#pete the bear
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Can I talk about sugar for a second? Like all of the berzatto children are tragic and doomed by the narrative in their own right, but nat’s story means so such to me idk if I can even fully talk about it all. We see her relationship with her mom is strained at best, it seems like she’s the least favorite child, maybe BECAUSE of her existence as a woman.
And then we find out that her lifelong nickname is based off of a childhood mistake, her being overeager to help her family literally turned into a lifelong reminder of her fuck up. Is there anything more tragic?? A child wanting love but getting scorn?? And then it makes the flashback scene where she tries to add raisins in season 1 all the more upsetting because why did she add them?
“That’s how mom makes it.” she’s the only one that still follows their mom’s recipe. The reason? Could be anything. But I have no doubt in my mind if she DIDN’T add the raisins if Donna had been around she would’ve been ridiculed even more.
I have such a soft spot in my heart for girls and their complex relationships with their moms and motherhood, and it makes her scene with cicero in the car that much more impactful. When cicero says he would let his kids make more mistakes and not been as careful, i almost started crying. Nat has a nickname from her mistakes and it seems like in her mom’s eyes she’s nothing but mistakes. And then her uncle tells her that she’ll be a good mother and that it’s okay for kids to make mistakes, great, even.
I’m so happy nat is in a place where she’s happy and supported. She has a husband who deeply understands her family and doesn’t judge her for it, even making an effort to try and include Donna. I was kind of meh about pete before season 2, but it solidified for me that he’s so so good for nat and a great character. He is so excited to be a dad, he’s patient and kind with her and her family, and he doesn’t call her sugar.
She’s nat. And she’s allowed to make mistakes.
#I have so many fucking feelings about them#maybe it’s me coming off of the high of succession’s equally emotionally damaged sibling trio#but I have nothing but love for natalie berzatto#she means so much to me#she’s joining the ranks of women on tv that are hated by their mothers just for being born a woman#my baby girl#I love her so much#the bear season 2#the bear#natalie berzatto#pete the bear#carmy berzatto
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the saddest thing about natalie berzatto is that she was never welcomed into the kitchen, which is probably why she never became a chef like her brothers.
her brothers were welcomed, and were praised.
for natalie, she had clearly attempted to cook as a child, but made a simple mistake, earning her a lifetime nickname that basically was code for ‘failure’.
it doesn’t take a genius to figure out she is her mother’s least favorite, and was most definitely deprived of love as a child.
however now, she has a sweet, caring, loving husband, who will be a great father to their child. and he doesn’t call her sugar.
#the bear#the bear fx#natalie berzatto#sugar berzatto#donna berzatto#carmy berzatto#mikey berzatto#pete the bear#meta#meta post
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I will forever and always be a pete defender, and rewatching the kid’s birthday party episode where pete DEFENDS carmy when those old guys are like fucking with him calling him a loser, and more importantly when he tells carm “I kept up with everything you did in new york” and I know good and well he really did🥹 I know he probably pulled up articles, and being the chatterbox he is, told strangers, friends, family- everyone!! all about it. about how his brother in law was the best chef in the world, literally! probably throwing in a story about something carm made (like the homemade sprite for tiff or something similar) and he’s so proud. even when carmy and richie and all of them are so mean to pete, he is the sweetest person on that show and I will protect him with my life.
#thebearer#carmen berzatto#bearblahs#pete the bear#natalie berzatto#carmen berzatto x reader#carmy berzatto#carmen berzatto fluff#the bear
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don't want to walk alone | carmen 'carmy' berzatto x fem!reader | epilogue: november
summary: sugar has her baby marking the beginning of a new chapter for the berzatto family.
warnings: husband!carmy who comes with a warning label of his own, swearing, lots of tooth rotting fluff, marriage, no use of y/n, second person pov, she/her pronouns, the end
wc: 1300
listen to: 'lean on me' -- bill withers & 'chinatown' -- bleachers (because it's so make my heart surrender au coded) on the official don't want to walk alone playlist
a/n: well, folks! this gets us from here to the carmy as your baby daddy au. BUT i think it's time for me to let these two ride off into the sunset and go on their merry way. i have loved this story, these characters, this world since it filled my brain with a story that begged to be told, and forced me to write it because i couldn't stop thinking about it. i wrote something quite sappy in the a/n a few chapters ago, so i'll spare us an encore performance of it and just say this: thank you for reading. thank you for being a part of this story. thank you for being a part of their journey. i will pop into this world and perhaps maybe write oneshots from time to time, but... it's time, my loves. :) would anyone be interested in a behind the scenes look at this world like i did with 'burn your life down?' let me know!
part five | masterlist
November
After sixteen long hours, Sugar’s baby comes: a perfect, rosy-cheeked, healthy baby boy that sends you and Carmy rushing to the hospital. Sugar hadn’t wanted you to come till she was ready to push, and by the time you got the text from Pete, you’d sped to the restaurant, ready to drag Carmy out of there, regardless of how busy it had been.
Besides, everyone knew what was going on – on the edges of their seats, phones at the ready to hear any and all news about the new member of the family, and more than happy to support so that you and Carmy could show up for Sugar.
“Carm?” Sugar asks for her brother, as you and Pete hug it out in the waiting room. You can’t even tell that the man’s been up all night; the excitement and joy in his eyes overshadowing any and all fatigue.
Carmy excuses himself from you and Pete’s congratulatory embrace, making his way into the hospital room where his sister lays, propped up on her bed, baby in arms.
So much has changed for the both of them: his sister, now a mother, and he, an uncle. Carmy takes cautious steps forward, the reality of it all beginning to hit him.
“Hi,” she smiles, in complete awe of her new baby.
“Woah,” Carmy says, though completely incapable of hiding the smile that begins to form over his face. “You made that.”
“I made that,” she chuckles with an eye roll, glancing from the baby, to her brother, then back to her son. “And he’s the most perfect thing in the world. Baby boy, I want you to meet someone. I want you to meet your uncle.”
Carmy carefully sits in the chair right next to the bed, turning his attention to the baby.
“Can you say hi to your Uncle Carmy?” Nat coos, shifting so that she can properly introduce her son and Carmy.
“Oh my goodness… look at you,” Carmy says, his eyes full of wonder as the sleeping baby shifts in Sugar’s arms.
He’s not sure what to say, the words caught in his throat. He can feel it – that this is something momentous – but it’s as if he doesn’t know where to begin, lost in the magnitude of what’s happening right now.
“Hey, little guy,” Carmy finally manages to get out, his voice stuck in his throat.
Sugar chuckles again, letting out an exasperated sigh.
“How ya doin?” Carmy asks, looking over at his sister this time.
“Great. Just great,” she replies dryly, earning a laugh from Carmy, because it really has been one hell of a night.
When she opens her mouth to answer this time, her words come out much more genuine and soft as she adds, “I am though. Really. I’m great.”
Carmy nods in understanding, his eyes searching his sister’s face for any more of a reaction. But he knows that this is a dream come true for her -- that being a mother had always been the plan. Carmy chooses to focus this time on the sleeping baby, who’s tucked his head into her chest, seeking out warmth and comfort in this strange, new world.
