#sarah egs | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

luvsellie · 1 year

Text

PEOPLE WATCHING [j. maybank]

pairing jj maybank x fem!reader

summary jj ignoring one of his friends is strange. and off-putting. so when he does it to you, argument ensues and indifferent confessions toward one another begin to spill.

warnings rafe being an ass, mentions of abuse, semi based on s1 ep5 but also not?? don’t expect anything regarding the obx plot, reader is in a similar situation to sarah and kie’s social standing (kook-turned-pogue) !

wc 3.1k

note this song just SCREAMS jj i couldn’t not write something inspired by it! also this man is so ‘angsty-love-confession-in-the-rain’ coded why didn’t the obx writers take that chance when they had it >:(

you never thought you would see the day that jj deliberately ignored you. sure, he hated talking about his feelings, and he was too stubborn for his own good, but he had never once gone out of his way to avoid your presence. until now.

“he won’t even look at me,” you hissed at kie, eyes glued to the blond who maneuvered around groups of people, the tray in his hands lacking drinks. he had a smile on his face regardless, making small quips at people as he passed them.

kie huffed, moving her body to block off your view of jj. her lilac dress shimmered in the orange light as she said, “just give him some time. he’ll come around. he always does.”

you chewed on the inside of your cheek, spinning the ring on your index finger as you continued to try and get a clear view of him. “yeah. i guess you’re right.”

the girl in front of you grinned in a way that seemed to say i always am.

still mildly offset about jj’s attitude toward whatever it is that you had done to upset him, you took a step back from kie, situating yourself so you could comfortably watch him once again. as you did, you noticed his back was now to you, topper, kelce, and rafe appearing to slowly herd him toward the building. the trio of men wore smug smiles, and before you knew it jj had lost his tray and swung open one of the glass doors, sprinting in the direction of the restrooms.

your eyebrows knitted together in sudden urgency, hand already swatting at kiara’s bare shoulder. “kie. kie they’re chasing him-”

“who’s- oh. oh,” kie said aridly.

“we have to go,” you told her, already gathering the skirt of your sage-green dress in a hand.

kie grabbed your arm quickly. “and do what? stab them with the back of our heels?”

“if that’s what it takes,” you told her stubbornly, ripping your bicep from her grip. “stay here if you want, i don’t care, but i’m going to go help the best i can.”

you didn’t wait for her response as you started in the direction of the door, gait switching between an uneven combination of a speedwalk and a run. whether or not jj was mad at you, nothing was going to stop you from assisting him in any way possible, especially if he was severely outnumbered. rafe was practically psychotic, his solution to everything was always violence, and topper and kelce only egged him on.

the cool a/c brought goosebumps to your skin, a chill shivering its way down your spine as you swept past people and furniture. fortunately, you spotted the dark-colored bathroom door, the sound of disgruntled male voices seeping through the wood. when you recognized jj’s, you didn’t hesitate to push past the barrier, deciding the consequences could be left for future you to deal with.

middle-age men immediately protested to your appearance, but you ignored them as you hurried in the direction of the overlapped voices, and, sure enough, you found yourself walking into the midst of the kooks jumping jj.

none of the boys noticed your presence, too wrapped up in whatever they were doing to grow aware of their surroundings.

your attention zoned in on your beat-up-looking friend, the sight of kelce retaining him in a jarring choke hold resulting in your sudden outburst of, “what the fuck is going on?”

“oh, look who’s decided to join us,” rafe leered, his grin growing twice as big. jj continued to struggle against kelce’s grasp, saying your name dryly as his eyes jumped from you to the oldest cameron sibling.

“the hell is wrong with all of you?” your glare turned to kelce, his eyes narrowed in vain. “let him go or i swear to god…”

rafe’s face only continued to dwell with enlightenment at your interruption. he stood up straight and took a long stride in your direction, forcing you to spin toward him. he put less than a foot between his body and yours. “or you’ll do what-”

the air stilled as you slapped the man across the cheek, your palm stinging from the impact. even though he towered over your smaller person, you still sneered up at him, gaze narrowed as if he were no more than the scum on the bottom of your shoe. “you’re not the only one in this town who has a powerful father, rafe cameron. yours just happens to have the worst reputation.”

rafe’s fingers ghosted the flushed skin where you had struck him, eyebrows beginning to knit together as his familiar rage started to surface. he barely had time to speak, “you fucking bitch-” before someone cut in.

the flickering lights caught everyone’s regard, and you watched stiffly as kelce instantly released jj and spun on his heels. “gentlemen. ma’am,” a security guard addressed, “is there a problem here?”

jj was quick to jump in, rushing to say, “pardon me, officer, i just…” his blue eyes caught yours, but they jumped back the man in the black tux before you could give him a warning glance. “we just- well, actually, yes, there is an issue. we have a criminal trespass in progress here.”

you knew he was just doing the best he could to get you both out of the situation, yet you didn’t mask your rather disgusted expression as he continued.

