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roz-ani · 3 months

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As someone who was absolutely thriving while watching episode 5 and being a huge fan of Alastor being a dad/mentor/godfather figure to Charlie, I think one thing needs to be made clear: Alastor doesn't see her as his daughter. He is, however, meant to slowly warm up to the idea of the Hotel and to the people living it. The thing that holds the audience back from fully grasping that idea is the show's pacing. As Al continues to be the best-written character in the show, I wanted to focus more on his motivation and actions in light of the events of episode 5, while also being aware of how much work the audience has to do to fill in the gaps created by the show's writing.

As fun and entertaining as the idea of Charlie and Alstor having this kind of bond is, it is not without its flaws.

Where did this idea of Al being supportive of Charlie's idea even come from? Obviously, the pilot. The Radio Demon shows up at the doorstep and offers his aid. He claims he's doing it for himself, but hey, he's still helping, right? Well, technically. The moment the Princess asks him if he believes in her cause, he laughs it off. He doesn't support her dream and does not necessarily want to make the Hotel work in the sense that he would like to see it succeed. Alastor is fully convinced it's a lost cause - hard work that doesn't pay off. He wants to see it function. He wants ongoing entertainment in the form of sinners failing to redeem themselves. Well, he doesn't get to watch that much if you look at how much redeeming there's actually going on it the show.

He provides the staff, renovates the building, even gives it its official name, and agrees to make the commercial to promote the establishment. The only issue he has with the last thing is the form of the promotion. If Charlie asked for a radio advertisement, he would definitely go out of his way to make it appealing. Would it actually work? Who knows? Probably not much, and we need to remember that no one can be forced or manipulated to stay at the Hotel.

Let's stop here for a moment, though. Now that we know that someone (Lilith... or maybe Eve, but let's leave that for another post) has Alastor on a leash, we can take a different look at the Demon offering Vaggie his help with the commercial. He was most likely sent to help with the establishment because Lilith does want to see Charlie's idea work. Alastor's contract most likely requires him to help and protect Lilith's daughter. Still, he wants to do it on his own terms. So the only requirement he makes is that he will not be involved with television in the future, even if it would help the cause.

Here we face our first problem. This is everything he does for the Hotel in the show. There is literally nothing more we see him do due to the limited number of episodes. We don't even see Charlie and Alastor talk. The last time they had a proper conversation was in the pilot.

Now, here we can notice what made people see Alastor as Charlie's father/mentor figure. In the pilot episode, and especially during his song number, Alastor goes out of his way to touch Charlie and even dances with her. He makes the building look more appealing, showing the owner he's capable of making her dream come true. He does that again episode 5.

Vivzie did say they have a good relationship. The Radio Demon actually likes Charlie's personality and appreciates her artistic talents. Unfortunately, we don't see it in the show itself. We just fill this gap by ourselves. If you want to understand better, put yourself in the shoes of a person who only saw the pilot, which is becoming less and less canon now, and immediately started watching the show without any behind-the-scenes information. Ask your friends to watch this show, like I did, and you'll see what the issue is.

But back to the main topic. Personally, I see Alasto as more of Charlie's (fairy) godfather. Just like the fairy in Cinderella's story, Alastor uses his powers to make the protagonist's dreams come true. He fulfills her requests, like the commercial, but adds his own twists, like the Hotel's name and the deal with Vaggie. I still remember he doesn't actually care about the cause, but it's still entertaining to see him working. Well, again, it would be, because we don't really see him doing that in the show itself.

So, time passes and Lucifer shows up. Now, if looks could kill, this episode would last less than 5 minutes. Alastor IMMEDIATELY hates Hell's boss. His eye starts twitching the moment he hugs Charlie. I would even argue the way he smiles while observing the preparations is much more sinister. He knows who's coming and he doesn't like it.

