Normal people ask their crushes out on a date, Rouge the Bat once wrote Knuckles a letter pretending to be Eggman so she could trick him into going to an amusement park at the same time as her

1. mana -a gothic manwha. zion is a girl who forms a contract with a ghost and starts a business as a shaman. we follow her through different paranormal situations, learning a little bit about korean culture and superstition. the art is really good, the characters are very likeable and the little hunting adventures are ok, but... it feels very amateurish, the direction it wants to take isn't clear and the end is way too rushed. still, is a good fast reading and the fashion is serving and slaying absolute penis. 6/10

2. alichino -a gothic fantasy manga. alichinos are supernatural beings that feeds on human souls in order to become strong in exchange for a wish. tsugiri hates them, he's a "bond" (the purest soul above all) so he's been chased by humans and alichinos alike throughout all his life. the prettiest art I've ever seen like literally there's not a single bad panel or a sloppy silly drawing... the story is intriguing and it has lots of potential in exploring concepts or good and evil, loneliness and isolation BUT i only has three volumes and it's been discontinued so fuck our silly baka lives i guess. 9/10

3. fairy cube -gothic fantasy manga. this one is about the world of humans and the world of fairies and monsters and ravens and etc etc everything u mind can imagine. ian is a kid that can see fairies but no one ever believes him, he also can see another him, an ian with blue eyes and green hair that is focused on making his life miserable. it has 18 chapters, the lore is not complicated and it has various twist and turns that keep u entertained, so it is a very easy read... nothing too much. 6/10

4. vampire girl - well, this is a gorhic-ish manga abt vampires what do u expected. wana has fallen in love with this mysterious guy she often sees in the streets and after some time ahe musters up the courage to talk to him the next time she sees him. trigger warnings for blood, death and sexual assault. i liked this one a lot, the pacing and writing is really good, it doesn't feel heavy or boring and it flows nicely. as expected from this author, the art is also really pretty. i dont wanna spoil too much so this review is kinda vague, but this is because i really want u to read it and then come and complain to me abt the absolute mindfuck that is the ending. 9/10

5. R.i.p -a gothic-ish lolita manga. transylvanian rose (lmfao) is an angel bored of being in heaven so she travels down below where she encounters a boy commiting suicide. she finds him extremely cute so she rips off one of her wings and gives it to him in order to save him from eternal damnation. this one is short, funny, sweet and very fashionable. recommended for times when you're bored out of your mind and don't know what to do. also, god is a hot vkei man. 7/10

6. dokuhime -a gothic-ish lolita fantasy manga. poison princesses are made by taking a baby and feeding her poison little by little so they grew used to it. these girls are the kingdom's greatest weapons, a kiss, a tear, or even living in close proximity with them, will slowly kill you. this one was really intriguing, the plot is interesting and it builds anticipation and suspence nicely, the art, once again, is splendid like these bitches are serving looks after looks. HOWEVER.... this manga's fatal flaw is the depiction of this one tribal desert based kingdom. it is pretty bad and distasteful. 6/10

7. akusaga -kind of gothic-ish mystery manga. zen is the most wanted criminal of the country; he's cruel, has superhuman abilities and doesn't hesitate to kill and destroy everything that's gets in his way. this rebellious quality of his seems to attract all kinds of people, so he gets stuck with some companions along the way. ok... zen is saurrr pretty, that's why all bitches want him. this manga is very short, only 8 chapters, but thats enough to to flesh out his, and only his, story and character so you're left wishing the author had developed some other points, etc, etc. this one talk about war and class so u can expect some fucked up things that needed more exploring and questioning. 6/10

8. innocent -a gothic historical manga. this is the story of two siblings of the sanson family, a family of executioners, years prior to the french revolution. this manga is on the lengthier side with around 90 chapters, but it is still an easy read as the story has a pretty good flow. the art here is soooo pretty and the characters so intriguing !!! the story is a serious one so it hooks you up pretty easily but it still has its what the hell moments that helps break the tension here and there. it isn't a read for the faint of heart though as it is pretty guresome... but what we expected this is a story abt a man who killed around 3000 convicts. there's some moments where the author handles class, gender and race issues rather poorly though. this manga has a sequel but tbh it's not worth it so i recommend just reading this one. 8/10

ok tng update time. this one is four episodes because i let it get away from me. i at some point watched "manhunt," then we caught "the emissary" and "peak condition" together, and finally i sped my way through "shades of gray" earlier today

manhunt: not even majel barrett could save this one. not only did deanna not take a stand against her mother like she did in the last lwaxana troi ep, she went back to acting as though she never had at all. so much for my favorite deanna moment ever. i'm sorry women

riker carrying the suitcase WAS funny. i love how down he is to do literally anything. he is rapidly becoming one of my favorites he's finally coming into his own

husband hunting bc of menopause bad. holodeck WORSE. combine them and i am in agony

the jokes about how ugly those stasis aliens were were also kind of unfunny. the twist about them being assassins and lwaxana knowing all along because she's psychic WOULD have been funny if 1. they hadn't established her telepathy was off and 2. she hadn't been so annoying this episode

i hate when she scolds people for "having naughty thoughts" when it was established last episode that she's making that shit up or at the very least sharply exaggerating it to embarrass them and then it WORKS TO EMBARRASS THEM. shouldn't everyone in the room by now know that she's just inflating her own ego...

anyway it was unwatchably bad.

the emissary: this one was ALMOST good. they got really close. i really liked the half-klingon woman when she was hanging out with deanna...they had genuine chemistry and they should have kissed about it. unfortunately all her scenes with worf were INSUFFERABLE

like, this woman DESPISES klingons. she doesn't say one thing about them that isn't completely derogatory the entire episode. she hates her own klingon half, she hates other klingons, why on EARTH was she 1. put in charge of this mission 2. made to work with WORF even after he asked picard to pick someone else?

like, worf literally spent the entire episode trying to do his job, and she kept bringing up their past drama so she could provoke him into fucking her

and then when he tries to """do the right thing""" by marrying her (WHICH MAKES NO SENSE WHEN COMPARED WITH PREVIOUS LORE...BUT WHATEVER...) she's like haha no silly that's what those silly backward awful KLINGONS do, but EYE am a way more evolved human

and then we don't examine that at all ever.

like, she could have been a fascinating character when foiled with worf - both of them are klingons who operate in a world of humans and feel isolated and othered as a result, but she HATES her klingon half and worf wants to connect more closely with his own klingon heritage. they could have been good for each other but instead she was super annoying and then just left.

i DID like the scene at the end though where worf got dressed in full klingon captain regalia and bluffed his way into captaincy of a klingon warship. GOOD for him. that was fun and sexy of him and for once i didn't mind them using the woman as eye candy.

THAT SAID IF SHE HATES KLINGONS SO MUCH WHY IS SHE THE ONE ABOARD THAT SHIP. IT MAKES NO SENSE. anyway it missed the fucking mark. i loved the poker game though

peak condition: i loved this one. it was so funny and full of shenanigans and hijinks. this is actually the most i have ever liked wesley, who used his dumb annoying kid persona as a cover to CHEAT a metaphorical kobayashi maru. i genuinely unironically thought it was great. eveyrbody was rolling their eyes at him bc he had to go back for his experiment and then meanwhile he's loading antimatter onto the hathaway with a PERFECT fucking poker face behind their backs

i loved the little npc this episode, he was such a ham. he truly was doing the most he was so funny

best plot twist ever is when worf fakes the first enemy ship and then the second enemy ship is the real one. the comedic timing of that was HILARIOUS and riker finding a way to make it work even when that strategy guy said it was impossible bc he had too much charisma was great

my one sour note was pulaski setting data up to do that video game match. she realized her mistake and apologized but i still wanted to kill her. i would have hated it less had data volunteered on his own, because i DID like his little arc about learning sometimes he will make mistakes even if his solution to beating the guy in the end felt like a little bit of a copout. anyway, stellar episode despite that little hiccup, i wish tng was that fun all the time

shades of gray: actually much less horrific than i expected given its clip show nature. some of the clips were ones i liked and the ones i fucking hated i felt no shame in speeding up or even skipping through entirely (i can't believe they wanted us to watch tasha yar die again LMAOOO and that fake girl on the holodeck like come ON).

that said, the part before the clipshow was very VERY charming. riker living it up while everyone else is having kittens about his impending doom, his determination to keep both his dignity and sense of humor while facing death...unironically some of the best riker content hiding in that episode. i feel like i got to watch 12 minutes of cool riker stuff and then a few cool clips.

i guess that was pulaski's last appearance? rip girl, you tried and again women i am so sorry.

anyway, that's it for season 2. we literally fucking made it. tomorrow night we're starting season 3 and doing every episode together until we hit three duds in a row lol.

NOT EXACTLY SUBTLE | MILO & ROSALYN

PLACE: A club TIMING: 1:49 AM SUMMARY: Milo needs a lighter, and Rosalyn is happy to supply one. It doesn’t take her long to start wondering what she might be able to take from him in return. WRITING PARTNER: @truecolorcollector CONTENT WARNINGS: Addiction, alcoholism, inebriation, very brief mention of homophobia

Milo had come to the begrudging conclusion that no matter how much alcohol he drank, no matter how many substances he forced into his system, going to clubs as a vampire was always going to be different. When he was human, the only cravings he fell victim to were so easily remedied. Most club goers were holding, and seeking out dealers was as simple as catching the eye of the right person. Now, he had a craving that was putting other people at risk, and it was something he still wasn’t used to. He had always been the only person to suffer the consequences of his reckless decisions. He figured Dani, and his parents might disagree with that observation, but there was a vast difference between not returning to his family home when he was supposed to, and tearing out somebody’s throat with his teeth. It was difficult to relax, difficult to melt back into the mindset of not caring, though he was doing his absolute best. 

His level of intoxication was reaching a dangerous peak. He was stumbling when he walked, becoming far too preoccupied with the heady scent of human blood. It seemed to hang in the air like a mist when there were so many people so close together. Their faces were flushed, their bodies were hot, their blood was tantalisingly close to the surface. But he pressed on, determined to ignore his thirst. He just needed some air, he decided. An ironic conclusion to draw considering he no longer breathed it. But after pulling out his packet of cigarettes, he realised his lighter was nowhere to be found. It wasn’t the first lighter he had ever lost, and it definitely wasn’t going to be the last, so he didn’t allow himself to become frustrated by its absence. Instead he downed what was left of his drink, abandoning his empty glass so that he could approach the nearest person to him. “Hey,” he called, hoping to gain the woman’s attention. She didn’t look like a smoker but Orion was right, people often had a way of surprising you. “If you’ve got a lighter, I’ve got a cigarette.” He tried, flipping open the lid of the carton, offering it to her with a smile.

Crowds, like the one in front of her now, were always a mixed bag for Rosalyn. She liked talking to people, getting to know them when they seemed interesting enough to expend the energy on. But while there was plenty to choose from in a club like this it was easy to lose someone in it as well. Even for someone like Rosalyn. The double edge sword was that despite the amount to pick from, auras had a habit of easily losing meaning if there were too many crammed shoulder to shoulder, becoming a kaleidoscope mess of colors. It made it hard to single out one from the rest. But as Rosalyn walked into the club the swirl of different auras proved to be helpful. Sometimes the lack of something was more interesting than its presence. 

She spotted the man a moment before he spotted her and approached. Young guy, a bit on edge. But what really stood out was the nothingness surrounding him as he got closer. Just a void of cold air, not a single streak of color surrounding him. Now that wasn’t something you saw every day. “You know smoking’s bad for you,” Rosalyn said as she pulled a lighter from her purse and took his offer of a cigarette with a smile. Smoking wasn’t a frequent pastime of hers, but it made it easy to get close to others in moments like this.  

As she lit his cigarette and hers she looked him over. Definitely on edge, but she didn’t have much of a cheat sheet with no aura to see. Well, besides the fact that a lack of aura was telling by itself. “You from around here? I just got here myself and I’m still getting a feel for it. How would you recommend this place?” She asked, nodding back towards the throng of people dancing and drinking. 

Milo laughed, unable to help himself. Even when his lungs were fully functional, cigarettes had been the very least of his worries. “Everything I do is bad for me.” He countered, grinning despite the truth behind his words. Leaning forward so that the woman would be able to light his cigarette for him, he was careful not to breathe in through his nose. It was a habit he had struggled to form, but one that was steadily becoming a part of his routine. There were small tricks, certain patterns he could utilise to avoid the scent of blood when it was at its strongest. Withdrawing again the moment he was able to, he exhaled a breath of smoke. “You know smoking’s bad for you too, right? You’re not exempt.” He pointed out, nodding at the cigarette in her own hand before leaning back against the wall behind him, turning his gaze back to the chaos of the club.  

“Born and raised.” He admitted with a shrug, not for the first time wondering what might have become of him if he had made an effort to escape White Crest. He would still be alive, that much felt pretty obvious. “You are?” He asked, shooting her a curious look. “Most people are scrambling to get away from this place. White Crest has a way of digging its claws into you… just never letting you go.” Well, in his case ‘sinking its fangs into you’ would be more appropriate, but the sentiment remained the same. Another laugh escaping him, he shook his head, taking another long drag of smoke. “You’re definitely asking the wrong person, I’d recommend anywhere with a steady stream of alcohol.”

Rosalyn smiled at the man’s response. “We’re allowed a few bad things every once in a while. Or more than once in a while.” As he moved away she caught something a bit tense about his movement, and Rosalyn let her eyes linger on him as he turned back toward the club. There were only so many things a lack of aura could mean, and none of them were easy to glean with nothing else to go off of. But it was all something she could hopefully puzzle out, assuming the man was willing to keep chatting with her for a while. He seemed friendly enough. At least willing to answer her question rather than just take the light and leave. So that was a good start.  

“That’s funny,” Rosalyn said with a chuckle. “I was talking to a friend the other day who was wondering the same thing. Why White Crest? Holds a bit more weight coming from a local though.” She took a drag, gathering her thoughts. “I guess I just needed a change of pace and White Crest seemed interesting. I don’t mind a place trying to get its claws into me, I’m pretty good at getting out of them. My livelihood doesn’t need me to be in any one place. So some weird small town is no different than the city to me. Other than I’m not sick of this place yet.” 

Rosalyn shrugged and laughed. “But that’s me rambling. If you’re planning to ditch White Crest I’d suggest Portland. We can trade towns. I’m Rosalyn by the way.” 

It was something Milo told himself often, even now despite knowing his bad decisions were a part of what had gotten him killed. Humming quietly in response, he couldn’t bring himself to agree with his usual enthusiasm. “I guess so.” He offered the woman a smile, not wanting her to think he was lost in thought. He was too easily distracted sometimes, it wasn’t always fair on the people he was talking to. Raising his eyebrows when she told him the fact that he was originally from White Crest was funny, he wasn’t surprised to hear other people felt the same way as he did. As far as he was concerned, you would have to be crazy to think otherwise. “It’s definitely interesting.” He agreed, a laugh escaping him. A hint of bitterness managed to creep into his tone but he hurried to brush it away.  

“You say that now, come and find me in ten years when you’re still here.” He teased, absentmindedly tapping ash. It landed on the floor but the establishment was hardly five stars, he had no doubt it would go unnoticed. “What do you do then?” He asked, wondering whether she had been instructed to move into town by some boss, or had chosen to of her own volition. Sighing quietly as he took in the crowd, the people of White Crest, the strange heart of his childhood home, there was no denying the fact that he was stuck here. As stuck as anybody else. Even if he wanted to leave, he was too afraid of what he was. There were too many unknowns. At least here, he had a chance to find the person responsible for killing him. At least here he had the help of Harsh, Orion, Macleod, and James. “I don’t think I’m going anywhere.” He admitted, committing her name to his memory. “This town fucking swallowed me whole. I’m Milo… thanks for the light.” 

“Well I like to plan ahead, but I can’t say I plan that far in advance. So I’ll see where ten years leads me,” Rosalyn said with a hum. Was this really such a dead end town? Middle of nowhere, yes, but that isolating? This guy certainly seemed like he had some sort of chip on his shoulder about it, whatever the situation was. And those were always worth poking at. 

“I’m a small business owner,” She put on a slightly embarrassed laugh. “It sounds silly to some but I run an Etsy shop. I make knickknacks and the like. It makes more money than you might expect.” And you can help with that, whatever you are. 

“No problem, Milo.” Rosalyn paused and took another drag of her cigarette, half forgotten as she thought through how to proceed. She cocked her head to the side slightly, real curiosity mixing with faked concern.  

“I know I’m just the stranger that offered her your lighter so feel free to tell me to shut up if I’m prying, but what’s so bad about this town? Is it lack of opportunities or crime or something. I’m not asking because I don’t believe you, just wondering if I should rethink my plans. You make this place sound almost monstrous.”  

Milo laughed quietly. It was fair enough, he couldn’t remember ever being the type of person to plan ahead. The idea of contemplating where he might be in ten years was too overwhelming to dwell on. He had a feeling the people who genuinely planned that far in advance, weren’t the people he wanted to know. “That doesn’t sound silly to me,” he insisted. “I work in a comic book store- or worked?” He really needed to see about getting his job back. “I don’t know, it’s been a while since I showed up for a shift. They might never want to see me again at this point. I couldn’t exactly blame them, you know?” He brushed off his comment, trying not to think about whether that might actually be true. 

Watching as the woman seemed to change her tone, taking another long drag on his cigarette, the concern in her expression was more than obvious. He should probably stop with the whole bitterness thing, it invited too many questions. The only issue being he just didn’t know how. He was good at pretending to be sober, more than skilled when it came to denying his substance abuse, but hiding his emotion was different. He never could seem to hold himself back. Monstrous. He exhaled a huff of breath, smoke curling in the air around him. The wording was almost laughable. “Oh, it is.” He admitted, ignoring her comment on telling her to stop. He didn’t feel as though she was prying, and he had always been decidedly open. “Some people see it, and some don’t. I dunno know about crime, stuff is just… things can get really fucking weird.” He faltered for a moment, thrown back into the memory of waking up in an abandoned building, scared, and alone. “I’m not here to tell you what to do,” he added, offering a casual shrug. “Just being honest. It is what it is…” 

“You’d be surprised what people judge others for, even when it doesn’t affect them in the slightest.” Rosalyn took another drag before snuffing out the mostly done cigarette underfoot. “And you never know, they might be eager to have you back. I always think it's worth taking a shot rather than just wondering.” How helpful that suggestion was for some job at a comic shop she couldn’t say, but the advice was genuine. She wouldn’t be anywhere with her job without going out on a limb, knowing full well people could easily say no. She’d probably still be in the dark about her powers if she never took the risk of getting close to others.  

Rosalyn watched the smoke curl around Milo’s face, almost like its own aura. “I never would have guessed, from all the talk about ‘sinking claws’ and being ‘swallowed whole.” Her tone turned teasing, but she tried to keep the concern on her face. “But I’m pretty used to weird, believe it or not. Cites have their own weirdness but ...well, I imagine White Crest might be a bit different.” She studied his face. Was it worth it to keep pushing? She had no clue if him seeming on edge meant he was skittish or not. And calling out someone, something, point blank could get dangerous, even if they were in a crowd. Rosalyn had plenty of close calls with those she got close to for their auras. But Milo, for as little as that was worth, didn’t seem dangerous on the surface. Or no more dangerous than any other unknown supernatural. 

“No need to worry, I didn’t think you were trying to scare me off. Getting an honest opinion from someone from here is worth more than tourist websites or whatever someone from out of town might think.” She looked past the crowd, toward the nearly packed bar. “I’m not going to start drowning my sorrows over my move just because someone has a bad view of the town. Though I could use a drink. How about one on me for the helpful advice?” 

“Hm, I’m gay. I get it.” Milo countered, a grim smile tugging at his lips. He was lucky enough to be generally accepted by the people he met, no doubt because he didn’t shout about it he managed to fly under the radar of anyone who may be bothered by the fact. But he understood the world, he saw how many people actively searched for reasons to be malicious. “So you get judged for your Etsy store, huh?” He wasn’t exactly surprised. Owning a successful Etsy store implied a certain degree of skill and creativity, two things that often made others jealous. It still felt incredibly petty to him, though. Burning his cigarette down to the filter, he followed Rosalyn’s lead and dropped it to the floor, making sure the cherry was dead as he nodded in response to her suggestion. “My boss is used to me being unreliable, I’m sure he’ll take me back.” He admitted. This was the longest amount of time he had ever been absent for, but he was hopeful. He couldn’t see any reason why he might be turned away. 

Laughing easily at the sarcasm, his smile became far more genuine as he looked back up at his company. “Not exactly subtle, huh?” Maybe the alcohol was making him a little too open. He had never been careful before, but it was a habit he was being forced to form. Falling silent for a brief moment, he wondered whether White Crest really was different, or if the entire world was the same way. Maybe there were vampires around every corner, ghosts haunting people and places no matter how far you travelled. Realising, in his distraction, he had forgotten to focus on his breathing, he took a deep, and purposeful breath. Harsh’s voice seemed to echo inside his head, scolding him for being so careless. Raising his eyebrows, his eyes shining, he couldn’t hide how amused he was by her comment. He forcibly suppressed any concerns he might have, determined to enjoy the evening. “I will definitely take a drink, and also the fact that you thought I was helpful in writing.” He teased. “Otherwise nobody will believe me.”  

Rosalyn let out a sudden laugh at Milo’s response. “Touche. So am I, but clearly assumptions people make about my Etsy shop is the real injustice in the world.” She rolled her eyes at her own statement and grinned. “I just meant people hear Etsy shop and look at me and think I’m just some bored suburban housewife who decided to pick up knitting and sell it online. Doesn’t bother me too much, but I’ve had a few people not take me seriously because of it. Certainly my dad would’ve wanted something a bit more stable for me I imagine.” 

As she spoke he felt herself easing into the conversation more. There was a rhythm to talking to new people, a flow to finding out what to fake and what to be genuine about. But what stayed consistent was the need to be observant.  

