#she looks a lot like here mother. a lot | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

britneyshakespeare · 7 months

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you know my niece was at the house two days ago. im just realizing right now that this might be the first time i mentioned on tumblr im an aunt now. since mainly i post my mundane and momentary thoughts on here, not my significant life updates that i do a lot of reflecting on. sometimes ill make the book im reading sound like a significant life update but alas. yes i have a niece now and she's just over a month old. she was over on sunday along w all my other siblings. it's actually the first time ive gotten to HOLD her bc she was in the nicu for awhile after she was born, and then shortly after she came home everyone in my house took turns catching colds. the niece was over though. yeah.

and my brother (not the one whose baby it is) said "you know her hair almost looks reddish." and it honestly. HONESTLY. it never occurred to me, for as long as ive been aware that i had a niece bakin in the oven (and i found out in like... mid-january that my sister-in-law was pregnant). for the entire year of 2023 i never pictured the possibility that i could have a niece or nephew with red hair. SOUNDS STUPID BECAUSE I HAVE RED HAIR. i know. i have a big irish family but in my generation out of all of my cousins, kaily and i are the only redheads. my brothers dont have red hair, neither do their wives. my parents dont. you know how jkr and other writers like to write a trope of an entire family (of celtic ethnicity) is all redheads? thats actually incredibly uncommon. if anything that's why i like having red hair; it has distinction. that distinction very much still holds within my own family tree.

so i love baby, i love her so much, she's wonderful. she's beautiful. i love her so so much. and i love her beautiful parents too. however, if she does end up having red hair. it's just reddish tinted right now and she doesn't have a lot of hair overall. and you know how babies are, it can change. if this little girl grows up with red hair i'm suing for copyright infringement. im sorry but i did it first so that's not fair.

#im kidding #i did make that joke though #tales from diana #never occurred to me for a second id have a niece or nephew with red hair. never #i mean i never was really able to picture what my brother's baby might even look like #she's so surreal to actually see #she looks a lot like here mother. a lot #the day she was born i saw the resemblance w my sister-in-law immediately #after she opened her eyes and whatnot ppl have been saying she looks like jon. i still dont see it much yet #not that she DOESNT look like him but she looks SO much more like her.#but also right now she's just a smooshed little baby. who knows! who knows what she will look like #she's a little cutie pie. i can tell you that much. i can tell you that much!#and such a little lovebug. although i have a hard time holding her bc i worry about breaking her #you know me im a nervous wreck. perhaps ill get over that eventually. perhaps!#at least where babies are involved. in general no there's no hope

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crowlore · 7 months

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man. been thinkin bout this sleeping arrangement

do you think the twins slept in rem's bed the entire year or only after tesla

#i hesitate to call this a bed because we don't really see the whole thing. the only other angle makes it look like a duvet on the floor 😭#look. i've just been thinking about their family a lot #rem loved her boys a lot obviously. it's clear #she wasn't prepared to be a mother but she wanted to be one for them #and she made mistakes like any mother does. the difference being she didn't get the time to make up for it. she had one year #i'll be honest i've been rambling in the tags hoping i'd hit the point where i could tag them all without it showing up in the search #because i need to maintain my personal tagging system. archival reasons #but i don't have much else to add here #not right now anyway lol #trigun #rem saverem #vash the stampede #millions knives

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flareboi · 1 month

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what if purple never calls him dad

#what if the word ‘dad’ is something purple doesn’t like.#what if it carries a bad connotation for them and a bitter reminder for mango.#family doesnt always have to look like one thing yknow? i dont think those two would have a traditional dynamic in that way #maybe purple does consider him their parent. they just dont call him ‘dad’ unless its in third person #and theyre fine with that and so is he #king is his father figure yes but he’s also a mom. a big brother. a sister. their dynamic just isnt captured in purple calling him ‘dad’#maybe his name is the best way they can say it. the best way they can appreciate him #because for purple a father is someone who hurts you. someone who leaves you #i think ‘purple calls him dad on accident’ is a cute idea #but honestly it would make more sense if they called him mom on accident instead. or if it happened when they were afraid. not comfortable #(this is presuming orchid is his mother and navy his father based on the pronouns used in the react vids iirc)#because why would purple refer to someone he sees as a parent with the title of the one that presumably did not raise them?#and on mangos end #i think u can kinda tell who in this fandom has never lost a loved one in how they characterize him #guys. grief doesnt leave. it never leaves.#you just learn to live with it!!!#mango is not okay just because he has a new kid to take care of. i would know this my bio mom passed and i have a stepmother!!!#she does not fill that void and i do not expect her to because it cannot be filled. but she brings a lot new to ease the pain and is a #wonderful part of my life #the same thing here #mango will never ever just .. go back to how he was #he will never be the same since gold died. and thats okay #purple will not change that. they will merely add something new #their dynamic can be beautiful and nontraditional and a showing of how grief can change you #it doesnt have to be ‘replacement dad and replacement son’#its so much more #oke. tag rant over #fett rambles #ava #uhh should i tag the chars

