📓. DIARY ENTRY 01 ︴MARCH 27, 2024

dear loass diary…

I think one of my biggest problems when it comes to manifesting is that I think it’s all above me. I’ve been in this community for so long— despite manifestation actually clicking for me 8 months ago —and so I’ve put it all on a pedestal. now it just seems like I’ll never be able to even feel like I’ll have my desires, let alone have them. I see people talking about how they feel satisfied imagining or how they get into the sowf and I just have never been able to do that. But at the same time, I’ve never actually stuck around long enough, never persisted for long enough, to actually feel good when manifesting. It’s like I use manifesting as instant gratification. I’ll satisfy myself for a while and then go back to my unwanted state. the worst part is, I see the sowf as something temporary. It’s almost like I subconsciously intend on not staying persistent in my desired state.

to switch gears for a second, there’s something else on my mind. I wonder why I feel like I haven’t manifested. Like I haven’t made any progress. I know, really know, that the 3D isn’t confirmation. So why am I treating it like it is? is it out of habit? I feel like I’ve over consumed so much loa content that I don’t even know anything anymore. everytime something makes sense my brain goes “well that loablogger actually said so and so about that☝️🤓” anyways back to my main point, who said I didn’t have what I wanted? that I wasn’t in the end? That the manifestation isn’t complete? no one, so why is every thought in my head “I haven’t manifested yet” “I’ve been slacking with manifestation”. and don’t even get me started on how I treat manifestation like it’s a verb, like it’s simply just conscious repetition.

creation is finished point blank period. as soon as I desired my desire way back when, it was already made. the state where I live everyday like I want to already exists. There’s nothing I have to create. The state where every little desire I have coexists with each other and is in my posession already exists!!! all I have to do is be conscious of it! embody it! so why is that so hard? Me not having my desire is also a state, I’m not even experience the 3D I’m just experiencing my state. and that state, my current one, the one where I don’t have what I want, the one I identify with— is just a state. And I feel that to be real, despite it being unfavorable I unintentionally fulfilled it. This is what I am conscious of and is what I am assuming, that’s all. It’s just a state. Favorable states are no different.

feels like I kinda had a full circle moment here 😭😭

kisses, peachkkuma

📓. DIARY ENTRY 04 ︴APRIL 26, 2024

dear loass diary…

I’ve definitely fallen victim to instant gratification in regards to manifestation. In fact (☝️🤓) I think it’s why I struggled with the law for so long. I had a desire and I used methods to satisfy myself in the moment, just to get my doubts to shut up. when the gratification wore off, I went back to doubting because I thought my progress “wore off”. I thought that gratification was what I was supposed to feel all the time, and if I didn’t feel it, it meant I wasn’t in the sowf. But that’s obviously not true. Sowf means knowing it’s yours, the only satisfaction involved is knowing it’s yours. it’s not meant to be an emotional thing. I don’t have to feel “happy” or “relieved” all the time, I don’t have to feel that way to know I have it, to be in the sowf. Methods should be used when u want to feel good, not to shut up doubts. Not because you feel like u have to get something. Manifestation shouldn’t make u feel restless, ur supposed relax knowing that there’s nothing left to do because creation has been finished. I think I just need to remind myself that I know how the law works, all that is needed is me to have loyalty to the fact that I have what I want. I don’t need to constantly do methods, that’s never what this was about, that’s not how you’ll fulfill yourself. Fulfillment isn’t this big euphoric thing either. Don’t confuse fulfillment and the sowf with instant gratification.

kisses, peachkkuma

📓. DIARY ENTRY 03 ︴APRIL 21, 2024

dear loass diary…

I haven’t made an entry in three weeks because right after my last one, I decided to delete tumblr and rlly focus. and I got into the sowf and rlly felt the effects of no longer over consuming. I’ve decided to end my streak tho, due to the fact I’m only in the sowf 10% of the time. oh well, progress is progress.

my main loa struggle today has been other peoples assumptions, other peoples realities that are being and have been pushed onto me. because when someone’s worried about you, and you’re trying to manifest your problem to be solved, you can’t do much to reassure them everything’s fine. and then you worry about them. what a horrible cycle. it’s crazy how that works, how someone else’s reality becomes yours for a bit, and there’s a small moment where you actually believe their reality is yours. but it’s not, so I came back here to ground myself. Ideally, I would’ve liked to do that without the help of tumblr, but writing it out feels good and I’d like to catch up on some posts.

kisses, peachkkuma

📓. DIARY ENTRY 02 ︴APRIL 2, 2024

dear loass diary…

My main struggle 1000% is the sowf. I feel like once I’m in the state, I’ll feel relief like I’ve never felt before. I’m expecting something euphoric. But I know that is not the case, I always have. The sowf is about knowing. I just feel let down when a positive impact isn’t made on my emotions, even tho it’s not about emotions. I think what I’m looking for is “love”. To fall in love with a state, to feel relief and joy. But, I haven’t found a way to give that to myself yet. It feels like I don’t even know where to begin. I’d love to give myself an experience, a state, that I both believe in and makes me feel good. But I truly don’t know how I’d do that? What would I imagine? Maybe I need to actually sit with that question for a bit instead of just throwing it out there…

I also feel like when I’m confident, when I experience the knowing, it’s barely ever about knowing I have it. It’s often times knowing it’s going to come or will come. Never really present. My state, the state I identify with whether I want to or not, the one that I’ve nailed myself to, is one of uncertainty and a sort of emptiness. Im always certain that I haven’t done enough, even tho I know the law doesn’t work like that. It’s not about constant repetition or effort. So why do I feel that way? It’s not like I constantly want to affirm or visualize or work for my desires through any way or form but at the same time, doing these methods kind of fulfill me. But not in the way they should. Instead, they make me feel like I’ve done something to make it come. Not make me feel like I have it now and am one with it.

So, the main question: why do I feel like I can’t I identify with the sowf? I think I feel like it’s just not possible because i feel the same emotionally. But I am capable of identifying with a state. I am rn. And i need to stop forgetting that. Because at the end of the day this isn’t anything but a state. It’s not reality, it’s not the 3D, it’s a state. I’m glad I got that in my head but I seem to forget it when it’s important.

Im getting to tired to write but I’m definitely going to reflect on my state and my desires state after this. Lord free me from my problems with states😭😭

kisses, peachkkuma