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boqvistsbabe · 3 years

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Yeet - Adam Boqvist

*not my gif*

This is currently the title cause I don’t know what else to call it so. Also this is shitty and I know it is. It wasn’t planned and then I procrastinated it but I can’t start on the planned stuff till this is done because my brain is being dumb. Anyways here it is and I hope it doesn’t flop.

Warnings: none that I know of but if you see any lmk

Word count: 2,400

A/n: tried to make it as gender neutral as possible but I might’ve slipped up so if I did please let me know so I can fix it!

NOT EDITED

~~~~~~~~~

You woke up with a terrible headache and it had just gotten worse as the day went on and your coworkers weren’t helping. It seemed every single time you turned around someone needed something and you ended up getting none of your own work done. And on the way home traffic was terrible and to add on it started raining. So by the time you got home you were just ready to crawl in bed and stay there for the next week.

When you walked in the front door and saw the guys on the couch playing video games and you could tell they were invested in the game so you just mumbled a quick hello and then went upstairs to Adam’s room. You could go to your room but Adam’s room was cozier. Or at least that’s what you told yourself. The first thing you do when you walk in the room is change into some of Adam’s sweats and one of his hoodies before turning the lights off and crawling under the covers. Before you could even settle fully there was a soft knock at the door before it was opened and you heard someone shuffle across the floor before feeling the bed dip and a hand on top of your resting form.

“Hey are you okay?” At the sound of Adam’s soft voice you poked your head out of the covers to meet his eyes. You couldn’t even get the words out and you just shook your head as tears welled up in your eyes.

“Oh älskling come here.” He said, moving closer to you and opening his arms so you could crawl into them. When you were tucked into his side he pressed a kiss to the top of your head. “When you’re ready tell me what’s wrong so I can help.”

When you had calmed down enough to tell him what had happened he wiped your tears away as he listened. And when you were done he kissed you forehead before getting up and walking out the door. You would question him but your headache had gotten even worse after crying, so you just laid down and pulled the covers up over your head again.

A few minutes later you heard him walk into the room.

“Hey kärlek, I’m gonna need you to sit up and take this.” He said softly though as to not make your headache worse.

You sat up and took the glass of water and the Exedrin from him before quickly swallowing the pill and following it with the water.

“Do you feel any better?”

“Adam, bud I just took it they don’t work that fast.”

“Oh yeah right sorry.” He responded sheepishly.

“No you’re good, thank you for the water and the medicine. You can go back to playing games with the boys.”

“What, no? Why would I leave,” he said with a frown, “You’re not feeling well so I’m gonna stay up here and cuddle you cause you need cuddles. And I’m not taking no for an answer.”

You went to argue but he just gave you a look and you shut your mouth and rolled your eyes before laying back down. Once you were settled under the covers you look up at Adam, expecting him to be getting in bed with you.

“I’m gonna change into sweats so I’m more comfortable.” He said before promptly standing up and starting to undress. Which while it wasn’t unusual that he did something like that, lately you were finding yourself looking away so you wouldn’t get caught starring.

Once Adam was done he crawled under the covers next to you and pulled you back into his bare chest. Your face heated at the motion, though you had no idea why. You had cuddled with him many times but maybe it’s because for some reason this time felt different. But at the moment you couldn’t find it in yourself to care, you had a warm Adam behind you that was kind enough to take care of you and leave his friends to keep you company, and you were going to take advantageous that. So you snuggled further under the covers and into Adam’s chest and fell asleep moments later; missing the kiss Adam pressed to your temple before tightening his arms around you.

When you woke up a little while later, Adam was gone. In his place there was instead Burt and Ralph. You rolled over to check your phone to see a message from Adam saying he was picking up dinner and would be back in a little bit. So you texted back an “okay” before continuing to go through your missed notifications.

You were getting restless and you felt better so you decided to go downstairs. When you got down there Kirby and Alex were still playing video games and Lyndsey was watching something on her phone so you decided to go sit on the couch by her. You grabbed the blanket from the back of the couch and curled up under it, your head felt foggy and closing your eyes made it better.

You didn’t mean to fall asleep, but you had. This time you woke up to Adam crouched in front of you, his hand on your knee and his soft voice coaxing you to wake up and eat. When he saw your eyes were open, he stood and reached his hands out for you to grab. He pulled you up and gestured for you to go ahead of him to the kitchen. You got to the island where the food was sitting. Before you could start digging in like everyone else, you felt someone tap your shoulder so you turned. And found Adam standing there with a suspicious smile on his face before he pulled flowers out from behind his back. Your favorite flowers to be exact.

“I thought you could use a pick me up and I saw these and I knew they were your favorite so I got them for you.” He said handing you the flowers.

You grab them from him and set them on the counter before turning back to him and pulling him into a hug. Tucking your face into his neck you mumbled a “thank you” and he squeezed you closer to him. You both stay like that for a minute before

“Are you two gonna eat or just gonna stand there?” Came Kirby’s voice from behind you.

Adam and you both immediately let go of each other. Adam went to the food and you picked up the flowers and smelled them before going over to the cabinet to look for a vase. The only vase you could find was on the top shelf. You were seconds away from climbing on the counter to grab it, when you felt a hand on your lower back and a tattooed arm reached past you and grabbed the vase from the shelf and set it on the counter. Adam pressed a kiss to the side of your head then went back to get his food. You had to stop yourself from thinking he was trying to tell you something. You knew it was just because he knew you weren’t feeling well, nothing more. You pushed the thought about how he only did this for you to the back of your brain, not letting yourself go down that rabbit hole.

It was a little while later when you all were done with food and watching a movie in the living room. You were sitting in between Adam and Kirby. Ralph was curled up next to you and you were mindlessly petting him as you watched the movie and tried to keep sleep at bay once more. Adam got up to go do something in the kitchen and Burt followed him in hopes of getting food. You were once again failing at staying awake and your head dropped to Kirby’s shoulder and he pulled you close so you were cuddled up to him. Which you in no way minded since he was a human space heater. You causing Alex’s eye and he gave you a look that you didn’t even want to begin to decipher and shook your head, going back to watching whatever dumb movie this was.

“I leave for one minute to go get you water and exederin and you chose to cuddle him? I’m hurt” you opened your eyes to find Adam standing at the doorway of the room with a slight frown on his face.

“You left I can’t cuddle you from another room.” You responded, your sentence almost getting cut short from a yawn escaping.

“Well I’m back now so cuddle me and not him. After you take the medicine though.” Adam said as he sat back down after setting the glass on the coffee table in front of you and handing the pill to you after you sat up.

Once you had taken the medicine and drank some water, you shifted so you could curl into Adam’s side, legs tangling without a second thought. He grabbed the blanket from the back of the couch and settled it over the top of you both. You heard Kirby mumble something that sounded like “whipped” before Adam moved under you and you heard a soft “ow” from Kirby a second later. You assumed Adam hit Kirby but at the moment you only cared about the sleep that was tugging your eyelids down once more.

You woke up to someone carrying you up the stairs. When you opened your eyes Adam happened to look down and find you looking up at him.

“Hey you can go back to sleep, I was just gonna take you up to my room so you could sleep more comfortably.”

“Your room hmm?” You questioned with a smile.

“Well yeah, you always say my best is more comfortable than yours. Plus I sleep better next to you.” He said the last part nonchalantly as if it didn’t make your heart flutter.

When he made it to his room he walked over to the bed and gently set you down before moving to the bathroom to get ready for bed. You looked at where he was standing at the bathroom counter, brushing his teeth. It was as if your body moved in its own account when you got up to stand behind him and wrapped your arms around him.

“Thank you for taking care of me today. You didn’t have to.” Your voice muffled from how your face was pressed into his back. He turned around before wrapping his arms around you.

“I know I didn’t have to, but I wanted to. I love you and I hate it when you’re not feeling well.” He responded.

You quickly pulled back and looked up at him. You both have said you loved the other before, but only when you were drunk.

“You love me?”

“Of course I love you, I thought you knew.”

“If I had know I would’ve told you I loved you too a long time ago.” You chuckled, moving forward to wrap your arms around him once more. Adam broke the silence with his giggles.

“What are you laughing at you dork?”

“Well I love you and you love me so that means I can do this.” He said before leaning down and pressing his lips to yours. When you pulled away you both had big smiles on your faces. And then you yawned.

“Way to ruin the moment there babe.” You hated to admit it but your heart fluttered at the pet name.

“Well sorry I’m tired, but my boyfriend is keeping me from going to bed.” Was your response as you looked up at him with a big smile.

“Boyfriend huh?” Was the only thing he said before picking you up and walking back into the room before dropping you on the bed.

“Yeah boyfriend.” You said as he crawled into bed next to you. You leaned over to kiss him one more time before curling up against him and falling asleep.

You woke up before Adam the next morning. As you waited for him to wake up, you scrolled through your phone. It was about five minutes later when you got bored with that. So you set your phone aside and rolled back over to face Adam. He was sleeping peacefully as the the sun shined through the windows and onto his skin. You reached a hand up and started gently tracing the lines of his face. You knew he was awake when the corners of his mouth curled up.

“Mmm good morning.” He mumbled, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

“Morning sunshine.” You said with a smile before leaning over and pressing your lips to his. Before you could pull back his hand slid into your hair and held you there. He deepened the kiss as he moved to hover his body over yours. His free hand had just dipped under his your sweatshirt when his door opened.

“Finally! But also gross.” You heard Kirby say from the doorway as Adam let out a soft displeased groan at being interrupted. He turned his head to look at his best friend.

“Is there something you need or are you just gonna stand there and watch us?”

“Hey!” You said as you whacked his arm.

“I was joking babe. It’s not like I’d wanna share anyway.”

“Well,” Kirby interjected before you could say anything else, “ I was coming up here to wake you both up for breakfast but it seems like you two are busy so I’ll just leave ya to it.” He winked and shut the door.

Adam turned back to look at you and leaned down to press a kiss to your forehead.

“You’re so beautiful.” He mumbled as his hand cupped your cheek.

You turned your head to press a kiss to his palm.

“I love you.”

“I love you too älskling.” He said as he pecked your lips once more.

“I KNEW IT!!! ALEX THEY SAID THEY LOVE EACH OTHER, THEY’RE FINALLY DATING!!” You heard Kirby yell from the other side of the door.

“Oh my Godd.” Adam mumbled as he dropped his weight into you and tucked his face into your neck. You smiled as you ran your hand through his hair. Yeah you could definitely get used to this.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

I’m sorry you can tell how I rushed it at the end. It’s definitely not the best I could do.

Tag list: @stars-canucks @prettyboycozens @sidscrosbyy @joshsandersons @pierreslucdubois @no-pucks-given @augustrainfall

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#Adam Boqvist #Adam Boqvist imagine #Adam Boqvist fic #Adam Boqvist x reader #nhl x reader #nhl fic #nhl imagine #Sam writes #the tags aren't working #but thats okay #it’s probably gonna flop anyways

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minjuwrites · 3 years

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Penguin

A/N: Hey babies! I've been so terrible at uploading, I have so many unfinished stories that I like but haven't had any time to finish :( over break I will definitely have more time. Anyways, THANK YOU so so soooo much for the comments and likes on my posts. It means the world to me, you don’t understand the smile and happy dance I do when I see you guys enjoy what I wrote. Here's a short little story I thought of, since our little Hyuka is a penguin. HAVE A GOOD DAY!