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roomy-ghosted · 8 months

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JUST started a good Durge playthrough and I'm dying over my absolute little guy bard Tinfoil.

#bg3 #bg3 tav #baldurs gate 3 #(Im a tag rambler so theres a lot here-) he's got voice six and because of that I'm opting he's incredibly INCREDIBLY young #like- probably 9? Dragonborn reach 10 year old human size at 3 for them so. yeah-#human-body wise he's about 17? but he's still got so little thoughts in his head. Which is canon as well at least #not gonna romance ANYONE as Tinfoil but we're gonna all be besties.#still deciding if he'll slurp tadpoles. he gives into peer preassure very easily and is very easily bossed around.#so it depends at the moment in the cutscene i guess.#he's the group kid. i think shadowheart would mother him a lot and he looks up to Karlach A SHITTON. 'She's so cool...'#'why is the group kid the leader?'#everyone shrugs but they see Tinfoil curl up around a small pile of gold and gems as he sleeps and they can't say no to what he wants to do #Lae'zel thinks he's 'extremely weak skinned. and needs all the help a pathetic youngling like him can get'#she says; helping said pathetic kid up off the nautaloid ship floor after he ran ahead to try and get to the controls; listening to her #like a good lil guy #'Tinfoil; darling; you know we can always get *more* gold if you give up some of these precious little rubies and opals. Your hoard #will look *much* more impressive that way.'#-Astarion; trying to convince a now-teary-eyed tinfoil to give up his hoard so the party can buy health potions #'its not...its not impressive?' he starts crying and Shadowheart has to comfort him #I KNOW he's gonna go murder mode and stuff. but everyone at camp thinks it's just dragonborn instincts kicking in #so they just like chain him to a tree for the night.#its funny i think #'NO! BAD TINFOIL! STOP TRYING TO EAT THE BIRDS!'#'Raughguguhguguh. Tinfoil *NEEDS* sauce...'#he is on a leash constantly because he is enamoured with the beauty of the world and runs off- but also to not kill and maim constantly.

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opens-up-4-nobody · 2 months

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#so my mom's wake thing was today and that was a lot. not in an emotional sense but in a im standing here talking for 3hrs #to ppl i dont kno or barely kno. ya kno? but it was good bc so many ppl showed up to talk abt her #so many people. my mom made a huge impact on the school system. so many ppl relied on her. she encouraged at least 2 ppl to get their #master. for one person to specilize in helping the dyslexic after her experience advocating for 3 dyslexic daughters. she wrote and was #awarded a 10000 dollar grant for special needs and intervention curriculum. which will affect so many lives.#everyone loved her. she's gonna get a track meet named after her and a scholarship created in her honor.#she was an amazing person and she affected a lot of lives and im glad she was my mom. and she raised at least one jem in my littlest #sister who is so sweet and is a great teacher. god but there was some weird stuff too. were pretty sure her old boss was in love with her.#and there were some weird comments abt her being a strong woman or this woman doing so much and its like hm y do i detect a note of sexism #y not say she was an amazing person? y the surprise? weird comments about how pretty i looked. which yes i looked great lol. my funeral fit #was cute. we did bright colors bc it was a celebration not a dower event. and im sure it was ment well but it was a lil weird. and then #everyone was telling my grandma what a great job she did raising my mom and like god fuck off she didn't do jack. my mom was great despite #her terrible mother. ugh. but altogether it was good that everyone was able to express their love for her. it was def a day that was for #them mostly. i mean partly for us but mostly for them. none of us even cried. ay but we have 2 more parties in her honor #bc everyone loved her so much we have to do one in her hometown too. plus a personal friends get together. ugh. im so tired #i wish i wasnt the most awkward. eye contact avoidant person in the room but like ya kno. what can ya do?#unrelated