It doesn't take long before these two start their petty argument. I've seen people come up with a few main ideas for Al's pettiness towards Lucifer:

He hates that yet another power figure didn't recognise him. Partially. We know that Alastor's ego can be easily hurt. He's been gone for seven years and still thinks he's all that. Sure, he's still powerful, and he proves that in the episode, but he's not as relevant as he thinks he is. There is one issue with that argument, though. This is the first time these two meet, and Alastor shows his aversion to Lucifer the moment he arrives. I would say Charlie's father not recognising the Radio Demon just adds insult to the injury.

Alastor had an abusive father, and he hates Lucifer for acting similarly. Possibly. If we want to fill the gaps ourselves again or treat it as a headcanon. We don't know much about Al's childhood, only that he had a good relationship with his mother. If that is the case, we have yet to see it in the show.

Lucifer is the reason why Alastor is on Lilith's leash. Now, that's more likely. My guess is that after losing to Vox, Al made a deal with Lilith and the two of them were gone for 7 years. We have yet to learn what they were doing, but Lilith eventually sent the Radio Demon to help her daughter, while he saw his return as a chance to reestablish his position in Hell's hierarchy. Now, one could argue that was not necessarily hinted at in the episode as well, and I do agree. Yet, I do believe this is the most likely answer, as it would fit the plot and is the most likely part of Al's character to be explored in the future.

Alastor sees Lucifer as a threat to his work/an obstacle. That's an idea that popped into my head recently, and it's strongly connected to the previous theory. Alastor definitely knew that Charlie's dad was… not very supportive of her work. If he somehow managed to dissuade her, it would mean the Demon failed to fulfil his task/hold his end of the deal. It would not only absolutely ruin his ego but also have contract-related consequences.

I think we may explore this issue the future if the show is given a chance to do so. For now, I believe it's safe to say that the main reason for Alastor's aversion is his contract and personality.

But why the pettiness? Why the whole act about being Charlie's biggest supporter? Because Alastor is petty. His ego is quite fragile. We saw that when Carmilla dismissed his return or when Husk warned him about Mimzy. Just like Lucifer, he doesn't believe in Charlie's cause, but Lucifer makes Alastor's aversion even stronger by just straight-up insulting him and his work.

And if Al is willing to send a guy flying because of a coat (that's already torn at the bottom mind you), he's absolutely going to put such a person in their place. The thing is, he can't. Not in this case. We're talking about the King of Hell. Despite his mental state, he's still more powerful than any overlord. We can joke about Vox wishing to have this kind of rivalry with Alastor, but we do see the Radio Demon and the Fallen Anger going head-to-head during their song number. But if Lucifer is so powerful, how can Alastor "beat" him? Simple, by manipulation.

Here we come to the whole father-daughter relationship issue. Everything Alastor does and says is intended to piss off Lucifer. He keeps touching Charlie and talks to her in a way we have only seen during the song number in the pilot. While he does that, he gives her biological father a sinister look any chance he gets. "See? I'm winning. I can give her whatever she wants. In her eyes, I'm just like you if not better."

Now, we need to remember that Charlie is fully aware of Alastor's intentions. She knows he's aiding her for selfish reasons, so why isn't she completely taken aback by his sudden flow of affection and praise? Because it's Charlie we're talking about. In episode 3, she "confessed" that she loves the Hotel residents despite not being that close with them in the first place, and, well, she does have daddy issues. Whenever Alastor looks at her during the song, it feels like he's forcing Charlie to believe what he says and does. The Radio Demon is truly giving the Princess everything her father has failed to provide, and she falls for it.

Remember, Alastor enjoyed watching children suffer after the Stock Market Crash of 1929. He is not a father material. Mentor? Sure. Father? Definitely not. That's why it feels so weird when he says he wishes he had a child of his own. He has never acted this way toward Charlie. He is willing to say anything to make her and Lucifer believe his intentions because he simply wants to win this argument, and he just happens to be in a position that allows him to exploit other people's insecurities.

