Oh damn, there are CATS PEOPLE on tumblr! I should have known. Have a redraw of this ancient piece from like 1999!

If the Queen's Thief and Lord of the Rings were where I fledged my artistic wings, Cats was where I first hatched. After the 1998 film came out on VHS, my parents never knew peace again. Pages and pages of art. Fan fiction. Face paint. I was Jemima for like four Halloweens straight. I could dance the entire choreography of Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer. My bff and I had headcanons and ships before we knew what those things were. The Internet was only just beginning in those days, and when I found an Angelfire page dedicated to Jacob Brent... people, let me tell you, I didn't sleep for weeks. Now he's on Instagram! I just looked him up! He's living his best life and I'm so glad!

In seventh grade, when my bff and I learned Cats was going off Broadway and we'd never get to see it, our moms told us that if we earned the money ourselves, they'd take us to see it. And we did! I saw the final Broadway cast at the Winter Garden Theater! We crashed the stage door and freaked out over Julius Sermonia (Misto) and Stephen Bienskie (Tugger)!

Anyway, rifling through old art to find this marker-and-printer-paper piece sure was a trip. Do you want more cringey redraws? Because do I have some material.

Tugger: 🎶AND NOT LONG AGO THIS PHENOMENAL CAT PRODUCED SEVEN KITTENS RIGHT OUT OF A HAT! 🎶

Mistoffelees' human:

I love tuggtumboffelees tri-parenting the seven hat kittens

Ballet thoughts are OUT cats oc thoughts are IN

kitty!reader had been curbing the craving for a tantrum all day.

jj had been tolerant — bless his soul. the attitude you’d been holding onto was lethal, huffing and puffing at any chance with the most poisonous tongue all because he’d woken you up from a nap for seemingly no other reason that ‘let’s go hang with the pogues today!’

you didn’t want to hang with the pogues. you wanted to take a nap and continue drooling on your boyfriends arm.

his patience only lasts so long, and before you know it he’s trying to have it out with you — get to the root of the issue so he could solve whatever problem it was that had you like this. as the conversation unfolds, he starts to realise that you’d caused all this commotion purely because you were tired.

“like — if i acted the way you’re actin’ right now everytime i was tired, babe — john b would’a smacked the shit out’a me by now. okay? i need you to like get it together or something. damn.” he rants, whipping off his hat as he steps into your bedroom to run a hand through matted blonde hair.

you feel that familiar irritation bubble up in your chest at his response. “you’re being so mean, jayj. you literally hate me.” you have nothing left in the tank but meaningless jabs and it was clear — your boyfriend rolling his eyes with a smirk. “don’t tell me to get it together.”

“first of all shut up. second of all yeah, i could have been nicer but you did call me an asshole for suggesting you take a nap. an asshole.” he’s quick to reiterate.

“i already explained why i can’t do that.” you frown, crossing your arms over your chest.

“and it makes no sense. but whatever.” he shrugs. unable to control yourself anymore, you all but growl — shoving and smacking at his chest a couple of times before backing off. “oh that’s what you wanna do, mama? alright.” he laughs. laughs at you — and you only get more mad.

you stand on your tiptoes to really get in his face, eyes thinning with a deadly glare (or what you thought was deadly, he thought you looked like a pissed off kitten.) “fuck. you.” it’s practically a challenge, and when you turn away to storm off — you go absolutely nowhere, jj’s thick arm wrapping around your neck and dragging you back to press his body to yours.

“if you insist, sourpuss. your words, not mine.” he starts to ruck up your skirt, kicking your legs open. you mewl, still angry and whiny and even fight him a little bit but he only grips you tighter, lowering his body and bringing his lips to your ear.

“i dunno what’s got into you kittycat but you’re pissin’ me off. if you ain’t gonna drop that attitude im gonna have to force it out of you. that seem fair?” he threatens as his fingers stroke over the material of your panties making your knees buckle just a little. “think that answers my question. this all you needed?” jj snickers meanly.

approximately seven minutes later and he’s still holding you just like that, but you’re barely able to hold yourself up. with the speed at which his fingers are fucking you, there are loud squelching sounds filling the room alongside your own whines. you’d practically melted into his body, teary eyes squeezed shut as he brutally fucks an orgasm out of you.

“shit, bae — all that talkin’ before and now you can’t say a word. s’what you get when you let papa j take all that stress away, huh?”

And not long ago this phenomenal cat

Produced seven kittens right out of a hat!

Afternoon Sunshine (Rhett Abbott x Reader)

Summary: You and Rhett can’t think of a better way to spend an afternoon than with each other

Tagging: @sebsxphia @rhettabbotts​ @nobody7102​

“...... The sea is everything. It covers seven tenths of the terrestrial globe. Its breath is pure and healthy. It is an immense desert, where man is never lonely, for he feels life stirring on all sides. The sea is only the embodiment of a supernatural and wonderful existence. It is nothing but love and emotion; it is the Living Infinite,” you read, hardly taking your eyes off of the page in the book you had been reading from. 

“S’gettin good darlin,” Rhett hummed as one of Tiny’s kittens had begun to crawl across his chest. 

There you both were, sprawled out under the tree in the shade while the sun was shining high above the ranch. It was one of those days where you just couldn’t resist the thought of being outside, the hot breeze rippling the grass and the trees sighing with it. You had both packed a picnic lunch as well as the white and yellow fringe blanket to spread out in the grass. As soon as she had eaten, you turned Amy loose and let her go chase the bumblebees and the butterflies, her giggles reaching your ears as you and Rhett enjoyed the afternoon. You had been reading one of the books that was just one in your ever growing collection in the book barn, 20,000 Leagues Under The Sea, to be exact. Rhett had listened with great interest to the strange tale of Captain Nemo and his mysterious submarine, recalling when he had first seen the Disney film on a camping trip at the little outdoor theater. 

“Hey!” he chuckled as the kitten crawled across his face with his tiny little paws. “You’re trouble, you know?” 

The little kitten mewed before he accidentally tumbled into Rhett’s hat, drawing a laugh from the cowboy who picked him right up in his much bigger hand. “Alright you little troublemaker,” Rhett remarked. “You’re goin back to the barn.” 

You smiled and shook your head. “I’ll wait till you get back.” 

And you did. You waited patiently as Rhett traipsed off to the book barn to put Tiny and Willie’s kittens back in their cozy little basket for a nap, hoping that they wouldn’t get into too much trouble. You kept a careful eye on Amy the entire time, watching her run on her little legs as a big, fat bumblebee zoomed from one flower to the next, buzzing about and paying no mind to the giggling little toddler who tried to catch it. 

