911: Lone Star S4 E14 | The Case of the Stolen Pudding Cup -> The Culprit Revealed

Prom Night (2008)

Directed by Nelson McCormick Screenplay by J.S. Cardone Music by Paul Haslinger Country: Canada, United States Running time: 88 minutes CAST Brittany Snow as Donna Keppel Scott Porter as Bobby Jessica Stroup as Claire Davis Dana Davis as Lisa Hines Collins Pennie as Ronnie Heflin Kelly Blatz as Michael Allen James Ransone as Detective Nash Brianne Davis as Crissy Lynn Kellan Lutz as Rick Leland Mary Mara as Mrs. Waters Ming-Na Wen as Dr. Elisha Crowe Johnathon Schaech as Richard Fenton Idris Elba as Detective Winn Jessalyn Gilsig as Aunt Karen Linden Ashby as Uncle Jack

Theft Alert: All images from IMDB

Donna Keppel (Brittany Snow; working hard here, bless) is the only survivor of a family massacre perpetrated by Richard Fenton (Johnathon Schaech; looking very Sean William Scott), a creepy teacher with a boner for her. Tonight Donna’s Prom Night is being held at a swanky hotel,  but tonight is also the night Richard escapes from The Home For Creepy Teachers With Wayward Boners. Everything you expect to happen happens, just a lot less interestingly than you would expect for a slasher movie, certainly for one that cost $20 million. Prom Night (2008) is like an experiment see if it possible to make a slasher flick so inoffensive and dumb it could be screened at tea time on The Disney®©™ Channel. It turns out it is in fact possible to make such a thing, but unfortunately no one would want to watch it. It actually makes you hanker for Prom Night (1980), as low-budget and timeworn as that disco slasher may well be.  

For starters, Prom Night (2008) is not a remake of Prom Night (1980) despite what anyone says. Fuck that noise, someone obviously just wanted to use the title. End. Of. They are both slasher movies which take place on Prom Night, but that’s it. I know this because I watched Prom Night (1980) recently for the first time, and last night I watched Prom Night (2008) for the last time. Prom Night (1980) has a mystery surrounding the identity of the killer, which keeps you awake and which also has a surprisingly strong emotional pay off, whereas in Prom Night (2008) we know who the killer is from the off, which is boring and has no pay off at all. Essentially then, this is the difference between the two, one is a bit amateurish but very entertaining, while the other is slick as snot on a door handle and as dull as ditch water. 

Ultimately only one Prom Night successfully evokes the youthful exuberance of the night in question, which is important as I am 50 and English, so I have no personal experience whatsoever of a Prom Night. Also: get off my lawn! Prom Night (1980) makes it look like a fantastically enjoyable event at which hormonally crazed kids dance enthusiastically to fantastically simplistic disco. Apparently the movie was shot with the cast dancing to real, popular disco hits until the makers realised you have to actually pay to use other people’s music (?!who knew!?). Being a bit strapped for cash they had the soundtrack composer Carl Zittrer cook up some home-made disco beats at roughly the same tempo so the visuals and sound would still gel. Carl Zitterer did an excellent job.  A bit too excellent in fact, since the similarity was still so pronounced a $10 million lawsuit was brought against the movie (and settled for $50,000 – phew!). A small price to pay for one of the most cheerful and fun dance sequences I’ve ever seen, particularly as I didn’t pay it. Prom Night (1980) is a decent slasher flick but the dance floor sequence is just pure joy.  Prom Night (2008) makes Prom Night look like a shit night club where nobody knows anyone else there; seriously, the interaction of the core group with everyone else, who they apparently have known for years, is ridiculously minimal. And the songs are the kind of heatedly sexual nursery rhymes I am generationally disposed to dislike. I just don’t get it, basically. You crazy kids! “Who’s your daddy? And is he rich like me?” isn’t so much a song lyric to me as a reason to call the sex police. And while technically the dancing in Prom Night (2008) is smoother, the dancing in Prom Night (1980) is more realistically ramshackle and energetic. 

Also, in Prom Night (1980) the killer, whoever they are, is refreshingly human (they slip on the slippery floor at one point, etc) but in Prom Night (2008) the killer is a tediously efficient killer; which is odd because he’s just a school teacher with a creepy boner for one of his female students, which explains none of his killing efficacy. By rights he should just be crying while wanking over the school yearbook, as I imagine most creepy schoolteachers with boners for their female students do. Maybe creepy schoolteachers with boners for their female students find that reductive and a little offensive of me, and that’s a real crying shame there, because the last thing I want to do is offend creepy teachers with boners for their female students. Every school has that one teacher who dates his female students “secretly”, and as the female student ages out of school he replaces her with a new female student. Maybe you are that guy. In which case you need to hear this: Dude, you are creepy. No one is impressed; they are creeped out. Preying on children is not cool. And if they are in school they are children, I don’t care how developed their chest is. A light prison sentence or some intensive therapy are what you need, creepy teacher dude, not high fives and Budweiser with the bros. (I do apologise for the fact I went to school in the 1970s leading to my not acknowledging that creepy schoolteachers can also be female, and the students being creeped on can be both female and male; with any combination of gender being creeper and creeped upon. I guess everyone sex creeping on everyone else, well, that’s progress? Well done, everyone. Personally I would have tried to phase out the whole creepy-schoolteacher-with-a-boner-for-their-student thing but I guess expanding it across the gender spectrum is certainly one way to go.)

In terms of cast Prom Night (1980) only really has Jamie Lee Curtis and Leslie Nielsen as “names” but everyone is okay, and the characters are all quite quirky and sympathetic. Prom Night (2008) might not have many “names” but it has a far more professional level of acting, which is a win for it. But, alas, while there are real actors in Prom Night (2008) and they all try hard with what they are given, what they are given is so lacklustre and generic it is dismaying how much effort they probably had to put in just to make the characters seem as bland as they do. There’s the black couple; he’s good at sports, she’s a bit sassy. There’s the co-dependant bickering couple; he’s controlling and drinks too much, she’s whiny and, well, she’s just whiny. The gym teacher is sparky and enthusiastic like absolutely no gym teacher I’ve ever met in my half a decade existence, but very like every gym teacher in American high school set shows on Nickleodeon. The most interesting character is Detective Nash, and that’s only because James Ransone appears amusingly miscast; unless a cop who resembles Christian Bale if he was a candleblogger is your idea of a movie cop.  Obviously that’s nobody’s idea of a movie cop, luckily though Idris Elba knows what everyone expects from a Movie Cop and delivers it with lightly self-parodic gusto. Of course   Idris Elba is unarguably a charismatic screen presence; I know that because most of the things I’ve seen him in are godawful but he is always a pleasure. Maybe it’s just unfortunate choices on my part and I’m actually missing a string of entertainment pearls starring Idris Elba, even so Prom Night (2008) would come in on the poopy side of the mark sheet. But, again, even in something as poopy as Prom Night (2008) Idris Elba is fun. Here he’s The Big City Cop so he walks like he’s prolapsed and rasps his dialogue like he regularly gargles lava-hot cawfee. The enthusiasm Elba invests in playing this poorly written part makes up a bit for the utter idiocy of the character. Ultimately though nothing could distract from Detective Winn’s stupidity, so colossally boneheaded are his actions in the movie.

Prom Night (2008) seems to take place in an alternate universe where every authority figure is a moron. In a better slasher flick this might be a genuine attempt at a point, but here it’s just bad writing. Sure, you might think that everyone in authority in the universe we actually inhabit is a moron, and at this point in history you would have a strong case, counsellor. Exhibit one being our current lying coward of a Prime Minister (I write this in the year 2020). But the authority figures in Prom Night (2008) are actually more excessive in their cretinous obliviousness than even that lying shyster. Having (eventually) realised that the killer is loose Idris Elba visits Donna’s guardians, who decide not to bring her home immediately or have her placed in police custody for her own protection, because it might “embarrass her” in front of her friends and put a big downer on this magical night of awful dresses, terrible music and light fingerbanging. Idris Elba, a policeman remember, goes along with this, which is kind of epically dumb, but then he raises the dumbness stakes by going to the Hotel Swank to keep an eye on Donna. Literally. He actually stands by a bit of silver scaffold in the dance hall for hours, and stares at the back of her head, occasionally rubbing the top of his own head and pursing his lips. Incredibly this does nothing to locate and apprehend the killer, who is merrily killing staff and guest alike at his own convenience. Idris Elba even asks at the desk if they have seen the killer, even showing them a picture (which is some amazing police work for Prom Night (2008)). But when asked by the desk clerk if he should be concerned Idris Elba says ”no”. Later when the fact that the killer is in the hotel killing people can’t even be avoided by Idris Elba he pulls the fire alarm and the entire hotel decants chaotically onto the street. Because there’s absolutely no way the killer could get out unnoticed during that, right? Absolutely no way at all. Nu-uh! Essentially most of the people in Prom Night (2008) who die do so because Idris Elba’s character has all the brains of a shoe.

And a lot of people do die in Prom Night (2008), but don’t get too excited slasher flick fans, because it doesn’t really feel like it because the kills are largely inoffensive stuff; which in a slasher movie is kind of offensive in itself. Prom Night (2008)  tries to distract from the lack of splatter with sudden bursts of convulsive editing which just makes it look like the killer is over amorously cuddling people to the floor, or re-enacting his favourite Super Bowl tackles. The only clue that his victims are dead comes later when we get to see the body with some dainty little red marks on their clothes. So averse is Prom Night (2008) to actually getting bloody that one character has their throat slashed and so little claret splashes it’s preposterous. If you were asleep next to somebody with their throat cut you’d wake up sodden in the red stuff, you wouldn’t have to turn them over to discover they were dead. Maybe Prom Night (2008) should have invested some of that $20 million in a medical professional acting as a consultant to tell them that throat wounds tend to, you know, bleed profusely since it’s all the blood inside you coming out of that new hole that kills you. Okay, sometimes it’s the shock of blood loss that offs you but, whatever, there’s a lot of blood involved. There is, I admit, one artfully shot kill where an arc of blood spatters a sheet of plastic but mostly the effects in Prom Night (2008) are less Tom Savini and more Tom and Jerry.

Sadly then, when it comes to this particular Prom Night (2008) you’re better off staying at home and washing your hair.

PsychTube - A Crossover Oneshot I forgot I wrote until today

"Dude, get your coat on and grab your keys. I've found the only job we're ever gonna need for the rest of our lives."

"Jack?! How the hell did you get in here?"

"Mark. C'mon. When has any door ever really been locked for me?"

"...good point."

Jack grinned cheekily and closed Mark's office door behind him, dropping his motorcycle helmet into the chair across from his friend's desk. He didn't bother asking for permission as he yanked open the top drawer of the filing cabinet in the corner and started rifling through the snacks he knew were hidden there.

"I have work to do, Seán," Mark made an annoyed face as his eyes followed his friend's path around the room. "You can't just - drop by like this."

"What? They're paying you to play video games?"

Mark blinked and stared.

"How did you–?"

"Left hand space bar, right hand arrow keys?" Jack smirked back over his shoulder, then pulled a small bag of Bugles from the drawer and elbowed it shut. "Fuckin' easy. Ask me a harder question."

Mark huffed and Jack watched with a chuckle as he quickly clicked away from his game of Space Invaders. The engineer sat back in his office chair, adjusting his tie and squaring his best friend with a questioning look from behind his glasses.

"What do you want, Jack?"

Jack leapt to life again, dancing on the spot and punching the air with his free hand.

"I told you! I found the perfect job for us! We'll never need another job again!"