Prompt: After one day a mysterious pebble shows up in your locker you find yourself and your new friend trying to find out who the “penguin” is.

Huening Kai x Y/N (gender neutral)

WARNINGS: A little insecurity from the reader? Other than that cute fluff :)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There it was, another smooth shiny rock sitting in your locker. You smile picking it up and analyzing the pretty rock excited to add it to your growing collection at home. It was strange really, the little pebbles started appearing a couple months ago with no explanation. At first you thought it was some kind of joke one of your friends were playing, it seemed like something strange that Beomgyu would do. Yet, when you brought it up to everyone at lunch they seemed just as confused as you were.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Two months ago~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Okay, why are you putting rocks in my locker.” You ask slamming your lunch on the table.

Yeonjun follows behind already being caught up on the little joke.

“What?” Beomgyu looks up at you confused with a half chewed sandwich in his mouth.

“Oh come on, don’t pretend like you don’t know.” Yeonjun laughs.

“Don’t know what?” Soobin pulls out the chair next to you sitting down.

“Beomgyu keeps putting rocks in my locker.”

“I seriously have no idea what you are talking about.” His shocked expression makes you think it really wasn't him.

“Can you please explain what is going on?” Soobin asks unwrapping his own meal.

“Fine,” you sigh. “Since Monday, I keep finding these little rocks and pebbles in my locker. I assumed it was Beomgyu because… you know that's just something weird he would do.”

He looks offended at first before mulling it over and nodding in agreement. The kid knew he was a little strange.

“Anyways, I guess it’s not him. I just don’t know who else it could be or what the reason is.”

Soobin looks deep in thought before casually taking a bite of his bread. “Maybe the rocks are like a death omen, or maybe its a stalker or maybe-”

“Oh god, please shut up.” You groan not needing to think the worst of the situation.

Taehyun walks to the table sitting down with Kai right on his tail. His presence makes your heart flutter and you feel the tip of your ears heat.

“What are you guys talking about?” Taehyun asks.

You would speak but Kai's presence makes you panic. Truthfully it was your own fault. You had a massive crush on the boy turning you into a babbling blushing mess every time he even happened to make slight eye contact. It was pathetic and it didn’t help that the boy was shy himself.

“We are talking about Y/N’s possible crazy psychopath stalker who is probably waiting to murder her while she sleeps.” Beomgyu teases.

You smack his arm with a curse.

“Are you okay?” Kai looks at you worried. “If you want we can tell the staff or the police.”

“I-it’s okay, Beomgyu is just joking it's nothing like that it's just..” You sigh.

“It’s just what?” Taehyun asks.

You explain the situation to the two and Taehyun looks at Kai who looks away from the boy.

“Maybe this person is trying to tell you something?” Taehyun leans back in his chair.

“What do you mean? Like some kind of warning?”

“Maybe, or maybe it’s like some kind of confession.”

“Confession?” You feel confused, there wasn’t anyone you could think of that showed signs of interest towards you. “You think so?”

“Yeah, maybe they are too shy to say anything.”

“Okay, but why rocks?” Soobin looks questioningly.

“You know, penguins actually give the smoothest pebble they can find to another during courtship.” Taehyun stabs his food before looking up at you. “Maybe this person is your penguin.”

You smile at the idea, the thought of someone having a crush on you was exciting and you couldn’t lie that the mystery of it all was interesting.

“Yeah, my penguin…” You look up, catching Kai’s eyes before he gives you a tight smile and looking away just as quickly.

After that day, you found yourself eager to find the cute little rock left in your locker. There was something else that made you more excited though. A couple days after you brought up the rocks to the boys Kai had offered to help you figure out who your “penguin’ was. You both would wake up early hoping to catch the culprit and would stay after school as well waiting patiently. Neither of you saw the person once, and a part of you hoped you never would so the two of you could keep meeting. Kai was determined to help, always waiting in the hallways or in front of the gate for you to come and investigate together. Sometimes after school you two would go and eat and he always made sure to walk you home after “just in case” which always made your brain turn to mush. It didn’t take long before you two got closer, although you were still a nervous mess around him you also felt comfortable around him. Speaking became easier between you two and you got to see more of each other's personalities.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Present~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Closing your locker you run your fingers over the smooth rock.

“Another one, huh?” Kai looks at the rock dancing in your fingertips. “You must be tired of waiting to see who it is…”

“Hm,” you smile at him slipping the rock in your coat pocket. “It’s kinda fun, you know? Trying to figure it out. Plus, we got to know each other more.”

Kai looks down with a smile nodding his head in agreement.

“Here I'll walk you home.” He smiles waiting for you to finish grabbing your stuff.

You thank him shutting your locker and following behind him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~The Next Day~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You open your locker expecting another rock but, you find nothing. It’s a little strange but, no matter what, the little prize was waiting there by the end of the day. As the lunch bell rang you met up with Kai and the others stopping by your locker. You swing it open excitedly only to find nothing there. With a pause you ignore the worry feeling in your head and grab your lunch.

“What did they leave today?” Beomgyu peeks in your locker.

You look over your shoulder at him before shutting your locker, after taking another quick glance of course.

“N-nothing yet.” You fake a smile. “It’s not a big deal.”

Taehyun squints at you before leading the way to the cafeteria.

“You okay?” Kai asks, walking at your pace. “You seem a little… disappointed.”

“It’s nothing really,” except creeping thoughts began to fill your head. “I guess they just got over it? Maybe they realized I’m really not that interesting.”

He makes a face. “But you are interesting, you shouldn’t think like that. If anything maybe they got the courage to finally ask you.”

You open your mouth to protest but he stops you placing his hands on your shoulders.

“You know anyone would be lucky to have you. Seriously, everything about you is amazing.”

“Yo!” Yeonjun calls, the group had gone ahead of you two waiting for you to catch up. “You lovebirds coming?”

You see Taehyun whack the back of the boy's head causing him to rub it with an annoyed expression. You smile looking at the scene before noticing Kai’s hands are still resting on your shoulders. He seems to notice too pulling away quickly and scratching the back of his neck.

“I guess we should catch up with them.” He juts his head in their direction before walking with you to the others.

You smile feeling the lingering sensation of his hands on your shoulder that spreads through your body.

At the end of the day you reach your locker pausing before swinging the door open. Your eyes immediately see the empty space where the rock usually lays causing you to inhale sharply. Nothing. Your heart sinks, and you shuffle your stuff around wondering if maybe it had fallen somewhere.

What you didn’t notice was Kai watching you while he fumbles with the bright pink stone in his hand. He’s thought of (and acted out, although he will never admit it) a million ways to give you the silly little rock but, as the moment comes his palms sweat and his heart speeds at an unhealthy pace. With a nervous exhale he walks towards you before giving a nod to Taehyun who in turn gives him a thumbs up.

“H-hey.” He cringes at how much he stumbles over the single word.

His nervousness turns to worry when he hears you sniffle and you turn to him with tears threatening to spill out.

“Y/N…”

“Um, I’m sorry I just-” You run off not wanting to cry in front of everyone.

“Wait!” Kai shouts but, you continue to leave the building not even looking back.

It felt stupid, to cry over something so small. You never realized how much those little rocks meant to you. You never had someone confess to you, no one had even had a crush on you as far as you knew. Every morning that little rock managed to make you feel a little more important to someone, although you weren't sure who. You also had a creeping thought that maybe, since the anonymous person stopped being interested, Kai and you would hang out less. You sigh feeling ridiculous while you wipe the tears that were starting to leak.

“Y/N!” Kai calls running up to you.

You look up feeling embarrassed at how you acted before.

“Are you okay?” He looks at your glassy eyes with a frown.

“It’s stupid.” You smile. “I’m sorry for just storming off like that.”

“Hey, don’t apologize. What happened? You know I’m here to listen to you always.”

You feel a pang in your chest. You wondered how the universe created such a sweet boy.

“It's just, I didn’t get a rock today,” You sigh covering your heated face. “It meant a lot to me you know? I always felt like the person that no one would ever have a crush on. So, when I started getting them I felt a little excited that someone was interested in me. And… I guess I was worried that maybe if they stopped showing up you wouldn’t want to hang out as much.”

Kai’s heart skips a beat, you were really worried about something like that?

“You know, the whole wanting to know who the penguin was is an excuse?” He smiles reaching into his jacket pocket. “The truth is Y/N, I’ve always had a crush on you but, I was too scared to say anything. Everything about you is interesting, I like the way your eyes always smile before your mouth or how you always think about everyone no matter what the situation is. I meant it when I said anyone would be lucky to have you.”

You stare at the boy in complete shock. Processing the idea that the boy you have been pining for has had a crush on you the entire time.

“You didn’t get a rock today because,” he takes one of your hands placing the shiny pink stone in the palm before smiling. “I wanted to give it to you in person.”

A rush of emotion hits you like a wave. “You’re my penguin?”

He flashes a bigger smile before looking at his shoes with a pink tint in his cheeks.

“It wasn’t supposed to be this way,” he chuckles. “I actually wrote you a note and used the stone to make sure it stayed there. I asked Taehyun for your locker combination but, before you got out of class I panicked and grabbed the note.”

You laugh as the feeling of butterflies and other warm things fill your chest.

“You just seemed so happy after that I just decided to keep leaving them until I got the courage to confess. I ended up trying to “help” you figure out who it was so I could make sure you wouldn’t find out it was me. Once we started to hang out more I started realizing more and more how much I liked you.”

You hug him, catching him off guard at first but, he wraps his arms around you.

“I like you too, I always did.” You say into his chest.

As you two pull away you clutch the stone in your hand before sliding it into your own pocket.

“Do you want to go get ice cream?” He asks cutely.

Laughing you nod your head before he slips his hand in yours swinging it lightly. He looks away attempting to hold back the smile on his face causing you to squeeze his hand.

Like a soulmate, he's your penguin.

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neshabeingchildish · 4 years

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Determined: A Chasper Fic Conclusion

Second half of the chapter is extremely kid heavy. I feel like those actually reading this know how I am about kids and writing kids into these things. Alas, we’ve reached the end of this journey. Thank you to all those who stuck with it. I know this fandom isn’t a long story fandom and I apologize that I keep doing this to y’all. But, finally, the end is here.

Happy, Healthy Endings for All

Henry pulled up to the gate of “the estate” and when he was going to push the button on the little box, heard a beep and a voice say, “Henry Hart, Access Granted,” before he had the chance to do so.

“They’ve most likely programmed it to scan your car… or your DNA,” Piper commented with a shrug of her shoulders.

“How rich are our friends these days?” Henry wondered.

“Well, Charlotte is a genius who works with tech and DNA stuff, so she might have done it herself, but if not, Jasper is literally the highest paid executive coach in the country as of last year,” Piper said.

“I honestly thought for a while that Jasper made that career up and I still don’t even know what that means!” Henry chimed.