“Ya’ll mind if I ask you to keep readin?” Rhett asked as he lay back down with an obscene groan. “It’s hot as hell out here and thinkin about the ocean’s keepin me cool.” 

“Patience o’ sweaty one,” you joked, leaning over to place a kiss on his lips. “Let me find my place.” 

You kept reading, regailing Rhett with the tale of the deep blue sea and the Nautilus, blowing through almost four chapters before Rhett was snoring away next to you. You lived for days like this when it was so peaceful and quiet, the two of you able to enjoy every second of it. It wasn’t long before Amy came in to snuggle, the chirping of the birds and the rustling of the trees putting you three into a deep sleep that you deserved more than anything. 

Maureen:  “ And not long ago this phenomenal cat, produced seven kittens right out of a hat!” 

Garden Club Lady: 

Autism be damned, my boy can produce seven kittens right out of a hat!

(Also please note Munkustrap comforting Demeter when she gets startled at all Mistoffelees' bangs and flashes. 🥺)

Dominik Hees as Tugger and Riccardo Sinisi as Mistoffelees; Giulia Vazzoler as Demeter and Florian Fetterle as Munkustrap. Vienna revival, 19 June 2022. Filmed by @falasta.

Barry Meets The Seven Tribes of Honour (CTCD OC Story)

[CW⚠️ DEATH, PUPPETS]

[Characters: Barry(OC), Chief Azrael(OC), Twigs the Mole(OC), Claude(OC), Nigel(OC), Blizzard(OC), Iram the Fox(OC), Lucifer the Puppeteer of Terrors(OC) and Smiler the Puppet(OC)]

[Barry gets to a meeting from Chief Azrael to meet the elite members of Team Frostbite and they are also members of their solo elite team known as 'The Seven Tribes of Honour']

(Cuts to Barry entering Chief Azrael's office)

Barry: Hey Chief

Azrael: Ah Supporter Kitten! Welcome! I suppose you want to know why I want you to come here

Barry: Mmhmm, (worries)

Azrael: Don't worry my friend, your not in trouble. I like to introduce you to seven new members of our team

Barry: Seven?!

Azrael: Yes, seven. (Places hand on Barry's shoulder) And I think you'll be interested to see them all.

(Then the two hear sounds)

Azrael: That must be them. (Claps hands) Seven Elites of Honour! I may have brought someone in here, who would want to meet you all

(The voices are heard from upstairs. Then something from the ground, digs towards Barry and Azrael. Barry goes behind him. Until it pops out of the ground, it then turns out to be a mole with goggles)

???: You called Chief?

Azrael: Yes Twigs, I like you to meet our youngest supporter; Barry. Barry, this is Twigs

Twigs: (looks at Barry) So your the supporter that has been with our whole team eh? Chief has told me and my pals some things about you kid.

(Barry becomes silent a bit)

Twigs: I meant that I heard good stuff about you from Chief

Barry: Oh! Uhh, thanks Twigs

Twigs: It's alright kid (raises his claw out to Barry)

(Barry raises his paw out and the two began to handshake)

(Azrael watches the two handshake, then the three hear a pleasant singing voice coming ahead. It comes from a red cat wearing London style clothing and holding a cane, and a blue cat wearing French style clothing walking together)

???: You brought us here Chief Azrael sir

Azrael: Indeed I do, Claude

Twigs: Alright con cats, Chief brought us here to meet his young supporter of his team, aaand he isss right here (pulls Barry over to Claude and his blue cat friend)

Claude: Good evening boy (tips his hat) Allow me to introduce myself, I am Claude and this right here is Nigel, my blue French companion

Nigel: (bows to Barry) Greetings chat(cat)! That means 'cat' in French

Barry: It's nice to meet you guys

Claude: Oh yes a marvelous pleasure to meet you dear boy

(The five then hear sounds of a running animal, it comes out with someone riding a giant warthog who turns out to be a reddish orange fox wearing warm western style clothing and chewing a small skewer stick in his mouth)

???: Howdy here Chief!

Azrael: Pleasure you came here Iram

Iram: Hell yeah I do Chief, so what you got me here today for? (Grabs out his ladle) Oden?

Azrael: (laughs) Oh no no no no Iram. It's just that I like you to meet the supporter of Team Frostbite, this is Barry

Iram: Whoa! I never seen your supporter to be this... frickin' adorable! I mean look at you fella!

Barry: Uhh thanks? I think?

Azrael: (laughs a bit) Ok Iram, maybe try give lil ol' Barry some of his personal space here

Iram: Oh right, sorry pal (tips his hat to him, then steps back a bit to give Barry space)

(The six then hear a glass window break)

Nigel: Oh no

(It releases a windy blizzard towards the office, which makes their bodies start to freeze in the cold)

(Then Barry, while couldn't see well in the blizzard, he sees a silhouette of a woman in it)

Barry: Huh? (Sees the silhouette) guys there's someone out there

Twigs: It's... her

Barry: Who?

(The silhouette vanishes into an female ice demon when she enters the chief's office, she unleashes an icy blast in her hand at the broken window, frosting it)

Twigs: Thanks Blizz

???: (turns her head at Twigs and glares at him) Excuse me!?

Twigs: Damnit, I mean uhh... thanks Blizzard

Blizzard: That's better. Oh hey Chief. (Looks at Barry) Oh! (walks to him and kneels down to about his height) now who's this little fella right here?

Azrael: This is my supporter Barry. Barry, this is Blizzard

Barry: Uhh hi, miss

Blizzard: (smiles) Well aren't you so sweet, and so pure (pats his head)

Barry: Your hand is kind of freezing

Blizzard: Oh, sorry my dear. How about a kiss in your cheek

Barry: Hmm sure, I won't mind

(Blizzard kisses Barry in his cheek, then walks off to the others)

(Barry then looks at them talking to eachother and hanging out and he smiles to that)

(Azrael smiles at them too, he looks at Barry)

Azrael: Aren't these guys wonderful Barry

Barry: Yeah, they sure are sir

(Suddenly they all became shocked when they hear banging sounds coming from up on the top)

Claude: Blimey!

Twigs: Chief, what's going on

Azrael: I think he's found an another victim to torture for his entertainment

Barry: What do you mean by that- (becomes really shocked and scared) Oh... god... no (quietly) No no no no, it can't be. I thought what he is now is a classic urban legend tale but now... no no no no no no!