"Oh yeah?" Mark scoffed, chuckling a little despite himself. "You mean just like the last fifty-seven jobs you've held?"

"Those were different," Jack shrugged, ripping into his bag of delicious salty snack goodness. "Clearly different. I took half of those jobs just to say I had the experience. This job is perfect."

"You said the exact same thing when you started your band in college. And again when you got that job driving the Wienermobile."

"That was for the hot dogs!" Jack protested, then shoved a handful of Bugles into his mouth. "An' 'esides–" He swallowed and sat on the edge of Mark's desk, ignoring his friend's cry of indignation when one of the pharmaceutical files there almost toppled to the ground. "Raised to the Ground was fucking amazing. The only reason we didn't reach stardom is because somebody wanted to quit the band when they graduated."

The bitterness in his voice was evident, but it didn't last long. It never did, with Jack. He was almost always in a ridiculously good mood, and if he wasn't he was damn good at cheering himself up with ridiculous humor and video game references.

"And what about YouTube?" Mark retorted, raising an eyebrow. "You claimed it would make us millions, just because a few other gamers got big. What happened to that, huh?"

"Hey!" Jack pointed accusingly at Mark. "I'm still a youtuber! Just because my schedule doesn't give me time to record and edit and post shit every single day, doesn't mean I'm not a youtuber. I have...like. Ten thousand subs. That's pretty damn good."

"Your schedule is empty, Seán, you don't have a job."

"Which is why I'm telling you about this one!"

Mark tugged off his glasses and rubbed at his eyes, sighing wearily. For a moment, a brief moment, he contemplated refusing to even listen to Jack until after he had clocked out...but in the end he indulged his friend.

"Alright, enlighten me," he muttered, placing his glasses back where they belonged. "What amazing job are you planning on jumping into now?"

"You and me," Jack began, setting aside the Bugles and using his hands to express himself, gesturing between himself and Mark. "Are going to start our own psychic detective agency."

Jack's grin was sly and excited, his hands held out as though framing an invisible rectangular sign with the words on it.

Mark blinked. Then he grinned too, one that was forced and sarcastic.

"Oh," he said evenly, pretending to endorse the idea. "Of course. Psychic detectives. No further explanation necessary. Let me just get me coat–"

Mark began to stand, pretending to do as he said he would, before immediately settling back into his seat and getting back to work. Real work. No games this time. He had due dates coming up, dammit. But Jack didn't move. He was still grinning excitedly, clearly thinking Mark would be just as enthralled as he was.

"...but you're not getting your coat, Mark," he pointed out.

"Uh, no. No I'm not Seán."

"C'mon, Mark!" Jack whined, swiping up the Bugles again and shoving the half-finished snack into his jacket pocket. "Don't you get it? This is the perfect job! It's a way I can finally use my gift, and it'll be full of adventure and thrills and mysteries–"

He hopped up off the desk and rounded it, standing across from Mark and planting his hands at the top of his computer monitor. The action caught his best friend's attention and Mark glanced up at Jack from over his glasses, the light from the screen reflecting off the lenses.

"And what if I told you," Jack continued, grinning, "that the police think I'm a psychic and have already asked us to consult on a missing person's case."

"You're serious?" Mark asked, staring at Jack more fully, his hands going still against the keyboard.

"Yes, I'm serious!" Jack slapped the top of the monitor, his grin widening. "You know the Paul brothers?"

"You mean those douchebag celebrities that live in that mansion uptown?"

"Yes. Them." Jack nodded. He knew Mark was starting to get hooked...so now all he had to do was drag him in completely. "Logan Paul went missing a few days ago. His father contacted the police, but there's no sign of who did it or why. No ransom note, no phone call - Logan Paul just up and vanished into thin air. Both him and his dog Rika."

"They took the dog?" Mark asked, looking absolutely astounded and a little offended. "Why would they take the dog? What did that dog do to them?"

"See?!" Jack waved his hands in Mark's direction. "This is why I need you! To remember things, and take notes, to keep me on track. You know how...distracted, I can get. Sometimes. A lot."

Mark had settled back in his chair, his palm dragging across his mouth in thought and his eyes lingering on the desk. He was contemplating this, Jack knew....he was on the brink of caving. All he had to do was land the final blow. Jack stepped back from Mark's desk and causally tucked his hands in his pockets, plucking his motorcycle helmet from its resting spot in the chair.

"...and you could prooobably talk to the forensics guys," Jack shrugged nonchalantly, plucking another Bugle from his pocket, pausing to speak with it hovering right in front of his mouth. "I mean we'll have clearance to talk to anyone from the police department so–"

And he tossed the snack in his mouth with a smirk. He knew Mark didn't really want to be a pharmaceutical salesman. He had majored in biomedical engineering, but the job openings had been few and far between when he had graduated. So instead he had ended up here, in a job that could one day side-step into what he really wanted to do...and if there was even a chance that speaking with some forensics experts on the force could gain him some much-needed connections, Jack knew Mark would be completely sold.

So when Mark's gaze snapped upward with a brilliant grin on his face, Jack knew his friend had fallen for his plan hook, line, and sinker.

"I'm in."

Psychic detectives it was.

Ryuko: Senketsu, if I go too far, I’ll need you to stop me.

Senketsu: I cannot promise that. It is you who is wearing me.

Ryuko: Sheesh, you’re an outfit that doesn’t have much give, you know that?

Senketsu: But when you were out of control, you did stop. Using your own willpower. That is why I am not frightened in the least.

Ryuko: Gotcha. We’re all responsible for our own actions.

I’ve written pretty extensively on Ryuko and Senketsu’s relationship and why I think it’s so healthy, positive, and commendable (to put it mildly). But I don’t think I’ve focused enough attention on the above scene from episode 13, “Crazy For You,” which is a particularly strong example of the merits of Ryuko and Senketsu’s partnership.

On a surface level, the moment emphasizes and is utterly dedicated to the importance of good and proper communication---something especially noteworthy in a series that even describes itself as having a “lightning pace” (episode 16). By focusing so heavily on Ryuko and Senketsu’s conversation, there’s a considerable significance placed on talking to and being honest with a friend; the message is clearly and unambiguously that in any close relationship, it’s absolutely crucial to be open and truthful with one another. Otherwise, you’re not going to get along well. As Mako puts it earlier in the episode, you’ll just be “glarin’ at each other.”

Of course, a scene devoted to the positive effects of strong interpersonal skills probably doesn’t seem all that groundbreaking, but in an action-comedy anime, I love the inclusion of such a thing. It would have been so easy to gloss over emotions and provide viewers with over-the-top battles and little else, but Kill la Kill decided to breathe some real life and soul into Ryuko and Senketsu’s teamwork. The two of them have to endure hardships and struggles just like any real relationship, and just like in any real relationship, they have to work through those hardships and struggles to come back together.

More on that line, the moment is also remarkably humanizing---and sweet---for Ryuko. Throughout the episode, Ryuko hides her guilt and self-hatred behind flimsy assurances that she’s all right and explosive anger and rage. She smiles reassuringly at Mako’s mother, Sukuyo, and she yells fiercely at Shinjiro Nagita, but in the end, she finally, finally reveals everything on her mind to Senketsu. We’re then left with a character who is far more than an infallible hero or the “straight-up punk” that she describes herself as (episode 8); Ryuko is a flawed, complicated human being whom viewers can readily empathize with, and, as a result, it’s incredibly endearing to see her let down her walls and allow someone into her heart. 

Kill la Kill comes off as a strangely affecting and memorable series due to all this narrative weight placed on real-life emotions and feelings while the characters inhabit a world that’s one of the most ridiculous to ever be put on screen, and when it comes to the included scene at the top of this post, I think that’s a phenomenal thing. Because that scene? It’s also wonderful when you consider the history of how relationships have been portrayed in fiction.

While Ryuko and Senketsu are far from the “norm,” it’s not at all uncommon for a fictional story to imply that it’s essentially one person’s “responsibility” to keep another person in line. In the article “The Vulnerability of the Relational Self: The Implications of Ideals of Gender and Romance for Female Survivors of Intimate Partner Violence,” author Elizabeth McManaman Grosz discusses this topic at length, arguing that “the notion that a special woman can tame the beast” and “is thus, in a way, responsible for controlling his beastly nature” is one of the widespread cultural discourses that effectively “primes” women to accept and brush off instances of abuse (81, 88). 

Again, of course, I recognize that, in many ways, Ryuko and Senketsu really don’t have any place in Grosz’s argument. For one, Grosz exclusively utilizes the work of Western authors and philosophers to support her position, and entire other books have been written concerning Japan’s ideals of gender and romance and their implications and effects (believe me, I’m in the midst of reading through just some of said books). On top of that, the fact that Ryuko would be taking the place of the “man” in the situation I screenshotted for this post does question the applicability of Grosz’s article here.

But I find Grosz’s thesis compelling in regards to Kill la Kill because, in a lot of ways, Ryuko and Senketsu do rather embody typical positions of men and women in fictional stories both East and West... except, the roles are reversed. Ryuko is the unruly, aggressive, and hot-blooded protagonist just as a man often is, and Senketsu exhibits many traits that are traditionally associated with women; he’s sensitive, emotional, and a considerable worrywart. Further, while I find the term “love interest” both degrading and unfitting for Senketsu in a series that Word of God denies any romantic intention for, I have to admit that he fits many of the conventions. In an anime with a cast primarily composed of women, the fact that Senketsu is arguably coded as male makes him, just as the standard heteronormative “love interest,” the most narratively significant character of another gender in the show (for just a few other examples, see Ran from Detective Conan, Sam from Danny Phantom, Katara from Avatar: The Last Airbender, and Tuxedo Mask from Sailor Moon). Whether I’m watching an anime or an American cartoon, I don’t think I’d be too surprised to see a scenario like the one from the end of Kill la Kill’s thirteenth episode, where a man tells a woman that he’s afraid of losing control and needs her to be there for him so that he doesn’t.

What makes Kill la Kill different is more than the simple reversal of roles, though; Kill la Kill also reverses the harmful implications of this standard set-up. Instead of it being Senketsu’s “job” to “lead [Ryuko] to ‘moral decency,’” as philosopher Immanuel Kant noted a woman must do for a man in the late eighteenth century and of which Grosz argues is an ideal continued on even to this day (such as in sports culture, as elaborated upon in Susan Bordo’s The Male Body: A New Look at Men in Public and Private), Senketsu outright tells Ryuko that she must be in control of herself (qtd. in Grosz 87). It’s not Senketsu’s responsibility to keep Ryuko from abusing him, and the fact that both understand and acknowledge this is, well, good. Senketsu is not going to write off or blame himself for any mistreatment he receives from Ryuko because he feels he failed in “pleasing” her, and Ryuko’s ending sentiment that “[w]e’re all responsible for our own actions” indicates that she feels the same way towards him. Both Ryuko and Senketsu are cognizant of each other’s emotions and needs, and they will not allow abuse to continue without a word about it, as is sadly often the case in reality (Grosz 95).

It would still be nice to have an actual situation in which a man is in the standard “man” position, but I’m happy to see anything like this at all. Abuse and mistreatment are seriously discussed, the responsibility for poor behavior is placed solely on the actor rather than the receiver, and the fact that this kind of moment receives so much focus in the first place absolutely signifies the importance and power of proper communication with a loved one. Ryuko and Senketsu are my most favored relationship in all of fiction, and it’s scenes like this that really emphasize why.

Sources

Bordo, Susan. The Male Body: A New Look at Men in Public and in Private. Farrar, Straus and Giroux, 1999.

