#sick in my stomach over these people
Text
Is this Tanach class or is this Justifying Genocide class genuine question
#damn i kinda don't believe in judaism so what does it mean then#the teacher is all smiles and shit talking about how she wishes luck to the soldiers#and that it truly is an interesting question whether or not we should kill all Palestinians#listen to yourself! listen to what you're saying! kill yourself!#said like half a thing about my uncertainty to my brother this morning and he lashed out on me then apologised#fuck youuuuuu#sick in my stomach over these people#do they even realize how awful and dystopic the shit they're saying is
1 note
·
View note
Text
(BLOWS UP AND LEAVES A PAIR OF SHOES BEHIND) I got an amazing comm from @/almguav on twitter I feel so crazy and lightheaded rn IM SO HAPPY AUAGAHAHAHAHAGAGAQGGA
#🦍🏄♂️🌊#they are so sweet and their art is so good I owe you my life alm oh my goodness 😭😭😭😭#IMMNN SOCRAZYYYY IM CRAZYYY IM CRAZUZUYYYYYYYY#people started drawing him with the little hearts reflected in his glasses and it makes me so sick to my stomach and crazy…..#like he really loves my ass does he…… BLOWS UP INTO A MILLION PIECES#AUHHYUYUUB GRIPS MY HEAD IN PAIN BANGING BEAD ON DESK ITS SO GOODDDDF LURCHES OVER AND STARTS DRY HEAVING …..#AUAHAHAHHAAH#FAVE#ULT FAVE#GIFTS! 🎁#self ship#self shipping#self ship art#bipoc self ship
167 notes
·
View notes
Text
This should be obvious, but, to any of my moots here, if you’re reblogging or posting Al art or anything of the sort—that’s an immediate block from me.
#had to block some people this morning over this smfh#like are y’all fucking serious#and this whole thing with SAG-AFTRA agreeing to Al shit?????#i’m literally sick to my stomach
32 notes
·
View notes
Text
More than anything right now I wish I had somebody to turn to. I wish I could cry to my parents about this or get a hug from somebody or just have SOMEONE believe me and he on my side. I really don’t know how to continue on from here
#looking at any re content rn makes me feel so sick#which has been my worst fuckimg nightmare#like I’ve had panic attacks over this idea kinda worst nightmare#my absolutely biggest nightmare has been that skmething horrible will happen in this fandom that’ll make my stupid autistic brain associate#re with that horrible experience#and that’s exactly what’s happening#my biggest fear is coming to fruition and it’s so so fucking awful#Luis has meant more to me than any other autistic special interest of mine evr has. and just the THOUGHT of loosing that love and devotion#makes me sick to my stomach.#why did these people do this to me#why me#what the fuck did I ever do to them#what did I do to deserve this#I want this to be so fucking over#I wanna go back to shaking my friends over Luis and pretend this never happened#I just want a hug from my parents or someyjing man. I wanna be told it’ll be alright and this shit will be done with#just#what the fuck did I do to deserve this man
28 notes
·
View notes
Text
I feel like I’m losing the battle of treading water and am just starting to drown in exhaustion now
#I would take a day off a work#but people have been out sick#including a coworker who’s been out for a while since she got sepsis and pneumonia#she’s out of the hospital now and all but obv still needs time to recover#I’ve definitely been kinda sick with Something all week but obv wasn’t gonna cause a fuss over something small#when I have no obvious symptoms and we’re short on ppl#now I think this is just my Stomach Problems acting up from whatever that was#but I’ve been tired for a while#I have stuff I need to do over the weekends#but I also need to just be dead to the world for at least a day#but then I still have no energy to do all of the things I need to do#and never any time or energy to try to get back into hobbies#aaaghhhh
16 notes
·
View notes
Text
>.<
#tw clari overshares#i really need to start making new friends on here and being more active#but the issue is just the mere *thought* of that fucking terrifies me#just typing out that single sentence has my heart pounding and my hands shaking and my stomach churning#i really wish i was kidding or over-exaggerating#i want so badly to make new friends and be active in a little community on here again#but i’m so so so scared#(of what?????????? of what!!!!!!!!!!!)#bring me back to 2020 clari who talked to people despite the anxiety and was so damn active and was having an absolute blast!!!#what happened to her!!!!!