“I’m good at picking up on things, but yes, not very subtle.” As Milo’s laugher faded and his eyes seemed to go somewhere else for a moment he seemed tense again. For a moment Rosalyn worried she’d made a misstep. But no, it wasn’t tension she was picking up on... A beat passed, then another. It wasn’t that he was holding his breath, he just wasn’t breathing. As soon as Rosalyn caught on he took a gasp, but it was easy to pick out after that. The rhythm of the ins and outs were controlled, like those moments where you focus too much on your breathing and the reflex of it fades, leaving you to take over. At least for humans. So you are undead... 

“I’ll make sure to write it on the receipt as a souvenir.” Making her way through the crowd towards the bar gave Rosalyn a moment to think. Undead narrowed it down a bit. She only knew of two types of intelligent undead, zombies and vampires, and she’d dealt with neither of them one on one like this.  A sense of excitement bubbled up in her. There might not be an aura to pick apart, but there was a lot more to learn from this encounter. A lot more to possibly gain as well. 

“What do you want? Just don’t buy the most expensive thing, I’m not that successful.” As she ordered her own drink she looked into her glass and the murky reflection of it. A smile crossed her face as she remembered something a hunter had once mentioned in passing. Now there's an idea. “So, anything I should keep an eye out for in town in particular, White Crest guide? Besides this town in theory trapping me for ten plus years?” As she spoke she reached into her purse for a compact mirror. Half hiding it under the bar she checked her face and then, tilting it, checked Milo’s. Or tried to at least. All she saw was the reflection of neon and strangers dancing.  

Well then... 

“True discrimination, right there.” Milo agreed, feigning sincerity before laughing at the joke. “And you’re not?” He asked. “Some bored suburban housewife, I mean?” He couldn’t stop himself from teasing his company. She seemed friendly enough, and it was quickly becoming clear she was more than able to take a joke. Besides, any semblance of the filter he usually struggled to keep in place had been steadily dissolved by the alcohol. That much was obvious to him, though he couldn’t quite bring himself to care. “So, what do you make, if you don’t knit?” He couldn’t imagine ever judging anybody based on their business, it seemed so unnecessary, especially if it was successful. But they had already come to the same conclusion, the world could be a really shitty place. “Maybe they just don’t like the fact that you’re making money from it.” He pointed out. “Kind of proves everyone who ever told you to ‘get a real job’ wrong. And people really don’t like being wrong.” Grinning easily when she agreed he wasn’t being subtle, he shrugged, leaning heavily against the bar as they reached it. “English Lit major,” he explained, having the decency to look a little sheepish. “Wordplay is my kink.”  

Laughing again when Rosalyn agreed to write a note on her receipt, he almost hoped she would. It would be an amusing memory to look back on, if nothing else. He didn’t have very much to his name anymore, most of his belongings had been left, abandoned in his childhood home. He was officially starting over, he only wished that could have been through choice. “Hm,” he hummed, eyeing the menu board despite knowing what he was going to order. “G&T?” He asked, wanting to give her the option to say no although he was fairly certain she wouldn’t. “Oh, no. Trust me, you do not want me as a tour guide.” He shook his head, his amusement obvious. “I’d only be taking you to every gutter I’ve woken up in. Of which there are many. It would hardly be educational.” 

“Well maybe I’ll just take that offer of a drink back,” Rosalyn retorted with a smile, clearly not meaning it. “I make a mishmash of things. Knickknacks and accessories I guess you could call them. I collect what I find interesting and turn it into something new, or something useful, or both.” She chuckled, eager to turn the teasing back at Milo. “English major! Now there is someone who can feel my pain. I promise not to tell you my idea for a novel.” 

When he gave her the order she quickly called over the bartender to place it, tucking the compact mirror back into her bag. Vampire. At least she couldn’t recall anything else off the top of her head that lacked both an aura and reflection. She didn’t need some lecture from a slayer to know this was dangerous, that for all the banter and consideration of words on her side, Milo could easily be calculating this as well, leading her into a trap. If he was, he was doing a very good job at it. She would have to stay on her guard. 

“Not a single interesting thing? Not even an anecdote about your favorite gutter?” Even as she spoke she felt her mind wandering to every bit of info she could recall about vampires, and the inevitable call to her old spellcaster contacts she would have to make. Assuming this continued to go well, the newest items in her store might be undead.  

“It’s too late,” Milo insisted. “You already offered, no take backs.” Smiling as Rosalyn began to elaborate on her Etsy store, it was nice seeing somebody so genuinely passionate about their creations. That didn’t stop him from jumping on her though, how could he not when the conversation seemed to be flowing so easily? “Careful, or you’ll start sounding pretentious.” He grinned, his eyes shining. “How long until you start telling me you’re turning trash into something beautiful, and your work is making the world a brighter place?” Laughing when she mentioned pitching him an idea for a novel, it wasn’t the first time he had heard that, although so far nobody seemed to think him capable of actually writing one. If he was being entirely honest, he barely believed in his own ability. Surely writing a book required an actual attention span? And a tad more sobriety than he had just now. “Is it about a likable, small-time business owner, moving to a deadbeat town in the middle of nowhere?”

Picking up the Gin and Tonic the moment the bartender placed it down in front of him, he didn’t hesitate before taking a long drink from the glass. It was frustrating, the amount of alcohol he needed to reach the same level of drunk he had been able to achieve as a human. He had yet to measure the difference in units, he wasn’t entirely sure he cared enough to pay that much attention to his plight. But if he could charm strangers into covering the cost of his drinks, he wasn’t about to complain. Did it really matter if, eventually, the end result was the same? “I have plenty of gutter anecdotes.” He played along. “I can even take you to my favourite gutter. It’s a humble spot, unassuming, nice view…”  

“Pretentious is a bit much. ‘Full of myself’ feels more accurate.” Rosalyn took a sip of her drink and tried to focus on the moment in front of her, rather than too many steps ahead. “And yes, that is exactly what my book is about, how did you know? I’d tell you more but I shouldn’t. I don’t want you to go stealing my best seller idea. Unless you wanted to ghostwrite. For the experience of course. I wouldn’t pay you.”  

She went to take another drink but decided against it. Did she really want to dull her senses when spending time with a vampire? Anyways, Milo seemed like he was too focused on his own drink to realize Rosalyn was avoiding hers.  

I’d rather not end up dead in one, thank you. Instead of voicing that thought Rosalyn just chuckled at Milo’s gutter comment. “As nice as they seem, I’m not sure gutters are really my scene. Honestly, clubs aren’t really my scene either,” she admitted with a shrug. “But when you move to a new town it is easy to get antsy to meet new people. Or maybe that’s just me, I only have this one experience to go off of. But hey, this spur-of-the-moment trip went well. I could have easily run into any number of creeps or boring people. Instead, I run into some smartass, but at least he’s friendly.”  

“You know, I’m not exactly sure, it being an incredibly original idea, and all that.” Milo grinned as he continued to sip on his drink. “Honestly, it sounds like such a life changing project, I might just have to take you up on that offer. Fuck, money isn’t important when you can help write a story that’s actually going to change the world.” He laughed, realising just how much he was genuinely enjoying Rosalyn’s company. It meant a lot, somehow, to know he could still do some of the things he used to do. He could go to bars, he could meet new people, he only needed to proceed with a little more caution. He was definitely in the process of learning how, but he had hope. One day this would feel normal, one day he would feel normal.  

“Hm, see, then I can’t help you I’m afraid. That really is the extent of my knowledge.” Raising his eyebrows when his company insisted she didn’t enjoy going to clubs, it was entirely beyond his realm of understanding. He was so caught up in his own world, his own desperate need for inebriation, the idea of anybody being able to exist without that was alien, and unbelievable. “Ah, so you do enjoy clubs, this is just the first time you’ve recognised that fact!” He pointed out, offering her a smug smile although they both knew he was only teasing. “Clearly it’s because you’ve never been to a club with me.” His expression faltering briefly, he heard Dani’s voice echoing inside his head. Every time she had ever called him a smartass, or told him to shut up when he was being too sharp. God, he missed it. He missed it so much more than he was willing to admit. “Yeah,” he hastily brushed off the memories, finishing what was left of his drink. “S’not the first time someone’s called me a smartass, I guess I can’t deny it at this point.” He admitted, tapping his fingers against his glass. “Oh, am I being friendly?” He allowed himself to slip back into their playful banter. “I’d hate to ruin my reputation, maybe don’t tell anyone about this.”  

“I suppose that will have to be added to the memoir- I mean completely fictional novel about fictional people. It will be life-changing for people to know that, yes, the stuck up, small-time business owner was willing to go out on a limb and have a good time at a club.” Rosalyn watched something dark cross Milo’s expression, something she couldn’t quite read. She would have cursed not having an aura to give her clues, but honestly, the lack of it made the whole thing more interesting. Even more of a puzzle to be solved, a little like doing a Rubik’s cube blind. She knew he was a vampire now, but there was still so much that could be picked apart in time if she played this right. 

“I’ll take it to the grave, but there will be a paper trail.” As she said that Rosalyn took a pen from her purse and scribbled down on the receipt for their drinks: Let it be known that Milo is both helpful and friendly. After a moment, she also wrote down her number. “I should get going before I spend too much money on drinks and regret it in the morning. But in case you are ever in need of a lighter again, or just want to hang out.” Rosalyn grinned as she passed him the piece of paper.  

“Revolutionary.” Milo grinned, laughing at Rosalyn’s description of her novel. “Don’t forget the very handsome GBF she met on her first night out. Again, totally fictional. You know, I’m all for the cliche.” He felt sure if he had been more sober, he could have found a play on words in response to her mention of taking a secret to the grave. But his mind was swimming, the alcohol in his system finally pushing him over the edge. He had already taken the monster analogies too far. What did it matter if he let this opportunity slide? Briefly distracted by the mention of a paper trail, it didn’t take long for him to realise what his new friend was doing. He watched her as she took a pen and began to scrawl a note at the very bottom of her receipt. The moment he saw the message, he laughed, unable to help himself. “You forgot handsome.” He pouted, eyes shining as he caught her gaze. It wasn’t lost on him that she had added her phone number, that maybe she was hoping to stay in contact. It warmed his heart to think she would even want to. 

“I mean, if you don’t get going I’ll only convince you to pay for another round.” He teased, his way of thanking her for the round she had already paid for. “I’ll get the next one. Or maybe a coffee if you’re looking for a change of pace.” He couldn’t imagine how jarring it was to move to a new town without knowing anybody. The very least he could do was offer to meet her somewhere she felt comfortable, more at home. Taking the slip of paper from her, holding it up to read it again, he made a mental note to add her to his contacts. If he didn’t remember to text her the following night, hopefully the note would serve as a reminder. “I guess I’ll see you around.” He chose his words carefully as he slipped the receipt into his pocket, needing her to know he had every intention of doing so. Picking up his glass, downing what was left of the melted ice and dregs of alcohol, he shot her one last smile, before melting back into the crowd. She may not like clubs, but this was where he belonged. This was his version of home.

I have a giant list of reylo headcanons (Tros spoilers)

This really got out of hand: it turned into 6 pages. oh dear.

Hope some people like this because it was very helpful for me and dealing with my grief. 

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Ben does not like Tatooine. Like at all. He stays there with her because Rey seems to like it. He wants to leave but is a little afraid to bring it up.

Rey is comfortable on desert planets. She adapts very easily to Tatooine. She doesn’t know why she stays there is nothing truly keeping on the planet. She has a family, Ben is her family the past has been laid to rest, but she is afraid to leave the familiar. She likes the stars, maybe that's why she stays.

Leaving is a topic they avoid like the plague. There is a slight passive-aggressiveness about it because angst, but they get sad and get over it quickly.

Ben freezes most nights, he's big and generates a lot of heat. Rey legitimately does not understand it. He jokes about giving all of his warmth to her.

(more under the cut, they may turn into short story idea)

They like to cuddle a lot. Both of them are touch starved babies.

Ben is a city boy. 

Rey is not a city girl. 

Rey gets claustrophobic in large groups of people.

Ben tries to make jokes to make Rey feel comfortable. Rey thinks they’re stupid but laughs anyway. 

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Ben wants to start cooking again like he did when he was a kid.

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Rey likes watching him do things. She likes watching his hands work.

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Rey lets her hair grow and Ben braids it. This one was a shock to Rey. Ben tells stories about his mother getting ready for parties and how he helped put braids in her hair.

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Ben wants to explore his Alderaanian heritage. When he and Rey travel he looks for anything he can. 

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Both of them realize that even though they are a dyad and have known each other for quite some time and have seen each other's memories. They don't really know each other. They haven’t talked about their pasts, like the little things. They haven't talked about what they like and dislike. Things that don't seem to matter, but do when you think about it. So they sometimes stay up late and just talk.

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Both of them remember being dead. The nightmares aren’t fun. 

Ben cries a lot. There are a lot of unresolved issues in his head.

Ben suffers from chronic pain after his fall.

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Luke tried to visit once, but that didn’t go over well. Ben didn’t come back for a few hours and Rey wants to help but doesn’t know how. She knew the family drama goes deep, Ben has talked about it. She has just never seen it. With Leia, it's a little easier, but still very stiff and awkward. 

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Ben has some severe abandonment issues. They have one nasty fight about Exogol. Talking about that place takes time and Rey tells him about all the Jedi coming to help her. Ben is jealous and angry. He was tossed into a pit, had several broken bones and he climbed out of there with the only determination of getting back to Rey. When she said Anakin spoke to her jealousy turned to rage. He is upset that the Jedi had more faith in a Palpatine than the last Skywalker. Rey is heartbroken her, own struggle with her lineage is a sore subject. They don’t speak to each other for days until Leia helps them heal the rift. Ben is so incredibly sorry by the end of it. He opens up about how he only had a memory of his father to help him turn. Nothing real, just something in his head. He tells her that she is the hero of this story.

Rey says fuck the Jedi at this point. 

They really don’t fight after that.

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Ben, even with all of his Jedi teachings, has to relearn how to use the force. He asks Rey to be his teacher. He is so used to his anger and passion being his source of power, but after his nap in purgatory, something changed. (pretty much zuko needing a new source for his firebending lol)

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He loves Rey’s lightsaber. It's just so her. The yellow is perfect for her, bright and warm. He is very proud. 

Rey asks him if he would ever build a new lightsaber. He doesn’t know if he could. He eventually builds one and the blade comes out a dark purple. 

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They go on adventures and find information in old ruins. Rey gets interested in the old republic. Ben is a nerd so research a lot for her. They learn about two very curious characters named Bastila and Revan (Because I love them)

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Rey misses her friends a lot. Ben encourages her to go visit them. Rey asks if he will come and he gently says “No. They don't want to see me.” Rey doesn't want to leave him alone. He reminds her that he is always here. Rey goes and visits her friends and start coming up with a plan to introduce Ben.

The ship lands at the base the resistance is located Rey starts walking out Ben following but he stops. Rey concerned reads him tells him to wait on the ship. She leaves and comes back with Chewie. Ben is petrified as the Wookie approaches him. Ben is a big guy, but Chewie is taller. Ben looks up at him. Chewie still views him as the boy he carried around on his shoulders a long time ago. Two furry arms wrap around Ben and he feels like a child again and breaks down. Rey has tears in her eyes at the display and quietly departs to prepare her friends for what will likely be a very long day.

Rose reaches out first. Makes him work the first moment he gets there. Her reason is that he is tall and can reach things she can’t. It's a little awkward at first but once Ben learns that Rose bit Hux he falls in love. 

Rose’s heart warms when she hears Ben talk about Rey. She has heard stories about Kylo Ren and the boy in front of her aint him.

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{This section has stuff dealing with pregnancy, if that topic triggers you please skip this section}

.

.

.

Rey confesses that she wants a family. Ben knows that. She explains that she means children. Rey also goes on to explain her fears of being a mother. Ben understands her fears. He really never thought that he would ever be a father so the idea of having his own kids is terrifying and exciting. He won't make the same mistakes...he hopes. Ben asks her if they should start really trying, Rey says no and if it happens it happens.

Six months after their conversation Rey gets pregnant. They are overjoyed. 

They started thinking that they should settle somewhere permanently and stop moving around the galaxy so much. They often live in isolation.

The choice was made for them when Rey got sick about 2 months in. Ben made the executive decision to have her around her friends. The former resistance had better medical facilities than the sparsely populated planet they were living on.

Rey has a rough pregnancy and is in and out of the care of doctors.

Ben is a nervous wreck and this is truly when Finn and Poe lighten up on him. 

Even though Rey has gotten healthier, being able to eat properly over the time she has been with the resistance and Ben, the damage to her body from years of starvation and dehydration has already been done. She is thoroughly humbled and hit with the reality that she is human. 

Ben feels helpless and useless, but Rey tells him that he is exactly where he needs to be. With her making sure is happy comfortable and loved. 

The birth was just as hard as everything else. During the labor, it was not funny, but after the fact, Ben joked about how she caused a small earthquake.

They have twins named Jaina and Jacen. 

Ben cries as soon as holds his children. He is so proud of Rey. 

He is crying. Rey is crying. Everybody is crying.

The entire gang loves the babies.

.

.

.

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More Domestic/ Headcanons

Ben has a sweet tooth. Its something he has passed to Rey. When ever they are in a marketplace he picks up something for them to share.

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Ben sees Rey’s drawings and loves them. He wants to learn from her. He’s not very good at drawing but likes spending time with her and watching. Ben shows Rey calligraphy and she wants to learn from him too.

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Lounging in a bath has become a guilty pleasure for Rey. Freshers were a huge luxury for Rey when she left Jakku and baths in large tubs, taking up huge amounts of water will always make her feel a little guilty but it doesn't last long when Ben starts pampering her. 

Ben likes to wash her hair. It's a long and very loving process and Rey teases him and returns the favor and takes care of him.

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They eventually make their home on Naboo at Varykino after they have their babies. The estate was gifted to them by the Naberrie Family. Ben was uncomfortable and tried to not accept it. His cousins were adamant and said it was his inheritance from his grandmother and a gift to the last Jedi in honor of the Jedi that was happiest here. 

The estate was so big. The twins would love it. A home that would last forever.

Rey wants to share what she has learned of the force, the dark and the light. Ben agrees, there are lonely kids out there that need to know that their feelings aren’t bad and that they have a hand to hold when they need it. Rey wants her children to be surrounded by friends as they grow. They start their school knowing things will be different.

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They love to spar, its the only they have any real challenge. Ben is not as rigid as Kylo Ren. Rey notices that his moves are free and flow like a dance. Rey gives him a good challenge with her saberstaff. Ben admits its taking time getting used to not having the crossguard. Rey modified her staff to be detachable and likes to practice dual-wielding with her sabers. Their children and students love to watch them. They draw a crowd every time with a clash of purple and gold.

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When their school is fully operational and their children just getting into their teens Ben asks her if they should get married. Rey says that they technically are. They made a promise and sealed it with a kiss and they have kids so every box has been checked. Ben knows that but he says that maybe the should make it official with a ceremony with their friends and family with them. Rey says yes.

Jaina helps her mom pick her dress. The dress is not white, but layers and layers of sheer panels of gold and light green elegantly draped on her like the sculptures at Varykino. Ben wears a soft black tunic with matching pants and an elaborately embroidered blue cloak. (He lives to push the boundaries of fashion and it wouldn't be reylo without them looking like Hades and Persephone).

The ceremony was full of love, happiness, and hope. I like the idea of them dancing. Then Ben dancing with Jaina and Rey dancing with Jacen. It's cute and just a perfect happily ever after.

[Quick note I am not good with describing clothes so for visual reference for those that want it, look up the costumes for Magnificent Century for the aesthetic and the level extra that is Ben’s cloak and the whimsy that is Rey's dress.] 

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And that's all the post-tros headcanons that I can think of at the moment. It kind of turned into a bulleted list of a fix-it fic with my dream happy ending. I'm playing around with my reylo baby headcanons and what will happen to them because...drama. I also am thinking of writing Dark Rey and Jedi Ben solo Au headcanons as well as Dark reylo headcanons if school grants me the time 😌

session 33 - Introductions and Invitations

> 🎵   Sword Search on Koholint Island / LOZ: Link’s Awakening (2019) OST.

After having spent the whole of the morning walking around the group find themselves drawn to the smell of fish wafting around the city square and head over towards the nearby café to refuel themselves over lunch.

After being greeted by the upbeat waitress they seat themselves and begin pondering the menu. The feeling of the bright midday sun beating down on their heads while the cool seaside breeze blows through keeps them company amongst the townspeople in the city square.

Cimmorro: the image rn is finn cimm han plum rokka in the same table..... psalm also but at the edge??? Chip: dnd cafe marching order being determined rn Celebrity Guest Aki: WHY DOES THIS SOUND SO UNBALANCEDD Rokka: BC IT IS Psalm: achieving total mental blankness trying to imagine this Keva: 

Finn: im ordering nothing because i literally cant eat or drink Psalm: just ask for the bloodwine alone Finn: yeah ill just inconspicuously ask for fish blood in isolation Plum: they got that just for you actually the blood drink, god put that on there for you finn Psalm: yeah we called ahead

Noticing Keva struggling with the menu, Cimmorro moves to lend her a land subtly. Meanwhile Plum tells Finn they can order the dish that comes with fish blood and split it with him if he’d like.