(A scream of horror is heard along with gruesome, bloody sounds coming out of it. Then the door slowly opens to reveal a shadow travelling itself down the stairs and onto Barry's own shadow. It then rises onto the wall, but then the shadow begans to laugh maniacally, which made Barry really unsettled to hear)

Barry: Oh... g-god! (Clings onto Azrael's leg)

(The shadow now reveals as a pale white demon wearing a black suit with blonde yellow stripes over it, a red bowtie and a black tophat with a comedy theater mask on top. He also has four mini puppets, two each sitting on his shoulder)

???: Now that was good show of mauling, ain't that right Smiler

Smiler: Yeah it really is master

(They do a handshake but a really fun one and they both laugh off)

Azrael: Whoa Lucifer... I don't know what to say on how you tortured that person alive... and given that you appear as a shadow and go downstairs as one (laughs) that's really unsettling but it fits you so damn well my man

(Azrael and Lucifer high five eachother)

Lucifer: (laughs) Man this is why I'm in your ginormous team Azrael

Azrael: (laughs)

(As the two laugh Barry who is still silent in shock sees Lucifer's eyes staring at him. Until he is heard by Smiler)

Smiler: Hey! Hey cat! Buddy! Hello?

Barry: Gah! (Falls over and catches his breathes) What the hell!? (He sees Smiler's hand, he grabs hold off and gets back up)

Smiler: (helps Barry get back up) You weren't hearing that much though lil buddy, you might've went into a big shock there right

Barry: (shakes his head) Am I seeing you right now or have I gone back to reading my book about the Puppeteer of Terrors

Smiler: (gasps) You know who my master is? (To Lucifer) Hey master!

Lucifer: Yes Smiler

Smiler: (has Barry in her arms) I believe someone has known so much about you. (Quietly) from that book he has been reading

Lucifer: You read my own story about my life as a terrorist and a puppeteer!? (as his eyes change from yellow to black with light yellow pupils)

(Barry becomes intimidated by his eyes changing. But then Lucifer's eyes change back to yellow)

Lucifer: I cannot believe that in my own 2 eyes (chuckles) (or perhaps 10 because I have my four mini puppets sitting on my two shoulders) I have someone who ultimately admires my own stories! (Gives Barry a medal) Here you go my little admirer!

Barry: (looks at his medal) Hmm "The best admirer of my stories ever award!" Huh never knew that there was a medal like that, but thanks for that sir

Lucifer: (laughs) It's no problem my dear cat friend! (handshakes Barry) Now allow me to introduce myself; my name is Lucifer or you might know me as 'The Puppeteer of Terrors!" And over on my shoulders are G, R, I and N, my mini puppets. Come say hello to my admirer my children.

The Mini Puppets - G, R and I: Hi!

Mini Puppet - N: Hello!

Lucifer: And over here on the left beside you is my best accomplice ever; Smiler!

Smiler: (hugs Barry) It's a great pleasure to meet you honey

Barry: (feels squeezed) Mmhmm, it's nice to... see you too

Lucifer: Pff. Smiler dear, would you mind

Smiler: Oh right, hehe (lets Barry go, which left him dizzy)

Barry: (rubs his head and looks at the Seven Tribes of Honour all together) So I guess that's all of them Chief

Azrael: Yep

Lucifer: Yep your correct there Barry boy (playfully elbows Azrael)

THE END

📢AND! NOT LONG AGO THIS ~PHENOMENAL~ CAT PRODUCED SEVEN KITTENS RIGHT OUT OF A HAT!! 📢

"Tugger, about those kittens..." --Misto

And not long ago, a phenomenal cat produced seven kittens right out of a hat!!

I'm really bad at drawing children/kittens so enjoy adolescent tuggtumboffelees kids!!

In order of oldest to youngest:

Castor and CJ: twins

Sarai and Devika: twins

Tapper, Trassel, Stellaluna: triplets

Power Armor Punch Part Thirty Seven

Masterlist

Nick: *looks on bittersweetly at the scene*

Amari: She's starting to show some distress... she seems to have trauma concerning an aspect of this memory, specifically at this section.

Nick: *glances to the ceiling, frowning* That's not good- see if you can calm her down...

Amari: *over Jasmine's side* If you can hear me, please, try to calm down. Breath in and out if you can. It will only cause more strain on your body if you remain this way.

Jasmine: (She sees her mom right now…. Her sweet and gentle mother smiling down at her like she always does…. But she is dead. She has been dead for so damn long- and the reason Mamá is now gone hurts her to such a deep level that she can’t even begin to explain it. She just wants to stay here with her, let the memory hold her tightly instead of letting it play out until she has to leave)

Nick: *pauses the memory just to see what's going on in her thoughts*

Jasmines Thoughts: (Mournful) “How can she be dead…. Why? Why did it have to be her? Why did I diss her off? Why did it have to hit her so hard? Why can I not hug her one more time? Why can I not tell her I love you and that I am sorry for being such a stupid brat?”

Nick: *keeps it paused to give her some time in the moment. To get just a little closure*

Jasmine: (Weird how memories work, or maybe it’s just her. It feels so real and clear, her mother holding her so tenderly… Maybe she was just hella touch starved that any contact feels surreal)

Nick: *leans against the wall, just viewing the two... if it were Jenny or his family he knows he... he shakes his head and corrects himself. He knows the old Nick would want the same*

Mamá: (Rocking Jas, singing another soft lullaby in English) “Sleep my darling, oh rest. Birds are asleep in their nests. Garden and meadows are still. Bees have no more by the rill. In through the window so bright, shines the moon silvery light…”

Jasmine: (Wiggles her arms free so she can cling to her mom while she sweetly sings another oh so familiar lullaby)

Mamá: (Making sure the blanket it snug and secure around Jas) “Nestle your head on my chest. Sleep oh my darling and rest. Listen no sound can be heard. Through the house nothing has stirred. Little gray mouse is not near, cellar and kitchen are clear….”

Jasmine: (Is slowly being lulled into a dreamy sleep, calming down a bit in her real body. She clutches her Mamá tighter with her small, yet strong pair of arms)

Mamá: (Starts crying quietly, not noticing her daughter opening her eyes one more time. She stares right above the fire place where she hung up a photo of each of her dear kids as newborns, making her stifle another sob)

Nick: *committing the song to memory, it might come in handy for lulling her to sleep. He only pauses to hear her thoughts and give her more time with her mother*

Jasmines Thoughts: “The lullabies…. I can recall her singing them to us since forever…. I have not had them sung to me in so long, it’s not the same singing it alone in a cold darkroom huddled under the bed or in a corner. Especially this last one….”

Nick: *looks down quietly, hat hiding his eyes. Quietly to himself before he continues letting the memory play out* I'll sing some to you, kitten...