“He tells big bosses how to be better bosses and writes books to help little bosses become big bosses, if they have enough money to do so.”

“Yeah, I don’t understand HOW, either. Like… Who looked at Jasper and decided that he knew this stuff? Is he good at it, or just one of those people who got lucky and gets paid a lot?”

“The companies that he helps have better stats after he’s done helping them reevaluate their model. He’s gonna get one of those Netflix deals, I think. To get his own show where he basically goes in there and you see a few of his projects. He writes books, does speaking engagements, invests his money, and is kind of even helping Charlotte to try to branch out on her own. He just… is good at what he does. But, I mean… Jasper’s kind of been this way. Remember whenever he was doing his vlog and podcast and he’d get all these places and fans sending him stuff? He has a knack for smoothing people over. I think if somebody is confident enough, people are willing to at least hear them out and when he got his foot in the door that way, he owned it.”

“Are you… giving Jasper compliments?”

“No. I’m telling you nice things about Jasper. Did you ever see his “How to be a Good Man to a Difficult Woman” series on his channel? He’s got some very good life skills, when he takes the time to think about it and not just blurts stuff out.”

“Wait. He had a…” He stopped speaking whenever he got closer to the house and the yard, which had a very enormous playground, off to the side like… almost like a park and a huge garden on the other side, with like… what his mind could only seem to think of as a “tiny neighborhood” beside them. “Did this come with the house?” Henry wondered.

“Nope. Jasper had it commissioned. Sat down with the kids and got their ideas, worked on some designs, spoke with his architect, and voila.”

“Why are there so many little houses here when the big house is huge?”

“That you’ll have to ask them.”

Jasper was giving directions to the crew that he had working on this event, which Henry could tell were frat boys who probably knew him as an alumnus and wanted to make good with him. He could hardly believe that his Craig used to be one of those guys. He’d be meeting them later on, because he had some work emergency and insisted that Henry go on without him.

Whenever the Hart siblings walked up, Jasper dismissed the crew and came to hug them. “Hey! Glad you two could actually make it! I think this is your first time coming to the estate at all, so what do you think, finally seeing it in person?” (That was more to Henry, because Piper saw it before, even if it was only in the beginning.)

“What is this property, Dude?” Henry asked, marvelling around.

Jasper smiled proudly, “Well, the site where Charlotte will be opening her center after her hospital fellowship is in this area, so I wanted to make sure that we had a house near here. I can work from anywhere. Still unsure if we want to fully transition out of the old house, since so much of the kids’ memories are there, and Char’s still got a few years before she’ll even be opening the practice, but they’re all still young enough where you set up enough fun stuff and they don’t even know what their previous memories were. I don’t really want to rent it out and have anybody mess up any of the sentimental stuff, but we’ll probably have it for AirBNB for a while or something. Haven’t decided.”

“What are all these little houses, Dude?” Henry asked, pointing at a few.

“Oh, that’s Jazz’s treehouse, up in the tree, and Amber’s dollhouse, Ruby’s funhouse and the baby playhouse for the new baby. It’s like a little kiddo community for them, and all of them have their dream playground in the community “backyard.” On the other side is Charlotte’s she shed, which is one of my birthday gifts to her…”

“It’s like… the size of a regular house,” Henry pointed out.

“We’re on our fourth kid. Locking herself in the bathroom isn’t all it’s cracked up to be, even in a house as big as our last one, or even as big as the new house,” he said, so casually, that it almost made sense to Henry for them to have a whole other goddamn house a few feet away from their ridiculously huge house! “And her garden is like her front yard, then there’s the three dog houses. The kids want a puppy, so we’ll be getting another one, and already are making room for them. The Kiddo community and the Doggo community right across the way from each other. Charlotte’s she shed and her home lab on either side of the big house.” He was pointing at everything. “Took YEARS to get it just perfect and I figured since the timeline was so close, that instead of doing the whole housewarming thing that we’ve done in the past that we’d just throw Charlotte’s 30th Birthday party here and get showing off the property and showering her in love all over with in one event. Plus, Diamond is coming ANY day now, so by the time we’ve got them coming home, there won’t be time for socializing between getting them nursed, Char’s fellowship, getting doctors and scientists and stuff for the clinic, lab, and the spaces in the center, and…” he shrugged. Henry noted that Jasper looked the happiest that he had ever seen him. Like, everything in his life was perfect. He hoped Charlotte was feeling the same. He had been super busy at work. Springtime was very hectic for weddings and his busiest summer was right around the corner. Plus, he had a man now, and was still a Swellview hero.

“So, you decided on Diamond, huh?” Piper asked. “Just keeping the whole crystals/stones thing going?”

“After Jasper, who was of course just named for me, we went with birthstones. Wanted to have their names be closer connected to Jasper’s than ours or something else. Amber was better than Citrine or Topaz…”

“Those are mine,” Henry said proudly to Piper. “November.”

Piper rolled her eyes. Jasper hadn’t stopped, “Ruby is my fellow Leo, and even though that’s typically considered a girl’s name, Ruby is thought of as King of gems, so we rationalized that it was gender neutral and that if it wasn’t, we’d just have someone with a name that was as rare as the gem itself… you know, if they turned out to be a boy.”

“Ruby is actually a turning out to be a nuisance. They’re my favorite of all of your bad ass kids,” Piper said.

Instead of arguing that they weren’t bad kids (They weren’t, just very free kids). “I call them “Rascal,” Jasper said. “I don’t understand how they get into everything that they get into at 1. Jazz and Amber Reign at least waited until they were in the terrible 2s to begin their shenanigans. I think that they’re gonna be a genius, like Char. She was doing a lot at 1 too, I’m told...”

Almost as if on cue, they heard Charlotte yelling, “Andro! Ruby Andromeda Dunlop!” the three looked up to see a barely walking 1 year old running quite haphazardly, holding something that appeared to be a food item tightly in their grip, laughing all the way, with a very pregnant mother chasing after them, running as haphazardly with all of that belly to lug around.

Piper and Henry both cackled at the sight, but Jasper darted over and snatched up the baby and took the food from them. Charlotte caught up, caught her breath and explained, “I swear, I put it down for a split second to adjust my nursing pad and they grabbed it and ran!” Breathing still a little winded, she said, “Hey, Henry. Piper,” and retrieved her Danish. “I know that the party hasn’t started, but somebody made me miss breakfast,” she said pointing at Ruby. Piper reached for the baby and they went to her willingly. “And they go to Piper before they come to me… The person with the titty milk!”

“Because, I influence them to be the most them that they can be.”

“You can have them, at this rate,” Charlotte said.

Jasper laughed, “She didn’t mean that. She can’t legally give them away. They’re half mine.”

“Where’s their bling?” Charlotte wondered, finishing off her pastry. “They’re family. They’ll need it for the family photo shoot, not that it’ll be very elegant, considering that Dunlop children are magnets for calamity.”

“It’s covered, Babe. Go sit down. You look like you’ve been through hell.” She frowned. “Beautiful, though!”

“Shut up,” she muttered, waddling back to where her seat was.

The Dunlops were dressed in all white and diamonds (or you know, knock off crystals for the kids) for Charlotte’s 30th Birthday Diamond Ball.

Jazz had selected to wear “whatever Daddy is wearing,” so they had a smaller version of his white, suit with opaque floral embroidery and crystal embellishments. They also already had their pants rolled up to the knees and had taken their mass of curls out of the neat braided bun that Charlotte had painstakingly put it into this morning. Fortunately, she’d had the foresight to make sure that they did the immediate family photo shoot before everything else. Charlotte noticed on the way back to her seat that Jazz had also taken their shoes and socks off. They were literally untamed before the party even began. She smiled and waved at them and they waved back, “Hey, Mommy! You look like a queen!”

“If you’re not gonna wear your fancy shoes, at least throw on your sneakers so you don’t hurt your feet on something!” Charlotte called back.

“I’ve got some in the treehouse!” They rushed to the tree, electing to climb the rope, instead of the ladder to retrieve sneakers.

“You raised them to be independent,” Charlotte said. “Carefree Black child. Literally carefree. They don’t care ‘bout nothing.”

At least Amber was still put together. They had wanted to wear a princess gown. “It’s a ball! I gotta wear a princess gown!” They insisted. They only had Disney ones in their collection and they needed white, so Charlotte asked them what gown they wanted a white version of. “All of them.”

“You can only wear one to Mommy’s birthday party, though.”

“What about Daddy’s birthday?”

“Daddy’s gonna have a grown man friends party for his birthday. We’re not gonna go to that. Maybe just have some cake at home earlier that day, and sure, you can have a gown for that, if you want.”

“What about my birthday?”

“Sure. For your birthday, you can definitely wear a white gown, but which one do you want for Mommy’s party?”

Amber laughed and placed a hand on Charlotte’s hand, like a little adult. “No, Mommy. For my birthday, I need all the gowns. White. Also… all of them, in yellow.”

Charlotte smiled and said through her teeth, “Okay. Of course, it’s your birthday and Daddy has literally never told any of you ‘no,’ so I’m sure that we’ll be fulfilling that order. Now, you wanna tell Mommy what white gown you’ll wear to her ball?”

“Hmmm. Well, I think Tiana’s, but white. And I need to add a bustle, so I can dance with a prince, or Daddy if there’s only commoners.”

“Where did you learn the word bustle?” Charlotte whispered, making notes.

“Where did they learn the word “commoners?” Jasper wondered.

They instead made Amber a white Tiana gown that was short in the front, kind of like Char’s wedding dress, and a sparkly pair of white leggings, so that Amber wouldn’t protest too much to the lack of a bustle. Charlotte still didn’t know where they got that word from. But, passing by them on the swingset near their dollhouse, they were still dressed like she dressed them this morning, in their shoes and all.

Ruby being one, was the easiest to dress. Charlotte threw a white romper on them and a sunhat and they were the cutest kid in the world. Keeping it white and them out of trouble though? That was a task for somebody else today.

Charlotte’s twinkling maternity gown and updo made her look elegant enough for the party, but between her tiredness, hot flashes, being hungry A LOT, and rushing to the bathroom so much, she was lowkey miserable. She didn’t want to do a big thing for this birthday, being so close to her due date and this having been the most taxing pregnancy she had gone through, but Jasper seemed so excited about it and once the kids were in the mix with picking outfits and such, she felt obligated.

He planned it for the weekend before her actual birthday, because the next weekend (a few days after her birthday) was around the due date. It was SO CLOSE. Their birthdays would be even closer together than hers and Jazz’s, which was at the beginning of the month and had been celebrated by unveiling the playground in the yard. Which was so extravagant, in Charlotte’s opinion. But, they had made sure to get a lot of land specifically TO BE extravagant, if they wanted to.

Besides, Jasper paid for all of that, and what was she gonna do? Tell that man what he could and couldn’t do with his hard earned money? Jasper had always been extra, and now he could afford to be.

Jazz wanted a jungle gym. Amber wanted a carousel, and Jasper filled in a lot of the rest of it with stuff that he thought would be fun for them. She wondered if he wasn’t having some sort of early midlife crisis for a while, because he was extremely diligent on making this property perfect. But, that was because it would be their “Forever home” and he could pass it down from Dunlop to Dunlop for as long as they held it dear. “They’ve gotta hold it dear. It’s gotta be perfect. It’s my legacy.”