Grosz, Elizabeth McManaman. “The Vulnerability of the Relational Self: The Implications of Ideals of Gender and Romance for Female Survivors of Intimate Partner Violence.” Women's Studies, vol. 47, no. 1, 2018, pp. 80-97. 

Kant, Immanuel. Anthropology from a Pragmatic Point of View. Translated by Victor Lyle Dowdell. Southern Illinois UP, 1978.

Kant, Immanuel. Observations on the Feeling of the Beautiful and the Sublime and Other Writings. Edited by Patrick Frierson and Paul Guyer. Cambridge UP, 2011. 

How Matt Berry not so quietly became everyone’s favourite comedy actor

Armed with a voice somewhere between Brigadier General, operatic tenor and London jazz club owner from the 1940s, actor Matt Berry probably has the most distinctive vocal chords in the British comedy business. 

Fittingly perhaps for a man whose timbre seems to hail from another era, it has just been announced that Berry will star in a new Channel 4 comedy called Year of the Rabbit, set in Victorian London. 

It sounds like his kind of role too. 

As Detective Inspector Rabbit, he’s a “hardened booze-hound who’s seen it all”, teaming up with a “hapless” partner and the police chief’s daughter to fight crime “while rubbing shoulders with street gangs, crooked politicians, Bulgarian princes, spiritualists, music hall stars and the Elephant Man”. Suitably understated then.

 Entering the Darkplace 

The BAFTA-winner’s self-parodying charisma and distinctive diction have seen him become a familiar face in some of the most acclaimed and original sitcoms of the last 15 years. 

Many will have first encountered Berry as unflappable action sidekick Dr Lucien Sanchez in beloved cult spoof series Garth Marenghi’s Darkplace. 

He was absolutely perfect for the role. Those rich, over-the-top tones perfectly matched the cheesy, awkwardly-edited low budget horror feel they were going for. It was startling the first time you realised it wasn’t a dubbed actor: that really is Berry’s own vocal performance. He’s like a ventriloquist who’s learned to project the voice of a very suave God. 

And then, of course, there was that 80s music video.

https://youtu.be/OO-ZGP68-3w Ever since, Berry has become something of a trump card for comedy series in need of an eccentric, outrageous presence. 

Replacing Chris Morris on The IT Crowd was always going to be tricky. But what better way to do it than with Berry crashing into a church booming “speak priest!” – and bellowing “fatheeerrrrrr!” at the top of his lungs? 

The surreal cad specialist 

Douglas Reynholm in Graham Linehan’s off-the-wall sitcom is almost a template for the kind of brash, larger-than-life roles Berry has become renowned for. An arrogant cad, vain, egotistical and utterly (over)confident, who is as sexually immature as he is sexually forward (even having to use electric shocks to curtail his ‘urges’). 

There’s a neat dual-aspect to the way Berry plays that self-aggrandising trope too – channeling energetic certainty one moment, and deadpan bemusement at other people’s horrified reactions the next. The collision of earnestness and ridiculousness is inspired. 

His persona has typically been at home in surreal and offbeat shows. From pompous, adventuring zoo owner Dixon Bainbridge in The Mighty Boosh (“the wolf attacked me, but fortunately I had a pistol hidden in my moustache”), to swaggering, flamboyant braggart ‘Beef’ in Reeves and Mortimer’s anarchic House of Fools – via a bizarrely brilliant series of ‘Matt Berry Does…’ comedy shorts for the BBC iPlayer. 

https://youtu.be/QgjKKUvXcdw Those catchy entrance songs quickly became a hallmark of House of Fools. Anyone who can go toe-to-toe with those two comics in the absurdist stakes and frequently make them corpse has to be doing something right. 

After years of playing supporting comic characters of the outrageous variety, however, Berry finally got to take centre-stage with his very own series Toast of London in 2012. 

From struggling actor to Netflix hit 

Perhaps more understated than his previous work (although that wouldn’t be difficult), Toast is a brilliantly observed portrait of the struggling actor as a middle-aged man. 

Written with Linehan’s Father Ted co-conspirator Arthur Mathews, the Channel 4 show is the definition of a sleeper hit, improving its ratings from one series to the next despite its late night slots, until its addition to Netflix saw it win a global fanbase – much like The End of the F***ing World.

Like much of Berry’s CV, there’s a wilfully archaic, farcical-yet-charming quality to the humour, harking back to the glory days of the sitcom. 

The character of Steven Toast is glorious in his own right, but with regular cast members like Doon Mackichan and Robert Bathurst, and guest stars like Brian Blessed, Paul Whitehouse and Jon Hamm, fans haven’t lost hope for one more curtain call for the much-loved thesp, even if it has been three years since the last series.

A ‘site-specific extrovert’ 

In real life, of course, Berry is quite different from his extravagant, grandiose lothario characters. He studied contemporary art at Nottingham University and was working at the London Dungeon before Darkplace came calling. 

Speaking to the i last year, he described himself as a “private person” who is a “site-specific extrovert”. 

He also rarely watches comedy himself, instead preferring to indulge his love of music; which probably explains how frequently that voice of his is put to good singing use in many of his TV appearances.

Even when simply speaking, that voice is his trademark. But Berry’s infectious energy, straight-faced approach to the surreal and underratedly expressive eyebrows also play their part. 

From the sounds of it, Year of the Rabbit could be another ideal platform for his talents.

                                                            OCTOBER                2020

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 The Stones opened Rolling Stones # 9 on Carnaby St.** Bill Wyman auctioned off many unique items for the Prince’s Trust.**Wyman’s bass used for groundbreaking records in ’69 and ’70 broke a record at $384,000. The famous amp that got him into the Stones went for $106,250 and the most expensive toilet seat cover sold at auction with the tongue logo went for $1,142. Brian Jones Rock and Roll Circus guitar sold for $704,000.

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VOTE!!!!

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In San Francisco people can order dinner and drinks delivered with a drag queen performance.

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Joaquin and Rooney had a baby that they named River.

*****

Real Time has been renewed thru 2022.

*****

The new film, No Sudden Move about 1955 Detroit will star Don Cheadle, David Harbour, Benicio Del Toro, Ray Liotta and Kieran Culkin.

*****

Shep Smith is back with Just the Facts on CNBC.

*****

The Presidential debate: Well, Good Biden moments-“You don’t panic, he panicked.”  “It is what it is cuz you are what you are.” “Everybody knows he’s a liar.” Wouldn’t know suburbs unless he took a wrong turn.”  “Will you shit up man?” “Get out of your and trap.” Imagine if Bernie or a younger candidate with real energy were there. Imagine someone quick on their feet because we need that.  The bully style of scary clown 45 does fluster a normal person as it supposed to. Joe held his own and had real dignity though. It is hard to not respond to the President’s ridiculousness but he needs to be ignored.  Trump and son both seemed like they were about 8 Red Bulls into the day with all that pent up anger.  Who should be drug tested? Biden?  Trump went on about forest management but most of that land belongs to the Federal government.  ** I have never seen my mailperson trying to sell ballots.** Trump said that bad things are happening in Philadelphia. Biden should have showed some love for the state. He is on a tour of it now though. ** Chris Wallace said, “Why you not?” Was that a real question?  45 said, “I was a private business people.” They all had a little trouble talking. It is exhausting the way people put up with his manners.  **As soon as the debate was over, the Trump army wasted no time reaching out to goons to be poll watchers. Do they know that you just can’t show up randomly for that??**Apprentice insiders say Trump abuses Adderall.

*****

The other day when Trump took the podium for a rant, an open mike caught a someone saying, “Oh shit” On Fox.

*****

For those who insist Trump is a religious man, I’ll grant you he pays taxes like a church. –Stephen Colbert

*****

Letterman is ready with My Next Guest Needs no Introduction. This season includes Robert Downey Jr., Lizzo and Dave Chappelle.

*****

There are about 9 million feral swine in this country known as super pigs.

*****

There is talk of Levar Burton replacing Alex Trebeck when he retires. YES!!!!

*****

Cigar Afficionado magazine has named CBS Sunday Morning the greatest show on tv.

*****

The U.S. built tunnels under Trump’s wall to let water, garbage, DDT and other toxins flow thru. Millions were spent for nothing and now millions more will be spent to address this problem that empties into the Pacific Ocean.

*****

Days alert: Melissa Reeves is being replaced. Is it that she does not want to commute from Nashville or that she is a bit too conservative or something else? Is it an end of Days with old side characters and replacements of the stars??** Ava is coming back, JJ is back, Eric and Sami are gone. ** Absolutely loved the pic of Abigail 1 that confused Abigail 2. Funny!!!! It reminded me of the OLTL moment during Asa’s funeral when Blair saw the 1st Blair in a flashback.

*****

“Smaller than expected” would probably explain a lot about the proud boys. –Andi Zeisler

*****

Why does anyone listen to Christie or Rudy??

*****

Looting isn’t part of protesting just like murder isn’t part of arresting.

*****

A judge has said that Florida has created an “unconstitutional pay to vote system.” This has now been overturned. What are the things that can be termed felonies to keep one from voting? The list includes releasing helium filled balloons, driving without a license, catching the wrong lobster and disturbing turtle eggs. Amendment 4 was originally put into effect to stop freed slaves from voting. But SB7066 makes sure that felons complete the terms of their sentences. The fines, fees and restitution can be hard to navigate. There must be proof before they can vote but all counties keep their own records and there is no organization statewide.  Mike Bloomberg, John Legend, Michael Jordon and others are paying off millions of dollars in debt for felons in Florida so that they can vote if they can unravel some of the puzzles. Now Florida Republicans are saying that that is also illegal.

*****

Two thirds of the world’s wildlife has disappeared in the last 50 years.

*****

At our own peril, we have to step up or everything is lost. –John Batiste

*****

Michael Jordan will start up a Nascar team with Bubba Wallace.

*****

Laraine Newman signed up to be a poll worker. How do you get people to vote? Celebrity poll workers? Hey whatever works as long as the masses don’t gawk and hold up the lines.

*****

A refrigerator sized asteroid is headed to earth and may arrive about the time of the election.

*****

So the coronavirus relief funds were funneled by the pentagon to defense contractors.** What kind of a selfish fucking world do we live in? At least we know which people in this world give a flying fuck about the rest of us. Rally and fair participants, relief money scammers and mask protesters, we hear you loud and clear!!

*****

The Emmys went on thru the week of the 14th thru the 20th. Winners included RuPaul, Don’t fuck with Cats, Leah Remini, The Apollo, Eddie Murphy, Last Week 2nite, SNL, The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel, The Crown, Better Call Saul, Joseph Gordon Levitt, Archer, Hollywood, Maya Rudolph, Dan Harmon,  Bad Education, Cherry Jones, Regina King,  Julia Garner, Mark Ruffalo,  Uzo Aduba, The Last Dance and Stranger Things. Schitt’s Creek (and practically the whole cast), Dave Chappelle and Succession took home the big ones. Norman Lear became the oldest Emmy winner ever. Letterman ‘hitchhiked’ to the Emmy’s to present an award. I was really rooting for Amy Sedaris!!

*****

Bill Murray and Rashida Jones will star in Sofia Coppala’s On the Rocks.** The Doobie Brothers want Bill Murray to stop using their music to sell his golf clothes.

*****

Danny Trejo and Jessica Tuck will star in ‘The Shift.’

*****

Illinois is pulling down statues including Chris Columbus. Woo Hoo!!

*****

13 mummies have been discovered in a well, stacked one on top of the other. The Egyptian discovery from about 2,500 years ago has been well preserved.

*****

Hysterectomies on immigrant women in detention camps?? Really??