Keva: she's not really looking at the menu much.... you probably just see her watching everyone else and checking the number on the menu for the thing they order Cimmorro: okay well he's going to look at you for a good second, contemplating if he should offer to help but realizes that might be a bad idea so he's just going to go get the waitress' attention and go like "what would be your best sellers here? and what you would recommend?" Cherry: she hums and thinks "i'd say the sea bed or the prawn's eyes usually sell pretty well! the salty dog ale is a local specialty as well, id recommend it if you aren't made queasy easy" she says with a laugh Keva: trying to picture wtf sea bed and salty dog could mean Cimmorro: (dwfl he wanted to order the sea bed) cimm nods at her and looks at the menu "10 sp for the sea bed... fish and bread sounds appealing today huh i'll have one," he says alla this w/ intention for keva to hear. and adds, "i think i'll just have a glass of water though, thanks" Keva: she looks at cimm for a moment, silently feeling grateful, and says "same as him" tilting her menu a bit towards cimm and hands the menu back

Plum: plum turns to finn and says "i could order this," and points to the caver's treat, "and you could have the cup of blood that comes with it, if you're hungry." Finn: hes already spacing out when plum suddenly speaks to him, whipping his head around a little startled. "oh" admittedly, finn wasn't hungry, or thirsty, but plums attentiveness does touch him a little. he nods. "that is very kind of you plum... if you truly do not mind, then ... id appreciate that." Plum: "sure, no problem" plum says to finn and takes a sip from their drink. they wave the waitress over to order one ＣＡＶＥＲ＇Ｓ ＴＲＥＡＴ 

The Group’s Orders ~ 🐟

Plum: Reaver’s Luck, Caver’s Treat Rokka: Berried Salmon, Reaver’s Luck Psalm: Berried Salmon Han: The Phoenix, Fishers Teeth (takeout - Caver’s Treat ) Keva: Sea Bed Cimmorro: Sea Bed

Taking the orders, the waitress gives a nod and scuttles off. After a small wait the dishes are brought out, the scent of fish overpowering the place. The group find their meals appetising and begin to dig in and chatter amongst themselves. Finn stealthily transfers the bloodwine into a cup of his own he can discretely drink from while Keva wraps and saves a slice of the bread for later consumption.

Finn: he clinks his glass with plum to thank them for the fish but before he takes a sip he blinks "oh... what are we to do with the fish plum?" Plum: they clink their mug with finn's and then gives him a confused look. after a moment they look like they're trying not to laugh a little. "what made you think i wasn't gonna...eat it?" plum asks before picking up a fork. Finn: "i simply thought it might be a bit much.. is all.." feeling a little stupid for having asked now. "and it is meant to be eaten with the blood after all.. " Plum: "oh, nah. it was two gold pieces so i'd better finish it, honestly," plum says and starts eating. "also i don't really want the blood," they stop and make a hand gesture as if to say that finn can just go ahead and enjoy the blood himself. Finn: he fails to control himself and finish listening to plum, chugging the glass in one go, feeling particularly satisfied and sated for now.  "ah, please... i will pay for it of course, you ordered this for my sake" he says quickly as if he didnt just drink that like a possessed man Han: finns eyes do the cat silly time thing Cimmorro: yess finn goo you fucking horse Han: vibrates in his chair cause he got the blood zoomies

Plum: "or we can just split it" plum says casually, not saying anything at the change in finn's demeanour for a moment there. it'd probably be rude to seem a bit surprised.

Rokka: “LOOKING GOOD” Cimmorro: "kinda pog as they say...." cimm gives his thanks to wee jasus christ and begins to eat in a decent pace... just focused on eating Rokka: halfway through chewing rokka talks with his mouth full, "watsh pogh" Cimmorro: cimm looks disgusted at you, once again, for talking with your mouth full. and just goes. "oh you know like- [does the pog face for a split second]" before going back to his food though he looks up at you again the next second and goes like "oh right. rokka, here." he slides 35gp across the table to you. "for the time at nickels." and he just goes back to eating Rokka: "ohhh so then if i wanted to say my food is "pog" i can just [makes the pog face]?" he looks down at the money "oh! you didn't have to pay me back....thanks though!" le pockets money Han: han goes (mgs ❗ noise) and starts fishing in her side pocket too "wait i owe you for bedroll and rope" and hands rokka X gold Rokka: he then turns to han "WHAT!!! NO, NO ITS OKAY!!" he tries to push it back to han Han: she doesn't even touch it again and goes back to food "i dont like being in debt" Rokka: he stares at the xgp before reluctantly taking it seeing as han refusing to take it back "alrigghtt. thanks hannn" Han:  😇 Psalm: he watches Rokka’s exchanges for a moment. "It just occurred to me that now would be a good time for that drink you owe me." Cimmorro: cimm looks at rokka and psalm and goes "i'm starting to learn that it's a bad idea to be in debt to you psalm" Psalm: "I think I'm pretty fair all things considered 😇 " Cimmorro: he just sighs and goes back to his food

Rokka: his head whips over to psalm like !!!!! "i-WHAT--oh! yeah....do you.......want to share my drink?" Psalm: "No I don't...?" Rokka: well, then.......what do you want?" Psalm: "One salty dog ale please (: ." Han: did chip plan for this joke. its too perfect? Psalm: WAIT YOU'RE SO RIGHT  Han: I LEGIT THOUGHT IT WAS A GAG U WERE DOING AND LOOKED AT THE MENU Chip: LIFE FINDS A WAY....

Ghester: you hear a chuckle in your head followed by a voice that says "well he's a good sportsman about it" Psalm: "It was his idea to play." Rokka: he looks around "HUH WHAT?!"  Ghester: "that makes a person more reluctant sometimes" he then laughs at rokka's reaction Psalm: he scoffs. Rokka: he abruptly stands up from the table and shaking the table in the process "OK WHATS GOING ON"

Getting agitated by Ghester’s repeated remarks, Rokka bolts up from his seat ending all other conversation in his wake, the rest of the party stares at him, grabbing their plates instinctually in case he flipped the table over. The waitress in the meanwhile hands Pslam his newly purchased drink on Rokka’s dime.

Ghester: "oh he's gotten excited" says the voice Rokka: “WHO!?” Psalm: psalm is just drinking casually

Cimmorro: when rokka finally settles down, cimm just looks at him like 🤨 before looking at psalm again, "speaking of being fair, why don't you tell us about your little friend... ghester? you said you'd tell us about them, no?" Psalm: * doesn't remember what he said * "Yeah alright. I introduced Plum and you already right?" Cimmorro: he nods "introduced us... but we don't even know who or what you introduced us to" Rokka: just looking up at the sky like "....hello?" Plum: they had jumped at rokka's reaction but at the mention of their name by psalm they think they can guess what's happening now. Finn: he was gonna reply to plum but because of all the commotion his attention is focused on psalm rn, but he is bouncing his leg under the table Keva: she just has no idea what's going on

Psalm: "Your guess is honestly as good as mine." @ ghester "You want to explain? I myself am not really sure what to say." Ghester: he chuckles before speaking into the rest of your heads "hmm... well you may call me ghester. i am a companion of sorts to your lovely friend psalm here. pleasure to meet you" Rokka: "ghost...........?" side eyes psalm Psalm: "No I don't think that's quite it." Rokka: “then what?” Psalm: he just shrugs Rokka: rokka slowly nods as if he gets it but he doesnt

Keva: she jumps a bit "what the fuck" Plum: plum shivers at the sudden voice in their head. "i really thought the cult would be the weirdest thing with y'all and yet." Han: she squints her eyes "can you like, read our minds? do you have a body? are you stealing psalms...?" han leans in quizzically and stares at psalm Ghester: he laughs "no i cannot read anyone's mind, not even his. nor do i hold any control over him, i dont think he'd quite appreciate me doing it even if i could" he thinks "i dont have a body, though i feel like maybe i did once, a funny thought to have these days" Han: she pouts thoughtfully but her brain is actually empty "hmmm" Cimmorro: damn so no cock penis? Han: hate your ass Finn: im just imagining the voice of the book from nier rn for this guy Chip: YOU SHOULD THATS HIM Plum: oh my god that was the decided voice, thats so horrible Han: liam obrien haunts us everywhere

Finn: he does squint at psalm, but he thinks that ghester’s voice is quite pleasant so its not like its a huge hassle. after psalm told them about this, at least. he is a bit irritated over having thought he was hallucinating it a while ago. Plum: "doesn't sound like he's been with you for too long"  Psalm: "It's been a couple weeks. Maybe a month." Plum: "wow, that's shorter than i expected. i've already known you fuckers for a week by now." Cimmorro: he just kinda looks confused towards psalm and responds to ghester "uhh huh... are you the reason why he coughs smoke or..." Psalm: he’s just blinking at Cimm like oh you saw that lol whoops Ghester: "not directly, but its related. i guess you could say im a conduit for his magic. in charge of watching over him" Cimmorro: just shaking his head at psalm and how he said they've only been together for a short time... like what is wrong with yall

Finn: "and you just.... hid this from us?" Ghester: he chuckles at you finn "thats a funny response" Finn: "im sure it is after youve messed with all our heads" bouncing his leg quicker Psalm: "What reason would I have to tell you? It's not like I've known any of your for all that long." Plum: looking at finn like you good bro Finn: "if you didnt want to tell us you should do better to keep your parasite out of our minds then" Ghester: "ooh quite harsh" Psalm: “Right? Yeesh. Why am I being put on trial here? He called you a parasite (lol)."  Cimmorro: "i get the feeling that you don't wanna share more about this. but i just wanna know if you communicating with the rest of us like this won't harm us in any way..."  no video game rpg sanity drain so to speak Keva: squinting like wtf does magic do to you...... is orin okay...... Ghester: "oh nothing to worry about there, my job is to keep him safe. If you are his friends then this extends to you as well, quite the opposite of harm" he turns his attention back to you psalm and laughs at his joke Cimmorro: cimm just hums at this, not entirely convinced but it's good for now Finn: just staring at you for a moment longer before looking away, expecting psalm to understand without actually saying anything because he's awful. Psalm: Psalm just 🤨 ...? and just decides to go back to his drink. Finn: finn: dear uncle, ive witnessed another cringe moment. this is number 10 in the top15 list

Psalm: "I think friends is generous :j , but rest assured that for now your life isn't being slowly siphoned away from you or whatever it is youre worried about. At least I don't think it is /s" Ghester: "i wonder why you would even put the thought out...? Psalm: "Because it's funny?" Ghester: [sigh] Plum: "thanks, i feel a lot better about that now." Rokka: just staring at u dead on sarcasm flying over "wait......HAVE U BEEN FEEDING OFF ME"  Ghester: he laughs jovially at you "theres nothing on you to eat dear boy" Han: han thinks 'damn... does he mean rokka has no brains to eat....'

Han: she thinks for a bit "do you have big range? before you cannot hear us?" Ghester: "hmm from wherever our good man here is standing i can hear about 120 or so feet...granted you yell when you are far away that is" Han: "does that mean you hear through psalm? and here i thought you would be useful for undercover work" han sighs a bit Psalm: "I have to agree with you on that one. Kind of disappointing." Ghester: "not necessarily, if he cant hear i still can. i can talk to you all if you are all that far away as well even if he himself isnt close" @ psalm "and here i thought you were my one ally at this table" Psalm: :j Han: "oh hmmm... that suppose that is useful..." han thinks abt strategies.. Keva: she sarcastically mumbles "just what i always wanted, a ghost from i don't know where doing god knows what, listening in on whatever i'm doing" Ghester: he laughs Rokka: he mumbles to himself after hearing this "scary..." Cimmorro: well then he stifles a small laugh and looks at keva "what could possibly go wrong, yeah?" Keva: "can't think of a single thing" Psalm: "It's thanks to him (and plum) we didn't lose your money to Rickert though. So I'd say for now the pros are more than the cons." Ghester: "oh such rare praise"  Cimmorro: "oho is he not always this nice to you?" Ghester: "tis' a heavy burden i carry" Psalm: "Stop framing it like I'm picking sides" Ghester: [laugh] Plum: "true, and he's more personable than his host," plum says jokingly Psalm: "Alright, alright already." psalm waves everyone off Han: han is like 👁  but also snorting at this

Cimmorro: "aww you poor thing... psalm be more nice... i think ghester does care about you, you know... he immediately went to me when you were unconscious." Psalm: he just rolls his eyes  Ghester: "well... as far as charges go i could have been given far worse" you feel a warm presence before he snickers "try not to bully him too much" Han: "far worse?" Ghester: "hmm well imagine if i were companion to someone completely silent...now that would be a trial" Han: she ponders the previous thought "you are right (@ ghester) at least psalm is funny sometimes." Psalm: 🤨 "Okay, pester Psalm hour is over now. Hope you all had your fun." SWATS THE AIR IN FUTLITY Ghester: [laugh] Plum: they wants to say we're not even talking to you we're talking to ghester but they'll leave him alone Keva: she snorts at the try not to bully him and pops a piece of bread into her mouth Cimmorro: he smiles at the warmth but also "no bullying, not even in your honor? you are so humble, king..." and just laughs at psalm swatting everyone off Psalm: "I try." Ghester: he laughs "you'll be fun to be around im sure" Keva: "oh he likes you" like someone talking abt a pet taking a liking to someone  Cimmorro: "he knows how to pick them... " he laughs and responds to ghester "if you ever change your mind on bullying psalm, you know who to call"

Plum: "you changed your mind pretty fast, huh?" @cimmorro​, plum is amused they're not making fun of him Cimmorro: "oh i'll still get him whenever i can. just leaving the offer with ghester in case he wants to join in." Plum: "oh, i meant on warming up to psalm's mind demon in the first place, but true" plum says Cimmorro: "oh well he's a charmer. what's not to like" he laughs Plum: "agreed" Ghester: "flattery will get you everywhere" Plum: "hah, i guess that's true ain't it." flattery's not really their thing, but they give an amused laugh.

Finished with their food and their curiosity over Ghester for the moment sated, some of the party get up to go pay for their meals while others continue to sit and chat. As they do Han continues messing about and pulling Ghester’s attention over.

Han: she covers her mouth with her hands and whispers to herself "ghesterrrrr can you hear me? tell psalm he looks like a strawberry." then get distracted and moves her hands "actually, can you move things? or are you simply ghostly" Ghester: "i cannot. lest i am a weapon psalm has willed me into and is...well using me to move things" a beat passes "all these ghost comparisons are amusing" Han: "ooooh... maybe living weapon... cool :D" Psalm: "He's what I've been fighting with this entire time." Keva: she’s gonna get up and head to the counter where she spies people paying for their food, and as she passes psalm she kinda gives a little shrug like "i tried" to change the subject lol Psalm: psalm nods, benedict cumberbatch salute

Han: she has lightbulb moment "your weapon that seems to change every time i look? and that you never actually carry on you?" Psalm: "Yes that would be the one."

To drive the point home psalm has Ghester discreetly apperate in his hands as a short sword for Han.

Cimmorro: psalm like yosuke persona 4 pulling out his katanas at the convenience store and gets arrested for it Psalm: I ASSUME EVERYON EELSE HER JUST HAS WEAPONS HONESTLY LIKE I THOUGHT THAT Cimmorro: NO ONE WHIPS IT OUT IN A RESTO Psalm: HDG WELL I DO NOW Cimmorro: AND THEN WE HANDED PSALM CHAN OVER TO THE POLICE

Han: "ghester, can i have you?? it would be super useful to change from bow to glaive in second.." han is v excited now Finn: he’s getting up yet, being intrigued by an ever changing weapon........but he feels too awkward to actually comment on it. he thinks han's reaction is kinda cute. Ghester: he laughs jovially again "sadly you cannot have me, him and i are bound. you'll have to look elsewhere, though im flattered by the thought" Han: "aww booo" han pouts and flicks at the sword (if its in arms reach anyway) Psalm: "I'm amazed you even asked honestly." on the outside psalm is :/ but on the inside psalm is like 😏 Han: HAN LOOKS AT PSALM PUZZLED Psalm: PSALM JUST LOOKS BACK AT HER LIKE WHAT? Han: she shrugs and lets it go

Chip: the pact is marriage <3 Keva: exactly, ordained by psalm's patron Psalm: why areyou trying ot homewreck me he's happily married Cimmorro: damnn psalm already taken before this campaign even started... how can we homewreck that beautiful marriage Chip: next quest Psalm: OI

Having had their fun messing with Psalm the rest of the group get up to go pay for their meals. The party idle around deciding what to do next, as they chat Han orders and waits for an additional meal to be prepared for her to take back to the Swallow’s Perch for Ferrie and the others.

> 🎵  Village of Rynoka / Moonlighter OST

Han: oh before everyone starts leaving han is like "oh oh oh, ferrie chris insists everyone stay at the swallows perch.. its free food and bed " Rokka: "WHAT"  Han: "yea :D" Finn: finn gives you this look 🤨 Han: "you included" Rokka: rokkas tail wagging at mach speed bc free roof and food epic!!!  "THATS AWESOME!!! TIME TO GO PACK THEN" he quickly gets up and immediately heads home to do as he said Han: han waves bye :D.... Rokka: waving in the distance as he runs off Finn: "i ... see" he cringes at the fact that he will need a new residence soon, and that this is the most convenient option. however, he absolutely doesn't want to be stuck with the others. bad enough that they'll have to travel together for so long

The group split off their separate ways, Han sticking around to wait for her food, though Finn also sticks around to continue chatting with her about Ferrie’s offer.

Finn: finn rolls his eyes and crosses his arms. "ugh. not much of a choice, is it?" he pulls up his scarf more before continuing. "if you want me to stay so badly theres something youll have to do for me first." Han: HAN LOLS INTERNALLY and cocks a hip "what might that be? dont overestimate how badly i want you" Finn: finn makes a grimace, you can tell from his visible eyes. "ive no interest in women, give that up this instant" (so full of himself he believes that) he begins rubbing his temples. "anyway, itll give you an opportunity to be closer to me, i suppose." and motions for you to come closer Han: han guffaws "what?? and i have little interest in small men that cant handle me. whats that got to do with your favour?" she seems entertained and leans in Finn: finn is confused by hans push and pull, was she hoping to charm him somehow like this? when she leans in he yanks her down more to a comfortable level (by her hair) and whispers  "i will say this as clear as i can to" an insult lies in the tip of his tongue but his scolding uncle appears in his mind "you. i want you to stealthily move my coffin to that inn, once i have to leave my quarters. youre the strongest so i trust youre capable. ill reward you if need be" Chip: WHY IS THIS THE GREEN M&M COPYPASTA JUDE ? Cimmorro: P;'TLQ30TO305O-0RQOFASF CHIP ILL ILLL MAUL YOUHG Finn: finns done fighting w cimm he needs someone new to hate him Psalm: finn's moral compass is his uncle its not even an angel devil him situation, its vorde

Han: han’s entertained demeanour drops immediately as her hair gets grabbed and shes mad and even madder that she didn't catch that so she just grabs finns hand painfully as he holds her hair and whispers with contained anger without even listening to whatever finns saying "dont do that. if you want to play friendly." Finn: he winces when she grabs his hand like that. normally he would not yield just yet but a fight in direct sunlight, with their bulkiest party member, is not what he needs. he lets go of her hair quickly. "i assumed it was fine to be playful around you. my apologies." <- genuinely meaning this Han: han is silent for a second "... just not the hair" and she drops finns hand "what did you say you need" Finn: "note taken. not the hair." he rubs his hand before going on his tip toes to talk to her instead this time. "i need you to move my coffin the day i move out. but obviously i dont want the whole city to see us with that thing, if you catch my drift." taking on a neutral, dry tone. Han: han thinks briefly "consider it done. i can burrow the inns cart and hide your coffin... actually, what exactly .. is it." Finn: finn blinks a little in surprise, not having expected her to still do it after he's pissed her off. his eyes get a little bigger, 🥺 like. "you will? i.. thank you. we can work out the details closer to my departure..." Han: han is like augh 🙄  at the puppy eyes bc she is immune to them "yea, just tell when to show up" Finn: "ill let you be on your way then." going off his tippy toes and waving goodbye for now Han: han waves him bye too......... cherry wheres my takeaway Cimmorro: how yall going to explain to ferrie chris abt finn's coffin Keva: dont worry about it its his burden to bear Celebrity Guest Aqua: His jesus cross to drag

After waiting a few more minutes Han is handed her takeaway, she soon scuttles her way back to the Swallow’s Perch with the meal, heading in she notes that Cimmorro isn’t back yet either. She promptly hands the food over before getting ready to work on the clock for the rest of the day. Layne joyfully takes the lunch as its handed to him, Ferrie steals a bite from it as well while Jessep stares at it and remarks he's full. 

Soon after the two’s conversation, Finn heads back to the blacksmiths to get his rapier worked on for the day, finding no need to head over to the Swallow’s Perch for the moment. The rest of the party head to their inns to prepare and transfer their belongings over, Plum and Cimmorro however make a brief stop off at Vinny’s store first to check in on the goings on and to see if he’s returned yet.

The two glance at the building once they reach it, though it doesn’t exactly look to be open. Squinting through the window they see Cole bumbling around behind the counter in the back. Cimmorro waves at her from beyond the window though she doesn't seem to notice prompting Plum to knock on the glass instead.

Cole: you see her head swoop over like : D ? before she recognizes the two of you, and comes over to the front door, appears it was locked after all, as she wrangles it open the bell jingles "hey guys!" Cimmorro: cimm goes hiya and asks her if everything's been good around Plum: "hiya, i'm just here to buy one or two things" Cole: "yep I've just been cleaning up since vinny still isnt back" she tilts her head with a sigh before turning to you a bit more chipper plum  "oho... were closed but ill make an exception for my new pal" she gives you a wink and ushers you in Plum: they jump a little at that and are a bit embarrassed now. a bit red, they scratch the back of their head and say, "i mean, you don't have to. i was just lookin' for shit to buy for my mom and pop before they got here... nothing serious." Cole: "aw dont worry about it, and if its something that easy then its all good for me to let ya nose around" she smiles as she waves her hand Cimmorro: "still no show huh, don't have any news when he'll be back too?" Cole: she frowns as she walks over to the counter "no... but if he isn't back tomorrow ill go over and see if they'll let me poke my head in..." she shakes her fist "he's...got important obligations here... yknow!" next to her one of the cats on the counter meows Cimmorro: he leans over and tilts his head looking at the cat "indeed, very important obligations." he pats the cat's head. "oh but don't get into trouble trying to get him though haha... in any case i oughta be going but i'll be peeking in from time to time. let him know i'm looking for him if you get the chance though, yea? thanks cole" he gives her a smile before gesturing to plum that he'll be heading back first Cole: she folds her arms "aauugh guards and wizards.... but sure thing, i'll...twist their arms somehow!" she gives you a cheery wave as you trot off Cimmorro: he kinda just smiles while shaking his head at that as he walks on off Plum: plum waves goodbye to cimmorro. they're kinda curious because they thought cimmorro was gonna buy something but whatever.