#she got really sick i guess#it’s crazy like sometimes i just scroll through my archive and i can SEE it#i can see myself getting sicker and sicker and withdrawing more and more#feeding into the fear and letting it win#and now i’m here#in this hole that i’m going to have to claw myself out of IN SPITE OF the terror i feel#i miss being a part of this community so much#i miss being able to post little drabbles willy nilly and not having breakdowns over them not being perfect#NOT obsessing over my own work and flaws it may have#i miss having fun#YES my writing is extremely important to me and YES i want to one day write for a living in some capacity#but since when did that mean i had to cut everyone off??? seclude myself in a protective little bubble???#the only person who can fix this is me#(obviously hahaha)#it’s about time i put on my big girl pant(ie)s and faced that fear head on#i’m so sick of it dominating and controlling so much of my life#why did i let it take something so fucking important to me???#i have to end it!!!#if u got this far in the tags: thank you and i’m sorry for venting#i just feel like i NEED to say this
14 notes
·
View notes
Text
x
#lmaoo today during class i saw a guy so beautiful i felt sick to my stomach#how does it feel to be god's favourite. do you want to do the group project with me#<- me tomorrow. i need to find 2 people for a group project and i don't know anyone and it's stressing me outtt#jokes aside i need to get my shit together and talk to himmm he seems a nice person#posting this like im writing in my little personal diary. imagine me doodling hearts all over#shut up belle
9 notes
·
View notes
Text
the ezra/toonimal doc is so fuckin weird to me, like i get why it got posted, i'm against doxing even people like this on principal, but i understand the desire to protect the kids involved and stop any criminal activity beyond that. but even then like. it's not reducing harm to post it with the usernames of kids uncensored for anyone viewing the Public doc to see. "oh we censored it though" do a better job.
#tbh after looking into it more a lot of the 'evidence' feels suspect at best#like as someone that understands how mastodon's federation works it feels disingenuous to act like ezra/toonimal had#any control at all over the people not on their instance?#also might just be a bit pissed that one of the screenshots that wasn't censored#includes the discord pfp and username of a minor that i personally know#like wow did you get the clout you fucking cretin#i'm seething with rage over this in case it wasn't blatantly obvious#like if you're gonna Pretend to give a shit about minors being exposed to harm at least do the bare fucking minimum#to keep them protected from bad actors viewing your doc#sick to my stomach thinking that this isn't an isolated incident and Multiple uncensored names are just minors#because it means anyone viewing the doc that's willing to abuse kids is gonna see it and can be confident they won't talk
8 notes
·
View notes
Note
if you're sitting there feeling sorry for yourself, wondering why no one's commented on your hiatus status(es), i'll help you figure out why
you're behaving like a selfish, entitled bitch. you're throwing a pity-me-party while you accuse people of favoritism in the same breath. like, no wonder your ~CoMmUniTy~ won't feel sorry for you, or interact with your bad artwork or your other uninspired bullshit when you bitchfit that no one's sharing your shit: no one wants to interact with that melodrama. there's better writers out there that don't cry about interaction bullshit.
you need to grow the fuck up, and maybe do people all a favor by not coming back.
Wow... thank you for sending me this present shortly before Christmas (Dec. 20th, to be exact). Real lovely stuff.
So listen while I break this down by section and say things later on that I don't mean:
If you're going to call me an 'entitled bitch' or criticize my content, you should really take ownership of your words like a grown-up first. You're welcome to those opinions, I suppose; but it means NOTHING when you send me this from a position of cowardice. If your goal was to hurt my feelings and upset me, I would only award you with partial congratulations, if that.
I'll concede it was a bit of a "bitchfit" if it makes you happy, because yes, it kind of was. I'll take ownership of that: I should have been better, and I wasn't. I should have been a lot calmer, and I wasn't.
Maybe then more people would have given a damn about me and what I had to say. Or maybe they wouldn't. I don't know anymore, quite frankly. I can't say I ever did.
Your point about "better writers out there [who] don't cry about interaction bullshit" is wrong, by the way. I can think of several fan writers (and I'm not going to compare content quality because that's gross) either on my dashboard or in fandom tags (many with larger followings + outreach than me) who've complained about lowered interaction these days at one time or another.
Or several times, even. It was largely and perfectly fine when they spoke up about it. Weird to me, anon, how it's okay when these unnamed and so-called "better writers" speak up, but not the little guys.
