Rating: G
Wordcount: 1,461
Summary:
After they save the world from Armageddon, Gabriel and Beelzebub attend their first pride parade, and talk about the queerness of their identities.
(My contribution to the Our Side: Queer Enough zine.)
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Gabriel was no stranger to pride. It was one vice he’d allowed himself to privately cultivate during his six thousand years stationed on Earth and, after stopping Armageddon with his enemy-turned-ally Beelzebub and becoming unemployed, his pride was free to flourish. Anyone who knew Gabriel could testify that he was a proud man. But he’d never seen pride that looked quite like this.
Everything was so bright. People, flags, and umbrellas in literally every color of the rainbow filled his vision. They gleamed in the bright June sunlight, flapping and whirling and cheering in a dizzying kaleidoscope. Gabriel squinted into the vibrant crowd, wishing he had a pair of sunglasses like Crowley’s. “Where are they?”
“You’re asking me? You’re the tall one,” said Beelzebub next to Gabriel. They weren’t even trying to look through the crowds for their now out-and-proud friends.
“I wasn’t asking you.” Gabriel remembered the word ‘rhetorical’ a few seconds too late to use it. “Just… annoyed.”
He had only come to support Aziraphale and Crowley. They had decided they were gay, despite only ‘barely’ or ‘sometimes’ identifying as men, depending on which of them you asked. It didn’t really make sense to Gabriel, but neither did anything else about their relationship, so he just went along with it and showed up at the parade when they invited him and Beelzebub. Except now they weren’t here.
Beelzebub stared disinterestedly through the torsos at their eye level, presumably to get a glimpse of the… decorated bikes? Was that what was happening? It was hard to keep track with everything else going on. “We can just leave,” said Beelzebub.
“Yeah, but we said we’d meet them. Kind of a dick move to stand up your friends,” Gabriel added, annoyed, scanning the crowd again. “How are we supposed to find them in all this, anyway?”
Beelzebub glanced up at the clear blue sky. “I’ll take a look from above. Wait here.”
“Do not leave me alone here,” Gabriel hissed, grabbing Beelzebub’s arm before they could transform into a tiny fly. “You’re the only reason I look like I’m supposed to be here.”
Beelzebub turned and gave Gabriel a flat, questioning stare.
“I mean, look, I don’t exactly blend in here.” Gabriel gestured at his nondescript gray polo, a stark contrast to the bright colors around them. “You obviously belong, since you’re… um…” He waved a hand at Beelzebub, who, as usual, was dressed like a particularly androgynous and low-effort goth. Gabriel repeated the motion, hoping Beelzebub would finish his sentence. They didn’t. “Sorry, I still don’t know how your gender works.”
“Good.” Beelzebub shrugged. “Gender’s overrated. You have more of a gender than I do.”
Gabriel blinked. He’d never thought about it before, but he had chosen his own gender, hadn’t he? “Wait, if nobody ever assigned me a gender, and I have one now… does that make me trans?” He pointed at Beelzebub. “Are—are you cisgender?”
Beelzebub’s lip curled. “I’m going to ignore that. I dunno, are you trans? You’re the only one who can answer that.”
Huh. Gabriel didn’t make a habit of examining his own gender. “Um.”
“Okay, don’t hurt yourself,” said Beelzebub, sighing. “Figure that out later. Back to the point, if you’re so worried about fitting in, we can fix that.” They raised their fingers to snap.
Gabriel crossed his arms protectively over his polo shirt. “Don’t you dare!”
The miracle rippled over him. He flinched, then looked down to see what sort of gaudy rainbow ensemble Beelzebub had—
Oh. No, it was the same gray polo, except Beelzebub had added a band of white, black, gray, and green stripes along the collar and the hem of the sleeves. The colors of the aromantic flag. That looked pretty nice, actually. It was lucky that Gabriel’s flag was one of the more muted ones, so it was easier to match. The green didn’t fit his usual color scheme as well as the purple of the asexual flag, but even though that word also applied to him, it didn’t feel as relevant for reasons he couldn’t fully articulate. Maybe because “aromantic” was the first word he’d learned that fit him. Maybe because, as an angel, not experiencing a type of emotional love felt more anomalous than not experiencing physical attraction.
“Gabe, you’re literally a queer person,” said Beelzebub, as if they were explaining something to a child. “Of course you’re supposed to be here.”
Gabriel looked up at them, baffled. “I am?”
Beelzebub gave him that odd look again. “You’re a man, right? Let’s assume for now that you’re not trans. Are you attracted to women?”
“Well, no.”
“So you’re not straight.”
“I guess, but—”
“So you’re queer. ”
Okay, it sounded pretty simple when laid out like that, but Gabriel didn’t feel queer. Not in the casual-but-intentional way Beelzebub discarded the entire concept of gender, not in the gleeful way Aziraphale and Crowley embraced their gayness, and certainly not in the loud, bright, celebratory way of the crowd around him. Gabriel looked around at the flags far more colorful than his, the uniquely flamboyant displays of gender and sexuality, the couples and polycules visibly broadcasting their relationships. Gabriel was glad for all of them, but as an outsider looking in, not as part of the group.
