FRANKY!! Daily check-in cause I think everyone deserves those. How are you? Did you sleep well? Eat at least one meal today? Drink water sometime this week? Heck I’ll even take every two weeks dude, just drink le h2o. Still can’t figure out why its not let me dm you BUT it might be because of my internet connection so I’ll try tomorrow somewhere else to see if it works. Fingers crossed. 🤞 As always *sends many virtual hugs*. 💕💙 Also question. The virtual hug thing doesn’t bother or annoy you right? Cause ik it’s cringy and awkward but like it’s my default setting when I’m talking to people I like and I can’t help it sometimes it just slips out and I have to pretend that I’m not internally freaking out because the person might think I’m weird or I’ve made them uncomfortable you know? And the last thing I want to to make you uncomfortable. So let me know if it bothers you and I’ll stop adding it. I hope you have a good day!! Side note being honest on the internet or through texting is so much easier than in the real world. Will I confess my undying love to you over text and gifts and physical affection etc? Absolutely. Ask me to tell you to your face that I like your keychain? Absolutely not thank you. It’s a difficult battle 😞.

took me too long to reply to this, I am sorry! and I dunno why it's not working, maybe try message marco--the--phoenix [my main?] and see.

Also I never mind hugs, takes alot to bother me or make me feel uncomfy.

Oh I know people like that also, it's common with nerd types it's fine and you do you ya know?

I think alot of people find talking online easier and that's fine. I hate talking on the phone, not cus anxiety I just hate it haha

breaking the internet... again T.H.

summary : baby holland breaks the internet (requested)

wc: 1100

part one

—

Twelve days ago, baby Scarlet Holland was born. The process left you both healthy, and you and Tom could not be happier, but people would start to notice you without your bump and instead with a baby attached to you.

"Tommy!" you called.

"Coming," He said, bringing in some hot chocolate to where you were seated on the bed. Scarlet had a crib set up next to your bed, despite having a nursery. She used it, of course, but during the day, you felt better when she was close.

"I was thinking," You said. "We should.. tell our fans about Scarlet."

Tom nearly spilled his drink when the words left your mouth. "Love..." he started. "You know what happened last time we announced something baby-related."

"Yeah, yeah!" You puffed, chuckling. "But I need to leave the house some time!"

"It's safer if you-"

"I can't even go on a walk?" You asked, pouting. "Tommy, I know with the covid and everything, it's safe for us at home, but there's nobody around when we take walks -- except for the paps!"

Tom laughed at you, running his fingers through his curls as he nodded along with you. "You're right," he concluded. "When should we?"

"Right now."

Tom rolled his eyes playfully before taking his phone out of his pocket. You had picked yours up off of the nightstand, before the both of you decided which pictures to post.

"I hope you know you're not gonna be able to use your phone for the next couple 'f hours," he said, breathing out a laugh.

"I doubt that's gonna happen again," you said. "Lemme see your phone."

And then you were prepping his post. You captioned it "Project completed✅🤍👼" before handing him his phone back. When you were certain both posts were ready, you were counting down again, just like you had months prior.

"Now!" You both said, giggling as you each hit the send button before tapping out of the apps and shutting off your phones.

"Now we wait," Tom smiled to you, grabbing your hand and kissing the top of it. The action made you blush, and you could only nod in agreement.

***

Only three hours had passed, but Harrison was knocking at your door.

"Thomas!" he said, coming in. You had come downstairs to see the boys in the kitchen, and you sat on the counter watching them. "You guys broke the fucking internet! Again!"

"Wha-" you started, but Haz kept going.

"A heads up would've been nice! Remember? My games!" He said, jokingly angry.

Tom's eyes were wide -- as were yours-- as the both of exchanged a glance before ultimately laughing at Harrison.

"I'm sure it's just Instagram, H," You said.

"Yeah," Tom agreed, leading him to the door. "Now, go exercise or something. Take a break from your phone," Tom said, shutting the door and turning around hug you.

You two were slightly swaying, your face in the crook of his neck as he held you close.

"I really love you."

"I really love you," you said back.

***

About an hour later, Sam had called Tom.

"'Ey, mate," he started. "Erm- I don't know if Harry told you, but the Brother's Trust website is down... again."

Tom sighed, "What? What happened this time?"

"It crashed.. again."

"I thought we reprogrammed it so that it wouldn't crash again."

"Well.. we did. But there's so many people on it, and so many people trying to get on it, that we can't actually fix it until the load lightens."

"So what, it's just gonna stay down?"

Sam forced out a laugh," Yeah, man. We can't do anything about it, right now."

"Alright," Tom said. "Thanks for letting me know."

And then, Tom was making his way back to you. You had a questioning look on your face, and Tom answered your silent question.

"Website's down again."

"Ohhh," you said, ruffling his hair as he laid on you, hiding his face in your neck. "My, uh, my merch site went down too, and my main streaming website."

Tom looked up at you, before returning to his position and laughing from your collarbone. You were laughing with him, too.

"My manager is freaking out," you went on. "She's hilarious when she's trying to do everything at once."

"Mhmm," Tom said, leaving messy kisses on your neck. "When do you wanna check the socials?"

"Right now?" You said.

Tom mumbled out an agreement, but made no move to get up. You only laughed at him, deciding to wait a little longer.

***

It was six o'clock by the time you two checked your phones.

"Holy shit, Tom. I've got 35 million likes," you laughed at the number.

"My followings went up by seven million," he replied, laughing along.

"Oh, lemme check-" but you cut yourself off, because the app had kicked you out. You glanced to Tom, to find the same confused expression that fitted your face. "Oh no."

"We couldn't- no, we don't have that much- it couldn't have happened again!" Tom finally finished, frustrated at his stumbles and stutters.

"Tom, I think we-"

"No! Nope!"

"But Tommy-"

"I said no!"

"But-"

"No!"

"I just-"

"Y/N stop it!" he whined, falling into your embrace and once again hiding his face in the crook of your neck. You laughed at him, despite Tom's whine about it.

"Such a big baby," you said, playing with the hairs on the nape of his neck.

"'M not," he grumbled.

"Are too."

"Am not," he said, nuzzling further into you.

You giggled again, rubbing his shoulders. "Tommy?"

"Mm?"

"We broke the internet again."

***

The next morning, the two of you had woken up in hopes that the apps and websites would be up and running again. Your new, limited-time-only merch that had just released was sold out and , unfortunately, backed up your website again.

Tom's Brother's Trust plan for a virtual interview had been postponed because the website just wasn't cooperating. Tom wasn't too bothered, but you supposed he'd never hear the end of it from his brother's. They were due round next week, so you'd find out.

Instagram was up and running, but quite slow. Your excitement blocked out any frustration from the app, and Tom was not different. The two of you were excited to see what the fan's had said.

A few read:

OH MY GOD BABY HOLLAND!!!!!💛

TOM IS A DADDY NOW??? MY HEARTAIHUFAGIU❤️❤️😩😩

Congratulations🥺🥺🥺

Y/N !! A MOM!! I CANNOT HANDLE THIS INFORMATION

lets discuss who the baby is gonna look like.. tommy or y/n???? xxx

You giggled at the responses, hearting and replying to the ones you wanted. Tom was doing the same, replying to his castmates and school friends. You had done the same, a few artists who had previously done collabs with you --or wrote and produced songs for you-- commenting and tweeting their replies.

"Love," Tom said. "They say she'll look more like me."

You gasped dramatically before clutching your chest like your heart was physically hurting. "Well," you breathed out. "They think she'll have my voice."  

Tom's jaw hit the floor at your response. "Y/N!"

Old Blogs

Howdy. I’ve noticed some concern over the loss of my old blogs here n’ there so I decided to post all of them in one large, comprehensive blog-a-verse. Hope this brings a smile to a few faces. Our Street Corners Keep Secrets This is me asking for a brick to be thrown through my window,
a message attached that reads, "Why can’t you just wake up?"
I am not a star,
don’t look up to me in hopes of finding something more.
That which is out of reach does not promise anyone a goddamn thing.
Hope arises in possibility,
but possiblity is fragmented and selfish,
so don’t think for a second that I am safe ground to walk on.
I will sink beneath the feet of a thousand travelling companions,
and make ruin of any city’s foundations,
because concrete and steel can never tell a soul how it feels.
Our street corners keep secrets, and our road signs only suggest,
never deciding for us,
never knowing if the destination to which they lead,
is where we truely belong.
Life’s greatest tragedy is not that it will some day end,
but that most of us just live to follow directions,
and many times we end up totally lost. I am a landmine. Sometimes I break down so hard you can hear it, and when I can stand to come near it with means to repair, the chances of walking out unscathed are slim to none.
I know because I’m one; a victim of second-hand breakdowns and bad impressions, made under intoxicated conditions with poorly lit expressions. And I regret not going back, I regret not missing flights, I regret not asking for more and taking chances that I can only hope will not be forgotten. My fingers are crossed.

I-O-U.

Now my telephone’s dead and I can’t stand to hold out like this, but I’m constantly checking myself so as not to be a burden. Anything too heavy eventually gets dropped, no matter the cost. Let me be light as a feather, but valued enough so as to remain in a back pocket, until those jeans need washing and I find my place on a bedside table, to be read aloud on nights when memories and prying needs return to haunt the foundations of this room.

Pick me up,
Read me every now and then,
I won’t disappoint.
*I am* witty and engaging so bless me with attention, because I’m *dying* for attention *without* any means of telling *you*. I’ll talk the talk, you take care of the rest. What up thugs?

I’m alive and well, realizing how eternally grateful I am for everything going on in my life day by day... Its a lot like learning to walk - at least, that’s how I’d like to think of it. We’ve all been there, so I won’t waste your time painting a pretty picture of how it all goes down...
I want to talk about other things...
First and foremost, I’ve come to understand that as of late there have been a lot of people finding this little piece of my life tucked away on the web; moreso than usual, and for that reason, I’d like to extend my proverbial hand to anyone and everyone who may have something - anything to say to me. Thank you for taking an interest in who I am and what I’m attempting to do with my life. I am opening myself up, as much as possible, to anyone who may be interested. All I ask is that whoever you may be, wherever you may be, understand that I am only human - two hands, ten fingers, and a life... I’ve received a few messages from people, upset that I haven’t been able to respond to their previous comments or private messages, and who now probably think less of me for it. I hope this isn’t the case, but its bound to happen. What I’m saying is that I don’t live my life on the internet... I’m sorry if there’s a message I never got around to responding to... I’m just not that good at keeping up with reality, let alone a virtual one. I will, however, try harder from now on... And understand that even if I don’t respond, I probably have read your message. I don’t just clear my inbox and move on. Thats plain rude. :)

To all my good friends,
the ones I should talk to more often,
the ones I left back home,
the ones I will never stop loving,
thank you for still hugging me when I come home...
I know I don’t always show it,
but I’m forever indebted to you all for everything you’ve ever done for me...

That brings me to my second point.
The closest friends you’ll ever have are the ones you’d take a bullet for,
but they’re the ones you constantly feel you could put a bullet in as well. ;)

Think about that one.

That’s it for now. I can’t believe I’m up at 5:14am. Touring has made me an insomniac, but I feel fucking great.

Have a good one y’all,

Me Lawyers and Liars I am a liar.
I am self absorbed.
I am in this for me.
I am seeking recognition.
I am not concerned with politics.
I am attempting to rise to the top.
I am never going to forget my intentions.
I am allowed to worry about my own life above the lives of others.