Jasmine: (Raises her head just enough to plant a kiss on her tired moms teary cheek, nuzzling herself back and closing her eyes once more)

Mamá: (A small sad smile spreads across her face. All she wants is for her daughters and son is to live their lives to the fullest, she’ll do everything in her power to ensure that. And if by some fate she can’t, the she prays someone else would. Carefully, she arranges herself so she is laying down on the sofa with Jazzy on her chest) “Only my baby so bright, lying awake in the night. Nestle your head on my chest. Sleep oh my darling and rest. Oh sleep and rest…”

Jasmine: (Her breathing slows down to a rhythm while she hums with content) “Te amo mucho Mami….”

Mamá: (Gazing down at her precious daughter with the same unconditional, selfless, eternal, pure love she has for all three of her kids) “Love you too baby girl.”

(The memory ends there with both of them fall asleep on the couch)

Nick: *heavy sigh*

Amari: She's still stable and slightly less stressed... If you wish to move on-

Nick: *already walking out of the door*

(There’s a bit of a scatter and ruffle before the memory clears up to show a long dark street in the middle of nowhere with Jasmine walking there. Time seemed to have jumped as Jas is older now, around 9 years old. Why she would be here so late at night is a wonder, for a summer night it’s quite chilly and the worn sundress she is wearing can’t be warm)

Jasmine: (Walking slowly down the road with her head lowered and eyes casted to the ground, as if she was thinking deeply about something. She has somber look on her face with some tears, making one assume that whatever she is wondering about isn’t too pleasant)

The Streetlights: (Flicker on and off ominously, but that’s normal for this part of town that others would consider to be the shabbiest part of town)

Nick: *following her protectively not that it'll do much*

Jasmine: (Suddenly perks up, fully alert to an object that caught her attention. She slows down to squint into the pitch black night, wiping her eyes with the back of her hands)

The Object: (Is a car that’s hidden in the even darker shadowing of two trees, making it barely visible)

Jasmine: (Steps to the side so she is walking on the grass and not so close to the street, setting her sights on a different rout)

The Car: (Turns on when Jasmine is a few meters away, slowly trailing her from behind. Now that it’s in the flickering lights, the details can be made out. It’s a simple blue and white car family, sleek but not too fancy, it blends in fairly well with other cars. The windows however, are tinted far darker than any normal vehicle would be, making the occupants impossible to see)

Jasmine: (Is not oblivious to this as her eyes scan ahead into the darkness quick escape path)

The Car: (Pulling up behind the girl a little faster)

Jasmine: (Suddenly bolts forwards at light speed, hurling herself over a fence and as far away from the road as she can go. From behind the car come to a screech and the sound of the doors slamming shut rings out, but she doesn’t dare look back)

Nick: *Running along with her, holding onto his hat out of habit. He knows he can't do anything to stop the pursuers, but if it helps Jasmine stay calm by sticking with her, he'll do it*

Jasmine: (Swats her arms as she charges through bushes and trees for what seems like miles until she finally breaks through the thick thicket, finding herself at the more lit and lively part of town) “Ah…..” (She quickly wipes her eyes that are leaking even more tears, hugging herself once she’s done. She doesn’t want to go back home yet, but she knows that she can’t stay here so she starts down the street while brushing herself off)

Woman: (Was walking arm-in-arm with her lover when she notices the small girl passing by at an hour she shouldn’t be out on her own and all scruffy and scratched up. Concerned, she stops and bends down to her level) “Hey there sweetie, are you lost?”

Jasmine: (Confidently) “Nope!” (Struts by without another word, keeping an eye on the main road for the mysterious car and her ears trained for ten sound of running. Normally she wouldn’t be so rude to someone being so nice, but today she’s not having it as she is at her wits end)

Woman: (Looks back at her lover who only oh-so-helpfully shrugs their shoulders. She jogs forwards in stumble because of her heels to catch up with the girl) “Wait!” (Grabs her arm and gives a tug) “Honey, hold on for a moment. Where are your parents?”

Jasmine: (Forcefully pulls free, turning around to glare the woman in the eye with her puffy red ones) “Miss, Thank you for your concern but I already said I wasn’t lost, so please leave me alone! I’ll be alright on my own.” (With that she whirls around on her heel and walks off, faster than before)

Woman: (Still looks very much concerned as she turns around to speak with her lover in a hushed tone)

Jasmine: (Continues to wander around town in a daze with her big teary eyes taking in everything and everyone. Several people stop to question her with concern for her well-being, but she shoos them away in the same polite manner. Eventually, she finds herself in the darkest and quietest part of town, the houses surrounding her completely unlit as the families inside are snug in their beds. The more she walks, the more she feels like running instead, or just dropping to the floor with sobs)

Nick: *wonders if that's how the people associated with the vault found out about her- walking around like this at night. Alone.* Hm. Even before the bombs, going alone was always a dangerous choi- *stops. He thought he saw a flash of familiar almost unnatural purple hair...*

Jasmine: (Getting more and more teary as she marches on in the dark, rubbing her arms that are stinging and bleeding from her blind dash. Her dress is dirt stained and ripped at the hem, and easy fix but still frustrating. She firmly stomps her feet a few times, wiping her eyes once more but just smears some droplets of blood and dirt over her face, riling up the mixed feelings inside her more)

Gardio: *notices her but stays quiet*

Someone: *very hushed* You think I should go in? Kids usually warm up to me-

Gardio: The loud ones, Linus. This one's skiddish. She'd run as soon as you-

Linus: I'm going in.

Gardio: *hushed cry* Linus- no!

Linus: *starts walking toward Jas*

Nick: *instantly recognizes him* Detective Rammstein... you fool. *watches as the short- shorter than Hancock- man in a detectives outfit and fedora approaches the crying girl*

Linus: Hey kid. You okay? You seem hurt-

Jasmine: (Makes a startled and scared yelp when she realizes they are both there, the first thought in her mind is that her pursuers caught up to her so she rockets forwards, flying a few dozen feet to hide behind a large tree. Shaking with her heart pounding in her ears she peeks around with wide eyes, wiping her face again to try and make out the shadowy figures)

Linus: Wait- it's okay! We're detectives-

Gardio: *calmly steps past him* We're here to help. We can get that wound looked after.

Jasmine: (Shakes her head, stepping behind the tree a little more as she blinks on some tears) “Thank you for the offer, but I have a first aid kit at home that I can use.” (Quietly to herself) “If Lilac left me anything...” (Out loud) “Please go away and I’ll run home right now, I promise.”

Gardio: *manages to catch that what she said* It doesn't sound like you have much in the way of medical supplies. If you let us call a paramedic, we'd be happy to drive you back to your house-

Linus: It would be much safer! Look, if you don't believe us- *pulls out his badge. It obviously says "police" and not "detective" but it is a real badge...*

Nick: *slaps his forehead at the obvious mistake*

Gardio: *realizes his partner is an idiot who said they're both detectives despite that being a straight lie* Good call, officer. *already had his badge out ready to show her. His does say "Detective". Also a real badge*

Jasmine: (Takes in a deep breath, pressing herself up against the tree. Even if they are both real cops, she still doesn’t want to go with them. Besides, she wouldn’t be able to tell if they were one of the good ones or not) “I’ll be fine walking home on my own and getting some bandages, thank you.”