Going off ahead Cimmorro trots off back to the Swallow’s Perch noting Vinny still hasn't been able to return to his own store just yet. Walking back he gets a quick idea and shoots off a sending spell towards him to ease his mind over Cole and Ezra’s current statuses.

Cimmorro: "yoohoo, this is cimmorro. we found cole and ezra all safe and well. they've been back at your store since yesterday. no need to worry." Vinny: after a brief pause you hear a quiet sigh of relief in your head followed by words said in a whispered hush "i cant quite speak right now but. thank you so much, i mean that genuinely" followed by the typical silence Cimmorro: cimm scrunches his face a bit but will continue going abt his merry way then

Soon after he makes his way back to Swallow’s Perch, second after Han, and settles in their shared room. In the meantime Plum takes the time to pick out a few items from the store shelves as gifts for their family, chatting with Cole once they bring them back over to the counter to purchase them.

Chip: the cat seems to stare at you for the duration of this transaction Plum: "what's this one's name?" Cole: she turns her head and scratches its head "this ones coal"  Plum: plum snickers. "what? did vinny name this one before or after meeting you??" Cole: she laughs "before! before! this guy here's my senior teaching me the ropes" the cat starts purring Plum: "right, how long have you been round here again?"  Cole: she stretches back thinking "hmmmmm a year ago now...probably two actually" she scratches her chin "it's a nice city though, the airs so ...fresh around here even though its so busy" Plum: "yeah it is nice. too bad i'm not sticking around for much longer, i wanted to see the ocean better  " plum says, mostly conversationally. "anyways, thanks for the stuff. and good luck getting that wizard lady to let go of vinny, also." plum huffs out a laugh. "poor guy." Cole: she pumps her fist "im getting him back here at some point at least! maybe ill wrangle ezra into it..." she thinks to herself before turning back "you should head down to some of the docks soon, they're real fun for peoplewatching" she says with a smile walking over with you back to the front door Plum: [pumps fist in return] "maybe i'll do that later then, thanks. seeya." Cole: she sees you out with a wave and locks the door behind you as it jingles, getting back to...you're not sure what she was doing actually. Finn: PLUM GOT HER ROUTE UNLOCKED Han: DONT SQUANDER UR CHANCE FOR A CUTE GF Plum: i will Han: oTL

Content with their purchases Plum heads back to their inn to begin their transfer to the Swallow’s Perch. Slightly ahead of them, Psalm and Rokka return to the Hole in the Wall and get the few things they have all sorted to go. 

Heading out they note that at the front desk this time appears to be Artie as opposed to the other two employees that work there, perhaps they have their hands full with something at the moment. He silently notes the duos departure and mail transference with a surly nod. 

Artie: at mention of the swallow’s perch he tilts his head and remarks “good place. got decent pie there” sending you on your way Psalm: "Also, if  Ruth and Esther Brimdrorvi come looking for me can you direct them down the street  please." Artie: he nods silently Psalm: Nice Rokka: i give artie my farewells and wait for psalm bc wynaut 

> 🎵   A Tavern on the Riverbank / The Witcher 2 OST 

The two make their way to the inn next door, after a bit of chatter with Layne he leads them upstairs and directs them to the empty rooms they have upstairs on the first floor, adjacent to Cimmorro and Han’s shared room. 

Rokka: "what room are u going to?" Psalm: "I have no preference." That being said he just goes up to the first empty room he finds and opens the door. Rokka: he nods and walks a little further down the walkway and goes into the second room

The two each take an empty room for themselves, forcing those who show up afterwards to decide who they’d prefer to room with. Across the street Keva also checks out of the Out and Inn similarly asking for her mail to be rerouted. At the counter are the two twins who quickly send her on her way

Flinn and Pin: they remark that one of the dwarves there will give you beer at a discount if you tell him a funny joke, but do not specify which one. Keva: she makes a face like 🤨 but with an amused smile "okay... thanks?" and heads over to the swallow's perch

As Rokka and Psalm settle in across the way, Cimmorro in his room takes has a thought and decides to shoot off another sending spell to another important recipient.

Cimmorro: "ulle!!! it's your cimmy. i wanted to show off what i can do now ehehe i'm going to be so cool when i get back" <--- he sounds very excited Ulle: you hear a confused sound in your head in response before spluttering noises and a response "whoa i was-bleh, eating a sandwich just now you scared me! haha this is so cool hey hey mahalia ! cimmorro just spoke to me-" before it cuts off

As Han’s shuffling about and doing some menial tasks around the rooms on the first floor she overhears the sending spell and pokes her head in to spy on Cimmorro. At the same time Keva soon arrives at the inn, getting the same spiel from Layne downstairs she heads up to the first floor hallway staring at which room to pick while Han blocks one of the doorways.

Keva: she does not want to room with psalm and his spying ghost. she does not want to room with rokka bc headache. she does not want to room with han bc headache........... but she figures she has to talk with cimm anyway so........ least of the evils Chip: women and cimm united front Cimmorro: clerics who respect women

Han: "were you talking to someone?" Cimmorro: cimm plops his back into his bed, completely relaxed and thanks wee jas in his head "ohhhh... this is one of the best things you've ever let me have!! thank you, thank you, lady wee jas >_<" and then notices han come in and acknowledges her. "hm? i was casting a spell... did you need anything?" Keva: keva's standing behind han blocking the doorway, in that time she is considering whether she should change her mind Han: she shrugs "nothing, just heard u talking, got curious- AH" at keva teleporting behind her and stares at her for 2 seconds before going "im going back to chores, bye" and scuttling off Cimmorro: he just looks at you two like 🤨 Keva: she moves out of her way and says bye back after she's already left like 🤨 "any room in here?" Cimmorro: he looks at you for a moment before understanding what's going on "oh you're staying here? that makes things so much easier for me. yeah there's room, though han can be a bit energetic" he laughs and points at a spot in the room Keva: she looks back in the direction han left for a moment "yeah that's going to be fun" /s, she'll go over and plop her few things down Cimmorro: a laugh "she's like that... though she can easily be distracted lolll... i think she'll be more focused on dress making than at you, for tonight at least." Keva: keva tosses her cloak on the bed while mumbling "thank the gods for that." turning to cimm "does she work here or smth?" Cimmorro: he nods at you as he sits back up on his bed "she was already here when i arrived a few weeks ago. i'm sure she's been here for way longer" Keva: "hm. well, don't let me get in the way of what you were doing." and she gonna climb onto her bed and take out a little bit of bread to feed amos Cimmorro: he watches you do that for a sec before going "okay, i'm still beat from going around the stores earlier myself so... we can talk about what you want to do with your outfit later. give it some thought meanwhile.."

As Keva settles in, Han remembers to head over to Ferrie Chris and notify her that Finn will probably be showing up later in the week.

Han: "the pampered one will come later... ill borrow the cart to fetch him, if its ok.." Ferrie Chris: she tilts her head from where shes bent over moving crates "hm? sure whatcha need it for anyhow? Han: han shrugs "he needs some stuff moved" Ferrie Chris: she squints "how much stuff could tha' guy have...?" she shakes her head "eh 's fine, we moved most of the stuff earlier in the week anyway" Han: SHE SHRUGS HARDER

As the two of them chat Cimmorro and Psalm both begin the process of attuning to their newly bought weapons in their rooms, though Psalm also goes through the additional ritual of designating his new scimitar as his pact weapon.

Ghester: for the latter ritual ghester is silent the entire while until the end in which he lets out a sigh, quickly remarking how strange a sensation that was Psalm: "Strange how?" Ghester: he ponders the thought a moment "like growing another limb, despite the fact that i dont have any in the first place" Psalm: he nods like he gets it even though that's kinda weirdchamp

As the group settles for the afternoon Plum also arrives at the inn, the last of the party to make their transfer for the day. Receiving the same spiel as those before them they waddle up to the first floor, deciding to pick whoever is behind the closest door to them for their roommate, the result being Rokka.

Chip: for your viewing pleasure

Cimmorro: AKFHJLKASFKSAJFAKLWFKAL Han: EMO A;LKDHGKLLKDSF Keva: I'M LAUGHING THAT GHESTER AND AMOS COME WITH US NOW Chip: your government assigned leeches

Rokka: his ears twitch and he turns towards the door "come in!!" Plum: "oh it's you rokka, nice. you don't mind being roommates do you?" Rokka: he perks up seeing plum enter, "oh plummy!! hi!! i don't mind at all in fact im glad we can be roomies hehehe" rokkas tail wags in delight Plum: "ok great, what are you up to for the rest of the day, then?" Rokka: "hmm" he taps his chin and looks up to think "nothing much unless you wanna do something with me? :D" Plum: "i'm not up to anything today, so sure. got anything in mind?" Rokka: "we can work on that music box you got!!" Plum: "oh, right! forgot about that thing." plum says, and starts fishing around in their bag of holding until they pull out the ＭＵＳＩＱＵＥ ＢＯＸＥ Rokka: he moves next to plum and leans his head closer to them "i don't know much about fixing music boxes so I don't think i will be much help but i can cheer you on :D" he tilts his head a little "whaddya think it would sound like once it can play" Plum: "i think it'll probably play, just not very well. i'm not even sure how this thing is broken. also thanks, if you cheer me on that means i definitely have to fix this thing though." plum says, lifting the box carefully to peek at it. Rokka: "yeah i had a feeling it would sound like that too...i cant wait to hear it in its full glory" rokka goes 🥺 and speaks with a little gentler tone "i just thought its another way i could help you is all." Plum: a little embarrassed now plum just says "right..." and trails off. then after a moment of looking at the box they say, "y'know this thing might not actually be broken after all. so it only plays on a full moon, right? and i thought that was just some kind of charm attached to it for fun or somethin', probably is. but other than that it's a functional music box. think the seller thought that little catch to it meant it didn't work." plum says this all in one go without realizing because they like to talk about magical objects. "personally," they continue, "i don't think that means it's broken. i think that just makes it more special. i could probably make it so that it plays all the time though, what do you think?" Rokka: he silently nods throughout plums explanation simply enjoying them talking more than usual in one sitting, "thats a bummer we gotta wait until then for it to play but if you can make it play ALL the time that would be super cool of you plum!" he gives them a thumbs up Plum: "well i can try, anyways." 

> 🎵 Tired Rynoka / Moonlighter OST

Plum begins working away at the music box as Rokka sits attentively beside them for the rest of the day. In their own mind they decide their course of action is going to be to change the enchantment into a dual purpose one. A person will still need to wind the music box on a full moon to have it play, but it will also play whenever if Rokka is the one to wind it.

Getting to work on inspecting it Plum finds the enchantment is inscribed weirder than they’d thought it would be once they actually get a look at it. Most of the evening is spent trying to make out the creators handwriting, but it is solid progress nonetheless. After much interpreting they see the enchanted name signed near the bottom thusly " -ＲＡＮＤＯＶＵＳ / THE GREAT AND BEAUTIFUL"

Han: randovus instant fave character no lie Rokka: whoever this is i wanna fight them Plum: chip was it that the seller thought it was broken??? Chip: yeahp Plum: oh LOL Chip: zafar like what in the....not gonna ruin my day [puts on shelf] Plum: hHHHFHFG

Plum: "this guy's handwriting fucking sucks" Rokka: he makes a weird sound of agreement as he doesnt wanna admit it "mmmnnyyeeahmnn?????????" Plum: "anyways, that's all i got for you today re: this thing. might take me a couple days." plum says, without telling rokka what exactly they're intending to change about the box until it gets done. Rokka: he oohs and ahhh through the process of what plum does "neat! you got me excited now that I know i can probably hear it sooner!" his tails lazily wags in content and a little nostalgic spending time with plum like this in a room as they remind him of his siblings Plum: "yeah, i'm pretty excited too. and its fun working on something for...fun. i feel like its been forever, even though its only been like, a week. feel free to tune in next time." Rokka: "yeah! i getchaaa especially with what we've been through having some time to just enjoy like this is nice hehe" he tilts his head at plum "really?? then please let me know whenever you choose to work on it! I will be there to watch and cheer asap! thanks for letting me watch plum  " Plum: "any time. i can make it a little task while we wait for the ball and all of that." Rokka: he stares at plum for a moment seeming to ponder something "plum, you're really nice. I like you, can we be friends?" he says without his usual loud and cheery tone. this time being more calm as he asks genuinely for the first time Plum: "h-huh?" plum says after a beat, suddenly turning fully red in the face. "man, rokka, why do you sound so serious... and! a-anyways! i thought we were already friends?" Rokka: "I just never-- wait what???i---" he struggles with finding words to respond as he didn't think plum thought they were friends "you.....we're friends? really? really really friends?" he looks expectantly down at plum Plum: "oh i mean i just assumed since we get along and we're stuck in this large group for now. maybe i jumped the gun there, sorry. but yeah we can be friends." plum says and scratches at their face, feeling embarrassed. "you're making me feel kinda embarrassed over here, saying "i like you" to people so bluntly, y'know." Rokka: he lets out a small gleeful laugh with a smile growing larger each second "ah...ahah!! yess!!!!!!!!" he ruffles plums hair "Sorry, I just like to be honest, hehe," now in a very great mood he cant help his wagging tail Plum: [is ruffled] "no it's fine, just caught me by surprise. i like to be blunt too 🤨 " plum says and coughs a little awkwardly. Rokka: he just grins at plum before plopping onto his bed with a content sigh followed by a mumble "my first friend.."

As the afternoon ebbs on Cimmoro also finishes attuning to his new healing knife in his room, the other two going about their business in silence and settling in. Finally he moves and stretches, and gives the knife a stare, he decides to give it a whirl and to check whether he’s been scammed or not. He tightly gripes the blade with one hand and makes a swift cut on his hand, he makes a low hissing sound as he does, alerting the other two briefly as they spot his hand bleeding for a couple of seconds

Han: han just stares like 🤨 Keva: keva was feeding amos the little snack thing she bought from the pet store, but when she hears cimm hiss, she looks over her shoulder. when she sees the blood and the knife she jumps a bit in surprise like "what the fuck?"

However, despite how quickly he made the wound, once he expends the charge, it heals just as quickly, glowing slightly for a brief moment as the skin stitches itself back together, like there was nothing there in the first place. They watch even as the blood quickly rises through the air and zooms back into his body from the wound.

Han: she stares at the immediately closing wound "that..what?" Keva: she's also staring in confusion and curiosity Cimmorro: he watches the wound heal itself, wonder in his eyes and then immediately puts his palm up for han and keva to see it stitch up like ":D SICK...!!" Han: "is magic? thats cool" she pokes the part where he sliced himself Cimmorro: he breathes out in relief "wuhahhu... looks like i got my money's worth..." when han pokes at his palm he goes like "yeah! you wanna try?" Han: "fuck yeah!" han holds out her forearm excitedly >:D Cimmorro: "it only works when i do it though" he's taken aback by your enthusiasm but likes it regardless. cimm swipes the blade on your arm, making a clean cut [will use charge] Keva: she makes a 🤨 face at han's enthusiasm and closes up the jar of treats to put it away as she says "no thanks" .... she does turn back to watch tho

Cimmorro slices again this time on Han’s arm.....blood...a second...thwoosh the body stitches itself back together immediatley and the wound is healed.

Cimmorro: "aw cmon we can do it one more time" once han's wounds begin stitching too he looks back at keva like "see? see?" Han: "oooh.." han goes over the wound with her hand "its only a bit tingly... wanna try it over actual wound?" Cimmorro: he turns to han looking confused for a sec like "... wait are you injured?" Han: "no, but keva can stab me" :D “or you stab with the knife normally. i just trust keva to make it count” 😌 Keva: "you're really excited about being stabbed" Cimmorro: cimm is wondering why han wants to hurt so badly rn and his mouth is just agape Han: "wounds are an honour" Cimmorro: "what... well, i guess?" Han: "well, more in battle than in here but still"  Keva: "is that why you tend to go into things without thinking" Han: "without think-?! i think a lot, thank you !!!!" han sounds offended Keva: keva makes geralt from netflix "hm" noise "kay well, i'm not stabbing you so" Han: han pouts "your loss" then goes back to looking at cimm expectantly with her forearm to him Cimmorro: "okay, ladies.... let's...." he sighs "this dagger can do as much damage as it can heal, supposedly... so... to test?" he looks like he doesnt want to tho Han: "to test!" >:) Keva: "we already know it works. why do we have to do this" Cimmorro: "just to be sure!" Han: "to test!" han repeats Cimmorro: "you're not going to hold this against me are you? if i stab you like real stab?" cimm is starting to wonder if this is a good idea Keva: keva puts her hand to her face Cimmorro: he makes a fake stab against the air right now just to make sure han knows what she's asking him to do "like this, stab stab" Han: "huh?? why would i?? plenty of family have stabbed me, just do it" she doesn’t flinch Cimmorro: he completely sputters at that "do-what tthe ?!? the HUH?" Keva: keva's slient for a moment in shock as well and then "...gods you're so weird" Han: han tsks impatiently "i can do it myself, yeesh" takes out her own dagger Cimmorro: "no, WHAT? STOP" Keva: "(medieval fantasy equialvent of jesus christ)"

Han makes a clean slice along her forearm without flinching, taking damage, much to the displeasure of her two roomates.

Han: the dagger looks similar to the hammer shes taken out before, one solid chunk of blueish metal Keva: she winces watching it happen and is like, getting up off her bed Han: "nnnow try it" :) Cimmorro: cimm looks horrified not bc of the wound but bc of han just being so.... han. he clicks his tongue while he makes a weary slice on her already open wound, expending a charge

With a glow the wound stitches together again and the blood zips back in, the wound is not fully healed but it looks alot less bad now, closer to a papercut but long across the arm.

Han: "ooooo~" Cimmorro: cimm lets out a sigh of frustration and keeps han's arm in place while he grabs his holy symbol to cast cure wounds on the leftover cut :( Han: han lets him but is like :/ Cimmorro: cimm lightly blows and pats on her arm as if to check if he missed a spot then lets her go once cleared out. "this thing is more for emergencies, it looks like" tilting the doctor's blade a bit with his free hand Han: han wiwis for a sec Keva: keva relaxes back onto her bed once the wound is healed Cimmorro: "since we'll be travelling together for a while it's good to let you guys know what this does, though i won't use it unless i really have to... i don't like relying on things aside from what i already know anyway..." he puts it away and then looks at han like :| "no more stabbing yourself like that" Han: han goes 😤 "this was for teeeest!" Cimmorro: cimm remembers how han also just nonchalantly sliced her arm in the blood chamber and he rubs at his eyes at the memory "you do this kind of thing so often!! what the hell was that about your family!! uggh" he just keeps rubbing his eyes rn trying not to think of what he was to deal with the next coming weeks Han: han just goes 😟 but says nothing Keva: keva notices the look on han's face and says "anyway." Cimmorro: cimm stares at her and sighs and shakes his head Han: han gets weirdly shy under the attention Cimmorro: "no more hurting yourself. if that's what your family liked to do then whatever. but don't do it around me.. don't like seeing it" he says that rather harshly but there is a hint of concern Keva: keva like a sibling looking out the car window while the other kid gets chewed out Han: han is still like 😟  "no its.. they didnt.. uagh" she looks frustrated by both not wanting to talk about it and not knowing how to explain it, and just drops the thread entirely , pacifying cimm with a non commital "i wont, i wont" Keva: keva just quickly raises and lowers her eyebrows, thinking well that sounds convincing in her head Cimmorro: cimm doesn't seem convinced, but it's not like he expected his words to do anything immediately. he exhales and waves his hand around to clear the air "well... anyway. you two know what this does. don't go stabbing me back when i bring you conscious with this pls..🙄 " Keva: keva waves a hand like yeah yeah Han: han snort laughs a bit and also agrees Cimmorro: he shrugs as if to say he's just trying to make precautionary measures "nice. well okay you are cuties dismissed 👏" he hops off his bed and walks out the door peace out 

Cimmorro scurries about preparing things for later on, and as sundown and evening comes the rest of the party settle into their rooms and comforts for the night. Han however, after a bit more pestering of Cimmorro, heads out after clocking off her shift, and walks off towards a familiar destination in the city.

She weaves her way in and out of a few alleys and streets in the business district before entering one of the taller buildings nearby. Despite there having been no rain recently she also spies puddles of water near the outside of the building. Shrugging it off, she heads inside and up a few flights of stairs down some interior hallways, past the doors of a couple other businesses

it’s pretty quiet in the area compared to when she’d usually come around, with the sounds of people revel making and drinking typically filling her ears. She  quickly comes to the entrance of the place she’s looking for, the words ‘The Bone Pit’  scrawled nested into a carefully illustrated poster nailed to the front of the door.

> 🎵 Through the Valley / Pyre OST 

She opens the door and steps inside, finding herself in a small lobby area of sorts, connected to a larger room that appears to be a bar floor with hallways leading upstairs branching off it. Though looking about it appears pretty empty and quiet, not silent however, some chatter here and there and the sounds of things being moved echo through the place. As she stares about it appears pretty sparse, its then that she notices a whole bunch of cleaning supplies stacked around the place.

Han: she just says loudly "hellooooo?? ruel? stella?"

As Han yodels out the names, someone shuffling around the larger bar floor seems to notice and comes running over, she recognises the woman as Stella, a short pink haired girl.

Stella: “ahh sorry there!!” she gives a cutesy wave “were closed right now for -er” she blinks now seemingly recognising you “oh my gods haaaaaaan, i'm being forced to do manual labouuuur- save me pleaaase” her tone changes to an uncharacteristically whiny one as she dramatically walks over pouting and shaking a mop that she’s holding in her hands. 