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archduke-enver-gortash · 17 days

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mmm essay about sally and kid gort in the tags (cw for child abuse, mentions of suicide, animal cruelty and a murder attempt. i always hope i don’t have to say this but just in case: i don’t excuse or condone any of her or gort’s behaviour at all.) this is literally not even touching upon everything i have to say because i hit the fucking tag limit lmao. NOBODY READ IT’S BAD BRAINSTORMING I JUST NEEDED TO GET IT OUT SOMEHOW

#thinkin too much about gortie side characters again.#sally this time and why she specifically talks about him the way she does #like dravo is obviously still shitty but to me he was. ‘just ‘neglectful #while sally actively hated and even felt terrorised by her own child #like. it’s not like i don’t understand her at all.#imagine you and your love don’t have much besides each other and your shop and you get pregnant and ready to raise a child #only for it to not be a child he didn’t and doesn’t cry ever and he learns everything so much sooner than most but then he never calls you #his parents and it’s not just a petty thing kids do sometimes you feel that he doesn’t see you as family and the worst part is that you #agree deep down #and as he gets older he doesn’t have any friends and actively rejects the notion of the entire concept #but then as time passes you hear about how he has entire groups of children following him and then several of them commit suicide #and that thing coming to sit with you and dravo at the dinner table says that he did what you did last week when the axe to chop wood broke #and you discarded it and got a new one #and he has these habits of ripping out flowers and making sure that they don’t regrow #and then you hear rumours about a friend’s daughter’s cat disappearing and think nothing of it #until you visit his tree house a month later and find a declawed cat and birds with clipped wings and crushed bugs that he keeps fondly #and then you see him with other children and they don’t know and his face is different and body language is entirely different #and were it not for the fact that you know better you would never see anything but a normal child #and you know that you are one who painstakingly brought this thing that should not be into the world and so you decide to end it all one da #and go to him as he’s asleep with the knife shaking in your hand #but he cries when you’re above him! screams at the top of his lungs!#so you beg for forgiveness even though you don’t deserve it through tears but as soon as the knife is put away you see the act drop and fee #his clever fingers having twisted your brain inside and out and you know that you can do nothing #and so the opportunity arises to at least remove him out of your life if not everyone’s lives and you take it immediately.#but you heard him talk. how he will close his fist around the world one day. and you know that it is not a matter of if but when.#like. imagine that. jesus dude.#like i hc her as someone that is messy and does not know a lot about life and she certainly wouldn’t have been a good mother but the love #or at least desire to love is there somewhere. and believing that having a child is really the only somewhat meaningful thing she can do #with her life. she’s not some hero or rich or anything of note. so there’s a lot obligation and not genuine desire for family here.#but she never really got the chance to be an actual mother in the first place so. who knows what that might have looked like

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theotherrichardpapen · 1 year

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letter to his father - franz kafka // origin story, sink - desiree dallagiacomo // the autobiography of my mother - jamaica kincaid // caged: memoirs of a cage-fighting poet - cameron conaway

#you know you're in trouble when the painting of saturn devouring his son by francisco de goya almost makes it on here 🤡#like minds #murderous intent #like minds 2006 #alex forbes #sad to admit i have been neglecting my (other) boy in my content lately #most of the time alex only really features in posts that are about him and nigel together #and if every there was a subject i'd be making a post about for alex it would ofc be about him and his daddy issues #i think it's because strangely enough nigel is easier to get a handle on in terms of character introspection #but that's probably down to the fact that regardless of whether you believe the narrative alex gives about who nigel was #we at least DO get a more solidly constructed idea of his character (yes even if it is the version of him put forth by alex #designed to paint himself as the victim)#alex on the other hand? gohd damn walking rorschach pattern ink blot test of a character #like *holding him up by the scruff of his neck* what does this character look like #you could have interpretations for this guy out the wazoo and it'll probably be wildly different from the person standing next to you #but one think i can say with certainty is this guy has a complicated relationship with his father #i don't think he hates him. but i do think there's a lot of resentment there too #that quote from ladybird where she asks her mother if she likes her and the mother says of course she loves her #and ladybird asks but do you like me? and the mother just responds that she wants whats best for her #to which ladybird says what if this is the best version of me #or something #that's them #to me at least #i suppose that's why alex was as drawn to nigel as he was #yes nigel was also spouting on about predetermined destinies foretold by fate and whatnot #but the fundamental difference is that nigel leaves all the power to achieve that in alex's hands #the only thing he ever really asks of him is for alex to embrace his inner most desires. no matter how dark or twisted they may be #alex's father is there telling him that a better version of himself exists if only alex could live up to expectations #nigel is there telling him that a better version of himself exists if only alex could forgo expectations of himself entirely #if that makes sense 🤡

