#she REALLY looks like cam rn holy fuck
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Traffic Stop
Lovely @deandoesthingstome gave me the permission to bring her thoughts to life! Just a little bit of my dazzle dazzle
Warnings 18+: Cursing , Black Mailing , Abuse of Power , Flirting , Smut - Unprotected Car Sex (wrap it the fuck up) , Begging , Female!Dom , Male!Sub , Mommy Kink , Choking .
Pairings: AU!Henry Cavill x SGT Marissa Calloway(black!female)
Description: Mr. Cavill speeds through traffic, and SGT Calloway pulls him over to reprimand him.
Side note: Body Cams don’t exist rn 💀
Word Count: 3.0K
Tagging: @nofoolywang , @headcannonxgalore
One Shot
23:43
Just a few more minutes and her shift was over. It’s been a calm night. She hated those. Nothing to pass the time over with her doing all this paperwork. She sometimes questioned her career choice.
Even though she knew what she was getting herself into, she couldn’t help but to feel regret. Cops weren’t liked especially in this time of the century. She had to tiptoe over broken glass with bare feet with the life she lived. Even her being out of her uniform, choices have to be thought through and logical.
Marissa was sitting secluded from traffic with her lights off when her speedometer tracker went off. ‘83 mph in a 35 zone?! Pssssh, what a nut case.’ She closed her laptop, clicked in her seatbelt and turned on her siren and lights.
It took her a minute to catch up with him, she had the slightest reason that they were going to try to take off, but they pulled over to the side.
Stepping out of her vehicle, she used her hands to do a routine check over her body to make sure she had everything she needed. Her left hand rested on her holster as she touched his back tail light with her finger tips.
Once she made it to the driver’s window, she was met with a familiar face. But she didn’t fold, she still had a job to do.
‘License and Registration please?’ Her voice was baritone, firm and stern.
He looked up at her with a twinkle in his deep blue orbs. A smile cracked on his lips before his eyes dropped from her pretty face to her chest, and her waist. ‘Damn, I’m lucky. Got myself a lady cop. How ya’ doin’ miss?’
‘Fine,’ her country accent slightly settling in with the word, she repeated, ‘License and Registration please.’
‘Hmph, yes ma’am!’ He smirked as he reached over and pulled his registration out of the glove compartment and then pulled his license out of his wallet.
Once he handed the paperwork over, she took a second to look down at his license. Hmph, it was him. District attorney, Henry Cavill.
Marissa was always fond of him, she admired his work and now that she had him in her grasp, she was not gonna let him slip away. Not with just a ticket no.
‘Alright, Mr. Cavill, hold tight. I will be right back.’ She shot him a half wink.
His eyes dropped from her face to her breast where her badge rested. Engraved in the pretty silver star, was her badge Number and her name: M. Calloway. He’d be sure to remember that. ‘Yes ma’am.’ He nodded, sticking his head out of the window to catch her walking away.
She was silhouetted by her Charger’s bright LED lights, emphasizing her curves and her tools and trinkets. ‘Damn.’ He mumbled before he bit into his bottom lip. He really did feel lucky.
Marissa sat down in her squad car with a smirk curled on her lips. Boy, the way those fuckers at the station were going to be kissing her feet after this one. How does one catch the damn district attorney out right breaking the law like this? Should she call it luck?
She started inputting his information in his file and rang her partner.
‘Yooo. What’s goin’ on Calloway?’
‘Listen, you won’t believe this shit Luis.’ She tried to keep her excitement under control.
‘Whatcha got?’
‘I just pulled over Henry Cavill.’
There was a pause on the other side of the receiver before Luis spoke up, ‘What? Wait, what do you mean?!’
A chuckle finally left her lips, ‘I mean I just pulled over the fucking district attorney! Did you not hear me the first time?!’
‘Holy shit!’ Luis laughed in disbelief, ‘How in the hell did you pull that off?! What was he doin’?!’
‘He was going 48 miles over the speed limit. It appears this is his 2nd offense. He was let off with a warning the last time but, I think I may teach him a lesson.’
And she had the perfect punishment in mind.
‘Damn. Sucks to suck. You need me to roll on by? I could watch your back.’
‘My back don’t need watching. I’m cool.’ She chuckled, ‘I’ll give you a shout once this is over with.’
Once they hung up the phone, she thought for a minute as she finished the final touches to the report. She left his belongings on the keyboard and stepped out her vehicle once again.
She did her routine touch on the back of his tail light and walked up to his window. ‘Mr. Cavill, do you know why I pulled you over this evening?’
Henry looked up at her for a moment as if he were trying to register her question in his brain, ‘I have an idea… but could you tell me, in case I’m wrong?’
Marissa placed her hand on her hip as her other hand rested on her gun handle. It was a habit of hers. She wouldn’t dare pull a gun out on her future boo thing. ‘You were going almost 50 over the speed limit.’
He sighed softly, his head falling forward as he chuckled in disbelief, ‘Jeez. I’m so sorry. That’s— that’s not like me. I just had a long day at the office, I’m working on this huge case and—‘
Marissa stared at him with eyes as dead as autumn leaves. Though on the inside, she felt for him. She wanted to wrap him up in a hug and say sorry and let him go. But her plans were just too sinister for that.
‘I’m sorry… could you just…’ he looked to the side, ‘Not write me the ticket?’
Her eyebrows tugged into one, ‘Listen, Mr. Cavill. I don’t know what kind of cops you’re used to but I’m not letting you off that easy. You could’ve seriously hurt someone and yourself! Or worse!’
He snapped his head over at her, blinking hard; not believing what he was hearing, ‘What?! What if— if I can give you money? I can give you money!’
There he was again… trying to bribe a police officer. Another crime.
Marissa’s eyes grew in shock, ‘Are you bribing me, Mr. Cavill?!’
Once he’d realized what he done, his mouth fell slightly and for a moment his eyes glazed over with fear, ‘wh—no! No, no— you’ve got it wrong! I—‘
‘Step out of the vehicle please!’ She demanded
‘You’re serious?’ He asked in disappointment.
‘As a heart attack. Get out of the car please.’
Henry grumbled and rolled his eyes as he clicked his seatbelt off and pushed it to the side. He pulled the handle gently and stepped out of the Jeep Gladiator.
He was much taller than she was, towering over her like a monument of muscle. He wore a cotton long sleeved shirt, dark denim jeans and black boots. Fuck. She couldn’t help but think to herself. He may be too much of a man for her to handle. But she wasn’t a quitter and her momma didn’t raise a bitch.
‘Turn around. Hands against the vehicle please.’
‘Yes ma’am.’ Henry let out an annoyed sigh as he placed his large hands on the roof of the vehicle. ‘What are ya’ gonna do? Frisk me?’ he scoffed at his little remark. He was hoping she’d do that and more.
Smirking at the joke, she placed her small hands around him and began to fill him out. Touching and squeezing on his soft pecks. ‘Don’t got anything that could stab or prick me, do ya?’ She asked as she continued to make her hands down his godly body.
‘No ma’am.’ his body tensed when she gave his thigh a firm squeeze, causing a tingling sensation in his groin to spark.
She raised a brow before standing up straight once again, ‘Well this isn’t exactly “District Attorney Office” attire. Where were you coming from again?’
‘The office! I got changed there. You know how it is being coped up in suits all day. I changed out of my suit before I left! It’s in the back seat.’
‘Mmhmm.’ She sounded a little bit skeptical. Anything to make him bend, she wanted him to feel inferior. Weak.
‘Alright, hands behind your back.’
‘What?! Are you arresting me?!’
Marissa let out a sigh as she rolled her eyes, ‘No, I’m not arresting you… yet. But you and I are going to have a little chat in my car. After this perhaps you could learn your lesson.’ She then clipped the metal handcuffs on his wrists and she grabbed his arm. The pair began on their short journey to the Charger.
‘You don’t have to do this! I think I’ve learned my lesson.’
‘I don’t think you have.’ She pulled open the back door and jerked her head over, ‘In with ya.’
With another roll of his eyes, he ducked his head down and sat in the vehicle.
‘Alright.’ she said as she began to undo her utility belt that held all of her weaponry and tools, ‘Let’s start our conversation.’
Henry glared up at her with confusion as she dropped her belongings on the front seat and turned off her radio. ‘What are you doing?’
A devious smirk curled on her lips as she began to undo her top, ‘You have no idea how long I’ve been wanting to do this Mr. Cavill.’
‘And what exactly are you doing?’ he swallowed his spit as he watched her now push her uniform top off of her shoulders and toss it next to him. She was now standing in a white wife beater and her bottoms. Her hardened nipples pierced through her sports bra and revealed themselves through her white shirt.
‘That’s for me to know and you to find out.’ She said in a salacious tone.
Henry swallowed a large gulp as she began to undo her bottoms and crawled on top of his lap. ‘I’m assuming this is the conversation you wanted to have with me?’
‘Shhh… listen, you’re going to pay for your crimes tonight. You can either take this slap on the wrist,’ she grinded her middle part against his growing erection, ‘Or you can just say goodbye to your career… this is after all your second offense… and you’ll just become a liability. Your call Mr. District Attorney.’
He bit into his bottom lip as he peered up into her brown eyes that just reflected in the most lascivious of things. ‘Well if it means I get to feel you. Then count me in.’
A smirk curled on her lips, ‘Good boy. I will be referred to as ‘Mommy’ and right now mommy wants you to sit here and look pretty? Am I understood?’ Marissa crooned as she grabbed his chiseled jaw in her fingers and gave him a light squeeze.
Now, Henry was so hard he thought he would split rocks at this point. He loved when a woman was in tune with her body, knew what she wanted and knew how to get it. And Marissa was his ideal woman. ‘Yes ma’am. Anything for you.’
‘Good.’ she grinned as she leaned down and pressed her full lips against his. His lips were so warm and welcoming. They embraced hers like arms to a hug when his tongue slipped between her teeth, she found herself reaching between the both of them to undo his pants.
Once she broke the kiss, Henry looked up at her as she pulled her wife beater and then her sports bra over her head. Revealing her large perky sets of tits. ‘Mmm.’ he hummed as he grinded his hips upwards to ease that pain in his pants. He just wanted to wrap his lips around those sweet chocolate kisses for nipples. He was just dying to touch her. ‘Please! Officer–’
‘Mommy…’ she warned as she gently lifted her hips and pushed her pants off of her hips and then down to her ankles.
‘Mommy, could you please take these cuffs off. I wanna feel you.’ He was practically whining but he was desperate! He needed to touch her.
Marissa finally pulled his veiny, massive member out of his pants, practically drooling when she saw the sight. She felt like she hit a goldmine. ‘No touchy… Bad boys don’t get to touch. Maybe next time.’ She laughed out sinisterly as she positioned her body over his uncut member.
‘Aw man.’ he whined out.
She then slowly descended her hips down on his member, feeling him stretch and push past her. ‘Aah.’
Henry looked down between the both of them as she engulfed him with her goodness. His thighs twitched at the familiar yet, foreign feeling of her. She was so tight. So wet for him. Made just for him. ‘Uhhhh yes.’ He groaned out.
‘Damn,’ she shuddered out, feeling a sweet warmth of numbness travel down her spine, ‘You are a big boy aren’t you.’
‘Ooh yes. Fuck, mommy you’re so tight.’
She settled at the hilt of him, giving her walls time to adjust to his enormous size. Then, she lifted her hips slowly and dropped them down again, earning a louder groan from Henry. Marissa did that a few more times before she began to pick up her pace and bounce her hips on him.
Clap, clap, clap! Their bodies crashed into one another in a beautiful song. Henry’s eyebrows pulled into one as he watched her perfect breasts bounce with her movements. ‘Ooh shit. That’s it baby. More.’ He demanded.
Marissa moaned out as she began to mix her bouncing with grinding, ‘Aah! Fuck! Is that what you want babe? You want mo–’ and before she could finish, Henry adjusted his hips and began to thrust upwards. It stunted her for a second, causing a moan to be hitched in her throat. ‘Ooh! Fuck, that’s good baby. Uh huh!’ She began to drop her hips down to meet his thrusts, creating a new form of friction she hadn’t known before.
Her mouth hung open as she continued on with her rhythmic bounce. Henry’s hips had come to a stop and once again he was in a world full of ecstasy. ‘God-dammit, please don’t stop. Don’t fucking stop.’ he begged as a bright shade of pink rose from the base of his neck to his jaws, and the rest of his face. He felt his balls squeeze as he felt so close to an orgasm. ‘Aah.’
She could feel him throbbing inside of her. Her tight walls stretching with each throb, she knew he was close. ‘Aht’ she slammed her hips down upon his, ‘Don’t you fucking dare! This is a punishment for you!’