It makes sense, right? It sure does if we apply the suspension of disbelief notion here. Again, we haven't seen Alastor do any of the things he mentions in the song. The last time he and the Princess talked was in the pilot. We just assume they get along. I think this is especially visible when we stop to think about the fight near the end of the episode. Charlie claims Alastor is protecting the Hotel. It definitely looks like it at first, and we could argue that this is something he signed up for. However, Alastor basically admits that for him, this is a chance to show everyone why he still should be feared. He treats this as an opportunity for a power display. Not because he cares about the Hotel. The writers WANT us to believe that's the case by making Alastor send Mimzy away right after the fight is over. Nothing indicates he cares more about the Hotel. That's why people are not sure if we should treat Alastor's talk with Mimzy seriously.

The show has already done that before, especially in episode 3 with Carmnilla and Vaggie. We know nothing of these two, and we are just supposed to bond with them and understand their way of thinking and actions. Some of that is even in episode 4, when Husk says what everyone's main deal is - Sir Pentious being insecure, Vaggie hating herself, Charlie wanting to resolve other people's problems instead of her own, and Angel Dust putting on an act. We haven't seen any of those people, besides Angel, talk to Husk before, and there was very little time to establish whether all those issues were actually the case. The only reason why we can believe Husk is because we know all that information from the crew, wiki trivia, and because the episode proves Husk was partially right about Angel, whose character act is probably the second-best established one in the show. We know we're meant to fill in the gaps, but there are moments when we're just confused once we turn on critical thinking.

So, Al's argument with Mizmzy is supposed to feel like he's starting to care more about the Hotel because Charlie tells us so and because we can guess that this is most likely Alastor's main character act. Paradoxically, the reason it's not so clear-cut is not just Hazbin Hotel's bad pacing, but Alastor being the best-written character in the show. We learn more and more about him, but there is still some mystery to his motivation. It is never laid out for us like it is with Vaggie (damn, she really is getting the short end of the stick). We're never told, "Hey, this is his deal".

This show is genuinely held back by its format. The writers pick the best, most relevant moments and put them together to create a narrative that ultimately feels incomplete. Interestingly, I think the people who realise it (and are not out there to absolutely tear the show down) are not exactly mad but disappointed. They tend to feel ambivalent or find it hard to care about the characters unless they choose to ignore the missing parts. I believe the show's redeeming qualities, like the voice acting, songs, and its heroes' personalities, make the problems easier to handle, but that doesn't change the fact that it's simply getting more and more frustrating.

Nowadays, writers are left with two choices: severely changing their story or opting for bad writing/pacing to fulfil their vision. Hazbin Hotel's creators clearly went for the second option. We don't know what exactly was changed because of the budget and the show's format, but the main premise is just not present in the series. We're not observing much redeeming, and the whole deal with Heaven feels like a season 2 plot idea. Are the writers doing their best with what they have? It depends on what we consider "doing your best." Personally, I understand they want to make the series entertaining. They want people to be intrigued and interested in the premise, but the execution is just hopeless. Just because you can do more doesn't mean you should. What looks good on paper is not always going to work in a different medium. Show, don't tell.

You can't expect the audience to fill in the gaps for your sake all the time. What you think is intriguing may be just another reason for people to realise how lacklustre your creation is.

I know it sounds like I'm just blaming the crew, but I am fully aware that they're not Benioff and Weiss. They would absolutely accept more episodes. Just like with Charlie, their efforts are futile when they're not fully in control. Still, that doesn't change the fact that the final outcome is deeply flawed. As an audience, we can't just keep saying, "Well, they wanted to do more, but the studios didn't let them." Yes, that is the whole problem. Yes, studios shouldn't have so much power over someone's creation. Hazbin Hotel's writers are trying their best, but not with the pacing. They are making everything else redeem the issues with the story progression. While the show is genuinely enjoyable, it is mainly so when you, as a viewer, decide to turn a blind eye to the pacing. When you convince yourself that as long as something fun and plot-relevant happens, the show is well-written. I don't want Hazbin Hotel to be perfect. I want it to realize that some things should be prioritised.

#hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel spoilers #alastor #charlie morningstar #lucifer morningstar #lucifer hazbin hotel #roz writes #mine

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heartbeetz · 2 months

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Growing Pains (part 1)

Pairing : Anton / Jazz

AU : Hellmarked (Demonic Anton AU)

Summary : Anton returns home from his confrontation with Satan and realizes that things aren't quite what they used to be.