“Bear?” Nat asks, as Carmy lifts his head to look at her once more.
There’s something urgent in her voice that grabs his attention and he’s not sure what she’s going to say next.
“Yeah?” he asks back, his eyes wide.
“So I want to talk to you about something,” Sugar says, his voice softening even more as she looks down at her baby boy. Carmy nods once, letting her know that he’s ready as Nat continues. “I uh… well, Pete and I have been thinking a lot about this. And… I wanted to talk to you about it before we move forward with it.”
Carmy swallows, leaning in this time.
“After we found out we were having a boy, Carm, we talked a lot… about what we would name him and… with his due date being in November… I don’t know. And look at him now, meeting him... it just feels right,” she begins, emotions welling in her voice. “We-, well, we want to name him Michael. If that’s okay… with you.”
Carmy has to stop for a moment, frozen in time as he hears the name. It’s not like he gets emotional about these kinds of things very often, but then again, this is all new to him – new to the little families they’re building; a new generation of Berzattos.
“Uh,” Carmy croaks out, his voice stuck in his throat as he realizes he’s much more moved than he expected to be. “Uh yeah, Sug. I… it’s okay with me.”
“Are you sure? Because I didn’t know if you wanted to use the name or-,” Sugar begins to explain.
“No, it’s-, it’s okay,” Carmy is quick to interject. “If it feels right. I mean we haven’t even-, you know, we’re not talking about… yet….”
Sugar nods in understanding, because she knows that you and Carmy have only been married for two months now. Hell, she's your best friend; she'd know if either of you were talking about having kids.
“So,” Carmy says, his eyes suddenly feeling watery. “Guess there’s a new Michael Berzatto then?”
He takes another look at his baby nephew, joy and grief both trapped inside his chest. Carmy's overwhelmed by it all: hearing his name, what this means for the Berzattos, this new beginning. He thinks back to what you said to Sugar on your wedding day -- that this could be the start of a new chapter for all of you -- the reality of your words reflected back to him now, all in one tiny package of new life.
"Welcome to the world, buddy," Carmy manages to say, his voice soft and full.
And it's as if every single thing that's led to this moment, and every single possibility that the future may hold rush before his eyes.
“Welcome to the world, baby boy,” Sugar whispers, suddenly overwhelmed with emotions.
*
Wanting to give Carmy and Nat time alone together, you spend the first part of your hospital visit with Pete in the waiting room, as the teary-eyed man recounts the intensity of the last eight hours. You can see it in his eyes, hear it in the way he speaks, that this is a dream come true for him – becoming a father.
Soon enough, Pete is ushering you into the hospital room, more than eager to introduce you to your new nephew. By the time you and Pete join her and Carmy, the new Berzatto is fast asleep on her chest, while Carmy sits quietly next to her. There’s an energy between the siblings, something you notice right away, and you can only imagine that this is emotional for the both of them on so many levels.
“Hi,” you grin, looking from Sugar to Carmy, as you join him by her bedside.
“Hi, sweetie,” Sugar greets you. Carmy smiles at you, as your hand comes up to rub comforting patterns over his shoulder and back.
“Pete,” Nat begins again. “Carmy and I were just talking… about his name.”
“Oh yeah?” Pete asks, smiling hopefully as he exchanges a look with his wife.
She nods, a full conversation happening between the new parents with just one look. Pete lets out a heavy exhale, smiling at his wife as Nat answers with:
“Yeah."
Carmy clears his throat, his arm closest to you squeezing you closer to him, gently leaning his head against your side in search of comfort.
“What’d you decide on?” you ask curiously, the air seemingly tense with feeling.
“Michael,” Sugar answers, exchanging a look with her brother this time. Carmy squeezes your hip, and as you search his face for a reaction, you can tell he's holding back tears.
“His name is Michael.”
#carmen berzatto x you#carmy berzatto#carmy x oc#the bear hulu#the bear fx#jeremy allen white#carmen 'carmy' berzatto#carmy berzatto x reader#carmen berzatto x reader#carmen berzatto#carmy berzatto headcanon#the bear headcanon#carmy berzatto imagines#carmy berzatto fluff#natalie 'sugar' berzatto#pete the bear#sugar the bear
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THE BERZATO IN-LAWS
an analysis in Sydney, Pete, Tiffany and Stevie
We have met the romantic interest/partners of the Berzattos, and I think the story is telling us something on why they are good to their partners, pariculary in they way they could help them heal from the toxic family dinamics they were raised on. And again, it comes all to food, Donna's food, in particular. Let me explain:
The Burden of Donna's food:
So, when you are feeding somebody, you provide care for them. Food is a metaphor for the biological need for feeding, but Donna never served bad food to her kids, she has decided to put emotion, time, and energy into preparing these meals. With food, she will prove her intentions to care for them. In preparing meals, her family will gather, and her sons and daughter will bond. But in this activity, and eating at the table, it will be the moment for Donna to punish them, to ridicule, gaslight, and hurt them. So her food is nutritious and poisonous at the same time.
So, I have noticed that in the Berzatto family, there are two types of people, the enablers/participants in keeping the family running the way it is (in the case of Carmy and Nat, they do it even when it doesn't benefit them, while everybody else benefits someway) and the other type is the non-conforming/change maker. This last category only can be applied to the inlaws: Sydney, Pete, Tiffany, and Stevie.
The Change makers/Inlaws:
Why do I call them non-cormorning? Because they are. Neither of these individuals is looking at the family dynamics in the Berzattos and says "Yeah, this is okay" Examples follow:
Sydney calling on everybody's bullshit on those first days of her working at the beef. She managed to fight the water with fire and turned everybody around.
Pete defending Carmy.
Tiffany calls Richie out for ruining the sweater she gave him, especially because Richie minimized to please Donna. She also calls them psychos.
Stevie talking about them calling him gay
None of them have a tendency to respond in an aggressive way toward conflict, if anything, they do righteously get angry and try to defend themselves but they never lower themselves to the level the aggression was made. They try to introduce kindness into the equation. The worst part, the show at times lets people describe them as "naive," "soft" and "too demanding" (Tiffany and Sydney), or shames them in other ways.
And you know what? all is symbolized in the way each reacts to Donna's food/system.
Sydney was able to take control of the kitchen without (and despite) toxic dynamics previously established. She is also trying to create a new menu with Carmy based on his mom's recipes. And the worst part? Carmy didn't co-create the menu with Sydney, he didn't let her (as far as we can see) modify the essence of Donna's recipes in the restaurant. If they had done it, maybe this food would have acquired something else for Carmy, a chance to heal the past trauma (metaphor).
Pete trying to collaborate with Christmas Dinner (bringing something new, kindness)
Tyffany not being able to eat Donna's food due to her pregnancy (she was already fed up and relieved to being far from them) which may be also a signal for her wanting to protect her baby from all that madness.
Stevie is the only one who insists on helping Donna to cook. He also is the only one who gives Nat the confort she asked for, not the one other thought she needs (Richie and Mickey for example).