‘Ugh! Grr, fuck!’ He growled out, ‘Yes! Yes ma’am.’
‘You come when I tell you,’ She reached forward and wrapped her small hands around his neck, ‘Do you understand?’
‘Y-yes mommy.’ He croaked out.
She began to lift her hips and dropped them in a slow, tantalizing rhythm. He lifted his hazy head once again to watch her engulf him over and over again. He was coated in a pretty white orgasm ring at the base of his dick. It pleased him to know that she could use him like this and make her feel good in the process.
She kept her hold around his neck as she slowly began to pick up the pace when she felt a special spark within her core. ‘Ooh,’ her breathing hitched as her grip around his neck began to tighten, ‘Aah! Fuck, I’m about to cum. Fuck,’ her breathing became sharp and short as her body tried to brace her for the impact. And to her surprise, Henry began to thrust his hips upward again but this time much faster than before. ‘UGH! AAH!’ she exclaimed as her hips became locked in place allowing him to just take over just for a moment.
‘Come! Please, please mommy. Come for me?’ He growled out, begging her for her release.
Her body tensed up when his words met her ears. She was instantly met with a shockwave in her core, a beautiful erotic twist in her womb, ‘AAAAHHH! FUCK MEEE!’ she sobbed out but Henry just kept thrusting, fucking her right through her orgasm. Her eyes brimmed with tears as he had seem to fuck her into another orgasm that caused her to fold, ‘You can come baby! You can come baby!’ she whined out as he continued to thrust upward.
Just the words he wanted to hear, he watched as she began to slowly grind her hips downward as he thrusted upward. ‘Ooh shit. I’m gonna… I'm gonna nut. Fuuuu-’ his cursing broke off when he was finally met with his own orgasm, spilling inside of her and filling her all the way up. His thick veins throbbed in his neck and forehead. Telltale signs that he emptied his tank and gave her all he could offer her. Letting out a shudder of disbelief and amazement, his head fell back against the seat once again as he tried to regain the air in his lungs. It was easier to breathe before.
And he never came like that either.
Letting out a sweet and satisfied sigh, she could down to him, ‘That’s momma’s good boy.’ Then, she carefully lifted her hips and began to get herself together.
Once she was finished getting ready and she had helped piece him back together, she uncuffed him and looked up at him as he rubbed his wrists. Marissa smiled up at him and folded her arms across her chest, ‘So, what did we learn?’
Henry smirked and looked to the side, ‘Not to do 50 over the speed limit. Also, not to bribe a … fine ass cop.’
Marissa smirked and nodded, ‘Hmm, seems like you’ve learned your lesson… here,’ She reached inside of her vehicle and grabbed his license and registration papers off of the keyboard of the laptop. ‘I expect you to behave now. You aint hard to get to.’ She shot him a wink as he carefully took the documents from her.
‘Yes ma’am…’ he looked down at her badge one more time, ‘Ms. Calloway.’ He'd be sure to find out more about this fascinating woman. He had to.
#henry cavill#au!henry cavill x black!female oc#au!henry cavill#henry cavill x black reader#henry cavill fanfic#henry cavill x black!reader#henry cavill x black!oc#henry cavill x black!female reader#henry cavill x black!plus size female oc
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DMP SEASON 4 EPISODE 9 OUT OF CONTEXT SPOILERS
okay so like. i’m GENUINELY sorry that i haven’t been updating this blog a lot outside of ooc spoilers. genuinely my sense of time rn is so messed up that i think i’m updating it semi-frequently then realize i only did one round of quotes before a new episode drops lol. didn’t even do anything for last episode my sense of time is just utterly fucked. so sorry hahaha i can’t promise i’ll try to remember things but. i still love this blog i’m just drifting outside of space and time atm
spoilers ahead as normal but honestly this episode was so chill and vibin you could PROBABLY read this update without watching and wouldn’t be majorly spoiled for much. ngl this is one of my fav ooc spoilers because not much super intense happened so i was able to capture most of the shenanigans through memes
-charlie, probably (made by pip for space game. Saved it in advance knowing it was spoilers for this episode lol)
I’m pretty sure tasting the colour pink is just peptol bismol
Charlie has reached a new low 2 episodes after the pizza image, somehow
“Despite all my rage i am still just a rat in a cage” -thorin
Alex’s nickname on the fanserver sure is real awkward now
Charlie is a weeb. next up, the sky is blue
I mean. If YOU gained god powers don’t tell me you WOULDN’T watch every anime in existence
The biggest tonal dissonance between the art and the music i’ve ever seen
-art by cam
Cant believe zephi is cg’s friend from work
NO TEARS. ONLY YOGA
My therapist: calm voice CG isn’t real he can’t hurt you. Calm voice CG:
Even the void is not immune to capitalism
COMPETITIVE YOGA
GAY PANIC TIME, THE FRIEND FROM WORK HAS ARRIVED
Vinny is phoenix wright
Junior is denied playing with dogs by virtue of not being in the show. Shame.
Thorin being left alone with zephi, this could only end well. Just look how minerva ended up!
Vinny straight up admits he’s willing to kill a dog
“Ezra, yay or nay about val’s area”
Miss Charlie steal yo girl
“I fucked your girl shitlips” -charlie, probably
Maybe ONE day the space jam scenario will see the light of day
Welcome to FUCK IT
The local mall cryptid returns at last
Two legends make a triumphant return: junior no last name and the gazebo
Junior nolastname can legally swear
Chuck.
How dare you make me sad over one piece jokes
Just Starbucks
After months of CG and grace being the best goddamn dynamic in the show despite it being ENTIRELY noncanon they GET TO FUCKING INTERACT IN THE SHOW
Alex’s hyena laugh my beloved
Paul blart flesh mall
Do not investigate the meat
Yugo wasn’t dead, he was just put in gay baby jail for a nap
-cam
ALEX BE DROPPIN HOT BARS THO
Tommathan
Hailey gets struck by the apollo ball
Yknow. A proposal. As a friend. She put a ring on it. As a friend.
Tommy and angalena h*ld h*nds
Sometimes ur just so depressed you dont realize ur girlfriend proposed to you in a romantic way
Perhaps, just once, the girls will not be fighting
TACTICAL STEALTH EZRA
“It’s like i’m a WEBSERIES CHARACTER” -hailey looks directly at the camera
DAD TIME
Dads havin a good dad talk. I’m just vibin to this music
“The surrealism of it made me nearly scream”
Daily reminder that percy blackwood punched a kid at sunday school
Things gettin spicy in this mattress store ;)
Val averts thine eyes, at the disappointment of the fans
TOES TIME
Kingdom hearts called, it wants its belts back
Dmp would be instantly solved if junior hadnt been demoted to mall cryptid. Bitch been on screen for like 5 minutes and he’s goin full cinemasins on CG’s ass
Jesus canon to dmp
Junior decided to test god, he fucks around and finds out
CG throwing a temper tantrum and ripping apart his dolls like an angy 5 year old
(bitch), CG edition
THAT’S IT YOU’RE GOING TO SPENCERS
Eternal gazebo time
HOLY SHIT???? People go to malls to SHOP???
oh wow! [eldritch screeching] my favourite pokemon!!!
HAIR SWOOSH GANG
Oh noooooooo my two favs are talking whatever will i dooooooooooo
Yall are really just gonna shove doc’s corpse into a pretzel box huh
Charlie just progresses more and more into being comically small and sad
Rip the mall announcer, lost to the parking lot. We barely knew you
Charlie is a basic bitch, we been knew
Yeahhhh no cg sure as hell aint human. No human being would reasonably wear THAT
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𝐠𝐢𝐫𝐥𝐬 𝐨𝐧 𝐟𝐢𝐥𝐦 | 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫 | 𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐯𝐞 𝐫𝐨𝐠𝐞𝐫𝐬 (𝟒)
part three
note - i wanna thank everyone for reading once again! i'm currently in the process of writing imagines, those will be posted throughout the week, i don't want to clog up my blog bc i want y'all to see this chapter!
this one switches pov a lil more frequently, so bear with me <3 also not as smutty as other chapters, this is more of an emotionally-charged chapter!!! still a teensy bit smutty thooo. i want to make it clear that while this fic is definitely rooted in smut & sex & sex work, it is not porn without plot & will not ONLY be smut as i put effort and time into plot development / character development! i'm sure y'all know that tho. there will be conflict, there will be plot!!! i feel like that's clear already but there's discourse on smut happening rn and i wanna voice myself! omg anyways luv y'all enjoy the reaaad <3
new taglist!
playlist
word count - 8.3k
warnings - age gap, sex work, smut, vibrator, ANGSTYYY like hella dramatic, dirty talk
That slight shift that you and Steve both felt, that happiness that you realized came from talking to one another, only lasted so long... for you. You could hardly sit in your feelings about your situation with Steve before another thing that occupied all your time came crashing down upon you. Except this time, the thing brought you no such happiness or curiosity.
You had spent almost your entire senior year working on a special lab project about drought tolerant plants in Southern California where you lived and went to school, and your professor was making completing your project incredibly hard for you. And you felt incredibly stressed out about the entire situation - not only was the project necessary to graduate, but it was your heart and soul for the past year. Now, your professor was basically saying it was "ineligible."
"Ineligible?" Aaliyah repeated after you, after you told her what your professor had said.
"Whatever the hell that means," you huffed as you power walked down the street, hand in hand with Aaliyah, your free hand holding a coffee.
"That's so fucking annoying, holy shit," Aaliyah pressed a hand to her forehead. "He had the whole year to talk to you about changing your topic and...”
"And he never did," you sighed, frowning. You settled down onto a bench where the two of you sat next to each other, staring out into the busy streets and sipping your iced coffees.
California was a beautiful place, and you were a native, you'd lived there all your life. You knew the ins and outs of your city, knew Southern California like it was your backbone. And you loved it here - loved the sun, the beaches, the way the people were either shady in the best way or incredibly friendly. You'd never really known any other place like you knew this place. You were just glad that if you had to be stressed, you could do so in California.
Aaliyah pouted, feeling for you. She placed her hand on your knee to be comforting,
"Babe..."
"It's okay," you sighed. You sucked it up, like always, because you had learned how to fend for yourself ever since you realized that depending on others could only lead to downfall. You would figure this out the same way you figured everything else out... on your own. You figured out your house on your own, your job, your finances.
"Is it, though?" Aaliyah pursed her lips and squinted at you. Despite how much you tried to fend for yourself, Aaliyah was always there for you. She was one of your biggest supporters.
"I'll just keep visiting during his office hours and work this out."
Aaliyah rolled her eyes,
"Men are so annoying, girl. You know what, he probably wants to fuck you. With your fine ass. That's why he's doing all this."
You chuckled, shaking your head and covering your mouth, trilling back in response,
"Okay girl, don't get too ahead of yourself."
"I'm serious! Men are evil. Oh, except your fave."
You made a face, nearly choking on your iced coffee. This was news to you,
"Who are we talking about?"
"You know," Aaliyah sang slightly, nudging you and leaning against your shoulder. "Mr. Won't Show His Face."
You scoffed, rolling your eyes, but bit down on your straw with a knowing smile, eyes peeking out over the top of your shades. If you were being honest, this idea of Steve, whoever he really was, had been a fun thing to entertain during this period of stress. You'd been talking and engaging with him for two and a half weeks now, and the connection you two had was undeniable.
But you knew better - maybe he wasn't just another customer, because you could really talk to him and felt like he was real - then again, he was strictly a customer. You liked him, a lot, but you couldn't like him any more than you already did. That would be dangerous and silly, and create unrealistic expectations. It wasn't like you could go on dates or anything.
Still, talking to him (and performing for him) did help to distract you from your stress, at least for a small amount of time. Steve was becoming less shy, less inhibited. He cracked jokes and was starting to keep up with your innate sense of sexuality, starting to navigate you, find you the way a bee might find its nectar, hidden deep inside the curvatures of a flower.
If you were a flower, you'd probably be a sunflower - bright, yellow, almost always in a positive mood, or at least trying to keep yourself in a positive mood. More than that though, sunflowers were tall and looming - you felt like that represented your put togetherness and how hard you worked, how smart you were. Only sometimes it was hard to keep yourself up and tall, but you always did it, time and time again.
But when it came to Aaliyah's comments about Steve, she mostly just made you laugh.
"Haven't seen him yet, have you?" Aaliyah asked, raising her brows expectantly.
"No. And I'm fine with that. He's simply another very loyal customer who I happen to like."
"Hm," Aaliyah hummed, and you could tell her mind was up to something - some very wishful, and mischievous thinking.