Gardio and Linus: *exchange a concerned look*

Gardio: *sighs* I respect your self confidence, but this side of town has had a bad case of abductions lately- many of children your age. It's not safe. *steps slightly towards her, treating her like a small wild kitten*

Linus: *following his lead* Wouldn't you rather be driven home, get a nice rest on the way there? All patched up and looked after?

Jasmine: (Grips onto the tree, some large drops of tears going down her cheeks) “I know kids disappear, I go to school and sometimes the desks I pass by are now empty and stay that way. But really, you don’t have to worry ‘bout me at all. I’m very nimble and quick, I always outrun them. Plus, I know all the secret paths and shortcuts to get home.”

Gardio: *glares back at Linus for his poor phrasing then resumes very carefully and calmly approaching the scared girl. Softly as if he's talking to his own daughter- it's sincere* That's all well and good, sweetheart, but that doesn't make it any less dangerous to be wandering out this late all on your own.

Jasmine: (Lowers her gaze and let’s go of the tree to ball up her fists, determined not to burst into sobs) “I’m 9 years old and I know what I’m doing. If you want to do something better than worrying ‘bout me you can go find the car that was following me earlier.” (No doubt that it’s already long gone, but she just wants these two to leave her alone so she can skedaddle home)

Linus: *already fumbling with a notepad and pen* Can you give us a description?

Gardio: How can you possibly write in this light?

Linus: I just have really good night vision...

Nick: Does he?

Gardio: Do you?

Jasmine: (Shrugs her shoulders, rubbing her eyes to try and clear them up again) “Blue and white sleek four seater car with super dark windows, looked normal but that’s what they want you to think.” (Points off in the distance) “It was parked somewhere over there in ghost town.”

Linus: *nods, writing all that down... some how* I'll walk over there and take a look. I'll radio you, Dio-

Nick: *Cocks an eyebrow* "Dio?"

Gardio: Officer Rammstein, we are currently on duty.

Linus: Right- I'll radio you, Detective Cha-

Both Nick and Gardio: *equally annoyed* Please just go. You're wasting time.

Linus: On it! *bolts in the way Jas pointed*

Gardio: *crouches down when he gets nearer to be less intimidating* Now, kiddo, for the record, can you tell me your name? *something about her seems familiar to him but its hard to tell in the dark*

Jasmine: “Why does it matter-?” (Raises her head and blinks, picking a leaf out of her curls. Now she can see more clearly, and now she can recognize who’s crouching before her. Kinda hard not to remember someone like him. She doesn’t move to get away quite yet, just presses herself into the tree)

Gardio: *recognizes her a bit. This is already a very delicate situation so he doesn't overreact* Okay... so we both recognize each other, then. *deep breath before speaking very steadily and calmly* I'm not going to arrest you... mostly on principle that we have back ups of those cases. But I do have to ask, why did you feel the need to break in? You could have asked us to relay the details back to you. You were family to the victim.

Jasmine: (Doesn’t respond as her heart leaps in her chest and she presses her cheek against the scratchy bark of the tree. She’s already burnt out from earlier, so her answers that are in her own defense are all scrambled in her mind, making her more tearful and frustrated)

Gardio: *recognizes his mistake. Softly with much concern* Sorry... It's not important right now. What is important is that we get you home to your family safely.

Jasmine: (Her deep brown doe-eyes widen even more and her bottom lip starts to tremble when she hears him say that) “No. They aren’t my real-…” (Pauses, her breathing getting quicker and more jagged. She suddenly jumps up and very efficiently scampers up the tree like a frightened kitten, bracing herself as she recklessly crawls across its thickest branch that will allow her to jump over the fence)

Gardio: Wait- what are you-?! *doesn't move fast enough to react before she's already running off. Swears to himself and gives chase, reporting in the situation over the radio*

Jasmine: (Hops over the fence, stumbling when she lands on the sharp uneven rocks below) (Over her shoulder) “I'm so sorry sir! I swear that I am running home now, I’ll make it there safe and sound!” (And she’s off into the darkness of the night. When she gets far away enough, she starts choking and blubbering with tears, doing her best to navigate through the empty streets. In order to take fastest rout back home and access those mentioned shortcuts, she’ll have to backtrack to the thicket she charged through)

Gardio: *runs until he looses stamina after her... which is pretty far, but not quite fast enough*

Jasmine: (Keeps running and hurling over fences until she finds herself back in the town. As one would expect, a sobbing little girl who all grimy and has visible blood on her would raise alarms, but all people have time to see when she whips past them is a curly haired blur in a blue sundress. There was no exaggeration when she said that she was nimble and quick) “C’mon, you can make it…” (She turns a corner and steps on the crosswalk after looking both ways, going about halfway across when she springs back with a muffled yell, narrowly dodging a speeding car who’s driver must be drunk)

Nick: Watch out-! *immediately leaps toward her to pull her back to safety once he sees the car despite the fact he's in a simulation*

Jasmine: (Stumbles as the people around her gasp and scream while the car speeds off and splatters sludge everywhere, including on herself. But the determined girl doesn’t waste much time in standing around dumbfounded and she starts running again. Pardoning herself, she quite literally pushes past the jaw dropped adults standing in her way and takes off down the main road. Her first exit path isn’t that far off, she just has to turn a few more street corners and keep praying that no one tries to stop her)

Gardio: *has gotten some reinforcement around Ghost Town. And by reinforcement a couple of local cops and a very stupid man*

Linus: *notices her as soon as she passes and radios in her location*

Gardio: *making his way to Ghost Town*

Jasmine: (Makes it to the thicket with minimal disruptions and starts trudging through, pushing past the thorns, bushes and branches that grab and tug at her. Soon everything is completely dark and quiet except for her muffled sobs and sniffles)

Gardio: *quietly following on foot at a distance just in case someone else might be stalking her. Just wants her to get home safe*

Jasmine: (Cries out when something snatches and pulls painfully at her hair. Fumbling in the dark, she reaches into her dress pocket and brings out a Swiss army knife to free herself from the branch that snag her, taking care not to cut off any of her locks in the process)

Gardio: *only carefully approaches in the chance she needs help*

Jasmine: (Shrieks when she senses he is near and she twirls around to face him with the knife pointed in front of her. When she registers it’s him standing in the impossible darkness, she lowers it but backs up and is ready and committed to making another mad sprint)

Gardio: *raises his hands as if at gun point... despite being twice her size and well armed* I'm just trying to help. Promise.