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m4niackkyun · 1 year

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Hi. (Announcement in the tags)

#uhmm...i don't know how to explain this...#so my family has been having a lot of trouble lately #mostly our relationship with our step father #there's been ups and downs..well..more on the downer side. the only main reason my mother married him was because of..well..#money..as trash as that sounds. i can't deny the fact that I've been able to continue my studies due to his financial support.#i don't want to justify anything that i've probably done wrong to him but emotionally right now—i'm simply scarred to the point where—#I don't think I could heal without professional help. I've been struggling a lot with it ever since of what he did #i felt disgusted. dirty. I felt lost. I didn't want to forgive him. maybe this is the punishment i have to endure because I didn't have it—#—in me to forgive him. I know the principles of my religion and it is stated that one must always find forgiveness towards others.#no matter how big their mistake is. but you see—I'm not God. I am human. my kindness isn't as grand and as big as Him.#my patience is limited and so is my forgiveness #that applies the same to my mother. my mother is a very patient person when it comes to her husband. but yet again she isn't an angel—#nor is she God. she is also human and has limits to what she could handle and what she could forgive and forget.#they argued tonight. and I don't think it'll slide or end well like the past arguments. and I'm sorry to say but—#I won't be able to be active all that much either.#without him now I'll probably have to look for part time jobs. which is gonna limit how active I will be here and on my main account #I will probably go into an indefinite hiatus for some time #maybe I'll come back...maybe I won't. hopefully I will. just...pray for me that I have it in me to continue doing what I love and—#—sharing these little bits of what I do in my free time with you.#I won't have the time to reply to anything for the time being. college tests are on the way and I have to prepare myself for—#—the better or worse.#if things go downhill and you don't hear from me for a long while. then this will probably be my last post here.#I'll still be able to reply to messages on other platforms #but I just don't have the emotional stability to talk right now. No it's gonna be fine. I have faith in me and God.#I know that He doesn't put His children into burdens that none of them could handle.#and if He thinks I could handle this. then I will. and I can. He is with me and so is all of your faith.#that puts me in a sense of reassurance a little hahah...#yeah.. so...I'll see you then..bye.

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beomgyutruther · 3 months

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#snapped at my mom because im stressed about my preboard results and then i apologized and explained that i was rly stressed and accidentally #lashed out and she started saying that im always rude to her and taking my stress out on her ??? and that i never do this to my dad #and then she said i never talk to her about anything even though she's the only one who does everything for me yet i still dont talk to her #and well. maybe if she didnt tell my brother 'if u do this u will end up like ur sister in the future. u dont want to fail in life right ?#then dont do this' (nearly exact words) when she was scolding him . i mean maybe then i would actually want to talk to her #and it sucks because i cant rly talk to anyone irl about this because i still feel scared that they'll like. judge my mom #because i still love her a lot and dont want people to think badly about her #but its getting harder ! to exist here ! and the fact that i am constantly used as an example of what my brother should NOT be #especially when i work this hard partly because i want to be someone my brother can look up to #and to have that come from my own mother . it's really hurtful and makes me feel like nothing i ever do will be enough for her #not to mention the fact that i have come out to her 4 times and she still constantly asks me if it's just a phase #<- i thought that part was getting better but apparently not #but i've stopped expecting anything from anyone in that respect so it doesn't really come as a surprise lmao #anyway rant over i just needed to get that off my chest because i really dont know how long i can keep crying and then forcing my voice #to be normal so that no one asks what happened because wow it is taking a toll on me! who knew #do noooot perceive this