#its being a while since I saw fishes please let me know if I missed something#Storer and team are crazy in methaphors#carmy berzatto#sydcarmy#sydney adamu#the bear fx#carmy the bear#sydney x carmy#carmen berzatto#the bear meta#the bear#tiffany the bear#pete the bear#natalie berzatto#richie jerimovich#stevie the bear
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Pete Appreciation Post
Pete and Nat:
As her partner, he not only handles but actually and actively loves her family.
He goes to Al-Anon meetings WITH her (1x2).
He doesn't show up to Christmas empty handed (to steal Carmy's words that'd make him an asshole). He continues to be joyful and make small talk while being ripped to shreds for his attempt at a funny, genuinely considerate tuna casserole (2x6).
One of Nat's biggest traumas (flashback to 2x6 of Donna grabbing her by the face while threatening to kill herself) is juxtaposed with her greatest joy - ending the day with Pete on the couch watching TV (2x8).
Everything Pete does and says in 2x10. I don't even know where to start. Him so beyond proud and supportive and excited and happy for Nat. Him trying to convince Donna to come inside by playing to their shared pride of Nat (and Carm). His reaction after the conversation with Donna. Chris Witaske you talented actor and Pete you beautiful, patient, loving, understanding, forgiving man.
Pete and Carmy:
Pete makes such an effort with him (to steal Mikey's words he gives like the biggest fuck). He genuinely embraces Carmy and wants so desperately to be embraced by Carmy in return:
He brushes/laughs off an unexplained past incident involving Carmy (and presumably Michael) that sent him to urgent care. Very bro siblings roughhousing behavior (1x2).
He lets Carmy use his and Nat's freezer even though he knows she'll be mad at him for it. Very brothers ganging up on their sister/two siblings scheming against the third (which I imagine happened between the Berzatto siblings so much and in so many combinations) (1x5).
He was so hype and adorably complimentary about Carmy's homemade ecto cooler and ugh I wish Carm had given more credit there because they are clearly just both big nerds at heart (1x4).
He defends Carmy for being called a loser at the catered party by bringing up his career as one of the most lauded chefs (as I've said before, he and Syd were the two members of the Chef Carmy club). And he does so in front of a large and intimidating assortment of friends and family (to paraphrase Carmy paraphrasing Marcus we see that Pete can throw down huh). Very protective big brother vibes (1x4).
He then individually compliments Carmy's courage for leaving home and making an incredible career for himself. He also makes a point to tell him that Nat is proud of him. Emotionally supportive brother behavior (1x4).
He thanks Carmy for letting him be a part of his family! It's beyond sweet to say that to your in laws, but when your in laws are the Berzattos (1x4)?!
Pete And The Berzattos:
He still gets ribbed more than not, but at the end of the day he's accepted.
Carmy saying I kind of like Pete now (1x5).
Stevie saying his heart was in the right place after the tuna faux pas (2x5).
Fak saying he'll be a great daddy (2x10).
Donna congratulating Pete about the baby thus signaling her approval (2x10).
Pete Is An Only Child:
I've been convinced since S1 and S2 only confirmed.
The genuine love and effort he puts into each family member (blood, extended, and honorary) of the Berzattos not only shows Pete is truly a nice guy, but it speaks to his deep desire to be a part of a family - to belong (see all examples above).
We learned Richie and Sydney are only children (It must have been nice to have Nat and Carm. Yeah, now you do too. *sobs*) so another proof point that all partners to the Berzatto siblings are onlys.
Stevie. In his speech, he says You guys have been so kind to me. You let me hang out with your every holiday. I don't have a family like this and I'm really grateful you make space for me at this table and you make time for me on the holidays. You can imagine an exact speech coming from Pete. And like Pete, Stevie genuinely loves and gets along with each of the Berzattos (2x6). A last parallel between these two: Donna speculates if he's gay and that is totally something I can imagine her, Mikey or Richie saying about Pete at first meeting.
Something about not knowing Pete's last name or anything about him outside of his relationships with the Berzattos signals to me he's not from a big family and/or is not close to them and really just exists in the Berzatto cinematic universe.
Takeaways:
Pete is the MVP of The Bear. We better get more of him in S3.
The Berzattos attract only children and strays like moths to a flame.
#the bear#the bear fx#the bear hulu#pete the bear#chris witaske#natalie berzatto#sugar berzatto#nat berzatto#abby elliott#carmen berzatto#carmy berzatto#jeremy allen white#jamie lee curtis#donna berzatto#the bear season 2#the bear season 1#the berzattos#john mulaney
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Richie: "Cousin, you're scaring the normals."
Camera: *immediately cuts to Pete*
#its the way I have such a soft spot for pete#the bear#the bear season 2#the bear hulu#the bear fx#richie jerimovich#richard jerimovich#fishes#s2 ep6#pete#peter#peter the bear#pete the bear#chris witaske
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My favorite husband trope: a big softie marries a deeply traumatized girl from a chaotic family 🫶🏽
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noticed in season one episode 4 of the bear how when carmy and pete are talking, pete’s really awkward complimenting carmy but when it comes to defending nat, he gets very confident.
just something i noticed idk
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I think that honestly just by showing up and being his kind self, Pete was doing right by Nat on Christmas Day. Maybe he didn't know what it was like going in, but he kind of let all the aggression slide off his back, the way he does. I think sometimes the guys (read: Richie and Cicero) look down on him for not fighting back or whatever but it's really a strength and it's what makes him good for Nat. She vents by swearing and throwing out his food, which—let's be honest—would be a real dagger to the heart of practically anybody else there. Like imagine Carmy or Mikey or Donna's reaction to Nat behaving that way towards them. The drama! But Pete either gets it, or shrugs it off. Idk. Much to think about!
People need to value my nice Midwestern boy because I view Pete as being the Marcus of the Berzattos, in a way. The way that Marcus has no culinary training, but nonetheless contributes to The Beef team by being naturally curious, loving learning, and being kind, ripples out to the whole team—like I literally believe that you can draw a straight line from Marcus being kind to Sydney about the spilled stock, to Sydney being brusque but kind to Tina about her mashed potatoes. I really REALLY think that behind the scenes, Pete has a similar influence on Nat, and through Nat to the rest of the family. Pete and Sugar have been going to Al-Anon meetings and Nat says that he really likes it—and Carmy says disgustedly, of course he does—but like imagine that from Nat's perspective! It takes a plot of vulnerability to talk in meetings, period, and even more so to do it in front of your partner, so I can't emphasize enough how happy I am that Pete not only shows up but tries to make it as positive an experience as he can for her. And because she's had a positive experience at Al-Anon, she knows to get Carmy into it. And because she does...like...
IT'S ALL ABOUT HOW KINDNESS HAS CONSEQUENCES, OKAY?
Generational trauma yes and cruelty yes and addiction yes but those are not the only things with consequences! you can influence people down the line with kindness too!
PETE!!!!!!!!!!