Some people are a little too comfortable telling those with smaller followings/outreach to just suck it up because interaction has been bad for everyone lately. Or placate themselves with excuses for why they didn't offer any sympathy to people who admit to struggling with feeling like belonging, or those wishing they felt more included. Noticed. Remembered. (Whatever the case may be.)
I mean I've seen who repeatedly makes the cut on these stale recommendation lists that float around… Your 'pool of so many talented writers/artists in this fandom' is more of a damn puddle. You'll have to fucking forgive me for just wishing to be remembered (for one or the other) and included in these little "~fandom enrichment activities~" at this point once in a damn while! Why's it such a fucking crime to you, anon, that I just want people to remember I'm here too?
I spoke my feelings about things feeling like a popularity contest rather than a true community back in December, and you thought that warrants calling me a selfish, entitled bitch? Telling me do people a favor and not come back?
What the fuck??????
I think you're something of a rancid tar pit for hoping to kick someone while they were down, or whatever it was you intended by all that. Did you get the warm and fuzzies typing this out? Did you feel good about yourself for choosing to be malicious to someone going through a hard time? Someone admitted they were going through a hard time between Seasonal Affective Disorder, and being upset about a lot of trivial stuff, and you thought "Hey; let's pile on!" was the correct solution rather than offer any kindness where you had witnessed a lack of?
It would be so tempting to stoop to your level and wish you nothing but ill on top of telling you to do me a favor and fuck off; I'm going to encourage you to learn to have a little more compassion for people instead and be a better person than whatever you are now going forward. May you learn to be kinder to people in the future, anon… You make the world a far better place that way.
#bad anon no biscuit#lesson for next time is to just ghost the blog for a month since no one's going to notice or care I guess. only tell you to leave#that's only partial sarcasm#a couple of people showed they cared or said nice things before the holidays. and to that short list of people I just want to say thank you#otherwise my activity page was very quiet#and some other things happened that reinforced my decision to not really want to participate with this space for the time being#simple fact there's someone out there who's too comfortable with being nasty to people and telling you to fuck off...#fuck man!!!! it's been a long time since crying over some damn anon hate but this was too much for me#''help you figure out why'' no you're not being helpful you're actually just being a prick for no good reason!#im done im so fucking tired i don't want to look at this fucking ask anymore#i feel sick to my stomach right now fuck
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
one day i will properly compare dee made a smut film and ptsdee and the differences in the way they handle their very similar subject material but i have shit to do early tomorrow morning so. for now.
do you ever think about how RCG-written episodes, no matter how bad (both character morality-wise and writing-wise) they get, will always have a degree of humanity to them. like. 11x04 has dee doing something that is So incredibly wrong and horrible to dennis. but the reactions to it don't match its intensity. 12x07 again has dee doing something absolutely fucking deranged, and the gang tells her how fucked up it was. there's actually an acknowledgement both from her and from the others that what she did was awful, but her motivation, charlie, dennis, frank and mac's motivations throughout the episode make sense. dee's insecurity is the root of it, she can't handle being someone's "rock bottom", and she needs to prove that it can get worse. 11x04 dee just decides she's going to be a bastard and tell everyone that dennis was raped at 14. we don't know why she does this, and she really has no reason to, other than to be an asshole.
#cw rape mention#cw csa mention#ada speaks#i was like. lowkey sick to my stomach after smut film bc like. jesus christ#i think glenn's acting carried and many scenes in that ep live in my brain rent free#but ptsdee does what smut film did SO much fucking better in every possible way#like yes it had to be established previously to work#but. as an episode i just think smut film is extremely weak on the dennis and dee half of it#iconic episode for frank but jesus christ the contrast between both halves makes me die#rcg has always had this. 'yes these are terrible people but they Are People' vibe#that i think a lot of guest writers misunderstand#its not just a show about horrible people doing horrible things#its about those horrible people being UNAWARE of how horrible they are#they still believe they're Good. they are just unbelievably bad at being good.#like when the guys argue over whether or not they can call the israeli businessman 'the j word'#its about. the arbitrary rules they put in place. oh you cant call him a 'jew' THAT way. that's anti semitic bro.#they are capable of recognizing when something is fucked up and occasionally engage in self reflection#the thing is. theyre selfish. and they do it anyway.