Looking at her Han notes she’s not in what her typically style, instead in clothes that appear to be much more shabby, probably for cleaning. Behind her she also spots a taller person, whom she recognises as Ruel, a half orc woman leaning herself against a broom 

Ruel: “...stella that’s like the 5th walk in, did you even put the closed sign out front..?” shaking her head as if she doesn't even expect an answer from the former. Han: han laughs at stella "you are such a baby." she notes their dress and says "cleaning day? do u want extra hands?" Stella: she lazily throws her head back with a groan “auuugh because of the lockdown the other day the good big boss decided this would be the perfect time to scrub down the whole place” she holds the mop out in front of her “this isnt in my job description y'know, i'm going to have to get my nails redone and everything after this, its tough work looking this perfect” she continues huffing a little before actually realising you asked a question "ah? oh no way we cant make customers help out, bad look..." Ruel: while she chats ruel crouches near the floor fiercely inspecting a stain in the wood near a bar table Han: "with the amounts of fluids this place sees daily i cant believe it took you this long to do deep clean....." han grimaces a bit but its still finds stellas baby attitude funny so it gets a bit lost. "and what? there are no customers around, no one sees me here. i asked a couple hours off." Stella: "ehh well it gets cleaned regularly but i guess she really wants these bar floors finally annihilated" she grimaces at the comment before looking back at you "y.........eaaaaaah but if i got caught doing that i'd get an earful is the thing" she waves her hand noncommittally though she looks like she is internally fighting off the temptation to just let you Han: han is just holding back laughter at stella like ppfftt "im sure you can do it, youre big girl" and then walks over to ruel and opens her arms for a hug Stella: she groans again and shakes the mop menacingly at you Celebrity Guest Aqua: is this like those clubs where they gotta hose the floor every morning or is it a nicer establishment  Han:

Cimmorro: hate that gif so much dawg   Chip: STOPPPPP Han: I AHTE THIS GIF TOO IT PLAGUES ME Plum: what is that fucking gif lord

 As Han walks over to Ruel with outstretched arms she stands up curiously staring at her with a quirked brow.

Han: "i know ure off work but one hug pleeeaaase" >_< Ruel: she stares at you again but eventually sighs and opens her arms out invitingly like 😓 Han: "Oh! i actually came over to ask. me and some ..." han makes some grimacing/thoughtful expressions "friendsss?? like saved the town or whatever and they invited us to be guests at the new ball, do you guys wanna come??" :3 Ruel: ruel just ?? confused face at the question after the hug  Stella: she turns her head towards you leaning on the mop completely disbelieving "if you ya want to invite me to a party han you dont need to lie about how cool it is" she says wrly Han: she probably has let go of ruel at this point lolol "no we talked to the king and shit.." han shrugs "its in 2 week, cimm, that priest guy, i dont think i told you about him, he even drew me a dress!" she starts looking around her bag "oh i must've left it with him... well anyway!" han is still in a chipper mood "you guys and the swallows perch are my only friends around so i thought i would invite you" she does get pink at this lol Ruel: she makes a face like 😑❓  silently thinking to herself Stella: she walks over and slaps her hand across your stomach jokingly "yeah and what did the king tell you?" she seems to be a little embarrassed about the only friends statement but is way to distracted by the ridiculousness of the gala thing Han: "uuhhh he was like [han tries to imitate his voice] thank you so much, here is 5000 gold, we are doing ball in 2 weeks, invite your friends. i have the gold to prove it" han opens her heavy ass stash and shows the girls the coin

Stella looks like shes about to crack another joke until Han opens up the bag, after which both her and Ruel open their eyes wide in surprise. Stella looks back between Han and the bag multiple times in shock

Stella: "th... first of all this is like, all platinum han, and second......i...." she stops mid sentence like she doesnt know what to say out of shock Ruel: she pipes up after "........you know they did say they were gonna rehost it...." Stella: at this she seems to snap out of her awe and stares up at han grabbing your giant arm and shaking you "HAAAAAN. YOU CANT BE SERIOUS THE GALA??? LIKE WITH THE ROYALTY AND EVERYTHING???  Han: she gets shaken around "yes, those guys, i dont rlly understand the big deal, ferrie chris was also excited about them?" Stella: "YESSS HAN THOSE GUYSSS" she seems to calm down a little though still gripping your arm "okay okay well im not gonna shoot for the moon or anything so i dont care too much about them but do you know how many rich nobles go to those parties.... the connections i can make there..." she then begins shaking your arm again "and i can brag about having BEEN to the palace my gods what am i gonna wear... i need to create the perfect ensemble, andrella is NOT gonna hear the end of this from me" Han: she laughs "i thought you might like it." she turns to ruel "how about you?" Ruel: as you turn your attention to ruel stella continues babbling to herself while shaking your arm, ruel stands nearby with her arms crossed thinking over it thoughtfully "honestly i am not sure i'd be good schmoozing somewhere so high class but" and she lifts her eyes up seriously with a glint and a thumb on her chin "the opportunity. is way too good." Keva: the egirls looking to get paaaaiiidd yeeeessss Chip: stella getting ready to have 100 business cards made Keva: are they bedazzled Chip: gel pen as well Keva: the other side is sequins that if you run your hand over it it reveals other colors and a message lmao Han: wait thats genius Keva: "stella" one way, "see the stars" the other Han:  UA;LHDSGKH;KHWKH3LKESGKDX

Han: she just heehees "i went dress shopping with cimm today, hes gonna help get something tailored, you want dresses too? i can pay" Ruel: her eyebrows go up "oh no no, we can get that done ourselves fine, you're already inviting us and everything"  Stella: she nods next to you feverishly "han i love you oh so dearly, now even more so, but i have my pride" she lifts a fist "and its telling me to go all out on this look...." Ruel: she nods sagely agreeing with her Stella: she quickly relaxes to a more joking demeanour before continuing "i appreciate the thought though as ludicrous it is for you to offer you big lug, if this works out i wont even have to annoy you to give me free drinks" she says with a smile ^__^ Han: han giggles then stops abruptly "what!! you said you annoy me because i dont let you tie me up!!!" <- she is faux sad Stella: she lifts a finger "i can have multiple reasons to annoy you" Han: she tsks "im glad you two are alright tho 😊 when you think the deep clean will be done?" Stella: she slaps your arm with a laugh at that Ruel: she thinks a moment "judging by how powerful these wood stains are... i'd say another two days with the others helping out" she folds her arms with a smile looking back at you "i'll be sure to expect a visit now that you're rolling large..." she squints her eyes and tilts her head afterwards though thinking on it "...kind of dangerous carrying all that actually" Han: she snorts at the wood stains comment "i dont have a lot to use it on anyway but thieves would be stupid to go for me" puffs out her chest "i will visit... soon? i will be leaving soon after so yeah.." han think thonks Ruel: she laughs at the chest puffing Stella: at the last comment stella tilts her head "ohhh??...flying the coop? you gotta tell me when we can go out for drinks or something, i'll have to console poor ruel.." she mock wipes her eyes  Ruel: she rolls hers and grabs a cloth, getting back to working away Han: she shrugs "dunno, got one other bossman now and he wants us to go to antessa..." han trails off thinking about routes and times "you can grab me whenever you have free day. OH ferrie chris wants have do a banger too..." Stella: "damn moving up in the big leagues of freelancing now, cross country" at the second comment her face lights up "ohhhhh yes! when you have a date let me know i'll free up the evening" she says with a >:) grin Han: han is jsut ^O^ heeho evening successful,  STARTS BIDDING THEM ADIOS?  "no sex, no cleaning, im useless here" pouts again

Han scuttles off back to the inn satisfied with having said her piece, making sure to tell Stella to stop slacking off as she goes. The party all spend the rest of the little of the evening left idling around and killing time before finally heading to rest and bedding down in the dark.

--

Notes

💎Cimmorro and 🔮Psalm attuned to their weapons of choice

🦇Finn upgraded his sword to a +1 weapon

🍺Plum got an evenings work in on the music box

👨‍👩‍👦‍👦👨‍👨‍👧‍👦 Most of the Party relocated to the Swallow’s Perch

Ten episodes into Critical Role (starting with the second season, and NO SPOILERS PLEASE), and okay yeah, I get why people like the show.

There’s a lot to talk about and I’m sure most of it’s been said before, but I’m just in love with how nuanced and contradictory these characters are.  And contradictory is exactly the right word, not just because of how they oppose each other (though goddamn that is fun), but how they oppose themselves, how every single character is this mess of characteristics that don’t match up on first glance, except they actually fit together to create such rich characters.

Like Fjord, okay, start with him--he’s not the leader because this group is too much of a disaster to have a leader, but he’s the most consistently calm, solid, reliable, and generally sensible person in the whole group.  Which is not usually how you’d expect your party’s half-orc to behave, but that’s fine, that’s just messing with race expectations, that’s easy.  What’s interesting about Fjord is that he’s so clearly the group’s token decent guy, the honest man.  He has an eldritch nightmare and actually tells the others about it, which nobody else in that fucking crew except maybe Jester would.  He’s a straightforward guy who seems like he was maybe actually normal once, again unique in this group, who also happens to be a warlock with very clearly eldritch powers he doesn’t understand.  And he has no problem whatsoever with using and expanding those powers, or with killing, or with stealing and conning and enjoying any ill-gotten gains the group may collect.  His objections to the team’s plans are almost always practical and logistical (the ‘this seems very complicated and also is likely to end in this very obvious disaster when this logical hole gives way under us’ sort), not moral.  It consistently feels like, if he hadn’t had whatever disaster shipwreck eldritch sea-beast warlock pact experience set him off on this path, he out of the whole group would be obeying laws and being generally decent to the people around him and working a simple, honest job with some hard labor involved, and he’d be happy with it--but he’s on this boat now and he’s in completely, and he’s just as forthright with that loyalty as he is with everything else.

And Jester is flighty and silly and fun and describes a childhood that horrifies the entire rest of the group in blithe, carefree tones, and I love it so much because it makes so much sense.  Sure, she was isolated, secluded, and hidden from the world for years--but it was important for her mom’s business, and her mom loved her, and it was normal, and it was fine.  Because that’s normal to her.  And she’s completely carefree about her childhood, just like she makes a carefree game out of slaughtering gnolls and being entirely willing to kill guards or other sentient people, with the same level of fun as she gets pulling minor pranks.  She would happily and generously give away pastries or money or healing to anyone, and then turn right around and fuck up their entire day just because it’s funny, and not even see a conflict there.  Except that every once in a while we get a glimpse of just how desperately lonely she’s been for so fucking long--and it only comes out when she’s talking to or about the Traveler.  It’s never when she’s talking about home, or the brothel, or the room when she was locked in, because those things were normal and fine.  What’s not fine is the idea that she might lose contact with the Traveler, or maybe her mother.  And of course that’s it.  Because everything that was normal and fine and happy and funny had to be okay, because it was life, and that’s just how it was, but the Traveler and maybe her mother were the things that made it all okay, and if she loses them, she loses everything.

And I haven’t even begun to figure out Nott yet, Nott who seems in many aspects like the most straightforward member of the whole crew--not in the Fjord way of directness and honesty, but in the easy, tropey, simple-to-classify way.  The goblin rogue who loves picking pockets and collecting shiny things, quick and sly and easily intimidated, with quick fingers and a bit of a background in alchemy, it all makes sense.  Nott makes sense.  Except that if you take a step back and look around at context, Nott makes no fucking sense at all.  I have no idea why she’s out here, adventuring with these losers, instead of back home with the other goblins.  We have seen zero other goblins out and around populated places so far.  Even her partnership with Caleb straddles the line between ‘oh, of course’--a couple of criminals who met in prison and helped each other escape and decided it was more practical to stick together? sure! makes sense for a goblin!--and ‘wait, what the fuck?’.  Why was Nott in any sort of prison that Caleb would ever be in to begin with?  If she was arrested by humans, why didn’t they just kill her outright, given the attitudes most humans we’ve seen seem to have to goblins?  She is so friendly and ready to hang with the rest of the group, is so delighted to play with Jester, she’s such a social creature, so how did she ever end up playing sidekick with this socially awkward human disaster to begin with?

And right, speaking of Caleb, the man is a goddamn mess, even putting aside all of his stubbornness and his mysteries and the actual literal mess of him.  He’s shy and awkward and anxious and scared around people, except for when he decides to very intensely threaten somebody with murder and disembowelment, just as a matter of course.  He’s anxious about everything, but he’s okay with monster-hunting.  And he’s fine with murder, so long as it isn’t done with fire, he’s one of the first to go in for robbing corpses, he straight up does not give a shit about the people he and Nott rob, he doesn’t trust or even particularly like the rest of the Nein, he doesn’t (appear to) care about other people at all--except that he would do anything for Nott, full stop.  And he has strong feelings about parents and kids and families, and he gave Jester the money he swiped from the spider lair because he got angry at her for being an apparent spoiled rich girl and wanted to apologize, and because it seemed important to her an he cared.  And all of these truths hang together around the central figure of this one guy with a fucked-up past he doesn’t have words for, who prefers books to people and doesn’t really know what he’s doing, in the world, in general, even at the fairly low level he thinks he does.

And of course Caleb keeps clashing with Beau, because Beau is simultaneously so self-invested and yet also somehow more interrogative of the whole world around her than anyone else in the group.  Beau wants to know all of Caleb’s secrets.  She wants to know everybody’s secrets, but she wants Caleb most of all, because he’s spent the most effort trying to keep them that way.  And she’s so curious about her party members, so curious about things going on in the world--she asks more questions about random shit than anyone, she’s currently spearheading both the investigation into the Gentleman and, with Fjord, the Zadash revolutionary’s club, because she wants to know.  Except Beau never gives off the impression of actually liking anybody or anything she discovers.  (Fjord trying to give her lessons on complimenting somebody without making it sound like a backhanded insult was amazing.)  She has ‘chip on my shoulder’ writ so large across her it might as well be in neon.  She is Out For Herself; she hates the system but she’s not going to go looking for ways to take it down, not when she can drink and fight shit to get cash that she can spend to drink with.  But she can’t stop asking questions.  She Doesn’t Care, but she can’t stop trying to learn more.  And right, the constant back and forth of ‘yes she cares’-’no she’s a self-interested bitch’ could feel wishy-washy, but instead it just feels right, because Beau is very young and very angry and very impulsive, and she is very bad at effectively caring for the things and people she cares about, and it is so clear that she’s been treated so badly and had so little power to fight back.  And now she’s got the power to fight back so she lashes out and she hits things and she’s constantly mean, and she chokes out the little girl she got arrested to protect two days earlier because nobody ever taught Beau how people actually take care of other people, did they.  She needs to know Caleb’s secrets because Caleb having stuff going on that he won’t talk about means that there are factors at play that can affect Beau’s life that she can’t control, can’t even know about.  All I know about her parents so far is that they had enough money to pay a temple to take her away when she caused too much trouble for them.  Which actually appears to say pretty much everything that needs to be said.

And fucking Mollymauk Tealeaf, the one goddamn spoiler I had for this show before I started it and I am simultaneously gutted over him from day one and grateful to be prepared because I do not think I would take losing him well as a surprise.  Molly is so fucking good.  He’s a good character, and he’s such a good person, except he would cheerfully deny it with a grin if anyone ever accused him of it.  He is such a tremendous cynic.  He has been all over and he believes that people in groups of any size are stupid, dangerous, probably corrupt, generally bigoted, probably lazy, and out for themselves at every turn.  No horror anyone does can surprise him, and yet he’s blithe and easy about it all.  Of course people are terrible, that’s just how people are, no sense getting depressed over it.  He’ll just slide his way in with a smile and a deck of tarot cards and a bit of flash and dazzle, use people’s vices against them, maybe run just a bit of a con if it looks to be profitable, and slide right back out again.  Except that by god, Molly cares every bit as much as Beau does and unlike her, he actually knows it.  He was ready to go to the mat for any- and everyone in that circus, called it a family and held on to it as hard as he possibly could even as everyone in it bickered and hated each other and were ready to jump town and leave each other behind.  He is so kind to people with less than he has.  And he’s never forceful about it, he never pushes his care forward, he just makes a few gentle comments to Jester about expectations and disappointment that might help ease the crushing blow he so clearly sees coming her way, without actually calling her out or starting an argument.  He just suggests to Nott that there exist people in the world that shouldn’t be robbed, not because they’ve no money worth stealing but because those people can’t afford to lose what little they have.  At some point he took it upon himself to be the person who keeps an eye on everyone else in the party, whether to try to defuse an argument or pick someone up when they’re down or corner them and take them to task, quietly, out of earshot of all the others.  It’s impossible not to get the sense that Molly is already more invested in this group working and staying together than anyone else here, and he takes that fact as a given, and he’s ready to put in the quiet background work to keep it in one piece.  He’s already brushed off or buried whatever mourning he did for the broken circus family he so clearly loved so well, and it should be a contradiction, but mostly it just feels like Molly is too used to being ready for things to go south and people to leave, because life is just shit like that and you take what you can get.  He treats love exactly the same way he treats money: a thing that’s hard to come by and well worth collecting if you possibly can, to be enjoyed and played with to the very fullest while you have it, because soon enough it’ll be gone again either way.

At any rate, I’m really enamoured of this show that has characters so nuanced by ten episodes in.  (Granted, ten episodes clocks close to 40 hours, but shhhh.  D&D time is different.)  I chalk a ton of it up to, ‘oh, shit, this is why voice actors are the perfect people to put on D&D as a massive serial fiction adventure’.  Every single person at the table makes a living out of putting nuance into characters with just their voice, so of course they know what they’re doing, and they’ve all played zillions of characters (their IMDB pages are so long, jfc) with plenty of nuance to begin with.  They know how to do this shit.

The other thing, I think, is that everybody at the table feels safe with the idea that they’ll have enough time to draw these characters out all the way to the end.  Everybody in this group has so many secrets, so many of the linking pieces that lay out and explain the layers and contradictions, and nobody is rushing to pull any of them out on the table right up at the start, because everybody there is totally secure in the idea that they’ll get 500-odd hours to tell this story and it doesn’t all have to happen yet.  Character death is always a risk, but the only healer isn’t going to up and move to another state, and nobody is going to get married and have no time any more, and the DM’s manager at work isn’t going to suddenly start assigning Thursday night shifts and all of the sudden scheduling is a disaster for so long it never gets fixed.  Nobody is going to decide they don’t care any more and just stop showing up.  They’ve been at this together a long, long time, and also they’re making an actual show about it that they actually get paid for, and they can take as long to tell the story, and make it whatever story, that they want.  It’s a really different kind of energy than any D&D game I ever managed to play, and even different from most shows that never know when the ‘cancel’ hammer might come down from the network.

It’s pretty cool.  I like it a lot.

Dear 2018,

warning: up ahead is a long ass post with mentions of anxiety, depression, infidelity, death, very specific events that might seem silly to you but really fucked me up, optimism, and copious amounts of personification.

You were cruel.

My dad gave my dog away without telling me and while I took a nap of all things for reasons that made no sense at the moment but would soon reveal themselves as the year unfolded. My dog was my best friend and longtime confidant. I was the annoying dog owner who snapchatting their dog every day. He was my first hug when I had a bad day and my last goodnight every night as I headed off to bed. I don’t know where he is now because my father won’t tell me but 2018, you left me so incredibly hurt by my parents that I couldn’t bring myself to speak to them for two weeks.

But I learned to cope.

In the days that followed, I wrote a 20k long story. I was crying and sad and didn’t know what else to do. I spent three days writing that story, sleeping on the couch because I didn’t want to walk into my room only to see that my dog wasn’t waiting by my bed. A story I wrote could never replace seven years of companionship but it gave me something tangible to hold onto when I found myself unable to turn to my family. Camellia, the story, holds a special place in my heart because it isn’t often that from such sadness tumbles out a love story.

You were cruel.

2018 took the life of the boy I have admired and blushed over since I was eleven. He was the kind of kid who had every reason to be an asshole with how good looking and widely popular he was but... he wasn’t. He was polite and genuinely smart and loved basketball. I mean loved it. It was funny back then but in my senior year when we were asked to write poems, he chose to write it about his basketball and his team. We all cheered him on at the end of it as he slipped back into his seat in the back, a happy grin on his face. I remember how hot my face got when he let me interview him for a school project and how nice he was to me because he knew I was nervous. When I graduated, he was the one person that I was looking forward to seeing at our high school reunion. I wanted to know where he’d end up in life. I never thought that his life would come to an end.

So I took some time to reflect.

I left Tumblr for quite a bit. It’s a hard thing to understand when someone so young dies suddenly and needlessly. It was larger than just my feelings. It was as if my entire town fell silent. 2018, you left behind his family and an entire community in pain and mourning. He was not mine to mourn as a lover nor really as a friend but I mourned him as a long time classmate who put far greater good into the world than he ever did bad. I hurt for his family, his girlfriend, his friends— my friends —who knew him well and will never get closure or answers to his death because there are none. I hope heaven has a basketball court.

You were cruel.

One of your Saturday nights was when my mom walked by our guest bedroom and overheard her husband on the phone with his girlfriend of a year. It was the reason why my dad got rid of my dog and was trying so desperately to sell our house. He was trying to move us into an apartment just so that he could leave my mom and me in it. He stood in front of my mom silently as she broke down two days later and told him that she knew about his girlfriend. I knew his girlfriend, I had been to her house; she had 3 kids and a husband. My dad left my family for another family, for another country, and as much as that hurt, nothing hurt more than holding my crying mother in my arms every night because she came to the United States alone and I was all she had now. My father took everything in the house, leaving us with one bed and a couch. He said he would take care of us but the fact that he took two beds when he only needed one should’ve been a warning sign enough. He cut my mother’s salary and belittles her at work. He keeps coming over to our house and making my mother cry. He never gave her space to heal and still isn’t. I had to make nice though because he was always the provider and I relied on him financially. He cut my brother from his will and my mother feared he’d do the same to me.

But my family understood.

I thought with my father living elsewhere, I wouldn’t see my family anymore. He was the one who always drove me down to every family gathering, and now I could hardly look him in the eyes. To my surprise, even though he was very much the head of my family, they all reach out to me and my mother, offering their condolences. It was nice to know that I wasn’t a terrible daughter for not wanting to see my father, it was nice knowing his family understood. He was a great provider but cruel, emotionally detached parent and I struggled with the guilt of not mourning his absence in the house. My family helped me realize that my priority should be myself and my mother and I am so grateful for them.