Jasmine: (Shakily) “Sir, I told you to go away several times. I don’t need you or anyone to help me here.” (Starts backing up while rubbing her arms and clutching her knife, giving a quick glance back to make sure her escape path is clear)

Gardio: *worried parental tone* I'm sorry, but I can't do that- it wouldn't be right to leave you like this-

Jasmine: (Getting impatient and straight up angry that she’s keeps being held up. She’s so tired of everyone suddenly butting into her life, so exhausted of running around and getting nowhere. This man can keep following and nagging her for all she cares) “Well, I don’t want your help getting home, so watcha gonna do ‘bout that!?” (With that she storms off again in a sprint, slower this time because of how worn out she is both physically and mentally. In all honestly, she doesn’t even want to go home at all, it’s too… different there. But what other choice is there?)

Gardio: *getting really tired at this point. He does attempt to follow her, but ends up tripping over a raised root and landing face first in the dirt*

Nick: *winces at the Impact before jogging to catch up with Jas*

Jasmine: (Momentarily looks back when he falls and face plants, something in her heart telling her to go back and help him up. But after a short delay she just keeps on going, picking up speed while her mind starts mapping the fastest and safest way home) “If I cut through the old bakery and jump out the window… No wait, the floor is rotted through, so I’ll have to go around…”

Nick: *wonders if this is the last memory... hopes not. Be a shame to leave her on one so close to the day she was thrown into the hell that put her in the present day*

Jasmine: (Pushes through the last break of branches huffing and sniffing on her next wave of tears. She looks down the long lonely road that leads into Ghost Town, biting down her bottom lip to suppress any noises that might call some unwanted attention. It’s gonna be a long walk to somewhere she doesn’t even feel welcome to anymore deep down. She feels like an intruder…)

Nick: I think we're about done here... *pauses it then and there to see if there's any thoughts she'd like to share*

Jasmines Thoughts: “I didn’t want to go home. I felt so alone there, like I didn’t belong. And if I didn’t back then, now it’s so much worse. All the adults seemed to be tense yet mindful and overly observant around me, and Lilac and Cosmos were always crying, arguing, locking themselves in rooms, or just clinging onto me… I didn’t know how the fuck I suppose to deal with that so I did what I always did and ran away. Little did I know I was throwing away our precious final moments together…. I abandoned them…”

Nick: *frowns, knowing some of that feeling... the world being blown to hell left a lot of regrets and broken futures in the wake of it all. He only unpauses the memory to move on to the next*

(The next memory shows a playground on a bright blue day without a cloud in the sky. Kids run and shriek about while their parents either join in the fun or watch from the benches lining the sides. On the swing set at the edge of the park is Jasmine, who has been reverted back to about age six, swinging between Jie and another boy who’s around the same age. A few dozen feet away is Lilac who is happily playing in a sandbox with toddler Cosmos)

Jasmine: (Swinging the highest out of all the kids on the playground, closing her eyes as the wind rushes past her when she goes soaring into the sky. She’s wearing the cutest pair of overalls with a red shirt underneath and a matching bow on her hair) “I believe I can flyyyyyy!!!”

Jie: (Shouting over the other children) “If you go any higher, you will!!!”

Jasmine: (Suddenly loudly shrieks with a joyous whoop and flings herself off the swing set at the very highest point, sending her flying through the air and onto the ground below in a little roll)

Nick: The only thing on the playground you can ride with dignity. *quiet chuckle* Or turn into a catapult for dangerous stunts like that. *calmly strolling to to the two friends*

Young Man: (Was just sitting on the bench minding his own business while reading a book when he looked up and witnessed the dare-devilish stunt) “Wha- whoa! Are you alright-?”

Jasmine: (Shrills loudly with a laugh, standing up and rocketing off across the playground at lightening speed, leaving behind a trail of dust)

Young Man: (Watches the girl fly off with great confusion and concern)

Little Boy: (Also watching Jas zoom off from his swing and under his light brown hair that’s almost covering his eyes) “There she goes!”

Jie: (Nods her head, dipping backwards on her swing so it feels like she’s free falling. That’s the most daring trick she’ll do, unlike her friend) “Like a rocket ship!”

@lucilleandherrobots

and not long ago this phenomenal cat produced seven two kittens right out of a hat!

sárközi gyula as mefisztulész ii in cats budapest

The Binding of Unswag

Alright, so...I can explain. You see, once upon a time, there was an askblog... Anyway, I found an old harddrive from like 2013, and wouldn’t you know, a bunch of old, half-finished art and writing were on it! Well, I’m sure I don’t have to tell you how hard the nostalgia train can hit, Soooo, I finished one. This is expanding on an event that happened on the blog. Some of you may remember. Most of you will have no idea what the hell is even going on, I wrote this for like, seven people. I don’t even know if they’re all still here. This is a tale of our dear Helix, the Swaggiest of all Riddlers, and the one Riddler who was completely dripless. Content warning: LANGUAGE. Our boy has a mouth on him. For @cardwrecks especially, but the rest of you know who you are.

All of his fucks having been used up for the day, and the fucks bank still closed, Swag simply threw on a horrendously tacky bathrobe and settled down to eat some breakfast. As wild nights went, this had not been the style he preferred. Quality time with Puzzles was always appreciated, of course, but the sheer headache left over from consistent inebriation was getting to be a problem again. He'd have to try to do something about that...one more time. Getting sober was a challenge that never actually ended. He had put away two bottles that had been left out-chocolate liqueur and pomegranate vodka, which tugged at something in the back of his mind, blocked off by the hangover fog-and tucked into his pancakes. What to do, what to do? Swag had his greatest enemy tied up and stuffed into the kitchen wastebasket, awaiting trial by Riddler, but really...what was he actually going to do with the guy? His smoldering hatred notwithstanding, Swag didn't think he could just flat out kill the man, if only for the deeply uncomfortable symbolism that would create. If only Unswag felt the same, but not avoiding certain doom wasn't his greatest talent. No one could hate like him, except perhaps for...him. The fog cleared slowly, beaten back by bites of pancake. Puzzles had gotten a photo of Unswag, fuming and defeated on the kitchen floor, bound with fairy lights, in a festive hat. Swag grinned at the memory of the other's humiliation. Happy holidays to him. He was going to have that photo framed. Possibly blown up to poster size. He turned his head-too fast!-at the sound of shuffling and a kitten yawn. A woman, chocolate brown hair, pomegranate colored skirt. Helix. Swag remembered. They'd built a bridge of sorts last night. Opened up. Of course, a little too much alcohol had been involved, but Helix seemed to be handling it well. She barely looked bleary at all. Unfair. Helix yawned again, regarding him with sleepy eyes. “Nice bathrobe. Looks comfy. Hmm. Those pancakes? Thought I was gonna cook. Distinctly remember saying that.” Welp. This was a little awkward. To be so preoccupied with a manifestation of his own self hatred that for a moment he'd forgotten his guest. She'd been here the entire time. Innocently sleeping while he and Puzzles wrestled with his inner demon. God, Unswag had been trying to get upstairs! What if he'd gotten past them? What if he'd made it up there, where she had been resting? He'd been part of Swag right up until the moment he wasn't, he'd probably known she was there! “Did I miss something?” she asked. Swag pushed the plate of pancakes in her direction, and she took a seat next to him. “Here. You're welcome to 'em. Eat up, I've got some explaining to do. Unless you'd like a shower first?” She shook her head, curls messy, like she'd just raked her fingers through them instead of brushing. “Nah, I'll catch a shower at home. I have a specific routine, and I don't think you've got the supplies I need. So, Puzzles was here? Was that what all the racket was?” She'd heard all that? Damn. “Yeahhhhh,well some stuff happened. Unswag showed up, again, so Puzzles and I teamed up to take him down. On a related note, don't go into the bar kitchen. I've got some extra trash in there right now if you know what I mean.” Her gray eyes had narrowed down. “Whooo is 'Unswag'?” she asked.

