Look at how much darker he was 5 years ago ! My little man has gotten so grey 😭

"Non paeniteo potitus."

+ details & process

And, process !!

The jump btwn the second to last and last always surprise me whenever I make one of these because I always forget to take snapshots after I start painting. It's always like: oh yeah heres the lineart with some colors- BOOM fully finished✨️

What he's holding are the Austrian imperial scepter and orb, seen below:

I was going to draw the crown too but decided I don't hate myself that much(maybe some other day), and gave him a golden laurel crown, bcs I'm obsessed with that as a motif, and also its very remincient of the boy king statue that started this whole thing!

There's some symbolism of this, both intentionally but also just historically. I love that the orb represents that the monarch is holding the world in their hand, basically every old monarchy has one of those, and I think it's very cool for symbolism. But also bcs of that, I was forced to basically draw catholic fanart so, you win some you lose some. The star halo above him head is both to reference those religious statues with star crowns(I saw them a lot in Europe and they imprinted onto my brain), as well as: his four championships of course!

Looks like some shitty ship discussions have surfaced in hl fandom again, but I don't mean that here actually xd

I'd like to hear a little bit (or a lot) more about your fav kind of freehoun if you don't mind sharing! Maybe some pre & post rescas headcanons, idk any stuff you would like to tell, and if you want. No pressure

i'm actually really glad i got an ask like this, i have seen some shipping discourse bubbling back up and it's just. can we not? enjoy what you enjoy, at the end of the day none of this is canon unless valve says otherwise, no need for the infighting. anyway, prepare for a text wall with barely any grammar.

pre-rescas: -i like to think that gordon and barney met very soon after gordon was hired and they got along like a match to a flame (is that the saying?), like barney came along on gordon's first tour of the facility and maybe even got lunch with him. -since the majority of workers at black mesa are most likely 30+, barney was especially drawn to gordon (not only because he was kinda cute) since there was finally another young and seemingly down to earth guy around. -honestly my favourite trope is having barney pine after gordon and try to suppress his major crush on him. -it's kinda sad to say or really acknowledge, but back in the 2000's and early 90's, obv lgbtq+ matters were not as accepted, i mean being called 'gay' was like the worst insult imaginable at the time. because of this, i do think barney would be a little wary of his own gay thoughts, maybe even dislike himself a little because of it. eventually i'm sure he'd grow to accept that he is, in fact, gay. -when it comes to the two hooking up, i really, really like the idea of their relationship being kept hush hush. it's pretty hot ngl and i think it would be the most plausible for their situation. -personally i don't really think barney nor gordon would call eachother pet names, or really say 'i love you' without hesistance. i feel like they'd show their affection in different ways, for gordon he'd show his love through gift giving i think. like the occassional snack for a tired barney on the night shift, or a box of donuts if he's feeling generous. -gordon always makes up excuses for why barney has to visit his dorm room so often. one day it's a faulty tap in the bathroom, or the next a clogged airvent. people seem to believe him because his voice is so monotone.

post-rescase/hl2: -during the years where gordon is abscent, barney, for the most part, holds out on hope that he will come back. over time, as barney gets older and older and nothing seems to be changing but only getting worse, he grows more cynical. i think that maybe 5 or so years before gordon's return, barney had forced himself to settle on the idea that he was not coming back. -after taking gordon into his office, he doesn't outright hug him or ball his eyes out, but it's so so obvious that he's feeling a bunch of old bottled up emotions when gordon looks into his eyes. gordon probably does give him a hug though. -however on gordon's end, i feel like things at the start would be a little awkward. his feelings are as strong as they were back then, as it hasn't been 2 decades for him. -i like to think that around the time when gordon arrived at kleiner's lab, that's when gordon approaches barney about their past and they maybe rekindle things, just a little. like maybe a longing look or kiss on the cheek. -honestly there's not really much i can say about hl2 as barney's appearances are so brief. basically i just think that they'd use every moment they had whilst the other was around to get a little closer again, even if they're not outright smoochin' it up or anything. -HOWEVER, in my happy little half-life, barney arrives at white forest with a group of rebels and he spends a few days in bed all patched up and gordon frequently visits his room and maybe even sleeps there with him, it had been quite a while since they'd met up again, gordon honestly thought barney had been blown tf up after the citadel's explosion. -they basically just hang out A LOT in white forest and eventually one of them works up the courage to start their relationship up again. -i think the idea of them once again sneaking away from crowded areas of the WF base so they can have a little privacy together is pretty cute, like they did in black mesa. -and if we're gonna enter hl3 territory, i think gordon, eli and barney would all set out into the arctic to do combine project borealis mossman stuff, and then save alyx :) amazing writing.

i probably have a lot more ideas floating around in my head but i think this is more than enough lol thanks for the ask, this was fun to put together!

Me pondering: kids are capable of going through and understanding complex problems and their feelings should be taken seriously when it counts.

Me practically: who are all these annoying fucking kids in the milgram fandom and why are they posting the worst takes and most irrelevant bullshit I've ever seen ever???

I think these are valid to coexist.

the ex super villain-super hero pair make a return! jean used to be a villain until alex sort of. convinced him to switch sides (the embarrassing reality is that alex had a crush on jean even when jean was very earnestly trying to kill him, and when jean got pinned under a car during a fight, alex asked him out while rescuing him, and jean said yes for reasons no one has figured out) then they spent six years working together in a group (that scribble to the left with the sort of motor cycle looking gear is what jean would wear because fuck costumes, he showed up to break bones)

jean’s default expression is nothing. one time he broke his arm badly enough it broke skin, and absolutely nothing on his face gave away that he was in any kind of pain. alex is still doing hero shit because you gotta pay those bills, but he kind of missed how stressful it is for jean, just because it’s. like. all of this is televised and inescapable, and jean didn’t bring it up until he had to pick alex up from the hospital after a close call, but alex is absolutely gutted when realizes how miserable jean was for the past 8 months.

had a moment of whimsy followed by a moment of genuine irritation

...what is this new Tumblr live shit....

and can you turn it off so you don't have to see it at the top....

Genuinely. The idea of needing someone who is so much stronger than you, who is irreplacable, who could leave at a moment and there's nothing you could do and you would all be fucked- and this person has no regard for you, actively resents you, finds you a nuisance at best and at worst actively dislikes you is the stuff of a great psychological horror. Having to mold yourself around this person who is a walking army, a ticking bomb who you know thinks you're useless and demanding and just dead weight- and you look up to them. They have to be right. They're the hero, aren't they?

anyone else feel. like. a little Guilty when they have celebrity crushes because they feel like they're somehow overstepping boundaries when they literally just find A Guy cute?

I'm not going to. share the post. because. Under no circumstances do I want to expose this person, even if I am a small person with basically no clout, but. Y'all. There can't actually be a post in the sxf tag cancelling damianya shippers because Damian, a literal six year old, is somehow a fascist solely because his father is and thus it's inherently problematic or antithetical to the politics of the manga. That can't be real. That has to be a troll. We can't possibly believe this for real, right?

Why is it so fucking hard to get evaluated for dyslexia

Most of the time I love having a leadership position at my school. It's great, we do really cool things, and we have a lot of fun! But every now and again I have to be the leader™️ and take on an uncomfortable job and have to confront someone over some fucking bullshit and God I fucking hate it.

Why did I do this??? Who the fuck put me in charge???

Sending one email that's a tad confrontational makes me want to vomit. I have a literal puke bucket next to me. I've been pacing all fucking night avoiding this one goddamn email I have to send.

Maybe my want for crime is actually just wanting an opportunity to bond with someone other then my cat