“beep! call it in, right?” the blond urged. “blatant disrespect for private property.”

the boys around you nodded, avoiding eye contact with the guard. multiple yeahs circled the room.

“we’re in violation of all kinds of shit, sir,” jj said, barely taking the motion to glance at you over his shoulder. he turned to kelce, plastering on a fake smile. he began to straighten the cyan-colored bow tie. “but these young gentlemen…” his hand was quickly swatted away. “...uh, caught us, sir, and they were about to take us away. which is what you should do; escort us out of here.”

you watched as jj offered up his wrists before looking back at you. his brows jumped to his hairline in a silent plea to just go along with the nonsense spewing out of his mouth. still mildly irritated at him and everything about whatever the fuck is going to happen as a repercussion, you exhaled sharply and took a few steps in his direction, sending a glare in rafe’s direction.

your arm brushed against jj’s as you mimicked his actions. “you caught us, officer.”

the man rolled his eyes, but reached behind you, hands roughly grabbing onto yours and jj’s biceps. “come on.”

but jj seemed to feel that he needed to add to the situation, his adhd never failing to shine in moments like these. he turned to kelce again as rafe moved closer, topper behind him. “fix that tie, son. oh, and you’re lookin’ quite spiffy too. you powerpuff girls have fun, alright?”

just as the guard was about to lead you both through the exit, rafe shouted your name. “you know you’re pretty hot for a ‘pogue!’”

jj spun before you could even react, already storming in the direction of the smirking boy. ‘mister security’ left you standing in the doorway as he trudged over to the beginnings of a fight and ripped your friend from the group. “let’s go,” he snuffed, shoving the blond harshly.

you avoided jj’s aggravated gaze as you locked eyes with rafe, still being pushed by the man. raising a hand, you flipped him off. “suck my dick, cameron.”

“knock it off,” the guard said, his fingers squeezing the flesh of your arm. his warning compelled you to turn away, huffing air through your nose in annoyance.

rafe scoffed a laugh from his spot, highly entertained by the sight before him. “hey, safe travels back to the cut, you two!”

“this shit ain’t over!” jj hollered, earning a harsh shove in the direction of the exit.

as the man directed you and jj out of the building, you made a point to not bother interacting with the boy, ignoring his existence entirely, just as he had done to you previously. talking to him at the moment would only result in yelling at each other, and the idea of that was rather repulsive.

finally pushing past one of the glass doors, you attempted to wrench your arm away. it only ended with the guard’s hands squeezing even tighter. “dude, i can walk by myself- let me go.”

jj tried the same thing as you passed a distressed-looking kiara. “yeah, we have legs. can’t you see that, daryl? and, hey, thanks for the ‘discretion.’ let us just walk out by ourselves, yeah?”

nearly stumbling on stairs because of your heels, you made a noise out of exasperation, eagerly pulling back. “give me- oh my god, just let us go!” as heads started to turn in your direction, you desperately hoped that one of your parents would show up, but as daryl continued to haul you and jj (who continuously made comments to the people he passed) away from everything, you made one last hopeless attempt to get him to let go.

“wait!” you said, this time actually tripping on your heels. faking a stumble, you very nearly successfully fell out of daryl’s grasp. “these shoes are killing my feet. let me at least take them off if you insist on dragging us through the mud.”

he rolled his eyes, but loosened his grip.

bending slightly, you raised your left foot off the ground, undoing the buckle of your heel. as you stepped out of the shoe, you went to do the other, stealing a glimpse at jj. this is too easy.

finally standing on the bare ground, you turned back to daryl, shoving your heels to his chest. “would you mind holding these for me? thanks.” using the best of your strength, you threw him off, jj happily doing the same, and began backing in the opposite direction just as your father appeared from behind mr. carrera. his face went from confusion to anger in the span of less than three seconds, and you knew you’d be in for the biggest lecture of your life when you confronted your parents later. but for now, all you wanted to do was get off the property.

and jj seemed to have a similar idea, as his fingers brushed against your left hand, gesturing with the jut of his chin when you made eye contact with him. “come on.”

unable to help the satisfied smile that pulled at the corners of your mouth, you turned away, quickly following jj into the darkness as kie called after you.