*****

Scientific American mag is 175 years old has never endorsed a candidate but Joe Biden id their man.

*****

Word is that in Indonesia the anti- maskers are forced to dig the graves of the Covid 19 victims.

*****

The Breonna Taylor case continues with a settlement and too few charges.

*****

Scary Clown 45 announced he will call in to Fox and Friends every Monday or Tuesday but a host told him that they were not committed to that.** The Scary campaign put up ads with “Support Our Troops” but the problem is they are Russian troops and jet fighters.** Trump did a phone interview on Fox Sports and talked about golf.

*****

It is a shame that Hillary lost the election and many more of us would be alive if she were running the show. But, I can only imagine the shit they would have given her.

*****

Brad Pascale, Trump’s former campaign manager, went to the hospital after being taken into custody in Florida after threatening suicide.

*****

Just remember , 1619 Project: Good   1776 Commision: Oh my! Why do these rich old fucks want us to stay as stupid and uninformed as they are? Haven’t we been in the dark long enough? They are the fake news masters.

*****

Jim Carrey will play Biden on SNL. Chris Rock will be host the season 46 opener on Oct. 3. New players will be Lauren Holt, Punkie Johnson and Andrew Dismukes.

*****

Gulf War Syndrome is a chronic and multi symptomatic disorder that has affected military personnel from the Persian Gulf War. The DOD is resisting the strong evidence and needs more of a spotlight. The possible exposure to chemical weapons may even have been passed on to their partners through sexual contact. All of this came to light in the mid 90’s thru complaints that were told to Ross Perot. Let’s hope Tammy Duckworth looks into this further.

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Amy Coney Barrett has been nominated to the Supreme Court. Her previous statements tell us she believes the ACA is unconstitutional, abortion is always immoral and the country should undo marriage equality. She is a member of People of Praise.** If she was a Muslim and everything else was the same regarding her beliefs and associations, Republicans would call her a religious extremist and never let her step near the Supreme Court. –Wajahat Ali.** Notorious A.C.B. ?? Do they have one original idea other than new ways to cheat and steal??

*****

Finn Wittrock has a funny little Emmy Uber ride on Funny or Die.

*****

Breonna Taylor’s neighbor’s wall got more justice that Breonna herself. –Jordan Uhl

*****

Go Stevie Wonder!!!

*****

Dax Sheppard went off the wagon for a while.

*****

A Giant Gundom? Really?

*****

A fun prank would be if we stopped this from becoming a dictatorship on Nov. 3rd and whatnot. –George Wallace

*****

Sen. Kevin Kramer has been acting a little crooked on building the Wall.

*****

The Metropolitan Opera has cancelled the whole season.

*****

Happy Doomscrolling

*****

Can dogs be trained to detect the coronavirus?

*****

Rand Paul is an idiot. Birx and Atlas have ruined reps. Give ‘em Hell Fauci!! ** Everything Atlas says is false. –R. Redfield

*****

Eric Trump must testify in court about the Trump business’s a judge has decreed. The Trump biz has made about 19 billion in the last 3 years.** The world is gobbling up the news about the Trump tax returns with tales of debt, the $72.9 milliion refund and foreign influence. How does the IRS let a refund like that happen? How bad of a businessman do you have to be to lose that much $? National security threat. One of his fans will probably bail him out.

*****

Bet we’d all own houses if we stopped eating so much avocado toast and committed tax fraud. -Kashana

*****

Mary Trump has sued The President and his siblings for fraud.

*****

Ellen is selling off $10 mil in art.

*****

61% say we should abolish the electoral college.

*****

The Netflix series, Challenger :The Final Flight reminds us that like The Titanic, the arrogance of man can change so many lives.

*****

Wilderness of Errors is a great doc. It proves just how right the book and mini -series got it.

*****

The remains of the 1644 warship, Del Menhorst have been found off the Danish coast.

*****

Everybody is talking about Jeff Daniels in The Comey Rule. The actors were upset when Showtime was going to push back the release until after the election. The actors said they wouldn’t promote the film so the film has premiered.

*****

David Tennant gets better and better and now he is giving us DES on ITV. Quality AND quanity.

*****

Independent prosecutors are not going ahead with a case against NE Patriots Robert Craft for soliciting prostitutes.

*****

America has no memories. –Wallace Shawn

*****

Tyler Childers has released ‘Long Violent History”. Give it a listen.

*****

Does it seem like the administration gets a word of the week and they really push it? Caravan-Herd-sedition-looters- Antifa. It is like they all share a brain and do not have a thought of their own.

*****

Chris Petrovski `will star in ‘Listen’ about a young Israeli soldier.

*****

On a personal note, I love the way that Autumn makes my brain feel. The spring allergies are gone, the hot muddled summer thinking fades and everything opens up.

*****

Gubler is back and in the video for Future Islands ‘Moonlight’.

*****

Niecy Nash wed Jessica Betts.

*****

Check out the Curious life and death of… on the Smithsonian channel.

*****

Conan is looking hot with his grown out hair.

*****

I just love Mel Rodriguez and Weijia Jiang. Some people just don’t get enough credit.

*****

Vet’s crisis line: 1-800-273-8255

*****

Donald Trump is taking page out of Charles Manson’s playbook. Start a race war, then convince the public you alone can end it. He’s a lying racist piece of garbage. –Rob Reiner

*****

Serious Question: Would good Christian conservatives have mounted a Go fund me for Timothy McVeigh? –Michael Mckean

*****

Old Navy will pay employees to work the polls on Election day.

*****

Trump is the most effective anti -liberal in my lifetime. –Newt Gingrich

*****

Tommy Chong does not seem too happy with Joe Rogan.

*****

Anna Faris is leaving CBS’s Mom as it heads into its 8th season.

*****

Q Anon should take advantage of the ACA. –Joe Biden

*****

Word is that the White House told Federal agencies to ban race based sensitivity training.  The thinking is that Un American propaganda training sessions have no place in Federal Government.

*****

I wish I lived in a country where John Kelly, James Mattis and John Bolton had at least half the balls of Sally Yates, Maria Yovanovitch, Fiona Hill, Reality Winner, Christine Blasey Ford or Stormy Daniels. – Andrea Junker** If only Mad Dog Mattis had the balls of Olivia Troye – Michael Mckean

*****

38 million Americans live in poverty.

*****

80 year old Sam Little with a possible 93 murders has now been called the most prolific serial killer in the U.S. and he has a photographic memory. Whoever takes this on, please let David Alan Grier play him in the movie.

*****

You must check out the album, the Angel Headed Hipster.

*****

Everybody is talking about Cottage Core.

*****

The Trump campaign can’t help themselves with things like playing ‘knockin’ on Heaven’s door’ and ‘Fortunate son’ at rally’s. It was like the time my Grandfathers young wife brought a purse to the funeral that boldly stated ‘Jackpot.’ True Story.

*****

Glenn Howerton and Seth Meyers should play brothers on something.** Also Meyers and Larry Wilmore wondered if the cancellation of Wilmore’s show was a reason for the racial unrest and terrible results of the last election. Hmmm.

*****

Can we remember this election enthusiasm for all future elections?  We need to take things seriously EVERY time.** So many say that even with our divide, we all want the same things in the end. I do not think that is really true. It seems that in this divide, we have different ideas about what we want this country to be.

*****

Harry Styles has replaced Shia LaBeouf in Olivia Wilde’s Don’t Worry Darling.

*****

Cat Cora has filed for a restraining order against her ex- wife, Jennifer who it seems has been stalking her.

*****

Showtime’s The Comedy Store sounds interesting with stories like Jimmie Walker who claims that Freddie Prinze wanted to kill John Travolta.

*****

Maplecroft, Lizzie Borden’s last house sold for about $890,000.

*****

A woman ref in the NFL?? It’s about time!

*****

Doc Martin will end after its 10th season.

*****

Kelly Clarkson is being sued by her management firm.

*****

Pope Francis refused to meet with Mike Pompeo.

*****

R.I.P. Tom Seaver, Sophie Farrar, Kevin Dobson, Toots Hibbert, Stevie Lee, Bruce Williamson, Ben Cross, Diana Rigg, Ruth Bader Ginsberg, Rev. Robert Graetz, Ron Cobb, Gale Sayers, Dan Dettman, Kevin Burns, Mac Davis, wildfire casualties, Covid victims and Helen Reddy.

Stephen King: 10 Best Horror Novels

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From a story about a demonic clown to a haunted hotel, these are the 10 Stephen King horror novels you can't miss!

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There's no doubt that writer Stephen King is best known for the horror novels that haunt his special corner of American literature. But the extremely prolific writer has also written plenty of dark/epic fantasy, science fiction, literary, mystery, and even romance. In fact, there are plenty of examples of genre-mixing in his writing. Books like Lisey's Story (a truly fantastic read), Duma Key, The Green Mile, The Eyes of the Dragon, Bag of Bones, and The Dark Tower series are fantastic examples of what King can do with just about any genre of fiction. 

It can be hard to make a distinction between King's true horror books and those that happen to have some scary moments in them. But that's why we're here. We've made a ranked list of ten pure horror novels by King that we think will keep you up for plenty of nights to come. A Halloween treat!

Related Article: 12 Best Stephen King Movies

We really tried to focus on novels where horror was at the forefront of the story, where without the scares, the book wouldn't be a book at all. That's why you probably won't see The Dark Tower books or The Stand, largely considered to be the King's magnum opus, on this list. But you should read those, too. 

Here we go:

Revival 

In recent years, the King of Horror has taken an interest in hardboiled detective and science fiction novels. Things like the Detective Bill Hodges trilogy, Under the Dome, and 11/22/63 have been among his latest offerings. But his 2014 novel Revival was a return to form for the writer.

This homage to Mary Shelley's Frankenstein, the cosmic horror tales of H.P. Lovecraft, and Arthur Machen's "The Great God Pan" is quite the revelation, literally and figuratively. The novel tells the story of a Christian minister who uses strange methods to cure the ill. After his wife and son die in a car accident, he denounces God in front of his entire congregation and is forced to leave town. Years later, he's back to bring a dead woman back to "life" in order to learn more about the afterlife. 

What he discovers on the other side is truly terrifying. Revival is must-read recent King. 

The Dark Half

If there's one thing King loves, it's writing books and stories about writers. There have been plenty over the years, including "Secret Window, Secret Garden," "1408," and another novel on this list that we'll get to momentarily, but The Dark Half is probably the most "autobiographical" of the bunch. 

You see, King used to write under a pseudonym, Richard Bachman, in order to publish more than one novel a year without overwhelming his audience. The Bachman books consist of a series of gritty novels that were published from 1977 to 1984, and King has revisited the pseudonym since being outed, too.

Related Article: 10 Best Supernatural Stephen King Villains

The protagonist in The Dark Half has to deal with the death of his own pseudonym in an unexpected way, as his better-selling alter ego comes after the people that tried to kill him off. It's all a fun bit of supernatural horror that includes a lot blood, violence, and some pretty gross body horror. It's an especially fun horror novel if you're a writer...

Watch The Dark Half on Amazon

Pet Sematary

But not as fun as King's ridiculous novel about undead pets. A book that was definitely inspired by EC horror comics (King's early brushes with horror were in the pages of those books), this novel might be classified as a delicious, campy romp with plenty of scares. The novel's B-movie sensibility cannot be understated. 

In Pet Sematary, a family moves to the small town of Ludlow, Maine, where people bury their dead pets in a special cemetery, which is actually an ancient Micmac Indian burial ground. Obviously, that means that these animals come back to life as evil shadows of themselves.