Watching him handle it was one of the ways she wound up pregnant again before he could have the chance to have a procedure. That man was simply too virile! And there was something about seeing him so passionately make plans and prep for their children’s futures that there was nothing sexier in the world than him in those moments. They scheduled his procedure after she realized that another Dunlop was on the way. Not that she had anything against her other 3 children, but four was twice what she initially saw for herself.

Charlotte LOVED being a mom. It was some of the best highlights of her life. She never would have expected to love it so much, but she absolutely did, aside from the pain of labor, her suffering was generally minimal. (Mainly, because she knew all of the rules medically, and she was able to figure out any necessary changes that she needed to make in her routine whenever her body called for it.

She also loved the idea of helping other people safely become moms, especially with the somehow increasing number of fatalities in Black women attempting to do so. So, whenever she finished medical school, her residency and fellowship, she finally was confident and prepared enough to open her own center.

She would be working as a medical biochemist, specializing in genetics for infants and childrens’ care. The site had an OBGYN, a pediatrician, a gynecologist, and a fertility specialist, when they started out. She wanted to make another option for women who might not get the proper care in other facilities, as well as options for the babies and children that they had. Also, to help those who wanted to have children and had issues preventing them from doing so.

Instead of having several doctors who are not associated in the building and renting from some leaseholder, she owned the building, would work from the lab with a team she selected, to avoid the disrespect and distrust at her previous lab, and found specialists that she was interested in, bringing what she valued most to the place.

Having other Black female doctors around was also quite refreshing, for all of them and she made sure to include an onsite daycare with personally vetted childcare providers. Because she knew that she wasn’t the only working mommy and that was important to her, as well. (This was a separate place from the pediatric playroom), because that was for the potentially sick kids. She even involved the doctors and scientists that she would have there in the development process, as a bit of an interview situation. (They didn’t work for her, but she wanted the vision to work for everyone, and to find people who were on the same accord).

They called it A New Page Childcare Center, and Charlotte had never been happier in her life, as far as her work life went, as she was after getting it off of the ground. She was saving lives again, but doing it with a collective of like-minded professionals who respected and liked each other and worked well together. She could be here until she was ready to retire! Finally! She had not only found her calling, but she was able to build up something to follow it through, and she was able to see her children more throughout all of it.

Plus, even when helping a client through a strenuous process of tests and seeking out solutions or researching new ideas in genetics, she controlled her schedule and therefore was able to do things at this point in her life with Jasper and the kids that she felt guilty about not being able to do before, like family vacations and events. Henry and Craig FINALLY tied the knot shortly after Hen turned 33, and it was her center that they came to when seeking out a surrogate.

At the center, they were able to speak with a surrogacy agent, because by that time, the center had grown to include an agency for surrogacy and one for adoption. By finding all these childcare specialists and providers and making room for them in her property, it was easy for people to explore all of these options in one place, and there were frequently workshops on site available for training in doula and midwife work, becoming foster parents, and NUMEROUS paid internships in every single one of the areas in the place.

Now, most of these ideas she came up with, in tandem with Jasper during pillow talk. She knew if he knew how to do one thing, it would be to tell her truthfully how to have a fulfilling workspace. She just had never thought that she would be able to put all of these professions and occupations in one space. Whenever he would say, “Why don’t you just find one and get them in your building?” she would immediately think, I can’t do that! But now, she wasn’t even sure WHY she ever thought that she couldn’t do it!

She guessed it sounded like too much. She guessed that it would be too hard to maintain rules, regulations, etc… But, Jasper pointed out, “But, they don’t work for you. As long as they can pay you to be in that space, it's an advantage to you all to have sources nearby to suggest. If fertility isn’t working out, your fertility specialist can suggest going to, you know… the fourth floor for a surrogate or the fifth floor for the adoption agency, etc. That way, they don’t have to look around, which would be additional stress and sometimes, you may be able to have a representative from the office of their next step come to speak with them and build rapport in that moment where they’ve lost a little bit a hope, to meet and reassure them that the last step was only another stepping stone and assure them that they will give their all to this particular leg of the journey.” There was always a brilliant idea coming out of him! She loved that man so much, more and more all of the time.

The various talks that had to be had with them were generally successful. Having two socially conscious parents, they were going to get lessons about everything whenever they either were about to go out into the world on their own (school and such) or for more heavy topics, whenever they seemed to want to know. Of course, first and foremost was the way that people outside might perceive and treat them.

Jazz looked almost just like Charlotte, but with a different curl pattern. Her hair mostly grew down, but it was poofy enough that it fluffed out at the sides. It gave her just enough “other” for people to ask her “Black, and what else?” but, if she had it up or something, nobody even bothered.

Amber was the only one that was really “light skinned,” but she always got a little browner in the summer. Her hair was curly like Jasper’s when he was a kid and it didn’t grow down, but out, so she had a huge curly fro.

Jazz said that Ruby was her mini… like she wasn’t cut from the very same cloth as Charlotte. Ruby had hair like Charlotte’s and similar features. Slightly less brown, but definitely darker than Amber. She looked even more like Charlotte, because they had similar mannerisms and the same face and hair.

Diamond was only a couple of shades darker than Amber, but she had more of Jasper’s features than the others, who were basically molds of Charlotte with the slight differences mentioned, and her eyes were light colored. Well, they were somewhere between a hazel and a chestnut. Jasper insisted that she had his mom’s eyes. Charlotte just denied it on principle. She lowkey did have Pansy’s eyes and was really the only one that could “pass for a Dunlop,” according to some of the comments Charlotte had overheard and seen on posts before Jasper blocked somebody. People sometimes joked with Jasper to ask him if he was sure those were all his kids, but they quickly retracted these jokes, whenever they noted his face or body language. When Jazz was little, he’d be more likely to kick someone’s ass over it. By the time Amber came, it was asked less, but when it was brought up, Jazz was singled out! She “didn’t look mixed enough” someone said, in that way that he could tell they felt like they were just being honest. She looked just like her mother, if she had wavy hair!! And… what did people think that he was going to presume that they were suggesting about his wife when they asked him shit like that or made a funny little comment.

His mother made that mistake years ago. “I just don’t see any part of you in that one,” she said, opting to try to pick up Amber as she nudged her forehead towards Jazz. Amber hid behind her older sister. Something about Pansy made her nervous. The woman sighed and tacked on, “I don’t think it would hurt to get them DNA tested, just in case…”

And he told her, “If you hadn’t given me life, I would sock you in the mouth for that.” (Jasper never made threats like that at her and she was shook).

“I was kidding! She’s just way darker than I thought she should be,” she had said about Jazz (which was PRIOR to Jazz identifying as a girl and ALSO made him upset that she called them a she), but Pansy had come out of that. They kept some distance between themselves and her until she had to seek them out and agree to the proper language and appropriate treatment. Then, Jasper monitored every time she was around for a long time before her and Charlotte were comfortable enough (and the kids were comfortable enough) for her to be allowed to spend time with them by herself.

She was a much better grandmother than she had been a mom, and he came to realize that a lot of people were weird about the fact that 3 out of 4 of his biracial kids didn’t quote unquote “really look biracial,” so they wanted to tell the girls about it whenever it was time for Jazz to go to her private school. Jasper wanted them in public school. There was one not too far from the house and it was considered when he bought it. But, they compromised that the kids could go to a private head start, maybe public elementary, and then Charlotte insisted on the private school when they got into junior high. But, after head start, all of Jazz’s friends were going to private school and she wanted to go, as well. Jasper wondered if Charlotte knew this would happen when she made that deal with him. She simply smirked in response.

“What the fuck is biracial?” Jazz had asked whenever the race talk came up. Charlotte threw her head back and Jazz winced, “Sorry, Mom.” She honestly never let go of the word, since she was 2 years old. But, she also had just presumed that since half of her family was different shades of brown and the other half were lesser shades of brown that other people had families that were just all kinds of browns and lesser browns, even those lesser brown people she knew from pre-k.

Realizing that Uncle Henry and Uncle Craig were not going to be able to come together and simply make brown cousins or lesser brown cousins was like a shock to her system. They had to grow a baby somewhere else and try to pick somebody that would have some similar traits. Then, learning that people might be meaner to her because she was a darker brown than Daddy was alarming, to say the least, and that even more people might treat her differently because of her private areas that they couldn’t even see? She was scandalized and horrified. But… she said that sounded like it meant that girls were tougher than boys and she was “tough enough to be a girl.”

“It’s not really a matter of toughness. It’s more like what you feel like you are, inside. And it doesn’t have to be a girl, or even a boy. You might feel like something else that you don’t quite have the words for, and we’ll help you find the right words, if that’s the case or maybe even you’ll have new words for us that are more catered to who you feel like you are inside.” Charlotte said.

“Well, I don’t not feel like a girl. I feel like a girl who is strong and brave. Whatever that is is my gender. I don’t care. It’s never mattered before. I just am scared of the people out there that might try to treat me like I’m a Black girl. (I am, but… that’s scary stuff, Mom.”

“We’ll protect you as much as we can,” Jasper said.

“I have literally seen your father punch more than a few people for treating mommy some kind of way,” Charlotte admitted. Jasper’s face showed he had zero regrets about those choices.

“Don’t worry Dad. I have a mean right hook,” Jazz said.

“Damn right you do. That’s that Dunlop Dumb Drop!” And with just that, the kid gestured for a double high five and they growled in each others faces and started barking.

Charlotte, feeling left out said, “I have some drops too.”

Both of them looked at her and burst into crying laughter. “Mom, please, do not do this to me!” Jazz said as Jasper wiped his eyes from actually crying laughing about it. “Oh, you oughtta end all these talks like that. Who can feel worried when you’ve got this shining sense of humor.”

Charlotte folded her arms, but couldn’t help but to laugh, in spite of herself of the fact that her young child thought it hilarious that she could drop somebody. “I never said with my fists, Kid. I’m a scientist and a doctor. I know at least one hundred ways to drop somebody without ever touching them. A lot of them, untraceable.” She threw a look at Jasper, who immediately stopped laughing.

“Well, that’s just terrifying,” Jazz admitted.

Charlotte winked, “Only for my enemies.”

Now, Jazz offered her double high fives and said, “Friends for life!”

Amber was concerned about things, but mostly about partnership. Why, at her age? They didn’t know, but they just answered her questions when they arose. “So. IF I AM a girl, feel like a girl, like things that the world says is for girls, but I also LIKE girls. Like, REALLY like girls, like - like them, you understand… can I still be a girl?”

“If you think you are, yes.”

“But, the world says that girls like boys, right? I hate boys. They’re smelly and unkind. They never like to wear pretty dresses that would be gorgeous on them. They hit you and say it’s because they like you, so if you want to hit them back, you don’t want to, because you don’t want them to think you like them, a stupid boy!”

Jasper balled his fists, “Who the hell hit you?”

“Daddy, don’t get mad. Since hitting means boys like you, I didn’t hit him back, so he wouldn’t think I like him. Instead, I put mud in his sandwich when everybody was at recess.” She smiled proudly.

