White Wedding (Jean-Claude Brisseau, 1989).

[DBS AU] - The Sento Ancestors **LONG POST AHEAD**

The initial group of Sento Saiyans were originally U7 Saiyans who served under King Vegeta I (Vegeta's Great-Grandfather) at the time of King Cold's reign.

**NAMES: (by descriptions-row)

-Rhoman ("roman", romaine lettus; front-center)

-Nion ("onion"; mullet-scar, 2nd row)

-Chile ("chi-lay", "chili"; red-head, green eyes, 2nd row)

Jinja ("ginger"; auburn-knot hair, pink eyes, 3rd row)

Pioca ("tapioca"; short-bob, blue earrings, 3rd row)

Aru ("arugula"; brown bandana, 3rd row)

Brussel ("brussel sprouts"; older man with greying hair, 3rd row)

Kohl ("kohlrabi"; tall man, short cut, 4th row)

Oras ("horseraddish"; large face scar, 5th row)

Char ("swiss chard"; long spikey hair, last row)

Niesa ("chinese potato"; straight hair, single bang, last row)

**PLOT:

They served as ambassadors for King Vegeta I as he was elderly and couldn't keep up with attending councils with King Cold regarding the Planet Trade Organization dealings. They would essentially act as the "liason" between King Cold and King Vegeta.

Each member deals directly with both Cold's men and the Saiyans who clear out the planets ready for auctions. Though, through their dealings, they've started to develop uneasy feelings regarding Cold and his objectives. More Saiyans have been reported missing during missions.

King Cold and or his men kill them off for sport or if the job is incomplete and the planet locals start fighting back. The Ambassadors (Sento Ancestors) catch wind of this and all collectively share their concerns in what was originally stated to be a partnership.

They bring their concerns to King Vegeta I directly with their suspicions of King Cold's treachery, but King Vegeta I dismisses the sentiment as they are receiving more technology from Cold as gains.

Seeing the disregard to their own people and no longer wanting to be involved, the Ancestors all remove their armor and announce their resignation from the throne in unison.

King Vegeta I severely agitated by this sentenced them to exile to a remote planet nearby. Their numbers and strengths were too great at the moment to attempt their execution. He'd rather them wither and die off elsewhere.

-End Part for this section -

Then I want to for obviously Lestappen: 🤤

49. “You're so beautiful." "You are, too, you know."

39.: "Don't leave me alone." "I won't."

xx 😘

Ask, and you shall receive, my lovely. 💕

---

49. "You're so beautiful." "You are, too, you know.", and 39. "Don't leave me alone." "I won't."

Every time they're in Suzuka, Charles really fucking hopes it won't rain.

And every time it does rain, he has a heavy feeling in his chest. In his gut. Because a rainy day in Suzuka always brings back memories of Jules, and the crash that would eventually take Jules from him. From the world.

Although he knows the safety measures that have been impimented as a result of Jules' death have been effective — Romain Grosjean surviving his horrible crash in 2020 was living proof of that — Charles can never rid himself of the hint of anxiety that lingers in the pit of his stomach and in the back of his head whenever it rains in Suzuka.

It doesn't surprise him when it rains at the 2023 Japanese Grand Prix. But it does surprise him that he manages to finish P3 despite it all, just like he had done the year before.

And just like the year before, he's sharing the podium with Max, who of course added another P1 to his absolutely dominating season. The one thing that is different from 2022, though, is the fact that it's Lando standing on the P2 podium step, and not Checo.

It's one of the very few highlights to his otherwise shitty season, and Charles wants to revel in it. Wants to feel happy and proud of himself for managing another podium. Wants to hold on to the joy he sees on the team's faces as he looks down at them with his bottle of champagne in his hand.

And he does, because Charles Leclerc is nothing if not grateful for every positive result he manages.

But there's just something about the rain in Suzuka and the memory of Jules that puts a damper on it all.

It doesn't rain during the podium celebrations, but it does rain later, when Charles is back in his hotel room, standing at the large window and looking at the rain drops pounding against the glass. The rain is so heavy that he can't actually see much aside from the rain.

"You're so beautiful," Max says from the bed behind him, watching as the lights from outside cast a soft glow over the Monégasque's face, making his green eyes sparkle.

The only source of light coming from inside the room is a small lamp on the bedside table, on the opposite side of where Max is laying on his side, propped up on an elbow.

Charles turns his head to glance at him, a soft smile on his face.

"You are, too, you know."