"What are you up to?" you narrowed your eyes at her and glared at her, and she just shook her head with a lazy smile,
"Nothing. Just thinking that maybe it would be cool if he really was this really hot guy that you actually knew and he wasn't creepy and y'all... you know... started dating. Just to get your mind off a lot of crap. I know, I know, strictly against the rules, blah blah blah. No feelings for customers, it's basic shit. But in a perfect world..."
"I know," you sighed without thinking, sipping at your drink.
"You know?" Aaliyah questioned, surprised.
You shrugged,
"So I've thought about it. Except, you know, in a perfect world, I'd meet a guy like Steve in like, a farmer's market or something. Not on my shady ass cam shows."
Aaliyah snorted laughing, and at the sound of her laughter, you joined in.
You continued,
"I mean, not Steve exactly, because that would be weird. I just mean, a guy like Steve."
"You mean a guy who makes you feel the same way he makes you feel," Aaliyah corrected you, and you glared at her again, pushing her gently.
"Don't push it," you teased, but you meant it - you might have liked Steve, but that was all there was to it - you liked him, he was a distraction. And maybe even that was too much.
✺ ✺ ✺
As for Steve, he thoroughly enjoyed his time with you. He thought constantly about how you made him feel, how much he looked forward to talking to you. How everyday, his worry about your situation becoming more serious dissipated slowly. He could feel himself easing into you, everything that made up this character you created called Moonrose. Conversation seemed casual, like you knew each other in real life, it felt easy, and there was no pressure.
As for your connection, he had finally acknowledged that it was real, and more than either of you had wanted to realize at first. But now, there was no shame, no worry in acknowledging what the two of you had, because you were both smart enough to keep it at this level. It was like a shallow pool. There would be no drowning.
He mostly talked to Bucky about you when it came to the emotional aspect of it. He still feared that if he talked to Tony, it might come across as an issue, and might put a pause on what he had with you. But everyone noticed how different Steve was acting. Even without the phase he had gone through where he was sexually frustrated and angry, he still acted different.
Lighter on his feet, more smiley. And he was always on top of his work. You weren't distracting him from his duty, so that made the fact that he knew you had a unique connection with him more bearable. Because of you, he was learning to worry less. To have a little more fun.
It was a bright day that week, the sun filtering in through the large windows of the meeting room where everyone was gathered. Steve was engaging in some mindless conversation with Sam and Bucky in which they were debating whether or not pineapple belonged on pizza.
"No. I'm not sure why everyone keeps trying to put all these twists on pizza. It's pizza," Bucky scoffed, Sam rolling his eyes as a result.
"You're just closed off. With your old ass," Sam retorted, and Steve made a face. Sam raised his hands up in surrender. "You know what I mean. What about you Steve?"
Honestly, Steve had never even tried pineapple on pizza and he didn't understand why there was such a big fuss about the banal question.
"I don't really have an opinion," he shrugged, not expecting Sam and Bucky to start clamoring over him and trying to force him to pick a side.
Before he even got to grasp the situation, he felt Natasha patting his shoulder,
"Hey, mind if I use your laptop? Mine's gone haywire, don't really feel like messing with it right now."
"Yeah," Steve agreed without a second thought, setting his laptop on the table and letting Natasha handle it- she was better with tech stuff than he ever was.
Natasha would use his laptop to showcase some data and start off their morning. It seemed innocent enough —a simple, barely impacting sacrifice. But Steve clearly hadn't thought everything through, because the moment Natasha logged in and hooked up Steve's computer to the holographic projector, more than just data appeared on the screen.
In fact, a whole array of women, all of them engaging in various sexual acts or preparing themselves to, showed up on the screen. And at the top, where the browser was, were the words "girlsonfilm.com."
Steve hadn't noticed all the clamor, too busy thinking (thoughts of you and thoughts of work), until Bucky called it to his attention.
"Steve," he nudged him frantically, his voice a loud whisper.
When Steve looked up at the screen, his face couldn't have gone any redder. He hadn't thought about this at all, and he had clearly forgotten to close out his browser. His heart sunk all the way to his stomach - because it wasn't just Natasha seeing this, it was everybody. And that included Tony, who was glaring pointedly at Steve from the head of the table. Meanwhile, all the others were too busy heckling Natasha and making brash comments about what was appearing onscreen. To Steve's relief, your face didn't show up, but this just might have been worse than only your screen appearing.
"Woah, Nat, I didn't know you got down like that!" Sam hooted, cupping his mouth with his hands.
Natasha, though she was in shock as well, rolled her eyes,
"This is Steve's laptop."
Now a hush, then another clamor of confusion and heckling, all directed towards Steve. He couldn't recoil any more, feeling the pangs of embarrassment as his eyes flashed between every one of his teammates. He felt as if there were an asteroid approaching fast, and he was right where it would land, too slow to move out of its way.
"Steve, what do you know about 'girls on film'?" Sam nearly cackled, reading the name of the site.
Steve sighed deeply, locking eyes with Natasha as he mouthed "turn it off" to her.
"I am, I am," she ensured him, quickly disconnecting the laptop from the projection, unplugging completely.
A beat passed, everyone staring expectantly at Steve, who was staring down at the table, trying to process his own thoughts. Like for starters, why didn't he log out the last time, and why didn't he remember to log out? And then his mind went to deeper places. He hadn't been intentionally secretive with his actions, but he had been intentionally private. It had to do with his own growth, he was learning how to navigate a world that was new to him and somehow helping him at once. He didn't want to have to share this with everyone, it was nice having this to himself, he had no intentions of revealing what he had been doing in his past time that made him so happy.
One of the reasons he didn't want everyone to know about his situation was because he didn't want to have to be concerned with what everyone else might think. Because to begin with, being on a site for cam shows wasn't exactly everyone's idea of what Captain America might be up to these days.
It was a matter of his image, what values he was supposed to hold. This didn't exactly match, and Steve had just gotten over the idea that he was a bad, sneaky person because of what he chose to indulge in. At least here he knew it was ethical and not causing harm to you as a human being.
He also didn't want to have to deal with the insufferable questioning and teasing his team would put him through, or the judgment he thought they might put him through. He felt embarrassed, exposed, and like he had been ill prepared for a situation like this. He was just grateful they hadn't seen more, because that would've been a disaster. What they had seen was only at the surface level of what he'd been doing.
But his thinking was interrupted by Tony's voice, which broke through all the silence, and made Steve realize again the eyes that were on him.
"Well, jig's up," Tony sighed, leaning back in his chair. "Care to explain?"
Steve locked eyes with Tony, as if hopeful that he wouldn't have to, but he knew it was best for him to just spit it out. Tony shrugged apologetically, and Steve took in a deep sigh, looking around at everyone at the table.
"What was that?" Scott whimpered, probably the most distraught by what they had all seen.
Steve nodded solemnly and began to explain himself. He would tell the truth, but that didn't mean he had to tell them everything. You would be left out of this, if anything. He'd just explain to them that sometimes, duty calls - and sometimes, it's not at all work-related.
✺ ✺ ✺
It was just hours before your cam show when another disaster struck, the first one being the fact that your professor was giving you shit about your project. You were in the bathroom, getting ready for your show, fixing your hair up and doing your makeup, laying out an outfit, doing all the things you did to feel pretty before a show.
Your phone lay beside you on the bathroom table, pinging with messages every now and then. You ignored it, leaning closer into the mirror to get a look at your lipstick, dabbing your fingers into the pigment on your lips.
You smiled, feeling that gratifying sense of achievement. Despite what was going on with your professor, you felt like you were doing well in life. You usually had a positive mindset, enjoyed your work although you sometimes felt as if you were buried deep in all your occupations: student, office worker, cam girl, designer, young woman. Your life was never dull, and you wouldn't trade it for anything. Talking to Steve helped too, but it was more than that.
But that sense of satisfaction all seemed to dissolve when you looked down at your phone, and saw a text from an unsaved number, glaring bright on your glowing lock screen of you hiking with Aaliyah. Still, you recognized it immediately.
xxx-xxx-xxxx
I miss you. Text me back.
✺ ✺ ✺
Steve wasn't exactly keen on joining your live show today, but he did so anyway, because he still had time to himself despite the spiral of events that had happened earlier. There was nothing else to do, and he didn't want to miss out on you after attending almost all of your shows for the past almost three weeks. Didn't want to just leave unexpectedly.
It felt strange that he felt this tug of commitment, but he brushed it off. He was just fulfilling his needs, which should even be expected of him. He was stressed again, after being caught up like he was. And maybe that was all the more reason not to watch your show tonight, but he wouldn't devoid himself of the simple pleasures of life. He'd learned that lesson a while ago, from a special someone called Moonrose.
After everything transpired, he explained himself calmly to his team, slowly to ensure that they'd understand that this wasn't the beginning of a deviant phase, that he wasn't throwing away his work responsibilities to lurk on the NSFW side of the internet. Not that they ever thought that to begin with, they never questioned his abilities or his authority for a minute, not even in the midst of what they'd seen that had shocked them.
This was the product of Steve's own insecurities and his admittedly silly fear that he was somehow letting his team down. He told them that he was on the site, as recommended by Tony, to relieve some "frustration" that he felt he didn't have the time or the means to release in real life. He said that while it had helped him do that, he wasn't throwing away his responsibilities, nor was he dependent on the site or the things on it, or the people on it for that matter.
He knew that if they knew about you, all those private sessions, all those conversations you'd had, the connection you had built between the two of you, it might be a different story. But because they didn't, they appreciated his honesty. They were confused, it didn't seem like the kind of thing Steve would be into, and he ensured them that it was a shock to him as well.
But they didn't mind on the whole, it was just a shock to everyone at first. They didn't think it called for a meeting, thought it was almost humorous how serious Steve was being about such a trivial situation. Wanda had joked about how we've all been there, Thor denied ever having to do such a thing because: "I have all the romantic partners anyone could ask for. I could introduce you Steve, but these Asgardian women are fiery, far beyond anything I believe you could handle." In the end, Steve was relieved, felt like it didn't have the disastrous outcome he'd been expected.
But he could feel his guard slowly coming back up. That was a close call, and it was a little too close for comfort. He didn't want to disregard you, but he couldn't afford to sink further in, and get his team involved. He just didn't want to face the consequences he could imagine if they knew how much he decided to stick with you, how much you talked, how it was teetering off the range of normal customer to cam girl interaction.
It wasn't like he was careless when it came to his interactions with you, but he also didn't want his team to know about his business when it came to you. He didn't want them thinking he was engaging too much, didn't want it to get to the point where he was worrying again or felt like he needed to deny himself such wonderful feelings.
All these things were on his mind while he waited for your live show to start. When it did, and he saw your face, he felt a little bit alleviated. Just for now, he could have this fantasy to himself. If they knew about the site, so be it. At least he had you to himself.
"Hey guys," you mustered a smile, waving to the camera.
Unbeknownst to your viewers, you had spent the past few hours off camera panicking, on the verge of tears, calling Aaliyah frantically so she could help calm you down. That text from that mysterious unknown number had been from your ex's number. The same ex who made you fall into dependency patterns that you worked so hard to get out of, the one who made you feel like you had to work for his love. Like it wasn't something you deserved, just like anyone else.
You had worked so hard to finally wring out all the effects of him, all the bad habits you had fallen into because of him. That was part of the reason why you worked so hard. Not because you were actively avoiding him specifically, but because you were actively bettering yourself. You weren't looking for a relationship. But you knew that if you were in one now, the same things would never happen to you.
When you got that text, it triggered a flood of memories. Feelings you had to work to suppress and actually get over for months so you wouldn't fall back into the same desperate, needy patterns when it came to your relationships with people. All over a simple text from someone you hadn't heard from in almost a year. It hurt you how easy it was to get you to crack, even if you didn't spill out all the way. But on top of the added stress because of school, you were damn close.
You would do the show tonight, anyway. It helped you to escape, although Moonrose was a part of you, it didn't one hundred translate into real life. So in a way, this helped you escape real life. Just for a while. Just like Steve.
You grinned when you saw concerned comments from your watchers:
johnGuy182
Are you okay, moonrose? You seem a little sad.
zenongirl
Girl r u ok? i missed seeing your face!!!
"Guys, I'm okay," you grinned. And you actually felt better seeing comments from your supporters. It reminded you to cheer up - they were looking for a good show, not a sob story. You leaned back, revealing your stomach in the sheer, sparkly fringed bra you chose to wear (another piece you had designed by yourself). "It's been a looong day."
Steve watched silently, observing your behavior. He didn't notice drastic changes, but you did appear less chipper. Then again, he brushed it off. He didn't expect you to be smiley all the time, you were human too, and this was your work.