Oh, the setup is so perfect. When the family's little two-year-old boy is suddenly killed by a speeding truck, the father decides to bury the boy in the pet cemetery in the hopes that he will be revived. What happens next is what the best campy horror is made of. 

Watch Pet Sematary on Amazon

Misery

King's best book about a novelist is also a great horror story that is still quite relatable today. A disturbing look at fandom, Misery is what happens when a writer's work becomes a mad woman's obsession.

Paul Sheldon, writer of Victorian-era romance novels, suffers an accident on the road during a snowstorm. He is rescued by Annie Wilkes, a former nurse who is coincidentally Paul's biggest fan. And she's not very happy about the ending of his last book. So Annie decides to kidnap Paul and keep him hostage until he fixes the damage he's done. 

Further Reading: Stephen King's 10 Best Human Villains

Imagine being kidnapped by an angry mob of Ghostbusters fans after telling them that the new team will be made up of an all-female cast, and then forced to rewrite the entire script. That's Annie Wilkes. 

Misery is a fascinating psychological horror tale about the dangers of fandom and a writer's connection to his work. And if you need a great Stephen King movie, the film adaptation is pretty fantastic, as well. 

Watch Misery on Amazon

The Girl Who Loved Tom Gordon

This slim novel (to King's standards) has plenty in common with a fairy tale, as a little girl finds herself lost in the woods with nothing or no one to help her find her way except what's in her backpack: a bottle of water, two Twinkies, a boiled egg, a tuna sandwich, a bottle of Surge, a poncho, a Game Boy, and a Walkman. Thankfully, King's little protagonist proves to be quite the survivalist as the book progresses. 

Walking a thin line between an intense examination of loneliness and isolation and a supernatural thriller, as things grow weirder in the woods as time passes, this is a compact horror novel that you can read in one sit-down and you'll get King at his best, as his character exemplifies the meaning of human resilience, even as she begins to hallucinate due to hunger, fear, and thirst. 

Her love for her baseball idol pitcher Tom Gordon allows her to face her fears and even confront the "God of the Lost." This is a really good one. A few years later, a pop-up book adaptation of this novel was fittingly released.

Cujo

Cujo is one of King's more "realistic" novels, featuring a setup that's real enough to send shivers down your spine, especially if you live in the suburbs or ever owned a Ford Pinto... The story goes like this: the Trentons move from New York to Castle Rock, Maine (where nothing good ever happens in the Kingverse). Vic and Donna Trenton, who are having some marital problems, have a four-year-old son named Tad, because children should always be in danger in these books.

Meanwhile, longtime residents Charity and Brett Chambers have a nice St. Bernard named Cujo that loves chasing wild rabbits in his spare time. During his latest safari, Cujo is bitten on the nose by a rabid bat. And, as you can probably imagine, all hell absolutely breaks loose. 

The dog kills several people before feasting its eyes on the ultimate prey: a boy and his mother, who have stopped by the Chambers' place in their little Ford Pinto. What follows are very tense moments of terror inside a little car, as a mom tries to protect her son from the rabid terror that awaits them outside.

King has said in interviews that he doesn't really remember writing Cujo, as he worked on it at the peak of his struggle with drug addiction, but we wish he had. He wrote a fine horror book. Cruel ending and all. 

Watch Cujo on Amazon

Salem's Lot

King's ode to Bram Stoker's Dracula is a classic vampire tale that might even formidably rival the novel it pays homage to. When Kurt Barlow comes to Jerusalem's Lot, Maine (where nothing good happens, either), shit hits the fan, as he preys on the living and ignites an outbreak of vampirism in the town. 

The only guy who can stop him is, you guessed it, a writer named Ben Mears, who already has a strained relationship with his hometown, which he abandoned years ago. Like a modern team of Draculian vampire hunters, Ben teams up with his new sweetheart Susan, a little boy named Mark, and some other townspeople to take down the vampire and his unholy creations. There's also Father Callahan, this story's version of an incompetent Van Helsing, who loses a lot in the novel but redeems himself in King's The Dark Tower series. 

Related Article: A Reading Guide to Stephen King's Dark Tower Universe

All in all, this fat novel holds plenty of scares, including a school bus full of vampire children who hunt down the school bus driver who tormented them. We have goosebumps. 

Watch Salem's Lot on Amazon

The Shining

By now, The Shining, along with the other two entries in the top 3 of this list, has become embedded in American pop culture, whether because of King's book or Stanley Kubrick's excellent movie (King would disagree). Either way, this is the novel that never made you want to become a hotel caretaker.

An alcoholic writer (surprise!) named Jack Torrance brings his wife Wendy and his son Danny to his new job as the off-season caretaker of The Overlook Hotel in Colorado, where he hopes to make a bit of extra cash to support his writing. The job seems easy enough until all the guests leave and the doors shut behind them until the spring. That's when the hotel's ghosts come out to fuck with the living.

Related Article: How The Shining Examines the Immortality of Evil

You'll recall plenty of the spooky ghosts Danny encounters on his treks through the claustrophobic hallways of the hotel. It's because he was born with telepathic powers that allow him to communicate with the lost souls of the Overlook. It unfortunately also triggers the place's supernatural energy, which quickly takes control of Jack, who is convinced into killing his wife and son due to cabin fever and a pretty bad case of writer's block. 

This is one of those special novels that you only get once in a lifetime and an especially good example of King's unique brand of horror. Get to it, Constant Readers!

Watch The Shining on Amazon

Carrie 

The story of how debut novel Carrie came to be a huge hit for the future King of Horror is now as famous as the actual book. King began working on a short story about a girl with telekinetic powers when someone accused him of not knowing how to write about women. He typed up the infamous shower scene while living in a trailer and working as a high school teacher. King didn't love the scene, so he tossed the first pages of his bestseller in the trash. It was his wife Tabitha who pulled the pages out of the wastebasket and convinced him to finish the story. And here we are. 

Apart from all the telekinesis, Carrie is another book that has remained quite relatable. On one side, it's a lot of social commentary about religious fanaticism, alienation, adolescence, and bullying, while the rest is pure horrific fun.

While many will point to the high school cruelty or Carrie's eventual vengeance upon her classmates as the source of true terror in the book, we'd say there's nothing scarier than Margaret White, an unstable Fundamentalist who unceasingly punishes her daughter Carrie for her sins. Waiting to see how their conflict plays out is the best part of the book, as the real moments of cruelty take center stage amidst all the supernatural stuff. 

The 1976 movie from Brian De Palma, starring Sissy Spacek and Piper Laurie, is quite good, too.

Watch Carrie on Amazon 

IT

Well, here we are. Like the Losers Club, as much as we'd like to forget about Pennywise, we just can't. Sparking a pretty logical (let's face it) fear of clowns, IT is King's terrifying, gruesome, trashy, cosmic, demonic horror masterpiece that we still can't claw out of our minds so many years later. 

Not only does IT, a shape-shifting evil entity, prey on your worst fears, he also lives in the sewers and eats little children. As the story unfolds, it is revealed that IT has stalked the town of Derry, Maine (where nothing good...you get the picture) for centuries, waking up every 27 years to murder and eat everything. 

Related Article: 10 Best Stephen King Heroes

It's up to the Losers, a group of childhood friends, to confront the monster not once, but TWICE in order to finally rid the town of the ancient, otherworldly evil. Watching Pennywise haunt their memories throughout the book quickly becomes a guilty pleasure. Are we bad people?

The true power of this masterful novel is in the all-encompassing evil nature of the villain that we can't quite understand. It not only makes a group of kids desperately aware of their own mortality, but scars them for life in more ways than one. And for what purpose? We may never truly know. 

Watch IT (2017) and Stephen King, IT! (1990) on Amazon 

What are your top Stephen King horror novels? Tell us in the comments!

John Saavedra is an associate editor at Den of Geek. Read more of his work here. Follow him on Twitter @johnsjr9. 

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Feature John Saavedra

Sep 3, 2019

Stephen King

Carrie

IT

Salem's Lot

The Shining

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Maybe this is because I came to fandom late (as an adult, not a teen), and to a odd slice of fandom where basically everyone’s writing OC fic, but I really don’t get the objections to people writing OCs in fandom stuff. Even Self Insert OCs.

I know that the worst of the “noooo, OCs must dieeee” stuff is past, but the debate over whether OCs are acceptable still turns up from time to time. And seems like an incredibly weird debate. (Like many of the fandom debates...)

Real, actual, published authors - some well regarded- have written either what appear to be self inserts or characters who are absolutely self inserts. Why in the world would anyone care if fanficers do the same?

Yes, I get it, sometimes the OCs, especially self inserts, warp the stories or cause the canon characters to behave out of character. But aren’t those the problems, not the presence of an OC? And, you know, this is all for fun anyway, so OCs seem very much to belong in the “don’t like, don’t read” category. I can think of no arguable way that they’re somehow harmful.

And, did I mention that real, actual, published authors do it? Sometimes multiple times over. Including the universe warping, depending on how you look at it. No, really. Clive Cussler should probably be the patron saint of Self Insert OC writers. Not only is Dirk Pitt probably an idealized young Clive Cussler (similar physical description, lots of shared interests) but Cussler has been literally writing himself into his stories for a bit, and providing in-story help to the main characters...as himself. Seriously. If he were a fifteen year old girl, fandom would eat him alive. (Personally, I think it’s kind of charming and funny and goes with the general ridiculous fun of his books.)

Then you’ve got Dorothy L Sayers who gave her detective character a friend, eventual girlfriend, and eventual spouse who has more than a little resemblance to Sayers herself. Harriet Vane is even saved from the gallows by Lord Peter Wimsy’s detective work in her first appearance! Good thing Sayers was writing before the internet was a thing! (Or, considering my google search, maybe it wouldn’t have mattered.)

Hell, I think Stephen King even wrote himself into one of his books.

And that’s just off the top of my head.

The internet tells me there are loads more*, going as far back as Chaucer. But, yeah, sure, the world is going to explode if a fanficcer does it.

How in blazes did hating on this ever become a thing? And why do I seriously doubt that the haters ever complained about the successful (and even award winning) authors doing it?

*In addition to Chaucer, King, and Cussler, I found lists that contained David Wong, Kurt Vonnegut, Bret Easton Ellis, Grant Morrison, W. Somerset Maugham, Douglas Coupland (whoever the hell that is), Philip Roth,  Paul Auster, C.S. Lewis, Jorge Luis Borges, Martin Amis, Orham Pamuk, Charles Yu, Philip K. Dick, and Charlie Kaufman. (And that’s just from a quick google search!)

Influential films

IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER:

Gummo (1998) directed by Harmony Korine

Easily making it to the top in my selection of favourite films, Gummo is one of the most unique, uncomfortable, yet enchanting films I’ve seen. A series of bleak vignettes, surrounding the story of two young men trying to get by in the dismal, tornado-struck city of Xenia, Ohio, sends us into a world of adolescence, drug abuse, violence, sex and misfortune. Harmony Korine’s use of unusual characters and miserable scenarios makes this film a grim but fascinating gem, which took me multiple viewings to decide what I thought it all meant. I recommend this film to everyone who needs something to watch- but warn them about the scenes of violence, particularly the animal cruelty. (No animals are actually harmed, but for some it’s still hard to watch.) Everyone should watch this film!

