that was nearing, depending on the results that Dr. Yoongi would bring a little later. You hoped to stop pinning after him when both got back to the respective routines and you didn't get to see so much of him.

Mind wandering off, you didn't notice as Seokjin leaned towards you, cold fingers softly touching your cheek. "Hey, that way you're really getting wrinkles," he muttered, and you immediately snapped out of your thoughts to look up at him, gaze perhaps focusing a second too long on his lips, the soft smile Dr. Jin was wearing making your face feel warm, and you had to clear your throat audibly to manage speaking.

"What?"

Lips parting, his little scoff made your eyes flick back to the plump cushions of his mouth, wondering if it was just your imagination that he was somehow closer. "That frown right there," he started explaining, the tip of his fingers only hovering the area between your brows. "What's worrying you, Y/N?"

"Nothing," you squeaked, unable to manage anything coherent, so thunderstruck from his actions. Your head fell down, unable to look him in the eye longer, but Seokjin wasn't having it, same hand going for your chin, digits pressing up with delicacy while coaxing you to lock eyes with him again.

"You can talk to me, you know... We're- ugh," He tried to say, eyes so worried closing tightly as he groaned in pain, torso dropping back to the bed as he reached for his side, and you tried to understand what was going on.

"Dr. Seokjin? What's going on?" you asked, hopping off and circling the bed quickly, hands going to the place he was pressing. "Does it hurt here? Do you know what's happening to you?" Panic started to settle in as you tried to think what could be causing him so much pain, till his eyes opened wide, palm enclosing your wrist with bruising strength.

"Can't bre- Breathe," Seokjin heaved, then tried to gasp for air with no avail. Frowning, you quickly grabbed your stethoscope and pressed it to the side he was still trying to hold, hearing - for your utter desperation - little breathing sounds. That, paired with the healing rib could only mean one thing: Dr. Seokjin's lung was punctured.

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"But how could that happen, there wasn't anything on his images, did we miss something?" You asked the two doctors standing outside his room after the whole situation was handled and fortunately, Dr. Kim was safe and sleeping soundly, under heavy sedation after the procedure to close up his collapsed lung.

"No, that might have happened after the exam, he wouldn't stop moving around and yelling at people, so most likely..." Dr. Yoongi muttered, almost to himself, as Dr. Park hummed beside him.

"Could have been a weird twist though, a move that misplaced the rib again, it was broken in two places anyways," the Ortho attending chanced, the emergency x-ray of Dr. Jin's lungs in his hand. There one could clearly see the hurt lung, small compared to the healthy one. Those things were pretty rare to happen and it wasn't easy to determinate the moment of puncture when it came to broken ribs - healing ones to top -, but you were pretty sure it had been that moment when he had tried to lean even closer to your face, as if - and you tried to shake off the thought so many times already - he was about to kiss you. Though he was probably about to say that I could trust him to talk since we're friends...

"But he's going to be alright now yeah?" You asked, your worried tone making both doctors stop their mumbling to look at you, Dr. Park's lips quirking up in a smile.

"Oh don't worry about that, now that we got him quiet and fixed him up, Dr. Kim will get better in a jiffy," he reassured you, hand going to pat at your shoulder softly. You tried to muster a smile, nodding lightly. You didn't want to think about how desperate you were at that time, because it only made you more aware of how much you cared for him. Being concerned for a patient was normal, but the fear you felt as Seokjin was tubed and wheeled for the ER was from someone that was hoping their loved one was okay.

"Though that means you're still on nurse duty, if I'm not mistaken," Dr. Yoongi blurted, and you looked up at him, finding him slightly squinting at you, eyes knowing. You glanced away, as Jimin chastised his colleague for being mean to an intern. You didn't really mind to tend for him for a little longer, in fact, even your chest felt relieved to know you'd spend more time with him. And if you weren't mistaken, the burning knowing gaze in the back of your head was still from Dr. Min, which was really psychic, after all.

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When Dr. Jin woke up, you were there to press a hand on his chest protectively to keep him from sitting up. And upon seeing your face he relaxed, his own hand going to cover yours, not to take it off but to squeeze it softly.

"Hey you there, what did I say about frowning?" he muttered, still a little sleepy from the medicines. You rolled your eyes and chuckled, sliding the hand off his chest to grab the end of your stethoscope and press it to the side of his torso.

"You also don't listen to given precautions either, Jin." muttering while taking notes about his stats, you missed how he smiled at the way you referred to him. "You were told to not bend or twist your torso till the ribs were secure yet you..." A sigh passed your lips before you looked up. "Please this time try to stay still Dr. Seokjin,"

"But I like when you scold me. Besides-" there was a knock at the door and then Dr. Min entered, followed by a couple interns to study and explain his case. You immediately leaned away from Jin, trying to be discreet as you got up and handed him his charts with all the new info and stats. Still, his eyes locked to yours for a single second and you could see the tiniest of smiles on his face as your cheeks started to feel warm, the feeling of getting caught making your heart pound.

"What were the symptoms the patient experienced after you diagnosed the punctured lung Dr. Y/L/N?" You almost gasped surprised at his inquiry, eyes wide and suddenly thrown off. "Just because you've been nursing Dr. Seokjin doesn't mean you're not an intern still, so you should be ready. Now, what were his symptoms?"

"Sharp pain at the right side of the torso, quickly followed by shortness of breath and increased heart rate. The patient also started to show blue discoloration of his lips and finally loss of consciousness." You quickly gathered yourself together to answer him, earning a satisfied hum at the answer.

"And can someone tell me the next step for that?"

"Immediate decompression of the lung with a large-bore needle into the second intercostal space in the midclavicular line, followed by a tube thoracostomy." You blurted out before someone could even breathe, head going a mile a minute as the events of that day went through your mind. Dr. Min did take long to get to the room, and after Jin passed out you had to call a nurse for help and insert the tube yourself without ever doing that. How you had the cold blood to do so it was beyond you.

"Very good, Dr. Y/L/N. It seems like you've been doing your homework." He sighed, and you heard Seokjin groan a little annoyed behind you. Dr. Min grinned while quickly glancing at him, closing the chart. "Any questions Dr. Seokjin?"

"Yeah, who was the one to close me up? I need to have words with that butcher," he quipped, making the interns still behind Dr. Yoongi chuckled lightly.

"Well then who can tell me the one responsible for the patient's lung repair?"

"Dr. Jeon was responsible for closing up Dr. Seokjin's at first clean incision, but upon exam, it was necessary to widen the gap and close another small breach in the lung, then Dr. Jim- Dr. Park made the rib repair with plates, to ensure proper healing." You barely registered the little slip from that intern after hearing the complication of the surgery. You thanked whatever force in the universe that Dr. Jeon was the best General surgeon one could ask for, as well as Dr. Park.

"There's your answer, Dr. Seokjin. Now, Dr. Y/L/N will go over the precautions again, but soon you should be back in your feet. If you'll excuse me," Dr. Min finished and left, before Jin could say anything else, while the others scrambled to follow the Trauma surgeon while blurting small good wishes and farewells for the injured surgeon. Dr. Jin sighed.

"I'll have to teach him how to suture all over again? I can't believe he's leaving that huge scar on my side- ow," he whined, but this time you chuckled because it was just because he tried to twitch, but the painkillers were wearing off and the surgery was still tender.

"Be still or you'll open your stitches, Dr. Seokjin," you warned, once more pressing a palm to his shoulder. "Now, you were saying?" trying to distract him, from moving you got back into the previous subject you were discussing, causing his expression to soften instantly - whether from the hand still over his clothed shoulder or sudden confusion, you didn't know. It just reached the wanted result.

"Huh? Was I saying something?" Seokjin inquired, head cutely tilting a little, even if it was a little weird to say that of a grown man.

"When are you not?" You quipped and the both of you chuckled, a pained hum a chuckle from both parties. "Before Dr. Min arrived you were about to say something about why you can't follow medical instructions I gather," you got up, reaching to lift his bed a little and fluff his pillow. "And as your personal nurse, I have to know about your complaints so I can make my patent more comfortable."

"Well if you have to know, my major issue with staying still is because..." And you had to frown over the sight of his ears turning bright red, blush spreading down to his neck and what you could see from his chest. That made you incredibly intrigued.

"Because?" You pressed, curiosity eating at you with his hesitancy. Seokjin snickered, head turning to look back at you with a serious expression.

"If I can't move then I can't try to kiss you," and against all warnings he leaned up, pressing his lips to yours in the most chaste of kisses.

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It was the night that preceded the day of Dr. Kim Seokjin's discharge, and you felt both parts sad and relieved.

"I can't believe I'm finally leaving this bed tomorrow," he groaned, eyes closing as he threw his head back. Seokjin was allowed to sit up again by Dr. Park and had taken up his charts and researches again with the blessing of the now responsible surgeon for his case Dr. Jung since Dr. Jeon almost got his ear talked off when he tried to check on Seokjin and the state of his stitches.

"Well sorry if it was such a bad experience to you Dr. Kim," you quipped jokingly, eyes glancing up from your books as you read about a case he had let you borrow after your little trick with an intern friend had been discovered and thoroughly shut off.

"Ah you know I didn't mean it that way dear," he sighed and you gave him a tight smile back, trying to not let the term of endearment get to you. "Thought you should know you've been an amazing caretaker. Have you thought of pursuing the medical career?" he joked, and you had to chuckle because he could sometimes make awful jokes, but overall Dr. Kim Seokjin was pretty funny - god forbid him knowing you thought like that.

Theoretically, you were acting as if nothing had happened, as if he hadn't stolen a kiss and had to be put under a dose of painkillers after, but the little things - the nicknames, the longing stares, and apparently innocent innuendos - made it hard to forget that didn't happen.

"I know, I was just joking. But I have to say that I'm glad I'm off nurse duty. No matter how much free food I got while serving my time." Eyes getting back to the papers, you were to resume your notes, really intrigued with the carcinoma case he was working on. You never thought he could take care of those things, imagining that every type of cancer went straight to Oncology.

Seokjin gasped, faking offense, and that snapped you out of your concentration. "Serving your time! Look at that, you've gotten witty huh?" He quipped, and you realized that he still wanted to talk to you, probably with the same thought that both should make the most of that last night... Together, in a sense.

"It's the company," you shot back, chuckling lightly as you got up, legs feeling a little numb after sitting for so long. "Now, I am stuck at how to make this procedure, could you give me a clue?" You asked, pointing out the papers in your lap.

"You treat me so badly and still need my help tsk," he shook his head, patting the spade beside him on the bed. "C'mere so I can read what you've written so far."

You watched as he read your essay for a long while, lost once more in his smooth features. He mumbled while reading, in his concentrated state, and you couldn't help but let your gaze wander to his lips, watching as the tip of his tongue wet the lower as he thought. The feeling of those on yours made you shudder lightly, skin tingling to touch and be touched. How professional of you.

A smile tugged at the corner of your lips after a while, as you realized his ears were getting red again from your staring. But what you had failed to notice was how he had you exactly where he wanted you.

"You know what Dr. Y/L/N," he sighed, turning to look at your face, being close enough you could feel his breathing fanning on your face. "I think we should leave this for another day."

You swallowed dryly, suddenly really nervous of his proximity, eyes darting from his eyes to his mouth, then quickly back up. "W-why, Dr. Jin?"

And he parted his lips, hissing softly as his gaze was trained on your mouth. "Because it's my last night here alone with you and I can't stop thinking of kissing you."

"Then why don't you?" You tainted, after gathering some courage to speak, even if it was just a mere whisper. But it was encouragement enough for Seokjin, that this time was able to move more freely and securely with the titanium plaques now holding his previously broken ribs.

The touch of his lips on yours was intoxicating. Soft, but enough to leave your lips tingling with yearning, make you forget your surroundings. They were cold but you still couldn't help to feel pulled further towards them, melting on his touch as if under drug effect. You parted your lips, a silent invitation to deepen the exchange, but he only captured your lower one, before pulling away slightly, a whisper of your name brings you back to reality.

"They're going to see us," Seokjin pointed out and only then you truly realized the place where you were, leaning away with wide eyes and a warm face, trying to come up with an apology to your inappropriate behavior, but getting a squeeze in your forearm and a soft smile to stop your words. "Can you do me a favor, Dr. Y/L/N?"

You could only hesitantly nod at his question, eyes meeting mischievous ones - an unrecognizable glint in Seokjin's eyes that were making your heart race - while waiting for what he was to say next. "Close the door and the blinds, I don't want to be bothered anymore."

The instruction caught you a little off-guard but again you could only nod, getting up from the bed and walking towards the door, knees a little weak from what happened seconds ago. Your heart was fluttering, fingers shaking while you pulled the cord that closed the blinds, eyes darting around to see if anyone was around, but due the hour the floor was practically empty, wasn't for the napping nurse on the reception table, back towards the window you were standing behind.

"D-do you need anything more, Dr. Seokjin?" you cleared your throat, turning towards him right after locking the door as silently as you could. For some reason, as you locked eyes again, his stare was so much more intense it made your pulse stutter. He bit his lower lip, eyes traveling down your figure and making you so aware of his desire, breathing as if the air had suddenly become thick.

"Can you please turn the TV on? I think there's a football game playing... I'd like to watch that." Eyes glimmering with naught, Seokjin pointed out to the device placed at the top of the opposite wall. You refrained from frowning at his instruction, asking yourself why would he ask for such a thing, when you knew he liked to sleep without any exterior noise - which was funny, him being someone so loud.

Unless Jin didn't intend to sleep at that moment... The thought made you breathe in sharply, surprised at your own delay to figure it out. Swallowing dryly you pressed the button of the remote to turn the TV on, your whole body buzzing. He had barely kissed you and you were already in such a state... Even your underwear felt a little damp already.

"Now, I hate to be this demanding to you nurse Y/N, but..." This time his tone was so much deeper, almost whispered and made you twirl on your feet quickly, a tad startled by him. The television was on like he asked, volume almost enough to drown your squeaked 'yes?' but not enough to bother anyone. Jin chuckled at your reaction. "I swear it's the last thing I ask, dear... Could you come here and fluff my pillow?"

With a small nod, you walked towards him again, having Seokjin straightened up to help you with the task. But ever the clever man, he didn't even wait for you to lean properly over him to capture your lips once again, strong hands tangling with your hair as you tried to leverage yourself, the startle making your knees weak. "Mhm- C'mere," taking a hold of your waist, he tugged your body to the side towards him making you yelp and you would have tumbled over his torso, hadn't you straddled Seokjin instead.

