warning | 18+ • jw x you

November in photos (well the ones that were suitable to be posted 🤭)

Please don't reblog, share or save this photo, thank you ☺️

Audio: Bryce Savage - Going To Hell

Just gonna leave this here

Cause I've had this question a couple times.

rest in pieces peace of mind ;

ᯤ via ; she/her ; 6teen ; entp ; black

please remember that I do write for fun, so updates may not be that frequent!

ıllı . links: i. carrd ; ii. masterlist ; iii. tags ; iv. rules . ıllı

©satoruoo 2023 | do not copy, translate, steal, modify or respost without permission.

Moving update, 9/15/23: My condo has finally sold and, fingers crossed, I am about a week or so from being approved for a mortgage!

We're hoping to put an offer on a new house by the end of September, which would mean we'd escape Florida late October/early November. We're not sure yet on our driving route, but I'll bring it up again if we're looking for places to crash for a night with the cats, since folks have offered their spaces. ❤️

We're trying really hard to find a place where we can set up a dedicated bedroom for queer friends (if we've ever chatted more than a few times, we are friends) who are on their own exodus out of fashy states, and who need a place to crash for several months.

I have enough HRT to last through this timeline, plus my heart meds are still good.

Thanks for everyone checking in and I loved having a chance to hang out with some of you at Dragon Con!

TMNT4P application

TMNT Art

Please don't reblog!

I had to compress/scale down this beautiful piece so much in Clip Studio to make it fit Tumblr's 20 MB demands, hnnnnnng—

Coughs in complete absolute professionalism

The first of my OCs have officially had their links posted on my pinned Master Post! This is one of them: my beautiful, beloved, and tragic Inuyasha OC Amaterasu. This is a piece of art I commissioned earlier in 2023 from the lovely ItsNattie, from whom I've been commissioning art of many kinds for over a decade now! It's a massive poster-esque piece for Amaterasu's FanFic I've been slowly working on (it's one of uh... many... I have a draftaholic problem), and, if you hadn't guessed, she's a Sesshōmaru pairing!

That said, I consider an OC's FanFic version and their RP versions to be entirely separate for the sake of exploring ✨ infinite possibilities! ✨ So, while Amaterasu is paired with Sesshōmaru in her FanFiction, that doesn't mean I'll only allow Sesshōmaru RPers to exclusively pair with her romantically. I like to leave that up to vibes. If I feel like she's got chemistry with someone, you bet your zeros and ones I'm gonna ship it!

With that out of the way, allow me a moment to wax poetic about the weight and meaning behind this gorgeous piece of art to end the post.

Ahem.

TW: Death

Amaterasu is a character who, in essence, is supposed to be the sun goddess herself—the name isn't just for show. However, through the circumstances of her story, she's been sealed in a mortal body, and much of her power is diminished throughout the series. Like everyone else, she's out for Naraku's head. However, she ends up encountering Sesshōmaru. At first, they seem as if they'll kill each other. The reason is pretty straightforward. Sesshōmaru is an Inu Daiyōkai and the Lord of the West while Amaterasu is the Head Kami and Ruler of Takamagahara. Their very existences challenge each other and, by nature, they feel an instinctive loathing of the other.

However, due to their equally calm dispositions, instead of a fight, they have an interogation a conversation instead. Sesshōmaru questions who she is, and Amaterasu does the same. Jaken gives a fussy introduction on his Lord's behalf, and Amaterasu gives her name... before promptly telling them both to turn around so she can get out of the spring she was bathing in when Sesshōmaru sniffed out her divine aura.

They end up having several more encounters with each other, but Amaterasu has far more interactions with Inuyasha's party initially. At least until Rin comes into the picture. Then, she travels strictly with Sesshōmaru under the pretense of protecting Rin from him. Over time, the two become more tolerant of one another until they start checking over their shoulder to ensure the other is still there, using each other as a leaning post at night or entrusting the other with safeguarding Rin, Jaken, and A-Un when the other leaves for one reason or another. It borders that fine line of respect and affection; Sesshōmaru is aloof and apathetic, while Amaterasu unabashedly loves life and is compassionate. She learns through him that not all yōkai are out to kill humanity, and he finds a new warmth in life with her presence. Like winter in the face of spring, they need each other to complete a cycle or, in this case, each other. By "The Final Act," they are pressing their palms together to be sure the other is okay, staring each other in the eyes and covering each other in a fight.

