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grilledcheeseandguavajelly · 7 months

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Almost. Again. -- Regina Mills x Emma Swan

Well hiyah Tumblr. I wrote a swanqueen fic. I don’t really know what this is. All I know is that I was watching episode 4x05 and there was a pretty harsh cut between when Emma and Regina defeated the ice monster and when the snow queen showed up. And I thought “they cut something out. We missed something” and then my brain gifted me this. So. Enjoy, I guess…? 🙈

Words: ~2,100

Warnings: None

Summary: Sometimes battles give you a rush of adrenaline. Sometimes battles exhaust you. And sometimes... Sometimes, battles are the perfect catalyst to mend relationships and create space for repressed feelings to bubble up and boil over. But not always.

Read on Ao3

Snow monster? Melted. Emma’s hands burned a bit, but the giant thing dissolved into a puddle with a splash, so it was probably all taken care of.

Probably.

“I think we did it,” Emma panted, smiling despite herself.

Because it felt good. Falling back into their rhythm, melding their magic. Working together after however long they’d been apart. It couldn’t have been more than a few days. It felt like an eternity.

She looked over at Regina, finally catching her breath. And Regina…

Regina was looking at her with some kind of expression, emotion, that Emma couldn’t read for the life of her. But then a beat passed, and another. And Regina was still looking at her.

Emma cleared her throat. “Nice work.”

That seemed to jar Regina out of her stupor, because the next thing Emma knew, she was nodding.

“And you.” A pause. A swallow. “It seems that whole ‘learn as you go’ thing is working out for you. You didn’t need me after all.”

Emma fought the instant response, the guttural “I will always need you” that rattled against her ribs. Instead, she settled for a simple—

“I still have a lot to learn.”

Regina’s lip curved at the corner, and for a moment Emma thought that she had won. That she had earned herself a smile, after all this time. But then it morphed into something sad, and Regina pinned her focus on smoothing out the hem of her shirt. And Emma’s heart splintered again.

Always again.

The forest was silent for a moment, their ragged breathing the only thing filling the gaps. And really, it hadn’t been that much effort. Not with Regina helping. But it was the fear, the adrenaline. The feel of it all, and how much she had missed it.

Emma was chewing over what she could say, how she could tell her without Regina snapping her neck. She was so lost in weighing her options that she almost missed Regina breaking the silence. Beating her to it.

“I forgot how nice that felt,” she murmured, voice low and rasping.

Emma blamed it on the cold lingering in the air. Emma knew that she was lying to herself.

A measured breath. “Yeah.”

And then, to her surprise, Regina snorted.

“Always so articulate.”

Emma couldn’t help the smile that spread, because yes, working together had felt wonderful. It had stirred something inside of Emma that she forgot existed. Reminded her of a piece of herself that she forgot she possessed.

But this? Regina looking up at her through heavy lashes, a smirk pulling at the corner of her mouth, one hand wrapped protectively around her stomach and fingers fidgeting with her sleeve at her elbow— This was what Emma had missed. Had longed for. This felt better than any magic ever could.

Because Regina was open again. She was letting Emma in. She was—

She was stepping in closer. Closing the space between them.

Oh, shit.

“Regina…” Emma tried, but her voice wobbled. Cracked.

Another step.

Emma stepped back.

She expected Regina to stop. She expected that to be enough to break the moment (were they having a moment?), to put that wall back up between them and prompt Regina to shut herself off again.

But she didn’t. And she was still looking at Emma like that. And Emma couldn’t breathe. Dear god, she couldn’t fucking breathe.

Not only could she not breathe, apparently walking backwards had fallen completely out of her arsenal as well. Because the next thing Emma knew, she tripped over a large root and went careening backward.

And then there was bark against her back. And Regina’s hand on her waist. A nice, firm, solid tree trunk had broken her fall.

And Regina’s hand on her waist.

Emma blamed the way her lungs constricted on having the wind knocked out of her by the impact from the tree.

Definitely the tree.

“Still as graceful as ever, I see,” Regina said softly, eyes flitting across Emma’s face for the briefest of seconds before boring back into hers.

And god, anything would be better than this. Regina fully ogling her lips would be better than this. Because her eyes were dark in the deep forest, and glittering against the moonlight. And Emma was certain that Regina could see straight through her, let alone read her thoughts.

She was definitely not having appropriate thoughts.

And she blamed Regina for every single one of them, because her hand was still on Emma’s fucking waist.

“I— um.” It just fell out. Because Emma felt like she needed to say something, but there was no coherent thought to pull any kind of anything from. Not in Emma’s head. Not with Regina looking at her like that.

“We really need to work on your vocabulary.”

Remember when Emma thought she’d rather have Regina ogling her lips? When that would have been easier?

Yeah. She was wrong. She was so, entirely and completely wrong. Because in the next second Regina’s gaze dropped, and Emma’s heart went right along with it.

“I missed… what our magic feels like pooled together.” Regina’s voice was low. Careful. But Emma didn’t miss the hesitation. Didn’t miss the way that Regina’s gaze snapped back to her own.

Didn’t miss that tiny flicker of longing in her eyes.

They spent enough time dancing around each other for Emma to know it when she saw it. And she saw it. Plain as day.

And that’s why she gathered up enough courage to slide her hand beneath Regina’s jacket. Over the curve of her waist.

She let out a slow breath as the warmth seeped against her palm, eyes fluttering shut.

Her thumb brushed over the smooth fabric of Regina’s shirt, and in the stillness of the night, Emma caught the tiniest hum that racked up Regina’s throat. It was enough to prompt her to open her eyes. Because she needed to know if Regina was looking at her the way that Emma wanted her to, the way that she used to. She needed to know.