"But I'm okay," you reassured, giving that signature grin, genuine and charming and alluring. You were trying to gently distract yourself, get into your act. "I hope you're all just as lovely as I am. I have a special game for you today."
You directed your viewers to your spinning wheel, which you had been working on crafting that week for a game. You grinned as you spinned it. Each act on the wheel cost a certain amount of tokens, and by the end of the game you would garner a bunch of funds. The show went by relatively quickly as you played the game, eventually ending up completely naked.
As ordered by the spinning wheel, you were to use a vibrator. You held it against your clit at the highest setting as you watched the numbers of viewers and the tokens jump up, Steve watching as he stroked himself leisurely. Your legs shook as you restrained yourself from your orgasm so as to increase the length of your showtime, garner more coins to encourage you to come.
"Mm," you moaned, massaging the vibrator against your clit, getting wetter and slicker by the minute, sliding the toy between your folds. You laughed, breathless. "Fuck, this thing is so powerful. Someone make me come, please make me come. Just a few more tokens for me to come for you."
Steve was hesitant, but he decided to go ahead and give you the amount of tokens you needed. And when you heard the chime of the tokens being added to your account, and saw the name it was attached to, it was like a blast of euphoria. When your legs started to shake, when you started to moan and your stomach started to rise up and down, it was genuine. It was like you were back in a private room with him, although you weren't.
Your orgasm was blood-curdling in the best way, and you felt like you were releasing part of the stress of the past day, the past week. It didn't get any realer than this, once again you felt like he was really there to satisfy you.
"Oh!" you exclaimed, your mouth dropping open and your blood flowing, moaning. "Yes, Steve, I'm coming for you. Thank you for making me come, Steve!"
Steve had been stroking himself along with you as he watched, and only let himself come now that you had come, his cheeks heating up as he heard you moan his name, something he hadn't been expected. Something about you saying his name like that where everyone could hear, even though he enjoyed the intimacy of private rooms, felt victorious. It felt lewd, salacious, but he couldn't help but enjoy that aspect of it. He moaned through grit teeth while he came, stroking himself to completion.
You came down, thanking everyone for attending and ending the show. But it wasn't long after that you had requested Steve for a private chat. He accepted, because he had gotten used to you doing this a little more frequently. It didn't scare him any more, he just thought of it as making conversation, taking advantage of this connection you had with each other. So when you requested, who was he to say no.
When the chat log opened, you put on your best happy face for Steve, trying to conceal how fatigued this week, today in particular, had made you. But your tired, bleak voice gave it all away, buried deep beneath your smile,
"Hey, Steve."
Steve was surprised at the sound of your voice. Again, while he understood that you wouldn't be a happy go lucky fairy like personality all the time, he wasn't expecting this. You were smiling, but the weariness in your eyes was hard to miss. And your voice, which usually told light hearted tales, sounded worn down as if from tragedy. He was concerned, his eyebrows furrowed gently,
"Hi. How are you?"
"I'm good!" you exclaimed, trying your hardest to really sound "good."
But you were just tired. Tired and sad, and scared - scared of what the future had to hold. You were already dealing with school stress, and the text from your ex-boyfriend was like a bad omen, an anxiety-provoking assurance that things actually would not get better and they would in fact get progressively worse. You weren't even sure why you thought you should be talking to Steve if you were tired and just wanted to sleep off the weight of the week. It would be a weekend tomorrow, and one of your very rare days off.
Maybe you figured that you wanted to talk to him despite your fatigue, because conversation with Steve was a nice distraction. You had let yourself forget that this was still your job, and that you were too tired for anything sexual — you knew he liked talking to you, but you hadn't put into consideration the fact that he might request a sexual act from you. You would be burnt out if he did. The fact that you didn't think about that should've been telling, but your brain was too scattered to think straight.
Anyway, Steve called your bluff, and laughed quietly, his voice inquiring and pressing,
"How are you really?"
That was all it took to get a deep sigh to come from out of you, all it took to allow yourself to show your true feelings, at least the surface of them, what you felt comfortable showing a customer. You felt a sense of relief and gratefulness for Steve, like he was letting you breathe. And if anything, he especially wasn't enlisted to listen to your problems. But he wanted to, and for that you felt foolishly grateful.
Steve noted the deep sigh that came from out of you, and he frowned slightly. He could tell you had been holding this in for a while, and some part of him felt remorse for the fact that even though you clearly weren't in the right mindset, you went on and did your show anyway. He felt some guilt for being a part of the reason why you did your show.
You answered, allowing your voice to be as honest as possible.
"Honestly?" you chuckled a little, albeit bitterly. "I don't know if you really want to hear me rant to you."
Steve shook his head.
"Don't be silly," he grinned. "I wouldn't have asked if I didn't want to."
You felt a warm rush in your chest from the reassurance, and the corner of your lip quirked up in a small smile, before you decided to dive in. You'd spare the emotional details, spare your private life. But it would be nice to talk to someone, just about the general things, right?
"Well, it's been a pretty stressful week, honestly. I mean, school's been the main source of my stress. My professor's such an asshole, he's basically been telling me my entire senior project, which I need to complete to graduate, needs to be redone? And I can't even fathom how I would have enough time to do that with like, two and a half months left of my senior year. I mean, he said I can keep most details, but I'd have to rework it, whatever that means."
You kept your emotions at bay, sighing in annoyance just at the story you told, because it really was irritating you. But then you felt deeper things, even more went into why you really were upset.
Steve nodded, just listening. He was prepared to offer advice, but in your situation, he thought that maybe just letting you rant would be best.
"That's gotta be annoying," he shook his head understandingly. "Whatever your project is, I'm sure it's wonderful. He shouldn't be forcing you to rework it or make any last minute changes."
"I know!" you nearly jumped up, feeling amped up now. "And it's just so fucking annoying because I work so hard and I'm really passionate about this project and it just feels like..."
It felt like you were about to overflow, like a pot of water that had been left on for too long. You were ranting almost uncontrollably now, maybe because of the fact that it was more than this that was tugging at you. Because you'd been carrying the weight of your life on your shoulders all the time, like Atlas carrying the sky, and it felt like that weight was finally starting to mean something.
Steve could see you were unraveling and he let you, he let you take the time you needed to feel everything you had been holding. If your connection was strong, it was at its strongest here. Sure, you and Steve chatted about a little bit of everything, even had deeper conversations here and there as the weeks went by. But you had yet to genuinely complain to him, because every time you spoke with him, you were happy go lucky Moonrose, with nothing to complain about to begin with. But now, you needed a release by any means, and you were just glad Steve was there for you, even if he wasn't really there. How unlike you to unfold in front of strangers.
Your breath stuttered as you took in a deep breath in a failed attempt to calm down, only further driving yourself into your rambling. You felt yourself tear up, your voice becoming watery as you continued,
"It just feels like all my work is turning to shit, and it's so fucking frustrating because I work so hard all the time, I do so much and I manage so much all the time."
The "hard work" you were talking about wasn't just school and work-related, it pertained to your journey, and how hard you had worked to be a better person. To support yourself. The emotions pent up inside of you, they were more than just being upset over a school project. The idea of someone toxic trying to re-enter your life, someone who had forced you to rework the entirety of your life, made you feel like you were on the verge of crashing. You knew better, but you didn't want to return to those dark days, where the light at the end of the winding tunnel that was your relationship seemed so far away. It was why you were so weary of relationships today. It was crazy how one person could change your life so easily.
Now you were crying, before you even noticed that you were crying. Tears just seemed to leak out of your eyes, sloshing wet and sudden against your cheeks and underneath your lashes. You wiped them away quickly with the back of your hand, frazzled at the fact that you were crying in front of a customer right now. Steve said he'd listen to you, he didn't say he'd watch you cry and be your therapist. You instantly regretted it, although you couldn't stop yourself, tears threatening to emerge again. If you were cracked before, you were spilling now.
Steve was surprised too, at the fact that you were crying. You appeared so put together to him, it was almost something he didn't expect from you. He was in shock at first, so much so that professionalism was not on his mind - it was an afterthought. Right now, instead of wondering if this was appropriate, he was occupied with you.
"I'm sorry," you murmured, but you still hadn't stopped, tears falling out as you blinked. Composure was nothing now, you were sobbing, your shoulders slumped and your head hung as you sniffled. Still you enforced control, wiping away every tear that fell with the back of your hand. "I'm really sorry, I don't mean to cry to you over this, that's so-"
Steve cut you off, shaking his head slowly,
"It's okay to cry, doll. We all have those days. I know better than anyone that we all have those days."
You mustered a smile, feeling cared for, feeling accounted for by someone who wasn't even obligated to have to see you like this. Still you shook your head, sniffling,
"I know. But it's-it's stupid, I shouldn't be crying in front of you."
"I'm not judging you," Steve said, so nonchalantly and firmly, so genuine that it almost scared you.
You blinked. He should've cared, and he should've judged you. To cry in front of Steve, a customer, was to imply he had some duty to comfort you when he probably just wanted a show. You knew that you didn't have to do anything you didn't want to, but even you had rules when it came to what your customers got to see, and to you, that meant they didn't have to deal with your blues.
"Really?"
"Really," he reassured you with a nod.
Was Steve scared that by giving you this reassurance, this entire situation could become deeper than either of you could handle? Yes. But did he let himself shut down because of those pervasive thoughts that he might get himself into trouble? No. He didn't see you as a liability right now. Right now, even though the situation was certainly questionable (and this was something he had no doubt about. When emotions get into the mix, things could get tricky- he knew this), he saw you as someone who desperately needed someone to talk to. Maybe it wasn't smart of you to make him that someone, but regardless, he was, and who was Steve Rogers not to listen to a person in need?
You blinked away the last of your tears and swallowed hard. You were making this choice consciously, to tell Steve what had really gotten you to your breaking point. And maybe telling him meant you had trust in him, maybe too much trust for someone who, while great, was still a customer. But you felt like there was nothing you could lose from telling him. Maybe you'd even feel better after the fact.
You looked down, picking at the body glitter on your arm that you had applied before the show. Your voice was considerably quieter now perhaps because you were looking back on the moment with a clear mind for the first time since it happened. You hadn't been thinking straight ever since you received the text just hours ago. Now your brain was a little quieter with the help of your tears and Steve's reassurance.
"I think that the stress of this school project is making me resent how hard I work for everything, just to be met with this kind of result, you know? And it's even worse when... things seem to be going backwards. You know, like when you make so much progress, moving on from things that don't serve you, and you've finally done it and you get to flourish in it and then, it just gets taken away from you. Maybe I'm being dramatic, but that's just how this feels."
Steve nodded, his jaw ticking as he let your words settle in. Somehow, although your situation was so different from his, he felt like your words perfectly described how he felt with the world sometimes. It was even part of the reason he'd held off on talking to you like this, held off on getting too involved. He too had made so much progress in this world, which took so much getting adjusted to in a way that absolutely nobody else could relate to.
It was a world that he didn't even know, a world that he had never been properly introduced to. He'd had to fend for himself. He did his healing on his own, just like you had. And yet sometimes it felt like he had no control, like the universe was going the opposite way of all his plans. Then he felt stupid for even having plans to begin with, because in life, making plans was like comedy for the gods.
There was a weird feeling in his chest and stomach, like he'd been stabbed with a gutting realization, and the knife was just turning inside of him, churning his insides. He began to feel a sense of unease, because this deep conversation was beginning to feel incredibly personal. Even though you were talking about your own situation, he couldn't help but think about how much he resonated, and the fact that he felt like he could relate to you on such a deep level scared him. This was more than the conversations you'd had before, more than the simple similarities you and Steve shared. This felt like a conversation that might be too telling for his good and your own.
He swallowed his words as he listened to you continue. You chose your words carefully, but you had shed yourself of your inhibitions when it came to being truthful.
"Earlier... I heard from someone I hadn't heard from in a long time. And it kind of pushed me over the edge," out of your mouth stumbled a laugh. You were calmer now, and looked up at the camera, Steve swallowing hard when you did so. It was all so real, just like it was when you touched yourself and moaned Steve's name. "I think it just made me feel all those things I just explained. Because I feel like I worked so hard to rid myself of this person and them trying to come back just feels like all the things I worked so hard on are going to unravel. Even though I know they aren't, it feels like a setback. And that was like, the icing on the cake to this already terrible day, I guess."
You let out a breathy laugh and smiled gently, shaking your head slowly.
"I normally wouldn't be telling this to a customer. But here we are. Again, I'm sorry... I feel like I shouldn't have said anything? Should I... have said anything?"