“okay, i think we’re far enough,” you huffed heavily, slowing to a walk beside jj.

he ran his fingers through his disheveled hair as he nodded. for once he had nothing to say, and it made you stop on the sidewalk.

“so that’s it?” you started, grabbing his elbow and forcing him to look at you. “you’re just going to go back to ignoring me? after everything that just happened back there? at least tell me what i did for you to treat me like this.”

his blue eyes averted your own as he chewed on his busted bottom lip.

“what did i do, jj?” you asked as your arm fell back to your side, annoyance slipping into despair. “just tell me.”

jj looked at you, and even in the strained moonlight could you just now see how badly his upper left cheek was bruising. he was fiddling with the hem of his white button-up shirt as he stood, stubbornly remaining quiet.

sighing, you took a step closer, the pavement cool under your bare feet. he flinched back when you went to raise a hand. you licked your lips. “did…did rafe and the others do this?”

stiffening, jj lifted his chin and looked down at you, his expression morphed into something between disgust and vacancy. “no,” was all he said.

“oh,” you breathed, your body running cold, even in the humid night air. of course. “maybe you should come back home with me. i can-”

“no,” jj repeated more firmly, shaking off your words. “no, i don’t need your pity right now. go back to midsummers. you and kie looked like you were having loads of fun.”

you scoffed in sudden disbelief, realizing what this was about—why he had been ignoring you for nearly a full day. “i’m not- i’m not offering to care for you out of pity,” you told him bitterly. “you’re my friend, jj, and i’ll always try and protect you when i can. i’m sorry that you’re too naive to realize and accept that.”

jj took a step back, his hands balling into fists as he shook his head. “i don’t need your protection. i don’t need your compassion, or whatever the hell you wanna call it,” he spat. “and i don’t need you.”

“you’re just saying that,” you protested quickly, swallowing down the crack in your voice and blinking back the sharp sting of tears.

shaking his head again, jj’s lips pressed into a thin line. “go back to that big, shiny house of yours.” he wasted no time in turning around, his back straight as he walked away, the clarity of his figure growing less and less as he retreated.

unable to process the moment, you ran a hand over your face, forcing yourself to keep your composure and not yell out to him. what the fuck just happened? you thought, panic beginning to set in as jj officially disappeared around the block.

what am i going to do?

the house was quiet when you entered, and after a quick call for your parents, you realized they were still partying away at the country club. it was somewhat of a relief.

feet sore and dirty, you began to rid yourself of your jewelry, unclasping the chains around your neck and picking off the rings on your fingers. you set them on your nightstand as you shut your bedroom door, immediately falling onto your bed.

lying back to stare at the beige ceiling, you inhaled deeply, running through the events that had taken place. and it had all ended in jj leaving you. for how long, you didn’t know—didn’t even want to think about it. so, with one last sigh, you stood from your mattress, stripped yourself down, and headed toward the bathroom, already thinking up a plan for tomorrow.

“look, i wasn’t trying to make a scene,” you explained over the phone, shrugging your shoulders even though your parents couldn’t see. “it just…happened, i guess. i’m sorry.” there was a tense pause, filled by the sound of your dad sighing on the other end of the line. “can i please go now? we can talk as soon as i get home later, i swear.”

you heard unintelligible whispers before your mom said, “you cannot keep blowing us off.”

“i know, i know.” you really did not want to have this conversation when you were nearly at jj’s house, the sky murky with dark clouds. “again, i’m sorry, but you know i don’t normally do stuff like this, so can you guys please ease off?”

“fine. only for a few hours. i want you home soon, it’s supposed to storm today. we will talk later.” your dad said roughly, irritation laced in his voice.

shoulders visibly sagging, you couldn’t help but nod in relief. “yes, thank you. love you both.” with that, you impatiently clicked the red button on the screen as jj’s house appeared. pocketing your phone, you spotted the blond in his yard, squatting next to his red dirt bike. and for a split second, you were just happy to see him, the events circling last night forgotten.

you approached quietly, making just enough noise to let him know someone was walking over. as his head turned, your jaw went slack at the fresh bruise blooming along his jawline. you cleared your throat. “hi.”