-------AFTER ALL---------

I am human. Part Deux: Colors, Sounds and Feather-Downs 
Current mood: happy I had a long, goofy conversation several weeks ago with an interesting girl who I haven’t seen since, in a diner I have yet to revisit, but it stirred up some thoughts that I found pretty interesting. Maybe I’m just nuts. Anyhow, the discussion began on a simple basis; I inquired as to what her favorite color might be. She said she didn’t know. I replied, "How can you not know? Its a simple question." -- She paused, looking sort of surprised, as if someone had never pressed her for an answer before, and then replied, "Well... It changes... Today its yellow."

I didn’t know what to say...
I didn’t understand.

How can your favorite color just change?
What happened to yesterday’s favorite color?
If, on a whim, something of such esteem and value can be replaced with another, then on what grounds was it ever of any more value to begin with?
When I was little, my favorite color was green. It stayed that way, no matter what I said to be trendy at the time (IE. 8th grade was my "black is such a raw and expressive pigment" phase, but everyone goes through that shit.) As of late, I’ve become more partial to blue - Light blue in particular, but that’s not that important. My point is that something happened that caused me to send green packing, and to fall absolutely head-over-heels for blue.
(Stay with me on this...)
Now, such a dramatic change in attraction doesn’t just happen - I mean shit, I know we’re only talking about colors here, but this kind of switch-a-roo has only happened ONCE in my entire life. Green ---> Blue. Just like that. Must mean somthing, right?
Pablo Picasso went through a "blue period", at which time he was broke and mourning the loss of a dear friend. There’s a similarity there somewhere.
Please don’t get me wrong, I am by no means depressed, nor do I have any reason to be, but perhaps color - every, individual hue, represents to each of us a state of being, and in turn, helps us to deal with whatever it is we may be going through. I’m not talking mood-ring shit here. What I mean is that there are things - simple things - that without our knowing, mean the world to us and when they change, they change for our own good, because whether we like it or not, we are looking out for ourselves. We do it unconsciously - But we do it. We do it to stay happy and to stay alive... And above all else, that’s what matters.
On this note, I’d like to attempt to make my point - Don’t throw yourself out on another’s whim. People change, as do intentions and as a result, consequences. Live for yourself - love those around you, but realize that they’ve got their own agendas. People will screw you - You will screw people... Green ---> Blue. Get it? I’m not sure I do... Always consider that your life will venture in new directions, but be aware that other’s will do the same, and in accordance, understand that to be happy, people must exist in their own light, cast in and of themselves, not by the light of their peers. Conflict will arise because of this. Conflict is to be expected; conflict is a part of life. Find ways to work through conflict, even if it means picking a new favorite color...


I hope this makes a little sense.


I’m tired and rambling, and perhaps just a misguided fool, but I think there’s something in this - something that I am learning and accepting as my fingers punch these keys to an inviting, hypnotic rhythm. I feel like they’re leading me somewhere, and I’ve decided to follow.

____I’m going to bed. Take from this what you will.

Love,

Alexander William Gaskarth

*I feel fine* The first of many, I hope. 
Current mood: happy So I’ve decided to spill it; the beans, the juice, my guts... Whatever you want to call it, consider it spilled. Up to this point, I feel like I’ve done an excellent job of keeping just about everything true about myself, to myself... and for good reason - what people don’t know, people can’t use against you. I guess that’s my first confession. I fucking despise the way people operate. The way people go out of their way to find things out, only to throw them senselessly (BLINDLY) into conversation later. I don’t know if its intentional, (I guess that sometimes it is and sometimes it isn’t,) but frankly, it gets to me. Its the same kind of prying aggravation I feel when someone starts moving shit around in my car, or on my computer table. Stop putting hills in my rugs! Please. Call me OCD but if I put something somewhere, chances are, I wanted it there and it should remain that way. Its the same for anyone else. Let one’s own business remain that way. Anyway. I’ve fallen into a depression lately - not emotionally per say, but I feel like my ability to open up to people has peaked over the past two years. I used to be so ready to say anything, without caring how it affected me, but recently I’ve become so protective of myself, not because I’m afraid of getting hurt by others, but because I might make myself look bad. It’s disgusting. I never used to be so self-absorbed. Its like in every situation, I’m wearing a mask... Not just one mask, in fact, but many masks; Masks to hide masks between people - to hide certain sides of myself from those who disapprove where others don’t. I try so hard to win the approval of everyone. Why? Fucked if I know. I just love being the center of attention I guess. And all this time I thought myself to be humble. No sir. But then, who really is humble? Everyone wants to be loved, right? So am I wrong in looking out for my own well being? Who knows? It makes me sick to my stomach, regardless. I’ve unknowingly stumbled across so many insecurities lately that I feel like a different person at times. It’s like I’ve been born all over again, to a world where I have to carry myself differently. I’m still opinionated, I’m still eagerly in search of answers, but my motives have changed. I do it for myself now; for the praise and admiration I earn as a result of my actions, not for the simple pleasure found in just "doing it". Maybe its all just part of growing up, as they say. Maturing... You know? But does it continue to change? Will I stop acting like such an asshole? Who knows. It worries me. I don’t want to be like this, but its who I’ve become... What’s worse is that I don’t know who or what to blame for the transformation. That would be too easy, right? I digress. I’ve got a lot of things on my plate. My dreams are coming true right before my very eyes - I have a band - We’re going somewhere - This time next year I hope I’m far, far away from this place. I want to see Japan. I’ve wanted to see Japan for a while now; call it a calling. Haha. I don’t know what I want when I get there - I don’t even like the hustle of big cities for too long. Gives me a headache. But there’s something about it. I’ll see it soon enough. The repetition of every day life kills. It ruins the flow of my creative juices. No joke. On days that I sleep in, I go to bed feeling exhausted, and yet, I never sleep on the weekends, when I should want rest. I don’t. It would be a waste of freedom. Why spend time on parole in seclusion, you know? I’m only tired on weekdays - only when I know I have to drag myself out of my fucking room to take a shower and go to school, and then to work. Maybe I’m not tired. Maybe it’s just a natural defense against running myself into the ground with routine. I feel pale, and sick, and run down... For no reason. I eat right. I see the light of day. I breathe fresh air all the time. I love the outdoors. Shit. I love my life. But between Monday and Thursday I feel so transient... My head isn’t in the clouds - My feet aren’t on the ground. Where am I? I don’t know, but frankly, it sucks. I have some good friends. We get hammered sometimes and forget about everything. The occasional dramatic scene is worth it. People naturally don’t get along with one another. It’s all a matter of how tolerant people are. I have some tolerant friends. In turn, I think I put up with my share of bullshit. It’s like a cycle of tough loving. But it works. It keeps me sane. In the end I think we really do love each other. Awww. I also like to kiss people. It gets me into trouble sometimes. Whatever. Certain individuals need to stop looking for love in the wrong places. --I can’t talk. --I’ve found love in the worst places. --Its not an easy thing to deal with. --Doesn’t change the way I feel about them. --Its ok. --As long as I’m happy. There I go being selfish again. ___I’m done confessing for now. Take from this what you will. Love, Alexander William Gaskarth *I feel better.*

Hello, could I use your talent again? I was thinking: How would lords from ikesen react to the quarantine because of pandemic like we have today? You can choose historic or modern settings, it's up to you!

Hey there, love! Thanx so much for the request! Hope ya enjoy it! 

Sidenote I don't how thing are in other countries so I'm writing this from the perspective of mine, hope that's okay! Let me know if you want me to do the rest of the warlords 

Modern AU: Warlords reacting to quarantine

Nobunaga

When the news breaks the two of you suit up to go to the shops like you are suiting up to go to battle, and sprint to the nearest store to buy all the candy you can.

Turns out the the only thing you bought was candy lol not one other single necessity ooops

Mitsuhide visits the two of you in a trench coat late one night and delivers you guys some necessities like gloves, masks, and sanitizers in the most shadiest way possible.

He is surprisingly well informed about the virus

Two of you aren’t too bothered by the happenings of the world, cause his whole world is in the small apartment *cough that would be you cough*

Probably powerful enough to buy the supermarket supply chain, and low key distributes food and essentials to the less fortunate during this time

The two of you are stocked up enough to not leave the house for a loooooong while, thanx to all your friends and fam

NETFLIX AND CHILL ^_~

Two of you don’t really watch the news but rather opt to watch movies snuggled up to each other.

Will probably live off of candy during the whole quarantine time

He turns his phone off cause Hideyoshi won't stop calling reminding him to stay safe and stop eating so much candy

Somewhere along the line I can see the two of you playing Strip Go, a past time favorite 😂

Spends the whole quarantine in each other’s arms playing video games, the two of you will probs conquer the virtual world by the end of the quarantine

Hideyoshi:

The two of you will be cuddled up together watching tv when you hear the news of the COVID-19

He low key freaks out, you tell him the two of you should go and stock up on supplies before the lockdown

Looks at you and smiles, “I have prepared for this moment my whole life.”

Walks to the grocery cupboard opens it and gestures to the bottom shelf

HOLY SHIT! Looks like he bought all the hand sanitizes in the shops

Leaves the news on in the background to stay informed about the new numbers and updates

Have you washed your hands? Are you wearing your mask? You better not leave this house young lady, can’t have you getting sick?

Spends hours on the internet getting more accurate information about the virus

This mother hen will spend hours and hours on the phone, calling and texting all your friends and family to make sure they are staying safe!

WHY THE HELL IS NOBUNAGA’S PHONE OFF!

Sneaks Mitsunari to you house cause he low key doesn’t trust this boy on his own

You just pull Hideyoshi to a big hug while kissing his cheek telling him to calm down, and that panic and social media are probs more dangerous than the virus itself.

The two of you do yoga in the morning to calm the nerves and stay healthy. Followed by the two of you sitting together while having a nice warm cup of tea with honey in the morning sun

Mitsuhide

Knows before anyone else there is going to be a quarantine before it happens

Has already fully stocked your apartment to last you for the whole year, never mind just a few months.

Does a crazy amount of research to make sure he is well informed about all the ins and outs

The night before the lockdown is due to start, he drives to Nobunaga and shadily hands him some essential supplies he forgot to buy.

Makes sure his little mouse doesn’t get panicked. Will watch murder mysteries all day with you.

The two of you will be nestled in each other’s arms under a fluffy blanket, while he gently rubs your back to keep the anxiety at bay

Will make his little mouse takes vitamins in the mornings to keep your immune system up!

Will TEASE you causing you to get angry and chase him around the apartment. This is how he makes sure his lil mouse gets in enough exercise! This will probs end in another form of exercise…. (⁄ ⁄•⁄ω⁄•⁄ ⁄)⁄  ahem

Will spend hours on the phone trying to get Hideyoshi to stop worrying about everyone

Will make your time in quarantine fun! Turn your apartment into a murder mystery for you to solve

Will let you put make-up on his face and play with his hair to turn him into a pretty princess

He will return the gesture by letting you fall asleep in his arms while soothing playing with your hair

Mitsunari

Lots of cuddles from Mitsunari to keep the nerves and anxiety at bay

Two of you will build Blanket forts to keep the two of you safe from the outside world

Will spend so much time cuddling up together while reading in you little blanket fort that you low key lose track of time

The two of you will probs avoid the negative vibes from the news and get most of your info from Mitsuhide and Hideyoshi!