Max mirrors Charles' smile with one of his own as he pushes himself up and swings his legs over the edge of the bed.

Charles turns back to the window as he hears Max coming up behind him, strong arms winding around his waist from behind.

"I bet he's so fucking proud of you up there," Max says, propping his chin on Charles' shoulder and looking up at the night sky outside, even though he can't see much of it through the falling rain. "They both are."

Charles places his hands on top of Max's arms, leaning back into the other man's warmth.

Max is not a religious man by any means and he doesn't know if he truly believes in the concept of heaven. But, he knows how badly Charles wishes for the people he has lost to be able to keep an eye on him, long after they're gone. And it costs him nothing to do his part to assure Charles that they do.

Charles hums. "I wish I could give them something more to be proud of this season."

"You give them plenty to be proud of, every single day," Max says immediately, arms tightening around Charles' waist.

Charles smiles again, a small, soft thing as he leans his head back against Max's shoulder. Max takes advantage of the position by pressing gentle kisses to Charles' exposed neck, making the Monégasque shiver slightly in his arms.

"Cold?" Max asks against the skin of Charles' neck, and Charles shivers again.

"No," he breathes, closing his eyes. "Tickles."

He feels Max smile at that before there's another series of kisses being pressed against his neck.

They stay like that for a long moment, not moving. Not speaking. Just holding on to each other as they listen to the rain against the window.

There's a heaviness in Charles' chest he knows won't disappear until they leave Japan.

"I know you need to go back to your room tonight," Charles begins softly, opening his eyes. "I just —,"

He trails off, biting his lip. They never spend the night together during race weekends, both knowing there's too much of a risk of getting caught.

Max lifts his head from Charles' shoulder and pulls back just enough so he can look at the other man. Charles turns his head to meet his gaze.

He doesn't say anything, waiting for Charles to continue. To elaborate.

"Don't leave me alone. Not tonight."

Max turns him in his arms and reaches up with one hand to cup Charles' cheek, keeping his other arm wrapped around Charles' waist.

"I won't."

It's a promise he makes while brushing his thumb carefully over Charles' cheekbone.

Charles breathes a sigh of relief, not having realized he was holding his breath until that very moment.

Max leans forward, resting their foreheads together.

"Any time you need me to stay, you just tell me. Okay?"

"But what if —,"

"Any time, Charles."

Charles stops trying to argue. Instead, he captures' Max's lips in a kiss. And Max kisses him back, like he does every single time.

The heaviness in Charles' chest isn't going to disappear until he leaves Japan.

But having Max next to him is at least going to make it a little easier to bear.

Would you be able to recommend some books for me to read? I'm really eager to find something new, but I'm not sure where to start. I don't have any particular preferences, so any recommendations would be greatly appreciated! Thank you so much in advance for your help!

here are some i've read in march! the genres are kinda all over the place but i hope you'll check them out, do share some stuff you've been reading too!

Pale Fire by Vladimir Nabokov (one of my fave writers of all time, this one's insanely creative no matter how often i read it, such witty commentary, so poetic and artistically written. imagine a true crime story being told but he talks with structure almost, you don't know what's reality and what's just his own allusions of fantasy.)

Segregating Sound: Inventing Folk and Pop Music in the Age of Jim Crow by Karl Hagstrom Miller (a great insight into country/southern music)

The Kites by Romain Gary (i'm on the hunt for romances this year, much needs to be explored, this genre has yet to keep me intrigued, i always come out disappointed and disgusted, but i know there's got to be good ones out there, the kites being one of them! excerpt: 'I was jealous of her solitudes, of the paths she walked down without me, of the books she took with her and read as if I did not exist. I now knew how to poke fun at myself in these excessively demanding moments, to make light of my tyrannical terrors. I was beginning to understand that you must learn to let all things leave you from time to time—even your reason to live—to grant them their right to be a little inconstant: to take up with solitude, with the horizon, or with those tall plants whose name I did not know, the ones that lose their white heads at the tiniest gusts of wind.')

Slouching Towards Bethlehem by Joan Didion (didion is such a significant and distinctive prose stylist, picking up any of her books and jumping into them is always an experience)

First I'd like to say, it's a pretty impressive list of french books to have read in only 12 months! (even for a french speaker ngl).