Warnings : alcohol mentions, casual swearing, physical transformations (minor / non-graphic)

Words : 1,526

READ ON NEOCITIES!!!

Excerpt / Teaser :

Jazz smirked. "Did you steal his tail while you were at it?" he asked, his voice playful.

"HAH!" Anton barked out a laugh. His teeth gleamed as he smiled, bright white against the stark black of his beard. "No, but I shoulda! The bastard woulda deserved it!" He snarled slightly, and his voice dropped to a low grumble. "Stealin' my damn spirits…"

The other man chuckled. He cocked his brow as he motioned loosely towards his partner, pointing near his hip. "Where'd you get that, then?"

"Where'd I get wha—"

#you WILL read this #btw my neocities theme changer only works on desktop sorry mobile users o7 #roz posts #roz writes #♡: 🔨🎰🥃#s: it's happy hour #au: hellmarked 💥🔥

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235uranium · 9 months

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background music (4153 words) by hyadescluster Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Gravity Falls Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Ford Pines & Mabel Pines Characters: Ford Pines, Mabel Pines Additional Tags: Ford Pines Has Issues, Ford Pines and Mabel Pines Bonding, this was supposed to be fluff and it just turned into 4k of ford needing therapy, Post-Weirdmageddon Summary: Ford finally realized what Mabel was holding- it was one of the invitations to the younger twins’ birthday party. Dipper had told him about Mabel overhearing their conversation, and at this point he’d… completely forgotten any of it had happened. Shit. -- a simple attempt to talk about music ends up going in another direction, now that the world isn't falling apart and everyone has time to think about things again.

#☢️.txt #roz writes #god this whole thing is such a MASSIVE mess #but im taking a 'just post it you dumb bitch' approach to writing and this is 4k of something #and im sure someone else wants to read ford pines having a slowmotion breakdown #warning for fords horrible horrible idea of first aid. on himself he'd take mabel to the hospital

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jennyandvastraflint · 2 months

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My brain: Jenny/Vastra Phantom of the Opera AU when!!!

Me:....

Me: 💵 *slides money to @rosenkranz-does-things*

AND NOW... THE RESULT:

I love this so, so much, Roz. I don't even know where to start!!! Vastra's mask is just TOP NOTCH. Her half-transparent cloak with them stars!!!! Jenny in the corset 👀 Their intertwined hands! Jenny's beautiful necklace! I love how Vastra is closing her eyes and just leaning in, full od desire and love, and Jenny still has her eyes open. The light on Jenny's hair!?? THE SCAR ON VASTRA'S CHEST!?? Gosh I love everything about this so much. Chewing glass over this, byeeee

#I'll write this at some point i swear #currently I'm just chewing on this BECAUSE JUST LOOK AT THIS #Roz you are so fucking skilled #doctor who #madame vastra #jenny flint #jenny and vastra #jenny x vastra #the paternoster gang #vastra x jenny #vastra and jenny #phantom of the opera #phantom of the opera au #commissioned art

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autolenaphilia · 7 months

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I think about the article "Don't Call Me Mister You Fucking Beast" from 1972 a lot. It was written by Transvestite, Transsexual and Drag Queen group of the Gay Liberation Front, the British organization. Among its authors was Roz Kaveney and Rachel Pollack. in fact I discovered the text by reading Kaveney's obituary about Pollack, where Kaveney says Pollack was the major mind behind their manifesto.

Now "Don't Call me mister" is a fascinating and important text in general, and a part of trans history. The Gay Liberation Front is often remembered as a cis gay organization, but the fact was that trans people were a part of it, especially transfems. As the article mentions, their group didn't have transmasc members at the time, it was all people we today would describe as transfem. Contrary to some claims in the transmisogynistic British press, transfems were a part of the modern UK queer liberation movement from its beginnings.