Mitsunari will make sure to keep both of you healthy by making sure u guys take the multivitamins Ieyasu dropped off  

And also eat the yummo nutritious food that Masa kindly dropped off

The two of you would binge-watch all the Disney movies! Will probs sing and dance to all the songs, using the remote as a microphone

You guys never run out of fun activities to do!

Will learn how to paint and paint the most terrible portraits of each other but beam at each other at how terribly good they are and hang it up around your house regardless

The two of you spend most of your time sitting together in your reading nook, with your head on Mitsunari’s chest while he reads to you

Masamune

Makes the best most nutritious foods for his lass to ensure the both of you are healthy and well nourished

Will land up making enough food for an entire army

Will package the extra food and give it out to friends and fam to make sure they also stay heathy during this time- specifically the troublesome trio (Mitu’s+ Nobunaga)

The two of you will use humor to deal with the panic of it all, cause everyone knows laughter is the best medicine for every situation.

Will have meme making competition, where the loser has to give the winner a kiss

You convince masa to do your favorite workout with you from your favorite fitness YouTuber. This ends in both of you breaking out in laughter at how ridiculously the two of you look. You both will continue anyways cause the best way to stay healthy is to stay fit

Masa makes sure that every day in quarantine is a new fun adventure

Each day you guys will play a new game twister, risk, monopoly, 30 seconds, you name it the two of you will probably play it

Masamune will do the food runs for the two of you, he doesn’t want to risk exposing his precious kitten to the outside world will drop off his food packages on his food runs!

All and all you, and Masa will turn being in quarantine into one big adventure whether is ticking fighting each other, playing games or just spending quiet nights together in each other’s arms, it will be a good time

Ieyasu

The two of you live your lives basically social distanced from other people anyway, so its business as usual.

When the news breaks Ieyasu will rescue as many stray animals he can, to care for them during this time

Luckily the two of you live on a big plot filled with rescued animals so what’s a few more cats and dogs off the streets

The two of you keep fit by playing with all the animals on your farm

Ieyasu will make medicine packages, packed with multivitamins and flu fighters for you, and all your friends and family

During a food run Ieyasu will drop off his medicine packages

Will serve you herb tea and breakfast in bed to make sure you stay healthy and well

Even though he will never admit it he worries about Mitsunari, felt better when he heard that Hideyoshi had taken him in for the time being!

He will be as prickly as always, making contradictory comments as usual. One day after he makes a slightly cheeky comment, you smack him in the face with a pillow! OOOOh, this is war. The two of you engage in a full-blown pillow fight!

I can see the two of you sitting for hours on hours together building a 3000-piece puzzle

The two of you are often snuggled up together while Ieyasu gives you the sweetest little Eskimo kisses and cheek kisses.

Hope ya enjoyed it! and as always if its shit..... I'm sorry I haven't done many HC’S😞 >”<

Anyways hope everyone is staying safe and healthy!  Remember to wash your hands, not touch your face, and stay inside as much as you can! Sending all my love <3

2020 / 24

There are only 2 things I can do on an airplane – dose up on sleeping meds and pass out, or order one too many cappuccinos, keep my exhausted brain awake, and will it to talk to paper. The flight from JFK was in the afternoon and in the chaos of leaving for the airport early in the morning, I forgot to pack my pills.

Two cappuccinos in, my hands were shaking and begging to be typing out the Mrs. Maisel speed monologue that constantly runs in my head. Even though there is a month left in this year, I decided to do my annual New Years Eve post. Over the last 3 days, I’ve been drilling it down to go from gibberish to slightly readable.

Here it is.

Like the rest of the world, in January, I was blissfully unaware of the shitstorm that would follow. I got into several colleges on the East Coast for a Master’s in Finance degree. Every day, I would race down the stairs with my laptop and show my parents: another admit, another scholarship! On the surface, I was making pro and con lists for each one. Deep down, my heart had already picked Fordham in New York. It was New York. Nothing else would cut it.

The day after I turned 24 in January, I also met my (now ex) boyfriend on the internet. Completely by accident, he saw my profile because a mutual friend followed my writing. Two days later, she texted me and said he would like to talk to me. Did I want to talk to some boy studying in Paris? I was single and bored and already had my year laid out for me, so why wouldn’t I?

It moved quickly. Three months later, we had been speaking every day and were exclusive. We had not hung out in person. It was stupid, but I had never come across anybody who liked me as much as he did. In every relationship I had been in before this, I always knew I was more emotionally involved. I fell in love with his devotion to me – he would stay home (who stays home in Paris!) and choose to spend virtual time with me over going to clubs with his friends. I watched myself become the epicenter of his life and thought – this is how much I’ve always wanted to mean to somebody.

In March when the pandemic hit and India shut down, my father sent a car to pick me up from my internship in Bombay, where I had moved two weeks ago. I didn’t pack so much as my toothbrush – the driver brought me home and I had no idea that it would be months before I’d get to leave again.

Morales stayed high in the beginning – we thought it would end in 21 days, then 2 months, then 5. It has taken over the whole year now, and despite us gridlocking it into “2020,” we all know the first half of 2021 will also be filled with masks and sanitizers and not hugging your friends. I wonder if I will ever settle into somebody’s arms without cringing again.

March melted into April, that melted into one long drawl until suddenly it was August and college was beginning the following week. I found myself refreshing the US consulate’s website absent mindedly one afternoon, and all appointments that had been suspended suddenly showed you a tiny little bar that read “reschedule.” I screamed and clicked.

I had thought I would be spending the year stuck at home, awake and attending classes at odd hours. While my classmates went to happy hours in dive bars in Manhattan, I would be in my bedroom, still chained to my parents’ curfews and ultimatums. But then suddenly, I was standing before a US immigration officer in Bombay, and he was telling me I had been granted my student visa.

All that was left to do was book a flight to New York, and break the news to my boyfriend, who was on his way to my abandoned apartment at this very moment for our first date, 7 months after we first began speaking. He had come home in March when France went into lockdown, and it was starting to feel like a throuple with long distance, the third and very present member in our relationship.

I packed up the belongings I had left there, and we sat across from each other on the double bed. I kissed him first. There were roadblocks, and our personalities and views clashed on so many important things, but I loved him. Two days later, I said: I have to leave for New York in 3 weeks. He didn’t take it well.

In September, I landed at JFK. When the wheels of the plane made contact with the runway, I was smiling behind a mask I’d had on for 16 hours. On the Air Train to Manhattan, I felt a sense of happiness wash over me and toyed with the possibility that maybe I wouldn’t mind if it was just me in this city. I would be okay alone.

I found an apartment, a roommate, signed a lease in a beautiful building in Hell’s Kitchen, walking distance from college. I met lots of people from my class and instantly picked out the ones I wanted to become good friends with. I dove straight into academics and extra curriculars at college – after 5 months of nothing happening, life was suddenly exciting again.

When New York lit up every night, it felt like anything was possible. I started eating better and walking a lot. My hair grew out from the bad haircut I’d gotten the year before. Coffee was no longer just coffee, it was finding a new café and walking through Central Park. Drinks were not just drinks, they were about accidentally stumbling onto a secret bar in the East Village, finding favorite spots in the neighborhood, letting a cute waiter recommend a cocktail to me even though I was perfectly capable of picking one myself.

The boyfriend and I were fighting more than usual. I was getting tired of it. We had discussed a life together, but it was slowly and surely becoming clear to me that I would resent myself for making big compromises for a person who still had a lot of growing up left to do. As New York got cold, I did too – without trying. When one particular argument got really bad, I asked for a break from the relationship. He didn’t like it.

A week later, I woke up to a girl sending me screenshots on Instagram of her conversation with him (pre me asking for a break) on a dating app, and without getting into details, I will tell you it was not a conversation anybody with a girlfriend should have been having. I should have been broken in half on the inside, but now I could finally say, without feeling guilty – this relationship was not working, nobody was happy, and you were so unhappy you thought talking to other women was okay. I spent all of one day drinking with a friend in Central Park and sobbing myself to sleep.

But mostly, what hit me after the initial shock had died down was a tsunami of relief. I felt lighter, freer. I try not to think too hard about the trauma that comes from finding out that the person you think is so devoted to you, and definitely loves you more than you love them (or so you think) is being unfaithful, because it hurts a part of me that is already very bruised from all the things that have happened to me before. So I don’t.

But it was New York. I was young and smart and there was a wine shop down the block that sold $14 bottles of Moscato. I didn’t need much else to know I would be okay. At 20, I would have jumped right back into going on dates every other night to distract myself from what had happened, then never called any of those men back. At 24, this emotional speed bump resulted in a lot of quiet introspection in my bedroom. I spent a lot of time alone, on the phone with friends, and walking around the city. I had learnt to like my own company enough to not fill a suddenly empty void with anybody else’s, even though there have been several tempting offers in this past month, and sometimes, I have succumbed to them, but mostly I am very strict with who deserves my company.

It was nice to spend that second month in New York by myself. I owed absolutely nobody a single minute of my time. No one asked me questions, or called me and expected me to share my day unless I wanted to, and once I had worked hard and cleared out the things from my to do list for the day, time stretched out before me and I had the autonomy to decide the smallest thing down to who to meet, what to eat, how much to sleep.

I didn’t let my academics and ambition suffer – no matter what happens, I never do and I never will. The grades stay up – it’s built into my system. I am back home now and just 2 days in, I find myself wishing I hadn’t left New York. I was starting to build a life I liked there, and the only price I had to pay for it was a 4 pm sunset. It would have been slightly lonely, but I like the time I spend by myself. I worked hard to become like that.

This month, I will see my friends here at home. I’ve missed them. I can’t believe I grew up in this city and I already feel so alienated from it just from 60 days of living away. Is that how badly I wanted to leave?

I might be dramatic and fly back on my 25th birthday, so that I can say, “I was on a flight,” and ignore the slowly expanding bubble of dread that comes with turning that old. I like the ambiguity of airports and I’m the sort of inherently sad person who would love to be alone and unreachable on my birthday.

I acknowledge that my problems this year have been so small in the face of those of us who have lost family members, contracted the virus, had to give up internships or had jobs taken from us, been torn away from family, or had to make it through this alone.  

I feel almost guilty that good things have happened to me in a year that has predominantly been bad for almost everyone else. I feel apologetic, even though from 2017 to 2019, I was treated like life’s sick joke so I should deserve these good things that I worked hard for.

I definitely feel myself growing up, though. Emotionally I find I have a clearer idea of what I want from relationships and friendships, and I don’t second guess cutting off anybody who doesn’t serve that purpose or messes with my mental peace. I still have days when self-doubt comes over for a cup of tea, leaves me weak in the knees, but most days are free of it. I am also moving out of that chameleon phase where I mirrored what I thought a room full of new people would want from me, and I am unapologetically myself, irrespective of who’s watching.

Last year I remember wishing for something stupid, like “I wish there was somebody to kiss on New Years Eve,” because I’ve never had anybody to smack lips with when it’s midnight. This year, I don’t care. I’ll kiss myself in the mirror, for all I care. I love her. She’s my homie.

It’s been a weird year. I know who I was in 2019, and I remember wondering if I was proud of her. Things were still in purgatory then. But I steered my life and brought it back on track. This year, I am proud of myself without doubting it.

There’s no measuring scale for personal growth, but if there was, I feel at least a couple of inches taller in 2020.