“hey.” jj returned to his bike.

“i, uh…i came to talk.” thunder rumbled from somewhere above. “about last night. about us.”

the entire way here you rehearsed what you were going to say, switching things out or removing them completely, but now, when he stood and looked over at you with a somewhat pissed-off expression, you found your tongue to be dry and your mind blank.

“what’s there to talk about.” he said it more like a statement and less like a question. “there’s nothing to talk about.”

you licked your lips as droplets started to wet your shoulders and scalp. “we both know that’s not true, jj.”

he wiped his hands on a cloth before tossing it into an open toolbox. shaking his head and sauntering forward, he said again, “there isn’t anything to talk about. you say you care about me, but you don’t. you don’t. do yourself a favor and stop lying to yourself. stop lying to me.”

“no, i do care, okay?” the raindrops began to fall harder, yet the only thing you were worried about was getting your point across. getting jj to understand. “i have cared about you for as long as i have known you. that first night at the chateau with the others…when you finally let me in…i didn’t know then, but i know now—i love you. a lot.”

jj scoffed and shook his head with an incredulous smile, his stare glued to the soaked grass, ignoring the weight of your confession. “you don’t know anything, alright? that night didn’t mean anything to anyone.”

“yes, it did!” you persisted loudly, frustrated with both him and yourself.

“no, it didn’t!” he snapped, reaching forward and grabbing the sides of your shoulders in exasperation. when you flinched at his yelling, a sudden wave of realization washed over him, and he released you with a step back, blinking rapidly against the rain. “nothing happened; nothing is happening.” he sounded more like he was trying to convince himself rather than you. “you’re a kook. and i’m a pogue. we belong on two very different sides of this island.”

“jj,” you said softly. he remained still, hair stuck to the sides of his face as you went to cup it, palms resting against his wet skin. “just give in. for one pathetic second just forget about the social economic standing of everything and give in to me. please.” you weren’t sure whether the wetness on your face was your tears or the rain. “i know you want to, but you aren’t letting yourself. nothing you say or do will push me away. you’re stuck with me, pogue or not.”

his gaze flickered vicariously between your eyes and mouth, internally fighting with his own feelings. but, ultimately, you could see that your words had struck deep enough—that as the chill of cold water drenched your clothes and hair, as his warm fingers wrapped delicately around your wrists, thumbs sliding against your skin, you had won.

#jj x reader #jj maybank x reader #jj maybank #jj x you #jj x y/n #jj maybank x you #jj obx #jj outer banks #outer banks #obx #outer banks x reader #outer banks x you #obx season 3

2K notes · View notes

firsttimewriter92 · 1 year

Note

Joel miller x f!reader, angst, reader jealous of Joel's time being taken up by another woman. Reader and Joel have known each other since before the cordyceps so.... Hidden feelings? Eg reader is basically in love w Joel and then gets angry that he is getting all his time taken away. She ignores him for months until he finally talks to her. Big argument blah blah but then at the end fluff again 💞

Puuuhhh, nonny that was a rollercoaster to write but boy, was it fun ;) Thanks for the ask. I hope you like it.

Wordcount: 4.009

Warnings: Heavy angst, loss, jealousy, arguments, panic attack, crying Joel, don´t worry, there is fluff at the end.

5 years after the breakout

Panting, you clutched your rifle to your chest, eyes nervously jumping from left to right. Damn those newly infected. Ugly, little motherfuckers really had no better idea than to jump you out of nowhere. Joel and you had been taken up residency at the Boston QZ. How exactly you had ended up there, you couldn´t remember. The world was in chaos. The shock of how quickly everything had changed still embedded in everybody’s bones. None more so than Joel.

After what happened to Sarah, he became cold, bitter. You understood of course and mourned the sweet young girl still. What you also mourned were the evenings filled with cheesy movies, bad microwave popcorn and laughter until yours and Joels stomachs hurt. Joel used to be your favourite neighbour. Always at the ready to help you out with a leaking sink or a loose floorboard. He was an angel in disguise and you had let him know so multiple times. He always just shook his head, grinning. So, when telling him didn´t do the trick you opted on making him and Sarah dinner a few times a week. It started with a simple casserole you brought over after witnessing Joels poor cooking skills just the day before, when he ran into his back yard with a smoking pan. It all became so natural after a few weeks. And so became the feelings you developed for the handsome, brown eyed man.