Also transvestites and transsexuals were organized together. There is no "medicalism", distinctions are made between those on hrt, those who want it but don't have it yet (in large part due to medical gatekeeping) and those who don't want it, but it isn't treated as important. The claim of "mere" transvestites to be women is treated as valid. The text openly speaks of "transvestite, transsexual and drag-queen women."

The writers also see their struggle as women as part of the broader feminist wave going on at the time. "Think how much more inspiring and beautiful the women's revolution will be when it joyously includes all women." The text in many ways anticipates the concept of intersectionality.

The discussion of passing too is complex, and defends wanting to pass from the young who are "quick to say be militant, don't hide." because the reality is "if you pass you're treated as a human being, if you don't you're treated as a pervert or a roadshow." But the text also notes "Yet there are also thrills to not passing, or more precisely, not caring if you pass." and defends that as well. And the text notes that not all of them conform to feminine stereotypes and that there are butch transfems among them.

I was most recently reminded of this article due to the recent f1nnster discourse, because the article discusses that question as well. "Why is Danny La Rue [a popular drag artist of the time] a West End institution, when we get kicked out of our flats for wearing a skirt? Apparently it's all right if you're doing it for money, but perverted if you do it for personal satisfaction." And that about sums up the divide between men who crossdress as part of a show, and ordinary transsexual women and transvestites even today. Crossdressing as a gag or part of a show has always been more accepted than crossdressing for personal reasons, or transitioning.

The values of the text holds up well overall, and reveals that the "old-school transsexuals" of the 70s often had similar views about medical gatekeeping and passing that young trans people today often have.

#my writings #about other people's writings #gay liberation front #trans history #don't call me mister you fucking beast #roz kaveney #rachael pollack

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rozunderpressure · 6 months

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Chapters: 1/? Fandom: Miraculous Ladybug Rating: Mature Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Chloé Bourgeois/Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug, Chloé Bourgeois & Zoé Lee, Audrey Bourgeois & Chloé Bourgeois Characters: Chloé Bourgeois, Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug, various OCs, Audrey Bourgeois Additional Tags: Enemies to Lovers, Secret past crush Summary:

In a trip to New York for a special spot in the next edition of "Style Queen" and on the behalf of the rebranded Agreste label, up and coming new hotness of the fashion world Marinette Dupain-Cheng and disgraced former heiress Chloé Bourgeois meet again, this time much older, wiser and taller... Well, at one of them is at least.

Here it is the fanfic I’ve been teasing, just one chapter out for now, it was supposed to be a One Shot but that certainly did not pan out... Anyway!

Special thanks for @generalluxun for taking a look and giving me some really good feedback on the first chapter, much appreciated!

#Chloe Bourgeois #Marinette Dupain Cheng #Chlonette #Chloenette #Roz Writes Fanfic

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veilkeeper · 5 months

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Summary: Roz may have said no, but they've found themself changed irreversibly anyway. And as it turns out, all of their friends looking at them like they were a monster wasn't the half of it. They're starving, but admitting it might ruin everything. (3,021 words)

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*note that this fic does discuss feeling physically hungry and put off by normal food in extreme detail. perhaps skip this one if you're sensitive to that sort of imagery. also there's like… brain eating. in detail. so skip this one if you're sensitive to that, too. i think the imagery is all very Canon-Typical, but i'm covering my bases.

and if none of that puts you off.... dig in. preferably with both bare hands.

#what if i wrote a fic about cannibalism that was really about being touchstarved. what then.#and what if it was actually some of my best work re: imagery and descriptive language. what then.#roz #my writing #bg3 #bg3 fic

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twyz · 9 months

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just posted on ao3 for the first time!! absolutely TERRIFIED

#twyz #it probably wont get much traction #but im always terrified to post my writing #its just #something im not used too #pray for me folks!!#roz screams into the void #txt

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roz-ani · 3 months

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One issue I don't quite get and want to briefly comment on is the idea that Alastor has to be either an old-school villain who's just evil for the sake of being evil, or more of an antagonist with actual depth, emotions, and traumatic backstory to explain his actions, letting the audience relate to him. I think we're going to extremes here. We don't have to go, "Oh, I understand why he would do that". The main goal is for us to say, "Oh, so that's his deal".