(this was inspired by another Pete post but i didn't want to add it in the reblogs because it seemed ungodly long and possibly annoying to the op)
#PETE NATION RISE UP!!!!!!!#I can't talk enough about my boy. and i simply won't stop#natalie berzatto#the bear#the bear meta#pete the bear
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carmy + pete
#their budding bromance is everything#the bear#the bear fx#the bear hulu#s01e02#s01e04#carmen berzatto#carmy berzatto#jeremy allen white#pete the bear#chris witaske#gif#gifset#tv#tv edit#tvfilmdaily#tvfilmedit#dailymenedit#mine#i simply will not tolerate pete slander#carmy slander? i'll accept it sparingly bc he do be a fuckhead sometimes#syd slander? i'll stab u for her#but PETE slander? watch ur back
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do you think once carm finds out you’re pregnant, he gets closer with richie or pete? like on a different level?
richie, yes, but in a "oh shit i forget you have a kid and you know what to do" type way lmaoooo. like where you can turn to nat and tina, he feels like he needs someone to turn to too that will understand his side of things more.
esp bc he's dealing with a new baby, but also dealing with you. not in a negative way, but in a "everything is new and i'm petrified" type way.
"cousin, you just gotta take the baby, and tell her to go take a nap."
"no, no, i-i asked her and-"
"-cousin, no. don't ask, alright? you ask, and she's always gonna say no, feels like she needs to keep the baby." richie rolled his eyes. "just take the baby, tell her to go shower- wait."
"yeah." pete agreed, sucking his breath in through his teeth dramatically. "don't do that carmen. natalie almost killed me once for saying that."
"yeah, can't believe i'm sayin this, but i agree with pete. don't say that." richie nodded, pointing at pete lightly.
"just take the baby, let her do her thing- nap, shower, eat, whatever she needs." pete added.
"just don't let her ask for it." richie gave carmen a pointed look.
"yes. because they won't." pete nodded.
"they won't."
carmen takes their advice and by some miracle, it works. you let him take teddy, nearly passing out in the bed finally, and carmen feels like he could cry he's so relieved. he'd been worried sick about teddy, more about you because you were worried about doing everything right... feeling like you were doing everything wrong.
teddy calms finally, your worried energy had startled her and kept her on edge. the house was quiet, for once. teddy in the bassinet in the living room, the soothing pattern that was gentle and rocked her. anchovy was sprawled out next to carmen, sun bathing on the rug in the kitchen while carmen cooked for you.
he texted pete and richie a brief, very carmen-esque update: both are asleep. thanks guys.
#thebearer#bearblahs#carmen berzatto#carmen berzatto x reader#carmy berzatto x reader#carmy berzatto#the bear#carmen berzatto fluff#dad!carmen berzatto#dad!carmen berzatto x mom!reader#carmen berzatto x fem!reader#carmen berzatto x female!reader#pete the bear#natalie berzatto#richie jerimovich#carmy berzatto fluff#carmen berzatto x you#dorothea “teddy” berzatto
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also why is no one talking about Pete. Pete….he’s holding so much for this massive, chaotic, toxic family that he married into. It just further proves that you chose your family and I just want to hug and thank him but also scream but also hug him
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Pete to Carmy: I mean it was hard for her too, you know?
(1x4)
---
Nat to Carmy: Did you know I recently had a brother die too?
(1x5)
#the bear#the bear fx#the bear hulu#carmen berzatto#carmy berzatto#natalie berzatto#nat berzatto#sugar berzatto#pete the bear#jeremy allen white#abby elliott#chris witaske#parallels#cinematic parallels
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Behind
Carmen Berzatto & Pete
Written for @ashlingnarcos for Candy Hearts Exchange 2024 💝
Warnings: 18+, language, canon-typical chaos and angst, injury
Word Count: 6.7k
A/N: i'm so normal about them i promise me when i lie
The Bear Taglist: @garbinge @withmyteeth @hausofmamadas @narcolini @darqchilddaydreamz @justreblogginfics @fromirkwood (If you want to be added to any of my taglists, please let me know!)
ONE.) With each minute that ticked by and he still found himself sitting in the row alone, Pete found the weight of disappointment lingering on his chest getting heavier and heavier. He wasn’t surprised, per se, but that didn’t wipe away the disappointment that he felt on Natalie’s behalf. While there were still some things about her family that he was figuring out, he assumed that they would at least show up for this. She didn’t ask them to show up for much, after all.
He looked around, wondering just how long he would be able to hold the three seats next to him for. He had his jacket draped over one, and was just politely telling people that the seats were reserved. It was looking more and more like a lie the longer that none of them showed up, though, and the room was quickly filling.
Just as he was about to reach across and grab his jacket, Carmy came flying in. Pete could feel the breeze come off of him from how quickly he’d been walking. He stood there at the end of the row of chairs, hands shoved into the pockets of his jacket. He looked back and forth between Pete and the empty seats beside him. Internally, Carmy groaned, but luckily, he managed to keep the sound contained to his head.
Shrugging, he asked in a hushed tone, “Where the fu—is it just you?”
Pete smiled, knowing that there was nothing else that he could really do to respond. “Uh, yeah, right now. But you’re here!” he added on cheerfully.
“Fuck me,” Carmy muttered under his breath.
“You heard, you know, from Mikey or your mom at all?”
Carmy shook his head, and while Pete didn’t hear the exact words that he said in the wake of that, he had a decent idea. He moved to slide into the row, so Pete pulled his legs in, trying to make himself as small as possible as Carmy slipped by him so that he could sit in one of the chairs that Pete had reserved for them all.
First, he looked at the jacket draped over one of the chairs, and then he looked back over at Pete. “Yours?”
“Yeah, just thought it’d be easier to save all the seats. If you want—”
He stopped himself when Carmy picked up the jacket and handed it back to him, sitting in the chair that it had just been covering. While it felt grossly apparent that they were going to be the only two in attendance, Carmy still left the two seats between them. To an outsider it looked like he was just holding the line, helping keep the seats empty. But he knew better. So did Pete, even though he didn’t say anything about it.
Pete saw the way that Carmy was fidgeting, fingers twitching and drumming against his leg. Trying to be helpful, Pete handed over the piece of cardstock that he had been holding onto. “Look,” he let Carmy take it from him, “they got Nat’s name on there and everything.”
Carmy’s brows met, equal parts focus and confusion. “What…what’s this all—” He stopped when he answered his own question, reading the printed words in front of him. Order of events, awards and recipients. And, just like Pete said, there was Natalie’s name spelled out in black and white. He didn’t think that they really did awards in Natalie’s line of work. But I guess even when it’s interest loans, dollars and cents, someone always has to be the best at it or close to it. Maybe he should’ve asked her more about it when she mentioned it the first time.
“Big week for you guys, huh?” Pete said, excitement in his tone.
Carmy’s eyes snapped up to him. “What?”
“Oh, you know,” Pete gestured to the slip of paper in Carmy’s hand as he leaned in an attempt to close the distance Carmy had left between them, “Nat and her award. You and culinary school.” He paused, waiting to see if Carmy was going to say anything. When he braced one hand on the seat of the chair beside him. “That’s pretty dope, dude. Nat was telling me about it and she’s—we’re both really stoked for you. Congrats.”