32 notes
·
View notes
Text
GAAHAHHHHH
#venting in the tags#maybe its just past darkness and the Bad Thoughts which i shouldnt listen to are clouding my brain too much#but i feel so fucking weird and inadequate over everything rn#im unable to work on drawings as i usually would have and its kinda plaguing everything which it should like yeah i love drawing but#i cant let just one aspect of me ruin everything. right? the fact that i havent been able to draw as well as i usually can should make me#feel sick to the stomach and unsure about everything i do but it happening and i hate it.#plus i got the ipad id saved up from the comms to buy and its fun and nice and all and maybe i just need more practice with it but i feel#like im not able to draw on it even more? and i spent the whole day trying to get used to it but its just not as good?? and then when i went#back to the no screen wacom i couldnt get a hang of it becuase idek its just not happening#and also the fucking art block wants me dead i swear i want to draw so bad and i have so many ideas but the moment i start anything its just#crumbles down into nothingness and i hate everything i do and gods fuck i want to cry but i can because there are people at home and#usually im a big 'crybaby' when im at home but i dont fucjing wanna be like that anymore like i can handly my shit myself im fine.#i dont need to just fuckinf cry abiut it becuase thats not gonna fox anything but also i feel like crying might just make me feel better#but then id have to hear shit from my family and i know theyre just teasing in a /pos way but i dont wanna fucking deal with that#plus my brother iust talking to him os annoying sometimes like he talks about things so condescendingly and fucking hel dude shut#the fuck up i dont need you telling me that my art is something people can 'just do' and the fact that i was able to get the ipad#'basically for free since i got that money from the little drawings i make' as if they dont fucking mean anything to you like#shut the fucking fuck up dude i worked hard on those and even though i dont like my own shit sometimes i still fucking work hard on those#fuck you you bitch#i think a lot of things are just piling up and i need to sleep#tomorrow will be a new dawn and a fresh start and maybe ill hate myself less#ps. note to anyone reading the tags#im fine i just needed to yell out and express my frustration a bit. some sleep will help surely.
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
had a slightly concerning conversation with my little brother yesterday ... I worry for that kid, but man, I don't know how to help him
#[static]#started with finding out he wants to get a 'chr*stian sleeve' tattoo ... from a kid who used to actively dislike religion#and then ended with him talking about how the only way he has worth as a man is to support a family ... oh Dear#and he was vehemently denying he struggles with mental health. like bro ... you're going down a bad path#he's ... never had the strongest character judgement skills and is easily swayed by people around him and a lot of the people around-#-him in school are from rich cons*rvative families#im worried about him putting all his worth into his ability to make money ... that's not the way to go especially rn#and considering how violent and hateful american christianity is makes me kinda sick to my stomach to think he might be getting advice from#- people who would want people like me dead lmao#all i can do is try and be apart of his life and hope he picks humanity over hate ya know#i also wonder if his new girlfriend is apart of this change. whenever he gets a new partner his personality totally shifts
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
doing really bad in ways i can’t talk about which is making it worse
#just cancelled a meeting so i could cry in the office LMAOOOOOOO 🥰👍#purrs#the mortifying ordeal of my therapist being on her honeymoon rn 😹😹😹😹😹#i think i am just a bad person and my needs hurt people who need me. and it’s not fair to them and idont know what to do with that.#i think i may have to move out sooner than i am ready to and not listen to anyone telling me to keep waiting. this is not sustainable. it’s#not sustainable for my family because i hurt them with my needs. and it’s not sustainable for me to be unable to need and get what i need#without hurting them. i think what’s so hard about this is that i have to do it alone and everyone is against me doing it but i have to do#it anyway. i don’t know. i don’t want my sister to see this and get hurt. if you do see this im sorry i can’t be what you need. im sorry my#needs hurt you. but they’re needs. i have to be selfish even though my brain is screaming at me in your voice that i don’t. i just need to#escape it all. i am allowed to need independence and alone time and im sorry i was cruel about asserting it but i need to assert it and no#one at home understands why but I need to. im not talking coherently i just feel so wretched and sick to my stomach with guilt and grief and#frustration and shame and i have to facilitate a huge session in an hour and a half.#delete later#like my friends / mutuals / mentors / etc can tell me until they’re blue in the face that i am not a bad person and i deserve to live an#independent Life etc etc but none of you are actually in my house and you don’t see how it is and how i am the cause of all of it and how im#stuck and making things worse. and i can’t summon my strength or calm down or anything. i don’t know. i have to get ready for the session i#just can’t even think straight. my family is right and i am also right and i can’t assert my rightness over theirs. so im stuck forever.#if i could i would leave work early and go home but there’s no one to take me home and home is actually the worst possible place to be#right now LOLLLLL. i just need to curl into a bed and cry. also im about to get my period so thats probably why im like this lol
10 notes
·
View notes
Note
Unfortunately relatable. I grew up in the church and have a lot of Christian trauma from that. I show up for special occasions for my parents… sometimes. But it’s uncomfortable from the moment I step through the door. Bigoted pastor, the self-righteousness disguising the prejudice, the political comments from the altar. Shots at young people left right and center as if the hell on earth wasn’t caused by the same older generation 90% of the congregation belongs to..