“Well, I’m glad that you got him back. But, next time, just hit him. Nobody gets to put their hands on you and if they really liked you, they wouldn’t. Also, who was it?”

“Are you gonna go punch the kid, Jasper?” Charlotte asked.

“I MIGHT!”

Charlotte changed the subject. “Not all boys are like that, but if you just don’t like boys, that’s still fine. You can like whoever you like.”

“I like girls.”

“Cool. Uncle Henry is a boy who likes a boy, Uncle Craig. And Uncle Jake and Uncle Ray…”

She looked frustrated, “Do only boys get to like boys in the world?” They’d already warned her that people are mean to girls, was not being able to like like other girls part of that meanness?

“No! Everybody gets to like whoever they like and sometimes the world is mean about it, but sometimes the world is nice.”

“The world better be nice to me, because there’s plenty of dirt out there for me to put on their sandwiches.”

Jasper whispered, “She’s terrifying, like you.”

“If by that you mean that she’s brilliant, thank you,” Charlotte whispered back and kissed him briefly.

“Hi. Could you not? I don’t really want to have to see boys and girls kiss in my own home,” Amber said, inciting cackles from both of them.

Ruby didn’t care either way. Whenever they told her all these things, they said they didn’t have questions, were undecided on if they knew what their gender was and didn’t care about racist people because, “I have a big, strong dad, a mom that can kill people quietly, an older sister who fights people and one that pees in people’s colas. I think that I’m well protected.”

Jasper and Charlotte were nodding, presuming that they probably had talked to their sisters about this before, but both stopped at “pees in people’s colas” and said, “Wait, what?” Ruby tilted their head, acting like they had no idea what they were asking about.

“I have nothing further,” Ruby said. They kept the “their/them” pronouns throughout life. It just seemed like a lot to them, to sit there and think and decide who they felt like when their upbringing didn’t place any value on gender roles. But, they were also fine with whatever pronouns someone else used for them. It didn’t really matter.

Henry retired from hero life at 50.

The Dunlop kids and the Hart kids got together to plan a Semi-Centennial celebration for their parents, instead of calling in a joint birthday celebration. A lot of things were happening within a few years’ time. Jasper and Charlotte being married for 25 years, Jazz becoming a professional athlete, Amber getting engaged to her college sweetheart, Ruby graduating from high school at the top of their class, JUST like their mom and going into an entire new wave of technology that fascinated Charlotte, and Diamond going into high school, and the fact that Uncle Henry was getting ready to “settle peacefully from everything else” and focus on H<3art Eyes until his official retirement… so retiring from Captain Danger so that he could have at least some good years in the wedding shop with his kids and husband, just living his life.

His Dad and Ray had bought a boat a while back, which they mostly lived on, did some traveling in and also continued to enjoy perks such as the old Man Copter, which Ray basically just redecorated and put a cheesy postcard like caricature of the two of them on the side of it. The same for the RV that Jake brought, for whenever they wanted to travel on land. They were both retired and had no small kids. Ray never told Jake about Captain Man. The Hart kids agreed that he just COULDN'T have that information. It didn’t matter, anyway. They had been working well for about 20 years at that point. Neither chose to get married, but what they had was pretty undeniable.

The child advocate in Charlotte Ambrosia Dunlop got with Schwoz years prior to come up with a way to keep Swellview safe from the villain threats without training children to work as heroes until they couldn’t. It was a solution that they sort of came to simultaneously, and Schwoz was very upset that he hadn’t really considered it before… Clone generation. Recreating a Captain Man and Captain Danger clone and having the Man Cave computer know just how and when they would need to be replenished! Charlotte didn’t want Schwoz to have to stay there, being the brain behind the thing, so she convinced him to make a Safe Halley, to control it all and to simply keep access to it, if something went wrong, one of them could go sort it out if they had to. But, they didn’t. They never had to again, and Swellview was still quite safe.

Charlotte, Jasper, Henry, Piper, Ray, and Schwoz sit on the patio, looking at the view of the sunsetting on the mountains during their annual Man Fam Getaway… “Our life was stupid crazy. I wouldn’t change a thing,” Charlotte said and everybody heard her and they all agreed.

*** The End***

#A Chasper Fic #chasper #henry danger #hd fanfic #Nesha HD Fics

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lilacjaemin · 5 years

Text

sublatis ancoris et margarita

pairing: pirate!jeno x gender neutral reader (bulleted)

genre: fluff and angst

word count: 2.8k

summary: sublatis ancoris et margarita (latin): anchor and pearl

a/n: this is the first time ive been able to write something so easily in such a long time. this one just kinda flowed out of me. ive been in such a terrible creative rut lately. it means a lot to me that this one came together. i was very scared i was losing my ability to write. im so so proud of this one.

pirate jeno

he’s sailed for as long as he can remember

he’s pretty sure he was conceived and born on a ship

he learned to walk on the wobbly deck of his father’s boat

which resulted in him having to get his land legs, rather than the other way around

jeno was attached to the ocean

sea water ran through his veins

he came from a long line of sailors

but he wasn’t a violent pirate

the lee family wasn’t after power, and they already were wealthy

they truly just loved sailing

the art and everything that came along with it

they loved to travel the seas and visit new places

discovering new islands and finding pretty things along the way

sure, sometimes they found treasure and sold it for money

sometimes they kept the treasures for mementos

but they never fought or got into trouble

the crew was intimating enough to where they didn’t have to fight

the ship was ginormous and beautifully crafted

intricate flowers on the side

plus with 18 men onboard just to keep jeno safe and a big crew

what small boat would even go near them

they pushed themselves to travel farther, go on longer voyages, find shinier, bigger jewels

jeno loved jewels and precious stones

he loved the meaning behind them

whenever his family found them amongst the treasures, they would immediately go to jeno

pearls became his favorite

not only were they something beautiful created from something rough

but different colored pearls represented different things

some meant perfection, prosperity, love, protection, etc

he loved the idea of giving them as gifts and the look on people’s faces as he told them the symbolism

and he always carried pearls with him

once his parents had gotten older they decided to stay on land for the rest of their days

they handed the ship and crew down to jeno

now captain of The Flora

his friends adored him and the crew respected him

he didn’t think he could be happier than he was on the open ocean

from time to time in between journeys jeno would visit his family

he thought the small village where they settled down was adorable

he couldn’t find a place like it no matter where he sailed

it was a quaint island and a tight knit community

small houses and businesses lining the cobblestone streets

lanterns and candles on every corner, casting an amber glow across the whole town

at first the townspeople were afraid of him

a huge ship docked at the edge of their tiny shore, and what seemed to be at least 100 scary pirates filing off of the deck

it really was about 30 lanky men who enjoyed singing sea shanties in their free time

but jeno’s warm smile and honey like voice immediately put them at ease

kids would run out to the beach when The Flora came into view

they gravitated towards the lure of a pirate lifestyle

johnny and yukhei loved to bring the children on board and let them explore

yuta and doyoung loved to show them the bounties they brought in

renjun and donghyuck told them ghost pirate stories while kun and jaemin were there to comfort afterwards

everyone greeted the crew of The Flora with big smiles each time they entered their shops

sometimes he’d be bearing gifts, other times they would send him off with goods for his travels

although he loved the town and his parents, he could never stay away from the sea for too long

it was like it called to him

the freedom he felt was like no other

funnily enough, jeno hated anchors

anchors meant being tied down, having to pick a place to stay

the idea of being somewhere for longer than a few days made his skin crawl

that is, until he met you

you worked in the small outpost for sea trade your family owned

the little shed was tucked into the rocks by the beach

you watched every time The Flora pulled in

you hoped one day your dream of a handsome pirate would come true

but anytime one walked in they reeked of fish, had unkempt hair and stained clothes

yeah you didn't want to kiss any of those bearded faces

you thought you saw some cute boys leave the ship but you had never gone out to meet any of them

you kinda hoped they would come by instead

one day you were writing in your journal, daydreaming to the sounds of the waves you grew to love so much

someone knocked on the door to get your attention

when you looked up, you were breathless

he walked in with sun kissed skin, saltwater making his hair curly

he wore a white button up blouse with lace details at the collar and sleeves

black pants and tall, black boots

his smile was unlike anything you had ever seen

he had clean teeth!! white teeth!! who knew pirates could have nice teeth!!

and his eyes

his eyes sparkled and when he grinned at you his eyes turned into crescent moons reflecting off the water

he was beautiful

you introduced yourselves

you found yourself rolling his name over and over on your tongue quietly

little did you know he was doing the same

he showed you the few silver treasures he had hoping to sell them

among them was a small anchor pendant he had received from a blacksmith on a far away island

jeno noticed how your eyes lingered on it a little too long

his gaze moved from your awestruck expression to the journal you had been writing in when he entered

an anchor was stamped into the front of the brown leather cover

before you turned back to count up how much he would be getting, he pulled the charm back into his sleeve

“oh, how did that get in there? this isn't for sale, im sorry about that.” he mumbled

he saw your face fall slightly, as you had planned to buy it back from your father once it was the store’s

you two had a small conversation and exchanged the items for money

your hand brushed against his and his skin was dry from the salt and sun, but it still made your heart skip a beat

he bowed a little and thanked you for your kindness

you tried your hardest to wipe the longing from your face as you watched him head back to the boat

jeno entered the captain's quarters with a feeling in his chest he couldn't explain

as he began to put the money away, mark, a crew member he had known since he was little, walked by

he noticed the change in jeno immediately and asked him if he felt okay

the younger boy nodded, hoping the red on his face would be mistaken for sunburn

he made his way to his parents house, determined to find out more about you

after many questions and “no reason, just wondering” responses, jeno was even more intrigued

he made a note in his mind

new voyage, new treasure

jeno returned a few times, each time flirtier than the last

some days he didn’t even bring any treasures, visiting under the pretense of “just checking your stock”

“jeno, you’re the only ship at the island, how could we have new stock?”

“well you know, someone could've docked overnight or something...”

you two became fast friends

you loved hearing of his adventures, he just loved talking to you

now you just expected him to be there each morning

you didn't expect for him to be holding a sweet from the bakery, however

“is this okay? we've never talked about our favorite foods and i didn't know what to get you but if not i can go back-”

“jeno, it’s perfect.”

each time you interrupted his rambles you loved to watch his furrowed brows smooth out and see his mouth pull up in a grin

he was always worried he was doing something wrong

but you were always there to reassure him

one morning, he arrived surprised to find you asleep on the counter

he smiled, taking in your features

he hesitantly raised his hand to push your hair away from your face, hoping not to startle you

as his fingertips brushed your cheek, he heard the message loud and clear ringing between his ears

you were the most beautiful thing he had ever laid eyes on

you woke up to jeno staring down at you

lovingly?