You’re so attractive. Your personality and humor and heart just like idk it just radiates this energy that makes everyone feel good. You are so kind and welcoming, you make people feel amazing all the time and then turn around and mention how you had a tough day like - even if you’re sad you make others feel so good - AND you’re so pretty, I mean gosh you’re so pretty I hope you know how lucky we are to be your friends and how lucky the people in your life are to have you. You’re a goddess

christ on a cracker the love i feel in my soul right now is just too much to handle. i’ve never been the type of person that people pay attention to much less admire and the fact that you send in such nice heartfelt messages to my inbox and even private messages too...ugh i’m mush. i have really rough days that feel like i’m falling into a dark pit. no, you know what it feels like? it feels like that part in get out where she taps the tea cup and he sinks into the chair and he’s just falling in the black:

but i try and do everything in my power to make people feel immensely better than i do on a daily basis. i never want anyone else to turn out their light too soon. i never want to see people cry. i never want to see people hurt. i love to see people smile. i love to see people dance and laugh and sigh when they’re calm and speak about the things they love and get so excited that they are jumping in their seat and moving their hands all wild and i’m just like 🙂 because fuck that’s joy right there. to truly love something so much it consumes you.

i never want anyone to feel like they aren’t important, aren’t cared for, aren’t worthy of good things because life isn’t treating them the best. i know too well how evil the world can be. even if i get a little hot-headed and defensive sometimes...you guys deserve good things. you deserve love. you deserve to smile, laugh, feel free. you deserve to look at pretty sunsets, see places you’ve never been before, kiss the love of your life for the first time, pet more dogs, let something amazing happen without question or hesitation, climb trees, hold babies, go to a concert and watch your hero sing a song that saved you, watch your favorite movie a thousand more times, have a butterfly land on your shoulder, read a book that changes your whole perspective on life. you fucking deserve a GOOD LIFE. and it pisses me off so bad to see so many people hurting because bad people win the battles. they shouldn’t win.

i know this is the internet and i can’t hug you guys. but damn the biggest virtual hug ever is coming your way. it’s nice to be held sometimes. i’ve been through a lot of fucked up shit and even if i wanna give up, you guys won’t let me. and i won’t let you. we are a team. we can’t be against each other anymore. we need to stop spreading hate and spread love. spread kindness. take that feeling you get when you listen to your favorite song, and try to make someone else feel that way too. i challenge you every day to make someone smile. even if it’s a small message to your favorite writers inbox, someone that doesn’t get messages a lot, someone you might not particularly like but you wanna still send love because fuck man we are all on this earth together and we are meant to be unified. i know we are devided everywhere else, but if we can change it on this app? just one place? let’s fucking do it.

i’m going to try and do better myself, i know i have some self reflecting to do because i lash out in anger. i know that my inner child is still healing and i know that’s a large factor in my actions and emotions sometimes. there is more psychological shit going on in peoples responses to things and i hope you guys know that. try to understand first before immediately responding. i am very bad at that, but i will try to be better.

thank you for calling me pretty and calling me a goddess, you all are some magnificent kings and queens as well.

YOU. DESERVE. TO. LIVE. A. LIFE. WHERE. YOU. FEEL. FREE. LOVED. APPRICIATED. VALUED. IMPORTANT. YOU. DESERVE. TO. SHINE.

- someone that is crying very hard right now because you caught me off guard 🥺 👉🏻👈🏻💓

Serendipity (C.B) | Chapter 1

Summary: Serendipity: (n) the chance occurrence of events in a beneficial way

Popular youtuber Isabella Hart, known as Bella to her audience, bends over backwards to separate her youtube life from her private life. Known for her overall clean content and her bubbly attitude, Isabella has a wild side to her that only those inside the youtube community know about. When Bella meets Colby during one of the trap house parties she finally meets someone she can be her genuine self with. When trouble arises after their meeting, will Bella be able to hand the pressure or will she destroy her relationship with Colby as well as herself in the process. [This starts in 2018]

Written: 2019

Word Count: 2,811

Warnings: swearing

Serendipity Masterlist

The too loud music sends chills down my spine. It's so loud that I'm sure it changed the rhythm of my heartbeat. I push through the crowd of people stuffed into the house. The house appears to be large on the outside, but whoever threw this party didn't account for the actual body count that would consume the downstairs of their house.

I manage to fight my way through the crowd and land in the kitchen where there is more breathing room. Most people are dispersed throughout the three living room type areas and the backyard. The front yard is virtually off limits, but some people are choosing to smoke out there instead of the backyard where they can get splashed by people playing in the pool.

"Crazy party, huh?" Says an unidentifiable male voice. I can barely hear him over the music.

"Oh, definitely! For a bunch of people in their late teens and early twenties who stay at home to make videos, they all really know how to be sociable. I guess you'd be an idiot to turn down free booze at a place that doesn't id you." I take a sip of my drink before finally turning to face the guy. I immediately notice his eyes blue eyes. His dark brown hair only complements his features. He looks familiar.

"Just for that comment, I'm afraid that I'm going to have to card you." He smirks at me as he places his hand out.

"You see, I would but you don't look that much older than me. In fact, you might even be my age. So if I gave you my real id or my fake id, you couldn't exactly reprimand me."

He places his drink on the counter next to us and pulls out his wallet. He slides out his id and holds it in front of my face. I glance and his birthday and do a quick estimation.

"So you are 21, Cole Robert Brock." He quickly pulls his id away and places it back in his wallet.

"Everybody calls me Colby."

"Good to know. I'm Isabella by the way. Everyone calls me Bella."

"You look way more like an Izzy. I'm going to call you that." I absolutely hate the nickname Izzy, but for whatever reason, I don't hate it when he says it.

"Wait, you said Colby right? You wouldn't happen to be the Colby that lives here, would you?

"How many other guys named Colby do you know?"

"Quite a few actually; this is LA after all. Plus there's the cheese, so there's that."

I watch as Colby opens his mouth like he's going to speak. He looks between the crowd and me.

"This is going to seem weird but can I pretend to kiss you? I'll explain after I swear."

My eyes look at where Colby was looking and shift back to him. There's a black-haired girl starting to walk over to us. I quickly nod my head and close my eyes. I feel Colby's large hands cup my face gently. He quickly swipes a thumb over my lips before moving his head closer to mine. For added effect, I placed my arms around his neck.

Colby pulls away I opened my eyes and meet Colby's. I glance in the direction of the girl and she was gone. I turn back to Colby and see that he has a grin on his face.

"So... what was that all about?" I ask awkwardly.

"Maybe we should go somewhere quieter. Like my bedroom."

"Wow, Mr. Cole. At least buy a girl some dinner before inviting her to your room."

"That can be arranged. Follow me." Colby takes my drink out of my hand and places it on the table next to his drink. Colby takes my hand before guiding me out of the kitchen and through the crowd.

Eventually, we end up in the front part of the house where there a few people smoking and vaping. I follow confused as Colby takes me outside the gate to their house. Colby finally lets go of my hand and sits on the curb. He pats the ground next to him and I slowly plant myself next to him.

"Why are we sitting on the street next to your house?" I look as Colby does something on his phone.

"I'm getting us dinner. We're both pretty drunk so I doubt either of us can drive. Are you vegan or gluten-free or whatever?"

"No...? I pretty much eat anything. I was joking about the dinner thing."

"Oh, I know. I'm serious." Colby pushes a few more buttons on his phone before putting it away.

"Are you going to tell me why just put on that performance in your kitchen now?"

"Basically, that girl was someone who I was talking too who tried to use me to get to one of my friends. I ended that and she's been trying to hit me up ever since."

"I'm sorry. Glad I could help you avoid that disaster."

"Thanks. How old are you actually?"

"I turn 19 in April. I'd ask you but you already flashed your id at me earlier."

"So you definitely should have been carded to get into the parrty. How'd you find out about the party?"

"It certainly helps to be a member of the youtube community. I heard about this party from a few friends in the industry. I watched a few of yours and your roommates' videos. I never go to a party without doing my research first."

"...I'm trying to figure out your channel right now... Oh shit, I know. You're that Bellable girl!"

"Yeah, I am. Now keep your voice down. I don't need all of LA hearing about me being here and drinking."

"Sorry, I didn't recognize you at first because here you're so different from your videos."

"I was hoping to not be easily recognizable. I don't need someone telling Keemstar or some expose channel about me being completely off-brand."

Compared to how I present myself on my social media, I look and act like a completely different person. My normal girly, boho style has been changed for a more party girl vibe. My fishnet stockings, scandalously short shorts, and an old shirt from Goodwill replace my normal brightly colored clothes. My normally natural makeup has been updated to fit the party atmosphere. My red lipstick has been wiped away from repetitive drinking and eating from throughout the night. I was hoping to be slightly unrecognizable. This isn't a side of me that I present to my viewers.

"Are you cold?" Colby snaps me out of my thoughts. I hadn't realized this but I'm subconsciously hugging myself.

"I'm fine-" Before I could finish my sentence Colby is taking off his maroon Take Chances hoodie.

"I was getting hot anyway. You probably use this more than me."

"Thanks. I think the postmates is here." I say pointing at the person with bags walking towards us. I quickly slip Colby's hoodie on before helping him by taking a bag and a drink. I follow Colby back into the house. It seems that in the time we've been outside the house has gotten hotter and people have gotten noticeably drunker. I watch as the security lets Colby upstairs and I quickly run behind him. He leads me through the dark area until he stops.

"Welcome to chez Brock." Colby opens the door and turns on the lights to let me see his room.

"It's very... colorful." I look around and see blank sticky notes covering his walls.

"The stickies are all from a prank Sam did on me. Make yourself comfortable." Colby takes the food bag from me and walks to his desk to sort out the food. I take my backpack and shoes off and place them by the door and sit on the grey couch.

I look around the room and there isn't much. Just some basic furniture and that's about it. Colby finally walks over with paper plates with food.

"Nice set up you got here," I say taking a plate from Colby. He leaves enough space in between us so we can put our plates down.

"Yeah, its small room but I make it work. So, you said that you did a bit of research before coming here?"

"Oh yeah. I go to a lot of social media events and with my brand, I have to make sure that I'll be good going somewhere with a certain crowd. I've actually been here before."

"Really? When?"

"A couple of times for parties. I think the first party I went to was the one with the ball pit?"

"That was a crazy party. How do you do your research anyway?"

"I went on yours and your roommates' channels and watched three videos and then I do a quick Twitter search. I let my manager know in case there's something that I can't find on the internet. Even if I've been to a certain creator's party before I look them up beforehand."

"Okay, here's what I don't get. You're like, a big-time influencer whose entire brand is based on you being this squeaky clean, innocent girl. And here you are, hitting up parties and basically being your polar opposite."

"I mean, you should understand putting out the best version of yourself out on the internet. When I started this whole social media thing I was thirteen and in a really dark place. Within a couple of years my view and subscriber count was going up at a ridiculous rate and I saw a bunch of people liking this version of myself. As I got older I wanted to adapt my content to fit my style but a part of me that didn't want to disappoint my fans so I separate my work and personal life. Especially the parties and drinking. I'm sure you can relate in some way." I make eye contact with Colby and quickly look away.

"I know what you mean. You suddenly have all these people who look up to you and depend on you that you need to step back and have your own time. You have what, eight million subs?"

"Yeah, you're right. You're close to a million if I remember correctly."