Now seated properly, your hands went immediately to his hair, sinking in the silky black tresses with delicacy and causing a shudder to ripple through his body as your nails scraped his scalp. Groaning, his own palms slid down confidently, reaching your butt and taking purchase of it with a firm squeeze. You gasped and Seokjin used the momentum to slip his tongue in, deepening the kiss smoothly.

Even if we're in a hospital it's tempting to take this further, you thought, leaning into his touch with a sigh.

Then the realization hit you. You were actually in a hospital room, part of your work environment, basically your whole life. Where you actually trying to risk it once again?

"Dr. Kim-" Quickly leaning back from him with hitched breath, you almost got distracted by his already disheveled state with flushed cheeks, lips swollen and pink, so inviting you almost forgot what you had to say. "Dr. Kim, I don't think we should get this carried away, someone could hear us a-and-" You tried to reason while clearing your senses, you sat back on his thighs properly, noticing exactly how carried away Seokjin was intending to get. His eyes widened at your words as if he also realized where you were exactly, hands sliding back down to the bed. You observed his face carefully, hoping he wouldn't get angry at you.

Clearing his throat, Dr. Jin looked away quickly. "You're right," he started in a low tone, pressing his eyes shut for a moment. "It's risky for both of us, even more for you... I'm so sorry I think I was out of my mind for a little bit." Biting down on his lower lip guiltily Seokjin breathed out heavily as he pinched the bridge of his nose. You took this moment to hop off his legs, not without giving a quick peek to the bulge hiding underneath the covers. Frustration washed over you immediately for doing that to yourself - for doing that for the both of you. But maybe when he gets better...

"I'm really sorry about this," you muttered, twirling on your feet and walking towards the door with wobbly knees and wondering how the hell would you be able to face him in the next - what time was it, 2 am already - hours. How would you be able to pretend that nothing happened from then on? It was impossible to keep that thing going - at least it was very much frowned upon - but you knew yourself too well to know you wouldn't be able to maintain a professional demeanor towards him. You were in too deep.

You chanced a peek over your shoulder, hand in the doorknob about to get out. Seokjin had his eyes closed, breathing still a little labored and probably trying to get his boner to go down on his own. Why were you chickening out at that moment? You wanted the man so much it was barely bearable, he wanted you too - that was very clear - so why were you, the one that had yelled to that man and shut him up a month earlier afraid then?

"Fuck me," you muttered to yourself, flicking the lights off and turning back around, almost ripping your coat off your body and throwing it to the chair nearby. The hasty movements picked Seokjin's attention and made him look back at you, confused about what you were doing for a second before a smile spread over his lips as you climbed the bed again, taking position on his lap again. Feeling bold, you also pulled off the uniform shirt, bra the only thing covering your chest at that point.

"You're going to kill me," he breathed out, fingers creeping up your waist as his eyes took in the sight in front of him. You shuddered, a humored hum leaving your lips as you leaned back to press your lips to his.

"Not the point here, doc. Quite the opposite actually." You couldn't help the quip, gasping as Seokjin caressed up your waist. He rolled his eyes at you, free hand grasping the back of your neck and getting back at kissing you.

Soon the exchange got heated up again, tongue invading your mouth and exploring digits mapping their way through the expanse of uncovered skin, only hesitating with a silent request for permission as they hovered the clasp of your bra. Already past patience at that point, you just shoved his polite hands away before opening it yourself, hurriedly throwing the garment to the floor, then meeting his awed expression. "So pretty," Seokjin marveled, hands cupping your breasts with care. "I'm good, but could never make them look as beautiful as yours."

The sudden admission made you scoff, and you were about to make a witty comment but was interrupted by his fingers tweaking at your nipples and turning any attempt of speaking into a soft gasp. He hummed. "So sensitive and soft... I want to taste you."

"Dr.- Jin!" your breath hitched as his mouth replaced one of his hands, full lips clasping over the hardened nub, the tip of the tongue teasing the sensitive skin. You held his head in place amazed at how his touch made you feel desire so intensely, hips grinding down on his, hoping that the hard-on against your clothed core meant the same. Immediately detaching his lips from your breast he breathed out hard, the friction being a sign that you affected him a whole deal. Meeting his gaze this time felt like you were electrocuted, his dark stare making you swallow dryly as you saw his intentions plastered to his face, eyes burning at yours.

"Last time you can back out, Dr. Y/L/N," he whispered, straightening up on the bed, leaning till his face was back at millimeters of yours. "From here I'll take responsibility, but I need to know if you're in with me." You took a second to breathe before nodding, the feeling of his fingertips playing with the band of your scrubs almost distracting. It was nice to know that he'd respond for this of anything happened but it wasn't like you cared anymore. Yes, it was that bad.

At your confirmation Jin captured your lips again, leaning up as he pushed the pants of your scrubs off, chilly air of the room hitting the skin of your butt and making you shudder as his palms caressed their way down. Leveraging yourself on his shoulders with one hand you helped him to get rid of the rest of your garments slowly and as silently as you could while he kissed your neck, the other hand undoing the ties of his gown and exposing the scorching, almost flushed skin of his chest. Like every peek you've had so far, you noticed he wasn't buff, but didn't lack strength and firmness. His body, as expected, was as great as his face.

Leaving your ogling for later, you positioned yourself as flush as you could on his lap, grinding deliciously over his now uncovered big hard cock and drawing a hiss from Seokjin, a little bite on your shoulder in retaliation, hands still holding your ass appreciatively.

"I would flip us over and fuck you senseless right about now but I guess it would go against medical orders, huh?" His tone was husky and dripping lust as he spoke against your ear not a twinge of humor to his voice, and that made you breathe out at the tease, hips rolling over Jin's once more just as if you were quipping back at him.

"Oh god, Jin," this time though he responded with a buck of his own, sliding over your pussy with ease due to how wet you've become. That was when you realized that maybe you would have to maul your lip to avoid moaning his name out loud if that simple gesture almost made you lose your composure. But as he said, it would be bad for his stitches if he was to top, so you would have to do the job this time.

"Fuck, you're so wet for me, "And you would have to do it fast because the more Seokjin spoke, the more you were turning desperate to have him inside.

With a firm, but delicate grip you lined him to your entrance, biting on your lip as you lowered yourself on him and leaning your head on his shoulder with the smallest of whimpers as the pleasure of the stretch took over your body like electricity. SeokJin tensed underneath your body, muttering small curses as he mouthed at your neck, arms now snaking around your body and holding you as close as humanly possible. You reached his base breathless, feeling the tip of his dick kissing your cervix.

You chanced to move, rocking your hips slowly at first, clenching as Jin met your grind and you started a soft and quiet pace. But it was soon escalating, as you felt him getting snuggled in a certain spot inside of you that had you seeing stars, head thrown back as your hips jolted and slammed back down, bed creaking drowned by the TV, or at least you hoped. "Seokj-Jin right there," you tried whispering, looking down at him and meeting his expression - a mix of awe and lust - as the little light coming from the window provided by the moon indirectly illuminated his face. You saw him nod, licking his lips before gripping back at your sides before leaning back down and pulling you with him till you had to use your hands to avoid falling on him.

Like that you could now bounce on his lap slowly, controlling the pace so you would enjoy the ride a little longer, as much as you were clenching around him with the need for proper drilling. Seokjin seemed to enjoy the little torture, face contorting in pleasure and eyes fluttering shut.

"Jin," you whispered, making him open his eyes with a heave before you leaned down a little to peck his lips. "You feel so good inside of me fuc-" You meant to tease him, having it backfiring spectacularly as he grunted, pumping up into you deeply and shushing you with a kiss.

"Just because I'm not cleared - shit how you're so tight? - doesn't mean you can t-tease me like that, Dr. Y/N." He snickered, keeping with the pace of his hips as you met every snap, face buried on the crook of his neck and not regretting your actions at all.

After a wince or two from his side, you decided to take over, straightening your torso back up again and resuming rocking your hips at a much stronger and faster pace, ready to take you both to the ends you two most desperately desired.

Breathing got ragged rather quickly, and it was so hard to contain the curses and little grunts and moans coming from both of you. Jin's hands went from your hips to your chest again, entranced with how your breasts moved and engrossed on tweaking your nipples, your body breaking a sweat in an attempt to hold off the moan from the added stimulation.

"I'm going to cum soon Jin, I'm- It feels so good-" Your whispers were even more choked up and desperate, and with your blurred vision you could barely see him nodding and gripping one of your sides even tighter.

"Good dear, I'm right behind you, wanna see you cum around my cock so bad," he urged you, licking his thumb and going for your clit with his free hand, rubbing tight circles that almost made you scream, nails digging on his chest.

"C-cum... Inside me, Dr. J-jin, please cum inside!" At your muttered plea his pace practically faltered to a stop, cock throbbing hard inside of you as he looked up at your face.

"Are you sure about that Y/N? Do you want me to fill you up, love?" Tone so soft, barely understandable but filled with desire. You could only nod, in the brink of tipping off the edge and almost unable to keep quiet. Breathing out a curse he nodded back, eyes fixated on yours. "Then cum for me and I will too, hm?" And at that Seokjin resumed playing with your clit, effectively bringing you to climax, eyes rolling up and both of your hands pressed to your mouth, avoiding to voice the incredible orgasm you were experiencing. Stimulated by your walls squeezing tight around him, Jin also came hard, with a string of curses on his lips, trying to keep his eyes open and relish on your fucked out expression while you rode out the climax.

The light of early morning was starting to breach the windows as you laid down beside Seokjin, using the last of your energy to get dressed and put his gown back, deciding to clean up a little later, once you were cleared to go home. None of you dared to sleep though, staring at each other in silence till you needed to get up.

"Ah, this won't do," Seokjin started suddenly, sighing heavily. The whispering made you frown, wondering what he meant.

"What? What won't do?" Your voice was a little rough even if you had barely used it through the night, and you cleared your throat to try and speak properly. "Us?" You added hesitantly.

Not meeting your eyes Seokjin nodded, and your heart sank instantly, eyes prickling.

"You see the thing is," he started, and you wanted to move, but your whole body felt incredibly numb, his arms doing nothing to the sudden cold you were feeling. "I can't put you on my team if you're my girlfriend, but you have so much potential in the area- Why are you crying? I'll talk to Namjoon about it, please don't be upset love," As his eyes turned back to look at you Jin noticed - and you noticed - your teary state, as you rolled your eyes and sniffed.

"Don't scare me like that, you prick!" You scoffed, wiping your tears and meeting his utterly confused gaze. He really wasn't even trying to joke, you understood. You sighed. "And that's a weird way to ask me to be your girlfriend if I have any saying on this," you chuckled, watching his eyes widen as he realized he had really said something about that.

"That means it's a no?" Seokjin asked, looking the most insecure you've ever seen him. Somehow, it was cute.

"No take backs, you've already said it, now you're stuck with me." You bopped his nose with a serious expression, watching a smile take over his lips, as he hugged you tighter.

"I can't believe I have a nurse, a girlfriend and the best intern this whole internship program has ever seen in my bed." At that you chuckled, snuggling to his chest with a satisfied sigh.

"Well enjoy it while it lasts, because I have to get up in like ten minutes to get your discharge papers." You said, hearing him groan while pressing his face to the top of your head.

"Then a proper date?"

"Then a proper date, sure."

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#kim seokjin fanfic #kim seokjin au #doctor!bts #surgeon!bts #bts doctor au #kim seokjin smut

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writing-royza · 5 years

Text

Tainted Blood, Tainted Soul: Chapter Thirty-one - Change in Plans

A/N: Happy Sunday, everyone! I hope everyone's summers are going well; I realized I hadn't sent out that particular good wish and I thought I had better do it before summer's gone! Mine has been…busy, which you'll know if you've been reading my last few author's notes. And it's not slowing down any time soon, the same of which can apparently be said for this story! I had originally intended it to be about the same length as Father Figure, but the story kind of took on a mind of its own. Oh well, I suppose it's just more to love. Enjoy this week's chapter!

I do not own FMA.

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Chapter Thirty-one - Change in Plans

GUEST ACCOMMODATIONS, JADAD, ISHVAL 0833 HOURS, APRIL 29TH

Knocking on the house's front door for the third time, Rebecca leaned close to the wood and called "Riza, if you and your undead boss don't get your collective butts in gear, we're leaving without you!" She waited, listening closely, but there was no sound from inside, either of an answering yell – and with her insult to Mustang, there would have been yelling – or even footsteps approaching the door.

"She's your superior officer, and yet she allows you to talk to her like that?"

Rebecca jumped, turning to look over her shoulder to where Scar was approaching. His expression was lightly curious, the red eyes focussed on her before they flicked briefly toward the still-closed front door. She allowed herself the shortest of seconds to watch the way the morning sun glinted in his white hair, and outlined the sharp angles of a face that looked like it had been sculpted from smooth milk chocolate… and then shrugged airily.

"Best friendships supersede the rank and file sometimes," she commented. "Look at Mustang and his friend Hughes; not exactly a whole lot of saluting and yes-sirring going on there."

"I never had the chance to meet him, but from what I'm given to understand, he was a very good man." Scar hesitated briefly, then added, "The Colonel showed strong emotion on finding the killer; it isn't hard to see that they were close." He indicated the door with a nod. "Perhaps they've already left to join the others?"

"I don't think so." She glanced back along the street the way she had come. "We were supposed to meet at the place Armstrong and I are splitting, and I took the most direct route here without passing them." She shrugged. "Could be they both just overslept. Riza sleeps like the dead; she wouldn't hear me knocking if she was right on the other side of the door."

Without a word, Scar moved past her and off down the side of the small house, his sandalled feet kicking up small puffs of dust as he walked. Rebecca followed, curious as to what he was up to, as he circled the building to its rear and stopped by one of the windows. The curtains were pulled most of the way across, leaving only an inch opening into the room beyond.

The scarred man cupped one hand to the glass to cut the sun's glare, gazing intently inside… and his already present frown deepened. He didn't bother to explain the reaction, merely turned and kept moving toward the house's back entrance. Rebecca followed, having to move at a trot to keep up with his longer, urgent strides.

He didn't hesitate when he reached the door; his right arm withdrew from the folds of his robe, his palm pressed flat to the sturdy planks, and in an implosion of dust and splinters, they disintegrated.