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mars-ipan · 5 months

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HOOO my brother just touched a nerve

#marzi speaks #he asked if i wanted to fish with him and our grandpa #i declined bc i only really like flyfishing #HE goes ‘oh alright. i don’t mean to be misogynistic [bad sign] but it’s kind of a more masculine thing anyways’#i am immediately reminded of one of the first times i became infuriated at gender roles #my great uncle was taking a lot of cousins on a fishing trip #i asked to come with (i knew how to fish at this point- my aunts had taught me)#he said no- fishing is a man’s sport #my mother tore him a new one when she found out #so THAT memory is fresh in my mind #combined with the fact that i am now trans and have had my masculinity called into question #so i get Irritated. and go off on him about assigning arbitrary gendered attitudes to things that don’t require them #and how inappropriate it is for him to assign or revoke from me certain gender labels over the act of throwing string on a stick in water #and he pulls out my LEAST FAVORITE defense: well it’s not a big deal #‘it’s not a big deal’ is the FASTEST way to piss me off. because it’s CLEARLY a big deal to me if i’m bothering to get in your face about it #it’s so damn dismissive i hate it.#so i yell a bit more (‘you’re embarrassing me’ ‘be embarrassed i do not care’) and eventually get myself to a point where i go #‘Look. i’m setting a boundary here. don’t assign values of masculine or feminine or whatever to anything i do bc that isn’t your place’#and he goes. ‘okay. i’ll try for you. for YOU specifically. and i’m not gonna be perfect’#which is frustrating as HELL. every promise this motherfucker makes comes with 50 disclaimers like he’s signing a goddamn contract #so i tell him ‘quit with all the extra shit i’m not expecting perfection you’re a goddamn human being. just tell me you’ll try.’#so he starts again and i have to cut him off after ‘i will try’ so he doesn’t put his damn foot in his damn mouth again #UGGGHHHH. GODDD #i’ll probs apologize to him about blowing up later and try to explain how he touched a nerve #but right now i am going to be frustrated #also i feel like he’s gonna start saying too much because he can never let dust settle and frustrate me all over again so is it worth it?#i dunno #but AGH. GOD

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flippedorbit · 5 months

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guy who feels annoying All Of The Time for rambling gets told it’s fine to do so unapologetically…… sobs :’] <3 /pos

i shall dm you i guess????? i think that’s most comfy for Me lol??? <- is so bad at social interaction omg save me

(responding to tags again: you fucking GET IT!!!!! shakes you so much omfg dude RAHHHH!!!!!! /affectionate

your cat is so cute…… she is goals (i’m catkin lmao) she looks so cozy and warm and soft and yeah she’s just great. giving her a little kiss because what cat doesn’t deserve lil kissies?)

-gregarious anon

:D yeah i ramble constantly about whatever’s on my mind and am constantly worried about being annoying so when someone else feels that way about rambling to me i just go with it, no being annoying here, just fun and chatting about whatever comes to mind :3

and o7 looking forward to it, gregarious anon

#asks #Apollo answers #gregarious anon #do not be fooled by how cozy she looks. she can be a huge asshole when she wants to be #mostly she’s rather sweet but she has her moments. to be fair she was an outside cat for most of her life before we got her (she was my #aunt’s cat (mother’s full blood younger sister) before she moved and decided to give her to us instead of taking her on a long drive across #numerous state lines (about a 24 hour drive from here where she used to live to the state she lives in now) and Pickles already hated the #drive from my aunts old house to here. but she’s really adjusted well to now being an inside cat. we’ve had her since may i think? maybe #april at the earliest. i know we got her on my senior prom day (literally just an hour before. i was super worried about being late) so its #been about seven or eight months. she was at least relatively socialized with people before we got her thankfully so that wasn’t much of a #problem or thing to worry about. however the only like slight problem we have is that she wasn’t really raised around kittens and we #recently got two (Scamper and Eclipse) so we’re trying to train the kittens to not tear up stuff in the house and train Pickles to be nice #and be gentle with them and share toys and stuff. currently the kittens go up at night into an enclosed mesh playpen and Pickles sleeps in #my room with me like before the kittens came along. we supervise them playing most of the time. i think she’s getting a bit better at being #gentle and playing nice with them. its a slow process but we’re getting somewhere at the very least)#wow that was a lot more than i meant to type. anyway. free Pickles’ lore

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obstinatecondolement · 1 year

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I give my dad's brother a pass on never contacting us, as he is more broadly shunning all of my dad's side of the family. He was adopted and was treated like shit by my grandmother, because she a) didn't want to adopt and resented her adopted children, and b) was a fucking racist to her black adopted children, so he doesn't consider us to be his family. Particularly now that he is in contact with his biological mother and half-siblings.

