#she’s literally a comedian
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was rewatching fabian’s baron moment on account of it being the most delicious piece of pvp in my recent memory and ally beardsley’s growth as a player just shone through so brightly and with such clarity. after dusting off their shock they immediately asked about the nemesis ward, had enough knowledge about fellow pcs stocked to remember adaine’s ac with such like frustrated confidence and certainty, suggested to siobhan to dimension door out of adaine’s room, like. they came into this making a character with 4 dex. and now the dice deity offered to roll a check to sense if adaine was in danger. making decisions, asking questions, getting invested in the story, trying so hard with the tools they have to save characters from danger; ally beardsley is an incredible d&d player.
#blahblah tried to fly with a ribbon dancer SHUT UP. SHUT UP THEY HAD A VISION.#margaret encino’s call to the guards in battle of the brands is also a good moment#‘bonus action pick up a turtle and kiss it’ is CHARMING and FUNNY and APPRECIATES the art team#i swearrr to god if anyone comments abt them trying to railroad other players' actions. what the fuck do you want from them.#u hate when they play kristen as unserious when she’s literally a teenager with adhd + when theyre literally a comedian on a d&d comedy sho#but if theyre invested in other pc’s welfare youll shut them down too? bffr#ally beardsley you are so special to me#fully aware theyre an adult who likely does not care about people on the internet talking abt how theyre doing their job. as they should#they dont need defending they shouldnt need it people should just be normal abt them and until they are beardsley get behind me#yna.txt#fantasy high junior year spoilers#fhjy spoilers#fantasy high junior year#fhjy#dimension 20#d20#ally beardsley
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random zendaya moments that have me zendaya laughing 😂🤣😂
#saw someone say that she was not silly and fun enough to do hot ones and had to fight back#she literally is a natural born comedian#zendaya#zendaya coleman
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Molly caught summoning
#tw#blood tw#devour#molly devour#ppl in the community depict her as a cute teenager when she is clearly a middle aged woman im so MAD about it#her description literally says failed comedian how can a 19 year old be failed in a career 😭😭#art tag!
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Scout rolls over and smacks his alarm clock across the top—the ringing doesn’t stop, so he hits it again, and it tumbles off of his nightstand and in the almost pitch-black of his room he’s barely able to make out the phone almost vibrating off the hook, barely illuminated by the digital clock on its display. It’s still an hour behind—he never figured out how to fix that—but it would be two-something AM. Jeez.
He picks it up, mourning the loss of heat as he sits up out of the covers, yawning into the receiver. A feminine voice says something incomprehensible, so he says: “Huh?”
“Scout, listen,” Pauling curtly replies—something bangs in the background, maybe a gun. Is she still working? “What kind of, um, citrus… helps you dissolve corpses?”
His brain feels like wet goop, pooling out of his ears. He clumsily cradles the phone between his head and shoulder so he can rub the crust out of his eyes. “I don’t… Ms. P, it’s like, two…”
“Quicklime. It’s quicklime. Haha.”
“… Slow down, dude.” He yawns again, makes sure to make this one a little extra obnoxious. “What?”
“It’s a joke. Because it’s like—lime. Like a fruit but, um, also like quicklime. Oh fuck,” and then what Scout imagines to be a little kitten heel driving itself through someone’s eye, as another scream rings out, alongside a sickening squelch. “You know? Heh.”
He slides the rest of the way back under the covers and sighs. “… Oh.”
“Was it funny?”
“I think—“
“Be honest. Constructive criticism, stuff I can really use. Hit me.”
Scout’s sinuses feel like they’re full of cement. “Is this all you called me for?”
“No. Yes. Please just answer the question. And do you think it’d play to an audience?”
Scout thinks about Demo saying something along the lines of ‘if anyone breaks that poor lass’ heart by telling her that none of her jokes make any sense I’m personally gonna destroy everything you hold dear or whatever’. He opts for the reasonable copout: “I liked it.”
“Honestly.”
Shit. “Okay, jeez.“ Scout yawns again, mostly to stall for time. “… You could workshop it a little, kinda. Maybe.”
The line goes dead, immediately. Scout clatters the phone back on the hook and rolls back into the covers, groaning, and then the phone rings again, and he quickly picks it back up and doesn’t bother to open his eyes this time. “Hey, Ms. Pauling.”
“I’m sorry. I got upset.”
“I know.”
"I'll… take it into account."
"Okay." When Pauling doesn't say anything back, he adds: "You're gettin’ there."
"… Thanks, Scout."
He considers saying 'call me at seven next time', like he always considers, but like usual he just feels some part of that would be kind of cruel. “Goodnight, Ms. Pauling.”
"Um, sweet dreams." About half of a shrill shriek somewhere around her gets cut off by her hanging up. Whatever.