I'm not super well versed in classic literature, novel wise (tho I liked "le dernier jour d'un condamné" by Hugo, "la promesse de l'aube" by Romain Gary, and as cliché as it may be I adore "le petit prince") but if you like theater ! In classics I’d recommend "Phèdre" and "Iphigénie" by Racine, Molière ("le malade imaginaire" and "les fourberies de scapin" are personal favorites),"Hernani" by Hugo again (♡♡), and for more modern stuff "Rhinocéros" and "la cantatrice chauve" by Ionesco. Oh, and "Huis Clos" by Sartre!

In poetry, first of all I think Villon is a great, and brave choice especially if you have it in old french (one of my all time favorite poem is his, "la ballade des pendus"). Otherwise, Baudelaire, Rimbaud, Verlaine and Apollinaire !

In a bit more modern things, if you liked Queneau I’d say give "Zazie dans le métro" a try – tho the way he plays with vocabulary and spelling in this one can be challenging (but it is very fun). Then "Au bonheur des ogres" and "La fée carabine" by Daniel Pennac (I assume the rest of "La saga malaussène" is good too but I have only read those two so far), "escalier C" by Elvire Murail (this one is a big big big fave of mine ♡♡♡), "mercure"by Amélie Nothomb (she’s super prolific but this is the one I remember really enjoying).

For sci-fi, I realize I am not very up to date with what french literature proposes. It’s been quite some time but I remember enjoying “le cycle des fourmis” and “les thanatonautes” + “l’empire des anges” by Bernard Werber. Also “les lutteurs immobiles” by Serge Brussolo. My mother is a harcore fan of Pierre Bordage, so I will slip his name here too. Then I don’t know if you enjoy reading short stories, but in between some scifi/fantasy/fantastique I can rec “la vieille anglaise et le continent – et autres récits” by Jeanne-A Débats, “notre dame aux écailles” and “le jardin des silences” by Mélanie Fazi, Oh and in … I guess technically fantasy? But bordering historical fiction bc of the realism, “chien du heaume” and the next one “mordre le bouclier” by Justine Niogret are two very good short novels.

I am probably missing a ton of great titles, but my brain is failing me and I have very few books in french here (*꒦ິ꒳꒦ີ) (most of them stayed, well. In France). But this makes me think I really need to get back into actually reading in french – so I am adding Valérie Perrin to my lists for sure!

omg thank you for these recs!! this is so detailed and specific, i love it. you're reminding me i've read several of these before, like i had forgotten about rhinocéros but we read it in high school and i really loved it! i should reread that and/or read some other ionesco for sure. speaking of absurdist plays, have you read en attendant godot? i've read it in english but i know it was in french originally so i've been thinking about trying that. big fan of french absurdism.

i also read a lot of molière in high school french classes (i remember giving an extremely boring and long-winded presentation (for everyone else; i was super into it) on his plays to my english class for some reason??), which is how i first learned what a cuckold is lol. and of course we read some baudelaire but i really want to revisit him! also omg apollinaire is the calligramme guy, right? those rewired my brain. i will check out more of his stuff for sure. and it's good to have the names of some other heavy hitters so i can expand out to cover more than was included in my formal education obvi. (like i have read zero racine? which seems like an oversight in curriculum, but what do i know.)

i do have villon in old french 😩 or i guess technically middle french is what he was writing in. the reason i've been putting it off is that right after the preface there's a four-page section on "graphie et prononciation" and i was just like hmmmm is this really something i need to be introducing into my life at this formative time. like i'm still sort of coming to terms with modern french spelling and pronunciation and this seems like it might just confuse me. so i might not be quite ready, but it's here for me when i've leveled up lol.

i loved the one book by queneau i've read so far, so i super appreciate getting recs for other works by him. and i read one amélie nothomb a few years ago, but when i went to look at what else i could read by her i got so overwhelmed by the sheer number that i couldn't pick! so it's good to have your suggestion for a particular title 😊 i've not heard of the other people you mentioned but will look into them!

thank you so much for pointing me in some scifi/fantasy directions 👀📝 i will take a look at these authors and titles...

yeah i super recommend changer l'eau des fleurs, and i know valérie perrin has written at least two other novels, so i'm gonna try to get my hands on those! the challenge now is that whenever i try to buy books from overseas my credit card company marks it as fraud and cancels the transaction lol. my grandmother found this us-based company that imports books from france and really wants to get me some more french-language books for christmas, but their selection isn't huge. this gives me lots of ideas though and i'm sure they will have at least some of the books you mentioned! thank you again, you really came through 🥰🥰