You were cruel.

You were anxiety. Crippling, unimaginable anxiety. You were a panic attack one Monday morning alone in my house as I realized how empty but suffocating my home had become. 2018 was sitting down in class, only to rush out the moment I realized I had forgotten another assignment, crying in the school bathrooms because I knew I was falling behind. I pretended like everything was fine. I didn’t ask for help. I was ashamed to. My mother didn’t have friends because of the type of person my father was and she needed one. So I became her friend, despite the fact that I am just a daughter. I comforted and listened to her. I read her divorce papers for her because my English was better than hers and I knew my father was going to try and fuck her over. My mother was behind every happy memory I had so I owed her this much. Eventually, I just stopped going to school, too anxious to even leave my neighborhood. I would wave my mother goodbye and hop into my car like I was off to university but really I just park somewhere in my neighborhood and hated myself. God how I hated myself.

But my friends were kind.

Early on in the year, 2018 brought me, friends. Friends that would last throughout the year despite the fact that I pushed them away and isolated myself. People like @httpjeon, who would become my number one confidant and best fucking friend along with @introseesaw @junqkook, who never questioned why I had to leave the group chat and disappear for days. People like @timeline-comics, who is so patient and understanding and inspires me. People like @kittae @gukyi @jeongukk who probably didn’t know how much just talking to them made me feel sane and safe. As much as 2018 took away, it also gave me such wonderful people when I needed them the most and I am grateful beyond words. Even when my mother was in the midst of heartbreak, divorce and reliving childhood trauma, she still eventually found me, as most mothers do when they’re children become lost. She offered me love and support like she has done with every breath she has ever taken and told me it was okay to ask for help. I wasn’t invincible, no one was. It was only with others that we could grow stronger.

You were cruel.

I did poorly this semester. I knew I would. But it was severe enough that my university noticed and suspended me from the upcoming term. They told me to come back in the summer and offered me the number to their counseling services. My father didn’t understand how this could have happened, or maybe he didn’t want to understand, so he cut me off financially and called me names that I’m still trying to convince myself aren’t true.

But I had you all.

In the worst year of my life, 2018 brought me a community of people who love and support my work despite how flaky I am putting it out. It brought me a platform where I can express myself creatively and unapologetically. 2018 brought me you guys, my readers— my people. It brought me anons who made my entire day in 200 words or less. It brought me people who reblogged my posts with funny tags that, as corny as it sounds, made the world feel less heavy, even if it was just for a moment. I know that you guys are a blessing. This blog is one of the best things that’s happened to me. It’s my happy place and I am so beyond grateful for you all.

And finally. There is one thing left to say.

2018, I forgive you.

You were cruel, confusing and painful and as much as you set me back, I am going to use you to propel me forward in 2019. It was in your darkness that I realized just how wonderful every speck of light truly feels. Because of you, I am going to fight for happiness and work on loving myself again as BTS has been telling me to do all year because you have given me a reason to finally need to more than ever.

Dear 2019,

Treat me gently. Greet me with kindness. Because if you don’t, I will bend you to my will because, dammit, I deserve happiness. I deserve comfort. I deserve 2019. I will get a job and maintain myself. I will attend counseling and work on fixing myself. I will love myself loudly and write until my fucking fingers fall off. I will go back to school in summer and look forward to learning because it’s what I love; I know now more than ever that it’s a privilege to get to go to school. I will ask for help when I need it and offer it when it’s needed. And I will never stop supporting those who supported me in 2018.

To those who were also hurt by 2018, just know that you walk into the new year cautiously right alongside me and it’s okay to be scared. It’s okay to heal. It’s okay to prioritize yourself. It’s okay to ask for help. It’s okay to not be okay. Because even today is cruel, there is always a chance that tomorrow will be kind and that’s a chance worth fighting for.

Sincerely, Rose 🌹

“Vidya Games” could actually be a funny pun if Sanskrit is considered

Right, well. A couple months into living in the NEW HOUSE, enjoying my NEW COMPUTER and also my brother is here and keeps BUYING ME GAMES, so let me talk a bit about the GAMES I have been PLAYING.

Hiveswap Friendsim

This is a visual novel being released episodically in between acts of the greater Hiveswap. There are five volumes right now. If any MSPA readers are here and haven’t already played it, then listen: You’re basically the Jailbreak guy, and the game is basically a longer and more thought-out Bard Quest, set in the (Side 1) Homestuck universe. The goal of the game is to make friends with everyone you run into. It’s good. Fucking good. Not only is it constantly hilarious, it tugs at your emotions at times in ways that are kinda hard to expect? And it seems to be one semi-consistent narrative, across all the volumes, which... is promising! If you know nothing about MSPA or Homestuck, it’s probably not a bad place to start. Volumes are only a dollar on Steam, and you’ll get pretty immersed in the worldbuilding. (I don’t want to talk about it much more because... well, I guess I might wait for it to be closer to something like “done.” But also, I would want to get very Homestuck if I were to talk about it, and for now I’d rather just talk video games.)

Hotel Dusk: Room 215 Another visual novel, this one was back on the original Nintendo DS. You’re an ex-cop who is now a traveling salesman, and you stop at an isolate hotel for the night. All the guests have secrets, and something tells you you’re going to learn something new about the day your cop buddy betrayed you those many years ago. Now, I’d beaten this nearly 10 years ago. I remember loving every minute of it, and I vaguely remember some of the plot reveals. But it was cheap at my local game store, so I’m playing through it again. Wanted to mention it because... it is a wonderful game, great for anyone who has a DS and can find the thing. It’s a 3D adventure! With a lot of text. And some puzzles.

Professor Layton and the Lost Future PUZZLES. JUST PUZZLES. Also a plot that I’m.. still getting through! I beat the first two also nearly 10 years ago, decided to finally get around to the last one in the original trilogy. I remember the first two’s puzzles often gave me great difficulty, but uh. I’m kinda breezing through this one! I am nearly 10 years older, I mean, so that does make sense. And I know a lot more about how puzzles are crafted. (the story is a little silly. the first two’s stories were also a little silly. it’s nice. I really hate the voice direction, though, and how SLOW AND CAREFUL EVERYONE SPEAKS. .....it’s for a younger audience than I am.)

Earthbound Chances are, if I need to explain anything about this game to you, I’m not the one you should be asking. There are plenty of smart articulate people on the internet who would be more than happy to introduce it to a new audience. I grew up knowing about and, uh, emulating this game, but one of the things Adam got me first was a Super Nintendo mini classic thing, and that comes with a legit (legal) copy of Earthbound on it. So I’ve been playing through the game. This is also the first time I’ve, um... gotten past the Third Strongest Moles without, um... using cheats for... level-ups. <__<;; SO. I’m kinda still on what I guess is my First Ever Earthbound Playthrough. Haven’t played it in a while, because as I’ve said, Adam keeps buying me more games, and every one of them interests me in some way. BUT I CAN REMEMBER, from my playthrough:

- I named Ness “Quinn.” Paula is “Issy.” Jeff is “Dolph.” Poo is “Kev.” Dog is “Karkat.” Favourite food is “S[hepherd’s] Pie.” Favourite thing is “Love.” - I have already had a CLOSE SAVE, finishing a battle right before my HP rolled down to zero. - My mum has been watching off-and-on. She laughed when someone ran into the Onett library bathroom, or.. wherever that was. Whenever the photo guy leaves, she wonders why he hasn’t yet given us any of the photos he’s taken. - Mondo Mole gave me the most trouble, not counting ALL THE FUCKING ENEMIES IN THE THIRD STRONGEST MOLE CAVES.

Anyway, that’s all the games I feel like talking about right this minute. Let me give you a list of all the other games I’ve been playing.

THE BIG ONES, I (ALREADY, OR WILL) HAVE A LOT TO SAY ABOUT:

YUME NIKKI - DREAM DIARY - Proteus Metal Gear Solid 5 (the really big one!!!) Fallout 4 Black Mesa A Hat in Time Life is Strange Mass Effect: Andromeda

THE OTHER ONES. WILL TALK ABOUT IN PAIRS:

Super Mario World + Galaxy + 3D Land (the MIGHTY MARIO TRIAD) Sonic and the Secret Rings + Sonic 4 (the NAUGHTY SONIC CORNER) Super Metroid + Super Smash Bros for 3DS (the.. uh.. SAMUS GAMES?) Oddworld: Stranger’s Wrath + Psychonauts (the WEIRD EARLY 3D PLATFORMER DUO) Bioshock: Remastered + NaissanceE (the FIRST-PERSON UNLIKELY LADS) Slender: The Arrival + Layers of Fear (the SCARED JORDAN PAIR) Euro Truck Simulator 2 + Universe Sandbox 2 (the SIMULATORS) Left 4 Dead 2 + Evolve (the rare event: JORDAN ENJOYS MULTIPLAYER)

Which ones sound most interesting? <3

Rewriting Muja and Mida to be a little less... weird

I love these two characters a lot actually, but I understand where everyone comes from when they are accused of being pedo/ creepy and yeah I think it’s a bit weird too tbh. It is just a game so I’d be fine if they stayed the way the are right now, but since a lot of people seem to not like it i have some ideas for rewrites.

Muja

Pink mom, smart, just a bit clumsy, forgetful, super caring. First of all let me say she’s not an idiot. Ditsy doesn’t mean dumb, I’m the most clumsy person I know yet I still do well in school. That’s how Muja is. Super smart (even a bit nerdy) academically, frightfully out of it everywhere else. She’s never been very social and tends to stay quiet in a group. Although she is very kind and loves to help people any way possible. That includes being a good listener and comforting. Muja likes herbal tea and meditating. In the future she would like to work in a nursing home.

When Taro/Taeko come in with a cold to Muja at the beginning of her week, she immediately rushes to give them top care. They look very sickly, and although they do have a small cold they are suffering mostly mentally based on the events of the past weeks. If Ayano eliminated past rivals peacefully Senpai is just very worn out from being rejected/ rejecting so many girls in their first weeks of school. If she eliminated them violently, Senpai will be extremely paranoid, anxious, and depressed. If they witnessed any of the deaths or found any bodies/blood they might even have some post trauma symptoms. Muja act as a mother and therapist to Senpai. They get over the cold in the first two days but muja requires them to keep visiting her for mental help. Muja doesn’t like Senpai romantically, yet she grows close to them. She worries about this child greatly, and due to her antisocial nature she also feels like she has a close friend for the first time in awhile. Senpai, on the other hand, falls hard for Muja. Sure, it’s wrong, Senpai knows that very well, but the poor kid has gone through so much emotional turmoil it feels good to finally have someone to fall on and talk to. 

Muja doesn’t leave a note for Senpai ( that is a bit silly, a grown woman leaving a love note in a locker like a schoolgirl) Senpai leaves a note in her office to meet at the tree after school. Senpai confesses to her, but she shuts them done quickly and gently. She feels awful doing it after this kid has been through so much, so she promises they can still visit her on weekends for herbal tea after she leaves the school. She also explains they might need some therapy and says that on Monday she will arrange a meeting with the guidance counselor and their family to get them the help they need. Senpai is disappointed, though they realize maybe they don’t really like her romantically, rather just grow an emotional dependence after so much emotional damage. Ultimately, both Muja and Senpai end on good terms and perhaps Senpai can finally get the help they need. 

 Despite there being no returned romance, Muja is still a rival to Ayano. Romance on either side is still a threat for Ayano and Senpai’s “love”. Even though Muja turns down Senpai they are still going to stay friends. That isn’t allowed. Friends to Ayano means there is still the possibility of romance in the future if Senpai continues to pine for Muja. Muja absolutely needs to be out of the picture, no exceptions. Ayano is characterized as being extremely possessive after all. 

 If eliminated by matchmaking, Muja will still make an effort to talk to Senpai, but Senpai will ignore her and stop coming to meetings because they are jealous asf and feels betrayed since Muja was the only person who understood them. If eliminated by befriending, Muja will explain she didn’t know Senpai had feelings towards her. To make sure the feelings don’t get encouraged, she redirects Senpai to the guidance counselor and makes Ayano promise to take good care of him if they get together. Feeling betrayed once again, Senpai fakes being perfectly fine to the guidance counselor to isolate themself, starving them of the help they need.

 Mida 

*cracks knuckles and breaks them* ok time to fix this problem child. Mida is a wild card party girl, she’s a good spunky leader which is why she went into teaching but she lacks in the responsibility part of the job, her loud voice and nature scares her students into behaving though, she wears revealing clothing because she thinks it’s funny to push the dress code as far as possible and see the look on her student faces ( she probably started doing it as a dare ), she a Muja are lunch buddies who can eat everything on the menu, she parties a lot and does all the drinking and one night stands a young woman can do, she talks quick and skips small details and get to the point. She is NOT into students though, yes she likes attention and yes she wears revealing clothes as a joke and is used to students crushing on her but would never seriously date a student. 

When Senpai comes to her for after school help she finds it funny how nervous they are because they of course find her attractive, so she jokes around a bit to get them to lighten up and puts on a coat to cover up. Senpai loves her charismatic attitude and her demeanor. Remember, Senpai has recently gone under a lot of stress and isn’t thinking clearly and clinging onto whoever shows them the least bit of promise. And come on guys, Senpai is a teenager after all ( they get a new crush every week for gods sake). Mida quickly befriends Senpai as she finds them an interesting and smart kid. On the Wednesday of her week she will ask Senpai why they are falling behind in school if they are such a good student. Senpai mentions the past weeks and Mida starts to see the big picture. On Thursday Senpai passes a test in Mida’s class and after school she turns them away saying they don’t need tutoring anymore and just need to study more. Senpai panics and in desperation claims they need help in other subjects. Mida had a hunch that Senpai had feelings for her, but decides to help them anyway because she does care for the kid and wants to help if they are telling the truth. Friday, Senpai comes by again for help but Mida talked to his other teachers who said hes been doing better in their classes after her tutoring and confronts him on his lie. Senpai goes silent. “Ok Yamada, do you want to know what I think? I think you need help. You’ve seen some fucked up shit the past few weeks (did I mention she has a sailor mouth) and you want someone to cling onto for comfort. You never needed help for school, you need some real help. So tell me kid, what is really up? What do you REALLY need help with?”. Senpai stays quiet, and finally asks her to follow them outside to the cherry tree.

When they get there Senpai starts a long tangent about their deep feelings for Mida : “just want you to give me a chance, I may be a student but I can mature for you. I can be a good boy/girlfriend. And-” Mida stops them and lays hard facts on them.“ No, you’re not mature, this is extremely childish of you. No you wouldn’t be a good partner for me, you’re a child and I’m an adult. No, you don’t need me or love me, you are dependent on me and need mental help.” Mida goes against her irresponsible and childish nature to grow up for a few minutes, it’s what Senpai needs. Yes she is harsh but Senpai needs to be turned down hard to keep them from pining after her hopelessly. Senpai doesn’t need a lover like her, that wouldn’t be healthy. They need an adult. Senpai does cry, and Mida keeps her adult/motherly attitude but goes in more gently now. She tells them she will stick around the school for a bit to help them keep their grades and like Muja arrange a meeting to get Senpai further mental help. Senpai admits to them self they didn’t really like Mida that much, it was more emotional dependence mixed with initial attraction. Also Senpai looked up to Mida as a role model, admiring her leadership, social qualities, and don’t care attitude. Mida tells Senpai “Aw come on kid, give me a smile.” Senpai gives Mida a teary smile and Mida slaps their back “That’s the spirit!” and walks Senpai back to the entrance with her hand on their back. She gives them a ride home and comes in to talk in private to Senpai’s parents about their behavior over the past week (while Hanako pulls them upstairs for hot cocoa and cartoons).

This is still a game over for Ayano for similar reasons as Muja, plus she misinterprets Midas hand on their back as a romantic gesture. If befriended Ayano will tell her about Senpai's feelings. Mida will be pretty cold and switch Senpai to a male teacher for tutoring. She doesn’t want to lead him on anymore ( and she doesn’t want to deal with the drama either. Hey, she’s not perfect). Dev has said that if Mida was matchmade, she would date another student. Maybe instead of dating another student, Ayano gets a student who has a lusty crush on their teacher to flunk Midas class. Mida decides since Senpai is a good student who is just failing due to stress to give the other student tutoring since they might actually have more problems than Senpai, and then gets too distracted with the super flirty and annoying student to even talk to Senpai anymore. Of course she wouldn’t date the student, just give them more attention. Similar to Muja, Senpai would feel incredibly betrayed. 

Those are some ideas I had for revising Mida and Muja to be less unnerving. Again, idc if they stay the way the are but if the dev wanted to fix the characters like he suggested with Kokona or Ayano this would be one way to do it. Sorry this was super long just wanted to get all the ideas down. Also I did emphasize Senpai s mental problems, but I think that their behavior will still depend on how bad the past weeks were. If the past rivals were eliminated peacefully Senpai wouldn't cry during Midas confession or act quite as dramatic, And Senpai wouldn't need serious therapy. If rivals are eliminated peacefully Senpai might just need someone to rant to.

top 5 and bottom 5 kudos fics

tagged by @clarkescrusade, and i guess this sounds fun so why not. thanks boo.

rules: tag the person who tagged you, always post the rules, answer the questions, and add the date!

What are your five most popular works? (in descending order)

1. bound by the secrets we share | bellarke, 48k, E, completed 1/25/16

"Clarke, hi," he muttered, his face scrunched up in frustration as he finally managed to release the button, breathing in a large gulp of air.

They had only met a handful of times, twice before the match (both surprise guard inspections), and two more times since then.

She managed to twitch her mouth into a small smile. “You having a hard time breathing, too?”

Bellamy let out a choked laugh. “Yeah.”

Clarke nodded. “I’m nervous.”

Bellamy pulled his lips into a tight line. “It’ll be fine.”

The official stepped out into the hall and told them it was time to begin, Bellamy and Clarke exchanged a wary look. Bellamy held out his hand and Clarke slipped hers into his slightly clammy grasp and she trailed behind him into the room.

my biggest and longest endeavor. it took me a whole year from beginning to end. i struggled through re-writes and lack of inspiration, and i grew tremendously as a writer throughout the process. but it is the thing i am most proud of completing and i am happy that so many people loved it and encouraged me through it. 

2. teacher's pet | bellarke, 16k, E, completed 7/14/15

As soon as she arrived at the school, the office pointed her in the direction of her son’s second grade class and she knocked as she pushed open the door.

“Mr. Blake?” She said, pushing into the room. “I’m--”

“Clarke?”

Clarke nearly tripped over the rug. Lex was sitting in the front row of the classroom, just to the right of the teachers desk where sat none other than the illusive Just Bellamy.

“Fuck,” Clarke whispered.

Lex whipped around, gaping at her.

“Oh my god, sorry, baby.” Clarke pleaded with her child.

Bellamy cleared his throat, and Clarke dragged her gaze painfully back to his. No, no, no. Please don’t be my sons teacher. “I’m Mr. Blake.” Oh my god, I fucked my sons teacher.

hahahahaha, this started out as a two-shot and the response was SO intense i ended up turning it into a full blown fic. there were lots of little chapters, snapshots into the story. probaby some of the best smut i’ve ever written. it’s fun, and my wheelhouse, so i enjoyed this one a lot.

3. baggage claim | bellarke, 20k, M, completed 5/25/15

“You look a little young to be a doctor, Mrs. Griffin.” Bellamy joked.

Clarke blushed, “It’s just miss, and yeah, I get that a lot.” She had her arms folded across her chest as she leaned against the door. He had a lean build, messy dark curls (in a good way) and a medley of freckles across the bridge of his nose and cheekbones. He had a funny way of pursing his lips when he smiled that kind of made her weak. It was an understatement to say he was handsome.

He had picked up his suitcase and dragged it behind him out into the hallway.

“Hang on, let me grab yours.”

“Oh, no, I can come--”

“No, no, please, let me.”

Clarke hung back in the doorway and she watched the man stroll back to his own room, disappearing into it for just a short moment. He came back into sight with her own belongings and she let out a deep breath with a smile.

He noticed how her eyes got real bright when she smiled, and he noticed the small gap between her two front teeth and the cute dimple in her chin. And he definitely noticed that she was the perfect height to fit against his own… not that he was… thinking about… that.

“Well, what a fun adventure this has been.” Clarke said, moving the bag just inside the door.

Bellamy nodded in agreement, “It was nice to meet you doc.” He took a small step backwards, smiling, before shoving his hands in his pockets and returning to his room. Once he was back in the quiet of his room, he grabbed a wad of clothing from his bag and headed for the bathroom. He indulged in a quick shower to freshen up before he headed down to the bar, feeling relieved to finally be rid of the stiff suit he’d been stuck in all day.

ah classic airport luggage switchup. this started out as a oneshot, and then i got crazy. it’s hard for me to read back because i think the writing was pretty weak, especially in the beginning. it was one of the first things i ever started writing. but it’s fun and a little silly so.

4. home is where the heart is | bellarke, 30k, M, completed on 9/8/14

“I’d be just fine on the couch.” She stepped closer.

“I’m sure you would, but you’ll probably get a better nights sleep if you sleep in the bed.”

“Why don’t we share?”

Clarke was surprised at the words coming out of her own mouth, only inches from Bellamy, heat radiating between them. “Oh?” Bellamy brought his hand to Clarke’s face, her skin soft under his calloused palm.

Tension dangled between them. She’d be gone tomorrow. What could it hurt. They both needed a release, a comfort, whatever you want to call it.

my very first full blown fic. i am still very proud of this. completing this was not easy, and it was such a learning experience. it’s terrifying to share something you created with the world, and i was so happy about the response and encouragement i got from it. my little southern small town au baby,

5. a kiss is a secret which takes the lips for the ear | bellarke, 1453, G, posted 12/6/14

"What?" Clarke demanded.

"Uh, what, what? What the hell was that?"

Clarke raised an eyebrow, “What was what?” She looked around innocently.

"You just kissed Bellamy!"

"No, I didn’t!" Clarke exclaimed.

"Uh, yeah, you totally did."

Clarke got quiet, “Oh, my god.”

