Anon who left a huge block of text talking about canon break differences here again real quick bc I just realized some of what I said may be a bit unclear:

When I said that Miles and Miguel aren't that alike I meant it in terms of canon breaking (assuming canon is, one spidey per universe and certain life path events must happen) since as a different anon pointed out, they are actually really similar people

And this is just an extra note of interest, but I find it kind of odd that everyone (or almost everyone) in the spider society was resigned to have their lives dictated by "canon". Like. The whole point of spiderman is having the will to go on even when all the cards are down and it's gone to hell. Does that mean that the ending will be happy? Hell no. A lot of times it isn't. But the point is getting up again and still fighting even if it seems utterly hopeless. Something they drove home really hard in the first movie, so it's. Just interesting I suppose

Hello again, chatty Anon! Don't worry, I completely understood what you meant about Miles and Miguel not being alike in how they broke canon.

I think most of the spiders who are in the known were recruited at the lowest point in their lives. They just lost someone or went through a crushing defeat and someone tells them "Hey, you're not alone. They are other like you, who completely understand what you went through. And your grief? It exists for a reason. It made you stronger." So they jump into this society of likeminded people and they took comfort in thinking that there was a reason for their pain. What doesn't kill you make you stronger.

I think that Gwen is an exception in the sense that she was told about the canon events before she went through both of them. (Arguably, the death of someone close was her Peter.) But it's also telling that she was basically homeless, rejected by her father, and with only her work in the Spider society to keep her going. She accepted the canon events theory, the idea that her grief had a sense, and because of that... she accepted how things went.

There is no way Pavitr knew about the canon events at the time his girlfriend and her father almost died. And after it would have happened, the other Spidermen would have been here for him, explaining that there was nothing that could be done, because it happened to all of them. That losing people is inevitable, but that he will get stronger thanks to it. And with how aggrieved Pavitr would have been, it probably would have worked.

i don't get too bothered by misgendering or dead naming but twice in one night by people i thought would never dead name me....... bad times, boys

adventure time, baby, I'm going to keep it real with you: you had the perfect meta setup (a spinoff of a children's cartoon made for adults who grew up with said cartoon) for a story about two characters desperate to return to simpler times (fionna longing for the subconscious memory of a fantasy land where nothing is complex and she won't have to face the trials of young adulthood in her now-mundane world, simon longing to lose his mind again so he won't have to remember his grief) coming to realize that the "simpler times" they remember were never as straightforward as their idealized memories (fionna realizing that her black-and-white worldview was actually just deeply biased and ultimately harmful, simon realizing that ice king was just as miserable as simon himself and simply lacked the tools to parse his own emotions), the idealized past they want to return to was never real, and in order to move forward, they have to face the painful realities they've been trying to avoid, mature as people, and learn to see beauty and value in their own respective lives, even if they're not the lives they'd hoped for

and then that didn't happen. there was a perfect metaphor for the false allure of nostalgia using THE "whimsical at first glance/shockingly grim under the surface" children's cartoon RIGHT THERE. How Did You Fuck That Up

Absolutely love your art. I want to nom it.

Also, Hollow Heads Siblings my beloveds,,,

Theyre the doomed siblings ever its not even funny

thinking about Shang Qinghua as a calamity again...

2024 year of charlie gets a fucking break (hopefully. maybe. tbd.)

i. hate that i cant ignore any longer how fucked up i am

Kaeya is rather touch averse, cringing away from casual contact people give him under the guise of being distracted or idle movement. He's used to it, the Ragnvindrs and Adenlinde got him used to frequent affectionate physical contact, but it can still be entirely Uncomfortable if he's touched by someone outside those he is close to or someone he's otherwise Allowed to touch him.

I'm coming to the horrifying realisation that if Nikolai stops obsessively loving Fyodor, I'll stop obsessively loving Fyodor while I'm working through what that looks like for him. This is not good. I really need the comfort of blindingly loving a comfort character rn. I can't deal with not loving Fyodor as much as I used to and oh God is this what Nikolai has to go through it feels so emtpy-

In short, Nikolai's healing, and I'm getting worse.

they need to invent a place u go to where they actually fix you up and reset your issues so if you walk back out youre the healthiest u could be at that moment

the past experience revived in the meaning an old deuteronomy fanmix  [listen]

