meanwhile on jack's very popular bunker life vlog channel: hi huys, today i'm going to show you our dungeon. it's right next to the communal showers and the storage room. hi sam! no, i just ate, thanks. okay, sorry for that! there is some really cool stuff in our storage room as well, maybe i can ask my good friend rowena to cook up some potions with us next time. don't worry, we only use organic unicorn milk and i can show you how to store it properly. now, our dungeon has some really cool features, like these shackles here.

Hmmm found family pirates ideas floatin around among the fluff between my ears

Love the idea of basically my two dads whenever they make port. Stede reminding them he gave them extra spending money, so have fun and be safe! And Ed is the one that's like hey maybe don't announce that we all have a bunch of valuables and money on us and hey crew pls do be careful and do you remember what to do if u need us and can't find us, let's go over it quickly (because like. Ed falls so easily into party mode when he's aware he can let loose (or fkn Calico Jack comes around) with minimal damage even if 'minimal' is maybe not that minimal at all sometimes so I think once he's actually at the point again of feeling like he can just Be Ed around the crew he becomes the Mom Friend of the group lmaooo.)

And there's almost always shenanigans. Like this would also be ideal time for date night for them but u know there's gonna be interruptions (to them and also probably to any other crew members that are together trying to use that time as date night. No one gets any peace 😅)

There's so much u could stuff into any episode ideas for this too. Like, just one: Mr. Buttons has gone around this port amassing a massive flock of seagulls that are obedient to his homemade leashes that are long enough the birds could damn near fly a half mile away and still be attached to him technically. He is refusing to believe the rest of the crew when they say Stede and Ed won't let him keep them all. Stede and Ed are pulled from a lovely little dinner in a disgusting tavern that a man was just stabbed in (but neither of them did the stabbing, so not their problem lol) and dragged by probably Oluwande and Jim (who were also on a nice picnic date in a clearing until they heard shouting and saw a flock of seagulls and just. Sigh deep in their souls because Some Shit is afoot.)

Also very important tho silly: a flock of seagulls song must be used in this ep.

Anyway, this leads to Stede mumbling thru a refusal to take on an entire flock (but he isn't strong enough to say no completely, so Mr. Buttons does keep abt five of them as new friends) which leads to hey wait a goddamn minute why does Mr. Buttons get a pet and we all don't?! Which is valid so Stede can't be upset with them but he also I think realizes how far he put his foot in his mouth with this situation now and has to deal with it but would really rather the whole thing just go away lmao

Especially as Ed is zero help. Teasing that he basically did make it sound like they could all have a little buddy. Maybe not a seagull but some other sea bird, who knows. Maybe a pelican.

This leads to other suggestions and discussion that they finally decide Mr. Buttons can have his birds, but the rest will choose one crew pet to all look after. The initial suggestions:

-a whale, and we could teach it to scout ahead and tell us where valuable ships are! This is shot down by Stede who reminds them that whales are used to ppl in ships harpooning them, so they probably wouldn't be keen on humans on a ship. Also, whales don't speak English nor do they as a crew speak Whale

-a dog. Stede likes this one, as does Ed, however the key issue is no one has seen a dog at any port in awhile that didn't already have an owner so...fuck.

-A giant squid. Shot down by Ed, who made the valid points that much like whales, squids don't have much reason to like humans, and also how would they 'keep' a squid? Like physically or emotionally? Doesn't feel possible to Ed.

And so on and so forth until it's mostly playful bickering until

And this is the bit where it's key to remember the show is historically accurate when it wants to be and other times not akbdkfngn

Izzy rolls up holding a goldfish in a bowl. He won it, he explains, but he needs to get it in a much bigger home on the ship cuz that little bowl isn't nearly enough room.

There are so many questions, but only Stede and Ed are bold enough to ask any of them. Unfortunately, they are not the most important questions. Instead it's: what did you name him? And where are they giving away free fish and why?