And then, one evening, you bolted out your front door towards Joels house in a panic. Where was his truck? Was Sarah still inside? When you called her name frantically, you saw her sprinting out of the Adlers house. Just when you caught up to her, wrapping the shaking girl into your arms, the headlights of Joels truck blinded you. “Get in the Truck!!” he shouted panicked. “Get in, now!”

______________________________________________________________

Shaking your head angrily, you walked onwards towards the small hole in the wall, well knowing that it would lead you back into the QZ. Five years. It had been five years and you still couldn´t wrap your head around what had happened to the both of you. Joel kept you close, kept his eyes on you at all times for the first couple of months. He had night terrors and sometimes even violent outbreaks. None ever directed at you but now, you knew what he was capable of. He told you he saw you as his last connection to sanity and he would keep you safe for as long as he was able to. You think it would be something to swoon over. But the look in his eyes when he said it was so haunting, empty and guilt ridden, it made you feel sick. Leaving him was not an option. He saved your life so many times over, the debt you owed him could never be repaid. So you stayed. You stayed and watched him become more hollow every day. More violent but also more brilliant in surviving. Hard but occasionally still caring. Like this morning, when you left your shared apartment and he made sure you had more rounds on you than he did. Or when he would pass the sofa and tuck the blanket more securely around your body before making his way heavily over to his own bed.

Still, you never would have thought you would end up a smuggler. Well, smuggler of sorts. Gathering information and selling said information wasn´t as lucrative as one might think, but you got by. Leaving the QZ to make sure your information were solid was your least favourite part of the whole thing tough. You were brilliant at negotiations, which Joel was not. He was the enforcer of what you promised…or threatened. Still, letting you walk back to the QZ all on your own because he just had to meet this smuggler he met, before nightfall made your blood boil. Yes, you weren´t a complete idiot and you could stand your own but just rushing away like that…It was dark now. You stood in front of your building and took a deep breath. You could see that Joel was home.

Slowly you made your way upstairs. You were not looking forward to the conversation ahead. When you opened the door and looked ahead, your mood instantly dropped into the minus zero area. Sitting on the table was Joel, scowling in your direction and next to him sat Tess. Her hand on Joels forearm you felt your blood boil within the fraction of a second. It´s the literal apocalypse and you were jealous and angry at a woman you barely knew. Why? Because she was casually touching the man you still had feelings for. Because he left you on your own to go meet her. You just about had it. And so apparently, did Joel. He stood slowly, looking at you with pinched eyebrows, breathing heavy. You steeled yourself. “Where the fuck have you been?” it was almost a whisper of pure fury. Your stomach knotted when you heard the question. His deep voice and accent rumbling through you and you didn´t know if you liked it or not. You let your bag drop to the floor, never breaking eye contact. “Where you left me” you said coldly. Joel froze. “You knew this was a possibility when we left this morning. I told you our time out there was limited, that I had to get back!” His voice rose with every word and by the time he stood only inches from you, his voice was booming. You didn´t move, looking up at him. Trying so hard to see the man you knew. And you knew he was still there. Joel was hardened, not cold.

“Doesn´t mean you can leave me outside the QZ, in an area we both don´t know yet if it´s crawling with infected or not. And for what?! I shoot my way back while you are in here, making some more fucking plans without me knowing about them and holding hands?! Are you absolutely shitting me, Joel?!?!?!” Needless to say your voice was just as loud as his at this point. All your frustration and yes, fear also bubbling up your throat, making it tight. “If your little smuggling weapons and drugs business gets you what you want, fine. But it´s very easy to see that you don´t intend on making me a part of it.” You tried to move around him but his hand shot out and grabbed your wrist. “The fuck do you mean? Shoot your way back? Where you attacked?!” His eyes went wide when he quickly checked you out. You yanked your wrist from his grip. “Why the hell do you care now?! You didn´t think for one second about that when you sprinted off.” A frustrated groan came from his throat as he pushed both hands down his face.

“I-I think I should probably go” you heard Tess say lowly. Your back turned to them both you only heard some more mumbling from them and then the door shutting. “Are you hurt?” you heard him say. Not turning around you shook your head. Again you heard a long breath escape his nose and you knew he was standing only a few feet behind you. “You are right,” he said next. Ice seemed to fill your insides as you waited for the blow. “I don´t want you around our plans!”