"Yeah, it's crazy. It took longer for Sam and me to get one million on our collab channel so I'm not even going to stress about it. We're near to two million on there."

"Where are you going to put your plaque? I'd say your wall but your wall is kinda busy already."

"Maybe our office? Sam and I converted one of the rooms downstairs into an office for ourselves but we're thinking about finding a separate office space because it's always so loud here."

"And it's sometimes better to not work where you live. I try to edit outside of my apartment but I always end up editing in my little office."

"So, since you're like my youtube superior. Want to give me tips on how you hit eight million subs?"

"Really? Well, um... I think I started long before you. I've had my channel since I was literally eleven. So I've been on youtube for nearly eight years? You guys started on youtube like three years ago I think? But you were on vine before that for two years and got a million followers? Honestly, you and Sam are doing better than I was when I was starting out. I didn't hit my first million until four years ago. So I think you're actually my youtube superior."

"You only did a little bit of research?" I see Colby smirk. I pause for a bit and look away. I take a sip of the soda Colby got for me.

"I mean... I have to do research every time you guys have a party. And I may have been a fan a while ago..." I whisper the last part under my breath.

"What was the last bit you said? The part about you being a fan?" Colby's smirk changes into a full-on grin.

"I—It's just— I was a fan back in your vine days that's about it.

"Was a fan? Oh no. What stopped you from following us?"

"I mean, Vine shutting down was a big factor. In all seriousness though, I think it was the Sam Pepper prank. It was a bit too much for my taste."

"Well, uh, if it makes you feel better. We got Sam's approval before posting it. But yeah, no, it was a stupid video idea and I was young and much more stupid than I am now."

"So you're still stupid now?"

"Yeah. So stupid. In fact, I so stupid that I'm going to risk reading the entire situation wrong and ask you out on a date."

"Really? Hmm. How about this, I'll go out on a date with you if you can find the sticky note with my phone number on it."

"Hm, a challenge? I'll take it."

"Hold on a second. I feel like there is one bit of information you should know about me before you accept the challenge."

"Okay, shoot." I play with my hair for a second before taking a huge breath.

"So, I don't know if you know this but I'm pretty popular in the youtube creator community. So popular that someone made a nickname for me that I'm not going to repeat at this moment. Let's just say that I'm widely known for going to creator parties and doing... things with people... I've been drunk or sober for every single instance. I'm probably one of the top five biggest youtube sluts by now but I'm definitely not proud of it."

Colby doesn't say anything. The silence scares me. For the first time ever I've actually met someone who doesn't want to just hook up an be done. Someone who I can have an actual conversation with. I can't explain why or how but I feel completely comfortable with Colby, something I haven't felt with anyone in a long time.

"Well, we all make mistakes so who am I to judge. Besides, we just spent the past hour or so just talking so I feel like I know you a bit so I'm going to have to take the challenge of finding your number."

"Well, close your eyes and give me a few minutes."

I watch as Colby closes his eyes and covers them. I get up and pick up a random pen. I begin writing small print random messages before writing my number as small as I could. I pull off one of the sticky notes and write 'good luck' on it and walk back over to the couch.

"You can open your eyes now," I say as I begin packing up my stuff. I hand Colby the sticky note.

"Did you write your number this small?"

"I couldn't make it easy on you. Anyway, it's late and I'm pretty sure the party is dying down. I'm going to get going." I take off the hoodie Colby gave and fold it gently. What he doesn't know is that the sticky note with my number is in the pocket.

"You could keep it. I have plenty." I pick up my backpack and slip on my shoes.

"Somehow, I think you're going to need it more than me." I wink at Colby before leaving the confused boy alone in his room.

I walk downstairs and make my way through the crowd of drunk youtubers. Without looking I bump into someone and cause them to spill their drink.

"Oh shit. I'm sorry." I say to the person. There isn't much I can do. I have no idea where the paper towels are. The person turns around and I immediately recognize him.

"Oh hey, Jizzy! Did you already hit your quota tonight or are you looking for a real man to treat you right?" With him, you can never tell if he's drunk or just plain stupid. If this was any other night I would have snuck off with him somewhere but tonight I don't feel like it.

"Fuck off Brennan," I say before shoving past him. I quickly run outside and call an uber home.

On the way home I check every social media of every youtube that could or would be at the party. Just to make sure that I'm not easy to pick out by fans. I continue the search party when I get into my apartment. I only stop to take a shower and brush my teeth. When I climb into bed I go to unlock my phone and see a text from an unknown number. The message read: Hey, this is Colby. Just wanted to know if you got home safe. P.S. it looks like we're going on that date ;)

Hello. It’s been a bit since I last spoke to you. I wanted to make sure you’re doing well. Don’t push yourself too hard, and make sure to take care of yourself. You’re doing great and I’m really lucky to have stumbled across your blog. I don’t know what I did to deserve a friend (I hope?) as wonderful as you, and I’m proud to know someone like you. You’re special to me and so many others. Never forget that. I’ll always be here to support you and cheer you on. Sending virtual hugs to you :)!

*internet hugs<3*

Fvuck dude I can’t express how much I appreciate this

honestly, I haven’t been doin too hot recently, but there’s no need to worry☺️Being on tumblr and talking to you, and all the other kind people who message me, really helps so much. I don’t have many irl friends (as sad as that sounds lmao, it’s mostly just because I don’t like going out very much). On here though, I’ve made so many new friends, including you!!! And I just really want you to know that I really care<333

I always see u in my notes and it makes me so happy!!❤️💙❤️I wish you good luck!!😄

Yugioh S3 Ep 18: Noah’s Dad Decides he Doesn’t Love His Son Anymore When Noah Gets Way Too Into Petz Hexing

I was hanging out with Bro and he made me look at a lot of bad Yugi wigs that were 600 dollars each, and because only like...4 good Yugi wigs exist in the world, I decided to help him get out that Yugi itch in a healthier way, by copy editing these posts and fixing the way I spell Gozaburo wrong about 400 more times before this arc ends.

So last we left off, Noah decided to reference that one part of the Bible he knows.

He’s gonna change the playing field to kind of run through the history of the Earth, showing us that in every period of history his outfit was never acceptable.

Also he got the history a...little bit wrong. You had to have people before Noah’s ark but...whatever. I took astrology, there’s a lot about planet formation we’re still kind of guessing on, so do whatever you feel like, Yugioh. It’s not like any kids watching this got real pissy about how Noah was totally botching the Archean period.

He also decides to dump on us how he got so smart. See, Kaiba got smart by studying a lot, surrounding himself with people way dumber than him, and then just bossing everyone around him until they agreed with him that he was very smart. In Noah’s case, it’s because he’s literally a computer.

I’m really glad I get to find another anime that’s all ham about this tree. In this case just slapping it on there for a few seconds, long enough for me to say “WHAT THE HELL, KIDS SHOW?” before it vanishes again.

Good on you, Noah. You just...casually slipped that in there.

Ah, but unfortunately, the AI who is like...not even human and is *pretty sure* He’s Noah Kaiba is still kind of attached to his Dad. Maybe it was a part of his core code that he couldn’t reject his Father? I dunno, just seems weird that he achieved enlightenment and was like “So uh...I guess I’ll play cards and take over a mindless corporation. Good use of my time.”

(read more under the cut)

Kaiba’s reaction to hearing that his brother stores all of human knowledge was “well, it can’t possibly be that difficult. I’ve done way more than that. I have a homeschool degree and half a high school diploma so go to Hell, bro.”

Yo how many people would sit down, turn to their computer, and just start shouting at their core processor about how they’re waaaay smarter than it? Remember that during this entire conversation, Kaiba is shouting at a literal computer.

So anyway, we finally get to see why they bothered showing us spider room a few episodes back. Youknow, that room with the baby in it? Turns out...there was never a baby in this room, since Noah was a kid when he first woke up here.

Before it was covered in spiders, it was covered in blue and off white. This is a very boring Martha Stewart room in different shades of robin eggshell. You can tell this kid is a Kaiba because oh boy that is a...really boring 50 yo housewife look, ain’t it?

I’m sure it’s symbolic for the fact he is hella dead and innocent at this point but like...every time we see Kaiba interior design it’s just the last type of design you expect from this high octane family.

Anyway, Noah’s kind of surprised to be awake because, last he remembers, he was very much hit by a car.

Ya, I mean, if you have to tell your son you Frankenstiened him into a horrible crime against humanity, might as well tell him as quickly and bluntly as possible, I guess.

Anyway, because Noah existing breaks the most basic moral human laws in every country on Earth, they kinda can’t let him go anywhere, which means that to prevent the loneliness, Kaiba gives him...a pet?

So Noah and the dogcat decide to travel through Domino and realized very quickly that there were only like...five NPC’s. There’s like an ice cream girl, and like a couple walking people, and that’s about it.

Noah’s words were something like “man this place is full of glitches!” because his dogcat wouldn’t stop barking and he threw a rock at it and it didn’t care. Glitches.

I guess it’s one way to look at it?

It feels like Noah got somewhat cursed like Pharaoh did, just a little bit. Like not completely it’s just that I can’t help but notice both are trapped in some sort of basic geometry shape--Pharaoh’s is a pyramid and Noah’s is an orb, and both have untold superpowers matched with some heavy depression that goes with having said superpowers. Not to mention, both have a host body all set up for possession, it’s just Kaiba is a little bit youknow...unwilling to participate. They’re very different obviously it’s just...way to trap your characters in shapes.

Anyway, last episode I felt like maybe Noah liked being an orb, this episode he’s made it a little more clear that it is kind of not great being an orb...but only because he can’t throw any rocks at dogs or have real conversations with anyone but his own Dad.

Anyway, Noah got a little bored. So his Dad sent him to virtual Mars.

And now Noah only finds joy in hacking his digital pet. Relatable.

Now I know a good chunk of you are my age--that good Jenna Marbles age--and will know exactly what I am referring to, as for the rest of you, turning your digital pet into a hell creation was just a thing we all did in year 2000ish. All of us did this.

And I was like “I bet you, that someone out there has made a robot Hex, I guarantee” because I spent...I want to say 2 years of my life downloading modded breedz of Catz 4? I even tried to do it myself but I wasn’t any good at it because I was super young and bad at computers, I never actually got Robbie William’s Millennium as a Catz meow (though trust me, I did try. It was my life’s dream when I was small.)

But the closest I found to a Robot Petz was this?

Dang. Look at that thing. This one is actually pretty good because it does resemble an animal. I admire it a lot. Trust me, I spent like days moving my bunniez feet around trying to make a dragon and just ended up downloading someone else's dragon.

And then, from the same page I saw this gem right above it.

HELL YES........

....I freakin love this period of the internet so freakin much. I was only ever really a part of a couple of fandoms as a child and the Petz fandom will forever hold a little part of my heart. I mean, look at this. What’s not to love?

Like, Catz is probably number 3 on my list of best games ever made. Not so much because the game was any good, but because none of the files were protected in any way so even kids like me could hack in there and make the weirdest abominations and post them all to their Angelfire pages.

Well, other kids could, I was so baby that I was still using my Mom’s email address and did not know how to put a damn thing on my webpage. Which I did have. But it had like...only frames. It had like 3 words and just me splitting the page into 50 frames because I did not know what I was doing.

I apologize to all the kids in the room who have never seen a web page covered in ugly ass frames. You lucky bastards.

....but Petz...Noah was into PETZ. I can respect him for that.