Something cold washed over Rebecca as her eyebrows shot upward. Riza had told her about the murders this man had committed… and now she could imagine how they might have looked. Stepping through the doorway after him, her stomach beginning to fill with nervous dread, she asked quietly, "What did you see?"

"Nothing," he answered.

"Try again, buddy," she scoffed, trailing behind as he moved purposefully down the hall. He opened the door to one bedroom, looking briefly inside before moving to the next. If she recalled correctly, the first door was Mustang's room, with Riza's being at the end of the hall. "Something has you spooked, now what is it?"

Opening the second bedroom door, Scar peered inside, then turned back to her. "As I said, I saw nothing," he said gravely. "That is what disturbs me. They aren't here."

It was true. Mustang's bed looked slept in, but it was vacant, and the clothes he had been wearing the day before were folded on top of the dresser in the corner. Moving down the hall, she glanced into Riza's room, finding it immaculate with no signs of occupation aside from the homespun dress on a hanger that hung from a peg in the wall.

Either they're both in their pajamas, or they're running around in the buff, she thought distractedly. Either way, they wouldn't have gone to meet the others in anything other than everyday attire. No, something had happened and the two of them had skedaddled off somewhere. Maybe Kimblee had paid them a visit in the night? Forced them to fight or to follow him?

"In here."

She followed Scar's voice back to Mustang's room, found him holding the bedsheet back and staring at the mattress. He looked up as she entered, and pointed to something just out of sight behind the rumpled sheets.

When she came around to his side, it took her a moment to realize what she was seeing. A pile of fine, pale sand, with several dried flowers that had once been white half-buried in the grit. Flung a little to one side was a length of silver wire twisted into an intricate shape. Having never seen the contents of a protection charm outside of their carrying pouch, it took her a moment to recognize them for what they were.

"Oh, damn…" she murmured, feeling the sense of dread grow a little stronger. "It was just the two of them here last night… and Riza was the only one wearing a charm…."

Scar's eyes were travelling around the rest of the room, and his mouth thinned into a grim line. "I have some idea of what may have happened," he said after a moment. Letting go of the sheet he had been holding, he crossed to the dresser and bent, picking something up from beside it. "I think the Colonel's transformation may have advanced farther than we had thought. The Lieutenant realized this, and came in with a charm –" He held up the one he had just retrieved from the floor. "And in trying to force it onto him, he tore hers. That released her vampire personality, and together, they've run off during the night. Possibly to rejoin Kimblee."

A cold, creeping dread climbed up Rebecca's back, settling clawlike fingers onto her shoulders. She shivered. "Oh no…. Poor Riza. What can we do?"

The tall, scarred man was quiet a moment, contemplating, before he said, "We should get the others. They need to know, and then we can make a decision."

Turning on his heel, he made his way out of the house, Rebecca close behind him. Neither spoke, each absorbed in their own thoughts, processing this new situation. Despite the morning sun warming her skin, Rebecca couldn't help but watch her surroundings, just in case Riza was watching from the shadows… or Kimblee was.

The city, which had felt relatively safe to her, now had a subtle cold, dangerous edge.

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UNINHABITED ZONE, JADAD, ISHVAL 0907 HOURS, APRIL 29TH

She was waiting in a corner of the room, watchful and silent, when he regained consciousness. The room was filled with shadow, giving her plenty of space to remain partially hidden, and to circle the lone, weakened sunbeam that came through the window hindered only by a canvas curtain.

Roy lay in the centre of the square of light on the floor, another precaution on her part. It wouldn't hurt him, hut it would at least slow him down if he decided to come for her, which after tricking him, knocking him unconscious, and kidnapping him, she fully expected him to do.

His fingers twitched, one hand rising to clumsily rub at his eyes. He yawned, his head lolling to one side… and Riza could almost forgive him for trying to outwit her at the house. He cut such a picture now – an alluring kind of indolence – that she could almost forget how he had tried to oppress this new, better her for the second time.

His head rolled back to an even keel again, and his eyes opened to stare, disoriented, at the ceiling. From her vantage point, with the sun falling as it did, Riza was gratified to see the tinge of deep purple colouring the irises.

"You've kept me waiting," she said flatly into the silence.

Roy didn't jump, or otherwise react to her presence. He had known she was there, sensing her with the first tinglings of a psychic connection just as she felt his presence begin to grow and strengthen as he came awake. Came alive, so to speak. When he answered, his voice was a slightly huskier version of its usual smooth timbre, conjuring a thrill of pleasure deep within her.

"My apologies," he murmured, rolling to one side and easing himself up once he was free from the draining sunlight. His eyes went to where she leaned against the wall in her white abaya – retrieved from a stack of freshly washed and folded clothes before they had left the house – with her arms folded, and her disapproving glare staring him down.

She watched as he rose slowly, crossing the six feet between them, his eyes never leaving hers. "I could have been hunting, or finding us a better place to go to ground." One blonde eyebrow lifted as she gave him an appraising look, watching as he sank to his knees again. "Or else I could have found Kimblee and informed him of your… change. Though I suspect he already knows."

Roy shrugged, unconcerned. "As I said, you have my apologies," he said simply, before bending low. His lips pressed to the top of her foot, before trailing slowly, inexorably upward to her ankle and then along the smooth, taut skin of her shin, one hand lifting to gently push the abaya out of his way. "It's up to you whether you accept them or not."

Riza allowed the trail of kisses to reach as far as the inside mid-thigh, then reached down to stop him. With her fingers curled around his chin, she lifted his gaze hers, her previously appreciative look turning critical. "You've had conscious control of that body for two minutes," she stated with minimal inflection. "Are you trying to put it through all of its paces already?"

"Are you trying to tell me no?" he countered, the barest hint of a smirk tugging at his lips. His hand settled on her leg, slithering up the smooth skin under the white cotton of her clothes. He rose on his knees, his hand rising higher and slipping around behind her hip. "We've got all the rest of the day before we can go anywhere. We have to spend that time somehow."

She grinned at that, but pushed him gently away nonetheless. "Yeah, but we both know that if we start going at each other now, we won't stop. And we've got things we need to sort out." Bending, she pressed a fingertip to his chest, well aware of the way his eyes – a much darker purple than her own – dipped to her lips. "But once we're done with that? You're all mine."

"Sure you aren't mine?" he grinned lopsidedly.

Riza threaded her fingers into his hair, tightening her grip and drawing his head back until he hissed in combined pain and pleasure. "Very sure. I created you," she purred, her voice dark with intent. "I made you the way you are. Therefore, you're mine."

She bit lightly, playfully at the side of his neck, her teeth not even coming close to breaking the skin, before she released him and stepped around him, pacing off across the room. "Our biggest concern, for the moment, is where we stand. As I said, Kimblee knows by now that you've turned, but he didn't come to find us before sunrise. He's stuck away from us until nightfall, meaning we have time."

Getting to his feet again, Roy shot her a curious look. "Time?"

"Time to decide whether or not we're going to let him stay in control," she clarified, turning to face him again. "Whether we want to cow-tow to that puffed-up psychopath, or take him down and install ourselves in his place." She smiled knowingly. "You refused before, but that was before your transition. I'm hoping you may feel differently about it now."

Roy shrugged, feigning disinterest, though she caught the gleam of covetousness in his eyes. He wanted to overthrow Kimblee as badly as his human self had wanted to oust Bradley from power. "I could be convinced," he said, lying. He was already on board.

"Good. In which case, there's already a plan halfway in place that we could potentially hijack –"

He raised a hand just high enough to forestall further comment. "Hang on a second. I have a question first." He paused to make sure he had the floor, then continued, "What makes you think I'm fully turned? You only bit me the other day, and it took you most of two weeks to turn fully. Why should it be different for me?"

Riza gave him a deadpan look, folding her arms. "You're fully turned, because the real Roy Mustang wouldn't be trying to get into my pants. He said as much, ad nauseum. You pawing at me is proof enough, aside from the fangs and the purple eyes." She paused, watching him with mild interest for a moment before she continued. "As for why you turned so quickly… I don't know for sure. I only have theories."

"Let's hear 'em."

She settled to a comfortable spot on the floor, her legs folded to one side and her hands resting in her lap when she wasn't gesturing as she spoke. "First of all, you're not trying to heal from something at the same time as the vampirism is trying to take you over. I had severe blood loss before, and was already running on lower energy levels, whereas aside from a debilitating case of self-righteousness, you were completely healthy." She shrugged. "It could also be that the blood that was being infected wasn't entirely my own; it was a transfusion, and I received a second one directly after being bitten. The blood was too diluted of cells that had my actual – I don't know, essence? – that it took until my body could produce new cells to be taken over."

She waved an unconcerned hand. "Or maybe it's just because you're male. Who can really say?"

Nodding thoughtfully, he dropped to a seat on the floor a short distance away, resting his elbows on bent knees. "Makes a lot of sense to me. The virus was a bit diluted since you weren't fully in control when I got bitten, but once it took hold, it went like wildfire."

"Which is probably for the best, if we want to have any kind of fighting chance." Her eyes went to his arms, hidden inside the sleeves of the desert tunic, evidently searching for the faintest outline of muscle in the anonymous folds of fabric. "Because even though you weren't at full strength before you turned… you're likely close to it now."

Roy's eyes glinted in the faint light as they dipped toward her chest, his teeth showing white and ghostly as he grinned. "We could find out…."

"I told you: after we figure out how to dethrone Kimblee," she snapped, the sudden anger in her tone sending the words ricocheting around the small room. "Which, you still haven't said whether or not you'll help me with that."

"Of course, I will," he soothed. "You mentioned something about hijacking the humans' plans?"

She glared at him a moment longer, then pushed aside her annoyance and settled back to business. "Yes. Their plan was a good one, and there's no sense in trying to come up with a new plan when there's one ready made. And without their leaders, they'll be desperate enough to let us in on the takedown."

"Assuming that, without their leaders, they don't lose all confidence and abandon the plan entirely," Roy pointed out. "And if that happens, then it's you and I alone against dear old vampire dad."

Riza shivered delicately. "Don't call him that; that's disgusting and an insult to parents everywhere. If I considered him as any kind of father figure, I'd throw myself into pure sunlight at high noon. And anyway, they'll go through with it. At this point, no matter what staffing changes there have been, they'll have to. It's almost literally do or die."

"Ahh, I see." He sat back, bracing himself on both hands, and regarded her curiously. "So we wait for them to show up at the prearranged location, and then talk our way in before Kimblee decides to crash the party. How is that hijacking their plan?"

"Because instead of letting them kill him like they want to do, we're going to make sure he's incapacitated enough to be manhandled out to that house where your other half suppressed me the other night, break the circles just enough to throw him in, and then seal them back up again." She shrugged. "And after that, we take control of our new city."

"The Ishvalan leadership is going to put up a fight," Roy mused aloud, his eyes distant as he stared at the far wall in thought. "And if they throw their priests and warriors at us, we could be hard-pressed to keep control… unless we give them incentive not to attack. It could be a messy takeover; I think a hostile one is a given."

"No doubt." She was watching him closely. "But you're on board?"

"Why not?" He grinned, his eyes coming back into focus and fixing on her. "I've always wanted to be king."

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UNINHABITED ZONE, JADAD, ISHVAL 1927 HOURS, APRIL 29TH

The last golden wash of sunset was falling on the city as the group made their way toward their target building. They walked in silence, each carrying a pack with some form of equipment or supplies, each deeply absorbed in their own thoughts. A thin plume of dust rose behind them, the motes sparkling as they hung in the still evening air.

"I hope this will be enough," Fuery murmured, hitching his pack higher. "Scar says it's a big building, and this is going to be a bigger circle than they've used so far. Here's hoping it still works the same."

"From what I understand, as long as the symbols are in the right order and the right shape, the size of the circle doesn't matter." Breda kept his eyes forward, his expression grim. He had run through the strategy three times before they left, and had been playing it in slow-motion in his mind since they left the residential area, looking for any flaw in their plan. "And we have enough anti-vampire paraphernalia to keep us alive until we can make it work."

Walking just ahead of them, Falman looked back, shaking his own pack until a muffled clacking and the sound of shifting metal came from inside. "We could arm half a platoon with wooden stakes and holy iron alone," he pointed out. "And with as much wild garlic, silver, and blessed sand as we're carrying, we could face two dozen vampires, easily."

"Let's not put that to the test," Armstrong commented from just ahead of Falman. He looked back, cheerful smile taking any sting out of the rebuke. "Two and a half – or possibly three – is more than enough for my taste."

"Yeah, something tells me that if we have to deal with all three at once, it's going to be an exercise in herding cats," Rebecca chimed in. "Scar and Miles said she was pretty nimble, not to mention fast. They also said she nearly choked the life out of your boss before he got that last charm on her, so watch out for that, too."

She glanced back when there was no forthcoming reply, and immediately regretted her flippant remark. Slowing her pace, allowing a stricken-looking Fuery to draw level with her, she lowered her voice. "Sorry, I didn't mean to freak you out. I should've thought about what I was saying. I just…." She shrugged uncomfortably. "I'm worried about them, too. Maybe more than I thought."

"I'm not freaked out." Fuery's reassurance was genuine, even though it was delivered without a smile. "I just realized that it confirmed something that had been bothering me. If the vampire in Lieutenant Hawkeye's body was actually trying to hurt the Colonel… then it proves she has no control over the vampire's actions. The Lieutenant would never do something like that."

Rebecca frowned, curious. "…Okay. We pretty well knew that before. What did it confirm?"

"That the two personalities – Riza Hawkeye and her vampire invader – really are two totally separate entities," Breda chimed in, his face lighting with understanding. "We had theorized before that they were, but I had doubts after she bit the Colonel and he began to turn. She admitted herself that there were still some attributes of vampirism that affected her in human form. What if the personalities were fused? Blended, somehow? Separating them could be disastrous for the host."

Swallowing convulsively, Rebecca took a deep breath. "So her trying to strangle Mustang… because it's something Riza would never do and it was a purely instinctual action… it's a clear indication of just how separate the personalities are."

Fuery was already nodding, "Because if the Lieutenant had any kind of a say in it, the attempted strangling wouldn't have happened. If she had even a small amount of control, the dominant traits of the vampire would have won out eventually, but there would likely have been a moment of hesitation, and neither Miles nor Scar reported one."