He sets the phone back on his nightstand, and then thinks better of it and slots it back into the dock, and then buries his head in his hands and shakes his head until he feels like he's able to sit still enough to go back to bed.
#tf2 scout#tf2 ms pauling#tf2#bungus snippets#this is my au where literally nothing changes except ms pauling#desperately dreams of being a standup comedian. no she is not good at it
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another day of autism making me absolutely hilarious accidentally
#long story explanation in tags#i was at an event with a friend and i was borrowing her fancy shoes they had like a thin heel and i couldn’t balance well on them so#i went to the bathroom and i could hear my friend talking to some woman in the bathroom area#and i was struggling to literally not fall into the toilet because of these heels and anyway#after i walked out of the stall and said “it’s very difficult to urinate in heels“ and my friend did like the facepalm thing and the other#the other lady she was talking to made a weird face and left the bathroom and then my friend was just laughing hysterically for like 3 mins#and said i was her favourite person so i was just like oh? oh yeah okay cool yeah i’m just awesome? natural born comedian i guess even thoug#even though idk why it was so funny i was just making an observation but like ok i’ll take it#autistic community#actually autistic#asd community#asd memes#autism memes#autism humor
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new oc batch ready! 8 more of these guys lol. the whole deal with this set is they’re from the artisan guild- lunar flair! intentionally spelled like “flair” as in “style” or “a flare for ____” rather than “flare”
basically all the members of the guild are different kinds of artists with different niches (and varying degrees of diva-ness). it’s pretty easy to tell who does what based on the everything about them, but if you want more info their bios are still under the cut!
Name: Jupiter
Name Origin: The planet of course
Pronouns: He/him
Age: 52
Guild rank: Guildmaster
Weapon: Lightning rods
Ethos (Power): Gigantomachy. He can make himself (even more) giant
Flaw power is based on: His overly protective nature, especially where the guild is concerned.
Notes: Literally the nicest guy ever until you provoke him though
Name: Erinome (Erin)
Name Origin: A moon of jupiter, the exact meaning of it’s name is murky but it can refer to grace or purity
Pronouns: She/her
Age: 13
Guild rank: 2 star
Weapon: A Book.
Ethos (Power): Poetic Imagery. Illusions cast forth by his her poems that change the appearance of the physical environment
Flaw power is based on: Her escapist indulgence in fantasy
Notes: You know, like, the pen is mightier than the sword and all that.
Name: Pictor
Name Origin: The constellation meaning “painter”
Pronouns: He/him
Age: 23
Guild rank: 3 star
Weapon: Giant paintbrush
Ethos (Power): Ardor. He can create three-dimensional things with his paintbrush. However they are not animate or alive.
Flaw power is based on: His conceited nature in regards to his own work.
Notes: Goes to museums to talk about how he could probably do it better anyway
Name: Oberon
Name Origin: A moon of the planet Uranus, it gets it’s name from the king of the fairies in Renaissance literature. Notably in Shakespeare’s A Midsummer Night's Dream
Pronouns: He/him
Age: 29
Guild rank: 5 star
Weapon: Rapier
Ethos (Power): Fantasia. An illusion of changing his own appearance.
Flaw power is based on: His theatrical nature, of course
Notes: Why is he ourple?
Name: Syrma
Name Origin: A star in virgo, it’s name refers to the train of a garment (Typically worn by actors in tragedies)
Pronouns: She/her
Age: 25
Guild rank: 4 star
Weapon: Giant needle
Ethos (Power): Binding threads. She can create stitches on any solid objects and bind them to each other. Including people- The stitches are manifested energy and do not hurt.
Flaw power is based on: The dependency she often has on bonds- i.e. threads that bind people.
Notes: She makes and models all her own clothes.
Name: Parumleo
Name Origin: A star in Pisces, it’s name means “small lion”
Pronouns: They/he
Age: 19
Guild rank: 3 star
Weapon: Microphone bardiche
Ethos (Power): Persuasion. If they can make you laugh you’ll temporarily have to follow his orders. Though it’s too weak to call full-blown mind control, and fairly easy to snap out of.
Flaw power is based on: His desire to be liked by others.
Notes: They’re like a lolcat. They can haz cheezburger.
Name: Leda
Name Origin: A moon of jupiter, the name means swan.
Pronouns: She/her
Age: 28
Guild rank: 4 star
Weapon: Duel ribbons
Ethos (Power): Poise. Complete and utter weightlessness.
Flaw power is based on: Her carefree and utterly absent-minded nature.
Notes: You guys know swan lake right? Well, there ya go.
Name: Styx
Name Origin: A moon of pluto that gets it’s name from the river of the underworld. Yeah it’s also a rock band.