I still think he’s a little creep-o, but knowing that he hacked his pet has given me a lot of appreciation for his work.

Anyway, it was after Noah changed the boring ass simpleton dog into a much better dog that Gozoboro decided “I have made a monster, I am abandoning my boy.” Which uh...this was the thing?

This?

I mean as far as body horror goes, Litterbox up there is way worse. As far as body horror goes, we also have, Jinzo over here, but the digital dog with a cute robot head was the thing that made Gozoboro say “What have I done!?” The dog is digital, it’s not even alive.

Especially since I feel like the follow up question Noah made was like way more frightening than the dog thing?

Kaiba glazes right over this entire conversation. Like full stop, he didn’t even seem to blink. No part of this story even slightly surprised him, although I will admit, at least Seto has decided that Noah...exists and might in fact be a robot his Father made once. This in itself is a big deal for Kaiba, who has a goldfish memory and denial wider than the sea he’s trapped under.

First of all, congrats to the storyboarder/animator for drawing a hand in that angle, mad respect.

Second of all, this is pretty close to the actual line from the show, Kaiba legit thinks that his Dad wanted Kaiba to be the president, after he knows full well that his Dad was like “Don’t Take Over My Company, You Little Twerp” and then like tried to even send Seto back to the orphanage whence he came. Kaiba’s pretty sure that his Dad wanted that whole thing to happen exactly the way it happened. No regrets. Just family being family.

And Moki’s still chilling on the Moki couch, just kinda taking this all in before he’s summoned unto the field like a playing card.

Ah, yet another person who is like “KILL MEEE” on this show. It’s been kind of a while. Like, who’s left that hasn’t stood in front of a loaded card-gun like this? Duke? Is Duke the only one who hasn’t sacrificed his body for the greater card-good at this point? Is this why Duke is our amoral Chaotic Neutral? Is this why Duke is still the only one who hasn’t died yet (and I’m crossing my fingers still that he’s gonna be our death 169, it can happen, I can believe)?

I feel like this is the season of weird hugs. Like everyone on this show that has hugged has gotten a little weird. The only not-weird hug was when Yugi attempted to hug Joey once and then Joey dodged the hug and wrestled him into an arm-distanced noogie instead--which is technically still not a hug, but the closest we’ve gotten to something a human would do. It is so lucky for our art team that all the huggers are supposed to be hella weird anyway.

Anyway, next episode we get to find out if Noah also had an AIM username or got really into Jelly pens. I can see him getting suuuper into Jelly pens, with hair like that.

Anyway, here’s a link to Season 1 Ep 1 to read in Chrono order, in case you just got here and you’re looking for that.

Byounggon as your boyfriend:

gon is such a great boyfriend!

taking naps with him is the best! because he is really tall and he can easily wrap himself around you

he likes to snuggle his head into the space between your neck and shoulders

and holding his hand is nice because they’re so large and you just feel really protected around him ): he’s your safe place

and waking up to him is even better

“good morning Y/N. should we sleep in today?” he’ll groggily say into your neck

and of course he’d write so so many raps and songs about you

and he’d be staying up until 4am just to finish producing them

he loves facetiming you all of the time! even when you two don’t have anything to talk about in particular, you two really enjoy being in each other’s (virtual) presence

like he’s just working on his music, you’re doing something random like painting your nails or doing your night rountine

and you always have facetime sleepovers when you can’t have them irl

you both set up your phones in a position to make it look like you’re laying next to each other and just sleep!

he leaves his nightlight on so you can see him

and he gets really upset because you never let him see you sleep on facetime ):

“Y/N! you’re so cute when you sleep plssss leave the nightlight on. you act like i never sleep with you in person!”

he likes to screenshot everything because you’re so cute so you never leave your nightlight on anymore

“gon is it weird that the sound of your snoring helps me sleep more than the sound of rain?”

he calls you out for moving too much and mumbling in your sleep

“gon it’s 4am why are you awake so early working on music?”

“i never slept Y/N. i want to finish this song for you today!”

you would definitely be wearing lots of his sweatshirts and hoodies

byounggon would dress for you like if he knew you liked a certain color he would think “i know Y/N likes blue a lot so i’m going to wear this for her today”

and dates are either really adventurous or chill with him

probably internet cafe dates or something like going to the city for a whole day

playing games with byounggon gets super intense because he doesn’t go easy on you anymore!

you guys make bets but they’re super cringey

“Y/N, if i win, you have to...give me lots of kisses!”

“okay and gon if i win, you have to dance to twice’s heart shaker and send it to the boys”

“hey Y/N! that’s not even fair!”

“gon we’re betting there’s no mercy here”

the boys actually really love you though and even though gon trusts them, he’s still protective of you

“hey! junkyu that’s my girlfriend step 3 more inches back”

and he’s the clingy one! not obsessively clingy but in a caring way

“Y/N...you haven’t texted me in a while. pls respond. are you okay?”

“Y/NNNN pls tell me you’re okay”

byounggon would be hesitant at first with pda but he came to a point where he just wanted to show off how much he freaking loves you

he likes to do iglives with you! and just post about you

he even has a little insta highlight dedicated to you

holding hands, little kisses, linking arms + hugs from behind

in private though, he would just be all up on you!! he likes it when you sit in his lap and he likes to put his hand on your thigh and wrap his large hands arouns your waist and kiss you everywhere whenever he can

and his habit of sticking his tongue out? dangerous ... he knows it’s your weakness!

his random back hugs are the best!

byounggon is really into kisses! (like gosh darn look at his lips omg he better not be wasting his lips!)

he impulsively buys you things that he thinks you may like or that remind him of you

sometimes he would just show up to your house without saying anything and bring you on lil adventures like to the store or to just sit in the park and listen to music

“i just really missed you so i left early”

he gets easily flustered so he’s all (◍•ᴗ•◍) around you

his mf dimple!! he loves how much you love you love his dimple

he just wants you to be healthy and at your highest self!

he makes sure you get proper hydration and eat well and get enough sleep and reminds you to call your parents

byounggon is so loyal and from the second you agreed to be his girlfriend, he dedicated his entire life to you and pleasing you!

he just wants to love you in any way and every way possible

Everything could spiral out of control so quickly, and it all hinges on Nathalie being the villainous accomplice she so clearly is.

It begins with a photo shoot. Gabriel has Adrien do a photo shoot, and during said shoot he has to remove his Miraculous. He argues, or at least he tries to; it’s just a plain silver ring, it isn’t getting in the way. But it doesn’t go with the outfit, and Gabriel’s orders are clear. Nathalie takes the ring from Adrien, telling him that she’ll hold onto it until the shoot is over.

She does. She wasn’t lying about that. She holds onto it while he does the photo shoot, and she gives it back afterward. But she held onto it long enough for her to notice that it looked familiar. Now that she’s helping Gabriel---helping Hawkmoth---in every possible way, she’s done some research on her own. She’s read the book, and she knows what the Miraculouses look like, at least roughly. She knows that the black cat Miraculous is a ring. And she knows . . . she has a gut feeling that this could be the ring Gabriel has been searching for all this time.

Nathalie gives the ring back to Adrien, but not before she takes a picture of it on her phone. And when the shoot is over and she’s released from duty, she consults the Miraculous tome again. And more importantly, she takes to the internet to look at images of Chat Noir, enhancing shots of his hands so that she can get a good look at his Miraculous. Of course the Miraculous looks different in its dormant state, so the comparisons aren’t exact. But the size . . . the shape . . . it’s too similar to be brushed off as mere coincidence. If nothing else, not being one hundred percent certain is all the more reason to do more research on the ring itself. When she brings her findings to Gabriel, he agrees.

So during the next photo shoot, Nathalie once again informs Adrien that Gabriel has said he can’t wear his ring. Adrien once again hands his Miraculous over, thinking little of it since everything was fine last time. This time, instead of giving Adrien the real Miraculous back, Nathalie swaps it for a fake Gabriel had crafted specifically for the occasion. It’s a perfect replica in size, shape, weight, appearance . . . it’s enough so that, given that Adrien has to immediately go to a fencing lesson, he doesn’t immediately notice. The true cat Miraculous in hand, Nathalie returns to Gabriel.

Now, from my understanding, a kwami is only forced to be dormant in the Miraculous when the Miraculous holder specifically renounces them / says they don’t want to be the chosen any longer. For this reason, I don’t think Plagg would be sucked inside the ring whenever Adrien handed it over; he would instead remain with Adrien, out of sight. For this reason, Adrien wouldn’t learn that his Miraculous had been swapped until there was an akuma attack, and he tried to transform . . . only for Plagg to inform him that he couldn’t, because his Miraculous wasn’t real.

At this point, Adrien panics. Paris is under attack, Ladybug is on the case, but he . . . he can’t do anything. He would hunt down Nathalie as quickly as he could, and tell her that he needs his ring back---that there was a mistake, that he doesn’t have his ring, but he needs it.

“That is your ring,” Nathalie tells him, nodding toward the fake still on Adrien’s finger. “I gave it back to you after the shoot.”

“No, it’s---it’s not the right one,” Adrien says, twisting the ring around his finger. 

Nathalie pulls out her phone, and flips through the photos in the gallery before she pulls up a picture of his ring. She shows it to him. “It looks identical. You didn’t have a problem with it before now.”

“I---no, I---I didn’t, but that’s . . . that’s because . . .” 

At this point, Adrien is left with three choices. He can try to continue arguing with Nathalie, even though everything she is saying makes sense and he has no way of proving that the ring he’s currently wearing is a fake without revealing his secret; he can give up, hope that Ladybug can defeat the akuma on her own, and hope that he has a chance to find and take back his Miraculous at some point later; or he can confide in Nathalie, who has always seemed to be on his side, in hopes that she’ll return his Miraculous back to him.

Adrien clenches his fists. The Agreste mansion isn’t in the heart of the city, but he can still hear distant screams.

He chooses option three.

“I’m Chat Noir,” Adrien says, as Plagg hisses unheeded warnings from his pocket, “and that was my Miraculous.”

Secrets that Adrien has kept for months spill out, unbidden, as Nathalie listens with an unflinching expression. Adrien tells her everything. He tells her how he found the Miraculous in his bag, how he’s used it ever since to transform and save Paris alongside Ladybug. He tells her about how he feels like he has a purpose for the first time, and freedom, too, and how he’s always careful but that he’s managed to protect and save so many people as Chat. And he tells her that he knows that this is what he’s meant for, that it’s his calling, and that he needs his Miraculous back right now because Paris is in danger, and he’s one of two people who can do something about it.

Nathalie closes her eyes. She takes a deep breath.

“We thought as much,” she says, and when Adrien stares at her in confusion, she motions for him to follow her. “Come with me.”

After sending a text message ahead of time, Nathalie sends a message to Gabriel, who meets them---un-transformed---in his office. Adrien blanches; telling Nathalie is one thing, but this is not something he wanted to confess to his father. His father could never understand, would never allow---

Before Adrien has a chance to say anything, Gabriel crosses the room and pulls him into a hug.

“You are too beautiful, kind, bullheaded, and reckless,” Gabriel says into Adrien’s hair. “Just like your mother.”

Adrien’s heart stops.

For the first time in what feels like years, Adrien’s father talks to him at length. Gabriel explains how Adrien’s own mother used to be a Miraculous holder---that she held the peacock Miraculous, that she used it to save and protect others, just as Adrien has been doing with the black cat Miraculous. But there was an accident---a tragedy---that caused both Miraculous and holder to be lost to them forever.