I miss being young in the choir and the youth groups and not struggling with it. It’s wild to look back at the younger version of me who was unshakeable in his faith and honestly just saddening.
I was texting my sister today about it and she said
“I 100% think ALL of us have a ton of religious trauma and everyone else in the family just doesn’t realize it cause they’re still drinking the kool-aid.”
I ran out of tag room and didn’t want to delete any 😭 seriously not lying I could write a book about all my thoughts and experiences
#I relate to all of this so much#and it’s so sad how many people truly have religious trauma#I still find myself lucky and privileged cause I know there are stories MUCH worse than mine#it’s really hard cause my parents still think I’m a Christian#honestly at this point I have no clue what i am#even if I end up still being a Christian that doesn’t help or heal all of the years of church trauma#but the hard part is still acting the part for my parents#growing up I always tried to fit into the good Christian girl mold#cause I know that’s what my parents wanted and I didn’t want to disappoint them#but once I started smoking weed and they found out? it went all downhill from there#their perfect angel fell from heaven#and I feel like ever since I haven’t been really their daughter…. I’ve just been living on the outside looking in to everything#it hurts looking back at all the years I spent brainwashed into believing that was the ONLY faith#it genuinely makes me sick to my stomach thinking about the fact that I went to a pro life rally#the thing I was talking to my sister about was how mental health was never talked about in the church#when I started dealing with it and went to my parents or the pastors or any adult really and told them what I was dealing with#wanna know what the first thing they would ALWAYS say? well have you prayed about it? the way they treated mental illness was that it was#YOUR fault cause God is punishing you for something…. that you need to pray or go to church so then God will eventually take it away#and the thing is I don’t necessarily blame my parents (which kinda sucks cause I want to blame someone)#but honestly it’s just the environment they grew up in too… like I’m 99% sure my dad has dealt with depression his entire life#but won’t get diagnosed or anything cause they always believe faith has something to do with it#which makes me incredibly sad cause I just think about how much my dad has suffered and how he didn’t need to#^^ I was typing this out when I was late to my family gathering hahaha but then I think my sister called or something so I had to stop#sorry this post is all over the place - I swear I could write a book about religious trauma#yesterday went ok surprisingly but today? TODAY is going to be so much worse#sure I’ll make a post about it later but I guessssss I should go to bed now? it’s 2am and I have to get up at 5:45 🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃#and I have a fuuuuull day of fun Christian festivities while I’m dealing with all of this bottled up and unresolved crap from my past#please don’t get me wrong I love my parents and like I said I don’t blame them - they did their best#it just really sucks wondering what my life would have been like if I didn’t grow up in the church or in a super religious family#I wonder if when I told my parents I was depressed if they would have instantly brought me in to get help
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
I miss the incest cannibalism game u guys I miss feeling alive I’m bored
#now all I have is this weird alien show with Alan tudyck#& I guess tomorrow I have atla LA but I’m actively dreading that with a sick pit in my stomach of anxiety#it’s fine I’m normal about the media I consume & don’t have an emotional dependency on needing media to obsess over#. well I guess it’s time for more alien show. it’s fine.#(I do like the alien show but only the way normal people like shows which isn’t enough to satisfy the need in me —#—- to obsess in concerning levels over a piece of media at all times))#rose.txt
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#yall. what is actually wrong with this fucking trend of tory politicians introducing shitty policies#that if they existed during the time of their parents they wouldnt have even been able to come to this country?#just saw that james cleverlys mum was a fucking midwife that brought her family here. and the guy announced that theyre going to ban#over seas care workers from bringing family here#i feel physically sick to my stomach with fury what is genuinely wrong with these fucking people#le text post
5 notes
·
View notes
Last Seen Blogs