However, I call Amaterasu a tragic OC for a reason. In the end, once Naraku is slain, Amaterasu's seal is undone, and her mortal body slowly breaks down. Without the seal, her power returns to her in total, and its too immense to be contained in such a shell. A kami of her magnitude cannot sustain a shape on the mortal plane. With what few hours they have left, she asks to return to the place they first met—the spring surrounded by sakura trees—which Sesshōmaru indulges. Flying her there in his arms with Rin and Jaken riding his mokomoko-sama. There, she has her farewells to each of them, praising Jaken's loyalty and courage despite his stature and weakness, telling Rin that she will watch her as she becomes a lady with the utmost warmth and character, and telling Sesshōmaru that he has changed her. That she can never be the same person she was before, but she wishes that she could, if only to relive it all. Because it was the happiest time of her life.

Under the shining sunrise, Amaterasu promises that, so long as their feelings remain unchanging, she will find a way to meet him there again. Every time he feels the sun's light and traces its beams, it will be her smiling and touching his hand, praying for him to live.

Finally, as her body crumbles into glowing flowers, they share a first and last kiss... until all that's touching his lips are cherry blossoms that fall through his arms to the ground of the clearing... blooming wildly with flowers and other foliage and surrounded by onlooking wildlife.

Thus, the feudal fairy tale of two tragic loves from completely opposite realms of existence concludes in the only way it ever could.

Idk if I'll finish this anytime soon, but have a WIP of a flower fairy

Would appreciate it if y’all would pray for a couple things.

1) My grandmother’s in the hospital right now. The doctors have narrowed down what’s wrong to a couple possibilities, but they’re still not quite sure. She and my grandfather are pretty exhausted and they want some answers.

2) My relationship with my boyfriend’s parents. Our denominational differences came up in conversation today, and since that can be a touchy subject, I’m worried that the conversation may have altered the way they see me.

((So I spotted this on my Facey wall and MY GOODNESS IT'S PARI. YOU CAN'T TELL ME IT ISN'T.))

Sweater weather, debating if I need a bra 🤔

I know I need coffee ☕🤭

Please don't reblog, share or save this photo, thank you ☺️

A F*cking Eating Disorder?!!!

A week ago it was determined I have an eating disorder. 

I'm having a lot of feelings about it. I mean, a f*cking eating disorder?!!! That's serious. My physician thinks I need a psychologist and a psychiatrist! I mean, yes, one is for talking and the other is for medication, but how bad is it that I need BOTH of them?

Already some things make more sense--illogical behaviors, compulsions, shame, secrecy. I’m sure even more will make sense once I begin therapy.

I'm tired of being broken. I’m tired of discovering new ways in which I was harmed. I’m mad at myself for staying in a space that caused this. Why wasn’t I brave enough to come out earlier and stand up for myself? Why did I believe all the hurtful “truths” said about queer people and use those to hate myself? I’m actually a wonderful person.

I did some really hard therapy for my social anxiety disorder. Sometimes the homework was too much and I’d sit in the car and cry, but I’d report my experience and then try again the next week. This is going to be hard, too. It scares me. I know it will lead to better physical and mental health, but the journey is going to be hell.

In therapy I learned to stop suppressing my feelings and to understand and manage them. That was a nightmare, I wasn’t used to strong emotions, I was crying all the time about everything like I was a toddler. The tests showed I’m a ‘deep feeler,’ so when I let myself start feeling again, those intense emotions were overwhelming. I’ve come a long ways, but I’m feeling so much right now that I wish I could be numb again.

I first went to therapy because I was suicidal and didn’t know what to do. I was required to share with 10 people that I was in therapy and why, and ask them if I could contact them if I needed to. This was part of my safety plan which I had to keep on me 24/7 for months. It was so embarrassing tell others and ask if it is okay to contact them if I need to. I learned people really cared. I did have to contact people a few times and ask them to say some good things about me, it was a way to break the string of negative comments streaming in my head. And they did, they always had some good things to say. Those months were the scariest of my life. Somehow I held on. I did the work. I did hard things. 