His face pinched, unsure of how he wanted to respond to that. “Yeah, yeah. Um. Thanks.”
“Where you going for that, anyway? Here or—”
Carmy made a dismissive motion, shushing him as the lighting in the room shifted, signaling the start of the ceremony. He was looking up at the front of the room, fingers twiddling still with the paper in his hands. He had been perfectly ready to not pay Pete any mind for the next, well, however long it was going to take to get through all of this. But then Pete was shuffling over and sitting in the chair right beside Carmy, no barrier or gap between them. Carmy felt his jaw clench involuntarily, but there was nothing to do about it now as Pete was balling up his jacket in his lap.
“She’s gonna be so happy you’re here,” Pete said, voice somewhere between a whisper and his regular talking voice. “She wanted to congratulate you in-person anyway.” He saw the confusion on Carmy’s face and Pete still smiled but there was a little bit of sadness in it. “Culinary school.”
Carmy’s voice came out soft, and not because he was trying to be courteous of what was going on around them. “Oh.”
“Hope you don’t mind I said it first,” he tried to joke, knowing as the words were coming out of his mouth that it was going to fall flat.
Shockingly enough, it got a flicker of a smile out of Carmy. “It’s fine.”
TWO.) There was so much noise in the house that he hardly heard any of it. It was deafening and yet none of it was really reaching his eardrums. Voices and music and times and dishes being thrown about. So many layers that it was impossible to piece through them all. Carmy was fairly certain that he had gotten good at tuning it all out. Or maybe he’d finally just cracked under the weight of it all, knocked just enough screws loose to end up like the rest of his family.
It was impossible not to hear Donna. Laughing. Crying. Screaming. No matter what mood she was currently fluctuating through, she made sure that anyone and everyone around her heard her. No matter how many years went by or how hard he tried, Carmy wasn’t ever able to deafen himself to that. He listened to her fire off directions at him, ones that didn’t make any sort of sense but he’d still have to follow them exactly as she said them because it just wasn’t worth it to try and not to.
Carmy grit his teeth and got through it as best he could, the same way he did every year. Mikey was nowhere to be found, of course—probably deep in the house somewhere getting into an argument with Lee or getting dragged across the neighborhood by Richie. He and Natalie orbited around each other, occasionally crossing paths but never really letting one hand wash the other. The best they could do was suffer through it near each other.
He was elbow deep in the oven, switching around pans in the precise way that Donna had instructed him a few minutes before. He was staring directly into the oven, wishing for a brief moment that it would turn into a window that he could crawl out of so that he could get out of this fucking house.
The shrill sound of yet another timer going off snapped him out of his wishful thinking and he stood back upright, letting the oven door snap shut as he did.
He was grabbing a towel to wipe his hands with when he heard someone else besides his own mother. It was different. He wasn’t noticing it because the person was yelling, per se, which had him wondering how he heard anyone in that house on Christmas if they weren’t screaming at the top of their lungs. His brows drew together, ears burning when he realized that he heard it because someone was talking about him.
And of fucking course it was Pete.
Carmy didn’t have it in him to go and throw himself into the middle of whatever it was. He didn’t give enough of a damn about what Pete thought of him to really make that much of a fight about it. If Pete wanted to finally join in on the fun everyone else had at Carmy’s expense, then he could go and do just fucking that.
“No, you guys, seriously,” Pete said in a voice that was loud for him, but barely registered above a whisper on the Berzatto scale, “Food and Wine named him best new—”
“Fuck Food and Wine,” Richie interrupted with a laugh. “What, they say that Mr. New York Bigshot was the best new jagoff? Hate to break it to you, but,” he clapped Pete on the shoulder, “that ain’t new.”
Pete forged onward, not letting himself get derailed by Richie even though the man was a master of the art. “They named him Best New Chef,” he said earnestly.
Richie rolled his eyes. “Best new chef but he still can’t make the fuckin’ spaghetti.”
Pete ignored the laughs that Richie got with his comment. His voice was a little quieter now, but he still didn’t stop. “It’s a big deal.”
Carmy felt bad for his initial assumption. He should’ve known that Pete wouldn’t do that—he wasn’t wired like the rest of them. Pete probably wasn’t even the first one to bring Carmy up. It was probably Richie or Cicero. Pete was probably just coming to Carmy’s defense the only way he could think of, not that it did either of them any good. Carmy knew that he should say something to Pete. Maybe thank you? But that wasn’t how they were, wasn’t how Carmy was.
He looked out the kitchen doorway to find Pete already looking at him. He didn’t look defeated, really. No matter what anyone ever said to Pete it never seemed to deflate him or keep him down for long. Carmy lifted his eyebrows slightly, the only acknowledgment he could think up in the moment as another timer went off.
THREE.) Pete was sitting at the table, laptop open with countless emails left to open and respond to, and yet he wasn’t paying any of them any mind. They were left ignored in another tab, number ticking upwards slowly the longer he avoided it. Instead, he found himself reading, and then rereading, the latest article that had been published about the restaurant that Carmy was currently working at. He’d been corrected before, ruthlessly, by Mikey and Richie whenever he referred to it as Carmy’s Restaurant, but like many things it never really was enough to deter him.
It felt like there was always another article or another announcement coming out about Carmy, about his restaurant. And, sure, maybe he wasn’t completely tapped into the restaurant scene like Carmy was, maybe he wasn’t up to that caliber. But he still tried to keep an eye out, and it seemed like every time he went looking there was always something to find.
He was in the house alone, but it didn’t stop him from letting out an impressed chuckle as he read through yet another article on how one of the youngest new chefs on the scene managed to raise the caliber of an already-stellar restaurant in New York City. Praise like that would mean a lot no matter where Carmy was working, but being able to stand out against all of the static and noise, the sheer number of restaurants that were in the city, it just drove the point home even further of how great of a chef Carmy really was. All the sacrifice seemed to be paying itself off, at least from what Pete could see.
Scrolling back up to the top of the page, Pete left it so that the article headline was in the center of his laptop screen. Picking his phone up off the table, he swiped and opened the camera. Paying no mind to the fact that it was nearly impossible to get a good and clear picture of a computer screen with a phone camera, Pete snapped a picture of the article open on his laptop screen. The smile stayed on his face the entire time as he opened up the text conversation that he had with Carmy. He didn’t pay any mind to how long it’d been since the last time one of them texted the other, or that all of their previous conversations were never initiated by Carmy.
He sent the picture attached to a message of, “Feel like I should set a Google alert for you or something man. Congratulations! Proud of you”. There was a faint whoosh sound of it being sent, and Pete gave a satisfied nod before setting his phone back down on the table again. He looked at the headline taking up his web browser one more time, smiling before clicking out of the tab. He left it lingering there while he went and finally started to pluck away at the emails waiting his attention.