Emma startled, shoving herself back against the tree. Because Regina had gotten close, so close. Too close. And Emma could feel her soft breath washing over her cheeks. Could smell her perfume, still perfectly placed, even after the long trek here. And a battle.

And Regina was leaning in, leaning up on her toes. Closer, closer.

Emma would have closed her eyes if she hadn’t been so focused, so completely enamored with that little scar above Regina’s lip. The way it stretched as Regina licked her lips, smoothed them together.

And then Regina let out the smallest, shakiest breath. And then she pressed her forehead against Emma’s. Sighed.

Somehow, that felt more intimate that a kiss. Than a hug. Than anything Emma had been expecting. She didn’t know what she had been expecting. But she knew that this was infinitely better.

“You’re going to be the death of me, Miss Swan,” Regina breathed. And was she…? Yes. Regina was nuzzling her forehead against her.

But the words stuck, and Emma didn’t like them.

“Why do you keep doing that?” she asked softly, pushing at Regina gently. Pushing her back, despite everything that screamed for her to pull her closer. “Why do you keep calling me Miss Swan?”

Regina swallowed. Straightened. “So now I’m not allowed to say your name? It’s always infinite, pointless rules with you.”

“I wish you would.”

Shit.

“Would what?”

“Say my name.” She needed to stop talking. There was an inch of space between them now and she could finally breathe, and she needed to stop talking before she suffocated again. “I wish you would call me Emma… like you used to.”

Welp. She never could trust her heart. And here it was, overriding her brain and screwing her over once again.

Or so she thought. Until Regina didn’t push her away and tell her off. Until Regina didn’t laugh in her face and call her a stupid child.

Until Regina stared her down, jaw working and nostrils flaring with deliberate breaths. Eyes searching.

Until Regina swallowed around whatever she was about to say. Squeezed her hands into fists. And breathed Emma’s name out on a ragged exhale.

It did something, that breath. Emma didn’t quite know what it was, but it set something hot pooling through her veins and something spiky constricting around her heart.

And if she thought she couldn’t breathe then, the air got kicked out of her again as Regina repeated it. Firmer this time.

“Emma…”

She stepped closer. Pressed in. Pinned Emma against that stupid fucking tree.

And Emma could have sworn she saw Regina’s hand shaking as she smoothed it over Emma’s shoulder. Slid it down to her waist. Squeezed.

“Emma,” she breathed, and it almost sounded like a plea.

Her breath was heavy now. Emma could see her chest heaving under her shirt. Could feel the tiny, fast puffs of it against her lips. But most of all—

Most of all, Emma could feel that energy coming off of her. Crackling and sizzling and hot. Pounding through the thick of the air and pulling Emma in, in, in. Making every atom inside of her vibrate with a want that she couldn’t describe. Didn’t understand. All she understood was Regina. All she could comprehend was Regina. Their breathing syncing, their heartbeats thudding together.

And she didn’t know why it got like this, why the need rang out this loud. Why Emma’s body responded to Regina’s like this. She knew it wasn’t a spell. It wasn’t a curse. She didn’t know if it was their magic, having its own conversation and yanking them together, or if it was just Regina herself, Emma’s body ready and waiting to worship her like the goddess she was.

It wouldn’t take much now, just the smallest tilt of her chin. The tiniest shift. And Emma could do that. She could absolutely do that. But so could Regina. And she wasn’t. And Emma didn’t know if she was debating, what she was waiting for, when she had Emma literally pinned and at her mercy—

Regina’s hand tightened, nails digging in.

“Someone’s here.”

And then the moment broke, the tension shattering around Emma like her own personal wall of ice as Regina pushed away.

She barely had time to think about how fucking ironic that was, how cold she felt in this stupid forest without Regina pressing into her. And then Regina said her name again.

This time, it sounded like a warning. This time, it was too wary and too firm, and Emma decidedly didn’t like it coming out of Regina’s mouth when it sounded like that. When Regina had that look in her eye.

“We should leave,” Regina tried, reaching for Emma’s arm. Her hand? God, Emma couldn’t think. All she could register was Regina pulling her off of the tree, dragging her back the way they had come. And god, how could Regina be so put together and observant after—

“What a welcome visit, ladies.”

The wave of cold hit Emma in the stomach, pulsing off of the snow queen and hanging rigid in the air. Keeping her pinned. Slowing her down. Regina’s hand fell from hers.

Against everything, it burned.

It all happened so fast after that.

One second, it was pleasantries. Niceties. Everything was civil and Emma thought that maybe they could all actually have a proper conversation with her head screwed on straight. And then Regina’s mirror, in the wrong hands. And then those hands, lifting Regina off the ground and suffocating her. Suffocating Emma.

Ice flying, cold air filling her lungs. A whirl of snow, and quiet descending once more on the forest. Regina huffing out a long breath. Emma reaching for her, questioning. Regina glaring back, shaking her head. And then the anger, the betrayal. That acute hurt from before that had been thrown on the back burner, evaporated to oblivion by the feel of Regina’s hand on Emma’s waist.

It all came crashing back down at that look on Regina’s face, fully formed. A brick in her stomach.

Like she said, it all happened so fast. Emma asked a simple question with too much hurt laced into it. And Regina bit back. Too hard.

Emma blinked, and the next thing she knew, Regina was gone in a swirl of smoke, her words ringing low and dangerous in the air.

“I don’t want to.”

And so, Emma did the only thing she could do. The only thing she knew how to do. She took a deep breath, pretended that Regina’s words didn’t shatter her heart. Again. And then she went about the rest of her day, just like usual.