Which is a long road to them eventually making a not historically accurate but who cares tank for the goldfish, and while he lives in Izzy's quarters they all end up helping to feed and visit the fish

But they're really in deep when they finish up the emergency fish pod device they cook up, in case they ever have to abandon ship in a hurry

After all, Izzy Jr is a crew member now! They aren't going to leave any person (or fish) behind!

The metrics of actually shooting this and making it work re: set design would be a nightmare I think but also. Izzy practicing getting Izzy Jr into the emergency bowl pod thing because he doesn't want to be caught off guard if the worst should happen 🥺

Do go off about your hcs I am interested 👀

okay okay okay so

ianto is trans masc nb uses he mostly n they sometimes when hes feelin less masc n stuff and hes demi romantic & demi sexual and thats why he said the 'its not men its just him'

jacks gender is *shrugs* like thats what he does if people ask him, he doesnt care what pronouns or anything like that and like its partly cause hes from 51st century but also thats just jack

owen is bi like its not 'confirmed' in the show but he literally has sex w a dude in the first ep well its implied but whatever so no one can tell me hes straight, he kinda has a lil crush on ianto and also jack but he would never say anything 1 bc theyre together 2 hes a repressed asshole 3 its not really a like *proper* crush so hes over it, that doesnt mean he still doesnt stare at them sometimes bc boys pretty

now tosh im like hell yeah bi tosh but brain also says lesbian tosh her crush on owen comphet, mary should still be alive and b w tosh

gwen and owen talk about hot ppl together bc bi bonding

gwen trans bc i love her n i want her to be and her kid also trans bc of that mention in the dw special and shes like the best most supportive mum bc she understands trans stuff, granted its like not exactly the same bc gender stuff never is but gwen gets it, rhys is a bit clueless about it all but he knows gwen is doing good and hes v supportive and Will Fight the teachers and parents if they misgender his kid now ik gwen being pregnant dowsnt make sense if shes trans but torchwood fucky shit and thats why she never expected it bc trans

like okay no one is dead everything is good so

ianto is great w gwens kid bc trans stuff and he knows about the trans masc side of things and hes just a great support for gwen

whenever owen and rhys are together rhys relentlessly flirts w owen, why? 1 bc he thinks its funny 2 owen slept w gwen he can do what he wants 3 rhys maybe does think hes kinda cute and it makes owen blush the slightest bit which rhys takes pride in

and maybe gwen is like yknow id be okay if you wanted to like make out w owen or sth and rhys is like what ha nooo its uh its a joke i dont actually like him and gwen just gives him a look like really and rhys is like well maybe i do but i dont know gwen i dont want to make things weird between us or with him and gwen is like hey its your choice if you do but just know that id be okay w it and so rhys just considers it for a while and one day he ends up just kissing owen and its p cute bc owen gets super flustered like wha bu youre married!!! anyway owen ends up being friends w benefits w gwen and rhys bc polyamory rights like they dont like always have threesomes or never interact w each other when w owen its just healthy n good n fun

ianto and jack adopt and their kid is cute and ianto would do anything for them, their kid and gwens kid become friends and its adorable and like one day gwen and ianto are just watching as gwens kid sits there a book open, reading and like teaching to iantos kid who is sat next to them and now im soft

and maybe they all live together in a nice house quite big and always full of laughter, a rule did have to be made stating no sex in the communal areas after gwen walked in on jack and ianto one too many times, rhys stays at home and is the best dad ever and looks after jack n iantos kid a lot too, sometimes one or two of the members of the team will stay home too if the mission isnt too urgent so they can spend time w the kids and each other

tosh and ianto groan about men together bc whilst yes ianto is sort of a man and yes hes dating jack who is also sort of a man, he knows men suck and tosh is a lesbian and so yeah

mary doesnt live there with tosh but she comes over pretty often, the kids love her and she sometimes brings lil trinkets to show them, owen is a bit scared of her still and she always glares at him