It was about an hour later when Pete’s phone chimed. He angled it off the table just enough to see what the notification was, excited when he saw Carmy’s name on the screen. Expanding the notification, his smile dimmed but only slightly when he read the message in full, “Carmy liked “Feel like I should set a…””
Unlocking his phone, Pete brought himself right to the text message thread. He looked at the little thumbs-up that now appeared in the corner of the message he’d sent. Tapping on the message bar, he went to start typing again only to be met with the three little grey bubbles. He stopped, backspacing what little he’d just typed out, only for the bubbles to go away again. He waited, contemplating starting up another message. They did the same dance one more time before Pete locked and set his phone down, giving Carmy the opportunity to type out whatever it was that he wanted to say, even if he wasn’t ever going to hit send.
FOUR.) “I’m just sayin’,” Mikey started, trying to make it all sound like a joke even though there were layers of real frustration underneath, “of fuckin’ course Pete is the one who gets to see you at your big fancy fuckin’ restaurant.”
Carmy stopped what he was doing, confusion flooding over his face. Looking up from the braciole he was trying to help Mikey prep, he tried to figure out what the fuck his brother was talking about. “Wh-what the fuck are you talking about?”
Mikey laughed, snatching the meat that was laid out in front of Carmy so he could finish prepping it himself. He was willing to compromise and get together at Natalie’s place, but he wasn’t going to sacrifice all of his prep, too. “Fuck you, what am I talkin’ about. Talking about fuckin’ New York!”
Carmy didn’t know if he was more confused or angry at this point. Angry because he was confused. “Pete was never in fucking New—”
“Yeah,” Natalie finally spoke up, her tone showing just how much she hadn’t wanted this to come up, “he was.”
Carmy threw out a vague gesture with his hand. “When the fuck was he in New York?”
Natalie was taking a deep breath, getting ready to try and get a word in edge-wise about any of it. Carmy was going to have all these questions and he wasn’t going to wait for the answers to any of them. She hated it despite knowing it was something that they all had in common. She was leaning back against the kitchen counter, just about to spit out the first word of it, when the front door opened and a new voice came onto the scene.
“Happy Sunday, everybody!” Pete called out cheerfully as he made his way through the house.
He arrived at the kitchen, blissfully unaware of the look on Carmy’s face. He would get around to paying Carmy and Mikey some attention in a moment, but his first-stop-shop was always Natalie. A hug and a kiss. She didn’t say anything because she knew that she didn’t have to. Her brother would take care of that for her.
Pete finally turned to Carmy and Mikey. “Hey, guys, what’s—”
“When the fuck were you in New York?” Carmy jumped right down his throat.
Pete’s eyes popped open wider. “What?”
Carmy nodded towards his sister. “Sugar said you were in New York? Came, came to my fuckin’ restaurant? What the fuck?”
“Oh, uh, I didn’t, um, hm.” Pete knew that he hadn’t really done anything wrong, but he also knew that it wasn’t a simple situation. It was why he hadn’t said anything to Carmy about it before or after the fact.
Mikey was getting a kick out of all of it. “C’mon, Petey, what do you have to say for yourself?”
“It just—”
Carmy didn’t let the third word make it out. “I don’t get—you didn’t say anything? How, how long ago was that? How many times have I seen you since then?”
Pete blew out a puff of air, still trying to formulate his answer to one question at a time. “I was in New York for work,” he said, a little surprised he was able to get a whole sentence out without an interruption. “They wanted to do dinner after a meeting so—”
Two sentences in a row would’ve been too much, apparently. Carmy was a reactive dog pulling angrily at the end of his leash. “When the fuck was that?”
The gears in Pete’s brain jammed up for a moment, unable to recall the answer to such a straight-forward question. “Um, I—”
Natalie was the one interrupting this time, coming to Pete’s defense. “Maybe if you called and asked what any of us were up to, Bear, you’d fucking know when he was there.”
Carmy’s face scrunched as he flinched, like Natalie had tried to swat at him. “What? What the—” He motioned aggressively at Pete. “He comes to my fuckin’ restaurant and he couldn’t call? Or you?”
She scoffed, rolling her eyes. “Don’t say that like you would’ve picked up.”
Pete’s eyes were darting back and forth, watching each verbal volley as it flew back and forth across the court between his wife and his brother-in-law. This time it felt like a bit more of an even match, maybe that was just because Pete was the guaranteed underdog. He couldn’t help but to look over at Mikey, who was apparently perfectly content to split his attention between prep and listening to his siblings bicker back and forth. He was shaking his head at the both of them, chuckling quietly as it went in one ear and out the other.
Pete’s eyes snapped back to Carmy at the harsh sound of his voice. “Well?”
He figured there was no use trying to repeat himself. If he was only going to get one sentence out at a time, he figured he should try to make it count rather than retracing what he’d already said. He tried not to think too much about the pinch of Carmy’s brows, a harshness that didn’t quite line up with the confusion that was all over the rest of his face.
“They were looking for a place to eat—we’d just closed a big deal. I knew your place would be good so…” he trailed off, not expecting to be able to actually finish his next sentence. “I just suggested it. I said that the chef was Food and Wine’s—”
Carmy’s head dropped back so that he was looking up at the ceiling. “God fucking dammit.”
“I didn’t say I knew you,” Pete offered up, wondering if that would do anything to come to his own defense. “They didn’t ask so I didn’t…If they knew they would’ve made you come out. So I didn’t.”
The anger on his face lessened but only slightly. His confusion was winning out for the moment. “Wh-why?”
The quiet laugh that slipped out of him was completely involuntary. The question itself wasn’t funny, necessarily, but he found himself letting out the laugh at how obvious the answer was. Carmy was so smart, Pete just thought they’d all instantly be on the same page about it despite the fact that he and Carmy hadn’t been on the same page about anything in the entire time they’d known each other.
He made a small gesture to all three siblings. “You guys hate it when people interrupt you in the kitchen. You get, you know,” he a narrowing motion with his hands, “in the zone.”
Carmy didn’t have an instant rebuttal for that. He stood there, annoyance on his face even though Pete had extended a kindness to him back then, and in a lot of ways continued to extend it every time that he didn’t bring it up. It wasn’t as though he was the one that Carmy wanted to talk to about those kinds of things. He wasn’t the one that Carmy wanted there, not really, but he was the one who had made it regardless.
There was a soft, knowing smile on Natalie’s face as she looked at Pete. The two of them had talked about it beforehand, they’d talked about it after. She knew exactly why Pete did what he’d done. Even if Carmy never wanted to take the time to be grateful for any of it, she was grateful on his behalf.
After a few tense seconds of silence, Pete spoke up again, speaking honestly because that was the only way he knew how. “It was really good, Carm. Like,” he chuckled softly, “really, really good.”
Carmy was stunned but was still trying to figure out a way to respond to what Pete had just said. He opened his mouth, unsure about whatever was going to come out when he finally got himself to make a sound. Everything in his internal hardwiring had him gearing up for a snippy comeback, something sarcastic and largely undeserved. For the first time in a long time, possibly ever, he found himself fighting against the instinct. He was trying to conjure up something that was positive, but he’d settle for something neutral.