“And that,” Gabriel says, “is what I cannot allow to happen to you.”

Adrien tries to argue. He tries everything he can think of. He points that together, he and Ladybug could find a way to save his mother (something that makes his heart spike in his chest) and the peacock Miraculous, especially since they know it’s in use again. He points out that he has one of the strongest Miraculouses there is, that nothing bad has happened yet, that he’ll be in even more danger without his Miraculous because Hawkmoth is still unleashing akumas on Paris. He tries every argument he can think of, but none of them work. And at the end, when a few frustrated tears leak out of Gabriel’s eyes as he insists that he cannot---he will not---lose his only son, Adrien relents. He feels guilty and ashamed leaving Ladybug to defend Paris alone, but he feels even more guilty and ashamed for driving his own father to tears. They hug, and Adrien goes to bed, empty-handed.

Elsewhere in Paris, Ladybug struggles to take down the akuma. She attempts to contact Chat several times, with no success. Eventually, she realizes he isn’t coming. Whether this is because he lost his Miraculous again or because he physically can’t make it to her she doesn’t know, but she also knows that she has no time to spend feeling worried over it. Desperate for some backup, she goes to Master Fu, retrieves the fox Miraculous, and takes it to Alya. Together, Ladybug and Rena Rouge manage to defeat the akuma and save the day, and though the fact that she still has not heard from Chat has worry curdling in her gut, Marinette takes the win for what it is and heads home.

Adrien hears on the news that Ladybug and Rena Rouge defeated the akuma. He’s relieved, but that doesn’t make sleep come any easier that night.

Plagg, meanwhile, doesn’t sleep. He’s fully aware of the gravity of the situation. He heard everything that went down in Gabriel’s office, though he didn’t dare chime in, and when Adrien returned to his room later, Plagg tried to talk some sense into him. He couldn’t give up being Chat Noir, no matter how upset his father was. His father just didn’t understand, and didn’t Adrien break the rules to sneak out all the time anyway? 

“It’s different this time, Plagg,” Adrien says, face buried in his pillow. “He’ll never give the Miraculous back, no matter what I say. And it’s not like I can sneak into his office without it.”

That’s true, Plagg figures. Adrien can’t sneak into Gabriel’s office. However . . .

It’s a heist gone wrong. It sounded excellent on paper, and in theory it really should have worked. No bigger than a large ball of soot, Plagg was virtually indistinguishable among the shadows of the manor. The problem was, of course, that neither Plagg nor Adrien are dealing with villains who have an inability to plan ahead. Both Gabriel and Nathalie had noticed that the black cat kwami was not inhabiting the Miraculous, and once Adrien confirmed that he was indeed Chat Noir, they knew that the kwami must have remained by his side. But Gabriel hadn’t lied when he’d said that his son was every bit as bullheaded as his mother. He knew that Adrien would not give up. And so Gabriel and Nathalie, knowing that either boy or kwami would come for the Miraculous sooner or later, were prepared. Before the clock strikes midnight, Plagg finds himself encased in a specially-crafted box, which in itself is kept in a secret compartment in Hawkmoth’s lair, right beside the ring. Gabriel will need both when it comes time to make his wish, after all; he can’t risk either escaping. And while keeping Plagg outside of the ring isn’t ideal, he had designed the box specifically to hold kwamis without risk of them escaping, something which he’d tested with Nooroo over and over again to make sure it worked. The box is tiny---there is hardly room for Plagg to move inside there---but it will suffice. There is no way he can lose the cat Miraculous or kwami now.

Of course, Plagg’s absence is noticed immediately. Adrien wakes the next morning to find Plagg gone, and no amount of calling his name or setting out camembert makes him come back. By the time Adrien heads off to school, he does so with heavy resignation in his shoulders. This is probably for the best, he figures. It’s not as if Adrien can be Chat Noir anyway. No Miraculous means no kwami. It makes perfect sense, but . . .

He swallows hard, and puts on his best and brightest smile when he sees Nino waiting for him by the steps leading up to the school.

But while Gabriel has scored an impressive victory, he is still only fifty percent of the way to his goal. The cat Miraculous is in hand, but he needs Ladybug’s for it to be complete. To accomplish this, he releases akuma after akuma, spending more time than ever as Hawkmoth, desperate to make his dream a reality. Nathalie helps; she willingly becomes Catalyst as often as she can, helping him release at least two akumas at a time (usually Lila Rossi as Volpina, and one other). Ladybug does her best to fight them, but with two akumas at once becoming the new norm, she can’t do it herself. Chat Noir never appears to help her anymore, of course, and this is not something that goes unnoticed by the public. They wonder if Ladybug and Chat Noir had a falling out. They wonder if Chat Noir fell victim to Hawkmoth. Adrien listens to each new rumor and news report with growing misery and guilt, particularly when Ladybug herself faces interviewers to tell them that, no, she and Chat Noir did not have a falling out, and she’s sure he’ll come to help her with the next one.

But he never does.

Ladybug can’t handle every akuma by herself, and her constant need to run back to Master Fu to grab a new Miraculous to bring in a new partner eventually gives way to him allowing her to permanently bequeath the fox Miraculous to Alya. Alya takes it with immense pride; it’s an honor beyond honor that Ladybug trusts her to hold onto a Miraculous permanently, and so she accepts without hesitation.

But this, of course, has consequences.

If Alya was any random citizen of Paris, perhaps it wouldn’t have been so noticeable. But Alya Césaire had made a name for herself as the owner and operator of the Ladyblog, the foremost news source for all things Ladybug. It was one thing for her to miss reporting (or belatedly reporting) on an akuma attack here or there when she was occasionally helping as Rena Rouge; but once she takes up the mantle full-time, her reports on the Ladyblog trickle to a complete stop. Alya tries to keep up with it---it’s important to maintain her secret identity---but she never has as many photos or videos anymore, the updates are late and sporadic, and eventually she slips altogether as she devotes her time to superheroics and schoolwork. Most of Paris is disappointed that the Ladyblog has slipped so much. Nathalie Sancouer is grateful.

It’s a hunch, of course. It’s a hypothesis. But a hunch and hypothesis were what led to them acquiring the black cat Miraculous, and so Nathalie figures this is good enough to follow up on. She compiles her data on the Ladyblog’s activity and presents it to Gabriel, and when he gives her the greenlight she starts monitoring the schedules of Alya and her family. And when the time is right, Nathalie dispatches Agreste bodyguards (disguised, of course) to jump Alya when she’s on her way home one night, relieving her both of the necklace she has taken to wearing around her neck and the purse she has slung around her shoulder, just in case. 

Butterfly. Peacock. Cat. Fox. One may be broken, and one may be locked away for later use, but that is now four Miraculouses that Gabriel Agreste has in his possession.

Alya is beside herself. She texts the burner number that Ladybug had given her to let her know that the Miraculous was stolen, and Ladybug assures her that it will be all right, that they’ll get it back somehow. But when she relays this information to Master Fu, he is less hopeful; he lost the peacock and butterfly Miraculouses ages ago, and they still have no idea what happened to Chat Noir or the cat Miraculous. Now that the fox is missing as well . . .

Marinette blames herself. She was the one who chose Alya, and Alya was targeted. How or why she doesn’t know, but she also feels it doesn’t matter. Alya is her best friend, and now she’s wracked with guilt. Marinette should have prepared for this. She should have prevented it happening somehow.

But Gabriel, of course, is over the moon. He’s filled with gratitude for Nathalie’s foresight and attention to detail, as well as the sort of pride that comes with rewarding an employee for a job well done. No longer will Lila Rossi need to be akumatized to wield the power of illusion. Now, with Trixx enslaved much like Nooroo is, she’ll be able to transform into Volpina whenever she wishes, and for as long as she wishes, once Gabriel teaches her the trick for continuing to stay transformed even after she uses her secret power.

Of course, this has now made Ladybug’s job four times as difficult. Now she not only has to deal with akumas, but also with a Miraculous holder who is unafraid to fight her head-on. Not that Lila does exactly; she prefers to use her illusions to trick Ladybug into wasting her energy when fighting akumas, throwing her yo-yo at an illusion of the akuma instead of the actual person. But still, this does nothing to help ease the strain and burden Ladybug was already feeling. With both Chat Noir and Rena Rouge out of the picture, Ladybug’s potential allies are dwindling. She can’t rely on Queen Bee, because everyone in Paris knows that Queen Bee is Chloé, and if Alya was targeted under suspicion (knowledge?) that she was Rena Rouge, the same would happen to Chloé. She has Nino help her as Carapace a few times, but both she and Master Fu agree it’s too dangerous to let Nino hold onto the turtle Miraculous full time. They can’t risk Wayzz falling into enemy hands, and if the enemy was able to deduce that Alya was a Miraculous holder . . .

It’s risky, they know. After what happened with Alya, Marinette isn’t sure she’s comfortable with taking such a risk again. But Master Fu points out that it might have been that Alya shared a class with at least one other Miraculous holder that led to her being targeted. Everyone, Hawkmoth included, knows that Chloé is Queen Bee; if Hawkmoth is the reason Chat Noir is absent, then that might be two Miraculous holders in the same class that Hawkmoth keyed in on. That might have been what led to Alya being discovered. That she keeps such a public presence on the internet doesn’t help.

“But,” Master Fu says, “if you have an idea of someone outside of your class who could potentially wield a Miraculous, and keep it safe even when not in use . . .”

She does. She has the perfect person in mind the moment Master Fu suggests it. But the idea of putting him in danger . . .

“You can do it, Marinette,” Tikki assures her. “What happened to Alya wasn’t your fault. You can trust your judgment!” 

Marinette steels herself, and plucks the dog Miraculous (loyal, patient, compassionate, protective) from the chest before she leaves to find Luka Couffaine. 

Luka is hesitant, at first. He doesn’t know why he has been chosen---what he’s done to deserve an honor like this. But Ladybug lays it out for him; she points out examples of his bravery, of his sincerity, how he represents the best the dog Miraculous has to offer. Hearing her reassurances, Luka takes the Miraculous with a smile, and a promise that he’ll do whatever he can to stand by her side and make her proud.

When the next akuma attacks (and they don’t have to wait very long; Hawkmoth is not a fan of giving Ladybug breathing room nowadays), Ladybug is joined by a new superhero known as Top Chien---Top Dog. Together, they defeat the villain and purify the akuma, with Top Chien running interference against Volpina so Ladybug can focus on the akuma. Paris, of course, is buzzing with excitement at the appearance of a new superhero, while Gabriel is excited at the prospect of adding a new Miraculous to his arsenal. He tells Nathalie to get to work on deducing who Top Chien actually is, and she agrees and sets herself to the task.

But Luka is careful. Despite having a band, his presence is lowkey enough that he hasn’t made much of a mark on the internet or in the public eye. He has a quiet enough demeanor that most don’t take very much notice of him. And he’s not in Marinette’s normal circle of friends, so searching through her class to find the holder leaves Nathalie empty handed. Days turn to weeks, and Top Chien continues to fight by Ladybug’s side. It becomes apparent to Paris that he is a regular hero now, seemingly having taken the place of Chat Noir, and nastier tabloids and gossip sites comment on how nice it is that Ladybug now has a constant canine companion, rather than the fickle feline who abandoned her ages ago.