Another thing I worked on in therapy was low self-esteem. It was so bad that the first time I was asked to write a list of 10 things I like about myself, I broke down in tears, I thought really hard and felt I really stretched to get to 3. That’s it, 3 things, and it took 10 minutes to come up with them. I had minimized every good thing and accomplishment about myself to the point I had no positive feelings about them, which left only negative feelings about myself. It’s taken years to get where I can say good things about myself, accept compliments, and recognize some of the great things I do. I should never have felt that way about myself, that was self-destructive, but I believed all the negative things said about me and about people like me.

Along with working on self-esteem, I worked on my internalized homophobia and on accepting myself as a gay man. Being gay is fine, but allowing myself to try new things, have gay friends, and so on, has been breathtakingly amazing. Life is much better not having to spend so much energy trying to hide myself.

When I was a teen, I used to self harm. It was a way to change that emotional pain into physical pain. The physical pain overwhelmed the mental, it allowed me one thing to focus on. The physical pain was localized, the emotional pain seemed endless. Rather than cut or burn, I would hit my head repeatedly against the wall or lockers in the hope that I was causing brain damage and it would help lessen my ability to feel. I couldn’t see a life that wasn’t pain. I didn’t believe there could be happiness ahead for me in my life. 

C-PTSD means I have the symptoms of PTSD but it wasn’t caused by a shocking, scary, or dangerous event. Instead, C-PTSD is caused by ongoing trauma which lasts for months or years, while PTSD may be caused by a single traumatic event. YEARS. As a result, sometimes a trigger brings back strong feelings. I don’t just remember how I felt, I relive those feelings. 

As I had a serious discussion with my physician last week and talked about eating disorders and my mental health history and she asked questions screening me for depression or distress, it brought back these feelings I have around all the things I’ve worked on. 

I’ve worked hard but my life still isn’t all put together and figured out. Part of me feels like I’m drowning and I don’t know how to swim. I have to remind myself that I can swim, I’ve swum through some choppy waters. I can’t look at how far I need to go or it will feel like too much, just keep focused on my breathing and on moving forward. 

I’ve started telling a few friends because I’m sure I’ll need a support network. I know from experience it’s better if I have people who love me that I can turn to when I need them, like they’re my floaties (sorry, trying to fit this into the swimming metaphor)

My new tattoo!!!

That's how it looks right now.

Because Amaterasu and Sesshōmaru don't have much further art at the moment, I decided to share another couple who are most dear to my heart. YCH by the lovely Antodonatella on Instagram & DeviantArt.

Please don't reblog!

Keep in mind I will be talking about the FanFiction version of Ayumu in this post! The version of Ayumu I roleplay is her own separate deal! When her bio is done and put up on my Master Post, I won't only RP Ayumu interacting with exclusively Neji writers, lol.

Neji Hyūga is already a very recognizable character, being one of my very first crushes when I started really getting into anime as a thirteen to fourteen-year-old. In fact, he's the reason I later bought and read the manga... all hundred-heccin'-something volumes of it. Much like Sesshōmaru, it was his long hair, elegance, intellect, and stoic demeanor that won me over at first. It also amused me to watch him just be cool; he always felt like the definitive head of his team. Even if Lee wasn't to be sneezed at as a fighter, I saw more leadership qualities in Neji that Lee lacked. I also felt that he had the most interesting plight among the Konoha thirteen as someone from a branch in his clan where he was basically expected to serve and protect the head family deemed "above" him on the social-political totem pole the Hyūga were built on. Despite his innate talent rivaling the daughters of the clan's head at the time, he'd always be considered lesser because of his birth. In ways, he felt like more of an underdog to me than Naruto did—though that also has a lot to do with Naruto's characterization as the "optimistic headstrong protagonist" Kishimoto had going. (I kinda wish Kishi had leaned more into Naruto having some resentment towards the Leaf, but that's a post for another day)

So what'd teenage me do? Tailor an OC to be another half for him because GDI this man deserves happiness, not getting skewered like a redshirt on an overgrown splinter. If they had to have someone, ANYONE, sacrifice themself for Hinata... tbh, I wish it'd been someone on her team like Kiba or Shino, so we didn't have to basically do the thing he was "born to do" according to Clan tradition asfdhjrhyud—

Deep breaths. I'm calm. Suppress the fangirl rage.