He's also chronically depressed to a very disabling degree and lives in another country, so like... there are barriers to communication there that are different to the rest of the family not talking to us because they think we're embarrassing and messy.

#I met him one time exactly #when I was about ten #at my grandfather's house #he was writing in a journal at the time and I was writing a (very bad) poem in a day-a-page diary I had gotten discounted #because it was for the previous year #and people remarked on the family resemblence in terms of habit #which neither of us (trying to write in our books and not join in the conversation) were especially receptive to #I think about him a lot now #my grandfather didn't leave him anything in his will #which apparently you can legally do here to your adopted children??#even though you cannot legally disinherit your biological children if your name is on their birth certificate #the other siblings kind of divided up their inheritance among themselves after the fact to cut him in with an equal share #but like... really really bad that they had to do that #and honestly I would have expected better of my grandfather #who was the one who wanted to adopt in the first place #because he grew up in an institution from around 7 to 15 #(his mother was too mentally ill to look after him and his siblings at the time so his father surrendered them to different working schools #who then refused to give them back when she was well again because their funding was based on how many kids were there)#and he fostered a lot of kids as an adult because he felt strongly about children living in orphanages and other institutions #but like... apparently didn't feel strongly enough about it that his son's inclusion in his will wasn't conditional!#my dad's adopted sister was much closer to my grandfather and saw him several times a week #(she is grateful her mother died in her early sixties because she feels this allowed her to develop a close relationship with her father)#so she was in the will #but it must have felt pretty chilling to know that she might not have been if she hadn't been a Good Enough Daughter

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transgender-catboy · 7 months

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I love my friends

#i think im just going to talk in the tags for a moment. got a lot on my mind #for starters. the fnaf movie comes out soon. really looking forward to that. think its gonna be awesome and amazing and I'm super excited!!!#secondly. waiting on funds so i can buy that mask i saw the other day and some Halloween candy from Walmart #i . want to do little goodie bags for the kids in my building. but im too scared to go up to their parents and ask candy preference and #allergy concerns. so. idk. maybe I'll just save it. I think it's a cute concept but it makes me feel like my mother.#she loved to do little gift things for people. but it was always people that didn't like her. i don't want to be that way #i know my value. i know my time and energy means something. i don't want to waste it on people who don't give a shit. ya know?#not saying the kids are those kinds of people. not what i mean. but just as an overall thing. i don't like being like her.#...yeah. i dunno. you get raised by one person your whole life. you pick up some of their characteristics #i can't sob without sounding like her. safe to say i am a little emotionally constipated. so i seek other means to relieve that feeling.#like yesterday when i threw up. i played it off like that was a blunder on my body. but i know what i did.#hey. at least it's not the other method. right?. .. yeah. okay. i know. not great either #but it hurts. and I'm so fucking sick and tired of crying over her. genuinely. it's exhausting crying all the time #but that's the only way I can get those emotions out #I've tried to do the counseling thing. but other things made that impossible. then i moved.#and i tried the grief thing but instead i just got a talking buddy? he helps me get out of the house yeah.#but we dont talk about her #... i dunno. I'm just here.#guess i waited long enough. now you get a mini secret. every time i make an i love my friends post. I'm reminding myself why I'm still going #I'm usually sitting around somewhere in my apartment (desk couch bed) crying. alone. thinking about you guys.#so uh. thank you.#i love you guys so much. and i don't know where I'd be without you #probably dead.#💖#vent

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halyorke-vampiredisaster · 9 months

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Small life update, officially out to my parents and my sister, they all love me and I'm gonna go cry about that now, bye