Raf and Sulfus problems in the movie

Tbh I really don’t get how we pass from “see you next year my angel” to “I have to forget you”. I know the movie was created without really having a link to the first season but this point in particular is pretty annoying for the viewer! But it’s not the only one, we can also mention the way Raf handles the whole situation. Sulfus too but let’s start with Raf. Raf is supposed and presented as the one who thinks the most and who is more realistic on the situation but she’s also the one who lets the thing becoming difficult. She could have just said she wanted to forget him during that party. Instead, she voluntarily breaks Sulfus’s heart because of her own feelings. It’s actually the most egoistic move she’s made (before season 2). What is pretty terrible is how after this moment and the challenge with the VTT, she basically acts like there’s no problem or like Sulfus’s feelings have no interest or are not important. During the whole movie, she acts like she’s the victim while she’s the one causing problems in the first place. The realisation she has thanks to the “magical wind” and that FINALLY makes her honest is important because Sulfus could absolutely not understand her acts before. And the whole thing that pisses me off about Raf but it’s in every step of the show is the “angel’s you have to go protect your humans while I save the world” just like she had no human to protect but it’s there that the problem is. During this movie, Romain (his french name) makes bad choices and is a victim of the conflict between Raf and Sulfus which is SO annoying to watch because then he just becomes a dick with everyone. And Raf does NOTHING. That’s probably what annoys me the most about this conflict they created. It made both Raf and Sulfus completely out of reality.

I can say lots of things that Raf does bad but Sulfus is also a real dick in the movie. Of course he’s pissed off that she’s “seeing someone else” but he acts like she did something bad by - what he thought was - being honest to let him live his life. And he’s there accusing her of breaking his heart implying she should have let him think false things. He’s so selfish he makes the conflict go into the human sphere and absolutely doesn’t realize Kabalé is doing his job because he’s only focused on his relationship with Raf. I love their relationship and I just feel like the scene, where he realizes she let him be angry because she wanted to protect him then realizes how he made her suffer and how he acted like a dick and just starts crying because he feels remorse because he loves her so much plus Raf calling Sulfus “mon amour”, is one of the cutest they have in the series but it’s not enough for me. They both did terrible things to the other and it shows the real problem of their relationship that will stilk be there in season 2 but wasn’t in season 1. They really can’t trust each other. And it’s a real problem in a relationship. This problem, if it was only in season 2 with the whole manipulation thing surrounding them would have been logical and not problematic but with this being in the movie, it becomes a real issue. Which is part of why the movie kinda pisses me off. But they still have some nice moments and I just love the moments where they just stare at each other, saying nothing but their eyes say everything.

Dog show April 8th 2023 pt 2

Border Collie, Happenstance Stroke of Luck CGCA CGCU / Norwegian Buhund, Blackrose's Zeus of the Sky / Rough Collie, GCHS CH Wild Wind's Rev on the Red Line CD RA / Smooth Collie, Wild Wind's Born to Run (?) / Dogue de Bordeaux, CH Gingerhaus' Enders Game CGC / Bedlington Terrier / Finnish Spitz / Lowchen, Romain Reign Hedwig's Special Delivery at Mischief

manifesto, editorial

let the wind lift me up

featuring ROMAINE DIXON @ soul

editor JONATHAN YEE

stylist JUNGLE LIN

grooming KENTO UTSUBO

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Emotional, personal rant incoming dealing with sensitive topics like crashes so if you can't read about that please don't read any further!

But it is just getting hard for me to enjoy motorsport without some sort of weird anxiety feeling most weekends. Well, when I am talking about motorsport I mean FIA ones.

And sadly it's not just F1 but it's FE too.

The lack luster safety procedures have just been accepted.

We just don't talk about how cars drove under a crane which less than 10 years ago was basically the reason why we lost Jules. We simply don't admit how fucking dangerous it was that fans where just able to walk under a lifted F1 car that stood in the middle of the public.

We simply moved past the fact that there not only was a bomb attack next to an F1 track but also that there in fact was one just after the FE race.

We simply shrugged off the horrible delayed reaction to bring out yellow or red flags,hekk even deploy the safety car.

We have just come to terms with the fact that the FIA broke a rule last year that not only decided a championship but also was completely dangerous as it put engines and drivers in a stressful situation where no one knew what was going on.

We never really talked about the fact that during the race the helicopter once flew so low that a driver had to complain on the radio because he thought his race pace was affected by the winds.

We just mention the horrible attacks on fans that have been coming out this year.

We justify throwing flares on a track while the drivers are going at 250+ km/h.