"Yeaaah," Raven tittered.

haha, i think this was a prompt, and probably posted before 12/6 because i was weird about cross posting for awhile. this, i think, got a lot of notes on tumblr. maybe one of my first viral tumblr fics. it was a really cool feeling and i still adore this fic.

What are your five least popular works by kudos? (in ascending order)

1. Stronger in the Contrast | bellarke, 2.2k, T, posted 10/27/16

“That’s a lot of rations.” She’s frowning. “You realize this is a day trip.”

He huffs, tipping his head towards her. “A lot can happen in a day.”

Remember what happened the day Charlotte died. Jumped off a cliff.

Bellamy slams his eyes shut.

All because you told her to slay her demons.

“Bellamy?” Clarke’s voice sounds far away, tugging at his consciousness. He jerks back to attention. “What’s going on with you?”

lol, i hated writing this and i hated how it turned out. bff halloweek fill.

2. Endurance: Mecha | gen/bellarke, 65k, T, completed 7/31/16

[Camera pans over a dense forest that opens out onto a rugged coastline, crystal waters lapping at the sand and zooms in on a man clad in a blue and yellow Hawaiian-print shirt walking along the shore]

Marcus Kane: Right now ten guys and ten girls from all across the country are about to embark on a journey of a lifetime. They will be isolated from their friends and families and put to the test. These twenty kids will see if they have both the ability and the Endurance to overcome obstacles to achieve a goal. As this group of strangers makes their way across the sea, they must mentally prepare themselves to have their courage, strength and stamina tested.

[Camera pans to a boat skimming across rugged water, a lanky boy with disheveled brown hair and a goofy smile leans on the edge of the boat]

this was my absolute favorite project i’ve ever done. i actually wrote it with @clarkescrusade. i am sad it never gained the traction we were hoping for. we even presented it like a tv show and had an interactive blog and everything. oh well, i still do and always will adore this project with all my heart.

3. that you just might | bellarke, 1694, T, posted 12/17/15

“How’ve you been?” Clarke laughs at his attempt to make small talk.

“We live together, Bellamy.”

i think this was for a ss and i copped out and just built on a drabble i had already written. it was fine and cute. nothing revolutionary.

4. Feel The Love In The Room | bellarke, 2k, posted 12/21/15

“Ready for presents?” Bellamy asks, raising an eyebrow.

“I never am.” Clarke smiles at him.

a christmas fill for the bellarke advent calendar i think? it was silly and cute, again, not very revolutionary.

5. a little more touch my body | feyrhys, 5k, abandoned on 8/23/16

In an instantaneous decision Feyre turns her head, capturing Rhys’ lips with her own. He lets out a surprised yelp before relaxing into it. It true fashion, Rhys makes a show of tangling one hand in her hair and settling the other on her hip, tugging her in closer.

The kiss is innocent enough at first, a firm, chaste pressure, though Feyre is certain she can almost taste the whiskey. She can’t help but let out a soft moan when Rhys slips the tips of his fingers beneath the hem of her top, thumb rubbing along the soft skin above her waistband.

Feyre makes another split second decision and slides her tongue along the seam of his lips, and he opens for her eagerly. The noise around them seems to dull, and her ears now roar, blood rushing through her, electricity humming through every vein in her body. Rhys’ hand travels around her midsection, his palm pressing flat against the small of her back.

Rhys’ spins the stool towards her, and Feyre steps in between his legs. He drops the hand from her hair and places it on her hip as well. Her hands grasp at his shirt and she takes another step closer, their bodies flush.

my first real attempt at writing something non-bellarke. it was fun and smutty. i kind of lost interest. but the fandom was small but it was well received!

anyways, thanks annie. that was fun. i can continue to cringe at all my bad writing my afar now. too lazy to tag anyone else. or maybe @yalenayardeen and @ofhobbitsandwomen i guess, if you want.

“Wonder Woman” review

I’m sure I wasn’t alone in being not-particularly-excited for “Wonder Woman”, the latest entry in the DC Extended Universe; after all, I did see the other films in the DCEU. There was the two-and-a-half-hour long trailer “Man of Steel”, the ambitious but notably flawed “Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice”, and “Suicide Squad”, a film that if I were forced to choose between seeing again and taking my own life, I would spend far too long considering. With skepticism in hand, I saw “Wonder Woman”, and I cannot remember the last time I was so happy to be so wrong about a film. This isn’t to say that the movie doesn’t have its own fair share of flaws (it does), but in at least one significant area, which is to inspire hope for the DCEU, it works wonders.

After a brief framing-device setup, the movie tells the origin story of Diana, princess of an isolated island of muscular, Amazonian warrior-babes. In a slow-but-alright prologue, she grows from an eager young girl who is sheltered from combat by her Queen mother to a formidable fighter when suddenly, dashing American soldier Steve Trevor crash lands in their waters. From him, she discovers the ongoing conflict of World War I and sets out alongside him to Europe to help save humanity from what she believes to be the machinations of Ares, the wrathful god of war. Writing it now, this sounds like silly, comic book-y stuff (and it is), but it works within the context of the movie, and the plot isn’t really the reason the movie works as well as it does, anyway.

Let’s talk about Gal Gadot. I was among those who were skeptical when Zack Snyder first cast her as Wonder Woman in BvS, despite his usual excellent penchant for casting his films. A model with acting experience that mainly consisted of “Fast & Furious” movies (not exactly acting showcases) being put in the shoes of the most famous female hero in comic book history has a lot to live up to, and while her limited role in BvS was decent, it didn’t exactly set the world on fire. Such is not the case here in her solo film. Finally given a character with outward personality and depth, she is absolutely phenomenal in what is legitimately one of the best portrayals of a comic book character in any movie. Diana is an idealist, a good-hearted and eager young woman (despite being centuries-old) with no small amount of naiveté and innocence but also someone who is also fiercely strong-willed and independent, and Gadot nails every aspect of her character and every bit of her development throughout the course of the movie, as well as being surprisingly funny. Sure, you could argue that there are probably some actresses out there who could offer some better line-deliveries, but in terms of sheer charisma and how she carries herself and how she makes you believe that she is Wonder Woman, I’d say that Snyder’s mostly-superlative casting record continues. By the end of the film you’ll be convinced that Gal Gadot is a fucking megastar.

The main reason the movie works so well for me is Diana’s relationship with Trevor, played by Chris Pine. A likable, cynical rogue who isn’t too much of a stretch for Pine considering he plays Kirk similarly in the new “Star Trek” films, but a character who is still given enough dimension and gravitas to make him memorable, which the naturally charismatic Pine plays to a tee. Their lack of familiarity with each other’s worlds and their clashes in communication leads to some nice fish-out-of-water humor (see Trevor’s bemusement at the glowing water on the island or Diana’s reaction to her first ice cream), but it’s their chemistry that is the beating heart of this film. The characters’ opposing worldviews supplies the needed character drama, but also helps creates a bond that feels as natural and fresh as any pairing in recent history. Just try watching the boat scene about 30 minutes into the movie without smiling, laughing, or feeling the fireworks these two create. This leads to a bond atypical of most movies, where their deepening relationship is based not on superiority of one over the other, but one of equality and respect, where you actually feel these two grow both individually and together. I might be harping too much on this matter, but this is easily the best romance in any comic book movie (yes, even better than Cap and Bucky). Other film couples have chemistry; these two are cooking Heisenberg-quality meth together and making it look effortless.

The rest of the cast is solid, as well. Of note are Steve’s three buddies who tag along with him and Diana on their mission. They initially seem like the typical diverse comic-relief sidekicks, but are surprisingly well-written and are even given their own moments that flesh out and humanize them more than you’d expect in this kind of film (and I’m always happy to see Scotsman Ewen Bremner onscreen). Connie Nielsen and Robin Wright are alright as Diana’s Amazon queen mother and warrior aunt, but they’re only in the opening third of the movie and spend much of it speaking in stilted “Game of Thrones” dialogue. While the actors who play the villains are good, their actual characters are one of the film’s main weaknesses, somewhat lacking in terms of depth and being interesting. We never really understand why Doctor Poison stoops to creating her devastating weapons of war, and [SPOILERS] the “surprise” late-reveal of Ares can be seen coming a mile away. [END SPOILERS] It’s somewhat ballsy to take a historical figure such as German general Erich Ludendorff and make him the cackling bad guy in your movie (with some unusually accurate attention to detail like his view of war and his pagan Norse worship), and while entertaining, he too suffers from a lack of depth and motivation beyond conquering the world (which again should be noted, is not entirely historically inaccurate).

Patty Jenkins is the first time a woman has directed a major superhero film (not counting Lexi Alexander’s low-budgeted but face-explodingly awesome “Punisher: War Zone”), and she brings a uniquely feminine perspective to Diana’s story, from her upbringing in an all-female society to her learning of the frustrating world of mankind to her loving and compassionate nature. Jenkins has only directed one movie 14 years ago and has only done a handful of TV stuff since then, so her ground as an action director is understandably a bit shaky. The action itself is pretty good, but between the slight over-reliance on Snyder-esque slo-mo and over-editing, you can kind of tell this is Jenkins’ first time doing this sort of thing (not helped by some shockingly crappy CGI). However, she makes up for this by spacing out the action well over the course of the movie, and giving each fight weight, story meaning, and character development for Diana. Along with Rupert Gregson-Williams’ pounding soundtrack, this comes together best in an outstanding mid-movie charge across no man’s land to liberate a Belgian village. 

Putting aside the action stuff, Jenkins’ strength lies in the character scenes. The boat scene and others like it feel so natural and well-done because Jenkins knows the importance of slowing a movie down to let us take in the characters and making us care for them. In these scenes, she shows moments of such humanity and personal growth that it really catches you off-guard how moving this film can be. Later in the film, there’s a scene where a character sacrifices themselves and the camera holds on their face for a while, and seeing this person come to terms with their death will both break your heart and take your breath away. Moments like this involve you in a story more than any giant CGI clusterfuck or ironic Marvelquip. Speaking of which, the film itself has a refreshingly good sense of humor, that in deference to modern superhero tradition never feels forced and feels like it’s coming naturally from the characters and their quirks instead of soulless hack writers making pop-culture references.

Despite all that the film does right, it’s not without its flaws. Along with the aforementioned dodgy special effects and the so-so villains, the film also tends to get bogged down in exposition. It has not only the early backstory narration (which at least has context since it’s a story being read to Diana by her mother) and the third-act “villain explains their motivations” monologue, but also fairly frequent occurrences of “newly-introduced character tells us who they are and what the situation is”. It’s still done relatively well, and I prefer it to a movie rushing through just to get to the next studio-mandated action beat, but they could have been more economic with these parts. Also, the third act is a bit of a letdown. Without spoiling much, it disappointingly becomes another huge CG-battle after the baddie monologue, the kind we’ve all seen dozens of times. Maybe some producer or studio exec is hoping that these types of climaxes will one day go full-circle and become exciting again. Finally, the very last shot of the movie is kind of silly; it has no real purpose and is only there because someone out there mistakenly thought it’d look cool.

Nevertheless, I’m writing this review a few days after seeing it, and I’m honestly still shocked at how much I was thrilled, entertained, and even moved by “Wonder Woman”. It’s just so rare for me to find a movie that actually clicks with me on an emotional level that I can easily recommend it despite its relatively-minor foibles. I’m not convinced the DCEU has its shit together as this film could just as likely be an anomaly, but “Wonder Woman” is miraculous solely by giving one the slightest bit of hope that “Justice League” will be good. As long as Gal Gadot and Patty Jenkins make another one of these, I might just become optimistic about this franchise. You go, girls.

from this ask meme

What does your character typically keep in their pockets? nothing. pockets must be free in case he wants to put things in them later :)

Do they consider themselves an optimist? Pessimist? Realist? What are they like in actuality? considers himself a realist. he’s mostly a pessimist, with some optimistic ideas about the people of barovia.

How do they carry themselves around strangers? Friends/Lovers? Family? always polite. a bit less sincere, more ingratiating around strangers. shy and mild around friends. tired around family.

If your character was a work of art, how would you describe them? oil painting -  tenebrism - isolated - articulate - cavernous despair

How does your character express they're comfortable? willing to close his eyes or at least lower his lids, relaxing his posture, asking personal questions of someone else

How does your character express that they're uncomfortable? wide, unblinking eyes and a rictus grin, quiet voice with less inflection. whats quickly becoming a catchphrase: “dont say things like that”/”oh x you shouldnt say things like that”

How impulsive is your character? not too much, but in the heat of the moment he makes some dumb decisions

What is something they cannot resist? cleaning and wine

What is their favorite scent? fresh laundry or fresh water, fruits

If they were in a rock band, what role would they play? bass guitar or keys

How does your character blow off steam? he decompresses a little by fussing over his companions’ appearances

Physically, does your character feel warm or do they always feel cold? cold-natured, but heats up quickly with drink or embarrassment

If they were a body of water, what would they be? pond

Does your character value promises? Are they good at keeping them? yes and yes

Describe their ideal date. something quiet and respectable--a public place where they can enjoy a private conversation. a quick but interesting meal before or after. escorting them to their home and bidding them goodnight. laying awake and giddy for hours afterward

What keeps them going? he’s not built for anything else

Does your character swear? What's their favorite phrase/word? he tends to swear because i do, and “fuck” slips in as a sentence enhancer a lot. if i played it completely straight he wouldn’t swear as much, especially in front of people he thinks are his social “betters”

How does your character act when they want to seem inviting? pleasant, servile, and charitable

How does your character act when they want to seem threatening? he hasn’t tried this yet. probably gets cold, toneless, and petty

Can your character flirt? Are they aware they're flirting? How do they do it? he flirts through compliments or friendly gestures, but gets embarrassed and immediately backs down from it 

If they were a potion, what would it look like? (Color, glass shape, smell, etc.) something light and translucent, maybe green or pink, in a fine-cut clear glass decanter sealed with red wax. smells of soap and blood.

What kind of person would they never side with? the ruthless, the hungry, the unrepentant, the narcissistic

Would your character want to be famous? Why or why not? hell no--he must never be in the spotlight

What's a controversial food opinion they would have? he loves weird combinations. totally a “x on pizza” or “dip your nugs in y” type

How does your character feel about spending money? he’s frugal for himself, but generous when it comes to spending on others

What would they want for their funeral? he wants everyone he knows to come, he wants no one to come, he wants to be cremated, he wants no speeches, he wants a thousand tears, he wants no one to notice he died at all.

If they were a ghost, how would they haunt in the afterlife? funny: would clean up after the living and help out around the house. less funny: plaintive scratching at closed doors, cold spots, sounds of pacing, banging cabinet doors in a bid for attention

Why do they keep secrets? he’s ashamed of being alive

What does your character have too much of? shame and anxiety

What never gets old for your character? Something your character can't get enough of? new food and external validation 

Can your character visualize actual concepts in their head? Or are they just vague thoughts? yes, strong third eye

Does your character daydream? What do they usually keep their mind occupied with? he doesnt daydream often. often goes over lists of supplies, chores, sensations to occupy his mind if he starts to get too anxious

How do they feel about the unknown? frustrating and scary, but cant be helped

How do they respond to condescension? part tight, teeth-grinding fury, part resignation/agreement, self-loathing

Do they consider themselves childish/mature for their age? he’s always thought himself mature. but actually, his self-denial and black-and-white judgment of himself is a bit childish

What makes them blush? impropriety of any kind, and being complimented in any way

What are some ways your character acts silly? makes weird offhand remarks about birds, responding seriously to the overly creepy things others say

What fairytale/myth suits your character the best? the nightingale and the rose prob

What does your character believe their party lacks? power and, if hes honest, a fighting chance

Describe a corruption/redemption arc version of your character. the letter opener demands more and he gives more because hes always been a servant, and himself for the chance at beating strahd and saving ireena+barovia is hardly a price at all. i guess the letter opener eats his soul or something and he becomes cold, driven, and megalomaniacal. probably scares the others and eventually they part ways--perhaps violently, since ismark and marceline dont suffer any sort of disrespect or threat lightly. could only be redeemed if someone can convince him that he doesnt have to bear all the responsibility, and that theyd rather have their normal squishy ferris over an insane powerhouse. hed have to sacrifice himself/his power in some important way to make up for it though, if he did something really bad

What's a texture/sound your character cannot stand? dislikes ripping+scraping sounds, and chunky gloopy textures

Is there something your character isn't very good at, but enjoys doing nonetheless? talking about wine

Is your character good at apologizing? Why or why not? yes because hes very tactful

How do they hold onto people? physically? clasp a shoulder, grab an arm with one hand, or hold on to the fabric at the small of their back. 

What would they never forgive themselves for? killing an innocent person or doing something purely selfish

How does your character feel about growing old? fine, he just wishes hed wasted less time

Do they consider themselves funny? How do they use humor? he doesnt think hes especially funny, but gets a big confidence boost when someone laughs at his jokes, which he uses to defuse tension or establish a rapport

What do they want to leave behind? he just wants to forget his time at cobblepot manor. and he doesnt

Do they talk to themselves? sometimes mutters when hes annoyed

What is their native language? If they know multiple languages, how do they speak/act differently? he knows a lot, but the further they get from elvish or common, the more formal and archaic they get

What makes them a hypocrite? though he holds high standards for himself and others, he relaxes his standards for others quickly (“oh what did i expect anyway, im the responsible one here”). also will decry needless violence or murder, even though he murdered his boss brutally in the guy’s sleep

If your character was under quarantine, what type of quarantine person would they be? (Productive? Hobbyist? Lazy?) very productive. flits to new hobbies quickly

What does freedom mean to them? confusion, terror, excitement. its the only thing that would make him really happy, and he doesnt want it

What is something they currently look forward to? What is something they dread? look forward to getting a reward from the burgomaster. dread seeing strahd again

How has your character's mental health been recently? not great! but hes been holding it together because marceline is already upset and ismark is volatile. theres not room for his feelings.

If your character had wings what would they look like? sleek, pointy, fast-flying, well-preened, earth tones. falcon for efficiency, owl for discretion, or towhee for smallness

How does the way they act seemingly contradict their ability scores? very high cha abilities that he rarely uses, since marceline and ismark are more assertive. notably an intimidation score higher than marceline’s and equal to ismark’s that he would probably never use

What's a habit that needs to be broken? he needs to learn how to aim eldritch blast (i need to roll better)

What's something your character has realized? hes fucked

Who do they go to when they need to bounce ideas off of someone? suggests things to marceline and ismark (the other PCs), but makes a point to ask ireena (DMPC) what she thinks

Who do they go to when they've had a nightmare? nobody

Who does your character think is the most put together in the party? marceline or himself

Which party member would they pull a prank on? Who would they plan a prank with? ismark; marceline or ireena

What is one thing they want each party member to know? marceline: no matter where you come from or what youve done, youre a precious ally and friend to me. we are all unhappy here, so please just try to play along. ismark: you need a goal beyond protecting ireena and killing strahd because if you achieve those goals then youll be left adrift. and you deserve better. please stop yelling at, lying to, or trying to fight everyone we meet. ireena: you deserve more than life dealt you. as long as you live, there is hope for you. youre loved and protected by a lot of people, and its a happy burden.

Which do they value more?

65. Adoration or Intimidation? adoration

66. Outward Passion or Quiet Rebellion? quiet rebellion

67. Selflessness or Self-Preservation? selflessness

68. Objective or Subjective? objective

69. Journey or Destination? wishes he could say journey, but its destination

Me & My Body

Trigger Warning: This is my story and I have never had an eating disorder but there are some mentions of things that may trigger someone who has or had an eating disorder to get greatly upset or to relapse. I want you to read ahead with caution.

Also another warning for mention of bullying/fat shaming/skinny shaming & abuse.

I am going to be completely honest. 

I have NEVER had a good body image. My family has a history of producing pudgy babies and I was the pudgiest of my siblings so of course when I got older and went to kindergarten and elementary school, of course, my baby fat wasn’t gone.

I had also managed to piss a girl off by unceremoniously mentioning that she had a mustache (I was a dick child). She was one of the more popular girls though and as a result, took to mocking me for my weight as a rebuttal. This fat shaming and mocking of my body and my form went on essentially till I got older and some of that baby fat went away as I grew. She and her friends would bully me for different reasons now: to isolate me or to say I looked like a man.

So it wasn’t just her saying things about my weight either, I had an abusive guy friend growing up too and anytime I would hang out with him he would have snacks and things that I wasn’t allowed to have at my home so I would snack a lot at his place. His mom seemed to love me as well so she would kind of spoil me a bit too for some reason.

As a result, he would always comment on me eating and eating too much and how I was a pig. My dad also had the tendency to comment on how I’m a pig too and my mom didn’t really make it any better by getting upset by how much I ate as well. So basically growing up when I had baby fat that I couldn’t really help...I was mocked for having that baby fat and eating as a growing child. 

My eating really wasn’t out of control now that I look back on it. It was basically just everyone commenting on every little thing I would do and commenting on my body constantly and commenting on how much I ate constantly as a growing child. 

Of course, when I grew up I was actually thin but I had it in my head that I wasn’t and anytime I would look at myself I would see fat. No matter what, I was actually UNDER weight for a long time and they wanted me to eat more. However, the damage had already been done and I was nervous about eating too much and also nervous or scared of having people see me eat. So what I would do was I wouldn’t eat lunch at school, I wouldn’t go out with my family to eat.

I would always eat at home and never in public. I would even get uncomfortable sitting at our table to eat because I was nervous about what would be said. At this point, I was also making new friends and one of those friends wasn’t the kindest about my figure or my lack of eating during lunches. He resorted to basically saying that I was anorexic and it was just bad. 

Because at this point I wasn’t necessarily too skinny but I wasn’t exactly healthy either and yet I was having a very serious eating disorder tossed my way as an insult. Like I know people say being fat-shamed sucks and it does but being a weight that isn’t even bad and having people say you are too skinny, that you are anorexic, it honestly hurt me worse than the fat comments. It’s like you got to societies standard and are being SHAMED for that...like that is like being what you should be and then having people attack you for that.