he apologized profusely for waking you

you explained profusely that it was okay

he cleared his throat

"i was wondering if i could see you,” he started

“like, see you somewhere other than your job. maybe i could take you out tonight,”

your heart thumped against your ribs

“i mean only if you’d like to,” he scratched the back of his neck, realizing this was a little sudden considering you just woke up

“and it would seem a little weird if a scary pirate took you on his ship for the night and i dont want your family to freak out, so do you know of a place we could go? only if you want to-”

“jeno, i do.”

his face lit up like the summer sun

“you do?”

it took all of his self control to not hug you right then and there

“i do, and i know just the place we can go.”

jeno glowed all day

that night as the sun dipped below the horizon you led jeno to the top of the rocks above your outpost

you two talked under the stars for hours

you didn't leave until you knew you were barely gonna be able to function at work the next day

you felt a light in your chest that wasn't there before

jeno became a part of your routine

he’d greet you each morning, go off to do “pirate business” as he put it, and meet you at your spot each night

you found yourself opening up to this “intimidating” pirate and questioned if this was the right thing to do

soon it became impossible to watch the night sky without holding him

he’d tuck you under his chin and you'd wrap your arms around his waist

your ear pressed to his chest gave you your new favorite sound

the waves were drowned out by his heartbeat and the vibrations of his voice

just having him near felt warm and safe and right

he wasnt scary, or anything like anyone you'd met before

he was just jeno

jeno with sun dried skin and soft moon eyes and lips you desperately wanted to know the taste of

jeno with incredible stories of islands and treasure that you desperately wanted to be a part of

but what was scary was falling for him so quickly

“im so sorry,” he whispered into your hair one night

you felt your eyes shut, knowing what was coming, expecting it

you knew he was a traveler, you couldn't take that away from him

you would be an anchor

a burden

he had already stayed on your island for a month, he was going to have to go back out eventually

and it would hurt both of you

you couldn't leave home forever

and he couldn't stay forever

you began to push him away

you would say hi in the mornings and leave your spot early on into the nights

you'd force yourself to get out of his grasp and trudge away with a heavy weight on your shoulders

and jeno swore he could hear his heart break in his chest

when he watched you come up with excuses to leave the rocks each night he wished on every star in the sky that things would be okay

he knew what you were doing, and it was terrifying

for the first time in his life, brave pirate jeno was afraid of something

losing you

you pushed him away night after night, closing yourself off to him

you wouldn't let him hold you close, you barely spoke

‘just until he leaves,’ you kept telling yourself, ‘once he's gone it’ll be easy to forget him’

the night before his ship was scheduled to go, he was already at your spot when you arrived

jeno waited until you sat down beside him, staring off at the water as he spoke

“i've never had a home,” he started

‘this was it,’ you thought, ‘he’s gonna sail away and take my heart with him’

“ive traveled all over the ocean. ive stopped at countless places. ive met so many people,”

“ive never had a home. ive never wanted to stay anywhere for more than a few weeks. there never was any reason to,”

‘here it comes’ you felt like you were going to fall and tumble into the sea below

he turned to face you, a look written across his features you've never seen before

“you are my home.”

what?

you waited, not realizing you were holding your breath until he began again

“you are my home. home isn't a place, its a person, a feeling. and i would stay anywhere if it meant being with you. i would stay forever if forever was in your arms.”

“jeno-”

“please hear me out.” his voice cracked with an emotion you couldn't pin, fear? urgency?

“i know its unfair. its unfair that i did this to you. i leave. i fell for you and forgot that leaving is what i do. i cant ask you to come with me. but if you want me to stay, id give the ship to one of my men and stay right here with you.”

“jeno you-”

“please let me finish.”

“ive been attacked by other pirates, ive been on a sinking ship, ive sailed through shark infested water, but ive never been as scared as i am right now.”

he picked up your hand and placed it over his heart

it was beating just as fast as yours

“you are the greatest treasure i could ever find. i love you and i would be foolish to leave you on this island in search of more silver cups or red rubies-”

you pulled on his shirt and brought his mouth to yours

his lips were chapped but they tasted of coconut

they were warm against your own

he moved slowly, bringing his hand up to cup your cheek

his other hand found yours resting against his chest

the rhythm of your kiss matching that of the waves kissing the shoreline

“jeno-” you whispered against him, pulling away just enough to see into his eyes

“i can’t ask you to give up sailing, but i love you too much to let you go. i can wait for you. i can stay here and be yours, and you can be mine, and when you come home ill still be yours. ill always be yours. i can-”

this time it was his turn to quiet your rambling

he pushed you to lay back onto the rock and pressed open mouth kisses to different parts of your lips

he kissed you for what felt like hours, until your lips were puffy and red and you two were breathless

he helped you sit up and then he rested his forehead on yours

“i have something for you.”

you couldn't imagine how he could make your heart happier than it already was

he reached into his pocket and placed his hand inside yours, depositing the small anchor pendant into your palms

it was on a beautiful silver chain, and when you examined it closely, there were now two small pearls on the tips of the anchor

“the black pearl represents protection,” jeno opened the clasp to place it around your neck, “i will always keep you safe.”

you turned around and felt yourself shiver

at his words or his breath against your skin you didn't know

“the blue pearl symbolizes true love.” he said into the shell of your ear, pressing a small kiss to it

he held you until the sunrise, falling asleep to the sound of your heart

when he woke the next morning, you were still there, fingers intertwined with his

he knew you'd always be there

you always were there

you sent jeno off with a full heart and the taste of coconut lingering in your mouth

but you knew he’d be back

he always came back

anytime you missed him you touched your necklace

anytime he missed you he would write you letters in your brown leather notebook

sometimes he took you on small trips to nearby islands and you got to watch your boyfriend in action

you became his pearl, his greatest treasure

and when The Flora did return from voyages, the kids still lined up, the townspeople still smiled, and you still felt your heart race

jeno, a little sunburnt and homesick? yes, but leaving?

never

you also became his anchor, but it wasn’t such a terrible thing to stop and stay for a little while

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pointless--nonsense · 7 years

Note

Every emoji

Okay everybody this is super long I’m sorry!!

🐰 what is one secret that you’ve never told anyone? ~ if I said then it would no longer be a secret hahaha

💗 if you could hug anyone, who would it be? ~ all of my friends (internet and irl) because I just love them so much

🐹 what are some of your favourite Pokémon and why? ~ Eevee because I love that name and I love the eeveelutions

🌠 if you were in charge of the world, what would the world look like? ~ oh boy um first of all Tr*mp would be in jail and Bernie would be president, gender neutral bathrooms would be everywhere, and college/university would be way less expensive and adorable for all

👀 what was the most recent vivid dream that you had? ~ all I can remember is that someone tricked me into going on a roadtrip to the beach and when we got there I realized I had nothing besides my phone with me 😂 plus Lilly Singh was there and she convinced me to stay lol

☀️ what do you like the most about your best friend? ~ I love everything about her she is amazing and wonderful and I miss her so much!!

😘 talk about your crush or partner. ~ I have so many crushes at the moment 😂 lol let’s just say they are all cute and way out of my league lol

💁 if someone was rude to you, would you be rude back? ~ Depending on the situation tbh. Like I’ll only bring out the attitude if they deserve it, but if it is not worth my time I would just walk away

🌟 what do you like about yourself? (must choose at least 3 things!) ~ My ability to be smart yet soooooo dumb all the time, I guess I can keep a conversation going but I’m so boring, and how I have no money yet I still online shop like I am rich 😂

🐾 what are you scared of most? how will you overcome it? ~ I am scared of so many things so it is hard to choose just one. But I try to overcome my fears by being forced into situations and if I don’t completely shut down it was a success lol

🎁 what never fails to make you happy? ~ Watching my favorite Disney movies, and baking treats for my friends

💙 what annoys you about some people? ~ When people are ignorant. And when they think their opinion is right and they won’t listen to anybody else with a different opinion because they are too scared to hear what anybody else has to say because maybe they are wrong

😤 do you get angry easily? ~ No not really, I’m a pretty chill person for the most part I guess

🐇 what do you always daydream about? ~ This will sound cheesy but usually just going on cute dates with people because I’ve never been on a date and I want to experience that one day lol

🌻 if you could change 3 things about the world what would you change? ~ How food is made and produced (animal rights), I would impeach the president and elect Bernie Sanders, and I would repeal any and all laws against transgender people using whatever bathrooms they want (and I would make everywhere change to gender neutral bathrooms)

✈️ what is your dream city and why? ~ Oh boy that’s hard… umm I used to say Seattle but lately it is Toronto because Canada seems pretty cool, but I also really want to travel back to Alaska because that was super fun (I know that’s not a city lol)

☕️ talk about your ideal day. ~ Hmm it would be at Disneyland with Tricia because those are always so much fun

🌸 are you an introvert, ambivert or extrovert? ~ Totally introvert 100%

💧 when was the last time you cried? ~ I bottle up my emotions so I don’t cry until I explode which hasn’t been for a while (I know that’s bad and I’m working on it kind of haha)

🎵 name 5 songs you love at the moment. ~ Hey There Delilah by Plain White T’s, Sippy Cup by Melanie Martinez, Lullaby by Front Porch Step, All Time Low by Jon Bellion, and How Far I’ll Go from Moana

⚡️ if you had any superpower, what would it be and why? ~ probably flight so that I wouldn’t have to pay for gas or expensive plane flights anymore haha

💛 if you could talk to your younger self, what would you say? ~ You will learn how true friends act, and these people are not your real friends. And keep in touch with your middle school friends because those are real people who actually like you. And don’t go to college where it snows because you will hate it 😂

💚 who are you jealous of and why? ~ Skinny people because they can actually find clothes that fit and aren’t embarrassed when they shop with friends (I’m not really jealous just petty haha)

💎 which one would you rather have more of: intelligence, beauty, kindness, wealth or bravery? why? ~ Intelligence so that the schools would pay for my education

🙊 what are you ashamed of? ~ That the ignorant people surrounding me run their mouths without knowing any real facts or information and talk based solely on judgement and opinions

🌺 which languages do you know? which do you want to learn? ~ I know English and a tiny tiny bit of Spanish. I am learning ASL and I want to become better with my Spanish. I also want to learn Mandarin

🍀 if you could be any fictional character’s best friend/lover, which fictional character would you be? ~ I want to be Katara’s best friend

☁️ talk about your dream universe. ~ Refer to 🌻 and 🌠 plus all animals in shelters and pounds would have owners and global warming goes down and better education systems are in place

💜 which acts of kindness are you going to do today? ~ I’m going to tell my friends I love them and I will clean up the house for my mom so she doesn’t have to stress about it

🐬 if you could transform into any animal/magical creature, what would you be and why? ~ Either a dolphin or a hawk so I can explore the sea or fly and see the world from the air

🍄 talk about someone/something you really dislike. ~ I hate racism, homophobia, misogynists, feminists who aren’t intersectional, islamophobia, transphobia, TERFs, and other people/things of these natures

😣 talk about some things that have been making you depressed/angry/anxious lately. ~ Hahahahaha everything

🍪 what did you want to be as a kid, and what do you want to be now? ~ I wanted to be a chef and now I want to be a nurse

🍰 what are some of your favourite sugary foods? ~ Icecream and Starbucks fraps get me every time 😂😂

🍑 what are you obsessed with? ~ Hmm right now it is politics and online shopping but it changes all the time haha

💘 what happens to you when you’re stressed? ~ On the outside I am pretty good at hiding the stress but on the inside I am screaming. I can handle stress well in my opinion and usually I try to find out what is stressing me and either fix it or end it all together

😪 what are you sick of? ~ Cis white men

🙀 are you an adrenaline seeker? ~ No not at all

💥 what are some unpopular opinions that you have? ~ I hate any and all fast food (including in n out 😂), I also hate pasta and rice (I love bread though lol)

☔️ would you consider yourself a good person? ~ It depends on the day. Some days I think I’m good, but most days I feel like I’m a terrible person haha

😊 what do you like to do as hobbies? ~ I used to play softball and golf, but now my hobbies mostly include baking, watching Netflix and YouTube, and online shopping

🎤 what’s the last song you hummed or sang by yourself? ~ Does it count if I was singing Hawaiian Rollercoaster Ride in the shower?