The Wicker Man (1973) directed by Robin Hardy

This is another favourite- it’s almost impossible for me to have a single favourite as I love so many films. But this film is one that has had a big influence on me from a younger age. Adapted from David Pinner’s renowned book Ritual, this film is peculiar, sinister and iconic, and features some of my favourite actors of all time: Christopher Lee, Ingrid Pitt and Britt Ekland! This chilling film focuses on themes such as spirituality, rituals and the conflict between differing beliefs. It makes you question conventional values, and empathise with what would otherwise be seen as evil… In 2003 a remake of The Wicker Man was released, featuring Nicolas Cage, however this film had a generally negative response, and I think this is due to the representation of the people of Summerisle. Whilst The Wicker Man gives an insight to the beliefs of the islanders, and helps us understand why they do what they do (no spoilers), the remake unfortunately presents them as evil, malicious people. This spoils the essence of the story; but as an independent film, with no relations to the original Wicker Man, it could pass as a tolerable horror film.

Eraserhead (1993 in the UK, 1977 in USA) directed by David Lynch

Eraserhead had to feature in this list of influential films, because ever since I watched it, memories of it have never failed to make me feel uneasy! The one word I would use to describe this film, is ‘nightmare’. It surprised me when I found out how early it was filmed, but after some thought, I think a lot of weird things happened in the seventies. My mum told me about this film, so I decided to give it a watch, and whilst it was difficult to finish, I think I enjoyed it. What I like about this- and many other of my favourite films- is the fact it had a significant effect on me. Whether I enjoy a film or not, if it leaves me thinking about it for days, even weeks, it’s done its job in my eyes. What’s the point in a film which doesn’t affect you mentally? This film is creepy, unsettling and hard to make sense of, but it’s pure art. I wouldn’t recommend watching it alone, or when you’re not sober, and have something nice to watch when it’s finished!

Witchfinder General (1968) directed by Michael Reeves

Admittedly, I probably first watched this film because I was obsessed with Dani Filth when I was younger, and he mentioned it in an interview. But being interested in witchcraft and the macabre punishments that were in place during the witch-hunting era, this film was my cup of tea. It’s gruesome and leaves you feeling terrible for the poor women suspected of witchcraft, but Matthew Hopkins, the witchfinder himself, is incredibly strong in character in a terrifying way. The film has a gloomy substance, and when it finished I was left in a bit of a miserable state. But that is what a good horror does!

Basket Case (1982) directed by Frank Henenlotter

This is another film which had to make the list purely because of its disturbing and outlandish essence. This film is absolute madness, the idea is total lunacy and I won’t even mention it here, for the sake of those yet to watch it. Just seeing the poster for this film either makes you laugh, or cry, and the film does exactly the same. Basket Case comes as a trilogy, and for me get more ridiculous with each film. It does categorise as a comedy horror, and it was probably scarier for an audience in the eighties, and now just humorous for contemporary viewers. This film is great for watching if you fancy something weird, hilarious and a bit creepy.

Kids (1996 in the UK, 1995 in USA) directed by Larry Clark

With Harmony Korine writing the screenplay for this film, I saw a lot of similarities between Kids and Gummo, in the characters and style. Featuring Chloe Sevigny, a brilliant actress, who also stars in Gummo, this film looks at the theme of drugs, violence, STDs and sex in a group of teenagers. The film opens with an uncomfortably long scene of a young, underage girl graphically kissing an older boy, and this is just the first of many painful scenes, typical of Korine’s story writing. The story follows the teenage boy Telly’s perverted quests and a young woman Jennie’s journey to find the man who gave her HIV. This film is great in respect to its cinematography, emotional provocation and acting.

Moulin Rouge (2001) directed by Baz Luhrmann

This is one of the more mainstream films I adore. I love everything about it, the actors and actresses, the plot, the music, the colours, the romance, Paris, everything. I used to watch this film all the time when I was younger. I think it humorously and poignantly captures the themes of culture, theatre, desperation and romance, through the use of social class, prostitution and wealth. Another one I’d highly recommend to anyone who hasn’t seen it yet!

Dracula (1958) directed by Terence Fisher

I’m pleased to be able to say I read Bram Stoker’s Dracula way before I watched any of the film adaptations- so I had a good basis to go off when deciding which was my favourite. To be perfectly honest, Christopher Lee’s presence in this film makes me slightly biased, as well Peter Cushing’s (he lived in my hometown, Whitstable). The first time I watched this film was on a big projector by the beach near my home, at a mini film festival during Summer 2013. It was a great setting, as it played during the sunset, so the atmosphere was beautiful. Christopher Lee just portrays the best Dracula, fulfilling the most characteristics described by Bram Stoker, and looks genuinely terrifying for a film made in the late-fifties. Whilst Bela Lugosi’s portrayal of Count Dracula is still iconic, it doesn’t quite fit the alarming and formidable demeanour which Dracula needs- however, this probably wasn’t as achievable- or legal to show on screens- in the early thirties.

Nosferatu the Vampyre (1979) directed by Werner Herzog

This is the only version of Nosferatu I have seen so far, so I can’t compare it to the earlier or later ones, but I enjoyed this film so much. Nosferatu is one of the more spine-chilling vampire characters invented, with horrible protruding teeth and a freakish, bald head. The classic image of Nosferatu leaning over Lucy, (the typical, swooning, voluptuous damsel in distress) fangs at the jugular, is one of the best stills created in film. I think Lucy is portrayed perfectly, she is particularly beautiful and stands out to me. She works perfectly in contrast with the ugly, frightening Nosferatu, who remains just as hideous in each theatrical representation. This film is great, and as usual, not as scary nowadays as it was originally intended, but nevertheless a brilliant watch.

Gaslight (1940) directed by Thorold Dickinson

Not to be confused with the 1944 American remake, this film follows the manipulative relationship between Bella and Paul Mallen following a murder. The whole plot is Paul cruelly convincing Bella that she is going mad, and she begins to doubt her own mind and sanity. He controls her into believing that much of reality is actually just in her own head. The whole story is a tale of deception and manipulation, and fortunately there is justice in the end. It’s hard to write about why this is one of my favourites, as many of my reasons gives away a lot of the plot! It’s one of the older films I like, and sadly older films are sometimes disregarded because of their age. I would really recommend this puzzling and exciting film, which keeps you on edge throughout its entirety. The term ‘gaslighting’, a form of manipulation which causes people to doubt their sanity, originates from this film!

Metropolis (1927) directed by Fritz Lang

Metropolis is a German, silent science-fiction film, which I was fortunate enough to see featuring many scenes which had been missing for a long time! I found this film quite difficult to understand, especially as I wasn’t used to seeing silent films at the time, and it was incredibly long. However, music assists silent films so much, revealing a lot of emotion and suspense which would otherwise be hard to detect. The film is extremely symbolic, looking at cultural and political issues in Germany, such as democracy and capitalism. I had to include this in my list as again, it was very influential for me, and many other film fans. I’m not politically educated enough to quite understand Fritz Lang’s meaning, but it’s open for interpretation, and everyone who watches it has a fresh perspective and unique ideas on what it could mean.

Betty Blue (1986) directed by Jean-Jacques Beineix

Betty Blue has a secure, cherished and precious place in my heart and soul. That sounds dramatic, but it is honestly one of the most romantic, poignant and intense films I’ve watched. It’s also a book, which I read shortly after watching the film for the first time, and it impressed me equally as much as the film. It follows the turbulent and passionate relationship between Betty and Zorg, who are madly in love and care for nothing but each other. The film is really long, but takes you through a vigorous journey of emotions. I don’t think I’ve ever watched Betty Blue without weeping at the end. It’s set in France too, which creates an all the more romantic and seductive sense in the film. Because you experience the couple go through so much, you get to know the characters so well and a sturdy attachment to them is made. Whilst so many events take place, the imperishable love for Betty that Zorg has is endlessly felt throughout the entire film. It truly captures the essence of unconditional love.

10 Horror Films In Desperate Need Of A Blu Ray

10 Horror Films In Desperate Need Of A Blu Ray https://ift.tt/2PoIlUF

A few months back I watched a film from 1953 called The Maze. It was directed by William Cameron Menzies, the same man who did Invaders from Mars (1953) and a slew of other highly regarded silent and early sound films. The Blu from Kino Lorber is pristine. I had never seen a black and white film look so good, despite having seen what I thought were perfect prints and scans.

As for the film, a quiet vaguely Lovecraftian tale of longing, loss, and familial curses, I could foresee how it had been lost throughout cinema history. A film could be amazing, yet with a shoddy old print or transfer it becomes impossible to watch. Due to carelessness, we may have lost more masterpieces than we know. And that’s where Blu Ray comes in. Eventually, we’re going to get to the point where we can’t conceivably get better quality than this, right? And if Blu Ray is it, what will happen to the films that don’t make the upgrade? Will it be the same as VHS to DVD, where a library of movies are tethered to one outmoded media and hardware? The following films are in danger of being lost, let’s try to save ‘em.

Keep reading for a look at the 10 horror movies we most want released on Blu-ray as voted on by Chris Coffel, Kieran Fisher, Brad Gullickson, Meg Shields, Rob Hunter, and myself.

10. Anguish (1987)

Films with a “meta” element can be tough to pull off, and for every slice of brilliance (Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, 2005) there’s a messy misfire (Last Action Hero, 1993). One of the more unappreciated examples is Bigas Luna‘s Anguish. There’s an argument to be made that its film within a film within a film structure amounts to nonsense, but what it lacks in vigorous logic it more than makes up for in style, tension, and creativity. Its various threads are captivating and suspenseful in their own way, and in today’s world the movie theater segment carries far more terrifying power than it once did. At its most basic it’s a Psycho (1960) riff about a man and his mother, but it succeeds far better as an eye-opening look at our own obsession with watching.” A new Blu-ray would sharpen the picture even further. – Rob Hunter

9. The Dentist (1996)

Going to the dentist is terrifying in and of itself. A psychotic dentist with a tendency to slaughter his patients with the very same surgical equipment we all fear is even scarier. But that was the genius concept behind Brian Yuzna’s riotous B movie that saw Corbin Bernsen as the eponymous tooth surgeon. The movie spawned a sequel that’s equally as entertaining as the first, and they both deserve all the upgrades. That’s a hint Scream Factory. – Kieran Fisher

8. Hello Mary Lou: Prom Night II (1987)

There was nothing quite like going to the video store. Be it Blockbuster, Hollywood Video, or your local mom and pop shop browsing the seemingly endless shelves, staring at the alluring box art, was a film school for my generation. And no box art was more attention-grabbing as Hello Mary Lou: Prom Night 2. Which is why it’s even more disheartening that it is still orphaned on a barebones DVD. An “in title alone” sequel to Jamie Lee Curtis’ early 80s school slasher, Mary Lou takes on a supernatural twist attempting to capitalize on that either killer of dreams Freddy Krueger. The film is an instant cult classic with its bizarre incestuous plot lines and over the top deaths, but the film deserves to be remembered (and remastered) for its striking visuals, especially one of a swirling blackboard that becomes a swirling void. Hello Mary Lou: Prom Night 2 is how you do a sequel. – Jacob Trussell

7. April Fool’s Day (1986)

The 80’s were the heyday for the slasher sub-genre. Every major franchise released multiple titles and a bunch of imitators and cheap knockoffs got in on the action. While a majority of these films followed a similar template every now and then one would come along with a fresh new take, as was the case in 1986 with the Fred Walton-directed April Fool’s Day. This is a movie that is conventional until it’s not thanks to a final act that may catch some viewer’s off guard. Whether or not the film’s conclusion is one that works is a worthy debate, however, in a sea of slashers that are largely the same this film’s ending does make it stand out. Plus it features a stellar 80’s cast that includes Deborah Foreman, Griffin O’Neal, and Thomas Wilson. This is all to say that the film’s lack of Blu-ray release is a travesty that needs rectifying. – Chris Coffel