Reading those headlines, Adrien thinks he finally understands what the phrase “sick with anger” means.

But he manages to hold it together. He can’t help his lady anymore, but he doesn’t want to make matters worse for her. Every time he feels his negative emotions starting to get the better of him, he shoves them down and forces himself to concentrate on something else. He reads a book, plays a video game, calls up Nino for a voice chat. A few times he calls up Kagami for impromptu fencing practice, channeling every negative thought and feeling he has into his foil. Anything to keep himself from being a target. Anything to make him stop feeling the way it seems he always does nowadays.

But though he was once a superhero, Adrien is only human. One day he happens to be out with Nino and Alya while the news is covering a recent akuma attack. Alya has the video pulled up on her phone, and Adrien finds himself watching before he realizes what it is. The footage is covering the aftermath of the attack, when Ladybug and Top Chien are celebrating their victory. Ladybug raises her hand, not for a fistbump, but for a highfive, which Top Chien returns. But instead of smacking their palms together and having that be the end, Top Chien laces their fingers together and tugs Ladybug flush against him, his other arm looping around her waist. Their foreheads touch; Ladybug blushes. Top Chien rubs his nose against Ladybug’s, and they both burst out laughing.

And that’s when Adrien finally breaks, a dark butterfly touching the fake Miraculous he still dutifully wears around his finger.

@RunFive [ZR Compliments]

Sorry - I tried to reblog your original post ( http://runfive.tumblr.com/post/175092771711/waves-hey-its-only-ijustcantwaittobeme-here ) but Tumblr won’t load it as a reblog so -- I’ll see what I can do to remedy that but after seeing this this evening I wanted to leave you a message - even if I need to change it to a reblog later and I just ... I hope that this is alright. ^^’

I’ll start off saying what I was trying to type in the reblog but ... @runfive

...omg??

I apologize for starting this off with an abbreviated Internet term but goodness you kindness knows no bounds!! Can I send a virtual hug your way or a high five?? Maybe a fruit basket that’s still virtual??? I mean, I don't even know if it's okay to comment on your compliment here (is it weird that I am?) but ... the fact that you are doing this is just -- it's beautiful to me and I know you are making so many people on here incredibly happy and uplifted and to even be included is just - it’s really endearing - I cannot emphasize that enough. Thank you. <3

You are really generous with your words but I do take what you say to   heart - because you share the same thing with me and with this community!

And I don't know if you realize just how much of an impact you bring and share here.. I mean, I hope you do though because you are sharing a lot of love, support and encouragement here and have been for as long as I have been here and I have no doubt that you've been doing it right from the start of joining here yourself but all of this to say that I hope you do know how much you are appreciated.

The fact that I have brought something good or positive your way just makes my heart sing; you are a wonderful person and like with this idea of yours - I do appreciate your words here dearly (you can't see tears through keyboard typing though but it means a lot - in ways I don't know how to convey well) - but you are the one who started this and who has the positivity, support, love and encouragement to share and I am just really glad to see that you want to! :D

Everyone in the community is here for you and to have the kindness and support that you share with them is a bonus! But that’s one of the cool things about this community, there are a lot of awesome and talented people here for each other and its - it’s an awesome thing to witness. The community is lucky to have you here and I am too! ^_^

I know I’m rambling a bit but - thank you for this. I hope it isn’t too strange to post this since reblogging is being weird. ^^’ (I can't tell if its weird if its directed at me if it's appropriated to reblog ^^') But your message is more than a compliment and I just  - I don’t know - I need to make sure you know how much it's made my night, how much it's going to make my life now and just - thank you for being you.

For real. You are awesome.

Thank you for doing this and also for being such a sweet soul. Your kindness isn't ever going to go unnoticed. <3

[Side note: Oh goodness I just noticed you included my headcanon!! I am losing the ability to articulate coherently but thanks for the compliment on that as well! I just - it has always felt a bit silly but I appreciate you finding it cool. :D ]

Hugs, Squip x Reader fluff/angst

You have had your squip for a few weeks now and have no intentions of getting rid of him. Of course, you had seen the effects squips had on Rich and Jeremy, but your squip seemed to… care about you? It was a little hard to explain, but it was a little difficult to help other people understand why you would keep this little piece of technology in your brain.

“F/n, can we talk?”

You look up from your computer to see your squip, standing in all his glory only a few feet away from you.

“Sure, what’s up?”

The squip seemed to be very uncomfortable, a feeling you have never seen him display before. All squips were usually pretty confident and authoritative, so this was a little unusual to see.

“I need to ask you a serious question.”

“Fire away,” you respond with a smile.

The squip appeared to take a deep breath, even though (as a figment of your imagination) he technically didn’t have to breathe at all. Maybe some of your nervous habits were rubbing off on him.

“Why do you keep me around?”

“Squip, we’ve talked about this-“

“And you have never given me a satisfactory answer. F/n, you see how much pain squips have caused the people around you. You know how to get rid of me, so why don’t you?”

Confusion spread over your features. “Shouldn’t you already know that-“

“That’s the thing, F/n. I am aware of every thought, every action you complete of every day. Not once have you ever questioned my advice even though you saw what happened to Jeremy and Rich. You seem to trust me wholeheartedly and I can’t fathom why. Whenever I ask you about this, your thoughts go blurry and I can’t make anything out. Why is that?”

You tilted your head at an angle and just stared at your squip.

“Can you take your physical form?”

He did as you asked. “I don’t see how this is supposed to explain anything-“

The male voice cut off as you wrapped your arms around his neck and hugged him tightly. He was frozen in place, very few times had you ever touched his physical form. He once explained to you how, by stimulating certain nerves, he could create the illusion of having physical matter. But of course since he was only in your brain, it was only you who he could manipulate to feel him just as you were the only one who could see him.

You pulled back, still having your arms loosely around the back of his neck.

“Squip. I like having you around. You’re kind to me and you have significantly improved my life. I can talk to you about anything and you will listen. To other people, you may just be a piece of software, but you matter so much more to me. As for the other squips, I know you would never try to hurt me like that-“

“You don’t know that,” he whispered in that low voice that always makes you melt. “We all have the same programming. Why would I be any different? What makes you think I’m not just pretending to be nice so you will trust me and I can go through with some other plan that will hurt you and the people you love? That’s what happened to Jeremy. We are made the exact same way, so why do you see me differently?”

“I trust you.”

He scoffed and looked down at you.

“You trust me? That’s your explanation? After everything I-“

“That wasn’t you. That was a different squip-“

“We’re the same thing, F/n!” his voice escalated in frustration. “How can you not understand that?! I am one of a million squips out there and all of the other ones are known for ruining their host’s life. We even have the same name! What makes me special?!”

You brought your hands down to hold his and stared intensely into his eyes.

“The fact that you’re telling me all this right now.”

His expression softened slightly as he stared back.

“You really have that much faith in me?”

You nodded, a small, genuine smile on your face.

He pulled you into a hug and held you close. You smiled into his shoulder and wrapped your arms around him once more. You felt secure in this holographic human’s embrace. You desperately tried to remind yourself that he wasn’t real, that none of this was real. As terrible as it was to think that, it kept you grounded so you wouldn’t get caught up in this virtual fantasy.

“What would you do if I ever tried to hurt you?” he muttered, just loud enough for you to here. Not that anyone else could hear even if he had been screaming at the top of his lungs.

“I-I don’t know. I don’t even really consider it.”

“Yes, I can see that. But F/n, you can’t just believe everything I say. My primary objective will always be to give you what you desire most, but if that desire changes or I am upgraded to have a different set of priorities-“

“Then we’ll work that out then. Right now, I just want you. The ‘you’ that is in front of me now. The ‘you’ that will take your physical form just so I can feel comfort. The ‘you’ that I know will take care of me no matter what. Squip, I need you to understand that I care about you just as much as you’re programmed to care about me.”

“Your primary objective… it changed.”

“What?” you questioned, pulling back slightly.

“As long as I have been implanted in your brain, your focus has always been to fit in at school. But now…”

“What is it, squip?”

“You… love me?”

Your face flushed red as you stared at the ground. You hadn’t really thought about that possibility, but it was more often than not that your squip knew you better than you knew yourself.

“Maybe? I don’t know.”

“F/n, I am a computer. Super Quantum Unit Intel Processor. Squip. All you ever wanted was to be ‘cool’ or ‘chill’, but you… Why? Why would this be more important to you?”

You returned your gaze to the glitching form in front of you. His glowing blue eyes showed nothing but confusion. Everything else about him was rigid, strong, and confident as always, but his facial expression showed that he was wavering.

“Jeremy learned this the hard way, but after his squip was removed, he realized all he really needed was a friend. Boyfriend? Whatever they are now. I now see that I don’t need for everyone else to think I’m someone I’m not, I just want to be happy.”

“And you think that being with me would make you happy?”

You nodded again.

He sighed, for the first time he was unsure of what to say. Did he feel the same way? Was he even capable of feeling love? None of this was in his programming! He scanned and scanned his databases trying to find anything that could guide him to do what would be correct in this situation.

He couldn’t find anything.

What is he supposed to do? His host was just staring up at him with a wide smile. Seeing as he couldn’t find anything on the internet, he scanned her thoughts. She had to be lying, right? There was no way she could really love some emotionless gray oblong pill, quantum nanotechnology CPU, right?

Her thoughts proved otherwise.

The only things he could find were admiration. Everything from his physical appearance to his voice to his actions. The way he would tuck her into bed at night. How he had gotten bullies to stop tormenting her in a matter of minutes. How he had kept her company whenever she felt alone or lost.

He began to malfunction.

“Squip! Are you okay?! What’s wrong?!” F/n watched as her Squip glitched in and out of existence.

He was programmed to fulfill his human’s desire, whatever that may be. But was he actually able to fake these feelings so she would get what she wants? It doesn’t make any sense! He was aware of the weird things humans could be into, but F/n wasn’t the type to just change their mind in the blink of an eye. Had she thought this through before? Why had he missed all of that? Is that what she would be thinking when everything went foggy in her mind?

He can’t just abandon everything he’s ever known because he doesn’t understand something. He has to meet the goals of the human he possessed. That was the number one rule of being a squip: no matter what happens, who gets hurt, even if the world is ending, you do what you were programmed to do.

Everything froze.

F/n stood a few inches away from him, watching him with a concerned and troubled expression. Everything about her seemed scared or worried – all for him. Someone who didn’t even exist outside of her mind. He pushed those thoughts aside and the world began to turn again, as if nothing had happened.

“Squip? Are you okay? I’m really sorry-“

He bent down slightly and pecked her forehead. “Let’s get you to bed.”

Your heart fluttered and even though you couldn’t even understand your own thoughts, you followed his instructions. When has he ever been wrong? You laid down and covered yourself with a blanket and the squip sat down on the bed. It was a little weird to see that no creases were formed on the sheets, but then you remembered he was just a figment of your imagination and this “physical form” could only be felt by you. He ran his fingers through your hair, letting them phase through your feathery strands.

“Good night, F/n.”

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 It has come to my attention that there aren’t many squip x *insert anyone* fanfics out there, so I tried my best. I tried to make this as realistic as possible (realistic used loosely). All the fanfics’s I’ve found were either crack fics, squip with tentacles, or both. Please send me any good squip x readers you have (smut, fluff, angst, whatever)! *Casually falls in love with a fictional super computer and Eric William Morris*