In the brief silence that followed your question, both you and Steve were thinking the same thing - were you going to regret this? Intimacy both physically and emotionally was good when you capped it at what you both knew to be appropriate. When it came to the physical aspects, you each let your fantasies unwind.
And on the emotional aspect, though you had both grown closer and more open, some things just didn't get touched upon. But now you had just cried over the screen, and spoke from the depths of your heart. It was scary to open up in such an uncertain situation where your own privacy was an aspect that got involved. There was no doubt that it was too much. It was just a question of whether the result would be negative.
Steve sighed deeply, a crease forming in his forehead as he furrowed his brows together, folding his arms over his chest.
"I don't know..." he trailed off, took a breath, a leap, his body practically lurching forward. "But... it can't be a bad thing that you feel comfortable talking to me about this, can it?"
And there it was, that glint of hope he was trying his hardest to conceal. That feeling he got when he got off that call with you, the one where you both started giving into those unspoken thoughts. That this couldn't be so bad, that you could enjoy each other's company without worrying.
You smiled gently,
"I guess. It does feel weird though, it's not something I normally do. It feels like something I shouldn't be doing."
You could hear Steve breathing in deeply, and for a moment, you imagined what he might look like, envisioning the outline of a troubled face, eyebrows knit together. You snapped back to reality and made a face, confused by your abrupt thoughts. You had long gotten over the very brief desire to see Steve's face- why was it coming back again?
"I'll be honest, same here," Steve agreed with your sentiments.
"Do you always feel like you have to restrain what you say when you talk to people? Or is it just with me?" you added that last part in a quiet voice, biting your lip.
Steve chuckled briefly,
"Are you asking me if I have trust issues? Because I'd tell you, but I'd have to trust you to do that."
You shook your head and laughed at Steve's stupid joke, and shrugged.
"I could say the same thing, I think. This person I heard from earlier is... I developed those trust issues because of them. Or, my already existent trust issues became worse. But what's funny about it is that this person was once someone that I loved," even as the words were coming out you questioned why you were letting them, why you were allowing yourself to be so truthful in a situation like this at a time when you were so vulnerable.
Steve didn't reply, again feeling that sick feeling in his stomach that stemmed from his fear. The fear that this conversation were too serious, fear surrounding the fact that he was able to relate so much to such a personal situation of yours.
You spoke again, daring to ask the question that felt like a final blow to Steve's stomach,
"Have you ever been in love, Steve?"
Now Steve knew he was in uncharted territory. Not because he feared you might try to exploit him, but because he was so struck by the fact that he had allowed himself to feel so safe with you and get so close to you. He was surprised at himself for letting you feel safe enough to have these kinds of conversations with him. It all felt like a mistake now. He wanted a way out, any way out. He knew if he even attempted to answer that question, he would be making a big mistake. He had shared some of his most intimate moments with you, but always keeping in mind a very sharp line he didn't want to be crossed.
And in his mind, he thought of the one love he'd had, the one love that hadn't been fulfilled because of the situation he had been thrown into, one he had never signed up for. He thought of how the things he cared most for in life had been discarded, how, like you, he felt like it had gone to shit. How sometimes, though he tried his best to be grateful and had taken that journey of self-healing just like you, it all felt like some sick joke.
Could he even call it love? He wasn't sure. And he wasn't going to answer. He wasn't going to answer at all, because he wouldn't be talking to you again. There would be no chance for this dilemma to resurface, not with you, not on this site. He made the decision with haste and a heavy heart - he was done here.
The discomfort was well evident in his voice, answering loud and clear, though his voice was morose and a bit closed off. You sensed the shift immediately.
"I... I can't talk about that right now. Listen, I have to go."
You felt a pang in your chest at the sudden switch in his demeanor, straightening up and trying not to frown. All this time you had been letting the words spill out, telling yourself not to worry so much, reassuring yourself it was okay to make your feelings known. Now it felt like you should've never said anything at all. You started to stammer.
"Oh, I- I'm sorry, I didn't mean to pry, I was just... I feel like I got a little overwhelmed." You laughed nervously. "I didn't mean to scare you."
Steve felt his throat ran dry as he blinked, feeling emotions come up to surface that he wasn't quite familiar with. Maybe he was grieving in advance, regretting the decision he was making to no longer speak with you, regretting the fact that he was letting fear get in the way of what he wanted so badly to be a good thing.
"No, I'm sorry. I feel like I let things go too far," Steve apologized, but the apology felt more like an insult.
Was he implying that whatever this was, you couldn't handle it, and that it was his fault for somehow leading you on? You had both made the connection with each other, it was an equal effort. And why was he acting like the two of you communicating at all was somehow below him, somehow a risk? If anything, you were the one risking it just by talking to him the way you did. You were opening up to him.
You almost felt betrayed - you had convinced yourself that he wouldn't want to listen to your problems and you told yourself it wasn't his responsibility to listen. And then he listened anyway, told you that he wanted to hear it, and you cried to him. You felt like you had made so many unusual accommodations just for him to scare off like this. He was just another person you had expressed your feelings to, only to regret it in the end.
"Too far?" you questioned, furrowing your brows.
Steve swallowed. In your voice he could hear a hint of frustration, but even worse- hurt. It pained him more than he cared for you to know.
"I don't think we should talk anymore," he said instead.
"What?" you were taken by surprise. "Steve, I'm... I'm not understanding. I... I don't usually open up to people like this, I mean, I thought maybe it was fine here, because I feel like I know you. But you're still a stranger. I understand you're a customer but I thought we were talking, I thought we broke through that wall-"
"We did. And we shouldn't have," Steve said, his voice so calm and firm that it was almost cold.
By now you were just staring into the computer camera, as if you were looking at him and waiting for him to come to his senses. But as you did that, you slowly came to your own. Because you weren't looking at him. You were looking at a black screen with his voice behind it. You realized you hadn't known Steve, not enough to talk about these things. And just like him, you too were full of regret. You kept all those walls up for the sake of customer relations, only to put them down and be met with this disastrous result.
Steve almost couldn't bare to look at your face anymore. You were confused, hurt. He could tell you regretted the fact that you had opened up. He was hurt too, but he wouldn't show it, or let it overcome him to the point where your methods of communication with each other became something neither of you could control. Still, yes, he was hurt.
But he had been through plenty of hardships in life. What was one more, even if it shouldn't have come to this point anyway?
"I'm sorry, Moonrose. We can't. Goodbye."
Chat over.
#steve rogers#steve rogers imagine#steve rogers x reader#steve rogers reader insert#reader insert#smut#captain america civil war#captain america x reader#captain america imagine#captain america smut#captain america#girls on film#marvel#marvel imagine#marvel smut#marvel reader insert#steve rogers series#captain america series
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fic recs (part 1?)
hi!!! so @n3tn0b0dy sent me an ask about fic recs, and i am stupid so it took me a few mins to like. compose myself and figure out what this is. i am definitely absolutely going to miss a few fics here, which is why it is a part one. i will probably keep this short-ish??? maybe go into more detailed ones later :eyes:
(i am realizing i am going to write essays for these and for that i am very sorry)
something close to domestic, maybe by @mystxmomo (hi!)
definitely one of my favorite danganronpa fics, currently and (probably) forever. it’s a mature rated kamukoma fic, following an AU in which, instead of the remnants being captured and taken to jabberwock, despair sort of... fizzles out on its own, leaving the remnants of despair-- and the rest of the world-- to sort of heal with it. it’s in a series with another fic, that is in the same universe but following a different narrative with different central characters, and though it only has one chapter rn i highly rec that too.
i like this fic for many reasons and to avoid prattling on, i will bullet point it.
- easy to follow. there are not overly complex structures-- not that that is inherently a bad thing, i also tend to love that style-- which makes it easy to digest.
- strong emotional impact. this fic has made me cry very, very often.
- really good characterization. mystxmomo is very good with characterization overall, especially with kamukura and servant, and that really shows with this fic.
- a compelling plot that still retains a slice-of-life format. i don’t really know how else to elaborate here.
- an idiosyncratic look into their dynamic. this fic explores kamukoma in the process of them healing, which is pretty distinctively different to a lot of kamukoma fics. obviously, this is not to shade those other fics, but, yeah. i really like it.
okay sorry for rambling very much there, i really highly recommend it, it is a ongoing multichapter (i should have said that earlier i apologize) and the writer is also very cool.
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postscript by zombiekittiez
this is actually a series. it currently has three fics-- one that is fully completed (defy you stars), one that is a completed oneshot (supersonic man outta you), and an ongoing multichapter with pretty frequent updates (prince of a thousand). this follows a post-SDR2 storyline, with a lot of ships and dynamics within it, but heaviest emphasis on komahina.
more bullet points! yay
- the characterization is god-fucking-tier. this author is very, very good at characterizing these characters and i will not shut up about it ever actually. they feel real, and distinct, and flawed, and alive, and i love everything about it.
- good exploration of dynamics! i think the latter two fics especially shows this off really well. the friendships and relationships built are all pretty different from each other, but all feel like a pretty natural progression, sticking true to the characters, and feels very... real. which i like a whole hell of a lot.
- there are so many literature references and i am happy about it. there are also sparknotes-ish things at the ending notes of each chapter, which translates the quote, explains the significance within its own text, and applies it to the fanfiction. they are used in ways that make sense, too-- they don’t feel forced.
- the plot and plot building is SO fucking good. prince of a thousand has so many cliffhangers and i am very happy but also dying.
anyway, i really rec this series! be mindful of the tags and the ratings on some of the fics, but they are really, really good reads.
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absent mind by galaxyaqua
okay. this is a v3 oneshot rec, exploring pregame rantaro, as well as his relationship with tsumugi shirogane. it’s rated “teen and up audiences”, and. holy shit, okay.
- the writing style of this is GORGEOUS. i don’t know what it is about the writing style, but it feels so much like rantaro is talking, which is so fucking cool, and i love that so fucking much??? i can’t even explain it, but it is seriously super neat.
- the EMOTIONS. this fic is so fucking emotional, honestly? it shows you this realistic, flawed, you could consider broken, character, shows them finding some hope, and shows the loss that comes with that. it’s so fucking incredible, and the lines have stuck with me even now, and it’s been a bit since i’ve last read. i think about the last couple lines especially a lot.
- these impactful one liners. holy shit. every line means something in this fic, and it’s so fucking cool and incredible, and i just??? holy shit??? i really love this fic???
i will say that this fic is sort of depressing in places, but i highly, and i mean highly, recommend. it is not a super difficult read, and it’s super, super fucking good. so i really recommend it.
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this sickness will save us by starrylitme // i believe this is @magioftheseas i am super sorry if it isn’t
okay. super, super fucking big content warning. this fic is a yikes, and the tags can sum it up a LOT better, but yeah. just keep that in mind.
that being said, this is a really gorgeously written oneshot centered around soulmate au kamukoma, exploring the sort of... unhealthy aspects of their relationship. and i. Wow. okay.
- these fucking one liners. holy SHIT. i remember some of these scenes and lines so very well, and it does live in my head rent free.
- the tone of this. the tone, and the mood created, is so fucking... i don’t even know how to describe it. terrifying? eerie? super fucking intriguing? it shows this shitty situation in an appropriately terrifying light, and it inflects so much emotion and connotation into the scenes, and holy shit. like, if i wanted to do a case study of incredible tonal work and diction and all, i would absolutely grab this fic.
- the characterization. while kamukura and komaeda are placed in a very interesting predicament, they still manage to stay pretty damn close to being in character, which i personally think is super remarkable. it almost enhances the circumstances too, ngl.
- their dynamic. their dynamic in this fic is NOT healthy, and that is shown in full “glory”, in a very messy and dysfunctional and terrifying way, and i absolutely love it. it has a kind of realism to it, almost a cautionary tale but not quite, a sort of “this isn’t very good but it still feels grounded in realism”. and wow. Wow. it’s so fucking good.
mind the tags, but definitely rec this one.
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some scattered accounts i will gush about and if they have a tumblr account i will do my best to tag it.
@kidcarma, same name on ao3.