theres a biiig comfy sofa w loads of blankets and pillows and sometimes they all just cuddle together there, if one of them had a bad day or just any reason really, like ianto, if hes thinking of lisa or his dad or any other variety of hings that make him sad or panic, he goes nonverbal and just goes n curls up in the middle of the sofa and the others will notice and slowly all join him, they dont talk about it, they dont push anything, they just give comfort in the form of physical affection and if someone needs to talk they mnow that theyre all here for them

if you wrote ash to be played by my looooovvvveeeerrrrr halsey, i swear to the universe that i will combust. tell me more about her and jack; both sound like absolute cuties

listen ok. olivia & i have been saying we gotta write smth for halsey for Literal years like we have shed tears over it lol. so we were like haha yah ridleys ex can be halsey! which at the time sounded wild but is much less wild now but regardless IMAGINE lmao

tbh we haven’t rly written much of ash but what we do know is that ash & ridley met in uni in the states & ash worked Rly hard to get in & get scholarships all that jazz & ridley is p wealthy her parents r v well paid scientists her mom has a few patents in nanotech & ridley is also Whip smart so she just breezes into their freshman seminar w her pretty eyes & her lil québécois accent & her soft sweaters & perfectly tied sneakers & she gives little speeches abt multiverse theory & love & ash is. a Goner.

after one seminar ash just like drags ridley around the corner by the bikes & is like ur incredibly annoying & i rly want to kiss you & ridley just Smiles & is like that would be lovely & ash is like sEE U DID IT AGAIN & they laugh & kiss & it’s pure & young

ridley brings ash home for holidays & breaks a lot bc their family is not super & ridleys family is amazing so ash gets to know ridleys parents rly well

when they break up they like know it’s for the best but they r both sad bc they r each other’s ride or die so they’re rly close like ash moved to montreal w ridley after undergrad so they still live there p close to ea other & when ridleys parents die ash is Devastated like obvs they love ridleys parents but ridley is like Outta Commission for a bit there

anyway yah ash is great we will discuss more & i can give u updates lmao (also ok as a nb person myself i too think it’s ideal when nb ppl play nb characters but just let me have this one lmao)

JACK! my man! he’s ?? the kindest boy. he works as a musical therapist for kids on the spectrum mostly but he does a lot w just sensory overload in general from traumatic brain injuries or whatnot as well, he works w a few different hospitals & organizations. he’s one of ridleys close friends bc they went to college together & when she moved to toronto he was like HEYO back together again. so sloane is angry that the boy she loves is ridleys pal but whatever she powers through. jack is half japanese & he grew up in toronto in the beaches. his mom is kinda shitty but his dad is amazing. he’s in like wicked good shape bc he rides his bike everywhere & sloane is All Abt those muscles he’s v handsome & he’s also rly smart he just rolls w all of sloanes stuff bc he understands the stuff he can let slide but when she’s rly losin it he’s like ok sloane let’s Regroup here. he loves flowers Loves them so sometimes sloane makes him flower crowns when she’s been at the park w nora & he’s coming to meet them after work. sloane writes love songs for him but then says they’re not which everyone knows is fake as hell & he Cherishes them he thinks they’re so special & beautiful it’s rly sweet. in general he’s just ?? the best guy he buys homeless ppl coffee when he goes into tims & he ADORES carly rae (the musician obvs but also sloanes dog lol) & he’s just rly solid & sweet & kind & incredibly good for sloane & like. he’s a serious guy he has a subscription to the new yorker & he has updates on his phone from the times & he has a lot of anxiety around politics & stuff so sloane is so good for him bc she just. she’s Fun she’s so bright & Alive & hilarious & creative she gets him to put down his news & come play ukulele w her on the roof or take carly rae to woodbine or try to use ridleys pasta machine to make pasta even tho they’re terrible at it & pack a trash picnic & go out to the island like she makes him feel younger & fuller & much more in the world & so loved so. they’re good kids they’re all rly Good