We embrace the decision to not red flag a race when in fact the drivers are asking for it to be red flagged because they didn't think the conditions where save for them to go out.

We accept that team personal are being pushed to their absolute limit.

We understand somehow that it's okay to punish one driver but not the other for the same thing once again creating horrible inconstiances in how penalties are applied.

We just acknowledge that some drivers get away race after race with blocking or impending others.

We brush off the fact that it took minutes to get another car off the car it was crushing while the driver could have potentially been inside there with a concussion.

We just deal with drivers putting themself through excruciating pain because nothing is being done to the point where doctors say that if this continues in a few years it could have serious affect on their physical health.

We have to watch as again and again, drivers, fans and team personals health and safety is brushed aside, ignored and straight up endangered.

Every race weekend I can turn on an FIA lead motorsport serie and I know that after the race there will be at least 2 instances which are complete safety hazards.

It's terrifying and frankly I think we don't talk about it enough.

The FIA has become so reckless in their regards for human life because their sole goal is to make F1 an entertainment sport like WWE. F1 isn't an entertainment or scripted sport.

They just deal with things like there aren't actual human lives on the line.

Every race, especially in F1 and espeically with next years calendar looming in the back of my mind, I watch I just wait for the worst to happen. Every race I expect to hold my breath, to type on angry post, knowing that it will only stop once we have had another accident that potentially has to be even worse than Romain because they won't learn otherwise.

It sounds maybe silly and I can admit that at least for now I feel safe but with all the exhaustion next year, I know that I will not watch a race feeling completely relaxed.

I know that next year I will be turning in and just hoping to god that we don't lose another drive in an avoidable accident like Jules or in something horrific like we last Anthoine.

It's a thought that just sinks in sometimes that we lost so many young talents but it know manifests itself in the form of "They know they were taking a risk. But are we really taking a risk now or is the FIA just tempting faith to do it's inevitable job?"

How many races, how many crashed will it take, how many people might get injured, before we finally have change?

Which driver might we potentially have to lose, which mechanics might be eaten up by guilt, until there's a stop?

About FIENDSHIP IS MAGIC :

Part 33 of ? : and WIND MEETS

the ROM : Part 1 of 27 :

MLP Fan Fiction

@nevermord​ READ, LIKED and

REBLOGGED

FIENDSHIP IS MAGIC : Part 33 of ? :

MLP Fan Fiction : 18+ only :

WORK IN PROGRESS

and for READING, LIKING, and REBLOGGING

WIND MEETS THE ROM : Part 1 of 27

Of FIENDSHIP # 33 he had this comment :

Romaine, once more getting the scoops, spreading the dirt, and exposing the nastiness hiding under the cute veneer of ponykind!!

That's what she does alright! And paid by the published column inch, she stands to make a fortune on this one.

And Rarity and her beloved demon, Kin make a start on the wreckage of the Carousel.

Of WIND MEETS THE ROM : Part 1 he said :

Hmmmm... Having the lead-up to this makes this tale even more interesting so far. It will be intriguing to see how much more this story opens up because of it!

Yep, part of the origin of Wind as an adventurer and both how and why she has wound up with so many ties to the Rom.

Céline (Jean-Claude Brisseau, 1992).

Thick as a Thief

Beni loathed cities.

Ever since the young Renjin thief's fateseer abilities had awakened, every metropolitan area looked like a game of cat's cradle gone horribly wrong. Every street was strung up with hundreds upon hundreds of little red threads winding and criss-crossing, tangling and writhing, connecting every person to their moments of destiny. Potential lovers, guaranteed betrayals, business partners, best chums, the thousand turntables on which a life might pivot to a new track, each suspending a red string that only Beni and his ilk could see and touch, each pulsing with a different rhythm as potential energy waxed and waned. In small groups, he could train himself to ignore the glow and thrum like the flickering of a candle or a rather insistent cicada, but a city center was like trying to ignore a whirlgig covered in mirrors and whistles spinning in bright sunlight. He'd rather spare himself the headache, even if it meant his pickpocket training went stale.

Unfortunately, he was lost and separated from his companions, and he had the sinking feeling that they'd go somewhere just lousy with inhabitants. "There's nothing for it," he muttered, walking through the open city gates with his eyes turned down. "Be steady as the mountain."