The fat shaming comments actually had the strange tendency to motivate me-at that time though nothing really motivated me. I at some point in high school though began to ACTUALLY gain weight and get to an unhealthy size and I’ll say the weight I was and I know people will say it wasn’t that bad. 

I was 169 at my heaviest and I know that doesn’t seem that bad but for someone of my stature and size that was actually considered almost obese. So I, of course, had my doctor say I should begin trying to lose weight. I at first didn’t really know how to go about it but I knew one thing, I hated my body-I loathed it.

I had stretch marks everywhere and I felt gross and disgusting most days. My depressive episodes and everything was a mess and I just hated myself. So I of course began with unhealthy ways of going about taking care of it. I tried starving myself, then at some point when I couldn't follow through with that I began trying to force myself to puke. 

I wasn’t successful with that either, I have a horrid gag reflex and rarely even puke when I’m legitimately sick so you can imagine how hard it was to FORCE that-I’m not saying this to make it seem like Eating Disorders are fun little ways of losing weight. They aren’t. I was fucking stupid for attempting to do either and I don’t think an Eating Disorder is just something you try but I will say I had the mindset at the time that you could just do that.

But my mother changed her life through weight loss and taking care of herself so I began looking to her for inspiration and doing my own research. I wound up cutting soda & juice out of my diet and only drinking water. I stopped eating anything that was considered fast food and I would try to avoid sweets and sugary things. 

I began working out and moving more. I realized that I liked dancing so I took to dancing to Kpop and to random music as well and then I would do random exercises as well. I slowly began to lose weight. It wasn’t a sudden thing, it took time and after I had graduated from school I had managed to lose over 30 pounds of weight. 

Now sometime in 2016 is when some issues happened. That summer I believe I had begun to have extremely bad stomach pains and burping fits that would go on the whole entire day. I mean it was bad, to the point that I woudl sometimes have a hard time breathing because I just could not stop burping and I know that sounds silly but it honestly wasn’t funny.

It would effect everything. I was constantly uncomfortable. I would sometimes just not eat hoping that would sate it and then I would even lose sleep because it would happen throughout the night. So it took a while for my mom to actually take this seriously and when she did we went to my doctor and talked through things with her.

We had some tests run and I was sent to a professional to also get some exploratory procedures done. By the end of 2016 (it might’ve been 2015 my timeline is a bit messy) I was diagnosed with Celiac Disease. Now if you don’t know what that is it is basically an autoimmune disease where if you ingest anything containing gluten or anything that has touched gluten your body thinks it is under attack and starts attacking itself. For me my GI track was basically being assaulted constantly and also one of the side effects is excessive gas. 

We didn’t know that though for some reason but anyway I began having to change my eating habits again. Not too much, I mean it was still alot to learn and change and I have some anxiety issues. So I get nervous and scared to ask waiters & waitresses about gluten free options and even then nothing at restaurants is ACTUALLY gluten free so I’m still risking my health by eating out PERIOD.

This is a lesson for anyone and everyone-NO RESTAURANT IS REALLY GLUTEN FREE UNLESS THE FACILITY OVERALL HAS NO GLUTEN PERIOD. Some facilities will WARN you of this but not all, read THEIR menu carefully and TELL THEM that you have an ALLERGY and it’s not just a fucking preference. Yes, I’m highkey annoyed by people who are gluten free by choice.

Anywas that isn’t the point. So I wound up starting this diet but still had some pretty bad burping fits and pain. So throughout 2017 I tried to like work on eating better for a gluten free diet. However, we were still worried by the fact that the burping and discomfort and bloating wasn’t going down so we decided to try something else.

We went to a place to get me tested for more allergies or things my body is reactive to, I got some more blood tests done and this was mainly because when you start a GF diet for celiac typically other food problems begin to arise. Not for everyone, but for me it did. During my Christmas break in 2017 we got a list of things I shouldn’t be eating.

It was a long list, and most of the list was healthy foods that I loved. You can kind of imagine how that caused problems for me and alot of the things were substitutes for gluten-the biggest one being corn. I was and am not supposed to have corn. I was also told to cut a bunch of other things out of my diet and start fresh to see what might be causing other reactions because naturally the test they did doesn’t test for EVERY single food.

I was basically starting from scratch after still trying to adjust to another massive dietary change. The shift was extremly hard and I reached a point where I honestly didn’t care...2018 was a horrible year for me. I tried sticking to this diet and everything but they didn’t HELP ME. I know it’ll sound silly but I honestly believe I began to be depressed.

I would wind up crying at night either from the pain I was feeling, from the bloating or the fact that I wasn’t enjoying eating. I don’t think you even get how hard that was for me. It was so distressing because like I had lost all this weight, I had been healthy and I had enjoyed eating even with my dietary change and then basically...I was eatin flavorless things with no variety and I was wrecked in a sense.

I know this is a first world problem, trust me I know. But honestly they should’ve helped me transition instead of having me suddenly cut out all of this shit and send me on my way. I had gotten healthy and then like everything I had worked for was ruined becuase my genetics were suddenly like-lets fuck her over. 

I wound up not giving a fuck anymore, I would go out and get things I was reactive to and eat it. I would binge on 80+ grams of sugar in one night or more. I wouldn’t move as much. I wouldn’t actively try to work out. I was basically making myself sick and I still am. I would even fall back into old habits of skipping meals entirely because I felt I wouldn’t find anything I could have...and its so fucking hard when you have to have a meal plan on a campus that really isn’t that careful with how they make food.

Then I would fall back into examining my body, CONSTANTLY any chance I got I would stare at it. Nitpick. Get mad at myself and try starving again or throwing up. And today with the new year beginning...I’ve decided to start over. 

I’m going to start ACTUALLY paying attention to my allergies/reactions. I’m going to actually begin working out again. I’m going to actually start loving myself enough to worry about what I put in me. I know people are probably going to look at this and get mad at me. 

But hear me out, I know everyone’s journey to self love and a healthier you is different. This was just mine and it was riddled with challenges and set backs and a lot of horrible & toxic people. But I want to get better and I want to be a healthier me again so I’m going to work on that again.

I don’t know if this story has a meaning or purpose but I know I’m not the only one who has had issues with my body. Who has had a twisted view of my body and figure. I know I’m not the only one who has experimented with a bad & harmful mindset. I know I’m not the only one who suddenly had changes sprung on me with no real help. 

I’m still of the mindset that I have a very manly body and I am entirely jealous of girls who have feminine figures. Who are more petite in general, I know I can never be that because it’s just not my body-but I can at least work to get my best body. 

171013- saturday a rant dnt bother reading

i feel like i wanna talk to someone but then i think about it and what am i even expecting ? whenever i say smth i regret it immediately so just thinking abt expressing whats bothering me to others i just know ill regret adn feel guilty and embarrassed about it later so i never talk to anyone abt anything that goes on in my mind and it gets to the point where its so over bearing i feel like its drowning my head somehow , im so.. lonely wld be the word but lonely in my thoughts but like that doesnt even make sense idk im just writing here bc i need to let my feelings out somehow and i’d usually do it on twitter but like the 140 characters thing anyway i just feel like i want to let things out but whenevr i do i never like the answer i get, like if they give me advice i feel annoyed cus i wasnt asking for help i was simply stating how i felt (and most of the time its stuff that cant really be fixed?), if they tell me stuff like “i love you !” its like ok? ik its mean but someone elses love does not affect my situation at all since its an inner issue that doest rly have to do with self-esteem, and if they just are like ‘yeah’ or ‘thats so bad:(’ ijust feel like theyre not paying attention (even if they are) which makes me regret opening up, so i dont really know what im expecting when i vent to someone i guess i just want to feel like someone is listening to me idk im like so full of thoughts and feelings. writing this feels like its calming me down a little bit so i think im just gonna keep writing, in english (its funny how id rather open up in english since its my second language i feel more alienated from it so it feels less real? what im talking about seems less seriousdk) so whats circling in my mind is that i dont have anyone im urging to meet i dont have anyone i truly like anymore and that my ladies is so fucking sad and frustrating that ive mentally grown apart from my friends im just not myself when im with them and sure my fake-extroverted persona ive built throughout highschool is good at doing her job and she still gets along with them so well but now it feels like that side of me, the fake one, is another person like we used to share some “mental common ground” but not anymore i just dont have anything in common with that persona anymore so whenever im with my old friends i just become her it’s like i completely leave reality it makesme so lonely inside. and i cant help it its unvoluntary how i switch places with the other me i cant stop it and i hate it because i feel like its drowning me alive, along with my personal issues. lately ive been isolating myself a lot, i stay in the classroom during recess and i havent gone out in like a month.actually last time i went out i decided i just wont go out anymore i just think its not for me i truly dont have fun. is that okay like is that normal? like is just dont enjoy the loudness and the kind of jokes that go on, i think if grown too fast. i justdont wannatalk about drinking andsex and how evil the math teacher is, like its fine once ia while but iwanna discuss science and philosohy and share thoughs too,  anything else is so irrelevant it’s so sos irrrelevant to me. not that i dont enjoy good laughs anddrinking, but for that i feel like i wanna be with someone who is special to me? like someone whoi respect intellectually first, and then we can laugh at dog memes. someone i can show my realpersona to,and the thing is i have my best friends she’s literally so perfect bc she’s smart but also silly so we can talk abt hitler but then we can talk abt that one episode of sponge bob ? but the thing is shes graduating this year, and she has like an almost boyfriend, so i decided i should start getting used to her not beingwith me, but thats way more lonely than i thought. the guy thing, it wasnt planned, and shes with her crush most of the time which i totally understand i watn them to be together and stuff but i dont have anyone else but her- that is the real me not the fake persona, the fake persona hasmany people- but i though “she deserves this” so decided to step back so they can concentrate on each other. she ofc wouldve never asked this of me, but it seems like it was the best, sometimes i feel like a huge burden to her. but now imrealizing how lonely it has made me, being with her is like letting go of a breath that ive been holding and im realizing how much i need her. so i thought of like ‘slipping’ back in but im faced with the fact that we will infact part ways when she graduates because we’re attending universities in different parts of the country so maybe i should be getting used to the solitude, until someone else comes. and someone else seems to be here, this one friend i have in my new class, but im so scared of opning up to her, im scared of her kindness to me. i always think “why is she so nice? why does she stand up for me” at first she wasa bit too rough for me but as we spent time together i think she realized what kind of person i am and changed her ways so now were getting closer and closer and it makes me so 불안해 and 두려워 (idk how to express the sentiment in english) i dont even know what im scared of, it;s not like ive been hurt before in that way i think? maybe i have i cant remember. the point is, i know i should let this person in because she’d help me but i just cant seem to opne the freaking door its like my hand is shakinly holding teh doorknob without actually twisting it. i do think i will eventually tho. anyway. i was saying i spend alot of time alone these days, reading,studying, twitter, watching stuff, and its really nice i really do enjoy being by myself but i honestly dont have manyb things to do? so eventually the Thoughts come, and lately what ive been meditating is how the reason why i dont get close or attached to people (again the fake me might get closed but not me) is because simply no one is as good company to me as myself? which is fine wyou know many people feel like that, but i hate that if im alone poeple thinkg i dont have friends or that im sad and they think its bad that i am alone which is really not the case. i could be with ppl if i wanted to i just chose not to. theres this particular guy in my class actually, who thinks he has to be my friends bcim often alone and it irriates me so much bc 1. hes interrumpting my enjoyable me-time 2. he does it out of pity and boi do i hate pity like sometimes i just stay in the classroom doing homework or reading and he comes in likw “why are u always alone:(” because i want to you fucking dumbass andtoday or maybe it was yesterday particularly he said “why are you always alone is it becayse you dont have freinds bc you went on exchange and dont know anyone” llike um no im alone because i literally want to be alone you absolute dipshit and ido have 10 times more friends than you i just dont feel like being wit hthem you fucking asshole it pissed me off so much as if he’s ?? helping in anyway ?? i just wish anyone whosaw me alone wld tjust think ‘i guess she likes being alone’ isntead of thinking that im alone bc no one is willing to keep me company. isuddenly got really mad writting this. i think this really calmed me downishould do it more often its not like anyone who follows me here wld open it, like ideally this is whatdiaries are for but i dnt like to waste paper. im gonna write the date as well 

Short Story #25: Gambling.

Written: 1/19/2017

Living life was a luxury he no longer had. His days were spent wallowing in bed, thinking about his past fuck ups, slowly getting dirtier and dirtier, only getting up to use the bathroom or answer the door to get pizza, a food he didn’t care too much about but was the only thing that could be delivered. He always ordered at night, because he’d grown accustomed to the dark, blinds were always dark, and he didn’t want to deal with sunlight when he would open his front door. It wasn’t known to him why he didn’t simply kill himself. Being dead would surely be better than crying and hating himself, but as long as he had his memories, he would never do it.

His computer was always on, he had to use it to order pizza online, as little human interaction as possible, and, even though he didn’t know it, his web cam was also on, and allowed for a group of strangers to watch him. None of them really payed too much direct attention, the guy really just cried and ate, but watching him wasn’t the main point. They would all watch him while doing other things, stuff of actual interest, but they kept their focus because they were running a betting pool to see how long it would take the pathetic guy to die. It had been two months since somebody hacked into his camera, and a week after that the bets started. It began as a small thing among friends, but it grew to include around sixty people, all watching, hoping to make a lot of money out of the miserable guy.

Looking in the reflection of his television, which he had to look at if he lied on his left side, he thought about draping a blanket over it so he wouldn’t have to see himself. It was a task that would have to be done later, maybe never, he only had the energy for things he had to do. No time to fulfill his silly whims. The reflection made him think of better times, where he wasn’t a depressing slob, when he played tennis back in college. He was much more fit then, and he was actually well liked about people. All of his time was either spent out on the courts, where he was proving to be a fierce player, or out on the town, either drinking or fucking, it was what he thought he wanted out of life. Youth was wasted by him though, because a drunk driving accident tore up his shoulder, then he couldn’t play tennis anymore, and he didn’t know what he was supposed to do in life. That was his only skill, and looking back he wish he picked up something else, took his major seriously, or at least quit drinking. Now what did he know how to do? Who cared about him anymore? He thought about his high school girlfriend, she was really sweet on him.

There was a group IM chat set up to place bets and notify the others if anything interesting was happening. The main interesting thing that would happen was when he masturbated, and even though it was gross to watch a lot of them would, it was funny in a way. Sometimes side bets would develop, trying to see if he would cry afterwards, what porn he’d look at, or if he’d even be able to get it up. They didn’t know specifically what he watched, but when he wore his glasses the screen would reflect on to him, and they’d get a general idea of what was happening. One guy made $80 from a bet that he’d watch some piss videos, and although it was hard to prove at first, the guy found the actual video and then compared stills with what was reflected on the guy’s lenses. It impressed quite a few people, but a couple others tried to make fun of the guy for being knowledgeable about that type of porn, to which he replied: You’re watching a disgusting man masturbate. Do you really think you’re above judgment here?

He knew he should’ve married his high school girlfriend, he shouldn’t of taken that tennis scholarship, he should’ve stayed back in his home town with her, settled down, and stayed happy. A couple years back she married some abusive asshole who ended up killing her, and it made him feel incredibly guilty because if he never left, she’d be alive now. Although, what made him really guilty was that the main reason he wished he stayed with her was mostly because she was good in bed, and if he did settle down she’d be a steady lay for him. He was so lonely, but he hated himself for that, so he punished himself with even more loneliness. That wasn’t the only sexual thing that caused his depression to flare up, lately he’d been watching weirder and weirder porn, which filled him with pleasure and self hatred. It was like he was falling into a bottomless pit that he couldn’t escape. If he stayed with her maybe he wouldn’t have become so depraved, maybe…

Somebody got the idea of making t-shirts of the guy, but it never really became a thing. Nobody really understood why it was suggested, and the guy who brought it up later lost his bet (he thought the guy would be dead in four weeks), and then he became a target of ridicule. Somebody made a shirt, with a screen cap of the suggestion to put the depressed guy on a shirt, and even though it was only meant as a joke at first, he was able to auction it off for $63. It turned out that the person who bought it was the guy who suggested it, he wanted it so that he could avoid further harassment, but that just caused the ridicule to turn more aggressive. Every time he tried to post something everyone would harass him, and it was confusing to them why he still stuck around, they thought of him as pathetic. An attempt was made to remedy this when he placed a large bet of $320, hoping that the guy would kill himself a month from then, but it just made his situation worse.

How did his life get to the point where he became this disgusting slob, this breeding ground for bacteria? One night, when pizza was delivered, the delivery guy starting tearing up from the smell, and later the restaurant called, telling him that if he wanted to keep ordering he would have to either pay online, or leave the money out in front of the porch, and the pizza guys would leave the food at the door. They insisted that they weren’t trying to be rude, but that it was becoming a health risk for their drivers. He was at least a little happy that he would never have to interact with people anymore, maybe that’s what got him to this point. People. Being a social creature could’ve been what destroyed him, maybe the isolation was good for him.

The betting pool was anonymous, because people did have usernames, but no real names were ever used. There was a level of freedom of what people were able to say, they could be more of themselves, and this was why the desperate guy stayed with the group, because they didn’t know who he really was and the insults were reasonably contained. That is, until one night where he got drunk and ranted about how he was better than everyone in the chat, they didn’t know his real life, they didn’t know how successful he was, he was better than all of them and was only putting up with their childish and uncultured behavior because he was going to win the suicide bet, and then they would all realize how they were actually the pathetic ones. He didn’t need their approval, he was only humoring their simple desires and childish games. In response to this rant, the guy who sold him the shirt posted the desperate guy’s name and address into the chat. Then he started getting letters in the mail, some of them were pre-written suicide notes, the one that really got to him was:

I like to act like I’m better than others, but the weight of the world is holding me down, so alas I can go on no longer. There are no more pleasures in life, and I’m tired of this pathetic game I’ve played. I tried betting on another man’s misery, but really it was me that the bet was placed on, and I will have to say goodbye on my predicted date, because I can’t bear my misery any longer. My life has become a mess, I’m 27 but all I’ve spent my days doing is seeking approval from internet strangers, but they were able to see through my pathetic lies, my undeserved arrogance, my thin skin, my bad ideas, and if I can’t even pretend to be a competent person, what hopes do I have for continuing life?

Every day I watch a man who I like to pretend is more miserable than myself, but at least he is free in his misery. I, however, am not. I live in the prison of his world and I have no hopes escaping. I tried to pretend so that I could finally escape from this cage of mediocrity, but like I said, I could not. Apparently I’m too much of a failure to even write this letter right. For these reasons I have decided to kill myself, and I know I don’t have anyone to care. I’m only writing this so that when my body is found, dump me in the trash where I belong. Nobody will be upset. I deserve nothing more. At the bottom of the note was a line for the guy to sign, to make it official.

Lying in bed, he wished he was able to brave the outside world so that he could go back to being an alcoholic. It would make the days easier to bear, but he could hardly move around his own house, and if he could leave who would be happy with seeing him? He was a creature made only of filth. The other day he decided to lie on his couch, just to change things up, but when he got up to go to the bathroom he realized he’d left a massive, dark, damp stain. When did he stop bothering to take showers? Pondering this for a while, he shambled into the bathroom and inspected his shower for the first time in… how long? He wasn’t sure what day, month, or even year it was. How long had he been rotting away? After questioning time for what seemed like hours, but was most likely minutes, he remembered to inspect the shower, and it seemed to work. It ran for some time, eventually building up steam, and he decided to put his hand under it, to see what would happen. At first he couldn’t feel anything on his hand, but eventually the water worked at the grime, slime, and crust, and actual skin could start to be seen. It made him feel weird that he had a bare patch, so he decided to clear off the rest of his hand, and before he knew it his whole body was under the water, and for the first time in a long time, he felt good.

The mail kept coming, and nobody would listen to him in the chat anymore. They even took down his bet. He was starting to lose it, and out of desperation he told everyone that he was placing a $1,000 bet that the guy on the web cam would die the next night, which peaked everyone’s interests. Nobody noticed the intent behind the careful wording of the bet, since cause of death was never specified. His plan was to drive over to the creature’s house (mail of his had happened to have been shown on the feed several times, so the address was known), which would take him over a day, and he was going to shoot the pathetic thing until he died. Then he was going to flip of the web cam, drive home, collect his winnings, then earn the other guy’s respect. No time was really spent about thinking the plan over, for the guy mostly packed his stuff and drove in anger, thinking about how he was finally going to prove how better he was. Any time he did question his plan, he would just look down at his shirt (he wore the one that he bought for $63) and his anger would blind him again.

After getting clean, the man felt free of everything. Looking in the mirror, his reflection really wasn’t so bad now, even if he was incredibly pale. Searching around the house, he found a pair of old sunglasses and decided to look outside, and it was a beautiful-and bright-day outside, was it Spring? His neighborhood was alive with vibrant colors and movement, and for the first time in a while he finally felt like he could be active again. His mistakes in life were still regrettable, but that was the past, and this was the present, so he could finally look towards the future and say “Go fuck yourself.” He decided that he finally had the strength to die, and it made him happier than he had ever been. Being clean, he felt weird navigating through his house. He could finally feel the damp air, notice the crust on his carpet, smell what must’ve been death, pay attention to the garbage that was everywhere and what grew on all of it. There was a lot of awkward maneuvering to not touch anything gross, which seemed to be almost everything, but he was able to comfortably go into the kitchen and back to his room. In the room, he opened his blinds to look out at the neighborhood, to fill his room with natural light, and sat on the edge of his bed, facing the television screen that he spend so much of his life staring into, and he slit his throat.

35 hours later the desperate murderer finally arrived at the house, and was surprised to see some windows were open, but it didn’t matter, he had to prove himself. He hopped the fence, made his way through the backyard, and threw a rock through a back window. When he climbed through some glass cut his side but he was to focused to notice the pain, or even the awful stench of the house. It was weird for him to be inside the place that seemed unreal, it was like being on the set of a television show, but he didn’t know which room the guy was lying around in so he had to work his way through the disgusting place. Eventually he found the mans room, saw his corpse on the floor, looked right into the web cam, and emptied his clip into the man anyways.