5 years earlier you would have probably shown more of a reaction to something like this. A break up of sorts. You and Joel were not anything more than….friends? Partners? Well, whatever it was, there it goes. Out the window and your body hardened. Schooling your features you turned and looked him in the face. His head was slightly bowed and his shoulders hung. “Look at me” you said. He did and looked like he was trying to stay cold and distant. The lack of emotion on your face or in your voice seemed to piss him off though. “You know, there´s better ways to get rid of me than leaving me alone in an infected area.” That set him off. “Are you kidding me, ___?! You think I want you fucking attacked!? Butchered?!” He stared at you furiously. “Did you think for only one second that maybe, the plans Tess and I have are basically suicide?”

“Then why the FUCK would you-“ you started with a raised voice when he interrupted you. “Because it needs to be done! Don´t you get that? In order to survive, barely so, we need to do things we never thought we had to. And you…You can´t be near that, do you understand?” You looked at him incredulously. “So you just decided that. You. Decided. That. And then left me out there.” He held up his hands in defeat. “That was wrong and I apologize. I shouldn´t have…You could´ve…” his demeanour changed again. Running his fingers through his hair in frustration he sat down on the sofa and kept his head in his hands. You didn´t know what to feel. Fury, disappointment, fear, abandonment and sadness to name only a few. Silently you walked around the apartment gathering some of your clothes all the while wishing nothing more than for Joel to snap out of it and tell you he wanted you with him. But he didn´t. He sat in silence, twitching from time to time and just looking like he was barely hanging on. When you had your essentials together, you looked at him one more time. “I´ll be at your brothers.” He nodded so you knew he heard you. “Joel?” you asked, your voice finally vibrating with sadness and a little pleading. “You know I would have sticked to your side, right? I experienced these past five years as well, I am not naïve. At least I had you.” By the time the door closed behind you and you only took a couple of steps, did the tears roll down your face. The same moment you heard glass shattering in the apartment you just left.

6 weeks later

“Tommy, I swear to god, one more word about the fireflies and I will fucking end you” you groaned when you plopped down on the chair, leaning heavily onto the table. Tommy smirked and nodded his head. “Alright, alright. Don´t bite my head off. I used to enjoy this side of you when it was directed at Joel.” He understood his mistake immediately. “Sorry”, he murmured setting down the canned Ravioli in front of you. Your stomach twisted painfully at the mention of Joels name. Almost every night tears would stain your cheeks, your dreams were haunted by an injured Joel or worse. Tommy had listened to the parts of the story you wanted to tell, thankfully staying neutral, not saying much. He provided you with a roof over your head and some rations until you figured out what to do or where to go. You felt lost, like you finally started to find a purpose in this cursed world, beside someone you cared about, loved even and then, it was ripped away from you. He didn´t want you with him. It´s what he said. That truth was harder to swallow than anything you ever experienced. He decided that you couldn´t make it beside him anymore. He decided you were too fragile for this world. Why was he risking his life? For what? A couple more food rations? Ammunition for guns that were more necessary than ever.

Poking your ravioli and musing about your situation, you jumped several inches in the air when three loud bangs rattled the rusty door. “Tommy!” Your heart nearly gave out when you heard Joels muffled voice from behind the door. It sounded strangely strained. Tommy immediately jumped to his feet, as did you. When he unlocked the door and pulled it open, Joel stumbled inside, clutching his left shoulder. Panic flooded your system when you saw the blood pouring from between his fingers.

“Joel, what the fuck happened?” Tommy put his arm around his waist and guided him towards the couch. “Get tweezers or something” Joel grit out through his teeth. “It´s still lodged in there.” You were already hurrying over to them with the make shift first aid kit. Only now, Joel seemed to realise where exactly he stumbled in. With a white face he stared at you like he had never seen you before. “___”, he whispered. You barely held back your panicked expression or the lump in your throat when you began to rummage through the first aid kit for the tweezers. When you found them you knelt in front of him and looked him square in the face. You really hoped your expression was blank, void of any emotion. But you knew better. For six weeks you pined over a man that didn´t want you. You cried yourself to sleep, worried yourself sick. Of course there was no way your face said nothing. Especially when seeing him hurt. “Take your shirt off” you simply said. Joel hissed when he awkwardly and with Tommys help removed his checked shirt first, then his T-shirt. It wasn´t the first time you saw his torso but like all the other times your heart began to race and you were once again remined of your immense attraction to him. Worst moment possible. When you disinfected the tweezers and took a first look at his wound, Joel didn´t seem to be able to look away from you. “___, I´m sorry” he whispered almost inaudibly. “Don´t” you said quickly, trying not to cry. “Not now…later.” He nodded and tried to stay still as you got to work.