- okay, cam is just super fucking talented with characterization, and i adore all of their fics so fucking much? the way they characterize komaeda, kamukura, and hinata resonate super hard, and i just. really love their stuff. they are also absolutely wonderful so please support them do it why aren’t you doing it just kidding haha unle
@celestial-nova, celestial_nova on ao3
- nova is my best friend and i fucking love her, also her writing is fucking art. does a lot of naegiri and some stuff out of this fandom, but i seriously recommend her stuff. she’s really fucking talented and absolutely incredible and i adore her so very much.
sinnohremaker on ao3
- their stuff is MAJORLY cathartic to me and they are also super sweet, love them a lot.
shutupnerd on ao3
- SHE IS REALLY TALENTED, I LOVE HER WORKS!! they are also super cool and i just appreciate her a lot fksdc,mxv, her fic “an account of events” is really good
@whatsupscythia, hinataisnothim on ao3
- i fucking love her writing, does some really good hinata prose, highly recommend it
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i am ABSOLUTELY forgetting people, i am ABSOLUTELY forgetting fics, and i am ABSOLUTELY going to bash my head into a wall when i realize i have forgotten people, but uhm here is an impromptu list. i hope this was good? idk how to do fic recs. uhm yes support all these people they are dope
#fic recs#i'm really sorry for how long this is#i was functioning with half my head#i am very scared i like forgot something which is not the end of the world but#yeah i just. hng. there are definitely people i did not mention that i should have#i hope this is okay still??? aa??? i am nervous okay#also sorry it got shorter towards the end i developed a headache
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The week in review:
Raw 09/28
NXT 09/30
NXT UK 10/01
Smackdown 10/02
Takeover 31 10/04
Raw:
*bell rings*, *Asuka runs straight at her opponent*, *gets punched once by some weak ass looking shot*, *collapses uselessly* PPPFFFFTTTTTTTT
I hate that elbow kick off thing Zelina does. Becky used to have a hold like that in nxt. Hated it then, too. Awful.
That hurricanrana where Zelina fell on her ass, though. Wow. Okay.
Is it just me that thought the modified grounded octopus took awhile to cinch in? That was in for so long lol.
Why are women barely jumping for these german suplexes lately?
Omg that one-armed suplex by Asuka was great.
That kickout by Asuka was incredibly well done. What a perfect stretch with perfect timing. Zelina even tucked the left arm. Points.
Oh nice didn’t know Zelina could do a moonsault. And right onto the knees so the Asuka lock can be set in. Nice. Good ending.
That was better than their Clash match, and Zelina showcased different things, even if I wasn’t a fan of some of it.
Ah the debut of Mandy and Dana as a tag team.
I really like Lana and Nattie together.
Oh wow decisions that make sense and are building toward something. What alternate universe have I stepped into? Please bring back GMs and stop being so lazy, please.
I really don’t understand why they moved these women like weeks before the draft.
Alright let’s swap momentum... it’s time Dana gets some comeback before tagging Mandy.
That full 180 flip Mandy did to Lana was really cool. Not sure if Lana was meant to land on her left knee or flat, but I think it was supposed to injure her left knee. Beautiful.
Points to Lana for the kickout, negative points to Nattie for jumping in after the three.
I wish Dana had hit a bigger move against Natalya at the end.
The pump knee strike by Mandy was a little messy, I would’ve ended it with her other finisher instead. Good match though. Glad to see Dana and Mandy pick up some sort of momentum, especially on their Raw debut.
Also good for Lana not having to go through the table for a week *applause*
Mandy is fine on the mic. It’s not awful, it’s not super compelling; totally serviceable. Dana though... always comes off like she’s acting rehearsed lines or reading off a script.
Nice transition into the next segment. Quarter point.
Whether I like the Bianca video packages or not, it’s always a pleasure to hear her song.
LOVED the incorporation of the hurdles. That’s what I want to see, that shows me an actual challenge. I have no doubt in her strength or speed; I in fact do believe she’s the strongest and the fastest. They just aren’t showcasing that right lol. Give me something more convincing. Girl was jumping over fucking hurdles, that’s convincing.
Highlight: Dana & Mandy vs Lana & Nattie
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NXT:
Shotzi has too long of an entrance imo.
Dakota Kai is such a spoiled little shit lmao. She’s so annoying. Big fan.
Really didn’t like Shotzi trying to do her ballpit line so early. I really wish she didn’t take so long to set it up as well.
Wow I hate that submission move Shotzi, I’m sorry. Dakota sells it like death though, so she gets a point.
Dakota’s style is way too fast for her to play a slow, methodical heel in the ring.
A one count lmao ballsy. Love Dakota’s reaction too.
Such a fan of Dakota’s selling.
Chicken wing german suplex into a pin? That was beautiful Shotzi, I agree. Great near fall.
A common complaint I have with women - even on the main roster - is how they go to do like a spear halfway through the ropes just to set up some counter to their move (kick, a pump kick, the rope hangup Bayley does, Charlotte shooting through the middle to roll you up) and that’s fine, but it’s always easily telegraphed. Step up please @ everyone.
oof that landing by Dakota; hit her face right on Shotzi’s knee.
What does Dakota call that kick, Scorpion or something? On the apron? Awesome stuff.
Holy shit that... flipping backdrop - (?) I don’t even know what to call that - on the apron was amazing, but holy shit Shotzi that landing was terrible. The concept is there but man you might wanna practice/modify that one a bit more.
Cool Rhea came down to fuck with Raquel, distracting Dakota, but the rollup was weak. Also weak that Rhea merely pushed Raquel into the steps once before walking back. Good match though.
Stalemate after a bunch of pin attempts with zero offense. Could live without these spots tbh.
Very close range kick, could’ve been set up far better.
Li rolls out of the ring, heel 101.
Kacy you can’t just yell at Kayden to get up lmao plz.
This is the first time I’ve seen any personality from Xia Li.
Ballsy one counts, what’s with the one counts tonight lmao.
Kacy is a bad cheerleader, just getting that out there.
I love that roll through + side kick combo Kayden does.
Whoa idk how Kayden pulled that win out of her ass, but good for her. I can see this is pushing Xia deeper into frustration every loss. Won’t complain about it, love to see Kayden win. Good, short match. A rollup works here.
Highlight: Dakota vs Shotzi
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NXT UK:
I love Xia Brookside’s music, but not with her or her entrance.
Now Jinny’s entrance/wardrobe/demeanor matches her music.
Sure Xia Brookside’s rolls were quick, but I’m not understanding why she rolled sideways lmao it’s like Link in Zelda.
If you’re not going to add an actual crowd or monitors, get rid of the hairdryer fans. If I can’t see them, and more importantly they don’t exist, then I don’t want to hear them.
Too many wrist locks. Also refs getting involved for no logical reason, just so the heel can take advantage, is annoying.
That back drop onto Jinny’s knee was ugly, hated the collapse. Took the impact out of it for me.
Nasty Irish Whip, points to both.
Nice flip off the hurricanrana.
Botched monkey flip. Perhaps Jinny didn’t think there was enough room for her to comfortably land; had she went for it and tucked her legs she definitely would’ve been fine. Feel like that was an amateur mistake, plenty of women would’ve just sold it with their legs getting caught up.
That was weird. Xia Brookside goes through all that trouble just to make sure she hit the monkey flip, just to lift Jinny’s head so Jinny could punch her. Weak.
Kick out was sloppy.
Xia Brookside is gassed and isn’t even doing any offense. Or selling. This match is odd. This would get booed on the MR.
Jinny stops to talk too much while wrestling. Obviously stalling. The dialogue isn’t even good for all of that noise.
Whatever. A match I could’ve lived without.
Lmao bow down? Queen of NXT UK?? Girl.... uh uh. Nah nah nah Go sit down.
Highlight: There was an Irish Whip into the corner that looked impactful
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Smackdown:
Alexa’s pyro was better timed than last week, but it could use improvement. This is important to me damn it.
You know Alexa, my spine feels cold and my body goes numb every time I smoke my weed. Has anyone asked this girl if she’s on drugs? Could just be drugs.
Kevin/wwe, I don’t need you to tell me she’s brainwashed. WE CAN SEE that she’s brainwashed. This has been escalating for like... 2 months lmao.
The hairdryer crowd being piped in kinda ruins this. This is set up like a scene from a horror movie and the noise is taking away from it. A live crowd probably would’ve stayed silent for her, you could’ve lessened the mass effect.
Love how she just sits there watching Kevin pace around. That’s good. She’s good. Love how Kevin knew she was calling to the Fiend with that line. That’s good. This is good.
She sits there poised and unafraid, yet intrigued with him. Like his queen.
The power of this angle and the fate of it succeeding lies solely on Alexa and her selling of it. If she doesn’t sell this or believe in it, or fucks up once, it shatters the entire mystique. Man I’m a huge fan of this story rn.
Glad I didn’t bother guessing who this mysterious woman was. The glitz and glamour has got nothing compared to the moonwalking, trashtalking, Princess of Staten Island.
Love the rainbow on the polaroid camera though.
Decent enough promo but that music was awkward.
Why did y’all make Sasha just stand out there shifting her feet staring at the hard cam lol.
This is all solid Sasha but like Bayley already admitted all of this lmao.
Yes, we know you saved her title like 15 times, we ALL agree with you.
I actually like the emotion written all over Sasha’s face that comes across as ALMOST awkward.
What I don’t like about this feud: Sasha’s still an asshole, and I’m not sure how I’m supposed to buy her as a babyface in like 3 weeks. She has the sympathy vote in a meta sense, sure, and I’ve been saying I want her to run SD on her own since November 2019, but that doesn’t mean she’s automatically a babyface within kf. Also annoying that they haven’t had a brawl that ends on equal footing, via interruption by officials or something. Also not sure how much I buy the character of Bayley being “too scared” to come to SD. If I could’ve gotten a quick interview by her, even if it’s her leaving the arena just as she finds out Sasha has arrived, that would’ve tied this together better.
Why she still staring at the hard cam lmao. Walk away. Leave. Make your exit. Alright whatever.
Highlight: Alexa becoming the Fiend’s queen
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Takeover 31:
Man true, I forget Io has beat both Charlotte and Sasha this year. What a big year for her.
Love how this entire “arena” is set up, but my covid-paranoia does not approve.
Lol that one single guy trying to start a chant, goodbye.
BEAUTIFUL corrected monkey flip by Io
The attempt at the springboard by Candice was there. Could’ve been cleaner.
Good transition having Candice counter Io into a backstabber in the corner, cuz that offense was taking way too long to set up.
Commentator attributed Candice being slow in the beginning because she’s sad Johnny lost. Tired of the Garganos being tied to each other.
Why is every female heel on every brand dragging people’s eyes/face across the ropes all of the sudden?
It was not a nice move, she needs to stop doing her poor woman’s version of Natural Selection. Done.
Y’all are losing me, give Io some momentum plz.
Every single heel wants to go slow and methodical. Ridiculous. Where’s Sasha.
This was not paced well, ESPECIALLY compared to their first match. Their first didn’t breathe enough and was a sprint with not enough selling, but it was still really good. This is paced on the complete opposite spectrum. And not good.
Io has the best dropkick in the division, especially when you consider how safe her landing is for her own body’s longevity.
Totally no sold that powerbomb, Io. That’s a yikes.
Lmao Io kicked out of Candice’s springboard moonsault. Haha.
Got a meteora, 2 backstabbers, and a crossface... again, where’s Sasha???
Lmfao 2 ref bumps and a fake referee. GOD I HATE HOW WOMEN’S MATCHES ARE BOOKED THIS YEAR. The first bump didn’t even look legit.
Io took a title shot to the face yet kicked out, and y’all out here calling Becky “Cena” for kicking out of a chair shot to the midsection? Annoying.
I’m now convinced Charlotte has the best Spanish fly in the entire women’s division.
Rich having Toni do a promo directly aimed at Io, considering Toni beat her to win the MYC. Also rich how unbothered Io seemed lmao.
Ahhh the nxt women’s champion that should’ve won her title by defeating Asuka. We remember her well. Injured herself chasing the 24/7 title back when they were running the Becky/Charlotte vs Sasha/Bayley feud. Good times.
Highlight: Io’s theme song
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*NXT shined the brightest out of all the other shows, but I’d be remiss if I didn’t give major props to specifically Alexa Bliss.
#wwe#issa review#feel free to ignore these#cuz who tf cares lesbihonest#today's props goes to:#alexa bliss
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Are You The One Recap: Gio Olympics 2016—Everyone Is A Fucking Loser
Wooohoo, were back. Last week was a fresh and raging shitstorm and I gotta say, I was really looking forward to this week and holy shit did it not disappoint. Im sure cast members took a long, collective groan when they saw this episode and remembered that bitchy girl on the internet is going to destroy them the next day in the recap.
So lets give the people what they want, shall we?
They all are like, “FUCK WE SUCK AT THIS” after getting 4 beams, 4 weeks in a goddam row. Prosper suggests a good old fashioned orgy, because hes a thinker! They all just need to have sex morethats clearly what theyre missing.
PROSPER: There was a moment last night, when she was sandwiched between the two Finnish dwarves and the Maori tribesmen, where I thought,
Gios like hey Prosper, thanks for having my back when I acted like a psycho on TV back there and Prosper is like Id really like to be excluded from this narrative.