Pronouns: She/they
Age: 20
Guild rank: 3 star
Weapon: Axe-guitar.
Ethos (Power): Vibrato. Powerful soundwaves cast by her axe-guitar
Flaw power is based on: Her brash and blasé attitude
Notes: Calls everyone “baby” or “babe” because they’re a cool rockstar.
#finn's ocs#oc references#finn's art#YAY i finally get to post my funny little artist guys#i feel like its fairly obvious what each persons gimmick is but just for the sake of brevity (for anyone who doesnt wanna read the readmore)#in order#jupiter doesnt have a Specific art bc hes the guildmaster and you can think of him as more of a teacher of sorts#erin is a poet/writer. pictor is obvs a painter. oberon is a thespian. syrma is a seamstress#parumleo is a comedian. leda is a ballerina. and styx is a musician (or straight up rockstar)#since these characters are all like.. trinary characters they dont go all Too much deeper than their gimmicks#but thats why theyre fun to design bc its like. what if [thing] was a guy LOL#also i wanted to try some new stuff out w their designs (like syrmas dimples for example) so i hope they look okay? i hope so...#also leda and how shes literally the least clothed character ive ever made. shes going to catch a cold for sure yeah#parumleo i worry about bc i had a fairly similar color pallet for asterope (but no red) so i hope he still stands out. the lolcat....#oh also if erin and oberon's powers sound similar that's on purpose too. shes like his protege#i feel like out of all of them though pictor is like the prime example of guy who should be in an artist guild LOL#like the most archetypal. most ppl think of painters when they think of artists#but i wanted different types in there too.#painters writers actors even funnymen and rockstars. they all belong. theyre all weird about creating#anyway im glad i can finally post them now ^_^
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ma’am, i-
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
#i’m speechless#i’m literally speechless#she’s a comedian guys#she is joking#rhea ripley#wwe#demi bennett#the judgment day#dominik mysterio#rhea ripley wwe#twitter
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this image kills me because like yeah i know it’s just placement cause britta lundin’s a rvd writer (one who is my arch-nemesis for her crimes) but it’s the realest fucking thing ever. like of course ethel would read ship it by britta lundin. of COURSE ethel would read the Jensen Ackles Homophobia Moment Published Rpf. the Book Whose Premise Is The Time Jensen Ackles Was Homophobic At A Con (Featuring A Fujoshi Protag Who Is A Tumblr Microcelebrity) (the sad emotional climax of the book is her deleting her tumblr account) (on account of trying to blackmail the showrunner of the supernatural stand-in into making not-destiel canon and instead it lead to him deciding to kill the jackles standin’s character off bc he was beefing so hard with this teenager) (the book OPENS with the protag watching gay porn in her school library for reference for the not-destiel fanfic she was writing and then she goes into a Not Like Other Girls monologue about how she’s not good at tying a neat ponytail without missing a beat from the gay porn she was just watching) (it’s a book that haunts me i read it for laughs and i think everyone should do this) literally of course ethel would read this
#now was this book very bad. yes. Was this book insanely funny to read. also yes. would ethel love it? YES.#anyway as a WRITER britta’s my utter nemesis but as a COMEDIAN well she’s so funny#as a writer she sure did write the ep cheryl outs moose for no reason AS IF SHE HADNT JUST BEEN SENT TO CONVERSION THERAPY#HER ASS WOULD LITERALLY NOT DO THAT BRITTA. BRITTA WHY DID YOU WRITE THIS. /SHE WAS SENT TO CONVERSION THERAPY/ BRITTA#but to be fair we also have her to thank for “i can’t keep playing brokeback riverdale with someone who’s still in the closet”#so it’s impossible to say whether it’s a net good or not!#anyway. ship it was the most haunting read of my life and i think we should all join hands and experience its woes#riverdale
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my 20 year old coworker had me follow her on instagram and she's kind of trying to be an influencer basically, but she just posted an instagram story that's just four photos in chronological order of her eating a baby carrot and it says "carrot 🥕"
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What drag queen are you supposed to be? From that RuPaul show, right? No, it’s from the Rocky Horror Show.
ÉLITE 2.05 “63 Hours Missing”
#usergina#tusercarla#userrobin#usersnat#userluhra#elitenetflixsource#teendramaedit#eliteedit#elite#elite netflix#carla roson#omar shanaa#mygifs#ester*#she's a comedian i love her#carla and omar should've had more scenes together she was literally seeing his best friend like 😭#flashing gif
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okay so im finally catching up on all the d20 i missed why dud no one tell me starstruck odyssey was the best season they’ve ever done?!