“I don’t think not feeling attraction is what this is about, though.” Gabriel waved a hand at the street, where a group of marchers waved a variety of full-sized flags. “I mean, look around. Do you see any—oh.”
He did, in fact, see one flag with stripes of monochrome shades and green in the same configuration as the lines on his collar. The aromantic flag. His flag.
His eyes fell to the young woman who held it. One of her cheeks was streaked with gray, white, black, and purple paint, while the other was striped to match the flag above her head. She beamed through the paint, brandishing her flag with—well, pride.
She was like Gabriel. Someone like Gabriel was marching in the parade.
Gabriel watched silently as she and the other flag-bearers passed by his spot in the crowd, until they fell out of sight behind other people’s heads. She never looked his way or made eye contact, never gave any sign that she spotted the subtle green stripes on his shirt that matched the flag in her hands, but somehow, Gabriel still felt seen. Or maybe he just felt a little bit less alone.
Beelzebub elbowed Gabriel just below his ribs. “Told you. You’re plenty q—oh, are you fucking kidding me?”
Behind the marchers came a massive two-tiered parade float, festooned with multicolored flowers and topped with several gently-swaying balloon arches. On the top balcony, decked out in rainbow from head to toe, Aziraphale and Crowley brandished miniature pride flags and beamed at the crowd around them.
Neither of them saw Gabriel and Beelzebub staring, open mouthed, as the float rolled past them. Too late, it occurred to Gabriel to try to catch their attention, and maybe flip them off. “Unbelievable,” he said, throwing up his hands. “So much for meeting us here.”
“How did they even get up there?” asked Beelzebub.
Gabriel let out a sigh and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Well, it looks like they’re having a great time without us. I think I’ve had about enough of the parade.”
“It is loud,” Beelzebub agreed, wincing. “You’re sure, though? You don’t just want to leave because…”
Because he felt like he didn’t belong? Not really. Not anymore, at least. He was an aromantic, asexual, possibly-trans queer person, and if he wanted to be part of this kaleidoscopic celebration, it was right there for him. And he understood, now, why people liked these parades so much. Even if you had to put up with all the crowds. And the heat. And the headache-inducing color combinations.
“It’s just not really my scene,” he said, shrugging. “Doesn’t seem like yours, either.”
Beelzebub hummed in agreement. “Yeah. There’s other ways to celebrate pride. More ‘us’ ways.”
“Like what?”
A grin twisted the demon’s face. “What do you say we find some bigots and ruin their day?”
“Ooh, festive! I like it.” Gabriel grinned. When it came to annoying people, he and Beelzebub were ruthlessly efficient. “I bet there’s some obnoxious little protest groups around here somewhere, ripe for us to take them apart.”
Snickering, Beelzebub motioned away from the parade. “Lead the way.”
Gabriel turned to ford a path through the crowd, then looked around for Beelzebub once they’d reached a quieter spot. “Oh, and um… thanks for the shirt.” He tapped the green stripes on his sleeves. “It’s not bad. Think I’ll keep it this way.”
“Suits you,” said Beelzebub, nodding at him. “Happy Pride.”
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most, hogy harom ev utan ismet latogatast tehettem a silicon valley/bay area teruletere, azt kell mondanom, hogy azon kivul, hogy mindig, mindenki, mindenhol az elbocsatasokrol beszel, mas valtozas nem tortent. "mar nem ott" dolgozik, ha egyaltalan van munkaja
az autopalya ugyanugy dugul
ugyanazok az otvenes pocakos/osz haju tatatak ebedelnek/vacsoralnak oltonyben tizesevel, egy, max ket korulottuk sertepertelo hullamos haju, valtozokorban levo neni CMO-val, esetleg VP of HR-ral (meg ok esetleg lehetnek nok), akik kepesek arra, es felvallaljak, hogy teljesen ures szavakat uj mondatokka formazzanak eveken at, varjak, hogy vegre board of directorra nyugdijazzak oket.
a system/infra engineerek pocakja ket ovlyukkal nagyobb lett, vagy meghaltak, a tobbi tovabbra is vastag hangon nevet, kozben furry vagy mifene, mangalany az interneten, a stilus nyilvan nem valtozott, kockas ing, hatizsak.
semmi se tortent, no diversity "leaned into" the "glass ceiling".
az a mennyisegu baromsag, amit ossze lehet hallani egy ilyen nap alatt nekem beteszi a kaput. szerencsere csak egyszer kerdeztek a velemenyem, amikor is akkora hulyeseget mondtam, hogy mindenki elnemult egy percre, majd betettek prezentacioba. egy mocktail utan sajnos tobb ember fule hallatara megjegyeztem, hogy ez lehetett volna egy email is, teljesen komolyan, mindenki nevetett, ennyi volt a kontribuciom a "karrier"hez. mindenesetre adtak meg tobb penzt, hogy csorgassam vissza a penztengerbe, azoknak a bacsiknak gondolom, akik ott ettek az etteremben, 10 tok egyforma ember, mint a rajzfilmben.
szerencsere nem volt sem csapatepites, se "fun", se "happy hour" se semmi.
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