While we don't know exactly what Alstor's deal is, what the exact terms of his contract are etc., he is, without a doubt, the most complex character in the show. He's in a unique position since he technically helps Charlie achieve her goal, but it's obvious he's in it for selfish reasons, with some grander scheme going on behind the scenes. May he eventually be the one the main cast will have to fight at some point? Sure. Would it be even more fun because he is a part of the said cast? Absolutely.

Let's get one thing straight: Alastor is evil. He's in Hell for a good reason. He's a cannibal and a serial killer. And I know we can absolutely forgive characters for doing the absolute worst, but he is not a good person. And yes, you can like (and simp for) evil characters. (If you think being a fan of intriguing fictional creations makes you a terrible person, you need to get off twitter and tiktok to actually interact with real people.) At the same time, the finale of season 1 simply made it clear that Al does have depth, and that he's going to be a three-dimensional character. Not that his actions are going to be suddenly justified.

But why can't we explore evil characters while enjoying them and letting them be evil? We can. Alastor started his carnage in Hell before making his deal, so it's not the main reason behind his less-than-questionable actions. For now, he's looking for freedom so he can (re)gain power and be in control again. At the same time, he is growing attached to the other characters. I highly doubt he'll be redeemed; we'll just learn more about him, his backstory, and his goals.

Can you even call Al an antagonist? If you ask me, he's more of an anti-hero. Heck, do we know who he is? Not really, and that's the point. He's one of the main characters, but he makes himself separate in both the story and the writing. He's a wild card.

We don't know what's coming for the Radio Demon in season 2. The first one established that there's more to him and that he started growing fond of the other characters, while the finale made Al realise it almost got him killed. He was humiliated and it reminded him even more that he's still under someone else's control. At least, that's how I see it. Alastor may become more sinister as the story progresses, and as he's getting more and more desperate to free himself of the contract. AT THE SAME TIME, he did come back to the Hotel with a smile and consent for a group hug, so it's not like he's going to blow it up in the first episode. He's not against the Hotel itself. He's doing his own thing, knowing that the titular establishment is an inherent part of his story. All paths lead to the Hazbin Hotel. My guess is that he will simply become more active.

Alastor is already a three-dimensional character; there is no doubt about that. But it's not like he's getting reckoned here. I don't really understand where this notion of our Radio Demon being an old-school villain came from in the first place. He's always been a mystery. Okay, maybe in the pilot it was not so clear-cut, and I'll admit, it would be fun to just see the Radio Demon as a powerful entity overlooking the hotel for his own pleasure. Turning him into a villain later on? Meh, depends on what would happen in the story if that were the case. Watching Jack Horner in "Puss in Boots", reminded me how much I missed villains that were not an initial antagonist's evil-incarnate-superior. However, it was quite quickly established that there is more to Alastor. He would have to appear pretty rarely to not go through any character arc in a show with such an ambitious storyline as Hazbin Hotel (and what a delightful character would we lose if that was the direction the writing team would have taken?). I would mention the pacing actually harming that development, but it's clear this is the show's biggest problem, and we just have to take things for granted.

If anything, Alastor is being restrained from being purely evil. To me, he's a combination of both of the character types I mentioned at the beginning, leaning more toward the well-developed anti-hero. Just let evil characters be evil and three-dimensional.

#alastor #hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel spoilers #roz writes #mine

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heartbeetz · 1 year

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Drabblecember ☆ Moving In

Pairing: Bob Spαrker + Kenzie Flack

Words: 300

"Wait, you… I didn't think you'd actually say yes!" Kenzie covered his mouth with his hand as he laughed.

"What do you mean? Why wouldn't I?"

As his fiancé stood before him, an excited look on his face, Kenzie could hardly believe how easy it had been. He couldn't possibly be thinking things through… right?

"It's so much nicer in the big city, Bob, you know that! And if you stay working in entertainment… I just can't imagine you wanting to move back to one of the lower tiers."