#literally tore through it in like 3 days#it has me dying#barry 6 is like my all time fave murph character#same with margeret encino#i drop out (lol) of d20 ever now and then but when i come back goddamn its like i don't know why i ever left#i do know#its cuz the episodes are long as fuck#and im doing a masters and i have a serious job now#plus i do most of my media consumption with my flatmate#and like she's normal and has no clue how much of nerd i am#i truly cannot imagine her response if i said to her 'hey wanna watch 3 hours of improv comedians play lord of the rings'#i know only one season is lord of the rings-y but like lotr is her only like reference for fantasy shit#but even tho im a little bitch baby im also up to date with neverafter#so like im watching that shit too#hopefully i can stay on top of it#and pretend like im back in the fandom#which like typically grows every time im not looking#its been a while tho maybe its dying out who knows#doubt it#dimension20
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toy repair show on tv said trans cabbage patch kid's rights? uk tv based sometimes??
#context is this woman had a boy cabbage kid given to her as a kid but she wanted a girl so changed her name#& the show recognised that change with an unofficial birth certificate w/ her new name#personal#although feels kinda depressing that it's literally probably easier to get ur cabbage patch kid doll a new name and gender#than it is to get most gender affirming anything in this goddamn country lol ....#but still! nothing but respect for stephanie the trans cabbage patch kid <3#is this gonna show up in some niche cabbage patch side of tumblr now?#if so then i hate to tell y'all that cos of what some comedian said once#i csnt unsee cabbage patch kids as former uk prime minister david cameron lol
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how is amy schumer still employable
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you know you've stayed up too late when you find. the really fucking lesphobic comedian on youtube that somehow is really popular with zero opposition in the comments
#embers-hoots#literally every other clip on her page is like#'get a load of this ugly lesbian heckler'#or 'angry butch gets roasted'#and the most insane part?#she puts like hashtag lesbian comedian on each post#despite in the video i stumbled into from her first being her shitting on a 'heckler'#for saying 'i thought you were a lesbian'#her response was 'im a mean dick sucking straight' and then went on to#say that 'i bet they're One Of Those Lesbians who hate bi people'#absolutely flabbergasted#you can't advertise as a lesbian comedian for a joke or something#and then rip into someone for being suprised you're not one#also my god every other post really is like anti lesbian shit. get a life#what am i doing its 1am and i have an interview#i couldn't sleep so i was doomscrolling yt shorts to numb my brain#i hate them really but sometimes watching the meat guy on there helps deactivate my brain#terrible idea tho cause i also come across shit like this#i should look into getting that modded apk i found that removes the shorts function entirely from your yt appa#anyway long ass tired rant sorry#j just feel like the longer i live in comfort as a nonbinary butch lesbian#the more online bullshit i start to notice#just let bitches like me live actually#lesphobia
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overdid it at my improv show last night and now all i can do is lay in bed having blorbo thoughts
#it was my first time performing live comedy in at least a year and oh my god i didn't realize how much i'd missed it#i love doing behind-the-scenes stuff but something about being onstage with no script and the job of entertaining people#i'm like ah yes this is why i want to be a comedian no matter what#i'd done some virtual improv shows since the pandemic but being in person is so much better#my scene partner could just be like ''hey i'm giving you a piggy back now'' and i'd be like ok no follow up questions#i trust you know what you're doing in this scene enough for me to put my entire weight on you (both metaphorically and literally)#also spontaneously transformed from acting as myself to acting as taffy (one of my recurring improv characters) in like 0.5 seconds#and i didn't even know i was going to be doing taffy at this show (neither did my scene partner they just set me up perfectly)#idk if i've talked about taffy before but i love her she was my first major recurring comedic character#her whole thing is she desperately wants to be part of this wealthy family called the van bortels#and comes up with wild schemes to get there such as living in their vents for the entire pandemic#she also has a husband who's a raccoon that is also nonbinary#i love playing taffy bc she was the first character i ever did that was like. oh people enjoy this. oh people REALLY want to see this.#and when i came home from college the first time we did a scene where there was an imposter-taffy that was another cast member#basically doing their own impression of taffy#and it genuinely made me emotional like wow i made such a distinct character that people are doing their own imitations of her#and it's still unmistakably taffy#anyway maybe i should bring taffy out more. i've been focusing a lot on aubrey lately bc ze's my favorite character i do#but i have at least two other characters i developed in improv over the years that people seem to enjoy#(the third is taytay but i legit haven't played taytay since 2020 so i barely remember what she's like)
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do you think we'll ever be able to post the work of a female creator on this website without one of y'all comparing her to a man doing something vaguely similar in the most condescending way
#'she's the new john mulaney' no she's a comedian in a suit doing her own thing#'she's got tom lehrer vibes' no she's making satirical comedy songs and you guys only know one dude making funny music#'she's just like dylan hollis' they have literally. nothing in common#i keep trying to not bitch too much but i've seen this so many times now. when will you guys shut up#babbling
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