Having been following the discussion, Falman spoke up. "Meaning that if we manage to take out Kimblee, when the vampire personality fades from the Lieutenant – and subsequently, the Colonel – it will most likely do so without any damage." He thought for a moment, clearly trying to find an analogy. "Like soaking an envelope in water to get the stamp off, instead of trying to peel it off dry paper."

Resettling her shoulders under the pack, Rebecca lifted her chin and put some determination into her step. "Well, whatever it's like, we'd best get it done fast."

"Why's that?" Breda asked. "I don't think that the vampire state becomes harder to break the longer she's in it. It –"

"That's not it." She glanced back, her smile grim. "What kind of friend would I be if I let my best friend live on a diet of blood? There's probably a ton of calories in that."

From the front of the column, Scar looked back over his shoulder, red eyes visible in the slowly gathering dusk. "Quiet," he ordered, voice low. "Our target is just ahead, and since there's a chance we may have company waiting for us, I'd rather not advertise the fact that we've arrived. It would give them time to prepare."

The building was visible just down the city block, its pale stone walls glowing like molten gold in the light of the setting sun. Ribbons of dark tan ran along the perimeter of the roof, around the double doors, and around each broken glass were visible missing from the walls, showing gaps into the darkening interior.

Scar stopped at the building next door to their target, holding a hand up to signal the rest of the column to do likewise. An eerie silence lay over the scene, perfect stillness in the streets around them, and no light other than the dying rays from the west. The warrior shifted in place, rolling his shoulders.

"Something isn't right," he murmured. "I can sense it…."

Miles crept up beside him. "Should we send in a scouting team to clear the building?"

"Couldn't hurt." Looking back, Scar motioned to Armstrong, then shucked his pack and stood straight. "We will inspect the target, and signal you if it appears to be clear. The charms should be protection enough, but all the same…." He looked up to the burly Amestrian. "Keep your alchemy ready, Major."

The two of them stole forward, their steps making no noise in the soft, shifting sand. The rest of the group held their collective breath, watching them cross the remaining distance to the building's ornately carved wooden front doors. The brass fixtures were tarnished and covered in verdigris after so long exposed to the elements, but parts still glinted.

Just as Scar was reaching out for the nearest handle, both doors swung open into the interior.

Catlike, the warrior sprang back a few feet, the fingers of his right hand flexing as he prepared to destroy whatever came at him. Armstrong's muscles strained the fabric of his desert tunic, gauntleted hands curling into automatic fists. The group hanging back tensed, eyes widening and breaths being taken in surprised gasps.

Out onto the front stoop of the building stepped two figures, both in white, one with short black hair, the other with long blonde strands that she tossed back over her shoulder.

The vampire in Riza Hawkeye's body smirked down at the two men in front of her. "Took you guys long enough. I'm practically immortal and I could've grown old and died waiting for your little posse to get here."

Armstrong's tension had evaporated seconds after the duo appeared, and he was now openly staring at the familiar faces in front of him, his mouth hanging open slightly beneath his moustache. "…Colonel? Lieutenant? When you disappeared, we —"

"Whoa, back up a second, buddy." If the purple tinge in eyes that were normally black wasn't enough of a sign that things were wrong, the sudden and drastic change to Roy's mode of speech certainly was. Armstrong's mouth snapped shut, his already wide eyes widening further. "It's the same apartment, but there's a new tenant, if you get my drift."

Scar recovered first, asking the most important question. "What are you doing here?"

Riza shrugged unconcernedly. "Same as you. Seeing the sights, playing tourist, hoping to do a little vampire hunting on the side. I hear that's really big around here."

Miles came forward from the rest of the group, dropping his pack carefully to the dirt in case he needed to move quickly to evade her or her partner. "You're hunting Kimblee, too? I would have thought you were on his side of things." He stopped as her head swivelled, bringing those unsettling amethyst eyes to bear on him. "Unless you are on his side and by 'hunting,' you mean 'trying to find him.'"

A soft snort issued from her nose. "Please, if I wanted to find that sack of shit, I'd just have to concentrate hard enough. As it is, I already know he's close by and closing. He's taking his time about it, since I'm not alone anymore —" She hooked a thumb over her shoulder at Roy, who waved nonchalantly. "— but he'll still be here in… an hour and a half? Two hours?"

"Which doesn't leave us much time." Breda came forward, marching boldly toward the front steps of the building. "Sorry to interrupt the reunion, but we need to get in and get set up for our plan."

"Hold on a second, there, Chubs." Putting a hand on Breda's shoulder, Roy easily held him back from brushing past them. "I think you misunderstand why we're here. Like Miles said, we're hunting Kimblee, too. And there's no reason we can't all work together toward that." He paused as Breda shot him a doubtful look. "…Okay, maybe one reason. But if you'll let me paraphrase something this body's previous owner said during his fight against Lust?"

He grinned, pointed teeth very much in evidence. "This plan of yours is tailor-made for our talents."

"And why should you be trusted?" Armstrong rumbled, having recovered his composure. "The two of you have already deserted us once. What's to stop you from turning on us?"

"Have a little trust, Alex," Riza soothed. "I only took Roy away for a little while so that he could finish transitioning without a lot of nosy people coming in and upsetting things. It's a disorienting process the first time, and although he recovered very quickly —" She shot her partner a mischievous look that he countered with an unrepentant grin. "— I wanted to make sure he could rest without any interruptions until nightfall, if he needed it."

"You could have left a note or something!" Rebecca yelled from further along the block. "Would have saved some time and effort. Not to mention a door."

The Not Riza lifted a hand to her chest, her eyes wide with feigned emotion. "You broke into the house looking for us? That's so unbelievably sweet!" The expression vanished, her hand leaving her chest to wave away the concern. "But there's also nothing we can do about it now. If I'd left a note, then one of you hotheads would've decided to come haring after us and try to stop us. Because that's what you jokers do." She fixed Breda with an exasperated look. "Tell me you don't do that, and I'll call you the liar you are."

"I wasn't going to say anything like that," he shot back. "But did you ever think the note could have said you'd gone ahead and would meet us later, instead of explaining you'd run off to re-vampire yourselves?"

She appeared to think about that for a moment. "Hm. Good point. You really are the smart one of the bunch."

"Going back to the matter at hand," Miles broke in, "you said you wanted in on the plan to stop Kimblee. How are you planning to do that?"

"You have to remember, we have abilities that you don't," Roy answered. "Stronger, faster, won't be affected by a bite like you will. Though, if Kimblee gets pissed off enough and happens to catch one of you? He's not just going to give you a little nip on the neck and let you go."

He gave the same sternly serious look to Armstong, Miles, Scar, and Breda in turn. "If he gets hold of anyone in your group, you'll end up looking like a Central or East City murder scene."

No one moved or spoke for a long moment, each side evaluating the other. Finally, Scar glanced back to where the rest of the group waited and motioned them forward. "You have two minutes to state your case, and convince us, and then we begin setting up. With or without you."

It was Riza's turn to smile. She lifted one arm, moving to lean insolently against Roy's shoulder. "All right; listen closely."

By the time she had finished outlining how to fit two vampires into the spaces of a plan previously occupied by two humans, the sun was completely down, and the last vestiges of sunlight were fading from a twilight sky. The group entered their chosen arena for the final showdown with an enemy who was slowly approaching from the southwest.

#fma #fmab #Roy Mustang #Riza Hawkeye #royza #royai #fma fanfiction #royai fanfiction #tainted blood

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daisyishedwig · 6 years

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Klaine Advent Day 12: Limited

Title: A Place To Call Home Part 3

Summary: In a matter of days Blaine's whole world falls apart and everything he does to try and stay afloat only seems to make matters worse. A call to Sebastian Smythe is his last resort, and maybe the one that actually starts to make things better.

A/N: If you like Blangst topped off with some semi fluffy Blam, Warbler bros, and Seblaine. You will love this chapter.

Blaine jolted awake the next morning to find Sebastian lounging on the king sized bed next to him scrolling through his phone. He was dressed in his Dalton uniform excluding the blazer which was draped over the desk chair a few feet away.

Blaine rubbed his eyes and looked at the clock, it was nearly noon.

“It’s Saturday,” he mumbled, “why are you in your uniform?”

“I have Warbler practice in an hour,” he said, not looking up from his phone, Blaine could hear the tell tale sounds of candy crush emanating from the speaker. “Hunter requires us to be in our uniform, even for weekend practices. I thought you might like to come.”

“I’m pretty sure that would be considered spying,” he pushed himself up, rolling his neck as he stretched.

“Or just visiting your friends. You know the rest of the guys miss you, right? They’d be really excited if you came.Though Hunter might try to steal you away from New Directions if he hears you sing at all.”

Blaine stood and made his way over to his backpack, shaking out his last clean polo and sliding it on. “Who is Hunter anyway?”

“New head Warbler. Transferred from some uptight military school. He’s got a killer voice and fantastic dancing abilities even if he is a bratty little dictator sometimes. We might even make it to Nationals with him this year.”

Blaine scoffed, “You’ll have to beat us first, and we are the defending national champions, so…”

Sebastian grinned, finally setting his phone aside. “There’s that cocky little minx I know.”

Blaine rolled his eyes and walked into the en suite to brush his teeth. He was almost done fixing his bed head when Sebastian came in, adjusting the lapels on his blazer in Blaine’s mirror.

“I’m serious though, you should come with. You need friends right now--”

“I have friends,” he bit out, suddenly defensive.

“Then why are you living with me and not one of them?”

Blaine opened his mouth to say something, but then he realized he didn’t really have an answer. At first he’d just been biding him time, hoping his step father would let him back in at some point. When it became obvious that wasn’t going to happen everyone had basically found out about his and Kurt’s breakup and the reason behind it. Sam was the only one who hadn’t started to cut him off but he… well his parents were mostly back on their feet, but barely. He couldn’t add any more pressure when they already had three kids of their own to feed.

“Nick, Jeff, and Trent would be ecstatic to see you, Blaine. Just come by for a little while, okay?”

Blaine nodded, “Sure, I’ll come say hi.”

----

Walking back through the halls of Dalton was a surprisingly painful experience. Dalton had once been his home, the place he met the love of his life, a safe space away from all the bullying of public school and the shit show that was his home life.

He hadn’t been back since the whole Michael Jackson debacle the year prior and his heart ached for the stained glass and ornate wall panels. Sebastian seemed to sense his mood and kept quiet on the walk to the Warbler commons, allowing Blaine to gather his thoughts. He couldn’t, however, protect him from the chaos of excitement he was thrown into the second they stepped into Warbler practice.

Blaine was immediately enveloped in a group hug that was lead by Trent, but quickly all of the remaining warblers from his sophomore year were in on it, while everyone else looked on in confusion as to who he even was.

“We don’t want to suffocate him, do we?” Sebastian asked when it had been a good few minutes and Blaine was still lost in the mass of navy and red. When that didn’t work he started picking people out of the group with a sharp tug to the collar of their blazer until he had reached the final four. Blaine, Trent, Nick, and Jeff. Admittedly the closest of their year, he allowed them a few more minutes to cling to each other before pulling them away as well and slinging his arm around Blaine’s shoulder.

“Yes, yes,” he said in a loud and sarcastic voice, “Blaine Warbler has returned in all of his glory. Even if he refuses to sing even one song with us, it is good for him to know that he will forever be a missing link in our choir.”

Blaine rolled his eyes and pushed Sebastian away. “What I think Sebastian meant to say, is that I don’t plan to stay long, I just wanted to drop in and say hi before I skedaddle on back to my team.”

Nick, Jeff, and Trent shared a look. Nick and Jeff came to a rest on either side of him, taking one arm each and Trent causally closed the door to the common room.

“Um…” Blaine started.

“Don’t think you’re getting off that easy, Blainers,” Nick said as he and Jeff started marching him to the center of the room.

“You yourself should know the rules,” Jeff said with a teasing shake of his head.

“No Warbler may exit the practice room...” Trent started.

“Without signing at least one song,” they all finished together.

“But I’m not…”

“Once a Warbler always a Warbler, Killer,” Sebastian said with a grin.

----

One song however turned into two songs and then into three until finally Hunter managed to call enough of the boys to order to get started with the real practice. As everyone else warmed up for their dance rehearsal, Hunter approached Blaine.

“Well, I guess I now understand all of the hype over you, Blaine Anderson,” he said and Blaine smiled, face flushed from exertion and pride. “If you ever wanted to come back, there would definitely be a place for you on the team again.”

Blaine laughed as he sipped at his water bottle, “Uh, thanks. Huh, my uh… my family is going through some stuff right now and funds are limited, so…” he looked down with a sad smile, “even if I wanted to come back, I just can’t afford too. Thanks though. I know as we get closer to competition season you probably won’t want a New Directions mole hanging out, but if you wouldn’t mind it would be fun to come back everyone once a while. Maybe help with your warmup and dash before the actual rehearsing starts.”

Hunter nodded, “I think that would be alright, Blaine. I’ll tell Sebastian to bring you around more.” He patted Blaine on the shoulder and returned to his team to start practice.

Blaine said his goodbyes to his friends with quick hugs, talking to Sebastian last, telling him he was going to get coffee from a shop down the street and then maybe walk back home. He’d let Sebastian know if he didn’t and wanted a ride once he was finished with practice. Sebastian subtly slipped him a twenty and Blaine blushed.

“I don’t need this, Seb. I have enough money for coffee.”

“I know, but you should get yourself some lunch too. You only started eating like a normal person again last night. You’re still far to thin and if you’re going to be any sort of competition at Regionals you need to be at healthy weight within two months, okay?”

Blaine sighed but conceded, “Alright, alright. I’m making your family dinner tonight though. Text your parents and let them know not to cook anything. It’s the least I can do to say thank you.”

“Sounds like a plan, go get ‘em, Killer.”

Blaine waved his final goodbye to the group, noticing Hunter watching him with a considering expression on his face as he headed out of the school.

Not more than five minutes after he had left Dalton’s grounds Blaine’s phone rang through with a call from Sam.

“Why were you at Dalton?” Sam asked as soon as Blaine answered.

Blaine paused mid step. “Um… are you watching me or the Warblers?”

“The Warblers, obviously. Ryder said he saw you singing with them.”

“Yeah, I went to say hi and they roped me into a few warm up songs. They are still my friends, you know.” Blaine pushed the door open to the coffee shop and stepped into the line to wait.

“He said you walked in with Sebastian.”

“How does Ryder even know any of the Warbler’s by name?”