An hour later, walking through the same plaza for the third time, his eyes happened upon another thief. Another vulpine thief, even. A ... rather large vulpine thief, for that matter. Not that the fellow's profession was obvious to the average citizen, of course - to survive in his old life, Beni had learned the subtle tells commonly practiced among the urban underbelly. And what an underbelly ... four hundred pounds if he was an ounce! The red fox must be a successful thief indeed if he could afford to feed and clothe himself so well. Best to quell any suspicion before it formed. He sidled up next to the big fellow and gave a discreet nod.

"Haven't seen you around here before." The red fox took a bite of a roast beef sandwich with romaine lettuce and calculated nonchalance.

"Only appropriate - I haven't seen here before."

"Well ... I don't expect you'll find anything here that someone else isn't already looking at." The edge in the larger thief's voice, though quiet, was unmistakable.

"Oh - I'm not here on sightseeing business, sorry." Beni offered a placating smile, both hands in the open. "Fact of the matter is, I haven't been a practicing tourist in ages. But I lost track of my traveling companions a day or two ago after a scuffle with monsters ... and in all honesty, I don't recognize any of the landscape around here. If you know where I might go to ask directions ..."

"Try the chapel by the lake." The larger fox gestured with his free hand. "The clergy here can be pushy if they think you might convert, but they're harmless enough."

"Much obliged." He turned to go ... and it happened. The unmistakable pizzicato of a new string pulling taut. He'd walked right into a fated encounter.

'Fated' usually only had one T, though.

--

Random idea I had, in which Beni meets caleblloyd. There's something enjoyable about two very similar and yet very different individuals crossing paths.

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Fic: Making Plans

Mariah works through some feelings about this fall. (This author works through them with her.)

She does not have another competitive season in her. As the summer winds on, this becomes easier to admit: that her roller coaster of a career has finally worn her down, that her body is on the brink of revolt. She has finally accomplished what she spent her whole life trying to do, and it was exhilarating. She is so proud. 

But she is also tired. And so, she decides: it is time to stop. At least for a little while.

She watches as those around her plunge head-first into their next chapters. Coaching. College. (She wishes people would shut up about college.) Marriage. Entrepreneurship, even. Everyone has a plan.

Mariah used to have a plan. She used to know exactly what her life would look like after she stopped skating. And while she can see now that the future she was building then - and the person she was building it with - had not been right for her, she still sometimes mourns the loss of it, that phantom life she will never live.

She goes to Pilates, wonders if she should become an instructor. Walks her dog and studies the people in the park, tries to imagine how they spend their days. It’s strange, to feel like she has all the options and none of them at the same time.

She lays awake and watches Nathan sleep, knowing that the aimlessness she feels is partly her own fault. That she is avoiding making any real plans. Because she is not sure what she would do if another carefully constructed future crumbled in front of her eyes.

---

He, of course, has never gone without a plan a day in his life. He selects his courses, starts re-reading old textbooks just so that he can feel prepared. He sends her a link to a boutique hotel where they can stay when she comes to Connecticut, books a flight back to California for a weekend that is still months away. Makes sure a holiday show he’s considering performing in doesn’t conflict with her family’s Christmas celebrations.

This should help to settle her: that he is including her, that he has no intention of vanishing into an Ivy League fog. But she knows all too well how easily intentions can evaporate with distance.

August arrives too quickly.

At night she reaches for him frantically, touches him as if trying to imprint herself on every inch of his skin. He trails kisses down her neck, whispers that he loves her. She gasps, grips his shoulders as she comes apart around him.

She tries not to think about him, thousands of miles away, surrounded by smart and beautiful and interesting people, all brimming with ambition.

They lay there, breathless, hands entwined on the bed between them. “It might be easier,” he says gently after a few minutes, “if we talked about it? Whatever is bothering you?”

She studies his profile in the dark. She loves this view of him - curls spilling over his forehead, his features backlit by the bits of streetlight that sneak in under the blinds. She watches his chest rise and fall as he waits for her to respond, tightens her grip on his hand.

Finally she says, “We were going to move to France, me and Romain. After we stopped skating.”

Nathan rolls over to look at her, surprised. “You never told me that.”

She nods. “He had a coaching job lined up there. And I thought it would be exciting, for at least a little while. So that was the plan. And even after the breakup, I still knew what was next, it was the Olympics, it was tour, I had a plan.” She feels like she’s talking too fast, saying too much, but now that she has started she’s not sure she can stop. “And now, I don’t. I feel like I’m broken, or something, because everyone else is moving on, and I have no idea what I’m going to do, or where to even start.”