🐝 what’s your worst trait? how are you planning to improve it? ~ Oh boy it’s hard to pick just one.. but I think the worst has to be that I can be selfish at times. Especially when protecting myself from getting hurt by other people, I tend to be selfish and just push people away before they hurt me so that I can protect myself, but that in turn hurts the other person

🎨 what do you always doodle when you’re bored? ~ I cannot doodle at all I have no artistic talent in any sort! I color when I’m bored though haha

🐻 what’s stopping you from chasing your dreams? ~ The economy. If I could open my bakery/café without the hugeeee chance it will fail I wouldn’t be going to school to become a nurse

🌷 what’s your mbti personality and why do you think it suits you? ~ INTJ and I think it suits me because I am introverted, intuitive in situations, I think more than I feel, and I judge rather than perceive

👑 who are your favourite celebrities and why? ~ Selena Gomez, Zendaya, Lilly Singh, and Dwayne Johnson are my top 4 because I feel like they use their platforms to stand up for what is right and they also empower people to do the right thing and be better people

🍋 do you consider yourself an emotional person? ~ On the outside people would say no because I act like a stone cold bitch, but when you get to know me you realize that yes I am emotional and I feel things very deeply lol

📚 share 3 books that you love and your favourite quote from them. ~ I don’t know quotes off the top of my head but my favorite books are Looking for Alaska, The Fault in our Stars, and Frankenstein by Mary Shelley

😔 what do you always do when you feel sad? does it help? ~ I sit in my room and try to distract myself and usually that doesn’t work

😌 what thoughts keep you going when you’re sad? ~ Knowing that I won’t feel like this all the time and maybe tomorrow I won’t feel as bad

🌍 which country do you live in? ~ USA

🐧 describe yourself in 3 words. ~ Lazy, boring, and a hopeless romantic

🐵 which quotes changed you? ~ Nothing stands out to me

💭 do you keep a diary? ~ I keep a journal

💫 who inspires you? ~ Refer to 👑

👻 do you believe in ghosts and why? ~ Yes yes yes because I just believe lol

🎀 what’s your fashion sense like? ~ Lazy, could be considered “athleisure”, comfortable

🎬 what are some of your favourite films? ~ Lilo and Stitch, Moana, Up, Princess and the Frog, Tangled, Grease, Hairspray, Elf, How the Grinch Stole Christmas

🍦 what is one treasured childhood memory? ~ Going to Lake Casitas and/or Pismo Beach every year

🐱 what’s your dream pet like? ~ I want a couple Pit Bull Terriers

🐼 if you could meet anyone, who would it be? ~ That’s so hard!!! Maybe Lilly Singh, Remi Cruz, Zendaya, or the Rock

Thanks for the super long ask lil bee 💗🐝

#long post #thank you lil bee

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sobdasha · 4 years

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library book haul

these are all many months out of date

Conservation of Shadows, Yoon Ha Lee This sci-fi and fantasy short story collection is Good Shit. Plus it includes my favorite short-story-collection thing, aka Author's Notes on the stories, which enhances the experience even more. So: I tried to read this in the previous batch with Lee's other work, but Lee's work requires your full attention and is not suitable for reading in the breakroom at work, where people come up, see you with a book, turn on the TV, and then proceed to ignore the TV the entire fucking time while they talk excessively loudly with the other people in the breakroom. I've been enjoying the fact that they put a real chair in the department so if I don't work the morning shift I can take my break in the department where the din from the customers is, in fact, quieter. And I don't have to walk to the literal opposite corner of the store, wasting time and chronic pain! Anyway. So I waited until I was on vacation, and had large stretches of quite time, to read this, and it was amazing. I did not do the write-up then because I am lazy. However, I am in the middle of rereading now, and I can tell you that these stories only get better the second time around. I was a little worried it'd be like Shakespeare--you have to read several Shakespeares before you finally get into the Shakespeare zone and can actually, like, read the Shakespeare. These stories, on the other hand, remained accessible and are enhanced by having half a clue where the story will go. I like them all, but some of my top favorites: Ghostweight--Lee says this was the second-hardest story to write because it took months to nail the intro/outro of the story. Well, it pays off. The Bones of Giants--Lee says the fantasy equivalent of mecha is to dig up some giant skeletons and apply necromancy. I'm bad at recognizing "zombie" when you don't use the word "zombie", so like the Abhorsen series I don't really consider this "zombie lit which I would hate." Mostly it's just a little soft and when I'm reading I picture big sweeping landscapes, like a Studio Ghibli film or Breath of the Wild. The Unstrung Zither--Lee just talks about the music stuff, but this one feels to me like Gundam Wing if I'd actually finished watching Gundam Wing because Gundam Wing had turned out to actually be anywhere near as interesting as the quantum versions of it I'd imagined. (Thanks to Lee's other stories, I'm now using "quantum" instead of "noodle incident".) Well, now I no longer feel any need to actually go back and watch Gundam Wing. Cool! It's occurring to me that Lee's works mostly fall into the category of: soft; this is the literal cost of genocide and occupation; and both at once. It's a hell of a lot better than ~the glory of war~. Anyway as I said it's all good.

Always Coming Home, Ursula K. Le Guin I actually quit reading this one pretty early on. Not exactly a quit, though. I wasn't in the right mindset; I just couldn't get through it and realized what I was in fact craving was Adventure. So I went on to reread The Prydain Chronicles instead and I'll pick this up again sometime later when I am in the mood for something quiet, reflective, domestic, and not big on plot.

Ursula K. Le Guin: The Last Interviews, ed. David Streitfeld This was interesting! Although I always have mixed feelings when I'm reading about authors talking about the craft. IDK I think it's a me-thing. Like, I pick up this essay expecting the author to tell me what works for them, and then I get annoyed because I decided the author was telling me "this is the only way" when that's bs and now I want to rebel??? Or maybe because Le Guin talked about how even a novel ought to be poetry and as someone who understands the theory of meter but has been flunking everything related to meter or stress since grade school in the practical sense, I find that idea Highly Overrated. I honestly don't remember what else was in here, because I waited for many months to do this write-up. I didn't actually hate reading this though so.

The Prydain Chronicles, Lloyd Alexander These are Peak comfort food to me. All I want to say this time around is, I should write some fics as Alexander's penance for making Eilonwy Very Cool but mistakenly doing so by making her Not Like Other Girls. (Crying and having feelings is gender-neutral in these books; what's portrayed negatively about Eilonwy through Taran's view, despite the fact that she's objectively better than him lol, is her ~chattering~. Which is annoying because not only does Eilonwy internalize that into putting down non-sword-women for "clucking like hens", Fflewddur chatters at least as much as Eilonwy, if not more, and because he's a guy it's never phrased that way even though we're all aware he's super flighty. I really wish this had been done with more nuance, because Eilonwy also has internalized misogyny about things like dresses and washing your hair and sleeping in a comfortable bed, and Fflewddur again is always the first person to be like "um but I would like to be comfy tonight though.") Anyway I just think that after Taran is king, if he wants to go someplace and keep his hands busy to think, presumably the gardens and fields are enough out of the way that this would make your king difficult to find. So instead, I propose that he goes to the spinning and weaving rooms, because that's literally in the castle, easy to find, he knows how to do that shit, Dwyvach schooled his ass good about how work doesn't have a gender in book 4, and he did enjoy weaving, and as a bonus he can realize that "chattering" is not bad and gossip is a good way to learn things you, as a king, probably need to know about the working of your castle, and Eilonwy can join him for bonding and realize this is not so terrible after all, and we will all value these women who spend a lot of fucking time and effort making sure you can have some goddamn clothes to wear. THE END.

The Last Unicorn, Peter S. Beagle Everybody really loves The Last Unicorn, by which I think they mean the movie? And I thought that I did as well, even though I remembered exactly nothing from it save for the title when we watched it once in either kindergarten or first grade in place of recess for a week because it was, idk, cold?? raining nonstop??? Anyway I always thought that I loved it and then I finally rewatched it as an adult and it was. Not. Great. And then I forgot and watched it again a few years later and was like Nope, still Not For Me. And now, finally, I decided to get off my bum because for me books are almost always better than the movie, and lo and behold, it is. From what I can recall, the movie is the general plot structure of the book portrayed as an Adventure, stripped of the thoughtful, reflective narration and the deeper narrative themes. Which is 100% why that movie appears to me to be some kind of acid trip. I wish I had read this as an early teen, so that I could have absorbed some of Beagle's writing style, his turns of phrase in simile and metaphor. "His scimitar smile laid its cold edge along their throats," etc. He never really makes it seem like Too Much. (Side note, that's something I notice about Yoon Ha Lee too. Very lush and descriptive similes and metaphors, very much get the job done and are not things you have ever heard before. Although Lee's tend to make me stop and go "wait what???", and catch me off guard. I suspect it's a mix of innovation and cultural difference, whereas for Beagle everything sounds so exactly right and smooth and perfect probably because everyone else has been copying off him for years and I'm familiar with diluted versions. Anyway what I'm trying to say is, I got a bit away from that in my writing, but dang I am gonna have to up my game and purple my prose a little bit more because I really love what these guys are doing!)