6. The Keep (1983)

Shouldn’t every Michael Mann movie be on blu-ray? The guy is a master stylist, and even his second and possibly weakest effort oozes style and craft. Shot by Alex Thomson (the eye behind Excalibur, Legend, Labyrinth, Leviathan, Alien 3), The Keep is a rich visual feast of inky blacks and mysterious light sources. To forever live in the purgatory of bargain basement standard definition is criminal. Mann tried his best to adapt F. Paul Wilson’s World War II supernatural saga, but as the budget ballooned above him, the studio lost all confidence in recouping their money. An epic 210 minutes was savagely stripped down to a paltry 96. No wonder the final plot is barely coherent. That being said, the film that is currently available is an essential addition to every cineastes library. From The Keep comes Manhunter, Heat, and all the rest. A new Blu-ray could be akin to an exorcism for Mann. Sit him in front of a microphone, and let him unleash a torrent of frustrations over the production. That would provide solid psychotherapy for Mann and quite an education for us. – Brad Gullickson

5. The Haunting of Julia (1977)

That The Haunting of Julia has never been released on DVD is a goddamn tragedy. Almost as much of a tragedy as the cold open of the film, which sees a choking child and a tracheotomy gone wrong. Also known as Full Circle, Julia sees a frazzled Mia Farrow haunted by loss, and possibly something more sinister. A psychological horror in the vein of The Changeling and The Innocents, Julia is eerie slow burn with an effective twist (and a badass soundtrack). Extant digital copies are unlicensed and subject to the ever-horrid pan and scan technique. If The Haunting of Julia isn’t rescued via blu-ray, it is at real risk of falling into obscurity. – Meg Shields

4. Mr. Frost (1990)

Jeff Goldblum has found a late-career surge with quirky performances in blockbuster movies, and as much as we love them it’s worth remembering that he used to deliver far more varied characters in smaller films. One of the best — and least seen — is this grim psychological thriller that casts Goldblum as a confirmed serial killer who just might be something worse. The film is a twisting mind-game between Frost and those around him including a detective and a psychiatrist (Kathy Baker), and his identity and abilities are constantly in question. It’s a methodically paced thriller with supernatural undertones, and I’d love to see it reach a wider audience… perhaps with a commentary by Goldblum as Frost? – Rob Hunter

3. Ghostwatch (1992)

People love to troll found footage films, and it’s easy to see why. Ridicule is natural when something becomes as popular, and as over saturated, as the format. But what far few remember is how absolutely blood curdling that first found footage film you see can be. Is it real or is it strictly fiction? The format blurs the storytelling lines. But imagine watching something like Ghostwatch before this storytelling device was widely used. Imagine how terrifying a story can become when you earnestly think you’re watching a documentary. And that’s exactly what Ghostwatch did. Originally aired on BBC as a Halloween special with national treasure Michael Parkinson as host, Ghostwatch purports itself as being a real investigation into a haunting of a family. With CC cameras and a live crew capturing the paranormal activity, the creatives blurred the lines even deeper by insinuating that the haunting isn’t just real, but could affect you by merely watching the broadcast. It was so terrifying to UK audiences that it caused mass hysteria, ala Orson Welles War of the Worlds, and resulted in the BBC banning future airings of the special. With an uptick in popularity thanks to the streaming service Shudder, Ghostwatch deserves the Blu ray treatment and a spot in your home library. – Jacob Trussell

2. Martin (1978)

The late great George A. Romero is best remembered for giving new life to the zombie genre. But in an ironic twist, his favourite of his own films is about vampires. Or is it? That’s the ghoulish gambit of 1978’s Martin: is the awkward teen an immortal blood-sucker or just a serial killer in the vein of Richard Chase? A creepy and often tender meditation on alienation, Martin is critically beloved and criminally under-seen. The film’s downbeat tone and more somber sensibility might have something to do with this, but the rights situation (more of a fiscal standoff, really) is the main culprit. Martin is a neglected, socially-relevant masterpiece; a Blu-ray is long overdue. – Meg Shields

1. The Hitcher (1986)

When I discovered that The Hitcher had yet to receive the Blu-ray treatment, I was even more baffled than that day in 2016 where I woke up to find that an actual turd had been elected the President of the United States of America. This movie gave us one of the best horror villains of all time in the form of Rutger Hauer as a murderous hitch-hiker who makes life hell for travelers. Such a simple concept, with such perfect execution (and executions). The movie is so good that Michael Bay even saw enough dollar signs to produce a terrible remake in the 2000’s, which has its own Blu-ray release. – Kieran Fisher

Press pause on the rest of your life and spin up more entries in our 31 Days of Horror Lists!

The post 10 Horror Films In Desperate Need Of A Blu Ray appeared first on Film School Rejects.

via Film School Rejects https://ift.tt/23tjcnD October 23, 2018 at 10:06AM

11 podcasts to listen to if you want to laugh your ass off

Life is hard. The news is stressful. And sometimes you just need a break from *gestures broadly at everything happening in the world right now.* .

Fortunately for anyone looking for a bit of escapism of the madness of everyday life, we have two words for you: comedy podcasts.

While there are heavy-hitter comedy shows like The Nerdist, Comedy Bang Bang, and WTF With Marc Maron, there are also a plethora of other podcasts that will help you digest what's happening in the world, expose the absurdity what's happening in the news and pop culture, and ultimately leave you in fits of laughter.

SEE ALSO: Here are 5 unrealistic things that happen in every romantic comedy

Some of these shows cover current events and some of them will give you (extremely dubious) advice, but no matter what, these 11 podcasts that will make you laugh your ass off.

1. My Dad Wrote A Porno

My Dad Wrote A Porno has a purely descriptive title: host Jaime Morton discovered that his dad had a secret hobby of writing erotica. So Morton did what any person would do: read it out loud and broadcast it to the world.

In addition to reading from his dad's book, Morton is joined by two friends — James Cooper and Alice Levine — who deconstruct what happens in each chapter, switching between hysterically laughing at some of the more absurd sections of the book to deadpan analysis of our protagonist Belinda Blumenthal and her adventures.

Tl;dr, it's very awkward and very NSFW podcast about what happens when you discover the sexual fantasy of your parents. How can you not laugh at that?!

(Author's note: This podcast literally had me cackling in the street while listening. Sorry to the Brooklynites that I scared with my sudden outbursts.)

Episode to start with: "The Job Interview"

2. Keep It

Crooked Media may have launched with a slew of politics shows, most notably Pod Save America, but if you're not listening to the network's pop culture show Keep It, you're truly missing out.

Hosted by journalist Ira Madison III, who is often joined by Kara Brown and Louis Virtel, the show is a weekly discussion podcast that breaks down what's happening in the entertainment world.

The title comes from Madison's Twitter catchphrase "keep it," which is the two-word clap back Madison uses to shut down the trash news that comes through his Twitter feed. But what makes the show especially good is the extreme amount of chemistry between the panelists as they provide pop culture analysis that's simultaneously thoughtful, brutal, and hilarious.

Episode to start with: They Cancel Roseannes, Don't They?

3. Baby-Sitters Club Club

Aaaaahhh remember the Baby-Sitters Club, that classic '80s and '90s children's book series about a group of babysitters who are just trying to earn a buck while also dealing with the challenges of growing up. Well, have you read those books again recently, as an adult?

Hosts Jack Sheppard and Tanner Greenring have, and wow, those books are nothing like you remember. 

Each week in The Baby-Sitters Club Club, Shepherd and Greenring read one of Ann M. Martin's classic novels, and deconstruct it. But what makes the show so hilarious are the many theories that Shepherd and Greenring generate about what's actually going on in the town of Stoneybrook. Is the Baby-Sitters Club marxist? And are the characters secretly in a parallel universe that's actually a beehive? Who knows, but after listening to this podcast, you won't be able to read The Baby-Sitters Club the same way again.

Episode to start with: Kristy's Great Idea

4. Judge John Hodgman

Sometimes life throws you a curve ball, and you just need a little bit of advice. And that's where Judge John Hodgman comes in.

In the podcast, comedian John Hodgman (who you may know as PC from those early aughts Mac vs. PC commercials) arbitrates the petty grievances that crop of in our day to day lives.

Whether he's deciding if a wife should be freed of her lifelong agreement to let her husband order the toppings of the pizzas they order or whether it's okay to meditate at work, Hodgman delivers very serious rulings to very absurd debates that'll leave you in stitches.

Episode to start with: Pizza Parley

5. Lovett or Leave It

Sometimes the best way to deal with news is to laugh at it, and for anyone who wants to poke fun at current events, there's Lovett or Leave It. Each week, host Jon Lovett is joined by comedians, journalists, and more to "deal with whatever bullshit came flying over the transom in our broken, insane political nightmare factory."

Episodes are recorded live in front of an audience and include a mixture of discussions, pop quizzes, and games, which means you'll be just as informed as you are entertained.

Episode to start with: Rudy Giuliani, Esquire

6. The Read

You know those conversations with your best friend that get crazy because you hold absolutely nothing back. That's exactly what The Read is.

The show is a pop culture podcast hosted by friends Kid Fury and Crissle. Each episode is composed of a few segments: "black excellence" (where the hosts shout out good news that's happening to the black community), "hot topics" (which is a discussion of what's happening in the pop culture), "listener letters" (where Kid Fury and Crissle give advice to people who write in), and the titular segment "the read" (where the hosts each rant about something that's weighing on their hearts).

But what makes the podcast so funny is that Kid Fury and Crissle will drag literally anything and everything. Passionate and irreverent, listening to The Read feels like hanging out with your friends.

 Episode to start with: Beychella

7. How Did This Get Made

Have you ever watched a movie that's so bad that you asked yourself "how the hell is this even real?!" If so, you're not alone because that is the exact subject of How Did This Get Made.

Each week, actors Paul Scheer, June Diane Raphael, and Jason Mantzoukas watch movies that are so bad they're amazing and talk about it. And you know that feeling you get when you watch an objectively bad movie and just spend the entire time making fun of it with your friends. That's exactly what this podcast is, for 189 episodes and counting.

Episode to start with: Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow

8. All Fantasy Everything

You've heard of fantasy football. Maybe even fantasy The Bachelor and fantasy RuPaul's Drag Race. But have you heard about a fantasy breakfast food draft? Or a fantasy "Mike" draft (you know, who's the best person named Mike). 

Enter All Fantasy Everything. As the name implies, the show makes a fantasy drafts out of, well, everything. Then, host Ian Karmel along with a rotating cast of guests debate each topic until a champion is crowned.

Episodes are ridiculous, unexpected, and sure to make you laugh.

Episode to start with: Fictional Detectives

9. 2 Dope Queens

If you've ever wanted to see a comedy show but don't have the time to go in person, we have three words for you: 2 Dope Queens.

The show is part standup set, part discussion podcast hosted by comedians Phoebe Robinson and Jessica Williams. In each episode the duo talk about everything from online dating to the tiny house trend, which means conversations are always fun and varied. Additionally, episodes are recorded live, giving each discussion a performative flair that'll make you feel like you're carrying around a comedy club in your pocket as you listen. 

Episode to start with: Sitting Too Close to Queen Latifah

10. Dear Hank and John

If you're a human on the internet, you probably know John Green and Hank Green, the brother duo that helped shape the YouTube world with their vlog series The Vlog Brothers. And then by launching VidCon. And then with John's hit novels The Fault In Our Stars, Turtles All The Way Down, Looking For Alaska, and more.

But did you know that the duo also has a podcast too? And it's freaking hilarious.