Gios like I tried to fight Stephen because of principle and is like if I let one person do it, everyone will. Gio is like an anamorph with some of the shit he says. Everytime he says something that sounds so fucking stupid you want to shove your head into a blender, he morphs further and further into his final form: Donald Trump.
Julias like “I know I should be sad that everyone is fighting over me, but like, Im so happy.” Its not her fault shes so popular!! Meanwhile Stephen is like “LOVE ME PLEASE” and is crying in the confessional. Jesus Christits looking like a tequila kind of night.
Everyone is like they havent even kissed yet!!! which is low-key embarrassing. Its one thing to be pussy whipped when you are, shall we say, getting said pussy.
Julias like KISSING IS HUGEits more important than sex!! Well, one can lead to a child and the other cant, so lets just go with thats wrongthough there are a million Mormon mothers out there who agree with you. Seriously, I had a more intimate relationship in 6th grade.
MORMON MOMS EVERYWHERE: Honey you can only watch MTV if its to watch that nice girl with the overbite who is ABSTAINING. Now come on, get your helmet on and go sell the word of God!
Kaylen and John learn they have a lot in commonmostly just that they cant stand their parents. Thrilling stuff really. I like them both so I wouldnt be mad, just more confused. Yes, very confused.
THE GAME
YES, best part of the season: the dudes exes are here. The girls are so pumped and the guys are trying to find the tallest building to jump off.
The exes come out and they are disappointing to say the least. Def bottom tier sorority status. But hey, yall got a free trip to Maui so like, good job. Congrats on dating losers, I guess it worked out in the end.
Tylers like my ex threw a box of wine at my head, which is a little embarrassing for several reasons. First of all, you just admitted you’re poor. I havent drank boxed wine since I was 19 in a frat house (aka Morgans mothership). And for maximum damage, you should always throw a bottle. And this has been another episode of: teaching someone very obvious things!
The dudes pair with their exes and they get asked questionswhoever answers the most similarly gets a point. Propser doesnt have an ex because his longest relationship was three weeks LOLLLLL. He basically has to sit it out because he ghosts too much. Im weak.
Question 1: Does your ex still think youre a good catch?
Gios ex is like, . Hes immature and Kaylens like Hes also fucking crazy, dont forget that yall. John, Asaf, Stephen and Cam get it right. Moving on.
Question 2: In one word how did your ex describe your relationship?
Gio gets a match because he said crazy and she said ridiculous. At least Gio fucking knows hes crazy. Admitting is the first step.
Morgans ex said that hes really smart and he acts like a stupid frat boy and its like, LOL okay. Whatever you have to tell yourself to sleep at night, honey. Maybe if you keep telling yourself you didnt date TFMs poster boy, you might retain some self-respect. I get it.
Toris like WOW hes so deep! Underneath all that muscle and that abnormally square head, he has a heart! Fucking incredible.
Question 3: Does your ex think youre ready to settle down?
Everyone says no. Im sure your matches are PUMPED. Johns very excited about this*fist bumps everyone around him* *pounds beer and crushes it on his forehead* *screams FUCK YEAH MERICA!*
Question 4:What animal best describes your personality?
Tylers ex is literally here to ruin lives, Im low-key living for it.
RYAN: What animal is Tyler?
EX: Dog shit
RYAN: Thats not an animal
EX:
RYAN:
EX:
RYAN: Okay, dog shit it is.
Stephen keeps getting them wrong and Gio keeps getting them rightmostly because every answer has been something like crazy, psycho or horrible. Gios like know yourself, know your worth.
Its down to John, Gio and Cam and Stephen is praying that John/Cam win. Putting your faith in Cam is like waiting for rain in this droughtuseless and disappointing (name that movie, Sam.)
Last Question: Does your ex think you still have feelings for her?
Cam, of course answers it incorrectly, so its John and Gio. Its also, dare I say, fucking lit.
John picks Kaylen and Gio picks, of course, Julia. Talk about the most awkward double date ever. This has given me life.
Julia and Stephen are talking and Stephen is like freaking out about Gio and Julia. He def very worried that Gio may be right.
STEPHEN: That plan is crazy
JULIA: I know
STEPHEN: So crazy. It just might work
Gios like “I NEED TO MOVE FORWARD OTHERWISE IM GONNA RUIN EVERYTHING FOR ALL OF YOU FUCKERS.” Basically, Gio is a giant asshole. Case closed, bring in the dancing lobsters.
There is a lot of mixed opinions here. Some want to vote Julia/Gio in because itll end this shit, some dont want to waste a truth booth.
HALF THE HOUSE: Im voting for Regina George because she got hit by a bus.
THE OTHER HALF OF THE HOUSE: Im voting for Cady heron because shes the one that pushed her.
Prosper and Bagel are cuddling and laughing and let me tell you, I never saw this coming. Hes like youre sexy and Bagels like “I KNOW.” Our self-conscious little Bagel has grown into a confident young pastry *tear.
Tori and Morgan are in a room talking about repopulating the world and other totally relevant shit. Morgan is clearly hammered and is feeling on her ass, talking about her giant ass belly button.
Shes like I had to grow into my belly button and hes like “AH SO THATS WHY YOU GAINED WEIGHT.” YOOOOOOOO, that shit was loaded. Remember that big heart and big brain Morgan supposedly has? Best joke thats been told on this show.
He then is like NO NO THATS NOT WHAT I MEANT! and then is like I wish your ass was fatter. This whole conversation could honestly go down in history as the worst thing to ever exist. Wow, bravo to all involved.
THE WORLDS MOST UNCOMFORTABLE DATE AKA EVERYTHING I HAVE EVER WANTED
For the date, they are going wakeboarding, where Stephen hopes Gio accidently drowns, whoopsie. John gets up on the wake board and Kaylens like And yeah, she really does fucking suck.
BUT ENOUGH ABOUT THOSE TWO!!! Gio keeps touching Julia and shes like kinda uncomfortable, kinda not stopping it, which is the story of Julias life.
Mind you, this girl believes kissing is like the ultimate commitment while Gios like, a sex addict.
CHAZZ MICHAEL MICHAELS/GIO: I’m a sex addict. It’s my cross to bear. It’s a real disease with doctors and medicine and everything!
Gios like if I leave here without you I have nothing! and its like, we get it, youre homeless. She says they only have a physical connection and hes like “I KNOW ISNT IT GREAT!?!”
GIO: *plays music* You and me baby aint nothing but mammals so lets do it like they do on the Discovery Channel
They argue the whole time and Gio is like YOURE MINE. Honestly, this dude needs to be put in a psych ward, not a homeless shelter. What are you gonna do, Gio? Fucking share a cot with Julia? Make her hold the sign while you panhandle?
TRUTH BOOTH
Gios like “When I won the challenge, it was amazing. Like fate, karma, the universe, anal sex. But now I feel jipped. What did he expect? They were gonna start fucking on the wakeboarding date?
Gio believes there is still a chance that Julia becomes so afraid for her safety she finally submits to himhes really holding out for that.
Obviously, Julia and Gio are voted to the truth booth. Stephen is like “THIS COULD CHANGE MY LIFE” and its like, nah probs not but ok.
John is pissed because, hes right, they fucking blew a truth booth on this bullshit. Its like, very clear that they are not a match and they just blew this whole thing.
Gios like the house is gonna feel stupid AF and Morgans like NO, youre gonna feel stupidwhen were like, right and stuff. ANYWAYS YOURE FAT!
While Gios planning his hostile takeover of Julias bed, shes like should I cut my wrist horizontally or vertically?
Im on edge and drinking excessively. This is low-key nerve wracking. But the results are in.
Hey Gio? Are you a 90s band that peaked with one song about cocaine? BECAUSE YOUR THIRD EYE IS BLIND, BITCH. NO MATCH FOR GIO AND JULIA, DO NOT PASS GO, DO NOT COLLECT TWO HUNDRED DOLLARS.
GIO, SADLY SINGING: I want somethin else *tear* to get me through this, semi-charmed kind of life, baby baby
And Julias like “there is someone out there for you, but that girl is NOT ME. FUCK YES!” Hes like in there crying and shes like checking her watch like, can we go now?
Stephen is crying too wtf is going on? Johns like consoling him and seriously, Ive seen less tears in my sorority house.
Julias like there, there Gio. Youve been through worse. Yeah honestly Gio, youve lived on the fucking streets. This is the least of your problems.
They come back and John is like and tells Gio that he needs to apologize to the group, Stephen and Julia. Honestly, Im a few tequila shots deep, because my life now consists of drinking alone and watching MTV reality shows, and Im all about John rn. Like is he really sexy or am I fucking hammered?
The conversation goes like:
JOHN: Apologize
GIO: no
JOHN: please die
Julia thanks Stephen for being by her side and dealing with the fact she has never kissed him and he still tries to fight dudes twice his size. And finally they kiss. Aw, Julias first kiss! Babys first rave, babys first rave!
GIO, STILL CRYING AND SINGING: I wish you would step out from that ledge my friend.
The next day, Asaf and Franny are messing around and making out and hes like SHE VERY FUN, hehe. My mom and I discussed this whole thing in a riveting conversation below:
Morgan and the team get a meeting together and decide to do 100% new couples, except Asaf and Camille, because they are probs a match. This is a terrible idea. But Im here for it.
Stephen is like “THIS IS BULLSHIT! I want to pick Julia!” Im ready to put this whole relationship to bed, honestly.
MATCHUP CEREMONY
Ryan is wearing a fugly gray shirt that fades into plaid. Seriously that shit looks like the Sean John collection circa 11. Yikes.
Gio is up first and Ryan is like how did it feel to be wrong? Gios like Well sometimes the third eye has blurry vision, ya know? Who could say?
Gio kind of apologizes to Stephen, but not really.
GIO: I dont hate you because you’re fat; you’re fat because I hate you.
Gio picks Nicegirl Nicole, which is funny because she is the one who looks like she hates him the most half the time.
Prosper picks Franny and Ryans like OKAY, what the fuck are you people doing? Franny explains the strategy and Ryans like, Well arent you all just a bunch of loveable asswipes?
Stephen is up next. Hes like Waiting for that kiss was so worth it. Now hes just gotta wait for his balls to drop.
Ryans like “Are you going to pick Julia” and Morgans like bro Ill fucking haze the shit out of you bro if you fucking do thatFATASS! Of course, he goes against the grain and picks Julia. Ah, selfish men and criers, Julia has a type.
They start making out in front of everyone like Mormon moms everywhere are turning off their TVs, cursing that sinning whore Julia.
Tyler picks Bagel.
Cam picks Tori.
All the confirmed perfect matches at this point are like
Morgan picks Victoria.
Asaf says he thinks Franny is the one, which is very weird since a few weeks ago she was like his sister. Ryans like You mad youre not with her? and hes like STRATEGY, VERY NICE.
Asaf is like Acting like hes fucking jumping on a bomb instead of picking a girl to sit by for 3 minutes.
John and Kaylen ARE last and they look miserable.
Kaylens like Gio I loved you and you fucking blew it and were wrong!!! Uh, you two arent a match either? Time to move the fuck on.
Of course, true to the martyr theme we got going here, hes like
RYAN:If you loved her you wouldnt have left her
GIO: Honestly I feel so attacked right now
Suddenly Gio is saying that everything he did was for Kaylen. Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit.
Like a speech from a riveting sports movie, Camille is like NO YOU FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT AND HELP US WIN THIS MONEY and everyone claps along. Like yeah Gio, lets go out there and win this fucking game! And Gios likehmmm, maybe some money and future prospects in life would be cool.
Were waiting for the beams and they arent coming. HOLY. FUCKING. SHIT. This is not a thing rn.
OH, but it isTHEY GET A BLACKOUT.
This means Stephen/Julia, John/Kaylen AND Camille/Asaf arent matches. I think all 10,000 people who watch this show are stunned into shock.
They just lost 250,000 dollars, as Victoria so eloquently screams. Looks like youll be drinking boxed wine forever, Tyler.
Wow, this shit. This shit practically wrote itself. How did Gios third eye not see this coming?
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from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/are-you-the-one-recap-gio-olympics-2016-everyone-is-a-fucking-loser/
from All of Beer https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/182227933232
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Are You The One Recap: Gio Olympics 2016—Everyone Is A Fucking Loser
Wooohoo, were back. Last week was a fresh and raging shitstorm and I gotta say, I was really looking forward to this week and holy shit did it not disappoint. Im sure cast members took a long, collective groan when they saw this episode and remembered that bitchy girl on the internet is going to destroy them the next day in the recap.
So lets give the people what they want, shall we?