01. Lux Aurumque - eric whitacre | 02. This Little Light of Mine - a covering | 03. Der Nussbaum (The Chestnut Tree) - london promenade orchestra  | 04. I’ve Been This Way Before - neil diamond  |  05. Carry That Weight - the beatles   |  06. Libiamo ne’ lieti calici (live) - plácido domingo | 07. someone new - hozier  |  08. Homeward Bound - bryn terfel | 09. whispering - alex clare  | 10. Dear Fellow Traveller - sea wolf  | 11. Hey Brother - the mayries & dan berk | 12. Return - james newton howard  | 13. Now Sleeps the Crimson Petal Op. 3 No. 2 - roger quilter, thomas allen & geoffrey parsons | 14. Soave sia il vento - miah persson, angela brower & alessandro corbelli  | 15. Annie’s Song (instrumental) - james galway | 16. Songs My Mother Taught Me - Paul Robeson  | 17. Golden Slumbers - josh young | 18.  silhouette - aquilo | 19.  I Tried - rory campbell  | 20.  Eclipse - john denver | 21. Yearning - carl moir   | 22. The Secret Garden - aurora  | 23. Keep On - michael nesmith | 24. All The Faces - creed bratton  | 25. Constellations - the oh hellos  |  26.  Willow Tree March - the paper kites |  27. Memory (instrumental) - jian wang & göran söllscher | 28.  This Is A Changing World - noel coward  | 29.  When It’s Time - lotte kestner | 30. The Sands of Time Are Sinking - the scottish festival singers  | 31.  100 Years (Acoustic) - five for fighting | 32.  The Prayer - helene fischer & andrea bocelli | 33. I Wish I Had a Hundred Years - fernando velázquez  | 34. The Long Road (Acoustic) - passenger  |  35.  Across The Vast, Eternal Sky - the choir of royal holloway |  

Semi-explanation below the cut

Feel free to ignore this one, if you care not for context, but let me see if I can explain this because I am not completely pleased with the order *but* it’s a lot like Gus’ in that it isn’t necessarily always fully lyrically applicable, but rather tells the expanse of a life lived. 

The opening few songs are mostly free of lyrics - Deuteronomy was slow to talk when he was a kitten. He spent a good majority of his young kittenhood non-verbal and late to talk compared to his fellows, but he was still blossoming incredibly quickly developmentally, particularly in mental and telepathic capacity. He started understanding things that were odd for kittens to understand (and his second mother indicated that there was...a light behind his eyes that was difficult to place that signified a wisdom far beyond his years). The first few songs lack lyrics (or have very few) to illustrate this tentative step into a life that is celebrated (being the heir), and how he is valued but comes into himself slowly.  

“I’ve Been This Way Before” is when Deuteronomy finally starts to speak - and when he begins, he skips right over his babble and the present. He speaks about pasts he knows - so many of them - in great detail, remembering places he’s never been and cats he’s never met. He goes from being non-verbal to talking *non-stop*, often cryptically and with little reason. At this point he speaks *beyond* his own past lives; he speaks about the lives of other cats as well. And it’s at that point where it’s realized that Deuteronomy’s life isn’t going to be an easy one - he won’t just be carrying on his own life; he’ll be carrying on the lives of hundreds - thousands - of others. Not only is he meant to lead the Tribe (and after the death or disappearance of his later siblings, the *only* one left to lead), he’s meant to keep their memories as well (an ill advised combo).  

Though a relatively wise, empathetic-to-a-fault, and even tempered child, and willing to attended his training dutifully, like most young cats, Deuteronomy doesn’t take all too kindly to the promise of responsibility at first - as he entered his maturation years, he began to act out. Along with his foster brother, Gus, he settled into his “devil may care,” “sowing his wild oats” era, not quite wanting to dwell on how heavy his life was about to become, flitting from cat to cat (that’s where the “buried 99 wives” rumour comes from - there are plenty of notches in the old tom’s belt and plenty of other kittens, much as most cats lives are wont to be), experience to experience, theoretically place to place (he never leaves entirely), longing to drift off and explore the world before inevitably being tied down to his responsibilities (knowing still that he did need to return to them and never thinking he never wanted to - he always did want to). They have their fun (to a just about alarming level), but those whispers and visions he has just don’t...stop. He can ignore them all he likes, but they just get louder and clearer and begin to teach him things that he couldn’t quite grasp before; things you cannot really *be* taught. His venturing outside of the Junkyard shows him the extent of things he never experienced. So, though he longs for a continued adolescence free of the burden of his gifts and responsibility, he quickly realizes that he cannot have one. He has too many cats depending on him - there are too many wrongs in the world that he can’t run from. His father is old - Maladeen has passed on - he is the only one left. So, though it’s not entirely what he wants, he returns to his family fully, hangs up his belt, and takes up his mantle.

For the first little while, things look up for Deuteronomy. He reunites with a queen from his past, meets another, they fall in love, they build their life together in spite of knowing that, ultimately, it will never be an easy one  (”Soave sia il vento” is a cry for the sea to be calm; much like a cry for life to be easy - though Mya, and Ginny - brain children of the always brilliant @theimpossiblescheme -​ know it might not be and Dee *knows* for certain it won’t be). Still, they are happy; they have their sons, Deuteronomy thinks on his mothers and passes their teachings on to them, and it seems perhaps he’s got a grasp on everything at last. 