"Oh, but we're getting married! And you're right; it'd be much easier for me to move in with you than for us to try to find somewhere new." He spoke with a grin. The towering city was so isolated in the valley that no one ever really left. Residential spaces were crowded, resources were limited... He couldn't imagine how long it might be before anything suitable hit the market.

"You grew up down here. Now you're living with the stars, right under the moonlight. Why would you give that up?"

Bob took his partner's hands. He looked up at him gently. "I know my apartment up there's nice, but it's just a place to live. I didn't even choose it myself — the ol' boss did. Kenzie… this is your home. It could be our home." He brushed a strand of dark hair from the man's face. "Waking up next to you every day, sitting down for meals together… no amount of glamor could beat that."

"Sweetie, come on…"

"I mean it. Wherever you are, that's where I want to be." Bob brought his partner's hand up to his cheek, closing his eyes and resting against Kenzie's palm. "I'd be more than happy to spend my life right here with you."

#HI.#I said I'd do these later this month but recent events (ai shenanigans) have forced my hand #he wants to. move in with me. AOUGH.#roz posts #roz writes #s: when sparks fly #♡: ⚡️🎥⚠️#kenzie📰📺#also not doing these consistently or in any order bc I don't want to #drabblecember

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235uranium · 2 months

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btw I am still extremely proud of said hannibal/beastars fic, a working definition of predation

#☢️.txt #roz writes #genuinely id love to expand on this au in the future #esp on will + alana and hannibal + abigail

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coldshrugs · 1 year

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all that we did, you undo

a gift for the lovely @roxaro for the @wayfarer-exchange!! featuring: neavh trahern & aeran kellis word count: 1230 summary: reunited in karth, neavh doesn't find the welcome ey expects in aeran.

Neavh is staring.

Aeran is tired and dirty in the middle of Karth, but he still draws eir gaze like a beacon just set ablaze. He shifts restlessly, waiting for em to answer his very simple question. Is he uncomfortable with the attention? Neavh can sympathize; these last few years have been lonely, and solitude is almost second nature. Still, ey cannot tear eir eyes away from him, to have confirmation that he is here with em right now, discomfort be damned.

"What was that?" Neavh shakes out of eir reverie.

Aeran rubs at the back of his neck, the hint of his familiar smile tugging at his lips. "Should we find an inn? Seems a bit dense to camp in the desert when we just got paid."

Neavh nods, though where ey sleeps isn’t important, as long as Aeran is around.

They stroll through Karth's high street, a dusty strip of dirt that bends like a horseshoe toward a small stream trickling down from the Gairlochs. A few side paths branch off the outer perimeter, leading to family homes and shared tenements, painted in shades of bright white, yellow, or blue to provide natural cooling in the desert heat. The middle of the horseshoe holds a sprawling bazaar, just bustling to life as the sun sets the western sky ablaze with red-orange hues.

The ends of the horseshoe lead back to the desert, so they head inward, toward the scattering of inns and alehouses near the water. The sandwraith's head earned enough to spare for a night or two of decent lodging, food, and drink before hitting the road again.

Together this time.

They enter a squat, two-story inn and tavern constructed from sun-bleached wood. They're accepted without much fuss, as long as they promise not to poke at the security wards. Neavh glances toward the exits, and the protective magic is so faint that ey'd feel shitty about even unintentional tampering.

"In that case, maybe you could bring some food and a few bottles of your worst up to the room. To keep us from wandering," Neavh winks at the innkeeper. It's an easy tradeoff and they agree.

Neavh and Aeran find their room on the second floor, furnished with two down cots, a small round table, a single wooden chair, and a wash basin. An oil lantern sits on the table, and another hangs by the window. They light both and warm light floods the room through the yellow, soot-stained glass.

Ey removes eir hood, freeing eir lustrous lavender braid in the safety of this space, then turns to Aeran. "No hearth, but it can be home for a few days." Neavh hopes for a wisecrack, some dumb joke ey can hit back at with one of eir own.

But he stands silently at the stone water basin, washing the desert off his arms and face. His eyes are unfocused like he's very far away. Like he doesn't even hear em...