They all are like, “FUCK WE SUCK AT THIS” after getting 4 beams, 4 weeks in a goddam row. Prosper suggests a good old fashioned orgy, because hes a thinker! They all just need to have sex morethats clearly what theyre missing.
PROSPER: There was a moment last night, when she was sandwiched between the two Finnish dwarves and the Maori tribesmen, where I thought,
Gios like hey Prosper, thanks for having my back when I acted like a psycho on TV back there and Prosper is like Id really like to be excluded from this narrative.
Gios like I tried to fight Stephen because of principle and is like if I let one person do it, everyone will. Gio is like an anamorph with some of the shit he says. Everytime he says something that sounds so fucking stupid you want to shove your head into a blender, he morphs further and further into his final form: Donald Trump.
Julias like “I know I should be sad that everyone is fighting over me, but like, Im so happy.” Its not her fault shes so popular!! Meanwhile Stephen is like “LOVE ME PLEASE” and is crying in the confessional. Jesus Christits looking like a tequila kind of night.
Everyone is like they havent even kissed yet!!! which is low-key embarrassing. Its one thing to be pussy whipped when you are, shall we say, getting said pussy.
Julias like KISSING IS HUGEits more important than sex!! Well, one can lead to a child and the other cant, so lets just go with thats wrongthough there are a million Mormon mothers out there who agree with you. Seriously, I had a more intimate relationship in 6th grade.
MORMON MOMS EVERYWHERE: Honey you can only watch MTV if its to watch that nice girl with the overbite who is ABSTAINING. Now come on, get your helmet on and go sell the word of God!
Kaylen and John learn they have a lot in commonmostly just that they cant stand their parents. Thrilling stuff really. I like them both so I wouldnt be mad, just more confused. Yes, very confused.
THE GAME
YES, best part of the season: the dudes exes are here. The girls are so pumped and the guys are trying to find the tallest building to jump off.
The exes come out and they are disappointing to say the least. Def bottom tier sorority status. But hey, yall got a free trip to Maui so like, good job. Congrats on dating losers, I guess it worked out in the end.
Tylers like my ex threw a box of wine at my head, which is a little embarrassing for several reasons. First of all, you just admitted you’re poor. I havent drank boxed wine since I was 19 in a frat house (aka Morgans mothership). And for maximum damage, you should always throw a bottle. And this has been another episode of: teaching someone very obvious things!
The dudes pair with their exes and they get asked questionswhoever answers the most similarly gets a point. Propser doesnt have an ex because his longest relationship was three weeks LOLLLLL. He basically has to sit it out because he ghosts too much. Im weak.
Question 1: Does your ex still think youre a good catch?
Gios ex is like, . Hes immature and Kaylens like Hes also fucking crazy, dont forget that yall. John, Asaf, Stephen and Cam get it right. Moving on.
Question 2: In one word how did your ex describe your relationship?
Gio gets a match because he said crazy and she said ridiculous. At least Gio fucking knows hes crazy. Admitting is the first step.
Morgans ex said that hes really smart and he acts like a stupid frat boy and its like, LOL okay. Whatever you have to tell yourself to sleep at night, honey. Maybe if you keep telling yourself you didnt date TFMs poster boy, you might retain some self-respect. I get it.
Toris like WOW hes so deep! Underneath all that muscle and that abnormally square head, he has a heart! Fucking incredible.
Question 3: Does your ex think youre ready to settle down?
Everyone says no. Im sure your matches are PUMPED. Johns very excited about this*fist bumps everyone around him* *pounds beer and crushes it on his forehead* *screams FUCK YEAH MERICA!*
Question 4:What animal best describes your personality?
Tylers ex is literally here to ruin lives, Im low-key living for it.
RYAN: What animal is Tyler?
EX: Dog shit
RYAN: Thats not an animal
EX:
RYAN:
EX:
RYAN: Okay, dog shit it is.
Stephen keeps getting them wrong and Gio keeps getting them rightmostly because every answer has been something like crazy, psycho or horrible. Gios like know yourself, know your worth.
Its down to John, Gio and Cam and Stephen is praying that John/Cam win. Putting your faith in Cam is like waiting for rain in this droughtuseless and disappointing (name that movie, Sam.)
Last Question: Does your ex think you still have feelings for her?
Cam, of course answers it incorrectly, so its John and Gio. Its also, dare I say, fucking lit.
John picks Kaylen and Gio picks, of course, Julia. Talk about the most awkward double date ever. This has given me life.
Julia and Stephen are talking and Stephen is like freaking out about Gio and Julia. He def very worried that Gio may be right.
STEPHEN: That plan is crazy
JULIA: I know
STEPHEN: So crazy. It just might work
Gios like “I NEED TO MOVE FORWARD OTHERWISE IM GONNA RUIN EVERYTHING FOR ALL OF YOU FUCKERS.” Basically, Gio is a giant asshole. Case closed, bring in the dancing lobsters.
There is a lot of mixed opinions here. Some want to vote Julia/Gio in because itll end this shit, some dont want to waste a truth booth.
HALF THE HOUSE: Im voting for Regina George because she got hit by a bus.
THE OTHER HALF OF THE HOUSE: Im voting for Cady heron because shes the one that pushed her.
Prosper and Bagel are cuddling and laughing and let me tell you, I never saw this coming. Hes like youre sexy and Bagels like “I KNOW.” Our self-conscious little Bagel has grown into a confident young pastry *tear.
Tori and Morgan are in a room talking about repopulating the world and other totally relevant shit. Morgan is clearly hammered and is feeling on her ass, talking about her giant ass belly button.
Shes like I had to grow into my belly button and hes like “AH SO THATS WHY YOU GAINED WEIGHT.” YOOOOOOOO, that shit was loaded. Remember that big heart and big brain Morgan supposedly has? Best joke thats been told on this show.
He then is like NO NO THATS NOT WHAT I MEANT! and then is like I wish your ass was fatter. This whole conversation could honestly go down in history as the worst thing to ever exist. Wow, bravo to all involved.
THE WORLDS MOST UNCOMFORTABLE DATE AKA EVERYTHING I HAVE EVER WANTED
For the date, they are going wakeboarding, where Stephen hopes Gio accidently drowns, whoopsie. John gets up on the wake board and Kaylens like And yeah, she really does fucking suck.
BUT ENOUGH ABOUT THOSE TWO!!! Gio keeps touching Julia and shes like kinda uncomfortable, kinda not stopping it, which is the story of Julias life.
Mind you, this girl believes kissing is like the ultimate commitment while Gios like, a sex addict.
CHAZZ MICHAEL MICHAELS/GIO: I’m a sex addict. It’s my cross to bear. It’s a real disease with doctors and medicine and everything!
Gios like if I leave here without you I have nothing! and its like, we get it, youre homeless. She says they only have a physical connection and hes like “I KNOW ISNT IT GREAT!?!”
GIO: *plays music* You and me baby aint nothing but mammals so lets do it like they do on the Discovery Channel
They argue the whole time and Gio is like YOURE MINE. Honestly, this dude needs to be put in a psych ward, not a homeless shelter. What are you gonna do, Gio? Fucking share a cot with Julia? Make her hold the sign while you panhandle?
TRUTH BOOTH
Gios like “When I won the challenge, it was amazing. Like fate, karma, the universe, anal sex. But now I feel jipped. What did he expect? They were gonna start fucking on the wakeboarding date?
Gio believes there is still a chance that Julia becomes so afraid for her safety she finally submits to himhes really holding out for that.
Obviously, Julia and Gio are voted to the truth booth. Stephen is like “THIS COULD CHANGE MY LIFE” and its like, nah probs not but ok.
John is pissed because, hes right, they fucking blew a truth booth on this bullshit. Its like, very clear that they are not a match and they just blew this whole thing.
Gios like the house is gonna feel stupid AF and Morgans like NO, youre gonna feel stupidwhen were like, right and stuff. ANYWAYS YOURE FAT!
While Gios planning his hostile takeover of Julias bed, shes like should I cut my wrist horizontally or vertically?
Im on edge and drinking excessively. This is low-key nerve wracking. But the results are in.
Hey Gio? Are you a 90s band that peaked with one song about cocaine? BECAUSE YOUR THIRD EYE IS BLIND, BITCH. NO MATCH FOR GIO AND JULIA, DO NOT PASS GO, DO NOT COLLECT TWO HUNDRED DOLLARS.
GIO, SADLY SINGING: I want somethin else *tear* to get me through this, semi-charmed kind of life, baby baby
And Julias like “there is someone out there for you, but that girl is NOT ME. FUCK YES!” Hes like in there crying and shes like checking her watch like, can we go now?
Stephen is crying too wtf is going on? Johns like consoling him and seriously, Ive seen less tears in my sorority house.
Julias like there, there Gio. Youve been through worse. Yeah honestly Gio, youve lived on the fucking streets. This is the least of your problems.
They come back and John is like and tells Gio that he needs to apologize to the group, Stephen and Julia. Honestly, Im a few tequila shots deep, because my life now consists of drinking alone and watching MTV reality shows, and Im all about John rn. Like is he really sexy or am I fucking hammered?
The conversation goes like:
JOHN: Apologize
GIO: no
JOHN: please die
Julia thanks Stephen for being by her side and dealing with the fact she has never kissed him and he still tries to fight dudes twice his size. And finally they kiss. Aw, Julias first kiss! Babys first rave, babys first rave!
GIO, STILL CRYING AND SINGING: I wish you would step out from that ledge my friend.
The next day, Asaf and Franny are messing around and making out and hes like SHE VERY FUN, hehe. My mom and I discussed this whole thing in a riveting conversation below:
Morgan and the team get a meeting together and decide to do 100% new couples, except Asaf and Camille, because they are probs a match. This is a terrible idea. But Im here for it.
Stephen is like “THIS IS BULLSHIT! I want to pick Julia!” Im ready to put this whole relationship to bed, honestly.
MATCHUP CEREMONY
Ryan is wearing a fugly gray shirt that fades into plaid. Seriously that shit looks like the Sean John collection circa 11. Yikes.
Gio is up first and Ryan is like how did it feel to be wrong? Gios like Well sometimes the third eye has blurry vision, ya know? Who could say?
Gio kind of apologizes to Stephen, but not really.
GIO: I dont hate you because you’re fat; you’re fat because I hate you.
Gio picks Nicegirl Nicole, which is funny because she is the one who looks like she hates him the most half the time.
Prosper picks Franny and Ryans like OKAY, what the fuck are you people doing? Franny explains the strategy and Ryans like, Well arent you all just a bunch of loveable asswipes?
Stephen is up next. Hes like Waiting for that kiss was so worth it. Now hes just gotta wait for his balls to drop.
Ryans like “Are you going to pick Julia” and Morgans like bro Ill fucking haze the shit out of you bro if you fucking do thatFATASS! Of course, he goes against the grain and picks Julia. Ah, selfish men and criers, Julia has a type.
They start making out in front of everyone like Mormon moms everywhere are turning off their TVs, cursing that sinning whore Julia.
Tyler picks Bagel.
Cam picks Tori.
All the confirmed perfect matches at this point are like
Morgan picks Victoria.
Asaf says he thinks Franny is the one, which is very weird since a few weeks ago she was like his sister. Ryans like You mad youre not with her? and hes like STRATEGY, VERY NICE.
Asaf is like Acting like hes fucking jumping on a bomb instead of picking a girl to sit by for 3 minutes.
John and Kaylen ARE last and they look miserable.
Kaylens like Gio I loved you and you fucking blew it and were wrong!!! Uh, you two arent a match either? Time to move the fuck on.
Of course, true to the martyr theme we got going here, hes like
RYAN:If you loved her you wouldnt have left her
GIO: Honestly I feel so attacked right now
Suddenly Gio is saying that everything he did was for Kaylen. Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit.
Like a speech from a riveting sports movie, Camille is like NO YOU FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT AND HELP US WIN THIS MONEY and everyone claps along. Like yeah Gio, lets go out there and win this fucking game! And Gios likehmmm, maybe some money and future prospects in life would be cool.
Were waiting for the beams and they arent coming. HOLY. FUCKING. SHIT. This is not a thing rn.
OH, but it isTHEY GET A BLACKOUT.
This means Stephen/Julia, John/Kaylen AND Camille/Asaf arent matches. I think all 10,000 people who watch this show are stunned into shock.
They just lost 250,000 dollars, as Victoria so eloquently screams. Looks like youll be drinking boxed wine forever, Tyler.
Wow, this shit. This shit practically wrote itself. How did Gios third eye not see this coming?
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from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/are-you-the-one-recap-gio-olympics-2016-everyone-is-a-fucking-loser/
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