“He doesn’t, he described him as tall, posh, and weasley. Sure sounded like Sebastian to me.”

Blaine rolled his eyes, “That’s a very rude description of him, Sam. Sebastian isn’t a bad guy.”

“The last time I saw him he nearly blinded you!” Sam shouted in exasperation.

Blaine’s right eye twinged with the memory, “He’s since apologized for that. And if I remember correctly, you all accepted an apology from the rest of the Warbler’s on my behalf while I was still in the hospital. If it weren’t for Sebastian reaching out I might have never gotten to actually forgive them for myself.”

“Blaine,” Sam sighed.

“Hold on a sec,” Blaine stepped up fully to the counter. “A medium drip and a cinnamon roll, please.” He handed the barista the twenty Sebastian had give him and accepted his change, stepping off to the side to wait for his drink. “Now, what offensive thing were you about to say?”

Sam made an indignant noise but didn’t actually deny it. “A little while ago you messaged me about someone sending you inappropriate texts.”

Blaine tensed. “I recall this situation and I know where you’re going with this. No, those texts were not from Sebastian.”

“It just… it seems suspicious you know. You cheat on Kurt and then suddenly you’re all buddy buddy with Sebastian? Artie saw you two leaving the Waffle House together last night, Blaine!”

Blaine sat down heavily with his coffee. “There’s been a lot of shit going down lately, Sam. Sebastian is just helping me through, okay? And if you’re really my best friend, you’ll believe me on that.”

“Even if I do, the rest of the team is going to be furious without an explanation. I know this breakup with Kurt is hard, but you can turn to us--”

Blaine scoffed, tears pricking at his eyes. “Have you noticed that Finn doesn’t speak to me unless it’s to criticize my performance? Artie rolled over my foot during practice yesterday and I swear it was not an accident. Even Tina and Brittany will barely look at me. And for some reason all of the newbies have decided to side against me as well despite barely even knowing Kurt. You are the only one who doesn’t seem to be actively hating my guts, so yeah. When shit got hard, I turned to the Warbler’s because at Mckinley I’ve been outcast because I made a fucking mistake and everyone else has decided they need to try and hate me more than I hate myself.” Blaine choked on a sob, squeezing his eyes shut.

“Let them be furious at me, but I need Sebastian’s help right now, okay? They don’t need to know why, let them assume I’m fucking him, let them assume he’s who I cheated on Kurt with. I honestly don’t care anymore. Because if this is the thing they’re going to take note of after the shitstorm that my life has been for the past month, they don’t deserve to know why.”

Sam was silent for a moment. “Do I deserve to know why?”

Blaine thought, and sighed. “I can’t tell you over the phone. It’s too… it’s too serious. I need to tell you in person.”

“Do you wanna come over? We can talk and play some Mario Cart?”

Blaine huffed out a soft laugh. “I would love to, but I don’t have a car and am currently stuck in Westerville. Sebastian is kind of my ride, right now.”

“Okay,” Sam said, “what if I came to you?”

“That… yeah. That would work. I’ll text you the address to Sebastian’s house, ‘kay?”

“Sounds great. I’ll see you in a bit.”

Blaine finished up his coffee and took his cinnamon roll to eat as he walked the mile back to the Smythe residence. He texted Sebastian letting him know he’d gone ahead and walked and sent Sam the address as he went.

When he entered the house, Marie was sitting in the living room floor working on a puzzle on the coffee table.

“Hello, dear,” she said with a smile, “did you have fun at practice with Sebastian?”

“Yeah,” he replied, returning here grin. “It was great to see the guys, it's been awhile. Um… I was curious though, would you mind if I had a friend over. We just needed to talk about some stuff…”

“Of course not, sweetheart. Do you want the living room?”

“Oh no, no, we can just talk in my room, it’s fine. I was gonna make some tea though, would you like some?”

“That would be lovely, Blaine. The kettle is just under the stove.”

Blaine didn’t really need tea after his coffee but the repetitive process of brewing it calmed him enough for the oncoming conversation that by the time he was setting a mug down in front of Marie and the doorbell rang, he felt about halfway to almost ready to talk.

He opened the door for Sam and ushered him inside. After a quick introduction to Marie they both took their tea and went upstairs to Blaine’s room. Sam lounged on the bed as he drank and studied the decorations. “Is this Sebastian’s room?” he asked, “Seems kind of bland to me.”

Blaine took a deep breath to bite the bullet with. “No… um, this. This is my room. Sebastian’s is down the hall.”

Sam froze mid sip and Blaine was ecstatic that he hadn’t done a spit take. “You’re… what?”

Blaine slowly eased himself onto the mattress beside Sam. “My step father kicked me out. For the time being I am going to be living with Sebastian and his family until I can work out a better situation. I might end up staying here through graduation, however. Everything is kind of up in the air right now.”

“Wh-why?” Sam sputtered.

“Why…?”

“Why did he kick you out? I mean… why now?”

Blaine twisted his hands in his lap. “Mom left on a bit of a sabbatical a few months back and after awhile we both kind of realized she just… might not be coming back. Of course the fighting between us without her around escalated. Everything I did was apparently a personal attack to him, Glee practice, student council, college applications, pining over Kurt because he was so far away. You name it, we probably ended up in a screaming match over it. And I guess, with the realization that he’d basically already lost his wife, he had no real need to keep her son around, so he threw me out.

“At first I hoped he might change his mind, decide he was too harsh on me or maybe he could try and fix things with mom. But he never called and I never wanted to risk going back.”

Sam was silent, “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Well… frankly I was ashamed. There’s something very… I don’t know how to describe the feeling of being disowned by the only father you’ve ever known. I really didn’t want to tell anyone about it for hopes that it would just fix itself, and when it didn’t… I ended up here.”

“But, you could have moved in with me. We’re best friends, Blaine!”

“Sam, I love your family you know I do. But you live in a one bedroom apartment with two younger siblings and your parents can still barely afford to feed you all. You do not need the pressure of another teenage boy to clothe and feed. The Smythe’s are clearly not hurting for money. I certainly don’t like mooching off anyone, but I’d rather mooch off of a family with plenty to go around.”

Sam slouched on the bed, clearly still unhappy with the situation but conceding. “I still don’t understand why it had to be Sebastian. Surely one of the other Warbler’s would have been just as rich and glad to take you in. But you chose the one who threw a rock salt slushie at you?”

Blaine shrugged, “I don’t really know either. When I realized I had not option at McKinley, Sebastian was the first one to come to mind and I just kind of went with it before I could second guess myself. I’m really glad I did though, his… well his mom is pretty great. I haven’t spoken to his dad much yet, but Marie is enough of a reason for me to want to stick around right now. Some of the other Warbler parents are… well think of beauty pageant moms and that's really how most of them act.”

There was a short knock on the door and then it cracked open and Sebastian peeked his head inside. “Oh,” he said, “when mom said you had a gentleman caller I was worried I might walk in on a heavy petting session. Good to see it’s just the straight one with the mouth.” Sebastian invited himself in and joined them on the bed.

“Straight one with the mouth? That’s really the best insult you have for me?”

Sebastian shrugged, “I’m too tired after practice to be truly witty. Come again tomorrow and I’ll have something better.”

“Well, with that kind of an invitation, how could I ever refuse,” Sam said with an eye roll.

“Are you just always going to invite yourself into my bed?” Blaine asked with a cock of his head.

“Only on the days that end in a Y. I’m hoping one of these times you’ll invite me yourself and it will be for more fun things that lady chats.”

Blaine’s bright smile faltered and his gaze shuttered and Sebastian was unsure as to whether to retract his statement or just let it go.

“So,” Sam said when he felt the awkward tension in the air, “what video games do you have, Sebastian?”

#klaine advent 2017 #klaine advent: limited #blaine anderson #seblaine #sebastian smythe #blam #sam evans #warblers #nick duval #jeff sterling #trent warbler #hunter clarington #klaine #monica writes #daisyishedwig writes

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sarah-bae-maas · 7 years

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A Court of Hearts and Darkness Chapter Twenty

It’s been over a century since the epic and bloody war against Hybern, but a new, unprecedented horror lies in wait to threaten everything the Inner Circle holds dear.

At a mere 17, it seems that the only one who can save them is the Heir to the Night Court, Feyre and Rhysand’s daughter Eleana, but as a creature so vile promises to kill everyone she loves, she must combat the urge to succumb to the darkness herself. The key to success lies hidden within her mate, the bastard born Kaden, who is as oblivious to the bond as her Court is oblivious to the war on the horizon.

With the help of her cousin and warrior Felix, the son of the famed Nesta and Cassian, they will try to save everything they hold dear, hopefully before the darkness takes them all.

(previous to this chapter, acowar had not been released. So, as you can imagine, there are some slight differences. Thank you for your support either way!)

Link on Ao3 Masterlist

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19

***

-Chapter 20-

All Kaden could hear was a loud ringing in his ears. He couldn’t move, and twigs stabbed into his skin like miniscule knives. His skin was hyper aware of every feeling on him: the individual blades of grass, the warm breeze, tiny insects skirting over his flesh. For the life of him he could not open his eyes. They were so heavy, and the harder he tried the more difficult it became.

He succumbed, again, to unconsciousness.

_____

At Rhys’ message of a miracle, Mor abandoned her post at Velaris. She left the guards where they were on the slight chance something could go wrong, and then fled to where the rest of her family was residing. Rhys had been unclear about what happened. The baby, Theodosia, was stillborn. And then, only minutes after but what felt like a century, she cried. And cried and cried and cried.

And she was alive.

Mor didn’t understand, so as she burst into Felix’s home the first place she went was her husband. He was in the guest room Nesta had given birth in, and he was standing pressed to Rhys. Rhys had Laya in his arms, his daughter sickly pale. Feyre was kneeling next to Nesta and Cassian who held their baby girl, and standing in the corner was Elain with Quathryn in her arms.

Felix was nowhere to be seen.

Azriel looked up at her entrance, his shoulders slumping as he greeted her by embracing her to him tightly. Mor returned his hug and kissed his mouth quickly.

Outside.

A single whisper in her mind, and from the stiffening of Azriel, he must have heard it too. The voice belonged to their niece, and Mor looked at Eleana with an eyebrow raised. The girl really didn’t look good. She was shaking in Rhys’ arms, and he face had lost most of its vibrant colour. Mor saw Laya try and speak, but her mouth could barely move. Rhys was smoothing back her hair, probably mistaking her weakness for fear or fatigue.

Kaden’s outside.

Azriel looked confused at the words, so Mor patted his shoulder and whispered she would go look. She hadn’t seen Kaden since he’d done his trials with the Elite, but Azriel had sent her a message before this whole debacle telling her how wonderfully he had done. In celebration, she bought him a new suit, one as fine as what the male members of the Inner Circle would wear to a formal event.

She winnowed to the veranda and started to look for Kaden. He would likely be around the back, so she leisurely walked around to find him. She was happily humming to herself, but choked when she was met with the sight of him sprawled on the grass unconscious, his nose bleeding and his wings limp.

She rushed to his side and rolled him onto his back. She pressed her ear to his chest, listening for his heartbeat and breath, and when hearing them nearly sobbed in relief. Her hands went to his face, and she pushed back his hair, and shook him slightly.

“Hey there,” she whimpered.

He groaned in response, and her heart leaped at the sound.

“Don’t talk, okay? Just let me – let me heal you a little bit.” She surged her magic through him, but it didn’t seem to be doing anything. Kaden was still clearly in pain. The only thing she succeeded in doing was stopping his nose bleed.

“Mor?” He rasped.

She shushed him and continued with her work, growing more frustrated.

“The baby?” Kaden’s voice was as dry as the desert, and he managed to move his hands enough so he was holding the bottom of her dress.

“It’s a little girl.” She was on the verge of screaming for Azriel, but she didn’t want to make a scene.

She was considering running inside long enough to grab Rhys so her cousin could heal her boy, when three figures approached her from the darkness.

She growled at them but cut herself off when she saw it was just Felix and two of his Elite. “What happened here?” She hissed.

“I don’t know. He’s fine though, just burnt out.” Felix said as the two figures stepped forward to grab Kaden. Mor snarled at them until they raised their hands and backed off. Felix, however, wasn’t having any of that.

“Go inside, Mor. I’ll deal with this.” He said calmly.

“You don’t tell me what to do.”

“If you stay here with him Rhys will come looking for you, and what do you think he’ll do when he does? I assume you’ve seen Laya, which means you know that she is one step away from joining dear Kaden on the floor. What do you think the High Lord would do if he found out it’s because his daughter was being used like a puppet by a male that he does not know? Worse, who do you think left him like this? Kaden was taking care of Quathryn, and now she’s in the arms of Elain. Leave, Mor. I have this handled.”

The two Elite did not dare come closer to the Morrigan. Felix rolled his eyes and stepped forward, pushing away her hands and lifting Kaden up by under his arms. He hauled Kaden over his shoulder with one arm supporting him, the other waving to create wards around them. The other two males drew their swords and flanked Felix protectively.

“Where are you taking him?” She seethed.

“Somewhere safe.”

“He is safest with me.”

“If you left people would get suspicious. Luckily for me, the only one who would notice my absence is Eleana.” He cocked his head to the side and started backing away.

_____

At some point in the night, Eleana had fallen asleep. When she awoke, she was tucked into Felix’s bed with her mother was reading a book next to her. At hearing her wake, Feyre put down her book and smiled at her daughter. She put a hand on her forehead and kissed her cheek.

“You’re still running a fever.” She clucked.

“A fever?”

“You had your father worried last night. You fell asleep standing up. Luckily, he was there to hold you. I think you’re sick.”

Eleana’s whole body was aching, but she knew it wasn’t because she was ill. It was because of the way Kaden used her body last night, the bond between them still so blurred that she was also feeling the effects of his burnout.

“How’s Nesta and Cassian?”

“They’re over the moon. What we saw yesterday…” Feyre let out a loud breath. “I’ve never seen anything like that before. Maybe Thea is just showing early signs of magic? I don’t know, either way we’re all very grateful.” Feyre stood up, straightening her jumper and brushing off her pants. “Breakfast?”

“Where’s Felix?” Eleana countered. She couldn’t bear the thought of eating right now, her stomach churned at the thought. She needed to see her cousin though, to make sure he was alright and to make sure he was helping Kaden.