“Maybe that’s actually a good thing,” he says, his finger tracing the rings tattooed on the front of her shoulder. “That you don’t know yet. It’s been a crazy few years. And now you can take your time and make sure that it feels totally right this time, whatever you do next.”

She feels tears gathering in her eyes and blinks them back. “But what if it takes me too long? And while I’m figuring it out you go off to school, and start this amazing new life, and I’m just . . . left behind.”

“Hey, you’re stuck with me, remember?” He sits up, runs a hand through his hair. “No one is leaving anyone behind.”

She reaches over to him and fixes a rogue curl, smiles a little sadly. “I know that you wouldn’t mean to. But I’m scared.”

“Well, yeah. Me too.”

This, she had not expected. “Of what?”

He rests his head on the headboard, pulls her up next to him. She settles her head on his chest. “Oh, man,” he says. “So much. That I won’t be good at whatever I decide to do after school. That I won’t have any friends there. That you’ll get tired of waiting around for your little college boyfriend to finally graduate.”

She can’t help it, she laughs. “Nathan. Come on.”

“Hey, I didn’t laugh at you!”

“Well, I’m not a multi-talented Olympic Gold Medalist scared that he’s going to be bad at new things and won’t be able to make friends.”

He looks at her seriously. “No, you’re an Olympian with the biggest heart I’ve ever known, who for some reason suddenly believes that she doesn’t have any drive or passion.”

“So what you’re saying is that we’re both being ridiculous.”

“No,” he says, planting a kiss on her head. “What I’m saying is that this is new and scary for both of us. And I want us to figure it out together.”

She starts to cry again, and he looks alarmed. “That wasn’t really the reaction I was going for.”

She laughs through her sobs. “No, dummy. This is the good kind of crying.” She kisses him softly. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” he replies, rolling her onto her back. He runs his hand across her hip. “And I cannot believe that you were going to move to France and didn’t tell me.”

“Well, it was a dumb plan.”

“It really was,” he says, leaning down to kiss her. “You and I will do so much better.”

This time when she touches him, she takes her time.

---

He sends her videos from Yale, playing his guitar and making up silly songs for her dog. She asks him to write a song for her, and he replies instead with two more, one for each bunny. She posts them to instagram, where his sister commissions a song for her cats.

She reads some books that have been sitting on her nightstand for years, tries her hand at baking. (She’s kind of good at it.) She goes to dance class with a friend, laughs until she cries over chips and salsa afterwards.

He makes friends at school, as if that were ever actually in doubt. She meets them via facetime first, then in person when they all go out to pizza together on her first visit to New Haven. He holds her hand as he shows her around campus.

She signs up for a few volunteer shifts at the local animal shelter, finds that she has a knack for helping families connect with the right pet. The rescue mentions they have a need for a part-time adoption coordinator, asks if she’d be interested. She is.

He decides that it is indeed going to be med school, after graduation. 

She tells him he’s not going to be able to live in student housing next year, because they don’t allow German Shepherds.

He says he’s already found a dog-friendly two bedroom that he’d like her to look at next time she visits.

She knows she will never grow tired of making plans with him.