Dear Hank and John is an advice podcast where Hank and John attempt to answer your most absurd questions, like "what are the rules of doctor-patient small talk" and "what do I do with 23 plastic molds of my teeth." In addition those bigger advice segments, the show is chock-full of jokes hiding everywhere from their intro where they announce "the elephant in the room" to phrase of the week where each brother is challenged to sneak a phrase recommended by a listener into their conversation without the other brother noticing, which means whether you're a new listener or an old fan, you'll still find something fresh and new in each episode.

Episode to start with: Eleven Peas

11. Thirst Aid Kit

Listen, we all thirst. It's human. It's natural. And it's the topic of writer Bim Adewunmi and Nicole Perkins' show Thirst Aid Kit. 

Thirst Aid Kit is a weekly about your love, sex, and your favorite celebrity boo thangs. The podcast is unapologetically filthy, as the hosts talk about your crushes, read fan-fiction, and in general, share the thirst that we all know and feel.

Episode to start with: We Learned to Spell Jake Gyllenhaal

WATCH: Here are some things you didn't know about "Super Troopers"

The Accursed House by Emile Gaboriau 1891

Download the Works of Emile Gaboriau for a limited time at http://tinyurl.com/EmileGaboriau See also True Crime + Mystery Fiction - 500 Books on 2 DVDroms Emile Gaboriau, best known for his remarkable detective stories, was born at Sanson in 1853, and died at Paris in 1873. He was for a time private secretary of Paul Feval, the novelist, and published a great variety of work. In 1866 appeared in the paper called "Le Pays" his first great detective story, "L'Affaire Lerouge," which the author dramatised in collaboration with Hostein in 1872. Like all of the great series, "L'Affaire Lerouge," "Monsieur Lecoq," "Les Esclaves de Paris," etc., are written in an easy flowing style, and are full of exciting moments. It is interesting to trace the ancestry of the modern detective story. The first seeds are said to be found in Voltaire's "Zadig"; they germinate in Poe's tales, take form in Gaboriau, and are in full bloom in Conan Doyle's "Sherlock Holmes." THE Vicomte de B______, an amiable and charming young man, was peacefully enjoying an income of 30,000 livres yearly, when, unfortunately for him, his uncle, a miser of the worst species, died, leaving him all his wealth, amounting to nearly two millions. In running through the documents of succession, the Vicomte de B______ learned that he was the proprietor of a house in the Rue de la Victoire. He learned, also, that the unfurnished building, bought in 1849 for 300,000 francs, now brought in, clear of taxes, rentals amounting to 82,000 francs a year. "Too much, too much, entirely," thought the generous vicomte, "my uncle was too hard; to rent at this price is usury, one can not deny it. When one bears a great name like mine, one should not lend himself to such plundering. I will begin to-morrow to lower my rents, and my tenants will bless me." With this excellent purpose in view, the Vicomte de B_____ sent immediately for the concierge of the building, who presented himself as promptly, with back bent like a bow. "Bernard, my friend," said the vicomte, "go at once from me and notify all your tenants that I lower their rents by one-third." That unheard-of word "lower" fell like a brick on Bernard's head. But he quickly recovered himself; he had heard badly; he had not understood. "Low—er the rents!" stammered he. "Monsieur le Vicomte deigns to jest. Lower! Monsieur, of course means to raise the rents." "I was never more serious in my life, my friend," the vicomte returned; "I said, and I repeat it, lower the rents." This time the concierge was surprised to the point of bewilderment — so thrown off his balance that he forgot himself and lost all restraint. "Monsieur has not reflected," persisted he. "Monsieur will regret this evening. Lower the tenants rents! Never was such a thing known, monsieur! If the lodgers should learn of it, what would they think of monsieur? What would people say in the neighborhood? Truly—-" "Monsieur Bernard, my friend," dryly interrupted the vicomte, "I prefer, when I give an order, to be obeyed without reply. You hear me—-go!" Staggering like a drunken man, Monsieur Bernard went out from the house of his proprietor. All his ideas were upset, overthrown, confounded. Was he, or was he not, the plaything of a dream, a ridiculous nightmare? Was he himself Pierre Bernard, or Bernard somebody else? "Lower his rents! lower his rents!" repeated he. "It is not to be believed! If indeed the lodgers had complained! But they have not complained; on the contrary, all are good payers. Ah! if his uncle could only know this, he would rise from the tomb! His nephew has gone mad, 'tis certain! Lower the rents! They should have up this young man before a family council; he will finish badly! Who knows—after this —what he will do next? He lunched too well, perhaps, this morning." And the worthy Bernard was so pale with emotion when he re-entered his lodge, so pale and spent, that on seeing him enter, his wife and daughter Amanda exclaimed as with one voice: "Goodness! what is it? What has happened to you now?" "Nothing," responded he, with altered voice, "absolutely nothing." "You are deceiving me," insisted Madame Bernard, "you are concealing something from me; do not spare me; speak, I am strong—what did the new proprietor tell you? Does he think of turning us off?" "If it were only that! But just think, he told me with his own lips, he told me to—ah! you will never believe me—-" "Oh, yes; only do go on." "You will have it, then!— Well, then, he told me, he ordered me to notify all the tenants that—he lowered their rents one-third! Did you hear what I said? —lowered the rents of the tenants—-" But neither Madame nor Mademoiselle Bernard heard him out — they were twisting and doubling with convulsive laughter. "Lower!" repeated they; "ah! what a good joke, what a droll man! Lower the tenants' rents." But Bernard, losing his temper and insisting that he must be taken seriously in his own lodge, his wife lost her temper too, and a quarrel followed! Madame Bernard declaring that Monsieur Bernard had, beyond a doubt, taken his fantastic order from the bottom of a litre of wine in the restaurant at the corner. But for Mademoiselle Amanda the couple would undoubtedly have come to blows, and finally Madame Bernard, who did not wish to be thought demented, threw a shawl over her head and ran to the proprietor's house. Bernard had spoken truly; with her own two ears, ornamented with big, gilded hoops, she heard the incredible word. Only, as she was a wise and prudent woman, she demanded "a bit of writing" to put, as she said, "her responsibility under cover." She, too, returned thunderstruck, and all the evening in the lodge, father, mother, and daughter deliberated. Should they obey? or should they warn some relative of this mad young man, whose common sense would oppose itself to such insanity? They decided to obey. Next morning, Bernard, buttoning himself into his best frock coat, made the rounds of the three-and-twenty lodges to announce his great news. Ten minutes afterward the house in the Rue de la Victoire was in a state of commotion impossible to describe. People who, for forty years had lived on the same floor, and never honored each other with so much as a tip of the hat, now clustered together and chatted eagerly. "Do you know, monsieur?" "It is very extraordinary." "Simply unheard of!" "The proprietor's lowered my rent!" "One-third, is it not? Mine also." "Astounding! It must be a mistake!" And despite the affirmations of the Bernard family, despite even the "bit of writing" "under cover," there were found among the tenants doubting Thomases, who doubted still in the face of everything. Three of them actually wrote to the proprietor to tell him what had passed, and to charitably warn him that his concierge had wholly lost his mind. The proprietor responded to these skeptics, confirming what Bernard had said. Doubt, thereafter, was out of the question. Then began reflections and commentaries. "Why had the proprietor lowered his rents?" "Yes, why?" "What motives," said they all, "actuate this strange man? For certainly he must have grave reasons for a step like this! An intelligent man, a man of good sense, would never deprive himself of good fat revenues, well secured, for the simple pleasure of depriving himself. One would not conduct himself thus without being forced, constrained by powerful or terrible circumstances." And each said to himself: "There is something under all this!" "But what?" And from the first floor to the sixth they sought and conjectured and delved in their brains. Every lodger had the preoccupied air of a man that strives with all his wits to solve an impossible cipher, and everywhere there began to be a vague disquiet, as it happens when one finds himself in the presence of a sinister mystery. Some one went so far as to hazard: "This man must have committed a great and still hidden crime; remorse pushes him to philanthropy." "It was not a pleasant idea, either, the thought of living thus side by side with a rascal; no, by no means; he might be repentant, and all that, but suppose he yielded to temptation once more!" "The house, perhaps, was badly built?" questioned another, anxiously. "Hum-m, so-so! no one could tell; but all knew one thing—it was very, very old!" "True! and it had been necessary to prop it when they dug the drain last year in the month of March." "Maybe it was the roof, then, and the house is top-heavy?" suggested a tenant on the fifth floor. "Or perhaps," said a lodger in the garret, "there is a press for coining counterfeit money in the cellar; I have often heard at night a sound like the dull, muffled thud of a coin-stamper." The opinion of another was that Russian, maybe Prussian, spies had gained a lodgment in the house, while the gentleman of the first story was inclined to believe that the proprietor purposed to set fire to his house and furniture with the sole object of drawing great sums from the insurance companies. Then began to happen, as they all declared, extraordinary and even frightful things. On the sixth and mansard floors it appeared that strange and absolutely inexplicable noises were heard. Then the nurse of the old lady on the fourth story, going one night to steal wine from the cellar, encountered the ghost of the defunct proprietor—he even held in his hand a receipt for rent—by which she knew him! And the refrain from loft to cellar was: "There is something under all this!" From disquietude it had come to fright; from fright it quickly passed to terror. So that the gentleman of the first floor, who had valuables in his rooms, made up his mind to go, and sent in notice by his clerk. Bernard went to inform the proprietor, who responded: "All right, let the fool go!" But next day the chiropodist of the second floor, though he had naught to fear for his valuables, imitated the gentleman beneath him. Then the bachelors and the little households of the fifth story quickly followed this example. From that moment it was a general rout. By the end of the week, everybody had given notice. Every one awaited some frightful catastrophe. They slept no more. They organized patrols. The terrified domestics swore that they too would quit the accursed house and remained temporarily only on tripled wages. Bernard was no more than the ghost of himself; the fever of fear had worn him to a shadow. "No," repeated his wife mournfully at each fresh notification, "no, it is not natural." Meanwhile three-and-twenty "For Rent" placards swung against the facade of the house, drawing an occasional applicant for lodgings. Bernard—never grumbling now—climbed the staircase and ushered the visitor from apartment to apartment. "You can have your choice," said he to the people that presented themselves, "the house is entirely vacant; all the tenants have given notice as one man. They do not know why, exactly, but things have happened, oh! yes, things! a mystery such as was never before known—the proprietor has lowered his rents!" And the would-be lodgers fled away affrighted. The term ended, three-and-twenty vans carried away the furniture of the three-and-twenty tenants. Everybody left. From top to bottom, from foundations to garret, the house lay empty of lodgers. The rats themselves, finding nothing to live on, abandoned it also. Only the concierge remained, gray green with fear in his lodge. Frightful visions haunted his sleep. He seemed to hear lugubrious howlings and sinister murmurs at night that made his teeth chatter with terror and his hair erect itself under his cotton nightcap. Madame Bernard no more closed an eye than he. And Amanda in her frenzy renounced all thought of the operatic stage and married—for nothing in the world but to quit the paternal lodge—a young barber and hair-dresser whom she had never before been able to abide. At last, one morning, after a more frightful nightmare than usual, Bernard, too, took a great resolution. He went to the proprietor, gave up his keys, and scampered away. ....................................... And now on the Rue de la Victoria stands the abandoned house, "The Accursed House," whose history I have told you. Dust thickens upon the closed slats, grass grows in the court. No tenant ever presents himself now; and in the quarter, where stands this Accursed House, so funereal is its reputation that even the neighboring houses on either side of it have also depreciated in value. Lower one's rents!! Who would think of such a thing!!!