Ugh, the name sounded utterly ridiculous in her mouth. This was not a woman whose tongue had been built to say a word like 'Unswag'. What loving god could have allowed this travesty to occur? “Just some fuckin' nerd.” Swag griped. Helix's eyebrows went up at his acid tone. “That doesn't exactly narrow it down.” “Oh man, so you really don't know about it?” His hand found its way into his hair. “Heh, probably for the best, but...he's, uh...well. It's just a dumb nickname for the part of me that's a huge douchebaggy asshole who's not nearly as fabulous as me. And the part of me that was the Riddler. So...that's who. He's...kind of awful.” Swag mumbled that last part, quietly slurring the words together, trying not to let the self loathing slip in front of her. “He's was a part of you? Did he split out of you like an evil twin or something? Like Prince did from Puzzles?” Swag didn't even bother to hide his surprised stare. She was taking this rather easily! And how had she even known about Prince and Puzzles? “How did you...?” “Do you remember anything we talked about last night?” she asked. His sheepish smile held a hint of a wince. “I remember that we talked...” Helix sighed. “I'm a witch. Do you remember? Things like this...Well, I'm not going to say that things like this aren't weird, just that I don't find them completely unbelievable.” “Oh.” Magic. Oh joy. Didn't the universe just love throwing that shit in his lap. Not that Helix was in his lap or anything. Not that he was suddenly thinking about it or anything. But Helix didn't seem dangerous, and she had been harassed by the same anonymous, malice-making, gray-faced pranksters as he had. “I guess it is like Puzzles and Prince. This time, at least. First time he showed up, he was in my body. Or. Our body? Replacing me. Or...being me. Or me being him? Us being who we used to be. If I'd never got past it. We were me, if I'd never stopped. That's who he is. But after that, he had his own body. Which is exactly like mine, except not as good, obviously.” “Obviously.” “Anyway, it's really confusing. But yeah. It's not a perfect one to one, but like Puzzles and Prince, essentially. I wanna call him the 'evil' twin, but that would necessitate me being the 'good' twin and...I'm not.” Helix placed her hand over his. “Don't gotta be.” she said, finishing off the pancakes. “Just gotta be better, right?” Swag glanced down at her hand, small in comparison, and a little rough, nails painted a lovely teal-and melted a bit under the warmth of the gesture. “I was...just warning you. That he's down there, in case you hear screaming or something. He's fine, just tied up in the garbage can.” “What are you gonna do with him? Can't keep him in the garbage forever. That's super gross.” “Shhh, I totally can. I own the place after all, I can do what I want. And what I want is to keep an evil nerd in the garbage. Where he belongs. Forever.” He paused, and blew out a long, quiet breath. “I don't actually know what I'm gonna do with him. And I'm too hungover to think right now.” Helix hopped down from her chair, and patted his back. “What's your favorite cure?” “Scrambled eggs.” he muttered. “But you didn't hear it from me.” “I'll keep your secret safe. And I'll make you some eggs. But, uh, If I can't go in the kitchen, how will I do that?” “Oh, there's another kitchen up here, I just didn't want you goin' in there and maybe getting hurt.” Swag stood, offering an arm, which she took. “Lead the way. So is he really dangerous?” “He's a hateful little ball of anger, and he wouldn't hesitate to hurt someone out of spite. He's dumb. But tricksy at the same time, so yeah. Hella dangerous. I need to talk to Puzzles about how we want to resolve this situation, since he's kinda the unofficial Riddler Rehabilitation Program right now-do not tell him I said that-so until then, we have to be careful not to leave Unswag to his own devices. Which...I have done...by leaving him alone...Unsupervised...” His palm met his forehead with the force of a thousand fucks. “Stay here! I'm gonna go check the cameras.” He dashed off, natural speed and knowing exactly how far he could slide in his slippers on this floor taking him to the control room in seconds. The bar kitchen camera showed Unswag, still wrapped in lights like a festive caterpillar, laying on the floor, staring blankly into nothing. He'd managed to knock over the trashcan and wriggle out, but hadn't gotten far. Swag assumed that dragging his face across a kitchen floor had simply proven too much for the mysophobic dickhead. The upstairs bar camera showed Helix, hiding behind the bar, holding the neck of a Chianti bottle like a baseball bat. Swag smiled at that. Decent instincts, that girl.