He was taking a breath in, about to just force something out and hope for the best, when Mikey decided it was time for him to chime in again. “You’re right, Pete,” he started, pausing longer than needed knowing exactly what it was going to cause to race through Carmy’s mind, pausing just long enough for him to get his hopes up before continuing on with, “we all fuckin’ hate it when people interrupt us in the kitchen.” He looked over at Pete, a smile on his face that didn’t quite reflect in his eyes. “So let us get back to work here, will ya?”
“Yeah, yeah sure.” He made sure to give Natalie a kiss before making his way back out of the kitchen. “Do your thing,” he said, not a drop of malice in his voice as he went off to keep himself busy elsewhere.
FIVE.) It was just supposed to be dinner. Carmy was back in Chicago and in the midst of everything else, they were just going to try and have dinner. In the back of her head, Natalie knew that it probably wasn’t going to just be dinner. There was no just anything in their family. But she had to try—who would she be if she didn’t? It was nothing short of a miracle that Carmy agreed to show up in the first place, so there was no backing out of it at that point even if the endeavor was ill-fated from the start.
Someone should’ve had a stopwatch on-hand to see just how little time elapsed before things descended into arguing. Pete watched from the outskirts, not offering up his two cents since no one had asked for it. Natalie and Carmy were going at it as they both took care of things on the stove, which was stressful in and of itself. Sharp remarks and sharper knives.
“You all wanted me to fuckin’ come home,” Carmy said, exasperated. “And, and here I am. Still not fuckin’ good enough.”
“I didn’t say—”
“You didn’t have to! You didn’t have to fuckin’ say it. You’re pissed about the funeral, pissed about the restaurant,” he gestured to the pan that was sitting on top of the stove, “pissed I’m trying to help you fuckin—”
She held up her hand. “You’re not trying to help, okay? You’re just doing the same thing the two of you always do. You’re—”
“Who?”
“You and Mikey!”
Once she put the words out there, the air in the kitchen became twenty times heavier. Carmy stood there, stunned into silence. For a moment he couldn’t even try to stammer out a reply, too thrown by the reference to Mikey in the present, like he was there and about to walk into the kitchen to hijack her cooking plans. Like he was there, and that Carmy was like him.
Sugar raised her eyebrows, waiting for him to speak up, to fire back and keep it all going. When he didn’t utilize the couple extra seconds that she gave him, she scoffed. She tossed the fork in her hand onto the counter, the clatter of it the only other sound aside from the sizzling pan on the stove.
“You know what? Fine. You can cook it. You can cook it and you can go fuck yourself, Carm.” She shook her head and turned on her heel to exit the kitchen. She saw Pete in her peripheral as she made her way out. She wouldn’t have had to see him at all to know that he was going to try and say something to make things better, smooth them over like there was any possibility of that at this point. She waved him off before he could even think of the right words to say. “And fuck you too.”
He watched after her as she walked away, but he didn’t follow. He knew that she needed some time and space to be pissed off. Then, once she spit bullets for a little while, they would come back together and they would talk about it. At least, that’s how it worked when it was just the two of them. Carmy being there changed the playing field and Pete wasn’t sure how just yet.
Pete went from watching Natalie to watching Carmy, who at first was also staring at the space where Natalie had just been. He only lingered on it for a moment before the increasing volume from the stovetop rediverted his attention. He turned back, grabbing the fork that Natalie had discarded just moments before. He shook his head as he went back to cooking. He was in no mood to let the evening and the food both go to shit.
There was about twenty seconds between Carmy turning back to the stove and Pete walking over so that he was beside Carmy, leaning against the counter that was kitty corner to it. Twenty seconds didn’t sound like a long time until it was spent in silence staring at the back of Carmy’s head as he continued to cook. It almost would’ve seemed like he was trying to get things back to normal if he hadn’t been shaking his head and muttering something under his breath. Pete couldn’t quite make out what he was saying as he walked over, not that it would’ve really made much of a difference either way.
Pete let his fingers curl around the edge of the counter as he leaned back against it. He saw it when Carmy caught him out of the corner of his eye and made a point not to say anything. Instead, he stayed busy keeping his eyes locked on the pan in front of him, keeping the sauteed garlic and onions inside it moving just enough so that they wouldn’t burn.
Knowing that Carmy could stand there in silence much longer than he could, Pete decided to break the stalemate. “It’s just been—”
“Don’t,” Carmy tried to stop him before he really got started. “You, you don’t gotta try and fuckin’, explain or apologize for her or whatever. Sugar…she can do it herself.”
“I’m not apologizing,” Pete said simply, not aggressive or defensive. Even if he wanted to be, he knew that it wasn’t going to get him anywhere with the man standing in front of him. He saw the disbelieving look on Carmy’s face even with the honesty. “I’m not. I’m just saying…it’s been a lot. And she’s been alone. Like, she has me but—”
“Yeah, she has you. She’s not fuckin’ alone.”
Pete didn’t let the bite in Carmy’s tone break the skin. “She’s felt really alone because of all of it. But I’m sure, you know, I’m sure you’ve felt alone too.”
Carmy clenched his jaw, anger dangerously close to boiling over. “Pete, I’m telling you, just, just shut the fuck up. I’m not talking about this with you.”
“I’m just saying,” Pete repeated, eyes fixed on Carmy’s profile. “You both lost him. And it wasn’t easy, and I know that’s probably why you didn’t come to—”
“Stop!” Carmy snapped, throwing the fork not unlike Natalie had a couple minutes before. “It’s, it’s not your fuckin’ problem, Pete, alright? You, you don’t know fuckin’ shit about—”
“I’m not saying I do, but Carm—”
There was something about the heartfelt nature behind Pete’s words that felt almost saccharine, like they left a sugary residue across Carmy’s teeth. Genuine concern was so rare to come by in their family, expressed so blatantly at least, that it felt like just a different type of trap. It didn’t matter that Pete had no history of laying traps, of pulling the rug out from underneath anyone. The warmth in the way Pete said his name felt scalding.
Carmy was white-knuckling the handle of the frying pan in his hand. “I’m not doing this with you right now, with, with either of you.” He saw the way Pete drew in a breath, prepping to try and say something else understanding and comforting and he didn’t want that, didn’t know how to handle that. All the feelings and thoughts finally bubbled over. “He wasn’t your fuckin’ brother, so it’s not your fuckin’ problem!”
Without thinking, Carmy thrust the pan out of his hand, sending it clattering against the stove and slightly onto the counter from the force. The contents and oil splattered everywhere—around the burners, across the countertops, and, unfortunately, onto Pete’s arm. He hissed, cursing under his breath from the pain, but all Carmy could do was stand there and watch, frozen all over again as Pete threw the faucet on and ran cold water over his arm.
The loud clatter was what drew Natalie back to the kitchen, anger still clear on her face. “What the fuck—oh my god!” It took her no time at all to put together what had happened in her absence. She looked at her husband, taking a brief look at his arm, “Pete, I—” Her anger won out over her worry as she whipped back around to Carmy. “Get the fuck out.” She didn’t yell, but her voice was harsh, filled to the brim with anger like she was a pressure cooker on the brink of exploding. “Now. Get the fuck out of my house right now.”