"Aeran?" ey asks.

Aeran glances at em but doesn't hold eir gaze. His eyes fall to his hands, clean now, but he keeps wiping at them. "Yeah?"

For a time, eir world had fallen into an abyss, eir life yawning before em like an unnavigable cavern, empty save for the echoes of eir own voice. Trying to find a place to belong only exacerbated just how misshapen Neavh's self-image had become. Ey pressed on, alone and lonely, carrying the grief of finality and singularity until it seemed like this world held nothing else for em.

Just hours ago, the clouds parted, and Aeran stood before em, helping em finish off a random contract. They'd embraced like the old friends they are, forehead to forehead, and everything in Neavh suddenly felt set to right. Aeran, eir family, was there in the flesh and that is more than enough.

So why doesn't this feel like a happy time? Why does he seem so... lost?

Neavh, flinging emself onto eir cot (the one on the right, out of habit), decides to change the subject. "So where've you been?"

Aeran freezes, blue eyes going wide. This was not the casual question Neavh hoped. Hm.

"All over, I'd imagine. Just like me. Any favorites?" Ey verbally tiptoes back until Aeran relaxes and perches on the edge of his own cot. "Or any towns you're unofficially banned from for punching another magistrate's son?"

"That was one time!" He chuckles brightly, his face illuminated by the memory even as he covers it with his hands. "And that asshole deserved it. He was threatening you!"

"He was threatening to cut off my hair if I beat him at cards." Neavh shrugs, basking in the warmth they've slipped into.

"And?" Aeran waves a hand expectantly.

Ey sighs. "I beat him at cards several times, took all his crowns, and he tried to slice off my braid with his dagger."

They stare at each other, reliving the moment, both so bold in their youth and more than a little intoxicated at the time. Aeran breaks first (he always does), laughter bubbling out of him the way boiling water spills from a pot.

Neavh can't help but join him, knees up to eir chest as ey erupts in uncontrollable giggles. Ey ignores the twinge of pain in eir hip. The lightness in Aeran's voice is worth paying that small price.

When the laughter dies, their smiles remain. Neavh relaxes on the cot with an arm under eir head and a strange feeling in eir stomach.

A sparkling wholeness. A lonesome restraint.

This familiarity is fragile. Already, ey clings to it so tightly it chokes. But ey just got Aeran back, and clinging is the only thing ey knows how to do.

"Nea," Aeran starts. The nickname feels heavy and right. An acknowledgment that they're still in this together, regardless of what "this" is. But his voice is strained. He doesn't want to say this. "Listen, I've been to a lot of places in the last few years. Done a lot of things I'm not--"

A soft pounding at the door. "Kearse sent me up with some food for you," a young voice calls.

With a grateful sigh, Aeran bounds the few steps to the door, wrenching it open to find a half-melusine in their teens carrying a loaded tray. It holds a clay tagine filled with a meaty, spiced stew, a deep bowl of cooked grains, and two large glass bottles of beer. Neavh's stomach rumbles at the new smells filling the small space; ey hadn't expected such a feast in exchange for staying out of the way.

Aeran thanks the kid for their trouble, and Neavh calls eir thanks as the door closes, rising to help set the table.

Ey opens eir mouth, nearly asking Aeran to continue what he was going to say before the interruption. But ey watches him, pulling his cot over to the table so Neavh can be comfortable in the chair, smiling as he tucks into the decadent homemade meal, and the question dies in eir throat.

Aeran hums approvingly through a mouthful of food. "Wouldn't think Karth was a culinary destination."

"That's quite the claim, Kellis," Ey says instead, choosing to let Aeran have his secrets. Something tells em learning one will just lead to more. Maybe neither of them are ready for that, after all. "But I trust you."

#azia writes #wayfarer exchange #i hope you like this roz!!!!#i did my best! and tried to capture the more uhhh toxic side of their relationship :>#it was really fun tbh!#and i'm kind of in love with my description of karth #neavh is everything. ty for letting me borrow em~!!!

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