He returned shortly, clearing his throat to let her know he was there. “Okay, we're good. He's, uh, just sitting there. Doing nothing. Got out of the can though.” Helix replaced the bottle. “Can he get free?” She asked. “I assume Riddlers are good with knots, but I also assume that goes both ways.” “Maybe? Not immediately, I don't think, but maybe eventually. I just gotta make sure it holds until Puzzles can make time. Like, this feels like an emergency, but Puzzlebox has a lot on his plate right now, and he's ultimately my responsibility anyway.” Helix contemplated the bottles on the wall. “Would you accept my help?” she asked. “Uh, sure? Don't see what you're gonna be able to do about it though.” “Got a few tricks up my sleeve.” She was holding a piece of chalk. Where it had come from, he hadn't seen, but it was light blue, and had spirals and flower patterns pressed into it like a cylinder seal. “I can lock him in a circle. Temporarily at least. It'll buy you some time without having to worry, since these bindings can't be untied.” “Not following you...” he said slowly. “Circles and spirals are important in many kinds of magic. They guide. They create boundaries.” Helix explained. “I specialize in spacial and dimensional control. So, if I draw a circle around him, he won't be able to leave that area, and you won't have to worry about him untying himself and running off. He won't be able to cross the barrier. Then, you and Puzzles and whoever have plenty of time to figure out what to do with him.” “Huh, really? That's neat. Okay, yeah! Thanks! Let me go get dressed, and we'll take care of this.” Maybe it was like the salt circles in Hocus Pocus. Keep a witch out. That would be rude though, he didn't mind this witch being here. As long as she behaved. Or at least, didn't go around causing trouble like the gray ones did. He fastened his belt, idly wondering if Helix could wear silver jewelry or not, or if that was just a werewolf thing. When he was dressed down to the gloves and had his hair in order, he returned to her. She had also taken the time to freshen up, arranging those chocolate curls and applying her lipstick. “All good?” he asked. She nodded. “Take me to him. And then I'll see to those eggs.” “Sounds like a plan!” Again he offered her his arm, and again she took it. Acting the gentleman covered up the fear of having to face his worst enemy again. Unswag writhed in anger when the lights went on, only managing to flop like a landed fish. Swag noticed that his feet were getting loose of the fairy lights they'd used to bind him. He paused when he noticed Helix. “What's this? Brought one of your whores to gawk at me?” “Haha, hey, shut the fuck up loser.” “Would it be better or worse if I was?” Helix asked. Unswag paused for just a moment. “So it knows how to speak. You've got this one trained well.” “Listen you weasely motherfucker-” “Why's he got washrags down his shirt?” Swag shrugged. “Cause he hates them. Cause hes an asshole and he deserves it.” Helix patted his arm in a comforting gesture he couldn't put a reason to. Then she let go of him and approached Unswag, kneeling down beside him as he tried to worm away. “The hell are you doing?” he demanded. “Get away from me you filthy hussy! Don't..Don't you fucking touch me!” Helix calmly removed the washcloths and tossed them in the sink, while Unswag spat insults and threats like a rabid ferret. “Welp.” she said, stepping away. “I'm gonna need a strand of hair.” “If you come near me again, I swear I'll tear your hands off!” Unswag screeched. “Gosh, it's almost like you can't make good on any of these threats.” Swag snarked. “She just did you a favor, you ungrateful little twit. I wouldn't have.” “I am not thanking some thick-witted cow-” “Luckily,” Helix interrupted. “I have a secondary source.” She glanced up at Swag. Of course. Right down to the DNA. Swag tugged at the longer portion of his hair until one came loose. He handed it off to Helix with a cruel smirk in Unswag's direction. She wound it around her fancy blue chalk, which she presented to Unswag as if he would have any clue what it was for. “If you're planning on putting that somewhere, you little freak, you've got the wrong guy.” he snapped “Only because you're such a tightass, you couldn't even handle that.” Swag snapped back. “I'm not the sex-crazed manslut in this room now am I? You've made yourself worthless for anything else, you used up rag of a-” Helix tapped her chalk sharply to the tiles and began to draw. The sound of it radiated wrongness, the scratch and squeak melding in an echoing ebb and flow like a Tibetan singing bowl that was more felt than heard. It grabbed both mens attention, held it tight. Color and soft light flowed into an interlocking pair of spirographic patterns Swag was somehow able to identify as the apparent retrograde movements of Saturn and Uranus from the perspective of Earth, and couldn't for the life of him pick out how he knew that. Outside of this, Helix began a new circle, interspersed with runes and sigils, finished with a triskelion, centered by a triangle knot. “Do you know what this is?” she asked. “Yes, bimbette, I too, know basic geometry.” Unswag drawled. “You don't know.” Helix said. “It's okay. You will.” She raised her hands, sung a few pure tones into the air, and the circles erupted into light. Swag was blinded for a few moments, though he could hear Unswag yelling in surprise. Once he blinked the stars from his eyes, he saw Unswag, standing in the center of the now softly glowing circles, the fairy lights in a messy coil at his feet. A manic, evil expression crawled over his face. “You dumb bitch.” he sneered. “You just made a big-oof!” As he leapt forward, he slammed into nothing, and bounced back, like hitting a glass door. “What...what the fuck?” Unswag pressed his palms against the invisible barrier, slamming them against the impermeable nothingness. “What is-what did you do? How did you do this?” Helix said nothing, eyes locked on his as it broke into him exactly what position he was now in. “You... how-you-you're one of them! Aren't you? The gray things!” He snarled at Swag, who was simply pointing and laughing. “You stupid, gullible waste of air!” he screamed. “You hate these things too, but you're so led by your own dick that the instant one comes to you wearing a pretty face, you crumble! You're even more worthless than I ever took you for, and I didn't think that was even possible!” “Aww, you think I'm pretty?” Helix asked, and Unswag recoiled from her. “You're not bad yourself, you know. Nice cheekbones, cute nose. Such intense eyes. Sensuous mouth, if a little foul.” Swag found himself stuck between laughing more at Unswags obvious horror, and also maybe being a bit flattered. After all, they were also his nice cheekbones and cute nose. “Cunt!” Unswag shrieked, throwing himself at the barrier again. “I'm going to kill you! I'm going to tear open your ribs, rip out whatever organ allows you to do this, and crush it in front of you! And I'll make him watch! I'll cut your face off and shove it down his throat! I will obliterate you for this!” “Okay, that's enough.” Swag said. “She's right, that mouth is downright filthy.” “When I get out of this-and I will. Get. Out. Of this. She's first on the list. On live TV. Even dental won't be able to identify what's left!” “Yeah sure, whatever dude. Just keep wasting oxygen. We've got places to be. Right babe?” Swag glanced down at Helix, whose face was carefully calm, but whose hand tight on his arm betrayed her discomfort. He understood. This little douche rat was kinda hard to take. Even small doses made him sick, and he was him...sorta. “Now you stay in your corner and think about what you've done. Let's go.” He led Helix away as Unswag broke into incoherent rage screaming behind them. Swag found the eggs especially delicious. Whether that was from Helix's cooking, or just the smug taste of victory, Swag did not care. He was going to enjoy every bit of sweet safety this brought him. Helix had left after the victory eggs were had, with the promise to come back and reinforce the magic circle in a few days. He thanked her dearly for her help, and invited her to come back literally any old time, so they could have a proper, uninterrupted by maniacs, breakfast. And if she wanted to spend the night beforehand, he wasn't opposed. Swag got his presents wrapped, a whole load of anxiety gone from his slim shoulders. Once finished, he gave Puzzles a quick call. “Heyyy, Puzzlebox! I've got some good news! And also some interesting info, if you were thinking about continuing to talk to Helix...”