Trail of Lightning, Rebecca Roanhorse Okay so Ann Leckie recommended this book to me, both in a general sense and also in person. And I looked at the description and thought, "Well, it's not my genre but it probs can't hurt me to pick it up and try." And so I finally did. Reading this was an interesting progression (probably most especially for my roommate who gets my live-reading reactions while she's trying to DnD) of watching me go from: "It's not my genre but it's not like the writing sucks so it's not bad" to "Well it is engaging and I do like garbage loner protagonist is a woman instead; I'm not compelled to buy this but I will read the rest of the series as it comes out from the library" to "Oh snap I love it when the critical reviews of a book were actually recommendations for me to read it" to "*weeping* Kai is a soft good boy and I support Maggie and her Emotional Support Shotgun, I will buy ALL THE BOOKS" At one point there was a perfect place, in the midst of a discussion about how you can like flamethrowers and makeup at the same time, Maggie, just because you don't like makeup, etc, to insert a joke about "it's called flaming gay for a reason". BUT in Rebecca's defense the entire scene was great anyway. The whole book was great. It's great. Read it. Oh speaking of the critical reviews, one of them was like "the protagonist claims to be unable to cook and then a few paragraphs later makes a 5 star meal, so this book is garbage." Lol was the reviewer confused because the word "bread" was used, and believes that bread is an art form unable to be accomplished by mere mortals (which, I mean, is how I feel about the idea of babying a loaf of bread all day)? Because bread only has to be "I made a paste of flour and water" which this. Basically was. Fried in a pan. And then the side dish was a can of beans with a can of chiles thrown in for fancy. This is literally the definition of can't cook, because you can't exactly order takeout on the reservation after the apocalypse when you prefer to live in a trailer in the middle of nowhere. I'm just saying, this scene was perfect. Also this was the point in time where I started summarizing all apocalyptic books as "After the events of the year 2020" to my roommate. It. It continues to hold true. Every year for like the past five years we've been saying maybe next year will be better, but I'm gonna be honest, I'm terrified of what 2021 will bring. One final visual: me, unable to pronounce Navajo words to my roommate when reading select passages, and also not being able to spell them on account of not knowing the names of accents in English: "so it's c-h-apostrophe-i accent aigu cedilla-i cedilla-polish l with a line through it…" (not an actual word, I don't remember the actual words, I returned the book to the library long ago, this is for illustrative purposes of my ignorance only)

To The Lighthouse, Virginia Woolf I tried to read this because Le Guin praised it a lot in The Last Interviews, and it was on the Wizard's Library shelves and I thought maybe I should broaden my horizons. But I quit early on because I, a disaster of run-on sentences, could not parse half of these and I was not invested and if I don't have to read ~classics~ for literature class it probably won't ever happen. Honestly a lot of the contemporary literature I'm reading is better for me anyway.

Sunlight and Shadow, Cameron Dokey This was also on the Wizard's Library shelves and I like fairytale things in theory and despite reading the wiki summary on various occasions I really don't know anything about the plot of The Magic Flute, which is this a retelling of. This book queerbaited me. It's unfair of romances to always put more chemistry between the people who aren't getting together than who are. In this case, both girls and both boys, who were to pair off into het couples. There's literally an entire chapter of Gayna going from "You've ruined everything!" to "I wish I could hate you!" to "Oh no you're hot!" to "And that doesn't actually make me jealous oh shit!" to "Okay I'll help you" to "Oh no she smiled and my heart skipped a beat huhhh!" about Mina. The word gay is even in her name!!! What is the author doing with her choices??? Seriously what is the author doing with her choices, in the author's note at the end of the book I learned Statos (Monostatos) was originally "evil character just because he's a Moor" so Dokey Fixed It by making him just a guy who wanted Things like the rest of the characters want Things and he just happens to come off as bad because he's not aligned with them and also he's very, very white. Noooooo that's not how you do it, that's not how you fix racism, you redeem him while keeping him black. I also, as a rule, dislike first-person-narration-that-changes-each-chapter, especially when you're not skilled enough/don't care to write in such a way that the narrator can easily be identified, so basically for a long chapter and a half I assumed Lapin was a girl and when the Queen of the Night was like "fuck you, boy!" I assumed it was a sick burn and Lapin just ~wasn't pretty~ but it turns out he was, in fact, a boy. Also for a book that points out that you can be perfectly happy settling with a decent person and marrying your not-soul-mate (Lapin's parents and grandparents), it's awfully insistent that the main characters all be properly paired with soul mates. HM. Basically this is marketed as feminist but I think it fell pretty damn short on that mark.

#sobdasha booking

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depression-for-the-dudes · 6 years

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My name is Simeon, I’m 28, mixed race and I have depression.

Hi guys,

I don’t know where to start, so this may be a random splurge of words until I really get into it, so I do apologise in advance.

I’ve had depression and anxiety ever since I can remember. I mean that literally.

I didn’t know what it was when I was a child, I thought it was normal to be scared of everything and to be sad and to cry, but as I got older, and I mean a lot older, I realised that it’s not. I didn’t need to be happy all of the time, just not hopelessly sad. I only really levelled out when I was 25 and met my gorgeous Fiancee, but it is still a daily struggle.

I have a depression diary, which is a leather bound book with thick cotton pages and a Fountain Pen. I write Fountain Pen in capitals because it’s an important object to me. That fountain pen has been the instrument of which my sadness and insanity has flowed through for a number of years. I bought a nice leather bound book that smells of leather and makes a scratchy noise when I write. It has a brass clasp on the front and a spiral design, because I felt that it can’t just be a regular book that I write my crap into. My thoughts and feelings. It needs to be special, it needs to be...symbolic. It needed to feel like an ancient spell book (I know, fucking lame but it helped ever so slightly) and it needed to feel as though I was locking away some ancient and terrible evil and sealing it.

Didn’t work so much, but in my more sanguine moments, it’s nice to read through it and think, I got through this. I can get through it next time. And when I’m having a “Bad one” as I call them, I sometimes look through the book and realise, I don’t feel as bad as I did then, which helps me feel slightly better, and if I feel worse than I did then, then I write it in the book for next time.

If you’re reading this, then I feel that maybe you’re in the same boat as me. You’re a man who struggles to find peace in life and feel that it’s not okay to talk about these things. You’re non-white and you don’t have the support from your community that you maybe feel that white people have. You’re older and feel that you haven’t quite shook your teen angst? Maybe you’re none of these things and just feel like critiquing my awful punctuation and writing. I just hope that maybe in all of my ramblings, I help one person with something.

This whole thing stemmed from being sick and tired of it. By it I mean the depression, but I never used to. for a long period of my life I was suicidal. I came so close a couple of times. One time I tried to hang myself in my local park but at 6 foot 6 and over 300lbs, it was difficult to find the right tree, which in turn made me laugh to the point of tears. I used to be a bit of a mess.

Right, so where to start.

So the reason I’m writing this blog is because this week I’ve been feeling bad. Not my lowest, but bad and for absolutely no reason. At the moment my life is bloody brilliant. I have a good job, I’m engaged to my perfect woman, my family life is great, so why do I suddenly feel like this? I used to think that there was something playing on my mind, and whatever it was, was the reason for me feeling this bad. But now....pfft, damned if I know. So I started to look online, I searched Youtube as well as various other sites, and you know what? I couldn’t find a single person like me who had written a blog, or is on Youtube. Now maybe I’m not looking in the right places, but I shouldn’t have to trawl the internet looking for help. There are so many of these written or filmed by 18-30 year old women (of all colours and creed) or older men or seemingly more effeminate men (I don’t mean to be offensive to anyone in saying that). I am a CIS Gender man. I cannot be mistaken for anything other than a “manly man” in person. As previously mentioned, I’m 6 foot 6, I used to do boxing and play American Football (As an Englishman this is almost heresy because I chose that over rugby, but there is a reason, which I will go into in another post on another day). I used to love drinking, going out, having banter and pulling women. Again, I feel that a lot of people reading this will consider me to be a HYPER-MASCULINE BRUTE AND EVERYTHING THAT IS WRONG WITH THE WORLD. But you know what. We have mental health issues too and we feel that it’s wrong and weak to talk about these things. To admit that there is in fact something wrong with us under the surface. Especially in the Black community.

I don’t know about the rest of the world, but in the UK, October is Black history month. A fun story actually, well not fun but y’know. I went to a secondary school called Castle Vale Comprehensive. Now Castle Vale (The area in which I grew up) fifteen years ago wasn’t the most racially diverse place in the UK, in total in my whole school I think that there were around twenty of us (None white) give or take a few. Now, I mention this fact because during black history month at school all of the black and mixed race kids were taken out of class to learn about black history. Not me. When I asked a teacher why I wasn’t included in this, I was told that I’m not black, I’m asian. As a mixed race person, my skin tone isn’t exactly like that of most mixed race people, I’m a lot darker, with a very straight nose (Which Ironically, I get from my black father). This hurt. A lot. I remember arguing and shouting about it which I think got me my first suspension from school. My parents were obviously furious and went down to the school to complain, but the suspension held and by the time that I went back to school all of the black history stuff had finished. I have had this kind of thing my entire life from both the black and white community. Even when a lot of people know that I’m mixed race, they’ve still shunned me. Either because I’m not black enough and they don’t want to know me, or because I’m a “Filthy half-breed”, or because my parents are race traitors (These are from black people by the way).

I have been treated slightly better by white people but still treated badly and had my feelings on the matter disregarded. I work in a very “White” industry and environment and the subject once came up about Gollywogs, I don’t know if anybody remembers those toys of a black guy, with big red lips and fuzzy hair. I said that they’re racist. Everybody in my office told me that I’m being overly sensitive and that when I’ve really started arguing that I’m being overly aggrssive. Or when somebody calls me coloured, or makes a nigger joke, that I’m acting as though I have a chip on my shoulder, and no amount of talking can change this. I’ve tried to get people to see it from my point of view but they all just laugh it off. How do you deal with this kind of stuff? Know what I mean?

A big point of my life, aside from my colour, has been my size. I’m six foot six. Thats 198cm. Just under 2 meters. I’m a big old boy. I’ve had to learn to tailor myself to the world so that I don’t appear threatening or hostile. Do you know how exhausting that has been? Having to make sure that I always have either a neutral face or a smile. Or making sure that I don’t shout or speak too loudly for fear of offending somebody. I remember once, down an alley next to my parents house there is a cut through alley as they live down a cul-de-sac, which cuts a solid 10-20 minute walk off your journey, I was walking home up the cul-de-sac, and a woman was walking down it. She was about half way down when she saw me and turned around and hurriedly walked in the opposite direction. Can you understand how hurtful that is? I mean to be perceived as a threat for aboslutely no reason. People regularly say in jest “Oh I wouldn’t want to mess with you” “I wouldn’t want to meet you down a dark alley” “I wouldn’t want to have a go at you” etc. Which is obviously a joke, but fuck me is it tiring. I will admit it’s been helpful at times when I’m out and I can stop a situation escalating, or helping people out of situations, but at the same time, the sheer amount of trouble that my size and colour has gotten me into is ridiculous. The number of physical fights I’ve had with people who want to have a go on the biggest guy in the room, or the “Biggest nigger they’ve ever seen”. Now, thankfully I learned relatively early on to handle myself, but I still hate it.

I hate that due to all of these factors, I need to restrain myself so that people don’t get worried around me, or scared. If your average person has an anxiety attack, people will help, not me. It looks like I’m going crazy, a giant crazy black guy. Or if a small white woman shouts at somebody, it’s okay, but if I do it, I’m the villain of the piece (I know I shouldn’t shout at people but it’s an example).

my dad has taught me a lot in my life, but I think the most useful thing he ever taught me was how to smile. I don’t mean that in a “Always look on the bright side of life” kind of way, I mean it in a he sat me in front of a mirror and showed me how to smile the right way, so that people would see me a certain way. So that people would see me as genuine and charming, so that people wouldn’t see me as moody and threatening. This smile has helped me in thousands of situations. I know it sounds ridiculous but to have a mask readily available is a godsend sometimes. Plus I have been told that I do have a nice smile.

My parents have always been there for me...mostly been there for me. They thought that I was just an angry angsty teen, and it was only later in life they realised that something was actually wrong with me. We

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