So, as a result, I created Ayumu! Who was, by every definition, a Mary Sue at first!! (It was bad... oh god, was it bad...) But after I ditched her for a few years when I lost interest in Naruto, I returned to her when I turned seventeen and completely rehauled her. Leading to the designs she has now.

This is Ayumu's Part 1/Naruto Design. The Settei was done by a friend of mine on IG called Sento.OC, whom I commissioned.

Then, we have Ayumu's Part 2/Shippuden Design, also by Sento.

When designing an OC for Neji, I wanted to go more complimentary than contrary. It just didn't feel like it'd make sense for Neji to ever be romantically interested in someone with bombastic energy like Naruto or Lee—mans doesn't have the patience to live with that on a daily basis, LOL! So I thought, "Hey, Neji's a pretty traditional guy; why not give him a traditional woman?" and Ayumu ended up as a very grounded, calm, and analytical person. A bit more on the conservative side, similar to Neji. All the while having occasional bursts of warm, thoughtful moments where she lights up but doesn't explode. She's very, for lack of a better term off the top of my head, "normal" compared to Naruto's big personality, Sasuke's broodiness, Shikamaru's laziness, or Temari's ferocity. It's why I imagine her getting along very well with people like Tenten or Kakashi, too, who tend to be the metaphorical straight man to the more comedic characters around them. Characters like Gai and Lee and Naruto can only be funny, after all, if they're offset by some typically.

Ayumu is also a close-range fire-style specialist with a Kekkei Genkai related to it, so her style compliments Neji's pretty well imo. They can be in a shoulder-to-shoulder or back-to-back situation and cover one another while knowing the other is nearby and safely under their wing. Both characters have some insecurity and neglect issues but for very different reasons. However, this means they relate to one another over their feelings and traumas, and neither really feels a need to "fix" the other. It's what makes them last, in my opinion. They just quietly comfort each other (also slap whoever tries to put the other down, lol), and that's it. ...They did kinda try to scratch each other's eyes out at first, but that'll be its own post! Once they get over their big hurdle and understand each other, they end up just being a pair of supportive friends to lovers 90% of the time. The other 10% is them getting fucked with by the plot around them because Neji barely gets any screen time in Shippudennnnnnn! ;-;

Hey there! 

I just wanted to say hi and kind of explain everything about where i’ve been. 

This year was THE year. 

At the start of january, I got a new job where people finally treat me with kindness; I was depressed and went to a psychologist and it was the best thing i’ve ever did in my life; I stopped having appointments a couple months ago and i’m so happy with my own self growth, body, sexuality, relationships; started talking with new people; got detached from people who didn’t add value to my life; met a wonderful person and I hope he makes me really happy in this next year; I went out; made new friends; strengthen my friendships; started dressing how I want; started reading; experienced new things and went to different cities. This break I took from tumblr was needed for me to focus on myself and has made me really happy that some of you have stuck with me even when I didn’t post regularly, it clearly shows who cares about me and my content. I just want to thank you for staying with me.

i’ll be back posting sometime soon, much love,

Henrique 🤍

I have an idea brewing...

"Let's establish some rules, shall we?"

This blog is a semi-selective, mutuals only RP blog for Alastor and Charlie Morningstar from Hazbin Hotel. Here are a few things to know!

Mun is 40+ years old; please address me as Selph

Please be 21+ to interact with me. Hazbin Hotel is an ADULT animation show. There will be references to violence, sex, drugs, cursing and all kinds of other adult things so 21+ is required.

No drama llamas.

No god-modding.

This is considered an independent blog, meaning most relationships are in their own separate universe. There are a few exceptions but if an ask is sent about a specific universe, please specify or you'll likely get the default universe.

Also with asks, please specify if it's for Charlie, Alastor or both, or I would will make an executive decision on who will answer.

I will do my best to tag things in general, but if I am not tagging something that bothers you, please nicely mention it to me so I can correct that.

If we're mutuals and I attempt to RP with you a few times and you either keep dropping or ignoring my threads, after a couple reminders, I'm going to assume you're not interested in interacting and I will unfollow you. If I followed you it's because I'm interested in interacting with you!

I've been writing these characters since 2019; if I have a pre-established relationship with you already, great! If not, or if you want a reset, the writing may be a little different due to the show release.

No magic anons please. I find it hard sometimes to keep up with them.

Talk to me if you ever have questions or concerns!