Monday 11 August 1834

8 10

12 10

long good kiss last night twenty minutes with her from one and a half and she came to me for about an hour this morning lay talking very fine morning F72° at 9 am – breakfast at 9 ¾ - no! at 10 - A- and I with our laquais de place at 11 ¼ - at the bains Romains (place des [?])  in 20 minutes – in the garden of the house belonging to Mr Bonnet – 10 steps down 6 or 7in. from the surface of the garden (potatoes here) to the door and from the door down into the piscine 8 deep steps (10 to 12in.? deep) – the piscine a square pierced by 3 arched passages opening every way into a wide arched passage running along or enclosing the others                          the 3 smaller passages about 4ft. wide by about 7 high to the springing of the arch and the great passage abut 6ft. wide by 8 or 9 or 10ft. high to the spring of the arch – in the middle of each passage a conical opening to the top which of course communicated with the baths above, now a potatoes ground - asked our valet for the ruin of the amphitheatre – he knew nothing about it - well laid down in the plan of the city, in the garden of the Sourd muets - went there - the aumônier (priest)  very good naturally shewed it us - a little way above the house - overgrown with ivy and low trees etc but ½ an amphitheatre very distinctive and some of the arches which probably were loges of the wild beasts - the ground within has been fouillée but not deep enough to  find anything of value - these ruins well worth examining - much more left than we saw at Angoulême? in 1830 - saw the church  of St. Just (belonging to the convent of filles de St Michel) that I saw yesterday and its under church and its calvaire en plein air – very handsome - then at the Porte of St Irénée wanted to turn along the chemin de l’aqueduc but got into the chemin de St Foy and had long hot walk in vain before getting into the chemin de l’acqueduc and from that round the new fort they are building – only 3 old Roman arches entire and the long small Roman tower not round as I thought yesterday but oblong. In the crypt or old under church of St Just pictures of Sainte Blondine and St Potin [St. Pothin] the 2 confined in the dungeons of the Eglise d’ Ainay – home at  1 50 but A- went in and I walked round the large handsome place de Bellecour and bought a small 18mo Lyons guide – trees on the south side of the place and cafes and [journalières?] as in the Tuileries gardens -  Home again at 2 35 and out again with A- (and took Eugenie) at 2 ¾ - went chez Paturle – the black embroidered shawl for Miss W- of Cliff hill had a little flaw in it – returned it – obliged to go and take something else – chose black shawl for my aunt - I mentioned about for another black embroidered or rather broché , satin shawl – could not get one good enough - home at 3 50 - off from the hotel de l’Europe Lyons at 4 ¾ (had just peeped in passing into the handsome neat church of St Nizier) – at 5 40 detained 5 minutes in a good village – the shafts had come untied – likely to have nothing but pother with them – sent for a charron and sold them for 2/.! paid 2 for a new bolt to them at Vorion and paid 15/. for them at Calais -  at Brignais at 6 – good little town – 35 minutes there  - they were for giving me only a pair of horses - but I would have 4 – just before 7 wind up the hill out of the vine-clad nice valley of Brignais - road lies over the hills - asleep part of the way - not inclined to talk   Miss W- fancied I said somethi[ng] this morning that I did not  could not get her to tell me what and this disappointed me she observed my silence but thought me not well too late to go farther so stop tar Rive de Gier at 9 – good supper at 10 - very fine day - very hot - F71 ½° now at 11 ¼ pm.

september 2022

1. the early november - make it happen 2. daphne loves derby - hubris 3. hidden in plain view - poison ivy 4. armor for sleep - whatever, who cares 5. pohgoh - weeds 6. the darling fire - amber 7. looming - your friends 8. expert timing - new queen 9. their / they're / there - long island 10. delta sleep - afterimage 11. city of caterpillar - decider 12. pianos become the teeth - the days 13. codeine - tom 14. alex lahey - congratulations 15. snarls - after you (samantha's song) 16. pale waves - so sick (of missing you) 17. the beths - knees deep 18. rl - be true 19. julia jacklin - be careful with yourself 20. john-allison weiss - different now 21. silversun pickups - empty nest 22. the front bottoms - the winds 23. waax - no doz 24. johanna warren - piscean lover 25. baseball gregg - holobiont 26. living hour - miss miss miss 27. rosemary fairweather - hard to resist 28. floor cry - answers 29. frankie cosmos - one year stand 30. maya hawke - sweet tooth 31. wild pink - hold my hand 32. plains - abilene 33. carmody - well 34. siv jakobsen - romain's place 35. noah cyrus - every beginning ends 36. niki - anaheim 37. jaira burns - i like you better 38. kailee morgue - end of my life 39. fazerdaze - break! 40. daisy the great - aluminum 41. nina nesbitt - no time (for my life to suck) 42. stalking gia - saddest happy girl 43. so much light - full body high 44. safety - crybaby 45. elio - new and improved 46. sophie cates - cardigan 47. bella poarch - dolls 48. julia wolf - virginity 49. daine - boythots 50. johnny orlando - fun out of it 51. banoffee - angel girl 52. ella jane - how do i lose you 53. mxmtoon - kaleidoscope 54. felivand - stolen seats 55. fletcher - sting 56. cryalot - labyrinth 57. gayle - indieedgycool 58. cassie marin - lemon sugar 59. finn falcon - light (with benee) 60. zilo - emotional 61. yuna - fool 4 u 62. phora - dangerous 63. megan thee stallion - her 64. cautious clay - camp anonymous 65. hus - madame 66. girls' generation - closer 67. blackpink - pink venom 68. carly rae jepsen - beach house 69. layne - the way to happiness 70. the 1975 - i'm in love with you 71. pinkpantheress - picture in my mind https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5zATPWex5yfGG6AcXrJ9ca?si=ecce1115a35841ca