Carmy was in no mood or headspace to argue. He also didn’t realize that he was even making his way towards the door, his body moving independently from his mind. Mentally he was still staring at the mess across Natalie’s counter and stove, mentally he was still back in New York getting a phone call saying that his brother died, mentally he was trapped in Donna’s house on Christmas with a dozen relatives breathing down his neck about why he didn’t come home more often. Then suddenly he was standing outside on Natalie’s doorstep getting slammed by a cold gust of wind.
Inside, Natalie pulled Pete’s arm out from underneath the stream of water so that she could get a better look at it. “That little fucking…” she trailed off, shaking her head like she couldn’t decide just what name she felt like calling him in that moment when so many applied.
“It’s fine,” Pete said, the wince in his expression instantly negating the statement.
“It’s not fine.”
“It was just a lot for everyone, that’s all. I’ll just,” he shrugged as Natalie pushed his arm back under the water, “go to Urgentcare. They’ll take care of it for me and it’ll be alright. They’ll probably just give me—”
“This wasn’t okay,” she said, eyes glued to Pete’s arm. “None…none of this is okay.”
Pete frowned as Natalie leaned against him. Letting out a breath, trying to ignore the throbbing pain in his arm, he let his head drop so that he could place a kiss against the top of her head.
ONE.) Pete stood outside the door to The Bear, manilla folders gripped tightly in his hand. It was the one thing that Natalie said he could actually do for her in that moment to make her life easier. He’d do anything if she asked, and this seemed on the surface to be a simple errand. And yet he was still hesitating out on the sidewalk.
Tucking the folders under his arm, he reached and pulled the restaurant door open. The eating area was empty so early in the day, and Pete knew that it would be but it still felt strange to see it that way. He couldn’t remember if he had ever been inside there outside business hours. They never really needed him to be.
He could see through the thin strip of window that there were people already prepping in the kitchen. He didn’t see Carmy among them, and he knew that he was most likely going to have to walk through the kitchen to get to him at the office. He’d never set foot in the back of the house, not when it was The Beef, and not since it had become The Bear either. It seemed silly to harp on but it mattered. He knew it mattered.
Nervous or not he had to go in and drop off paperwork for Natalie. She’d taken care of everything, and all Carmy had to do was put a signature on them and hand them off to the guy when he showed up. And all Pete had to do was hand them off to Carmy since Natalie was too pregnant and too exhausted to think about getting out of bed and putting real shoes on her very achy and swollen feet. After another round of trying to keep her breakfast down and not being able to, Pete asked what he could do, and she said that if he could play mailman for the day that would be super fucking helpful, actually. So, there he was.
He let himself into the kitchen, almost tip-toeing even though that didn’t really make much of a difference about anything. He didn’t recognize some of the chefs that were there. If they said their names, he would probably know them based off stories that Natalie told him, but other than that they were just strangers to him.
He couldn’t hide the relief when he saw Tina. He walked over closer to her, stopping so that he wasn’t so close that he would throw her off what she was doing. “T—hey, Tina.”
Turning, her confusion morphed into a smile when she looked at him. “Hey, Pete. What are you doing here? Natalie okay?”
He nodded. “Yeah, yeah she’s good. Just,” he chuckled with a smile, “pregnant. Like, super pregnant.”
Tina laughed. “I remember that.”
Clearing his throat, Pete asked, “Is, uh, is Carmy around? I got,” he held up the folders, “these for him.”
She nodded in the direction of the office. “He’s back there.”
“Thank you. Keep, uh, keep up the good work,” he offered with a smile.
Tina chuckled, shaking her head affectionately at him as he walked away. “We will.”
The door to the office was open, but Pete still knocked against it anyway. Carmy looked up from the papers that he was staring at, already saying, “Yeah?” before he saw who it was in the doorway. When he saw it was Pete, his exhaustion shifted, turning to equal parts tiredness and confusion. “Pete?”
“Hey,” he said, almost stepping into the office before he stopped himself. “Can I?”
Carmy nodded, motioning for him to come in as he turned in the chair so that he was facing Pete head-on. “What’s up?”
“Nat said that you needed these?” He held the folders out for him to take, only continuing once he did so. “Said that the guy was supposed to be coming by today.”
Carmy flipped them open, nodding in recognition as he read the forms. “Right, right. Fuck. Thank, thank you.” He looked back up at Pete. “Sugar alright?”
Pete shrugged with a nod that was as noncommittal as he could manage. “Yeah, I mean, you know, she’s—”
“Super pregnant and fuckin’ hormonal and angry?”
Pete smiled and shook his head. “Very pregnant. Very uncomfortable.”
“Kicked you out of the house for the day?”
“I offered.”
“To leave?” Carmy asked in jest.
Pete cracked a small grin but he still corrected Carmy. “To help.”
Carmy drummed his fingers on the folders. “Very helpful, yes. Thank you.”
Pete motioned over his shoulder with his thumb. “First time seeing the kitchen. You guys are, like, the real deal back here.”
Carmy chuckled, a sarcastic comment on the tip of his tongue that he managed to bite back. “Working on it.” He paused, staring at the black and white print of the forms but not really reading any of it. “How’s it compare to New York?” he asked.
“What?”
“You’re the only one who’s been to both of my restaurants, so,” he looked up at Pete, “how’s it compare to New York?”
It was the first time that Carmy ever brought up the fact that Pete went to his spot in the city. Pete didn’t think that he was ever going to bring it up again, let alone bring it up so casually. It caught him off-guard and it almost felt like a trick. This was a question that definitely had a wrong and a right answer.
Pete chose his words carefully. “You worked at your spot in New York and it was great. But this,” he gestured to the office and the space beyond it, “this is yours, you know? It’s your spot. And you can…you can tell.”
Carmy allowed himself to smile, allowed himself to take the compliment. He forced himself not to twist Pete’s words in his head. “Glad you can tell.”
A beat passed before Pete spoke up again. “Need me to tell Natalie anything or…?”
Carmy shook his head. “No, no. No, I think we’re, uh, I think we’re all good. Thank you.”
“Sure thing.” Pete nodded as he tucked his hands into the pockets of his vest. “I’ll just, uh, let myself—”
He spoke up when he saw Pete take a step backwards towards the doorway. “Hey, Pete?”
“Yeah?”
“Thanks…thanks for this. For this and um, you know, always, always taking care of Sugar.” He paused as he nodded, like he was trying to come up with kind words to say to him, a foreign act. “We’re all, uh, she’s really lucky to have you, you know?”
Pete heard it all, what he did and didn’t say. His smile stretched wider. “Thanks, Carm.”
#the bear#the bear fx#the bear hulu#the bear fanfiction#carmy berzatto#carmen berzatto#carmen berzatto fanfiction#carmy berzatto fanfiction#pete#pete the bear#pete the bear fanfiction#my writing#fanfiction#drabblesmc#candyhearts exchange
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