#it's about the trans thing #actually all of their reactions pretty much were different variations of “lol i know”#meanwhile me sitting here like 'I'm gonna rock their world they'll never look at the the same again'#for context my parents actually missed many opportunities in my life to show me that they cared about me as a person #i felt used and exploited and like a thing that had to be molded to fit the role of 'mother' my own mother couldn't always fill #so this means a lot yes for the trans thing but also just generally for me and my place in my family #apparently my sister was almost as nervous as me waiting for their reactions #she cried reading my fathers email?#my mother has been doing research into trans topics for years now in preparation or something #my father wrote an emotionally open and literate and vulnerable email - he does not usually do that #maybe this is all very basic but you have to understand i didn't think they actually cared all that much about me

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opens-up-4-nobody · 2 months

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#its so weird. i feel like march 5th went on for more than a day somehow. i guess that's just bc we were awake for just abt all of it #my dad wanted to start doing things immediately so he was calling and scheduling all day. we went to the funeral home we went to the store #and it was weird bc as we were moving around it was like wow we r a 4 person family now. this is it. and theres so much to do after a person #dies. or at least there is when they were loved so much and jesus christ my mom was one of the best ppl a LOT of ppl knew. she did so much #for so so many ppl. and with her childhood she had every reason to b a fuck up but no she was kind and selfless and amazing. her mother is #trying to bask in the attention of her death when its like: truely go fuck urself. her being such a good person has nothing to do with u. u #treated her appallingly. fuck off. and fucking everyone knows it. god. she is a product of her grandparents kindness. and it sounds like her #dad was amazing like her. but he tragically died in a car wreck when she was 3. she was in the car. no one in my mums family believes in a #god now. too many bad things happened to the shining gems in a collection of wild alcoholics. but its not all bad. my family's staying close #my dad is taking it hard bc this means hes alone now and my mum took care of so many things bc she was so smart and he feels so dumb. he #feels he didnt deserve her. hes working on giving more hugs now. and hes using us to anxiously talk things out the way he did with mom #which is good. i cant imagine if this happened when we werent 3 adults and he was windowed with 3 kids to raise himself. and its funny. were #saying things we never would have told her. we looked thru pictures of her and she was so so beautiful. a total smoke show. my parents were #a cute couple who produced cute kids. and my mom had trouble communicating and being affectionate tho we knew she loved us there was #distance. theres a pic of my dad pulling her close and shes being tippef towarf her while standing away and thats indicitive of their #relationship. they were 2 partners who lived together independently and that worked but its sad bc my mum couldnt b vulnerable in her #expression. ppl r being so kind tho. ill be in ohio now for like 2.5 more weeks as the funeral stuff shakes out. we have to have 2 bc she #grew up away from her and so many ppl loved her in both locations. she was a popular lady. its so weird to b here on pause. but i feel clear #in my head. i think this will change a lot of my outlook on life. its nice to focus on the person she was and not the horrible 12hrs where i #saw her half dead. i cant imagine how awful it was for my sisters and dad to see her downslide into death. she didnt expect this to b The #Fever that killed her but it did and now she'll never finish a million things. and the house is full of pill bottles and all her junk and #unopened amazon packages and a truck with the fuel left on empty. bc she was an absent minded goofball. ay. well miss her so much #unrelated

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dullahandyke · 9 months

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the fact that im the only queer member of my whole family i know is such bullshit... not to mention statistically improbable. youre telling me i have 50+ people in my extended family and not a one of them is queer? lies

#now of course this might just be me not knowing my family particularly well #but i feel like my mother would have mentioned to me by now #god i miss youth theatre. the trans-to-cis ratio was insane it was like almost 50/50 #every single trans person i know irl went to that youth theatre at some point. bananas #i need to just look at a trans person irl i think. it would fix me #alternatively i need to go somewhere and Be visibly trans #and also a binder would help but idk if i wanna open that particular can of worms yet #feels like committing #and also i still have shit in the post that i gotta wait to get here #need to email fucking claires again bcos my package got lost or summat #and also theyre like 50 euro and that feels like a lot of money #and also also they reccommend having another person there when u try them on jic which Uh Oh #only plausible option for that is me mam and thats yet another can of worms #like she already knows i have issues wearing bras bcos of my ungirl days #but yknow #yeahj

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