But, as always, nothing good lasts for too long. Deuteronomy starts disassociating far more frequently - some nights it’s hard for him to recognize himself; understand where he begins and ends. He struggles to keep from turning inwards - as his father had as he struggled with his own underdeveloped psychic abilities - and it’s just as difficult for other cats to recognize him in tandem. It’s all just...too much. Too, too much. He feels like an exposed nerve all the time; everything hurts. Everyone’s feelings burn in his throat; all of their pain becomes his, and he just shoulders more and more with seemingly no end and it’s overwhelming.His cup runs over. He loves them too much - he cares *too much*. The only way he can quiet it down it to distance himself - try to be that unshakeable calm that his training demanded of him. It works. Kinda. The rest of the Junkyard notes this change. 

Things beyond his control start happening - defects and illnesses and power struggles and threats; and others within his control start slipping through as a result. He tries to hold onto everything but he’s only one cat. He loses his eldest son to the lure of powers beyond his understanding, Mya to her sympathetic heart, then Ginny to the Heaviside- almost in succession. At this point, Deuteronomy is at a loss; the pain of others mixes with his own - it doesn’t stop. It gets so bad, that it begins to run over through the cracks in his consciousness he is barely able to patch; being around Deuteronomy can just as easily be uncomfortable and emotionally painful as not. It’s a hard time for everyone. 

But one evening, at the pique of what seems like a never ending well of suffering, he sees something (whether it be a vision from the Everlasting Cat or her servants, he’s never been certain). He tells no one of what he sees (he takes that to his grave), but whatever it was, like a switch, it gives Deuteronomy this sudden, quiet feeling of...calm. It all falls into place; he is no longer struggling against his gift, he is working with it; he *understands* it, at long last. And with this new found sense of purpose, in spite of his loss, in spite of his grief, he continues on. 

Deuteronomy ages, becomes wiser, shares his wisdom with his family. Cats leave - cats come back - he gains a whole gaggle of in laws and grandkittens and grand nieces and nephews.  He teaches his family the importance of unconditional love; the act of forgiveness, both on oneself and towards others. Mya eventually returns to him; life has finally settled. But eventually things must come to an end; the great immortal - who was thought perhaps never to die - is a mere mortal after all. Deuteronomy’s final Ball is an entirely bittersweet affair and filled with lessons overlapping one another, the old cat hoping he’s passed everything he needed to onto his family. “The Prayer” is illustrative of a final duet with his dear Sillabub, who will take the mantle after him and has the honour of sending him up, passing on the final message he imparts his cats with. 

And he is sent off in the same way he was brought into the world - with a dramatic choir swell and then silence. 

Voice, Eyes, Heart (AO3)

happy akatsuki gift exchange @time-to-change-away!

your prompt bit me and didn't let go: Pain/Konan. Setting: A grimy venue. Prompt: Local punk band member Pain instantly starstruck over the woman who came to decorate the venue before the show.

and then you directed your gift-giver to 'Go fully smoked-hog ham and have fun!! :D' i took that to heart. and here we are.

thank you for unlocking something truly amazing with this inspiring prompt!! i hope you enjoy it~

@akatsuki-gift-exchange

BEEN TWO DAYS NOW BOYS I THINK WE'RE IN THE CLEAR! NO MORE CURSE OF THE BLIGHTED I AM FREE... IMAGINE A WORLD WHERE TESTOSTERONE TAKES ALL THE PAIN AWAY...

💭 + transforming

𝓗𝓮𝓪𝓭𝓬𝓪𝓷𝓸𝓷𝓼 — send 💭 + a topic to receive a headcanon about said topic.

Transforming into Man-Bat is a very painful experience for Kirk as not only does it involve rapid cellular mutation, his bones also undergo a drastic change, shifting and warping somewhere between human and bat. The pain he undergoes is one of the last things he experiences before the serum takes over his consciousness as the change goes from physical to mental. Teeth shatter and are replaced by new fangs, deadly and razor sharp. Legs splinter and elongate as do forearms and fingers, new skin emerging between digits as wings fill in. It's a very rapid transformation that takes less than a minute, which makes for a very unhappy Man-Bat when he finally emerges on the other end, body aching all over after turning from an average-height male human to a nearly nine foot tall vampire bat-monster.

.

So I would really like to update my wardrobe. A lot of stuf

I have doesn't really fit me anymore but I'm hanging onto it cause I've convinced myself I'll lose a bit of weight in the near future (haha)

And consequently it feels like my selection of wearable clothes has shrunk considerably.

Thing is, I kinda hate shopping cause I'm just large enough that I don't really fit a lot of the typical (and accessible) brands, so clothes shopping is mostly just an exercise in making me feel really bad about myself.

I was debating trying to buy a bunch of stuff from thredup (online thrift store) or something, so that a) it's cheaper, and b) it's slightly more ethical than buying new, but I hate trying to navigate their website. Even with the 300000 different filters they have it seems near impossible to find anything, and I don't enjoy online shopping at the best of times cause I can't feel the fabrics and try on the items.

I dunno, this is just a vent post. If you do happen to have advice that would be cool, but mostly I just needed to get this out of my brain.