I haven't seen this version anywhere so I made one!

White wlw you have let me down, and will sadly continue to do so

durring the past few months ive really woken up and seen how much white wlw are quick and ready to throw both cishet and lgbt black and brown women under the bus, so ready to believe that they are not coming from a racist place, so ready to ignore our pleads of help and our demands for better treatment

recently i left my ex girlfriend because i saw/felt that she was not treating me / giving me the same quality of attention as her white partners, and that i wasnt being included in her life like her white partners were. I was being called “wife” but i didnt feel like i was getting the treatment a wife was susposed to get. I felt like a token and a diversity quota for her larger that humanly sustainable polycule.  when i did bring it up to her wrote tons about how i felt and what i was seeing/feeling 

“[...]I feel like the space i take up in your life is smaller than i would like it to be and it hurts

 It hurts when we havent talked in a long while but i still see you interacting with your other partners and/or going on tinder dates, I feel like the level of care attention interaction/ love you give to your other partners or other people who are mainly white is a lot more than i feel than i get from you 

I just want to do more coupley relationship things with u, and i understand like im far away but we still dont discord/rabbit or like talk in general a whole hell of a lot, and it really just makes me feel like “ just some thing to be had and called “wife” bc you dont have a black one yet”

When i see all the other parters who get called wife getting the attention i wish i had from you i just makes the hurt feel even more intense bc i know its not distance bc you date people from all over it just really makes me feel like its my blackness that makes you give me less than what your other partners get 

Even if youre not doing that conciously, i still can see and feel the differnce between the level of care interaction attention and overall energy you give to white partners vs me, this may not be something you can clearly see and feel but i can see a herierchy even if its an unintenttional  subconscious one Reguardless of your intent id really like to be/feel like im more to you/your life[...]” this was only a portion of what i wrote but really conveys the other side of the coin of racism from white wlw, because even after i brought this up to her nothing changed, and then i decided i was going to leave because I realized i dont have to endure racism/racist treatment in a realtionship. and when i did finally have the courage to tell her how i feel again a very important thing i included was 

“My self censorship around white people is very real and i realize that i've been not expressing how i fully feel for fear of making u upset/addressing race and like I felt / feel like a token bc i see all the very visible appreciation you give to white partners,It makes me feel and known im loved and appreciate when its visible, and i see how visible it is/has been for your white partners, tinder dates and tumblr fans.I don't wanna feel hidden from your lifeI've felt very hidden with my white partners just in general, felt very kept away from their families, friends, and other relationships, and seeing that unfold in front of my eyes again is very painful,I feel like an outsider to your “group” (friends/partners). Just like you have to actively go out of your way to unlearn your racism and anti blackness you have to go out of your way to active make sure your black partner is getting attention and is feeling included in your life/community/world and i have not felt as included in these things as i feel like your white partners are.It's heartbreaking when i see the patterns over and over of you treating me differently than your white partners, heartbreaking when i feel ignored and excluded from your life while you are on a tinder date or flirting with ppl on tumblr and i can't get a “hey babe how ru?have you eaten today?” I'm not even getting the bare minimum,I get less, less time, interaction, less you, i feel like get a censored cut off dollar tree version of Franziska” but her response was saddening and just gave me a smack in the heart, i realized that white wlw arent going to unlearn their racism for their partners (friends and fuck buddies) when we address it , that if we (black and brown wlw) advocate for ourselves and treatment we will be ignored it hurt more that she didnt want to accept what she was/is/has been doing is racist, that she didnt want to make her only black partner more included in her life, that she wasnt going to unlearn the racism/race dynamics that made me a “second class” partner than the hurt of actually breaking up with her ive been through this many times before of white women esp white wlw who have excluded me from parts of themselves their lives and community but expect me to be ok isolated while also being an open book

white women have excluded me from friend groups and social circles, have stopped their niceness when i speak up for myself, have given up on working on relationships bc it involves changing their behavior, have denied me medical access when i needed it the most, have bullied me for my body, my blackness and my culture  my bestfriend is white and shes let me down too, just like ive been let down by white past friends and partners, just like im being let down by racist white wlw and lgbt folks

ive learned to accept that white (ppl) women letting me down is something i will face for a life time, that being lesbian bi trans queer doesnt change how whiteness interacts with blackness, that i will always be the bad guy in a white womans story or her fetish or her item to fawn over  ive learned that asking for basic treatment and for white women to unlearn their racism while changing their behavior is too much to ask for  white wlw yall have let me down, and continue to do so

weather is outcasting and overly criticizing black n brown wlw esp if theyre trans, only boosting white wlws donation posts, forgetting you still can hurt us and not realize it, mocking features found on woc esp since yall get real transmisogy/noiristic real quick an just by ignoring the struggles we face because we are people of color and gay!!!!

[this post is not for reblogging, do not ask me personal questions about my past relationships thank you]