“He went to the share houses this morning with Quathryn. Little Thea was up all night, quite the lungs on her, and Quathryn was getting irritable. Hopefully she can have a nice nap before she comes back and is officially introduced to her new sister.”

As much as it pained her, Eleana say up and swung her legs over the bed. She was immediately met with an array of dizziness, but she didn’t let it stop her from standing. “I’m going to skip breakfast and go visit Felix. I’ll see you later.”

She went to walk, but Feyre grabbed her elbow to make her holt. “If Felix is upset you call Cassian straight away, okay? You don’t have to deal with his emotions on your own.” Feyre kissed her forehead quickly. “You can skedaddle now, Laya. I’ll save you some pancakes.”

Eleana smiled at her and walked away. She waved to her family as she walked in the longue room, intending to leave right away. Rhys insisted on hugging her first though and making her eat at least some fruit. Mor stared at her and looked like she wanted to say something, but she didn’t. Considering Eleana had told Mor to get Kaden last night and she was now here, Eleana doubted the topic of conversation would be about anything but that.

Eleana used what little energy she had to fly to the share houses. When she arrived, she went to the children’s home, knowing Felix would’ve taken Quathryn there to sleep. She walked in, and was instantly greeted by children milling around preparing for their day – hired staff following them and helping. There was a strange congregation outside one of the doors, a bunch of them on their toes with their ears pressed against the door, some holding weeds they’d mistaken for flowers.

Eleana stood behind them and knelt so she was the same height as them. “What are you listening for?”

They jumped at the sound of her voice, but looked happy to see her.

“Felix came last night!” One said excitedly. “And he brought Kaden, but he’s feeling unwell. We want to help him feel better.”

Eleana nodded. So, coming here with Quathryn was a front. Good to know.

Eleana thanked them and tried to go inside.

“Excuse me Lady Eleana, will you please give Kaden these? We picked them just for him this morning.” The voice of the small girl was timid, and it made Eleana’s heart warm. She held out a handful of weeds, and Eleana graciously accepted them.

She went into the room and was met with the sight of Kaden buried under a multitude of blankets, Quathryn sprawled on top of him, snoozing away. Her mouth was open and she had started to dribble, but Kaden didn’t notice. He was too deep in conversation with Felix.

Eleana cleared her throat to get their attention, and their gazes snapped to her.

“Laya.” Felix smirked. “There are Elite surrounding this whole building and yet none of them thought to warn me you were here. I’m not sure what to think of that.”

“Last I checked I out-ranked you.” She joked.

“That may be true, but I also have them guarding my home, and Mother knows it’s full of very powerful, very tired, very highly ranked fae.” He stood up and gave her a hug before picking Quathryn up from the bed. She whined slightly, but as soon as he pulled her closer to his chest she stopped. “I’ll leave you two be.”

He left the room, cheering and then quick hushes from the children outside happening in his wake.

Kaden was looking at her with pain laced on his face, and she wasn’t sure if it was from last night’s ordeal or because he felt guilty.

“I swear I didn’t know it was you, Eleana. I’m so sorry. I would never invade your mind like that. I – I don’t know what happened.” He gushed.

She didn’t reply right away, but rather started striping away the many layers of blanket covering him.

“What are you doing?” He asked her.

She stayed silent, and when she had peeled back the blankets and he was before her in nothing but a pair of short bottoms, she climbed in next to him. She laid her head on his chest and hooked her legs on his, wanting to be as close to him as she could. It took a few moments, but he curled around her too and snaked his arms to hold her body tight.

“What are you doing?” He asked again, his voice now a whisper.

“I’m sleeping next to the man that saved my cousin’s life, whom I love very much.” She kissed his chest and closed her eyes. All she’d done lately is sleep, but she thought she deserved it.

“Is that how you truly feel?” He ran a hand down her back, and when it came up again it had slipped under her shirt to touch her skin.

“Without a doubt – indefinitely.”

_____

Eleana supposed it was about time she did something productive with herself. She had bathed Quathryn and clothed her in a new outfit, and even snuck off to Velaris to get Kaden some more clothes from Azriel’s house. Felix had left to go meet his new sister properly, but the Elite were still stationed at his home on the off chance something happened. They were very discreet though. You wouldn’t know they were there unless someone told you.

She and Kaden left the share house together after helping give lunch to the children, all of them so enthusiastic when it came to Kaden. They absolutely adored him.

As they walked, no particular destination in mind, Kaden kept giving her weird glances. She had shut him out from her mind, needing to have it to herself for a while, so she had no idea what it was about. He would come clean eventually, he always did. He kept opening his mouth as if to say something, but always promptly shut it when she glanced his way.

The silence wasn’t terrible, just calm.

They walked into the market, buying some shawarmas. Eleana underestimated how messy it would be and groaned every time the garlic sauce dripped down her front. Kaden would just laugh and reach forward to help her clean herself. At one point, he ran his thumb across her bottom lip and popped it into his mouth, tasting it straight from her.

They rounded into an alley to get away from the crowd. There was a courtyard ahead, and you could easily hear a commotion going on. Eleana’s curiosity led her to follow the sounds, and Kaden’s affections for Eleana caused him to follow her.

In the courtyard were two Illyrians, one normal male and, surprisingly, one of the Elite. They were making snarky and lewd comments towards a group of females who looked to be in an aerial unit.

The member of the Elite was Alistair, a male significant in Eleana’s past, and Kaden stiffened at her side. She disregarded it though, she had no time for their feud when the three males were making the women so obviously uncomfortable.

“Hello, how are you?” Eleana approached one of the woman, wedging herself between the female and the sleaze talking to her.

The female looked relieved at the sight of Eleana. Eleana somewhat recognized her from training, but the female clearly knew who she was.

“I’m quite well, Lady Eleana. What brings you here?” She held out her hands which Eleana took in her own. There was nothing better than women standing by other women, except being friends with them.

“Had to get my man some food. Males are rather grumpy when they’re hungry, wouldn’t you agree?”

“Definitely.”

They smiled at each other, but the moment was ruined when Alistair placed a hand on both their shoulders.

“Now this is what I want to see. Tell me, are women this friendly when they share beds? I’d be willing to watch if you showed me.”

The other male roared with laughter, and Eleana curled back her lip in disgust.

Eleana didn’t regret her brief time with Alistair, he was far less cocky before he rose in ranks in the Elite. Since then, he had been insufferable, and that was one of the main reasons their tryst hadn’t lasted. That, and she was a young fifteen-year-old and he was older than her mother.

“Oh Alistair, if only women had as little self-respect. I don’t know what’s smaller, my tolerance for your behaviour or your dick. Both are rather miniscule.” She wanted to hiss it at him, but she kept her poise because she knew delivering it like that would have a harder blow.

The women had gathered behind Eleana and the female she had just conversed with. You could tell from their weary faces that they were just here to rest in between sessions, and that the males had been bothering them for a while.

“Why are you even here?” Eleana asked Alistair. “The Elite have been summoned and sanctioned.”

“We’re taking it in twelve hour shifts. Weirdly enough, not once did I see Kaden there. You putting it up Felix too? Why else would you have gotten first row so quickly? Must be wondrous in bed.” Alistair winked suggestively at Kaden.

Kaden didn’t blush or falter. He remained as he was, not deigning to respond.

“Leave, Alistair. Nobody wants you or your friend here. Just let them eat. Not everything has to be about conquests.”

One of the women behind her squeaked as the other male skirted around the group to pinch her behind. She hit him away, but her fighting skills were inconsequential compared to his. The females had trained to be assets in the air, not on the ground – something her parents had been battling tooth and nail to change for a century.

“Stop it.” Eleana thrust out her darkness and tied his arms with it. He grunted and tried to escape, but it was futile.

“It is their duty to us. We men keep them safe while they raise the children. It is the least they can do.” The shackled man sneered.

“What they do with their body is no duty, and is entirely up to them. I suggest you leave immediately.”

“They don’t have to want it for us to take it.” He remarked, a revolting smile on his face.

Eleana was flabbergasted. Did this man just insinuate that he had the right to rape a woman?

Maybe she could have controlled herself if he had just been an ass, but that – that – she didn’t need her magic at full strength to punish him.

“Draw your swords.” She nodded at the females to step back, and with fear in their eyes from years of being unjustly preyed upon by men, they did. They were a young unit, still trying to find their way in a sexist society, and Eleana couldn’t fault them for their feelings. They were not weak.

Alistair and his crony laughed. “Really, Eleana? You’re going to take us both on? As fun as that sounds, I’m not in the mood.”

“Neither were they when you decided to think with your dick instead of your mind. Draw your swords, or I’ll fight you without them.”

Alistair snorted but they did as she asked. Alistair seemed fine, but nerves had started to wind their way into the other one who she had let free of her magic. She didn’t need her darkness to beat them without mercy.

Alistair went to say something else, but before he could she kicked him square in the chest, so hard that he faltered back. She followed her kick by shoving the hilt of her sword in the temple to the male on her left. He blocked it, but that only gave her enough momentum to step forward and elbow him so hard in the nose the bone cracked. She then quickly, but with much ferocity, punched him in the throat.

He snarled at her, but she sidestepped his oncoming punches. Alistair approached her from behind, so she tucked the next swing from the male, turning slightly on her heel so she could pinch Alistair’s thigh. Her fingers clenched so hard that even through his pants his flesh tore.

He gasped in pain, but she didn’t stop there. She swung a hard uppercut into Alistair’s jaw, and then slashed her sword at the male. There was a satisfying swish as her Illyrian blade slashed through his shirt and left a bloody cut across his stomach. If she had angled her sword even a little more, she would have gutted him. She would give no killing blows today though. She would only use enough severity to teach them a lesson. She was a woman, and she was strong and proud and no male would ever effect that.

The male backed off in surrender, raising his arms and dropping his blade. Crimson blood was flowing freely down his torso, and he probably needed to seek urgent medical care. If only Eleana cared enough to summon a healer.

At the sight of his friend backing off, Alistair did the same, making a clapping noise that in training meant your opponent was tapping out.

“Piss off.” Eleana barked.

The two did as they were told, and skulked away.

Eleana smiled at their retreating backs and turned back to the females. “I’m sorry to disturb yo-”

“Who taught you to fight like that?” One asked with nothing but awe in her tone.

“Mostly my cousin, Felix.”

Their faces slightly dropped at her answer, and she wondered why.

“Oh. We were hoping it might be someone who could teach us. Felix Warbringer though… I could never approach him. He’s too,” she waved her hand, “superior.”

“That’s not the case at all.” Kaden stepped up beside her, but a respectful distance away. “Felix would welcome you if you asked for extra training. He would do all in his power to ensure you had the best possible.”

“One of those males was Alistair, is he not in the Elite?” Another woman asked. It was a valid question. How could you respect a commander whose soldiers treated people like that?

“Alistair has already been demoted.” Kaden answered her. “Not just that, but Felix has the upmost respect for women and their value in the camp. I doubt Felix was aware of Alistair’s attitude, and when he finds out justice with be duly served.”

She looked at him sceptically.

“Tomorrow Felix is set to rearrange the Elite from the outcome of yesterday’s events. You should approach him afterwards. Tell him I sent you and what you want. If he can’t help you, he will do everything in his power to find someone that will. I promise.” Eleana suggested.

The women looked at each other, a smile beginning to grow on all their faces.

They agreed, and Eleana said her goodbyes before leaving them. As her and Kaden started walking again, he gave her more of the funny looks from before. She was about to demand answers, but first he said, “Eleana, can I talk to you in private?”

She cocked her head. “We’re in a market. Maybe we can go to your tent? I don’t know anywhere else that would offer privacy.”

“I do.”

_____

He winnowed them to a field opening in the forest. Nearby was rushing waterfall, a large lake and stream rushing off it. The trees were all willows, and the grass hadn’t yet dried from the harsh summer heat. Eleana smiled at the sound of nearby birds and insects, and breathed in deeply the fresh, unstained air.

“How did you find this place?” Eleana kicked off her boots and socks so she could wiggle her toes in the soft grass.

“This is where Felix taught me to swim.”

“I didn’t know Felix did that.”

He shrugged like it was no big deal, and then turned his back on her.

Eleana thought he was about to say what he had been holding in all day, so she let him stand while she sat and combed her hands through the grass.

And then,

He turned so quickly his wings blew a gust of air in their wake and knelt in front of her. His hands cradled her face, and he pressed a gentle kiss to her lips.

He kissed her.

So slowly, so tenderly it was like they had all the time in the world. The kind of kiss he would’ve given her if he had been raised knowing how to love, the kind of kiss that was so filled with passion it made her heart ache. The kind of kiss that made her shed a tear, because he knew, very well, that if he kissed her it meant that she was wholly his, and he was hers in return.

He pulled away, but only far enough to rest his forehead against hers. He was panting slightly, and his hands were shaky on her face.

“Kaden?”

“I already knew it, but then you stood up for those girls, and I knew I needed you more than this. That I couldn’t bear it if I lost you just because I was impulsive with my magic or reckless with my feelings. Or if you moved on and I never got a chance to tell you how I felt, and tell you how stupid I’ve been when it comes to you. I was so worried – so worried about what might happen to you if you were with me. But Cauldron have mercy, you can defend yourself. You don’t need me doing it for you.”

He pressed his lips against hers again, and then made due with kissing away the tears on her face.

“I’m not sure what you mean.” She said slowly. She wanted to hear him say it, needed to know he wasn’t going to change his mind.

“What I’m saying is that I love you too, and I can’t imagine facing this ruthless earth without you beside me. Can’t live without your darkness, and your light, and your love. I love you, Eleana, and I will show you until the end of my days how eternally grateful I am the Mother gifted me with you. I am grateful for every single moment in my life if it means that I ended up here with you.”

She was still, and she was in disbelief. Was this real? Or was this the most horrific nightmare she’d ever have? Would she wake up and no longer have him?

She wrapped her arm around his neck, but didn’t kiss his lips. Instead, she nipped at his neck and earlobe, a gentle rumble letting loose from her throat. “Show me,” she purred in his ear.

He obliged.

He put his hands under her thighs and hitched them forward, making her lay on her back. She giggled at his touch, her legs now wrapped around his waist while he loomed over her. He folded his arms across his body and slowly took off his shirt, knowing she would enjoy the view. He chucked it away, and she let her hands wander free across all the dips and curves on his muscled abdomen. She leant forward, and kissed the skin just below his belly button, sucking until she left a small bruise in her wake.