Half an hour later the bullet was out and Joel patched up. He still sat on the sofa when you packed everything up and went to wash your hands. Tommy left to get some more supplies when he saw that you needed all the gauze he had. Standing over the sink you started to scrub at your hands. When they started to shake you knew the inevitable was coming. This hadn´t happened for quite a while. The attacks started after your first encounter with an infected. The first time you had to shoot to kill. You could feel the sweat gathering on your temple, you heart thumping uncontrollably. Why was it to cold in here? Silent tears fell onto your hands when you tried to scrub them harder, more manically. You didn´t hear Joel get up or moving closer to you. So when he said your name in a worried tone only a few steps behind you, you spun around with a yelp. Stumbling backwards a sob wrecked your whole body. “Woa woa woa,___!” Joel hurried over to you. His big hand grasping your shoulder he bent his head to look into your eyes. His expression was one of pure regret and self-loathing. Being within his vicinity again your sobs came out more violently. Joel just surged forward and hugged you to his chest as hard as he could and dared. Pressing his lips to the top of your head he whispered apology after apology to you while you let out all your pent up sadness, anger and confusion. After a couple of moments your anger took over and you started to push him away. Wiping at your face angrily you stared him down. He was standing up as best he could, no doubt bracing himself. “What the shit happened to you, Joel? Why are you here of all places?!”

“It was the only place I could think of” he said quietly. “Not your own? Or Tess´?” you snarked. He hung his head and shook it. “Tess doesn´t know. We weren´t together.” “Oh! Perfect! First, she get´s you into this shit business and then she doesn´t even make sure you´re not hurt?! Are you shitting me?” You grumbled that last part more to yourself than him. “She´s not supposed to look after me. I asked for a batterie and she told me how to get it. That´s all. I´m…I´m the one continuing what she taught me.” “Why?” you asked him in a whispered, pleading tone. “Why would you risk your life like this?”

“___”, he said a bit louder. “You see what happened to people once everything fell apart. There´s people out there doing worse things than what an infected would do. Doing what I´m doing makes sure I know what´s going on. Gives us supplies.” That did it. “Us?” you said calmly. “ Well, I´m very glad you and Tess have enough supplies while your brother-“

“I´m not talking about Tess an´ me , god damn it!” He huffed out an annoyed breath and started pacing. “Why are you so hung up on her? She didn´t do anything to you.”

“She puts you in danger, Joel. She makes you reckless and by introducing you to that world she took you from me!” Your hand slapped itself across your mouth the moment you said it. Joel stared at you, unblinking. “Take me from you? ___, you were the one who left! I´m sorry I went and met up with Tess. I´m sorry! When you didn´t come home by the time I thought you would I was losing my mind! Tess stayed and made sure I wasn´t going crazy. That is it!”

He looked at you pleadingly, like he was trying to force the truth of his words right into your brain. And it worked. You calmed down somewhat and suddenly felt bad. “You…” you started and swallowed hard. “You said you didn´t want me around anymore.” He came closer again and you let him. Tentatively he reached his uninjured arm out to you and held your face. “You misunderstood me, sweetheart” he said lowly. His face changed into a raw and open expression. One you hadn´t seen since before the breakout. Tears gathered in your eyes again. There he was. Your Joel. Saying what you had wished for to be the truth.

“I said, I didn´t want you anywhere near our plans because they are dangerous. I don´t worry about Tess out there,___. She´s been doing this for a very long time.” He came even closer until he stood only a breath away from you. You closed your eyes and waited. His forehead made contact with yours when he spoke again. “What I am worried about is your wellbeing, your safety, your happiness.” A quiet tear made it´s way down your cheek and he immediately wiped it away. “I wouldn´t be able to look out for you. And quite frankly, that scares the fuck out of me.” You nodded your head gently and grasped his shirt with both hands. “The last six weeks…” he heaved a sigh. “I wasn´t myself. One job after another got my mind occupied at least somewhat. But at night-“ at that his voice broke and you just grasped his shirt even harder. “I need you to understand that I didn´t want you to leave. Or think I didn´t want you around me. That´s not the case…never the case.”