When she was satisfied with her work, she dismissed her wings so she could take off her clothes easier. She went to get her shirt off, but stopped as he grabbed her wrists. “I’ll do it.” His voice was gruff, and he stared at her like he was going to devour her whole.

She nodded and let her arms fall. He disrobed her slowly, letting his fingers skim her body as he took in her appearance. When it came to her pants, her heaving chest completely bare, he let his fingers wander and graze sinfully over her core, but never quite hard enough to be anything but teasing. She squirmed on the ground, not satisfied with only seeing his torso.

“I need more of you,” she whispered.

“You can have it all.” He was still on his knees in front of her, and deftly removed his pants. She could already see his was straining, but as his length sprang free from its constraints her heartbeat thundered. Oral sex was not something she enjoyed giving before she met Kaden, but there was something about knowing that she would pleasuring him, and only him, unselfishly, that made her mouth water at the sight of him.

Her hand idly started stroking him, and his eyes rolled back in pleasure and he emitted a low, wonderful noise from his throat. She started taking him in: the wonderfully broad shoulders, the wavy blonde hair, the strong jaw line, his powerful thighs. And was that his tattoo? She knew of its existence, he had told her as much, but he had never let her see it. It was inked on the exact place she had bitten him that night in the stable, and it had gotten infected as soon as he’d had the tattoo done.

She continued her work on him with one hand and moved closer to see it. The puncture marks from her teeth had scarred, and were surrounding the tattoo like a border. The tattoo itself was a lovely rose that colours ranged from black to red.

Dark Rose – the name he had appointed her with their first night together.

“Ah, yes, that.” He cleared his throat and she could see a blush blooming on his neck and chest.

She moved so she was on her knees in front of him, and stopped her stroking so she could cradle his face in her hands. “I love you.” She kissed him.

“I love you too,” he moaned against her lips. “I’m sorry I took so long to realise. But fuck I love you.”

“I would’ve waited a century for you, Kaden. An eternity.”

He kissed her again, and then gently pushed her back so she was flush against the grass. “Bring back your wings.” He murmured.

She did as he told, and stretched them out beside her. He looked at them ravenously, and wasted no time in hitching her legs over his shoulders and thrusting into her.

She was soaked for him, but the sudden sensation was still like a bolt through her. She cried out, not caring how much noise she made as he pulled in and out of her. He was quick with his thrusts and had his hands around her calves as he held her legs up. One of her hands was braced behind her head, tearing up the ground in an attempt to grab something, while her other hand deftly started to work the bundle of nerves at her core. It was not the first time her fingers had strayed at the thought of the male in front of her, but this was the first time she could actually watch him worshipping her while she touched herself.

Between the stimulation inside her and her fingers, it was only two minutes before her walls were clenching around him and she was screaming his name. He moved her legs off his shoulders and back around his body. He came forward and smothered her screams of pleasure with a rough kiss, his cock still moving inside her.

“Today is all about you.” He nipped at her jaw. “Whatever you want it yours.”

“I want you.” She breathed.

“How do you want me?” He removed himself from her completely and she whimpered at the loss of his warmth. “Do you want me like this?” He kissed down her chest, taking his time when he came to her peaked nipples. He teased them with his teeth, licking over the small hurts whenever he switched sides. “Or do you want me like this?” He kissed further down her stomach, taking care to leave love marks behind. She loved how he was marking her – wanted to have the marks on her body to prove this was real. “Or is this better?” Her back arched and she choked on a gasp as his tongue took a single swipe up her core, smoothing from her entrance and ending with a kiss to the skin just above her clitoris.

“I want you – I want you to um, Oh Kaden.” Her breathing was heavy and she fisted his hair with her hands.

“How about that last one?” He dove back into her, feasting on her. He unwrapped her legs from around him, all the while drowning in her. He moved her legs apart so she was spread wide before him, and as he swiped up her again his fingers prodded at her entrance. Her wings tingled with the sensation, and she found herself moving them against the grass to release some of the tension in them. They were begging to be touched, and if she ever regained back the ability to speak real words she was ask Kaden to touch her there.

Her legs were quaking, unable to control her body’s movements. Kaden knew exactly what to do with his tongue. And his fingers… her body curled every time they did.

“Do I taste good?” She joked just before her body convulsed again.

He lifted his head away from her and smirked. He moved up her body, his movements predatory like he was about to eat her alive, and gave her a messy, open-mouthed kiss, his tongue tickling the roof of her mouth and brushing against her own. She could taste her juices on him, and was not repelled by the flavour. Kaden certainly enjoyed it. He kissed her jaw, and then growled lowly in her ear, “Get on your back. I can tell from a mile away you want me to focus on your wings.”

She happily did so, stretching herself out so her ass was in the air. She turned her head to him, and he had a smirk plastered on his face. She stuck her behind out more, teasing him, and drew in a deep breath as he lightly spanked her.

“We’ll get to that later.” He purred. He licked then kissed the red mark on her, Eleana squirming in delight.

She laid flat and rested her head on her arms.

Firstly, he ran a single finger along the base of her wings, and then followed it immediately with his tongue. As he explored every crevice of them with his fingers, he made note of where she moaned the most so that’s where his mouth could go next.

Eleana had never found completion from just her wings being caressed, had never let a male touch them the way Kaden was, but in a few short but very, very agonizing minutes, her body was shuddering as she climaxed again. She had to bite her arm to refrain from screaming his name, but he reached around and pulled her mouth free – wanting to hear his name as she called it from her lips.

Bless whoever decided multiple orgasms should be possible – whoever gifted them to the holy female body.

Kaden stopped playing with her wings there, and Eleana was dismayed that he hadn’t come yet, not even once.

She turned over again and beckoned him forward. He braced himself over her casually, content to take his time. When he kissed her next, it wasn’t rough. There was no clashing of teeth or wrestling of tongues. It was still passionate, but slow-burningly. He was not hurried with her, and as he kissed her he caressed her cheeks with the pads of his thumbs.

“Kaden?” Eleana said as he worked his way down her neck.

“Mm?”

“Will you still love me tomorrow?”

He stilled at her words, and looked her in the eye as he said, “I will love you for the rest of my immortal days, and then again as I brace the Other Side while I wait for you to join me. I will love you until Velaris is nothing but ancient ruins in a world where the name Prythian is a myth, until the Wars are nothing but stories in the expanse of time. I love you, Eleana. I’m sorry I kept you waiting, but I needed time to find out who I was before I could commit to you. There is still so much I have to work on, but it would be my honour if you were at my side while I did.”

She wrapped her arms around him and clutched her to him in a hug. He buried his face in the crook of her neck, and breathed in her scent. The scent that was now marvellously entwined with his own.

The blasting heat of the sun rained down on them, and they were both becoming slick with sweat. Neither minded though, not if it meant they were close together. Eleana took off one of the many glamours on her magic, and let the light simmering under her skin shine the way it had been begging to since the first throb of her core caused by Kaden tasting her.

He started to kiss her skin again, making his intentions of feasting on her clear as the sky, but Eleana stopped him.

“Are you tired? We can just lie here, I’m happy if you are.” He rested his head on her stomach. He was lying comfortably between her legs, and looked awfully good, and cocky, while doing it.

“That’s not it.”

He looked up at her with his onyx eyes. That look alone made her core start to glisten again, and she knew it would take but one touch from his mouth to be screaming again.

She fingered his hair, lazily pushing it back and forth. “I want you to take me as hard as you can, until you’re roaring my name loud enough for the whole court to know you’ve claimed me. I want you to unleash yourself on me, and I don’t want you to stop until I’m a whimpering mess and you’re completely and utterly satisfied. Do you understand?”

His eyes were alight at his command, and he leant back until he was on his knees before her.

“As hard as I can? I don’t want to hurt you.”

“Destroy me, Kaden.”

She could see goose bumps start to line his flesh, and saw his throat bobble as he took in her words.

“Okay. On your knees, then.” He watched her she did what he said. She turned to face away from him and settles on her elbows on knees, a lovely arc in her back from where she presented her behind to him.

His hands rested on her behind, and he leaned over and kiss the base of her spine. The anticipation was killing her, and she shifted in suspense.

She wasn’t expecting him to lower his lips to her again, but let out a loud moan of pleasure as he did. He went on for what seemed like eternity, but eventually replaced his mouth with his quick fingers. His lips didn’t stray far though, but moved to kiss the surrounding parts of her body. He was kissing her behind when suddenly, without warning, he bit her ass hard enough to draw blood.

The feel of his teeth in her flesh made her body ache with pleasure, and her moan was pure animalistic fae.

He didn’t give her a chance to recover when he sheathed himself in her, rocking her body forward and making her breasts bob. She braced herself on one arm and used the other to kneed herself, eyes fluttering shut at the feel of his mighty length inside her.

Kaden snapped his hips back and forth and he reached a hand forward to tangle itself in her hair and pull it. It meant she wasn’t rocking as much, and her throat was delightfully bared, and the feeling of him holding her in place like that was incomparable.

He groaned her name as his tempo became faster, and his prayers of her name matched her cries of his. The hand that wasn’t ravelled in her hair was roaming her body, and came to rest on her exposed second hole. That area of her body had remained untouched by a man, but her curiosity had her thrilled at the prospect of him entering there too. He stopped his thrusting for a few seconds, but only long enough to get his wandering finger slick with her juices, commencing again as soon as he deemed his fingers wet enough. It didn’t take long; her body was rushing for him. His pace was slower this time, and as he played around her other hole she squeaked in glory. Then unrushed and without hesitance, he pushed a single finger inside her.

She gasped at the sensation of him filling her two ways, and her breathing became heavy as he moved his finger in time with his member. The feeling was… a new one, to say the least, but not unpleasant. There was just something about her being so full of him, that made her core ache.

His pace became quick again, and he growled with pleasure. Eleana was panting beneath him, begging him to go faster, and harder, and to consume her.

Between his pounding and his fingers, she was a trembling mess. She was so weak from fulfilment she could barely hold herself up. Her body was relishing in it, and her head hung low as she yearned and simpered for more. Kaden let her hair go, instead holding her hips so they aligned perfectly with his. His progress became slower, and from his twitching in her she could tell we was close to completion.

She was close to a third, or was it fourth, fifth orgasm? She’d lost count, when he pulled out completely when they were both on the precipice. She involuntarily whined at the loss of contact, and let out a surprised ‘Oh!’ when he flipped her over again so she was sprawled on her back. He lowered into her without explanation, this time more gentle and tender than anything else from the day.

He didn’t need to explain it to her, because she could see the reasoning written on his face, and felt it mirrored in her heart.

Kaden wanted to look at her when he came, wanted to see the way her mouth uplifted slightly before turning into an uncontrollable smile as little sounds escaped her throat as she climaxed. And she wanted to see him, her beautiful mate, as he roared with ecstasy when he found utter completion.

_____

Kaden rubbed at Eleana’s back, laughing at the green grass stains that covered her skin. Before, he had been too distracted to notice it, but oh, was it quite the sight. They had decided to swim in the small lake to cool themselves down, and Eleana had started to get uncomfortable from the sticky feeling on her back.

After they had made love in the water, her legs around his waist as she rested their cheeks together and rode him, they decided they should also clean off. It was clear what they had been doing, and Eleana didn’t want to go anywhere near her family smelling of sex.

Kaden thought that was fair enough.

“How’s it looking back there?” Eleana asked him.

He lightly pinched her thigh. “Looks great to me.”

“I meant my back.” She snorted. She bobbed down in the lake and swam away from him and closer to the waterfall, only her head above the water. This place would always be an oasis for him now, and never would he forget what they had done here today.

“I guess this makes you my lover.” She grinned.

“I’ll be anything you want.” He called to her.

She laughed and ducked under the water. She would come up again eventually, she could stay under there for hours between her water and wind magic. The first time she had done it she was under for five minutes, and Kaden freaked out. She’d apologized, but also laughed at his reaction.

He swam to the edge of the water and hitched himself up on a rock that jutted out over its surface. His legs were still in the calm rush, but his body was now fully exposed to the mercy of the late midday sun. He closed his eyes and basked in it.

He heard scampering from behind him, but wasn’t fazed. You couldn’t go to the forest and expect to not see any animals.

Eleana popped up again, and he waved at her. The smile she gave him in return was so full of intimacy and adoration that Kaden mentally kicked himself for not biting the dust sooner to just be with her – regardless of any consequences. The last few hours with her had been full of such joy, and the thought of him having that for all conceivable time to come… It was a happiness he never expected to have.

“Hey, Kaden! Guess what?” She shouted.

“What?”

“I love you!” She sang to him.

He splashed water at her. “I love you too. Now come sit with me.”

She glided over to him, and settled herself between his legs but still in the water. She rested her head on his knee and closed her eyes. She was still very tired, and would hopefully sleep well enough tonight that no nightmares plagued her.

The rustling in the trees became louder, and Kaden glanced that way to see an inhuman, weathered hand snap back into the underbrush, a present left behind. Kaden smiled to himself – the creatures of this forest really couldn’t help themselves, could they?

He reached backwards to get what was left behind, Eleana lifting her head at the movement.

“What is it?”

“You’ve received another gift, my lady.” He handed her the two gifts.

They were strange rings, both black stone with no ornamentation. They could’ve been necklaces, but they looked more like collars than jewellery.

Eleana weighed them in her hands, slight frown on her face. “Do these feel strange to you?”

She gave them back to him to inspect, and he had to agree with her. He couldn’t name the feeling, but now that he was centring his attention on it he couldn’t help the sick feeling that overcame him. He also noted that the stone, although black, was a different one than usual.

“I think we should leave.” Eleana said under her breath. She grabbed his hands and winnowed them back to where they had abandoned their clothes. They threw them on and disappeared back to camp.

Leaving the collars behind.

#acohad #a court of hearts and darkness #acowar #acomaf #acotar #fanfic #feysand #nessian

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theclacks · 7 years

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Angel Thoughts - (S4 E9-E11)

AKA ugh, oh my god I am so bored and all I want to do is watch episodes of Buffy but I can’t because I’m still behind.

(Other BtVS & AtS Thoughts located here @ my master post)

Episode 9 (Long Day's Journey)

AKA the episode where the gang fails to protect the newest best character and LA gets swallowed into darkness

So let me start off by saying there were two things about this episode that I liked. The problem is that those two things were the return of Electro-girl and the badass normal who got slaughtered far, far too soon.