“Then why didn´t you explain it to me? Why´d you let me leave?” you asked pleadingly. He shook his head and with a hushed voice he said, his lips whispering against your forehead “I don´t know, honey. I don´t know, I´m so so sorry. Maybe I saw it as an opportunity to keep you away from all this. I thought….at least she´s safe.” You needed him closer. With still wet cheeks you closed the distance and wound your arms around his neck and burying your face in his neck. His good arm around your waist he pulled you into him as much as he could. “I´m so sorry” you whimpered. “I´m sorry I left. I´m sorry you always have to look out for me”.

“No, no no no no, sweetheart. Don´t do that. I know you can take care of yourself. It´s my own ambition to keep you safe. Keep you with me. I can´t lose you too, I can´t.” You strengthened the grip around his neck for a moment before you leaned back at bit to look at him. “Don´t send me away and I´ll be right next to you for as long as I live, Joel.” You tried to smile at him but it was a grimace at best. His eyes went wide and you could see a definite wetness in them. “You remember before it all happened?” he asked. You nodded. “Of course”, you whispered.

He was still holding you to him, his forehead returning to yours. “Let´s pretend for a moment”, he whispered. “Let me pretend it´s 2003. We´re having a Barbeque in my back garden. You are wearing that perfect blue dress, preparing veggies for…for Sarah.” You saw the wetness in his eyes spill over. He was crying. “We eat, we laugh, we drink and when it´s late and Sarah is in bed…” he choked on his voice. “Let me pretend I finally have the guts to ask you out on a real date. Let me pretend you´d say yes.” Your heart almost gave out. “Yes.” You immediately whispered. “Joel, yes. Any day. Apocalypse or not, I say yes.” Through his tears he exhaled sharply, smiling. “Joel, I´ve been infatuated with you since the beginning. I´ve been staying with you because I´m in love with you.” His head snapped up quickly. Staring at you as if you had grown another head and you found the strength to chuckle. Your hands went to his face, framing it. “Sorry for being so forward” you said sweetly. “But I thought it´s now or never. No misunderstandings anymore. I can´t handle another.” He nodded, still staring at you. “You don´t have to say any-Hmmmpf”.

His lips were on yours the next moment. Your mind blank you rested your hands at the back of his neck and pulled him further into you. His hand at the side of your waist balled up into a fist then relaxed again. Moving his mouth over yours gently but with purpose he let out a little groan. Your head seemed to be filled with air and the blood in your ears was rushing. You had no idea how long you stood there, just giving each other long, open mouthed kisses, touching each other gently. When you finally separated you looked into Joels eyes. They were dry now and shone happily and with so much affection, your throat went dry.

“I´m in love with you,___” Joel said with a gravelly voice, smiling timidly at you. You couldn´t help the grin that split your face. “For five years I wondered what kind of relationship we had. I knew I couldn´t leave you”, he said. “But year after year, relationship worries seemed to become so unimportant and I lost sight of how I felt before everything went to shit. I´m sorry.” You shook your head. “Don´t apologise. I know what you mean.” He smiled. “Nevertheless, I fell for you hard, from casserole number one. Over the years, seeing you adjust to every situation we were in…sticking with me…I really should have more faith in you.” You looked at him softly and kissed him again. “Joel, it´s okey. I understand what you mean. I…I also can´t bear the thought of you being in danger. So, please. Let me stay with you.” This time his hand went to your cheek when he pulled you in and kissed you hard. Almost desperately he held onto you, carefully licking your lower lip. Your heart jumped into your throat as you opened up to him. Gliding his tongue across yours gently he let out a satisfied hum. He pulled back. “Never lettin´ you go again. I swear” he breathed against your lips.

Smiling, you looked him deep in the eyes. “I love you, Joel” you said. The corner of his eyes crinkled in the way you loved so much. “I love you” he repeated. “I´ll protect you. So stay with me.”

____________________________________________________________

If you liked this fic, please consider interacting with this post so it reaches more people who are interessted in these kind of writings :) Thank you very much

#tlou fic #joel miller #x reader #pedro pascal edit #pedro pascal fic #fluff #the last of us fic #joel miller x reader #joel miller fanfiction #anonymous ask #writing joel miller #tlou edit #tlou hbo #tlouedit #joel miller x y/n #joel miller x you

906 notes · View notes