And yeah... if the best parts of an episode are the guest characters, you’ve got a problem with your main cast. Just once again everyone is sad and depressed and even though everyone was sad and depressed during Buffy S6, I was able to handle Buffy because the whole color palette of the show was at least bright still, and there was a general levity, like...

Once More With Feeling - actually a hard hitting episode about Buffy’s depression with a bonus suicide attempt but it’s balanced by everyone singing

Tabula Rasa - Tara’s ready to breakup with Willow, and Giles is about to go back to England, and Buffy’s in denial about her kiss with Spike and-- HEY LOOK! MEMORY LOSS HIJINKS

Gone - a social worker threatens to take Dawn away + more Buffy depression that’s balanced out by hilarious and memorable invisible!Buffy

Dead Things - okay, this one was fucking depressing, but that’s fine because it was immediately followed by...

Older and Far Away - DAWN IS DEPRESSED! VENGEANCE DEMON SHENANIGANS! EVERYONE GETS TRAPPED INSIDE A HOUSE! CLEM IS A GUEST! EVERYONE IS INTERACTING AND PLAYING CARDS TOGETHER! TARA IS A BRO!

no really, she’s a bro

the best bro

So yeah.

Basically I am getting run down on angst and AtS is not letting up and the guest stars are my one bright spot right now and they either get murdered or skedaddle by the start of the next episode.

Episode 10 (Awakening)

AKA the one I was actually starting to really enjoy despite the rushed pace and the anti-climatic dismissal of the “let’s summon angelus” plot because omg there was teamwork and cheesy Indiana Jones-type quests and characters resolving their fucking issues and-- oh wait, nevermind. it was just a dream

Which, okay, I’ll take it being a dream because the pacing was something that did slightly bug me and L.A. being cast in darkness and potentially summoning Angelus were ideas I thought should be explored more than what the show had me believing, so yeah.

BUT IT WAS FUN. And reminding me how fun the show used to be before shoving me straight back into un-fun-land is not a cool thing to do.

Like, yes, angst is deep and there’s character growth or something that comes out of it, but it’s like... with the exception of Wesley, I’m not even recognizing them as the same characters anymore. Cordelia’s by far gotten the worst of it; I get it she’s sort of half pseudo-traumatized, half-enlightened from the other plain of existence like Buffy was coming back from the dead, but she says her lines and it’s like I’m listening to a deflated loaf of bread and her personality’s just completely gone and it’s like...

She doesn’t have to be vapid to be Cordelia, but she does have to be bossy. She has to get excited about the little things in life because it’s the little things in life that bring it all together. She has to be inquisitive to a fault, getting her nose in business that’s not even entirely her own. She has to get that mom look in her eye, that judging stare when she disapproves of what another character is doing...

And I could handle one character trait suddenly going away, or fracturing as a result of her ascension, but all of them? At the same time? Leaving her this... shell that murmurs and vacantly stares and frowns and is NOT CORDELIA.

Yeah.

I didn’t realize how many pent up feelings I had about the treatment of Cordelia this season until I began to type this.

And if all of my complaints above were intentional decisions made by the writers... well...

Episode 11 (Soulless)

AKA the episode where halfway through, when Gunn and Wesley started fighting, it was so predictable that I thought it was all a ruse like in BtVS S3E17 (Enemies) but then it wasn’t because everyone’s teamwork is just that shitty this season

The highlight of this episode was Angelus himself because David Boreanaz kills it as Angelus like always.

Second highlight of this episode was Wesley being a boss and being super damn prepared.

Third highlight was...

...yeah...

I don’t have a third highlight.

Everyone is awful. The end.

Oh, one thing I can talk about is the “mysterious betrayer.” I’m assuming it’s someone getting mind controlled or something because if one of the gang intentionally let cool ra-tet dude get murdered and stashed Angel’s soul, well... I’m calling shenanigans. Since I’m not leaning strong in any one direction, lets go through the suspects

Cordy - we still don’t know how she came back from the higher plane and how her apocalypse visions might’ve affected her; if it’s her there will be much angst, could possibly lead into an evil!Cordy arc that will end with her death; I don’t know how fond I’d be of that direction, but I’d accept it

Connor - he’s been whining for the last several episodes about how everyone thinks he’s connected with the beast but he’s not; if he’s the sleeper agent I’m marking it down as “lazy foreshadowing” rather than “dramatic irony” and I will be even more bored than I am right now because I just do not care about Connor

Gunn - he’s going down a darker arc this season; perhaps something happened when he killed Fred’s professor that opened up his heart to the power of darkness; if it’s him, I’m predicting a refocusing of the group to save him; Fred and Wesley might grow closer together as they support one another, causing more love triangle tension when Gunn is finally released from evil’s hold; overall, I’m kind of hoping it’s him but also kind of doubting it’s him; IDK, if it is him, I will pleasantly surprised

Fred - I don’t know why it’d be Fred... I’m not seeing how it would link into her character arc in any sort of meaningful way... okay, maybe it would cause Gunn and Wesley to put aside their animosity to save her but that’s personally veering too close into Damsel in Distress territory for my tastes; if it’s her, it would definitely be the most shocking of the group, but not necessary in a good way

Wesley - it would be a waste if it was Wesley, the entire gang is just finally accepting him back into the group and moving past the whole “stealing Connor” thing; if he’s the sleeper agent, it’s a retread of last season and I will throw something across my room if it’s him

Lorne - he also got a vision of the demon and then had that vision knowledge sucked out of his head, so yeah, that couldn’t have been good for his brain re: possible sleeper status; on the other hand, he is comic relief and if the writers take away my one remaining bright spot in this show, well... I won’t cry, but I’ll definitely struggle even harder through the remaining episodes

Lilah and/or some other peeping Wolfram & Hart employee - they could’ve bugged the hotel or put nano-microphones into someone’s clothes (into Wesley’s clothes? IDK); they’re making the gang think it’s one of them when really Wolfram & Hart is just going behind their backs; personally think it’s unlikely, but I am just covering all my bases here

zombie!Daniel Dae Kim - because we as viewers should never underestimate the powers of Daniel Dae Kim

So... yeah? Which suspect will it be? If it’s Cordy, Gunn, or Fred, will my subsequent predictions come true? I have no idea but I will hopefully find out later tonight when I put on the next episode as I’m watching dishes (because I don’t have the energy to watch AtS anymore unless I’m bundling it with chores). (Please become fun again, AtS... I miss the fun...)

(But before that, I’m going to put the last finishing touches onto my first piece of BtVS fanfic because, yay, I still love this whole universe so much and I’m excited to be finally giving back to the fandom! It’s Dawn & Spike centric which should surprise ABSOLUTELY NO ONE who’s been reading all these review/meta/thoughts/reaction/whatever things.)

#btvs #angel the series #ats #////#/////#clacks from theclacks

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roxiemegs · 6 years

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A teacher-mama’s rant

Those who know me personally are probably aware that I’ve been in the habit of sort of “adopting” various kids and teenagers. I’ve been happily married twice—which sounds funny, until I reveal that I was widowed at a relatively young age. Both of these good men were previously married, and had children that I came to know and love as if they’d been mine—even though they weren’t in my house full-time. I’ve step-mothered a grand total of seven kids: four girls, three boys. I also have an almost-three-year-old little girl with my husband.

When my first husband died, I only got to see his kids twice more: at the funeral, and when they came to get stuff from our home. This wasn’t by my choice, but because their mother had never liked me, had spent the years of my marriage systematically belittling her ex and his “fat wife” to not just the children, but to anyone whose social circles might happen to overlap with both of ours. Any attempt on my family’s part to communicate with the children after their father’s passing was met with hostility and barely-veiled threats.

To contrast, my second husband’s ex-wife has only ever been kind to me and about me to everyone, openly encouraging her children to love me and be happy about their father’s remarriage. We aren’t best friends, we don’t always agree on everything; but we are friendly, and we can come to an agreement on tough issues without animosity. The effect on these children’s mental health and self-concept is monumentally different than in the first case.

Why the background? It’s certainly not to air past grievances, though if you want to hear some wild “I thought that kind of thing only happened as a dramatic ploy in movies” stories, give me a shout. What this is about is, you might say I’ve become rather good at parenting other people’s children.

This is compounded by the fact that, by profession, I’m a teacher. It’s not the best-paying job for a person with a master’s degree, but I love it. I work at a school that is almost smack-dab in the center of Salt Lake County, Utah. I teach high school Spanish, but I’m also privileged to teach improv comedy theatre and coach an amazing team of comedic actors. I don’t expect Spanish to be everyone’s favorite class. It wasn’t mine when I was a teenager. But I build a rapport with my teenaged students that improves my life, and I believe it improves theirs. A lot of people that age don’t feel comfortable talking with their parents about their problems—not because of something wrong with the parents or the kids, but because they’re stretching into the independence of adulthood. I’ve become the trusted adult confidante for some vibrant adolescent people going through things nobody would want to.

I’ve taught in four different schools across two states: both public and charter, in Florida and Utah. I’ve taught at a high school, middle school, a K-8, and a K-12 (though the latter two have had me teach secondary kids only). I’ll be the first to admit, large groups of small children scare me. I adore my sass-bucket of a toddler, and have real love and affection for many children of friends and family members, but once you gather more than five of the really young ones together, I’m looking to skedaddle. My favorite group to teach is high schoolers, followed by middle schoolers. I personally believe that decent people who teach elementary school deserve a free pass straight to heaven.

With my high schoolers, they prefer for me to discipline with humor, even good-natured sarcasm. Yes, it exists. The secret is that they have to recognize that the snark is said with genuine affection and concern for their well-being. Because I have developed an easy-going balance of individuality, respect, and classroom rules that prevent violations of either, I rarely have large discipline issues crop up.

Being a teacher in Utah, which is the well-known capital of mormondom, comes with some interesting variations from the norm I came to know in Florida. In the interest of full disclosure, I am LDS, and have been my whole life. I was raised in a combination of states, birth through age 12 on the East Coast, then junior high through college in Utah. I remember living in the Bible Belt in my later childhood, and meeting people who’d never known a Mormon. My own sister had a close friend once that, when her family found out we were LDS, basically dropped all connection with us. I’ve had friends of other Christian faiths (yes, I do see myself as Christian, and no, I don’t accept your classification of me as not) who have sheepishly told me that their pastors have said some nasty things about my faith over the pulpit. Other friends whose primary knowledge of Mormons come from jokes on South Park, binge-watches of Big Love or Sister Wives, or the Book of Mormon musical. Of course, none of these accurately portray LDS doctrine, and mostly focus on lampooning the culture that has grown up around the religion.

But, bypassing the issues I have with entertainment that purposefully mischaracterizes anybody’s faith, there’s something that’s been on my mind as a student, and much later, a teacher in the Beehive State. When I moved here as an almost-teen, I had some major culture shock, HAVING GROWN UP MORMON. It was strange being one of many Mormon kids at school, hearing others in the halls talk about mutual or going to the temple, or any number of things at school. It was off-putting to me to see some of the same kids who were all mormony at church turn around and say and do some very non-mormony things at school. I often managed to find open-minded friends who were not really judgmental towards others (yeah, I write this after just passing judgment—my whole thing is, whatever you claim to believe, act it, and don’t be a jerk about it). Even as a young teenager, though, it BOILED MY BLOOD when people I knew excluded the non-LDS kids because they weren’t Mormon. And I totally called them on it when I saw it. Because I lived on the other side of that. My mom had it worse, and sometimes told me childhood stories of how kids at her school in South Carolina asked to feel her horns. I mean, our own Sunday School lessons often rehashed the histories of the early members of our faith being verbally abused, physically assaulted in various painful and dehumanizing ways, driven out of a string of places, and even martyred for being different. I wanted sometimes to just scream at people for being so sanctimonious that they couldn’t see how counterproductive it was to our claim of Christianity.

Calm down, Meg. It still makes me really angry, though I like to think it’s more along the lines of Jesus chasing the money-lenders out of the temple than along the lines of Herod being miffed at another king happening and ordering deaths as a result.

Back to the school where I teach. Overall, there have been a few factors that seem to have reduced bullying there greatly from the average school of that size. It still exists: wherever you have teenaged people on the path to self-discovery, you’ll find some whose insecurities drive their mean behavior towards others. But I have seen much less of it in our specific student population. We are also more diverse than your average Utah school. In many areas of the state, a visit to school will show you a bunch of white faces, with a tiny sprinkle of other other groups. This isn’t to say I don’t like white people or any other people, but having lots of different racial, cultural, and religious backgrounds represented is fun and fascinating to me. Humanity is this gorgeous mosaic, and the presence of so many shades of skin and eyes and hair, the scents of foods we call “comfort” and those we deem “exotic”, the songs inherent to the accents of the languages of the Earth...they all make it more beautiful.

I’ve heard kids of both LDS and non-LDS backgrounds bemoan ill treatment from the other side, and rightfully so. I’ve personally overheard some kids making the blanket statements of “all Mormons are...” That being said, it’s not nearly as common as the numerous stories of “they were my friends until it became clear I wasn’t interested in coming to church” from both students AND adults of my acquaintance.

It breaks my heart to think back on this week, hearing a mother recount to me how her daughter, a bright, talented, kind young woman, has been repeatedly marginalized by people who should be her friends on grounds of shared values, not passing acquaintances because she worships differently. Just like any mother, her tears were deep-seated, thinking back on the pain her beautiful child has endured from people who regularly consider themselves to be some of the nicest people in the world.

This is NOT a religious thing. It stands against all doctrine of which I’m aware. By being exclusive, by all these series of small unkindnesses, by being dismissive of those who don’t share ALL beliefs and values, you become for others what we’ve always denounced in the mobs that persecuted the early members of the church.

I’m a believer in the doctrine. The culture we’ve created surrounding it still needs work. I’m an LDS mother, but many of the kids I’ve “adopted” into my tribe as a teacher are not of my faith, and I’m asking you to take and apply Elder Uchtdorf’s words. Stop it. Please love “my” kids as friends for yours as much as you do those of our faith.

They are not a number to be added to our millions. They are not a problem to be solved. They are children of God who deserve to be loved, befriended, and accepted in their beliefs as much as your own children do.

And because I can’t end a blog post without something pulled from one of my fandoms, I’ll leave you with the quote from Yoda, one that I feel applies to all of us: “Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter.”

#teacher #teacherrant #utahteacher #soapbox #lds #mormon #ldsculture #lovemystudents

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